#i just can't with cancer guys thinking about it makes me so angry and sick and sad

[sassenach082]

i don’t know if i’m allowed to ask is because it could be considered a spoiler but do you know whether you are planning to let Ice live after the events of tgm?

Listen I've never heard of canon in my life, okay, and in my mind Mav and Ice are flying off into the sunset right now in the P-51 while Ice is bitching at Mav for doing so many unnecessary barrel rolls while secretly enjoying every second.

To be serious, though, I considered sticking with canon until I lost my grandma to a really aggressive cancer last fall. It was six weeks from diagnosis to her deathbed and it was absolutely and completely horrible and I don't think I'll ever be able to write about cancer after going through that.

I planned on being really open about it as I wrote this series, so I don't really consider it a spoiler per-se since I've mentioned my grandma and her cancer fight in my author's notes, but I hope that's a satisfactory answer! I doubt you were the only one wondering, so thanks for asking, because now it's out in the open for everyone! :)

[shannendoherty-fans]

Shannen Tribute by friends and co-stars, from "Let's Be Clear"

I complied these from the next-to-last "Let's Be Clear" podcast episode. The podcast launched last year (2023) by Shannen Doherty:

Holly Marie Combs:

I think Shannen would be really pleasantly surprised by the outbaring of love and emotion that has come from so many different people in places, because she really did often feel like the underdog and vilified, and that she had to prove herself in so many different ways. I think she'd be really surprised and shocked by how many people have reached out and said really beautiful things about her. It's just a testament to who she was as a person.

I'm angry and I'm sad she doesn't get to see the places that she wanted to. And I'm angry and sad that once again I've lost, you know, that person that you can call in the middle of the night, to cancer. I've lost another friend to cancer. And it's really hard when you lose someone who should have and really wanted to live along in full life, not just for herself, but for other people in her family. You know, when I went through tough times in my life, some really horrible stuff, and one day I showed up on her door step, and I didn't know how bad I looked physically until I saw it on her face, and I saw her face change, and I knew I must have been pretty beat up. To her credit, she never shied away, she never took a step back, and if something was wrong, she went full end to help me fix it. And I think that's because she had seen so much pain and trauma in her own life that she didn't want to see anybody else go through it. And whether it was me or my kids. She was literally always a phone call away.

It's so unbelievable that, even knowing she was sick, we just thought we had more time. And she definitely did think she had more time. So I guess for me, that's the lesson is that you think you have time, but you don't. And not many people could do what Shannen did in one day. She was just like a tornado of energy. But I think that's the thing to take away from all of this is you think you have time, and so you know, she would give me an awful hard time that I don't say I love you enough. To anyone. It's not on a like you know, personal oasis, but to anyone in general. And so I would say, you know, tell the people you love that you love and live like there is no tomorrow, because that's what she did.

Brian Krause:

When I got on the show Charmed, I was really nervous to show up and perform in front of her. I knew the stakes were raised that you know, I had heard rumors and blah blah blah. And I got on, I knew my lines, I did my thing, and she just looked over me and she kind of gave a little wink in a good job, and you know, to get her approval that I had formed well and done well. It meant everything.

I was told I was going to be a regular on the show [Charmed] , it was actually Shannen who had said to me, because when you had powers on Charmed, you usually were a bad guy and you died. And she took me aside and she said, no, you're a good guy, and you're going to stick around, and you just keep doing what you're doing and you'll be around for a while. And it was her way of saying, you know, good job, keep showing up and keep kicking ass and kind of joining me, opening her wings and allowing me to be a part of her family. And I was so honored by it that Charmed had this "let's kick some ass" and make really good entertainment, and that was all Shannen … setting the standard of what professionalism was. And I'll never forget it.

And I've been so lucky the last few years to have gotten to know her as we've done comic cons and this podcast, and to know Shannen is a human and her enduring spirit of anything is possible. And if I could say anything to "Let's be clear" fans, Shannen really believed anything was possible with hard work, determination and vision, let's go get it. And I don't think I ever should heard her say I don't know how, or oh what if, or it can't. It wasn't a part of her DNA, it was "oh, we've run into a wall. Okay, let's fix this, let's get this done, let's do this. No, let's take action". And I think anything I could pass on that rubbed off on me that meant so much was our work ethic and desire to do what she wanted to do and live fearlessly. And I'm going to take that with me and try and do it every day, every day, every day. I love Shannen so much and I wish I got a chance to tell her that she's an amazing, amazing human being… I just feel really lucky that I was able to be a part of [Charmed] . I'm forever grateful for her friendship.

Drew Fuller:

In honor of her, Let's be very clear: Shannen was a warrior. She faced adversity head on with everything that she got and refused to be a victim. She lived her life with so much passion, with love and a fearlessness that I will strive daily to replicate. She's inspired, hired millions of people, She's inspired me, and I will love her forever, and I hope each and every one of you listening will honor her spirit by living the way she lived.

Dorian Gregory:

I remember her with a smile and the laughter and the joy that we shared together, and that way it will live forever. I was impacted by that. First thing on set. I heard this amazing laughter. I looked around the corner and it was Holly and Shannen sharing a moment having such genuine, real laughter. I walked over first days awkward, she welcomed me warmly, and that was and then a lot.

I come from a house of strong women to turn. Accomplished and sharp as sharks, sharp as sharkingby. That was her. My father passed from cancer, and my mother passed with cancer. So I have a little idea of what happens on the day to day. I say this: because I remember Shannen a year ago and her autographs on me. It's the last time I actually was there physically around her and her wit and her warmth and her energy and her strength just as strong as ever, and her generosity and care for her fans… In every convention I've been with her, every time i've been in her presence. A week ago we did a podcast and Shannen was sharing her years of experience in this distance and the ins and outs, and the ups and downs, and her artistic affectionism, and that was so wonderful to hear.

James Eckhouse:

You were a ferocious spirit. You were ferocious in your work, your talent. You're ferocious in your love. You're ferocious in your courageous battle with cancer. I really loved working with you both as actor and director. Yeah, you always brought all of your heart to every scene. And when I brought my young kids to the set, I'm forever grateful to you for being so welcoming, so kind. They never forgot. We honor you and we treasure you. You will be sorely missed.

Mark Damon Espinoza:

Our storylines [in "Beverly Hills,90210"] were always going in different directions, and I'm really sorry we didn't have more opportunities to actually work together on screen. She was a terrific actress. However, when we did pass on the set at the studio wherever we were, you know, make up, trailer or wardrobe or whatever. She was always really really nice to me. And at the time, it would have been very easy for me to be intimidated. You know, I was working with some of, if not the most famous young people on the planet at that time. They didn't have to be nice. Shannen was, however. And I'll always remember that.

Years after "90210", she was shooting something at the gym where I was working out… and I was a mess. I was just coming from a run and I was sweaty, but she saw me from a good distance away and stopped production, came over to me, gave me this huge hug and wanted to know how I was doing. And she didn't let me go until I told her. I mean, not everyone would hug a sweaty guy at the gym after they've been in hair and makeup and and have a crew waiting. But that that's Shannen, and I'll keep in my heart, you know. That's that's the one I'll remember for the rest of my my own life.

None of us are immortal, and our time is far too short. Hers was far, far too short. But her energy, her her fight, her spirit, that'll live on. That'll live on.

Shenae Grimes:

I owe more to Shannen than I'm sure she ever knew, than most people know. If it weren't for Shannen, I would not be who I am in so many more ways than one. I had the good fortune of being cast on the spin off series of "90210" in 2008, playing the character Annie Wilson, who was part of the brother's sister duo that moved from a small town to Beverly Hills. And the only reason why that happened is because Shannen Doherty created one of the most iconic characters ever to be on television in my opinion, and I think a lot of people would agree with me on that one. Shannen Doherty created the character that we all fell in love with.

I had the incredible fortune of stepping into a tiny version of her shoes and hopefully follow into her footsteps in a way that made Shannen proud. Because Shannen was so warm and so lovely and so fiercely strong and unapologetic, and she is the type of woman that I have always aspired to be. And it was watching her do it despite everything that she was met with and continue to forge ahead, being true to who she was that gave me the confidence to do the same, no matter how much resistance I've been met with throughout my life. Because of that, and there, I've said it before, there's really not been much of a blueprint for how to be a strong, unapologeticly strong woman in a world and society that is so determined to tell you not to. But she did it. She did it, and she, as far as I'm concerned, is one of the very few that is the blueprint. It's women like Shannen Doherty that give the rest of us permission and confidence to demand what we deserve, stand up for ourselves, and not take any shit. And I hope I'm allowed to say that, but I think Shannen would be okay with it. In my short time of getting the job on "90210" and starting to film and being a part of the tabloid fodder and media craze that was at that time, it was only a little why into that process and that experience that I met Shannen and had the privilege to actually work with her portraying the character of Brenda alongside me on "90210". And at that point, already in just a short window of time, I had been so mentally broken down by the experience. You know, I was eighteen when I moved out to La to take on the job. I was by myself, left my family back home, really didn't know anybody other than my cast. And the behind the scenes drama that "Beverly Hills, 90210" was known for definitely was recreated behind the scenes of our spinoff of "90210" as well. And I think Shannen and I am not having ever spoken about it, but I think a lot of our experiences, or the experiences I had, mirrored a lot of the experiences that she had.

Meeting her that day in the trailer, I was so exciting because she was my favorite character from the original show. I had watched it with my mom growing up, so I was a super fan of her already, and I think, you know, brown hair like, she was the gorgeous brunette for the show, so I felt most like tied to her, and I was so nervous meeting her, and she literally just like welcomed me into her trailer with the biggest smile and the warmest hug, and it was like I don't even know if she meant to communicate this with her hug, but it made me feel so seen and like I was not alone in everything that I was experiencing at that time, because it was a lot. It was a lot for an eighteen nineteen year old girl to go through. And getting that hug from her, knowing that she experienced so much at times a million when she was my age, like, was everything to me because all I saw with this was this beautiful, strong woman who was so resilient, who had made it out of that experience still with her chin held high, fire in her belly and being true to who she was, and to me, that was Shannen Doherty. The queen of the Badasses that give us all permission and confidence to be who we are, to demand respect, and to never settle for anything less tan what we deserve.

David Lascher:

I always admired her for being such a strong woman. She knew what exactly what her voice was. She didn't pander to anybody. My scenes [on "Beverly Hills, 90210"] weren't with Shannen, and she was a tough nut to crack, to be honest, she was guarded. But then we became friends. She had this soft side to her that I think a lot of people didn't know, and she was a beautiful soul, and to see such a strong person have to fight the fight that she went through was so heartbreaking and I really thought she was winning. And I'm just so sad and heartbroken, and I love her soul and I hope she's at peace.

Randy Spelling:

Ever since I saw that smile on "Little House on the Prairie" it just lit up the screen. And Shannen lit up the screen, every screen that she was on. She lit up a room, every room that she was in. She just had this energy about her, and she was small and she was slight, but she just had such a big presence and energy that you could feel tough at times, soft and sweet at times.

Shannen, you will be so missed. You will always be my first legitimate crush. And I know you were greeted by so many loved ones. Thank you for being you and for being so committed to that which you believed in and showing that to the world. No matter what it was, you had this incredible commitment and tenacity and drive and passion to go after what it is that you believed in.

Dean Butler:

When we met Shannen for the first time at the beginning of season nine of "Little House on the Prairie", she made a very strong impression. And that impression there were a couple of things. One, she was talented. There was no doubt that Shannen had a gift. And the other thing that you couldn't miss about Shannen is that Shannen was determined to make something of herself in the entertainment industry. She had one of the most powerful motors in that area that I've ever seen in all the years that I've been around our industry. Shannen left us way too soon, but not unlike someone else that she and I both worked with on "Little House", Michael Landon, who died at the age of fifty four from pancreatic cancer. Shannen fit a lot of life into her fifty three years, and she will be remembered for it.

Kevin Smith:

Shannen broke the Internet before the Internet even existed. She's an American icon.

When I went to work on 'Clerks', when we went to Minnesota to shoot the movie, it was almost as if you know the business, Hollywood whatever, you know, I'd arrived with my first movie, but here I was about to take make my second movie, first with the studio, first with a real budget. And the first person from the industry to meet me over this bridge that I crossed thanks to making 'Clerks', the first person in the business of professional who was there to welcome me was Shannen. And I always found that wonderful and bittersweet and ironic that I spent so many nights watching her [on 'Heathers' and 'Beverly Hills, 90210'] on this little television grainy TV, and then I saw her in all her glory in real life, no grain whatsoever. I had a crush on her then I'll always have a crush on her. She was a force of nature.

One month since your departure. Forever missed. Never gone, never forgotten.

[honeybunniii333]

(SORRY I'VE BEEN DEAD! Also i just realized I never see content for Dez and Ed. Like they have a sibling like relationship (even tho they're cousins), and they're supposedly really close in Canon! But I never saw anything for them, and I decided that needed to be fixed. SO! Here ya go!)

Again, her dad was in the hospital again. It had gotten to where he was there more than home, and that was scary and awful in its own right. But now, because of the sudden dip in his health. He can't take her to their yearly concert! They've gone to one every year since she was four, and it was her favorite part of the summer. They'd already bought their tickets and everything... and then he started getting sick again. Bad enough to land him in the hospital two days before they were supposed to leave... Dez was angry, to say the least. NOT at her dad. She knew better than anyone that the last thing the man ever wanted was to break his little girl's heart. She was mad at life for making this happen. Mad at the cancer for making her poor dad so sick and weak. He didn't deserve this. She felt so lost, so out of control. She didn't know what to do, she had to do something. She was SO tired of feeling powerless. She didn't even think about it as she grabbed the scissors from the counter.

Horror, she felt true horror as she looked in the mirror. Her hair, her pretty hair, was all over the floor and the sink. Oh god, what had she done... her knees buckled, and she sank to the ground, scissors long abandoned on the counter as she cried and wiped at her face. Her eyes were sore, and her throat was raw. She wanted her dad, but he was not there. And someday, probably soon, he'd never be there again, and that thought just made her cry harder. Dez was an independent person generally. She didn't like being genuinely reliant on anyone, but right now, she'd throw her pride aside for some comfort. Her head shot up at the sound of the almost totally open door, creaking the rest of the way open and a startled gasp following it. Someone stood in the doorway, eyes wide, and God did that make her crumble even further. But this time, there were arms wrapping around her, pulling her close and nails, raking through what remained of her hair. She buried her face into their chest and just let herself cry. She cried and cried until she couldn't seem to muster any more tears.

"Dez..." Ed's quiet response came after a moment or two of prolonged silence. "Desiree, talk to me." he insisted when he got nothing but a sniffle in response, pulling her back by the shoulders to get a good look at her. He frowned a bit and brushed some hair off of her cheek. "I..." She choked out. "Oh god, what did I do... my hair..." She sniffled, trying not to cry again. "Hey, hey..." he hushed "Cmon tell me what's up." he reminded as he pulled her with him to rest against the sink cabnit. Still supporting her with an arm around the shoulder. "I... Dad is sick again." She whispered, and he seemed to understand almost immediately. "Yeah..he is..." he nodded solemly.

"I miss him.." She added, closing her eyes and resting against the strong weight beside her. "I know ya do... he misses ya, too." he reminded, and she couldn't help but smile sadly at that. "He's not coming home anytime soon... and this week was.. supposed to be our concert week." She struggled to get her words out with that feeling bubbling up in her throat again. The feeling that everything was falling apart, Edward just squeezed her shoulder in response. "Yeah Tiá was talking about that earlier this week... you guys go every year..."

"Yeah... and now we can't... " she choked harshly but pushed on. "I know it's dumb. I know he can't help it. It's not that big a deal it just.. it kinda made me realize that there's a good chance that we won't get to do a lot of stuff together, and I don't know... I just cracked, and now my hair is a mess, and I'm a mess.. everything's a mess..." She wiped at her eyes furiously as she spoke. "That's alright." He seemed to have decided. "It's okay to be a little bit of a mess sometimes..." And Dez briefly caught herself thinking about how Ed should probably take that sentiment to heart as well. "And I wouldn't say your hair is a mess..." he laughed a little, moving a bit to get a better look. "it's a bit choppy, yeah... but I don't think it looks bad on ya!" she seemed rather skeptical as she glanced up at the older boy. "Really?"

"Yeah! Just needs a bit of touch up, here..." he insisted, pulling her up and directing her to the mirror as he grabbed the scissors that had been discarded on the counter and immediately started cutting away. "Hey!" she tensed a bit, "Just trust me, Dez." he sighed with a roll of his eyes, and soon he set them back down. "See..?" she was a bit scared to look up at first but slowly she opened her eyes (which she hadn't really registered squeezing shut until now) and... he was right... it wasn't awful. "It'll take a little gettin used to, it is a big change." he hummed, fluffing her hair up a bit to check the length. "But I think you might end up liking it... and if you don't... it's just hair. It'll grow back."

She wasn't sure how to feel, standing there with a boy she'd for some reason expected to be mean when first meeting him.. it was a funny thought now. She stood there studying his work, his hands resting comfortingly on her shoulder... She didn't know how to feel, but another gentle squeeze cleared her mind. "Hey..." his voice was soft. "It'll be okay... I know it doesn't feel like it right now... everything's a bit hectic, and it's hard to see it, but... You'll be okay." And somehow, when Edward said it, it sounded a lot more believable. She couldn't help but feel better with the reminder that even when her Dad was gone. Ed would still be there... he was always there... whether she wanted or not... "Hey Eddie?" She whispered after another long pause. Ed had already gotten to cleaning up the mess she'd made. He seemed to do that a lot... "Yeah?" He hummed, not looking up from his task of sweeping up hair. "Would you wanna go to a concert this weekend?" He seemed a bit confused for a moment, but the confusion was short-lived, and he seemed to understand. He smiled fondly to himself and nodded.

"Yeah, I would."

Dez had a feeling that she'd be okay...

[shazuiashan]

Hi everyone! My name is Shanly Rose Tiro Casuna; call me "Shan" for short. I am 18 years old. I live in Purok Beauty in the Sky, Timpolok Babag 2, and Lapu-Lapu City. Do you want to know what my life is like? (Chismosa! Char!)) 

So here's the story of my life! Throwback: When I was 6 months old, my papa died because he had leukemia stage 4. He never told anyone that he was sick, not until he always felt that his head was always aching and that all of his body had a lot of black dots, and that was the symptom of his illness. All of my uncle's brothers rushed him to the hospital. When they arrived at the hospital, the doctor checked him and found out that my father has leukemia cancer stage 4, and it is too late to make him heal because it is already stage 4 cancer. All of my uncle's and mama's children cried because of my father's situation. After a week, my father decides to go home because he doesn't want to die at the hospital because there's no chance to live long, he said.

My grandma didn't agree with my father's decisions, but that's what he wanted. My grandma told the doctor that they wanted to go home, and when they got home, my mama always cried because she didn't want to see that my father was suffering. My father loses hope because he says that he will no longer live. My father's situations became more difficult, and he said he wanted to rest because he was tired, but before he died, he told my mom and my uncle's to take care of me, never let anyone hurt me, and love me like their own daughter. After my father said that, he had already closed his eyes. Everyone is crying except me because I don't even know what's happening because I'm just a 6-month-old baby.

Fast forward: after 3 years, my mother found another guy, who is my mother's husband right now. When my mama and her husband lived together in the same house, my life became miserable. My mother's attention was always on her husband. Her husband doesn't want my mother to take care of me; he always says that my tita will take care of me because he wants my mother's attention.

When my mama's husband went abroad, I was very happy because my mama's attention was all mine, but I was wrong. Every time they always do "facetime," my mother's attention is always on her laptop, and mine? I'm just nothing. I always cry when mama and his husband are on "facetime." Every time my mama picks me up, his husband always says, "Put her down." My tita is always there for me, and she is very angry at my mother's new husband. Even though I'm just 3 years old, I already understand the situation.

When I was 6 years old, her husband got home from abroad on vacation for one month. My mama got pregnant for their first son, who is 15 years old now. When I was in 5th grade, I felt something wrong about my mother's husband—the way he stared at me—something was wrong, but I didn't mind it. Until I was in 6th grade, he harassed me. I've had trauma until now; anxiety has always attacked me. I don't want to communicate with others because I'm scared. I'm no longer going to explain this more because it's too complicated.

My childhood is not good; I don't have a lot of good memories of my childhood because I'm always at home, always do the housework, and at a very young age, a 5-year-old Shanly always does the dishes and cleans the house. They don't let me play outside if I can't finish the chores. I always think that it is unfair for me because other kids are playing outside while I'm just at the house. I don't have a lot of toys because they don't want to buy them for me, even Barbie. I always wanted to have a Barbie, but they always say that it's just a waste of money. They can afford to buy some remote controls and robots for my brother, but when it comes to me, it's just a waste of money.

Every time I see a kid like me who has a Barbie doll, I become jealous. How can they have a Barbie doll while I can't? How unfair is that? They have a lot of toys and can play outside, but I can't. But I always tell myself that it's okay; I can play with myself and make my own toys.

Now, I have two brothers, one 15 years old and one 7 years old. I am very grateful that I have them. And I am thankful that they never experienced what I did when I was a kid. Well, we all know that life is hard and challenging. Just always put your trust in Jesus Christ; everything will be alright, and everything will be fine in His name. He will always guide us.

Thank you for reading...

[the-firebird69]

IMAX. Jon Osterman turns into Dr. Manhattan | Watchmen [+Subtitles]

He said he survived it and he started it and you can't tell if it's real almost every film you can't tell if it's real and a lot of people think that it's fake but we know it's real and he's in a bar and he hits some people with a ship and people are getting sick because they're too close and they actually die they can't recover they could if they doped but they don't want to they might go insane they say and they go ahead and they leave because of him and they're all mad at him and finally he set up when he walked back in himself. And it's not one of his grandsons it's one of Tommy F people it's not him and he says goodbye to him but he hates him and wants him gone he messed up their plan got them hurt very bad and possibly all killed and he's a rat and he went in for our sons granddaddy's watch and you keep claiming that he did George in and he did not he's in tombs and he kept seeing it and saying it and saying it to our son he's saying he did Arnie in and he did not and is a loser and he didn't know what happened and he's been covering them up because he's an ignorant idiot is completely ignorant of the ships and the cadmium ships and he doesn't know about what they do and it's the common empire and our son had to find it because he's sitting there saying he has everything because he's messing with our son it's ridiculous everybody is extremely angry with him and this happens soon and yes BG gave the other watch to Jason on purpose it's competition but boy you people are real jerks and attack people for no reason and is valuable and you're not

Thor Freya

Olympus

Zues Hera

Regret to inform you that it's not really my character and he says then whose character would it be. I do figure it out I zapped him in the bar and they sent me back and it's all over finally and that's what it is and it's more complicated factors and our friend says it's the max and for some reason they're done with me and it's probably because I keep on selling you the companies and their friend here ran a test and said the other ones will do it too it's not a nice test and what we're doing is idiocy and we can't stop and he wanted to know because I'm a threat and I was walking around the park with an empty container saying it was for his head and now it's going to be over I might have to wait a few days or a week or a few hours but it's going to end and I won't know when according to the movie so I'm going to go around and think it's not going to happen and people are trying to set me up and he says that it doesn't look like BG it's the guy that died from cancer and I know that is but he's not really the one setting the door it's automatic so I go back for the watch it's a mistake and he says that some people will run that kind of thing to try and use power and to try and gain power by using other people and people walking by I've seen it a little but really it's coming from somewhere else Jason and other people have seen it and he says it's coming from me I'm the one who knows about it and they said they know too they want your friend to have power and say that you came back they tried to force me to give you your memory back and I told him the same thing I always say I can put what I want in there and I did and I was found investing with a whole bunch of sheep that's terrific that's a great time though

Trump it almost saved my life but they're kind of stupid they get nitrogen necrosis and they don't think so and those places are huge

The sun is in trouble still Trump is a huge pain and he's going to try and grab him to threaten him and we have to stop him there's some people walking by we think they might get cancer and he says you have to dope whether you like it or not and that's all there is to it if I it's just like auntie cancer medicine you can dope and take into cancer medicine too and just make it shots of it and you'll be fine that way you don't want to do is ignore it and it's not really that bad it's not like you're irradiated okay it's microwave energy which usually fries you and you're getting a little bit of it and it's true too it's mild radiation so we suggest that you follow the recommendations they say they're going to and they know about it are you going to go ahead and do it it's not worth it for this person he's fallen and he's left and someone's marching around and they get that and it's very true

Olympus

I'm still across afraid for him but at least people understand who's doing it and why and it's vulgar stuff and it's really to push themselves to gain power and to be in power

Hera and yeah you're the guy from UPS King of Queens trying to put up with the old man and really Carrie is Dave and roll reversal and she's laughing her ass off saying good we're both putting up with him really so it's going on like this Dave is not there but he is and he's a pain but you're supposed to get this car and the empire wants it this is going to look a little faster they said the shoreline is going to drop and they're saying it because they're saying and I know there's a whole bunch of mining going on it's a large amount of it. Matter of fact it's a decent amount there's a large number of mining equipment machines that are heading there a huge ones too these things are big now surprised they're allowing it some of them are 5 miles long and it's warlock and they're going out there they're coming out of tunnels and they're heading out offshore and not offshore of Charlotte county cell phone fort Myers and North Sarasota and they're digging like madness and they find the stuff and they're going to pull the ships out to get bigger diamonds they're going to try and arm ships here and they know what you're saying you're a bunch of jerks you might have to explain yourself and he says I've watched guardians of galaxy and I can do it in remembrance of my grandpa who Brad is emulating

Hera

Well sure are big words Chris that's what we're doing and I do appreciate it

Brad

[leonicscorpio]

Batboy Headcanons because I made this for me but you all can enjoy this too if want. (May contain mild NSFW)

Dick:

Has a weird relationship with unwanted gaze and the attention he receives because of his physique. He genuinely likes the attention but he draws the line when people start getting touchy. Just because he's shirtless working out doesn't mean he gave you consent to touch him.

Has good dieting skills but he's in his mid-late 20's and his metabolism has 0 signs of slowing down. He once ate a whole xl bag of M&M's in front of Steph and Babs and both said they wanted to murder him because he won't gain a pound.

Dick has ADHD and I'm sorry if you don't think otherwise. He has hyperactive type ADHD and while he's gotten better at controlling his symptoms he still stims stretching and flexing his arms and shaking his arms.

While not so much in Gotham, Dick is very politically active and volunteers at voter registration and working with organizations with the mission of police demilitarization in Blüdhaven.

Dick is a very sexually driven individual. However, I don't think it's entirely healthy. His ADHD also comes into play with this but Dick just needs to have a release at least twice a day or he'll feel physically sick.

I don't know if you all have seen male gymnasts. But Dick, like the rest of them, has FREAKSISHLY large biceps. Everyone talks about Dick has the best ass in the bat family and while Jason may be larger and stronger, Dick has the best physique.

Dick's apartment is littered with sticky notes in places such as the fridge/in front of his computer. If it's not written down and in a place where he can't ignore it, it's not going to get done.

I'm sorry I know everyone says his birthday is in March but I have to go to the older Nightwing comics and say his Birthday is December 1st. I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me this man doesn't give off Sagittarius energy. You can't. I respect you but you can't look at that and tell me that man isn't a Sagittarius or has super heavy Sag in his birth chart.

Dick's at home doing nothing but chilling? You best believe he's gonna be shirts off, tits out, and rocking some blue flannel PJ's.

Dick is currently the only member of the family asides from Barbara who is regularly attending therapy. And he actively encourages each of his brothers and sisters to go every time.

After his Agent 37 days. He sits down with Jason and talks about having to use a gun and how hard it was. And how having to kill people has affected him. When he had to kill the KGBeast (Agent 37 days he snapped his neck) I headcanon Dick just trauma v*mit*d. Jason hugged him and just consoled him.

It's canon that Dick has anger issues but to me, it's not explored or talked about enough and not a lot of people like to talk about it. Dick is very much the 'if I ignore it it'll go away' type when it comes to his anger and he can brush most insults or harassment off fine enough. But when he breaks, he makes Jason look like a saint. I'm talking slamming you into a wall and screaming in your face angry. He'll be profusely apologetic afterward but still.

Despite popular belief, I don't think he's that bad of a cook. He's just not very experimentative. He can follow a recipe and does look at some guides. But to me, Dick Grayson just is that guy who is like Chicken veggies and rice are a meal that I can cook 4-6 times a week.

Dick has a slight fear of dentists. He doesn't have bad teeth and has good dental health. He just doesn't like the idea of a drill going in his mouth and the few times Bruce has to take him to a dentist he had a panic attack every time.

Everyone lives for the fics where Jason beats the shit out of Tim and everyone is just like lol well Bruce and Dick just forgives him. No. When Dick found out it was Jason who beat Tim to the ground, Dick was literally seething and told Jason "Pick on someone your own size or else I'll make you wish you back in that f'ing coffin."

Dick's favorite foods (some based in Canon*): Milk Chocolate*, Cereal*, Asparagus, Bananas, Banana flavored candy, Hawaiian Pizza* (suffer its canon) Rum, thanksgiving Turkey.

Jason:

He may be the self-diagnosed black sheep (rightfully so) of the family, but Jason does genuinely love spending time with his siblings. Whether it be sharing memes with them on social media or just randomly showing up where they are and abducting them to go get ice cream/coffee/snacks.

He'd probably attempt to harm you if you told him this to his face. But he is the closest acting to Bruce out of all of the family. In terms of mannerisms and inherent warmth and kindness behind a dark façade.

Has two moods: either exceptionally, almost neat-freak levels of clean, or his life is completely falling apart and Jason can't tell you for sure what color his floors are because there's so much stuff scattered about.

Despite their initial hatred of each other, Jason truly feels closest to Tim and Tim is the only person asides from maybe Barbra who he can just talk to without feeling any judgment.

Jason only smokes when he's extremely nervous about an operation or a hit. For those who don't know criminal justice cigarettes are the fastest way to get genetic material on someone. That being said he does still like to smoke occasionally.

Me, plus a lot of people give him this sort of 'Lazarus Rage' as I like to call it. When he's in the heat of a mission or if he's getting upset/angry his vision will get blurred with green, and it feeds on his anger and just gets perpetually harder to contain until he releases it. Jason has gotten much better at controlling it. But as he will tell Tim or Babs, he's "seeing green" which means they need to be careful because Jason could kill.

Everyone says Dick is the mother hen. I see you, I accept you, but let me raise you. Jason came to realize that he died because of his rash decision to go after The Joker alone. If Jason finds any of his siblings out acting alone, or even at the very least without Oracle. Jason WILL forcefully interject himself and ask them what the fuck they think their doing.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Trying to get close to Jason is hard. He will degrade you can attempt to try to get you to hate him before he lets you in (that cheeky Tsun of him)

He genuinely cares for and supports all of his siblings but has been rough on them needlessly. But if Bruce is being the distant or absent parent he is, you better believe if any of the siblings drops him a text or a call, Jason will be there in a heartbeat.

He's the most physically powerful of the whole Bat Family. You don't understand because of his time in the League, his time with the All-Caste, and having abused Venom for a time, he can snap an arm bone like it's a carrot with little effort.

Everyone in the family likes dogs and goes out of their way to gush over a dog, but Jason takes it to a whole new level. And even when he's masked up dogs just gravitate to Jason.

Can and has grown a beard in a matter of a few days. He usually likes to be clean shaven but some days he likes to wear a beard just to throw everyone off.

One time him, Steph, Tim, and Duke all went to a restaurant (Red Robin lol) and the waitress got his order wrong and his burger had raw tomatoes on it, Jason took the tomatoes off and ate it while looking absolutely miserable. Tim: Jay why did you eat that you didn't have to you know you could have asked the server to fix your burger. Jason, almost in tears: "She works really hard and she tried and I'm a scary dude I don't want to make her upset.." Duke: "... Jason you literally shot at a cop for looking at you funny the other day. But you're afraid of upsetting a waitress?!? I mean ACAB but dude.. "

Jason's happiest big brother moment™ was taking Tim and Damian to the shooting range and watching them both get their first bullseye.

You can't tell me Jason Todd was into the Emo/Screamo/Warped-Tour Scene. His favorite bands/Albums in no particular order, That's the Spirit (Literally the whole album is Jason Themed and I'm gonna die on this hill) & Sempiternal by Bring me the Horizon, Digital Renegade & Everyone's Safe in the Treehouse by I See Stars, The Resistance: Rise of the Runaways by Crown the Empire,

Jason Todd's favorite foods: (Also some based in Canon*) Burgers, Chili Dogs*, Lager-style beers, Freshly baked bread*, Neopolitan ice cream, grilled corn, and Chinese Chicken noodle soup with Duck.

Tim:

This boy *slaps car roof* gives off so much asexual energy. I know New 52 exists but I just feel like Tim is the person who really, REALLY has to trust you and like you before he's sexually active with you.

HYPERFIXATES. You also can't tell me Tim isn't on the spectrum/or has ADHD.

Is the only member of the family who regularly checks up on Jason and talks to him every day via text message. The two are memelords together and love to play pranks on the other members.

While Dick may give the most frequent hugs and Jason gives the tightest, most secure hugs, Tim's hugs are always the warmest and make you just feel good.

Tim's birthday is July 19th. Meaning he's a Cancer. Let that sink in.. no, really let that information just soak. (Note I have nothing against Cancer women, cancer men however....)

All of the bat boys really struggle with talking about their feelings. Dick will manipulate you into changing the subject via twisting it to be about you, Jason will just cut you off or will ignore you, Damian will deflect everything and harass you until you stop, Tim however, Tim is very emotional and while he's very calculated about who he's emotional with, he's not afraid to break down and cry if he trusts you.

Everyone who says he's the level headed Robin haha how's it feel to be WRONG. Tim is at best the least functional college student and at worst a lemming. 'No Tim, coffee isn't a meal I'm going to make you some food or I'm going to stick you in a room with Damian for an hour.' Richard (Dick) John Grayson.

People overblow how addicted to caffeine Tim is. But it's true. Just overblown. You can talk to him before he's had his caffeine just don't expect him to be anything but curt and blunt.

Everyone says Jason would be the worst at texting but it's Tim. He's the master of leaving you on read. While Jason may do it on purpose, Tim is just really bad at texting people and while he always will read your messages he forgets to respond unless it's really funny or really pressing.

Everyone sees Tim as this bean pole super skinny boy Robin. Tim may not be stacked like Dick or a freaking tank like Jason, but Tim is NOT super skinny. He's just as muscular and likes to work out as anyone, but he just is super lean, so he looks a lot bigger and his muscles are more defined because of how thin his skin is. He has those almost disgusting spider veins on his arm. Kind of gross to look at, but he's the dream of any nurse. This means Tim is also the king of accidentally sending/posting thirst traps.

He really is the glue of the Bat Family. Everyone kidnaps Tim for 'Tim Time'.

Dick likes to spar with and in general just hang out with Tim. Tim tried to teach Dick how to skateboard and you'd think the boy who mastered the trapeze would know how to skateboard but you'd be wrong.

Babs and Tim always hang out and talk about computer stuff and Babs knows she can vent to Tim about anything and he won't say a word.

Tim and Steph were a thing for a while and even though they're just friends now, they still are very close and the two have a very deep bond, liking to shop with each other and watch movies,

Cass just loves to be around Tim because of how calming he is but also she knows she can spar with him AND Cass can also skateboard with Tim too.

Even though him and Damian are always fighting, the two still end up being together and have this unspoken bond. They work great together on a team but other than that they still hate each other.

And while everyone still is hesitant around Jason, and despite the fact that Jason literally beat Tim to within an inch of his life, AND would still trigger Tim and taunt him about it. The two have this odd closeness that rivals even him and Steph. Tim will always be the first to bat for Jason. Jason was Tim's Robin. And despite the fact Jason literally beat it into Tim's head to "never meet your heroes." Tim will always be there for Jason should he ask. The two are just close. And it's hard to describe. Bruce has caught Tim and Jason just platonically sleeping next to each other or just doing their own things shoulder to shoulder silently, just enjoying each other's company.

Tim and Duke also have a really positive relationship with one another and the two can stay up all night just talking about anything. Their minds just mesh well together. The two also love to team up and prank the other members of the Batman Family.

Tim's favorite ASMR/Stim? Watching those Tik Toks of people cleaning computers or cleaning phones. The sound of an air duster is like music to his ears and if any of the Bats need their technology cleaned it secretly makes Tim so happy to help them.

Wear his hair up or wear his hair down? It depends! While Tim likes his long hair he also has gotten plenty of compliments for his short hair and likes to style it to suit any occasion.

My one pet-peeve with Tim is that he probably is that person who lets his privilege show from time to time. While he was essentially raised to just sit down, shut up, and be a perfect trophy son to the Drake's. The Drake's were in the same tax bracket as Bruce and Tim definitely was a rich kid. He never means to come across as spoiled, but sometimes Jason will give him harsh looks if Tim just throws away food he doesn't like or says things like Chipotle is 'poor people food'

Tim Drake's favorite foods (you know by now*) Donuts*, Shallot and Artichoke Pizza with Canadian Bacon* (odd choice but it could work) Artichokes in general are his favorite vegetable, Strawberries, and Beef Pho.

Damian:

I headcanon that he has the worst teeth of all of the Bat Boys and he actually has to use lingual braces. (Hence why you can't see his braces)

Canonically is a very good artist and while him and Tim don't get along, Tim introduced Damian to digital art and gave him a photoshop pack and a nice tablet for his birthday one year and Damian loved it so much.

Damian is a capricorn and I will die on this hill. A January capricorn too.

Now you want a good chef? You've got Damian. Having converted to veganism Damian has had to get creative whenever he goes out to eat so he tends to like to eat more home cooked foods. Damian loves all matters of mushrooms, eggplant, and bell peppers.

Damian really struggles the most with his wanting to just be a normal kid. Despite the fact he will dismiss you for it, anytime he gets to spend at Gotham Academy with Jon and the rest of the kids he's naturally the happiest.

Damian LOVES to give gifts. He loves the look on people's faces when they are shocked when they actually get something from Damian.

Despite the fact that he's been traumatized from both his times with Ra's and Talia as well as with Bruce. He just wants Bruce and Talia to be together because he loves them both equally.

While he's the least flexible and least gymnastic of the Robins do let your guard down around him. He is the fastest runner and the guy is rivaled only by Jason in terms of lethality.

So someone (Jason Todd & Duke Thomas) introduced Damian to trap music and ever since anytime his phone gets stolen people will be shocked to find he's listening to some combination of Lil' Yachty, X, Kendrick Lamar, Wiz, and Kodak.

If any random person tries to hug Damian he'll immediately push them away, he'll bitch and moan about just about anyone hugging him other than Bruce & Dick.

Damian loves to go to the beach/the ocean. He just thinks it's so vast and he loves the brineness of the air. Also being half white, quarter middle-eastern and quarter Chinese (Yes everyone forgets Talia is half Chinese) Damian gets DARK. And although he's just okay as a swimmer he still likes bogeyboarding and eventually wants to learn how to surf.

I'm genuinely afraid once Puberty is done with this kid and everyone in the family is. He has Bruce Wayne AND Talia Al-Ghouls genes and those are two SEXY human beings. Damian's gonna grow a beard one day and people aren't going to know how to act.

Damian secretly plays Fortnight and not even Jon knows. He doesn't want to get shamed. He'd rather lose a match and ruin his streaks than deal with the shame of anyone in that family finding out he plays Fortnight.

Damian Wayne's favorite foods (canon*) Cereal*, Avocados, Grilled Tempeh, his mom's Tabbouleh, Mushroom Tacos, and Vegan Sushi rolls, and grape juice.

Duke Thomas

Duke is like, freakishly good with a piano, and he picked it up naturally!

Also everyone says Tim brews the best pot of coffee in the Bat Family, cue to everyone's surprise when Tim was sick one day and couldn't make a pot. Only to find the coffee was freaking amazing. Duke didn't take any credit at first until Alfred let it slip that Duke was the one who brewed the pot.

Duke being the only Meta of the family originally thought he was the double-token because he was a Meta and a black boy. Needless to say his fears were seriously unfounded the moment he got to know everyone.

Although he somewhat fears Jason and his temper initially, he and Jason have one of the closest relationships in the family. If Tim isn't around to bat for Jason, Duke will happily take his spot. The two work on each other's bikes and grew to share the same taste in music.

Duke uses his Photokenetic powers as a force for good and for shenanigans. Jason wants to play a prank on Dick and Damian while Dick is reading Damian a story? Duke will hide Jason in the shadows and will cover up his shadow. Alfred dropped something in the dark? You better believe Duke will find it in 3 seconds or less.

Duke makes it a point to visit his parents every weekend to talk to them. Although they are making some progress in their recoveries, it's still slow going. Eventually, he starts bringing members of the family to see his parents. It started with Cass, then Jason, and the rest followed suit.

Duke loves playing video games with Damian and even helps Damian beat some tougher levels when Damian is about to rage and destroy the console.

Duke is into Magic the Gathering and you cannot tell me otherwise. Duke also is the DM for the Bat Kids annual D&D games. I can and will make a D&D Batfam Headcanons if asked.

Loves Pho just as much as Cass and Tim and they all call it a date night every now and then where they can go to a hole in the wall pho place. It's really a secret between the three of them.

DUKE THOMAS IS THE BEST SWIMMER OF THE BAT BOYS AND I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL. HE JUST THRIVES IN THE WATER.

Finding out his birth father is a supervillain was really tough for him. He went into a shell for a little bit afterwards. Cass and Steph were there to help talk him out of his funk.

Duke Thomas's favorite foods (lol what canon DC hasn't acknowleged our boy in a while..) Chicken Pho, Thai Iced Tea, Papaya, Crab Cakes, Italian Hoagies, his mom's Lemon Poundcake, mint chocolate chip ice cream.

I hope y'all enjoyed! Up next (eventually) will be the Bat Girls!

[kornito]

SOURCE: https://korngiant.tripod.com/kornisgoodforu/id10.html

Dead

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

All I want in life is to be happy", it's that simple. People say that it's become their own anthem. It's like whenever I start to feel good, something comes and takes it away and I feel like I'm nothing again, like I'm dead.

Falling Away From Me

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

The song is about domestic abuse and that there ways to get help whether it's telling someone or calling a help line, there are ways to get out of those situations. Noone has to be treated like that.

Trash

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

"Trash" is about how I threw my world and everything out. I threw her away. I threw my old self away. It basically comes back down to the sex thing. The battles I did on the road, this whole album is what I went through because I was on the road and I went crazy.

Beg for Me

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

"Beg For Me" is more of an angry thing because the whole thing for "Beg For Me" is the crowd. The only time I was good on tour was when I walked up onstage and that's what the song is about. Feeling wanted is something one thing I've always needed. I was shuffled around so much when I was a kid...Being up onstage was the only point was the only time when my anxiety would go away for an hour.

Make Me Bad

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

I need to feel the sickness in you" ... It's spawned from f**kin', basically, from having sex. That's where that line comes from, but it means a whole bunch of things to me. "Make Me Bad" was about the battles I had being on the road, being married and being with other women. I'm not married anymore... beause of my lifestlyle, and I just couldnt do that to my wife anymore. So that ended. But does it make me bad that I have a dick and I have f**ken other feelings to be with other people? Why should I be with just one? It seems like human beings are genetically engineered to procreate. Thats what we do, f**k everything, and that's what our natural insides want to do. It is hard to find someone like that. But she was a good woman and I didnt want to keep on... I did the right thing, I was a man about it. It was better for me to tell her and let her go on with her life and find someone who could help her and be like that. So that song was spawned by that, does it make me bad to want to be with other women? In a sence it was my only drug, why... because I dont drink anymore, I cant drink. I've been sober for a year. I dont have any other vices. So at least doing that could be something.

Hey Daddy

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

"Hey Daddy" where I was schizophrenic and there were these voices telling me to do sh*t... To kill myself, basically. Daddy is one of my nicknames, so its like I'm talking to myself the whole time. It's hard to explain.

Dirty

Song Meaning: Jonathan

"I feel like a fucking whore to record companies." "You know how it is...the way we are used and marketed." "How they make all the money off us and we don't make shit!" "The only way we make money is to go out on tour and sell merchandise" "Basiclly we write all the music and turn in and they make all the money." "So I feel like that and also I feel like a slut cuz I'd go out at night and fucking girls and so I said fuck it, I'm going to do it. The only way to escape is to have sex." "Its all kind of different issues."

Its On!

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It's On is my sh*t peer pressure song. Me being so stressed out going out and partying. Everybody's just going 'Come on dude, it's on.' That's partying, it's alcohol, cocaine, women. All that wrapped into one. I wrote a song about it. And the chorus I talked about Why am I really doing this? It's all my fault that I'm doing this because all the alcohol, the booze an the chicks do is just make it worse. They just rearrange all the problems in a different order that I can deal with at that moment.

Freak on a Leash

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

One of the best titles I've heard ever for a song. That's my song against the music industry. Like me feeling like I'm f**kin' a pimp, a prostitute. Like I'm paraded around. I'm this freak paraded around but I got corporate America f**kin' making all the money while it's taking a part of me. It's like they stole something from me, they stole my innocence and I'm not calm anymore. I worry constantly.

Got the Life

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

That's a song baggin' on myself. How everything's always handed to me. How I look up to God and don't want this anymore. Like I want something more out of life than all this. And I've got everything I really need but I sometimes don't like. I don't know how to explain it. I have to let it sit through the songs more to actually get into what I write. I truly know, really, the meanings of the songs almost. That's what I'm getting out of it right now.

Dead Bodies Everywhere

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

That was the song about my parents trying to keep me out of the music business. My father was in it and he knew how it was and I totally understand now that I have a son. I want Nathan to be a musician but I him don't want him to go through the hell I went through. That's the same thing my Dad was doing. A lot of people can relate to it, because it's like the Dad's wanting their sons to be football players and their sons want to be doctors or something. That peer pressure its like trying to make them something they're really not. And the Dead Bodies thing is like so I did it and all I got out of it was dead bodies everywhere and got all traumatized. Thanks a lot Dad, Mom.

Children of the Korn

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

That's the song that Ice Cube is on Cube came up with the title. I fed off of what he wrote, he was talking about growing up and puberty. Dictating what he can do, like how you gonna tell me how to live and who to f**k? And all this stuff. And I took that and in my stuff I was talking about being a kid always known as the f**kin' town faggot. It's funny how things change. That some of these people picked on me and all of a sudden look who's laughing now. Also in another of the verse I talked about all these parents f**kin hating me for what I do, saying I'm corrupting their children, but in turn these parents need to step outside of themselves and really listen to what I'm talking about. Then I think they can understand that they were kids before. They're just really quick to judge me. All the Children of The Korn are all our Korn fans. All those kids going through that sh*t and feeling what I feel.

B.B.K.

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Big black cock! That's what I call a jack and coke. Those little glasses they serve in Europe and everything. That's what I named it, big black cock. And that's another song about me dealing with the pressures of this album and how I, you know, I'm trying to kill myself, but you know? Do I really want to kill myself? Things I'm just questioning myself. Most of this is self-structured.

Pretty

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It's a story about this little girl that came into the coroner's office when I was working there and she was f**ked by her dad. She was an 11 month old little baby girl. Her legs were broken back behind her and he just f**ked her like a toy doll and chucked her in the bathroom. It was the most heinous thing I've ever seen in my life and I still have nightmares about it.

All in the Family

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Fred was there after Korn TV and we said, 'Let's do a song together, Hey, man, let's go back and forth and rip on each other like an old school battle.' I don't know who's idea it was, I can't remember if it was mine or Fieldy's or Fred's but we came up with the idea and we started writing and we worked on it together. I came up with some bags on myself for Fred to say. It was all in good natured fun.

Reclaim My Place

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

This one is about the whole band and about all my life being called a homosexual. And then I became this big rock star in a band and I'm still called a fag even by my own band. So it's like I was f**kin' pissed off at them. It's like erase them all because I'm gonna reclaim my place and say hey, they owe a lot to me for what I did, and I owe a lot to them back. But, it still kinda sucks. I've never ever gotten away from that fag f**kin' title. Just because I'm a sensitive kinda guy. Kinda feminine it really sucks.

Justin

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Justin, that was the kid dying terminally with intestinal cancer. His last dying wish was to meet us and it really freaked me out. That threw a whole bunch of new kind of pressures on my head. That's really intense. Someone's gonna die and his last thing he wants to do is come hang out with us. So I truly just freaked out. It's like why would you want to meet me? What makes me so special? And in turn I talk about how I admire his strength and his life. I couldn't stare at him because he was so content he was gonna die. No one could look him in the eyes. And I totally admire his strength. I wish I had it.

Seed

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Seed. That's all about the same thing again. I laying in bed in my hotel room, thinking about do I really need all this stuff? All this pressure on me? Because I'm a stressed out freak. It's about Nathan, it's about every time that I look into his eyes, I see myself how I used to be, innocent and stress free. I'm kind of jealous of it. It really sucks, I used to be that way. It's like I have to work so hard at this thing in my life. I have to become a stressed out freak. I put food on the table for my child. Every time I look in his eyes, I just see myself staring right back at my @ss laughing. I was like care free, innocent as a child. It's really weird and I'm really jealous of it.

Cameltosis

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

That's a love song. It's about women in general, women who hurt me. It's Tre's lyrics. He's going on about chicks and my chorus is like I'm so scared to love anyone and really let them in after I got hurt really really bad by a girl. I've let Renee in a little bit, to be honest, but I'll never be that in love ever again. That's what I'm saying, if you've loved twice, you're gonna get f**ked, 'cause you usually do.

My Gift to You

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Renee always wanted me to write her a love song and that's why I called it My Gift To You. It's my gift to her, you know how I get sick. I always had a fantasy of f**king her and choking her to death. I fantasize about what it would look like me in her body and watching me do it. So it's like a really sick f**ked up song. I did it totally like, I love her so much, I want to take her out of this world. It's really strange. She used to leave notes on my pillow like 25 ways she'd like to kill me. She's got this weird death fetish. We're kinda f**kin' freaky. She got it. She's all 'Thank you that's kinda f**ked up. I was expecting a f**kin' I love you, baby kinda song.' I'm all, 'No, you know me.' I mean I can't do that.

Chi

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Chi is about a lot of alcohol and drug abuse. People turn to that when they have problems so that they won't have to feel their pain. The song was named after Chi Cheng from the Deftones. We named it after him because he used to call it reggae, and he loves reggae music.

Lost

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It's the sterotypical thing about your best friend meeting a chick, and then you're nothing

Swallow

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

That's about being paranoid. Drug-induced paranoia.

Good God

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It's about a guy I knew in school who I thought was a my friend, but who f**ked me. He came into my life with nothing, hung out at my house, lived off me, and made me do sh*t I didn't really wanna do." "I was into new romantic music and he was a mod, and he'd tell me if I didn't dress like a mod he wouldn't be my friend anymore."

"Whenever I had plans to go on a date with a chick he'd sabotage it, because he didn't have a date or nothing. He was a gutless f**king nothing. I haven't talked to him for years.

Mr. Rogers

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Back in the day when I was a speed freak, um... even further back when I was a little kid watchin' Mr. Rogers, that sh*t was scary. He was a freaky old man... Land of Makebelieve and Mr. f**kinMcFeely and sh*t... made me sick. So back when I was doing speed, like for 5 or 6 days I'd be trippin out and my brain would start to get freaky and get schizophrenic and stuff, and I'd tape it and watch it everyday over and over... I don't know, I was sick in the head. As a kid he told me to be polite and all it did was get me picked on. I f**king hate that man. Thanks for making me polite and trusting everyone, and easy to take advantage of. So I spent 3 months on that one song, just tweakin' on it, and it was totally just my Mr. Rogers obsession, about how evil I thought he was. Pretty much drug induced.

K @ # Ø % (Kunt)

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

People think it's sexist but it isn't. It's more subconcious b*tching at all the women who've been with me in my life. It's not about women in feneral, just those women who hurt me." "Initially, we wrote it to send to American radio for a joke, because they always chop up all the other songs. So we were going to send a 'real' single seven days later."

A.D.I.D.A.S.

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It stands for all day I dream about sex. It's about how much of a pervert my ass is, and how I daydream about what a stud I am. But when it comes down to it, I'm a f**king pussy and I'm in there jacking off.

a** Itch

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

That was the last song I wrote, and I was so burned at writing out lyrics because everytime I write I get depressed because I start thinking about things, you know? So the whole song is about that. In the chorus it says, 'Before day, my sun will be dying'. It's because I put myself on the line all the time and for what? Because people aren't going to be listening to it anyway.

Kill You

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It's about a relative I first met when I was 12. I f**king hate that b*tch. She's the most evil, f**ked up person I've met in my whole life. She hated my guts. She did everything she could to make my life hell. Like, when I was sick she'd feed me tea with Tabasco, which is really hot pepper oil. She'd make me drink it and say, 'You have to burn that cold out, boy'. f**ked up sh*t like that. So every night when I'd go to sleep, I'd dream of killing that b*tch. In some sick way I had a sexual fantasy about her, and I don't know what that stems from or why, but I always dreamt about f**king her and killing her

Ball Tongue

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

The meaning of ball tongue is simple. Some thought it had to do with oral sex, but in fact its about a guy we had to work with on a t-shirt (Jeff Creath). He either had a pierced tongue or a wart or something on his tongue and he was a dick to us.

Different live: Jonathan goes into a Rap (by Coolio) Called "Loddi Doddi" in the middle of the song.

Clown

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Korn was playing a show in San Diego for a clothing card. This skinhead guy came up and started flippin' me off. When we started, I bent down and the guy took a swing at me. Our tour manager, Jeff, got into it and knocked the guy out. I wrote this song about him: 'Scared to be honest with yourself/you're a cowardly man.

Faget

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Everyone thinks I'm bashing gay people in this song, and I'm not. It's really about me going through high school being called 'pussy,' 'queer' and all that stuff, about getting picked on by all these jocks.

Shoots and Ladders

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It was written because all these little kids sing these nursery rhymes and they don't know what they originally meant. Everyone is so happy when singing but 'London Bridge' is about the Black Plague. All of them have these evil stories behind them." "The lyrics are all from nursery rhymes, and a lot of nursery rhymes go back to the Middle Ages. They're actually pretty twisted if you know the stories behind them, like about Black Death and stuff.

Helmet in the Bush

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It's about a speed problem that I had. You know, you do a lot of speed and -- if you're a male -- your penis retracts severly. The guy heard at the beginning of the song is La Caco, a friend of the band. His real name is Michael and likes taco bell. He's a really Nice Guy and he has been friends with the band for years

Daddy

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

People think daddy' was writen because my dad f**ked me up the ass,thats not what the song's about. It wasn't about my dad or my mum. When I was a kid I was being abused by someone else and I went to my parents and told them about it. and they thought I was lying and joking around, they never did sh*t about it. They didn't belive it was happening to their son. I don't like to talk about that song, this is the most I've ever talked about it...

[nctworststuff]

Pairing- Boyfriend!Renjun x nospecific!reader

Warning-Death,Cancer

Genre: Angst

a/n: Here what you guys got after a months I’m not post anything. Also Thank you my friend,Lucy because helping me a lot :). Hope you guys like it

He always with you

He avoided meeting with you lately. You missed to spend time with him so much. You missed his scent, his hugs, his kisses, his presence, but most importantly, you missed him.

You recently spent a lot of time in your apartment, all by yourself. Watching movies, drinking hot chocolate and staying under your fluffy blanket. Sometimes you went to hangout with your friends, but not as often as you used to. However, today you couldn't take it anymore. I have to visit him, now!

Deep inside you knew that he would never cheat on you. What if something bad had happen to him? Maybe he got sick or maybe something in his family came up? You didn't know. Helplessly you scrolled through your media social. Usually, he would be active on Instagram. Always adding things to his story or at least posting the pictures he made. But ever since 3 weeks ago, you haven't seen him post a single thing. As if he vanished.

You took a look at your photo gallery on your phone. It's filled with pictures of you and Renjun. Everytime the two of you had met in the past months, you had taken at least one picture. Are you okay, renjun?

You didn't want to waste your time anymore, so you walked into your bedroom to change your outfit. You arrived at his house that felt like a second home to you. Big dark clouds covered the sky and sun. It may rain soon. You slowly walked to the door and opened it with the spare key Renjun gave you not so long ago.

You couldn't see him when you entered. Maybe he is in his bedroom? You steped further into his apartment. It was a big mess. You tried to comprehend what could've happened here. The TV was on, adding some noise to the otherwise quiet space. Some old snacks that have neither been fully eaten nor thrown away, covered the floor. It surely wasn't healthy for him to life in all this trash.

You finally went upstairs and pressed the door handle down slowly after knocking and getting no reply. Who knows, maybe he's sleeping? However  you suddenly heard a faint crying sound instead of the silence. What's happening to him? Thousands of thoughts were running in your head, creating one scenario worse than the other. "Renjun?" You softly called out his name and fully opened the door. He turned his head and body to look at you, surprised by your arrival. His eyes were more red than white and his face looked as white as freshly fallen snow did.

"Y/n? W-what are you doing here?" He looked at you with what you could only assume was an angered expression. You slowly approached him and sat down on his mattress beside him. You hesitantly leaned your head on his shoulder and put your hand on his thigh, joining his own one. Oh, how often you had fiddled with his slender fingers before. They were just as beautiful as the art they created, but now they were just dried skin and bone. You were convinced, something bad happen to him!

"And why are you crying?", you asked him in return, probably a bit too late, but not that it matered anyways. He kept quiet for about a minute, before taking a deep breath and forcing those awful words out of his mouth. "I have a disease! I-I have cancer..." He closed his eyes tightly to hold himself back from sobbing. The fear that lived within him ever since the doctor told him he was going to die earlier than expected, suddenly skyrocket in your presence.

Shutting you out in the hope of making you forget him, had been so much easier than seeing your heart break right in front of him. You didn't deserve the pain he caused you, so why...? Why are you still here y/n? Why couldn't you stay away from me? "So that's the reason why you pushed me away? The reason you avoided me? Why didn't you tell me? Renjun? Explain it to me. Please explain everything." you looked at his eyes that beared so many emotions, while he bit his chapped lips.

"I-I don't know. I... I was just so, so scared. Actually, I-I knew I had cancer... It... They told me a year ago."

His confession was interrupted by a hiccup. He started crying again and put his hand on his face. You've been together for 3 years and he kept this a secret for all the time, telling you just now? "I-I'm only going to live for one more week. My doctor said there is no other way for me." Why? Why did he need to leave like this? Couldn't he be healthy and grow old with me? Searching in your confused and helpless mind you looked for a solution.

"Hey, i-it's okay. Its not your fault! I-I could spend all my money for your surge-", but he cut you off with a harsh movement by his hand. "You heard what I said. There's no chance, y/n!" Now your eyes were filling with tears, blurring your sight. This can't be true! "You said you would never leave me. You- You promised." The tears poured out of their home, painting a wet line down your cheeks until they dropped down your chin, falling. You too, felt like falling. You were so angry, but not at him, no, he didn't wanted this either. You were angry at the situation. At the fact that you couldn't do Anything.

Watching your little emotional breakdown, Renjun stayed quiet. After he had avoided meeting you for so long, seeing you come back to him, crying with him, still caring for him, there was only one thing he wanted. "Y/n? Can I ask for one last thing, before death is taking me?" He moved his hand to your shoulder, pressing it softly. "Anything for you, Renjun!" You desperately looked into his eyes, meeting his softened expression. "I just want to spend my last week with you. Please. One last time?"

Day 2

Standing in the kitchen for about half an hour, you had made a healthy breakfast for the two of you, since he loved your cooking. You poured some hot porridge into his favourite bowl and placed it on the tray. Walking slowly to not drop anything you brought the food to his bedroom. He was still asleep, looking utterly peaceful.

While you put the tray on a near small table, you called his name softly, to wake him up. Upon hearing his name, his eyelids fluttered open. Still a bit sleepy, he rubbed his eyes and gave you a questioning look. "I made some porridge for you. Should I... feed you?" You smiled at him shyly. He could just nod his head, feeling exhausted even after taking such a long nap.

You sat down beside him and took the spoon to feed him. He followed your every move as you put the still warm porridge in his mouth. A big smile suddenly stretched across his cheeks. "I knew your cooking would never disappoint me!", he complimented, making you giggle. Yet, you couldn't ignore the sad feeling in your chest, knowing you had to accept the fact that he was going to die soon. Only five days would be left after today.

Of course Renjun noticed the way your expression changed. “I dont like to see you sad. Please smile for me” He grabbed your other hand too, making you smile. The smile only he got to see. You don't even know if the sweet smile you were currently wearing on your face would show up for another guy, but for now it seems like it is just for Renjun, who finally noticed the bracelet on your wrist.

"You still wear that bracelet?” His eyes fixated on your wrist. You just watched him with sparkling eyes, while thinking back to how you got that gift.  “Of course! It looks so pretty and it bears a lot of memories for me!” He smiled at you with just the same sparkles glowing in his eyes, making your heart beat unbelievable fast in your chest. You didn't knew why, but the comforting feeling of love, the love created between the two of you, filled your now shared room. Softly touching your own cheeks you felt how they heated up.

“It's- wait... I gave you the bracelet 5 years ago, when it was your birthday? A-and we still didn't turn into lovers that day, did we?”, his eyes widened. You simply nodded and started chuckling, him joining not much later. Of course you could still remember the day he gave you the precious bracelet. He was being so shy back then, when he planned to give it to you. Haechan, Mark and all the other dreamies kept hyping him up, after he gave it to you.

“You know what? I really can't believe our relationship will just end soon. I really thought we would last longer. I'm sorry!” He smiled at you again, but this time it was a sad smile. You sighed, closing your eyes in agony. “It's not your fault, it never was, Renjun! After all, these moments are the most precious ones that we have. Trust me, I will love and remember you until I take my last breath!” I'll really do! Besides bringing it up first, you hated talking about his disease so much.

Not because you blamed it on him. Not because you couldn't believe, he was going to die soon, no. You hated talking about it because you feared being left behind. You hated the fact that you'll eventually forget about him. That you'll forget how he smelled, how his hands felt, how his hugs felt. And the worst thing was, that you'll forget how it felt to be loved by him. When did all your laughter turn into cries?

Day 4

"Look! It's your favourite flower!” Renjun points his finger to a small bunch of flowers in the middle of the park. You loved going to this park with him before and today wasn't any different. Softly swining your linked hands back and forth and slowly walking near your favourite flower felt like one of those cliché moments from a drama. Especially when you kneeled down to smell on it.

The heavy, but lively smell of the rose lingered in your nose, bringing up even more memories. Renjun gave you one of those exact roses, when he had confessed that he liked you. A small grin made it's way to your lips. “It looks so pretty.”, Renjun said while putting his arm around your shoulders, “Pretty like you!” You couldn't help, but roll your eyes. This was typically him. Renjun loved to compliment and tease you at the same time

You loved the moments when he was simply being himself. He was acting different. Usually he would be rather harsh, or how people liked to put it, ignorant towards other people’s feelings. But he always cared for you. You were his soft spot. It was only normal that couples had little fights from time to time, but renjun never let the two of you be angry at each other for a long time.

He always was the first one to apologize, or if it wasn’t his mistake, he would still want to make up, inviting you to do something that you liked. His classic line which always worked was weather you would want to eat some food ugh him. It was one of the many personality traits that you liked about him

“Ah! I really want to draw the pond and swan over there! It’s unbelievable pretty!” He excitedly took out his paintings tools and moved the stuff around until it stood perfectly within his reach while drawing. You just followed him and tried to not get in his way.

Tipping the smallest brush into the water glass, he started to draw the perfect scenery in front of you. He truly was talented at this. You couldn’t help but admire the way he let the colors dance on the Canva “Your drawing is so unbelievable. It really does look like it’s real”

His face lit up,once the words left your mouth “This is the last painting I”ll before I’m gone. I want it to be perfect!”he still smiled at you, but his eyes showed how he truly felt. The sadness dominating any other feels. Once again, you sighed. It has been almost 3 years, since you’ve been a couple and now you two just stood there, waiting for him to leave

Quickly noticed How your mood shifted towards a bad one, you tried to change the topic

There will be enough time for me to sad once he left

“Do you remember that this place is the first place we met and-“ “The place where I confessed my feelings for you?” He finished your sentence with a smirk. Chuckling you nodded at the statement

That day he called you and asked you to meet him at the park “ can you cell me?” was that he said, when he actually was going to confess to you. You can’t forget that day. You never will. It’s a very precious moment to you, even if he stuttered a lot and the confession felt really awkward too

“Your birthday is this week, isn’t it?” Renjun suddenly asked. You stopping your thoughts. Right, you totally forgot about your birthday. Surprised you just hummed and nodded. “What do you want for your birthday?” You didn’t need to think twice “I just want you stay alive and healthy. I wish you could always be my side” you smile confidently

That will never happen

It was obvious to renjun, but to avoid you sadder he just smile sweetly at you instead of responding “Can we go somewhere after this? Maybe the shopping mall?” You asked him. He looked at you and hugged you close to his chest “Of course!”

He would spend his time with you wisely and make sure that every precious and special moment will never be forgotten

Day 7

I can't lose him! Please!

You buried your face into his shoulder and grabbed his sweater like your own life depended on holding it. You couldn't believe he was going to die in less than a day. He couldn't... Your fragile, pathetic hope only faded more when he started coughing. In the last few days his condition extremely worsened and you tried to understand why people needed to suffer before dying so much. Isn't death enough?

“It's your birthday tomorrow, isn't it?”, he quietly asked while stroking your back.  “Yes” Your answer was barely loud enough to hear, being muffled by his neck. Still, you hugged him only tighter, afraid of finally losing him. “Y/n, I'm so sorry if I'm not able to be with you tomorrow to celebrate your birthday.” You knew what’s he meant. No, this couldn't be happening! Why were you suddenly to dumb to accept it?

“Please find a better guy than me. A guy who will make you happy, who will stay loyal to you and only loves you. Find a guy who will stay by your side forever. Don't find another guy who'll make you feel dissapointed.” You wanted to tell him, that he never disappointed you, but he already pulled you into a sweet kiss. His lips felt so soft. Soft but rough. It was like your first kiss with him. It was like your first night with him. But in reality, it was your last kiss with him. Yet you saw it as another moment that had been created in this special time.

“You know... I am never going to stop loving you!” You said and looked at him. His face was so pale, you could see the soft blue shining through it. “Me too, honey. There are 7 billion people on this earth but I fell in love with you. We have been a long journey together. Everyone can fall in love but not everyone has a happy ending with it. I'm sorry that I couldn't keep my promise, Y/n!” I know, Renjun.

The worst part for you was that it all happened so fast. But somehow you still hoped this was only a dream. That you would wake up to a healthy Renjun wishing you a happy birthday. Finally the clock was showing 12 AM. It was your birthday. Sounding just as sleepy as you felt he whispered a soft “Happy birthday, Y/n!” He stroked your hair while looking at you with loving eyes, a smile on his lips for the last time, before you both fall asleep under your shared blanket.

Not knowing, that they were his last words.

Day 8

You woke up from a deep slumber and moved your blanket. You saw that Renjun was still ‘sleeping’. Softly you shaked him to wake him up, with no sign of success. He didn't response in any way. After a few more times of you trying to wake him up and him still not moving an inch, you tried to recall which date it was today.

No, it can't be.

Yesterday was the last day you would spend with him. One week. Seven days. All moved by faster than you could remember. In your final hope you searched for his heartbeat, but you didn't hear anything. You couldn't. Now you would need to accept the fact that he was gone. Forever.

You start sobbing. "Renjun, please wake up. Please!" Despite your wobbly arms, you shook his body, screaming so uncontrollably loud that it even hurt your ears. It's my birthday. Today is supposed to be a happy day. This has to be a nightmare. I'll always be by your side. Resonating in your mind you hear a faint voice, but you just ignore it. Renjun was right. Not everyone has a happy ending. And you were certainly one of them.

I'm sorry for breaking our promise

©ɴᴄᴛᴡᴏʀsᴛsᴛᴜғғ@/ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ

[el-dibidibidorado1]

Untamed Pt. 1

Summery: Y/n works at Tom's Diner as a waitress, but what happens when one of her co workers saves her life.

A/n: this is my first fanfic here in Tumblr. I hope you enjoy it and if I need to change anything please message me. Okay bye bye🤗

Warnings: language

Bucky Barnes x Y/n

The sun was barley rising when I bust into the house, quickly taking off my work uniform and running upstairs.

"Y/n Are you home?" My mom yelled from the laundry room.

"Yes. Umm what do you need?" I quickly say taking off my pantyhose and tossing them into the bin.

"Aren't you going to eat?"

"Later I have to get ready!" I quickly run to the bathroom and start the shower, but time betrays me and I quickly wash my body while brushing my teeth. Wrapping a towel around my body I run to my room and began getting dressed. I get a red backless long sleeve blouse and some jeans, I quickly light a cig and continue getting ready. Getting my hair and makeup done, I put out the cig and spray my favorite peach perfume. I once again look at the time as a honk is heard.

"Fuck" i grab my favorite coat and bag while running out.

"Bye mom!" I say and kiss her cheek. I run to the truck and open the door. "Hi" I get in and kiss Adam. "Oops" i carefully remove the lipstick stain I had left on his lips and give him a bright smile.

"Hi" he says and sits there quietly looking at me. After a while I get nervous and lightly grab his hand, I take note of his clammy hands.

"Are you okay? Umm Aren't we going to the game?" I ask. He nods his head and hesitates to turn on the truck. He drops his hands to his lap and stares at me.

"Y/n Do you just want to go to the game some other time?" Well fuck me silly. All of these thoughts fill my head. He dosent doesn't want to see me anymore. I knew it. I fuckin knew It!

"You wanna break up?" I mumble and look at him with pleading eyes.

"Look y/n, i feel like if we need a break. Maybe see ot-"

"Is it about my body?" He stayed quiet and looked out the window. He sighs and grabs my hand.

" No it is not about your body!" Fucking lie.

"What did i do wrong?" I question.

" i just think that we aren't ment for each other" He says. I quickly remove my hand from his and open the door to get out when he stops me.

"I didn't mean to hurt you"

"Well, you did" I shut the door and run into the house as tears started to form. My mom just looks at me as I go in and gives me a hug. Sadly, this is the third time that this happens. Boys date me, but in the end it always seems to end like shit because of my body. Guys just want a nice thin girl with nice boobs and butt. Look, I have a butt, but not big boobs or a flat tummy. Oh let's not forget the hair, They want straight smooth hair! Surprisingly that's the only thing I like about myself my long curly/wavy hair. That's It!

I finish crying, then i decide to go to my room to sleep the work day and a beak up away. I take off everything and stare at the mirror, touching my Stretch marks on my tummy.... Well that takes it all, my tummy itself. I put on some t shirt and jump on my bed and the tears began pouring out. I cry until I fall asleep.

"Hey you! Y/n wake up! Your girlfriend keeps on calling and I'm tired of your stupid ringtone!" My older brother woke me up annoying as always! I just tell him to put the phone on the night stand and to get out. He puts My phone down and softly combs hair. He might be annoying and an asshole, but he's a sweetheart. The touch makes me drift back to sleep.

Not even ten minutes my phone rings and rings and rings and rings and rings, until I get irritated and answer it.

"What?!" I answered angry.

"Hey miss cranky pants how was the game?" It was Rosie. One of My bitch best friend.

"I didn't go" my voice came out as a mumble.

"What? Why?"

"He broke up with me" I said and shoved my face into the pillow trying to stop myself from crying.

"Oh sweets, I'm sorry. Why don't you come over?"

"What time is it?"

"7:38"

"You still working?"

"Yeah"

"I'll be there at eight" I hung up the phone and slowly got up to get ready. My day off was already fucked up might as well go to the diner. I can't stay here any longer, if I do im going to cry even more.

"Hey darlin. Where are you going?"

"To Tom's I'll be back at ten or so" I put on my scarf and walk to the diner. It was about ten to fifteen minutes away.

"Hey bitch" Rosie and Caroline say together.

"Hey hoes" I sat down and grab one of the coffee mugs and began drinking it.

"So what happened?" Caroline asked smoking. Jesus one of us is going to get sick because of them cancer sticks.

"Well first, I asked him if we where going to the game. Then he said that he wanted to go another time. " I softly told while I finished the coffee.

"Then?" Rosie sat on the stool and began Eating the mints as she poured more coffee into my mug.

"He said........he said that we need to see other people. Knowing me, i asked if it was about my body, he said no. But I know that's a fuckin lie. That's what it is all about. No one wants to date a fat girl!"

"Baby you aren't fat and it's not that no one wants to date you. You just haven't found the right man" I gave a chuckle and chugged the drink. Easy for her to say.

"Hey hey! You guys are taking a lot of breaks. Y/n If you are going to stay to talk to them you have to work." Tom said. Why doesn't he just go home? He's always here taking away all of the fun away. Jesus when will someone pull that 8ft pole out of his ass.

"Are you done?" A deep modulated voice made me jump. I turn around and see the cleaning guy picking up my cup. I softly nod, he looks at ne for a while and he walks away.

"So?" Tom asks again.

"Fine I'm leaving." I grab my coat and get ready to leave.

"Hey n-" I interrupt Rosie as she is the expert on relationships.

"I know, I know. Don't call him. I will see you tomorrow night" I left and tucked my coat closer to my body. Damn coldness.

Ugh why does this happen to me?! Why can't I keep a stable relationship? Why do guys have to be so picky? I don't judge......well look at me. Ah fuck it! I'm just going to turn lesbian!

---------------------------

Once she left I walked to the window watching her leave. She tugged on her coat to bring her warmth. I was so into watching her hair move lightly as she walk, that I didn't even pay attention to Caroline calling me.

"Bucky, come clean table 4...........Bucky......Bucky.....Bucky!" she tapped my shoulder and snapped me out of my mind.

"Yeah" i nervously asked

"Come On. We got to get to work." She lightly squeezed my right shoulder and walked away.

"Okay" I look back to Y/n and see that she is gone. I let out a huge sigh and continue cleaning the tables. The look of her puffy eyes stayed tattooed to my head, and my heart ached a bit.

Enjoy! I have no idea how many chapters I am going to make. Also I am writing the story on my phone, so forgive me if it looks strange. Alright well bye bye bye.

[jdmainman123]

I know my girl mango was framed yacht fish here but it was sort of a cute joke because she know I love her so much no matter what she did with the boys. NO THEY TRY TO TAKE AWAY MY FANATIC SEX WITH SOMEONE WHO LOVES ME A GIRL WHO LOVES ME. BUT BY FORCING ME EXTRA SICK ALMOST WOBBLING TO A SPOT TO PULL DOWN MY PANTS AND POOP AND THEY'RE TRYING TO AIM IT REMEMBER THE SATELLITE TRICKS ONLY FOR THE BELT BUCKLE ONLY FOR THE SHOE ONLY FOR YOUR HAT YOU GO TO WALMART YOUR ENTIRE WARDROBE IS SMALLER AND TARGETS THE SATELLITE TO KEEP ON MAKING A SHIRT CRAWL UP YOUR BACK

So they make me sick and make s*** fly all over just so I get on my penis it's just so this f****** dead Sun can walk around with this girl. AND IT'S A NIGHTMARE FOR ME FOR YOU GUYS TO BE KILLING ALL THESE WHITE SKIN BOYS AS A MISSTATEMENT. OF YOU CAN'T HATE BLACK SKIN MAN IT'S THE ONLY CITY WE'VE SEEN IT ATTEMPTED BECAUSE THE SATELLITE CITY IS ALLIANCE AND THEIR INITIAL REPORTS THAT ALL WE NEED IS THIS DAUGHTER DEAD all we need is this one

But then again the antecedent must be in satellite for them to have tricked it the accent dent was a gateway word of English leading into Spanish or of Spanish leading into English BUT WE HAVE TWO WORDS HERE IT'S ONLY ONLY REASON YOU YOU MEN AND THE LITTLE WHITE SKIN BOY. FOLLOW ME AROUND. AND YOU GUYS KNOW I'M NOT TAKING ONE OF YOUR CANCER SURVIVOR GIRLS WHO DOESN'T LOVE ME BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T KNOW ME

Because she doesn't know me

SO SO OBVIOUSLY I GUESS IT WAS A OBJECTIVE OF 6'9 A ARTICLE 6:9. BUT I REMEMBER THE WHITE HAIR BABIES WERE ON ON THE SATELLITE 24/7. AND I GUESS THE GIRLS AND BOYS GOT FRUSTRATED AND UPSET. SO THEY STARTED THE CAMPAIGN MY P****and I knew manga was framed for one reason that's not her behavior that's not her language I raise the girl I raised her brothers and sisters and I've never heard these words come out of her mouth and turns out I was right it's that Ms statement of the Black skin Man calling the girl's p**** stinky or blaming a dog or forcing us into a city that only calls girls dead daughter. AND YES WE BELIEVE THAT'S WHY THE WHITE HAIR GIRLS ARE KILLED AND THE ASK SEE DENT WAS VERY SPECIFIC TO THE BLACK GIRL GETTING A LITTLE WHITE HAIR WHITE SKIN LESBIAN FRIEND. AND THE THINGS THAT THIS LITTLE WHITE GIRL TAUGHT THIS BLACK GIRL. AND WE BELIEVE RUBBED OFF AND HER TO GO AROUND THINKING IS OKAY TO ASK MEN TO SUCK HER P**** OUTSIDE because she asked for sex outside is how we know data breed sex sounds is very specific to our statement in boston. I will 69 with you right here white skin girl cuz your p**** is clean on this sidewalk

But again I know mango was framed I think it's that f****** they were making they were attacking my mom before we left is this why we had a big problem this f****** n***** if you're blaming a black skin man and every day I went down to the end of the block where the white skin satellite maker was murdered. And I murdered one of his daughters and sons. I'm just kidding I murdered one of my own daughters and sons for that Jason money but also I murdered one of his sons he doesn't have a daughter AND I REMEMBER THEY WERE TEASING MY MOM ABOUT ABOUT HER SMELL. AND I REMEMBER THE WE'VE BEEN STUCK IN THE CITY TO CALL EVERY GIRL THAT DAUGHTER OUTSIDE FOR ONE REASON YOU MAN CAN'T FEED HER YOUR DICK? HASHTAG OBVIOUS

But it was why the white girls are charged someone implanted in their head his daughters used to win outside by calling satellite outside for sex. But there was one thing she would insult the satellite but she wouldn't taunt men and ask men for sex. It's a lot different when you just come out with the question. You're not just saying your car f****** looks ugly. You need new shoes. Then he gets angry and rapes her. SHE WAS LITERALLY ASKING IS WHY WE BELIEVE MANGO CAME UP WITH THIS STATEMENT SUCK MY P**** RIGHT HERE IN HIS SIDEWALK OUTSIDE.

And then I've been with the white girls and they've been nothing but geniuses and sexy and I don't know if you guys had to report on my block I was supposed to transition to no air conditioning no fan and a satellite was supposed to behave itself without attacking me to bleed to turn on the freezer. Into all white hair and white skin and the statement on the block was every time I got home they would have the surrogates the girls the white girls make new baby boys and girls and they wanted me sacrificed in front of a white hair white skin family. Benchmarking the biggest losers in Life yacht and fish and airplane and all the white hair girls white skin boys

BUT WHAT WE BELIEVE DUE TO YOUR ANY ACT CONFUSION YOU GUYS ARE CONFUSING A BEHAVIOR TOTAL CHAOS WITH WITH A TWO-WAY CALLING THAT ALLOWS THE SATELLITE TO USE ONLY NOW THESE THESE STATEMENTS THE SATELLITE USES NUCLEAR ARE SOME THINGS YOUR BOYS AND GIRLS WILL NEVER SAY. BUT THE SATELLITE ARCHIVE CALLING IT ITSELF TO TRIGGER THE BOYS AND GIRLS TO SAY THESE STATEMENTS AND THESE ARE THESE STATEMENTS ARE SO GENIUS THEY'RE SO CUTTHROAT. EVEN WHEN I HEAR THEM. I SAID THERE'S NO WAY AROUND THAT

We believe this statement would continue over into success my a******. Success my dick. It's when we lost you guys I remember walking around the corner and told why he can go f*** himself about the word sweat. And then I remember I lost them all at success they couldn't explain money they couldn't explain power they couldn't explain SO I BELIEVE WE LOST THEM AT THE WORD SUCCESS HONESTLY

And just to have a joke behind it with the word suck verse success IT JUST ONCE AGAIN YOU GUYS HAVE NO REASON TO TAKE A WORD THAT WE KNOW AS EXISTENCE. AND THEN SHOUT IT INTO OUR BRAIN GIVING IT A TOTAL NEW DEFINITION SOMEWHERE UNFAMILIAR WITH. AND WE BELIEVE IT GOES INTO YOUR LANGUAGE AND YOUR PEOPLE NOT NECESSARILY MY LANGUAGE BUT I GREW UP WITH FOR MY PEOPLE THAT I GREW UP WITH IT'S MY WORDS AND STATEMENTS WORK ALL AROUND THE WORLD AND YOURS OBVIOUSLY DIDN'T

So I want to give a shout out to Mango and strawberry YEAH THEY'RE ATTACKING ME WITH A REDHEAD WHITE SKIN GIRL TELLING ME SHE'S JENNIFER. BECAUSE I MADE THE JOKE AND SLIPPED UP AND SAID YOU GUYS DON'T HAVE A RED FISH JENNIFER. I HAVEN'T SEEN ONE FISH LIKE I'VE BEEN ON THAT TRAIN FROM THE TOP OF THE CITY DOWN TO THE BOTTOM OF THE CITIES AND FOR YOU TO HAVE INTENTIONALLY MADE THESE HOUSES WITHOUT A FISH LAKE that s*** is funny

Yeah they really wanted to to get something off the chest you know the girl who's not my daughter didn't need me just wants a free meal free house and I told her I would do the same thing myself what you're doing. SO THEY REALLY WANTED TO HURT MY FEELINGS WITH ATTACKING ME WITH THE SUCCESSFUL GIRL WITH A JOB. AND THEN THEY WENT AROUND AND GOT MY RED HEAD. AND THEY HAVE HER ATTACKING ME IN THE IN THE NAME OF ONE OF MY MOST PREDOMINANT GIRLS AND WE'RE GOING TO GO HOME AND START NAMING THE BOYS JENNIFER TOO AS A COUNTERINTELLIGENCE and you guys all met my best friend Sarah the transgender.

The other night sorry to be my therapist and he came out and just helped me in his arms for 3 hours because he knew one thing on the street stuff bro there's no love. And he made my night by just holding me and not bending me over and f****** me in the ass

[sheerioswifties]

❤

So first, a couple things I wanted to say/address. Which, some things are brought up in asks and maybe I'll elaborate on those more but so just a couple things I'm rambling about-

1. I had a rough few days on top of a rough time in general but it got worse, I've got serious medical issues that I don't really like to discuss in detail but everything is progressive and so I got more/new bad news that just really hurt and made me angry and upset and I snapped a little but it's never directed at anyone just fyi it's just me being angry with the world and hitting my tolerance threshold of dealing with this stuff. But I'm trying to not ever let it bleed onto this blog cos I really wanna keep this a fun positive happy space so I'm truly very sorry for messing that up a bit...

2. I posted a little about jealousy/envy over not being able to get merch etc. First of all those kind of posts are always in jest, I'm so happy for everyone and the fun things they get. Like I know I made a comment I shouldn't have about rich kids getting all the merch and multiple tickets etc and that "that's nice my family threw me out but whatever"; I shouldn't have said any of that it came out wrong. I'm so happy for those kids especially that they have a loving family that supports their fanning by getting them those things and taking them to shows. That's the dream. I think it just reminded me about my messed up story which again I don't wanna get into negativity on here but to try to explain in short: my mom was/is abusive; my dad would always try to fix the things she did (that he knew about)and he was always there for me...then he died and everything changed. My mom tossed me aside because of being sick, she didn't want to deal with it, the "burden" (even though I asked nothing of her), she wanted to bring in her parents instead because they would pay to renovate her house so she could sell it at a huge profit, combine that money with my dad's life insurance, and run off to South America to live in some giant love nest she'd set up with the guy she'd been cheating on my dying-of-cancer dad with. Yeah. And that's the tip of the iceberg.

Anyways. I think I actually get salty sometimes about seeing merch and stuff because; if I didn't have my health problems, I would be able to get some of those things... I could get tickets to multiple shows, I could buy tickets for fellow Swifties who couldn't get them (and I was planning on getting them for my best friend and her daughter so she could go to her very first concert, and another one for a certain person here but then I got a huge unexpected medical bill and that just broke my heart) and the VIP box/experience, but I can't because every month SO much/all my money goes to medical stuff and it gets worse every new year. I mean JUST the infusion I have to get every month in itself could pay for everything in the merch store plus VIP snake pit tickets, etc. I get mad because I'm still young and every minute that ticks by I feel the burn, the grief of what I'm losing. I've lost my young years. I lost being able to do so many active things I used to LOVE to do. I'm losing more every day. Many times it's a challenge just to get out. Going to a concert is a big deal. And since its a rarity I really wanted to maximize it extra special with all the things but I can't because that money has to go to meds, treatments and doctors for this sick body that I don't want and didn't ask for. I'm sorry; see I'm going into the sad and negative I'm sorry. I guess I just wanted to explain that like if u see me post stuff like that it's just me venting and trying to grieve over everything I'm losing to being sick. Not gonna lie, it really sucks.

3. I forgot what other point I wanted to make- welcome to my life, lol. I'll have to post about it when I think of it, or maybe just leave it cos I already regret everything I just typed and I've not even posted it yet. I always hesitate with the personal stuff. It's extra hard because there's no way to explain or show you everything so you're only getting a small piece of the puzzle and I just *hope* it comes across the right way.

Anyways I'm gonna go bury this in reblogs now😳

[the-firebird69]

I want you to go outside Johnny Lord and call the police tell them I'm screaming and yelling at you pounding on the walls all this s*** you too Dan get the f*** out and call the cops okay I figured out you can't so I've got you by the balls and you don't know it what I wanted to do is shut up so I could sleep and you keep doing this in and out of the house threatening me with all your situations you're still going right now you haven't learned anything what do you what what should you learn what do you think you should learn pots what do you think you should learn from this puts.

Zues

This idiot next door can't figure out what he should not be doing dan the other idiot can't figure it out they're so stupid they can't figure out what they should not do. They say mac was going to win anyways. So we say it's called the cops try and become the cops they're ready to pounce on you dumb f***** get out there and call him call from your house call from a friend's phone that way it's not you at all but they're going to come get you cuz they know that it's you what's the matter f**** you haven't had enough of me kicking your ass into the dirt and my husband said the last line because he's mouthing off like a little f****** homo so my husband is yelling a little and they can hear him quite clearly one said but it's not true they can hear him a little what he's saying is I'm going to murder you they just want to record it and he didn't record it so he's frustrated and angry he's asking for his friends to record it they said we have him saying it but after posting what you said and everyone's telling us not to they're actually coming to get us they said too and they're just saying it but then they see a bunch of them getting caught and they don't get it so it's a worry because these people are very very dumb ignorant obtuse and forceful at the same time so I'm putting out apbs and warrants on them and the f***** is having our son be angry not really our son can control it but he is doing it and her son says my husband that is I'm doing it on purpose John remillard okay little butt f*** oh Tommy F Jesus Christ that guy yeah he's doing too right you're doing it trying to make me yell and scream and stuff cuz you want to recording and you forgot to record so is it really say stupid come on stupid I'm abusing you you f****** useless piece of s*** my husband said that last part too what are you saying is your you're bothering me this way I can do it to you so you won't ever get up and he said that to you too and you kept on doing it so he said that's fine I'm going to do it to you and you two are wimps okay this guy next door Dan he got in a fight with my husband my husband pushed him and his ribs broke and he died went into the hospital and he's got lung cancer and he doesn't know it yeah Dan has lung cancer from this incident and he's getting sicker and sicker and bugs got in there and they didn't eat the cancer they ate the healthy part and the cancer spread he's going to lose both lungs they're half gone the guy next door gets shot in the head all the time keeps on messing with my son's health and his lungs are full of disgusting stuff too they've got cancer so they need to leave cuz they're sick and we don't want to spread it's not really communicable but you know what we mean everything you know this dust with s*** in it those are proud of it and they're happy that the whole place was full of brush and these bugs have gone into their lungs and we need them out and I'm calling it too I have reports to say bugs are inside them

Hera

How do you feel about that John remillard my wife is helping you you're a dirty f****** n***** wigger you're a wigger you have bugs inside you like a filthy piece of s*** on the streets of Calcutta one of your people in the streets of Calcutta poor full of worms and disease you're like a poor person okay same with Dan you people are poor

Zues

I sort of get some ...

Trump

what's that Dan you got something in your mouth you people want to fight again and I'm telling Tommy if you want you want this out there you want this a****** here he's a lot to say this f****** weakling here

Zues

I can't stand this what are you saying

Trump

Get the f*** away from me you're evicted from here you belong in prison you're put in prison you're in escapee same with the d****** next door get the f*** away from me what what is it what is it not clear about that stupid you sat here for a month annoying me like I couldn't stay here and I couldn't move anywhere cuz I can't I'm immobilized I don't have any money to do that now you're sitting here withering away into nothing from being the world's wealthiest man into being the piece of s*** that you look like pretty soon after your stashes and cash is gone and they find other stuff all over the place and small ones that's going to be great trillions of stashes but you and your a****** f****** son I want you to get the f*** away from me this stuff wouldn't come out if you weren't here you're a f****** moron

Zues Hera

I sort of get something if I moved out it probably wouldn't be this bad and I keep doing it and doing it and doing it and I don't really care cuz no one says that to me I look over and Tommy f is doing it and I can't stop him the guy next door says he's trying to defend himself because he is I've actually got no options at all except to try and kidnap him and he says he's going to kill me cuz he has a right to defend himself and stand his ground and pushing Max plan forward but that's what I'm doing so somebody better try and stop me

Trump aka Ukrainian dead man next door

I'll stop you putts you step over here and going to kick you in the f****** head he steps over here to help you I'm going to kick him in the chest and it's going to cave that's who's going to stop you if necessary so have a nice night have a nice brand new knife too I'm going to defend myself with if I have to and yeah cops got this cuz I published it on purpose cuz they're monitoring me because of you saying I'm a criminal you dumb f****** retard f****** retard there's a lot of people are going to kill you in town cuz you hurt their relatives so you invited them to take care of you just now do you understand that f****** retard

Zues Hera

You're a f****** retard John Lord and we're going to take care of you that's one person right here I need the money and stuff there's tons of it he said there's tons of small ones it's an assumption that I saw your face and I know it's real no I've seen it they're everywhere you put in walls you put in the floor you're a f****** dumb f*** okay you stupid f****** retard

Bja and shut your mouth you piece of s*** you're going to be bite-size for us in a moment

I sort of get something I keep going on and on and on and I can't stop because people won't let me what am I supposed to say that's great come and get it what BJ just said is he's going after the stash in your particular apartment it's not mine it's in yours... Oh great I swear to get it.

Trump

I don't care about you guys I don't care what's happening but this guy killed me and said he's going to kill me again if I don't move out and that's a death threat he says it is because you're trying to harm me all the time I've got pictures of you doing it and people have recordings like police and you're a terrorist and William Bill ever recording of you attacking the world trade Center it's not cheesman oh well it is cheeseman too but you're in right you want to know what else you little f****** f** you're on recordings by all sorts of people doing stupid things all around me to try and harm me so call the cops little pig call the cops little pig

I got something else he's abusing us back and we're losing we keep doing it and we're losing our shirts and her pants and her socks everything and we don't care to stop cuz we can't he keeps egging us on is what we're saying it's not true no it's not true we do it because we think we get stuff now I might not know what's going on I sure as hell no

Dan

So Dan says he's going to try and hurt me because someone hit him with a baseball bat and I got into a Chevy contest and it rebroke his ribs or something now the guy who hit you in the ribs so this is an a****** and will and Bill have pictures of it they also have pictures of you and 9/11 from local security camper cameras and they know what you did and you're complicitous and you're a terrorist and you're one of the pakistanis they bought the van and he drove it into the world trade Center and you blew it up since you keep talking little f** you going to send it over now to the max and a public line like you people do

Billium

The point is that these two are going to keep going until they're dead forever and we have to get rid of them I noticed what he was saying he's still will not stop they're only like stink on s*** for some reason they think that they get stuff or who knows they're insane I don't know what the hell they're doing it for anymore they're completely nuts they need to get out of my life in order to keep anything and they're sitting right on top of me he says and it's ruining you you people. and it's true it is ruining me as well

Tommy f

We didn't let our guard down John remillard he's yelling on purpose to prove that you can't do anything about it because that's what you were doing to him and you were saying to him and now the tables are turning pretty soon you're going to be dead fully I just wanted to do this to you because you started doing it to him and he had no way out nowhere to go no options he's at the end of the line and you start doing the stupid s*** cuz you're trying to harm him to kidnap him to finally do him in as you say so we can't let you do that he's too valuable and there's other things to invent and you don't know about it cuz you're stupid they're going to fire you from the rest of the companies tonight and get rid of your people we want them out of there right now we know what he's saying too we're going to concentrate on you I'm going to erase you

Thor Freya

This isn't an argument trying to remember Lord AKA Donald Trump we're going to get rid of you the max put a hit on you a real big one and in the UK but it's for the globe already and you're the stupid a****** that starts saying it's not so they went after you globally and found all your stashes and caches because you're a big mouth