#i just feel like i'm 3rd wheeling my two other friends at this point man

[hyunnie]

...

[guigz1-coldwar]

'Only You': New chapter for "Redemption in a Spirit in a Cold War" is out!

"Only You"

"Only you...can make...this world...seem right!"

Chapter Summary: Angriness is the only thing that is inside Park & Portnova after they both learned of what happened after the SAS operation while Yirina is trying to keep hope in her cell...

Link of the Picrew here!

To read it on AO3, click here!

Words : +3100

Taglist : @snowgoldwaylon , @clxudtea , @efingart

Note: It's the first chapter including a 3rd person scene including Park & Portnova, give me your suggestions about it!

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Century House

30 minutes after the end of the operation

When the word spread out that Yirina & Zasha were missing after the end of the operation at Canary's Wharf, it send the biggest panic that Park has faced and it got worse when she & Portnova were learned that the two were not located at the train crash that was reported by the SAS soldiers sent to investigate it and unfortunately, Park was realizing the whole problem and the worst fear that she didn't want to happen...it happened. Yirina & Zasha were abducted by Perseus and there was no way to find them, she & Portnova were told of what happened by a survivor but that was it...

Park was angry, she stormed off the construction site with Portnova while the SAS were still cleaning up the mess that occurred, took one of the cars that she uses to get near the site, and leave the place to join back Century House, the whole drive been silent. The two were angry, it was better for someone to not try to cross them because they could go on a rage about it: their respective loves were kidnapped and now, they were like nothing to calm them down, not the good words of Price and his men...nothing.

When the car was parked inside the underground parking of the MI6's building, the silence continued to persist inside it, Park trying to keep a normal pace with her breathes while she was holding the steering wheel firmly with her hands as Portnova was slowly getting calm, eyes closed to contain herself better but no, her love didn't come back and it wasn't something that could calm her down...

"FUCK!" Park's voice finally broke the silence, shouting before she starts to tap the steering wheel with the side of her right fist. "FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!" She continued in her tapping, Portnova shaking at hearing the knock against the steering wheel and Park's voice going up.

"Park, calm down," Portnova suggested, trying to move her hands towards Park.

"Don't fucking tell me to calm down!" Park told her, her eyes looking in front of her, stopping her right fist that was mostly hurting her now. "Don't...tell me...that," She repeated, her breaths still on the same pace. "I learned of the worst and you're asking me to calm down?" She asked Portnova, her eyes staying to look in front instead of Portnova.

"I'm sorry," Portnova could only whisper at this, her suggestion wasn't the thing needed at the moment. "It's just..." She tried to say but thinking about Zasha getting kidnapped cut her out in her words.

"I know," Park's voice got down, slowly returning into a normal tone despite still having that angriness inside of her. "It was just to be a simple mission but instead....damn it!" She stopped holding the steering wheel with her hands, moving on her lap. "Yiri...Zasha...what happened?" She demanded, her voice going down.

"That Roach said that he didn't..."

"Don't tell me something we already know," Park muttered, cutting Portnova by herself because the two were given the situation by Roach. "I don't want to believe it but it's true," She looked at her right hand, holding it with her other hand as it was hurting now.

"Me too," Portnova snorted, looking outside the van at her left and containing herself to not cry even if it was something she wanted to do.

"I'm sorry," Park said in a low voice, causing Portnova's attention to get on her.

"For what?" Portnova demanded

"About getting angry with you," Park replied, finally turn her head to look at the redhead, keeping her left hand around her right one. "It's not something I want to do but with what happened,"

"I understand," Portnova affirmed, an anger that she was understanding now. "With Zasha & Yirina not with us, it's...painful," She stated, her right hand passing through her face. "We have nothing to find them now," She added, her hands staying on her face as a better way to hide her cries in case.

"Nothing..." Park whispered, closing her eyes, her thinking about what could have happened to Yirina, her Yiri. "It's my fault," She snorted, her hand quickly passing below her nose while Portnova looks at her. "Why did I listen to him?"

"Who?"

"Price," Park responded to Portnova, trying to keep a normal voice now. "He's a good man but...he wanted Yirina to lead the first team...and like an idiot, I accepted to stay with Price's team," She revealed, feeling bad for letting this happen. "I could have maybe avoided this happen but no," She let out a little sigh, looking at her window on her right. "The only thing that I don't understand is why the others didn't come with her,"

"Her & Zasha's team members said that she insisted that they help your team," Portnova told her, remembering the moment that the team recited the events that led to this. "I don't know why...why it happened," She added, adding a little snort again as the first tears starts to come out.

"And now, it's just...worse...bloody worse..." Park proclaimed, her tears coming too out of her right eye. "Portnova, you should get back to the apartment, get some sleep," She advised her, her hand drifting to open her door.

"And you?" Portnova demanded.

"I'll stay here until we found them," Park only replied, opening her door and get out of the car, starting to walk in the elevator's direction.

"Hey, Park, wait for me," Portnova called her out, also getting out of the car. "You're not staying alone to..."

"Portnova, I insist!" Park turned around to look at her, Portnova slamming the door of the car. "Get back to the apartment, go to sleep," She repeated in a clear voice.

"Park, I'm not resting until Zasha & Yirina are found so no, I'm not going back," Portnova declared, making her stand on the subject. "I know that you want to find them, same with me, but if we're two, we can find them quickly," She proposed.

"I do," Park was thinking that Portnova was right about that proposition but... "But, you're tired, go home," She insisted, wanting to resume her walk but her eyes stayed on Portnova. "Listen, I understand that we need to find them quickly but..." She took a deep breath. "I'm not going to close my eyes until we know where they are," She resumed.

"Park," Portnova muttered, walking at a slow pace towards Park. "I know that you're deeply in love with Yirina but let me help you," She proposed again, keeping at least 2 meters between them. "She's my friend and even if she was...away, I don't want to let her down like that," She told her, Park looking down at her feet.

"Okay, okay," Park whispered, resigning herself to let Portnova come with her, gesturing at her before she resumes her walk towards the elevator with her friend. "You're right," She said, entering the elevator with Portnova and pressing a button that closes the door, and then, goes up. Park closes her eyes just to think as the elevator was going up and tears were coming out from her two eyes...

She wanted to find Yirina & Zasha quickly, she don't want to lose her love & her friend!

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Somewhere

The only thing that I could do right now was to cry, lamenting myself about what happened after I was left again alone in the dark, laying myself on the ground, keeping my back against the wall as there was nothing that could guide me inside that cell. My hands were acting as a pillow for my head and I wanted to close my eyes to sleep but with what Sarah told me, I was scared to do it, fearing to see myself back in my time when I was tortured or when I was in Verdansk...and with the darkness of the room, there wasn't any difference, my eyes weren't seeing anything...

My thoughts were struggling...struggling to not make Sarah's words true to me but it was a fight that I was unsure to win, her words had hurt me at my highest point that it was almost real to me: a lost woman...trying to gather back the memories that she couldn't remember while the world wants to put an end to this, thinking that she couldn't survive that but she, nonetheless, did. It was me, that lost woman and it's hurting me because it was true for me now...lost in the dark...

In my head, while I was laying down on the ground, trying to find a way to count the time that I'm here...was something I wanted to know. It was feeling like long minutes were passing, nothing that could help me to know which time is it...and I will only know that it's the morning when the sound of that door opening will happen. Even in the dark, my eyes were surely looking in the direction while I decided to get back to sit against the wall, the ground uncomfortable for me and mostly hurting me than making some good.

Now, I was forcing myself to keep my eyes open, looking in front of me but my head was slowly feeling a bit dizzy, slowly making some turn with it, and then, I suddenly start to see...a sort of bright vision in front of me...a sort of light coming to enlighten the room but only for me...and then, the more I was seeing that vision, the more that I could realize what it was...and who it was...seeing...

"Laz...Lazar?" I whispered, my hands over my kneecaps as my eyes were seeing him...in a sort of vision...wearing the same Burger Town shirt. "Is that...you?" I asked him, who was looking at me with a sad face

"Don't lose hope, Yirina," He told me, his voice sounding like a far echo in the back of my head. "You'll be saved," He added.

"I'm...not sure about it," I muttered, looking away from him, still feeling the presence of that vision in front of me in the middle of the room. "I'm already losing hope and been saved..." I couldn't continue that sentence, not for giving false hope.

"Are you giving up?" He asked me.

"No," I replied in an instant, not letting one second between his question and my answer. "I don't want to give up, they want to," I expressed my thought.

"So, show them that you're better than this," He advised me, my eyes going up as he was gesturing with his hands towards me. "You don't want them to make you give up easily like that," He asserted, his voice sounding sure of what he said.

"I do but I'm feeling weak," I stated, trying to clench my right fist but it was like what they injected inside of me...maybe hours ago were still making its effects on me. "I can't even clench my fists," I made him look at them before I resigns, putting the palms of them on my kneecaps. "I want to fight but my body isn't thinking the same way,"

"That's how people are getting broken," Lazar's vision declared in a low voice. "The body is trying to resist torture like a shield to your thoughts...before it broke down either by...force or by ruse," He explained, and by his words, I could understand what he was meaning.

"Like me when...the CIA..."

"Yes, like that," He said, both of us thinking of the same thing. "If you can't pierce the shield, go around it," He whispered.

"Yeah but...I was willing to talk, why did all of this happen?" I demanded, knowing that I wanted to defect that day. "I was ready to talk but Adler..." I took a deep breath, mentioning that name. "Adler still thought that I was lying and...he decides to do that,"

"I can't tell you why he did that, Yirina," Lazar snorted, taking a step towards me and looking down at his feet. "I'm in your head, I'm just trying to help you,"

"Like you always did," I slightly grinned at him. "You've always been like a brother to me," I claimed as he gave me back the same smile as me but then, his vision suddenly disappear from my sight. "Lazar?" I panicked at the moment to not see him.

My eyes were looking around the room, very confused before then, another vision came in front of me but it wasn't him again, no, it wasn't him at all and a smile wasn't going to be made as I slowly realized who it was appearing in front of me...the only person that I didn't want to see since a long time...and it was...none other than...Russell Adler but was wearing the same clothes that he was having in those fake memories of Vietnam, a warpaint on his face with his sunglasses and a green bob over his head.

"You," I mumbled, my hands trying to clench again at his sight as he was sort of walking towards me, holding an M16 in his right hand.

"Come on, Bell, it's crank time," He announced to me, sounding more enthusiastic as he was offering his left hand at me, sort of helping me to get up.

"In your dreams," I muttered, looking away from him. "I didn't do Vietnam," I said to him, shaking my head at this...I didn't do Vietnam, it wasn't my war.

"Bell, stop daydreaming, Sims's waiting for us at the chopper," He told me, keeping his left hand at me, sounding unaware of the situation. "Pretty sure that he's reading his magazines," He stated as I look up, seeing him with a smile.

"Get lost, I'm not Bell," I told him with a face that wasn't friendly for him but he wasn't touched by this, his smile persisting on his face. "You're deaf? I'm not Bell," I repeated in a clear voice.

"It's crank time!" He announced again before suddenly, the light inside the room goes on, Adler's vision disappearing from me like Lazar's one...meaning that we were in the morning...already...

"I hope that you got a bad night, Grigoriev!" I then heard Bellamy's voice as the door was getting open and when it was, I could see him holding a chair in his left hand while behind him, there were Sarah and two hooded persons with him.

"Fuck you," I could only curse at him as he was entering the room with his friends behind him.

"And again, you didn't lose your rude attitude," He scoffed, putting down the chair in the middle of the room, facing the door before he gestured to the two hooded men. "Get her on it," He ordered, the two guards moving to grab me by my arms.

"What the fuck are you planning?" I asked them, impossible for me to oppose any resistance to been grabbed by them up.

"You'll see soon, Bell," Sarah spoke up, looking at me with her hands behind her back as she stays next to the door.

"I'm not Bell!" I raised up my voice as loud as I could to her before the two guards got me to sit on that chair, holding my legs & arms. "I'm not Bell!" I repeated, my eyes looking at her with a deadly glare, not taking attention that the guards were attaching me with ropes to the chair, them wrapping my wrists and legs around.

"We'll see about it," Bellamy stated while the guards were attaching me, making sure that the ropes were holding me firmly. "You see, you were one of us but not anymore," He said, getting in front of me between me & Sarah as she got on his side. "And if you don't want to come back on your own, we'll do it,"

"In your dreams, asshole," I cursed again as the guards were done with me, standing up next to me as I was now finding myself on a chair...like in Verdansk...like 3 years ago...

"We should get her to shut her mouth," Sarah suggested as Bellamy took something out of his jacket.

"I thought about it, don't worry," He proclaimed, having taken a grey tape that he starts to apply over my lips, making me close my mouth.

"Hmmm...mmhmm..." I tried to speak up but the tape covering my mouth was making me inaudible and impossible to make a real sentence.

"That's better," Bellamy scoffed before he turned around to look at Sarah. "Do you have the song?" He demanded before Sarah showed him a headset linked to a grey walkman.

"All ready for her," She replied as she moves in front of me to put the headset on my ears as I was getting scared on the inside, thinking about that memory of Freya & Stitch forcing me to listen to a song. "She should be enjoying that song," Sarah claimed, my eyes at the urge of crying.

"And what now?" Bellamy asked.

"At your guess? The injection before we could play the song," She responded, her hands already moving back inside her jacket and taking it out of it...a syringe, making me freak out to see it as I understand what they were going to do.

"Mmhmm..." I shook my head violently, feeling the first tears coming out of my eyes, the scare taking over me.

"Hold her still," Sarah ordered to the three others and in the second, I could feel their hands holding my head right, impossible for me to move it. "She needs an injection through the eye socket," She told them as she was moving her right hand towards my eyes, trying to close them. "Bellamy, keep her left eye open,"

"Understood," He complied, his index & thumb fingers moving to get my eyelids wide to let my left eye open. "Come on, don't resist," He scoffed, and then, in an instant again, the needle of that syringe entered my eyesocket right through my blue iris as I could feel the dose of it flowing inside my head.

"Good, good," Sarah whispered, taking out the needle of my eyesocket as the others let my head go...my head slowly getting dizzy after that injection. "Now, for the song," She then moves towards the walkman that she put on the ground to activate it as the others except Bellamy start to leave while my eyes' vision was going blurry, especially my left one.

"Bell, we have a..."

"Not now, later, Bellamy," Sarah cut him in as he was going to say the key phrase as I hear the first moments of the song in my ears, my hands trembling at it. "We will come back in an hour for another injection," She told him, leading him outside the room before they closed the door, the light going off with that music in my ears, a sound of a guitar before it stopped...

"Only you...can make...this world...seem right!"

[rogertaylorskillerqueen]

Bohemian Rhapsody - Ben Hardy/ Roger Taylor fic [Chapter 4]

A/N: I did not go writing this referencing by the years but mostly the events that had happened in Queen and the movie, Bohemian Rhapsody not in a particular order. I hope you enjoy as much as I enjoyed writing it.

INTRODUCTION: Roger Taylor, the famous drummer of Queen won a lot of hearts as he performed several gigs along with his bandmates, Freddie, Brian and John. His playboy self slowly vanishing as he meets the girl of his dreams but what happens when their dreams after marriage takes a toll with fame and publicity?

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Chapter Four:

"Roger! Wake up!" I say shaking his shoulders. "Huh? Wha- what?" He asks confused. His eyes half shut. "I want a blueberry muffin." I say putting my hair in a messy bun. "Babe, it's only 5 in the morning. No place will be open yet. Can't it wait? We are leaving in about 3 or 4 hours." He says putting his head on the pillow going back to sleep. "Fine." I say getting up and walking out. "Love, I'll get you a muffin on the road." I hear him yell.

"Morning Y/n." I hear Brian greeting me as I walked into the kitchen. "You are up early." I say giving him a confused look. "Yeah. I got hungry. What about you?" He asks preparing some coffee for himself. "Cravings. Roger wouldn't wake up to get me a muffin." I say with a pout. Brian laughs probably finding my situation adorable and yet funny. "Classic Rog. He hates waking up early in the morning when he knows he can sleep for another 3 hours." He says with a laugh. I laugh with him. It was true. Roger would be in a bad mood and throw tantrums if not. "I know but the baby wants a muffin." I say with a frown.

"I'm gonna make you some tea and some pancakes. See if the baby will be okay with that for now." He says taking out a pan from the cupboard.

We talked and had a lovely breakfast for about two hours. "Shouldn't you be packing now?" I ask. "It's all packed. We just have to go put them in the van." He says. "I'm gonna go wake Roger. Thanks for the breakfast, Bri." I say getting myself down from the stool. "The baby still wants a muffin." I say walking towards the door. Brian laughing behind me as a small smile crept upon my face.

"Where have you been love?" Roger asks as I walk into the shared room we had. He stood by the bed packing his clothes in the bag. I stayed quiet. "Y/n? Are you mad about this morning?" He asks stopping his packing to look at me. I shake my head. Zipping up the bags he put them near the bed. "All packed up right?" He asks. I nod my head.

I wait behind the boys as they packed their things into the van with some fuss as they tried to fit everything inside. "No no. Put that over there." I hear John say annoyed. "What is Roger doing?" John asks with his hands on his hips as we stare at Roger near a low wall getting scared of a chicken.

We start off with the long way home. John was at the wheel driving the small van. Freddie and Brian sat on the seats in front of us. "Y/n, why are you being so quiet? Is something wrong? Are you getting pains? Do you feel sick?" Roger asks only loud enough for me to hear as he kept his head on my shoulder with his eyes on me. I shake my head. He sighs as I didn't reply with words.

"John! For god's sake please pull over at that bakery and get my wife a blueberry muffin!!" Roger suddenly yells pointing his finger at a small bakery on the right making the boys jump. As soon as John pulled over, Roger slides the door open jumping out and running towards the bakery yelling how he couldn't tolerate my silent treatment. Freddie, Brian and John turned to look at me. "What?" I ask clueless. "We love that baby even more." Brian says as they laughed at how much the baby was making Roger do.

"Okay. I got a blueberry muffin and a chocolate muffin and a cookie. The cookie is for me." Roger says out of breath as he sat next to me. "Thanks love." I say kissing his cheek. "Anything for you and Jude." He says. I stare at him with the name he had just said. The boys did their own thing as John got back on the road.

"Jude?" I ask getting Roger's attention. "Um, I mean.. If you want to that is." He says. "I had the same name in my head." I say with a huge smile. He smiles back leaning in for a kiss.

Freddie has said they would all calm down with their song discussion but it had only gotten worse. We all paced around Freddie’s apartment as Roger has locked himself in the cupboard. "I'm only gonna come out if you put my song on the side B of the album." He screams out for the 3rd time. Sighing I walk towards the cupboard. "Roger, please. You can come out and discuss with them." I say. "We are not putting I'm in love with my car on the album!" Brian yells out making me send him a glare. "See. Y/n, they won't." Roger says. "Guys please. You have to solve out things like adults." I say with my arms folded. "Alright. We'll do it." They all say.

-Roger's P.O.V-

"We are gonna go and present the song to Ray. Why don't you head to the studio in like 2 hours and I'll meet you there?" I say to Y/n as I looked for my car keys with a frown. "They are in your pocket already love." I hear Y/n say as I put my hand inside my coat pocket to find my keys. Leaving out a small laugh I lean to her level on the sofa to kiss her goodbye. "I'll see you then." She says. "You look comfy." I say looking at her sitting peacefully with a bowl of cereal on her big belly. "Yes but could you please help me up. I have to go pee." She says lifting her hands for me to grab onto. Placing the empty bowl of cereal in the kitchen sink I wait till she returns back. The boys can wait about 5 minutes more. After all Freddie always gets late. "Phone me if anything happens alright?" I say helping Y/n back on the sofa again.

"Well, I'm not sure that's the album you promised. Does it?" Ray ask with the end of the song, Bohemian Rhapsody. "No, it's better than the album we promised. It's better than any album anyone has ever promised darling. It's a bloody masterpiece." Freddie says with his steps going from one side to the other side of the room before stopping by the record player by the window. "It's a good album Ray." Reid says standing beside the sofa. "I'd prefer masterpiece." I say adding on. "It's expensive and as for .... Bohemian." Ray pauses squinting his eyes trying to read the other word of the song title. "Rhapsody." Brian says clearing his throat.

"Rhapsody. What is that?" Ray asks unamused. "An epic poem." Freddie says standing in front of the desk. "It goes on for bloody six minutes." Ray says looking at Freddie. "I pity your wife if she thinks six minutes is forever. Do you know what? We are going to release it as our single." Freddie says standing at the old spot by the window again. I smirk at Freddie's remark.

"Not possible. Anything over three minutes the radio stations won't program it. What on earth is it about? Scaramouch? Galileo?" Ray asks with frustration and confusion. I myself have no clue on who Galileo is either. "True poetry is for the listener." Freddie says looking outside the window. "It ruins the mystery of the things explained." Brian says. "Sorry to ruin your sails. Three minutes is the standard." Ray says looking at Reid. "I actually like the single, love of my life." Reid says looking at us. "No." Brian says shaking his head. "What about John's song, You are my best friend? Catchy and stronger." Reid says. We look at each other before turning to Ray. "What about, I'm in love with my car." Ray asks making me look towards the others with a huge smile on my face as they all mumbled in annoyance.

"Well that's the kind of song teenagers can crack up the volume in their car and bang their heads to. Bohemian rhapsody will never be that song." Ray says. "It's a band decision. Bohemian Rhapsody. That is it." Brian says sternly. "You are my best friend." Ray says trying to change our decision once more. "Or we walk. You'll forever be the man who lost Queen." Freddie says as we all get up leaving them behind.

With a rock crashing down their window we stare as Paul and Ray looked at us. "You can take that out of our loyalties." Freddie says as we all scurried away laughing.

-Y/n's P.O.V-

"Darling you alright?" Freddie asks as I change my position on the sofa once again. "Yeah. Just feels tired." I say. "Here. Have some water. Roger will be done in a while." He says handing me a glass of water. The boys were wrapping up their equipments and having fun as well. "Ray suggested I'm in love with my car." Freddie says. I laugh at his expression. "Is that why Roger seems a bit happier?" I ask taking a sip of water from the cup. "Yup." Freddie says getting up to join them.

After about an hour I start to get pains on the side of my belly. "Ouch!" I say. Brian, who sat next to me looks at me concerned. "Y/n, what's happening?" He asks. "It's the baby. It hurts." I say about to cry. "I'll go get Roger." He says jumping up from the sofa and running towards the recording room to call for Roger who was watching John play. With the sound of his name being called he rushed out of the door.

"Love, what's going on?" He asks scared and worried. "It hurts." I say starting to cry. "It's okay. It's okay. We are gonna go to the hospital okay?" Roger says helping me up the sofa. "Can one of you guys get the baby bag from our apartment?" Roger says walking me outside. "It hurts more." I whine. "Hold on love. You can do this." Roger says.

2 hours. 2 hours passed and still no baby. "She's not supposed to come out for another week." I say frowning as I stared at the boring hospital ceiling. Roger sat next to me. "She clearly wants to meet us all soon but imagine if I was on tour tho." He says laughing at his small joke making me hit his head. "Alright. I'll stop." He says putting his fingers over his lips.

"Roger annoying you darling?" Freddie asks as he get in with a coffee for him and Roger. "As always." I joke. "I don't always joke around Y/n." Roger says with the shocked expression. "I know. It was a joke, love." I say giving him a smile.

After going into labour earlier than expected baby Jude Phoenix Taylor was born. "She's so small and pretty." Brian says cooing at her small self resting on his arm as I clear the table for them to make themselves at home. "You're glad we were all there?" Brian asks. "More than ever." I reply with a smile. "Sorry I interrupted your recording John." I say apologising for the 100th time. "It's all right dear. We got a mini drummer." John says poking Jude's cheeks. I had gone into labour in the middle of their recording which made me feel so bad but glad that they were there for me. "How many months is she now? Three? Four?" I hear Brian asks John as I walk into the kitchen.

"Where's Roger?" Freddie asks. "He went to meet a friend." I say not knowing exactly where he was. "He does stay around right?" Asks John. "Yeah. Yeah he does." I reply. Maybe he is stressing over the upcoming tour. He had to leave me and a three month old Jude behind. With much discussion the band decided to tour after a few months with the birth of Jude.

Past 1am and I pace around the apartment trying to put a sleeping baby to sleep. Roger was still out and Jude hasn't stopped crying for the past hour which is making me start to cry as well. "Jude baby please don't cry so much." I say.

"Y/n?" I poke my head out of Jude's room to see Roger walking towards us. "What's wrong?" He asks worried. "She won't stop crying and I did everything I could do." I say crying. He takes Jude from me slowly resting her on his left shoulder while hugging me from his right side. "It's okay. It's okay." He says.

Soon Jude fell asleep and Roger came into the shared bedroom. He looked so tired. "Why have you been so distant? Is it me and Jude?" I ask. "Huh? No. No. Nothing like that. Work stress." He says sitting down on the bed.

The next day at breakfast Roger was being very quiet. "What do you want to tell me?" I ask sitting in front of him. He looks at me with his cheeks puffed up with pancakes. "What made you say that?" He mumbles. "You are being very quiet. What's on your mind?" I ask. "Um, I was wondering if you and Jude can join us on tour." He says. "Are you sure about it?" I ask. "I already talked to the band. Well, they suggested it." He says. "Roger, Jude cries a lot these days and it would just ruin your tour with us being there." I say. "Love, they all love you and Jude. They all will be there. Please." He says. "Okay. I'll go." "Great." He says with his mood from the past few days all enlightened up.

Chapter 5

[Tag list: @rogerbuttersmyeggroll @hayley8089 ]

[sw3etcreatur]

IGHT the irl meet mashup panic 3rd wheel hangout that was supposed to be a cute date n make out thing a story for me to read 03.27.22

first off all this dude was supposed to go to work but called off cuz he was feeling sick ANYWAY

friend R didn’t confirm w me he wanted to hang till i was already on campus (and an hour before too lyke), but hm partly my fault for agreeing and leading that it would be fine to hang that day on short notice

okay fast track to earlier mans says r u down i say ya im down blah blah then he sends a spotify link and says he has tix to see this artist next week but silly me didn't click the link or look up if the artist was act touring and said coo nice dood will listen to it later! anyway proceeds to tell me he's on his way cue me excited nervous blushing looking forward to it (in an hour ish also i was so hungry, shouldve ate lunch to avoid this coming MESS)

anyway SILLY ME AGAIN i had made plans w another friend S for later lunch/early dinner food and instead of cancelling on one or the other, i keep both hang outs. mind you these r two completely different people. i tell S that i was meeting with R also but forgot to tell R that S was gonna be hanging with us, at least for food. my b

friend gets here, im sitting with a diff friend J and introduce them and they bond over the alchemist since J was reading that okay then S gets here a little later im like omg s <3_<3 and we tell J byeeee time for food

now, friend said he already ate so i assumed he wouldn't eat so i would buy him a drink or something bc i was fs gonna eat i was hungryyy but no this man gets food anyway and enjoys his bowl and im like oh? bc also i knew he probs didnt want to spend money? he mentioned that a couple days ago about saving i was like yeah valid totally b i'm like that too blah blah he gets up at some point to throw his trash away and s asks if we're dating im like babes we just met for the first time in person today after texting/facetiming for a week hahaah B HE ALSO SAYS I HAVE H03S, u r my ho likeeeee

OKAY ANYWAY,.. this is where my biggest mistake was made (maybe)... i ask S what her plans are after food and she says nothing im like oop i look at friend and i'm like idek we have no plans either but im dumb i think we had a d*te and i stupidly go like oh! movies? and then i'm like okay fryft to my place even frikin though i specifically told friend he would not be seeing my apartment day 1 of meet up im so dumb yall 1. i should've told S bye see u next week, 2. that's it i should told her bye but .... bro i panicked i just didnt know how to tell s no i wanna be alone with a boy ugh i cant say no to ppl and deep down i've been wanting to hang w s for minute now

we go back to my place, give them a tour blah blah kinda awkward grrrr im a terrible hostess blah blah yay arrived to my bland apartment <3 friend has not really said a word <3 i feel awful but i didnt know why just yet*

we watch some amazon prime then peaky blinders and not even half way friend is like oki gtg dont wanna get home too late (he seems annoyed lmaoooo) and i walk him down to the train station (s asked if i wanted her to come and walk him down but i was like nah we're cool) anyway walking down im like soooo what'd u wanna know he says well it's too late and in my head im like ? how is it too late anyway fool misses his train he timed it wrong but i walk him over anyway and i think i would've stayed with him till the next train got there but i foolishly left my phone back in my apartment im so DUMB moral of the story our d8 turned into a really awkward 3 person hang out but more awk for him then me and s since we're friends oh also i introduced him to 2 more of my roomies and i feel awful lmao he said he had social anxiety which i should've taken more seriously

fast forward again hanging w S rest of the night ahhhh after friend leaves then shots with roomies after S leaves and boom it's 2 am and i decide to text friend hoping he got home okay THEN I CLICK THE SPOTIFY LINK HE SENT EARLIER THAT DAY b it was .... b this man must've been soooo disappointed LMAO but what were u doing having expectations cmon (cmon by 1d) ugh but he's soooo beautiful

*anyway why i feel awful: he's a brown man, S is a white woman i feel like maybe he thought i didnt trust him and needed a white savior to protect me which isnt true at all? i felt no threat from him, super easy going, we were in public the sun was out everything was fine! i wanted to be alone w him and walk around and talk :( i feel really bad about having S there the whole frickin time im soooo frickinnn pissed ahahaa we watched white chicks LOL anyway he said probably doesnt wanna meet again im like valid sure of course today was .... but i still wanna see him ... but i shouldnt .... we unfollwed eachother n everything soooo basically spirits said no :(

the end until next time maybe this summer #btr adventures lmao iykyk < 3

post remarks of things i know:

you have asthma , mom's a tr*mpie yet somehow got vaccine, dad projected his dreams onto u of wanting you to be a doctor or something but hey artist (which i love so much like wowwwwoowowowow)

nvm i do get attached to people i say i dont but i do its been two days im still thinking about this also here i am writing a 1000 word essay about a DAy and he's prolly like i j wanted some **** lmao boys r dumb h*ate m*n but again god he's gorgeous but i deserve the best <3 whatever tht may be <3

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Fake dating begins!

Janis: Grace wants to buy you a coffee for being such a gent. Janis: If I was you I'd have a freebie black and charge it to her tab. Her and her cronies are in there enough, and it'll save you having to endure a frappe/her and said giggling gal pals. Jimmy: Me and her or a group hang with the BBs for the 'gram? Jimmy: 👍I did that last week and the one before Janis: Depends. She obvs wants alone time with you but she's never passed up a #goals photo-op in her life, so. Janis: Can't be freeing the nip on Insta but maybe she's got a private snapchat she wants to whore out, you'll be well in then 👍 Janis: Christ. Good to know not ALL her money goes on Brazilian blow-outs, she's also topping up the salary of every hot barista in town, what a philanthropist she is, amongst other less favourable titles. Jimmy: If you can be arsed to 3rd wheel this I'll shout you something from the secret menu Jimmy: Which exists swear down and isn't just a invite to my snapchat Jimmy: Why am I worried Brazilian blow outs is a way bigger euphemism any day Janis: Hmm. As much as I try to avoid spending ANY time with Grace, for obvious reasons as you well know, it could be pretty amusing to see her make such a twat out of herself. And it would piss her off if I gatecrashed...Fuck it, I'm in. Janis: Don't get any ideas about making some taboo twin content though, lad, that only happens in the minds of pervy porn execs, and in weird old lady novels from the 80s. Janis: Lol. Yeah, it ain't a Cavante special. Its to make her look MORE white, funnily enough. As if the coffee habits and UGGs weren't making her a literal meme for the cause already. Jimmy: I'd rather down a strawberry açaí refresher with coconut milk every time Grace makes a gaff, which funnily enough is what necking with your sister's tall mate tastes like, than get sandwiched between the two of you Jimmy: I'd shout her a flat white if she'd get the joke though. One for each of them Jimmy: 😩 Janis: OMG, girl code, Grace sooooo saw you first, Tammy is gonna be out on her flat white arse when Gracie finds out, like 💀 Janis: The feeling's mutual, dickhead. Wouldn't put it past my sister though, she's more obsessed with me than she'd EVER be with you. 🤢 At least she'll be moving on when you finally give in and give it to her, I've got a life fucking sentence, mate. ⚰ Jimmy: OMG Minnie (??? Isn't that her name maybe) launched herself at me first and I'd be out on my penniless arse if I'd let her crack on over the counter ⛔ Jimmy: I like my encounters with a little less ego it's no crime. Or slight on you, mate. Jimmy: I'll tell Gracie that if she ever lets me get a word in. Janis: Fuck knows. All look the same to me. Ironic if it is, though, fucking jolly green giantess. Janis: And soz but sexual assault ain't no crime either when you're them though, they're just being #girlbosses swear down garda 💋 Janis: Good luck with that one, kid. Even if she gives you the chance, she won't be listening. Fucks with the fairytale where you shut the fuck up and carry her bags 'cept to call her pretty once in a while for said ego's boost. 🙊🙉 Janis: oh, and look good in the 'gram, standard. Jimmy: Could be what the lads call her... whoops Jimmy: Damn. I'll have to spoil her fun by letting it be known I've got myself a girl already. 🎻 Shame it'll take me years to find one who can stand the interrogation 💔 Jimmy: Gotta get Cass to keep her ear low. Effort. Janis: The 'lad's' secret is safe with me, the 'girls' are hardly likely to listen and I'm even less likely to bother to tell 'em. She'd just think #pussygamestrong 'neway so I ain't giving the bint that unwarrant stroke when you've all already been there, done that. Sloppy. Janis: Woe is, lad. Like everyone ain't on your dick rn 'cos you got that shiny, new appeal. Just pick one that ain't TOTALLY unbearable- ah, I see your problem. Janis: Sadly, I can't help, I ain't the massive lezza you've no doubt heard from the lads and girls alike that I am. Janis: Slim pickings either way you swinging, you see. Jimmy: You can help me then. Go on. Think how mad it'd make Gracie if nuffin' else Jimmy: Counter distance between us at all times if you want Janis: Aside from pissing off my sister, which I'm more than capable of by me larry, what's in it for me? You get her off your dick and back into Costa to cry it out, like Jimmy: Freebies of any of Common Grounds finest where you can also hang without her and her hangers on Jimmy: Semi trained mutt if I can wrench it from my sisters grasping hands? Jimmy: Plus an end to the rumors if you're arsed about that. You said yourself I've got the newbie appeal Janis: Alright, alright, you had me at dog! Janis: I won't deprive your sister but I could do with an AM running partner who can keep up. I'll wear it out and have it back to you at the end of your morning shift, before she's even had her weetabix or found her school tie. Deal? Janis: I'm down for writing our own rumours, why the fuck not, eh Jimmy: Done. Her name's Twix and she's as annoying as the name makes her sound. Jimmy: Get ready for rumors about how many bodies she's buried for you after all the holes dug Janis: Cute. And I'm sure I've dealt with worse bitches, I'm up for the challenge. 💪 Janis: Its always the dog walkers init, suspicious cunts. Jimmy: Yeah, and if you wanna bury a few of 'em yourself I'll keep my lips sealed Jimmy: Tomorrow too soon? Janis: Good man, you will if you know what's good for you. Janis: Though, not too sealed, gotta set this dump's/my sister's world alight, like, and I don't think that's happening if we just hold hands. 😲 Janis: Nah, I'm ready. Only thing I got scheduled is double chem and that can always do with livening up. Janis: How you wanna do this, lover boy? Jimmy: Point taken. I better work on my angles too. For the 'gram. Jimmy: With minimal cliches if that can even be a thing round 'ere Jimmy: Probably wouldn't believe it without 100s would they Janis: You best, I don't know how to work facetime, you've got the wrong twin there. Janis: Well, I could oh-so casually ask Grace if her and the bitch squad are going for coffee on the way home from hell (as if they don't every fucking day) and she will be buzzin' thinking I wanna come 'cos she's always asking/attempting to drag me like she's on a mission from the coffee bean gods Janis: Then we can be there, together, oh-so casually again Janis: Aside from sucking face on the playground (which is a little first school, even for these hoes) its the best way to get max attention and thus the rumour mill will do the rest Jimmy: Make sure Tall Tammy's at the back. Can't have Grace missing it Jimmy: See if you can get one of them to spill coffee on you too. Everyone loves a heroic gesture and a clothes share 😏 Janis: 😂 Brilliant. Janis: Assuming Grace doesn't straight up throw it at me, I'll be sure to make that happen. Janis: I'll probably come chat to you at lunch tomorrow too. Can't have this springing out of nowhere, like, how implausible! 😏 You hang with Sean Bryne and that atm, yeah? Jimmy: Yeah we'll be in the smoking spot if not our usual corner Jimmy: I'll slide into the seat beside you the period after make it look like we got it really bad 💘 Janis: 👍 twos up on the ☠ 🚬 then, lad. what could be more romantic? Janis: good thinking, grace is in that class too and she's hopeless with maths so she won't be paying the slightest bit of attention to anything but the absolute scandal Jimmy: What should I call you so you don't wanna punch me in the dick as soon as I go in for a pet name? Janis: Eurgh, good shout, even if it is just to save your own bollocks, can't blame a boy. I don't fucking know, what's not vomit-inducing but also #couplegoals enough to make it worth the hassle? Janis: Blah, just remember my name, yeah, that'll have 'em creaming. Such courtesies are not often extended their way, like. Jimmy: Deal. And I'll # everything #JJ so you can block it from your feed easy Janis: Solid. Janis: Imma take a picture with your dog tomorrow, it best be fucking cute. Jimmy: [Takes a selfie with Twix and sends it] Do you? Jimmy: Not my #goals but should spark jealousy with the intended Janis: Cute. Janis: The dog ain't bad either. 😉 Janis: I'm getting in practice Jimmy: I'll do mine in the comments when it's posted Jimmy: How keen is cringe in the eyes of Gracie and her friends? Janis: You're asking a mouthful there. If you're too nice, they'll say you're boring. But they've gotta at least pretend they're feminists in this day and age so if you are too full of the bants and low-key treating me like shit, they're gonna have to pretend they ain't here for that even though that's every boyf they've ever had, na'mean? Janis: Just say something confusingly inappropriate for what is not gonna be a hot pic, isn't that how you lads do? Janis: I'll set you up with a lame caption Jimmy: Thanks. There's back room access in it for you Jimmy: Again not a private snapchat invite Janis: Steady on there, not until the 3rd date, at least! 😂 Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: Seriously though. You're not as much of a bitch as everyone says. Nice one. Janis: Well, don't be spreading that backhander about, will ya? Janis: You've got a rep to make, that's a bit of mine I'd like to protect Jimmy: 🤐