#i just want somwone to pat my head and tell me im doing good. and honestly just please put some control in my life. fuck monitor it fully
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#disordered eating#i ate a bit today. so i think im doing good.#ill try to make sure to eat tomorrow too. but im still weighing myself all the time.#i hope i didnt increase in weight.#really hope i didnt.#ive stopped counting calories quite so much#but i still am somewhat#it was better when i was working out bc i could convince myself i needed to eat enough#now? now im trying to convince myself to eat#haha. i really hate my body sometimes. and i hate the measurements for fat vs not. its very bad for obsessive personalities like mine.#like i was borderline overweight before. now if i dont take myself to underweight thatll be a win ig.#haaaaah. i hope i dont lose muscle over this.#its gotten really hard aince my body has started falling apart more than before. i have nowhwrw to put all this obsessive energy#i was a lot leas anxious before when i was exersising#now im honestly falling tf apart.#it really sucks a lot.#i hope ill get better soon. but i also hope i go deaper than before.#honestly how did i pick up so many obsessive bad habits.#fuck. its so hard to deal with.#i just want somwone to pat my head and tell me im doing good. and honestly just please put some control in my life. fuck monitor it fully#i hate making desicions. and im so obessive. and it feels like im falling apart#fuck sometimes i wish i was loved#diary#personal#dont reblog
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