#i just wanna get this apartment shit over with man we're so close i didnt think we'd get this far | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

muzicgenerator · 2 years ago

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pls could u do a tom kaulitz angst? like he’s arguing w reader and mentions something he knows the reader doesn’t like bringing up, and he has to make it up to her, then it can turn into fluff <3

yep here it is!!

hope u like it and sorry for late reply T_T

(BRO OHHH MY GOD THE ORIGINAL STORYLINE DIDNT SAVE 😭😭😭 so i just made a new one which is this one AGHHH SO MAD RN btw i didnt proof read the entire thing)

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Atonement

✮

Pairing: Tom Kaulitz x Reader

Genre: a bit Angsty, Fluff

Warnings: None

Request Status: closed :(

✩°｡⋆⸜ 🎧✮ Last Night on Earth : Green Day

Playful bantering was one of the things you and Tom would do everyday in your relationship.

Sure, serious arguments would rise up which a simple kiss and genuine apology would quickly fix.

However those two won't do it right now.

"The hell do you mean I have trust issues?!"

"What?! It's true! Your ex cheated on you so you're scared to trust me; It's not like I'm gonna do what that guy did!"

Definitely, Tom shouldn't have brought your ex up who has no relation to this quarrel.

He knew how much of a prick he was to you and how he treated you; he even witnessed how devastated you were when you once came to him to seek comfort when you found out for the second time he had been cheating.

And he knew damn well you never wanna hear about the jerk ever again.

However, you did appreciate him admitting he wouldn't repeat the history you had with your past lover.

"The fuck, Tom? That bitch has no connection whatsoever about what we're fighting about right now.

And I saw the way you looked at her! It's like, if I didn't interrupt you both would've shared spits by then." enraged by what he said; you raised your voice to match his volume - which was unlike you since you're the composed one out of you two during serious arguments.

"Sorry but he kinda does! This issue you're having surely started with him. I remember the way you wasted your snot and tears on him and I dried it off.

And please stop being overdramatic, she's just a fan and I wanted to make sure she's happy. Not only with her; I mean with everyone of them!"

Tom tried hard to defend himself instead of admitting his wrongdoing.

"You are such an ass for bringing that shit up again when you know damn well your ass had issues too that I helped you get over with and all I've ever done was try my greatest to understand and care for you!

All I ever wanted was for you to stop looking at other people and look at me.. Am I asking for too much?" your voice whispered in offence and slightly croaked which made you resent yourself more.

Tom realized with wide eyes of what he had done,

"No, no of course not ____. No, look- I'm really sorry for what I said, I really am and-"

"Just shut the hell up, Tom. Save it, I don't wanna hear it right now." you harshly brushed past him to storm off to your apartment's bedroom in fear of hot tears falling down to your cheeks.

He sighed; ashamed in himself. Tom truly regrets letting those harsh and unnecessary words slip his blunt mouth. He knew he was better than this - definitely, he should control his mouth more and think about what he should say carefully during times like this.

The night spent alone in the bed you'd always share with Tom felt cruel.

Not for the reason he's not by your side; it's rather the fact that you're in bed without properly making up with him since you'd always forgive one another the same day.

A big part of you wanted to forgive him - believe that he truly didn't mean what he told you and only accidentally slipped because of the heat in the moment; that we all say things we don't mean when we're mad, and that he really wouldn't stab you on the back with a woman like your past lover did.

The smaller part of you scolded for being such an idiot; for believing a man would stay loyal - that you should call it off before he could do any further damage.

Honestly, you felt devastated just thinking about not being with him; so you eventually came into terms with yourself that the fire will settle down and you'll forgive him and he'll do better.

Don't know when it'll die down but it will. Hopefully soon.

Some relationships are worth fighting for, like you have with Tom.

Hence you will stay strong and prepare for many wars.

But tonight; you wanted and allowed yourself to fall asleep being upset and disappointed at Tom.

You'll let tomorrow do its thing.

✮✮✮

It was the next day and the back of your head was pounding alongside a stiff neck.

You sat up and glanced at the digital clock placed on your night table that read 11:37 AM.

After stretching your limbs out while reminiscing the night before; you decided it's time to wash your face and start making lunch for yourself.

When you turned the knob and pushed it open; you were greeted with the aroma of your favourite dish; one that was always served to you as a child when you still lived with your family - one that you shared its recipe and process with your lover.

"Tom?" you asked in disbelief. You were certain he had left since your ears picked up the sound of the front door being pushed open then close in the middle of the night.

Certainty assured your mind that you'd rather not see his face first thing in the morning after such a night. Boy, were you wrong.

Your lover turned his head quickly; unaware of your presence since he's so caught up finishing, as well as perfecting the dish.

"Oh- love, you're awake. I um.. made breakfast but you didn't get up and it's uh, it's almost time for lunch so I thought I'd make your favourite." he stumbled over his words; which is bizarre.

"The pancakes are on the table, you can eat them later as a snack."

You nodded your head with a tight lipped smile and mumbled a thanks before heading to the bathroom.

Once the door had shut; you quickly drowned your face with water to remove the image of Tom cooking without a shirt on.

It's not like it's the first time you've seen him like that; but the way you're reacting right now is how you feel when you catch him in these types of situations - preferably without the post-fight shit going.

After peeing, washing your hands, brushing your teeth washing and drying your face, and doing your skin care - you forced yourself to go back outside for you cannot stay in the bathroom forever.

When you opened and closed the baby blue painted door; your eyes wandered off to the table and drooled at the sight of the newly cooked meal.

Tom patted the seat beside him with a smile; gesturing you to sit beside him.

You had no choice but to join him for lunch; after all, you are starving.

Instead of giving in to his request, you sat in front of him.

Instead of painting a frown on his lips; he still kept his genuinely proud smile (from cooking such a delicious dish) and handed you your plate and utensils - to which you accepted.

"Let's eat?" Tom asked.

"I don't wanna eat without talking about last night." you said with a straight face.

The man in front of you softly breathed a sigh,

"You're right." he agreed with a nod

"I'll start by saying I'm really sorry, and I didn't mean what I said. I just want you to know I would never even dare to think about betraying you like that, and I was an ass for what I did." Tom seemed to look everywhere but your eyes.

He couldn't bring himself to look at your mesmerizing hues for he was certain his shredded heart would be turned into dust.

"I don't even know why I said those things, I- I know this sounds like bullshit but I swear I really don't mean those things and you're the only person who I have my eyes on.

Please give me another chance I- I'll be better now, promise!" he trailed off and fearfully continued;

"But y'know if uh.. if you don't and wanna call it o-"

"Shut up Tom we're not breaking up." you sighed

"I know you said those to defend what you did, and it slipped out because of the heat of the moment. We all say shit we don't mean when mad, I understand. But what I don't understand is why you'd caress her cheek and look into her eyes like that?" your eyes examined his facial expressions and only saw genuine regret on his face. You hoped he'd look at your eyes and tell you directly why.

Hence, before his ready mouth started to explain; you tell him, "Tom, look into my eyes, please."

You caught the way the ball of his throat bopped up and down; swallowing his saliva. His eyes slowly trailed up from the table to your chest, neck, chin, nose, then eyes.

"She said she'd been a fan since the very beginning of the band's debut. She loved all us a lot, especially me. I asked her if meeting us was a dream come true, she said yeah, and we talked a bit more. Then she asked me to touch her face because she really couldn't believe that it was all happening, which I did."

Tom would look away from the two windows of your soul for a second before meeting again.

He was replied with silence; which kind of scared him.

"____? Please say something."

"For God's sake Tom, why didn't you just start with that last night when I brought it up?"

Tom rapidly blinked once, twice, thrice, then for the fourth time. "... I must've forgot to bring it up because I was so caught up in the moment."

You laughed; a true one, "You mean too focused into bringing my ex up?"

He was speechless by how just a second ago you were dead ass serious, and now crying laughing at what you said.

"Sorry, I'm done laughing now." you giggled before continuing, "Fine, I'll forgive you if you tell me where you went last night."

"I went back to my apartment and did some thinking how to make it up to you and slept there. I went out really early to buy groceries so i can cook your favourite food here."

It was your turn to be speechless.

"...You seriously did that?" you asked with doubt in your voice.

"Yeah, I mean the proof is on the table." Tom chuckled.

You said nothing and finally dug into the 5 star looking meal, soon your lover did as well.

"Sooo, are we good?" Tom hopefully asked after sipping his water from the cylinder glass.

"I guess so." you blessed him with a small smile to which he returned with a big one.

Conversation flowed naturally between you as you ate the savoury food.

If Tom didn't make it as a famous guitarist, he'd definitely be a winner in Hell's Kitchen.

After Tom cleaned put the dishes to the sink; you insisted to wash it since he cooked. He declined numerous times but it wasn't going anywhere since you're more stubborn than him.

"All right, fine. Only if you let me hug you from behind." Tom made a deal.

"Pshh, why're you asking as if you don't do that whenever I do shit in the kitchen?"

Tom rolled his eyes with a smirk drawn on his lips as a reply and proceeded to snake his large hands to your waist; then pressing his chest to your back and resting his chin on the crown of your head.

Nothing could be heard other than the clanking of pans, plates, and utensils, along with the flow of the running water from the faucet.

The comfortable verbal silence and physical contact was very much needed after a fight.

After drying your hands with a cloth; you walked towards the couch and sat with your boyfriend still embracing you from behind.

"What do you wanna watch?" you turned your head to the side to look up at his face.

"Whatever you want, I'm fine with anything." Tom looked down to your eyes, then lips.

Slowly, he leaned his fave closer to yours so he could taste your lips.

Once contact had been made; you couldn't help but melt even more to his touch and wrap your arms around his neck - and he couldn't help but deepen the kiss and caress your waist and back.

Soon enough, the passionate kiss had come to an end to catch their breaths.

"I love you so much. You know that, right?" Tom stared into her hues as the tip of their noses touched.

You slowly nodded and brought your hands up to his hollow cheeks, "I love you more." you said before pulling his face closer to kiss each other's lips once again.

Tom mumbled in-between the kisses, "I love you the most, sweetheart." before deepening it. His tongue soon entered your mouth and both your hands rubbed and caressed your bodies.

The hot post-fight make out session would last as long as half the length of the movie you played in the middle of the session; playing Atonement for the millionth time from your entire life.

After pulling your mouths away due to your jaws hurting; you slept and cuddled like babies.

Feeling the safest in each other's arms.

#tokio hotel x reader #tokio hotel #tom kaulitz x reader #tom kaulitz #request #bill kaulitz #george listing #gustav schäfer

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avatar-of-procrastination · 3 years ago

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Hcs for moonboys reacting to reader winning in a fight with some jerks? (Can be an argument fight or a physical fight u choose 👀)

Yes! So sorry this took so long~

Hope you liked this!

Warnings : mentions of creeps in bars, catcalling. Lmk if i missed any.

(English is not my first language. Please pardon any grammatical errors. Gifs not mine)

Steven: You were in the museum, waiting for Steven. He had just clocked out and shut down the gift store when Donna sauntered in, asking where he was going off. Steven stutered out that since his shift ended, he was going home. You noticed Donna yelling at him and you walked towards the pair. She started to shout at him to work overtime because he was 'a useless sod who basically did nothing all day'. Steven was clearly heartbroken so you stepped in. Donna knew you were his partner but didnt know what you did for a living. You started listing off all the offences Donna committed by treating her employee that way and mentioned the varying dehrees of charges that could be pressed against her. She backed off, apologizing when she found out that you were a lawyer. After getting out of the museum, Steven pulled you in close. "How did you do that? I know you're not a lawyer." "I spend half the day with Matt. I picked up on a few stuff." You winked.

Marc: You guys were coming back from a nice restaurant Marc had taken you to. It had been a long time since you guys got free time so the two of you tried to make the most out of it. You were wearing a beautiful dress Marc brought for you and were currently walking towards your apartment. A few rugged guys, clearly drunk of their ass were leaning against a wall. You ignored them and continued to walk on when one of them catcalled you. You held back Marc and tried to walk away, without causing a scene. One of them slurred, "Yeah Bitch. Keep you man down." Something snapped in you that made you walk back and slap the man across the face. Marc was immediately by your side and the others quickly scurried away. "Okay. I'll admit it, that was fucking hot."

Jake: Jake rarely got a chance to relax and spend time with you. So whenever he was free, he would make the time you spent, unforgettable. On this instance, he took you to a fancy club. After having danced for what felt like ages, you sat down at the bar, sipping your drink. You looked for Jake but couldnt find him among the sea of bodies bouncing around. A burly man came upto you. "Hey beautiful. Watcha doin' out here all alone?" You ignored him. "Hey I'm talking to you. Wanna get out of here? We can go somewhere more quiet." He leaned into you. You pushed him away, saying that you had absolutely no interest in him. "That's what they all say, honey." He whispered and ran his palms over your arms, and cupped your cheeks. You pushed him away once more and punched his face. "Ow! What the hell?" "I told you to stay away from me." Angered, he got up and grabbed your hand forcefully. You kicked him in his groin and felt an arm sneak around you. You turned to punch the other man when you realised it was Jake. "I'm sorry that I left you out of my sight, estrella. Want me to finish him?" He offers with a deadly smirk. "No I think I handled it. Can we just go home?" "Ofcourse mi amor. Home is good. But I don't think I'll be able to wait till we're there. Because hot damn you looked sexy when you beat the shit outta that guy."

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thatssonanii · 5 years ago

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Just the Two of Us (15)

HAHN AU

Lainey worked half the day then let her stylists know she was leaving and her parents would be there sometime before closing to lock up. Figuring the ride to see Marcie was a good time, Lainey decided to tell them about her plans.

They'd taken Cam's Tahoe since Cam wanted to drive. Benny made sure both his brother's cars were taken care of and ready for them because he just honestly didn't want them driving his. Benny and Lainey say in the middle row and Zion in the passenger seat.

"Hey, can you turn that down for a second?" Lainey asked over the music.

Cam turned the music down, glancong at his sister in the rear view mirror. "I'm going the wrong way or something?"

"No, I just wanna talk."

Benny was silently praying that it wasn't another sex question. After the two hour talk he had with her, he didn't think he could take any more torture.

Zion turned in his seat to look at her. "Whats up?"

"Sooo I'm gonna be gone from Friday night till Monday night."

Benny let go a sigh of relief. "Where you goin?"

"Charles invited me to stay the weekend with him in Atlanta at his house. And I told him I would." She said with a smile.

"You might as well call him and tell him you can't go," Cam fussed. "Must be out ya mind if you think you going 6 hours away with some man we don't know."

Lainey huffed. "He's a freaking governor, he's not gonna do anything to ne and ruin his career."

"Why can't he come here like he been doing?" Benny asked rubbing his beard.

"Because he has stuff to do there. He wants to but he can't keep. So I'm gonna go."

Zion shook his head, "We appreciate the honesty this time around but Lainey, you sure about this? You don't know this cat."

"No, yall don't know him," She smiled, "I know him and I like him. Can yall please be supportive?"

Benny adjusted in his seat thinking everything over. He waved his sister to live her life but he wanted her to be careful. "Listen, you can go under one condition."

"What's that?"

"We take you down there and stay for a little while."

"I'll take it! But please don't threaten him and not longer than two hours."

Cam chuckled, "That's fine but an hour of that is just us and him."

Lainey knew not to argue, she would take what she would get.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lainey jumped out as soon as Cam put it in park and crossed the street. She had to pee and they were taking too long. Jogging across the pretty much empty street, she got to Marcie's porch and rung the doorbell a few times. She bounced from foot to foot waiting on her friend.

"Hey, girl," Marcie laughed opening the door. "Whats wrong?"

Lainey invited herself in, "They wouldn't stop to let me pee. I gotta go, they coming."

With that, Lainey ran upstairs the bathroom and Marcie stood at the door waiting. She watched the brothers walk across the street and waved. They waved back politely.

"Damn," Cam cussed under his breath.

Benny shook his head laughing, "She married man."

Cam laughed, "So is Melissa."

Benny shrugged playfully, "You got me there."

Marcie let them into her house and to the livong room area. She walked over to the kitchen.

"Thank yall so much for coming here. I have water, juice, and tea. What would yall like? We're gonna be here for a little second."

"Water is fine, Marcie," Benny answered, "Did you get to meet my brothers at the party?"

Marcie shook her head getting the food together she made for them.

"No, I didn't. Melissa and Lainey hogged me to themselves most if the night. Lainey talks about yall a lot though so I feel like I have." She picked up the platter and walked it over sitting it down on the table in front of them. "I made some chicken, potatoes and broccoli for lunch since yall were coming."

Zion smiled, "You aint have to but we glad you did."

Marcie laughed, "You're welcome. You must be Zion and you must be Cameron. Its nice to actually meet you guys."

"Just Cam is fine, my mama is the only that calls me that and it's only when I'm in trouble."

Benny and Zion laughed under their breath as they fixed their plates. Their older brother was the biggest flirt between the three of them.

"Cam it is then. I'm gonna go grab the papers really quick."

Cam nodded watching her leave the room and whistled lowly. "The Lord is testing me and my patience."

Benny scoffed, "You wouldn't know what patience was if it fell in your lap."

Lainey beat Marcie back to the living room. She sat on the sofa across from them, eyeing them wearily. They laughed when they noticed her looking at them.

"I don't know what yall doin or was talkin about but nip it." She warned in a whisper.

Zion sucked his teeth. "We ain't did shit yet."

"Uhuh, yet. I know yall."

Marcie came back with the papers, as she crossed the room Lainey watched her brothers then realized it was mostly Cameron.

After four hours the papers were finally done. Lainey helped Marcie clean up their mess. They sat around talking for a little while until Randall walked in. He smiled politely as he spoke to each of them.

"Lainey, always nice to see you. You look nice." He said politely.

"Thanks, Randall. We were just leaving."

Randall stuffed his hands in his pockets, "Oh no, don't leave on my account. I'm just gonna get changed and go work on my boat."

Lainey hummed, "You're always working on that thing. Either you don't know what you're doing or its junk."

Randall have a stiff laugh. "I'm putting my father's boat back together actually. It got badly damaged during a storm."

Marcie bumped her friend's shoulder, "Its sentimental. He loves that thing. Go ahead, Randall."

Randall nodded and bowed out heading upstairs. The men didn't miss the way he looked back on his way upstairs but they didnt want to say anything without knowing.

"Well since Turbo is home, we're gonna go." Lainey huffed getting her purse.

Marcie laughed, "Hush before he hears you calling him that. But don't go, stay a little longer."

"I'd love to but I gotta get back home. We promised our nephew we'd spend time with him and I need to start packing."

"Ooh yeees, I almost forgot about your lil sleep away trip with your boo," Marcie grinned, "You excited?"

"She bet not be too damn excited," Cam fussed.

Marcie waved him off. "She can be excited. That's her man and she finally gets alone time with him away from you three. Uhuh, she told me about yall."

"I dont care what her lil sassy self said."

Marcie laughed and turned back to her friend, "Anyway, I hope you have fun and I got you something to take with you."

Lainey laughed at her brothers' expressions. "Go wait in the car, I'm coming."

"Nope, we wanna see what she got you." Cam said getting comfortable.

Marcie rolled hwr eyes playfully and got up then pulled her froend up from the sofa. Lainey grabbed her purse and followed her friend.

"You jist can't help yourself, can you," Zion asked laughing. "Fighting counts as flirting. And you know that."

Cam laughed, "Give me some credit at least I don't have her legs on my shoulder."

"Chill," Benny laughed, "She sat her ass on my desk, aight. Damn."

Randall came back downstairs in lounging clothes. He stared the three men down then went to the kitchen to grab water and went out the back door.

"Who the fuck was he staring at?" Zion asked sitting up. "Fuck is his problem?"

Benny shrugged adjusting his hat, "Must know competition when he sees it."

The women came back whispering with each other. They all said their goodbyes and Marcie walked them out to their car. She waved to her neighbors then rolled her eyes making Lainey laugh.

"Ooh that reminds me," Marcie huffed, "I gotta text Melissa."

"About what?" Lainey asked.

"Well she needs to get her mind off of a certain someone," Marcie said looking briefly at Benny, "And out of that apartment I'm gonna get her to come to this dinner party Friday."

"She better stop thinking about Benny."

Marcie laughed, "You know, I know and he knows that she thinks he's cute. But I need a friend at this stupid dinner party Alex is throwing. I don't wanna go but Randall's always so excited to go hang out with Brad."

"Mmhm," Lainey said hugging her, "Well yall have fun. Ima call yall later while I'm packing. And thank you again for this. I dunno if I'll use it but at least I'll have it."

"Trust me, you will." Marcie moved to hug her brothers, lingering in Cameron's arms before walking back across the street to her house.

Lainey smacked the back of his head snapping him from his thoughts. He flies ched hard and stared at her.

"And yall talking about me being a hot ass. You get your hot ass in the car and stop looking at my friend. You too Benny. I don't know what happened but it better not happen again."

#hahn au #have and have nots au

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pokefanbri · 4 years ago

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Im still fucking fighting, i keep telling myself im not gonna let go & Fuck everyone else who thinks I should. But sometimes there's the opposite, im just lost & idk what to do....hes not gonna come back...so why should I bother to keep fighting 😔 If someone asks me...

Are they worth it? Absolutely. Because theres always room for improvement & growth, & we've been doing that apart for ourselves now for 7months. Did they give u the respect and attention u deserved? Are we not more valuable than that? Hell no & hell yes lol. Look I was happy just doing that for him but yea when it came to me honestly it was like nah im good 😒 & i know how fucked up it is that id go along with his selfishness but I did. I did deserve better & he knows I did... i just didnt wanna lose him & did anything he needed me for... but I ended up losing him anyway 😔 theres a reason why u work on that kinda shit & grow together as you go so everyone is happy, its fair to say we both lost sight...I was eager to learn everything about him cuz I wanted to be closer...but I was blocked out & pushed away, he wouldn't open up & talk to me or show feelings for anything, even of me when he used to all the time...like he was scared of being too attached or didnt want to get hurt..he didnt trust me or was afraid to show his true self or show any emotion that'd be viewed as weak due to the typical be a man complex. Idk I was confused & didnt know what was needed to help fix things so yea i walked on eggshells & me showing affection of my own free will was out of the question most of the time...I couldn't touch him unless he wanted me to & rare occurrences for my own satisfaction. Its the reason why I cried all the damn time, I felt avoided & unwanted because my own attention lacked pretty badly. How tf do I love a fucknugget bobblehead like that lmao, cuz I dont give 2 flying fucks he was my man ok! & being close enough to him made me happy enough I guess, I still looked at him like he was my world even if I wanted to slap him for making me feel so lonely at the same time. I admit his needs came b4 mine, he liked it more that way & I took care of him more than I did myself. But if he had more effort to take care of my needs in turn & I were happier than I was, & us happy at the same time, then maybe I wouldn't be so hard on myself...cry all the time & smoke like a chimney 🙁

I still don't fully understand why he held back, communicating with me on a deeper level is supposed to be natural & pretty much all normal couples show an appropriate amount of affection & understanding to eachother....but it was kept burried...was he afraid id hate him, judge him, make fun? No, id love him even more! Idc how dark he may think he is or whatever past bs he's gone through or even if he was lying about anything...its okay it can't hurt u anymore dear & we can overcome it just tell me what it is thats lacking & let's fix this. Id say "sit down babe, tell me everything, whats on your mind, what can I do to help 😊" & id give him the most gentle kiss on the forehead. I'd do anything to see a smile from that face & it makes me smile too. I want to help him, he needs somebody to hold just as much as I do cuz the fact of the matter is babe, he's just as broken as I am, we both need someone to put back our pieces & become whole again...after we try doing it solo it can only go so far b4 u want that physical presence of another again to help u more so. He keeps everything bottled up & especially didnt let me see what was happening to him I had no clue, if he didnt like talking to anyone he at least had me but still kept me away from him, whatever it was festered in him & he changed his whole demeanor toward me, he became colder & shut me out for good 😔 Making me feel even more unwanted. We didnt help eachother through our problems & I really wanted to, I wanted to save us for the longest time way b4 the end. Idk maybe if he put in as much effort & we knew how to function better together instead of a Corolla with just 2 wheels then we'd probably be fine...& our suspension wouldn't be dragging on the asphalt 😂 Its not all on him for fault, I take equal amount of responsibility, we failed eachother, we didn't know wtf we were doing & 9/10 it was just friends with benefits with only 1 of us in love & attached, & the other not really caring with side pieces to chat with 🤷‍♀️

U know what 🤬 They're right, he's right, & now I'm actually starting to accept it the more I write. Maybe just maybe,HE DOESN'T DESERVE ME AT ALL. Im still upset and frustrated. To answer the question again from earlier no maybe he's not worth it. I suffered through his bs and 10fold heartbreak afterward!! If he can't own up, right his wrongs & bring us both peace then no he's not worth suffering for afterall, and ive been loving the wrong soul this whole damn time 😣 He kicked me to the curb cuz he a fucking coward! He cant admit his wrongdoings, ask for forgiveness, say im sorry or actually put the tiniest bit of effort into a relationship to make it work, but instead disposes of me so he wouldn't have to confront any of it & just continue on like nothing happened are fucking kidding me!!?? I thought u were smarter than this, its beneath you to just run away & pretend I never mattered to you when we both know I did!!!....& im crying again. Im still feeling the betrayal apparently, ill never be able to trust him fully again anyway, let alone other men now. I dont hate you, I love you very much. But I hate the evil from you that you've shown me. I should've known honestly, I was naive to see all types of disrespect but this was the worst part. I still love him but i do deserve better than that & I hope he's changed his ways. Trust a guy with a high track record of ladies & a handful of em in their hand..what u think 🤔 can trust be gained back? Can I get over the bad uncalled for lying shit he's said about me to other women to make himself look better? Idk 🤷‍♀️ I haven't been able to rest without closure for so long, but enough is enough im making my own. You're absolutely right, you'd just manipulate me further, I thought maybe we could be better than before...round 2 at some point in the future...but maybe we're not salvageable after all. Thats up to u, I did everything I could, but now if u were to ever come back idk if I'd jump into your arms or slam the door in your face, I just dont know. Its better that I try never speaking of u again, or think of you for as long as I can so that I can heal better....cuz loving you even after the fact is tearing me apart & making me lose focus on what matters more, myself. I fought valiantly as long as I could, 7 months is a long time to not shut up about u lol.. maybe you've been hearing me I wouldn't know. I have to force it or ill never be able to, ill still silently grieve but as much as it hurts, Its time. U were my rock, an asshole but a good one, the best gamer I got to know, a boss at alot of things, with the cutest lil butt, & somehow the love of my life. Other than maybe something valentines or anniv related in Feb ofcourse....Ur getting what u wanted, I have to do whats best for me now, I have to let u go. I held on for so long but Im really tired & emotionally drained, im just torturing myself when i need to stop, im defeated, nobody won anything, everyone got hurt in 2020 why should our relationship be any different, id say we gave it our all be we both know we didnt. This hurts me so much to do, like my heart is breaking again. Bye babe, I love you with all my heart. 💋💞 💟

I tried to do what I could but if he left, I just gotta try to move on. If I take him back, I gotta consider how that's gonna look like & if I really got past the damage he did....obviously theres some I still haven't 😔 Its what im telling myself while trying to move past this. Others going through the same...We're in love and they ain't. We can't control their actions but we can control our actions. Im not a toxic person..only to myself, I love with all my heart, nobody bothers to understand...they just judge

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