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#i just. do them because...i don't evenknow..that's just my response...i really dont think anything of it.
theultracharmingladynoire
·
3 months
Text
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#I MEAN. I LIKE GIRLS. RIGHT. WHY DOES THIS FEEL SO WEIRD. I HAVE HAD ONE(1) CRUSH BEFORE AND THAT WAS A GUY.MAYBE BECAUSE OF THAT? BUT THEN
#NOW WHENI THINK ABT IT WAS ONLY HOW HE LOOKED. ESPECIALLYY HIS EYES AND HE HAD VERY UHHH DRAWABLE FEATURES. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
#THINKING OF IT...I NEVER EVEN LIKE THOUGHT ABT CONFESSING OR DATING OR EVEN TALKING WITH HIM....I actively avoided even thinking about it
#at that time i thought that was because in a way i was guilty of having those feelings for him considering we barely had interactedand it f
#felt weirdly creepy thinking of osmeone that way without their knowledge(??)
#now i still retain some of that sentiment but also...was i really romantically or sexually attracted to him at all?
#when i see people and actors and characters online i do find them hot but irl...do I really want that sort of thing?
#whenver i read stories of romance and close friendships too i aways want to have those in mmy life. but
#like okay romance aside...even in friendships i.i just can't do them?
#i like helping people and i o enjoy having casula conversations i like being nice to people too nut
#but it. it feels sort of suffocating to be close to people emotionally?
#i dnt know how to put it but there's always a limit after which it starts feeling weird. i want close strong bonds with people but ifeel so
#uncomfortable when it starts happening.so many people around me love me in all different forms but o i really love them all back in the sam
#intensity? I think I can only say that for my parents. my friends...i don't know.
#do i really care about them asmuch as they care about me?
#i do a lot of things...i say a lot of things that can only be said if i cared about the other person honestly and earnestly..
#but. butto me it really feels like it isnt that deep
#these ats of servic don't come from my heart nor my head
#i just. do them because...i don't evenknow..that's just my response...i really dont think anything of it.
#i don'tknw. this is all so stressful i wish icould just do whatever i ahve to do for a day interacting with peopel andleavingeverything beh
#behind when icome home. but then it feelsso lonely but being around people also makes me feeluncomfortable when i try to establish bonds wi
#them.
#i don't knwo i wish i never gto close to them in first place.....life wouldve been so much easier
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