#i haven't yet found the strength to remove all of his (& lvjys) music from my playlists. i usually skip the songs -
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#i know it's just been a little over a month since the whole w*lb*r thing came out & i can take all the time i need to grief the cc i lost.#but i wish it happened faster. bc i'm still stuck in this limbo between 'he's terrible & i can't support him' and 'but his music is still -#- so dear to my heart'. and i wish i could just finally completely drop him.#i haven't yet found the strength to remove all of his (& lvjys) music from my playlists. i usually skip the songs -#- bc listening to them doesn't feel good. but there's still some comfort to them. even to songs that aren't his.#'candy' is one of THE comfort covers for me. i've cried to his version so many times. i've found comfort in it so many times.#i even learned to play it myself. it's one of my favourite songs to play on guitar.#and despite not having listening to his cover since the allegations. i still hear him say 'we love these cowboy chords boys' at the start.#and there is still something soothing about his voice.#i think part of me just wants to be in denial. part of me refuses to accept that i've lost such a big source of comfort and solace.#i don't want to support him. i want to drop him and forget about his existence and i hope all his victims can heal from his abuse.#and i can't wait until the last part of me is ready to finally let go. i think i'm getting there. it just feels painfully slow.#xxx.
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