#i just wanna say that i won't be able to shut up about one piece for the entire month of August

[soulfullofstarx]

let's drink some coffee while we wait ☕

[megalony]

Tiny Little Fighter

As promised, this is my new Evan Buckley imagine. Please let me know what you think.

If anyone would want it, I'm debating about making this into a little series. Let me know.

Taglist: @justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @luula @missdreamofendless @bradleybeachbabe @woderfulkawaii @amberpanda99 @daggersquadphantom @marvel-and-chicago-fan @angryknightstatesmantrash @minjix @lyjen @kmc1989 @itsmytimetoodream @noonenuts @hiireadstuff @ashie-babie @classyunknownlover @jayyeahthatsme @sp1ritssz @dumb-fawkin-bitch @oliverstarksbae @gimatida @heart-35 @supernaturalstilinski @stefansalvatoresgf @kyky9103 @wutheringhearts2275 @gay4hotmilfs @itshamleth @chaoticnosleepinfluencer @gs29 @wh0reforsmutstuff @mel-vaz @natashamea18 @chrisevansdaughter @alexandra8484 @deena-beena-weena @targaryenluvs @shelbygeek @kpoplover-19 @marvelmenarebeautiful @gillybear17

@zoeybennett @mrspeacem1nusone @zephyrmonkey @estella-novella @shauna-carsley @dottirose @cfdhouse51 @darkfemme1

Evan Buckley Masterlist

Summary: After Evan and (Y/n) have their baby very early, Evan won't leave them alone in the NICU. He stays alongside his baby, making sure they're okay.

Enjoy.

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"I don't wanna do this." The look in (Y/n)'s eyes absolutely broke Evan's heart. If people could die of heartbreak, he knew this is the pain that it began with. He knew he was on the verge of a heart attack with how distraught his wife was and the fact that there was nothing he could do to make this any better.

His lips smothered the top of her head and his hands shakily ran up and down her back as he tucked her closer to his chest. Each shaky breath he took against her hair made Evan's chest tighten and tighten until he was barely breathing at all, just gasping and panting against the top of her head.

"I know, baby. I know."

What else could he say? What else could Evan do other than stand here and hold her broken pieces together and try to keep himself in one piece? How could he do this when they were both pieces of a puzzle, starting to fall apart?

His back tensed and he leaned forward when (Y/n) bent her knees and pushed down like she was trying to make them both kneel on the floor. He felt her nose push against his sternum as she buried her face in his chest and groaned. She choked on a scream when another contration split through her pelvis and made her want to hunker down on the floor.

This was too early.

They weren't supposed to be in the maternity ward right now. (Y/n) wasn't supposed to be over halfway through labour right now. Not when she was barely twenty five weeks pregnant.

They had another eleven weeks left, bare minimum, until they should have to think about labour. They had another fifteen weeks until their actual due date. But here they were, waiting for this to be over with to see if their baby would be able to survive being born this early.

They didn't have any other choice.

Not when (Y/n) had developed pre-eclampsia which had gotten to the point that her blood was starting to shred and her liver was shutting down. If they didn't have the baby now and (Y/n)'s liver gave way, that would be it for her and for the baby. The only way for her body to be able to recover and get back to normal was for the baby to be born. This was her body's way of reacting to the baby.

It was affecting her liver which was on the verge of shutting down, her blood was starting to shred itself and (Y/n) had already been given a blood transfusion to try and keep her going. It was affecting her vision and now the baby was getting distressed.

Inducing labour was the only chance they had of (Y/n) recovering and of trying to take care of their baby.

"I think you're ready now. Let's sit you on the bed."

(Y/n) shook off the midwife's hands but when she tilted her head back and looked up at Evan through teary, spotty vision, she nodded. She didn't want anyone's hands on her but her husband. She only wanted his help. (Y/n) knew none of this was the midwife's fault or the hospital or the doctors. It wasn't her fault either, no matter how badly her brain was trying to tell her that she was doing this to herself.

But she didn't want their help. Their touch. Their comforting words that sounded cynical and condescending to (Y/n). All she wanted was Evan.

"Don't let me go," (Y/n) almost pleaded as she grabbed Evan's hand when he carefully eased her back down onto the bed rather than standing with her in his arms. She wanted him as close as she could get him and more so. He had to be right next to her, he had to be touching her somehow. (Y/n) wanted to feel his breaths mingling with hers and his touch on her skin.

Evan’s eyes softened and with the tears welling around his blue orbs, they looked like they were beginning to melt. He nodded and pulled the seat closer to the bed until his knees pushed uncomfortably into the edge of the bed. His hand stayed curled in hers and he moved his other hand to rub up and down her arm while the midwife got ready to assess her.

She said nothing as the midwife put a heartbeat monitoring clip on her finger and two more to her stomach to monitor the baby’s heartbeat. She tipped her head back into the pillow, wanting to smile when she felt Evan bring the back of her hand to his lips.

"I'd say you're dilated now. You can begin to push on the next contraction," The midwife's voice had an air of caution and sympathy in her tone because she could see her words made (Y/n) cry harder.

She didn't want to be doing this. Labour had barely been induced for four hours and already (Y/n) was ready to evict her baby.

Her baby wasn't going to be able to survive on their own. They wouldn't be able to breathe or regulate their temperature or feed properly at this stage. None of their organs would be developed enough to survive outside the womb. They would need to be in the ICU for weeks if they were going to survive this.

Silence fell over the three of them, save for the few sniffs and tears here and there, as they waited for the next contraction to hit. Evan tipped his head down and pressed his lips to (Y/n)'s arm as they waited, his hands holding hers tightly. When the next contraction came, (Y/n) pushed but stopped at the sound of one of the monitors. All their heads seemed to snap to check which monitor it was to know whose heart was now in distress. (Y/n) wondered for a moment if it was her own heart that was becoming frazzled due to how it seemed to flutter in her chest before beating harshly.

But it wasn’t her heart, it was the baby’s.

“What’s happening?” Evan questioned, absentmindedly tightening his hand around (Y/n)’s as he moved his free hand to press to her stomach. His eyes narrowed as he looked at the monitor that showed their baby's heartbeat which was suddenly slower than it was before the contraction.

“Baby is just a bit stressed, that's all. The heartbeat should stabilise in a minute.” The midwife responded as she watched the monitor showing the baby’s heartbeat and waited for it to pick back up. All of them sighed in utter relief when it started to mellow and go back to the rhythmic beat it had been a moment ago.

They knew the moment the baby was born, their heartbeat would fluctuate again and become uneven. Once they realised they were no longer in the womb and would have to breathe on their own, the baby would be in complete distress.

Evan turned his head back to look at the midwife when (Y/n)’s hands tightened around his own signalling she was having another contraction. He cringed when (Y/n) started pushing and her scream rebounded through his ears and made a shiver run down his spine. But he felt relieved that the monitor didn't scream out this time, the baby seemed stable. For now.

(Y/n) cried out when another contraction hit and pushed to sit forward with her chin tucked down into her chest.

She pulled Evan's hand up until she could press it against her chest and her eyes followed him as he got up from the chair and moved to stand as close as he could to the edge of the bed. He leaned over, curling his left arm around her shoulders while he pressed his lips to her temple.

She could feel Evan mumbling "It's gonna be okay," into her hair and the words were soothing, even if she didn't quite believe them.

Part of Evan wanted to let go of (Y/n)'s hand and move down to feather his fingers across her stomach instead. She didn't look like she was five and a half months along.

He had been so, so happy when (Y/n)'s bumps finally started to show and he could feel the baby kicking. Whenever they laid in bed, Evan had a hand constantly glued to her stomach and he was forever talking to the baby and kissing her tummy and waiting for movement. He thought he would have another three months of that.

Evan thought he would get to spend the next three months marvelling at how (Y/n)'s body changed and telling her how much he loved her expanding stomach. Not anymore. Something akin to a knife twinged in Evan's gut at the notion that (Y/n)'s stomach wasn't going to get any bigger than this.

Their baby would no longer be connected to (Y/n).

Whenever their baby kicked or wriggled or squirmed, Evan would actually see them doing it. He wouldn't feel those movements anymore; neither would (Y/n). They would watch a tiny, miniscule baby wriggling and fighting to stay alive; if they made t through this labour.

"Okay, the head's born now, well done. Take a breather, you're doing great."

Part of (Y/n) was desperate to smile when she watched Evan lean over her stomach as soon as the midwife spoke. He kept hold of her hand and his other hand stayed on her shoulder, but he leaned down to look at their baby.

Evan had delivered a few babies after years of being a fireman and nothing really shocked him anymore. But this was different. That was his own little baby, his own child that was coming into the world and there wasn't a sight that would ever match that. Seeing any other woman give birth was never going to make Evan's heart clench or send his stomach rocketing like this.

That was his baby. That was his tiny little fighter.

They shouldn't be that small. They shouldn't be that wrinkled. Labour shouldn't be going this fast or be this swift. Their baby shouldn't be born so small Evan feared they weren't going to fit in the palm of his hand.

He didn't realise he was crying again until he felt (Y/n)'s trembling hand reach up and her thumb swiped away the tear from his cheek. Tears of sorrow, more than joy, because this wasn't a joyous moment. It should have been. This should have been a day where Evan's ADHD had him bouncing off the walls with excitement. He should have been flying through the roof, anticipating the birth of his first child.

He couldn't find the will to be happy about this when this early meant his baby might not survive.

He hadn't even told anyone yet.

Evan thought that when (Y/n) went into labour, he would have everything sorted. He would have the maternity bag packed, the nursery sorted. He would call Maddie, then Bobby, then Eddie, right in that order to tell them all. Then he would call them as soon as the baby was born and ask them to come over.

The only person who knew (Y/n) was in labour was Maddie. She knew because she had been here just this morning to see (Y/n). And she had born witness to (Y/n)'s scream and Evan's breakdown when they were told they needed to induce labour now, for both their sakes. Maddie had gone home, anxiously cradling her phone to await any news and she hadn't told anyone. She couldn't. It felt like overstepping the mark.

But what would Evan say if this didn't go well? What was he going to do if he lost his baby? He couldn't tell that to anyone over the phone, but he wouldn't want them to witness him having a breakdown if he had to tell them face to face.

"That's it, push again (Y/n),"

"You're almost there, keep going sweetheart," Evan nudged his nose against (Y/n)'s and pecked her lips before he moved round a little. He perched down on the side of the bed just behind her and leaned across so (Y/n) could lean her back against his chest. His arms cocooned around her waist and his fingers stayed oddly still against her stomach.

(Y/n) had never known him be so still in such a moment of unease and unknowing like this. She thought his hands would constantly be jittering and his foot would be tapping on the floor and his knees would be jerking up and down. But the only movement she could feel was him kissing the top of her head.

Tears tracked down (Y/n)'s face and she felt like she was on fire when she heard the midwife say that the shoulders were born. Then the arms.

It felt like she was being electrocuted and like her legs had been burned off at the thighs when all the weight was suddenly pulled down from her stomach. And she knew. She just knew that was it. She'd had their baby; they were no longer connected. Their baby was no longer safe and protected with (Y/n), they were fending for themselves now.

Her body slumped back into Evan and she couldn't hear whatever he said, even though she could feel his lips moving against her neck and his voice vibrated against her skin. His arms tightened around her waist in a comforting, broken hug as he held her tightly to his chest and started to sway them side to side.

Her shaking hands moved up to hold onto Evan's forearms that grounded her and kept her calm when she felt like she was about to disappear. She let her head flop back on his shoulder and her wet lips smothered his neck as her nails punctured into his arms.

It took (Y/n) a moment to realise that another midwife had already bustled into the room and both of them were tending to the baby laid between her legs.

"A-are they okay? Are they breathing?" Each word came out through a bubbling sob and (Y/n) was surprised any of them could make out a word she was saying.

But she hadn't heard a cry.

Tears streamed freely down her face as she clutched Evan's arms to her chest, letting him sway them from side to side to try and calm them both down. He had his chin digging into her shoulder and his lips against her neck, but (Y/n) could feel him crying against her skin.

"It's a boy."

"Is he okay?" Evan persisted when they didn't exactly receive an answer. She could be trying to calm them down, trying to tell them as dearly as she could that they had a boy, but he wasn't alive anymore. They had to know.

"We've got a pulse."

That was enough. That was more than enough. He might not be breathing or wriggling or kicking and they might not be able to hold him yet, but he had a heartbeat. That was all he needed so far. As long as the midwives could get him intubated and get him into the ICU, a heartbeat was what they needed to start with. That would do for now, that was enough right now.

"Would dad like to cut the cord?" The second midwife was leaning over the end of the bed and she looked over at Evan with something tender in her eyes. It almost made him wonder if she had been in this position before, if she herself had experienced a premature baby. The look in her eyes made Evan feel like they could relate to her.

When Evan looked down at her, (Y/n) nodded and managed to unlock her viper grip on his arm to let him move. She would be okay if he let her go, just for a little while. She felt him lean her forward before he gently sat her back against the pillows so he could shakily move round to the end of the bed.

His fingers briefly skimmed across (Y/n)'s ankle and up the back of her leg before he took the medical scissors from the midwife and tried to stop himself from shaking. She held the cord up where she had clamped it off and Evan cut it just like he had done at least three times before when he was on shift. But this was so much more intense, this was his little boy.

As soon as the cord was cut, Evan was left shaking, barely breathing as he leant over the end of the bed. His eyes glued to their initial midwife as she stole the baby from the bed and moved over to the incubator in the corner of the room. Evan knew in a minute or two, once his boy was breathing, he would be taken from them.

They wouldn't get to hold him, cuddle him or even touch him before he would be shipped off to the neonatal unit and a doctor would be assessing him.

Shivers bolted up and down (Y/n)'s legs which had previously felt numb until she felt Evan's fingers curling around the back of her ankle. He gave a little tug before his wide eyes were staring at her with a mix of emotions she could decipher.

(Y/n) shook her head, silently asking him what was on his mind because although she could usually read her husband like a book, in this moment, she had no idea what was going through his head.

"He- he's got a birthmark too." Evan's voice was so calm and quiet that it almost didn't sound real.

(Y/n) watched the way Evan let go of her leg so he could pat his cheek, indicating where he had seen the little patch of discoloured skin on their baby's cheek. Before his head was turning back towards the midwife, watching her intently as he started to shake, fuelling back up with adrenaline.

Part of Evan had been worried in the beginning. He worried that their baby would get lost or mixed up and switched. That the midwife would forget which one was his little baby or they would put the wrong nametag around his ankle or his little wrist.

If they didn't get to see their baby first, Evan wondered how they would know which one was their little baby and worry that the midwives might forget too. But that mark was an indicator.

It meant that Evan didn't have to panic about following the midwife like a shadow or keep his baby within his sights at all times. He would know which tiny, fragile baby was his.

(Y/n) swallowed harshly as she watched the midwife scribble Baby Buckley onto a wrist tag, along with the date and time of his birth.

They didn't even have a name for him yet. They thought they had another three months to come up with their favourite, agreed upon names for a girl or a boy. Now he was here and they didn't know what to call him. He was just going to be Baby Buckley until they could think of something suitable.

His birth had come so early that none of them were prepared for him.

***

(Y/n) could feel tears welling up in her eyes when there was a soft knock on the door and she looked to see who was walking in. She nodded and motioned for them to step inside when she realised it was Bobby and Athena.

Her eyes traced them up and down before locking on the small black duffle bag in Bobby's hand that she vaguely recognised.

"How are you doing?"

She reached up and looked her arms around Bobby's neck when he leaned down to hug her. And she did her best to force away the tears before they soaked into his shirt, not that she thought he would mind at all if she began to cry again.

"I'm okay." She thought she was. She hoped she was. (Y/n) couldn't comprehend many thoughts, feelings or emotions other than feeling disconnected.

It felt like she had been disconnected from the world, from her baby and from every emotional part of herself. All she wanted to do was sit and cry or try to sleep and pretend none of this was happening. The selfish part of her mind wondered why this couldn't have happened to someone else. Why did it have to be her and Evan? What had they done to deserve this?

"We brought you both some clothes from home, we thought you might need a few things." Bobby set the bag down in the corner of the room before he sat down in the chair beside the bed.

His eyes watched his wife as she took (Y/n)'s hand and perched down beside her on the bed.

Since Evan joined the station, they had become surrogate parents to him, and when he married (Y/n), she became another child to them. They didn't want to see either of them going through something like this and if there was anything they could do to help, then they would.

"Where's Buck?" Athena took a quick glance in the corner of the room, but the adjoining bathroom was empty meaning Evan wasn't in there.

Something soft washed over (Y/n)'s face as she brushed away the tears welling up in the corners of her eyes. She sniffed and tried to smile, giving Athena's hand a light squeeze as she sat up a bit straighter.

"He followed the midwife down to the neonatal unit last night… they uh, they couldn't get him to leave, so they had to let him stay. I think he spent the night in there."

(Y/n) had been more than a little surprised when the midwife came back to check on her late into the night and realised Evan wasn't with her. (Y/n) wasn't worried. She knew exactly where her husband had gone and why he hadn't come back yet. He was under the impression that if someone wasn't watching over their boy, something bad would happen to him.

Nothing they said would get Evan to move last night so after they gave up, one of the nurses had draped a blanket around him when he fell asleep next to the incubator.

He had come back to see (Y/n) this morning and make sure she was okay before heading back down. He knew (Y/n) would be down soon and neither of them would be moving very far away from their boy.

The only reason (Y/n) wasn't there now was because of all the IVs she had been on and the nurses monitoring her. They were making sure her liver function was picking back up, taking constant blood samples to check and to make sure her blood was returning to a healthy state and taking enough oxygen. Being separated from her baby really had made (Y/n) feel better, despite how it had ruined her, mentally.

"And how is the little guy?"

Bobby had shed a few tears early this morning when he had been in the middle of cooking breakfast and suddenly got a phone call from Evan. He hadn't expected to have Evan crying down the phone, saying (Y/n) had given birth already and now he had a little boy.

As soon as he told them, Athena and Bobby were getting ready to come down here and make sure both of them were okay.

Bobby knew Eddie and Chris would be coming down this afternoon after Chris finished school. And Hen and Karen said they would give it a few days before they came to visit, while Chimney and Maddie would be here almost every day at some point.

"He's okay, they got him stable on a ventilator and a feeding tube… they said he's stable at the moment."

It had been lovely that the nurses kept coming in every hour or so to give (Y/n) an update until she could go and see her little boy. They told her how well he was doing, how he settled almost straight away when they got him all hooked up to the ventilator and monitors. He seemed to be very settled and stable at the moment and that was all that they could ask for.

And (Y/n) was desperate to go down and see him.

Tiredness ebbed away in the corners of Evan's eyes and at the back of his mind, but he tried to push it to one side and ignore it.

His head tilted to one side and the first hint of a smile began to form on his lips when he looked down. His left arm curved and bent over the top of the incubator while he bent his left leg forward and stretched his other leg out behind him to keep himself supported. His upper body leaned forward and he leaned his head down until his nose was almost touching the plastic separating him from his little boy.

For what had to be the tenth time this morning, Evan carefully slid his right hand through the small circular opening in the side of the incubator.

His fingers skimmed across his little boy's chest, just a small, delicate touch that was barely there. Evan couldn't find it in himself to be comforted by the feeling of his little boy breathing steadily like this. Not when he knew it was the machine that was making him breathe.

As soon as that tube was removed from his nose and he was breathing on his own, Evan knew he would feel a lot better.

He leaned his cheek on his left arm and trailed his fingers higher until they brushed the newborn's cheek that was so soft but wrinkled that it made Evan shiver.

He wasn't sure he'd ever seen a premature baby this small or this close up in person. Sure, he'd seen a few pictures from friends or people on calls who said they'd experienced something like this. But Evan had never touched a baby so small and early on like this.

It was strange.

It was unnerving to think that if he put both hands in the incubator, his son would barely fit in the palm of his hands. He only weighed three pounds. Evan had never seen a baby so small and lightweight. He was like a doll.

"It'll be better when you're out of here, you know. That nurse said in a few days, maybe a week, we can hold you. I'm starting to get desperate," Evan managed a smile as he trailed his hand back down towards the newborn's hand that was clenched into a tiny fist.

He brushed his thumb against the back of his hand and tried to be careful as he delicately unfolded his fingers. Evan's fingertip barely fit against his son's palm but he refused to let go or flinch or squirm away. This was his boy, his baby, and he wanted some sort of contact.

Evan wanted him to know that someone was with him and watching over him.

He knew realistically that it didn't make much difference. This incubator was here to make his boy feel like he was back in the womb and to get him to grow and develop. He wasn't going to know or care if someone was watching over him or if his dad was keeping an eye on him or not. But it comforted Evan to know that someone was with his son. It comforted him to be able to touch his newborn and show him that he wasn't on his own.

He stroked his thumb against the back of his hand, noting how his son's skin was like sandpaper. A bit gritty, somewhat coarse and extremely fragile. If Evan applied too much pressure he might break his skin.

"But you have to stay in here for a while."

Evan didn't like this. He had imagined the moment he and (Y/n) had their baby, so many times. And not once did Evan consider the thought of having to have their baby prematurely like this. He thought once their boy was born, they would hold him straight away, get some pictures and just spend the day with him in their arms.

He didn't think he would be separated by a plastic box and wires and tubes or see his baby wear the smallest version of a nappy that the hospital had, specifically provided for premature babies.

Evan never thought about having to wait possibly weeks until his baby would be healthy and strong enough to breathe on his own and feed without a tube going straight into his stomach. He didn't think he would have to bide his time and wait until he could hold him for the first time.

And Evan knew for definite that until his boy was in his arms, he wasn't moving from this spot. Evan wasn't leaving this hospital for more than an hour to get something to eat or get a change of clothes. He was staying right here, watching over his boy.

"I can start telling people now, about you. I told grandad Bobby, and auntie Maddie this morning. And uncle Eddie. It's strange, being a dad, now that you're already here."

It still wasn't sinking in properly that this was real.

He couldn't quite get his head round the fact that he could now call himself a dad. He could tell people he had a baby boy. This little life right here, that wouldn't fit in his hands, was already alive and here.

Evan was responsible for this precious life that he was afraid he was going to lose.

This was his boy. This was the little person he was going to be cradling at night and settling to sleep and feeding and washing and dressing him up and taking him down to the station to proudly show him off. When he was better, of course.

"I wish I could take you out of this. I just wanna take you home with me and mummy." As he spoke, Evan's fingers twitched and pressed a little harder into the small fist he was cradling.

He was desperate. He felt like a bank robber plotting some great heist. He wanted to snatch his son and take him home and make a remedy to rectify all of this. If he could change things, he would. Evan would keep (Y/n) and their baby safe and take them home and change this so they had him when it was safe to do so. He wanted his little boy in his arms. He wanted him cuddled up into his chest and snuggled against his bare skin and held as close as he could get him.

Evan wanted his boy to know what a cuddle felt like. He wanted to be able to give him a kiss and hold him and let him know how much he was loved already.

"God, I- I haven't even got your crib ready yet." Tilting his head up, Evan moved his free hand and dragged it across his face and down his jaw.

He hadn't got anything set up.

They had barely started to buy clothes and blankets and bottles. And the crib was still flat-packed in the corner of the nursery that wasn't even painted or decorated yet. They hadn't done any of that. They thought they had another ten to fifteen weeks left before their baby would of made an appearance.

Statistically speaking, Evan knew he still had quite a few weeks left until he could take his baby home. He had four, maybe five or more weeks of visiting his boy in here. And when he and (Y/n) weren't here at the hospital, they were going to be decorating because being home without their baby would drive them insane.

Evan could see it now. By this time next week, the nursery would be finished and they would have everything ready in anticipation of taking this little bundle back home with them.

"You weren't meant to arrive this early, you know. I thought I had three months to get everything ready for you. I guess I'd better sort out the nursery soon, hm? Ready for when me and mummy bring you home."

He finally released the newborn's miniscule fist so he could drag his fingertips up and down his side like he was trying to tickle him.

Evan found it fascinating to look at the tiny nappy they put on his son. It didn't look right, being so small and compact and seeing such tiny legs sprouting out which only looked the length of Evan's index finger. And when his eyes trailed up to look at his son's small head, he was relieved that his boy now had a little lime green cap on to help keep him warm.

Evan didn't want anyone removing that cap. Not when he knew that was where the IV line had gone.

Evan had almost thrown up when he watched the nurse try and fail to find a suitable vein in his son's arms and she couldn't find one in his legs either which were like sand paper. She only found a good vein in the side of his head and Evan hated it. He hated seeing that needle puncture through his delicate skin and see the thin tube be taped to the side of his head so it wouldn't accidentally be torn out.

He was glad the cap covered the IV line which could only be seen popping out the end of the cap behind his tiny ear that was smaller than Evan's thumb.

"I'm not gonna leave you here alone, mister. I'll stay with you."

Just as he spoke, Evan felt a pair of arms circling around his waist and a familiar face pressing into his back just beneath his shoulder blades. His lips curved into a grin and he slowly slid his hand from the incubator so he could reach down and hold onto (Y/n)'s wrist.

"Hi baby, you okay?" He twisted his body so his left hip was pressing against the incubator, allowing him to weave his right arm around (Y/n)'s waist and tug her closer.

She happily tucked herself into his chest with her cheek pressing against his sternum so her eyes could focus on the incubator in front of them. The feeling of Evan's hand feathering up and down her hip and the feel of his lips against her temple faded out when (Y/n) looked at her little boy.

She hadn't managed to get a good look at him last night when he was born. But as she stared down at him, she realised Evan had been right this morning.

He was beautiful. He had a circular birth mark on his right cheek like a splotch of paint had been dropped onto him. His nose was tiny and rounded at the end, obscured only by the breathing tube taped into his nostril.

"Hm. How is he?"

"He's okay. The nurse will be back round soon to do some checks." Evan spoke against the top of (Y/n)'s head, breathing into her hair while he leaned back so she could slouch against his chest.

Tilting her head back, (Y/n) gently pressed her chin into Evan's chest so she could look up at him.

He had dark circles beneath his eyes and a hazy look in his pupils, showing off his desperate need for sleep. But the lazy smile on his lips was enough to make (Y/n)'s heart skip a beat and her stomach flood with adrenaline. She felt his hand move to run up and down her back while his left hand curled into a fist and propped his cheek up.

The way he slouched and grinned tiredly but endearingly made (Y/n) smile and attach her lips to his neck.

"You're gonna be living here for the next few weeks, aren't you?" Her words were soft and her tone was even softer, melting along the edges while she smiled against his skin and grazed her teeth dangerously close to his throat.

She could see it already. The nurses would all know Evan by next week. He would become part of the furniture, they would get used to him and weave around him to do their checks and daily tasks. They would have to stop Evan from intervening and trying to take over. They would be showing him how to change the tiny nappies and show him how they were feeding his boy and how they washed him while he was this small and tender.

Evan would become part of their routine, their staff team. Someone they couldn't avoid or get rid of, not until they discharged his son.

"Oh yes."

"Hm, good. Me too." (Y/n) nudged her nose against his jaw until Evan tilted his head down to meet her halfway in a kiss.

She kept her left arm looped around his torso but she stayed still and compliant as Evan held her right hand. He slowly moved her hand when their lips finally broke apart but stayed so close that (Y/n) could feel each breath he took like Evan was giving her his every ounce of oxygen.

Her eyes drifted to the side when Evan slid their joined hands through the small opening in the incubator and grazed her fingertips along their son's hand.

"Hear that? Me and mummy are staying here until we can take you home. We're not leaving without you."

[ilexdiapason]

(part one here) (part four here)

Oli doesn't try to broach the subject again until the pizza is delivered and the ice cube is a soaked-up puddle in a napkin on the coffee table.

When he does, though, it's with his hands in his lap and his best efforts to not sound like a scolding teacher. "You wanna tell me what that was about?"

Martyn, in lieu of answering, pulls open the pizza box and wiggles a slice free from the still-stringing cheese. His fingertips bounce it between them, ginger; he bites down and clearly regrets it. Still, he chews, mouth caught in a conflict between ventilating the heat and keeping his secrets sealed tight shut behind it.

"Come on," Oli continues, gentle as he can push it. "I can't help you if I don't know what the problem is."

Martyn swallows. He looks like he's deliberating.

He must decide, whatever the stakes of this crisis are, that Oli's worth it, because he does reply.

"You know," he says, quiet, "I wasn't kidding when I said you should keep your computer away from me."

"Do you want me to take it upstairs?"

"I mean - bit late now. But yeah, that'd probably help."

So he probably has the conviction that something, somebody, is listening in through the machine. That's understandable; if whatever his situation was involved him being able to join some random strangers' games, he probably had a computer, and it was probably monitored, which would explain why he's so terrified of being tracked. It makes about as much sense as anything else in this exchange does. 

Even if it didn't, though, Oli still would have taken his laptop back upstairs, tapped out a quick notice that he'd be unavailable for the rest of the day, and tossed it on his bed - and his phone beside it, after a moment's thought. Martyn's comfort is what really matters here.

"There we are," he says on his way back in, "the highest-tech thing in the room now is probably the microwave."

Martyn offers him a thin smile, which feels more like progress than anything else.

"Right." He sits back down, takes his own piece of pizza (which by now is a far more edible temperature than it must have been when Martyn tried it), and gets the whole thing down before he takes another shot. "You want to start, or shall I?"

Martyn exhales amusement. "Go on then. Tell me what you know."

"Not a lot," Oli admits, "apparently. You don't make a lot of sense. You fell out of the sky, you still seem fairly surprised that things are real, you didn't know we’d been playing Minecraft - and you were calling me CHEST agent, which isn't a job title my company offers, as far as I'm aware. What, were you born in a video game?"

"I told you I was born in Nottingham."

"That might have been a cover story!"

"Nah. Wouldn't lie about that. I am a real boy, Gepetto, you can believe me on that one."

"Well, there's one thing I know for sure about you," Oli says. "All this talk of being in there, though. I don't know. VR?"

"Something like. You -" he hushes his voice, even though it's the middle of the afternoon and the neighbours won't be home "- you're, like, a normal CHEST employee, then? Front end stuff?"

"Yeah. I told you, I'm a software dev. If it's a front, I'm not in on the secret."

"God," says Martyn, "okay, so you're still not safe, but… okay, telling you this now, you're not getting the whole truth. But your company sucks and you should quit your job."

"Sucks like questionable QA policies or sucks like torturing teenagers in the basement?"

"I - shit," says Martyn, "a lot of those agents might have been folks like me, huh. Damn. Least I never killed anyone."

"I seem to remember you being pretty handy with a knife."

"Yeah, 'cause none of that was real, I was a bloody rat in a maid dress. You can't be on at me for killing people there."

"Suppose Jimmy killed the gardener."

"Exactly!"

"So, what, CHESTCorp have figured out how to turn VR into R, and you got caught up in it?"

"Not CHEST," Martyn takes another go at his slice of pizza, "just Doc. It's real experimental stuff. You're lookin' at test subject number one, I'm pretty sure."

"And now that you're not a test subject any more," he finishes, "you're having trouble readjusting."

"I guess. It's just… y'know, like, it's nice to be back, but… weird. Incredibly weird."

"Two and a half years would do it," Oli nods.

They take another lull to properly eat. Oli hadn't realised before this how starving he is; he would have thrown something together from the groceries he'd picked up if he hadn't had a guest to entertain. Martyn, too, seems fairly intent on ingesting an entire pizza by himself. His mother’s voice sounds inside his head, urging him to slow down, but Oli ignores it. If Martyn ends up with stomach problems it’ll just be another stark reminder that he’s not… trapped in a virtual reality simulator, he supposes.

“So, er,” he picks back up, once they’ve cleared the wedges and made more than a dent in the pizza, “what now?”

“Hmm?”

“You’ve gone through all that. Nobody’s going to believe you, I assume, if this stuff’s as top-secret as it seems to be.”

“Kinda thing you’d need a two-hour primer with your therapist for,” Martyn nods, “and a lot of faith in doctor-patient confidentiality.”

“But, what, do you just… go home?”

“I’d like to,” he says. “I would really, really just like things to go back to normal.”

There’s a silence. But they can’t rings clear as a bell in the air between them anyway.

Martyn looks down at the last three slices of pizza. “You should take me home.”

“You’re sure?”

He swallows. “Yeah. I’ll just… I’ll be a big surprise for my parents when they get back home from work. And then I’ll add you guys on Discord, and hopefully we’ll be able to talk more on there?”

“Hopefully,” says Oli, meaning it more than anything. His entire life’s been pretty much flipped on its head by this encounter. “We’re always wondering about you, y’know. Or, I mean, I am. Owen probably thinks you’re there from Apo, Apo probably thinks you’re there from Owen, all that, but… Hard not to wonder who the hell you really were, when you would never act like it was actually a game.”

“I mean, it’s all a game, isn’t it, really?” Martyn muses, half-distant. “Just in the long dream now.”

“Is that from the End Poem?”

“Is it?”

Oli shakes his head. No time for all that. “So I’m driving you back to Nottingham, and… you’ll DM me when you can?”

“Yeah.”

It’s the best he can ask for.

Martyn refuses to tell Oli his exact address, just asks him to drive close enough that Martyn can walk the rest of the way home. It’s understandable - a CHESTCorp employee knowing Martyn’s exact location is, apparently, an incredibly dangerous thing - but still a little concerning. He’d at least like to be sure that Martyn won’t be getting poached back by this Doc guy at the earliest notice. Still, Martyn’s comfort remains the most important thing, and so he leaves his Google Maps at home.

It’s a bit of an autopilot drive, even without directions. Oli feels the wheel under his fingers, the pedals under his feet, like they’re abstracts. He looks over once or twice and sees Martyn glued to the window, to the mirrors, hypervigilant; he hopes that Martyn feels a little more real now than he did before.

They’re idle at a semi-populated roundabout when Martyn straightens his back. “Second exit, then pull over,” he announces.

“Almost there?”

“Pretty close.”

Oli obliges.

Martyn, with just the barest tremor in his fingers, pops the car door and steps out.

“You’re sure you’re gonna be okay?”

The words leave Oli’s mouth in a rush, the emotion behind them probably more visceral than Martyn is expecting, if the way he startles at them is any indication.

“Because - ‘cause if you need a hotel, or cash, or -”

“No,” says Martyn, “no, I’m fine. Promise.”

He hesitates, hand on the open car door, a few more seconds.

“And thanks,” he finishes, “I don’t - I’m not - I don’t know. Appreciate it.”

Oli understands what he’s getting at. “Stay safe, okay?”

“Nah, I’m gonna throw myself right in the Trent when you’re gone,” Martyn smiles, and Oli dutifully ignores the crack in his voice. Blame it on the last vestiges of teenagehood.

“And if you do end up needing to - I suppose erase all traces of your old life online… then it’s been an honour.”

“Yeah.”

“... Good luck.”

“Talk to you later,” Martyn says, and slams the car door closed.

All Oli can do, once he’s ambled out of eyeshot, is mechanically drive back home.

So that was InTheLittleWood. Friend group cryptid, unethical experiment, man with more trauma than Oli could ever begin to help him deal with… but man he was able to feed, and house, and walk through an emotional response, which is better than nothing at all. The one person in the world who Oli could almost hit with his car and have that be a better situation than the one he’d just escaped from. Still a mystery, too; he’s left Oli with far more questions than answers, left him returning to an empty house and wishing he’d been selfish enough to make Martyn stay a little longer, talk a little more.

Oli picks up his phone where he’d tossed it in the bedroom.

He has one new email to his work address.

Human Resources 3:04 PM

to me ˅

Subject: Performance Review

Dear Oliver,

You have been scheduled for a performance review. You are required to report to our Shoreditch location by 09:00 tomorrow, Tuesday December 12th. Failure to comply with this request will result in disciplinary proceedings, which may lead to your subsequent termination.

Regards,

Dan

Human Resources

CHESTCorp UK

Ah.

That’s… well.

The word termination is doing a lot of heavy lifting in that threat.

… Okay, so they’re working to a deadline now. That’s fine. He can deal with that. Martyn’s been dealing with far worse, right?

The friend request, at least, flips through from pending to accepted.

TheOrionSound — Today at 16:14

[Attachment: Screenshot_20231025_161408.png]

InTheLittleWood — Today at 16:14

Shit.

(end! now on ao3, if you’d like to leave a comment slash kudos slash bookmark!)

[sommerflue-22]

blh kah ak reques hc closeted sadistic tanjiro x reader? i'm willing to donate IDR 15k

Translation: Can I request a closeted sadistic tanjiro x reader headcanons?

A/n: Sorry for the late post but girly pop I ain't even surprised that you requested this. I won't give too much detail so this can be Taisho era setting, modern setting, whatever setting you want it to be. One thing for sure is Tanjiro will be aged up.

MDNI!

──────────────────────────────────────────

(Closeted) Sadistic Tanjiro x Reader

Featuring: Aged-up!Tanjiro

Content Warning: NSFW (MDNI!), sadistic!Tanjiro, spankings, dirty talk, degradation, praise, blowjob, throat-fucking, fingering, vibrator, bondage, overstimulation, choking, breeding, reader has a pussy

Word Count: 0.9k

──────────────────────────────────────────

It actually takes you some time to reveal this hidden side of Tanjiro. Tanjiro rarely loses his temper. He never snaps at you, or say hurtful things during arguments. So, the first time you crack the whole "patient and compassionate" persona of his, it really is something unexpected.

You watch as his eyes lost their warmth, replaced with cold stares and an aloof expression.

He will forcefully drag you to another room, preferably where people won't be able see or hear what he's about to do to you... but honestly, it doesn't matter if there isn't any private place nearby. As long as it's secluded enough, he will do it.

Tanjiro likes to start with some good spankings. Fifteen, twenty times should be enough and you have to keep counting each and every one of it.

Considering how ripped Tanjiro is, you'll start whining after eight to ten spanks. It hurts like hell, duh.

He doesn't care, though.

"You wanna act like a bitch, then I'll treat you like one. Now, shut up and keep counting."

Tanjiro can be mean when he's spanking the shit out of you, but when you're finished he will pull you up and kiss you sweetly. As if he hasn't just hit your ass cheeks until they turn red.

"You did so well baby, did so well," Tanjiro peppers your face with kisses. "Please don't say/do something like that again, okay? Alright, let's go, now. I'll help you walk, yeah? Come on, my love..."

If the two of you are out with other people, or if you invite people over then it ends right there. Spanking is Tanjiro's go-to option because it's quick and easy.

If it's only the two of you around, though... good luck lmao

He'll fuck your throat right after the spanking. His fingers grip your hair so hard like his life depends on it.

"Take it, (Y/N). Let's see what else your pretty little mouth can do..."

He might cum inside your mouth or he'll spurt it out all over your face. He'll admire your fucked-out expression covered with his cum like a piece of art.

Thanks to his sense of smell, he notices how aroused you are. After all, you haven't gotten your release.

Tanjiro will pick you up and bring you to your bed. He'll tie your wrists (he likes to do it with his own belt) above your head before grabbing one of his many precious collections of vibrator.

I think Tanjiro likes vibrator because it's just so easy to use, so practical, and not to mention it really elevates the whole experience? Get yourself a man like Tanjiro tbh

He fingers your cunt first even though you don't really need it, considering how wet you are. He still does it though, because he loves seeing you squirm around, a moaning mess.

Then he'll stick the vibrator right inside your pussy, putting it on its highest setting. He sticks it deep so you can actually feel its vibration right on your g-spot.

"I'll be right back, baby." He ignores your whines and pleas, leaving the room to get a glass of water or something.

Sometimes he comes back and doesn't do anything, just sit on the corner of the room, watching you crumble. Some other time, he doesn't come back until you're almost passed out after you came like, two or three times.

He will only take the vibrator out when he thinks you've had enough. Then, he will kiss you again (or at least he tries to, because at that point your mind has turned into a mush and you can't really say or do anything).

"(Y/N), love, are you alright? Do you want me to clean you up and we can cuddle right after?"

Most of the time you will shake your head and mumble, "No, I wanna..." You don't have to say the full sentence, Tanjiro understands what you mean.

Clearly, you're really overstimulated but you know the good part hasn't even began just yet.

Tanjiro will untie your wrists before slowly and gently positions you in a mating press. He slips his hard dick into your pussy and stays put, waiting for you to adjust.

He knows he can start when you weakly wrap your arms on his shoulders, teary eyes looking up at him, lips quivers as you beg him to move.

You might be overstimulated, but you love how good Tanjiro makes you feel. His thrusts are slow yet so deep, making you feel so full.

Sometimes Tanjiro will pin your wrists above your head with one of his hand while the other wraps itself around your neck, or slaps you across your face.

"Look at you, baby. Looking so dumb, letting me use you as my fuck toy like this. You love this cock, don't you? Can't live without it, huh? Ssshh I know, I know... I got you... Take it all, baby, take it all..."

Beg him to breed you and he will lose his mind.

Just pussy drunk Tanjiro, lazily thrusting into your pussy and spilling his seeds deep inside you.

It's so addicting, you find yourself pushing his limits more often. Of course Tanjiro sees right through you and doesn't really give you what you want often. When he does, though... well, you better not have anything else planned for the next day.

Overall, five ten stars for Tanjiro. Gives you really good aftercare as well. How can you not love this man tbh...

──────────────────────────────────────────

[shygamergirl01]

In The Next Room

Sam Drake x Fem Reader

(Warnings: swearing, Fluff/Smut 18+ (if you're under 18 please don't read))

(A/n: This is the first fic I'm actually posting on here, I hope y'all like it. This turned out to be more fluff than smut, so if there is a want for a more smutty version of this let me know.)

~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~

Lounging on the bed in my motel room, lazily scrolling through TV channels trying to find something to drown out the sounds coming from the next room.

I've been travelling with the infamous Samuel Drake for a while now, we met through his brother Nathan. Since Nate retired a few years ago, I've been working with Sam and Sully. Which so far has been one of the best choices I've made. It's been great to travel the world with like minded people, doing what you love.

Things have slightly changed between Sam and I since I've developed a crush on the older Drake. I'm not 100% sure how or when, but now I've had to deal with it while spending a lot of one on one time with him.

While we've been in Spain, on the hunt for yet another hidden relic. Sam as made a habit of going to the nearest bar and bringing anything with a pulse back to his room. Which just to be right next to mine, it also doesn't help that our beds are on the same wall, so I have to try and sleep with his bed banging against the wall.

This is the fifth night in a row this has happened and I've had enough, so I angrily pound my fist against my side of the wall. After a moment it becomes quiet on Sam's side, letting out a sigh of relief that it's over I turn off my TV and I begin to get settled in bed.

But I pause hearing a knock on the door. Sighing frustratedly as I put my robe back on and I make my way to the door. Looking through the peep hole seeing Sam in a tshirt and boxers, I take a breath before I open the door for him.

"Are you happy with yourself?" "I don't know what you're talking about" Sam gives me a look which says he's not gonna put up with any bullshit. "Come on, why did you have to interrupt my fun?" "That particular 'fun' may have been ruined, but I'm sure you could go down to the bar and find someone else to have 'fun' with tonight" I turn my back to him and make my way back to the bed.

Sam follows me and shuts the door behind him. "Is that all you wanted Samuel?" I look back at him, hands on my hips. Sam looks at me, with a strange look on his face like he's putting pieces together. "How come you didn't disturb me the last 4 times?" He moves closer, crossing his arms. "Because, I thought you'd stop after the first one. Do you realise how thin these walls are?"

Sam shakes his head "then why didn't you interrupt on the second night, huh?" I open my mouth to speak but I find that I have no rebuttal. "You wanna know what I think? I think you're jealous." My eyes widen at his comment "and why would I be jealous?" Crossing my arms I move away from him but he closes the gap, causing the tension in the room to increase.

"Come on.. you can be honest with me, we're friends right?" I nod "yeah, friends" "so why won't you be honest with me and tell me why you felt the need to stop me from fucking a sexy Spanish lady?" I let out a huff as I shake my head. "I.... just drop it." I turn my back to him once again, not being able to look at him any more.

Sam gets a hold of my wrist, turning me back around and forcing me to look at him. His eyebrows creased with worry, "why can't you be honest with me Y/N?" Tears pool in my eyes, taking a shakey breath "because Sam, I can't afford to make things weird between us."

Sam lets out a small laugh "things are going to be weird between us if you're not going to tell me the truth." I shake my head and wipe my eyes, then I try to escape his grasp but he only made his hold harder. "Sam.." finally looking into his eyes, taking a deep breath before I speak.

"Fine you want the truth Samuel? I have feelings for you.. there, I said it..now you can leave" I forcefully pull my wrist from his grasp. Sam looks at me perplexed, "what? Why won't you just leave me alone?" I try to push him out of the room but he won't move.

His hands find my hips, holding me in place. He stares into my eyes. "I've been into you since Nathan introduced us.. I just wasn't sure if you'd be into me in that way." I stare at him with a blank look so he continues, "I mean look at me, I'm covered in scars and wrinkles.."

Having heard enough I grab the back of his neck and I pull him into a kiss, once the shock passes Sam kisses me back. After awhile we part, "I happen to find your scars hot as hell." A grin appears on Sam's lips at the comment, "is that right? What else do you find 'hot as hell' about me?"

"It's hot when you know when not to push your luck." Sam raises his arms in surrender, "ok.. ok but in all seriousness.. how come we were idiots for so long?" I shrug "your guess is as good as mine, probably fear of rejection?" He nods in agreement "seems the most logical, but now that it's out in the open.. I believe we have to make up for some lost time huh?"

Smiling at eachother we kiss again, much more heated this time. Hands roaming bodies, clothes being removed, hickies forming on skin. Some how we make it to the bed, falling onto it. By this point I'm laid bare before his eyes, feeling his lustful gaze on my bare skin.

"I can't believe we didn't admit feelings earlier, we could have done this much sooner" I nod my head in agreement, enthralled in Sam's bare body. Tracing each tattoo and scar with my eyes, he pulls me from my haze with a tender touch on my cheek.

"Hey.. if you don't want to do this, it's ok.. just because we're into eachother, doesn't mean we have to do anything more than this." As he speaks he caresses my cheek with his thumb. Smiling at him I pull him in to kiss him again, trying to portray how thankful I am that he said what he did.

"As much as I want to jump your bones right now, I don't know how I feel about the fact that you were in bed with someone else less than an hour ago." Sam nods with a awkward laugh, "fair enough, I respect your decision." He kisses my forehead before he leaves the bed and grabs his boxers from the floor putting them on, then tossing me his tshirt smiling.

I slip the tshirt on, inhaling the smell of him. Slipping under the covers, Sam turns off the light and joins me. "You know, my world seems to revolve around you." I turn to look at him, suprised "really?" Even in the dark room I see him nod.

"It's hard to explain.." I place my hand on his face, "I understand, honestly it feels like I can't live without you now." Sam shifts closer to me, "I've lost sleep thinking about you... these last few days.. I can't get you out of my mind." He presses his lips softly to mine but moves away before I can return the kiss, he gives me a sly grin.

"We should get some sleep, big day tomorrow" He rolls onto his back, the arm closest to me lies open. I take the open invitation and lays my head on his chest, listening to his heart beat. "Of course, good night and sleep well Sam" shimmying into his warm frame, I close my eyes and begins falling to sleep.

Sam holds me against him, kissing the top of my head and plays with my hair, smiling up at the ceiling before succumbing to sleep himself.

~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~

[fushiglow]

Is it true that Suguru Geto contracted depression?

While I don't think it explains everything, I absolutely think it's fair to say that Getō was depressed in the wake of the Star Plasma Vessel mission. Aside from his physical symptoms, Getō is shown to ruminate over past events, immersing himself in negative thoughts.

It's clear that the events of the Star Plasma Vessel mission were extremely traumatic for Getō and it's unsurprising that a teenager would develop mental health struggles after what he experienced — especially without support. Of course, as a sorcerer, Getō was facing traumatic events on a daily basis and expected to manage it alone.

In one of my favourite pieces of Jujutsu Kaisen media, The Resurrection Puppet, Gojō discusses this very issue with Nanami:

"Ultimately, handling curses is about handling negative human emotions. It involves a lot of depressing work. [...] Even if you get used to this line of work, it doesn't feel good. Makes me wanna get drunk. [...] You know how to shut stuff out when necessary, but you're not totally immune to it. Adults have ways of relieving the friction that creates. Like alcohol, the wonder drug." [...] The world was an unfair place. Human ill will bred curses. All people, not just sorcerers, were capable of steeping themselves in bitterness, giving up, and drowning in lost hopes. Nanami knew that. And Gojō knew that Nanami was a man with such a past. "We have ways of removing the poison that has circulated to our hearts," Gojō said. "The young don't have that skill. They're too sensitive. At least once, the poison will break their hearts." "I suppose it's the adults' job to handle the poison that affects the young. As a teacher, you understand that, right?" "Yes, I do. That's why I came to talk to you."

It's hard to read this passage from the light novel without assuming that Gojō and Nanami are indirectly discussing Getō — especially considering the fact that Gojō is asking Nanami to take care of another teenager who swallows down "curses" in the form of Sukuna's fingers, holding all that negativity at the core of their being.

Because of his technique, Getō swallows down negative emotions in the form of curses day in day out, even describing their unbearable taste. That's why I've always wondered if it's possible that Getō was uniquely affected by the "poison" Gojō describes, exactly the same as he worries Itadori is particularly vulnerable to it.

That's why he approaches Nanami specifically, saying, "I need someone who understands the suffering people go through. Someone like you." Importantly, Gojō only asks Nanami to look out for Itadori because he's concerned he won't be able to "give him the necessary spiritual guidance" himself due to his busy schedule. I think it's very telling that he seeks the support of someone who also saw Getō's spiral firsthand.

According to Gege Akutami, Nanami "couldn't bring himself to blame" Getō after he left. We know that he was deeply affected by Haibara's death and I often wonder if Nanami would have fallen to a darker path if he hadn't seen what that looked like through Getō's example. Similarly, it was only because of Getō's word that Gojō didn't murder an entire auditorium of non-sorcerers after Riko's death. Though he didn't know it at the time, Getō preserved Gojō's bright future at the expense of his own in that moment.

Gojō and Nanami's conversation in The Resurrection Puppet is bittersweet (something the characters play on by ordering sugary cocktails to balance out the bitter subject matter) because they weren't qualified to help Getō when he was struggling, simply because they were teenagers facing the exact same trauma. It shouldn't have been their responsibility in the first place — a lesson they've learned as adults, but only through losing their counterparts to their line of work as teenagers.

So, yes. I think Getō was depressed and I think it's an unfortunately common condition among sorcerers — it's no coincidence that so many of them are heavy drinkers!

Like I said, I don't think depression explains all of Getō's behaviour, especially post-defection. I wouldn't want to attempt to "diagnose" him after that point, but it's my view that Getō lost his grip on reality to some degree. I don't think anyone could carry out his actions without some level of mental disconnect from them. Akutami says that Getō has been telling himself he hates non-sorcerers since school and I think he succeeded in convincing himself. Still, I wonder why it was necessary to convince himself in the first place...

That's just speculation though. Whatever the reason, Getō's story is a deeply sad one that we can all learn from in the real world. I think we should be able to condemn the path that someone chooses while recognising the suffering that led them to it. If we don't learn to prevent the latter, we'll never be able to prevent the former — and that's one of my most firmly held beliefs.

By the way, it's definitely worth listening to the audio drama of The Resurrection Doll if you haven't already heard it! Thank you for the question and apologies for taking so long to answer! 🖤

[auxiliarydetective]

End-of-Year Appreciation Post

Let's see if I can get this done before midnight - I have 36 minutes! But I really wanted to get this posted, so... time for a speedrun! This post won't nearly be able to say everything I wanna say, so, first and foremost: I love and appreciate all of my mutuals and people I've gotten to talk to this year, so thanks for coming to my corner of the internet and gifting me a little (or a lot - because lord knows I don't shut up if someone mentions one of my favourite fandoms) of your time!

With that being said, time for some special thanks!

@wheresmybloodynauglamir The encyclopedia of Star Trek and one of my closest friends on this hellsite. Thanks so much for literally everything you've done for me this year and all the lovely conversations. Let's have a lot more of those next year! Live long and prosper <3

@littlemervie Thank you for indulging my very nichest of niche interests like The Little Prince and for always sending me a kind message when I least expected it.

@fluffle-system My favourite bnuy in the whole world and a fellow FNAF enjoyer. I hope I always get to be the auxiliary to your detective (yes, this is actually sort of an accurate aitiology of how my url came to be - if you know you know). Let's solve more mysteries and riddles together.

@supermarine-silvally You may have only very recently stumbled into my corner of the internet but I adore every conversation we've had and I hope that many more are to come. If I had to make a choice to pass on my OCs to anyone, the great Donna Aurelia would be yours, and that's a great honor, so I hope you know how much I appreciate our conversations!

@carriagelamp We didn't talk too much this year and that's frankly a crime, but I still stare lovingly at every piece of art you've created for me, with me, or simply for the fandoms I'm in - and the ones for fandoms I don't know I stare at from afar. Just letting you know that I smile everytime I see you on my dash :)

@faerieroyal Dolly my beloved! I hereby sincerely apologize for all the times I've hopped into our Discord chat to ramble about my OCs or whine about my hour-long adventures of looking for faceclaims and/or names, but I'm not planning on stopping anytime soon. The amount of positivity and support you bring into my life is immesurable and I absolutely adore you for supporting each of my OCs, even if you don't know their fandom, and how you let me introduce you to my newest hyperfixations when the brainrot strikes. - To many more rambling sessions!

@come-along-pond who allowed me to participate in the fyeahonepieceocs blog and gave me a platform to launch my own little project of a OP resources blog from. - Through anon hate and plot bunnies, you've helped me and supported me through so much and I'm really, really thankful for that!

@oneirataxia-girl @endless-oc-creations and everyone else in the Discord Server, thank you so much for suffering through my countless pings and appearing when I need you most to offer your advice and help. You've saved many of my OCs in the past and I'm certain you'll keep doing so in the future.

@starcrossedjedis @bravelittleflower and @ninjasawakenedmystar aka the angels who made Cora's creation possible - and by extention then also that of Lily and La Donna! Thanks so much, my fellow One Piece girlies!

@thehedgehogat221b who has been keeping me tethered to the A-Team fandom, making sure that I never forget how happy it makes me, and who always has time to spare to hear me ramble about Kit Kelley and her conman boyfriend

@daughterofhecata @bistdueinbaum and the entire Die Drei ??? fandom. You brought me onto Tumblr and though I may not be as active in the fandom anymore, Tumblr still considers my blog a Die Drei ??? blog and I don't plan on forgetting my roots anytime soon, so I promise you more detective content in the year 2024 - featuring my beloved Jelena, of course! My token adopted side character... Maybe I'll also hop into the Tatort fandom, who knows? Also, can we make Rosenheim Cops a fandom? I feel kinda lonely and silly over here lol

@claramurphyqueenoffandoms the VoicePlay supporter. Man, was I happy to find someone who loves these dorks as much as I do. We haven't talked much, but thanks so much for enabling the hyperfixation that triggered my character development into a happier person and letting me relive those memories.

@cody-helix02 @thoughpoppiesblow @footprintsinthesxnd @kafka-ohdear and the entire Band of Brothers fandom. You've been so nice to me from day one when I first stumbled into the fandom and you still are incredibly lovely people! I'd like to give something back, so, if you ever need any research done for your fic and you can't find anything, let me know and I'll traverse my resources and my university's library to see what I can find <3 Also, I shall present to you more Anita content in the future! There's one fic featuring Luz and one featuring Bull curently in my projects list!

@maxwellshimbo @asaturnerofficial and all the other lurkers and people I constantly find in my notes - you always brighten my day. I'll have had an awful no good time but then I see you and I go: "Ah yes, my friends are still here" and I feel so much better!

Thanks to much to everyone on and off the list, and have a very lovely new year!

[neaxsfiction]

Bakugo comfort fic please 🥰

Bakugo's a character I've not read many things about but I'll try my best to portray his personality the best way possible. Its a bit rushed but i did my best. Thanks for the request ❤️

Bakugo comforting his friend

I knock softly on his bedroom door hoping I am not disturbing him. I just need to talk to him.

He opens the door after a few seconds. His hair is messy and semi wet, he prolly was after shower. He was wearing a black tanktop and some matching sweatpants and also the usual angry expression he always has.

"Whatcha want at this hour?" He scoffs.

"I needed to talk to someone" I reply truthfully.

It's gonna be a rough night tonight.

"Shut up and come in" he growls and gets inside his room

He sits on his bed and glares at me.

I take a deep breath and start speaking. I tell him how my ex boyfriend dumped me some hours ago. I explain him what that guy meant for me. I cannot help it, when I flashback our memories, tears slip out of my eyes. How could he do this to me?

For a split second I thought his eyes softened as I was tearing up and explaing him. It must've been the tears though, Bakugo is never being soft for anybody, not even his closest friends. I think he has never seen me that way before so thats why seems to listen to me carefully.

"Told ya from the start he was a piece of trash" he spits out after bearing my meltdown.

I find myself tearing up more. How could he say that now?

"Stop being so weak. It's just an average guy. Nothing special about him." He explains. His anger seems to have toned down and he seems invested in this conversation.

No, bakugo is not like that.

"He was my first love..." I manage to say to him between my sobs, not knowing what else to say at this point.

Maybe I was the stupid one for not seeing his red flags from the start.

"And? Are you gonna let it be your last as well?" He asks and his tone softens.

"I don't know..." I say in pure despair.

"He wasn't good for you. If you find a guy as great as me - if that's possible, you won't have such a problem again" He explains with a rasp on his voice.

My sobs calm down a bit after his words. Maybe he was right. Maybe not. Maybe my head's too much of a mess to be able to think properly.

I notice him stand up and heading towards me. He looks at me with a soft expression. Maybe I didn't imagine that earlier.

He places his hand on my head and raises it so I can look at him directly in the eyes.

"Next time show me that you actually have a proper taste to guys." He smirks coming close to my face.

I nod and his words are traveling around my brain. Maybe I actually need to get some better taste in guys.

He stares deeply into my eyes as if he's unfolding my memories with my ex boyfriend and slowly remove the feelings behind them. Does that guy have a second quirk?

He lets me stay a bit in his room and we have fun while talking about cringy moments with my ex. Maybe he's right about him. At least I will now think of those moments and will be mentally thanking him for dumping me.

He offers to take me to my room that night. That's so strange of him, he never does that but anyway.

"Wanna make him jealous?" He asks jokingly.

"If it means to regret dumping me, then hell yes" I reply with the same playful tone he has.

"I'd help you in that." He says and for the first time that night he stares to the floor as we reach my bedroom door.

There is an awkward silence for a few seconds that totally ruined the playful mood.

What did he say again?

"Goodnight. Please don't cry over that douchebag." He says now looking at you with an almost apologetic look in his eyes. After that he slowly walks away.

"Goodnight to you too. I won't, I promise, and-" I say without thinking straight at this point.

He stops as I haven't finished my phrase and turns around, tilting his head to the left expecting me to continue what I was saying.

"I'd let you help me." I finish off my sentence and quickly open my room's door hiding behind it.

~

Bakugo pic

[bluejaysandblackbats]

The Brother Trap

Fandom: DC Comics, Flashfam

Summary: Owen wants to connect with his half-brothers for the first time. Luckily for him, they all go to the same university. Will bad blood between twins keep Owen from the family of his dreams, or is he the missing piece they've always needed?

Chapters: 5/?

Characters: Owen Mercer, Axel Walker, Thad Thawne, Bart Allen, Meloni Thawne, Deborah Morgna, Preston Lindsay, President Thaddeus Thawne Mention

Relationships: Owen Mercer/Axel Walker, Thad Thawne/Deborah Morgna, PrestonBart

Additional Tags: POV Third Person, College AU, Angst and Fluff, Family Dynamics, Family Issues, No Powers AU

Chapter Five: Sportsmanship

Owen sat at the top of the bleachers watching the sunrise. He hadn't been able to sleep, so he thought it'd be nice to be out in the open air. Someone tapped his shoulder and startled him. He turned around to look Thad in the eye. "Jeez, how'd you—? Good morning, Thad," Owen whispered.

"Morning," Thad mumbled. Owen offered him some hot tea. "No thanks."

"Thad, is something bothering you?" Owen whispered. Thad nodded and looked straight out into the horizon.

Thad wanted to say something, so Owen stayed silent. He didn't want to risk cutting Thad off and having him shut down. "Bart and I have sleeping problems. He gets restless, and I have nightmares. Sometimes, I wake up from a nightmare, and I watch him until I can go back to sleep," Thad confessed, "I think it's the nicest thing he can do for me sometimes. It's the only time when I don't feel... Inferior."

Owen took a sip of tea and nodded, waiting for Thad to continue. When he didn't, Owen asked about his nightmares. "Sometimes my mom had to go away for work, and she'd leave us with family or friends of the family... But we're twins, and sometimes that can be a lot to handle, so we'd be split up for whatever time she was gone. I'd usually stay with our grandpa, and he'd go stay with our Uncle Max," Thad took a breath, "He's not really our uncle. He just cares about us... About Bart."

"Yeah, what's your grandpa like?" Owen asked.

"Well, he was rigid, competitive, cold. Nothing I did was ever good enough," Thad explained, "Bart and I were fourteen in track together. We used to do three events each. Our third was the relay. We were evenly matched back then, so we took turns being an anchor.

Grandpa showed up to watch us race, and everything was going great. I was the anchor, but our third was slow on the exchange, and I got second. I knew what Grandpa would say, and when Bart came to congratulate me after the race, I snapped at him. I hit him, and I'll never be able to take that back.

I have nightmares about losing him all the time, but I can't tell him that. I haven't earned the right to tell him that-."

"Thad, I'm no expert on siblings or anything, but maybe telling him about stuff like that'll make you seem more human to him. I was mentored by a guy a while back to keep me out of trouble after my dad died, and I hated him. I thought he was such a jerk. Then one day, I saw him fall apart at his desk. After that, he didn't seem so terrible. He seemed like a regular guy trying to make a difference," Owen explained, "Besides, I'm sure he wouldn't want to lose you either. Maybe he thinks you hate him."

"I don't," Thad blurted out, but he understood what Owen meant. "But if I tell him about that, I'll have to tell him how I put in the applications for us to be roommates."

"He'll get over it, but I'd open with that. Bart's got a pretty short attention span," Owen replied. Thad nodded.

"Are you gonna be here for a while?" Thad questioned. Owen nodded. "I'm gonna race Bart this morning..."

"Why?" Owen asked. Thad shrank down and pulled his hood up.

"Swear you won't laugh," Thad commanded in a feeble voice.

Owen punched him in the shoulder playfully. "On my life," he answered gently.

"I wanted him to show me how to play rugby. I didn't wanna tell you that I don't know how to play because I wanted to hang out with you," Thad confessed.

"I kinda figured you didn't know what rugby was... The thing is, I don't care what we do this week. I just wanted to hang out with you," Owen revealed. As the sun rose, they heard the loud snapping noise of skateboard wheels rolling over the cracks on the sidewalk.

"Bart's here," Thad whispered. Owen offered to hold Thad's jacket for him until he got back.

He watched as Thad rushed down the bleachers to the track and met with Bart. They exchanged words, and Thad pointed up at Owen. Bart waved, and Owen waved back. "Can you tell us when?" Bart yelled.

"Let me know when you're ready!" Owen yelled as he took his duffel and Thad's jacket down to the benches by the track. Bart and Thad stretched and took their marks. Thad looked serious, but Bart seemed beside himself with joy. "Well, you're already on your marks," Owen joked, "Get set... Go!"

The twins took off with a sprint, and Owen sat down on the benches. He took out his phone and videotaped the race, which worked out in everyone's favor because it was close. Bart won by a hair, but Bart didn't stop to see who won before embracing Thad. He picked him up and swung him around. Owen scratched his head and chuckled to himself.

Bart let Thad go, and Thad dusted himself off. He said something to Bart, and they waved Owen over. He walked over to the twins, and Thad invited him to breakfast. "Do you have morning classes today?" Thad asked.

"No, I was just here to watch the sun come up," Owen answered. They walked to the Big Belly Burger together, and the girl from the night shift was back at the register. "Hey, Thad, that's the girl from the other night." He gave Thad a gentle shove forward. "Go talk to her."

Thad approached the register, and the girl smiled at him. "I like your hair," she whispered.

"Oh, I was gonna fix it-."

"Don't," she whispered, "I'm Deb."

"Thad," Thad whispered. Deb smiled at him.

"Can I take your order?" Deb asked. Thad ordered breakfast, and she wrote her number on the back of the receipt. "Maybe I could spike it for you sometime."

"Huh?" Thad asked.

"Your hair," Deb clarified. She gave him three cups, and Thad chuckled and nodded on his way to the table. Owen nudged him, and his face reddened. He took the receipt and put her number into his phone before sending a text message. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and smiled.

Bart took two cups to fill up with soda, and Thad sat up as if he'd just remembered something. "My mom plays cards twice a month. Once with me and once with Bart... My mom wanted me to ask if you wanted to join us this weekend? It's an open thing-."

"Yeah, okay," Owen answered without thinking. He took a sip of his soda and immediately changed the subject. "You should ask that girl out."

"Yeah?" Thad asked. Owen took another sip of soda and nodded.

"What'd she say to you?" Owen questioned.

"She said she liked my hair," Thad whispered. Owen smiled. "I guess it's not that bad." Thad pulled at his bangs, and Owen chuckled.

Bart sat back down and brought their food over. He had a hashbrown in his mouth. Thad took the bag and chuckled. Bart and Thad didn't say much to one another. Owen didn't mind, though. He could tell they were getting along. "There's a party Friday night," Owen announced, "We should all go."

Thad looked at Bart. "Sounds good to me," Bart replied.

"Okay, I'm game," Thad agreed. Owen smiled and snapped a picture of them. Bart went back to eating, and Thad reached for Owen's phone. "Here, let's get one good one." The three of them pulled in and took pictures together. Owen sent them to his brothers, and he saved one of the pictures as his home screen.

[oddballwriter]

What about Brian with a freaky s/o? I just know that man may look soft on the outside but SHEESSSH THE INSIDE BITCCHHH

🔞NO PEOPLE BELOW 18+ BEYOND CUT OFF🔞

꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦

Summary: I'm a whore 

Warnings: mentions of nsfw content such and sadomasochism, restraints, slight exhibitionism, and more 

Author’s Snip: Went feral with this one, anon 

I’ll shut up now. Enjoy! And don’t be afraid to request.

꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦

BIIIIIITCH

I didn't wanna say it but when I look at Brian, a little part deep within me says "He's a slut, for sure"

He hides that shit under lock and key, no one knows at all because why do they have to know, huh?

Brian does the more basic freak kinda stuff, ie dabble in some sadomasochism and maybe a little bondage or restriction

He's not a full exhibitionist but he has some tendencies do some stuff like have a quickie from time to time but nothing full on, and it's only if you're down

But none of this would come to light till he meets you and let him be able to actually do them with someone he knows won't judge

Fuck you might even let him find out a few things about himself

He has a boundary and limit but I know my guy will give a lot of things a shot just to see if he likes them

He sort of lets you lead the way for a bit and he'll just initiate things that you've done before and he enjoyed

I know this man likes fucking on all types of things that aren't a bed

Chairs, counters, sofas, desks, honestly name a piece of furniture and he's probably thought about it or is going to now

He's a vers but he leans towards topping/being in control

But you could defiantly just prop yourself onto him and he won't object

Also, I'm gonna say it in case any of you are thinking it

Yes, he might ask to have a threesome, and yes, the third would be who you think it is

A part of me thinks that he's at least thought of it

That is all I will say

[shummashum]

Zeus Brundle Ch13 [1~6]

Previously on Ch12! Liz, who was drawn into the portrait of Claudia on the wall, was able to catch a glimpse of the story between the princess and the prince! But now they're about to argue?!

in my view,, this argument was settled from the beginning when Luci agreed the party has already agreed, so what's the use of further discussion here?

huh…I don't get it why does the story go like this you mean Luci doesn't really truly want that at all? or something like that?

But Zeus protest, saying that could pose a problem.

wait what what did he say please say I'm seeing things

no way no way…………. I thought he already knew about that are you insane why didn't you tell him that you should've told him……..

this is fucking crisis things go whole differently if Luci doesn't know about Claudia's death here I thought Luci made that decision knowing everything, including her death, and he's saying like this hah,,,,

sheesh this guy is crazy this is truly the most idiotic behavior ever if you wanted to handle things in a big way, you should have addressed that issue from the start!!!!! what's wrong with this guy

you damn idiot even if he regret agreeing to destroy the labyrinth at that point, you won't be able to take it back and that's the real crisis don't you think he'll blame you with all his might for not telling the truth sooner if you're going to give him that irreversible choice, you have to tell him everything you know at least ! ! !

but now that I think again, Luci would have talked about the outside world with Zeus… does it make sense that he doesn't know that the princess is dead? if you had heard how many years had passed, anyone with enough intelligence would have been able to guess that she was dead or does he not know how many years have passed? didn't he ask about it? huh…

and you know why didn't this Hiro guy bring up this problem first? he obviously knew something was wrong because he knew that Zeus wouldn't listen even if he talked about it? still, isn't it a bit wrong to keep his mouth shut about important things like this,,, does he have any intention of rejecting or opposing him

Anyway they went to tell Luci the truth. Zeus said he would tell him, at least.

well you know actually, there's one thing this guy hasn't told you yet I would like to inform you in advance that I have nothing to do with this incident

well it turned out that

but did you really not know? for real? you knew you were just trying not to see the truth

he's crying this is crisis

honestly I thought he knew about her death even though he had lost sense of time while being trapped in the labyrinth, I thought he had regained it because he was acquainted with Zeus

but now is not the time to think about it what should she do what should she do with this atmosphere the balloon was inflated with anticipation, but now it burst and tore into pieces it's your fault Zeus ! !

Eventually, Luci let all his tears flow and pulled himself away.

may I punch him if you won't hit him, I will hit him

so? what do you think? you still wanna destroy the labyrinth to seize even the slightest possibility of escape? or you just wanna stay in the abyss forever, soaking in the memories you had with her? I'm not in a position to admonish your choice, but you're gonna be insane at some point if you keep staying here

[crystaljellie]

Part two!! Finally...

Looking Out for You by Joy Again

"I guess I should stop looking out for you, like I always do. When will you start looking out for me too?" | Scott a lot in flower husbands or any other dynamic with people as he's very constantly making sure everyone is alright equipped and alive because he treasures his teammates. Not to say people don't look out for him but from his perspective it wouldn't be in a way where he thinks they care. Except for maybe Mean Gills with Martyn always protecting him

"Something about you just makes me feel guilty for liking you when you're with him, when you're with him" | THIS!! IS DOUBLE LIFE SCOTT! Because he still wants a misses Jimmy he wants to be with him but he can't because Jimmy has Tango now, and he doesn't hate Tango, he doesn't hate Tango by any means but he just feels so jealous

----

Francis Forever by Mitski

This one is hard for me to explain with specific lyrics without going over things I've already covered, but the whole vibe for the song gives someone desperate to be loved, desperate to be noticed. And has Scott not tried so hard to be seen by the ones he loves? Tried to be that something for them?

----

Easier by The Crane Wives

I WILL NOT SHUT UP ABOUT THIS SONG

"If you woke and I was gone from the house that we made our home, would it bend you break you over take your heart like it did my own" | Would Jimmy feel the same way Scott felt when Jimmy died. If Jimmy had lived instead would it crush and break him the way it did Scott? The way Scott saw him in every corner of that house and nothing felt right without him.

"And If I were someplace else would this be easier?" | If I was someone you couldn't see would you be able to learn to love me even from a distance? Is the vibe that gives me, oughhh, oughh, any time they are two close is a once beautiful time become sour

"I won't move but I can't stay here so what the hell am I supposed to do?" | In an, "I can't move on from you, from us" type way but Scott has to keep going forward even when he doesn't know how, because their lives are on the line

"And if I were someone else would this be easier" | In a 'Would you love me the way you loved Tango?' 'Could you love me the way you loved Tango?' 'If it were anyone else but me would you keep that love?'

----

Feel Better by Penelope Scott

Adding lyrics does just feel like restating points but this song gives of Scott being a complete mess after third life, and in last life he's still picking up the pieces of being alone. OR!! him and Pearl in double life, Scott being a crumbled mess moving from last to double he had Pearl that trusted him and loved him and he fucked it all over by his choices in the following game.

"Of course I don't wanna feel better" | Because why would he deserve to after all he's done? Forget he's been hurt what about the people he hurt? (But him being hurt was important and worthy of attention too)

----

October by The Crane wives

for obvious reasons lol... another flower husbands song. It's low-key frustrating though I think when people boil Scott down to just being Jimmy's husband and visa verse, which is why I also like to see this song as Scott talking to himself, and older version a younger version. Some version of him that would love him back

----

I bet on Losing Dogs by Mitski

He is that losing dog.

"I know they're losing and i'll pay for my place" | Scott knows that winning can't be an option again, but he'll stand and watch as it happens watch him lose over and over. In the death games. In his relationships. In his sense of self.

----

A terrible ride by Lizard boy original cast

This about Scott winning last life

"I used to be calm But now this ticking bomb is gonna go off" | Used to be able to think rationally about the games about winning, but can he do that now with all the pain in his chest after losing them again? Losing Pearl, Cleo. Having hit rock bottom due to the boogeyman curse

"I fought and fought hard And I could've died But I got scarred A terrible ride" | About him winning, he could have died, he did in the past. He won the game but what was the point when it was never even fun

"This game was not fun I thought it was right Because I won Was it worth the fight?"

----

Bruno is Orange by Hop Along

Maybe so Scott and Jimmy and their experiences with the watchers throughout third life

"I think it's real unfair that you should put him there" | That the watcher should force that Canary curse on him, put him in a place where he always dies first.

"All we did is kiss, on my grave, I swear" | Scott’s only crime was loving him don’t punish Jimmy for something as pure as that

"And he whispered, "I think that they know better than me"" | The watchers and the players know better than Jimmy. He’s basically saying that he knows something is off that people aren’t telling him, and it makes Scott sick to his stomach he can't do anything about it

"Did you know that that boy is an armed man? Bearing flowers into hands. Very able to hold me down (And love me more than anyone" | Jimmy either watching third life after his death or the last life ending. Where he sees how aggressive Scott can be and how he is not that same person he thought he knew

----

The Chattering Lack of Common Sense by ghost and pals

"At first, I'm not quite what I seem Everyday is just the same Picking names, repeating faces" | Covering up a mask for each different ally, making sure he's the most appealing to each. Half of the death games is a social games by his words

"Turn around about a new view Bring about the fear inside you Make a storm of tears and anger Nevermind, don't worry 'bout me" | Feels like Scott about to let out the truth of what he's feeling and what makes him as dangerous as he is before realising it's a line he's crossing, the watcher up above can't have him disobeying rules, not that he's ever been one for listening to them.

""Why not try to let go?" I've been feeling out of order I'm allowing change so... Take a good look, this is me" | Scott changing himself into someone else for Double life, not dropping is ideals and morals but, letting them shift, into a less caring version. Letting go.

----

Partner in crime by Madilyn Mei

"Even my demons have their families" | The watchers in the game, For example Grian, even he has his own family, and people that care for him. Mumbo too, yes I am spreading my watcher Mumbo truth in a Scott analysis post

"I was never meant to win" | Never meant to win last life as the one hated most by the watchers

"I was never meant to win" | Never meant to win in the relationship that they had. He will always lose to Jimmy

----

Noel's Lament from Ride the Cyclone

I can't even explain this with lyrics but just, are you telling me this isn't mean gills Scott coded? Because it is. It very much is

----

Writing on the wall by Will Stetson

"Within every building made with pride, the architect lives on inside" | With this being, with ever winner crowned by the games their spirit and will, will shine through their victories, revered and envied

"You have to ignore them the echoing voices" | The voices of the watchers, the listeners. Neither on Scott's side, the world is fed up with him doing so well. Never meant to win.

"And the shadowy figures they're nothing but shadows like ink on a page they have nothing to say" | Scott is stronger than to give into them, nothing they can and will say will crumble him, at least not quite yet

"Within every building made with pride, the architect is trapped inside" | Trapped inside the memories of winning, the blood and crying and fear. All the bad things that will never truly end. Immortalised.

----

And that's it! My laptop broke halfway through making this post which is why it took so long.

An Analysis of My Scott Playlist

Big long post as promised <33 roughly 40 songs

I've Had Enough by Melina KB

This song in the context of double life is very interesting to me, but I also like to see it in Scott talking to Jimmy (Sorry flower husbands truthers I love soft and kind flower husbands too but we have all seen what happened in limited life they do have some slight issues)

"Cause you miss the way I let you walk all over me" | Again could work in both contexts, Scott never really went out of his way to stop Pearl from doing what she does with the powdered snow, sure he did retaliate but you can tell at some point he just gets used to it. And then in the context of Jimmy I'm thinking very especially about limited life flower husbands and Scott giving up time for Jimmy.

"I'm done with shutting up I've learned a lot better" | Maybe in this of Scott thinking he's learnt to stand up for himself? And I say think because I'm talking about how he thought he was in the right in double life (None of them were) It's also funny because he has the confidence so strongly in double life where he makes his feelings known and then it's just like... 'Oh yeah you can kill me!!' And I know it's part of his whole making everything fair thing, but still

"Admit you did it we all know you did it" | We all know you're the one who left me when you went to the nether, tormented me, screwed me over repeatedly. Both Pearl and Scott do not understand each others perspectives of the situation and villanize the other for it.

----

Washing Machine Heart by Mitski

"I know who you pretend I am" | Limited life Scott and Martyn, Martyn pretending he's serving his king again, Scott being alright with it because he knows Martyn is by his side for more than just that reason, and he's right Martyn is.

It's a pretty short analysis here but it's mainly I guess about Scott wanting allies and wanting to be loved by them but they always have someone else more important to them than he is

----

The Moon Will Sign by the Crane Wives

"All those empty rooms" | Something about Scott being alone after Jimmy died in 3rd life, empty rooms with no noise to fill them

"We made our peace with weariness and let it be" | The weariness oof being forced into death games over and over, the blood brings chaos the familiarity of death brings peace

"I shine only with the light you gave me" | OKAY NOW HEAR ME OUT ON THIS ONE You might be saying "But Scott was the one who lived longer in that relationship and is literally seen as the stars" But have you ever considered Jimmy was the one everyone loved more, jimmy was the one to make strong alliances, Jimmy was the one there was fuss over when he died. Scott was only able to be strong because he had Jimmy by his side and without that 'light' he was simply a tool of vengence

"Instead you hoarded all thats left of me" | In the sense that Jimmy unknowingly kept Scott's ability to love another other than him, and all his courage and faith in the world. Not that Jimmy was doing it on purpose but it still happened anyways

"I want to feel the fire that you kept from me" | NOBODY TALK TO ME THIS IS 100% SCOTT TALKING ABOUT RANCHERS. I DON'T CARE IF YOU LIKE RANCHERS AND HATE FLOWER HUSBANDS OR WHATEVER BUT YOU CANNOT TELL ME THIS IS NOT SCOTT BEING BITTER THAT JIMMY GAVE MORE LOVE TO TANGO THAN HE EVER DID TO SCOTT. HE WANTED TO FEEL THAT FIRE OF A LOVE HE NEVER GOT TO KEEP

----

Two Slow Dancers by Mitski

Another double life-coded song

Very much Scott and Pearl

"And We've both done it all a hundred times before" | More so in reference to last life, they've played the death game before they know how it goes

"it would be a hundred times, easier if we were young again" | If they were young and still filled with faith, if Scott hadn't won last life and learnt the pain of winning and become bitter in the season following

"We get a few years and then it want's us back" | Not necessarily a few years but more so like the gaps between the games, a bit of freedom and then the watchers want them all at each others throats

----

Evelyn Evelyn by Evelyn Evelyn

Surprise surprise another Pearl and Scott one

"Why do we bother to stay? Why are you running away" | Scott and Pearl with their conflicting feelings at the start of double life, with Scott wondering why he should stay and Pearl not wanting him to leave her

"We grew up closer than most, closer than anything, closer than anything" | In either they grew up close in last life or their soulbound in double life, either way their fates are intertwined

"What if they find us? They're not looking anyways" and it's counter part line "I want to be famous, they're watching us anyways" | WATCHERS WATCHERS WATCHERS!! There's so much about this that just gives, hiding away from the watchers or giving into their whims

"At your side I feel like a ghost" | It can go either way in my mind, Pearl not feeling adequate enough to be seen and Scott feeling like she's killing him

"A parasite needs a host- I'm only trying to do what is best for us!" | because Pearl only wanted to help her soulmate, not that Scott didn't but he felt so betrayed and then it turned to a feeling of her leeching onto him

"You're always trying to be somebody else" | THIS!! Because Pearl wasn't acting like who she used to be and who Scott became friends with, she became 'somebody else' in an attempt to bring him back.

----

Little Soldiers by the Crane Wives

"Beneath the table you would offer up my bones And all the dogs would lick your fingers" | As in how Jimmy does things at Scott’s expense to get people to trust him or to get time and hearts and such

"And I dragged you through every room inside our home" | Scott struggling to get Jimmy to do anything with him anymore and feeling like the effort he puts in is not enough

----

November by Sparkbird

"Admit it, you were never going to get it I was always going to get it" | Can't explain why but this gives last life Scott killing Ren

"Maybe that's relevant somehow, can I explode now" | ....boom boom at the end of double life :3

----

Allies or Enemies by The Crane Wives

"And I swear I didn't mean what I said" ...I live by the belief that Scott didn't actually mean to tell Pearl he was 'breaking up' with her, guys trust me it was the watchers. But also apart from that it could be anything

"Are we allies or enemies this will be the death of me" | Scott in secret life, not understanding what his teammates actually think of him

"All is fair in love and war but I can't fight with you anymore" | FLOWER HUSBANDS LIMITED LIFE GUYS!!

----

Canary in a coal mine

CANARY IN A COAL MINE IS SCOTT’S SONG NOT JIMMY’S I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL

"Am I the only thing that keeps you safe when the light is gone?" | Scott being the only person to protect Jimmy in third life and protecting his memory even after he’s dead

"I’ll be worth more than all the silence left in my way" | The silence referring to how Jimmy doesn’t really interact or talk to Scott outside of third life, he is silent towards him, and Scott is hoping that he’ll be more than that to Jimmy if he tries hard enough

"I’ll sing you songs until the darkness does recede" | Scott calming Jimmy down when he needs it always being there to reassure him, keeping his hearts safe and him armoured in 3rd life

"Will you forget about your love for me?" | If Scott is no longer able to keep chasing after someone that won’t come back from him will that love that they once had in 3rd life be forgotten for good?

"And when you break the surface, oh, without me" | When Jimmy meets new people achieves new things and finally manages to break the curses all without Scott because no matter how much Scott tries Jimmy won’t let him help

"Please don’t return me to the dark of all the memories, yeah" | The dark actually being hope don’t give him any more hope that those memories could be recreated

"I will save you when your lights go out" | Scott is giving him time which continues to live being his breath, Scott’s love for him keeps him alive and that act of love is letting Jimmy kill him for time, saving him when he needs it most

This song is so so Scott coded most if not all the lyrics fit his perspective of things, the song is associated with Jimmy mainly because he is the Canary in the coal mine which sure fair enough but the lyrics themselves don’t fit his personality or his view of things, I guess some things could refer to how the winners and others have left him behind and he is weighed down by the curse but nothing else really fits him. 

----

Misery Meat by Sodikken

"You want a taste of my brain? Okay, it's yours anyway, A bite of my eye alright I won't put up a fight" | Scott giving his time away and hearts away for other people with little complaint

----

This is going to be part 1, and I will reblog this later with part two

[luveline]

Hiiii I’m the one who requested the Steve hickey fic, and I LOVED it!! You’re soooo incredible I’m obsessed <3 would you ever do a part 2? Maybe reader learning how to give Stevie a hickey back??? Love u xx

okay this is all your fault then love u to pieces ! best friend steve gets his hickey part one here but u don't have to read it

You can feel the heat from Steve's leg sinking into yours. Such a visceral sensation, it has to be real. You're not creative enough to imagine it. 

Tucked up at his side watching a movie on his big TV, you feel what's likely a one sided tension that won't fade. Present – almost burning – since he'd given you a neck full of hickies last week. 

They're all faded now but one, and thank god. Your friends had demanded to know where they'd come from and you hadn't been able to give them an answer, embarrassed. But Steve. 

"I gave 'em to her." 

He'd said it so casually. It had felt good at first that he wasn't ashamed for people to know what had happened, but then awful because the lunch club never shut up about anything. 

You laugh to yourself, remembering the looks of disgust, betrayal, and smugness, for some a mixture of the three. For Max, only betrayal. 

"What's funny, sleepyhead?" Steve asks, head held up by his hand, arms crossed over his chest. 

You pull your shoulder away from his. "Just…" He raises his eyebrows as if to say, go on. "Remembering Max's face. When you told them about the-" You gesture to your neck.

He grins but there's something strange about it. His fingers part, his pinky at one corner of his mouth, his marriage the other. 

"What reminded you?" he asks.

"Uh…" You smile and force yourself to laugh. "Nothing, really." 

You could swear he smirks.

It's gone as quick as it comes, and instead he nods and slouches down further into the couch. You worry for a second that he's upset but Steve looks as carefree as he usually does. His expression scrunches up at a bad action scene on screen and his hands search for the bowl of popcorn in your lap, his fingers brushing up the inside of your thigh. 

He mimes throwing popcorn at the screen. 

"Get out of here. Did you see that? Boom mic. Right there," he says. "Amateur hour." 

He tilts his head to the side as he talks, stretching. His neck clicks and he groans, loud. Loud loud. 

You bring your hand to your throat, poking at the last hints of your hickies, wondering if you can ask for more. If you should, if you could. If he would say yes.

"They're fading," Steve says. 

You wince, caught. 

"Dustin can finally stop looking at me like I've corrupted you," he says, grinning. 

"You did corrupt me." 

"That's not what you were saying when it happened." 

Like that, the teasing goes awry. You both quieten. 

"Sorry," Steve says awkwardly. "Sounded different in my head." 

"Not fully corrupted," you say. You're stitled, trying to be brave and not sounding anywhere near it. 

"No?" he asks.

"No, I- I still don't know how to. You know, how to give one." 

You realise you sound as hopeful as you feel; your words have a weight to them. An implication. You're basically begging him to let you kiss him. Or, to want you to kiss him. 

You don't want pity and you doubt Steve would give it to you. He doesn't look very pitying. Cheshire smile playing on his pretty mouth, a glint in his baby brown eyes. 

"You want to give me a hickey?" he asks. 

"If that's okay. I mean, you'll have to teach me how, 'cos I'm not kidding, Steve, I really don't know how to do it." 

"You want another demonstration, is that it? Babe, if you want me to bruise you up, you gotta tell me," he teases, voice sticky, saccharine sweet as he shuffles closer towards you. 

"That's not it," you say defensively, though it kind of is. His ability to read you for filth isn't new in your friendship, and like always you dig yourself a hole trying to prove him wrong. "I just don't wanna embarrass myself when I have to give one." 

"Who are you giving one to?" he asks. 

"You know. A guy." 

"A guy," he repeats dryly. He doesn't believe you and he shouldn't, but Steve's got a soft spot for you. He sighs, his skepticism melting away. "Okay. Sounds fun, babe. You can gimme a hickey." 

Steve doesn't mess around, taking the bowl from your lap and then leaning back. 

"Same as last time," he says. 

"You're not gonna sit in my lap?" you ask as you climb up on your knees. 

Steve takes your thigh into his hand. It feels foreign and not, his hand familiar, its position less so as he pulls your leg over his lap. You settle down, hands held to your navel. 

"Relax," he murmurs. Then, louder, "I can sit in your lap, if you want." 

Your laugh is a short fall from breathless as you wrap your arms around his neck and hug him close, pushing your lips into the soft hair at the top of his head. 

It's impossible to ignore the breadth and muscle of Steve's arms as they cross over your back. 

Your hands drift to the slip of skin at the back of his head, the top of his back. You push your fingertips under the neckline of his shirt and feel the bump of his spine. 

"C'mon," he says. You can hear his smile. 

You abandon his back and drop your weight back into his lap, stroking the hair away from his throat in a rush. His eyes are dark. Pretty, patient, and dark. 

He pulls your head to his neck. You brace yourself with a hand on his shoulder and hesitate, breath fanning over his skin in a hot wave. 

"Stevie, what do I-?" 

"Kiss me." 

Fingertips at your ear. A thumb brushing over your jaw.

"Kiss me," he says again. "It's easier than you think it is." 

You kiss his neck. Hesitant, you press your lips to him, part them a hair's width. You recall everything Steve had done, his teeth and how they dragged, the dampness to his mouthing, the half crescents he'd left behind. 

"Now just-" Steve's cut off by his breath hiking. Honest to god hiking as you start to suck. "Oh. You're…" 

His arms tighten around you. 

You finish up your hickey with a bite that's too hard. Steve hiccups – or something that sounds like it – and tugs you away. 

"Shit, Dracula," he hisses. 

You giggle nervously and take in what you've done, a red mark over his pale skin, the edges flowered in purple. "Sorry, Stevie. Really." 

"I kinda liked it. And uh, what's that saying? Practice makes perfect."

"You want another one?" you ask, surprised and excited. 

"Or let you go around maiming people?"

 Steve pulls a hand through his hair, lets it drop heavy on your shoulder. The look on his face melts you down, putty in his hands, his lap. 

"I'm sorry," you apologise again, looking at the tiny embeddings in his skin in mild horror.

Steve holds you by the neck, thumbs digging lightly into the column of your throat. He meets your gaze, his eyes skipping between one eye and then the other. You watch his pupils wobble. 

"How sorry?" 

"Really really sorry," you say, wrapping your fingers around his wrists.

"Kiss it better," he murmurs encouragingly. 

You try your best.

[meffuyu]

𝐀𝐅𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐈𝐓𝐘

(A spontaneous feeling of closeness)

Ask:: "Tanjiro and y/n have their first kiss, how did it feel, where did they kiss. Did it escalate?? I leave these questions to you, dear author."

tanjiro k. x reader

a/n : occasionally I post ship fics on my ao3, exploring wonderful genres for practice. (Pink93)

Writing scenarios even I wish I had experience in. 🗿

Fluff, and… more fluff?

It was time. 

Tanjiro dared himself to do something he had never done before. The next time he was going to meet you again face-to-face, he would seal his overflowing feelings with a passionate kiss. 

He didn't know how to kiss a girl or if that would break your boundaries. He didn't wish to upset you, he respected women! Unlike a particular comrade… 

Tanjiro couldn't ask anyone for advice on how to kiss a girl, and no, not just any girl, you. 

The topic was once brought to the two of his trusted friends, but they only looked at each other in confusion. Inosuke thought kissing was more like eating one's face for the sake of starvation. While Zenitsu kept pestering him to reveal the lucky girl he had his eyes on. 

If only they knew it was you, he was sure the two of them would have laughed their hearts away. 

But here he was, sitting on his knees attending a class that perfected 'the art of lips,' in other words, Zenitsu's lesson about love. 

The poor boy Tanjiro had his fingers curled into fists and firmly pressed against his knees. Beside him was Inosuke, apparently doing the same action. 

Back and forth, Zenitsu paced around, holding a long twig he had managed to obtain at the beginning of this class. He took this teaching job seriously as his arms were behind his back. 

Whipping the tip of the stick against the ground earned the other two boys a stiff reaction. 

"So…" He started. "What brings the two of you to my class? Hm? You both have sad lives, so; I'm curious to know why you asked little ol' me for help." The blond closed his eyes as he took deep breaths, almost like he was angry. 

"I ain't even wanna be here!" Inosuke huffed, folding his arms against his bare, rippled chest. 

Truth was, Zenitsu forced Inosuke to attend; the only person willing was Tanjiro. Yes, it is a surprise, especially since he debated his thoughts about allowing Zenitsu to teach him everything that needed to be known about kissing. 

Zenitsu clicked his tongue. Inosuke's complaints have ticked him off. "Shut up! You will sit there and learn how to kiss a girl properly- you should be grateful I am wasting my precious time on you since you don't even know what romance is!" 

"What did you say!?" The inner boar was set ablaze.

"You heard me! After I'm done, you better be able to kiss a girl so you won't be so depressed and lonely in life! While Tanjiro and I will have wives, you'll have nothing but your measly damned self!" The blond fired back, yelling at the top of his lungs. 

Tanjiro turned pale as his jaw dropped. 

Inosuke became speechless. 

[Name]... as a wife? 

Instantly, Zenitsu returned to his natural mood state and beamed as if nothing had happened. He pointed the stick at Tanjiro, slightly waving it around. 

"Very well, what about you? Why are you here?" He quizzically asked. 

Tanjiro thought carefully and soon parted his lips to explain.  

"I was hoping to prepare myself when kissing the girl I like, but… I realized that life is about risks. When we returned from the Entertainment District, Mr. Uzui told us that love seems to come in the ways you least expect."

Zenitsu raised both of his eyebrows, intrigued with what Tanjiro told him. "So, what are you trying to say?"

"I don't think this class is for me." He concluded. Tanjiro quickly arose from his sitting position and hauled the giant crate that contained Nezuko upon his back. 

"What? But Tanjiro!-" The blond began.

"I have to go! She's usually around this time, I know what I'm going to do." He waved, and before Zenitsu could give a piece of his mind, Inosuke captured the boy into a headlock. 

"HUgh-?!"

"Monitsu! You're all talk!" Inosuke retaliated.

Tanjiro wasted no time in leaving, he was desperate to see you. So he continuously waved to the two boys fighting and making a loud commotion. Tanjiro jogged through the mighty forest with a crate on his back, he knew Nezuko was asleep right now. 

You met Tanjiro before he formed his squad, but you had to depart because you preferred to be solo. Even so, working with Kanao Tsuyuri in combat had always been driven by a little Insect Pillar. 

The young teenager was in a hurry as the dust from the ground flew in the air each time he dragged his feet against the surface. He held onto the straps of the crate tightly, trying to keep it at least sturdy so Nezuko wouldn't awaken by the frequent movement. 

From the rural land, he escaped the forest with the tallest trees. He entered the town in his view, excited to see you again. 

"Hey Nezuko, it's natural to try your firsts with the person you love, right?" He inquired, as he knew he would receive no response from his kid demon sister anytime soon. So, for now, he would just see it as a rhetorical question.

Passing through the open shops that displayed their goods and services, Tanjiro examined his surroundings; however, it was only by the alarming scent he adored so much that he could get led to where you were located. 

He pondered thoughtfully on if he would give you something special one day. His eyes scanned the various stores with antiques for different occasions. Stopping his footing, he saw a hairpin that reminded him so much of you. For some odd reason, he knew he had to get it for you. 

About five hundred yen was the price. 

After just a few words with the shopkeeper, he had the hairpin in his hand in no time. Featuring fabrics and silks that complimented the designs, he believed you would love it. 

But of course, he couldn't spend any more time admiring the item, he needed to see you! 

He was off, jogging again at a pace his legs would surely take him. After some minutes of searching and turning many street corners, he saw a specific figure by a Palmate Maple tree. On the bench, you were, typically writing a letter. 

How did he know you were writing a letter? He knew everything about you, and little did you know that he did. 

Watching your concentrated expression while you thought about words to incorporate into your letter. Your eyebrows knitted together as you chewed on your bottom lip focused. 

The season for romance Zenitsu would say, but it was only Autumn. 

Placing the giant crate down, Tanjiro approached you with great reluctance in his movement. He did not wish to startle you or stop you from continuing your intense writing. Magenta orbs observing the straw brush in your hand, and to him, the motion of the tip indicated you were writing a specific word in Kanji.

Then you suddenly looked up. 

He was so alarmed by how you did so, it was something he least expected. The rate of his heartbeat increased per minute, and for a second, he lost his breath. 

Actually, when did he get so close to you? He was peering over you, staring at your features up close. How embarrassing… 

"T-Tanjiro!?" You squeaked. 

Quickly, your arms shielded your work when you understood what was happening. That action caused you to knock over the small jar of jet black pigment, which Tanjiro caught instantly due to swift reflexes. 

"[Name]!" He called. 

Tanjiro was caught off guard. Sitting next to you on the wooden bench, he lifted the jar of ink. You had rolled up your letter, giving him your full attention. 

Typical Tanjiro. The answer was clear to anyone, even if you wanted to ask how he found you. Somehow, he looked even tenser than the last time he saw you during an outing. 

Setting aside the parchment paper, you retrieved the ink jar from his hold. 

"Were you looking for me?" You asked, and to that, he nodded. 

Tanjiro began sweating when he remembered what he specifically came here to do, so he thought to himself: what would Mr. Uzui do?

He displayed a poker-faced expression, which had you slightly concerned. His index finger was pressed against his chin as he thought intensely about how the Sound Pillar would behave. He was… thinking a little too hard. 

"Hello? Hey?" You waved your palm directly over his face. 

You weren't able to get an answer to your question because all that followed was silence. Only people's conversations could be heard, or the hardened Fall leaves were crushed under the feet of 'seasonal' couples. 

'Remember you three… actions, always speak louder than words.'

Tanjiro thought those words were rich coming from Tengen Uzui. However, there was a point made that he couldn't deny. 

Actions do speak louder than words. 

Actions… Words… 

And a heartbeat. 

His heart was beating at the thought of kissing you. He swore he'd make a move; he told Zenitsu and Inosuke he could do it without using the kissing classes. Then why was he stalling so much?! 

It's because he's never kissed a girl like you before. 

Two roughly textured palms were wrapped around your single hand. The force that came with the capture of your hand was immeasurable. You toppled over him until your body was pressed firmly against his chest, and his eyes locked in with yours. 

As people tried to see what exactly was happening, the two of you were in a questionable position. On the bench, Tanjiro was lying flat on his back, and you hovered over him. 

It was hard not to laugh as your noses touched each other, as if his clumsiness had gotten the best of him this time. It wasn't long before your hair tickled his face, and he was laughing. There seemed to be a mess between you two, almost as if you were a couple. 

"What on earth are you doing, clumsy!" You joked, patting his chest to try and sustain your laughter. His sweet chuckles had already died down, and all that remained was a soft smile. 

"This." He replied.

With his eyelids closing, Tanjiro's lips made contact with your own. It was an indescribable feeling that one would call a 'spark.' In this case, a spark had been ignited by the tender kiss. 

As his lips moved against yours, he savoured the passion he was experiencing and the taste of your plump lips. When the surprise wave ended, you kissed him in return. Tanjiro's lips formed to become one with yours as he took his time. He had no thoughts; he couldn't think of anything to distract himself because the kiss felt so alive. 

In the boy's eyes, it didn't matter if your hair was thick or thin because his main objective was to push the hairpin into the clusters of hair tendrils. 

The young Kamado found his way to express his undying love. 

It was a success that the hairpin stuck in your hair and looked pretty on you as well. 

The first kiss Tanjiro had ever shared with you was finally over as he pulled away from you. He fiddled with the pin before allowing you to embrace it. 

"You shouldn't have, and you know it!" You chided with a fit of giggles.

"But," Tanjiro shook his head with that permanent smile. "I had to because of one specific reason." 

"Oh? What's the reason?" Another question you decided to ask as your fingertips traced the hairpin lightly. 

"Because I love you."

[softboydrew]

sneak away and love me

warning: this piece has smut- oral sex

- long awaited first smut piece. pls don't bite my head off LMAO

Drew was in a predicament, a big one in fact.

You might wonder why, and it’s because of his girlfriend, who looks like molten sex appeal in a soft sugar cone while sitting on their shared towel with water droplets all over her newly tanned skin.

He watches her from afar as she innocently reads her newest beach read. He can’t help but smile at her, of course she’d try and get out of the water earlier than everyone else.

Which brings us back to why Drew mentally curses himself.

A weekend getaway with friends is always a good idea, but not when you want alone time with your girlfriend, and Drew hasn’t gotten any alone time with y/n since they arrived.

Granted, there hasn’t been time in between long beach days- to hourly dinners that lead to way too much overpriced wine, causing everyone including the couple to fall face first into their pillows.

“Who wants to go to the Airbnb and grab lunch?” Y/n says, snapping drew out of his sulky mood.

“I’m gonna stay” Maddie shouts back.

"Were good!" Rudy chimes in before turning around to splash the rest of your friends.

Drew looks around at their friends who shrug their shoulders, all of them still enjoying the refreshing water that helps them escape the heat.

Drew doesn’t even say anything while he feels himself splashing towards y/n, she’s sliding on her cotton shorts and smiling at him as she grabs her phone.

“You sure you don’t wanna miss water tag?” She says pointing towards her friends making him to crinkle his nose.

Y/n laughs, shaking her head at him before he grabs her small hand in his while they begin making their way back to the bungalow.

"I'd rather do something else" he says, licking his salty lips.

"I know, I'm starving!" she says, not catching the drift of his underlying comment. His lips tremble into a smirk at her innocence.

"Mhm" he hums.

-

"This sandwich has been calling my name all afternoon." Y/n chuckles as she reaches into the fridge to retrieve the sandwich in question. She garbs the bag of jalapeño chips from the cabinet and brings the food to the island counter, where her boyfriend sits, his fingers tapping impatiently against the marble.

"I bet." Drew says uninterested- sticking his tongue against his cheek as he watches her pop a chip into her mouth.

Y/n gives Drew a questionable look as she takes a bite out of her sandwich before looking around the large kitchen and back over at him. "Are you not going to eat?" she questions. "You didn't have to come here just for me, babe." she says, covering her mouth after swallowing her food.

"Oh I will, I'm just not in the mood for that." Drew says, making his way around the counter to stand next to his girlfriend who of course, has no idea what he's talking about.

"Okay, then get something else." she deadpanned. "I think we still have that potato salad in the fridge if you want."

Drew hums as he moves his body closer to hers and runs his finger tips against the back of her arm, causing a shiver up her spine as she reaches for the glass of water in front of her. "I don't want that either." he says quietly, making his way towards her damp hair, sliding it over her other shoulder.

Y/n's eyes widen once she realizes what her boyfriends intentions are and she can't help but scoff as she feels his lips fan against the back of her exposed neck. Drew kisses her shoulder while wrapping his arms around her hips, allowing his body to press against her in all the right places. He traces his lips up against her soft skin and y/n giggles, feeling his hot breath tickle against her neck as she leans back and feels his hardness from the instant contact of her lower back.

"What do you want then?" she asks, turning around in his hold, disregarding her half eaten sandwich.

"You're finally catching on?" he teases while gripping her hips between his large palms.

Y/n scowls at him making him chuckle and bite his lip as he watches her run her small hands up and down his torso. "Well, why didn't you just say so?"

Drew lets out a long huff and dips his head down towards her face level and presses his nose against hers, rutting his hips against hers in the process, causing y/n to let out a sharp breath. "Too many distractions." he groans before pressing his lips against hers forcefully.

Y/n's hands travel up towards his hair and griped onto the strands, earning a moan to escape her boyfriends lips. The way her body arched under his made him swell even more than he thought possible. The way her soft hands dug into his hair as they both explored each other's mouths with wonder like they haven't took in one another in a decade made the fire ignite in bottom of y/n's stomach, earning a whimper to escape from her now, red swollen lips.

Y/n's head fell back as Drew pushed her harder against the marble counter, his large hands gripping her hips in a addictive fashion. The thin fabric of her cotton shorts would be no match for the bruises she'd probably see tomorrow, but she didn't mind, she craved it as she felt him use his lips as a paint brush against the canvas of exposed skin. The sponges of kisses against her chest began to travel down, down, down her body and she sucked in a breath as she looked down to see her boyfriend drop to his knees, his face being level to her core.

"Not here." she croaked out, her hand flying to her chest in surprise as Drew smiled at how he's already got her mesmerized by his actions.

"C'mon, pretty girl."

Drew stands to his feet and chuckled as y/n immediately jumped into his arms eagerly. Wrapping her legs around him, causing him to let out a sharp inhale at the contact of her heat against his member. She swallows his sounds against her lips while he carefully maps out the way to the bedroom they shared. To their advantage, the bedroom was straight down the hall from the kitchen and with enough ease Drew managed to get the both of them behind the bedroom door without any hiccups. With smug satisfaction at the way y/n attacked his face and neck with sloppy kisses and teasing touches Drew let his girlfriend down onto her own feet and stood back to take in her presence.

"Thank God for no stairs." He says causing them to let laughter fill the bedroom as he gripped her shorts by his pointer finger, pulling her closer to him in the process.

"I can't believe you didn't trip or slam me into something." Y/n giggles making them both snort in remembrance of previous mishaps.

"Shut up!" Drew giggles as y/n watches him slide down her shorts, painfully slow causing her to press her lips together as they finally pool down at her feet.

She locks eyes with him as he backs her up towards the bed, a haunting smirk forming on his lips as he quickly pushed her onto the bed, a soft giggle falling from y/n as he crawls over her while she awkwardly shuffles towards the pillows. Blushes and bashfulness bubbling between them as Drew watched y/n's head fall back against the fluffy pillows.

"Come here" y/n pleads, clutching onto the back of his neck, forcing his lips onto hers greedily. Drew's body fits perfectly against y/n's and they both moan at the contact of his tongue finally meeting hers again causing Drew's hips to twist into hers, whimpers drown between the two of them. "P-please." she whines, her neck arching at the feeling of him pulse against the bottoms of her bikini.

Y/n's back arched painfully as Drew repeated his movements, the both of the gasping out as y/n gripped at his shoulders. "Please what?" he taunted as he roamed the palm of his hand against her chest, pinching her nipple earning a cry from y/n.

"Y-you know wh-what." she stuttered with her eyes snapped shut and her bottom lip between her teeth as she felt his hands drag down towards her bottoms. "Don't tease me." she snapped, feeling his ego pool around them.

Drew laughed as she opened her eyes and dug her nails into his shoulder blades, the sting making excitement jolt through his body before he decided to pull down her bottoms, throwing them across the room knowing that she'd have his head later for not being able to find them.

"I won't tease you." he finally said. "Not until you tell me what you want." he said darkly causing y/n to instinctively try and snap her legs shut at the raspiness of his voice causing his eyes to darken. "Speak." he ordered making y/n's legs give out from under her, her heat pulsing at each demanding word he spoke.

"I-" she sighed as her cheeks flushed under his hard gaze, "I- I want your mouth..." she let out an embarrassed chuckle.

Drew pressed his lips together noticing her lack of confidence, his hand traveling up her body and gripped her chin in his large hand, forcing her to look up at him. A smile in return made y/n's nerves quickly fade as she looked at her boyfriend who did nothing but adore her especially at her most vulnerable. "Where do you want my mouth?" he questioned lightly making y/n bite her lip and arch her hips against his. "Use your words baby." he said in amusement.

"I want your lips here." she whispered, gripping his hand a bringing it down towards her sex, Drew's mouth went agape as he watched her eyes roll back at the slight friction of his knuckles against her naked self. "I'm asking nicely." she said with excited eyes.

Without a word Drew pushed off of his elbows and crawled down against her, giggles filling the room once again as y/n watched him grip her curvy hips and trace his hands against her thighs and spread them open for him.

"Open for me pretty girl." His breath fanned against her bundle making her shiver and lay her hands on he head as she watched his eyes take in her state. Before she could even take another breath, Drew's lips hungrily found where she needed him most and her fingers dug into his hair painfully tight causing him to moan against her body.

The feeling of him vibrating against her caused y/n to let out a cry, her head falling to the side as her back arched against his lips while he explored her with gentle strokes of his tongue, her mind slipping away into pure bliss.

"Does that feel nice baby girl?" he groaned against her with flushed cheeks, his hunger finally being met as he tased her arousal.

"Yesyes!" y/n moaned not being able to breath in a pause as she felt his lips capture her bundle of nerves in ways that were villainous. "Don't stop, please let me-" she didn't even have the luxury of finishing her sentence as drew shoved her hips down back onto the mattress, hungrily finishing off what he had been craving all weekend long. The bedroom was now filled with moans that would make passerby's gawk and stop in surprise. Y/n didn't care, nor have the capacity to stop herself from the explosion of bliss she felt, her legs shaking as she felt her boyfriends palm rest against her mouth and encourage her to scream into his hand as he moved his other set of fingers into her entrance to allow, one, two, three fingers explore her in ways nobody ever could.

"Go ahead, I got you. I got you." he encouraged with words that dripped liked honey causing y/n's fire to burst, her back arching as her hand quickly moved to grip the duvet, her eyes snapping shut as waves thrashed around her, Drew's hand moving from her mouth to let her come undone as he gripped onto her hip and support her movements against his mouth, her noises dying into whimpers as she crashed against the mattress. "There you go, I told you I got you." he mused.

Pulling away from her center, y/n gulped at the loss of contact, her sleepy eyes opening to reveal her boyfriend crawling beside her now, his hand caressing her body as she smiled weakly at him. Drew's eyes filled will concern as she placed her hand against his bicep and nodded reassuringly. "Thank you." she whispered.

"You need anything?" he wondered.

"I'm perfect." she hummed happily.

Drew chuckles and leans towards y/n, kissing her lips tenderly earning a hum from y/n as she tastes herself on his lips. She moves her shaky hand towards the elastic of his swim trunks making him grip her hand as he sits up slowly. "It's okay, we can take a break." he says looking down at her.

"Are you sure?" she says running her hands up his arm tenderly.

Drew nods, bending down to retrieve a soft kiss, "Always." he promises. "Lets get you cleaned up, okay?" he nearly whispers as he stands from the bed and scoops y/n up into his arms, heading towards the ensuite as she let out soft giggles and thank you's.

"I can walk myself you know!" y/n chimed as he set her down on the tiled floor.

Drew flashed his bright smile her way as he turned on the hot water for the shower, kicking off his trunks and watching y/n slip off her top. "I like taking care of you though." he said cheekily, taking her hand and pulling her into the shower with him.

The two wincing at the satisfying warmth of the water. Y/n wrapped her arms around Drew as he grabbed the wash cloth and began cleaning her off, her cheeks tinted pink as she watched him lovingly.

"I don't think we're ever gonna go back to the beach if you keep treating me so good." y/n teased.

"I could go an extra round plus dessert." Drew winked.

[dearclem]

when the words hit her ears, clem realises just how much she’s been dreading this talk. it’s a necessary step, she knows, but that doesn’t stop the flurry of emotions it brings along with it or how they strengthen the more he rambles on. once he’s said his piece, silence fills the space, save for dao’s purring coming from the cushion separating them, and she isn’t sure how long it spans before she finally speaks up.  ❝  y'know, it’s funny. all this time, i thought i wanted an apology from you, but now that i’ve received it, i think i was wrong because i don’t want to forgive you. wanna know why?  ❞  now it’s her turn.

she stands, fists clenching and unclenching as her initial anger begins to thrum beneath her skin, and she’s pacing,  ❝  because, even right now, you’re not here for me. you're not even here because of me. you’re here in an effort to self fucking soothe and you just wanna be able to tell my best friend that you tried. isn’t that right? that you tried for her, because of your potential futures and i just so happen to be a fucking bump in the road------one that’s in the way and one you can’t ignore or get away from given the connection i have to her, but little do you realise, we’re nothing more than strangers, you and i, so there's no point for all this.  ❞  her pacing stops, but her upper body becomes animated as she talks with her hands.  ❝  i mean, fuck, you’ve had a stronger connection with literally everyone in this damn town---including your fucking mailman---than you’ve ever had with me because all i’ve really ever been to you was a pretty face and a convenience. you knew how i felt, how much i loved you, and you used me for it. repeatedly. all to lift yourself up; to make yourself feel better.  ❞  or that’s how it felt to clem.

her body heaves a sigh, eyes fluttering shut for a moment and it’s sudden, the wave of exhaustion that hits her like a tsunami as the anger dissipates into the true emotion ( hurt ), making her face fall. the tip of clem's nose starts to redden, her lids lifting to reveal blurred vision and she hates herself for it. she hates herself for all of it. for still being bothered. for still caring. for being dramatic. for letting him finally bear witness to the damage he’s truly done. even when he came back for his father or when he comforted her ( briefly ) after the grandma who cared for her had passed, she’s never given herself full permission to cry before; instead preferring to be strong. for him. 

❝  i don’t want to hurt anymore, malachi..  ❞  her voice breaks, the tears constricting her throat.  ❝  i want to believe people when they say they care about me. i want to stop flinching and running away when people start to get too close. i don’t want to be scared that everyone will toss me away like unwanted garbage; that they won’t see me or like me because of who i am, but instead what i can do for them. that they won't stay with me only for as long as i'm useful. i want to trust myself again. ❞  she takes a step back, hugging herself to take up less room in an effort to comfort herself.  ❝  and, more importantly, i just want to be happy, and why is it that as soon as i start to believe i may have finally moved on and found that, you decide to come back around again? to remind me? ❞ she whispers, ❝ why are you always the one who matters; the one who’s important? what about me? ❞ clem's bottom lip quivers, ❝ what am i supposed to do with all this hurt you gave me? where am i supposed to put it? ❞

her words thawed the tension from his shoulders as a chuckle escaped past his lips and malachi felt a little more comfortable as he sat down on the couch, a safe distance away from her. nodding his head at clem’s words, mal took a deep breath before resting his arms on his knees, leaning forward, though his head was turned in her direction. “i don’t think any of us are really okay,” he quietly said. “i still don’t understand why what happened to vivi happened but it’s-- it’s just a whole fucking lot,” mal admitted. “but i, uh, i’m actually here to talk about something i... i probably should have talked to you about a long fucking time ago. recent things have kinda made you realize just how short life is, you know? didn’t want to waste any more time than i already have,” mal said, sitting up straight before clearing his throat again. 

he wasn’t used to this, talking about how he felt, and he resisted the strong urge to just stand up, make up some joke and leave clem’s place immediately. “and i’d never forgive myself if something happened before i got the chance to tell you i’m... i’m sorry,” malachi said, his voice low. he wanted to be a better man, the kind of man aranya deserved, and he knew there was a lot of things left unsaid with clem. even though they had made waffles together, even had multiple conversations throughout the years, an apology was the least he could give her. “i wasn’t the best boyfriend to you especially at the end, and i know that shit’s in the past, but you’ve been in my life since the second i saw you.” he didn’t want to talk about how he went to her every time something tragic happened, how he still sought her out after all these years, how she was the only one who saw him cry after his dad’s death. even after monty’s accident. in true fashion, he was right back here on her doorstep after vivi’s death. 

maybe grief was their connection. maybe that was all they had left to share after all these years.

“and i just--” mal paused as he scratched the back of his head, visibly struggling with getting his words out. “i don’t want you to think i don’t care about you because i did. i do. i... i know it wasn’t enough, though,” he said with a frown. “and you deserved more from me. you deserved a hell of a lot more from me, and i’m just-- i’m sorry,” malachi said, letting out a deep breath. “i don’t expect your forgiveness, clem. that’s not what this is. hell, i don’t even know what the hell this is other than me needing you to know how sorry i am for ever hurting you, while knowing i should be grateful you’re hearing me out in the first place. and i am. grateful, i mean. i-- fuck,” he said, letting out a frustrated sigh as he ran a hand through his hair. words had never been his strong suit, and that was clear as day today. “you can tell me to fuck off whenever you want, by the way,” mal added.