#i initially posted this without proofreading. . oops.

[innerbeast]

🐣💋 🩵

Mun Communication Preferences

🐣 Is there anything you're new at, just now learning, or practicing when it comes to RP?

i suppose... being more casual with my writing? rping prior to now i used to try really hard to make my writing seem. idk. more sophisticated? stern? i used to want to leave an impression that i was good at what i wrote, that i was better than i actually thought i was.

an odd mindset to have, there's nothing wrong with being simple in what you write and it's a little upsetting it took me so long to get to this point lol

💋 Are you silly ooc? Casual? Chatty? Do you prefer or enjoy things like small talk, when not rping?

no, i'm as serious as a court judge. ask anyone, there's no fun allowed talking to me. ever. not once. /j

god, could you imagine? LOL no i'm an absolute clown ooc and pretty laid back. i'll go with the flow with a lot of conversations and topics, sometimes rambling myself when i get really invested in a topic ( to which i end up apologizing for bc it can be a bit much sometimes )

can't say i'm the biggest for small talk, things like a "whats up?" or "how are you?" end up falling kinda flat bc i never know how to continue them after the initial response. but you come at me in all caps about something silly? toss a meme at me, etc? i can fire back easily and we take it from there. .... though i guess that's its own form of small talk, ain't it? oops

🩵 Do you have any apparent flaws when it comes to RPing/interacting? Be gentle with yourself!

"be gentle with yourself!" man, that's one thing i really suck at LMAO

i guess my inability to proofread my writing? aside from glaring grammatical errors that get highlighted for me, i'll sometimes skim and just post when i'm done without fully checking things over. which does lead to a lot of spelling errors or awkward wording later on.

i sometimes just don't know how to form my thoughts out coherently so my writing can seem a little choppy, or strange. tryin to improve on that, but nobody is perfect

and i think i sometimes hold my muses back a bit too much in certain interactions, constantly paranoid i'll be stepping on toes or crossing a line if i assume actions or results ( even IF i've asked ahead of time ).

[nol-an]

when our stars aligned || n. patrick

hello everyone! i’m super excited to finally be posting this slow burn, friends-to-lovers fic that has been in the works for almost a month now!

grab a drink and some snacks, this one’s 12.5k words (and not proofread oops)! as always, feedback is appreciated <3 enjoy!

__________

+ her

Your sweater-clad figure collapsed into your plush mattress as soon as you finished your last assignment for the day. After a hell week of university, you couldn’t wait to spend the rest of your night de-stressing and indulging in the bottle of wine that had been calling your name since the beginning of the week. You wanted nothing more than to catch up on the Bachelorette —because who doesn’t love trash TV— and to coil yourself in blankets for the rest of the night. 

On the other hand, your best-friend-slash-roommate, Maya, had different plans. She was fully convinced that the only proper remedy to your school-induced slump was a night out on the town. However, you knew that Maya’s plans for you would really just result in you third-wheeling her and her boyfriend, Joel. You don’t even need to ask your friend to know that Joel would be coming along too because the two were a package deal. Although you don’t mind Joel and think he’s a wonderful match for your long-time friend, the last thing you need is to be awkwardly tagging along with the sometimes overly-affectionate couple.

After a back-and-forth negotiation that seemed to last hours, you finally agreed to Maya’s proposition after she offered to wash the dishes and take out the trash for the next two weeks. You still expressed that you wouldn’t be happy if you came across any Bachelorette spoilers while you were out with Maya and Joel, but eventually, your mind became occupied by thoughts of what to wear. Deciding not to think too much into your outfit, you settled for a Pittsburgh Penguins pullover and your comfiest pair of black jeans. You sprayed yourself with perfume and glanced in your mirror one last time before leaving your room with the hopes of returning to your tempting bed soon.

As Joel’s car pulled into the parking lot of your and Maya’s apartment complex, you soon noticed a figure in the passenger seat. Squinting to see if you recognized the man, all you could deduce was that he had long hair and florid cheeks. Turning to Maya in confusion, your best friend looked unbothered as a grin spread across her face at the sight of her boyfriend. You trailed behind her as she jogged towards Joel’s car. She promptly gave him a peck on his cheek before giving the stranger in the passenger seat a hug. Huh, so maybe he wasn’t a stranger after all.

It only took you a few seconds afterwards to realize what was going on.

You were going to kill Maya.

As if she read your mind, your best friend waved you over to the car. Deciding to play nice for the sake of Maya and her excitement, you plastered on your best I-don’t-want-to-be-here-but-you-don’t-know-that smile, and greeted the two guys.

“Y/N, this is Nolan, one of Joel’s friends,” Maya explained. “I know you said you didn’t wanna third wheel, so Joel and I, being the wonderful friends we are, took what you said to heart,” she laughed as she watched your smile twitch a little.

It always took you a while to warm up to strangers and being your best friend of three years, Maya knew you were going to give her an earful after the night was over. So, she figured she’d at least have some fun while she was at it. Your eyes sent daggers in her direction before you waved at Joel and stuck your hand out to greet Nolan.

Other than his small smile that you would’ve missed if you weren’t as observant, Nolan didn’t give much indication that he wanted to be here, either. Great. You couldn’t read his expressions, but you hoped to god that this night wouldn’t be as awkward as you think it’s going to be.

Shortly after the introductions, you and Nolan are squeezed into the back of Joel’s car as him and Maya bicker over who should get the aux. Rolling your eyes, you turn to Nolan, who looks quite amused at the couple’s antics. Figuring it wouldn’t hurt to break the ice, you attempted to start a conversation with Nolan.

“I’m guessing this isn’t the first time you’ve been stuck in the same space as Joel and Maya, either?” you joked.

He chuckled and angled his body a little closer towards you. “Unfortunately it’s not. If I’m being honest, this is not how I envisioned my Friday night going.”

Immediately processing his own words, a blush formed across his cheeks. “I- that’s not what I meant. I mean, I’m sure you’re a wonderful person, but Joel told me that we were getting food with Maya. I didn’t know this,” he used his right hand to gesture around the car, “was his actual plan,” he explained.

You couldn’t stop the giggle that escaped your lips, your eyes glinting with amusement. “I’m in the same boat. No one mentioned that you were coming, but honestly, I’m glad I’m not third-wheeling because I wanna puke every time they get too lovey-dovey.”

Nolan nodded in agreement, “You know what, Y/N? I think we’re gonna get along just fine.”

Relieved that Nolan was a lot less intimidating than you initially thought, you agreed with his comment and thanked the gods that this night was starting to look up.

“But there is one issue,” Nolan spoke up.

Your raised eyebrows cued him to speak again.

“I don’t know how I feel about that Pens sweatshirt of yours.”

+ him

“Dude, what the fuck are you doing?” an amused Kevin Hayes emerged from his room. He’d been living with Nolan for quite some time now, but the last thing he expected was to wake up to the sight of his roommate organizing their apartment, dust swiffer and all. There was even a vase of fresh flowers that Kevin sure as hell didn’t buy or remember seeing last night.

“Isn’t it fucking obvious, Hayesy? I’m cleaning the place,” Nolan deadpanned.

“Ok firstly, no shit. I was hoping you’d explain why you’re cleaning. I didn’t even know we had this much cleaning supplies,” Kevin quipped back, glancing over at the array of window and wood cleaner that was haphazardly strewn across the kitchen counter.

“Y/N is coming over,” Nolan curtly responded. He didn’t need to turn his focus away from scrubbing away the stove top’s stains to know that his roommate had a shit-eating grin on his face.

“I thought you said the two of you were just friends?”

“Can’t friends hang out?” Nolan retaliated.

“Sure, they can. But why are you disinfecting this whole place? Teeks comes over all the time and you never do this for him,” Kevin pointed out. He knew Nolan enough to know that you weren’t “just a friend.” Nolan talked about you way too much for that to be the case.

“It’s the first time she’s coming over. I just don’t want her thinking we live in a pigsty,” Nolan started, “which is gonna be a little difficult considering you leave your shit all around the place. Plus, don’t act like you’ve never cleaned the place up when you’ve had someone over.”

Kevin was having a little too much fun messing with Nolan. “Okay, first of all, that was one time. And it was for a girl I liked,” Kevin enunciated his last word.

Nolan knew Kevin had a point, but he’d be damned if he let Hayesy know that. Nevertheless, Nolan’s silence gave it away, and that was all Kevin needed to rest his case.

“Deny your feelings all you want, but I know you like her — even if you don’t even know it yourself. Don’t be surprised when I say ‘I-told-you-so,’” Kevin laughed as he headed towards the front door. “m’Gonna head out, but text me if you need anything. Maybe confess your feelings for Y/N while you’re at it.”

Nolan flipped off his roommate. Sometimes he was sure that Kevin was a middle-schooler trapped in a grown man’s body. Why couldn’t you and him be friends without feelings being involved? Nolan was sure you only saw him in a platonic light and he was perfectly fine with that. If anything, he was glad to have met you — in the few months you’ve been in his life, you’ve become a breath of fresh air from his circle of Flyers friends. Sure, he didn’t think the two of you would talk again after the little number that Maya and Joel pulled, but he was glad that his friendship with you bloomed. Not only was he glad to know someone else to tolerate Maya and Joel’s shenanigans with, but he enjoyed how you made him feel like he didn’t have to maintain any facade. Your welcoming aura appreciated Nolan as the goofy, indie music-obsessed Winnipeg native — not a Flyers centerman who was more often than not, under the microscope of Philly and NHL media. He was perfectly content with the friendship and appreciated the soothing presence you offered. Wasn’t that enough of an indication that the two of you were just friends?

Within the next twenty minutes, three knocks on the door vibrated through the apartment, and Nolan rushed to the door to greet you. A smile gleamed on your face and you greeted Nolan with a hug. Although it was your first time hanging out at Nolan’s place — the two of you usually stuck to more public locations — nothing about the exchange was awkward and for that, Nolan was extremely thankful. He knew his quiet demeanor could sometimes scare people away, but you didn’t seem to mind it. Instead, you were patient with him and understood that the two of you would become more comfortable around each other as time wore on.

After setting your bag down on the key table, you casually dove into a story about how you nearly couldn’t make it to Nolan’s apartment because you were convinced you lost your keys.

It was nice, nothing felt stiff and Nolan was relieved that the two of you were able to skip the formalities that usually occur when someone visits for the first time.

Once you wrapped up your story, you finally took the chance to look around Nolan’s home. From the look on your face, Nolan knew you were expecting the place to look different. Whether or not that look was a good thing, however, he wasn’t sure.

“Nols, if I’m gonna be honest here, I was not expecting you and Kevin to have such an organized place,” you laughed, your light-hearted tone indicating that you meant it in the nicest way possible.

Releasing the breath he was holding, Nolan chuckled a bit. “Well, don’t get used to it. It’s only this clean like once a month,” he laughed while scratching the back of his neck. He almost contemplated telling you all the trouble he went through to make sure the apartment was clean for you, but a nagging voice in the back of his head told him not to. Probably a good call. “Can I get you anything to drink?”

“Yea, water would be great,” you sat on one of the kitchen’s bar stools and watched Nolan pad over to the fridge. You couldn’t stop yourself from laughing as you peered into the relatively empty fridge.

The hockey player rolled a chilled water bottle over to you, perplexed by your reaction. “If you have something to say, say it to my face,” Nolan attempted to intimidatingly say. His cheery voice and sheepish smile gave away his tough-guy act, though.

“Just wondering how you have like three things in your fridge. What are you supposed to make with two carrots and eggs?” you chuckled.

Nolan feigned offense. “I’ll have you know that my ultra-busy schedule doesn’t let me go grocery shopping much. You should be honored that I was able to fit you into my agenda.” It wasn’t a lie that time didn’t permit Nolan to go shopping for food often, but he knew that if you wanted to hang, he would’ve found a way to make it work. But that’s normal, right? Friends can be excited to hang out with friends, right?

“So I’m guessing your pantry is just as bad?” you inquired.

“Ever the detective, Y/N,” Nolan confirmed. He opened the pantry door, gesturing to the several empty shelves.

Seconds later, the two of you got into a conversation about your favorite snacks. Nolan wasn’t sure how he found so much entertainment from talking about cookies and chips, but he wasn’t complaining. The discussion eventually moved over to the living space of the apartment, where you and Nolan settled on watching “How to Get Away With Murder” before promptly resuming your increasingly-heated debate on the best snacks.

“I don’t think we can be friends anymore, Nols. How could you possibly like goldfish more than cheez-its?” you seriously questioned.

“They’re the superior snack, can’t do anything about that. That’s like asking me to choose between indie and country music, no competition,” Nolan shrugged.

Promising Nolan that you’d one day convince him otherwise, you let the conversation slowly fade out as the show started. The next few hours passed by in a blur. There were some side-conversations here, and there, but the two of you were mainly focused on the show and enjoying each other’s presence.

You’re not sure when it happened, but you and Nolan started sharing the same blanket. Minutes later, you were curled into his side, your head resting lightly on his right shoulder. You were so close to him that you could feel his body rumble with laughter every time you made a witty comment. Despite the position the two of you were in, things didn’t go further than that. You didn’t think much of it and based on Nolan’s concentration on the show, it didn’t seem like he gave it much thought, either.

It was nice. More than nice, really. You became so comfortable that you had to keep yourself from dozing off. Every once in a while, Nolan’s hand would play with your hair, his gentle movements nearly lulling you to sleep.

Eventually, you two found a good stopping point and you told Nolan that you should start heading home, not wanting to overstay your visit. Although Nolan protested, you insisted that you would definitely find another time to see him soon and that he should hang out with Kevin, who had gotten home just a few minutes ago.

“Text me when you get home, alright?”

“Yea, of course. Don’t watch any episodes without me, okay?” you said, sticking out your pinky to make Nolan promise.

“Only if you bring over some of your homemade chocolate-chip cookies that you talked about earlier,” he bargained.

“Deal,” you waved goodbye to Nolan one last time before slipping out the door. “Tell Hayesy I said hi,” you hollered from down the hall.

Speaking of the devil himself, Kevin walked over to Nolan once he shut the door. Before Kevin could even wipe the smirk off his face, Nolan stopped him.

“Just friends, Hayesy,” Nolan reaffirmed.

+ him

Another few months passed on, and everything proceeded as normal. You and Nolan’s bond inevitably grew, and he could confidently call you one of his best friends. You two made an effort to hang out at least every other week, and your plans ranged from short weekend getaways to study sessions where Nolan attempted to help you cram for tests. Nolan loved every second he spent with you, and he was more than grateful that Maya and Joel had introduced you to him. Eventually, the hang-out regimen that you and Nolan had developed started wavering as the universe had different plans for you two. You had totally forgotten about a major ten page paper you had to do and with the season starting soon, Nolan was back to practices and workout sessions nearly every day.

You two texted and FaceTimed, though, so not all was a lost cause. Especially for Nolan, it felt as if he was spending every minute of his free time talking to or texting you — not that he minded it, anyway. The text conversations were always light-hearted and mostly consisted of funny tweets and song recommendations. Even when you and Nolan called, your minds that were typically flooded with thoughts of school or hockey became more relaxed upon hearing the other’s voice.

After wrapping up a morning skate with Travis, Nolan checked his phones for any notifications.

Hayesy: Y/N is here. Not sure why but she was looking for you.

With panicked eyes, Nolan tried to think of all of the reasons why you’d be at his apartment. The blood nearly drained out of his face at the thought of making plans with you and accidentally forgetting, but he reassured himself that there was no way that was the case.

Is she okay???? Nolan quickly texted before running into the showers.

Nolan had never showered and changed that quickly, and he was almost positive that he put his shirt on backwards as he ran to his car. He mentally cursed Kevin, who for some reason thought it was acceptable to send him a cryptic text about you without any follow-up. You were usually good about texting Nolan about any updates to your life, so Nolan couldn’t help when his mind started conjuring worst-case scenarios.

Once Nolan got to his apartment complex, he sprinted up dozens of flights of stairs thinking that they’d be faster than the elevator. However, coupled with his growing soreness from his earlier workout, each step on the stairs sent rays of pain through his legs and a regret for thinking the stairs would be a good idea.

After it felt like he had run a marathon, the hockey player finally reached his door. He frustratingly searched for his keys, hoping to god you were okay.

Nolan swung the door open with so much force that he was almost sure he’d have to tighten the screws on its hinges. “Y/N?” Nolan called. His frantic eyes searched for your figure, but he was instead met with the sight of his roommate.

“You just missed her,” Kevin replied from the kitchen. In his hand was what looked like a cookie, and behind him was at least three grocery bags. “I told her to stay because I figured you’d be home soon, but she seemed like she was in a rush. Something about a paper she had,” Kevin elaborated, his mouth full of the cookies. “Did you run here from the rink or something? You look like shit,” Hayesy jokingly noted.

Nolan rolled his eyes at his roommate and sighed, genuinely relieved to know that you were alright. As soon as any of the fears of you being hurt left his system, Nolan started thinking about how he would’ve been able to see you had Travis not persuaded him to run extra drills. It had felt like centuries since he last saw you, and seeing you even just for a second would have undoubtedly made his day better. Dammit, Travis.

Deciding he didn’t want to endure any of Kevin’s teasing, Nolan suppressed his disappointment and tried to subtly get more details out of his roommate.

“She didn’t text me about coming over. What did she need?”

“Well, after making fun of us for our empty fridge and pantry, she said gave me all of these bags,” Kevin gestured to the bags behind him. “Said she visited a grocery store nearby and figured she could get some stuff for us, too,” he continued.

A smile graced Nolan’s face as he recalled the conversation you and he shared about his grocery shopping (or lack thereof) habits.

“She also brought over these cookies she made, but I think I’m gonna have to take these for myself,” Kevin grinned, reaching for another cookie from the tupperware container. “Why do my ‘just-friends’ never bake me cookies?” he nearly moaned at the taste of the treats.

“Maybe because you have no restraint and eat cookies that are meant for your roommate, you jerk,” Nolan remarked.

“Hey, I was being nice by telling you she brought these cookies over. If I really wanted to, I could’ve hid these. You can have a bite, though,” he stuck out his already half-eaten cookie in front of Nolan’s face.

Flipping Kevin off, Nolan walked over to the counter with the bags. Pulling out their contents, he slowly started placing everything in the pantry and fridge. In the second bag, he found a box of cheez-its with a small piece of paper tacked on the top.

Doing you a favor by buying you these, no need to thank me. Miss ya lots <3

Under the message, your name was messily etched onto the lined paper along with a smiley face. Nolan could almost hear your feigned-snarkiness through your note.

Once all of the groceries were put away, Nolan returned to his room. He immediately plugged in his phone before pressing your name under his FaceTime contacts. It only took a couple of rings before you picked up. Your hair was in a loose ponytail, large glasses covering your face. You looked exhausted from the stress you were undoubtedly experiencing because of your soon-to-be-due paper, but your positive personality radiated through Nolan’s phone screen nonetheless.

“Should I feel guilty that my snack collection was so pathetic that a busy college student felt compelled to take time out of their day to buy me food?” Nolan joked.

“I felt guilty that we had been friends for months before I found out that your pantry was that pathetic,” you laughed. “But seriously, don’t worry about it. I was in the area and I know you’ve been super busy recently so I figured I could help you out. The cheez-its were the first thing I saw in the store and I thought of you and that conversation we had when I came to your place for the first time,” you sheepishly responded.

Every few seconds, your eyes would dart back to your laptop, where you were taking notes. Nolan knew that you would never want him to think that he was calling you at a bad time, but the laptop’s reflections on your glasses gave away your act. Of course he felt bad, but he was momentarily distracted by the warm feeling that overcame him. It was such a sweet gesture, and he would be lying if he said he didn’t get butterflies at the sound of your confession.

“Y/N you didn’t have to do this, but I really appreciate it. Thanks for the cookies, too. Pretty sure Hayesy destroyed half of the container before I even got home,” Nolan laughed.

“Oh, gosh,” you started, “in hindsight I probably should’ve texted you to let you know I was coming over, but I wanted to surprise you.”

Upon hearing you words, Nolan’s beaming smile grew impossibly wider. And to his dismay, the butterflies came back for a second time.

“Hey, I gotta go but I promise I’ll text you soon. My prof is out for blood with this assignment,” you groaned. “Maybe we can do dinner at your place now that you have more than two things in your fridge.”

Nolan laughed off your banter and nodded in agreement. He felt like a giddy school girl. “Yea, yea of course. We can pick up on ‘How to Get Away With Murder’ while we’re at it.”

“It’s a date,” you flashed him a thumbs up. “Oh, and I think your shirt’s on backwards,” you giggled and tugged at the collar of your own sweater to emphasize your point. Luckily for Nolan, you hung up before you could see his embarrassed expression.

Had it not been for the fact that you called your upcoming plans with Nolan a “date,” he would have cared more about his shirt issue. But, here he was laying in his bed and already counting down the days until he’d get to see you again.

He knew you meant it as a friend date, but could you blame him for envisioning what it’d be like to go on a romantic date with you? He wanted to bake homemade cookies with you, run his fingers through your hair when you were stressed from school, and become consumed in pointless conversations about anything and everything with you. Hell, he even wanted to help you proofread your school papers, even if he’d have no idea what the fuck the Pygmalion Effect is. He adored so many things about you and was more than willing to jump through hoops and hurdles if it meant he could be your source of happiness and support.

And that’s when Nolan knew he was in trouble. He had never let his mind drift this far, and he usually had enough self-restraint to stop himself from envisioning you as his girlfriend. He knew he needed to stop before he dug a hole for himself that he wouldn’t be able to get out of. But if he was being honest, Nolan quite liked the warm feeling he had from the thought of calling you his.

Oh god.

Nolan was so far gone for you. Kevin knew it, his teammates probably knew it from the dozens of times he managed to bring you up in conversations, and now he certainly knew it for himself. What he didn’t know, however, was if you felt the same feeling of anticipation in the pit of your stomach at the thought of being more than just friends.

+ her

After your FaceTime call with Nolan, you finally gathered enough motivation to finish your paper. You weren’t sure if it was because of your excitement to see Nolan or because you were sick of staring at your screen, but you were nonetheless relieved when you sent off the finalized version of your work.

The two of you eventually settled on meeting at his place on Saturday night, which was only a couple of days away.

If you were being frank with yourself, you knew that you were catching feelings for Nolan, but how could you not? He has immaculate music taste, is a great listener, and always knows the best ways to make your off-days better. Not long after you met him for the first time, you had a feeling that it wouldn’t take long for you to want a more-than-friends relationship with him. In fact, it was frightening to acknowledge how much better your life has been now that Nolan is involved. You were a little embarrassed that he was able to sweep you off your feet as quickly as he did, but you couldn’t control how you felt. Well, that’s at least what you kept telling yourself.

You weren’t entirely sure how to deal with your feelings for Nolan. You relied on familiarity and stability in your life, and if Nolan didn’t reciprocate your feelings towards him, there was no doubt all hell would break loose — at least for you. Per every rom-com you’ve ever watched, you were fully aware that unrequited feelings, in most cases, was a one-way ticket to a doomed and awkward friendship. If confessing your feelings towards an indifferent Nolan meant that your friendship with him would be jeopardized, you would gladly keep your thoughts to yourself.

It was hard, though. Sometimes he treated you like you were the only person in the room, and other times, it felt pretty clear that he only saw you in an extremely platonic light. Of course none of your friends could tell the difference between your interactions with the centerman because they always teased the two of you about needing to finally date each other. However, his mixed-signals convinced you that you had a chance with him on some nights and that you were overthinking everything the next.

As much as you wanted to tell Maya about your dilemma, you knew that she was terrible at keeping secrets. In any other circumstance, you would’ve told her that you liked someone the minute you found out. However, considering how her boyfriend’s a teammate of Nolan, it would have been game over if Joel knew. As much as he prided himself on having a tighter seal on secrets than Maya, he wasn’t much of an improvement from your best friend. You considered telling your other friends because you desperately needed someone to vent-out your feelings to, but you didn’t have the energy to explain how you ended up being wrapped around the fingers of a Philadelphia Flyers player.

So, here you were, in bed and confused. You were counting down the days until you’d get to see Nolan again, but you also wish you had more time to figure out what to do about your feelings. Part of you told you that you could handle pushing away your emotions for the few hours you would be with Nolan. The other (and more obnoxious) part of your brain, though, sent blaring red sirens through your body at the thought of your Plan A. It warned you that internalizing your feelings was a terrible idea and that no matter how tempting it would be to pretend like you weren’t falling for Nolan, maybe it’d be better to just rip off the bandaid and tell him.

You went back and forth between your two plans and were sure that if anyone could take a look into your brain, they would be faced with thoughts that were racing around at a million miles per hour. (And they’d probably  have pity on you.)

As if someone was witnessing your inner turmoil fetter within you in real time, it seemed like your prayers for more time were answered when you fell ill with a cold Saturday morning.

Sure, it wasn’t ideal. You sure as hell were not enjoying your congestion and occasional chills, but at least you had plenty of time to sort things out. It was disappointing to know that you wouldn’t get to see Nolan, but he was extremely understanding of your issue. He reassured you that you shouldn’t feel guilty for bailing, especially since you were sick. He even made you promise that you would get plenty of rest and that you wouldn’t apologize for something you couldn’t control.

With those words from Nolan, you took your promise to heart and slipped into a much-needed slumber.

+ him

“So, Patty, care to explain to Teeks what you were planning to use these candles for?” Hayesy teased as he plucked a tealight candle from its spot on the kitchen table.

Kevin knew you and Nolan had made plans for dinner, and he also happened to know that Nolan finally came to terms with his feelings for you. As much as he chirped the younger hockey player, he was glad that Nolan wasn’t beating around the bush anymore. Kevin adored you and had no doubt that you were a perfect match for his friend.

Travis, on the other hand, looked extremely confused. With furrowed eyebrows, he shifted his focus from the television to Nolan, who was sending death glares at his roommate.

“Well, I, um-” Nolan was cut off by Kevin.

“Patty here was gonna have a super-romantic, candle-lit dinner with the girl he’s been pining over for ages,” Kevin excitedly cut to the chase. If a bystander didn’t know any better, they’d think that Kevin was more ecstatic about the dinner than Nolan.

Those words definitely caught Travis’ attention. He got up from his spot from the couch and joined his two friends in the kitchen. “Wow, Pats,” he playfully shoved his friend's shoulder, “took you long enough. Was fully convinced I was gonna have to do something about your weak game.”

Nolan’s eyes widened upon hearing TK’s comments. Was he really that obvious?

He could barely comprehend his feelings for you just a couple of days ago, and he definitely didn’t tell Travis about these newly-discovered feelings yet. He didn’t even plan to tell Kevin about it. He fully intended to have you be the first to know, but Kevin managed to get Nolan to crack.

“Ok, fuck off,” Nolan mumbled. Sure, he was a little slow at realizing his feelings, but better late than never. “Y/N was supposed to come over for dinner tonight, but she’s sick,” Nolan explained. He purposefully left out the fact that he was toying with the idea of confessing his feelings for you after the now-cancelled dinner.

“Oh shit,” Travis was the first to speak up.

“Does that mean you’ll be cooking for us instead?” Kevin added, wiggling his eyebrows towards Nolan and fist-bumping Travis.

“No, I don’t know what it means, but I can tell you right now that there is no way in hell I’m cooking for you two slobs.” Nolan replied. “I was thinking of bringing soup over to her place as a surprise or something.”

At that, both Travis and Kevin’s faces told Nolan that they needed him to elaborate.

“What? She told me that she was craving soup, and Maya is on that road trip with Joel so I figured…” Nolan’s voice gradually decreased in volume.

Travis was the first to interject, “I, for one, think that’s a great idea. Gotta roll with the punches, you know?”

Of course, no conversation between the three guys would be completed without Kevin’s incessant teasing. “We can barely tolerate you when we’re fully healthy — what makes you think Y/N is gonna want to see you while she’s sick?” he chuckled.

“You’re such a pain in the ass,” Nolan groaned.

“You know you love me,” Hayesey playfully blew a kiss in Nolan’s direction. “Here, let TK and me help you with the soup. We gotta make sure it doesn’t make Y/N feel worse than she already does,” he suggested.

+ him & her

Staying true to his words, Kevin made sure Nolan’s attempt at making homemade soup went smoothly. After getting a thumbs-up from both of his teammates, Nolan filled some soup containers up and headed over to your place. He opted out from texting you about his arrival just in case you were sleeping and banked on the possibility that you still had a spare key under the small flower pot in front of your door.

Although Nolan nagged you for the key placement and insisted that it was a terrible hiding place for a key, he was grateful that it was still there when he arrived to your apartment’s door. Quietly letting himself in, he set the soup on the kitchen island before softly calling your name.

He quietly treaded to your room, which he’d only been in twice out of the dozens of times he had come over. Once he poked his head into your bedroom, he couldn’t stop his heart from overflowing with adoration for you. You were swaddled in a mountain of pillows and blankets. Your soft snores flowed through the room, and your messy hair partially covered your content face. You looked like you were at peace, and Nolan was glad to see that you were resting up.

The sight of you filled him with joy and he silently thanked his past-self for not calling and waking you up. Snapping himself out of his trance, Nolan had to remind himself that he was probably being extremely creepy. You probably wouldn’t let him live it down if you caught him, and he knew he wouldn’t have any excuse for his compromising position. Well, other than the fact that he was hopelessly falling for you and that everything you did made his feelings for you increasingly clear.

With it being close to dinnertime, Nolan figured that it wouldn’t be much longer until you woke up. He returned back into the living space of your apartment and found a comfortable place on the suede couch as he waited.

Sure enough, 15 minutes later, you emerged from your bedroom. “Nolan?” you softly murmured. The two syllables were coated in drowsiness, and Nolan swore he would’ve done anything to hear you utter his name like that again.

He looked up from his phone and suddenly had to remind himself how to breathe.

You were wrapped in a wool blanket, but a sliver of your sweater peaked out from the part where your blanket couldn’t fully cover. He’d recognize the black and orange pattern anywhere, but what stuck out to him was the “19” that was spread across the corner of your sweatshirt. Well, it was actually his sweatshirt if he wanted to get technical. His heart was beating out of his chest at the sight of you wearing his clothes and if he wasn’t sure if he was falling in love with you before, he was definitely sure now.

“I-, hi, Y/N. M’sorry for coming over like this, but I knew you said you wanted soup, and my mom has the really great chicken noodle soup recipe, and Teeks and Hayesy even helped me even though I’m not really sure if that was the best idea because Teeks almost mistook cinnamon for cayenne but-” Nolan started to ramble. He wasn’t sure why he was so flustered. It was the first time he’d gone out of his way this much for a girl and he was subconsciously stalling just in case you might’ve perceived his act of kindness as something that was way too creepy and something that supposed just-friends don’t do.

“Nols,” you started, “that’s so sweet of you, but you didn’t have to do that! I could’ve just sent for an UberEats so you wouldn’t have had to go through all of that trouble for me.”

Nolan wanted to stop you and let you know that he’d swim across the Atlantic Ocean for you. However, he settled for something a little less revealing. “Don’t worry, Y/N, I promise I wanted to do this. Plus if I didn’t, how would I have gotten to see you wearing my number?” he smirked.

Your gaze slowly descended to your body, where you were in fact wearing Nolan’s sweater. He forgot to take it home the last time he was over at your place, and you couldn’t help that it looked extremely comfy. A rush of blood and warmth flooded through your face. “I started wearing it because I missed you and it smells like your cologne,” you cringed for including that last detail, “but it’s actually so soft and I don’t think I’ll be returning this,” you tightened the blanket around you to emphasize your point.

Were you trying to kill Nolan? His brain was overloaded with emotions and this was probably the nail in the coffin. This was it for him. In the few seconds following your explanation, he knew he’d do everything in his power to get to see you like this for the rest of his life. He was sure a younger version of himself would’ve laughed at him for being so dramatic, but he also knew that his younger-self hadn’t met you yet.

“You pull off the sweater better than I do, so you can keep it,” he cheekily smiled. His eyes couldn’t decide if they’d rather look at your sleep-pampered face or his sweatshirt that engulfed you.

“What rom-com movie did you pull that line from?” you chuckled.

He dramatically gasped, “I’m truly offended.” He also took note of how you’ve been standing in the same place for minutes, “Also, why are you standing so far away? Promise I don’t bite,” Nolan joked while he reached out in your direction with grabby hands.

“I don’t wanna get you sick. Don’t know how your coach would feel if you caught the cold with the season so close,” you reasoned with a playful tone.

“That’s a later problem. Please c’mere, I missed you too much,” his eyes pleaded with yours. How could you say no when he had that look on his face?

You hesitatingly approached Nolan, still trying to keep your distance from him. You genuinely didn’t want to get him sick, but you were also still deciding about whether or not you wanted to bury away your feelings for him or let him know what was on your mind. You weren’t expecting Nolan to come over, and you were now wishing that you spent some of your snooze time on sorting out your Nolan dilemma.

Taking a few strides forward, you reached the coffee table that was only a meter or so away from Nolan. Apparently that distance was still too far for Nolan, though, because he grabbed for your hand and tugged you into his body. His scent instantly overcame your senses and you promptly relaxed into his hold. Your body was awkwardly positioned over his but his tight grip on you, which shifted down to your hips, gave no sign that Nolan wanted you to get off of him. With this signal, you repositioned yourself so each of your legs found a home on either side of his lap. His arms wrapped around your body, and your chest was pressed against his as you nuzzled your head between the junction of his neck and shoulder.

For a while, neither of you said anything. It was a serene moment and truthfully, neither of you needed to exchange words to express how much you both cared for one another. There was no better way to make up for lost time than to fully appreciate the other’s presence, and neither of you were in a rush to get out of the situation that you two were in.

Occasionally, Nolan would pepper kisses along your hairline and twirl your hair along his fingers. Praying that you couldn’t feel how fast his heart was beating, he tried his best to calm the thoughts that were incessantly running through his mind. Nolan never wanted this delicate moment to end for multiple reasons. Perhaps the biggest reason, though, was because he was trying to formulate the right way to tell you how he felt about you. He wasn’t sure if he’d find a more perfect time than this one, and he wanted to make sure that everything he was going to say to you would properly express how much he cared for you and wanted you in his life as a more-than-friend.

Another few moments passed before he finally mustered up the courage to break the silence.

“I love you,” he breathed out.

He waited for your response, but was only met with a deafening silence. Unfortunately for Nolan, he never got to see your reaction to his confession because your drowsy state seemed to pull you into another sleeping trance just as quickly as Nolan spoke the three words.

+ her

Following the night that Nolan had come over to bring you soup, the two of you became a lot more physically affectionate. Whether it was cuddles on your couch or hugs that lingered for a little too long, you knew you were chartering into dangerous territory. You didn’t treat any of your guy friends in the same way you did Nolan, and somewhere along the road, you knew this shift in dynamic was precariously dancing between the line of platonic and romantic.

Maya and Joel picked up on it, too. Nearly every chance they got, the two attempted to get you or Nolan to finally confess that things had changed. They were never successful, however. Nolan would always brush off Joel’s inquiries and play off the situation. As for yourself, you ultimately decided to keep your feelings to yourself, too scared to lose the special connection you had with Nolan.

You had done a decent job of keeping your feelings locked away in the depths of your heart until the season opener for the Flyers.

Nolan had asked you to go, and as much as you would love nothing more than to root on your best friend, you were called into work at the last minute. You tried your best to see if any of your other co-workers could pick up the shift, but you were stuck watching the game from your phone as you begrudgingly got through your shift. You couldn’t forget the way Nolan’s excited expression fell after you told him you couldn’t make it and even though your shift was scheduled to end during the game’s third period, there was no way you would have made it to the Wells Fargo Center in time.

After your shift, you took out your phone and swiped through your friend’s SnapChat stories. Since Maya went to the game to support Joel, you had the apartment to yourself. Clicking on your best friend’s name on the app, you smiled as you watched the video that she’d put on her story. The Flyers clinched their first win for the season, and based on Maya’s story, it looked like everyone had gone to a nearby bar to celebrate. Despite the fact that her story was a video of Joel, that’s not what caught your attention.

Instead, it was the sight of a man in the background, his arms draped around a girl who was cozily perched upon his lap. His chin was resting on her shoulder, and you knew from the unmistakable rosy cheeks that the man was Nolan. Although the image lasted no more than a few seconds as the frame of Maya’s camera moved, you suddenly felt yourself become nauseous. Your fingers moved by themselves, torturing you as you watched the video over and over again to make sure you weren’t playing mind games on yourself.

You weren’t sure how to react. A mix of hurt and jealousy swarmed your body, sending shivers of confusion through it. You knew you had no right to be so upset. After all, Nolan and you never had a conversation about where you two stood. You two were still just friends — even though you’ve known for a while that your interactions with Nolan have meant much more to you than you’d let on. For all you knew, you could have been mistaking Nolan’s physical affection for something more. For all you knew, the physical affection never made Nolan’s heart beat race in the same way it did with yours.

Nolan wasn’t yours, but you so badly wish he were. You became increasingly frustrated at yourself for letting your heart believe that there was something more between you and Nolan. You knew you were playing a risky game — a game that you had just lost, because it became painfully apparent that Nolan only ever saw you as a friend. The video continued to play, though your clouded vision and mind drowned out its volume. A teardrop slipped down your heated cheeks and pattered onto your phone screen. You berated yourself with what-ifs, wondering if you could have done anything different to be able to call Nolan yours. Maybe it was never meant to be, but that didn’t mean that you didn’t beat yourself up over the situation.

Ditching your plans to immediately sleep after getting home from work, you made a beeline to the kitchen’s wine cabinet. You now let your tears run freely and let yourself drown in affliction. You didn’t even flinch when Maya and Joel entered the apartment, who both rushed to you with concern after they noticed your tear-splotched shirt and face that was swollen and red from crying.

Not used to seeing their typically calm and collected friend in such a state of disarray, the couple wasn’t quite sure how to approach the issue. For what felt like the first time in forever, you decided to be transparent with your thoughts. You had spent so long compartmentalizing your feelings that the need to let them out and the countless glasses of wine had you admitting your feelings for Nolan to the two. You didn’t want their pity, and you were thankful that they let you speak without interruption. Your words, though slurred, clearly explained how you felt foolish for falling for Nolan in the first place. You explained how your friendship with Nolan had evolved into something much more for you and how you couldn’t pretend like you didn’t love him as more than just a friend anymore.

At the end of your spiel, Maya and Joel shared a knowing look with each other. Maya looked like she was fuming, though she tried her best to maintain composure as she pulled you into a hug. You almost missed the way Joel cursed under his breath, calling Nolan an idiot. They were so sure Nolan had felt something towards you, and weren’t sure how to respond when you drunkenly asked what you did wrong for Nolan to be oblivious to the way that you only had eyes for him.

As much as they loved Nolan, they adored you just as much and felt terrible for the pain that you were going through.

Apparently not terrible enough to postpone movie nights, however. Some time down the road, you, Nolan, Maya, Joel, Travis, and Kevin made a habit of gathering for a few hours each week to watch movies and hang out. You almost forgot about it in your moping state until Maya brought up a few days later that it was your and Maya’s turn to host. The blood drained out of your face when she reminded you, and your first instinct was to come up with an excuse to miss the night at all costs. You didn’t want to ruin the budding tradition, but you weren’t ready to see Nolan either.

As much as it hurt to still be in contact with Nolan, the thought of cutting him off hurt just as much. So, you subjected yourself to the heartache of talking to someone as if you weren’t enamored with. After the night of your break down, Nolan tried texting and calling you as usual. Although you weren’t ignoring him, you kept your texts brief and the phone calls even shorter. You felt bad for creating a wall between you and Nolan, especially since he wasn’t sure what was going on with you. He often asked what was on your mind, but you typically brushed it off and churned out a half-true excuse about being busy with school before cutting your conversations with him short.

Maya understood your discomfort with the situation, and offered to call off the movie night. You quickly objected, not wanting to ruin the night for the others just because you were battling your own demons. You told her that the movie night could go on at your shared apartment, and that you would find something to keep you out of the house for a while.

Your escape from the apartment came in the form of Austin, a boy from your psych class. Although you two didn’t speak to one another much, his kind eyes and bashful smile always led you to gladly agree whenever he’d asked to sit in the open spot next to you in the lecture hall.

One day, after you offered your notes to him for a day he missed, he offered to take you out for dinner in return. Although you were hesitant at first, you couldn’t think of any cons that would weigh out the opportunity for a free meal and spending a few hours with the charming boy. Plus, he had mentioned that he was a transfer student from out of state, and you knew how much you would have appreciated a few friends from school when you first moved to the city. Ultimately agreeing to his proposition, you gave him your number and scheduled the dinner for the same night and time as the movie night.

When the night of your plans with Austin came around, you made sure to leave your apartment before the guys were coming over. Because you felt guilty for skipping on the movie night, you attempted to help Maya set up the snack. However, Maya insisted that you shouldn’t keep Austin waiting and that she could handle the food herself. When you told her about Austin, she was ecstatic for you. She knew how difficult the past week has been for you and nearly screeched with excitement when you told her that you had actual plans for the weekend.

She gave you a hug and reminded you to call her if you were in an emergency before practically pushing you out of the door.

+ her

The night with Austin went better than planned, and you genuinely enjoyed yourself. Not wanting to give Austin any false impressions, you made sure that the night was strictly platonic. Luckily for you, Austin was incredibly understanding. Although you didn’t miss the look of slight disappointment on his face when you told him that you weren’t interested in being anything more than friends, he respected your decision and upheld his offer for dinner.

Quickly, you found out that you two had a similar sense of humor. Austin was easy to talk to and eventually, you opened up to him about Nolan. You nearly apologized for doing so — you weren’t planning to drop your baggage on a boy that you barely knew. However, Austin was surprisingly good at giving advice and even recounted some of his own stories about unreturned feelings. It was nice to be able to talk to someone that could relate to you.

Knowing that Nolan was at your apartment, Austin suggested that you two get dessert and explore the city to make sure that the hockey player would be gone before you got home. At first, you turned down his idea, jokingly arguing that he didn’t have to spend his whole Saturday night with you out of pity. In spite of your protests, Austin promised that he wanted to continue spending time with you and didn’t mind the idea of getting ice cream.

You didn’t return home until it was nearly midnight. You were sure that the boys would have already headed home, since they had a morning skate the next day.

Opening the door, you were shocked to see that everyone was still in the apartment, eyes occupied on the Marvel movie on the television. Your eyes immediately landed on Nolan’s figure, and you contemplated your next actions.

Settling on trying to go unnoticed by the group, you tried your best to discreetly enter your home and head to your room. With everyone's backs turned away from you, you almost made it to your room safely.

You were so close until your keys loudly fell onto the floor as you tried to remove them from the lock. Instantly, everyone’s heads turned to the front door. Someone turned on the living room’s lights, and you became uncomfortably aware of everyone’s attention on you.

You flashed them a smile, and Maya was the first to speak.

“How was your date?” she slyly questioned, making sure that everyone in the room heard her.

You raised an eyebrow at her question. Maya knew that the night with Austin wasn’t a date. However, the way she glanced at Nolan reminded you that he and the other guys, for that matter, didn’t know that. Not wanting to entertain whatever plan she was brewing in her mind, you tried not to acknowledge her question, flashing her a nervous smile.

“You ditched us for a date?” Travis gasped incredulously, clenching his hand above his heart for the added dramatic effect.

“Is that why the cookies were weird? I knew something was wrong with them when I nearly broke a tooth trying to eat one,” Hayesy laughed as an embarrassed Maya threw a pillow in his direction. You chuckled along with the joke, knowing that you should’ve stuck around to help her bake them. You made sure to promise not to miss the next movie night and even reassured Kevin that you would make a fresh batch of cookies just for him next time.

As Joel chimed in with the others about your “date,” Nolan remained oddly quiet.

His body language was stiff, and his eyes were mostly glued to his lap. He was playing with his fingers and refused to look you in the eyes. He almost looked uncomfortable, his smile forced whenever someone made another funny remark. Although everyone seemed oblivious to it, you couldn’t help but notice the way Nolan was biting the inside of his cheek. It was a habit that you noticed before, but you usually only ever saw him do it when he was in deep concentration or thought. You wouldn’t lie and say that it didn’t hurt to see that Nolan didn’t even acknowledge your presence. Of course he didn’t owe you anything, but your heart didn’t necessarily know that.

You didn’t want to overanalyze anything, though. So, after chuckling at their comments, you headed to your room to remove your makeup and change into the oversized tee shirt and lounge shorts that you had been looking forward to changing into ever since you left the apartment.

“Calling it a night already?”

Upon hearing the question, you nearly had to do a double take. It was the first time you had heard Nolan’s voice all night. The lack of inflection in his voice transformed the previously light-hearted atmosphere thick with tension.

“Um, yea. It’s been a long night and I don’t know how much longer I can keep my eyes open,” you curtly responded with the first excuse that you could come up with, continuing en route to your room without sparing Nolan another glance. You gave everyone in the living space a small wave before you slipped into your room.

Although your reasoning was partially true, you didn’t know if you could handle being so close to Nolan at the moment. The two of you had gotten used to snuggling up together during movie nights and with your current emotional disarray, you didn’t want to put yourself in the position where you had to pretend like you weren’t still hurt at the thought of Nolan not seeing you in the same light that you saw him. And, regardless of how idiotic Nolan’s teammates could act at times, you knew they were pretty observant — especially when it came to you and Nolan’s complex friendship. If you decided to join in on the movie night but sit in any seat that wasn’t next to Nolan, they'd undoubtedly pick up on it.

Even though you thought your excuse was enough to get by your attentive friends, everyone in the room —bar Nolan— exchanged knowing looks with each other after once they heard the lock of your doorknob click into place. They knew how much you loved movie nights and how you were usually a night owl, regardless of how busy your day was. In fact, it was usually you that begged for an extra movie to be played when everyone was ready to call it a night.

More importantly, they knew you had a soft spot for Nolan. They weren’t ignorant to the way you’d sprint through hoops and hurdles to spend time with Nolan, mostly because they noticed how Nolan would go great lengths to see you, too. It had been a while since you last saw Nolan, and they figured that you would jump on the chance to be in your best friend’s presence again. Of course Maya had to play along, pretending as if she didn’t know why you were avoiding Nolan.

Even though Nolan was a little more subtle with his actions and words, it was no secret that Nolan missed you. His question from earlier was his way of asking you if everything was alright and if you wanted to spend time with him, and your deflection to his implied questions told everyone what they needed to know.

They weren’t quite sure what was going on between you and Nolan, but they knew things weren’t the same as they used to be.

Noting the way Nolan’s shoulders sunk after you disappeared into your bedroom, Maya was the first to rise from her seat. The mood of the night quickly became awkward after Nolan’s short-lived interaction with you, and Maya had no intention of having to sit through another hour of the movie if it were going to be this uncomfortable. She also hoped to talk to you before you actually went to sleep.

“Well, I think I’m gonna head to bed, too. I have to pick up an early shift tomorrow,” she explained as she gathered her blankets from the couch. “You’re staying the night, right?” she asked Joel.

Painfully aware of the newfound tension, her boyfriend silently nodded and helped Maya bring the rest of the throw pillows and blankets.

“You all can finish the rest of the movie,” Maya nodded towards Nolan, Travis, and Kevin. “Just lock up on your way out once it’s over. There should be a spare key under the flower pot outside.” Waving to the guys in the living room, Maya tugged Joel into her room and shut the door.

And then there were three.

+ him

Nolan’s jaw was beginning to ache from how hard he was clenching his teeth together. He didn’t know how to take in the rollercoaster of emotions that he had been feeling for the past few days. He wasn’t oblivious to the barrier that seemed to build up between you and him, but he didn’t know how that wall formed in the first place, let alone how to get over it.

He thought the past few days had been rocky, but he was certainly not prepared for his heartstrings to be pulled into so many directions tonight.

Nolan was looking forward to seeing you in person and was more than disheartened to hear that you were out for the night after he awkwardly asked Maya about your whereabouts. Your roommate didn’t go into the specifics of why you were missing out on the movie night, so he was left to his own devices to figure out where you were.

Of course he could’ve texted you, but given your erratic reply rates as of late, he resorted to refreshing his SnapChat and Instagram apps every once in a while to see if you were posting about where you were spending your weekend night.

Nolan wanted to understand why there was a strain in the relationship and more than anything, he needed your reassurance to know that everything was alright. He partly thought you were distancing yourself from him because he had made his feelings for you too obvious and you didn’t see him in that same way. The theory wasn’t even farfetched. His friends always made fun of him for being so whipped for you, and Nolan knew that you hated letting others down. Throughout his friendship with you, he had quickly learned that you would much rather deal with the brunt of someone else’s problems than to let them down. The thought of you distancing yourself from Nolan just because you only saw him as just a friend hurt Nolan, and he needed to let you know that he’d much rather deal with his feelings being unreciprocated than to have you fade away from his life.

Nolan also thought that he said something wrong and made you upset. However, after replaying all of the conversations he had with you leading up to your new treatment towards him, he didn’t know what he would have said that would have made you this indifferent to him.

Your social media gave no hints as to what you were doing, so Nolan let his imagination run wild with all of the reasons why you would’ve skipped movie night, especially when you were usually so excited about them.

When you entered the apartment a few hours after his arrival, Nolan felt his heartbeat begin to thrum as loud as a kick drum. All of the hypothetical situations that were previously occupying his mind were now invaded with thoughts about how good you looked. Nolan recognized the denim jacket you were wearing as the one that you had gotten a few months ago. He had just finished an afternoon practice when you FaceTimed him and couldn’t contain your excitement about finding the “most perfect article of clothing” you’ve ever owned. Although Nolan chirped you for driving so far away just for a jacket, the ecstatic expression on your face that day was one he’d never forget. It was also one that he so desperately craved to see for the rest of his life.

Just as quickly as he was brought out of his slump from seeing you, he was rudely pulled back down to reality after Maya asked you about your date. Needless to say, the warmth that filled his heart left as quickly as it had entered. Jealousy consumed Nolan, and he was momentarily blinded by a pain that he couldn’t quite describe.

As his friends joke around with you, Nolan struggled comprehending the thought of you with another guy. He had no right to be upset, really. Not when he couldn’t muster up the courage to tell you how he felt and especially not when your eyes were twinkling with so much elation.

Throughout the friendship Nolan had developed with you, you never mentioned that you were going on dates or seeking relationships. The hopeless romantic in him let him believe that maybe, just maybe, you were saving your heart for the right person. For him.

However, the breathy chuckle you released after Maya’s question shattered any amount of hope that Nolan had built up. Now, instead of butterflies, Nolan’s stomach was filled with a piercing ache. As if he wanted to punish himself more for not being more vocal about his feelings for you, Nolan attempted to ask you to join the movie night. Sure, maybe he wasn’t exactly direct with his words, but he was hoping you’d pick up on his hint. Nolan shouldn’t have been so surprised when you decided to go to your room instead of joining him and the others, but the already-tense coil in his stomach continued to tighten.

After you went to your room, followed by Maya and Joel, Nolan looked at the remaining people in the room.

“We’re sorry, Pat,” Travis was the first to speak. His words were laced with sympathy, knowing how much his friend was head over heels for you.

Moving from his seat to stand over his younger teammate, Kevin rose from the couch and rubbed Nolan’s shoulder. “Let’s head home, yea?” Kevin attempted to dance around the topic of you.

“I’ll meet you two in the car. Just need to clear my head for a bit,” Nolan muttered to his understanding friends.

Quietly, Travis and Kevin left the apartment, making sure to shut the door carefully as to not disturb their teammate.

+ him & her

Thinking you were in the clear after hearing the front door close, you left your room in hopes of making a mug of tea.

You felt bad for avoiding Nolan, but you didn’t know how else to deal with the thousands of thoughts that cycled through your brain.

To say you were unprepared to see Nolan in your living would be an understatement. His arms were propped on his knees and his face was cradled by his hands. His shoulders were slouched and his tousled hair looked as if he had run his hands through it multiple times.

You weren’t sure if you should’ve just turned back around and locked yourself in your room, but your instincts beckoned you to come closer to Nolan. No matter how hurt you were, he was your best friend first and foremost. If there was anything you could do to bring him out of his clear distress, you would do it without a second thought.

“Nolan?” you meekly called out his name.

Nolan slowly moved his head just enough so he could hear the source of the sound. Unintentionally mimicking your facial expression, he looked just as stunned to see you. “Sorry, I thought you would’ve already been asleep. I was uh- I was just about to head out,” he timidly said.

“Stay as long as you need. I’ve been trying to sleep but didn’t have much luck, so I’m hoping tea will help. Haven’t been able to get a good sleep for a while now,” you explained while opening a kitchen cupboard for a mug.

“Me neither. Things haven’t felt right recently,” he sighed. After his statement, the apartment was eerily quiet. Neither of you wanted to say anything else, scared of stepping over any boundaries or maybe the situation even more awkward.

You’re not sure what gears clicked into place, but you felt compelled to finally tell Nolan what was on your mind. The guilt of ignoring him was eating away at you, and you felt like you at least owed your best friend an explanation as to why you needed space from him. After you dropped the tea bag into your mug, you walked back towards the living space to where Nolan was still sitting.

“Look, I’m sorry,” you started.

Nolan didn’t say anything, his eyes pleading with you to continue with what you were saying.

“I’m just gonna lay everything out because I know I’m not gonna be brave enough to do this on any other occasion,” you prefaced, making sure Nolan was paying attention to what you were saying. You were already embarrassed that you had managed to think that Nolan could ever like you, and you did not want to have to verbally explain your emotional affliction more than one.

“I don’t really know when, but I caught feelings for you. At first I wasn’t sure what to do about it, because everyone always warns about falling for your best friend and I didn’t want to make things awkward between us if you didn’t feel the same,” you continued with your explanation, eventually getting to the part where you saw Nolan and the girl on Maya’s story.

“It just sucked, y’know? I thought I was doing a good job of suppressing my feelings and then I saw that. Obviously it’s not like we were dating or anything and I never told you how I felt at the time, but having that confirmation that there wasn’t actually anything between us was like a kick to the gut.”

“I feel terrible for letting my feelings get in the way of our friendship and reading all of the signs wrong. I don’t wanna lose you because of this, and I’m really trying to get over my silly feelings becau-” you were cut off by Nolan.

“What if I don’t want you to get over those feelings?” he said while approaching the spot you were standing in.

Your heart dropped to the pit of your stomach. You weren’t sure if you were hearing things right or if you were so sleep deprived that you were starting to make things up. “I-I’m not following,” you silently begged Nolan to continue.

“I liked you, too,” he confessed. “Well, I still like you. If I’m being honest, I think I’m in love with you,” he admitted all in one breath. “I thought it would be easier to try to get over you instead of dealing with the possibility of ruining our friendship just because I caught feelings,” he elaborated.

“Obviously it didn’t work, though. And I ended up messing up things between us anyway, so it really didn’t work,” he sighed with a hint of resignation in his tone. He wasn’t sure if he was referring to ruining the friendship, his chance of getting to call you his, or both. Upon that thought, Nolan became even more dejected after he was reminded about how you were just on a date a few hours ago.

Your head was spinning with each word. Every fiber in your body was consumed by joy, and you were now wide awake. Nolan was now only standing a few feet away from you. You still hadn’t replied to his confession, and you could tell that he was becoming increasingly nervous as he awaited your reaction. With that realization, you were drawn out of your thoughts. Your heart was lodged in your throat, and you knew that no words could articulate the words you wanted to tell Nolan, anyway.

With that, you closed the distance between the two of you. Your hands grabbed his and although he flinched a little bit, he welcomed your gesture and interlaced your fingers with him.

Going on your tiptoes to come a little closer to your face, you become hyper-aware of Nolan’s burning gaze. His face is painted with a light blush, and he’s biting the inside of his cheeks again.

“I hope this is okay,” is the last thing you whisper before you connect your lips to his.

Instinctively, Nolan’s hands pulled away from yours to find a home on your hips. He pulled you closer, attempting to deepen the kiss. The kiss was soft, reassuring, and everything in between. Nolan couldn’t stop the smile that was tugging on his lips, and had to pull away to make sure that this was actually happening.

He was met with your confused face, your eyebrows scrunched in the cutest way. His smile promptly turned into a smirk as you tried to pull him into a kiss, your shorter height causing you to barely graze the corner of his lips.

When Nolan released a chuckle, you started to become impatient. “What?” you questioned while narrowing your eyes towards the rosy-cheeked boy in front of you.

“Does this mean I’m forgiven?” he cheekily asked.

“Only if I get a second kiss,” you said with gleaming eyes, fingertips grazing along his jawline. With those words, Nolan wasted no time fulfilling your wish and peppering your neck with dozens of chaste kisses.

The two of you were so consumed with the high of finally getting to hear the other admit their feelings that neither of you heard the sound of the front door violently swinging open.

“Patty, where the fuck are yo-” Travis called, immediately realizing the moment he was intruding on. “You know what, I think I’m just gonna head out. Have a good night!” he awkwardly chuckled, undoubtedly embarrassed. He sent the two of you a thumbs up before quickly shutting the door as if he never interrupted.

“Oh my god,” Nolan said, his head falling into your shoulder and arms wrapping around your body. “I forgot that TK and Hayesy were waiting for me to come down. It’s probably been like half an hour at this point,” his laugh rumbled through your bones.

“Stay the night?” you offered. “Maybe I can finally get more than four hours of sleep,” you laughed.

“Mm, sounds like a plan,” Nolan peppered kisses along your neck before scooping you into his arms and heading to your bedroom.

Although both of you knew that there would be a lot to talk about the following morning, neither of you wanted to disrupt the current state of bliss that both of you were in. You and Nolan’s hearts were finally intertwined, and for now, that was enough to engulf you in ease.

[malfoyheartsgranger]

You Just Go on Living

Summary: In which Draco Malfoy destroys himself to protect his lover.

A/N: I wrote this between 2 and 4 AM, so it’s a little shitty but I’ve had this little idea for a while and finally got around to writing it so I’m just going to post it, oops. I also did not proofread in the slightest... It’s gonna be a long one, and there will probably be a good bit of backstory also, so sorry if that’s not your thing, but I hope you enjoy the heartbreak!

(PS please ignore the inconsistencies with time travel info and the butterfly effect and whatnot in this fic because quite honestly I didn’t know how else to go about it. You’ll see what I mean!!)

Warnings: mentions of death

Word Count: 4.3k

. . .

Draco Malfoy knew what he had to do.

He had known since four nights ago when Voldemort made an appearance in his own living room. Draco Malfoy, surrounded on one side by laughing Death Eaters and on the other by the grim faces of his parents, watched as his own professor was murdered, while another one watched.

Severus Snape was Draco’s godfather, and this title came with certain duties, even above those of the Dark Lord, one of which being to protect Draco. Draco was unaware of this fact, but Snape had sworn to protect him at all costs, and while it seemed that the vow would have been fulfilled after Dumbledore’s death, Severus Snape still felt a sort of honor in protecting his godson. And, as much as he despised the notion, this meant protecting his heart as well.

And so after Voldemort’s theatrics at Malfoy Manor, Snape pulled Draco aside and told him the most heartbreaking news he would likely ever hear.

“The Dark Lord,” Snape drawled. “He knows of Y/N.”

Draco Malfoy’s solemn face instantly rose to look Snape in the eye, a sudden urgency to his actions.

“What?” he questioned, standing from his chair in the corner of the drawing room to be eye level with Snape. “What does he know about her?”

Snape bowed his head in some manner of helplessness, yet stayed silent as Draco turned on his heel to approach the fireplace. He rested his arm on the ledge above it for a moment before spitting out his words once again, although this time with much more aggression.

“What does he know about her? What does he know about Y/N?”

“Draco,” Snape began, but his usual slow tone was not a quick enough source of information for the desperate Malfoy boy.

Rather than repeat his question to the stone wall he faced, he spun around to face Snape. The look on his face was all the motivation the professor needed to prioritize his answer. He may not particularly like the boy, and he certainly did not like Y/N, but he understood what it was to have the Dark Lord find one’s weakness.

“He knows,” Snape said gravely, “of your relations with her.”

Draco ran his hands across his face and through his cropped hair in angst. “So you’re saying . . .”

“Yes, my boy,” Snape confirmed, knowing exactly what Draco would have to say, “he knows of your love for her.”

Draco collapsed back into his chair as Snape merely watched. He did not expect comfort, and he thought it would be rather strange if he were to receive it. And so Draco, alone, remembered last year’s looming threat of Voldemort harming his parents if he did not do as he was told. He had thought that in itself cruel, although this was not unusual for a creature as horrid as Voldemort, but he recalled being relieved beyond measure that the Dark Lord knew nothing of his relationship with Y/N Y/L/N. He had not known what he would do if she was used as a pawn, a motivational sacrifice.

But now he knew. He knew, and Draco did not know how, but he did. And Draco thought it odd that Voldemort had not yet flaunted that to him, or to anyone, but Snape knew. Logic told Draco that of course Snape knew; he was one of Voldemort’s most trusted allies, but his grief convinced him otherwise.

Draco’s hands paused in his hair and came to lay on his thighs, just close enough to the trouser pocket that contained his wand. He leaned forward from resting on the back of the wooden chair he sat in, and in a collected tone, asked Snape, “How does he know this?”

Hesitant, Snape replied, “I am not sure. Although, you and I both know he has countless sources of information, and—”

His voice suddenly louder and sharper, Draco said, “How do you not know? Surely he would have told you this also?”

It was at this point that Snape realized Draco’s thoughts, and he reached to quell them before they could truly take root. “I assure you—”

But Draco was too quick, and before Snape could let any more words from his mouth, Draco was out of his chair, grabbing Snape’s cloak in one fist and gripping his wand in the other. He held the tip of his wand to Snape’s cheek, and for a man who was usually so composed, Snape seemed almost . . . afraid. However, he had the right, for he had never seen his godson in such a state.

“What did you tell him?” Draco whispered, his face incredibly close to Snape’s, close enough that the professor could smell the scent of shampoo wafting from his hair and the tingle of mint on his breath. He cringed.

“I told him nothing,” Snape repeated. As Draco breathed heavily into his face, Snape moved excruciatingly slowly to pull his own wand from his robes. Upon success, he pushed the tip of it into the side of Draco’s torso, and when Draco felt the pressure, he immediately backed up.

Both of their wands raised, the two men stared at each other, one defensive, one anguished, each in dangerous states. Snape’s paranoid reaction to his words convinced Draco’s inconsolable mind even further of his guilt. And so he yelled this time, “What did you tell him?”

And he shot a curse at his own godfather. Snape merely blocked the spell and begged Draco to calm himself, but before the boy could even send another curse toward him, Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy rushed into the room, both concerned with the noise. Voldemort had left, and along with him any commotion, so the Manor had been silent, until the sound of Draco’s shattered voice rang through the halls. Upon seeing her son and old friend seemingly preparing to duel, Narcissa Malfoy approached Draco, and he finally noticed her.

“Mother, go,” he urged her, not wavering in his hostility toward Snape, though softening his voice a bit for his mother. Narcissa saw her son’s hands shake a bit as he aimed his wand at Snape, but he never shot another curse. Something in him broke a bit when his mother entered the room, and perhaps it was because of her lack of hesitation in approaching him despite his clearly unsteady state. Lucius did nothing, though Draco would admit his presence alone intimidated him out of trying to harm Snape further.

In a moment of weakness, or perhaps strength, Draco stalked from the room and into the gardens, and it was in the following moments of solitude that he realized what his next step had to be: what he had to do to protect Y/N.

. . .

Y/N Y/L/N’s reaction upon seeing her boyfriend was always hearty. This was mostly due to her cheerful demeanor, and that it always took her a moment to read Draco’s own mood and subsequently shift hers to fit it.

And so when Draco Apparated to her home just days before the start of their last year at Hogwarts, she needed time to adjust to his obvious devastation.

She heard a pop outside her bedroom window some time in the early afternoon, and when she looked outside, she was delighted to see a head of blonde hair headed for her backyard. That was her and Draco’s spot when she was home, and he knew that she always heard him arrive and did not need to announce himself.

Y/N threw on a sweater to brave the crisp air outside and rushed down the stairs to meet Draco. She swung open the door in the kitchen that led to her grassy backyard and nearly shouted a greeting to her boyfriend, but she noticed that he was sitting, slouched, on the brick wall around her mother’s garden, and his head was hanging low, so she sobered her presence.

Not realizing the severity of his state, Y/N still maintained a certain level of joy in his appearance. She walked around the dirt patch of fruits, vegetables, and regular flowers, and stood in front of Draco. She furrowed her eyebrows a bit and teased, “To what do I owe this pleasure?”

When Draco did not answer and continued to stare at the grass beneath his dress shoes, Y/N sighed and took a seat next to him. She knew life had been terrible to him recently, especially after last year. She had been the one to convince him he was better than Voldemort’s plans, and so Draco had not harmed anyone. He had tried desperately to destroy the Vanishing Cabinet, but to no avail, and Y/N did her best to pull him through the guilt that wracked him every day because of it. It had been unbelievably difficult to forgive him for what happened because of his actions, but she had already fought so hard to convince him that he could survive Voldemort’s threats, and it seemed she was the only one who could do so. If for no one else, Y/N stayed with Draco Malfoy because he needed her, and because he would destroy himself without her.

And consequently, it was Draco Malfoy’s most menacing fear, that Voldemort would come to realize his love for Y/N. And now he had, and Draco had tried to find any solution but the one he could come to to deal with this fact. But every plan had a roadblock, most of them being that Y/N would wind up hurt, and after all she had sacrificed for him, Draco could not allow that.

“We need to go somewhere else,” Draco whispered, and his tone immediately filled Y/N with dread.

Yet, she quickly responded, “Anywhere,” and without another word, Draco took her hand and Apparated them away.

After the initial shock of the Apparition, Y/N adjusted to her surroundings to find that Draco had already begun walking away. They were on a shore of some sort, although Y/N had no idea where, and Draco was walking along the sand, away from her, under a grey sky.

“Draco!” she shouted, but he did not turn around, and she assumed the crashing of the waves was disturbing his hearing. However, she chased after him, tripping through the sifting sand, and he still did not respond to her repeated shout despite her new proximity. He did not seem to be heading toward anything in particular, and as Y/N looked around even further, she could not find anything that he even could be aiming for.

So caught up in her own thoughts and determination in reaching her horribly despondent Draco, Y/N did not even realize that he had suddenly stopped walking and was staring at the sea. So when she took a break from watching her own feet to ensure their stability and was met with a prompt crash into somebody else, she gasped. Without a word, Draco gripped the top of her arm to stop her from tumbling over, and she couldn’t say she wasn’t grateful, but she was also infuriated.

“Draco Malfoy,” she scolded. “You Apparate us to the middle of nowhere, with no warning, and then leave me practically stranded down the shoreline? Merlin, I hardly had time to figure out where I was before I had to start chasing you down—”

Draco spoke. “Y/N. Please.”

Just the tone of his voice was enough to silence her, for despite her frustration, she would always listen to Draco.

She softened immediately. “What’s wrong?”

Draco, without granting her even a quick glance, continued to stare at the waves, and the shores upon which they crashed. “I’d like to think that I’m out there in some other life.”

Y/N said nothing.

“That maybe I’m a wave in the ocean, and you’re the sand.” He paused. Shook his head. “No. Then again, perhaps it’s the other way around. Yes, you’ve always been the ocean, so I suppose I’m the grain of sand.”

“Maybe we could both be waves,” Y/N suggested, not quite sure where Draco was going with this, but knowing it would lead to him defaming himself in order to raise her up. “Maybe we’re small waves that meet and make something big.”

Draco scoffed. “You’ve always thought too highly of me,” he mumbled. “You think the best of people like me.”

“Of course I do,” she protested. “You’ve given me no reason not to. Even when you thought you were irredeemable, you proved yourself wrong.”

“No,” Draco interrupted. “I’ve proven myself right this time.”

Confused, and a bit shaken, Y/N whispered, “Draco, you’re scaring me. What’s happened?”

A beat of silence.

A wave’s thunder.

A recession of water.

A lifetime of uncertainty.

“He knows, Y/N,” Draco finally said. “He knows.”

The grim look on Draco’s face was all Y/N needed in order to know that he was speaking of Voldemort. No one else, not even his father, could instill such simultaneous fear and disgust in the eyes of Draco Malfoy. Their peers dubbed him a coward for joining Voldemort’s side, but Y/N knew the truth: knew that he had no intention of ever again following through with one of his dark plans. She knew that he was incredibly afraid of what his role entailed, but that he faced it in order to protect those he loved. He was called a coward, but Y/N thought Draco Malfoy was the bravest person she had ever met.

And for someone so brave to look so grave in this moment, in her presence: the place he usually felt most at peace . . . Well, it was disturbing. And there could be nothing else but her safety that would have Draco so troubled, so after a moment, Y/N understood what he meant. On the surface, this seemed to be an unconcerning issue. After all, so what if Voldemort knew that Draco had a girlfriend? Her blood status was not an issue. She was a half-blood, after all. But when she went to voice this, she remembered how Draco had been threatened with his family’s safety last year. How Voldemort swore that if he did not complete the task at hand, his parents would be killed. How if he found out Draco loved someone else, he would approach his threats with the same mercilessness.

As soon as the realization struck her, Y/N shifted her thinking to formulating a plan. “I’ll hide,” she suggested. “I’ll go somewhere he can’t find me. I’m not sure if the safest place would be Hogwarts, that might be too obvious.”

“Y/N,” Draco spoke, although she did not hear.

“My parents,” she continued frantically. “I’ll have to tell them or - or send them away, I don’t—”

And this time, when Draco repeated her name, with more urgency in his voice than she had ever heard, Y/N noticed. After the initial aggression with which he spoke her name, Draco’s voice softened. “Nowhere will be safe enough. He’ll find you. No matter what.”

Her body went cold.

Draco was a man of extremes. A man of loyalty and ferocity and an innate desperation to protect those he cared for, no matter what the cost. He had proven so before. There was no doubt in Y/N’s mind that he would do anything to keep her safe, even if that meant breaking her heart, along with his own.

“No,” Y/N protested, sure she knew what Draco was thinking. After all, how many times had she been able to finish his sentences for him? How many times had she read his mind before he even formulated a thought in his own consciousness? How many times had she known what he would do, how he would act before he knew so himself? “We’re not breaking up. I’m not letting you go through this by yourself Draco, we’ve seen how—”

“I’m not breaking up with you,” Draco said solemnly. It had been what felt like a lifetime since he looked at her, since he touched her.

But Y/N was too relieved at his words to comprehend the stern tone with which he spoke them. She released an alleviating sigh, thanking the universe that Draco had not gone to extremes this time, that maybe he would let her help him and they would confront this together.

“But we can’t be together either,” he continued after a moment. Y/N’s shot from the sky above her to the boy who stood stoic next to her. She tilted her head in confusion and opened her mouth to voice her bewilderment, but before she could let out more than a syllable, Draco clarified. “It’s not enough to part ways, Y/N. I’ll still love you, and he’ll still know that. I can’t care for you at all.”

This time, although still perplexed, Y/N did not move to speak. Rather, she allowed Draco to think aloud.

“A memory charm won’t be enough either, not even on the both of us. I’ve heard lovers can still feel a connection between themselves after their memories are taken. And I can’t think of any other solution . . .”

When he did not continue, Y/N whispered, “What does this mean?”

“It means I need to make a reality where I never fell in love with you.”

She furrowed her eyebrows at the sea. “If I even considered entertaining this idea, how in the hell would you go about that? We’re wizards, Draco, but even we can’t change the past to that extreme. There’s no way to—”

She stopped speaking, stopped the flailing of her arms, stopped breathing, when Draco Malfoy pulled a Time-Turner from his pocket. Even without knowledge of how Draco planned to use it, Y/N would have been shocked at his possession of one. Time-Turners were extremely rare, likely due to the peril they risked, and the last she had heard of someone owning one was Albus Dumbledore himself.

“How did you—”

“My father stole it,” Draco filled in the gaps. “I know it’s not an honorable way to come into possession of one, but I plan to use it nobly.” He turned to look at her, finally, for what seemed like the first time in years. He met her eyes for a split second, then shifted them to the charm that lay in his open palm. He grasped it shut. “Point is, Y/N, I have it, and I intend to use it to protect you. I’ll go back to before we met, I’ll prevent it, I swear.”

“Draco, you can’t just make this decision,” Y/N professed angrily. “I know I’m in danger, but I never thought loving you would be completely safe. I mean, come on, you’re Draco Malfoy. Even without You-Know-Who, your friends serve a mighty threat.”

“This isn’t a joke, Y/N.”

“I know it’s not, Draco. But this is my life too.”

When he looked up, Y/N thought he would meet her eyes, but they instead drifted over her face and to the clouds above them. He threw his hands in the air in frustration, still clasping the Time-Turner with all his might. “And that’s exactly why I need to do this! I can’t be the reason you lose it! I need to make this world so that I never put you in danger by falling in love with you.”

Y/N was not one to back down from a fight, but even she knew there was nothing to be done to change Draco’s mind. The only thing that had ever been greater than Draco’s love for her was his fear of Voldemort, and in this moment, his two phobias were colliding. And that meant there would be no steering his proposed course of action.

So rather than continue to fight him, although she desperately longed to, Y/N sat in the sand and motioned for her forlorn lover to join. He appeared hesitant, but the fact that Y/N was no longer protesting him convinced him to lower to the ground. Y/N had always been the only one able to drag him out of his conservative shell. As unproblematic an action as it seemed, Draco Malfoy would not be caught dead sitting in damp sand in the presence of anyone but his Y/N. Something about her made him forget about the trivial issues of everyday life. Sometimes she cleared his mind completely, but it was much too cloudy today for him to hope for such an outcome.

As soon as he was seated next to her, Y/N rested her head on his shoulder.

“I know there’s no way I could change your mind, but is there a chance I could convince you to wait a bit?” She looked up at him, his blue eyes, his light hair, his perfect face. “To give us some time just to be here?”

She felt his chest move with a deep breath, and she saw his head dip with a wordless nod.

And so Draco Malfoy and Y/N Y/L/N sat on an unknown, unnamed shore, exchanging stories of their time together, of the highs and lows, the laughs and tears, for what they both knew to be a long time, but what felt like none at all.

They recounted their night at the Yule Ball, and Y/N told him it was the first time she had ever seen him truly carefree. He told her he used to despise her for supporting Harry Potter, and she laughed knowingly, assuring him she already knew, but glad that he had learned to agree with her views (although only tolerate the boy). She remembered how jealous she had been when Pansy Parkinson was his Potions partner but how relieved she felt when he admitted he smelt her in his Amortentia.

And when the words were no longer enough, Draco and Y/N sat in silence, with only the crashing waves as ambience, and they watched the sun set an ocean away from their problems. Tears fell from both lovers’ eyes, especially when Y/N sat back and placed her hand on Draco’s cheek.

“You know I don’t want this,” she whispered. “But I know that you’re going to do it either way. Because that’s just who you are. You’ll do anything to protect those you love. But Draco Malfoy, before you do, I need you to know,” she paused, blinking harsh tears from her stinging eyes and trying to ignore those forming in Draco’s own, “that there is no reality in the universe in which I do not love you. I will love you in any and every world that allows us to meet.”

Draco tugged his lips into his mouth and closed his eyes momentarily. When he opened them again, the pooling tears escaped. “And I you. Always.”

Without another word, Y/N pulled Draco’s face to her own and met his lips softer than ever before. They were both shivering at this point, but as soon as their lips connected, their bodies warmed. Draco tugged Y/N into him with a hand behind her neck, and deepened their kiss just enough to communicate his love, his yearning for another lifetime of such kisses. The kiss broke with Y/N’s shuddering breath, and she rested her forehead against Draco’s, her hand still holding his face. She felt wetness pooling at the tops of her fingers, and she swiped across Draco’s face with her thumb, all the while her eyes closed.

“You know I only wish to keep you safe,” Draco sighed. “I would not do this if I did not truly believe it to be the only way.”

Y/N nodded, and sucked in a sharp breath at the sound of a tick.

She opened her eyes to see Draco’s hands around the Time-Turner under their faces and quickly looked up at him. For a moment it seemed he would not meet her gaze, and Y/N panicked, thinking she would be forced to abandon this world looking into something other than her lover’s eyes.

But then Draco looked up, and in his mind, he wavered. He could not leave her. How could he possibly think he would be okay without her?

But if they stayed, he would eventually be without her when Voldemort reached her, and that would hurt infinitely more.

Another twist of the Time-Turner.

Countless more.

“Wait.”

Draco’s hands stilled.

“What do I do?” Y/N spoke. “The me in this reality? What does this me do without you?”

Draco shook his head slightly, almost in pain, but before he resumed his motions, he offered, “You just go on living, I suppose.”

One last turn. A twist in time. A seal of fate.

. . .

It is snowing at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

A young girl is walking to class with her peers, smiling wondrously at the frenzy of snowflakes. A blond boy walks the same path with his own companions. He races ahead of the two boys with him and crafts a snowball out of fallen snow in his gloved hands.

In another, much more fortunate reality, the same events conspire. However, in this universe, when the boy throws the pack of snow, it hits Harry Potter, his intended target, rather than the back of the beautiful girl’s head. So she hurries her pace upon predicting a brawl and ducks into the castle, already on the way to her next lesson. The boy smirks at his friends and mocks Harry Potter’s misfortune. In this universe, Y/N Y/L/N and Draco Malfoy never meet.

And so, years later, when Draco Malfoy’s heart breaks, it is not because he lived to regret falling for Y/N Y/L/N, but rather because he never got the chance.

. . .

my stories

[snowdice]

Adriana’s Tags

This is a list of tags that I use for blog organization. You can use this to search for specific things or easily block specific things on my blog. :)

You can click on the tags below to get to the filtered tag on my blog and of course my archive is set up so you can filter by tag if you like that format better.

Tags to index my own things on my blog:

adriana writes - my tag for all of my writing (chrono)

not writing - my tag for everything where I’m not writing (chrono)

not pieces fic - way to search my blog without seeing things like the study break story or proofreading story or voting that sometimes clogs up my blog.

adriana answers - my tag for asks (unless it is a taglist request)  (chrono)

adriana responds - my tag for me responding to people’s comments on my fics and other interactions (I now mostly respond to people with the blog @adrianaresponds, but I will still tag them like this if they end up on this blog)  (chrono)

just talking - my tag for just me blabbing, usually put on posts where I’m talking about things and don’t have a universe tag (I overuse it though so you might see it other times.)  (chrono)

reblog - general re-blogs, could be responses, re-bloging other people’s stuff, or me commenting on my own stuff (chrono)

my memes - memes i have made (chrono)

ask games - post that I’m reblogging to start ask games and my responses to these asks (chrono)

taglist requests - requests from people to be on my taglist  (chrono)

taglist - the tag I use when I re-blog my works with the taglist  (chrono)

roll the dice - anything to do with my roll the dice event (chrono)

study break stories- everything to do with my study break stories. (You can block this tag if you don’t want to see the building process for the fic. You will still see the finished edited product as I don’t tag those with study break stories, but you may miss some asks about it) (chrono)

proofread stories- everything to do with my proofread stories. (You can block this tag if you don’t want to see the building process for the fic. You will still see the finished edited product as I don’t tag those with study break stories, but you may miss some asks about it) (chrono)

snowdice voting- the tag I use for on blog voting (If you don’t want to see the in time result of voting, you can block this tag and not see it. You will still see votes initialized and can vote as well as see the final results of the vote) (chrono)

snowdice bingo- anything to do with my bingo event (chrono)

food discourse- I tend to make (correct) hot takes about food and my followers sometimes argue with me (all in good fun). If you don’t want to see this, block this tag (chrono)

universe tags - my different universes have tags too which you can find links to on my Masterpost.

Tags to index things I like from other people:

other’s fic - other people’s fanfic (chrono)

other’s art - other people’s art (chrono)

other’s stuff - things like incorrect quotes, gifts, ect. (chrono)

memes - other people’s memes (and sometimes my own, oops) (chrono)

[spookypostparadise-blog]

7 essay tips for an amazing TMA



7 essay tips for an amazing TMA

Creating a high-grade Tutor Marked Assignment (TMA) that you can be proud of is not an easy task. When I first started with the Open University I was guilty of making some basic errors before I accepted the fact that I was going wrong and it was time I formed a clear idea of the fundamentals components that make up a successful TMA essay. I’m sure that you love the hyperbolic title of this post. Seven tips towards an “amazing” TMA. Not an average one or a good one, or even an excellent one, these tips will hopefully lead you to an amazing end product. Seriously though, I have written about these nuggets because I believe they are very important.

Each TMA is different and the questions will demand a specific approach, argument or research point but these 7 hacks are applicable to 99% of the TMAs you will attempt during your studies. I didn’t start off as a Grade A star student and my early endeavours with the Open University were difficult as I struggled to find my groove. But gradually my marks and confidence improved as I worked out strategies to help me tackle each assignment. Here are some of the basics I learned:

1) Get started and keep working

Procrastination can be an absolute killer. When there’s a tough TMA to be completed we can suddenly find ourselves grouting the bathroom tiles or cleaning out behind the washing machine and generally doing anything and everything to avoid getting down and dirty with an impending essay. Sitting in front of the computer with a blank Microsoft Word document open, cursor blinking furiously back at us can be intimidating. Don’t let it be – just write. Scribble down your name, the essay title, thoughts on the essay, initial ideas, anything related that comes into your head. This “freewriting” can help loosen you up and remove the curse of the blank page. Hey presto the document isn’t blank anymore and you’ve started your essay!

2) Read the Question and Answer it

You’ll be surprised how often this is overlooked. Each question needs an answer and no matter how well you write, how well you research or argue your case the question needs an answer. Some TMAs get no answer and just end up as a ramble (oops, you should see my earlier attempts!) some are just regurgitated ideas and information on a page while others might answer a question but, sadly, not the question. First things first, read the question. Then, if need be, scrawl down a rough answer and later use bullet points to elaborate on it. Be explicit about what you’re attempting if you have to but make sure the question is answered.

4) Nail your argument and conclude

Following on a bit from number two here but answering the question and producing a strong conclusion or summation of the main points are interlinked. Of course there will be a few bits in the middle to worry about but coming to a conclusion is extremely important as is making an overall case for your argument. Don’t forget to also take into account counter arguments to show you are comparing and contrasting viewpoints and balancing the TMA.

5) Give it a thorough edit

Make sure you have adhered to any style guides or especially the accompanying notes and cut out any irrelevant material or chunks of filler that do not add to the argument or flow. Check paragraphs are well structured, balanced and hold together in the greater context of the TMA, i.e. by furthering the argument, adding an element, explaining it and wrapping it up before moving on.

Proofreading your document is a must, to catch all of those niggly typos, punctuation drops, spelling mistakes, citation errors and other things that you will find within. Everybody approaches things differently but I prefer to write everything down, assemble it into some sort of order and edit at the end rather than going along. Editing constantly and finely while the TMA is in progress could stifle or halt that progression.

6) Do your best and don’t plagiarise

It goes without saying that passing off somebody else’s work as your own is a big no-no. Plagiarising is not only an unethical practise but it could likely see you not only getting stripped of marks but kicked off a course altogether. Taking on board concepts and ideas and trying to present them in our own words can be a tough task but it is wholly necessary. The easy nature of cut and paste on a computer can make it extremely tempting to grab a chunk of text and put it in to the essay but it is not worth it.

7) Embrace feedback and learn from it

Did you enjoy this article or find it useful? Please LIKE/TWEET/SHARE and drop a comment below with your thoughts. Do you agree with the 7 or feel that there should be others added to the list? Let’s get the conversation going and help each other move forward.

Click here to read more of our articles and thanks again for stopping by.

You’re welcome Sarah. Thanks for reading!

Thank you for writing this. I’m on my first module and today I received my tma05 grade which was 63% and I feel so disappointed:( I’ve been ill with glandular fever the past 6months, so studying has been really difficult and maybe I’ve not been dedicated enough. I feel my grades have just gradually decreased throughout this first module and I feel like giving up but I know I can’t. X

Thanks so much for your feedback Chrissy! Great to hear it is helping out 🙂

but how do I set it out? like the layout?

Yes, use the layout as a guide but ask your tutor for further advice if needed.