#i just exposed myself to more 'they are just lazy and/or incompetent' from him

[snowstuckytrail]

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[lady-of-lyon]

So, I made one post a while back about how awesomely feminist the show Wild Kratts was, with how its two main female characters were women of color in engineering and deserving roles of power, female villains who weren’t motivated by spite or quest for youth, etc, but today I wanted to talk about something slightly different, that I’ve wanted to cover for a while now, because I also think it’s very good - and that’s how the show portrays masculinity, in a way that’s really positive!

First, we have our two main characters, Chris and Martin Kratt. Keep in mind these two are basically self-inserts - and there are plenty of creators, especially males, who have used self-insert characters in really scummy ways - all I have to say is Powerpuff Girls reboot and you know exactly what I’m talking about. Even if they weren’t literal self-inserts, male characters, superheroes especially, oftentimes serve the male power fantasy, being just the strong, stoic, all-powerful person so many boys are told they’re supposed to be. I could get into a whole discussion about how the male power fantasy is present even when males are not (ever look through a fashion magazine and wonder why there are so few men? Sure, part of it is that the industry thrives off exploiting women’s insecurities, and men aren’t as concerned for their appearance, but another part of it is so that the guy, looking through it, can feel like he has no competition for these women - there’s a reason so many comedians have jokes about fashion magazines being their sexual awakening as kids. It’s really scummy) but that’s not what this is about. So, the bros had every opportunity to do just that - make themselves these traditional heroes who aren’t actually really good role models, like batman or what have you. It’s certainly not uncommon for celebrity cartoons to do stuff like that. But Martin and Chris chose a different approach. They’re pretty strong standouts for positive masculinity. They’re openly affectionate - both with eachother as brothers, and with their friends. They cry, sometimes over little things - most of the time when big superheroes cry, it’s ‘cause they lost the girl they loved or their mentor or something like that, only in the big, most agonizing moments do they shed a tear. But here, Chris or Martin will cry just because they’ve had a bad day, or because they’re overwhelmed and overjoyed that someone named a mantis after them! In a lot of shows or movies when a guy cries over something little, it’s usually played for laughs, or to emasculate him, but here it’s casual without being unreasonable or overdone. The brothers cry just ad much, maybe even more (haven’t gone back and counted or anything) as the girls do. Not to mention, it’s a very nice depiction of a loving, healthy sibling relationship. As the youngest sibling myself, it’s refreshing to see a pair who don’t abuse eachother with noogies or cruel and snarky remarks. When they do fight, it’s never a screaming match, and also because they had a conflict of interest or disagreed over a fact, not because, say, one of them stole the other’s shirt or is neglecting the other’s feelings. Kids, being very impressionable, get exposed to a lot of abusive sibling relationships played as normal in media, and start thinking this is how siblings are and should act. For instance, my sister (who is now my best friend and has gotten over all these bad habits over time) when she was younger watched a lot of Kim Possible, a show that is great, but has a bad family dynamic with Kim and her little siblings. The “tweebs” as she calls them are always irresponsible, destructive, and making Kim annoyed to no end. My older brother was one of the most polite, reserved, kind little kids, but she still treated him like he was a brat and a nuisance, because that’s what shows like Kim Possible taught her little brothers were. Additionally, I was always treated like a spoiled crybaby who just wanted attention and got away with everything - I was not any of those things, ever, but that’s what shows teach you little sisters are. Sure, Wild Kratts has a smidge of that, with Chris seemingly being the stereotype of the know-it-all little sibling, but instead of being constantly looked town upon for being too “perfect” like with Hailey Long in American Dragon, Martin often praises his brother for his abilities. Sure, Martin gets annoyed when Chris tries to correct him on things, like in the episode Wolf Hawks, but everyone else does too, so it feels more like a take-down of mansplaining than a sibling spat.

I talked too in the feminist post about how refreshing it is that Chris and Martin more or less willingly put themselves under the authority of Koki and Aviva, two women of color. I don’t think it’s possible to say any one character is the “leader,” they all work as a evenly balanced team, but it’s safe to say that Koki and Aviva make the more responsible decisions. The bros try to get out of their calls a few times, but the show plays it more like they’re being irresponsible, and less like they’re renegade cool dudes who don’t take nothing from nobody, especially not two girls. They are pretty much always punished via karma for their reckless choices, most especially in To Touch a Hummingbird, where their arrogant attitudes blow up in their faces rather spectacularly. We also never see the narrative most present in sitcoms, where the male leads mess up and go out of their way to cover it up and ultimately gets away with it - after all, you have to root for them, right, because sure they messed up and had no consequences, but aren’t they just so lovable? No, here Martin and Chris always have to fix their wrongdoing, and it’s always deserved when they get comeuppance. Another aspect of the show I like is that, many times, when the bros get captured or are in peril, they are saved by the women - and most refreshing of all, there’s never a moment of “wink wink nudge nudge wow I can’t believe I had to be rescued by a GIRL” or even “wow you saved me you’re pretty good honey guess I shouldn’t have underestimated you, you go girl!” No, when the girls save them, it’s just - you know, relief? Because they were saved? It’s never a scenario played as an exception, or any more dire than when the bros need to rescue eachother. The bros are genuinely happy to have them as teammates. The show even did the standard “boys vs girls” episode in the form of When Fish Fly - but instead of being actually girls vs. boys, it’s engineers vs. adventurers. There’s nothing really gendered about it - the girls happen to be engineers, and the boys happen to be adventurers. And the episode doesn’t end with the boys being “wow gosh darn I shouldn’t have doubted you girls are better at everything,” it’s a mutual agreement that both parties have hard jobs. Basically, the bros are very naturally respectful of women. That plays more into their feminist narrative too, but either way, it’s refreshing.

Then, we have Jimmy! Jimmy, the lovable gamerboy pizza man. At first glance Jimmy seems like the stereotypical cowardly, pathetic, emasculated loser. He’s frightened of most things, as of yet has no power suit, and he BAKES for crying out loud! But none of these things are framed as terribly bad traits. Sure, we laugh when he screams and runs from an animal, but though it happens over and over, the crew doesn’t get sick of it. They don’t berate him or belittle him because he’s so gosh darn cowardly. There’s a great scene in Rattlesnake Crystal where Jimmy has to deliver something to the bros alone, in the middle of a spooky desert. He is terrified the whole time, sprinting off after he delivers the goods. When Martin and Chris run into him, they don’t laugh at him for being spooked, they just greet and then bid fair well to their friend. To them, this is just Jimmy, and there’s nothing wrong with it. Jimmy isn’t coddled, but he is reassured many times that he’s a valuable member of the team. I love that little message, that you’re just as important of a person even if you can’t do as much or have greater limits. When his friends do try to get him over his fears, it’s not because they have to, that the day will somehow be ruined by Jimmy’s incompetence p, but because they’re his friends, and want him to experience fun and wonderful things that he would otherwise miss out on. But what Jimmy CAN do is just as important! Jimmy is a gamer, which in a lot of shows, is portrayed as a lazy, useless, mindless hobby. But here, because he plays video games, it makes him essential for piloting the ship and teleporting important items. There’s always the joke that video games improves your hand/eye coordination, but recent studies have shown it has much better effects. It can make you much better at keeping track of multiple moving objects and processing technical but variable information- two traits which, fittingly enough, are really really important for air traffic controllers and airplane pilots! He also demonstrates a lot more courage behind the wheel of the Tortuga, which makes sense - in an impersonal setting, he would have more sense of calm and control and courage, because it’s so similar to a video game world. It’s not all too different with how I feel more emboldened to pick fights with people on the internet, but get crazy anxious if a real person so much as looks at me. So Jimmy’s love of video games isn’t because he’s irresponsible, it has real benefits. A quick last point - Jimmy also eats a lot, but they thankfully don’t make him fat or greedy or anything like that. He never takes food from people, he actually bakes, and shares it with others! Having the baker be a boy is a lovely touch.

I might do another post about the toxic masculinity of the two villains, (or four villains, I guess, if I wanna discuss the minions) but I’ve got other work to do, and this post is long enough already, so I’ll get around to it later. I’ll sum it up with this - Wild Kratts is a show that teaches boys it’s not only ok to be kind, but essential. The brothers protect defenseless animals, advocate for things “icky” and “weird,” like bugs or snakes or worms - not because they’re boys, and boys like icky things, but because they genuinely see the beauty in all life, and are encouraging us to slow down and do the same. The Wild Kratts are heroes who save the world not by being the strongest or smartest or coolest, but by looking after those who are exploited and vulnerable, who are essential to the world, even if they can’t always do everything. In Wild Kratts the only weaknesses a man can have isn’t what he can’t do, but what he does do that he shouldn’t have. Sure, it’s a cute show about two funny guys who have cool powers, but it’s also a show about accountability, compassion, respect and trust. The show says “boys will be boys” in all the right ways - Martin is a lovable goof with a heart of gold, but he still has to get his act together when he messes up, and he’s still creative and smart and openly sensitive. Chris is a bit of a know-it-all show-off, but he can also mess up as much as his brother, and is still bold, brave, adventurous, and can put his money where his mouth is. Jimmy is a cowardly, napping, eating machine video-gamer, but he’s still a valued member of the team, has incredible skills and talents, and will always help his friends, even if he is really, really scared. It is so important to have role models like these, in a world dominated by unhealthy machismo. The Wild Kratts are heroes who save the world - both animated, and real.

All they need now is a canon queer character, and I’ll stan them forever! My money’s on Aviva!!

[lessonsfrommadamexmas]

EREN JAEGER AND THE ENNEAGRAM TYPE 6

First of all, to my followers, please excuse me. This account isn’t for SNK but it’s the one I have and I wanted to write this. 

Secondly, I hope this post finds the fandom lol. But if you’re expecting this to be another meta to judge Eren’s actions, don’t waste your time. The enneagram is a tool of understanding, not judgement, and I just wanted to share one thing I appreciate immensely about Eren’s characterization.

Well, why don’t we start with chapter 137? There, Zeke states that life’s purpose is to propagate and it’s core fear is to be extinguished. In other words, from the moment we are born, our organisms need to survive. As humans, we are on our own: suddenly, you gotta breathe on your own; the food is no longer provided. Everything is scary. A baby cries because everything is hard and far away and something in their biology tells them to keep fighting to survive. 

Now, onto a more spiritual approach. In El Eneagrama de la Sociedad, Claudio Naranjo says that several cultures have their own ideas and tales regarding a disconnection from a primordial state of wholeness. Once born, we become individuals and are separated from the Universe, as if we’re no longer in sync, and something is lost in the process. How can we survive? Our defense mechanisms start with that question. We need love, we need resources and we need to stand our ground in this cruel, but beautiful world. This, on the enneagram, is called “childhood trauma”. 

What I want to do in this post is to break down Eren’s character development through the lens of the enneagram, but for that, I need to give you an overview of the system. It is cruel and beautiful, just like the SNK world. It sees us with care and understanding but it also exposes the harsh truths we don’t want to see. 

The enneagram, first and foremost, is an ancient symbol, a figure of nine points connected within a circle. There’s a lot of fascinating history to it, but I’m gonna focus on what matters to this post. The enneagram is a personality system that encompasses nine essences of the Universe, and once our childhood trauma sinks in, we attach to one type which defines our worldview. Here’s how each enneatype manifests itself:

Type 1, the reformer: this person seeks to not make mistakes. They are principled and meticulous in everything they do but highly critical of themselves and others. 

Type 2, the helper: this person seeks to be needed. They are proud of their independence and helpfulness but believe they can only receive love if they give first. 

Type 3, the achiever: this person seeks to be worthy. They are motivated and ambitious but shape themselves around what is expected of them. 

Type 4, the individualist: this person seeks to build their identity. They are sensitive and creative but reject the ordinary and focus on what is harder to reach. 

Type 5, the investigator: this person seeks to be a specialist. They are perceptive and curious but withhold themselves and their resources and worry they’re never prepared. 

Type 6, the loyalist: we’ll talk about it in a moment.  

Type 7, the enthusiast: this person seeks to avoid pain. They are joyful and spontaneous but afraid of facing hardships and being swallowed by negativity and sadness. 

Type 8, the leader: this person seeks to be strong. They are fierce and protective but don’t allow themselves any vulnerability and need to be on top. 

Type 9, the peacemaker: this person seeks to be in peace. They’re kind and their inner stability is unshakable, but have a hard time asserting themselves.

So what does it mean to be a type 6?

Some of you might not believe if I told you that Eren is moved by fear. But that’s what it is. The type 6 represents fear itself. It’s our search for safety and support. The person who is a type 6 has disconnected from their inner guide and they don’t believe they have the same capability to make decisions as everyone else. That is more of an unconscious state, which manifests through an overly alert stance. Sixes are always on the lookout for threats and danger, their minds work predicting things that can go wrong, so they can be prepared. In other words, the type 6 fears how imprevisible life is, because they truly don’t find in themselves the compass to the answers they need “in this very moment”. They have to be one step ahead and they have to find outside structures for support, people in whom to trust and who’ll give them the guidelines and sense of balance. Fellowship and loyalty are essential to the type 6 as they look for reassurance in their concerns. 

In Personality Types: Using the Enneagram for Self-Discovery (1996), Don Richard Riso has described nine levels of development for the enneatypes. They are the path from our healthy, healed state where we’re closer to wholeness again (Level 1) down to our most broken state where we’ve abandoned ourselves (Level 9). 

When we start Attack on Titan, Eren is on Level 6. Here’s what Riso says:

“In its innocent forms, counterphobia is well employed by people to master their fears — for example, children who are afraid of the dark might purposefully go to a dark room to overcome their fear.”

Eren, too, wanted to overcome his fear since he was a kid. He wanted to go outside and face those faceless titans. He wanted people around him to be prepared, but since the Garrison was incompetent and lazy, he needed to be prepared. Grisha seems to be Eren’s first authority figure. From what we know, Grisha allowed Eren to have his own thoughts and didn’t impose anything on him, which is a kind of reassurance. Thus, with his father, Eren felt more understood. 

Carla, on the other hand, wished for Eren’s immediate safety and cared about him living a quiet life. But that also means she couldn’t understand his concerns, and the type 6 interprets that demeanor as vulnerability — his mother is more exposed to the threat. If the type 6 is a room where nobody is vigilant, the only option they see is to step up and become hypervigilant.

This relation to an authority is very specific for the type 6 as they search for people and systems in whom to rely on. Since the Garrison aren’t the most reliable soldiers around, Eren turns to the Survey Corps. That section of the military consists of the rebels, those who want to explore the unknown, understand the titans and figure out the best way to fight the enemy. The SC wants to be free, so they become Eren’s next “authority figure”. 

Riso also says that the type 6 in Level 6 has a more aggressive stance and wants to prove to others that he isn’t indecisive and can’t be pushed around. 

“They blame and berate whatever threatens them. They become rebellious… and are desperate to latch onto a position or stance that will make them feel stronger and dispel their feelings of inferiority.”

The type 6 feels inferior because they feel lost inside. Eren, too, knows that the threat lurking behind those walls is much bigger than him and a single human doesn’t stand a chance. And he berates people around him for not seeing what he sees, or for disrespecting his “heroes”.

Eren will be back to Level 6 later, embodying other aspects of it, but let’s talk about the moment he joins the army. 

At this point, Eren reaches the stable position he has been eager for. He is part of a group and working towards his goals, he feels more confident because he’s preparing for the next attack. He has climbed to Level 4:

“The security which groups and institutions provide far exceeds the strength of any individual members...”

As we know, Eren sees his mission to eradicate all titans also as a social responsibility. The type 6 can easily fall into “us versus them” mentality where they are putting effort into something and will trust only the people who understand the importance of it. Eren’s bickering with Jean, as well as his admiration for Reiner starts from there. 

“And even within their own group, average Sixes make it their business to find out who is pulling the weight and who is not... If others are not loyal or committed, it not only makes them angry, it threatens them.”

Eren talks over and over about how he’s going to join the suicide squad, to the point people start making fun of him. But he is testing everyone’s commitment to the cause of “fighting titans” and he finds people like Jean, who only really want their safe life, as well as Reiner, who is dedicated and understands him immediately. Reiner becomes his new “authority figure”: whenever Eren’s failing, Reiner is there to understand him, to offer help and to remind him of why he’s there.

“The loyalty of average Sixes for the people with whom they have identified is almost without bounds. They find it extremely difficult to break their emotional bonds, even should they desire to do so… Their love may, in time, turn to hatred but never to indifference.”

That one speaks for itself. It’s exactly how Eren felt upon RBA’s betrayal. He’s in total denial about Annie, while for Reiner/Berthold all he has left is rage. 

Choosing who to trust is part of the type 6 identity. All of their beliefs, all their inner world is shaken if they are betrayed, because the network they build is how they find a safe space for themselves in the world and how they orient themselves. Annie was Eren’s parameter of fighter, Reiner was Eren’s parameter of leadership. The first backstab is too hard for him to process, we see it all unfold. He can’t admit she’s a traitor, and he doesn’t even have the will to transform and fight her. 

The second one, however, is embraced somewhat faster and he’s even able to contain himself and play along. But it doesn’t change how deeply it affected him and how vengeful he gets. Years later, that hatred would dissipate, but never to indifference — Eren still feels a need for some closure between them. 

I got ahead of myself on the timeline, so I’m going to rewind to the moment Eren joins the Survey Corps, which is his childhood dream. Erwin is his main authority figure now and you see that, even though Erwin locked him up, he trusts the guy. As Don Riso explains, the type 6 on Level 4 plays by the rules of his group because he strongly believes in those rules and they bring comfort to their minds. In reality, the SC doesn’t really know what they’re doing. Erwin himself doesn’t know how he’s gonna cross the walls and find out the truth. But Eren is devoted to them. Their cause is his cause and he knows how hard it is but what matters is they’re trying. Besides, they embrace him. They want to reach the basement and want to defend him on the court and want to investigate/use his titan power. Thus, for Eren, the SC is the most solid and welcoming place to be. He’ll do whatever they want from him. 

However, Eren was about to find out that things were far from glorious out there. Although the Survey Corps work under strict “plans” that soldiers are supposed to follow blindly, Eren can’t just watch people being sacrificed to protect him. Especially when he has enough power to act in a more significant way than those individual humans. But how much control does he have over his own power? Eren can’t answer that, and he feels immensely conflicted as soldiers continue to drop dead. 

In that moment, Levi could’ve forced him to follow his orders, and perhaps that would’ve eased his mind when he chose not to transform. But the captain is a different kind of leader than Erwin, and he challenges Eren instead:

And I really appreciate how fitting that is to the type 6 conflit. It’s very difficult for them to accept it, sometimes there simply isn’t a clear path, sometimes it is okay to trust yourself and act on your own. But this is what Eren’s thinking:

That didn’t turn out very well, did it? At the end of the expedition, Eren is forced to admit that the SC don’t have all the answers and that all his power and training can’t always keep everyone safe. He’s once again reminded of that after activating the Coordinate — not even the power to control titans can avoid sacrifices.

Ideally, the type 6 can only reach the safety they seek once they allow themselves to move in the chaos with the courage to face it step by step, instead of predicting it. This may sound easy for others but not for them, especially if they are inserted in a reality where the cost of a mistake is lives.  

So we get to the Uprising arc. It starts with the Survey Corps planning the retake of Wall Maria while they put Eren through hardening experiments. Time is not on their side and Eren’s determined to go beyond his limits during the tests. 

“They consequently try to further strengthen their ‘social security’ systems by working harder to be accepted and approved by their allies and authorities… Others wonder if they resent the workloads and pressures they seem to be under, yet Sixes seem eager to fulfill their obligations and duties...”

Eren’s entire world would fall apart again once he’s kidnapped by Rod Reiss and discovers the truth of his father’s sin. Like I said earlier, Grisha was one of Eren’s authority figures, and even though he was absent, the basement key and the promised truth kept son and father connected. Wherever Grisha was, Eren could still count on the answers he’d left behind. 

That is, until he is hit by a trainwreck of a revelation that his father killed an entire family and sacrificed himself to pass on the titans to him. Eren’s left completely lost, he no longer knows what to think of himself, of the world, of his father.

He falls from Level 4 to Level 7:

“Sixes become trapped in an unhealthy pattern of self-disparagement and massive insecurity which reinforces feelings of inferiority and worthlessness, a marked deterioration from the indecision and evasiveness we saw [before].”

This shift to a much more confused and self-loathing state doesn’t last long because Eren has his friend’s support for now. Historia chooses to see his worth and let him live. Levi once again challenges him to make his own decision, and Eren manages to save the day.

As Eren becomes aware of those destructive feelings, he tries to get rid of them by “fighting” himself, in an attempt to put himself back up.

He realizes he isn’t alone and he doesn’t have to do everything on his own, people around him are also strong enough to stand up for themselves. That helps him return to a more average stage and it could have been the beginning of his growth... 

Well, if only life wouldn’t have a surprise waiting for him at every corner. 

I hope you’re being able to follow and understand that we all have ups and downs in life. The levels of development represent exactly that, so it is common to find yourself in the same stage in different periods of your life. Nevertheless, after Eren learns the truth about the world and sees his future memories, it all goes downhill for him, no turning back anymore.  

Here is what Riso comments on the ambivalence of the type 6 on Level 5:

“Sixes begin to follow the narrow path between the expectations of their allies and authorities and their need to resist having any further demands placed on them.”

Eren is overwhelmed by the view of the outside world. He has experienced his father’s memories first hand and it’s nothing like what he expected. No one around him has the same perspective. A lot of self-awareness and self-doubt emerge from the future memories he saw through Historia. Riso explains that on Level 5 the person starts to become more worried about how their allies feel about them. 

“They become skeptical of new views and ideas, feeling that they have already put a lot of effort into understanding the perspectives and approaches they already know.”

Eren went from “I HATE TITANS ALL TITANS ARE MY ENEMIES DESTROY ‘EM ALL” to “titans are my people and they haven’t chosen this horrible outcome”. And that’s A LOT to process when you wrapped your life around that initial idea. But things are changing even faster, and his friends are talking about how the enemy could be reached out too. This thought needs to coexist in Eren with the clear image he has of the enemy, one that only he has accessed. Add to that how Eren was kept away from the Marleyan prisoners as Paradis also feared some kind of betrayal. As long as there’s people out there against them, he can’t so easily rest. 

Who knows at what point Eren returns to Level 6. The time skip is covered very loosely. But probably when he is feeling so lost that he actually comes to Historia to vent. 

“As in other types, to be functioning in this Level or lower usually indicates that there were extremely dysfunctional elements in the child’s environment.”

Self-explanatory. It’s even hard to talk about Level 6 because it is a point where Sixes start to overthink threats that aren’t that big, but in Eren’s case, the threat is 100% REAL and there’s a world isolating them and wishing for his people to die and throwing gigantic creatures at them. No big deal at all.

Eren turns to the people who actually understand the urgency he feels. Floch is eager to follow him, while Zeke and Yelena have an actual plan. Eren says he’s acting out of his own decisions, and he sure is, but he has also left it in Zeke’s hands to set the course. At this point, it no longer is a positive thing for the type 6 to have reassurance instead of a grounding support, it’ll only leave them trapped in the current mentality. 

What would be more appropriate would be a balance between rejection…

…and full acceptance.  

(By the way, I can’t even know where Historia stands, since she let him do his thing, but I’m still using her here because of how immediate her reaction was, which could lead Eren to think he can’t risk telling anyone else. Unhealthy Sixes are just that paranoid.)

Zeke could have been Eren’s new “authority figure“ if their goals were the same. But more and more the only thing Eren is starting to rely on are the future memories.

Riso talks about how a violent environment would lead to violent actions and “they end up using the same aggressive tactics on others”. And I can draw a parallel with how Eren has been facing titans for so long and watched them take people from him, that he just feels aggression arise whenever he thinks of all the injustice he has witnessed. Same would happen later on, when he sees Ymir’s memories and finally decides to unleash this pain on the world.

“It’s hard for Sixes to work for something. Instead, their energies are galvanized by being against people and things.”

Despite being highly conflicted and problematic, Eren so far has waited. It’s too hard at this point to fully engage with those dreams, but he has watched things unfold and allowed the Survey Corps to do their stuff and try to contact the outside world. On Level 7, the type 6 is just going through the day with little hope. When the SC reaches Marley and Eren meets the boy of his memories, he can no longer escape from facing himself.

“Tearful and obsequious, they are disgusted with themselves for not having been tough enough to stand on their own two feet, to defend themselves, to be independent.”

Not only Eren, but Paradis as a whole, have been unable to be independent in a much bigger world, or this is how he sees it after Kyiomi monopolizes the resources and the pro-Eldians group rejects the island. Finally, Eren recognizes in himself the person who would be capable of trampling the kid he currently wants to save, and that leaves him disgusted.   

“They do not necessarily deceive others maliciously, but to escape punishment or abandonment. They believe they may be able to repair the damage they have caused...”

What Riso is saying here is that the type 6 feel the need to hide (themselves) so their loved ones won’t abandon them. And again, in Eren’s case, he has a damn good reason to think his loved ones might not be super happy if he said he was going to destroy the whole world. Let’s not forget they are the people who counted on him to save the world this whole time, and he is the person several people have been sacrificed for. 

All this pressure has brought him this low, but Eren reaches rock bottom when he allows himself to admit he wished for it all to be destroyed. Now, he can no longer face his family (as he would tell Falco) and he has little faith in himself. 

Again, Eren’s paranoias aren’t so far from reality because there is, indeed, a world against them, and that keeps feeding into his anxiety. Paradis’s progress is little and the future is uncertain. When the type 6 reaches Level 9, they can no longer get out of this spiral. They know it’s only a matter of time until the threat comes to them. So they call the threat upon themselves.

Eren allowed himself to go as far as understanding his enemies and accepting that they’re the same, but with the declaration of war, he can’t wait anymore.

I already told you the reason: the type 6 needs to be able to predict. That’s the very core of their beings, their minds seek to control events. Striking first is their final attempt to make sure they won’t be taken by surprise. Ultimately, they are lost and desperate to find support again. Here’s what Riso says about the type 6 on Level 9:

“They may drop out, abasing themselves as vagrants and living in skid row conditions, thus allowing their health and minds to deteriorate to the point of no return.”

It almost feels like Isayama has read this book, I swear to God. Yeah, that’s word by word what Eren does. He goes to enemy territory, injures himself and throws himself in war. Despite resisting for so long to a new perspective of his enemies, Eren allows himself to see them with his own eyes. All because he’s desperate to understand his enemy, desperate to understand himself (and what would lead to his decision) and desperate to run away from his friends. He is ashamed of choosing those future memories as his new authority figure, get it? They are the most certain thing in his life now. As much as he waited and as much as the SC tried, they don’t have any guaranteed future and it’s just too hard for the type 6, especially unhealthy Sixes, to wait. It’s impossible. 

Remember I said that Sixes want to feel understood? Well, I think Eren feels understood, to some degree, when he’s among those broken soldiers. They are relatable, more than anyone else. 

“Neurotic Sixes bring disaster of some sort upon themselves not to end their relationship with authority figures, but to reestablish a protective one. [...] It is also important to notice that neurotic Sixes are masochist not because they take pleasure in suffering as such, but because they hope their suffering will bring someone to their side who’ll save them… as if to say, ‘Punish me, because I’ve been bad. Then you can love me again.’”

In the mind of the unhealthy type 6, if he can’t find the answers, he can’t be there for his allies. If he fails his allies, he doesn’t deserve their support. But even when he feels he doesn’t deserve it and feels they won’t forgive him, he desperately needs it — the type 6 doesn’t know how to live without support. He is completely aware of his cowardice, he may unleash his despair in innocent people, he seeks punishment for his behavior and hopes for someone to end his pain.

“Unhealthy Sixes are self-defeating persons who are their worst enemies. If they persist in their masochist behavior, neurotic Sixes will drive away everyone on whom they depend. They will be abandoned and alone, the very things they most fear.”

Eren pushed everyone away, but deep down he waited for them to come to his rescue. He knew he was a lost cause, but still couldn’t let go of what he saw as a compromise, a duty to them. His completely cruel and extreme actions are, in enneagram terms, his way to not leave his allies adrift. But aren’t all his actions for his own freedom? I don’t think so, not entirely. There’s a reason the type 6 has been named “the loyalist” — they always, always see themselves as part of a group. And in the end, he saw himself in Ymir, someone who was trapped and waiting to be rescued, understood. Don Riso says the worst part of coming this low is how much Sixes hurt others while they hurt themselves, both because they want to harm everyone who doesn’t understand and to show people the worst in themselves; they want to punish and be punished at same the time.

That is what I wanted to break down — Eren’s inner process. Yes, the type 6 is an ambivalent, contradicting personality type, precisely because that’s how they feel inside. Other enneagram types don’t escape from their own personal conflicts, that’s also important to point out. The enneagram does not define integrity, people capable of causing great harm exist in all types and no one from type 6 is fated to destroying the world — just in case that isn’t obvious. 

This post is heavy, I know. One of the things I love about SNK are the emotions it evokes and how human characters are. I’m so thankful to have followed Eren’s fascinating journey. He has never hit me as a one-dimensional character as some people claim. To me, Eren is not a chad, he’s not a monster, either. He’s just human. 

I’m thankful for this fandom as well. We’re a total mess but the monthly wait would’ve killed me without the crazy theories and the heated discussions.  

[rachelbethhines]

Tangled Salt Marathon - King Pascal

This is, in my opinion, the worst episode of season two and I’ll get into why under the cut. 

Summary:  The group is stranded on an island after a storm. The tiny islanders, the Lorbs, mistake Pascal for their mystical ruler; the chameleon loves the adulation, until he’s expected to protect his people from a vicious monster.

Since When Did You Learn How to Sail, Rapunzel? 

So they hit the storm and Rapunzel starts doling out orders like she always does, but like, she logically shouldn’t know what to do here. She’s only been out of the tower for a little over a year and sailing takes time to learn. There’s been nothing to establish beforehand that she’s learned this stuff. If anything Eugene and Lance should be the one giving the orders here as their backgrounds could feasibly included sailing as they’re world travelers. 

Here lies part of the problem with Rapunzel’s characterization, and I’ve already touched upon it back in The Alchemist Returns, but Rapunzel can’t and shouldn’t be magically good at everything. She can be incredibly skilled in some areas, like acrobatics and the arts, but she also should have lapses in knowellage just due to a lack of experience and expertise. 

A female character isn’t ‘weak’ just because they have to sometimes rely on other characters. They shouldn’t be written to be magically better than the male characters just because they got boobs. That’s not empowering; that’s condescending. Women are people, and real people have varied skill sets and weaknesses that match their interests and backgrounds. 

So Why Is the Island Tropical? 

According to what few maps we see in the show (and yes, they are inconsistent, but bare with me), Corona is somewhere in Northern Europe near an ocean or sea. According to dialogue at the end Forest of No Return, they’ve been traveling east, and according to the map in Rapunzel’s Return, the Dark Kingdom is north east of Corona specifically. Meaning that they must be somewhere in the northern Baltic Sea right now, which is not tropical at all.  

This is part of the problem with Tangled’s ‘throw it all into a blender’ style of approach to worldbuilding. If traveling the world is going to be a major plot point for a season then we kind of need to know where things are in relation to each other. Climate should help determine such things, but if you’re all willy nilly about culture, which climate affects, than nothing is going to make sense. 

My only guess is that the island is suppose to be magical so it has a different climate to the surrounding environment, but that’s just a headcanon and not actually stated by anything in the show itself. I shouldn’t have to be doing the work of the writers for them. 

So Why are We Separating the Guys Again? 

Back in Freebird the writers needed to get Cass and Raps alone in order for them to have their bonding time and a heart to heart, but here, it’s just lazy writing. This is a Pascal focus episode and it requires that Rapunzel interact with lots of other characters, so splitting the group up doesn’t benefit the story in any way. 

The writers just didn’t want to fool with writing for eight characters at one time (I’m not counting Fidella or Owl, though logically they should be considered characters in their own right and not just props for the story, but oh well); which begs the question of why they wrote in so many characters to begin with. 

It’s also an excuse to make the girls seem more competent than the boys, which, as I explained above, is not real ‘girl power’; just bad writing.  

Let’s Talk About the Outfit Changes and How Marketing Affects the Story 

The entire point of this episode and indeed this whole island arc, is just because of marketing stipulations. Every season is required to have one Pascal focused episode and one Max focused episode, because Disney marketing wanted to sell cute animal toys. Another requirement of the story was outfit changes for the mains so that once again marketing could sell dolls and variants and such. It’s why Rapunzel, Cass, and Eugene get so many alternate costumes, while Lance doesn’t despite being with them on this journey too. 

Which is understandable to a point. American television animation has always been about selling toys and merchandise. It’s how these shows make most of their money back. If there’s a show that you enjoy and you want to support it being on the air, you need to buy the toys. Priating doesn’t do jack to the bottom line, it does not affect ratings as most people don't own a nielsen rating box. (an increasingly outdated method to calculate popularity anyways) But whether or not the toys sell is the make it or break it point of every show. 

However, there are better ways to implement these stipulations then how Tangled goes about it. You want to give Max and Pascal focus? Then actually give them focus that relates to the overall plot and not just meaningless filler. You want to the characters switch up outfits and have that tie into the story? Then make sure it fits all of the characters and don’t drag it out more than it needs to be, because this island arc it too damn long. 

And you want to know what the biggest kick in the teeth is? There’s barely any merchandise for this outfit. There’s like one paper doll set and that’s it. The toys for Tangled the Series did not sell and they stopped merchandising the show after season one. Now add in the rating plummet during seasons two and three, and we’re incredibly lucky the show didn’t get canceled outright because it’s by all accounts a financial flop. 

I suspect there was an upfront contract that guaranteed them three seasons no matter what, and that’s the only reason it managed to escape the chopping block and why Chris and Ben weren’t let go sooner from the project. Because Chris at least no longer works for Disney. He left as soon as production ended on the show. 

The False God Trope is Over Played 

I can find examples of this trope dating all the way back to the early 60s, and arguably even sooner than that. However around the 80s, after Return of the Jedi hit theaters, the trope was inescapable in children's media. Every cartoon since has had this same plot shoved in somewhere. It also became paired with the ‘liar revealed’ trope (the bane of my existence) more often. 

And that’s what this is; an incredibly stale take on an incredibly by the numbers story. I kept waiting all episode for the other shoe to drop, for some sort of twist on the usual cliche, but it never came. 

This episode is boring, aggravatingly so. It’s the main reason why it’s in my bottom five. Because while you could argue that really little kids wouldn’t be as over exposed to the trope like an adult such as myself, the writers themselves desperately tried to distance themselves from that targeted audience. They’re the ones that yell ‘it’s not a kid show’, while feeding us crap like this, and I just have to roll my eyes. 

Tangled doesn’t know who it’s audience is. It should be pre-teen girls, but the creators want shoot for an older audience, teens, while marketing wants this to be a preschool show. So the series careens wildly all over the place in terms of tone and winds up satisfying no one. Older audiences are frustrated by childish filler such as this, while younger audiences are exposed to themes and messages that they probably shouldn’t be. I know several parents who have stopped their kids from watching the series because they don’t approve of the toxic values the show prometes in its incompetence. 

It bungles so many of its attempts to be mature because it won’t actually explore the complexities of the plot. Either cause it’s wasting too much time on filler, it can’t explore it’s more disturbing elements to their natural conclusions due to the audience, or it just mistakes ‘shocking’ as deep. 

King Pascal isn’t mature or deep. It’s pointless guff that adds nothing while actively taking away from more interesting storylines. I say skip this dreck and go watch Doctor Who’s The Aztecs instead if you want to see this trope done right with maturity while still being all audience friendly. 

It’s also has the added bonus of featuring two well developed strong female characters who hold their own with the equally capable guys while actually developing all of those characters simultaneously, and was co-produced by an actual woman. If they could pull that off in the early sixties than Disney and Chris have no excuse today. 

This Is the Same ‘Lesson’ As Pascal’s Story

In addition to being boring and unoriginal, this episode is also redundant. Rapunzel already learned to show appreciation to Pascal back in season one. Why are we having her relearn this lesson instead of giving Pascal a new arc? 

It’s not even consistent as Rapunzel only acts this way towards him in his focus episodes. It’s also not a lesson in behaving condescendingly in general because Rapunzel goes on to be condensing to everyone anyways. 

So Did We Really Need This Episode Just to Introduce the Island and the Firefly? 

Yes both of these things come into play later, but not in any significant way. We’re here on this island for four whole episodes and it only comes back for one in season three, and only to further a side character’s story; not the main plot. Also the Firefly will help resolve the plot in five episodes time, but it’s just given a reintroduction there anyways. Why couldn’t this information have been condensed down and repackaged into another episode entirely? 

That’s what I mean by poor pacing. Tangled is not efficient in its storytelling. It drags things out only to give us rushed endings or no resolutions at all. Stop drop feeding info in the backgrounds of filler episodes where it’s not relevant and actually give us stories that focus on the plot, dang it. 

Once Again, Rapunzel is a Hypocrite 

Just like in Pascal’s Story during season one, Rapunzel is quick to show consideration for her oldest friend but can’t be bothered to admit fault to a teenager that she abused. One that she knows is currently facing horrendous and inhumane treatment inside of a jail cell right now and still does not give a damn. 

You can’t claim Rapunzel is a kind and compassionate person so long as Varian and his story exists.You just can’t. Because no matter how you slice it, being a minor means that there is a power imbalance in how adults and the government treats them. A power imbalance that is constantly being exploited by the mains. 

Conclusion

You won’t miss anything other than the shipwreck itself if you skipped the episode. Which is aggravating because it means it’s technically necessary to the on going story without actually adding anything substantial to it. It’s like the series opener all over again, only made worse by how boring and redundant it all is. Worst episode of season two; and now I just want to go watch Doctor Who instead. 

[wtfdavidsvlogs]

Can I just get one big vlog squad imagine where reader is having a rough day and the squad makes them feel better maybe a party imagine or something similar

Sure girl hear ya are

Cause you had a bad day (V.S)

Warnings: pov being yelled at, drinking, swearing, angst, fluff

“It’s already 6:30, and you had all day to make these look amazing. These spreadsheets look like shit. You’re lazy, worthless, and obviously incompetent. Get your shit together and come back when you get your head out of your ass!” His words stung and made me feel like shit. I had been spending almost two weeks of two to three hour over time working on them. I was expecting a good result. Obviously, like always, my hopes are destroyed. He points at the door gesturing for me to leave.

“I’m sorry, sir.” I stood up to leave as tears finally fell from my eyes.

“Y/N,” He said gaining my attention again. I turn and quickly wiped the tears from my face.

“Yes sir?” I said with a quiet voice.

“You can actually just go home early today, and bring your things with you. We won’t be needing you here anymore.” He said without blinking. My mouth falls open and I let out a sob. I turn and leave his office quickly. I cover my mouth as I quickly speed walk to my desk to quickly get my things. People were already staring at me like I was insane. I tried to keep my eyes on what I was doing. It was hard when you could hear them talking about me five feet away from me as if I couldn’t hear them. I stood up infuriation the only emotion in mind.

“Cassandra, you have no fucking right to be talking about me when we all know that you don’t mind putting out for Hammond. Nick, you best keep your mouth shut before I whip my fucking phone at your thick head, you fake judgmental prick. And Angela, do you want to leave so that you’ll be spared or would you rather I bake your life, as well?” I stood there as all of their faces were etched with disgust and disbelief. I turn back around and grab the box I had with me full of my things. They all silently go back to work and I walk out of the office. I adjust my shirt and press the elevator button. I rotate my shoulder in order to raise the loosened, pesky strap. I groan with more frustration. I finally step into the elevator and press 1. The doors suddenly start to close slowly. I was carried down and put on the first floor. I exited the building and I was on the streets of downtown LA at night. Without any warning a semi truck comes down the streets and runs over the curb filled with the previous days rain water. I, thank God, was slashed head to toe in the filthy water. I gasp at the temperature. I was in shock that my day had already gone this badly. I went to sit on the bench as I felt more tears prick my eyes, this time more so from embarrassment. I take out my phone from my purse but to no avail, it was dead and there was not a single charger in sight. I hadn’t memorized any of their numbers so I couldn’t call them even if I did have access to a phone. So I just start walking. The drive was about fifteen minutes so I should be home in like two and a half maybe three hours tops.

I had been walking for about ten minutes until I saw a rambunctious little French Bulldog. I smiled at it and he started barking and getting all up in my business. It’s owner was desperately trying to get a hold of him. The french i’ve grabbed a hold of the fringes of my jeans and started ripping and running. My pant leg shortly was being torn up the side stopping at about my mid thigh. It’s owner finally caught him and deeply apologized. I looked down and about two feet up my leg was this giant strip of my pants gone. I sigh and look at the sky. I blinked as I suddenly felt a droplet of water hit my forehead.

“You are absolutely fucking joking. There is no way it’s raining right now. It started down pouring the very next second. My jaw falls open. It could not get worse than this I thought to myself. I kept trudging. No matter what, I just wanted to see my friends. The rain never let up, it rained for hours. All of my things slowly were being covered in water. It felt like I was going to just keep walking forever. It felt almost therapeutic. I could just gaze off and I didn’t have to focus on the pain I was feeling in my feet already. At this point I was just over half way finished with the trek I was on. I was crossing by a local park when I slipped on the smooth part of the side walk and my knees were the first thing to get impact. Bruised and bleeding I stood up and winced. I walked it off and kept going. The pain throbbing through out my knee like a fire in the dry wilderness. I only had about 45 minutes left of my journey. This is finally the home stretch, I thought. Of course, as it has been proven, I jinxed it. I finally started getting more towards the hills. With living in the hills however, when it rains, mud is your best friend. Mud will be anywhere that you don’t want it exactly when you don’t need it to be there. Like right now. My shoe slipped outward from under me and I fell into grass. Or what I thought was grass. I stood up and viewed what I was laying in. How about a 6 foot wide hole of straight wet nearly black mud? Oh yeah, I’d love to have that cascading down my back. I let out a yell of frustration. Yet, I kept walking. I was only about a half a mile away at this point. I was slow. My feet were dragging my eyes were heavy from crying and my face was droopy. My hair and clothes were just dripping. My knees were about to give let alone my poor destroyed feet in these overly expensive flats. I had finally reached David’s gate. I put in the code to open it and I immediately closed it. I trudge up to the door and rest my head on it as I knocked on the glass. I suddenly see Natalie stand up and walk towards the door. She looks up and see me standing there looking the way I do. She lets out a scream until she finally sees who I am. She quickly opens the door. I feel the warmth of an actual home again. I could finally discard these horrendous shoes. The rest of them had also stood up and were just staring at me. Without saying a word, I set my destroyed little box on the ground. I walk over to the kitchen to grab a red bull. I close the fridge as I cracked it open and took a couple of sips. I look back at all of them.

“Wanna tell us what the fuck happened to you, doll?” Jeff said before anybody.

“I was fired from my job. I screamed at three of my coworkers in front of 75+ people. I was hit with runoff water by a semi. I had to walk three hours to get back here cause I had no phone. I had my pants ripped by the cutest dog I’ve ever fucking seen. Then it started raining, more like down pouring nonstop. I scraped and bruised both of my knees. I fell into a huge thing of mud. My shoes are fucked. I’m sore, I’m upset and all I wanna do is shower and hang out with you guys for the night if that’s okay.” I said tears threatening to spill for the sixtieth time. My eyes were hurting at this point.

“Why didn’t you call one of us? We would have gotten you.” Zane said.

“Phone was dead and I didn’t have a charger or money to buy one.” I replied. “I just want to have a good night with you guys tonight is that okay? It’s literally all I have wanted since I left today.” They all nodded and I walked to the main bathroom. I finally turned on the hot water and discarded my clothes. The sopping wet dirty clothes that had been clinging to my skin making me freezing for hours. I stepped into the stream of hot water and sighed as relief overcame my body. The dirt running off of me, my body feeling warm. I spent 20 minutes in there.

“Nat, do you mind if I borrow some clothes I have nothing with me right now.” I yelled not fully opening the door and exposing myself. She came back five minutes later with a crop top and sweats. I threw my hair up and finally stepped out of the bathroom. Everyone there smiling at me. Zane and David moves so that I’d have a spot on the couch.

“Thank you.” I said quietly sitting down. I laid my head back and sighed at the relief from my feet finally not being in use.

“If you don’t mind me asking, Y/N. Why were you fired?” Jason asked.

“It seems like it was about these spreadsheet I was supposed to finish and have organized correctly but like always something was off. You know what, Hammond is a God Damn bully! After everything I have done for him and to protect his company from tanking, I should be the fucking CEO at this point! That motherfucker spends 20% of the company’s monthly earnings on drugs, alcohol, and strippers for his monthly ‘conference calls’ with other heads of the different branches. All of them are rich, scummy, lazy, entitled pieces of human fucking waste! The spreadsheets that I had spent my personal work time and nearly 15 hours of my overtime all for him to scream in my face that I’m lazy, worthless, and incompetent and then firing me. I am one of the best employees he has had in 20 years. I was being worked like a dog for days and weeks on end. All while being completely alone in the office due to the judgmental assholes that would eat shit straight out of Hammonds ass if it meant they kept their job.” I yelled about everything. Every part of working in that hell hole of a job. All of them shaking their head listening to the crude and annoying behavior of my old boss.

“I just don’t know what the fuck I’m gonna do now, you know. I have to make house and car payments in a couple days and my last check will not even remotely be enough to cover it.” I said rubbing my head.

“Don’t you worry your pretty little head about that part of things. I got you covered.” David said to me.

“David. No. I can’t take money from you.” I said not wanting to have to ultimately need to pay him back at some point.

“Y/N. You are our friend, I will take care of you for however long you need until you can start working again. No question.” David said holding my shoulders and looking me directly in the eye. I closed my eyes, reluctantly accepting his offer. “Perfect now that that is settled. I want to drink and Y/N I know for a fact you do too after your day honey.” Todd said with Zane backing him up. A smile comes to my face.

“Fuck yes.”

[dryanderestuff]

Who can relate? #3

My second part of why I don’t like Natsu Dragneel as a character: his lack of struggle. I like the pairing NatZa, yes, but it’s because I automatically impose myself on the MC of any series since I believe it is what that show rides on. And what I like is the pairing, not Natsu. I see the two of them as a whole. And I just prefer him with Erza over Lucy even if I know it will never happen. Lucy’s so plain as a heroine, but somehow the whole fandom still worships her like a (fanservice) goddess. Hey, to each his own, right?

SO by lack of struggle with Natsu, what I mean is that he doesn’t really give off the vibe of “from zero-to-hero”. We already got him medium rare during the beginning, and he was able to evolve to medium during the course of the entire series (get my steak reference? xD). So we see guys like Gray suffering from emotional scars and Erza even suffering from physical scars (her eye got taken out as a kid), and yet Natsu is treated like royalty in the sense that he suffers the least out of the three of them. Don’t even get me started on why Lucy’s backstory is the perfect representation of “no one gives a flying shit”. She shares the same struggle as almost every woman in civilized society during the times of old. Her mom died, just like everyone else in her team? Hell, she got Anna to compensate for Layla’s non-existence in the end. Maybe they’re not the same person, but I could see her forming a close bond with her great grandmother. At least she still has a blood relative, right?

Anyway, back to Natsu Dankneel, while he faces difficulties against his opponents, his friends are always there to bail him out. I mean come on, be more independent! Fight against Erigor? Happy manipulating him to be stronger. Versus Gajeel? “Give me a power-up, Lucy!”. Versus Jellal? Simon, Erza and Etherion. Versus Laxus? Mystogan, Erza and Gajeel. Versus Zero? Jellal. Versus Zeref? Lucy rewrites the book of END and the “power of feelings”, whatever that is. 

In almost every big fight of this character, he gets outside help and he is incapable of beating anyone stronger than he is with pure skill and wit. He remained the same ol’ idiotic brute strength fighter we watched from beginning to end. It’s cute that he was able to remain the same and not change who he was, but in terms of character development, are you seriously telling me you saw him mature as an individual? In terms of power, obviously, but in the other aspects of himself, why is everyone trying to justify his abundance of growth when he had none? Seriously, don’t let your bias impair your evaluation of him and think about what’s really happening for a second. 

We always see Erza suffer the most, and overcome the odds even when it’s stacked up against her. She beats strong opponents like Ikaruga, Edo-Erza, Azuma, Kyouka, Ajeel, Minerva, Midnight, and Aria by herself. She’s the exact opposite of Natsu’s disturbing dependency on others just to win an arduous challenge. He’s so obsessed with getting stronger that it’s so off-putting he’s so weak. Is he just incompetent or unskilled? 

Erza gets the ire and obsession of the opponents she beats like Minerva, Kyouka, Azuma, and Kyouka, which makes her seem so important as a mage and formidable as a foe. With how Natsu is treated by his opponents, he always gives off the vibe of an insignificant annoying little pest in the eyes of his enemies. This is just it: no matter how strong he gets, he will never have that build-up towards becoming respected (in a strong power sort of way, not personality-wise) and recognized as a mage. Because of his lack of character maturity, he’ll always remain the same idiotic sleazebag that enemies would take easy but would end up regretting it only at the end when he utilizes the power of friendship to win. Unlike Naruto who trained to become Hokage-level, Ichigo who we saw grow every step of the way, or Luffy who actually trained with Rayleigh and slowly built his reputation up from scratch, Natsu is like a spoilt child who already has everything going for him. He is allowed to suffer, but not more so than his peers. Natsu’s training was completely overlooked and skipped. How did he get so strong in such a short amount of time? Was it lazy writing, or will it be a plot-support later on where he had his own amazing training adventures? 

I would’ve liked to have seen Natsu experience the same hardships as Erza and then come out on top on his own. Erza as a child fights with Minerva and somehow gets away with it when Natsu fights a weaker opponent as a child and relies on a childish tactic to escape his foe. Erza gets tortured by Kyouka and has her senses deprived but still manages to win, while Natsu beats Mard Geer, you guessed it, with the help of someone again. Erza beats Ajeel without any dead dragon power-ups like Natsu, and she gets tortured by the Kyouka, Azuma, Ikaruga trio while Natsu always has it easy with his opponents. It’s hard to place this feeling into words, but what I’m saying is that Erza is exposed to a more mature dimension of battle while Natsu experiences the usual shonen aspect of battle in the sense that his fights seem less menacing than the ones Erza face. 

It’s like, do you get the feeling that a warrior who overcomes the most challenging odds is better than the adventurer who overcomes difficult obstacles with the help of plot-armor?

I would liked to have seen Natsu suffer like Erza for once just to improve his “cool” image, his battle-hardened image. With how much hype is surrounded around Erza, Natsu easily gets overshadowed as a pawn. 

Just saying I would have preferred to see someone who overcame extreme struggles to get to the top and built himself up respectably from scratch, rather than someone who has things handed out to him in a silver platter. 

In a way, I guess this is why I like NatZa. I like how Erza compensates for Natsu’s inadequacies, and Natsu influences Erza to be more relatable and likable as a person (in terms of personality).

This is just my opinion, so feel free to disagree. Just tell me properly instead of spitting it out at me. 

[fromdecemberwithlove]

She closed the door to her flat and leant against the wood, dropping her bag onto the floor.

Exhausted.

She was exhausted.

Her day had been a disaster and she felt miserable and cold. Between spilling her coffee on her blouse that morning (when that prat Cormac had bumped into her on purpose), being forced to work through lunch to prepare for her appearance in front of the Wizengamot (last minute changes in their seemingly endless list of stipulations) and having the horrible surprise to argue against that vindictive old bat Griselda Marshbanks instead of the lazy, half wit Ernest Hawkworth… the day couldn’t end fast enough.

It hadn’t been grueling enough, apparently, and as she reached the Apparition point, the sky had finally opened after days of looking angry and sullen and sinister, drenching her.  

She didn’t bother with a drying spell and headed straight for her bathroom to treat herself to a well-deserved bath. As she waited for the water to fill the tub, she summed a bottle of red wine and a glass from the kitchen, undressed and dried her hair with wave of her wand before pinning it at the top of her head and settling beneath the soft bubbles.

Hermione heaved a deep sigh and took a sip of wine. Her body relaxed with the help of the salts and the deliciously warm temperature of the water, but she still felt heavy; still felt dejected. She didn’t know which way the Wizengamot was going to vote and they wouldn’t give her an answer until Monday. She’d have to spend the entire weekend worrying and fretting about it, no doubt driving herself crazy in the process.

She closed her eyes and savored another mouthful of her drink, letting her head fall back against the white porcelain.

She missed Draco.

He always knew the perfect way to distract her from the vicious mind games that the Authorities That Be liked to play with her. If he were here, he’d probably take her out, take her some place she would be able to relax and forget, take her to dinner, take her dancing… take her to bed.

Yes, if he were here…

But Draco was in Austria, until the end of the month, and it was on days like these that the weight of his absence pressed down on her chest harder: closing her throat, bringing tears to her eyes. She didn’t want to cry—it was absurd, really, and entirely pointless. She knew it was the accumulation of days working long hours for what she believed was right catching up with her.

She could owl him.

She considered that for a brief second before dismissing it. She knew he would find a way to come back early, and she didn’t want to take him away from his responsibilities.

Despite her protests, she loved that he put her first. Always. His quiet devotion, more so than his seemingly insatiable desire, left her breathless sometimes.

She sighed again. Half her glass was gone and she twirled the carmine liquid inside, lost in thoughts.

It was excellent wine.

She snorted, rolling her eyes at the ceiling. Of course it would be. After all, it came from the illustrious cellars of Malfoy Manor, made in the equally illustrious Malfoy Vineyard in France. She smiled, remembering his face when Ron and Harry had shown up for her 27th birthday celebration with boxed wine.

He’d looked horrified, features frozen in shock and tense with outrage. But as she’d watched him accept the offering, his eyes glaring at the box with barely contained disdain, and shake hands with each of her best friends without a single snide remark, Hermione’s heart had swelled with love and joy. After the guests had left, he’d practically run back to the kitchen to set the offending object on fire in the sink. She had laughed hysterically as he went on a tirade about unsophisticated people and ridiculous bad taste and where the fuck did they even find that? Surely they didn’t pay for it? Don’t tell me they made it themselves! 

She’d calmed down enough to explain that it was a Muggle product and that she and the boys had this little tradition about drinking it on each other’s birthday. He’d stared at her in stunned silence for a full minute, before promptly declaring, as he washed away the ashes down the drain with a flick of his wand, that they needed a new adult tradition and that it was high time for all three of them to learn about the finer things in life.

Hermione set the now empty glass on the floor. Thinking about him always gave her a measure of peace and serenity but it also made his absence infinitely more acute and almost palpable. The only remedy to her current languor was a good book. 

She wrapped herself in his Slytherin bathrobe, ignoring her Gryffindor one on the hook behind the bathroom door (a gift from Blaise because, as he’d declared, “why not?”) and left behind the wine and her clothes on the white tiled floor, electing to deal with the mess in the morning.

She pushed her bedroom door open and her heart stopped. Her breath caught somewhere in her throat and a strangled gasp fell from her lips.

Draco.

For a moment, she thought she was hallucinating. Her wide eyes took in the blond man in his rumbled suit sleeping on his side in the middle of her unmade bed, with an orange fur ball curled up against his stomach, and she felt certain it was all some sort of mirage; that she’d blink and he would vanish.

Crookshanks opened his eyes, raised his head to look at her and yawned.

She blinked.

The man was still there.

Draco was still there.

Her cat stood, stretched and jumped down, grazing her bare legs as he sauntered past, leaving them alone. As if he’d stood guard there, simply waiting for her to come home and take her rightful place next to the sleeping man.

She didn’t realize she had moved until her shins hit the edge of the mattress and she was standing over him. It still felt like a dream. To make sure, to reassure her that this was not some trick of her mind - because she missed him so much, the pain felt like a physical wound -, her hand reached down and brushed his hair off his face.

Real.

His eyelids fluttered and sleepy grey eyes stared at her.

“Hey you,” his voice was hoarse with sleep. 

“Hey,” she whispered, her fingers trailing down his cheek. He gave her a lazy smile, grabbing her wrist and placing a gentle kiss in the palm of her hand.

She opened her mouth to say something else—to ask him what he was doing here, how come he didn’t tell her he’d be coming back earlier than expected? but the only thing that came out of her mouth was a broken sob.

Startled, she watched him look up at her and frown. Then his hand came up to her face and he wiped her cheek.

She was crying.

“What’s wrong?”

She tried to speak, tried to tell him it was nothing—she was just tired, had a bad day- wanted to assure him that she was fine.

But she couldn’t.

She sank onto her knees on the bedside rug, collapsing under the crushing weight of her breakdown. The silent tears gave way to loud weeping—sharp hiccups tore from her lungs and violent sobs shook her entire body. He immediately sat up and gathered her in his arms, dragging her onto the bed.

“What happened?” he tried again, but all she could do was shake her head as the tension of the past week washed out off of her in waves. She clung to him and he held her and let her cry against him, her face buried in his chest, no doubt ruining his expensive suit further.

When the hysteria abided, Hermione sniffed and slowly pulled away from his embrace. She wiped her face with the sleeves of the bathrobe and took a deep, cleansing breath. She felt considerably better, lighter but also utterly mortified.

“Are you okay?” his worried eyes scanned her face, hands running down her arms.

She nodded, a blush creeping up her cheeks, burning her face with embarrassment.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me,” she said, looking down at her comforter, hating the way her voice sounded so vulnerable.

He placed his hands on either side of her face and tilted his head to look at her.

For the longest time, he didn’t say anything and simply stared at her like he could read her—like she was his favourite book and he recognized this particular chapter.

“Bad day,” he finally said.

It wasn’t a question.

He knew.

He understood.

Just like that.

She nodded again.

“Wizengamot tug of war?” he handed her the box of tissues from her nightstand. Despite his half-smile, there was still some lingering concern in his eyes.

She barked a short laugh, wiping at her nose.

“Yeah, had to deal with that awful Marshbanks woman because Hawkworth is out with dragon pox”

“Isn’t he like a thousand years old, how hasn’t he contracted it before?”

She shrugged.

“What else?”

Before she could stop herself, she blurred out:

“Cormac bumped into me, made me spill coffee on my shirt,” it was childish, she knew, like tattling on a naughty classmate to her favourite teacher, but she was feeling raw and exposed and it didn’t feel right to start hiding things seconds after cleansing herself from everything.

“That fucking useless wanker!” the surge of anger made the grey of his irises look like the stormy sky outside.

“It’s okay,” she said but his eyes narrowed, “well not okay but whatever, it doesn’t matter.”

“Of course it bloody well matters! You should report his incompetent arse!”

“For what? Being a prick?”

Cormac was many things, but incompetent wasn’t one of them (unfortunately).

“Absolutely,” he nodded vehemently, “I’ll report him myself!”

She stared at him in silence… and burst out laughing. Full blown, belly clenching, can’t-breathe laughter. She fell onto her side, the crystalline sound filling the room, tears of mirth tracing the same path as her earlier ones as he looked at her with a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips, fighting the urge to join her while trying to hold on to his self-righteous anger. She flipped on her back and tried to catch her breath.

“Oh Merlin, thank you for being so awesomely ridiculous,” she said, calming down.

He sneered but his eyes were soft now.

“I meant it,”

“Oh I know you did, that’s why it was so hilarious.”

“Maybe I’ll ask Potter to do something about it,” he mused.

“No,” she sat up, shaking her head, “it doesn’t matter, just drop it.”

“—or perhaps Weasley, he can’t stand him either,” he carrying on, as if she hadn’t spoken.

“Draco!” she grabbed his upper arms as if to shake him from his nefarious plotting.

He gave her a playful smile, “all right, all right.”

She watched him, knowing full well that he was going to do whatever he wanted in the end but dropped it because she didn’t want to dwell on stupid Cormac any longer.

She intertwined their fingers, her thumb tracing the inside of her palm absentmindedly.

“When did you get back?”

“Lunch time, I think. I was going to owl you, but… I fell asleep,” he said, avoiding her eyes.

His cheeks tinted with a light pink hue.

He was embarrassed.

It was adorable.

“I thought you needed to stay until the end of the month?”

He shrugged, “I wanted to see you.”

If she hadn’t just cried herself raw, she knew her eyes would have smarted.

She couldn’t help her reply though, “but what about work?”

“I’m the boss, work can wait,” he waved a dismissive hand.

She rolled her eyes, “Honestly!”

“Don’t give me that look, Granger, I know you’re ecstatic I’m here,” his lips stretched in that familiar arrogant smirk.

She chuckled, “I wouldn’t say ecstatic…”

“Oh, really?” he quirked that damned perfect eyebrow, “what would you say then?” he was leaning towards her, a predatory gleam in his eyes. It sent a thrill up her spine.

Oh-oh.

She tried to bolt out of bed but he caught her waist and began tickling her mercilessly.

“Stop, sto-stop, Draco!”

“Say you’re ecstatic to see me,”

“I’m, ah, stop!”

“Say it,”

“I’m ecstatic to see you,” she practically yelled, sucking in a breath when he let up.

He gave her a peck on the lips and pulled back.

“Say Mclaggen is a tosser and should rot in hell,”

She began to roll her eyes but he started tickling her again and she tried to grab his wrists and push him with her knees. But he had her completely pinned down.

“Mclaggen is a to-tosser and, stop! He, he should rot in-in hell,” she huffed.

“Say I’m the best you’ve ever had,”

“Now you’re just being ridiculous,”

He was also absolutely right.

Draco grinned down at her and his fingers dug into her sides again, making her yelp and squirm.

“Say it, witch,”

“You’re-you’re the best I’ve ever had!”

“Say you’ve missed me,” he stopped, his hands still on her sides, his body hovering over her, his eyes boring into hers.

“I did, so much,” she said. She felt the ache again, pressing down on her chest, pressing, pressing, pressing.

He kissed her deeply and took it all away.

“Say you love me,” a plea against her lips.

“I love you,” her fingers in his hair, her mouth on his.

He swallowed her confession and she moaned, melting under him.

“By the way, you look amazing in this,” his eyes roamed over her exposed shoulder and collarbone, the sides of the bathrobe having slipped open during her struggle. He pulled the cotton fabric apart further, dropping his head to kiss and nibble at her skin.

“You want to switch?” she quipped, “use mine from now on?”

He laughed against her throat, “hell no.”

“You’re a man child,” 

“Whatever you say,” he mumbled, his mouth trailing down between her breasts, his hand pushing her legs open.

She closed her eyes, and let him make her forget, the way he did best: With his hands and his lips and his teeth and his tongue. She lost herself in the sound of his groans and the feel of his skin and the taste of him and inhaled his scent like he was the only air she ever needed.

They remained tangled in the aftermath, his fingertips running leisurely over her back, her head on his chest as she listened to his heart slowly returning to a steady rhythm as they watched the rain outside beat against the window in the same cadence.

______________

Written for Prompt Thursday  @dramionefanfictionwriters Prompt : Red Wine (in the rain)

I actually wrote this the day the prompt was issued but decided to not post it and take my time editing it. 

Thank you for reading

[hobo4lyfe11]

[ KBTBB Co-Writing Fic ] Hate At First Sight ❤ At Last Glance Part 4

Fandom: Kissed By The Baddest Bidder Rated: Drama, mystery, thriller, romance KBTBB OC: Ryoko Inui / Kyoko Nakama ( @hotcocosharing ) Main Interest: Soryu Oh Summary: Ryosuke Inui feels conflicted about whether he should tell the truth to his admired Boss or, assist his possible long lost, older sister in her prospect to get back at Soryu and the Ice Dragons. A/N: Time to get to know Soryu, and how he interacts with others while fighting with his own internal thoughts. Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Warnings: RIP Baba’s fedora Word Count: 1695 words

✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎✎

Soryu Oh’s POV

“Get a hold of yourself Inui!,” I reasoned, shaking him out of his hypnotic state,

“Her? Who’s her?”

“Was that her? No, it can’t be…”

Apparently, he was so out of it that neither Samejima, nor I, could break any sense into him; he even started talking and questioning himself. Paying absolutely no mind to either of us, Inui seemed to be fighting his own inner demons before quietening suddenly and, standing there in deep contemplation. Maybe he’s calmed down - enough to respond somewhat like a human being:

“Inui, did you recognise the person at all?” “…No.” “Did you at least see what they looked like?” “…No.”

Growing up in the world of dirty tricks and hypocrisy has strengthen my ability to read people and judge one’s character and I’ve known Inui for far too long to be fooled by such a poor attempt to deceive me but, he isn’t a bad person and, I trust him wholeheartedly so, I’ll let this go for now. I’m sure he’ll tell me when he’s ready because right now, he is in no state to be interrogated.

“Soryu, I’ve never seen him like this; as weird as he is, he would never repeatedly say ‘It’s not her’ to the dog…while she’s asleep,” voices Samejima, the feeling of worry very imminent and exposed.

Hmm, to talk to the dog while she’s asleep… he must feel quite shaken by the surprise encounter from last night. What can I do to help him settle? or is this an ‘Inui’ thing that can’t be fixed? Mm, this truly is quite a dilemma. The ticking of the clock, partnered with the swirling of thoughts in my head, is interrupted by the call I was unenthusiastically expecting this early in the morning.

“Hello?”

“Don’t ‘Hello?’ me, Soryu. We need to find the bastard who stole the data containing our highly confidential files immediately! If you don’t get to the penthouse in 5 minutes I WILL destroy that stupid fedora!” screeched, Eisuke’s electronic voice.

You could essentially feel his anger seething through the phone knowing this happened so shortly after the incident with the defective security program; that we reinforced. But, no human can get to the penthouse from here so, it looks like Baba and his fedora will suffer the wrath of King himself. Heh, I’m pretty sure Baba has an infinite supply of the exact same fedora hidden all over the penthouse anyway.

*Ding*

The bell that welcomed me to the 51st floor was followed by the choir of muffled cries of despair, hysterical laughter and a whiff of tobacco, informed me, that the deed has been done. I stand outside the double-doors of the penthouse lounge and offer my thoughts up to fedora #63 that was sacrificed this morning.

Baba throws his crying form at me the moment I step foot into the lounge, while Ota rolls on the floor laughing - with tears in his eyes.

“Why didn’t you come sooner Sor~ Boss scowled at me for 5 minutes and then started attacking my beloved hat!” he whines for a minute before pulling fedora #64 from a secret compartment under the couch, causing Ota to laugh harder, more smoke to fill the air and Eisuke rolling his eyes harder.

“Enough with the nonsense. Tell me you’ve found the guy and he’s been wiped off the face of the Earth, Soryu.”

“They escaped. Whoever this was, knew their way in and out of the security floor and had access to all of the entrances and exits.”

“But the only people with that much access are us, and staff with Class 1 clearance,” inputs the fedora-adorned Baba.

“Or, the person could just be seriously skilled. No alarms or signals were triggered so the dude must have overwritten the system before you got there.”

Silence ensues and I hate to admit it but, the lazy cop makes a good point. The incident with Inui has been eating away at my brain for the past 7 hours so I decided to throw the information into the midst of our discussion.

“We can’t rule out the possibility of the culprit being a woman,” you could practically hear 4 jaws drop, “ Inui said something about ‘it’s her’ after his confrontation with the suspect but has become completely delusional recently.”

This new intel seems to spark an idea within that blond head of Ota’s, “I know a woman who doesn’t have Class 1 clearance but, is good with security tech,” he continues with a smirk, “Our little Koro~”

“We don’t have enough evidence to start accusing people blindly,” I can’t believe I’m defending this woman, “Like I said, Inui wasn’t in any state to provide any hard evidence and, it’s not like she’s the only woman on the security team.”

As the cogs and wheels in Eisuke’s head pieces everything together in his mind, the devious grin that stretches across his face assures a fate that welcomes empathy from those around the victim.

“Soryu, go fetch our little toy and put her on a leash - we’ll prepare her for her visit with the doctor.”

Yep, I actually feel sorry for her,

“Alright…”

With Luke out of the country, her appointment was delayed and so in the mean time, she is to be under surveillance by either the Ice Dragons, or myself, at ALL times. Her long fingers fidget and twiddle as I accompany her to the Ice Dragon’s HQ, where she’ll be staying from now on. Last night she was supposed to be responsible for alerting me to any suspicious activity or tampering with the servers but, I received nothing from her. Was she distracted from her post or was she really a part of the heist itself?

“Come, you should get used to this place because you’ll be here a lot. I’m going to make you my assistant until we find out who did all of this so don’t disappoint me.”

Behind the spectacles that frame her alluring eyes, surprise is written all over her face as she opens her mouth to object but seeing as she had no choice, she quickly reconsiders her previous action. As useful as I thought she was, she caused an awful lot of trouble for me and, I will not drag everyone around me down due to my incompetence.

“I have to get stronger in order to overthrow that vile dictator.”

Dammit. I let my thoughts leak out again. It happens more frequently now, that my mind is over-filled with thoughts of the Auction, Bidders, the hotel, the Ice Dragons, the mafia, Ryuun, My Grandfather… and her. I honestly don’t think that she’s behind all of this catastrophe - she seems too innocent, too sweet; too graceful.

I’ll clear her of her bad name quickly, that way, the Bidders will stop suspecting her and then she can return to her dream job. Pathetic. I even dragged her into this whole mess, all because I wasn’t able to capture the intruder last night. Don’t worry, I’ll impress you with my skills as you did me, before.

“Inui, I’m going to give you a chance to redeem yourself; take this woman to her apartment and search every nook and cranny for the stolen data files and any questionable materials, if any there are any.”

“R-r-really? THANK YOU, BOSS, I won’t let you down!” Inui shouts over-enthusiastically, shifting his eyes between the woman and myself. She doesn’t seem to be making eye contact with him, probably because she feels uncomfortable around him. I don’t blame her though, Inui’s earnest personality can be overbearing, even for Samejima and I. Here’s to hoping he’s in top shape to do this mission alone.

It’s past 11 pm and I find myself checking the clock as it ticks away teasingly - each second feeling longer than the last. The anxious tapping of my fingers against the oak desk plays a rhythm that, won’t make their return any quicker but, temporarily eases my restlessness. Not knowing how I made my way to the entrance way, I’m the first to greet the returning pair as they both have a melancholic air about them.

“Anything to report Inui?”

“No.. Nothing.” Hesitation, sadness, and uneasiness are laced through the words that fall from his lips. Is it naive of me to assume that it’s probably part of the slump he found himself in recently? He seems so distant, it’s concerning me, I’ll ask Samejima tomorrow morning about how we could help him get over this oppressive obstacle.

At least that proves that she’s got nothing to hide, so that should ease the suspicion that surrounds her until Luke comes back to examine her.

“Time for bed.” I dismiss, grabbing onto Kyoko’s thin, pale wrist and dragging her off to her room. She throws me a look of doubt as I stand there waiting for her to fall asleep before leaving her and retiring for the day, myself.

“I’ll leave as soon as you’re out. Don’t worry, I have no intention of taking advantage of defenceless women, in fact; I despise such disgusting behaviour so go to sleep already.”

After a good 30 minutes of wearisome tossing and turning, and the occasional glance of awkwardness that she threw in my direction, she was lulled into the land of dreams as her even breathing settled and her feathery eyelashes flutter closed. Of course, she was so occupied with trying to ignore my presence, she forgot to take off her glasses so, I make my way to her side with light and careful steps, gently grasping each side of the frame and pulling it away from her enchanting face.

A bit of her soft hair cascades down, onto her cheek and my hand impulsively catches the strands and tuck them snugly behind her small ears. I’ve never really taken the time and effort to get to know a woman because I thought they were all lecherous creatures made up of lies and were defined by their ability to seduce a man for the sole purpose of materialistic gain. Maybe not. Maybe she’s different. Maybe she’s like ‘her’.

A soft smile plays on my lips and I turn around to leave,

“Good night.”

[necrobonello]

Shattered Kingdoms Part 2: Orenan

Summary: After thousands of years after the war that eradicated the original diamonds and nearly all of that generation’s gems, a new trio of diamonds have risen to power and are at war for dominance. A lone pearl is fighting for her sisters, hunted down by Black Diamond and various bounty hunters. But little does she know that she will be a part of something much bigger than her own revolution. 

Shattered Kingdoms Part 2: Orenan

Black Diamond’s stronghold was in an uproar. Gems of all ranks scattering throughout the decorated halls, each rushing to work on their specific tasks. Guards remained alert, drones were as lively as ever, and whatever pearls were around were cleaning and helping their superiors as much as they could. A momentous day was on the horizon. In three days, the neutral gem harvest was about to commence. Three lava drones carried crates of bubbled gems to safes and teleporters.

“This year’s trade is going to be the best yet!” One said.

“We’ve managed to capture quite a few of Purple Diamond’s quartzes. We’re bound to make tons!”Another one cheered.

“And all the pearls. With that rebel force taking em left and right, they’re in a real high demand now. War effort is important and all but once this is all settled we’re gonna need good servants and entertainers.” The third one added.

“And what? We’re not good enough to fill that role?” The first one said.

“Not as good as a pearl anyway.”

They all laughed as they rushed to their station. But then one of the lavas tripped over a crease in the ornate rug that lined the hallways. She stumbled over and landed on top of her crate, the lid popping off and several of the bubbled gems rolling out. She quickly scraped most of the bubbles into her crate, but in her desperation accidentally clawed the last bubble, popping it. Her friends placed their crates down and attempted to pick up the spherical stone, but the gem already began to regenerate. The three lavas stepped back in terror as a blue light formed, showing the gem’s massive frame. The light dispersed from the frame, revealing the gem to be Dalmatian Jasper. The lavas placed themselves in front of their crates, hoping the freed gem wouldn’t smash and release the rest of the captured gems. She gazed down with an enraged glare at the clumsy lava.

“Hey. You got a Camel Jasper in there?” She asked.

The lava shook her head, and the angered quartz cracked her knuckles.

“Well I guess I’m gonna have to smash those little boxes til I find her little ga-”

Dalmatian Jasper gasped as she felt something sharp pierce her back, and then felt another sharp pain in the back of her head. She was silent for a second as the lava’s stared at her in confusion.

“Aw come on I just got he-” Dalmatian poofed away, leaving behind her gem and a pair of yellow sai.

The lavas looked ahead to see one of the higher ranked gems heading towards them. The clumsy lava flopped over and immediately bubbled the gem, rolled over to place it in the box, and scrambled to her feet to salute her superior.

“Thank you for your help sir! I accept full responsibility for my actions and will not repeat them again sir!” She shouted.

The other lavas were afraid of what would happen to their friend.

But the superior gem merely went past them. The lavas looked, confused at the lack of punishment. They saw him smoothing out the carpet with his foot.

“No need to worry. I saw what happened, not your fault.” He said in a smooth voice.

He spoke with confidence and bravado. He gazed at the timid drones with a lazy yet intimidating stare. His pewter pupils unfocused and yet they still felt like they pierced through them like his sai that pierced through Dalmatian Jasper. His long, abalone hair was tied with a white bow three fourths of the way down. His shirt was like an apron, as the pearl river cloth covered only the front of his torso, his shoulders, and a small strip of his back and sides. His twin clear, rectangular gemstones, his shoulders, and most of his back were exposed, showing off his toned frame and white skin. Lastly he wore black slacks and wrought iron colored dress shoes. Though handsome, his looks masked a facade that only the higher ups knew was all too real.

The poor lava was stunned by her superior. She only saw him in the halls every now and then at long distances. She had never even heard the sensual tone in his voice. But she managed to snap out of her daze before he could call her out on that as well.

“Thank you for your mercy commander White Topaz!” She blurted out.

“Understand that I am being lenient on you due to someone else’s incompetence. Undoubtedly another one of your cut has screwed up keeping this place in perfect condition. They’ll receive a talking to as they nearly made you look incompetent. But know that an accident should only happen once around here.” White Topaz warned.

“Yes sir.”

“Now get back to work. I have my own business to attend to and you have bosses that will say what I have to say anyway.” White Topaz ordered.

“Yes sir! Thank you sir!” All three lavas said as they rushed back to fulfil their duty.

White Topaz smiled as he continued on his own business. He walked through the busy hallways and chambers until he finally made it to the giant door to his diamond’s throne room. The door opened for him and he entered inside. His diamond was gazing upon him. The gem bowed his head and approached her grace.

“Good morning my diamond. What have you summoned me for?” He asked.

“Good morning, White Topaz. As you’ve seen, the whole colony is in a tizzy because of the upcoming auction. We have much to offer and much to gain as per usual, and as you know someone has to bid in order to get the best of the best. I would like that to be you.” She offered, “I would go myself, but due to that bit of...terrorism that occurred last time, I’d rather not spoil the affair for all of us.”

White Topaz nodded.

“Anything in particular that I should pick up for you?”

“I’ll send Pyrite-0 to accompany you. She will be your personal assistant and the one in charge of my shopping list.” Black Diamond said.

White Topaz bowed once more.

“Consider it done. When do I leave?”

“Now. I’ve prepared a ship for you and the pyrite shall be your pilot. You depart to K-051. The auction isn’t for another three days so please enjoy yourself before then. You’ve captured many gems for me so it’s fair that you receive a proper reward.”

“You’re too kind.”

“And one more thing. Just in case something still goes wrong, I’m sending Jet to accompany you.”

White Topaz raised an eyebrow.

“Jet? But isn’t she off planet as well?” He asked.

“Yes but knowing her she’ll finish her assignment before nightfall on K-051. Rosen will be with you on the day of the auction as well. She’s busy right now gathering a last minute supply of gems. Purple Diamond has managed to capture a fair share of our troops and Red Diamond is has nabbed a few of our troops as well.”

“I thought that Red-”

Black Diamond rose from her throne.

“White Topaz! What business I have with Red Diamond is strictly confidential. She is an uncontrollable beast that acts on her own accord but she can still be reasoned with to some extent. Our relationship is mutually beneficial despite her troops going off on their own agenda. So I will ask that you do not question my decisions. Are we clear?”

White Topaz bowed his head.

“Yes my diamond.”

She sat back down in her throne, resting her chin on the back of her hand.

“Go.” She uttered.

White Topaz turned around and left the throne room. Black Diamond pressed a button on her throne’s other armrest and a hologram of a wavelength appeared.

“Yes my diamond?” A young sounding voice answered.

“Send a message to agent Jet to go to K-051 as soon as she obtains the package.” Black Diamond ordered.

“Right away.”

/**/

On a cold, desolate planet far beyond Black Diamond’s supervision, a lone Amethyst warrior was running through the snow covered tundra towards a large arm shaped ship. Violent winds sent a flurry of snow from the ground and sky, masking her in the blizzard. Despite the thick blizzard, a couple of Amethysts standing guard outside of the ship managed to see their sister. They waved to her, happy to see their friend, unaware of the terror she is experiencing.

“Open the ship doors! Get it running, we have to leave!” She screamed out.

The violent winds were overpowering her pleas. The once happy Amethysts were now confused at the desperate cry of their sister. Their confusion was then eradicated as they saw their sister’s form as she emerged from the blizzard. Her arm was missing, a chunk of her long hair was burned off, and she had a nasty, gray cut in her stomach inches away from her gem.

“I said start the damn ship!” She screamed.

One of the Amethysts rushed to her sister while the other one opened the door to the ship. The three quickly rushed into the ship, the injured being carried by her counterpart. As they entered, a couple more Amethysts rushed over to the injured friend.

“V-022! What happened to you!?” One of the new Amethysts asked.

“I’ll explain later! You have to get us out of her before she arrives!” V-022 begged.

“We’ve been trying to start the ship up! It’ll take another four minutes before it reaches optimal power levels. This damn blizzard is making it hard to move out of here.” The Amethyst that brought her in said.

The group of Quartzes were interrupted by a sudden alarm.

“Attention all available units! The ship will be ready to depart soon with the cargo. However we see an abnormality outside of the ship! A...cloud is on the ground!?” The announcer shouted.

V-022’s eyes went wide. She knew what was coming. She grabbed  one of the gems by her uniform and pulled her in close to her.

“You have to make them start the ship up! Lift us up now and worry about coordinates later! We can’t let her in here! She destroyed my squad!”

“Who did!?”

“One of Black Diamond’s generals is here! She destroyed all-” V-022 was interrupted by the sound of glass and metal being torn asunder.

All quartzes looked at the door and saw a black sword decorated with gray nubs down the middle of the blade pierce through the ship’s door. A gray liquid dripped off the sword, sizzling as it hit the ground. The quartzes all stood their ground, gearing up for the fight, except for V-022 who was still lying on the ground.

“NO! You have to run away and get as many troops as you can together! She’s too strong!” She pleaded.

“Can you stand?” One of the Amethysts asked.

V-022 stood up slowly. The sword was effortlessly gliding through the thick door as V-022 was being pushed away from the group.

“Warn the others and get some destabilizers! We’ll stall them as long as we can!” The Amethyst assisting her said.

“I told you there’s only one gem!” V-022 shouted.

“Then she’ll be gone before the cavalry arrives. But just to be safe, go!” The quartz closest to the door shouted.

Begrudgingly V-022 ran, clutching her stomach as she abandoned her stubborn friends. She made it to the end of the corridor as the four amethysts looked to see the blade almost done making a circle through the door. The free bits of metal started to slide from their position and into the hallway. They were about to tilt over and fall, but an unknown force pushed them downwards. As they fell, a surge of snow and fog flew into the corridor. Dazed by the sudden burst, the amethysts were caught off guard by a shadow in the fog. One of the Amethysts was cut in half, her scream was accompanied by the sound of liquid being spattered across the wall, followed by a sizzling noise. The next three amethysts quickly fell as well, each one bisected in some form, causing them to poof away.

V-022 looked over her shoulder to see the fog of death leak into the hallways. Her fear reached its peak as she sprinted as hard as she could to reach her crewmates.

“Gotta tell em! Gotta warn em!” She thought to herself.

The fog was closing in on her from behind, but she saw her remaining squadron of gems rushing to her. She smiled as she dashed towards them. She saw ten quartzes all armed with destabilizers and blasters.

“Girls quick! Forget about me and shoot-” She was cut off as the dark sword of the intruder flew through her neck. The blade melted her form like a hot knife through butter, sending a splash of gray liquid and purple blood spurting from the exit wound. As it flew towards the others, the entirety of the blade could be seen. The chappe was shaped like a skull, with the guard shaped like sharp, curved horns pointed towards the blade with a black jewel in the center. As V-022’s form and the sword dissipated, the group of quartzes saw a figure in the fog.

“Kill her ass!” One of the quartzes shouted.

There was a brief flash of light from the shadows and then the ten quartzes fired their blasters at the figure. Green light illuminated the hallway, piercing through the fog and hitting the walls. Explosions, the sound of decimated metal and glass, and the war cries of the quartzes echoed throughout the corridor. After twenty seconds of continuous fire, one of the quartzes raised her hand to signal the others to hold their fire. They all did as instructed, but remained on guard. Smoke was mixed in with the fog, but the majority of it started to clear up. It finally cleared, revealing the hall littered with rubble, the walls and ceiling littered with holes of all sizes. One of the amethysts tapped the other on the shoulder.

“You five check the rubble for her gemstone.” She ordered.

Her comrade nodded and five of the troops did as instructed. They pointed their blasters at the ground as they kicked over the chunks of rubble.

“Be careful with how you kick that stuff V-048, we’re gonna need that stuff when-” One of the quartzes let out a small yelp as they felt something burn their shoulder.

“What was that V-042?” V-048 asked as she turned to her friend.

V-048 felt her shoulder and felt something burning her. She looked to see something eat its way through a bit of her shoulder. She looked up to see one of the larger blast holes had an edge coated with a mysterious gray liquid. She suddenly realized what had just happened and turned to the other gems.

“She’s in the vents!” She screamed out.

Gray fog came flooding out of the hole and the quartzes were in a state of panic. The shadowy figure dropped from the hole and swung her sword in a circular arc, cleaving V-048 in half and flinging acid at the other gems. The liquid spattered over all five of the gems around her, causing each of them to scream out in pain as it burned through their forms.

“My eyes!” V-042 screamed as she tried to desperately scratch the liquid out of her eyes.

The figure rushed towards the other quartzes and swung wildly at them. She managed to take down one of the burly gems before they begun to strike back with their destabilizers. Two stabbed at her, but the assassin dodged the first attack and parried the second one to hit another quartz. A loud buzzing noise roared out over the chaos and a burst of light showed the forms of each of the gems. The assassin was a little over half the quartzes size. In that flash, the assassin slashed at the quartz that attacked her, cutting through her head and causing her to retreat into her gem. A couple gems that were investigating the rubble poofed away as well, the acid eating too much of their forms away. One of the quartzes managed to grab the Black Diamond agent’s arm, holding her sword in place as the second quartz aimed her destabilizer at her torso. The trapped gem dropped her sword onto her captor’s foot, it sinking and melting it as the tip effortlessly melted through her. The small gem let out a torrent of fog from her mouth, the violent hissing noise complementing the intense pressure of the gas battering the face of her enemy. She pulled another sword out from her chest and slashed the quartz across the chest, creating a deep cut filled with her acid. In the background, one quartz managed to aim her blaster at the assailant as the remaining amethyst writhed in pain.

“Evil...bitch!” She screamed as she pulled the trigger.

The mystery gem grabbed the remaining amethyst and jerked her downwards. She caught the large gem in one arm as it took the brunt of the blasts. She hurled her sword in a forward arc towards the trigger happy quartz. The gem she took as a shield poofed away, but before the last quartz could deliver a deadly shot, the sword cleaved through her right shoulder and a large portion of her chest. She poofed away, and the only remaining gem and noise came from the last quartz still crying in pain. The fog started to clear up as the assassin calmly walked towards her wounded prey. She summoned one final sword from her gem as she approached the downed gem. As she raised her sword to deliver the finishing blow, the quartz swiftly grabbed her by the ankle and yanked her off her feet. Black Diamond’s agent fell on her back and the quartz quickly got on top of her, grabbing her small head with her giant hands. She started to squeeze tightly, the large stomach wound from the acid spray began to leak blood onto the agent as she strained all her muscles to crush her enemy’s skull.

“Die you piece of shit!” She seethed.

Black Diamond’s agent screamed out in pain, but she managed to force herself to thrust her hand into the gem’s wound. The amethyst winced and clenched her teeth in pain, her vice grip loosening slightly. The hand inside of her felt like a blade, but she mustered all her strength to try to win this struggle. But as the gem’s fingers began to spread and pull back inside of her, her strong grip began to soften as she yelled out in pain. In an instant her form vanished as her downed enemy’s hand ripped through her chest from the inside. The fog was finally clearing and Black Diamond’s agent breathed heavily, the pain from her head slowly going away with each breath. She got up onto her feet and looked down at her gray hand. It was coated with purple blood and the fingers looked jagged and sharp, as if they were made out of crystal.

“It’s been a long time since I had to use this technique. I’m getting careless.” She thought to herself.

A light enveloped her hand and her fingers returned to normal. With a quick flick of the wrist she whipped the purple liquid from her hand. She reached into her cool gray sash located around her slim waist and pulled out a black sphere. She pressed the side of it with her thumb, activating it and displaying a wavelength.

“Are you finished commander Jet?” A gruff voice asked.

“Yes. Send in the clean up crew. I’m going to the control center to see if there’s anyone left.” Jet answered.

“Right away.”

With that Jet walked out of what little smoke and fog remained, revealing her form. She had straight black hair that reached an inch past her shoulders, with bangs covering one of her blue gray eyes. She wore a shoulderless black dress with three gray frills going vertically down torso. The dress split a little above the knee level, revealing a pair of dark gray boots with white gray toe boxes and heels. Her black, spherical gem was located in the center of her upper chest. She had a mid sized, flat dorsum nose and mildly thick lips coated with oxford blue lipstick. She had a stern stare on her face as she approached the cockpit of the ship.

She opened the door and saw a large room filled with chairs and benches of uniform size. The rim of the ship was lined with control panels littered with various buttons and electronic boards, and a glass window surveying the outside of the ship. Inside the cockpit were three terrified pearls. One had her hands on the control panel, but was motionless in Jet’s presence.

“Don’t bother. We’ve been jamming your ship’s signal. You’re ours now, and you will cooperate otherwise you’ll be imprisoned like your security. Understood?” Jet ordered.

“Yes!” One pearl blurted out.

“Good.” Jet moved to the center of room and sat down, “Set your coordinates for planet K-051. Your cargo is now our cargo.”

“Yes miss!” One of the pearls uttered, “It will take us about ten minutes to do so!”

“Good.” She uttered.

/**/

A red, rectangular cruiser flew through space at light speed. Meteors were shattered into dust as it blitzed through the cosmos. Inside the ship housed Crazy Horse, Fluorite, and a couple of red pearls which were piloting the ship. The two mighty gems were resting in the back. Fluorite was reading a paperback book titled “The Relic” while Crazy Horse was scrolling through a public newsfeed via a holographic touch screen. She stopped when she noticed her and Fluorite’s names on a headline titled “Red Diamond’s Forces Spread Chaos on K-024!”. The featured picture showed Crazy Horse stomping on a Black Diamond quartz while Fluorite tore into a Purple Diamond amethyst with her teeth. She chuckled and nudged Fluorite.

“Hey buddy, check it out. We made the main feed again.” She boasted.

Fluorite looked away from her book and at the hologram, made a noise of mild amusement and then went back to her book.

“Wow what a riveting reaction.” Crazy Horse joked.

“It’s all the same anyway. Some story trying to downplay the incident we caused. Nothing but watered down crap.” Fluorite responded.

“Yeah I guess it gets a little boring after a while. But this was a good haul. A couple of Black Diamond’s troops, a few of Purple Diamond’s, and even some neutral gems.”

“They should’ve known better than to try anything.”

“I know right? We just wanted to relax and have a nice time, view some of K-024’s calming and gorgeous scenery when some of Black Diamond’s grunts throw a shit fit. In our infinitely merciful and empathetic natures, we assisted in quieting down the jerks and then we get blamed for it. Neutrals  have no form of respect.” Crazy Horse commented.

“Well of course they don’t they don’t have any authority figure to watch over em.” Fluorite said.

“At least they offer some safe zones to relax. Had a couple interesting conversations with people on the other side. A lot of them ended in bloodshed but the talks were interesting before it got to that point.”

“Mhm.”

Fluorite turned the page of her book and continued to read on.

“You know a lot of human literature was transferred to digital text, right?” Crazy Horse said.

“Of course. But I prefer this. I like the texture of these antiques.” Fluorite said.

“Well if we’re good you might get a chance to grab some more antiques.” Crazy Horse said, “Human shit’s always been an oddity to me.”

“We oughta be thankful for it. If it wasn’t for them sparking the first revolution all those years ago we wouldn’t be where we are now.”

“With a new troop of diamonds at war with each other in order to establish dominance over the others instead of a singular order?”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing. I was speaking more of the general acceptance of gems as what they are. The views on fusion have also shifted drastically.”

“What’s got you in a philosophical mood all of a sudden?” Crazy Horse asked.

“You know I’m in a more talkative mood after I crack some skulls.” Fluorite said.

“Fair point. And yeah I get what you mean. Status quo is still around though, not that it’s that big of a deal. Wish I could’ve met at least one human before they all bit the big one. Least we can replicate their wares to an extent-”

A sudden beeping interrupted the two gem’s conversation.

“Incoming transmission from the home planet. It’s from Red Diamond!” One of the pearls announced.

“Well what are you waiting for, answer it!” Crazy Horse demanded.

The pearl pressed a button on the control panel and a large rectangle holographic display appeared before the two large gems. The display showed Red Diamond. She sat on a crudely shaped throne of stone. A flow of lava fell behind her like a blazing waterfall. She was a massive gem with a demonic motif. She had a wide face with an equally wide and wicked smile that showed off her jagged and sharp teeth. Her eyes were covered by a dark red, metallic mask with iron mesh covering her eyes. Her clawed hand scratched her pointy chin, bright red nails scratched her blood red skin. Her clothes were nearly destroyed. A black chain mail covered most of her torso, though one sleeve was ripped off, the over was covered with holes, and the torso had a few minal rips. She also wore ripped up leggings. A dark circle was housed on each hip, inside the circle another one that was an even darker shade of crimson, and pants were now as long as shorts, littered with holes near the thigh level with the back of what remained of the pant’s legs hanging off the base of what remained of her clothing. Her ruby hair reached the back of her neck, and from her forehead sprouted a pair of scarlet horns that intertwined and tangled around her head to make a crown. Her spherical gem was located in her chest.

“Hello my babies!” She gleefully shouted in a deep tone.

“Hello mama!” Crazy Horse waved to her.

“I read your article. No doubt they censored a lot for the masses.”

“Yeah it was a bloodbath!” Crazy Horse boasted.

“Of course it was my pride and joy! And you captured what you could?” Red Diamond asked.

“Yes. We got a bunch of em.” Fluorite commented.

“Goodie! Now I have even more of a reason to give this order. I want you two to go to planet K-051 in preparation for the upcoming auction. You know how big of a deal this is.” Red Diamond ordered.

“You’re putting us in charge?” Crazy Horse asked.

“Oh no no no! You’ll be second in command. Obsidian is already there.” Red Diamond said.

Crazy Horse and Fluorite flinched at the mentioning of that name.

“Whaaaat? Why’s that stick in the mud in charge?” Crazy Horse whined.

“Because she made it there first. Plus she’s the one who’s been supplying us with excellent gear and ships. She knows what materials we need the most and that’s why I sent her.” Red Diamond said, “So get there and be on your best behavior. No fighting til the auction’s over!”

Crazy Horse pouted.

“Yes Mama.”

“Good! Fluorite, you watch your sister and make sure she behaves herself. I’ll deposit a bit of walking around money in your accounts to make sure you have some normal fun.”

“Alright but if anyone gets in our face like earlier today we’re going to have a problem.” Fluorite said.

“Be as violent as you want so long as you can justify it to the security drones there. But I’d rather you not get banned from going there. Anyone can do this but it’s such a nice place to be.” Red Diamond said.

“We’ll get you what you need Mama.” Fluorite promised.

“Good! Alright see you soon.” Red Diamond said her goodbyes and the transmission ended.

Fluorite went back to her book and Crazy Horse slouched in her chair.

“Can’t believe we gotta deal with her.”

“Just suck it up. Obsidian isn’t that bad.” Fluorite said.

“Yes that geezer is.”

Fluorite rolled her eyes and flipped the next page of her book.

/**/

On Purple Diamond’s planet, Sardonyx, Sodalite, Carnelian and Chalcedony were riding a cabana boat along the lazy river towards a giant gilded pyramid. They are on their way to personally meet with their diamond, who has summoned them shortly after the cleanup of the base that was destroyed by Number 8. Carnelian was at the helm of the ship while Chalcedony looked over the side. Sardonyx was sitting in the shade at the back of the boat while Sodalite sat in her own corner eating fruit she acquired from the orchard. She gobbled down the delicious purple fruits with one bite each, throwing the ruined leftovers over the edge of the boat. Sardonyx had an irritated look on her face.

“We have rubbish bins here you know.” Sardonyx brought up.

Sodalite ignored her and continued to feast.

“Oh let her be Sardonyx. Her scraps feed the fish.” Chalcedony said.

Sardonyx eased her glare and looked over to Chalcedony.

“The fish eat fruit now?”

“Oh yeah! They eat anything that falls in here.” She pointed to a purple fin cutting through the water at the helm of the ship. The fin swerved to the side and went towards one of the discarded fruit cores that was floating in the water. A giant, violet and white, arapaima like fish raised it’s head out of the water and swallowed one of the cores in one swift motion. A school of them soon followed, leaping out of the water and splashing Chalcedony.

“You should get  away from the side before one of them hits you.” Carnelian warned.

“Oh please that hardly happen-” Chalcedony was silenced as one of the giant fish headbutted her as it breached the water. The cloudy gem was knocked to the ground and the fish bounced off the side of the boat, flopping back into the river. She got up and shook her head.

“What did I just say?” Carnelian asked.

Carnelian rubbed her head and Sodalite let out a hearty laugh.

“This is why I do this. I love seeing those big guys jump.”

Sardonyx rolled her eyes but then immediately perked up when she saw the pyramid her diamond resided in. A large, rectangular protrusion housed a gate at the end of the river. Carnelian raised her hand to the gate. Inside, two pearls confirmed who she was via holographic identification and went then opened the gate. The gate rose up high and the boat powered through the current to enter the inner sanctum.

Inside there was a great lake of purple. On the surface of the lake were various facilities floating on islands of gold. Quartzes and pearls alike worked in luxury, weaving tapestries or fishing for the mighty creatures that made the ancient lake their home. The ceiling of the pyramid was translucent bronze, shielding the gems from the harsh rays of the sun while allowing them to still warm them. Great palm trees rose from the surface of the lake, bearing fruit of the most wondrous variety. At the center of the concealed city, raised above all via it’s own pyramid, was a giant square cloaked in golden silk. Inside the outline of their mighty diamond watched over all gems.

“Awright no time for dilly dallying. Let’s get to business. Full speed ahead!” Sodalite called out.

“There’s a speed limit here for a reason you dolt.” Carnelian said, “Besides we’re almost there.”

“Whatever.”

The four gems made it to the steps of the pyramid and began to walk up. Two Amethyst guards opened the veil to them, revealing their diamond. She was laying down on a cushioned, biedermeier bench. She sat up straight when she saw her champions enter. She smiled down upon them as they all kneeled before her.

“Rise my knights.” She requested in a calm, yet authoritative tone.

The four gems did as they were told and looked up at their diamond. She sat with her legs crossed. Her thick, deep plum lips were pursed into a smile, and her violet eyes, which had twin markings underneath them, conveyed a warm emotion to her servants. Her long black dreads mostly flowed backwards, pushed back by a gold crown that housed her diamond shaped gemstone, which was located on her forehead. Two long bands of hair bound at the ends by gold clasps fell to her shoulders. Her neck, shoulders, and upper torso were protected by a gold armor piece. From the shoulders a black veil flowed down to her feet. A white top covered her breasts, but left a v-shaped gap in the middle which revealed a portion of her chest. Her midriff was exposed, and a curved gold belt wrapped around her hips, bending downwards to a sharp tip. From the bottom sides of the belt a white dress bottom wrapped around her hips, growing longer as it wrapped around her legs and eventually reaching down to her ankles at the back of her legs. In the middle of the belt was another black veil that covered her white pants piece and flowed down to her feet. Her biceps and shins were covered by gold bangles and her flats were snow white.

“What business do you have for us, my diamond?” Sardonyx asked.

“As you know auction day is coming very soon. I need a representative to go there and purchase as much military power as possible. The cargo we have acquired was pillaged by one of Black Diamond’s commanders, and we need all the help we can get.” She said, “Sardonyx, I want you to transport our trade goods to the auction house along with Sodalite. Carnelian and Chalcedony will fill in for your roles while you are away.”

“But my diamond, we were just recently attacked! We oughta stay behind and let the two of them go and-” Sodalite started.

“I am fully aware of what happened and I appreciate your concern, but what happened was just a simple group of Red Diamond’s marauders. Their barbaric actions surely won’t be repeated unless Red Diamond has decided to do a full scale invasion. Luckily for us our scouts out in space have confirmed that no other ships have come by us ever since that day. So what we need now is a pair of gems that I can trust and have enough authority to influence and intimidate any and all potential buyers that will attempt to take what we need.” Purple Diamond explained.

“You have specific requirements?” Sardonyx asked.

“Go to the shipyard and leave immediately. One of our pearls will give you a listing of what we need in order of priority. You should arrive by the end of the day. Hopefully by then Tanzanite will have made it there as well.” Purple Diamond said.

“Tanzanite’s already left?” Carnelian asked.

“Yes, she’s currently in an attempt to pursue Number 8.”

“Again? Doesn’t she get that shi...gem is next to impossible to get? He’s like a ghost. And even then capturing him is just gonna paint a huge target on her, or worse yet us. Lots of rebellion factions need him for missions against the other diamonds, not to mention the personal crap he does for Black Diamond.” Sodalite ranted.

“He has to have some sort of hidden agenda with Black Diamond. He at least does good work at taking out threats.” Carnelian said.

“It’s true. Though he is an enemy he is also our ally. No matter who the target is, no matter what faction, he will go and get the job done by any means necessary. I fear the day that he decides to settle with one faction. It may very well tip the balance of this war.” Purple Diamond said.

“If only we could hire him.” Chalcedony said.

Purple Diamond furrowed her brow and scowled at the cloudy blue gem.

“Chalcedony I am disappointed in you. You know very well that I will not allow a mercenary to be associated with my name. The neutral dogs that see this war as an opportunity to gain wealth rather than for a cause we diamonds have established for our people. Though the neutral factions have done well to battle the other diamonds and help mitigate the pressure upon us, they should just allow us to protect them under my name instead of clinging to their own petty ideologies. They had their chance after the first diamond war thousands of years ago, they can’t try to force their hand again now that we three have come back to restore order to this untamed universe.” Purple Diamond lectured.

Chalcedony hung her head in shame, averting her gaze from her diamond.

“Yes you’re right. Forgive me my diamond.” Chalcedony said.

Purple Diamond smiled and  pat her sullen servant with one finger.

“Don’t fret over it. You’re just thinking of any possibility to help me end this meaningless fight.” Purple Diamond said.

“I am my diamond. I’m sick of this war. Why can’t we just be together?”

“As am my, my child. But the war long ago has taught us that order through intimidation and class isolation will lead to our ruin. Black Diamond wishes to establish the old ways of ruling that caused their downfall long ago. I’m more than familiar with my sister’s devious and underhanded methods to enforce order. I do not wish that upon any of you, or any of her gems for that matter. Red Diamond’s chaotic nature will drive us all to destroying each other. The universe can’t thrive under chaos. The only true way is through lawful order. We will make a just land where law rules over all under a watchful guise rather than one enforced by fear. But we cannot do that unless we have the proper military power to take on my sisters.” Purple Diamond said.

The gems nodded. Purple Diamond pointed towards the ship yard, east of her chambers.

“Now go! Fulfil your duties!” She commanded.

“Yes my diamond!” The four gems called out as they rushed out to leave. The great diamond laid back down and rested on her bench, watching the four gems rush over to the shipyard.

In two minutes the gems made it to the docks of the shipyard and rushed over to a purple ship in the shape of an oval. A pearl dressed in robes bowed before them and guided Sodalite and Sardonyx to the ship. The two gems turned back as the ship began to ascend. They waved each other goodbye as the ceiling of the pyramid opened up in a spiral manner. The two gems backed up as the door to the ship closed and the two gems were escorted to the main control chambers.

“By the way, my mistress Sardonyx, I made sure to send the coordinates to Tanzanite. Her pearls should know where to meet you.” The pearl whispered to her.

Sardonyx smiled and followed Sodalite to her seat.

/**/

In the lone reaches of outer space, a lone ship lazily floated along a cosmic trail of color. Inside, Number 8 sat in his captain’s seat, looking at a locket. It was circular and had a rusted exterior. What little metal that remained untarnished shone silver, and nearly all of it’s chain has rusted away, leaving only a couple links hooked to it. He stared inside of it longingly, aged for eons, nearly broken and yet it holds something precious to him. Something that he stares longingly at when he is alone. Something irreplaceable.

His trance like stare was interrupted by a notification noise. He recognized the sound as a transmission request. He pressed a button and a tray in his chair shifted open. He closed the locket and placed the it inside the tray. As he closed it he answered the transmission call. A holographic display appeared, showing an angered gem.

“You’re not getting away with your crimes this time you mercenary scum!” She yelled.

Her light blue hair was long, fluffy and reached to her lower back, covering the entirety of the back of her chair. She glared at Tourmaline with her lavender eyes and her full lips were pursed into a scowl. She had a toned body, and the protrusion of her crossed legs gave of the impression that she was a very tall gem. She wore a set of purple earmuffs with circular cups etched to look her diamond’s fruit insignia and ocean blue band wrapping around the back of her head. She wore a cyber grape leotard with long sleeves that turned into fingerless gloves. The leotard had six stripes at her center, the top three and the bottom three meeting in the middle with a raspberry stripe, then a boysenberry stripe and the outline of the pattern was lined with a razzmic berry stripe. Her hips and thighs were exposed, but the royal purple skin of her legs was mostly cut off by a pair of royal blue high heel boots. At the tip of each knee rested a small, diamond shaped purple gem stone.

Number 8 rested his cheek on his fist and lazily gazed at the enraged gem.

“Must we do this every time I have an appointment on one of your planets Tanzanite?” He said.

“You’ve gone too far this time. Attacking a base on the same planet as my diamond, attempt to assassinate two of my subordinate officers, decimating one of our most important research facilities, and insulting our military might by just running away from a fair fight with Sardonyx! I’ve had enough of your despicable actions against my dynasty! Get off your ship at these coordinates. You don’t deserve it, but I will take you in honorably.” Tanzanite threatened.

“Yeah I’m not doing that.”

Tanzanite chuffed.

“Then you’d rather I blast you and bring what shattered remains back to my planet?” She threatened.

“That isn’t happening either. I’ve made sure that this ship has a shield strong enough to take a blast from a diamond cruiser. Your ship doesn’t have a chance in hell to pierce it.” Number 8 stood up and walked over to the hologram, “Why do you always have to be the one gem who feels the need to chase me around. It’s pointless.”

“Have you not been listening to a single word I’ve just said?” She asked.

“Oh please this is no worse than that time I sabotaged one of your cruisers, or blown up a few of your injectors on P-04. But to make it up to your diamond, I make the other diamonds suffer as she does.”

“You act like that makes you a better person.”

“I’m never said I was a good person. But I’m good at what I do, and I’m going to make sure I can keep doing what I’m good at until I have what I need.” He stated.

“And what exactly is that?” She asked.

“I don’t have to explain why to you. Just understand that once I have what I need, things will change for everyone.”

“Well knowing that doesn’t make me want to stop tailing you.”

“You’re that obsessed with getting to me? At this point I’m starting to think you just like following me around instead of doing your job Ms. Commander.”

“My job is to keep my diamond and my people safe, and that can’t happen if you’re here prolonging this war for everyone.”

“You could at least let me do some damage to your enemies as a way of saying I’m sorry first.”

“I think I’ll be happy with you in a bubble.”

“Love to continue this conversation, but I have some important business to take care of on K-051.”

Tanzanite raised an eyebrow and smirked at him.

“Really? Well so do I?”

“Is it about me?”

“Not everything I do is about you.”

“Really feels that way.”

“Well maybe if we have a little spare time I can take care of you. Then you won’t have to worry about work ever again.”

“Sounds like a dream, but a really boring one. I’ll see you around.”

“Yes, you will.”

The transmission ended and the display vanished. Number 8 heaved a sigh and went back to his chair. He had a smirk on his face.

“At least she keeps things entertaining.” He thought to himself.

/**/

Deep inside the Pearl Sanctuary, within Black Pearl’s ship, she, Green Pearl, Akoya Pearl, and Champagne Pearl have all gathered around to discuss an event of great importance. They were all sitting in their own cushioned chairs sitting in a circle. They were waiting on someone to deliver them some information. The door opened up and in came a single pearl. She wore a set of shades with cadet blue rims and aqua lenses. Her sky blue hair was tied in a ponytail which was pressed down by her shades. A choker of alternating teal diamonds decorated her neck, contrasting with her midnight blue skin. Her cerulean shirt and shorts were decorated with dark blue and turquoise rings. She wore sky blue leggings and dark purple shoes.

“I have just finished contact with our informant. The auction will be held in three days.” She said.

“Great. Any information on the auction Night Blue Pearl?” Black Pearl asked.

“The first section will be for captured soldiers. The second section is weaponry. The final section is pleasure and slaves.” Night Blue Pearl explained.

“Meaning pearls.” Champagne said.

“Yes.” The blue pearl explained.

“Then we need to go now.” Green Pearl said.

“Three of us will go. Me, Green, and Night Blue.” Black Pearl said.

“Can’t I go too?” Akoya asked.

“We said that only three of us would come. Too many of us around and it might raise suspicion. We summoned you here to let you know that you will be assisting Champagne in our absence.” Green Pearl said, “The sanctuary must remain in order. We’re going on our most dangerous mission yet.”

“But if we are successful, we will free dozens of pearls from enslavement.” Champagne said.

Akoya had a determined look on her face.

“Alright, I’ll hold down the stronghold with Champagne.” She walked over to the blind gem and helped her up.

“Thank you.” Champagne said.

She looked in Black Pearl’s direction and smiled.

“Good luck.”

“We’ll need it.” Green Pearl said.

The two pearls exited the ship and then Night Blue Pearl leaped up to the pilot seat. The ship began to rumble as it levitated off of the ground. In a matter of seconds, the ship began to rip through the air, into one of the meteorite’s holes. It escaped the tunnel and began to shoot off to its destination.

“We should arrive a bit after our contact. From there we will obtain our safe house and we can begin to construct a plan.” Night Blue Pearl declared.

“Excellent. Now then...let’s get to work on our disguises.” Black Pearl declared.

Green Pearl looked over to her friend.

“What did you have in mind?”

“Hmm...I’d say this.”

A white light enveloped Black Pearl’s form for a brief second, completely transforming her outfit. Her hair changed from her natural form having a tapered cut on the sides and back with a big mound of curls on top curled towards her forehead. She wore a purple dress top that covered her breasts and abdomen, though her shoulders and back were exposed. Her hips and thighs were covered with a black cloth, and her legs were covered with spandex.

“I think this works best. A bit more fetching and it’s color coordinated for what we’re doing.”

Green Pearl eyed Black Pearl for a second, shrugged, and then transformed to have the same outfit, though her hair was let down past her shoulders rather than Black Pearl’s style.

“Looks nice on you too.” Black Pearl complimented.

“Whatever. The sooner I can change back to my normal outfit the better.” Green Pearl looked up to Night Blue Pearl, “Are you going to get changed soon?”

“I’ll look at your outfits and copy them before we land. I need to focus on getting us there. But that should only be about five or so more minutes.” Night Pearl responded.

“Great.” Green Pearl looked back to Black Pearl, “So who is this contact we’re meeting? A pearl on the inside?”

“No. My contact is a very old friend of mine. She’s on our most neutral side so I can still trust her.” Black Pearl said.

“Neutral side? You mean Purple Diamond’s court?”

“Yes. Don’t exactly agree with her methods, but the conditions she puts the pearls in are far more tolerable than what Black Diamond and Red Diamond are doing.”

“You know about Black Diamond first hand, don’t you?”

Black Pearl looked away.

“That was a mistake I shouldn’t have made.”

Green Pearl frowned.

“Sorry I didn’t mean to-”

“No it’s fine. We both know why I left, and why I went there. But it’s in the past, and I’m going to make sure no other pearls make the same mistake.” Black Pearl said.

“You mean we all are.”

Black Pearl nodded.

“I fought to make sure the status quo wouldn’t exist anymore long ago. And I will continue fighting until the dream my friends and I had is realized. It’s what he would’ve wanted.”

“He?”

Black Pearl frowned.

“Forget you heard that.”

“Alright.”

There was a beeping noise coming from the ship.

“Planet K-051’s check in is contacting us. Give me one second.” Night Blue Pearl said.

She opened the communications option and typed away at her keyboard, submitting a code in an alien text. She sent the text and it vanished into the aether. She waited for a few seconds and then received a cheery tone and a confirmation message. Night Blue Pearl smiled and jumped out of her seat and then bounded down to the others. She eyed Black Pearl and Green Pearl for a split second.

“Alright! We’re good to go. Just let me change…” A light enveloped her form and she wore the same outfit, though her shades were gone, revealing her ice blue eyes, and her hair was no longer bound in a ponytail, “...and now we can meet up with our informant!”

Their ship slowly ascended down towards the planet’s surface. The planet was bright red with patches of green. As they descended downwards towards a specific patch of green, they began to break through fluffy clouds and peered down at the intensely large continent. On the surface it was completely bare. Massive forests and vast fields of green as far as one could see, even thousands of feet in the air. As they sank downwards towards a field, a hidden gate opened up, revealing a bright metallic tunnel. The pearls’ ship was swallowed by the hole. They all looked around to see that the tunnel revealed multiple floors with ships of all kinds parked. Like a migrating bird, their ship automatically knew which direction to go in. It floated down to the lowest level of ships and parked itself between two spherical cruisers.

Black Pearl was the first to exit the ship, looking both ways to see if their escort was nearby. The other two followed, both were extremely cautious.

“It’s too quiet. You think we were set up?” Green Pearl asked.

“Absolutely not. The line I contacted our friend with was completely secure. And if Black Pearl is putting this much faith in this person, she’s clearly worthy of our trust.”  Night Blue Pearl stated.

Black Pearl continued to scan the environment for her contact, but then saw someone come down through the lit complex. She smiled as she recognized who it was.

“I was beginning to get tired of waiting for you.” Her deep voice called out, “But I knew you wouldn’t pass on an opportunity like this. You’ve always been too headstrong to quit.”

Black Pearl beamed as she ran up to the large gem. The others followed and Black Pearl lept into the arms of her friend. Her giant friend embraced her in her strong arms.

“It’s great to see you Sardonyx!” Black Pearl exclaimed.

“Good to see you too little lady.” Sardonyx shot back.

The other two pearls looked on at the two gems with mild confusion.

“I knew you were good friends but this seems like much.” Green Pearl said.

The two rejoicing friends stopped and looked at the other pearls. Sardonyx let Black Pearl down and smiled down on the other two.

“So you’re her partners in crime? Glad to finally meet you!” Sardonyx said.

“Alright, very nice and all but we shouldn’t be talking like this here. There are most likely security cameras.” Night Blue Pearl brought up.

Sardonyx nodded.

“Right. Let's go somewhere a bit more busy. My associate is waiting for us at one of this city’s establishments. It’s human themed.” Sardonyx said.

The four of them began to walk out of the parking lot. Black Pearl had a smirk on her face.

“Human themed?” She asked.

“Yep. Gems around here are very interested in human culture, so they have establishments that replicate what humans used to do.” Sardonyx explained.

“Very interesting.” Night Blue Pearl added, “I wonder how accurate it all is. All documented footage of humans must be centuries old.”

“It’s pretty accurate. I’m speaking from experience.” Sardonyx said.

The group of gems made it to a glass elevator. The four squeezed inside and Sardonyx pressed a button labeled K-051c. The elevator began to sink down and pass through various levels of the Earth.

“The first two levels are basic needs. Security, authorities, and refueling. They keep an eye on everything that goes on at the main level. Luckily this is a neutral planet, so you three don’t have to worry too much about unfair persecution unless you stir up trouble.” Sardonyx said.

“But that’s why we’re here” Black Pearl added.

Sardonyx chuckled.

“I know, I know. Just make sure you start trouble when you really need to.”

They passed through the first two layers and began to descend down to the city. Despite being underground, it was massive and well lit. Street lamps of bizarre architecture lined the cobblestone streets and an artificial sun floated at the rock ceiling. Liquids of various psychedelic colors soared through the air, and the lapis lazuli’s that controlled them danced with them. Gems of all kinds from all factions littered the streets. The buildings were modeled like human stores, but the gem’s architectural style gave them all their own unique feel. In the center of the city was a giant fountain covered with all sorts of Earth and Alien fauna.

The pearls were in awe at the beauty of the city.

“Yep, I had about the same reaction when I came down here. Welcome to Orenan!” Sardonyx declared as their elevator finally stopped. The gems walked out into the bustling city. Sardonyx led the way through the thick crowd. Each pearl stayed close to her as they walked down the busy block.

“Don’t worry, it’s right here.” Sardonyx assured them.

They came upon a cube shaped, gray building. On it was a neon sign that read “Musician’s Hideaway”. The group went inside and were again blown away by the decor. It was filled with high quality chairs and booths. Tapestry’s of old human album covers littered the walls and the interior carpet was white and covered with musical notes. At the center stage there was an alien DJ booth where two gems were jamming as they played the establishment’s music. There was a bar with a back wall decorated in bottles of all kinds. Gems of all shapes and sizes celebrated here. Drinking human drinks of all kinds, be them alcoholic or not, tasting human food, reading about human music cultures, it was a paradise of foreign information.

Black Pearl looked on in awe at everything, even recognizing a few album covers on the walls while Sardonyx guided her and the other pearls to their table. They could see Sodalite already eating her share of fruits and vegetables while Tanzanite rolled her eyes. The four of them sat and began to talk.

In another part of the restaurant, White Topaz and Jet were looking at each other across from their table. At the bar, Fluorite and Crazy Horse were drinking themselves into a stupor, waiting for Obsidian to meet up with them.

Unbeknownst to all of patrons at the club, a dangerous threat was about to enter the restaurant. An agent of controlled chaos that was hunting his prey. Number 8 was walking through the crowded streets and towards Musician’s Hideaway.

[chikotos]

speaking of That my mom is finally recognizing that when I say “i dont feel good” it doesnt mean i have a cold or sth its that Uh, im probably experiencing suicidal thoughts and cant express it well (or at least smth along those lines) and my house has been dirty cuz i havent cleaned in a while or i cant keep it clean and she n my sister cleaned an area and i repeatedly told her not to bc shes always using my sister to do things im not adequate enough to do on time and its rlly not fair to her even if she doesnt realize it cuz like shes only 12 & we dont ever even talk so she shouldnt have to take care of someone 5 years older than her.. and i was gonna clean but I basically slept all day so i could just clean alone at night when I feel safe to walk around the house . i wasnt even tired idk why i slept but now im eerily awake and maybe will be umless i force myself to sleep

its so lonely here and thats only hit me like this year cuz all the time before I would go through periods of hanging out after school maybe.. twice a year? and only hanging out with one person whod have many friends but theyd b my only friend which is a problem i tend to have. but it jst got to the point where im realizing, i think cuz i was in my schools drama program n exposed to lots of friendships, that im jst like ,really fucking lonely. Which is unfortunate because ive always been such an internal person at home and have been able to work creatively but thats all like leaving me? art doesnt make me happy anymore because i dislike my art so much and havent had a platform to share it in so long and i guess I thrive on other ppls opinions of it? and I definitely cant write anymore. I havent been able to zone in on an interest in MONTHS and thats left me creatively drained, a lot. 

I think im starting to rlly, RLLY redirect my complete attention from interests to ppl (which always ends well am i right lads) and it isnt fair to ppl who like, have others and need space and time etc or Uh, dont even know me. but its like a switch like , I can either be creative or i can feel loved and Boy Howdy, do i need both,

its just weird cuz im the only one in my family thats emoitonal like this and I think thats why i feel so isolated. like im not exxagerating when I say my dad has 0 friends tht arent family. my mom has work friends she will hang out with maybe 4 times a year not for work, but shes always complaining abt social situations which I can understand. maybe my siblings r like that too but my sisters young n focuses on minecraft n stuff n hangs out w friends more than me n we barely know each other so its not like id know, maybe my half brother is but whens the last time hes wanted to talk to me right. like i cry all the time and all it does is make my dad angry at memfor being incompetent and make my mom think its her fault and my sister confused and jst takes up everyones time

and its jst all v strange. like i was kinda raised 2 not have friends, inadvertantly i guess. i can remember my mom trying to make me feel better about something along the lines of u can b okay w/out friends if u have family but she jst told me friends dont matter and im never gonna talk to ppl i meet at my age as an adult, so it stuck w/ me and i started to make moral judgements on ppl on small things we could talk out like say, they use homophobic language sometimes but im sure theyd respect me enough to stop, but id make those judgements before we could befriend each other n take a chance, kinda to protect myself from attachments? but later in life ive found ppl who dont do stuff like that, and thats when i focus in on them im an unfair way to them and they r the only person/group of ppl in my life, etc etc and idk how to stop because im so scared of hanging out w/ most ppl alone i guess? but ill still be here, thinking about like example (namedrop bc he doesnt have me tumblr anyways) my friend jacob tht never hung out w/ me outside of school but i fuccin loved that kid n he just stopped talking to me over the summer n ignored my text i send first day of summer and now we see each other and talk briefly but its like he wont let us be friends anymore and smth like this always happens and its So

and tbh how can i expect it to not happen when i limit myself so much n they will have plenty of other close close friends when i dont? and i think ive gotten better but idk anymore. 

and uh, unrelated. I think my dog ive had for 12 years may have to end up being put down this year. hes got cataracts in both eyes and skin diseases and back problems and teeth problems (hes inbred) and hes losing his hearing too and for the past two weeks hes been peeing everywhere and we can let him out but he cant climb stairs anymore n he has to walk them to get to our yard and im the only one w/ the patience to pick him up (hes only 8 pounds) n put him in the yard bc my parents will jst scream at him n my sister doesnt like dogs and hes got seperation issues w me and whines when he cant be in my room which is the farthest from the door out n stuff. and its like rlly stressful my mom will scream at him in front of my sister n brother n me and the other day she said my dad grabbed him by the neck and threw him out on the concrete cuz he peed inside and hes so tiny that thats just gonna make everyting worse and its notmlike i can stop them bc why would anyone listen to me and hed prob b fine for s few more years if he lived in a patient house with ppl who would take him to the vet but theyre prob gonna put him down early snd its gonna b so weird w/out him

when i showered earlier i took s razor with me w/ the intent to cut my thighs, and i did a little, but i never ever draw blood wnd its strange. why am i given these urges when im so fucking terrified of blood. itll still leave marks n stuff but it makes me feel weak ? n ill bruise myself up instead but its never the same. and im such an advocate for help w self harm but i cant for myself. its like i subconsciously want 2 get caught ? idk. i did throw my razor away though and the others i have r rusty and im not THAT much of a dumbass so i dont have options to self harm anymore unless i get new ones. lifehack

and uh lol, having no schedule n it being summer my eating habits r SHIT. it always hurts to eat p much, its at different times n most of the time i just snck only or i dont eat for hours n see black spots n stuff. and when i dont eat its not a body image thing (im nt rlly happy w my nody but its not sth not eating will help with) its cuz i dknt wanna go upstairs for food where my dad is n the snacks r downstairs so its easier, or cuz i forget or cuz i like, want to punish myself? but im too lazy to self harm. its weird

n since ive stopped id’ing as ace officially my internalized lesbophobia has gotten so much worse . im so repressed and lost ans sad, nothinng rly makes sense? I either fall in love w/ anyone who flirts with me or i focus on someone who ill never fucking talk to or see again and imagine countless scenarios n set myself up to b sad. i seek validation from ppl on it but nothhing comes out right or i just cant say it, because other than when i make myself the butt of gay jokes i just cant sven get the words out of my throat that im gay cuz im jst so ashamed and disgusted with myself. ive been looking at pictures of guys lately cuz ive been trying to force myself to like them. back when i thought i was pan it always felt safer bc i could always just love a cis guy or whatever and everything would b okay for my family ykno. and its such a shameful thing for me bc my irl friends who im out to, most see me as v confident abt it at least a little bc im loud abt it u kno, and make all sorts of jokes, and i jst know so many would b surprised or like sad abt that

i want to stop liking girls so much. like holy shit. i have so many straight girl friends and i hate it when they flirt with me because lik, none r my type so i feel nothing but then i feel like i shiuld then feel like No i shouldnt then feel like i shouldnt even be around them bc im a gross disgusting creepo dyke predator. n they always use the excuse of me having a gf so its fine id never hit on them well like, now im single so i have to be DOUBLE careful not to b affectionate w them as im w all my friends and itsssssssssssssmjshfjhdjfhsjdhjshdjshdjhsjdhsjhdjshdk

and i like, think abt this girl alot n yea its romantic even thomwe never fucking talked n rlly i do that w lots of girls and its making me lose out on friendships bc i wanna b their friends somehow bc i think theyre very cool n stuff but i cant stop hodling on to stupid daydreams n idealizations i get to distract me when im sad n its jst stupid like i know its dumb but guess whos boutta keeeeeeppppp doin it??!!!!! boy!!!

and i try so damn hard to talk feeling out, n talk abt who im attracted to n stuff w ppl, n i try so hard to gush but i cant cuz smth comes outta my mouth and then i cant speak past that and no one ends up rlly knowing how i feel, bc ANY time i talk abt anytingngay related abt me its what happens. and i listen to others talking abt tht stuff and i jsut get so god damn JEALOUS bc idk how to express myself 

all these inadequacies n shit is making it rlly hard to see how,im gonna b on my own n its always been like this. at TWELVE YEARS OLD i came to fhe fucking conclusion that i was just gonna kill myself when i turned 18 so i didnt have to deal with all this and i was OKAY WITH IT and i just went through life knowing that and hiding it and so rarely questioning my inevitable suicide as a childc so instead of dealing with all that n my problems n getting better i let myself get worse cuz uh, fuck it right

idk its all just occured to me how im not a fully functioning human being, in seberal if not all aspects of my life, its weird. now that I actively want to live and realize i uh Kinda have to simce ill b the legal guardian of my brother its all very scary

sorr i was all over the place and all the typos i didnt mean anyof them n im not crytyping like, i cried a bit but i jst hate typing kn thsi shitty tablet keyboard, n dont wanna spellcheck. if u read through comgratulations also please dont message me abt like the self harm junk n my dog n stuff like, whatever ur abt to say. I Know my guy 

time to go uhhhhhhhhhhh daydream about impossible gay shit with guilt in the back of my mind

[ibilenews]

Pains of Mother Africa, cries of Nigerians by Femi Fani-Kayode

First to come to Africa were the Arabs. They hunted us down like animals, captured us, castrated us, sold us into slavery and kept us in total bondage for 1300 years. What the Arabs did to Africans over that period of time makes everything else that they were subjected to after that by others, including the trans-Atlantic slave trade, look like childsplay.

Worse of all is the fact that in places like Saudi Arabia and Mauritania many black Africans still live in slavery till today. After the Arabs came the Europeans arrived and also enslaved us, shipped us overseas, subjected us to barbarous cruelty and bestial servitude and described us as nothing more than chattel with the brain of a quarter of a man.

After the Europeans came the Chinese. They have come in their full power and glory with their enticing and intoxicating massive bags of money, cheap loans, suspect grants, fake and deceptive smiles and evil intentions with a view to turning us into perpetual serfs, debtors, beggars and economic slaves.

Like a snake coiled around our hapless necks, they are snuffing and suffocating the life out of us more and more as each day goes by and they are turning us into their slaves and minions just as others that came before them once did. Sadly we may never be in a position to free ourselves from the bondage of their sinister and pervasive yoke or to pay off our debts to them. That is where we are today.

O Africa, who has bewitched thee? O mother Africa, who shall deliver thee? I have asked myself these two questions over and over again over the years and I still do not have the answers. Yet such is our pitiful plight today that it calls for some painful introspection and the sharing of some home truths.

In William Shakespeare’s “Julius Caesar”, the character Cassius said, “the fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars but in ourselves that we are underlings.” Nothing could be more appropriate than these words when trying to analyse, decipher and comprehend the African condition and mind-set.

I apologise in advance if anyone is offended by my assertions in this essay but if we are really interested in making progress as a race and if we wish to change our dastardly ways and improve our fortunes then the truth, no matter how bitter, must be spoken. That is the purpose of this contribution.

The illustrious West Indian revolutionary and foremost intellectual, Marcus Garvey, who was undoubtedly one of the most brilliant minds in history, once wrote the following. He said, “having had the wrong education as a start in his racial career, the negro has become his own greatest enemy. Most of the trouble I have had in advancing the cause of the race has come from negroes”.

On his part another great thinker and formidable intellectual, the celebrated black American Booker T. Washington, aptly described the black race in one of his many lectures by stating that they were “like crabs in a barrel”. He said that none would allow the other to climb over the top and, in the event of any such attempt, ALL would continue to pull back into the barrel the one crab that makes the effort to climb out. I wholeheartedly agree with both Garvey and Washington.

The black man is his own worst enemy and in the case of the African this is even more pronounced and self-evident. Permit me to expand on this. There are a few exceptions to the rule but generally speaking the greatest weakness of the African is his inability to provide good leadership, his inability to demand for good quality leaders, his ignorance, his cowardice, his envy and his poverty. This combination and cocktail of deadly afflictions makes us nothing but expendable prey to the rest of the world.

The famous 19th century Arab slave trader Mehmet Ali wrote, “You do not need to destroy the black African because he always ends up destroying himself and his people for you…the minute ANY black African rises up, emerges, starts talking sense and telling the others how to escape our bondage and slavery it is his fellow Africans who he seeks to help that will undermine him, insult him, expose him, ridicule him, destroy him, sell him and kill him. That is the nature of the black African. He reasons more like a wild ape than any other creature on earth”.

Standing up for Africa is a risky business because those that will hate you most of all for doing so are the Africans themselves. They would rather listen to a heartless and savage beast and support and follow him than to someone that truly loves and cares for them, that treats them with restraint, dignity, respect, compassion and kindness and that wishes them well.

I do not know where this sickness of mind and malevolent and self-destructive disposition derives from but I suspect that it is a deep-seated case of self-hate and self-loathing and a touch of what psychiatrics describe as the ‘Stockholm syndrome’. The African always loves his slave-master more than he does his liberator. Worse still he resists the notion of good education and he barely reads. There are a few exceptions to the rule but this is true of most of them.

If you want to keep a secret from an African put it in a book or write it in a long essay. He cannot and will not read either of the two because he is mentally immature, chronically lazy, morbidly indisciplined and utterly shortsighted and because he sees no immediate personal gain or value in it. He would rather listen to music and dance for one hour non-stop or watch a football or a boxing match instead. To him that is far more important and gratifying than anything else. Simply put he is stirred and motivated by his excitable and primitive passions and not by reason or logic.

Nigeria, which was meant to be the leading light of Africa, has now become its irredeemable and irretrievable basket case and the laughing stock of the world. This is a “country” of 200 million hapless and ill-fated people who are still struggling with the very concept of nationhood and who have their own internal colonial system of bondage and servitude where one small race of non-indegineous and non-negroid people have enslaved all the others and laud it over them.

This is a country where genocide, mass murder, ethnic cleansing, islamist terrorism, poverty, the persecution of political opponents and religious minorities, failure, evil, incompetence, insensitivity and wickedness is not only perceived as being a normal way of life and system of governance but also encouraged and celebrated.

Like the proverbial zoo or jungle, only the strongest and fittest can survive or get to the top in such a hellish place and shithole of a country. There is literally no hope for the weak, the poor, the vulnerable or the decent in such an environment and callousness, doublespeak, deceit and impunity appear to be well rewarded.

If this were not the case how can one explain the fact that a so-called nation that once had the greatest, most progressive, most dynamic and most educated people in Africa will accept a barely educated and clearly unfit neanderthal like Muhammadu Buhari as its leader on three separate occasions and continue to support and hail him even after he openly insults them before world leaders and treats them like filth.

His Army has failed woefully in its war against Boko Haram because he has refused to equip them adequately;because he pampers and encourages the terrorists. His economy is heading for the greatest recession in Nigeria’s history due to his incompetence and inability to save money for a rainy day. His impoverished and desperate people are marching, robbing and rioting in the streets of Lagos, in the outskirts of Abuja and in one or two other major cities looking for food and threatening the worse if they cannot find any.

As anarchy looms and sets in on parts of the country, Nigerians are being attacked openly and robbed by massive rampaging and hungry mobs made up of very angry, desperate and wild young men and he has said nothing about it let alone try to put a stop to it. His Airforce bombed scores of innocent and defenceless civilians, including women and children, to death two days ago yet it was barely reported in the press, there was no sense of outrage about it from the people and no-one in the country really gives a damn.

He has locked down his people at home in the nation’s densely populated commercial and administrative capitals of Lagos and Abuja and one or two other provinces in an attempt to prevent the spread of the corona virus without providing any provisions, money, food, water and electricity for them and without offering them any meaningful palliatives even though he knows that they are suffering badly and that his country has been officially designated as the “poverty capital of the world” by numerous international institutions!

It takes a cruel and callous man to do this and turn his back on his people in their time of need. Worse still when it comes to the fight against coronavirus itself in the last 3 weeks he has only managed to test between 10,000 to 20,000 people for the disease in a country of 200 million!

As his citizens are tortured, humiliated, insulted, dragged out of their homes and hotels and made homeless in China and as they are being accused by the Chinese authorities of “creating” and “spreading” Covid-19, he encourages, supports and commends the Chinese Government for doing all this and he welcomes Chinese doctors into his country for an unknown and unstated purpose even though the Nigerian people and the Nigerian Medical Association have expressed their grave concerns and deepest fears about this and kicked and warned against it.

Yours truly was so disgusted and appalled by Buhari’s servile and cowering disposition towards the Chinese that he was constrained to tweet the following this morning: “The support and defence that Geoffrey Onyeama, Nigeria’s otherwise erudite Foreign Minister, provided for China yesterday, even in the light of the barbaric atrocities that Africans are being subjected to in China, was embarrassing, gutless and shameful. Must Buhari always lick foreign arses?”

I am still waiting for an answer to the question but needless to say I will not hold my breath. Things are so pitiful in Buhari’s Nigeria today that even the IMF has refused to touch her with a barge pole and has excluded her from the massive $21 billion USD bail-out and pay packet that they have just offered many other African nations as their contribution to fighting Covid 19 on the African continent.

If there were ever a country that could be best described as a nation of self-flagellation masochists it would have to be Nigeria. It is a country in which the world’s most cruel and heartless sadists are in power and the people appear to like it just like that.

Those that go by the name of IPOB and that have had the presence of mind, decency and courage to protest and say that they have had enough and wish to break out and establish their own country have been locked up, demonized, insulted, maligned and murdered and they have been declared as terrorists even though they never threatened or used violence to effect their purpose.

To say that you want to be free from bondage, tyranny and subjugation and that you wish to chart a new course for your ethnic nationality or tribe because the accursed Lugardian amalgamation and forced marriage union between the north and the south of 1914 has never worked has now become a mortal sin and an unforgivable crime in Nigeria and self-determination has become a dirty word. What a tragedy!

Africa does not need to be conquered because she has already conquered itself. Today Africans are slaves in Libya, they are treated like animals in the Middle East and China, they are barely tolerated in Europe and they are hated and treated with contempt and disdain in Asia and North and South America. All this yet they still believe that their leaders will lead them to the promised land and cut them a better deal in the world. This is nothing but delusion. What a sorry lot we are.

[djatoon]

Bogeyman (or ‘Identity’) Politics (My View)

Something has changed in my politics. I can’t put my finger on when it happened, although I have a strong suspicion that the EU referendum has been the strongest catalyst. Perhaps it was the magnitude of the decision, the complexity of it, my uncertainty about my ‘Leave’ vote, or the way the debate has raged (and it has raged) since the vote. Maybe it also has something to do with my long-time practice and interest in negotiation, and how in that domain success is usually predicated on deeply understanding the interests of both/all sides in the negotiation. This is at the heart of my work as a consultant and trainer, but its influence goes beyond the business of negotiation.

I remember in my late teens (and the late 70s), regularly debating politics with friends Mick, Phil, and Kevin over pints of cider in ‘The Percy Arms’ in Walbottle (a village west of Newcastle-upon-Tyne). All four of us were far from sure of our views, our arguments usually weak and contradictory, and our political allegiances mostly unformed (and uninformed). Nevertheless, these drinking sessions were an opportunity to think, to construct an argument, and learn. When I reflect on the forty years that have since passed, it’s preposterous to believe for a moment that we knew what we were talking about. Our collective life experience was childhood, puberty, and bugger-all else. Still, these sessions became the blueprint for how I’ve approached political understanding and debate ever since, and there’s not much I enjoy more than a robust debate in good company, especially so when those involved are open-minded and fairly knowledgable.

But I think this is perhaps a rose-tinted-spectacled view of my debating skills. I’m sure, despite my supposed desire to think and learn, I was as bad as everyone else in picking sides, lauding those I supported and loathing the others. At the time it probably seemed appropriate (who wouldn’t want to come out against whatever the ‘bad guy’ says?) and besides, it’s undoubtedly easier. Because I’ve now grown older, I’m more experienced and, believe it or not, wiser, I’ve found myself less keen to take sides than I have done in the past. And before anyone feels like highlighting that I can still become animated, argumentative, and partisan, you may be right. I’m not trying to re-write history (or my understanding of the present) here; merely trying to articulate why politics feels different to me now.

One of the things not mentioned so far is that I’m also more cynical about politicians. I’ve seen the ‘great hope’ Tony Blair shred his own reputation over Iraq, and I’ve witnessed a procession of so-called ‘heavyweight’ politicians demonstrate gross incompetence when it comes to policy execution. Almost every policy area (Health, Education, Welfare, Transport, Energy, to name but a few) has been twisted, broken, partly re-built, before being broken again by politicians who, it seems, have never built or run anything outside of Westminster. It’s like the inflated ego required to take on prominent public office turns to hubris and a disregard to what research and experience tells us (and them) what works, and what doesn’t work. Holding the office seemingly gives them a free pass to ignore what others have researched and learnt. Who needs experts anyway? someone famously said.

Returning to Brexit, I’ve already said that my views were uncertain (I was no student of European political institutions, and don’t know anyone who was) and so I was open to debate with the wisest of my friends and colleagues, whilst reading-up on and watching *everything* associated with the topic. It was always going to be a decision of historical importance. But that debating period was torture. Time after time, despite wanting to discuss the substance, I was faced with people taking sides based on their dislike of a particular politician or politicians. The usual suspects came in for a hammering: Farage, Johnson, Corbyn, Cameron, Osborne, and a few others. It was like if you didn’t reject every utterance from one of these toe-rags, you were somewhat in cahoots with them and their followers. I was once even accused of having racist tendencies when I challenged one of my fellow-debaters to make the case for open borders, in opposition to those that desired more control. Just make the case, and win the argument, because the argument for greater control is gaining traction. The response was always the same: those bad people are good-for-nothings and anything they say must be rejected (evidently with high emotion) and any difficult policy details glossed-over. Cognitive dissonance here, there, and every bloody where. And even though the much-touted control of immigration was merely one of a number of policy (and principle) areas, it was a good one as, in recent times, it exposes the rupture in the politics of the EU almost more than any other. 

Sensible people judged the Leave or Remain choice on a number of bases, most notably sovereignty in policy-making, but abuse was routinely hurled at anyone who even countenanced a discussion on any topic that challenged the debaters’ self-image, political affiliation (usually those on the Left were particularly energised), or an idealised view of the EU’s benevolence. I named this desire to identify and then recoil from the ‘bad guy’ as bogeyman politics. Others call it ‘identity politics’ where group affiliation is at least as important as an individual’s viewpoint. It doesn’t matter that much but, in some cases, ‘bogeyman’ works better - it’s not the group you belong to (who you’re for) that matters, it’s who you’re against that’s of overwhelming importance.

Naively I thought that, once the referendum vote was over, we would all kind of shrug our shoulders and move on, like most people do after a General Election. How wrong I have been. The debate is now hyper-polarised, trenches have been dug, and no quarter given to those on the other side of the argument. This has all been exacerbated by government ineptitude in the negotiations with the EU, and plainly some (often high profile) politicians will not give up EU membership without a fight (to the end?).

And so, just a couple of weeks ago I found myself visiting and old and trusted friend in London, to hang-out for a day or two. He and I have always discussed politics, and we’ve rarely disagreed vociferously, even though we have differing outlooks (I’m more for individual autonomy, and he’s more collectivist in his viewpoint). Almost always we’ve respectfully agreed (or agreed to disagree), and it’s helped that he is normally laid-back in his approach to discussing difficult topics, whereas I tend to be more forthright! It’s not that he cares less than me, he’s just less loud about it. Anyway, we didn’t fall out or anything. Far from it, I always enjoy spending time with him and we’ve always much to catch-up on (important stuff, like music, football and cycling). But I was reminded of that bogeyman politics idea when he (and his wife) were a bit loose with their slagging off of the usual suspects when it came to Brexit (and Trump, not surprisingly, but then most people have strong, often adverse, opinions about him).

I don’t aim to criticise my old mate, but the way we discussed Brexit felt symptomatic of where the debate has got to in the UK, and I think it’s probably not ‘them’ (i.e. other people, not necessarily my mate) that’s changed, it’s me.

Relatively speaking, between working assignments, I often have quite a bit of time to read the political press and, outside of my work generally, I prioritise politics because it interests me. I like to think I am committed to listening to both sides of the debate, both to understand it better, but also because I’m still far from certain how things will work out, Brexit-wise. In truth, the rights and wrongs of staying or leaving the EU mean much less to me now than does the huge issue of whether or not the vote is going to be respected by Parliament. Both sides of the Remain/Leave debate may still argue about the merits of their choices (I’ve long had my say, so usually opt out), but both have failed miserably to accurately predict the future, and so I’m determinedly suspicious of anyone who claims with certainty to see that future. However, I’m angry as hell with the people who won’t respect the fact that their ‘side’ came second, and are doing everything they can to undermine the process of extraction from the EU. They represent an existential threat to democracy in the UK, and if they were to be successful then it would affect politics for a generation or more. They know not what they do, and are blindly playing with fire. 

Compared to others, my available capacity to follow the day-to-day politics of Brexit is the exception, not the rule. Most people have way less time, and undoubtedly less interest too. Who wants to be a politics anorak anyway? Few invest the intellectual energy required to try and stay up-to-date. They could be accused of being lazy in their thinking, but even though that is probably true in part, that’s their legitimate choice. After all, there’s plenty of other things to concern yourself in the stuff of life than to get exercised by politics. So it becomes easier and convenient for people to pick sides, and follow what those you support say, rather than ‘waste’ time digging deeper into the substance of various policies. But this approach, forgivable in individual cases, has come to dominate the Brexit (and other) debate(s). We are dealing with a political class that seemingly has a lamentably poor grasp of the policy details associated with Brexit, and a not much more sophisticated understanding of where we’re all heading than the average well-informed citizen. Leadership? What leadership? many have asked for a long time now.

There is talk (and a campaign) for second (really it would be the third) referendum, supposedly on ‘the deal’ the government is able to reach with the EU, but the idea that the population would be any better informed about the substance than previously is risible. Most people have moved on. It’s painfully obvious that another referendum is merely a vehicle to try and reverse the result of the 2016 vote.

I thought by the time I reached my 50s, not only would I understand more, and be more useful, but crucially that more of the problems needing to be addressed by our politicians would be in (mostly) good hands. How wrong I was about that.

Check this out:

Bogeyman politics is explained very nicely by Jordan Peterson at 1 hour 4 minutes here, following a good question. ‘Low resolution ideology’ replacing deeper thinking. To expect more of most people is futile.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZMIbo_DxJk

[isaacscrawford]

Matthew Holt’s EOY 2017 letter (charities/issues/gossip)

Right at the end of every year I write a letter summarizing my issues and charities. And as I own the joint here, I post it on THCB! Please take a look–Matthew Holt

Well 2017 has been quite a year, and last year 2016 I failed to get my end-of-year letter out at all. This I would like to think was due to extreme business but it probably came down to me being totally lazy. On the other hand like many of you I may have just been depressed about the election–2016 was summed up by our cat vomiting on our bed at 11.55 on New Years Eve.

Having said that even though most of you will never comment on this letter and I mostly write it to myself, I have had a few people ask me whether it is coming out this year–so here it goes.

2017 was a big year especially for my business Health 2.0. After 10 years my partner Indu Subaiya and I sold it to HIMSS–the biggest Health IT trade association and conference. And although I used to make fun of HIMSS for being a little bit staid and mainstream, when it came to finding the right partner to take over Health 2.0’s mantel for driving innovation in health technology, they were the ones who stepped up most seriously. From now on the Health 2.0 conferences are part of the HIMSS organization, and Indu is now an Executive Vice President at HIMSS. I’ll still be very involved as chair of the conferences and going to all of them but will (hooray!) be doing a lot less back office & operational work. (Those of you in the weeds might want to know that we are keeping the Health 2.0 Catalyst division for now at least)

That does mean that next year I will have a bit more time to do some new things. I haven’t quite figured out what they are yet but they will include a reboot of (my role at least) on The Health Care Blog and possibly finally getting that book out of the archives into print. But if you have any ideas for me (and I do mean constructive ideas, not just the usual insults!) then please get in touch. You can of course follow me on Twitter (@boltyboy) to see what I’m thinking with only modest filtering!

On the home front we are now firmly established in San Anselmo, which is a nice little suburban town about 40 minutes north of San Francisco. I have been trying to ride my bike into the city via the ferry a few days a week but unfortunately I’ve had two stolen in SF this year, so I’m ending the year being a couch potato. We do have big plans for the winter, and from early January will have a place in Tahoe City. If you and yours are looking go skiing, we probably have a bed for you, so get in touch.

Amanda continues to amaze me in that she manages to get Coco (6) and Aero (3) organized and active, into their respective first grade and preschool classes, all the while doing great things to the house. She’s also taking part in a really serious exercise class called the Daley Method more or less every day (I make it to yoga about once a month on average!). She tells me it’s essentially a religious cult and I’m waiting to see when she will bring home the orange juice for me to drink. Meanwhile she is in fantastic shape and making me look feel extremely flabby. Okay, so that’s enough about me and the family. There tends to be lots more with pictures on my Facebook page

For those of you who don’t know I started writing this letter way back in 2000 when I didn’t have a wife or family and presumably had a lot of spare time on my hands–not that I can remember exactly what I did with it. The main point of this letter is to tell you about the issues that I think are important and and which charities I support. In fact back in 2000 I used to find that my friends and acquaintances was so ill-informed about the world and politics that I was on a little bit of a crusade to tell them more. The good news is that in 2017, everybody seems to know everything, and everyone has an opinion. And yes it’s not too hard to figure out what mine is. The bad news is that many of us seem to have arrived in that state of greater awareness by living in countries that have either elected the worst populist buffoon of all time as president, or seem to be voluntarily committing economic suicide. And yes I am referring to the country I moved to and the country I moved from in 1989.

My views will become apparent in the way I divide this letter up. Please feel free to poke around and look at the links, and  maybe even donate to one or two. Let me know any comments or insults!

Health care & (poor) women’s & kids care & safety, and supporting patient activism

In the US this past summer there was a very serious attempt to destroy the Affordable Care Act. It failed–only just–but the rug is being pulled from under it by a bunch of mean spirited administrators put in charge over at HHS by the asses in the White House. Not to mention that the Congress (and we know who is in charge) has NOT RENEWED funding for the health insurance plan passed in the 90s for poor kids called CHIP. If you want to stay informed on all this I urge you to follow ex-CMS administrator @ASlavitt & blogger @charles_gaba on Twitter. @charles_gaba in particular is a one man band doing remarkable work classifying the actual on the ground impact of all of this on everyday Americans, and he gets no support for it. So you might join me and toss him a few bucks. The US health care system is still extremely screwed up, and if you want to know more you could do a lot worse than reading former NYT reporter Elizabeth Rosenthal’s An American Sickness. Other than hoping we get a Democratic sweep in 2018 & 2020 (and working and contributing $$ for that) I’m not sure what we can do to improve the system–other than to keep exposing the idiocy of current policies and the bad behavior of many actors.

For my next health care issue I’m just going to repeat what I wrote in 2016 and multiply it by a hell of a lot —What sadly has come into focus this year is the desperate attempts to attack women’s access to health care. If you’re a woman– especially a young or poor one who needs access to contraceptives, mammograms, cervical cancer screening, sexually transmitted disease testing, and all kinds of health procedures including safe abortions, it’s become the mission of mainstream Republicans to stop you getting them–using disgusting, deceitful, and downright illegal methods. And that’s as polite as I can say it. So my biggest bump in funding this year went to the one organization that consistently not only campaigns for but actually provides reproductive health services (including contraception, STD testing, counseling, pregnancy support and, yes, safe abortions), Planned Parenthood. I cannot believe that men want to live in a world where women cannot get these services, although I guess the evidence shows enough do….especially in Texas, Louisiana, Indiana and many more.

Given the #MeToo movement we can no longer ignore sexual assault as both a health and a social issue. A brilliant young entrepreneur called Jessica Ladd runs a non-profit called Callisto which enables victims of assault to report it without going through the harrowing ordeal of reporting it to the police or college authorities. Of course if several people report the same perpetrator then that helps bring them to justice. Now imagine this more widely used, say in Hollywood about Harvey Weinstein. Something like that is Jess’ aim. You can see her on Seth Myers’ show and also donate here.

Also worth noting is another great female CEO (Emily May’s story is here) who founded a non profit called Hollaback which helps report and prevent street harassment. There’s an app you can download to report harassment and of course they could use a donation too.

Finally in this section are two related entities supporting patients in dealing with the health care system. I’m a corporate supporter and personal member of the Society for Participatory Medicine which is moving from being a small core of activists to a major organization creating partnerships between patients and the health care system. They had their first conference back in October and it was excellent. The other is The Waking Gallery of which I’m also a proud member. Artist and activist Regina Holliday literally paints patients’ stories on the back of jackets and over 400 people (including me) now wear them at health care conferences. You can support her work here.

Other long time health care issues I like to think about/support:

Engage with Grace founded by my friend Alex Drane. No donation needed–use the 5 questions you can download to start that hardest of conversations about what you want for your care at the end of life.

Jeremy Nobel’s Foundation for Arts & Healing is engaging patients in arts, aggressively tackling loneliness support here.

YTH, a really cool organization that helps use technology to educate young people about sex and other health issues. The YTH Live conference is in San Francisco in May & it’s great and cheap (and somehow despite desperate efforts to quit I’m still on the board).

Poverty in developing countries

The good news is that in the long run things are getting better. The bad news is that there are plenty of trouble spots from Myanmar to Syria to Africa and lots of forces and people trying to repress the long arc towards equality, peace and freedom.

I’ve supported Mercy Corps for over a decade now–at least that’s according to the card they just sent me. They do a remarkable job all over the world focusing on educating girls, supplying clean water and directly intervening in crises. It’s worth noting that this year those crisis spots included Puerto Rico because of the appalling ongoing incompetence of the US government in failing to get help to that stricken part of its own country!

Heifer International gives animals directly to the very poor in order to get them out of the cycle of poverty. Every year I hand out goats and chickens! Hey, my father has a farm on which he feeds the chickens and that’s about as close as I get any more. (OK, this year it was a pig)

I’ve always supported a few smaller charities. They are all teeny in the grand scheme but a lot of little things add up, and for each one of these any donation or support means a lot.

Saigon Children’s Charity is a small charity (approx $1m a year in donations) focusing on providing rice, bikes and books and pens to the families of very poor children in Southern Vietnam so they stay in school. I support a few individual pupils.

Sadly the rapids where I went rafting on my honeymoon in 2008 at the source of the Nile in Uganda are gone, but kayaking doctor Jesse Stone’s clinic and charity Softpower Health is still there. It sells cheap mosquito nets, and provides a health center and family planning outreach. Here’s an article about their first ten years and a really great case study from Jesse about how they saved a girl’s leg.

Also supporting direct medical care, We Care Solar makes a suitcase-sized portable solar powered generator and supplies it to health workers in off-grid clinics across the world–one frequent user is my friend Dr Enoch Choi who’s on the scene of basically every disaster. and right now is on his way to Cambodia. You could alternatively give to Power the World which provides Nokero solar lights, the WE CARE Solar Suitcase, SOCCKET (all of which I’ve featured in previous years) and clean cook stoves–of which I bought a few for people in Nepal.

In the same vein, Health eVillages is a charity launched at Health 2.0 by Donato Tramuto which delivers iPads & smartphones with preloaded medical information to clinicians in remote parts of Haiti, Kenya, South Sudan and elsewhere.

One of the worst trouble spots in the world is the genocide going on in Myanmar. 600,000 Rohingya people have been systematically driven from their homes–with thousands raped and killed by the Myanmar military. A small Muslim lead charity (very highly rated by Charity Navigator) called the Zakat Foundation of America is in the camps in Bangladesh working with the refugees–they are also working in Syria.. For the price of a bottle of good champagne I feel my donation made a bit of a difference and you might too.

Poverty in the US

Income inequality in the US is increasing, leading to systematic pressures on those at the bottom end of society’s ladder. This year the UN actually sent an investigator to report on extreme poverty in the US. The Guardian article about it was harrowing.

These organizations try to help in my locale. You of course may have your local favorites–Here’s the list I support:

San Francisco & Marin food bank. Put your zip code in here to find out your local equivalent

Hamilton Family Center, is a small shelter offering emergency and transitional care, as well as getting families into permanent housing. If you live in San Francisco you know that the housing situation is dire at any income level and is getting worse. Think about those at the bottom. You can help by clicking this link.

Homeless Children’s Network supports care services for homeless children. No one should have to start life that way. You can help here

Disasters

This year has of course been terrible for disasters in the US–hurricanes in Puerto Rico and Texas and fires in California. I gave to the Hispanic Foundation for Puerto Rico, the greater Houston Community Relief Fund, the Redwood Credit Union Community Fund (for N. Cal fires) & the United Way of Ventura County fund for S. California. (Yeah, I know it has a bad rap but the United Way pledged that 100% of the funds will go to victims).  

I also met a bright young social entrepreneur called Jason Friesen from TrekMedics which is building a 911 system where there are none. I was thrilled that we could feature him at Health 2.0 this year. You can donate to their work in Puerto Rico here.

Torture and human rights

Imprisonment without fair trials and torture doesn’t work to improve safety and it increases the amount of future terrorism. My own grandfather was tortured as a British POW in WW2 in the far east. And yet we now have “strong” men in charge increasing the use of torture, unwarranted imprisonment, and in some cases selected or mass vigilante executions in Russia, Turkey, Hungary, Poland, the Philippines, and (if he gets his way) in the US.

These organizations help those being tortured (or who have been) and protest those governments who should act better.–which basically means all of them

Amnesty International campaigns on behalf of prisoners of conscience everywhere

The UK-based Freedom from Torture (used to be called Medical Foundation for the Care of Victims of Torture) helps people from many countries who have been tortured. I’ve been supporting it for many years

The American Civil Liberties Union. If you’re not a card carrying member, you should be–this year of all years.

The environment.

While the clock ticks, the planet and the sea warms and we can but hope that technology in the form of renewable energy and replacements for animals being used as food get here in time. Our grandchildren will be ashamed of us. And of course we now have an actively anti-science administration in the US that is making the problem much worse. While I’ve been the biggest meat eater I know for many years, I’m cutting way down on beef which is responsible for 50%+ of global warming from agriculture worldwide & hoping that Impossible Foods and Memphis Meats come good on their promise to replace meat entirely. BTW the Impossible Burger is pretty damn good.

Other bad news is that the Japanese continue illegal whaling to a great extent and have essentially seen off the attempts by Sea Shepherd to stop them.

I give to both the Sierra Club (respectable) and Greenpeace (more radical) and locally to the Marine Mammal Center–a wonderful facility that helps seals recover, including most years one or two that get shot!

Drug prohibition—a terrible idea that is closer to being toppled

I’ve been protesting drug prohibition forever. It’s a terrible policy. You only have to witness Portugal’s experience decriminalizing all drugs and supporting those who want to get away from addiction to realize that there are much better policies actually working in real life. Probably lunatic US attorney general Jeff Sessions will be too busy trying (and hopefully failing) to avoid jail on perjury charges to try to block legalization of marijuana in California (and Washington, Oregon & Colorado). But we certainly don’t have anything like a rational approach coming from the Federal government even though the argument is basically won in the court of public opinion and science.  A system of taxed and regulated drug distribution is the only solution to removing the criminality associated with drug taking, much of which is relatively harmless anyway. I support:

DRCNet home of the best blog and email newsletter, the Drug War Chronicle. They also look at the stuff others miss, like the massacres currently going on in the Philippines. Their review of the last 20 years of the drug war is well worth reading.

The Drug Policy Alliance — the main lobbying organization promoting “harm reduction”

A Dog’s Life

Charley is 14 now and finally gets to hang out in a big back yard and doesn’t go into the office any more. Funnily enough as soon as he left, Health 2.0’s landlord rewrote the building’s rental agreement to make it a lot less dog friendly. Coincidence? Maybe not! For dogs that aren’t as lucky, Amanda and I support Rocket Dog Rescue $50 pays for an adoption.

***

OK, that’s it. Thanks for reading and please feel free to email me or tweet me or FB me or whatever to give your comments, or see if there’s some other charity I should support. Or just to get in touch anyway

Cheers & have a great 2018!

Matthew

Article source:The Health Care Blog