#i hope this tagged enough for people to avoid triggers but if it didn't please send me a msg and i'll add whatever tags

[aksannyi]

tw: death of a family member

ok so my mom texted me today, i'm in my 7th period block, students are working, i check my phone and the message is basically that my grandfather is dying. (my last living grandparent, not that it's super relevant but maybe it is? idk?) he's going into hospice, they're gonna make him comfortable. no idea how long.

my immediate thought is, shit, i gotta fly up there, can i afford it, etc. these are the thoughts i had at 1pm when my students were all doing their thing, i was also trying to keep them working and not show them anything was amiss bc it isn't their business unless i share it and also if any one of them gave me even a shred of sympathy i would have lost it and i don't want to do that, i will cry on my own tyvm lol

anyway. i look at flights, reasonable for flight + car. reasonable-ish. and i texted the ...w/e the hell he is bc someone would have to stay with the dog since he works 24h shifts

had an appointment today, did some errands. whatever. then i'm sitting here at home, listening to some music, just sitting there and thinking and thinking and thinking:

i don't want to go.

and it sounds selfish, and it feels selfish, and it feels shitty.

and anyway there's history here. so my first grandparent to go was my mom's mom in 1993. shittiest saturday morning ever. my 2nd grandmother died in 2017, right after hurricane irma, and my dad flew me up to say goodbye. i was at her deathbed with family members, it was hard, also my family was being racist (which is totally irrelevant but it still pisses me off how they got mad at me cussing but it's cool for them to just fucking say the n-word) (assholes)

then last summer, 2022, my dad texted me that my grandfather (his dad, obvs) was dying and he had like 24hrs. not enough time for me to have gotten up there to see him, so dad told me to call and then put me on speaker phone and i said my goodbyes to him that way. i'm crying thinking of it now, hardest fucking phone call i ever made.

and then i got fucking covid so i couldn't even go to the funeral, and my mom. this person. she makes a guilt-trip post on fb because both of my brothers could make it and i couldn't, and she's convinced she will never see all 3 of us together again (and she never ever lets us forget it) because two of us live at literal opposite ends of the country - PNW and florida, and the one who lives up there is in the northeastern part of the country so it's like almost as far away as you can possibly triangulate 3 people in the continental US. and it was like wow mom fuck you, like i wouldn't have come up if i didn't have LITERAL FUCKING COVID, no i was not going to drive 1200 miles or infect an entire fucking airport, i'm not an asshole. and also i just felt like pure crap, tbh. like physically.

anyway.

i'm struggling. i know that he wants to see me. he called me, when i sent the blanket (which some of you might remember, (this post: https://www.tumblr.com/aksannyi/722322909005299712/aksannyi-my-grandma-passed-in-1993-october-to?source=share) and he said how much he misses me and wants to see me because he knew then that his time was running short. it's very hard for me to get up there, and i generally just don't like it up there due to a number of factors (completely unrelated to him, but definitely related to other family members, like my mom and a psychotic aunt and several shitty uncles) and just the damn drama of everything that goes on up there that i moved away from for a damn reason.

and i'm like. i should go. i know objectively i should go. i should go because it's the least i could do for him, the one thing i can actually do that would make him happy. like fuck my mom, fuck my brothers, fuck my aunts/uncles and the entire goddamn stupid small town i'm from, just to see him. but the problem is that i wouldn't just be seeing him, and i don't want to Deal With Them. all of them. collectively.

(and also i don't wanna see him like that... when i went to see grandma, she had been on the decline for years. she wasn't fully coherent, didn't always recognize me. every time i went up there while she was still alive i assumed it'd be the last time i'd see her)

(my dad's dad, on the other hand, knew me right up to the end. he'd be absolutely thrilled to see me. every time. but he was also in his upper 90s and so i also had made peace with the fact that he wasn't gonna be around that much longer)

and like it isn't like i didn't know this was coming, like i'm not stupid, obviously. he's had a lot of health issues, mom would text us about his doctors diagnoses and shit so we knew it was coming. he's 86 now. it was inevitable. and that's like. ok. i have made peace with that. but i'm struggling now with this incredible guilt because i don't want to go.

i can afford it. it'll be tight but i can manage it. i can do a whirlwind weekend trip. i'll be tired as shit for work next week but whatever, wouldn't be the first time. but i just. i don't want to. and that's what's fucking me up, it's that i don't want to and i feel like shit about it. because i know i should. and do i suck all that shit up and just Deal With It dot com...??? i do, don't i. i need to. fuck me, this sucks ass.

well if you read all of this and you have any advice or anything i guess feel free, i just needed to kinda get this out and deal with it. i know either way i'll be fine, but like do i really wanna deal with my mother fucking guilt tripping me for the rest of her life (and probably mine bc she'll fucking haunt me when she goes istg) ugh. ugh ugh ugh ugh uGH. ugh.

ok fine whatever time to look at flights (it is too far to drive unless i take time off work and ngl i will need my sick days, for like actual sick days.)

[halfmoth-halfman]

Leaving this blog.

With my mini-series finishing up soon, I've decided to leave this blog as well as my AO3 account once it’s finished. This is not a decision I've made lightly, but circumstances have left this a place where I no longer feel safe.

As of now, I won't be deactivating this blog and will be leaving my fics up for anyone who'd still like to read them. I can't say this decision won't change later, but right now I feel that I've put too much work into this blog to simple delete it.

Below the cut is an explanation of why I'm making this decision, and what has been happening on this blog since the end of last year. It's not required to read or anything to understand the gist of this post; it's simply for my own peace of mind knowing that I spoke up about it. There will be topics that are possibly triggering such as harassment, threats, and racism so please mind the warnings and tags.

The mini-series is queued to finish next week, but there will be no more fic polls or wip wednesdays. I'll still be on here to make sure the queue does its job, and maybe post some stuff from my old drafts as a last bit of fun.

I'll have dms tentatively open for the next two-ish weeks for those who'd like to follow my new account, however I will not be answering anything from empty blogs. After that, asks and dms will be turned off, and I won't be coming back to this blog very often, if at all.

I cannot say thank you enough to the wonderful readers I've had and the amazing people I've met. I don't think I would've ever continued writing without your support and friendship. There's nothing I can do to show my appreciation for all of you.

Maybe we'll see each other again. If not, I hope your inspiration is always flowing, and 2024 treats you kindly.

Mothie 💜

Again, TW: rape/death threats, violent racism, repeated harassment, and mental health.

Back in November, I started getting rude, mean-spirited anons. It wasn't anything I was too bothered with because it didn't happen often and, honestly, my inbox gets flooded for a week or so anytime I post about certain topics. I blocked, deleted, reported and moved on thinking whoever it was would get bored and leave.

However, what started as a few rude anons calling me a bitch or stupid turned into a lot of anons being vile and racist which only worsened over the next few months.

I spoke about it in this post (link) near the end of November. In that post, I mentioned that those were the nicer asks and that was not an exaggeration. I have gotten my fair share of shitty anons as seen here (link) when I had to take a break from my blog because of said anons, but I have never gotten the amount of vitriol that I saw in these asks.

When I turned anon off, I started getting even worse messages from empty blogs that would either be blocked or deactivate within a week. When I turned my askbox off, I started getting hateful DMs. When I turned DMs off, it jumped from Tumblr to my other social medias which I had to private, completely avoid, or outright delete.

I got messages attacking my writing, calling me slurs, threatening to find me and rape or kill me, sending me explicit porn and rape videos while insulting my sexuality, and going into gross detail about how much people I interacted with hated me or how I would never be as good as them. I tried to power through it, pretending everything was fine while I pulled away from this blog, from writing, from friends that I loved and talked to every day. Everything about this blog, the fandoms I enjoyed, the people I talked to, made me so anxious because of these constant messages.

I took several breaks while dealing with this in therapy, repeatedly trying to come back and get comfortable on this blog, but within a few days of coming back the messages would start up again, either here or on any of my social medias I tried to unprivate, and I couldn't deal with it.

Only in the last week or two has it started to slow down and stop on a few of my other socials, which is the only reason I even feel comfortable making this post. However, in regards to this blog and my feelings toward it, the damage is done.

I don't think I can ever truly convey how isolating this has been. So many of these messages were about how I've spoken about my struggles as a black woman in fandom, how much of a burden it puts on the people who interact with me, how inferior I am to them and that I am everything that's wrong with fandom.

I felt scared and anxious to talk to anyone about this, especially people mentioned in those messages, out of fear that this harassment would jump to them. There are friendships that I stepped away from that I will never get back because of that. There are friends that I've felt like I was betraying by never telling them about what was happening because I felt too ashamed about letting this get to me.

I constantly worried that making a post like this would feel like, "Oh, Mothie's whining and trauma-dumping into the void about fandom racism again", that those messages would be right and it would force people to feel like they had to support me. Or worse, that people would agree and it would only make things worse. I've wrestled with so much guilt trying to decide to make this post and figure out what to do to make me trust myself again.

Ultimately, I don't think I was wrong for talking about my issues in fandom, and I don't think anything I've said has warranted this kind of harassment. I don’t know the who’s or why’s behind of this, but I've come to terms with the fact that I'll never really know. Truthfully, I'm not sure it even matters at this point. In the end, I think moving on from this blog entirely would be the best thing for me right now.

But, man, does it fucking suck.

This was the blog where I felt comfortable enough to start writing again, to start posting my fics. It's the blog where I met so many friends, got the courage to join new communities, found new hobbies, new music, new things to enjoy in life. It feels silly to say about a blog, but this was a place where I felt like I was able to carve out a space for myself. I put so much work into making it my own, and now the only thing I feel about it is anxious.

Hate messages and threats and racism have always been a part of fandom, and the internet as a whole. I’ve known since I started participating in fandom spaces that it was going to and continue to happen. I've known that I had to have a tough skin, especially if I ever spoke up about problems I faced because no one was going to have my back if I didn't have my own. I thought I had learned how to deal with it, and how to make a safe space for myself. But this goes beyond that. I did not deserve this. No one deserves this.

In some ways, it feels like admitting defeat, like I'm weak or hypocritical for not being as strong as I pretended I was and leaving. In other ways, it feels freeing to start over, and I'm choosing to view look at this optimistically even if it bittersweet. I don't want to let this scare me away from writing or from speaking about things that are important to me. All I can do now is say I'm so incredibly sorry to those I've hurt by stepping away or keeping this secret, and make sure I'm able to at least leave this blog on as happy a note as I can have.

[queenoftheworldisdead]

Non-compete

chapter 1

A/N: Reader is female. No physical descriptors used. Let me know if i fucked up and not do that. Chat me up i don't bite!

Summary: Your super genius younger sister is offered a chance of a lifetime to work for either Oscorp or Stark industries straight out of high school. Her choices leave you stuck in an unrequited love triangle.

Warning: Slow Burn, Adult content only! 18+ only please. Dark! There is potentially triggering stories ahead.

Norman Osborn x Reader, (not in this chapter Peter Parker x Reader)

💻

You sit in the hallway, tapping your shoe against the linoleum floor, nerves building as you wait with your sister. Emily however was the opposite, ever calm and more focused on her laptop than the upcoming interview.

Because of her age, a guardian, you, had to be present for it. You're so proud of her, she is the smartest person in the world, at least in your opinion. Your little genius had always been miles ahead of her peers and most adults. By the time most kids were learning to ride bikes she was already competing in national science competitions, collecting trophies like playing cards.

But all those smarts came with a downside—she got bored easily, and that’s when the trouble would start. If she wasn’t challenged enough, she’d find creative ways to stir things up, both at home and in school. Her teachers were constantly asking to move her up a few grades, but you refused—you wanted her to have the full experience of growing up with her peers, even if it meant managing a bit of mischief along the way.

At home, she’d tinker with electronics or 'improve' things around the house, which usually ended with something sparking off. Sure it led to the occasional electrical fire, but she meant well.

"Stop your embarrassing me." She hisses swatting you away.

"Your tags popping out," you whisper, recoiling back with a frown. You just want everything to be perfect for her.

"Fine." She sighs reluctantly. You perk up when she relents to your mothering. Its a bad habit you know, but it's a hard one to break.

“He is ready to see you now." The young, sharply dressed woman announces suddenly, catching you both off guard.

Emily stands first, clamping her laptop shut and shouldering her bag as you stand to follow.

“Excuse me are you her guardian?” She halts you abruptly.

“Oh yes, I was told she needed to have a guardian with her for this.” You answer unconfidently. Had you misread the email? No Emily would’ve said something. You look to your sister as she clutches her laptop, she just as confused as you are.

“I’m sorry Miss, but guardians must wait outside. If she proceeds to the next phase you’ll be allow to chaperon.” The lady explains.

“O-Oh sorry, sorry about that. Well um good luck Sparkles,” you stutter out nervously taking a stepback, nearly stumbling back into the chair.

She grimaces at the pet-name, and you instantly realize your mistake. You shrivel as you sink into the chair avoiding her gaze. She's annoyed, she’s told you before, but it just slips out sometimes.

“Well OK then I think we’re all set to go now, right?,” Emily asks sharply turning on her heals to face the professional woman.

You don’t look up as they leave through the double glass doors. No doubt when this is over she will be in a mood.

💻

The longer the wait the more nervous you feel. You try not to think about what is going on beyond the conference walls and slyly people watch.

Everyone seems to be your age or way older and that worried you. More and more this seems like a bad idea. You didn't want her thrusted into adulthood like you were. There were so many missed experiences that you wished you had and didn't want that for her. She was much too young for this. She should be applying for universities not presenting prototypes to old men in suits.

The conference rooms door open and you sit up anxiously. You perk up when you hear Emily's voice. She sounds happy, that had to be a good sign. At least you hope so.

You watch as Emily exits first, followed by a man who looks much older than your father. They don't seem to register your presences as they immerse themselves in technical language that you can’t follow.

You stay seated, pretending to go through your phone, trying your best not to embarrass her again. If the interview went bad they wouldn't still be talking right?

Emily mentions your name, you catch it, and tense when you find them both walking over to you.

"Mr. Osborn this is my sister," Emily introduces you suddenly. You shoot up from your seat too quickly, nearly spilling over your bag as you try and greet the man. He doesn’t seem to notice as he extends his hand and approaches. You force a smile, hoping he can’t see the nervous energy creeping through you.

“Hello,” you squeak out as he shakes your hand firmly. “N-Nice to meet you Mr. Osborn.”

"You can call me Norman," he corrects with a smirk. You look to Emily and gauge how your doing. She’s smiling, but somehow you know she isn’t happy with your performance thus far.

"You have a brilliant sister. Did she learn everything from you?"

"Oh no… I could never. I wish I was half as smart as her." You stammer out under his intense gaze. It feels like he is watching ever word that comes out of your mouth. It's nerve-wracking; you don’t want him to judge your sister poorly because of her bumbling, idiot of a sibling.

"She has always been super supportive. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for her." Your sister cuts in quickly and you're grateful.

"I see. Well you did a fantastic job." He states before turning his attention back to your sister. You feel relief to be out of the spot light, it was never a place you longed to be, unlike her. "I wish I could stay longer, but I have another meeting to get to."

“Thank you for the opportunity Mr. Osborn.”

You snort at her professional facade, but when she frowns, you quickly look away and stifle it. It's so cute. You’d never heard her sound so mature before.

“Nonsense its an honor to meet such a promising young woman.”

💻

[gremlin-writes-angst]

Scraps to a Tank

Ive been working on this AU for a while. I'm very excited to finally post the first chapter. I'd love feed back from anyone, about anything. This is one of my favorite things I've come up with/written, and want to know how I can improve.

I am tagging some of my favorite redacted asmr writers/Tumblr pages because I'd love to have some feedback (if comfortable and have the time) but also I just want to share what I have.

This chapter is a little cheesy, so small warning for that.

 1.7 k words

Fandom: Redacted Asmr/Audio

TW/CW: Quinn in other words toxic, controlling, abusive relationship. nothing graphic. This is a Boxing/Fighting Au so there is fighting, i wouldn't consider it graphic, but everyone's different so read with your own discretion.

Let me know if I missed a trigger or spelling mistake.

Please comment and reblog, it lets me know people like my stuff and encourages me to write more!!!!!!

The building was intimidating.

It wasn't tall or fancy like the buildings a couple of blocks down.

It was an average building.

An average gym.

And yet it was still so daunting.

They checked the card for about the sixteenth time.

The sign matched the card.

The dirty, crusty, crumbled-up card.

The card's appearance didn't match its meaning.

This card was their lottery ticket.

“That name doest fit you.”

They turned around, a man, a beast.

He was tall, big, rugged.

The definition of strong.

Standing right in front of them.

“Excuse me?”

“Your fighter name, it doesn't fit you. And honestly neither does this.” 

His hand slowly waved around, gesturing to the alley.

“You're better than an alley fighter.”

They couldn't hold back their laugh, short and dry.

Just like Quinn’s. 

“You must have mistaken me for someone else. I'm the fighter that lost.”

“I know.”

He steps closer.

Yet distanced.

He was still giving them space.

He respected them.

“And everyone and their mothers knows that fight was rigged. Though I could see it.”

Intrigued, they took a step closer.

“See what?”

“The passion. The strength, the techniques, you are a fighter.”

“I’m not.”

“You have the will to be.”

He stretched his hand out, a business card.

“I can teach you.”

“So this guy approached me today.”

All Quinn did was grunt and roll away from them.

“He says he can teach me how to fight.”

Their excitement was palpable.

“I already did.”

The air tensed as he fought to dampen their excitement.

For once, he failed.

“No, like real fighting, I looked up the name on the card. His dad is Gabriel Shaw, like Gabe Shaw!”

They hadn't felt this hopeful for a long time, and they wished Quinn would share their interest, at least a little, at least for once.

“Gabe Shaw, like the 3 time champi-”

“Two time, I recognized the name, he died before the last fight.”

The air tensed more.

Quinn was good at pushing things to their limit.

Even the air.

They hated it.

It was sicking.

They were sick of it.

Sick of Quinn.

“I think I'm going to take him up on it, he doesn't fight anymore, but from what I saw he’s good, just as good as his dad, and his fighters get pretty far. I could be a real fighter, I could learn real techniqu-”

“I already taught you real shit, and we already win.”

He moved fast and with anger.

Out of the bed he charged at them.

“Quin-”

“We already win. You're getting too cocky. Winning isn't about the fight itself, winning comes from the fuckers that bet, the poor drunk suckers we trick with the fights. That's how we win. You are no fighter, you know that. I’ve shown you that.”

He looked into their eyes, he didn't have to threaten them.

Not with details at least.

They knew it all too well.

That look in his eyes.

The tone in his voice.

It was all he had to do. 

And he knew it.

And he loved it.

He smiled, wicked and calm. Like this was normal, they supposed it was.

They didn't want it to be.

Not anymore. 

His hand reached for their forearm.

“Let us get to bed now precio-”

 They moved.

 Just slightly.

Just enough to avoid his touch.

"You don't want to do that, precious."

He was right.

They weren't ready.

They had to be ready.

They will be ready.

"I couldn't take it."

"What?"

The other fighter spoke, they weren't looking at you, their eyes on Quinn.

"Being with him. Dealing with him once a month is too much."

"Yeah. You're the first one to say that."

"Probably because the other fighters want to get in his pants. They just can't resist ‘The Viper’ "

They don't reply.

"Sorry, I thought you knew."

"I do, there's not much I can do."

"I think there is.”

"You don't understand"

"I do."

They look at the chunky heart-shaped ring on their finger.

"You can get out."

Those words drew them in.

Cautiously they expressed their interest.

"He's quite insecure, use it. Take away his control.”

There was a pause.

They looked around again.

Their eyes caught on Quinn.

A decision was being made behind those eyes.

When they made their decision it was clear.

They made eye contact.

Strong eye contact.

And continued.

“You'll have your moment. I promise. Take it or don’t, it’s up to you.”

They turn their back. 

" It's a little strange that you never win these staged fights. I think it's about damn time.”

"I hope everyone's bets are placed because the books are closed for Scraps vs Sweetheart!"

The announcer looks at Quinn, and with a quick nod, he starts again.

"Fighters ready?"

Sweetheart has an intense stare as they nod.

Scraps, on the other hand, doesn't hear the announcer the first time.

"Scraps? This fighter isn't even prepared, it's your fault if you took your chances on this underdog."

They snap back. 

"I'm ready."

And they were.

"Then…..FIGHT!"

The match starts, as planned. 

A couple hits, a swing of the legs and Scraps is knocked to the floor, as planned.

Sweetheart approached, to taunt, as rehearsed.

"Don't take this personally."

That's the only hit they give sweetheart.

Sweetheart's eyes glimmer as they smile.

"I won't. Take your moment."

Scraps grabs their neck, slamming their heads together before flipping them behind. Scraps moves fast as they get up. In the crowd, they see Quinn and his goons moving to the ring. 

"Sorry, thank you."

"Don't be, go."

They climb the makeshift fence and run. A huge smile stains their face as they leave the building, rain washes the sweat off their face. They keep running. Not running away from Quinn but towards freedom,  towards their future.

They took a deep breath before they opened the gym doors.

It’s bigger than they'd expected.

They'd never been in a professional gym like this. 

There were multiple rings, real rings, not the homemade stuff they were used to.

There's no reception desk like a public gym, but luckily David Shaw was the first person they spotted.

He was in a ring with someone.

They walk towards the ring, they can feel the other fighters watching them.

They get to the ring David is in.

Neither he nor the other fight realizes it.

"David?"

The two whip their head to you.

"Get out."

He was calm but still seemed angry.

"I'm Scraps, from the-"

"I know who you are. Now get out!"

They climb out of the ring, and begin their walk to the door, feeling defeated and quite offended they, whisper to themselves.

"Well fuck you mister big shot ."

"I'm not a big shot."

David says from behind. 

Scraps freezes up.

"When I said get out I meant the rink."

They stay still.

"Will you turn around?"

David didn't hold back his frustration.

Scraps feels it'd be best to turn around.

"Sorry."

"You shouldn't enter a ring without permission, not here."

"Sorry, I've never been somewhere this professional."

"You don't mean that."

"What?"

"Those sorries. That is not how you feel."

"I am sorry. And how exactly would you know how I feel? You just met me."

David's eyebrows raise as his eyes keep a dull annoyed look.

“To quote you ‘Well fuck you mister big shot’, that's how you feel, Don't act differently,  it pisses me off. I hate suck-ups."

Scraps believes him.

"Well, I'm not sorry, only because you don't have to be an ass, you said you recognize me, then you should of figured I wouldn't know these rules."

"I was an ass so I could protect you, get used to it."

Scraps smiles.

David rolled his eyes.

"It’s been about a year."

"Does the offer still stand?"

"Yes."

"Then what's the problem?"

"Nothing."

Silence rests between them.

Scraps isn't patient enough to let it continue. 

"So can I start today?"

"We can't just take you in at the last moment, the trainers have others to train.”

"I don't." 

A curly-haired blonde yells across the room, near a punching bag, and starts rushing toward the two.

"I'll do it." 

David takes a breath so deep it is visible from his chest. Before he let out a sigh.

"No."

"Oh come on David, I'm a great trainer."

"Asher, I know that, but I said no. You are not the right fit. "

"Ohhh you want to train them."

Asher starts walking towards Scraps.

"Lucky bastard."

He whispers, without maliciousness.

"So what do we call you?"

"Well, I've gone by Scraps for a while."

"Scraps? Really?"

He looks them up and down.

"That won't work"

"He's right, I'm not calling you that."

David seconded Asher.

"Well, I don't really have any other ideas."

"Tank!"

Another voice echoes throughout the gym. 

Scraps wasn't expecting to recognize anyone other than David, but rushing towards the group was the boxer who gave them the nudge they needed.

Behind said fighter was a guy, seemingly trying to stop the other from coming over. He was failing.

"That would be Sweetheart,  they're our newest addition."

Asher kindly tried to keep Scraps updated through all the chaos.

"They know who I am Ash, at least I hope they do, with the concussion they gave me. You've got one thick skull."

Slightly overwhelmed by all the attention,  Scraps freezes and doesn't answer.

"But listen, Tank, it's perfect,  there like a machine. They gave me a concussion for God's sake, and then, after slamming our heads together,  which had to have hurt them too, they flipped me. That mother fucker acted like I weighed nothing. They're a fucking tank."

"How many times have I told you to watch your language."

David made a sound comparable to a growl.

Sweetheart rolled their eyes, then looked over to Scraps, to engage them.

"He's not a fan of my filthy mouth."

"I sure am."

"Milo"

David sounded like he wanted to strangle Milo.

Yet, to Scraps surprise no one was scared.

The group just laughed it off.

It was strange to Scraps.

"Ohhh my god!"

Asher shot his hands out to get everyone's attention.

"If you go by Scraps now, and we change it to Tank it's like, like you're being rebuilt, becoming stronger. Which is fucking sick."

David shakes his head at the profanity. Before turning to Scraps.

"It's up to you, it's your name. You don't have to choose now. "

"I like it. I mean, I love it."

That's all they said, they wanted to say more but didn't want to overshare about their life after five minutes of meeting these people.

"I am a tank. So I'll be Tank."

If you'd rather not be tagged let me know and I'll respect your wishes.

@dominimoonbeam @romirola @ejunkiet

[smallfry372659]

it be time!

RULEZ

1. Don't be weird to me. I am lil.

(Smallfry is portrayed as a minor, so explicit adult content, weird asks, gore and violent submissions, and/or threats of harm to me specifically will have anonymous shut off, then submissions, then onto blocking, then further offense beyond that will shut down the ask box temporarily. Please keep in mind your actions have consequences.)

(Major offenses include: gore, threats of doxxing or violence to me specifically, bigotry, consent violations, SHARING YOUR LOCATION WITH ME EXPLICITLY, and ignoring of the rules.)

2. I can't get to everyone sometimes :<

(Sometimes asks will be eaten by the server. If you didn't see your ask answered, it's likely it was lost in the code. Otherwise I deleted it because it was weird. See rule 1 about that.)

3. If ur worried about something or wanna tell me somethin, messages open!

(My PMs are open for people who'd like to ask me on how to interact with this blog or want to ask me to avoid certain topics when interacting with them. If you have questions or concerns, that's the place to go. Abuse of this function will have it removed.)

4. Sometimes I make art! But don't expect it

(Sometimes I'll make a silly doodle in response to an ask! I'm not really an artist though, so they're not crazy good. Please don't ask for free art, or send an ask hoping to get art.)

5. We have fun or we have nothing

(If you get blocked, it WILL be your own fault. I'm a fair person and I won't block for some minor offenses, but first-time major offenses are not privy to that. I am protecting my peace.)

6. We can play pretend :>

(ROLEPLAY is fully acceptable and I'm happy to interact with role-playing blogs, including OCs. Keep in mind that I have my own lore for this blog, though, and I will often default to it. If you'd like me to see YOUR blog lore so we can better communicate and have fun, see rule 3!)

7. If this gets weird I'm gonna leave!

(Rules will be updated as needed, check back for changes and updates)

(Finally, this blog is for fun! It's done out of passion and love, and if it's sullied I'm gonna shut the blog down. I HOPE everyone has enough common sense to know how to act.)

8. Dis place is safe!

(I don't reblog triggering topic material! Politics, irl issues, and things such as self harm will NOT be posted here because it triggers others most of the time. Anything such as flashing and cursing will be tagged almost every single time it appears.)

(If something needs a better tag, let me know!)

[chaoticsoft]

long, rambly post about this past year under the cut

Taking stock of this year because I can't help it. I love the clean slate a fresh January offers. I love looking backward and forward for just a moment to decide what to keep and what to let go of.

On paper, this year was a lot of disappointment. I didn't get into a phd program. We tried repeatedly to move out of the area, but the opportunities presented were never quite the right fit. I still have issues with the tendons in both my hands that, despite occupational therapy, still haven't quite resolved yet.

This summer I was pretty depressed from not being able to use my hands to do the things I love, like cooking, playing video games, writing. Thankfully that has gradually improved somewhat, but even when I was in the midst of it, I still kept finding little sources of joy to help me get through. I learned to read and write in Persian (I'm not great at it, mind you, but I can actually tell what most things say now!). And I guess... for me, that's resiliency. It's looking for those bits of light where they can be found, because they are there. I'm grateful that I've finally learned to (stubbornly) look.

I didn't progress as far in Spanish as I would have liked. In hindsight, it might be kind of unwise to try and learn two languages at once, even if they are completely different. I guess I'm probably going to have to pick one to focus on for a while, it's just a difficult choice. Spanish has my mind in that it fascinates me and I know more of it (I'm probably intermediate, if I had to say). But Persian has my heart. I'm learning it for love. Love of the culture, love for my people.

I know I said that on paper this year held a lot of disappointment, but the truth is that it's held a lot of inner breakthroughs for me. I don't want to go into too much detail about it but one huge, positive change I'm bringing with me into 2023 is finally letting go of the disordered eating patterns that have been passively sabotaging my life. I'd been really frustrated with myself this past year when I would have such little energy, when concentrating would be a struggle, when I could barely get through a book or a workout, when my short-term memory was piss-poor. Most days I was only eating like one small meal a day and then wondering why I felt so miserable. I knew I had issues with restriction, but it still took me four years in therapy to finally work up the courage to even be honest with my therapist about it. I've been working at unraveling it for probably 8 months or so and I've only just started, within the last 3 weeks, to actually eat enough food for a person of my size. And it is almost laughable, the difference it has made. It would be hilarious if it wasn't. I have energy now to concentrate and read books again, to work out for over twice as long as before, my memory's returned. I no longer feel like my default state is this vaguely sad haze. I feel like I have my body back.

If you are someone who restricts (or has any sort of dysfunction around eating), I hope in this new year you'll also take the steps to heal. I know the disorder lies to you and says that it's helping you, I know it says it's giving you a sense of control. But it only hurts you. It robs you of things you don't even fully realize until you get them back. Genuinely, the best thing I ever did was seek help. I'm tagging this to avoid triggering anyone, please let me know if I missed any tags.

As I said, I read sadly few books in 2022 but my top ones are definitely The Mistress of Spices by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni (this book *long, lingering chef's kiss*), Loose Woman and A House of My Own both by Sandra Cisneros (I devour her books in the bath like they're dark chocolate cherries, mango slices dipped in honey, or some other rich indulgence), and Who Fears Death by Nnedi Okorafor (what a fun, wild ride this book was, wow; for lack of a better comparison, it's kind of like Dune without all the colonial white savior bullshit). I just started Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison and it's really, really good so I may finish it before year's end but I'm not sure, so I won't count it lol. This coming year I hope to read and/or actually finish Giovanni's Room by James Baldwin, Cisneros's newest book of poetry Woman Without Shame, Parable of the Sower by Octavia Butler, Dreamtigers by Jorge Luis Borges, and Braiding Sweet Grass by Robin Wall Kimmerer.

I've also resolved to cook more Persian food this year. Food is such a significant tie to a culture. Growing up, it was the only thing I experienced that made me "feel" Iranian as my Dad never really spoke the language to us or shared many of the customs. Those are all things I'm teaching myself as an adult. Still, it's time I mastered Persian cooking. I've already started working on it and I'm fairly pleased with my tahdig game already. :)

Anyway, I hope this past year has been kind to you. And even if it hasn't, I hope you're still able to sift for those glinting bits of good where they can be found. And even more, I hope for you a gentle year. A year that is soft and kind and healing.

[hoghtastic]

I don't get the film at all (obviously, it's in Danish)

Why did Mikkel cry while cuddling on bed near the end?

I'm posting my answer bellow the cut, because it contains spoilers about the movie, and I will also be tagging asks like this one with "#spoilers", so everyone who hasn't watched the movie yet can avoid them. 😉

Now, getting to your ask, this movie depicts two people (three, if you count the guy Silvia goes out on a date with) who are dealing with mental illness and unresolved trauma. Silvia mentions ADD and she also has panic attacks, and sometimes self-harms to deal with her mental/emotional pain. She also mentions having an alcoholic father, which might have triggered/aggravated some of the problems she now deals with. But she does get medical help and mentions taking medication. As for Mikkel, we later learn that his mother committed suicide by hanging herself, using a belt she'd gifted him for Christmas, and he was the first person to find her. Despite this having been a traumatic event for him, he seems to have bottled up his emotions and deals with them by partying, drinking and smoking weed. He didn't seem to have sought medical help to deal with his trauma, nor does he like to talk about it, only having telling Silvia about his mother when they make up, after their first break up.

The first time they break up is because Mikkel blames himself for Silvia's panic attack while they're out to meet his friends. He thinks he's the one causing her harm, because he's not enough to make her feel good enough, happy enough, to not need medication.

In a more personal interpretation, while I think they truly love and care for each other, their own, personal traumas and the different ways they choose to deal with them often get in the way, making their relationship unhealthy for the both of them. The ways Mikkel chooses to "self medicate" and deal with his mother's death's trauma might remind Silvia of her father's drinking habits and the impact they had on her growing up, while some things about Silvia might remind Mikkel of his mother, making him remember such traumatic events all over again. For example, her choking kink. He was willing to try it and even seemed to be enjoying it, but then seeing her choking expression might have reminded him of his mother while ending her own life, and that's why he ran to the bathroom and puked. He was later shown cuddling in bed, visibly distressed, with Silvia trying to offer him some comfort. But I wonder if she realized the implications of what she'd just asked of him, or if she didn't give it much thought. Then, we see him picking her from her job at a leather shop. He's clearly uncomfortable near all of those belts, and asks to go home quickly, but she doesn't seem to understand his reasons. He later seems to detach from her a second time, resorting to his old habits of coping. And so does she, when faced with the reality of having lost him.

Personally, I liked this movie more than I thought I would. It was very raw, very real, in the way it portrayed two clearly damaged people, showing that, unfortunately, love isn't always enough, nor is it enough to cure us.

Also, I hope I understood everything correctly, as my Danish is somewhat limited! So if there's any mistake, please feel free to correct me! 😄 And of course, I'd love to read more opinions and thoughts on the movie! 💖

[moonstruck-writing]

I usually don't comment-reblog (tags feel less invasive to me), but I just need to comment on this, Val, so I hope it's okay.

Reading this (and the tags) made me so sad. I know I am only one of your readers, but I've read a couple of your OC works and they have never made me feel like something was taken away from my experience. If anything, I always felt the OC being so specific, enriched my reading experience.

I tend to not pay too much attention to physical descriptions (in general, not just in fanfic reading, I've notoriously imagined characters differently lol), and to me the most important is the psychological. There are plenty of reader inserts out there I've read and been like "well, that would never me lol", and then I've been left to imagine an ambiguous person in the place of the reader, bc that wasn't me.

And to me, the physical only takes me out of the experience when it has to do with specific insecurities that may be triggered. Reader inserts are not as much of a blank canvas as people make them to be. I mean, I've written them, you are writing the "reader" into the story so there are decisions one must make, that inevitably make it not universal.

But I find that relating to people who are different from me, is something natural. That's what we do when we read fiction, or watch movies. We are able to "self insert" even into a person who is nothing like us. That's as basic as feeling empathy.

For me, x reader has always been more about the canon character one pairs the reader with, and either them not having an otp in the media, or people not wanting to use the otp for whatever reason.

I don't want to criticise anyone, but I've read a fair share of "popular" x reader that were so different from me, I've been left kinda empty when I finished them. Like, "oh, is that what I am supposed to fit into? Like everybody else seems to do? But if I don't, then maybe something is wrong with me." (And I'm saying this as someone who isn't black, so I know there is a level of pain and invisibility I will never be able to truly understand. I don't want to disregard that. Although outside of my country I'm apparently not white but that's something for another time.) So if it fits the context, I tend to imagine the mc even if it's a x reader fic, to avoid that pain.

That feeling of something being "wrong" with me, doesn't happen with OCs. I know going in, there are things that are going to be specific to the OC/writer. So it tells me it's okay for me to not fit into everything.

Like with your flatmates Suguru fic, there were specific things about you in there, and it made me wonder how I would react in those situations, too. So, I had that first layer of the fic, but it made me wonder stuff about my own life, too. If I had read that in a x reader, those details that made the fic stand out to me would've probably not existed.

All of this is to say, please, please, keep writing what makes you happy, seen, and validated as a person. It sucks that some people feel entitled enough to let you know they didn't relate to it, but like you said, your OC, it is not for "everybody" to relate to. I'm sure there must be other people out there, who are grateful you decided to write your OC/insert exactly in the way you are. It is something raw and vulnerable, and not everybody will understand it, but you are doing brave work. (and I know it's tiring and it shouldn't be, it should be easy and peaceful and people should support this, but until that, I want to recognise your effort).

Also, we could all benefit from having more diversity in fanfiction (and writing in general). There are fans from many different backgrounds, upbringings, cultures, etc; and it doesn't serve anyone to pretend all of the fanbase fits into one particular stereotype of a person.

Anyway all of this was to say I love you, your writing and your black OC. I'm sorry there are people out there who don't have a basic level of empathy and curiosity (and decency to keep their sucky comments to themselves). I want you to know I will continue to read your OC works, because they are truly amazing gems.

Take care, Val 🫂

The curse of being a self-shipping writer who doesn’t write x reader fics is its own special hell 🥲

[apotatomashedbybts]

Kissing In The Moonlight

➛Pairing: Jeon Jungkook × f!reader

➛Genre: angst; smut; fluff

➛Trope/au: Friends to potential lovers; one night stand

➛Word Count: 5.1k+

➛Trigger warnings:

➥general warning: alcohol consumption, anxiety, longing, mentions of drinking as a coping mechanism, lots of tears, yn is obsessed with JK, Jungkook is a tease

➥smut warning: semi-drunk consensual sex, lots of kissing, hickey, breast play, clit rubbing, fingering, oral (f!receiving), penetration, big dick!JK, missionary position, multiple orgasms, unprotected sex (remember, with great power comes great responsibility), creampie, aftercare

➛Rating: 18+

➛Banner: made by apotatomashedbybts

➛Cross post: ao3 | Wattpad

➛Beta-reader: the absolute sweetheart Nixie @highly-functioning-mitochondria 💜💜💜

➛Disclaimer: This story was originally posted 3 years ago on July 17. This is a revamped version of the existing one.

➛Tagging: the person without whom this fic wouldn't exist in the first place, my absolutely wonderful sis Jinny @euphorianyx , and my awesome friends who cheered me on and supported me while I doubted myself - Freya @sugarwithtea , Jiya @btsstan12 and Sana @sweetieguk

And a part of my heart, my precious Hani @kuuipobangtan ! Welcome back! (⁠っ⁠˘⁠з⁠(⁠˘⁠⌣⁠˘⁠ ⁠)

➛Author's note: This was my first ever smut that I wrote all those years ago. I wasn't quite satisfied with it but I didn't have that much skills either. But I hope this time I sucked less and did it some justice! I hope you enjoy this little piece on Koo's birthday (Happy Birthday, baby).

Please leave likes, reblogs (it helps a lot with the fic reaching more people) and give me feedback (this motivates me to write a lot and makes me a happy potato)

Summary: He was everything you ever wanted. He was everything you lost. But as luck would have it you meet again and all you have is one night with him... or may be forever.

The booming rhythmic sound of the party music echoing throughout this specially rented part of the club wasn't helping at all. To top it off, it was your favourite song that was playing at the moment which had always managed to make your feet make love to the floor.

But today wasn't one of those days; tonight your feet refused to move even an inch. You were too anxious to even breath. 

When you got the invitation to this extravagant bachelorette party that your not-so-friendly friend threw, you were only a second away from turning it down. You were never close enough to her to get invited to her parties. It was pretty obvious that she did this to rub the fact on your face that you were going to die single, alone and pining. So to decline it was your best option until it wasn't. Life had always liked to throw lemons at you and you had always been successful in catching and tasting them - yes, life was sour. 

Your best friend, Alyssa, was going to move to Bolivia permanently after the results of the final year were out. And hence, she wanted to enjoy the remaining of her days in Seoul as much as she could. So she begged you repeatedly until you gave in and agreed to attend. 

But as soon as you arrived, she abandoned you gladly with a not-so-apologetic smile and an indicative smirk when a seemingly handsome guy approached her. 

Now, left alone in the midst of strangers, you slowly fiddled with the half full glass of margarita in your hand  while waiting for Lys to return. With small sighs you took even smaller sips and looked over at the group of friends doing a shots challenge. You wanted to take shots too but restrained yourself because you wanted to avoid getting drunk so that you could leave as soon as Lys returned and reach home safely. 

You saw Lys emerge from the crowd just after half an hour, making her way towards you. You let out a relieved sigh and taunted, "Seems like his magic wore out quickly." 

"Shush! That smile will be gone once I tell you what I just saw!" Her tensed demeanor caught your eyes now so you threw her a concerned and curious look to which she immediately replied, "Jungkook is here!" 

Your steps faltered but before you could grab Lys and decide what to do that guy from before came and started dragging Lys away. You didn't want to hold her back because of your shortcomings so when she looked at you with concern you somehow mumbled, "I'll be okay. Don't worry. I'll just be outside somewhere. Call me when you are done." 

Lys knew you. She knew you were lying about being okay. So she hastily told you, "I'll be back in five minutes, alright? Don't go anywhere. I'll be right back and we'll go home together." 

After Lys was gone you turned around and finished the glass in one gulp. Lys was right. You weren't okay. Hearing the name after so long made your body go weak and a wrecking anxiousness took over you. You didn't know where to look at as your heart began thumping at a mad speed. You kept your palms on your eyes and were surprised to feel the wetness on them. "Why am I crying? I need to calm down and get the fuck out of here before I come across him." 

As you kept your head down in a futile attempt to calm yourself, all the memories started to swarm in along with the name. 

Jeon Jungkook... The name itself sent shivers down your spine. How many years had it been? Exactly three years six months and twelve days. Weird, wasn't it? How you kept track of time even though you wanted to forget it all. How you remembered all about the boy who instantly became the high school sweetheart as soon as he set his foot there, how you instantly fell for him too, how he became your biggest crush, your hidden desire, your guilty pleasure; unforgettable memories that you had always desperately tried to forget. 

Because it was him, his eyes, his smile, his everything that had stopped you from moving on. Those starry eyes and broad smile that had kept you wide awake for countless nights during that time still haunted you. 

You knew that he was never going to be yours. You always saw him as a person who was way out of your league. So what if he used to smile often at you, so what if he had once said you looked beautiful in that prom dress. 

So what... if you shared a dance with him at that prom for the longest yet shortest minute before switching partners - those were just his kindness, that only made the hole inside your heart deeper. And him? Out of your reach. So out of your reach that even after his lingering eyes on you during the dance tormented you, and you could still feel the warmth of his body after he left, you couldn't ask him for another dance that night. 

Confessing to him was like a far fetched dream - you feared of things getting awkward between you two. No matter how much you were obsessed with him, you couldn't read him. You were afraid of losing the only privilege that you got from him - his smile. So you had decided to keep it shut along with your feelings. 

And you were fine with what you had until he abruptly transferred in the middle of the third year of high school. 

The disappearance had left you with a scar that made you hollow from inside. The unbearable crush that he left within you for him ate you slowly and you had regretted loving him the way you did every second ever since. 

The tireless attempts to erase the ocean of feelings that you had hold for him for the past three years had just went in vain. The blind dates that never worked out, the one too many one night stands just made you more miserable as your soul wanted only him. 

You often wondered if you could read him even a little bit, would you have been able to make the slightest place for yourself in his heart. 

You sighed, "Jungkook is here... My Jungkook.." You shook your head as the last part slipped in your thoughts. 

"I can't do this. I can't let myself meet him tonight, in no way. I can't fall in love once again.. I can't...!" You tried to calm yourself down while wiping away the droplets formed at the corner of your eyes and impatiently waited for Lys to return. 

With a small scoff you asked your inner self, "Fall in love once again? What are you talking about? Have you ever even fallen out of love?" No, of course not. 

"Y/n?" 

You were blankly staring at your empty glass when a very familiar voice called you. You snapped out of your thoughts and cursed under your breath, "Fuck! This can't be happening.." 

You were chewing over how you should react while fighting your terribly thumping heart when the voice called out again, "Hey! I know you are Y/n! I'll be so hurt if you say that you don't remember me! I am Jungkook! Remember?" 

You took an eternity to turn around and smiled at him in a constipated way. Your mind was a blur because you wanted it to be and thought that it was dream - a cruel yet beautiful dream. He was smiling at you, the same smile that was engraved in your memory so deeply and you were screwed, that wasn't a surprise anymore, but yes, your emotions were fucked up once again. 

"Hey! Long time Jungkook! How have you been?" You digged out the words from your mouth and signalled the bartender for a shot as you felt your throat go dry. 

"One for the gentleman too, please!" You said before pouring down the shot down your throat at once. 

"Woah woah woah! Slow down y/n. You will burn your throat!" Jungkook looked at you alarmed. 

You slightly shook your head in denial and murmured, "It's to calm me down." 

Jungkook didn't know what to reply to that so he gulped down the shot offered to him and went quite. A few minutes passed, and a couple other shots were imbibed and none of you spoke a word; the only interaction being the awkward smiles you displayed at each other occasionally. 

The silence seemed to make Jungkook a little uncomfortable and he said, trying to sound as much as casual as he could, "It's suffocating in here, isn't it? Wanna go outside for some fresh air?" 

You instantly agreed and smiled at him, more naturally this time. 

The cool breeze outside swam around you two and you felt your nerves untangle from its previous knotted state little by little. 

The road was deserted and the light of the full moon shone over the surrounding area around you two making it surrealistic. You could hear the clear fast rhythm that your heart was playing. 

May be it was the alcohol running in your system or the overwhelming emotions that took over you after having him so near you after so long that you couldn't help but stare at him. Somehow he managed to look more beautiful than you remembered. 

The liquid perhaps made him feel warmer from inside as it did to you and he took off his jacket and wrapped the hands of it around his neck. You continued to look at him, rather shamelessly, and even when he looked at you questioningly and locked the stare, you didn't flinch for once. 

His face was adorned with piercings that suited him perfectly even though you had never imagined him in one. His right arm was covered in colored tattoos which started on his fingers and disappeared somewhere inside his t-shirt sleeves. This Jungkook, in some way, poured new feelings on your existing ones. You thought he was hot. So hot that made your core burn. So hot that made you a little bit braver and you held his hand - a perfect fit. And you pulled him in for a kiss. 

The alley by the road was dark and damp but that didn't stop you from running hands on all over each others body and kissing greedily. After a few minutes, Jungkook gasped for breath and whispered breathlessly, "Wanna get somewhere more comfortable?" 

Closing the door of the motel room Jungkook turned you around and pinned you against the door frame. Your lips met again and you drowned yourself in his taste. His initial taste of the tequila gradually wore away leaving a natural sweetness. 

You moved your hands hastily and took off his shirt and paused before slowly moving your fingers over the smooth skin of his firm chest, eyes arrested on the same. 

With a sweet smirk he held your hand and turned you around so that your back was facing him. You let out a gasp as he pressed himself against you and you could feel his hard-on just above your waist line. 

He let out a low whisper against your ear, "Can't wait to touch me, huh?" and unzipped your black cocktail dress, letting it slip off of your body.

You faced him and asked while looking into his eyes and grazing your lips on his, "Can you?," before putting your hands around his neck and shoving your tongue inside his mouth, not letting him reply.

He grabbed onto your thighs and picked you up with no effort and as you wrapped your legs around his torso he kissed you until you both reached the bed by the big window and laid you down gently on it. 

The dimmed red lights of the room and the moonlight seeping in through the window created an almost fantastical residence of colours - an illusory heaven. 

Both of you stopped for a moment; Jungkook's body hovered over you as he took his time to take in the beauty in front of him, that is you. The moonlight made his features accentuate in a different way which made him unfathomable and bewitching and you heavily doubted whether it was a dream or reality. 

He softly placed his right palm on your chest, right above your heart and looked into your eyes, pausing for merely a couple seconds as if feeling your racing beats. You watched him and did the same. His touch suddenly felt so real, he felt so real that a lump formed in your throat. He was no longer a figment of your imagination or longing. He was here.

His fingers traced lightly over the outline of your strapless bra and stopped over the front lace strings. He undid it without any struggle and tossed it on the floor. His cold rough hands felt so real against your breast skins as he cupped them that you got goosebumps all over and tears trickled down your eyes loosening the lump in your throat. 

He panicked. His eyes showed concern. And he asked, "Am I hurting you? We can stop here if you want to."

You could see the concern that you wanted to see in his eyes for you all those years ago. And tonight those concerned eyes are all for you. You felt your heart swell and you smiled while pulling him in for a passionate kiss, "You are not." 

When he broke the kiss both of you were breathless and your lips were swollen. You let out a pouty whine when his lips broke contact to which he chuckled and with a quick smooch on your needy lips he took off the lip ring. Keeping it on the bedside table he started leaving a trail of kisses along your jawline and neck. 

Pushing away your unruly hair to a side he began sucking on a particular spot on your neck and you immersed into that faint pain. You were quite sure that it was going to leave pretty deep mark and you wanted it more as the picture of it played in your mind. 

He moved slowly downwards, pressing soft kisses on the skin of your collarbone, on the skin below it, on your soft breast; he stopped just before the right areola and looked above at you. Your nipples itched for attention. Finding the frown on your forehead that he was looking for he smirked and his tongue circled around your areola. He sucked on your right nipple, occasionally swirling his tongue around it and then going back to sucking on it, all while kneading your left boob and taking your left nipple between his index finger and thumb and rolling them, pinching them, tugging them softly. Your body shivered at the pulls and you couldn't help but shove your breast more towards his mouth. 

Not wanting to leave your left breast unattended, he switched and placed chaste kisses on it before taking the nipple inside his pretty mouth. He was so engrossed in your boobs that he didn't realise when he had started to grind his cock to your clothed pussy. 

You let out soft whimpers while grinding back to his hard cock, wanting the maximum friction to satisfy your throbbing core. 

Your whimpers got his attention and he slowed his movements to tease you. You wanted to complain and but you didn't want to at the same time. You loved the anticipation as well the attention you were getting. 

Jungkook's hands loosely tugged at the seam of your matching panty and he began to pull it to get you completely naked. While doing so he pressed his pointed tongue inside your belly button. It felt like something pressed your nerve endings and your clit ached. You pressed your thighs together to get some contentment. 

Throwing the panty on the floor he grabbed your thighs and spread them apart. The cold dry air hitting your exposed opening made you quiver. 

His hands loosely caressed your thighs before moving towards your inner thighs and his saliva drew a slick line from your groin ending just above your clit.  

He touched your dripping core with his long cold fingers and spread the wetness to your clit. The touch sent shivers down your spine and he chuckled, "So wet for me, just how I like it." 

He looked at you and you bit your lips looking at him bashfully. You have imagined yourself like this countless times - naked, Jungkook's eyes resting greedily on your bare body. But now that it was happening for real, you couldn't stop the heat burning up your face. 

Seeing you like that his chuckle vanished and eyes grew something dark in them. He moved towards you and smashed his lips with yours. 

One of your hand grabbed onto the back of his hair and one held onto his shoulder. He started rubbing small circles on your clitoris which gained speed and pressure with each passing second. You clutched on him as small yet strong waves of pleasure hit you. Your mind felt foggy because of his tongue working it's way inside your mouth and his fingers on your pearl. 

You weren't ready for the sudden insertion of his long fingers inside you. He entered two digits inside your folds and pumped in and out at a regular and fast pace. 

The heat in your core was torturing. Wanting more friction you started grinding against his fingers; you needed them to go deeper, to fill you up. 

Sensing your need he fastened his fingering and you rubbed your clit to give yourself the maximum pleasure. 

You failed to hold it in anymore. Your gut tightened and you spilled all over his hand as your body shook in brief tremors. 

"The night is still young, love." He gave you a smirk and licked your juice off of his hand while staring deep into your eyes before diving in between your thighs. As you laid down there, blissed out, a weak smile was all you could muster. 

The warmth of his tongue against your swollen clit felt like a balm. He circled around your clit with his tongue long and slow. You felt a build up inside you. He moved his tongue and lapped at your dripping slit. 

You arched your back at the warmth of his tongue as he slid it in and out of your vagina. You clutched his hair lightly in one hand and the bedsheet in the other. 

The building pleasure was so intense that you felt like your nerves were on fire. You were desperate for having him and feeling him inside you so you breathed out staggeringly, "Jungkook, please.." 

He moved his head upwards and asked cheekily, "Please what, love?" 

"Please Jungkook, I need you inside me!" You pleaded in a raspy voice.

"Fuck! If you say it like that I might have to keep you all to myself." He inhaled sharply and let out a slow sigh. 

"Who said I'm not yours already?" You tilted your head and sat up to cup his cheek. You looked into his eyes while caressing his cheek with your thumb gently. Oh, how you wished this wasn't the first time of you doing this. Oh, how you wished this wasn't the last time. 

For a moment, time seemed to stop between you two as you sat so close to each other lost in each other's presence that you forgot why you two were there. Or may be it was because you both remembered why you were there that you paused in each other's embrace like this. And for the first time in that night, you caught a glint in his eyes that you have never seen before. 

Involuntarily your thumb moved towards that small drop dancing at the tip of the corner of his eye but instead of letting you do so Jungkook leaned his face onto your palm and kissed it. 

He leaned towards you and snaking his right hand behind your head, inside your hair, he laid you down and kissed you. You shifted under his weight and holding onto his back softly you kissed him back. He tasted unusually different this time and you assumed that it was how you tasted that night. 

Breaking from the kiss he swiftly took off his ripped denim pants and went to kiss you again. While still kissing you he adjusted himself against your opening. He looked at you and you understood what he meant and you gave him a mild nod.

He slowly pushed his hard cock inside you, giving you time to adjust to his cock. It didn't matter how considerately slow he entered as you gasped nonetheless. Your mouth stayed agape at how big his cock was and how it was stretching you out. 

When he filled you in completely he dropped a kiss on your forehead and started moving slowly. Slowly and steadily he increased his pace. Low grunts left his mouth - his self taken over by the warmth of you that he was feeling his cock engulfed by. 

As his thrusts increased, Jungkook's name fell from your lips like prayer – a prayer in every sense of all your sleepless nights yearning for him, a prayer for every dream you saw him in, a prayer that was being answered for one night. 

Your breath staggered as he probed deep into you, hitting the very spot you wanted him to. 

He held your hands above your head with his right hand and gripped your thigh with his left hand, trying to keep you steady. His hips moved fast and your moans drove him crazy. He loved it how you were a mess and writhing under him in pleasure. 

With hazy vision you took him in and tried to memorise the expression that he was making. Your name in soft growls left his parted lips and his frown looked so nubile as he pounded you and sweat droplets wetted his dishevelled bangs. You wondered would you be able to keep him from haunting you after this? 

Your honey-laced moans and the sound of your moonlit bodies colliding echoed through the walls of the room as the moon moved down gradually. You lost track of the number of times you had came on his cock already. 

"I'm gonna cum, y/n," He hissed letting out a shaky breath and moved to pull out his cock. 

You shook your head mildly and whispered near his ear after wrapping your legs around his waist tightly to pull him closer, refusing to let go, "I want you to cum inside me." 

"B-but," for the first time that night Jungkook seemed unsure of something. 

You smiled at him faintly and reassured him, "It's okay. I am on the pill." 

He looked deep into your eyes as if trying to find the last drop of assurance. He gave you a soft smile, just like the ones he used to give you at the school hallways while passing by and your heart clenched in a very familiar pain. 

You didn't want to see that smile now so you pulled him in for a kiss and Jungkook gladly obliged. 

Pulling out his cock he pushed it in in one go and you let out a low gasp in his kiss gaining a small chuckle from him. 

Jungkook's body tensed and he thrusted into you in frantic motions as he felt your walls clenching around his cock. You felt small shockwaves running through your body as your back arched and your eyes rolled back. He inhaled sharply and with a final thrust he let go of himself and came, emptying himself inside you. 

Placing a sloppy kiss on your lips Jungkook hugged you, while laying on top of you. His heaving body became one with yours as you rested one of your hands on his back and stroked the back of his hair with another, gently, while relishing yourself in the warmth that you were feeling inside yourself. 

A minute or two passed just like that. You let out discontent moan when Jungkook moved to get up. Seeing you like that he kissed your cheek with smile and said, "I'll back in a second."

Well, he took a minute. But he was back, with a wet towel and a mug full of water. You smiled confusedly and raised an eyebrow at him while supporting yourself up on your elbows.

Without saying anything he just gave you a light shrug and sat near your legs. With gentle hands he started wiping your vagina and inner thighs, making them void of his semen. 

The coldness of the damp towel felt comforting. You closed your eyes as you felt restfulness washing over you. 

••• 

The sunlight pouring through the window made you wince and you rolled over to the shadowed area of the bed. Rubbing your eyes you sat up and scratched your messy hair, still sleepy. 

Your sleepy brain played the last thing that happened last night inside your head and it was Jungkook spooning you while you two fell into a comfortable sleep. 

Suddenly you were wide awake and every moment flashed before your eyes chronologically. You gasped keeping your hand over your mouth and asked yourself, "It really happened, didn't it? It wasn't a dream!" 

Your fingers lingered lightly on your lips and neck and you smiled shyly remembering his touch. His smile, his eyes, his moonlight sipped body appeared in your mind. You instinctively looked over at your side and that's when you realised that he wasn't there. 

You called by his name several times but there was no reply. The worst possible thoughts began clouding your mind. You covered your face with your palms and droplets of tears started to fall from your eyes relentlessly. A piercing pain went back and forth in your heart which got more painful with each drop of tear that fell. 

You looked out at the window while desperately trying to stop yourself from crying while hitting your chest with your fist. You scoffed, "He called me 'love'... How foolish of me to think that he even meant it once!"

All of it, all the memories from last night felt like a dream again, a sweet yet brutal dream to you. You thought, "I got too ahead of myself and let him get into my life again... How could I let myself fall for it!? Of course he wouldn't stay! Why would he? I am just another one night stand for him. He would never look at me like I want him to," you tried to laugh it off but it only made you tear up more. 

Wiping the tears you stood up from the bed to get ready to return to your apartment but you flinched a little when you felt a pain between your thighs and you realised that you were still sore. 

You scoffed again and murmured, "You never fail to make a lasting impression, do you Jeon Jungkook?"  

You were struggling with the back-zip while wearing your dress when the sudden clicking of the door made your head snap towards it and you gasped quite loudly when you saw Jungkook entering through it. 

"I'll be damned." You mumbled under your breath and blurted out, "You?" 

Jungkook looked pretty confused as he answered while closing the door behind him, "Yes, me.. Were you expecting someone else?" 

From his expression you could tell that you blurted out in wrong way, so you quickly fixed it, "No, no.. I mean where did you go? I- I thought..." you stopped midway as the thought of it made your tears well up. 

He swiftly moved towards you and held your hands in his and said, "What? You thought I left, didn't you?" 

You nodded your head ever so lightly while looking down and choked back on your tears. 

He turned you around and slowly zipped your dress. You looked up and he looked into your eyes through the mirror you were standing in front of and apologised, "I am sorry.. you looked so peaceful while sleeping that I didn't want to wake you up. I went to buy breakfast because I know you will have trouble moving after what I did last night." He chuckled with a naughtiness prevalent in his eyes. 

You couldn't help but break into a smile as your cheeks heat up. Jungkook noticed you trying to control your bashful grin but before he could tease you any further you hit his arm and said, "I am starving!" 

While making space on the table he said, "I brought some hangover pills by the way. I couldn't find any hangover soup places nearby." 

"It's okay. Those one or two shots don't really matter when you are habituated with more." You blinked a few times in a row. 

"Are you?" He asked. 

"A little bit, I guess..." You replied and tried to blink away the tears that emerged from the memories of those nights when you drank yourself to sleep in your tiny apartment when his memories got too much to bear. 

You asked in a shaky voice that you couldn't hide, "And you?" 

"Same for me." He gave you a quick smile and sat on the chair opposite to you across the small table. 

He looked at you fondly as you unpacked the food. Feeling his gaze on you, you looked at him questioningly. 

"Let me take you to dinner tonight.. only two of us!" He exclaimed holding the gaze. 

Your mind felt light. It was too much of a story-like situation and it didn't feel like a real life to you at all – you going to that party you weren't willing to go, Jungkook suddenly being there after disappearing for three whole years, him approaching you, him staying after giving you the dreamiest night of your life and now this! 

You gulped at the possibility and asked, "A date?" 

He nodded, "Yes, a date!" 

The inner you froze. You wanted to pinch yourself to give yourself a sense of reality but you didn't want to seem too smitten. 

Jungkook was still staring at you for an answer. Seeing you pondering over the answer, he hesitantly asked, "What do you say?" 

And for the first time in your life you felt like you could read him through his earnest eyes.

Leaving him hanging after that would be a crime. So you broke out from your stupor and smiled at him, keeping up with his starry gaze, "There is no way in hell I can say no to that."  

■□■□■□■□■□■

~●The End●~

— © 2022 apotatomashedbybts, all rights reserved. Reposting or modifying of any kind is not allowed. Translations are not allowed.

[bowtothewitch]

Synopsis: I had this idea at 3am one week ago and couldn't get it out of my head. So, here you go, Beauty and The Beast AU!

Word Count: 1,206

Triggers Warnings: This first episode is focused on the curse, so a little bit of angst.

A/N: I have no excuse for this. 100% self indulgent fanfic. Click on the gif for HD quality. Also, english is not my first or even second language, so sorry for any eventual mistake. But I hope you guys enjoy it anyway!

Tag List: @jj-arms

"Agatha Harkness, are you a witch?" The matriarch's voice echoed through the walls of the castle's main hall, her question directed to the girl kneeling in the center of the circle made by several other women.

"Yes, I am!" She replied, writhing against the magical bonds that held her hands.

"And yet, you have betrayed your coven, stealing knowledge that goes beyond your understanding, putting us in danger of being discovered in front of the entire village!"

Agatha shook her head, "that was an accident, I swear! I couldn't control it, I-"

"Enough! I don't want to hear your excuses anymore! None of this would have happened if you hadn't tried to use black magic, breaking all of our rules!"

Before they even discovered that the book of the damned had disappeared from the library, it was already possible to feel the weight of black magic deep-rooted in the thick walls of the castle. It had started out subtle, like a shiver, a bad feeling on a full moon night.

Soon, however, it became unbearable, the air slowly being corrupted with each word that was read and turned into a spell. The bell of the west wing tower rang, alerting of the theft of the book and starting a search through the castle and its surroundings.

But Agatha had never been a fool. She could be called many things: prodigy, intelligent, and even rebellious, but never foolish. Some preventing spells avoided the book from being discovered in her possession, but it was not enough.

As much knowledge as she acquired, the witch was still very young, inexperienced, and black magic was not as simple as the one taught by her coven. Unlike that, it was a savage force, which was hardly controllable.

And then, one day, something broke inside the witch. On one of the visits to the village, more precisely. Agatha had a real fondness for flowers and always brought some back to the castle, even though the garden was already full of them. But this time, as she held a rose, one of the thorns pricked her finger and as soon as a drop of her blood dripped on the ground, her vision blurred and the voices that began as mere whispers in her mind began to scream, causing the witch to fall on the ground in despair. In the blink of an eye that glowed blue, several tents burned for no apparent reason, causing hysteria in people and chaos that would certainly last for many days. Now that paranoia had settled in the population, how long would it take before suspicions were raised against women who faithfully followed their widowed queen? There were already enough rumors about the hilltop castle and its inhabitants, and that was the spark ready to start a witch hunt.

And so it became undeniable that the culprit for practicing the darkest magic was Agatha. When her eyes opened again, she was back at home, being prepared for the trial.

But nothing had changed, including her thinking.

"I didn't break your rules, they just bended to my power," Agatha smiled arrogantly, feeling the eyes of all witches against her. Still, she kept her head up, never taking her eyes off the matriarch, who simply lowered her eyes, feeling her heart break. There was no alternative.

When silence was the only answer, everyone else understood what it meant. Soon the silence was filled with murmurs and the darkness was filled with the blue light that shone from each of their hands.

Agatha looked around, finally realizing what her penalty was. Death. Her blood ran cold, as tears filled her eyes, "please wait! I just wanted to learn! I have no control! Help me," when her pleas fell on deaf ears, her eyes turned to the matriarch, "mother, please , mot-"

And then everything became pain. It was sudden, the blinding light hitting her, making her body burn from the inside out, fire running through her veins. Agatha felt her throat burn with her screams, but she couldn't hear them, and her eyes only saw red.

But just like in the village, something happened. With one last cry, her body spasmed and the pain stopped. As if she were underwater, rising back to the surface, her senses became more and more clear. The murmurs had turned to grunts. The red and blue had turned to purple. And where she had previously felt paralyzing numbness, now only got stronger, breaking the bonds that bound her.

Looking around again, Agatha realized the reason quickly. Her body was absorbing the powers of the other witches, also taking their vital energy. She could have stopped, saved their lives, but the understanding was too satisfying for that.

Her eyes then met her mother's before the hall fell into darkness again, the sound of the bodies hitting the floor bringing her back to reality.

"Mom, please ... I can be good," her voice broke and Agatha didn't even try to stand up.

"No, you can't," tears fell from Evanora's eyes, "I failed you once, but I will not fail again."

"Are you going to finish what they started ?! Are you going to kill me ?!" She sobbed.

"I could never do that, Agatha. I am your mother," all there was in her voice was pain, "but I will not let anyone else suffer your wrath, your thirst for power has gone too far."

And once again the hall was filled with light, temporarily blinding Agatha. When her eyes adjusted, she could see her mother, hovering in front of her, her dress and hair fluttering with the strong wind suddenly coming from the window, holding a rose. The same rose from the fair.

"Agatha Harkness, I now judge your crimes as matriarch of our coven. You were consumed by the desire for power and it costed the lives of our sisters! Your punishment will be to remain here, in the castle grounds, hidden from the rest of the world and forgotten until someone you learn to love, someone that you'll be willing to sacrifice yourself for, and that returns your love, arrives; loving you even in your changed form. But remember: this must happen before the last petal of this rose falls, or the curse against you and the rest of the castle will be eternal!"

Before she could react, a blast of light took over the entire castle, the magic spreading quickly, faster and more dispersed than Agatha could absorb, transforming everyone it touched. The forest closed and rose, blocking all roads, while a transparent mantle covered the castle, hiding and isolating it, along with all of its inhabitants.

With one last look at her daughter, Evanora teleported herself behind the magic barrier, using all the magic left in her to seal the curse so that Agatha could not break it unless its conditions were met. Her heart was in pieces, but there was still hope for her daughter, she knew it was.

Within the castle walls, however, hope was the last thing Agatha felt as she looked at her black-marked hands, felt fangs growing in her mouth just like the horns on the top of her head.

For, after all, who could love a monster?

[helltalia-inc]

I think I like Germancest just because it's what I've always called it (I still call "veggie burgers" and "red velvet pancakes" Ame/cest and Can/cest sometimes even), and it makes it easier for people who don't want to see my stuff to filter it out, especially since the filtering system on this site isn't always... great. I'd still tag it as "incest" anyway, even if I switched over to using Pru/Ger or Ger/Pru instead, which is what I do anyway, whether writing Germancest or Ame/Can, so people filtering out "incest" can just automatically have my stuff filtered out already. I can't expect them to block out every single ship that *might* be written as incestuous, since that's up for interpretation for a lot of ships in Hetalia.

I get where you're coming from, and the ships are definitely valid, but at least for tagging conventions, it should still be labeled as incest, since just like people are free to ship them, people are free to avoid them, whether it's because they get squicked out by them, or I follow artists who have experiences that make them get triggered by incest shipping and content.

It all depends on how you choose to tag, I personally won't use "incest" as part of the ship name. If that will bother someone, then they can always block the tag later or block the blog.

Just because the majority tells something is that way... It doesn't make it really that way.

No one is obligated to know how I tag or what is my opinion about certain things, if they decide to follow they will eventually find that out... And like I said before, they can choose to block the tag (if that bothers them) or block the blog... like that isn't a problem where we cannot find a solution.

I don't care if it's seems like I'm being selfish (because honestly I don't think I am), my presence on the fandom is not meant to please anyone (I didn't sign a contract for that). I don't like ships being categorized as incest and I won't tag them like as if they are. And today was the day that I enough of it.

It's a ship.

Those are fictional characters.

And this is my blog.

I hope this doesn't sound rude to you Anon, it wasn't my intention since I liked that you shared your opinion.

[rogue-durin-16]

THE HEIR'S CURSE (Part II/?)

Request: I have this idea of the reader being a princess and having to marry fili cuz hes the heir and she likes him but she ends up falling for his brother? Maybe with some angst? You can choose the end 😆

Pairing: Fíli x Reader, eventually Kíli x Reader

Genre: angst w/ fluffy moments

Tags:

Requested by: @crispykittywitch

The heir's curse: ———

Permanent taglist: @queenofmankind @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722 @thebutchersdaughtersblog

Warnings:

A/N: this is a mess at so many levels but hey I did proofreading this time, so enjoy a not-so-badly written part <3

Part I

Rogue-durin-16 masterlist

"Princess Y/n and prince Fíli!" A thunderous voice announced as Fíli and I stepped into the enormous halls with all eyes on us.

"Don't stop until we reach the dining table." The golden haired dwarf subtly muttered, strolling through the crowd with my hand holding onto his forearm.

"I wasn't planning on it." I replied, presenting a smile to the dwarven kin of Erebor and occasionally bowing. "Honestly," once in our destination, we spotted Kíli, who joyfully waved at us, and sat down by his side, "I don't see how we'll be able to leave."

"I'll think about something." Right after he assured me that, I felt a tap on my shoulder and, given that Fíli spun his head, I figured his attention was requested too. "Ma'am."

"Mother." We said these words simultaneously.

"My dears, you forgot about the opening dance." Fíli and I shared an equally horrified look. "Given that you are the center of the celebration, the tradition requires you to—"

"We did not forget, ma'am." He spared her a polite smile before continuing, "but I'm in fact a terrible dancer and–"

"A liar, that's what you are." Though the blond one had his back facing his brother, I was sure Kíli could feel the murderous energy he triggered in his brother. "He's a great dancer," his brown eyes traveled from me to my mother and viceversa, his grin growing wider at my horrified look. "he's just shy sometimes," to take the tease to a whole other level, he nudged his brother's back way stronger than necessary. "right Fí?"

Before the older prince attempted to murder his own brother in front of his future mother-in-law, I jolted up and pulled his hand, dragging him to the improvised dancehall.

I spun around to stand face-to-face with him, which made my dress's skirt fly, drawing a beautiful fan around my legs before abruptly coming to a stop. "Tell me you're actually a good dancer." I begged in low voice.

"Well–" Before he could let out another word, the music started playing.

Oh boy, was he a good dancer.

I barely had to move by myself, he did all the work; spinning me, sweeping me off my feet, guiding my feet and leading me by my hands, and I was sure he was making it look finesse and effortless.

At some point the melody changed to something more lighthearted and less regal, and we started to actually have fun while we danced. We laughed, exaggerated the moves, made faces; we even intentionally bumped each other attempting to make the other lose their balance.

The latter resulted on me tripping and Fíli's arms steadying me against his chest with a smug smile that turned into a chuckle when I smacked his chest.

The party began to be enjoyable, and since I didn't know how long would that last, I was resolved to make the best of it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

FÍLI'S P. O. V.

I finally managed to get rid of the nosy dwarves that had been interrogating me for the last ten minutes and made my way to my intended, who I found sat across the hall, by the table which was basically deserted aside from a couple of blackout drunk dwarves.

Seeing them made me realize how long the party had gone on already —probably around half a day, maybe more.

"I'm so sorry." I halfheartedly apologized to a very tired-looking Y/n, who vaguely dismissed me with a shake of her head. "I really hoped I would have you out of here by now."

"It's alright." She gave me a small smile whilst getting up and grasped both my hands, taking a look around us. "Plus, it was expected that your uncle and my mother would have us stay for as long as possible."

"At least they could let us be together." I grumbled, looking over my shoulders to make sure no one attempted to disturb our brief break. "Since the dance I barely spent three minutes with you."

"Royal duties suck." She whispered under her breath, only loud enough for my ears to caught on it. "Do you think it's their way to stop us from fleeing the celebration?"

"Could be." Both of our eyes were directed to our previously mentioned relatives and arrangers of the union, who were now chatting. "It's a good strategy."

"I hate that it's actually working." letting go of one of her hands to stroke my mustache whilst trying to find a way to escape the party. "Where did your mind go now?" Just when I was about to reply, her eyes fixed on something behind me, or rather someone. "Oh shit."

I peeked over my shoulder to see Balin approaching us side by side with one of Y/n's direct relatives. "C'mon now..."

"I think the break is over." Her eyes didn't leave the now expected intruders, nor did mine.

"Y/n!" She put up her best smile once more and let go of my hand to walk towards them. "let me introduce you to my cousin Balin."

"I didn't have the chance to congratulate you, lass." I heard the old dwarf's words getting lost in the loud noise of the crowded halls as I walked away in search of Kíli.

KÍLI'S P. O. V.

I made a beeline to Y/n practically jogging and, in the blink of an eye, I had her hand in mine and was pulling her away from the people and out of the halls. I heard her little squeal of surprise followed by Balin yelling my name, but I didn't stop until we were far enough from the entrance to avoid the guests' eyes.

"Did you just steal me away?" She rhetorically inquired, looking at me quite puzzled as I checked no one came after us. "Not that I'm complaining, but what was that?"

"Fíli begged me to drag you out of the party."

"You took it to the T." She teased with her arms folded over her chest.

"It worked, didn't it?" She silently agreed and I beamed proudly. "I'm your hero, huh?"

Y/n snorted. "Am I not the one supposed to say that?"

"I did it so you didn't have to." I extended my arm in a way that was prompting Y/n to walk into another corridor. "I'm going to escort you to your chambers, to make sure you don't fall asleep on your way there."

She gave me an eye roll followed by a breathy laugh, and we began our late night trip to her room. I hadn't told her we were taking the long way, but I figured she would catch on that by herself since Fíli had given her a tour a day before.

We were halfway through, walking in silence after some chitchat and bickering, when I detected a restrained yawn through my side view. "In a scale of one to ten, how tired are you?" I questioned.

"A ten and a half maybe?" She half smiled and I couldn't help but chuckle. "Dwarven celebrations exhaust me."

"They exhaust anyone who's not drinking." I pointed out, having my eyes wander around, stopping on anything and everything in our walk, but on her . "Fíli is not a fan either, but he knows this one was necessary."

"Is it, though?" She inquired with her brows raised and her face slightly turned to stare at me.

"Well, I suppose it is. it's your welcoming to Erebor," I obliged myself to look at her, just for an instant, and then averting my gaze once more as I said my next words. "And it's also meant to celebrate that my brother would soon join you in marriage."

"Ugh, please," she leaned her head back, spitting a mix of a groan and a whine up to the air "do not remind me of that."

"Why?" I stopped dead in my tracks, and caused her to do so, too. "Are you displeased with my brother?"

"No!" her eyes widened as she vehemently shook her head no. "Not at all, he's caring, good at heart and fun to be around," she walked to the outer side of the terrace we had been walking through and rested her elbows on the edge. "but things feel rushed and... Rather forced."

"If it's because of the party," I followed her steps and installed myself besides her, "It doesn't mean much, feel no pressure." Now the tables had turned; my eyes observed her form and hers were focused on what was before us. "If you ever wish to break the arrangement, it will be done, Fíli would say so too."

Her lips pursed into a thin line "I always thought that when I married, it would be for love and not for my Kingdom." I then looked down wondering what should I say to her. "I may sound selfish but... That should be my sister's duty. She's the heiress, for better or worse, and I'm just—"

My mouth moved before I could think my words. "A younger sister who wasn't supposed to carry the weight of a union?"

Silence.

"At least he's handsome." we both shared a look before snorting at the comment. "I think I like him, but I don't love him, and I can't tell if I ever will." She opened her mouth like a fish out of water "Mahal, can you imagine how that'd be?"

I heard the fear in her last sentences, even if she hadn't explicitly stated that she dreaded the mere idea of not being able to love her husband-to-be.

"You'll come to love him." I tried to reassure her.

"You think so?"

"I know so."

"I hope you're right." Another yawn escaped her lips, making her eyes squint. "I'm really tired, so I will leave you now."

"Do you know how to reach your chambers?" She nodded and so did I, in response. "Sleep well, my lady."

"Don't call me that."

"Alright, my princess." she glared at me and a mischievous grin twitched the corners of my lips, my brows wiggling at her in a taunting manner.

"That didn't sound as smooth as you think." My gesture eased her gaze and triggered a small smile out of amusement. "You're so cheeky."

"That's what ladies love about me." A wink directed at Y/n accompanied my sentence, though my eyes soon drifted away from hers to lose in the vastness of the landscape once more.

What a pity that it wasn't as mesmerizing as the princess besides me.

"Thank you for the walk, Kíli." she got a grip on my forearm and planted a slow, careful, chaste kiss on my cheek.

Despite being merely a platonic gesture, I felt my heart speeding up.

My first instinct was to spin my head and try to capture her lips. Due to my quicktemper, I almost couldn't stop myself, but I succeeded just when our lips were mere inches apart.

Her grip tightened and her eyes went from my eyes, to my lips, and back.

"Goodnight, Kíli." she murmured under her breath, slowly loosening the grip and letting her hand fall down my arm, stopping to ghost over my fingers, but quickly retrieving.

I stood there alone for a moment, and I found myself lightly caressing the cheek Y/n had placed a kiss on with my fingertips.

My heart sped up again.

[borderlinebadger]

i think i might have bpd but im really scared to tell anyone, because One of my close family members was almost like "you? wtf no way" when I told them. I promise I'm not self diagnosing for attention I really feel like this. Im suffering so much everyday and nobody believes me, because I didn't get proffesionaly diagnosed. Is it true they can't diagnose you with bpd when your underage? Am I really forced to live in this hell till adulthood? don't hate on me please idk what to do anymore

Well, your family member is (likely) not a professional. — Even if they are, they can’t work with you, because they see you in a biased light.

I don’t believe you’re attention seeking, anon. I believe that you feel the way you feel - and whether you’re right or not, the pain you feel is valid.

It is a little bit true that minors aren’t diagnosed with personality disorders, as minors aren’t mentally fully developed, and it would be hard to determine their diagnosis; not to mention that BPD itself is a hard diagnosis to pinpoint as it’s a collaboration of all kinds of symptoms that can fit into all kinds of mental ailments.

Here’s my advice to you, as well as all “self diagnosers,” but particularly because you believe it may be BPD —

1. The most obvious, seek professional help if you have the availability to do so. Minors aren’t often diagnosed with Cluster Bs, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. I’ve seen plenty of people here mention being diagnosed as teens. If your parents or guardians don’t believe you, just inquire about general therapy. I know there’s issues with parents not believing their kids, but silver-tongue your way through it. “Everyone benefits from therapy / It can help me regulate my priorities / help me in school / etc.” In the privacy of possible therapy, *then* bring up your concerns. [Perhaps don’t bring up BPD specifically. That will lead your doctor to believe you WANT the diagnosis. Just talk about the symptoms you have, and what’s harming you. A diagnosis will come in time.]

2. .. Honestly? Avoid exposing yourself to most things to do with BPD on social media. Really. When you look too hard at the tags, most things to do with it are actually very triggering. They PUT you in a negative mind space, they trigger your negative feelings - even if you already have them, it will make it worse. It’s not a happy place. Currently, the tag is banned on Instagram due to so many people infiltrating it with “reasons to k*ll yourself.” It’s very harmful, it won’t heal you.

If you want to be surrounded by people who understand, at best, look up your symptom rather than the tag itself. “Panic attack,” “disassociation,” etc.

The biggest qualm with self diagnosing is that it can hurt you. If you see your symptoms, anxiety, depression, self harm, you’ll relate to it. If you see symptoms you don’t have, like splitting, anger issues, etc - you’ll accuse yourself of faking it and “not being BPD enough,” — you CAN subconsciously force these symptoms on yourself so that the diagnosis “fits.” It’s only natural, because you want an answer as to why you feel the way you do. It WILL make you worse.

When you really need comfort, I suggest looking up BPD support groups (theres many private ones on Facebook, so on.) BPD advice, coping mechanisms, grounding exercises — just avoid the general tags where you can be triggered.

Good luck Anon, I hope you find your answer, and I hope you find some mechanisms that will help you out soon, with orange without a professional.

[judgement-free-sideblog]

Ghosts from the rainforest

Hi!! I'm back after the Dengue outbreak we have in my town, I had a ton of work and a lot of sick patients, and then I got sick too, so that's why I have been absent, anyway I write part of this while I was sick so if it gets too dark blame the stupid mosquitoes and the fever, I hope you enjoy it.

Summary: A simple rescue mission will bring him back to a place full of nightmares, and maybe this time he could find redemption. Situated in 1975, 2 years after the events of Skull Island.

Warnings: Violence, blood, wounds, mentions of war, cursing, implied smut, smoking, angst.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 5: Old faces

"It was really big huh?" Reles said once you walked back to the campsite.

"WHAT??!" You said completely taken by surprise "I don't... We weren't... I wasn't, what are you talking about?" Your mouth seemed to have a malfunction.

"The monkey" He said looking strangely at you. "I mean Conrad show you the pictures right?"

"Oh that... yeah, it was incredible" You said and the redness in your face only augmented "So you all saw it too"

"Yeah, I mean it took us down from the air, and took many good men with him, but that's in the past now." He gave you a sad look and while you tried to empathize with him your embarrassment start to disappear "Anyway where is the captain?"

"He..." There was the redness again.

"This bloody jungle" He said appearing behind you, doing a better job to remain calmed than you "I have been bitten by more mosquitoes in this past four days than in my whole life" Or maybe he actually didn't care enough about you to have something to hide you thought bitterly.

You avoid his gaze and walked away to get inside your tent, once again you have let your emotions get the best of you, and even when a few moments ago you were lost in the blissful paradise of his touch you had chosen to literally run away from him.

Fortunately the rest of the crew interpreted your silence as grieving and they stay out of it, and he had the delicacy to stay in the back of the truck so you didn't quite spoke besides the strictly necessary.

You crossed the border without any problems and before you realized another two weeks had gone by and you were almost in the other end of the island, just two days away from Bontang and the ship that will take you back to the US.

The last village was a nice quiet place full with lovable people whose grateful looks make all the days on the jungle worth it, but the truth about the world that you knew now was too loud to ignore it, even when the idea was ridiculous the evidence was there and you were afraid that the need of being part of that bigger world would push you away from the job you still have to do on those villages.

A loud noise wake you up in the middle of the night and the clear sound of a gunshot paralyzed you inside the tent, followed by the cries of the younger children and some of the women.

"Di manakah mereka dapat dari itu?" Where did you get that? An authoritarian voice more like a growl asked furious, and you immediately recognize his owner and a horrible shiver run down your body and the memory of a knife in your stomach flashed in your eyes, you touch the scar that was now almost invisible, but this time you were not willing to hide and run.

You went out of the tent cautiously, there he was Sargent Walker, one of the many former militaries that chose to follow the money when the war ended, he was holding a piece of clothing in front of a terrified woman who kept crying and looking down to her child, who was on his knees in front of Walker.

"Let's try again" He said passing his humungous hand on his poorly kept beard, he take out the bullets on a small gun and put just one back in the barrel, and made it roll "Di manakah mereka dapat dari itu?" He said and shoot in the head of the child fortunately not harming him.

You were getting closer and when he was about to take another shot a strong arm pull you back delicately enough so you won't scream. James make you stay quiet with a sign of his hand and then you realize what Walker was holding, it was Conrad's old SAS jacket that among other things the people offered to wash down the river, probably where that animal and his men found it.

"Now you kill children four feet from you, are you that blockish??" He said with a calm voice trying to hide his anger. "I'm here, you don't have to threat this people." He said doing something incredibly stupid and throwing his gun in front of him rising his hands.

"No Captain, is not blockish since it made you come out" He said pushing the child aside with a kick and his mother run to take him to safety. "I thought you knew better than keep messing in my business"

"And I thought that with all the money you got, you will stay out of Malaysian territory, what happened did you drink it all or did you left it in the room of some cheap prostitute, Sargent??" He roll the last word on his mouth maliciously and before giving any answer Walker made a signal to his men and two of them push him to the ground hitting him in the stomach.

"No, no Captain" He said finally once Conrad rise his look at him "I asked first, what in the name of God are you doing in my island?" He said and approach to him, and James spit on his face for all response getting himself hit on the face again, this time the blood start running kn his cheek and from his lips and you could no longer watch.

"Don't!" Slivko's voice call you from behind and pointed at the jungle where they had been repairing the truck away from the village, your heart start racing with gratitude that they were fine, but the look on his face dissipate that feeling immediately.

"We have to help him" you said in a whisper.

"The Captain give the order of keeping you safe Doctor, we have to hide" He said, sounding too adult for his young face.

"What do you mean hide? He needs you!" You said looking back at Conrad that was still on the ground.

"He made his choice, we have to leave" Reg said more like a plea, and took you by the hand urging you to come with him "Y/N please we have to go" You let him lead you, but you turn back to look at him one last time and for a brief moment he look back at you and gave you a knowing nod.

"Too bad it has to end like this" the Sargent voice said and put his gun back to James head "Farewell old friend..." his hand was firmly holding the trigger.

"STOP" You scream and run away from Reg to put yourself in front of Walker. "Stop this right now" Two of his man hold you still before you could reach Conrad and he look at you angry.

"What is this? You are also here? Is it my birthday guys?" The Sargent said with a disgusting grin on his face. "Let me guess, another of your little diplomatic missions" He said at Conrad.

"This man is my personal guard and we are in a humanitarian mission, I will ask you to stop what you're doing and leave this village alone" You said and he start laughing, but put down his weapon.

"You have balls doc, I'll give you that, I'll remember to push the knife deeper the next time, or maybe just go for the throat directly" He said and the man let you go.

"Whatever you think you'll get from this people you are wrong, leave Y/N out of this, your problem is with me" Conrad said with a throaty voice when you help him stand up. "Why the fuck did you came back?" He said at you more calmed.

"James you're hurt, focus on that" you answered.

"Y/N? James?" Walker said before laughing again "Oh at least the good taste is a constant in you Captain, and you, the little uptight fancy doctor, in the end you are just a whore as any other woman don't you? Well since there is nothing useful for me here I might as well get rid of you both" he said and your legs tremble a little but James make sure to hold you tight, even as badly hurt as he was.

One of Walker's men approach him and whispered something to him, a moment after he nodded not quite convinced.

"Let's go", he said finally "Kill him, and bring her"

"What? You are going to have to kill me too, because there's no way I'm going without him" You said putting yourself in front of James.

"Fine, as you wish" Walker said and hold his gun again, but this he didn't shoot, the last thing you saw was the wedge of the gun before it hit you on the head and everything went red, then black, you could feel the hot blood running through your face and Conrad screaming in the distance, then your body was lifted and tossed in the back of a truck and he next to you, and then silence.

@kinghiddlestonanddixon I'm tagging you in case you want to continue reading this little story 😊

[fractempyreal]

Do you have a rules page/bio page? I keep trying to load your site but it keeps crashing almost seconds after I do on desktop? Sorry, didn't want to bother you but I was just curious. Thank you

I do! It’s on my theme and it’s the star that’s hovering above the little info box to the right, but I’ll put them here under a readmore if you can’t get to them. Note that some of these do need to be edited, and the bio is limited for the most part until I kick myself to finish it, but this is the gist of it.

RIFP mobile users. Here we go:

✔ CROSSOVERS, OCS, DARK THEMES, PLOTTING, MUTUALSX M!A’S, HARASSMENT, SHIPPING, DRAMA, PASSWORDS, INCEST, PEDOPHILIA, ETC.

CANTO I: BEGINNING

This is an independent RP blog for the character Vergil from Devil May Cry. This blog is in no way affiliated with the games, & all content on the blog belongs to their rightful owners. Content on this blog will be NSFW in terms of BLOOD, GORE, DARK THEMES, POTENTIAL BLASPHEMY, & SEXUAL CONTENT. Vergil will be a mix of game & book canon along with my own headcanons, potentially with a slight canon divergence in terms of the post-events of DMC3/Nelo Angelo, at least until there is more known about Devil May Cry 5.

Vergil is not a kind person, nor is he weak. If you challenge him, he will respond. I do not hold back my muse & I ask that you not try to be cheeky & test this unless you are willing to accept that Vergil will indeed wail on your muse to put them in their place. Respect my muse, I respect yours.

Most interactions will take place Post-Nelo Angelo incident unless requested otherwise.

Triggers will be tagged _______ tw, & if there happens to be something specific that you need tagged, please let me know! I have no triggers of my own, but I do ask that the DADDY KINK BE TAGGED.

On the subject of Nero being Vergil’s son, this is not something I’ll consider as canon UNLESS IT’S ALREADY BEEN DISCUSSED WITH THE MUN.

I do not send in passwords. I make it a habit to go onto a person’s blog & read their rules, so I hope that I’m given the same courtesy in return.

I don’t do M!A’s.

I DON’T TOLERATE INCEST, PEDOPHILIA, RACISM, DUB/NONCON, OR ANYTHING OF THE LIKE. PLEASE DON’T FOLLOW ME IF YOU WRITE OR CONDONE THESE THINGS.

CANTO II: THE DESCENT

I am a HIGHLY PRIVATE & SELECTIVE BLOG. I run multiple other blogs on top of this one, so I will not have time to RP with everyone & for this, I apologize. There are, of course, other fantastic Vergil blogs to follow & interact with in the DMC RPC!

I will follow where I see a possible interaction. I am MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE, meaning that I will only interact with people who I am in a mutual follow with. Some things that tend to have me turn away from following a blog aside from incompatible muses is too much OOC content, inactivity, missing about/rules page ( this applies to both canon & OC blogs ), or simply not a lot of effort placed into replies, since I do tend to read people’s replies.

I typically unfollow a blog after an inactivity period of 4 months without hiatus notification unless they’re a friend. If this happens to be a category that you fall into, & you return to a blog that’s been inactive & I have unfollowed, simply hit me up or like some of my posts so that I realize you’re still around for me to follow back.

I don’t press for exclusivity. Usually, a person’s muse will naturally become a main muse for me, but that does not necessarily mean that I won’t interact with a duplicate. Please do understand that, being a private RP blog, those who I have known for a long time will be prioritized, but I will get to other threads in a ( hopefully ) timely manner.

On the note of exclusivity, I don’t really practice it outside of shipping. Otherwise, I am open to interacting with other duplicates of Vergil as long as the other mun is comfortable. DMC muses, I won’t be practicing exclusivity with simply because I wouldn’t want to tie someone down when I can’t promise high activity.

I sometimes don’t notice the moment that someone’s followed me. I typically follow back after 3-4 days. If I have not followed you back in that time, then know that I have made my decision & ask that you respect that. Trying to harass me into following you will not work in your favor & will result in a hard block.

Asks & questions about my muse are open to anyone, but interactions/memes are limited to mutual. Personals are free to follow my blog as long as they are aware of RP etiquette & don’t reblog threads or spam like/reblog my posts as it ruins my notifs bar, & will result in a hard block. You are more than welcome to reblog images that I reblog.

CANTO III: INTEMPERANCE

THIS BLOG WILL MORE THAN LIKELY NOT CONSIDER SHIPPING WITH ANYONE UNLESS WE ARE ALREADY CLOSE FRIENDS. Considering how difficult it would be to ship with Vergil, not to mention that I’ve had enough issues in the past concerning ships & I would rather avoid it. I ask that this wish be respected.

If by any chance I decide to smut with someone, the post will be properly tagged with a simple NSFW so that it’s easily caught by blacklist. Depending on my partner, I can either place the post under a cut or not.

CANTO IV: INFERNO

I do not tolerate anon hate, theft or constant vague blogging/drama from anyone. Callouts are fine when they have fundamental reason to be spread & I will tend to reblog a couple depending on the level of seriousness, such as theft, abuse, racism, etc.

AGAIN, DO NOT FOLLOW ME IF YOU SUPPORT WRITING INCEST, RAPE, PEDOPHILIA, UNWANTED SEXUAL ADVANCES ,OR THINGS OF SUCH NATURE. There is no debate, no ifs or buts, just turn around & leave. I have been in the fandom long enough that I’ve seen the ships that dominate the community & I want to see absolutely NO PART OF IT on my blogs.

CANTO V: ALL HOPE ABANDON, YE WHO ENTER HERE

My name’s Whitney! I’m a 22+ year old nerd that’s been stuck in DMC hell ever since I was 8. Save me.

I am a busy person, working two jobs & attending University. With that being said, things will be slow on this blog. While I don’t mind being reminded about a certain thread, I would appreciate not being harassed over replies. I’m just here to have fun.

ABOUT

NAME: Vergil

AGE: Old af, appearance to be in his early 40’s in events of DMC5

GENDER: Cis Male, he/him pronouns used

SPECIES: Half-Devil, Half-Human

ALIASES: Dark Slayer, Son of Sparda, Nelo Angelo, The Alpha and the Omega

LANGUAGES: English, Japanese, Italian, Spanish, Latin, Greek, Dimoori Sheol

HEIGHT 6’5”

HAIR: A snowy white with a bluish sheen to it, it’s appearance is rather sleek. Pushing it back away from his face more often than not, it can at times look rater spiky despite the reality that it’s extremely soft & silky to the touch. With his hair down, the relationship between him & his twin is irrefutable, thus the act of pushing his hair back is to keep himself from looking anything like his brother.

EYES: Powder blue, like that of ice. They’re piercing—– haunting—– they’re the eyes of a man that has seen much as well as lost. There is seemingly no warmth to them, & accentuate that there indeed is a difference between he & his brother.

DISPOSITION: Usually a cold & aloof man, he is one of few words. He is not warm nor friendly towards strangers, disregarding them from the get-go unless he finds use of them. Most put him off as cold & unfeeling, which in most cases is correct as long as it’s someone that he doesn’t know. It can be unsettling to make an attempt to interact with him if you have no reason to. He doesn’t like having his time wasted.

BODY TYPE: Aside from being imposing in stature, his physical makeup is also rather intimidating. Broad & extremely muscular, he maintains the appearance of an individual that puts himself through vigorous daily training. HE IS EXTRAORDINARILY POWERFUL, & HIS STATURE DOES LITTLE TO HINDER HIS SPEED.

GENERAL APPEARANCE: A picture of elegance & class, he dresses himself in only the finest materials. He is always clean shaven & his wardrobe is well-maintained. Usually dressing in dark colors, they accentuate his sharp features as well as bring out the piercing, pale iciness of his gaze.

SPEED     ⦿⦿⦿⦿⦿ AGILITY     ⦿⦿⦿⦿⦿ STRENGTH     ⦿⦿⦿⦿⦿ DEFENSE     ⦿⦿⦿⦿⦿ STAMINA     ⦿⦿⦿⦿⦿ STRATEGY     ⦿⦿⦿⦿⦿