#i just edited nick's head onto nate's body

[turnthis]

If nobody comes for me in the next five years I'm gonna start pulling wires.

[sturnslutz]

misery.

it's always been you and the water. you're a siren who kills dishonest men who hurt you.

sirens are supposed to kill every sailor and man they come across, and that's exactly what your ancestors did. you're different though. more sensitive, more empathetic than a siren might be. that's why your father banished you.

he banished you to the lake, and all your other family and friends lived out in the sea, miles and miles away. you don't even know how you even got here, either.

"chris, aren't you just so fuckin' glad to be here right before tour?" matt said, 2 dufflebags in hand as he uses his back to open the cabin door. "i mean, i guess. this shit is more up your way, matt. i know nate is ecstatic to be here, ain't that right kid?"

nathan nods, rolling his eyes. "no one s more excited than matty boy, this shit is the life he always wanted." nick groans loudly from behind all them. "can we get a fucking move on! i need to fucking pee."

matt laughs as he makes his way deeper into the cabin, setting his bags down in a single bed room before walking back to the living room. "we're in the middle of nowhere, jus' whip your dick out and piss, dude. not that big of a deal."

nick grimaces at the thought before setting his bags down next to matt. "no thanks." he makes his way to the bathroom as chris and nate plop onto the couch. "smells jus' like it used to. can you believe it's been what? 4 years since we were last here?" nate nods. "yeah, right before y'guys moved to la."

"it's getting dark soon, y'all wanna go walk around before bed?" matt asks, looking at his phone for the time. 7:23. nick emits from the bathroom, shaking his head. "no, i gotta edit and post some shit, if there's any wifi." nate and chris nod. "yeah, there's a celtics game startin' at 7:45, and we don't want to miss it." nate says.

"okay, i'll be back soon, just gonna go walk around for a bit. don't gamble all my fucking money, kid." he points at nate before walking out of the cabin, closing the door. nathan was right, this was the first time since they were 17 that they were at the cabin.

the remote cabin in the middle of upstate massachusetts has always been matt's favorite. the lake, a short walk from the cabin, was also something had always admired.

he started making his way through the woods, the sun shining less and less every minute. he sat on the dock, stretching his legs out as he laid down, looking up at the sky.

he started humming to himself as he let the wind flow through him, but as he took a breath and stopped humming, the melody was still heard. he stopped humming completely, sitting up on his elbows and looking around.

it was noticeably dark now, causing him to squint his eyes to be able to see properly. he saw the water starting to gain some waves. his eyes locked on a rock that seemed to have something moving on it, his face scrunching up. "fuckin' big ass fish." he whispers to himself.

the moonlight hit the rock almost perfectly, and the melody he heard never stopped. his body tensed up when he realized it wasn't a fish no- it was a girl. a girl who looked beautiful in the moonlight, a girl who had a beautiful voice.

"um, excuse me? is everything okay? do you need help?" he yells out to her as he stands up. she turns to face him, and leaps into the water. "no way." he mutters, stepping back from the edge of the dock, looking into the water.

her head pokes up from under the water, and the eye contact between the two. "what the fuck? what are you?" he asks shaky. she tilts her head, smiling softly. she never really saw people- especially men, come around the lake anymore. she wanted to wait to see if he would hurt her before killing him. that's kinda her motto.

"what do you think i am?" her soft voice almost made him fall to his knees. "w-was that you singing out there?" he asks nervously. the night had fallen over them, only the moonlight being the nearest light until the cabin.

"of course it was, did you like it?" he nods, gulping. he sits slowly back down onto the dock, and she swims closer, resting her elbows as she lifts herself slightly.

"yes, it was beautiful, and you're beautiful too. i just don't understand how- or why you're out here." she smiles again, intrigued by his gentleness. "well thank you, and this is my home. i'm always out here." she lifts her tail slightly out of the water so he could see.

his jaw drops, and he almost felt his heart stop. "you're a mermaid." he says quietly. "a relative of the mermaid, yes." his eyes flicker back to her in confusion. before he could get his question out on what she actually is, she interrupts. "i'm misery, and you are?"

"uhm, matt. i'm matt. i can't believe this is real right now, it feels like a fucking dream. y-your name. misery? like miserable?" he quiets down on the last part, almost to not trigger something.

"maybe. i'm not completely sure. i fear we have talked too much already though, matt. i haven't killed you yet which is what i am supposed to do-" her voice is caught off by a distant scream.

"matt! where are you, kid?" chris yells through the forest. matt turns his head to the woods behind him, and then back to misery. "he won't hurt you, i promise." he quickly whispers, and she shakes her head. "i must go. you cannot tell anyone about this. farewell, matt." she ducks her head and body back under the water, swimming fast away, deeper into the lake.

his mouth gapes, and his face twitches in confusion again at the moment, before another yell, much closer than before, is heard. "matt, what the hell? where the hell have you been? i've been calling your phone for god knows how long. it's been like 3 hours, kid." chris breaths out as he walks closer to matt, finally being able to see him.

"3 hours? it hasn't been that long." matt mutters as he stands up, taking out his phone from his pocket, and sure enough. about 20+ missed text messages from the other boys, and a dozen phone calls, and the time states: 10:56.

"no fucking way. i'm sorry, i didn't even realize- i was so caught up," chris shakes his head. "in what? you haven't been doing anything, you looked like you were sleeping as i was walking toward you. and you're drenched in water? what the fuck happened, you took a dip in your clothes before taking a nap?"

matt looks down, he didn't even notice. his clothes were drenched, and so was his hair, which was dripping down. when did he get in the water?

"i don't even know, dude. i'm freaked out, let's just head back." matt quickly rushes past chris, practically running back to the cabin, opening the door; barely holding it open before rushing into the bathroom.

he looks at himself, chest moving rapidly up and down, and drenched. "what the fuck just happened."

[thrashermaxey]

Ramblings: Theodore’s New Contract, Injuries, Roster Cuts, and Goalie Situations (Sept 26)

Lots of player news happening today with roster cutdowns and injuries, so this edition of the Ramblings will be more about quick hits than deep dives.  

Bodog odds for NHL rookie of the year: Elias Pettersson 4/1 Rasmus Dahlin 6/1 Andrei Svechnikov 6/1 Eeli Tolvanen 13/2

— Steve Ewen (@SteveEwen) September 24, 2018

There’s been more than enough coverage on who should be the favorites for the Calder Trophy on this website. It’s covered in the Fantasy Guide, and Cam recently covered some best and worst-case and most likely projections in recent Ramblings here and here. Overall I don’t have an issue with these odds and would even write Pettersson in pen as my Calder Trophy favorite. Among the forwards, he seems to be the most likely to snag a top-6 role and first-unit power-play time right off the bat, which I think will go a long way in the Calder Trophy race. Two things I can tell you with certainty about the Canucks: 1) They won’t win very often, and 2) Pettersson will be fun to watch.

*

After failing to catch on with an NHL team this offseason, Brian Gionta has announced his retirement on Monday after 16 seasons. Gionta captained both the Canadiens and the Sabres in his career, but his best season came all the way back in the 2005-06 season with the Devils, when he scored 48 goals and 89 points. This season turned out to be a complete outlier for Gionta, as his next-highest single-season totals were 29 goals (in 2010-11) and 60 points (in 2008-09). Gio had a dependable side, though, as he was a 20-goal scorer for seven consecutive seasons from 2003-04 to 2010-11.

*

Some goaltending news that you need to know about if you have a draft coming up soon:  

Q said Crawford starting in the season opener "may be stretching it at this point." Not surprising to hear, considering Crawford's not even practicing w/ the #Blackhawks yet.

— Tracey Myers (@Tramyers_NHL) September 24, 2018

Corey Crawford last played a game on December 23. With this news, he is considered doubtful for the season opener. His ADP of 123 on Yahoo is way too high, considering that we have no potential return date and he is dealing with a concussion. But if you’re looking for a silver lining, there is the possibility that he could return to practice this week. Yet there’s enough there for me to move Crawford onto my “do not draft” list. I would only consider him a late-round option at this point, as there is considerable risk here.

Crawford’s injury means that Cam Ward remains a possibility in fantasy leagues. Maybe not the best goalie option on your waiver wire, if Tuesday’s result is any indication (six goals allowed on 17 shots). But these games don’t count, and he’s still an option if you desperately need to fill a starting goalie void. He’s only 11 percent owned in Yahoo leagues, so chances are he’s available in yours. If he can’t figure it out, though, the Blackhawks might be in deep trouble.

Another Cory (Cory Schneider) is expected to travel with his team to Europe for the Global Series to start the season, but it is not known whether he will start in any games there.  I wouldn’t place Schneider on my “do not draft” list even though he has been recovering from hip surgery since early May.

Schneider should still be considered the slight favorite to start over Keith Kinkaid, but this news suggests that Schneider owners should consider drafting Kinkaid as a later-round handcuff option. Contracts ($6 million for Schneider, $1 million for Kinkaid) will also matter, which means that Schneider will be given every opportunity to reclaim the starting job. However, health and performance could also result in Kinkaid at least matching Schneider in games started as he did in 2017-18.

*

Late Monday night, the Vegas Golden Knights announced that they had signed defenseman Shea Theodore to a seven-year contract with a cap hit of $5.2 million per season. Those in salary cap leagues hoping for a bridge deal will now need to go all in on the young defenseman. But as Cam mentioned in yesterday’s Ramblings, Theodore already has someone looking over his shoulder for the first-unit power-play minutes.

Cam also mentioned that Theodore’s absence along with Nate Schmidt’s suspension would result in Erik Brannstrom likely to make the Knights’ roster this season. That might still happen, but the probability of that happening now decreases with one defenseman still yet to be cut. Brannstrom is reportedly having an impressive camp, although he’s best suited for keeper leagues at this point.

*

The Canadiens have sent Nick Suzuki to junior, waived Michael McCarron and Hunter Shinkaruk (among other players), and released Joel Ward from his tryout. There was a chance that Suzuki would make the Habs’ roster, but he will have a chance to record another 100-point season in the OHL. First-round pick Jesperi Kotkaniemi is still on the squad, so his chances of being on the opening-night roster improve significantly, especially with Suzuki being sent back to junior. Suzuki is one player I’d love to see in the World Juniors, considering he was one of Canada’s final cuts last season.

*

The Ottawa Senators have placed Zack Smith on waivers, which prompted this response from Matt Duchene:  

Matt Duchene says Zack Smith being waived today "is a kick in the balls for us in this locker room"

— TSN 1200 (@TSN1200) September 25, 2018

In all honesty, playing or cheering for the Senators this season is going to feel like a kick in the balls. Contract had something to do with it, as Smith had three years left at $3.25 million. Smith was held to just five goals and 19 points last season, although he was a 25-goal scorer two seasons before that.

As Pierre Dorion continues to suck the Senators dry of experienced NHLers, Duchene and Mark Stone owners can only hope that they are traded sooner rather than later. But I’d be concerned that one or both would be headed to a much deeper team that will decrease their minutes. But right now anything seems better than Canada’s capital and potential fireside chats with Eugene Melnyk.

*

Just pre-season…but: RNH-McDavid-Rattie have combined for 19 points in 2 GP The RW's (Rattie (7), Puljujarvi (4), Yamamoto (4)) have a combined 15 goals in 5 exhbition games. Oilers ARE quicker and faster…then last season…at least at this point

— Bob Stauffer (@Bob_Stauffer) September 26, 2018

Ty Rattie recorded a hat trick on Tuesday, while Jesse Puljujarvi also scored a pair of goals. I can’t think of a scenario right now where Rattie isn’t on Connor McDavid’s line on opening night, so Rattie has to be on your list of potential sleepers. This is simply a continuation of Rattie’s late-season success (9 points in 14 games) on the McDavid line. I’m not sure that Rattie sticks and believe that Puljujarvi is the better long-term option. However, Rattie was a two-time 100+ point scorer in the WHL, so this could simply be a matter of him finding the right opportunity. He sure won’t find a better opportunity than this one.  

*

Brennan will cover a more detailed Injury Report later, but there were a few news items on Tuesday that you should be aware of heading into fantasy drafts:

The Coyotes have announced that Alex Galchenyuk is currently week-to-week with a lower-body injury and is not expected to be ready for opening night. This news means that you should move Galchenyuk down your draft rankings at least a little bit. It might also cement Dylan Strome for the Coyotes’ opening-night roster. I’d be surprised if Strome is sent to the AHL anyway, although I think that would have more to do with his defensive play than anything.

Nikita Kucherov left Tuesday’s game with a lower-body injury, although the decision to remove him from the game was considered precautionary more than anything. I’d probably draft Kucherov where you normally would, although I’d keep an eye on this situation as we near opening night.

Seth Jones also left his game on Tuesday with a lower-body injury and will be re-evaluated Wednesday. Just another one to keep an eye on – hopefully nothing serious.

*

For more fantasy hockey information, you can follow me on Twitter @Ian_Gooding.

from All About Sports https://dobberhockey.com/hockey-rambling/ramblings-theodores-new-contract-injuries-roster-cuts-and-goalie-situations-sept-26/