#i just can't really fake friendliness that well i'm already feeling pushed to my limit on the daily

[gideonisms]

I'm like. Getting the urge to apologize for actively avoiding my coworker because he Sprinted to his car after work and zoomed off really fast and there's a weird energy you know how I hate weird energies and get paranoid about them. but however I am not going to keep sitting with him or text him every day so.

[incendio22]

FOR THE HOPE OF IT ALL

Chapter 19: The Plan

Ominis looks upset, wandering around the Undercroft and not ready to let us know his plan. Of course, Sebastian and I try our best to push away the fact that we were well aware of a prophecy that threatened our future and tried our best to be a good friend to Ominis. But the knowledge about the prophecy never really fades. Naturally, this was even more upsetting to Ominis for personal reasons.

Neither me or Sebastian wants to push Ominis' limits to get him to speak, but it's getting rather upsetting to see him like this and knowing that he doesn't want to share it with us. I don't think it's anything personal against us, but I just wish he felt like he could share things like this instantly. Instead, I decide to focus on something else.

''How was your New Year's Ball?'' I ask him. He hadn't said a word about after, likely because Sebastian had been teasing him about bringing Imelda.

''It was good.'' Ominis replies in a short tone. ''I mean, of course it was.''

''Was Imelda being friendly to you?'' Sebastian teases. I shove my elbow in his ribs and give him an angry look. He smirks at me.

''Yes, Sebastian. She was very friendly.'' Ominous says in a serious tone. I'm positive he talks about Imelda like an actual friend, not the kind of friend Sebastian is referring to.

''I bet.'' Sebastian smirks. ''It's nice to have a friend.'' He looks at me.

''Me?'' I ask him, giving him a confused yet angry look. ''I'm not your friend, remember?''

''Oh, right. I forgot.'' He says teasingly.

''Can't the two of you just admit that you're crazy about each other? This is getting rather annoying.'' Ominis says, still sounding pretty upset.

''I've done that already.'' Sebastian says promptly. ''She just hasn't told me that she's crazy about me. At least not yet.''

''As if that needs to be said out loud.'' Ominis sighs. ''You know I didn't mean it literally.''

Sebastian smirks at me and I can't help but blush.

''I know that you want to know about my plan.'' Ominis says. ''But I'm afraid I can't tell you.''

''Ominis,'' I say. ''You don't have to give us the details, but at least let us help you.''

''I need to leave the castle for a week to set this plan to reality.'' He says in a serious tone. ''I found a good slot in our schedule and I think I will do it in April. You just need to make sure to have a good cover-story for me.''

''We can do that.'' Sebastian says while nodding.

''I'm going to fake that I need to go to St Mungos. But you know that Nurse Blainey won't let me go there unless she can't help me.'' Ominis explains. ''So I need to start pretending as if I'm sick already, and by April I should be able to get out of here for a week.''

I can't help but feel worried for Ominis. There are many things that can go wrong with his plan and we need to be able to help him out.

''I already started writing my family a letter.'' Ominis says quietly. ''I'm going to lie, tell them that I have changed my mind about the Dark Arts.''

''I think I can help you with that...'' I tell him. ''There's something you don't know.''

I tell him everything about last year's events. My ability to see traces of ancient magic, the Keepers, Isidora's story and how I chose to become a Keeper. How I at times felt tempted to release Isidora's magic and keep it to myself in order to make things better in this world. But I also understand that this magic could be wielded to take over the world, and I could never risk that.

''I really shouldn't tell people about this, but I feel as if we have no better option that actually sounds convincing.'' I tell him. ''You can tell them my story and say that I kept this ancient magic to myself in hopes of becoming the most powerful witch of all time. And you helped me achieve it. This gave you a taste of power and now you realize that Dark Arts is just another form of magic.''

Sebastian and Ominis are both quiet for a long time. I feel as if something is off, but I can't place it.

''Wow, Y/n.'' Ominis says finally. ''I knew there was something extraordinary about you, but this is not what I expected.''

''It's not something that I can tell anyone. I promised to keep this secret. You must only tell them what you need, but I think it can be vital for your success.'' I tell him as I feel concerned about sharing this with them. I had sworn to keep this secret and I don't know what cost telling them might have for me.

''I agree. It does sound convincing.'' Ominis says after thinking for a moment. ''Thank you for telling me.''

Sebastian hasn't said a word since I told them what happened at the end of last year. Ominis stays around in the Undercroft for a bit but eventually leaves to write his family the letter. I can't imagine how awful it must be for him to apologize to his awful family, when he did the right thing. The atmosphere is tense and I feel anxious.

''Why didn't you tell me?'' Sebastian finally asks, shaking his head with a disappointed look on his face.

It breaks me to see him look so sad. Because of me.

''I swore I wouldn't speak a word of it.'' I try to explain, but he does not seem to understand.

''I told you everything. Every dark thought I've ever had and you kept this from me?" He looks devastated as the words leave his mouth.

''I'm sorry, Sebastian. I really am.'' I feel desperate to explain myself, but I don't know how. Even more, I feel guilty for keeping it hidden from him and also questioning why I even told any of them about this in the first place. ''I don't know what to say.''

''You spent almost a year keeping this away from me.'' He looks desperate and upset. ''But as soon as Ominis needs something, you simply provide. Without a single second thought. His plan with the letters would have worked perfectly without your story. Why did you even feel the need to tell him something like this?''

Sebastian stands up and walks across the room, facing the wall. He puts his hands on his head as if he's going to rip his hair out.

''I tried so hard to make things right between us, you know.'' He says in a lower voice. ''And I was convinced that I was the one who would mess things up. I tried so hard to make you fall in love with me, because I have loved you ever since I first saw you. I have no words to describe how I'm feeling right now, Y/n. ''

He stops and it sounds almost as if he's trying to catch his breath.

''I didn't want to be the one to mess things up between us, because Merlin knows that this only happens once in a lifetime. But this,'' He frowns in frustration. ''This is not what I expected. I give you that.''

My heart is shattering into a million pieces. Right then and there. And the worst part is that it's not even him that is breaking my heart, but me breaking my own.

''I'm sorry Sebastian.'' I plead. He doesn't seem to listen.

''I have not kept a single thing hidden from you - Nothing!'' His voice is breakens my heart. ''I should leave.''

I have never seen him like this. He looks upset. Not in an angry way, but as if he's been betrayed. As he walks towards the exit he turns around and gives me a disappointed look. I wish he would say something more so that I could be upset with him. But he didn't. And I only had myself to blame.

I feel awful. Mainly because I let Sebastian down, but I can't help but wonder what consequences I might face for sharing this secret. Hopefully I can keep it hidden from the other Keepers, but they seem too aware of their surroundings to not notice a thing like this. I get a flashback from the Pensieve memory of the other keepers killing Isidora, hoping I can avoid her fate. Isidora and I don't have much in common, except for our ability to wield ancient magic. I  wonder if her death was mainly caused by her hunger for power or for getting on the wrong foot with the other Keepers. I hope it's the first. If not, I'm terrified of what is yet to come.

[howling-harpy]

Since I'm being brave today I will be brave one more time and pick your brian about Speirton because I love how you explore in your work the obvious source of angst in their story that is Lip's marriage. I can't remember if Lip getting Dear John was actually canon or not, let's assume it happened. I need your take on Ron navigating around the news. They're very much in love but Lip honours his duty as a husband and apart from maybe a kiss and very chaste affection (hand squeezing) they never did anything. They acknowledged their feelings but agreed to not act on them. The letter comes and what does Ron do? I refuse to believe that a big part of him wouldn't be over the moon about it. The biggest obstacle is gone. It's a green light, but on the other hand it's a very sensitive topic and maybe he should be a good platonic friend and offer support but his friend is also the love of his life and he wants to know where they stand now and also struggles to be sympathetic when the outcome of the divorce is nothing short of miraculous luck for him.

Ooh, I love this topic. I love the complexity this brings, and also the opportunity to get period-accurate attitudes towards marriage and sexual orientation.

(Lip doesn’t get a dear John letter. The real life-Lipton went home and was marrid to his wife until her death. But that has nothing to do with this post.)

My take on this is that it’s interesting to think how Ron and Lip feel about cheating or breaking up a marriage. I have already written some versions of this, and in the private theatre of my own mind continue to ponder this over.

Firstly, does Ron care that Lip is married? I tend to lean on the side that he does, and despite his feelings for him considers him off limits.

Does Lip care that he’s married? Yes. He does, he’s a good, proper person, and genuinely cares for the woman he is married to and wants to do his duty of a husband, and I think he really did love his wife.

But then again, Lip is in training for two years and then at war all the way in Europe for over a year, and that does mess with your perception and values if anything. In my version, he did grow apart from his wife, and he did fall in love with Ron, and since they might as well die tomorrow, what does it matter?

I’ve written fics where they both conventionally ignore that Lip is married, I’ve written fics where they are in love but accept that Lip will be returning to his wife, and I’ve written at least one where I mention a dear john letter. Whatever way, they fall in love and want each other.

But if a Dear John letter comes? Well.

I think Ron is both very selfish and very attentive in his love. Firstly, he will comfort Lip and be there as a friend and mourn the life that will not be with him.

But he’s also very intense. He wants Lip for himself, he believes they are meant to be, and he is creedy and hungry and dying for love. He wants so much, and I headcanon him as gay so he’s absolutely dying for real, lasting connection, and probably lowkey jealous how some people just get to have that.

Ron is very torn. He doesn’t know what Lip is feeling, and there’s a whole mix of feelings: He’s happy; he’s sad for him; he’s jealous of the intensity of grief; he’s feeling lucky; he’s in love. He wants to be good to Lip even if it’s just as a friend, but really he wants to be his lover, and communicating that is hard.

Ron is smart, so he isn’t relying on their connection meaning that Lip wants to actually be with him.

Ron might even resent Lip’s marriage and think that he is either willing to fake a way out or is one of those able to take part in the polite society. He loves Lip, but must face the fact that Lip is not like him, or like he imagined his intended would be like.

I think ultimately Ron will let Lip make the first move after the letter. Since Ron doesn’t want to assume or take advantage, the ball is in Lip’s end of the court, and Ron decides to just be innocently friendly and let the other to take the lead. Ron’s available, but won’t push; if Lip wants him, he can take him, and if he still doesn’t want to commit with the obvious obstacle out of the way, he has an easy way out.

Ron is very creedy, romantic and hungry for love, but he’s also very realistic, honourable, and won’t assume. His love is so strong that he would rather let Lip go than take advantage and shackle him down.

What will come is up to them both, but I think their primary conflict as they try to navigate actual relationship comes to this: Ron thinks love is meant to be and happens without him asserting himself since he thinks he isn’t really allowed, and Lip thinks love is made and if something isn’t stated out loud it isn’t an option.

[that-one-crazy-metal-bitch]

Metal Astrology #1~Mayhem

Was I asked to do this? Nope! I was bored and I decided I'd make a post about the members of Mayhem's astrology. Obviously I'm not going to claim any of this is accurate, it's just a little bit of fun and nothing serious! If anyone wants me to do a band or a person or even themselves, I'm down with that, just send me a message.

In brief, this is how each aspect works:

The Sun is your 'core’. The Moon is your 'inner' self, your emotions, your values. Mercury is how you communicate and express yourself. Venus describes who you are in love and interpersonal relationships And Mars is your temper and sex drive-- although I'm not really going to be going into it here too much. 

So without further ado.....

Per Yngve "Dead" Ohlin.

January 16th, 1969.

Västerhaninge, Stockholm County, Sweden.

Sidenote: his was especially hard to do because he was born during a time when there was a lot of changes in the sky and I don't have the time of his birth so, I did it to the best of my ability.

Sun in Capricorn

Moon in Sagittarius

Mercury in Aquarius

Venus in Pisces

Mars in Scorpio.

Dead's sun is in Capricorn, which means at his most basic, he's an ambitious, intelligent and hard-working. People who have their suns in Capricorn tend to be very stubborn and hard on themselves (due to the fact that they're so hard-working and have such high standards). They can also be loners and can seem emotionally distant. They're firm about what they believe in and they don't half-ass anything. 

His moon means that emotionally speaking, he's likely to have an optimistic demeanor. Those with Sagittarius in their moons are naturally independent, passionate and love to learn. They make great teachers too and are always 'searching'. They tend to be concerned with philosophy, religion and are creative. His mercury is also a creative one, if not very peculiar. 

Mercury in Aquarius tends to have an... 'odd' way of expressing itself. They're intellectual but in an unconventional way. They're not necessarily loud or eccentric about it, in fact they can be rather distant and detached, they have an interesting and unique way of looking at things that can make it hard to relate to them. Despite that, they make very interesting friends and often have a subtle and witty sense of humor. Their humour is usually dry and sarcastic, so much so that it can be difficult to tell what's sarcasm and what isn't. 

His Venus is in Pisces, which lends to a dreamy yet moody aura. These types of people are often soft and want to be protected, even if they can't express it. They're imaginative folks with a tender heart. They're easily disappointed due to the fact...well, they live in a dream. They're not always the most realistic and because of that, they can be quite unreliable in love. 

And finally, his Mars is in Scorpio, which is an interesting placement if you asked me. These people love challenges and pushing their own limits. They're intense, curious and have incredible will-power. Despite their intense nature, they've got a good temper and usually remain pretty cool. They don't 'crack' easy which can make them seem secretive and guarded. 

Scorpio is generally the 'sexiest' zodiac sign and people with this placement can have a sort of intense and mysterious sex appeal. 

On the downside, even if their temper is rather good, they can be violent and sometimes take their pain out on others, emotional manipulation isn't impossible. But despite that, they also make incredibly loyal friends and, you know, generally aren't manipulative.

Øystein "Euronymous" Aarseth. 

March 22nd 1968. 

Egersund, Rogaland, Norway.

Sun in Aries

Moon in Capricorn

Mercury in Pisces

Venus in Pisces

Mars in Aries

Okay so I'm pretty sure nobody would be shocked to hear that Euro was an Aries. They're ambitious, curious, passionate and they have strong personalities. They get bored easily, so they're innovative but they also hate boredom so they're impulsive. They've got a charismatic nature and they tend to have a lot of friends. They can be self-centred and controlling though since they’re the ‘leaders’ of the Zodiac. 

Since his Moon is in Capricorn, he's likely to be rather stubborn and headstrong... yet practical. They have goals and they work towards those goals. He's not the most empathetic of sorts and people with this placement like everything to be direct. They usually surround themselves with those who agree with them because they can be argumentative at times. They have strong opinions and think they're always right.

I thought that Euro having a Mercury and Venus in Pisces was hilarious and out of place with the rest of the aspects. Since he and Dead share a Venus, it's safe to assume that I don't have to rewrite it, although a funny addition would be that those with their Venus in Pisces can not only be masochistic itself but have an attraction to those with masochistic tendencies. It tends to make them feel bigger and better to have something vulnerable at their whim. 

As for his Mercury, it's also sort of funny because those with their Mercury in Pisces will usually have something... uh... 'soft' about them. A soft smile, a soft laugh, voice. Even if they're not actually any of those things, they may look it. They're not intimidating-looking people... at all. They're similar to Mercury in Aquarius with the way they're also unique and intellectual but the big difference is that they are not as organized. In fact, they're very, very disorganized and despite their similarities, both signs tend not to get along well. Mercury in Pisces tends to be a lot more wishy-washy and it changes it's opinions rather quickly. Even though they're interesting, they can become annoying because not only are they moody but they're also not very realistic in their plans or expectations.

Euro's Mars is, one, unsurprising, two, depending on how you look at it... not necessarily so good. Essentially, people with these Mars' can be sort of like a giant flaming cactus, bumping into everybody. "Fuck you, get out of my way!!" Aries is at home in Mars, but it's probably not so good to have your Mars in a sign Mars rules over. How are you in terms of your aggressive? Oh, you're merely the most aggressive possible sign. Goody. That's not to say that he's an inherently bad person. It just means he's aggressive. Boy, is he ever fucking *aggressive*. At best, these people shine like the sun itself but at their worst, they can set fire to themselves and everything that they love. They're incredibly driven, passionate and impulsive and it can become destructive as they tend to believe the end justifies the means. They can be extremely quick tempered and aggressive but despite this, it never lasts long and they don't hold grudges. Despite all of the aggressiveness of these people, they’re are the kind of people who achieve great things. They're the sort who keep going even if it's uncomfortable, they'll do the things no one else is willing to do to get to their goals. They're fiercely loyal to their friends and incredibly fun people to around.

Jørn "Necrobutcher" Stubberud. 

April 13 1968. 

Ski, Akershus County, Norway.

Sun in Aries

Moon in Libra

Mercury in Aries

Venus in Aries

Mars in Taurus.

Necro and Euro share a sun so I think you already have a fair idea of what an Aries is like already. Despite that, the other positions make him a completely different type of person. 

His Moon sign softens his emotional nature. People with their moons in Libras are inherently quite friendly, they love partnership and they hold those close to them very dear. They're giving, patient and forgiving. They're good peace-keepers and mediators because they're driven by a need for calm and security. However if it's just not working out, they can quickly become very irritated. All of it is really fine and dandy but it can cause conflicts because their willingness to give everyone a fair shot can make them seem fake and the way they're seemingly too-good at expressing themselves can make them seem disingenuous and insincere. Sometimes they don't understand that everything doesn't have to be pretty and clean and that emotions can be dirty, messy and chaotic.

Both of his Venus and Mercury are in Aries which does kind of contradict everything above (But if you thought any of this was fool proof then that was on you. This isn't Myers-Briggs, this is literally just astrology) if his Mercury is in Aries then he's might curse a lot, he might have a blunt and harsh way of speaking. Despite that, Mercury in Aries are passionate speakers and they're good speakers at that. They're the kind of person who can make you feel things and they don't bullshit. They're dynamic, honest and their enthusiasm is ddictive. They have a good sense of humour and they love to laugh. On the downside, they can be pretty defensive because they tend to be very sure of themselves. His Venus adds to that effect, except he's ALSO bored easily. These people like the chase, they like to tease people and play games. They like physical contact, wrestling, play-fighting, tickling, the like (TMI: they're also extremely sexual). They're ambitious and impulsive and they're naturally curious. They're not the most graceful with their emotions and they usually do shit big. Subtlety isn't their strong suit and that can make them seem almost a little arrogant and self-centered. They're not the type to know when it's time to stop.

And finally... his Mars is in Taurus! What's a good and bad placement is generally very subjective but I'd consider this to be pretty good. Mars in Taurus is steady, goal oriented and easy going. They tend to have a laid-back yet manly/womanly sort of sex appeal. They know how to pick their fights and generally have a good temper...until you piss them off, that is. Taurus has a reputation for the most stubborn sign so people with this placement can be unforgiving, possessive and overprotective. They don't trust easily and if you piss them off, it can take a long time before they finally let go of it-- if ever. They also dislike criticism and react poorly to it so with them it's "my way or the highway.”

Jan Axel "Hellhammer" Blomberg. 

August 2nd 1969. 

Trysil, Hedmark County, Norway.

Sun in Leo

Moon in Aries

Mercury in Capricorn

Venus in Gemini

Mars in Sagittarius

Simply put, Leos are... hot. They're ruled by the sun, they're quite literally 'hot'. They tend to be good looking because they're self-obsessed and they tend to be well-liked because they're simultaneously warm, generous and kind. They're dynamic and big yet languid and lazy. There's something special about them just by the way they hold themselves. They're silly, playful and they hate being ignored. 

His Moon is in Aries, which gives him an assertive and independent streak. Usually very live-in-the-moment, do-it-now-remember-it-later. Those with a Moon in Aries can be temperamental, they're not the most sensitive or patient of folk, in fact, they can seem pretty selfish and, honestly, do put themselves first more often than not. Despite it, there's something playful and teasing about them. They're very honest people and they typically mean well.

Hellhammer's Mercury is in Capricorn. These people tend to have a really blunt and simple way of speaking. They can either be really good at communicating or not at all. They're not the most philosophical people on this planet, they're more of the 'practical' sort. They do what needs to be done and they don't have patience for people who waste time. They make careful decisions and they think before they speak. They usually focus on one thing at a time.

On the other hand... his Venus is in Gemini! Having Gemini anywhere can pretty much ensure that you like words. People with a Venus in Gemini are fun, smart and witty. But they're pretty much impossible to tie down and crave new experiences. They're pretty playful but maybe a little too light-hearted. They're not the most serious people to have around, they are however, a good conversation partner and are typically charming and flirty.

Mars in Sagittarius are... a mix of things. On one hand they're pretty out-there but on the other they don't really like conflict. They don't have a lot of patience to deal with it. They've generally got a good temper, they're playful and fun-loving but shit can get serious when you don't agree with them. They somehow don't give a fuck yet give all the fucks at the same time. They do good with exercise because they're quite restless and they like to have several things going on at the same time!

Welp, that’s it! I cant reiterate enough that this shit it just for fun and not to be taken seriously. Hopefully this wasn’t too long...