#i hope you don't mind the goofy batfam references i made

[thelittleredheadedmusician]

She’s a Bombshell Blonde & I’m James Bond

Happy Holidays!!! I was @hellahousecat‘s Young Justice secret Santa! One of your prompts was a song that I love that reminds me of a character or ship. Songs always tend to remind me of characters so this was really fun to write! The song I choose was Bombshell Blonde by Owl City and it always reminds me of Wally & Artemis. I really hope that you enjoy this! Words: 2,871 Ship: Spitfire Rating: G

Wally flung the cabinet doors open and closed them just as quickly. Moving from one cupboard to the next he managed to search the entire kitchen in a matter of seconds. Unfortunately, no new food had appeared from the time he checked a minute ago until now. With a sigh Wally turned to go and collapse facedown on the couch.

With his eyes closed, wallowing in self-pity, he never saw Artemis enter the room and was only altered to her presence when she tickled him causing Wally to flail off the couch. He yelped as he tumbled to the floor.

Artemis laughed as she walked around the back of the couch, reaching out a hand to pull him off the carpeting.

“What was that for?” Wally grumbled, taking her hand and letting her pull him to his feet.

“Sorry, Baywatch. I just couldn’t resist.”

“Babe,” Wally gave her his most wounded pout.

Artemis just raised a single eyebrow at him. “That face might work on Robin but I am immune.”

Wally stumbled back from her in mock surprise, he saw her roll her eyes but the twitch of her lips gave away her amusement. “The bromance is real. Don’t mock the bromance.”

“Ok, ok! I won’t mock the bromance,” she snorted.

“In all seriousness, the heck?” Wally asked, spreading his arms and motioning to the now empty couch.

“I’ve got us a mission. From Batman himself. You know, for date night since it’s my turn to plan something,” Artemis sounded smug, but her smile gave away her uncertainty at the idea. Or more specifically, her uncertainty that Wally was going to like it.

“You got Bats to ok a mission for us? For date night? Have I mentioned I love you? And that you scare me?”

Artemis smiled and reached an arm out to lightly shove his shoulder. Wally just grinned back at her. “C’mon, I’ll even buy you pizza beforehand.”

“You had me at date night.”

Artemis shook her head and grabbed Wally’s hand, pulling him through the cave to the zeta tubes.

As they sat in the little Happy Harbor pizzeria Wally inhaled an extra-large meat lovers special and Artemis outlined the mission. There was a charity gala at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York that night and she and Wally had tickets. What’s more is she and Wally had formal attire so that they could blend in and monitor the crowd because Batman had gotten a tip or, more likely, scared some goon into telling him that the Riddler was planning to rob the attendees. They were to stop Riddler if he tried anything but –  more importantly – catch him before he was able to put his plan in motion.

“So, wait a second, why aren’t he and Rob just handling this then?” Wally asked, with only half his mouth full.

Artemis shrugged and snatched one of his pizza slices. “He didn’t say and when I asked Rob he gave me some convoluted answer about it being out of their territory and that the night is dark vengeance, but the night also has prior commitments and a butler that could kill?”

Wally snorted and almost choked on his pizza, having to take a hasty sip of his water to keep from coughing.

“That mean something to you?”

“Only that Rob gets his sass from his grandpa.”

“Uh huh,” Artemis gave him a questioning look but decided to continue with the plan. “So, we get to dress up, play spy, keep the Riddler from ruining everyone’s night, and have some fun. If things go badly, we kick some people’s butts. If things go well, we get to kick some people’s butts.”

“Win-win,” Wally said with a grin.

Artemis smiled back at him. “You’re just excited that I’m willingly wearing a dress.”

“If I have to wear a bow tie I better not be the only one suffering.”

Artemis threw her head back as she laughed and Wally couldn’t help but smile. Sure they sparred a lot, both physically in training and verbally just about all the time, but Wally loved her. Their teasing was something that they’d both found they couldn’t live without not long after they first started dating. They had both made the conscious effort to not make their usual sarcastic quips about each other.

However, after a week the rest of the team sat them down for an intervention, things just weren’t the same and Wally and Artemis knew it too. Now they still made jokes, but at their own expense and not the other’s. They had also decided that if they were teasing each other about something it was because they liked it and weren’t making fun.

Now, they both laughed more, and Wally loved it. Even though they had been dating long enough that he should be used to it, seeing Artemis laugh made him smile and his heart speed up. It was even better than running.

“You’re making that face again,” Artemis said. She swirled her straw in her milkshake as she smirked at him.

Wally felt his ears redden but he shrugged, leaning back in the booth. “What face? I thought you said that my expression was- what was it again? Eternally goofy?”

Artemis snorted, she had to purse her lips to keep from smiling and Wally couldn’t help but grin cheekily back at her. Finally, she cracked. Smiling and shaking her head at him. “Remind me again? I love you why exactly?”

“I ask myself that every day, babe.”

“Ok then Mr. Smooth Operator. We’ve got a gala to get to and I still have to figure out what to do with this.” Artemis gestured to the mane of blonde hair that was spilling over her shoulder from her ponytail.

“You could just chop it all off,” Wally suggested, digging out his wallet to leave a tip.

“Not even an option.”

“Hey, you asked and I answered.”

“Not helpfully,” Artemis leaned against the counter at the register, waiting for someone to ring up their order. The waitress came over and Artemis paid, accepting her change with a smile. She led the way to where they parked their bikes before they sped off to get ready back at Mount Justice, from there they would zeta to New York and catch a cab to the museum.

When he got to his room he was unsurprised to find a dark red suit laying across the bed. It fit perfectly, and Wally made a mental note to thank Alfred the next time he was at the manor. Even though there were no price tags on it, or the rest of the outfit for that matter, Wally knew the whole thing probably could pay for his first year at college. Still, as he tied the black bow tie in the mirror over his bathroom sink Wally had to admit he looked, and felt, a little like James Bond. Smoothing his hair Wally did one last check in the mirror. Somehow his red hair and the red suit didn’t clash, if anything it brought out his freckles and made his green eyes stand out (another point for the butler). Wally blinked at himself to make sure it was him before hurrying back through his room, slipping his goggles, wallet, and ticket into his pocket on the way out.

He was standing by the zetas when Artemis walked in, he turned to her and froze. Her dress was a single long panel of black velvet – obviously meant to coordinate with his black shirt, tie, and trim – with sleeves that reached just past her elbows and a scooping neckline that showed off most of her shoulders and collarbone. There was a slit to her knee on the one side and it gave him a peek at the bright red heels she wore, which looked deadly even from where he was standing. Around her neck hung what looked like three enormous rubies and Wally had a sneaking suspicion those were a Wayne family heirloom on loan for the night. Artemis blinked and the dark makeup around her eyes shimmered. She brushed a strand of blonde hair out of her eye, which was expertly curled and Wally highly suspected Zatanna’s magic had been involved as he had heard her cursing up a storm in the kitchen earlier. Artemis smiled shyly at him, her lips the same red as her shoes and the clutch in her other hand.

She cleared her throat before speaking. “So, uh, what do you think?”

Wally could only blink at her for a few more seconds before shaking himself. “Artemis- wow- you look- wow…”

She smiled and walked over to him. “You don’t clean up so bad yourself.”

“Remind me to hug Batman the next time I see him? Cause this,” Wally swept his hand out to gesture at Artemis, “is the best date night ever. And it hasn’t even started.”

Artemis raised her eyebrows but smiled. “I will, only because I want to see what’ll happen when you hug Batman.”

“Meanie,” Wally grinned at her and held out his hand. She took it and shrugged. Together they stepped into the zeta tube and a few seconds later they were in New York.

As they walked out of the alley Artemis passed Wally an earpiece as she slipped in her own. He took the comms and paused before they got to the sidewalk. Wally felt his eyebrows knit together as he looked at Artemis again, this time trying to ignore how pretty he thought she was and how much it made him want to kiss her.

Artemis stopped and turned back to him. “What’s wrong?”

“You don’t have your bow. Or quiver. I mean, I’m pretty sure you could kill me with those heels but still.”

Artemis smirked at him and waved him closer. Curious Wally walked to her side at which point Artemis handed him her clutch. Wally raised an eyebrow at her and she simply nodded. Opening the clutch he peered inside, there was nothing but lipstick, her phone, and her ticket. Wally looked back at Artemis in confusion. She smiled and grabbed the purse, she pulled at something inside of it and the lining he had been looking at was now pushed to the side and a miniature crossbow with dozens of specialized bolts could be seen.

“It’s a baby bow,” Wally said. He felt his eyebrows raise in anticipation of her laugh.

Artemis laughed and replaced the hidden panel. “That it is. And also, you so weren’t wrong about the heels.” She smirked and stepped out onto the busy sidewalk. Wally shook his head before following after her.

They hailed a cab and were soon on their way to the Met. They had to get out a little further down the block but neither Wally or Artemis minded, they were supposed to try and be inconspicuous after all. They avoided the red carpet and the paparazzi that came with it, being ushered in a side entrance by a security guard when they showed him their invitations.

The museum was darkened, only the halls leading through the Egyptian exhibit to the huge hall where the Temple of Dendur stood were lit with a low light. Wally squeezed Artemis’s hand as they stepped into the hall. She smiled at him before turning her attention to the stone temple that rose up before them. On the edges of the room were tables and chairs, waiters and waitresses with drinks and appetizers flitted between people dressed in fine suits and designer dresses. Many of the women were dripping jewels and Wally felt as if even in their expensive formal wear he and Artemis were underdressed.

Wally turned his head to whisper in Artemis’s ear. “I can see now why Riddler wants to rob the joint.”

“No kidding,” she mumbled back.

Wally smiled and let go of her hand, holding out his arm so that she could link hers through instead. “Shall we start mingling? Try and find Riddler? Just check out that awesome temple?”

Artemis shook her head but her grin split her face and she hooked her arm through Wally’s. “I think we shall. To the temple please?”

They made their way slowly through the crowd, grabbing sparkling cider off the tray of a passing waiter, smiling at the other attendees, and scanning the crowd for anyone in a green suit. Riddler may be a genius and a dangerous criminal but the guy was not always smart. If they hadn’t known it was going to be a sure thing Wally and Artemis would’ve taken bets on the likelihood that he’d show up in his signature green suit and bowler hat.

They walked up to the steps at the base of the platform the temple stood on. Wally held out his hand to help steady Artemis as they climbed the stairs. From there they had a near perfect view of the whole crowd. Wally paused to see if Riddler had made an appearance, but Artemis continued toward the temple.

Wally turned and followed her. “Uh Artemis? You find anything?”

She was standing in the entrance to the small temple, studying the huge stones. “Hmm? Sorry, I’ve never been here before and this is just…”

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool,” Wally replied with a smile. Artemis grinned back and crooked a finger at him. Just as he began to walk towards her a scream split the air.

Artemis’s face fell. “I guess we found Riddler,” she said dryly. “Let’s go get him before anyone gets hurt.” She pulled the crossbow out of her purse, a look of determination on her face.

Wally slipped his goggles on, gave Artemis a kiss on the cheek, and ran off towards the source of the screams. Barring the entrance to the exhibit was Riddler and his goons, and he was clad in that ridiculous suit. Glancing back at the temple he saw that Artemis had slipped a small domino mask on and was aiming her bow at the farthest goon. A second later a tranquillizer dart appeared in his neck. Wally took that as his cue and began knocking out the rest of them. Riddler watched in shock as one after another his men fell unconscious to the ground. The crowd parted to allow Artemis through. Her skirt billowed slightly and her blonde hair fanning out behind her. Wally stopped by her side, he knew that there was a goofy grin on his face but Artemis’s grand entrance was something admirable.

“No, no, no, no! I came to New York so there weren’t any superheroes!” Riddler cried, he even stamped his foot in frustration. “And who are you supposed to be anyway?!”

“Two kids playing spy who are about to ruin your night rather than allowing you to ruin everyone else’s,” Artemis smirked and lazily pointed her crossbow at him.

“If I were you Eddie, I’d let my girlfriend cuff you before she decides to shoot you,” Wally shrugged, wrapping an arm around Artemis’s waist. She smiled but never took her eyes off Riddler. Or her finger off the trigger.

“You’re from that junior Justice League! Kiddie Flash and Archer Girl!”

“For a supposed genius you’ve got an awful memory. I am a goddess, protector of maidens, personification of the moon, the leader of the hunt, what am I?”

The Riddler ground his teeth at her turning his own schtick around on him. Wally felt himself vibrating slightly he was so amused and proud. With her free hand Artemis poked him in his side and Wally knew that meant she could feel him vibrating too. And that it tickled and she wanted him to stop.

“Well Artemis,” Riddler spit out. “If you’re so determined to catch me, then try!” With that he threw down a smoke bomb and the crowd once again screamed.

Wally gave Artemis’s side a quick squeeze before racing after him. Smoke bombs might work, sometimes, when dealing with Batman and Robin but Wally had superspeed, there was no way Riddler was getting away from him. Wally already had him cuffed and was staring smugly at Riddler before the villain could even get out the door.

He let out a strangled, frustrated cry and began stomping his feet like a child when he spotted Wally. With a snort Wally pulled out his phone and began taking a video. Artemis sauntered toward them through the remaining smoke. She was chuckling and shaking her head, “Is that supposed to be your souvenir?”

“Well yeah. From the best date night ever,” Wally grinned and pulled Artemis toward him once she got within reach. Wrapping his arm around her waist again he pulled Artemis against him. Wally spun them around and flipped the camera on his phone. He ducked his head slightly as she raised hers, their lips meeting in the middle. Wally’s phone recorded their whole kiss, with Riddler’s tantrum in the background.

When they parted Artemis opened her gray eyes and smirked. “You’re never going to be able to top this, Baywatch.”

“You’re right Babe, but like a good new Bond I’m definitely gonna try,” Wally grinned.

Artemis snorted and rolled her eyes before pulling him back in for another kiss.