#i hope i explained everything well
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ultimately i think my insistence on aro positivity honestly is as much a political stance as a personal one.
when i say aro positivity is crucial and that i dislike doomer-ist posts that express sentiments like 'I hate being aro so much I wish I was dead instead’ it's not because I don’t think there can and should be a space for negativity and acknowledging self-hate, or the many ways being aromantic can really suck sometimes. i find that to be very important!
that being said. there is smth here about how self-hate posts are sometimes just arophobia that we inflict on ourselves. and when we put that out into the ether it (intentionally or not) can become arophobia that we inflict on other members of the community. i think there absolutely needs to be a place for negativity and the expression of anger and frustration and self loathing even - these are all good things to talk about because these are things that we experience. that being said, it can also be genuinely upsetting and triggering to people to have what is essentially arophobia shown to them and then have that be validated by other aspec people. your personal thoughts can affect your wider community on a level you may not anticipate. and i understand it i truly do! it took me so long to be able to recover from accepting being aroace - it threw my entire world off kilter and made me question everything about my place in the world.
but my insistence on aro joy and positivity is because ultimately i do believe that building is at the core essence of it all. that ultimately discussions and the purpose of community should be about construction, not destruction. and this is both a personal and a political stance. talking about how much you hate yourself and cultivating online discussions/spaces where negativity about aspec identity is the main and only theme is destructive - if that’s where we let the conversation end. these thoughts can and should be used as a vehicle to look for a path forward!
joy and positivity create a space where the focus can become on forging a path forward, on construction, on community building instead of tearing ourselves and others down with negative thoughts. it’s not productive or healthy when it stops at a place of negativity - it becomes actively destructive to the essence of community.
and i do think that this is especially poignant considering the fact that being any kind of queer, but especially aromantic (and/or asexual) means forging a path for yourself and making your own happiness where there is no obvious way forward. our communities exist mostly online (right now, anyway), there is little recognition of our existence in the real world, the effects of amatonormativity are both pervasive and actively dehumanising, and there are legal, economic and social structures in place actively making our lives more difficult. yes that all sucks! it’s good to acknowledge that. we need to in order to change it. but more importantly, that’s not the end. we are still here and our happiness, our future is for us to determine. even if we can’t change the laws or society, loving yourself and understanding aromanticism as a political identity (as well as personal), as a radical worldview, and as a protest against amatonormativity is essential for both community and personal well being. the personal is political.
tldr. i guess my point is that as a community, we should focus on building, improving, and nurturing ourselves and each other (construction) as opposed to destruction. we should recognise aromanticism and asexuality as political identities as well as personal ones and rely on community and self-love in the absence of anything else as a form of protest and political power. destruction (the recognition of everything that is wrong) is essential as a starting point - but where do we go from there? we rebuild.
#aromantic#aro positivity#aspec#aroace#aro#aromantic joy#arospec#when i saw its important to 'love' yourself - pls understand i am in no way trying to exclude loveless aros from this#that was just the easiest way to express what i meant! when i say 'love' i mean positivity/respect/happiness. etc. i just used that word bc#it works for ME which is why i said it. but feel free to replace it with whatever works for you! <2#also sorry if not everything im saying makes total sense i tried my best#this is something ive been thinking about for a while and have been struggling to articulate#i maybe should have read some theory for this abt community building but im too tired + overwhelmed w school reading right now so sorry.#if anyone has additions on that front though please do add them#also ngl im kinda scared to post this. i hope i explained what i mean well enough. like i get wanting to vent and express self hate BUT.#there is nuance to this and it is not unilaterally healthy i think. also i dont see any other online community fostering the normalisation#of selfhate the way the aspec one does! which makes me feel weird abt it especially.#anyway. this is basically my personal philosophy towards aromanticism#mossy posts#⚙️
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Mousey Student ID 💙🐭
NOW 😏 time for Mousey's official introduction.. get ready for another huge infodump! (this one's even longer than Milena's I'm so sorry 😭😭)
Template by @kiwiplaetzchen !!! (Thank you again 😙🫶)
Family
Mousey is the youngest of four brothers. Clyde, Lachlan, and Magnus.
His three big brothers have long since moved out of the McGregor house, going on to become very successful each in their own ways. They were all sorted into Ravenclaw, and were all part of the Ravenclaw Quidditch team at some point in time.
Mousey's mother - Florence McGregor (née Prewett) - is Leander Prewett's father's sister (so Leander's aunt lol). She was sorted into Gryffindor!
Mousey's father - Fergus McGregor - was sorted into Slytherin when he attended Hogwarts. Naturally, he is very prideful and ambitious - oftentimes (accidentally) placing pressure on his sons to pursue things that are not in their interest to impact the family legacy in a meaningful way. Fergus genuinely cares for his sons, he's just unaware of the effect his words have on their psyche. 🙁
Fergus McGregor was a keeper for the Montrose Magpies for 3 years before Magnus was born, and after that he decided to settle down for good. Quidditch was his passion, and he was ecstatic when all his sons shared the same love for it.
The McGregors have resided in Irondale for generations! They have a quite small house for a large family - but fret not, it's bigger than it looks on the outside.
Mousey is 5 years younger than the brother closest in age to him - Clyde - while his three older brothers are each only about two years apart from each other. This feeds into Mousey feeling like an outcast in his own family. (Clyde - 20, Lachlan - 22, Magnus - 24)
Life Before Fifth Year
Growing up, Mousey had always been an exceptionally anxious AND impulsively loud child, so he found it was a miracle he made friends with Anne Sallow during his first week at Hogwarts. Anne was always terribly kind to him, helping him out when he needed a shoulder to lean on, giving him lots of encouragement - which he so desperately needed. Anne, being extremely mischievous, self-confident, and empathetic, she made the perfect best friend for Mousey.
Mousey wasn't exactly a permanent addition to the Sallow Twins and Ominis' little group, but they would hang out with Mousey more often than not. Up until fourth year, they were practically his only friends. (We'll get to this in a bit.. 😙)
In order to impress his father - Mousey started training on a broom as soon as he first attended Hogwarts, but his heart was only half in it. Although he was very talented with a broom, it was never a true passion of his.
Speaking of Mousey's true passion - he is deeply fascinated by wandlore/craft. Ever since he recieved his first book on wandcraft at the age of seven, he quickly became entranced by it. Mousey absorbed all the information he possibly could and constantly visited Ollivanders in Hogsmeade in his free time once he was allowed to by the school.
Sometime at the start of fourth-year Sebastian and Mousey got into a HUGE argument that quickly ended their friendship. After this argument occured, Sebastian practically banned Anne and Ominis from speaking or interacting with Mousey in any way out of sheer pettiness 😒. Mousey was heartbroken. While he would swear up and down it did not affect him, he genuinely loved Sebastian, Anne, and Ominis.. losing their friendship was difficult on him. Although, sadness quickly turned to anger and he held a big grudge against Sebastian. After the big fallout, he vowed he didn't need them - immediately going on a quest to make as many friends as possible. And ultimately, he did.. but it never felt the same.
Relationships
Like Milena, I'm planning on creating a separate series of posts going more in-depth with his relationships w/ characters - so take this list of his closest friends!
Ominis Gaunt
Anne Sallow
Milena Chase
Amit Thakkar
Everett Clopton
Andrew Larson
Samantha Dale
Duncan Hobhouse
Garreth Weasley
Leander Prewett
Eric Northcott
Poppy Sweeting
Arthur Plummly
Unnamed Students
Personality
MBTI - ENFP-T
Alignment - Chaotic Neutral
Mousey is a complicated type of extrovert. He grew up constantly fighting for attention - he learned quickly that he needed to be loud and to stand out to be seen. Mousey is the type of person to only want a few close friends, but a large circle. He loves socializing with everyone, typically coming off as very cheery and playful, yet more snarky + sarcastic with people he's more comfortable with. However, he's also very anxious. He's quite the overthinker - yet never exactly thinks ANYTHING through at the same time. He's the epitome of impulsivity.
In addition to him being anxious - Mousey cares too much of what other people think of him, especially the people he loves/looks up to. He finds himself constantly trying to impress his friends and family because he craves external validation to feel good about himself.
Mousey is very sensitive, but can oftentimes be seen as apathetic when it comes to heated moments. He's very much controlled by his emotions and feelings, which has put a strain in a lot of his relationships. Mousey feels emotions more intensely than most of his peers, his mood also being affected by the people around him. (Although when he's not blinded by his own feelings, he is actually very sweet and caring person. 😞)
If there was one word to describe Mousey - NOSY. As a Ravenclaw, he's obviously inclined to want to know as much as he can about anything. With that being said, he's a NASTY gossip. Mousey knows everything about everyone, always around and listening in the background.. 😊
Just like how it is in other parts of Mousey's life, he feels that he's an outlier in his Hogwarts House. Other than being curious and passionate about learning, he isn't as clever as other Ravenclaws - not great at riddles, oftentimes having trouble even entering the common room. So he tries his best to make the best of it, befriending his housemates, joining the quidditch team, etc.
When it comes to being active, he can make an exception for Quidditch - for his father - but other than that, he HATES physical activity. Unfortunately he's a bit on the cowardly side as well. He could be reckless and get a burst of confidence, but in general Mousey is terrified of dueling, sharp things, large creatures, and especially cats. You wouldn't usually catch him out in the Forbidden Forest, or in any of the hamlets far from Irondale.
Additional Fun Facts!
The only people who don't refer to him as 'Mousey' would be Ominis, Imelda, and Milena - all for different reasons.
Mousey actually likes his nickname, not minding it one bit - although, he doesn't remember how he got it.. but even the teachers have called him Mousey since his first year.
He used to have very prominent buck teeth up until he was 13, having them magically fixed (by Anne Sallow) after his big brother Clyde had made fun of them.
Mousey is the Ravenclaw Quidditch Captain and Keeper in sixth-year! 💙
Other than Sebastian, his nemesis at Hogwarts is Charlotte Morrison (whom Milena actually made friends with???). She just really irritates him in a way he can't describe. The feeling is mutual.
He is very close with a lot of the teachers, most notably Professor Fig and Professor Garlick.
Mousey makes wood-carving animals representing the people he loves, and keeps them in his dorm. (Some would be: Ominis - Bat, Anne - Fox, Sebastian - Snake, and the newest addition.. Milena - Eagle 💜 I like to imagine Mousey came to terms with his and Milena's friendship at one point and secretly made her little animal to keep 🥹) No one knows the meanings behind the animals but him. They are his to keep and to protect.
Bi icon 💙💜🩷
Had a crush on Adelaide Oakes in third-year. (his type is blondes I guess?)
Was nearly sorted into Slytherin, but the hat changed it's mind at the last second.
Raphael is the only feline that tolerates Mousey. (And vice versa)
Knows about the Undercroft.
#LMAO I'M SO SORRY THIS IS SO LONG..#also i feel like i MAY have made his story too dramatic. but that's how he sees the world - everything kind of has a big impact on him ☹️#him and milena are opposites that's why i love their dynamic honestly#also mousey is much easier to write cause he's a lot like me 😔🙏 i'm so sorry milena#i've been making a LOT of mousey content lately.. i need to start working on more milena wips jesus#I HOPE I EXPLAINED ALL THIS WELL 😭😭😭 i'm a chronic yapper yet i still lack proper communication skills#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy oc#hogwarts oc#ravenclaw#mousey mcgregor#ominis gaunt x oc#ominis x oc#sparxyvdoodles
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thoughts on 268 and megumi
This post is going to be a long discussion of how I interpret Megumi's situation with both Sukuna and with Yuuji. I do detail some of my own experiences with mental health and how my interpretation of the chapter and Megumi's characterization are influenced directly by it.
(tw: discussions of depression/mental health/suicide/suicidal ideation)
First of all, people respond and interpret and react to media/stories differently. Just because someone has a different take than you does not mean that they are wrong! Those feelings come from a very real place and it's important to process and converse about media with that sort of empathy in mind.
Moving on to the actual analysis part, there is one central theme and framing that I'm starting to believe gege has intended to use Megumi's situation as a metaphor/allusion for: mental illness/suicidal ideation.
Megumi is trapped within himself, stuck in darkness that he can't seem to find his way out of by himself. His condition only grew worse and worse the longer he spent time stuck in his own body to the point where we began to see a lot of self-destructive tendencies and suicidal ideation from him. He didn't care if he lived or died, the most important thing to him was to just stop feeling everything that was hurting him and for the others to stop working so hard and putting themselves in danger to help someone he believed wasn't worth the effort.
We see Sukuna trying to convince Megumi not to fight back and to give in to his control. He throws accusations at Megumi that we as the audience know are manipulations of reality, but they are the words that someone dealing with depression will hear from their inner worst self no matter how twisted they are from reality.
The twist here is that Megumi tells Sukuna that he has never intended on living a life he personally cares about, but that he's going to continue to let the people he loves anchor and tether him to life.
And then Megumi is literally pulled from the darkness through the actions of someone else/someone who loves him. Yuuji is fighting for Megumi and his words and actions have finally made an impact and helped Megumi fight back.
And the crazy thing is, Sukuna chases after him. Depression and mental health are constant struggles even after recovery. It feels like there's a constant pressure not to backslide into bad habits and spiral back down the depression rabbit hole. Mental health struggles will always linger, but that's why we have to fight back and choose to want to get better.
The biggest divide in the fandom reaction to 268 is Megumi's words "just once more, I want to try living for someone else."
Now, I think the words "I'm doing to live for someone else" have been taken so literally by people that they think it means "and therefore I am not living for myself." Those two things are not opposites, but go hand in hand!
I can agree this decision gege made for him is not as satisfying as Megumi choosing to live for himself, but I do believe this was a purposeful decision and that it is the most realistic choice for someone in Megumi's position.
Not to get too specific, but for a couple of years the only thing keeping me from a complete spiral into an actual contemplation of suicide was because of my relationships to other people. I stayed alive because of them. I barely took care of myself and basically forced myself to do the bare minimum because I knew that somehow there were people in my life who wanted me to live.
I could not live for myself. I did not care for or love myself in the slightest, so why would I try to make my life better? The only reason I actually started caring about myself was because other people cared for me first. They told me I was loved, that they enjoyed spending time with me, that I was someone who would be missed if things ever did go south.
That's why Yuuji being the catalyst behind Megumi's decision to fight was so impactful to me, because Megumi was me.
Megumi's decision being influenced by his relationship with Yuuji instantly reminded me of one of my favorite monologues from Fruits Basket where they discuss self love and how choosing to care about your own life isn't as simple as many neurotypicals often make it out to be. It's a scene that was heavily impactful to me when I was going through my worst times and I feel like it really puts Megumi's choice to live for the sake of others in perspective.
"There was a time when I stopped talking, like you. The reason was a little different, but I think the feelings of shame and self-hatred are similar. Your teacher advises you to “love yourself”. What does that even mean? “Look for good points"… how is someone supposed to find those? I only knew the things that I hated about myself. The whole reason we despise ourselves is because we can only see the parts we hate, so forcing ourselves to find good things feels pointless, like we'd just be making them up. It's a nice sentiment, but it’s not always that simple. Instead, I think it's when someone else says they love you that you're finally able to begin to love yourself. When someone truly accepts who you are, that's when you can start to forgive yourself and suddenly see the good things you've had all along."
This scene hit me hard when I first watched it. It was exactly what I needed to hear: that I wasn’t weak and pathetic for not being able to see a future for myself on my own. I wasn't weak because I had to rely on the support of others to keep my head above water. I wasn't weak because I needed their love and praise to enable me to see those very same aspects about me that they loved!!!
Living for the sake of others is not the end all be all of recovery. That is merely the first step: recognizing that you are loved and that you want to live because others want you to live. That is not where recovery stops! It's a long, arduous journey where you eventually have to choose to live for yourself because you want to. But sometimes that decision is so daunting and feels so impossible when you're in the thick of it that it can completely crush your spirit.
When you're at the end of your rope, it's the people you love who tie you back down.
In my mind, Megumi didn't choose to fight or live only because of Yuuji. Yuuji was the catalyst, but not the entire purpose. Megumi heard that he was loved by someone, and because he loved them in return he chose to fight. He wanted to experience that love and thus show Yuuji that he was loved in return by fighting to stay with him.
#super long post but i hope I was able to voice and explain everything well? It's just really hit me that the situation with megumi/sukuna is#very reminiscent to my own struggle with mental health and that's where I feel like I can really identify and appreciate the choices made#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#fushiguro megumi#jinx talks
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The most beautiful image in The Loyal Pin...
According to me and me alone!
If you want to dive into my overthinking brain and see me nerd about photography and why I think this particular shot is the best so far...
Then jump after the cut because it's gonna be a kinda long post!
Before episode seven falls upon us, I want to talk about one scene that makes me lose my mind and that previously commented on Twitter (because I refuse to call it X).
I’m sure there are more prepared people out there to talk about this, but my very amateurish ass can’t stop the word vomit I’m about to post.
I love photography and cinematography.
I love The Loyal Pin and, of course, FreenBecky.
I didn’t come here to tell you how beautiful TLP is, we all agree of its beauty. But, there’s a scene from Episode 6 that I can’t take out of my head for many reasons. If they did this fully knowing what they wanted from this, then they have all my respect! But even if it was a more instinctive choice, I still want to praise them for the shot!
I’ll begin by saying that movies and series can tire our eyes. We have less than seconds to react to the images thrown at us. Some directors make an effort to film in a way that we don’t get tired, that we don’t have to work much to focus on what they want us to see. I won’t go too deep into this topic because it is not the reason why I'm posting this rant.
I’ll try give a short explanation:
Here, we have a medium close-up shot, obviously the point is their faces and their feelings.
Then we jump to the next cut.
And here the magic happens!
Once the image changes, our eyes don’t move! We might not notice because it’s a cut instead of a fade, but this is what it looks like when we merge both images together!
With that our of the way, let’s get to the main point!
First, this is a beautiful Wide Shot! It contains so much more information than we can think. And I want everyone to admire it!
This one feels powerful and it moved us because they’re placed in one of the four intersecting lines when divided in thirds.
Second, we have frames!
And lastly, the image is also divided by 2 very contrasting color temperatures. Warm and cold!
This division is what I want to talk about.
We know why we are in this scene. Lady Pin is heartbroken because they don’t have much time left and they just finally confessed their feelings. So, she feels sad and in pain. She’s feeling blue… and blue is a cold color!
We have visuals of her feelings, not only for what we are seeing in the scene but also on how the cold of the room is trying to eat the warmth of the chandelier!
In contrast, we have Anil trying to give as much comfort as she can. She is hopeful of the future because she knows their love is real and because she will return so much faster than last time. Anil’s warmth is trying to conquer Pin’s cold.
But she is feeling sad too, although she tries to be positive about it, she doesn’t want to leave. I believe this also represents her own feelings of guilt for hurting Pin. Of course, we know it wasn’t her fault but the guilt is there too, she also feels powerless and I dare say even defeated.
That’s why the image isn’t divided in the middle, and both are on the colder side of the room.
You guys have no idea of what happened in my head when this image popped up!!
Maybe there will be other scenes that will make me go wild… But so far, this imagine right here is a masterpiece.
Or maybe I’m reading too much into it!
#the loyal pin#TLP photography#I rushed this post#Also I hope I explained everything well enough!#I tried#All mistakes are mine#Now I kinda want to make a side-blog dedicated to only the photography of the series!#I'm so ready for episode 7!
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Here's a small rant about a fun thing I realised with the two TGAA games
[spoiler free]
———————————
Did you know that the two games have a colour motif to them? With Adventures being red, and Resolve - blue?
I'm sure most people are aware, as it is most apparent in their respective save files. (Excuse the crappy image)
And as most people are aware, these colours are HEAVILY present in the games, most notably to represent two of the main characters - Kazuma and Ryunosuke.
But the question here is WHY have this colour motif for each game? And more specifically, WHY is Adventures in red and Resolve in blue?
It's because it was Kazuma's Adventure that we embarked on in TGAA 1, and Ryunosuke's Resolve which we witnessed in TGAA 2.
I really find this detail poetic and quite beautiful even? It gives an extra layer to Ryunosuke's journey and arc, that didn't even need to be there, but it is.
There are so many little bits and details throughout the game, and I wanted to shout out one of them :)
#the great ace attorney#dai gyatuken saiban#tgaa#tgaac#dgs#ryunosuke naruhodo#kazuma asogi#I really hope this actually makes sense and I explained it well LOL#it's something that's been on my mind recently and I haven't seen anyone talk about it#maybe it's because it's totally obvious and it shouldn't have taken me as long as it did to realise but-#I needed it out of my system#I dunno the implications just eat away at me likeeee they really thought of everything you know?
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Hello, Smoches!! It is I, 📺 anon, off of anon. I bring you another Dott rabbit
I'M EXPLODING!!!! I'M COMBUSTING!!!! I'M DISINTEGRATING!!! TOO MUCH CUTENESS!!! THEY'RE BOTH SO ADORABLE!!! and the pufflings being so joyous with them... THE FLUFFY TAILS... I NEED TO PICK THEM UP AND HOLD THEM GENTLY... ahh your art is so cute i need to eat it... THANK YOU FOR SHARING!!
#smooches talks#📺 anon#art <3#i couldnt begin to explain how happy this art makes me#everything is PERFECTION#the floppy ears r so cute#HOPE UR DOING WELL BTW!!!
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As a response to last ask you got I feel SAO would fundamentally change in plot if Kirito had been a girl... but whether this would have "saved" SAO or brought it more genuine interest irks me though because it's insinuating Kirito as he currently is right now is otherwise the clas8x "bad light novel character" I suppose? (A-1's anime adaptation ruined SAO's image to many more than anything, especially due mudding out Kirito's dorky yet withdrawn personality via skimming out his inner dialogue and putting more emphasis his brooding persona and badassery)
Sorry if it came venting as I enjoy Kirito a lot in both ways, but find an issue on implications of female gender -> more interesting character/main lead among feminine-looking guys on SAO's tag lately (idk,I guess people in general think Kirito currently is so bad that any fan depiction of him is always going to gain more following over them looking any deeper on what was lost in the transition to anime and finding out his real enjoyable character in the light novels, like how he has clear fetish for describing male guys in pretty romantic ways at times or just having really dorky quips to say)
This got really long now sorry about that too 😥
I haven’t been able to read the Light novels yet (😭) so I’m currently an anime only fan. I genuinely love SAO so much but I don’t think it has the best of writing? Guilty pleasure type of show except I’ve been working on the not feeling guilty part lol.
My blog is centered around the headcanon that Kirito is a trans girl. I personally think this due to her behavior throughout the series, the particularly the Phantom Bullet arc (for obvious reasons). As such, a lot of the people who follow me also have the same headcanon, and many also believe that SAO as a whole would be better if Kirito was canonically female.
Personally, I don’t think the story of SAO would really change, because for me Kirito canonically ring a girl would mean her still being trans. I think the general idea comes from the fact that one of the themes in the show is your online self often being more “real” or true to your beliefs and person than your real life self. Kirito being trans adds into this theme in a very fascinating and nuanced way.
There’s also the fact that after SAO gained popularity, many isekais were made after with the same general format, including the base for their protagonist. It’s kinda a jokey way of saying “If Kirito was a girl, we probably wouldn’t have gotten so many crappy Kirito clones throughout the years”. It’s not really anything meant to be taken seriously, at least I don’t think so lol
As I said previously, many of my followers share this belief simply because of what my blog is about. Even though I’ve explained what I think they mean, you still might be upset by it, and that’s perfectly okay! However, if that’s the case, I recommend either not interacting with or even blocking my blog. Your enjoyment of this franchise shouldn’t be hindered by other people, and that means taking the steps to make sure you curate your experience, so everyone can have fun!
Anyways, sorry for the essay lol. Transfem Kirito Truther OUT!
#transfem kirito#sao#kirito kirigaya#sword art online#kirito#kazuto kirigaya#Hope I explained everything well lol
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Getting blocked is such a compliment like my mere existence threatened your peace of mind im that powerful
this is such a beautiful way to look at it for real. i’m ascending to your level. my swag is too tough so they had to block :/
#asks#what’s funny is. well i know they didn’t block me for being a freak. i mean unless it’s a different kind of freak. but i doubt it.#so unfortunately i am damned to be eternally curious about it. but whatever. hashtag don’t care#to be clear i was never mutuals or anything with this person. i just have the Need To Know Everything curse#like it's fine that you blocked me but im holding out hope for a vaguepost i can interpret to be about me that explains everything. you kno
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"To dream the impossible dream, that is my quest." - Prince Fernando of Asturias
+ Seb not getting what he ordered
+ the usual
Hello yes, look! It's baby Renault Fernando, isn't he so cute??? Who wouldn't want to force him into an arranged marriage, like cmon man be real. Here is the progress as usual, as well as his suit without the design, cause I'm pretty proud of it just blank even!
Okay so this is pure Fernando, innocent Fernando, before he had his apirations ripped way from him. Well not fully ripped away tbf, because that's the crux of his character: is it more humiliating to never succeed or to only succeed because someone handed it to you with concessions? I guess that's up for him to decide though ;;;
The thing I love about this drawing and young Fernando in general is how much easier it is to see his and Seb's similarities. Look how similar they look! Seb is just a bit more evil.
I think that's a big part as to why his feelings about Seb are so complicated. He both loves and hates how similar they are. From an egotistical point, he can appreciate and respect the familiar traits in Seb, the hunger, the exuberance, the pride, the ego. But also we hate seeing our own traits in other people, it's almost like turning a mirror on your worst traits and suddenly being able to see yourself from a new perspective. The biggest point here though is that Fernando turns that resentment onto Seb, as a way to clamp down on self hatred.
He becomes more bitter and resentful as he grows older, and loses a lot of his whimsy and joy. So it hurts him to see Seb, who in addition to getting everything he's ever wanted, also retain his whimsy. He, wrongly, just sees it as something that had to happen in order for him to grow up fully. It's more of a survival tactic, it started becoming unbefitting for him to have that level of unfounded confidence. That's the main reason he sees Seb as childish, immature and undeserving. He hasn't fully grown out of his capacity for whimsy and joy, and thus is below Fernando.
Well that was depressing oops! As the chibi art represents, this is probably a painting Seb got sent in the early days of planning their marriage. This is the Fernando who is still prideful, the Fernando who is still confident, the Fernando Seb vaguely remembers meeting his youth. Seeing this definitely pushes him even further towards the marriage(though tbf it's not like he even has a choice either.) Though when the time to actually start courting comes around, Fernando looks very uh different. This is both a joke about how different Fernando was in his first renault stint vs his second. But also I think he does show up very moody and disheveled, as a sort of last chance way to try and turn everyone on Seb's side, including Seb, off from the marriage. However, it's pretty much a done deal by that point.
Seb is uh, definitely confused, but I think he would be drawn to Fernando regardless. Actually, this might make Fernando even more appealing. Seb gets to push him all the time, try to break down his walls and get a glimpse at the real Fernando, if even just for a moment. Seb wishes he had more that just a blurry, vague recollection of Fernando at his peak confidence. Fernando definitely grows into something resembling his past self, after recovering from all the hurt, but there's just something about youthful exuberance that can't really be fully replicated.
Okay so about the quote. I went with Don Quixote this time instead of the typical Napoleon, because I thought it'd be funny. Fernando picks up the book at some point during his youth, and it inspires him a lot. He doesn't really see the satire in it, and comes to really admire Don Quixote's mentality, he's like "wow he never gives up! That's so admirable!" It definitely helps him through dark times to aspire to never give up no matter what. Though later Seb definitely rags on him for not knowing it was satire, and Fernando is like "wh-what do you mean satire?" But he's mentally strong enough atp for it to not cause his whole worldview collapse. About the quote specifically, there's definitely some part of him, even when young, that knows his aspirations are borderline impossible. I wonder if that part of him feels weirdly safe and comforted about the marriage. Yes, it's not ideal, but it's safe and secure. He gets what he wants, and there's no chance of anyone taking it away from him, no matter what.
I think his title would be Prince of Asturias? It was either that or duke, and I think prince fits him bettee(Machiavelli reference?) That title is currently the title for the heir to the Spanish throne. In this time period, it's also commonly used for the heir, but for Fernando it's a bit unsure. Like in real life, he's not directly the offspring, but he's still the most obvious choice for heir. But there's still enough room for Seb and his house to try to vie for the throne themselves, so it makes it all complicated.
#*btw that quote is from don quixote just so thats clear. creds to Cervantes lmfao. i explained in the read more why !#hahahaha all my lore and tags and everything got deleted so i had to rewrite this all. original post you will live on fondly in my memories#^ i was half asleep writing it the 2nd time so i hope its still good?#its always going to be inferior to me but ig it doesnt rly matter bcs im the only one who actually got to read it ha#anyways super happy with this ahhhh!!!#it was so much fun to draw. i got to focus more on the fashion and its great as well bcs renault's colors are fire#im also glad to draw him bcs i feel like ive neglected hima bit compared to the others! its been a fair bit since ive drawn him#i cant remember what else i said here haha so ill just say hope ya like!#im still happy with the characterization notes and lore in the read more so def read it still!!#and as always please inquire if you have any thoughts or question abt the au#fernando alonso#f1#formula 1#<- it gets more and more absurd every drawing to tag this but ah tradition ig#catie.art#boy king au#vettonso
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fuck it sk8 sketches from da sketchbook. get sk8ed idiot
#sk8 the infinity#kyan reki#hasegawa langa#renga#sure whatever. tagging ship is probably easier than explaining what the fucks up with these two in my head#hi. I watched sk8 with my friend cosme a while ago. I actually dont care about the allegations that much I just got#blasted with teenage years flashback. and now I need reki to have everything on earth and be well#these have been around for like a week lol Ive just been debating posting them to tumblr. bc like. Im not finishing these lol#hesitant to call sk8 ''therapeutic'' but boy oh boy. does it make me confront some stuff. yes a sport anime leave me alone!!!#its just. I think I was this way about raz too actually. listen I have History with Stuff. I'm allowed ok? I'm totally allowed#u can See it in some of these doodles actually. this fuckign anime got me so unwell#hey. if ur a fellow adhd potentials-havers out there. ur a real one. thanks for still hangin out doin what u love/ur best#if u were an 'if u wanna do art u have to be excellent and high-art at it otherwise it means nothing' kid. I am holding ur hand#I'll be normal now I prommy (lying)#well. what I'll be doing now is taking a nap. maybe. gods my schedule backslid like four hours again#eh whatever. I go to bed anyway. got my portion of the day done and tomorrow I go buy new knife#hope someone come give me a new table top and lower the whole thing a bit soon. so I can stop sitting like Im in a shopping cart#have a good night lads. have fun. its imperative
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I have officially started painting the walls in the living room.
well, I've mixed/adjusted the paint and painted some swatches and put up masking tape and all that stuff. I'll be painting tomorrow. I'm so excited (to get started, but mostly that I'll finally be all done with evvvverything*)
*until I think of the next thing I want to do, and the next one after that, and -
#I'm just so damn happy I actually managed to get everything else done today!! the living room was a mess before#well it's even worse right now but that's because all the furniture is in the middle of the room lol#but yeah I finished unpacking almost everything (there's still a few boxes with like old memory stuff etc. in the storage room but that#doesn't count because we don't use or need that stuff)#and I cleaned and I did the laundry and I put away (some) clean laundry and I blocked most of the bunting for the birthday garland I'm#making and I tidied everything and I fixed a bunch of things and#okay I think that's all#but hey that's kind of a lot?#idk but it definitely is for me#I think I sat down for maaaybe an hour or two the entire day?? that's. actually concerning and it explains the pain in my feet oh no#sometimes when I'm walking (not standing) I don't notice the pain until it's too late...#well shit I hope I'll be able to actually paint tomorrow lol. guess I'll have to sit down for some of it but I did that last time too and it#was alright#personal
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no promises anymoooooreeeee i'll appear online when i appear online 😭 every time i say "ooh i think life is almost done being overwhelming!" it. becomes even more overwhelming in the dumbest ways. all i can manage rn when i'm not stressing myself into a shut-down state is staring at the wall while listening to youtube essays + mindlessly crocheting.
i might queue up ppls art and fics w/o commentary in the tags... i want other ppl to see what all of my cool friends have made, but i genuinely can't think right now with this monstrous brain fog. i'm really sorry, just. yeah. maybe i'll think of some way to make it up later!!! once the dust has settled!!!! but until then i wuv u and miss u. smiles.
[venting in tags including familial manipulation and ableism. i. didn't mean to write all of that, thiss was originally going to be a main blog post but. aaaaaAAAAAA!!!!!
also no need for replies or anything, i'd turn them off for just the one post if i could kjsndkn, i just needed to get things out and go eep jsjndsfdn ok bye bye bye bye!!!!]
#goddd my family finds it sooooooo funny that i can't do basic tasks! it's soooo funny that i can't even think of a horror movie to watch#on halloween bc i genuinely can't remember a single one right now. it's soooo funny that i can't take cardboard boxes or#old furniture out of my room without help bc i've physically and mentally and emotionally burnt out for Months.#and me not being able to move shit out after two (2) days makes me a hoarder somehow. and ofc hoarding is a moral failing#and my mom has to give me a stern talking-to about hoarding things... that were. again. in my room for 2 days....#[tbc it isnt a moral failing no matter the reason. life is hard and things happen and it can be hard to get rid of things for Reasons.]#nevermind them making constant snide remarks about me using ugly 'mismatched' desk / storage furniture. bc it was free / cheap? no income??#AND!!!!! i have a couple of new diagnoses. which doesn't change much day to day but it does make my family making fun of me#even more dumbfounding. like. this explains a lot of really scary unexplained symptoms that constantly leave me#housebound for weeks but uhhh haha hehe hoho??? so silly so funny that i'm barely conscious for multiple weeks???#and you can see that i'm getting worse but that makes it funnier??? hmm!!!#also nevermind that i've told them the exact reason why i've been like this (read: them) but that ALSO makes it funnier somehow.#but i also can't say shit bc they're doing something ~nice~ for me (out of convenience + after almost a decade of 'don't get comfortable'#and 'don't decorate this room bc it isn't yours' and 'you need to be ready to move out by x date'#only for the date to arrive and them to pull the 'i never said that. and if i did say it i didn't mean it like that.#and if i did mean it like that i don't anymore.' card. + any big renovations are things they wanted anyway. hmmmm!!#and how i have to do all of the phys labor alone bc if i ask for help i get made fun of!!! and yelled at that i'm doing things Wrong#(hint: i'm following instructions to the letter but. my family knows better than those silly things!! ^^ ))#jfc i sure did rant. uh. yeah. things. are really weird and uncomfy and i feel thankful that i finally can have my own things on display#outside of closets and bins again after a decade?? but i'm also waiting for the other shoe to drop / them to tell me i owe them in#some way??? bc that's how it works. 'i'm doing a nice thing you didn't even ask me for so now you have to do whatever i tell you to.'#meanwhile i can't even maladaptive daydream my way through it bc my brain is soup right now. can't remember basic things abt#my interests bc i've been on negative battery / spoons for a couple of months straight and it's only getting worse.#OKAY TLDR i'm not in a state to do anything until everything irl gets settled. and i'm trying So Hard to get it all over with but there's#only so much i can do in a day before i completely shut down. i didn't even get into the insurance stuff i've been fighting too ughhhh.#so if i show up on here in short spurts -- hi! bye! hi!! i wuv and care u!!! hope youre well mwah mwah!!!!!!! i'll post what i can and then#disappear when i need to recharge. it is what it is. i need to try to sleep now... uh if this post disappears when i wake up.... yeah......#📌 [ my posts. ]#💭 [ my thoughts. ]#vent -
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I don't understand how other girls girl so hard and are so pretty and such girlies and everytime I try I feel like a man in a dress
#is this a post that I'm gonna look back on in a few years and be like that explains everything#i hope#future nuppu you know me better hope you are well#i feel like an ugly girl or like a man but like a man who wants to be a girl#does this make any sense#or is this somehow offensive and I will be canceled#I'm just frustrated please someone explain to me what#is going on#diagnose me with something#also not that there is anything bad about a man in a dress i'm just saying that i'm not a girl in a dress#i wish i was a man with rock hard abs and long legs#i wish i was hot#vent post#what is this#am i questioning my gender or do i just hate the way i look#i dont understand#please someone tell me and please treat me with kindness I don't want no harm I just don't know anything
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my family is having a hard time understanding what feeling like a boy is/ what it means to be trans. they're supportive, but they can't understand what defines being a girl/boy/nonbinary, or feeling those ways. so! if you could put in the tags or comments what it means to be trans/cis to you and explain that to the best of your ability, that would help me a lot. also reblog for greater reach of course. thanks for the help guys :]
#i honestly can't explain what it means to be a boy#to me it's as easy as knowing i like the rain or the color gray or books.#but sometimes i feel more feminine and this is also just a thing i know and cannot articulate#so im kinda stuck. my fam does support me and everything but they don't Get It and they told me they turned to resources and still don't#understand#so. hoping this will give me more words to explain as well as show them a larger community than just me#thanks to anyone who participates :)#lgbtqia#queer#queer community#queer questions#trans#transgender#cisgender#cis
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not to be a milennial but harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban really is that bitch....
#mom wanted to rewatch the movies so we've been going thru them <3#talk about a movie thats just like. grief. i turn into the jamie lee curtis halloween trauma supercut#SORRY..... the visuals are peak like that IS the hp vibe to ME and i am BLOWN AWAY this movie was made in 2004 it feels ahead of its time#the first two are so whimsical and magical enrapturing and this movie is like. a well worn cardigan. this feels 2011 cozycore to me#sorry but the introduction of lupin becoming a comforting trusted guardian type of figure AND the dementors representing hollow depression#this 13 yr old whos been kept in the dark on so many things being extra vulnerable prey to them bc of the severe trauma#but getting lessons on how to withstand that creeping dread.. through happy memories... still bonding w lupin increasngly ouagh...#the grief between them both over james and lily. also btw ofc defense against the dark arts being fighting yr fears through laughter. aaaaaa#and then sirius. black. im. i know we meme on the twelve years of it! in azkaban! but as a bitch whos now closer to those characters in age#and can appreciate and understand them obv more than i could when i was. a tween. that just hits like ok shit. VALID#so valid and real to see the child of your friends you knew at that age but who DIED and then see the friend who betrayed them#to see like the best of BOTH of them mirrored and living on in him and be like yknow what???? you WILL be protected frm that same fate#hoooo the briefest moment where harry might hope things will turn out okay. w sirius' name being cleared and peter having to explain himself#and sirius being like hey i get it if you want to stay w your family that is fine but. if you wanna move in w me...#(harry relaying this to hermione later as well. dreaming of a place fr just the two of them somewhere in the countryside#somewhere..... sirius might see the sky..... bc he thinks he would like that after all those years locked up do not even touch me rn.......)#only fr everything to turn to shit two friends fighting w deadly force. the chance to set this right slipping off into the night.#a million dementors descending relentlessly until utter exhaustion and certain death. some strange salvation? fight for a second chance?#but then still havign to say goodbye when they only just GOT this. and everything still being so. god. and lupin having to leave as well.#the thought of sirius also WANTING that guardian type connection but being forced to live in 1. a cave barely living more freely than before#2. then being confined to the stuffy somber abusive home he ran away from as a teen w that portrait still up there and everything.. bitch...#oh man the way i KNOW when we get to ootp (my favourite) its gonna leave me blasted into a million little pieces#the way i know shit like the knowing wink the entirety of the wall tapestry room scene and of course nice one james is gonna DESTROY me..#dont even talk to me abt that dark turn at the end of gof and how everything after gets soooo. god. w everything just getting destroyed and.#i cant even think abt it i cant even talk about it. wah#i dont care btw that they aged those guys up undermining how insanely young these people died. perfect casting fr the remaining marauders ok
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guess who got a maths test next thursday but dunno shit cause shit is confusing
#thankfully i’ve got maths next tuesday as well so i hope the teacher will explain everything lol#nicky shit talks#someone pls help
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