#i haven't taken my meds in a week is this anything

[sinaloasmash]

bageettee

[selestial-princess]

Ooof my fucking tummy hurts

[ribread03]

tummy problems

Content Warnings: mentions of throwing up, Talk of being/going to the hospital and or emergency room. Probably fluff to.

AN: This holds a place in my life due to the fact that I have a chronic illness that deals with my stomach #chronicilless so yeah. I think this is really cute and I hope this all make sense to other people.

lowkey got lazy at the end [the whole thing bc I'm in a block rn] but yeah, I just wanted to get something out, I have some good ideas in my head but request are always appreciated.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Baby" I say whining slightly. I am currently curled up into a ball on mine and Matt's bed. Trying to fight off this god awful pain in my abdomen.

"What's up with my love?" Matt ask, concerned that you haven't taken any pain meds yet. You have refused to take any knowing that they wouldn't do anything for your pain. "What can I get for you?"

"Can you get me the heating pad and just come and cuddle?" You ask looking at him.

"Of course baby" Matt answers you, giving you a quick peck on the lips before leaving to go and grab what you asked for.

"Thank you" You speak softly. You know that you're not really "sick". You've been dealing with the same pain since the 4th grade and now you're almost 20 years old. You know that it will go away after a week or so, so you just push through the pain trying to make the best of it.

Matt comes back into the room and kneels down next to you to plug the heating pad in. "Here you go" He says with a soft smile. He walks over to his side of the bed and lays down next to you.

"I love you so much" You tell him. You've been friends with the triplets since your freshmen year of high school. They are the only people that have really stuck by your side through all of your medical experiences. Being truly grateful for them.

"I love you to y/n" He kisses you cheek. "Wanna watch a movie? It might help you distract your mind"

"Yeah" You grab the remote next to you and turn the TV on. Moving closer to Matt to snuggle into his warm body. Slowly you are finally falling asleep when all of the sudden you have this horrid pain wash over you causing you to move uncomfortably which Matt notices.

"y/n? babe, come on talk to me..." He pauses for a moment. "What can I do to help you?" He asks concern laced in his voice. "Pain med, food, water, a bath?"

Coming to your defeat you finally decide to take some pain meds "get me the ones my doctor gave me please, they will help the most." You speak so softly afraid if you talk too loudly you'll experience more pain.

"Of course my love." Matt says as he gets off of the bed and heads out into the hall to grab your meds.

Matt comes back into the room with the pain meds, but you are up and out of bed rushing towards the bathroom. As soon as you step foot into the bathroom everything that you ate in the last 12 hours comes out of you. You feel Matt behind you gently rubbing your back.

"sweetheart this is normal, do you want to go to the emergency room?" Matt ask. He knows that you hate it there knowing there isn't much they can do for you, but will go if you need more then what you have at home.

Whipping your mouth and standing up you nod your head yes. Walking back into the room you grab your phone, water, and a phone charger as well as a hoodie. "I didn't think it would be this bad." You say defeated.

"I know sweetie. It's okay tho I'm here." Matt says grabbing the sweatshirt from you and heading to the car.

Once in the car and on the way to the emergency room you start to relax a bit, knowing what's going to happen once there.

~~

(I'm skipping the whole time they are in the emergency room bc I think it would be boring)

~~

"Ready to go" Matt says yawning. We've been in the emergency room for 6 hours now.

"Mmh" I say as I cling onto him. "I'm ready to sleep to."

"Same here." We are walking back out to the car now hand in hand.

On the ride home we stop and grab a snack at the gas station. Once we are home I head straight for the bed room flopping onto the bed and opening my arms for Matt to come and lay with me. Matt climbs into bed and wraps his arms around me peppering my face with kisses.

"Thank you babe." You tell him, really great full he took you to the emergency room and got you some better pain medicine.

"Anytime, you know that all I want for you is to feel better." He speaks, still holding you and lightly kissing you.

"Still, thank you for everything and for sticking it out with me." You say, now kissing his face. Ending up falling asleep in that same position.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

an: hoped you guys liked this even if I feel like its a little poopy and short but oh well. BYE LOVE YOU!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for refusing to take my meds?

apparently, i (14m) have not been in the best shape medically lately, but physically i feel perfectly fine. it was recently discovered through some blood tests (for something unrelated) that my liver is kinda… devouring itself? or something i guess. but i've googled everything and i'm not having any symptoms like jaundice or weight/appetite loss or anything like that. so i've not really taken it seriously bc it doesn't feel like a big deal bc i'm clearly not THAT bad.

well, on the other hand, my parents have seriously lost their minds about it. they've been taking me to get my blood drawn like once a week (which imo is just making me Actually feel worse cause it sucks and seriously stresses me out). so in one of these MANY doctor visits, they've given me so many different kinds of meds that i have to take like. three times a day. None of which feels necessary from the get go because i never felt bad in the first place. so i took them (some antibiotics and a steroid i think) for a couple of days, but then i stopped bc they were ironically making me feel worse. like the steroid made me SUPER hungry but the antibiotics made me wanna hurl. so i figure if i felt okay before the meds, that they were doing more harm than good.

ANYWAY. so the big drop here: it turns out my parents have been hiding the meds in my food ever since. and when i found out, i REFUSED to eat anything they gave me bc obvious reasons??? but at the same time they ARE my parents so i usually don't have any other option. and several times now they've made my favourite food for me as an "apology", only for me to find out that they've poisoned me AGAIN. (yeah i know, fool me once, fool me twice, yada yada)

luckily, it seems like they're getting the hint and not trying to force me to take the meds anymore, i haven't been to the doc in like two weeks, and finally things are starting to chill out. my parents have even gotten me some of these really yummy soft treats that i just swallow whole now, which is super awesome!!

but anyway i just wanted to know, aita for not taking my meds (and maybe sometimes biting my parents a little in the process)?

What are these acronyms?

[bananayuyu]

Heart Burn

Pairing: Yunho x f reader

Genre: fluff

Word count: 1.4k

Summary: You and your boyfriend have been planning this fun little scene for weeks now. Unfortunately your stomach has other plans.

Warnings: suggestive stuff, established relationship, reader has bad gut pain, (no smut but they are playing out a fantasy scene in the beginning kind of)

A/n: My tummy hurts and I want him to love me :(

All you'd wanted was for the scene to go well.

It had been in your calendar for three weeks now. You'd finally told him, in the cold comfort of the night, that'd you'd had this fantasy ever since you met him. Ever since you met him at his old law office, when you went with your friend to be moral support.

The suit really did it for you, you can't lie. You'd visited him at work many times just to see him in it. God did you wish he could take you right there, right in his little office, only unzipping his pants enough to fuck you.

But today as you stand in his apartment, the cool stone of the countertop hitting your lower back, you just aren't in the mood.

Your stomach is fucked, has been all day, and you don't know what it is. You haven't eaten anything you shouldn't, haven't done anything different. You've taken all your meds, like you always do. You even rested today in preparation for this, making sure your schedule was clear. But you haven't been able to eat since the late morning, and you're exhausted despite the rest.

"Hello, can I help you?" Yunho quips, stepping out of his tiny home office to greet you as if you were a perspective client.

"Hi, sir, I'm here to meet with Mr. Jeong," you say, bowing your head to him.

"Ah, you must be y/n," he smiles, bowing in response. "I'm ready for our meeting, if you'd like to follow me." He holds out his arms towards his office, waiting for you as you step past him through the door. He's moved the setup of the room around a bit, to accommodate the night's activities, so his desk is now in the center of the room, and one of his dining chairs has been placed in front of it. "You can have a seat in this chair here," he says, pulling it out for you. You sit down gently, trying to remain focused, trying to get into the scene, into the right mindset. But you just can't.

Yunho walks around to the other side of his desk, sitting down in his chair and ruffling with some papers. He plays the part so well, so easily, and you know if you weren't in so much pain that you'd be eating up every second of it.

"So, we're here to discuss your grandmother's estate, is that correct?" You just nod along, letting him lead you in the made up story. "What exactly has been the problem?"

"It's my mother, sir. She is determined to keep the money and assets away from me and my sister, even though my grandmother stated she wants it to be split between us. I just wanted to make sure we had the right legal protections in place," you say, hoping it sounds plausible enough to suffice.

"It's good you're getting ahead of this. Or I'm assuming you are, your grandmother hasn't passed yet, has she?"

"No sir, but her cancer has returned and she's decided she doesn't want treatment this time. She's on hospice. We probably still have a few months with her, but we don't know exactly," you say, sighing.

"I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope my help can ease some of the stress you must be feeling. Are you feeling okay?" Yunho cocks a brow, looking straight into your eyes. He's a bit surprised with the direction you're taking the story; it's much darker than he expected, and your sigh sounded all too real. He knows you're not that good of an actor.

"I'm fine, sir," you respond, but tears are brimming a bit, and you're clenching your arms around yourself because of the pain in your guts.

"Are you cold? I apologize, the heat isn't so great in this room," he says, staring at you now with extreme concern.

"A- a bit, sir," you nod, staring down at your crop top, depressed by the bloated look of your abdomen. You'd planned this outfit weeks ago, just like you'd planned his, but your body didn't really feel fit for it this afternoon when you put it on.

"Let me grab you something," he says, stepping up from his desk and leaving the room, returning not long after with one of his zip up hoodies.

"Here, you can take this. I keep it here in the office in case I need to work late and it's cold," he smiles, the words tumbling out of him with such ease. You snake it around you, wrapping it tightly instead of zipping it up, curling up into a ball on the chair. "Can I help you zip it?" he asks, looking for an in to touching you, and finally getting this scene more underway.

"Sure, thank you," you say, and he fixes you with a look that you know all too well. "Thank you, sir," you correct yourself, watching as his expression changes and he squats down in front of you, zipping up the hoodie for you.

"There, does that feel better?" he asks, rubbing a hand down your upper arm, smiling up in such an endearing way. But just as he does that a sharp pain snakes up your esophagus, and you can feel your whole gastrointestinal system is on fire. You wince, but try to hide it, nodding your head to answer him.

Suddenly his face changes, and his body language too.

"Baby, what's wrong?" he asks you, his voice different, not in character anymore. You just stare at him wide eyed, confused. You hadn't used your safe word, or said anything else to break the scene. Even if you maybe should have.

"I'm taking us out of the scene for good tonight if you don't tell me what's wrong," he says, voice stern but loving.

"My stomach," you sigh, looking beyond him, tears brimming again.

"It just started hurting?" he asks.

"All day," you shake your head, frowning.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asks, taking your hands in his.

"We'd been planning this for a while," you pout, still not looking at him.

"Baby, we have all the time in the world to do these things together. If you're not feeling well then we should reschedule. How you feel is what matters most," he says, and the tears start flowing, your breaths getting shaky. "Shh, come here," he coos, bending forward to pull you into a hug, tucking your head into his shoulder and holding it in his hand.

"I'm so sorry you're not feeling well, love," he says, placing a gentle kiss on your temple. "Have you eaten anything today?"

"Only breakfast," you mumble into his shoulder.

"Poor thing, you must be feeling exhausted," he says, and you nod into him. "Can I run you a bath?" he asks, and you mumble mmhm in response.

A few moments later he's off to start it, returning to carry you to the bathroom, slowly taking off your clothes. He knows the scene won't be happening tonight but he still loves getting to see you naked, even when you're feeling so shitty and constantly telling him to look away.

"You're so pretty," he says, and you whine in response, staring down at yourself. "I wish she'd fucking behave," he points to your stomach, leaning down to place a gentle kiss just to the right of your belly button. "She needs someone to punish her and make her get in line," he jokes, and you laugh too.

He then starts stripping off his clothes too, his beautiful suit taking a while to fully unbutton. You watch in awe from the bathroom, as he stands in the hallway, gently placing his suit back on it's hanger in the closet.

"What?" he asks you, quirking a brow jokingly. You roll your eyes, looking away briefly, but not able to keep your eyes away from his naked form for long. "You can't stop staring," he says, smirking, finally moving back in to join you. He helps you gingerly step into the tub, stepping in along with you. He sits himself behind you, his strong legs stretching out along the bottom of his large tub, and he carefully places you on top of him.

You whine and lean your head back, another pain striking somewhere in your small intestine. But the heat of the water is very relaxing, making things feel like they're moving in the direction they need to be, in the direction of feeling better.

"Come here, my love," Yunho says, wrapping his arms around you, kissing your forehead. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," you say, closing your eyes and letting your body completely relax against his.

Soon you're out, the warmth and comfort lulling you out of this reality, and finally you're getting the rest your body really needed tonight.

[cyber-night]

Fyodor needs help sometimes even if he doesn't want it. No smut today, sorry :(

Content Warnings: Self-neglect, degradation, humiliation, (Neither of which are particularly "sexy" it's more just Fyodor being put in his place through his own stupidity), this... isn't healthy for Anyone...

You sigh as you look at Fyodors pill bottle. You'd recently put a cap on it that had a timer telling when it had last been opened. You suspected that he hadn't been taking his meds. The timer showed that it had been over two days since Fyodor had taken his medication, and even then, he only took it because you brought it to him.

You head up to his computer room where you find him hunched over his keyboard, typing away at lines of code. "Hey Fedya?" He hums as if he hears you but isn't listening. You continue anyway. "You haven't taken your meds in a few days... how are you feeling?"

"Fine," He says without looking up from typing. "When's the last time you got up to eat or use the bathroom?" You ask worriedly. Fyodor sighs. "I do not need you babying me. I can care for myself, you know." He says flatly. "You haven't taken your meds in two days... I worry about you. When's is the last time you slept in a bed and not at your desk?" He stops typing and pinches the bridge of his nose in irritation. "Not all of us get to sit around and do nothing you know some of us have actual work to do." This makes you pause irritation boiling under your skin. "Excuse me? I do plenty thank you very much. I'm the only one who does anything around here." You snap he has never been this expressly disrespectful to you. "You do nothing but annoy me and take me away from my work! I don't need your help! I realize you are too dumb to understand how important what I'm doing is, but you can at least have the decency to let me do it. As for what you do around here, you do nothing but take up space and money!" He snaps angrily you pause your eyes wide, all the times you've made sure he had water and tea as he worked, made sure he was eating, brought him food if he hadn't eaten yet, brought him his meds, all of that to him was simply an interruption? An irritation? Not to mention you took care of most of the chores, though he helped with a few such as the trash ...Fine then if that's how he saw it. "Very well, then I'll stop." You sat icily your eyes narrowed. "Since you will be fine without me helping, I'll leave you be." He seems pleased at that. "Good." Is all he says before he turns back to his monitors. You don't hesitate to turn and leave.

True to your words the next four? Maybe five days? You don't do anything for him. You knew when you two started dating, he needed something akin to a caretaker as he was oblivious to his own health, unable to feel hunger, thirst, or even exhaustion the way most do. It stemmed from his autism and you were willing to help him out of love for him. You never thought you'd have that affection thrown back at you in such a volatile way. You haven't seen him for a few days making no effort to seek him out.

You are sitting in the living room reading a book quietly when he stumbles in. He looks terrible. He hasn't showered in about two weeks at this point, hasn't had his meds in a week, and God knows when the last time he ate was. You only barely glance at him before returning to your book. You watch him lean against the counter as he makes his way to where his meds are stored. Once he get his hands on them, he looks at the caps timer, showing him its been almost a week since he's taken them. His hands shake as he struggles to open the pill bottle, the childproof cap, making it impossible for him when he's this weak. You watch him from over the edge of your book. He is genuinely struggling, but you can also tell he's putting on a bit of a show to garter pity from you to make you feel bad for leaving him to fend for himself. You don't give him any instead of going back to actually reading flipping the page. After quite a bit of time, he finally stumbles over to you and holds the bottle out to you. "Open this." He says gruffly. "You don't need my help. You should be fine." You say not looking up at him though you can see his hand trembling in your peripheral. Your words make him pause.

He tries to open the bottle again with no luck he stands there swaying slightly, his pride not letting him admit he was wrong or that he needs help. He tries to pull your book down, but he is too weak to succeed. You watch him sway again before he crumples at your feet, the pills bottle rolling away from him. You still don't look up from your book as you flip the page. If he wants anything from you, he needs to put his pride aside. He sits there, trembling at your feet for a few minutes before weakly whispering, "I'm sorry..." It's makes you laugh a little inside. "Pardon? I didn't hear what you said. Would you like to repeat that?" You ask without looking up from your book. "I'm sorry..." You nod. "Hmm, that's a start. What are you sorry for?" His eyes are unfocoused, and he's barely keeping himself upright. "I'm sorry for yelling at you."

"And?"

"...And I was wrong."

"About?"

"I was wrong, I do need you..." You nod again as you flip the page. "Yes, you do, don't you." He waits for a moment before he continues "...Are you going to help me now?" You laugh finally closing your book. "And why would I do that? You've done the bare minimum." Fyodors eyes widen, "please..." He whispers weakly. "Please, what?" You ask with a smirk as you watch him sway on his knees. "Convince me." He takes a shakey breath. I'm looking like he might cry. "Please help me... I feel like I'm going to pass out, and I can't... I can't take care of myself right now." You tilt his head back so you can observe him better. "It's almost a pity I have to put you back together... I kind of like you like this. Weak and pathetic, not that you aren't weak and pathetic normally, but... it's just you look pretty when your half way from deaths doorstep." He whines a hint of fear in his eyes. Sure, he could kill you with a touch, but the idea that he is weak and pathetic normally makes him uncomfortable. "I really should make you work for my help... but I'm feeling... Generous. So instead, I'll only make you beg. Sit back on your knees and put your hands up to your chest like a dog. I want to see you beg like one. After all, I have to care for you like a pet."

Fyodor shudders but does it his body barely stable for very long as he holds his hands up in an imitation of paws he looks at you, embarrassment evident in his face. "Good enough, I guess." You sigh idly, he whimeprs, letting his body relax so he doesn't fall further to the floor he rests his forehead on your knee. "Please~" He whispers meakly. Finally, you move him onto the couch and lay him down with a sigh.

You go get his meds, water, and soup since you don't trust him to keep solid food down right now. You come back to him asleep, and you almost feel bad about having to wake him up, but you know you need to. He needs to eat and drink. You carefully nudge him awake and set about nursing your brilliant moron of a boyfriend back to health. You wake him up not as gently as you usually would. You shove the pills into his mouth, then yank his head back and force him to drink, double tapping his cheek once he swallows. "T-thank you... my love..." You help him eat the soup since his hands tremble. "You wouldn't be in this mess if you simply listened to me, you know." You sigh as you pet his hair the soup bowl finally empty "If you had just been a good boyfriend and accepted my care you would fine, but no you have to be a selfish stubborn brat." He looks up at you with glassy eyes. "I'm sorry... I'll try and be better..."

You shake your head and sigh, carrying him to lay down in bed. A shower will have to wait till tomorrow. "Sleep, you can make it up to me tomorrow, Fedya." He nods and nuzzles into you, clinging to you out of anxiety that you'll abandon him again. You kiss his forehead as he drifts off.

[sirfrogsworth]

I'm very frustrated. I thought my health had taken a turn for the better when I figured out my heart issue. And I haven't really had any problems specifically with my heart for a while. But for the past 6 weeks I have been stuck in bed unable to do anything physical. I don't feel sick. I'm not in any major pain. There is no real misery. My body just isn't producing enough energy to function. It's a hard feeling to describe. Walking is very hard. Concentration is difficult. Willpower is nonexistent. The energy required to function is just not accessible. I can push myself a little if I need to, but then I have to recover from that and I risk extending how long I am in this state.

I've tried all of the things I usually try when this happens. I make sure to get plenty of sleep. I've been vigilant about taking my meds. I haven't pushed myself. But nothing has worked and I just feel stuck. I really wanted to get out more and get back in touch with friends and maybe even go on another trip to Florida. But all of that has been paused and I am in this liminal low power mode. The only active thing I've done was my Halloween picture and that took me 3 days just to pull off. Working about 20 minutes at a time.

I have so much to do and I'm running out of time to do it. And the things I need to do are incredibly important. Like, "don't end up homeless" important. And I am stuck in bed with no option but to wait until one day my body decides whatever this is has passed.

Plus there is always the fear of the "new normal." Which is probably one of the scariest phrases a person with chronic illness has to contend with. A time when your illness advances to a new state and you have to accept that is just how things are and hopefully find a way to adapt and continue on.

It's not been long enough to accept this as my new normal. But that fear is something I can't put out of my mind.

[fell-contract]

I've been using this platform to vent too much recently but unfortunately y'all gotta listen to one more.

Found out I had to work the weekend of a friend's wedding next month and needed to pull out. I told her we wouldn't be able to make it and somehow it devolved into accusations of ending a friendship. A past roommate of ours who we longer speak with who is in the wedding randomly reached out to my partner to guilt him, claiming he was letting me 'end a 10 year friendship' and it was 'so disappointing'. We haven't talked to this person in three years. I defended him and it resulted in this mutual friend (who had already blocked me after I said we couldn't make it) texting my partner saying I cheat on him and they have receipts and a confession (?). For context, I spent my mid 20's in a haze of prescription meds, alcohol and aforementioned roommate's uppers. Quite frankly there are entire nights I have zero memory of, and I've told my partner anything I'm unsure of that could've happened. I know for a fact I didn't have sex with anyone else because frankly I would've felt it the next day and I had intense fear of penetrative sex for most of my 20's. These friends also know my history with sexual violence that led to this fear. Any 'evidence' would be at least five years old because I stopped prescription medication abuse with the pandemic (not really by choice but the one blessing I take from that nightmare). Basically, I've found myself back in that headspace of shame but also betrayal: these friends never tried to help me, they encouraged the substance abuse and now they're trying to blackmail me with things I apparently did but have no recollection of. I exhausted myself in the shadow of shame for years, and I'm so thankful for the grace my partner has shown me and taught me to finally show myself. We're in a place now where we're open to others in our relationship anyway, but it's the principal of thinking I'd step out on him intentionally without his knowledge that has stuck with me. I feel taken advantage of, both by people I thought were my friends and by the person I was: I had this tendency to put myself in harm's way because I thought I deserved punishment of some kind, so even if I don't remember everything I did I do know it's a small miracle there haven't been greater consequences for my recklessness at that time.

I'm about to celebrate 10 months of sobriety next week. I feel like I've made a lot of progress. It's just hard to know that I'm still that troubled man in their minds who would carry a secret or actively hurt my partner, and they likely spent these years with resentment of which I was unaware. I suppose the takeaway is that sometimes we have to leave people behind, I just hate the idea that I'm so low in someone's estimations that they would think I'm incapable of growing. I apologize for the wall of text but sometimes I just need a sounding board.

💝 Jonathan

[lover-of-skellies]

Rambles about heavy subjects under the cut

So uhhhhhh

I never thought I'd have to make a post like this, because it just feels weird and I'm not sure what to do or how to phrase things, but

My grandpa died yesterday. I wasn't there when my mom received the call from the hospital, I just heard about it from my sister. My sister and I were never really all that close with him because of some issues within the family, and our mom wasn't too close with him for a while either, but she'd made amends with him. She'd go see him, pick him up for holiday dinners and gatherings so he could be with us and be a part of the family again, and then she'd take him home. He was a diabetic, so she'd even taken on reminding him to take his meds and things, whenever he was with us. I can't tell you how many times she went to the little bar where he liked to go sing karaoke every Tuesday night (I believe. I think it was Tuesday, but it could've been another day of the week, too)

Even though my sister and I weren't really ever close with him, he meant practically the world to our mom. She's been talking to some people, since he didn't have a will or anything written up. His passing was sudden and unexpected, so now everyone's scrambling to figure out the details for what to do with him

We don't have a lot of money. Sometimes it's hard scraping by, as is. My mom works at a hospital, my sister started working at a pet store, and I'm fighting with the social security people to try getting disability. I've been denied probably 3 times already, but I'm still trying my hardest to get through to them

The cheapest option for funeral stuff for my grandpa is cremation, but even then, that's $3000. We don't have that kind of money. His girlfriend's pastor chipped in maybe $500, I think, but beyond that, I'm not sure. I feel like I need to do something to help this situation, since my mom absolutely doesn't need this financial issue on her shoulders. She has a lot to worry about already as things currently stand, and I feel bad that I can't do more for her, but. All I can do is this. Making a post, rambling about the situation, and maybe asking if people could consider donating a little to my Ko-Fi

Donations would help a lot tbh, and I think my current donation goal was set to like... $200 - $250, something like that, but. It's a start. There are some things in my shop you can buy, I'm gonna try to add more soon, and I have commissions open, even though I haven't drawn in ages

I feel really icky about doing this and asking for donations, because I know that for a lot of us, money is tight, and I understand that things aren't cheap anymore. $300 used to get you a heaping cart of groceries that'd last a while, but now, it barely covers enough to last 2 weeks

I.... don't really know how to finish this post off, or how to properly close it, so. Again, donations would be greatly appreciated and it'd help a lot, and I'd be so, so grateful for every cent of it. It's not an obligatory thing by any means. You don't HAVE to donate, and if you can't afford to, I completely understand

[thecoffeelorian]

Fandom Friday, 11/15: Fanfiction!

Hello again, everyone…and welcome to another installment of Fandom Friday, the two-post series where I go off to find new and interesting fanworks that might need a bit more visibility.

Before we begin...let me first do a little check-in with everyone, so that as many of us can start off with a fairly good morning as possible. In other words, if you haven't had any glasses of water yet, please do; if you're able to get yourself some breakfast, go ahead...and if you haven't taken any necessary meds yet, please take them.

Now...if you're all ready to go, here are my picks of the week.

THE CLONE WARS

The Clone Wars Fanfiction--By @threebea:

The Clone Wars Fanfiction--By @sinfulsalutations:

THE BAD BATCH

The Bad Batch Fanfiction--By @im-no-jedi:

The Bad Batch Fanfiction--By @rex-meshla:

ANDOR

Andor Fanfiction--By @ghostofskywalker:

THE MANDALORIAN

The Mandalorian Fanfiction--By @violetwanderer:

The Mandalorian Fanfiction--By @echoingbirdsofprey:

AHSOKA

Ahsoka Fanfiction--By @kalevalakryze:

Ahsoka Fanfiction--By @illuminatedquill:

In conclusion, as part of my mission to poke around the Star Wars fandom and, on Friday every two weeks, highlight those writers who might otherwise go unnoticed…I hope you will check out the links I have included for yourselves and like, comment on, and reblog them, as well as also giving the writers a few more followers to their Tumblr pages.

Please also like and reblog this latest installment so that these links can be spread around to as many other fans as possible, just in case not all of them can tune in at the same time.

An additional thank you goes to @djarrex for making the divider I used earlier in this post, but still want to give credit for.

And finally, so that I do not forget…thank you to my friends, thank you to this fandom, and if it's a little longer between updates, please stay safe out there.

No Pressure Tags: @melymigo @algo-o-nada @theosb0rnway @everybirdfellsilent @skellymom

@leos-multifandom-corner @maggie-dylan @leenabb104104 @gun-roswell @tazmbc1

@bluedeedeedoop @its-time-to-rise-above @tlmtwelve @snoowply and anybody else who might be on the lookout for new SW fanfiction.

[bomberqueen17]

sweaty

well so i'm two weeks into trying a higher dose of vyvanse and i can confidently say i can't fucking tell whether it's doing jack-shit or not

so there's that

Some of it is undoubtedly that I've been frantically busy at the farm, and have had very little time to not be frantically busy.

But like. I had a slower couple of days just now and haven't managed to reset from the frazzledness. And then I posted a story I'd been working on for two years today, and expected at least a sense of satisfaction, but I felt basically nothing, and while it's been nice to get some comments about it, I haven't managed to scrounge up any fucking, idk if it's dopamine or serotoinin or whatever, i've just been like "ah yes ok good" and moved on. Which is incredibly disappointing, and is also very clearly my interior reaction and has nothing to do with people's reactions.

Like. Do I just not get to have things feel nice, now? IDK. Is that the Vyvanse? Is it just that I suck? I don't know. I spent much of today, when I was suddenly less busy, struggling to make basic decisions, and completely failed to do the one errand I had wanted to do, because the very basic logistics of it were completely outside of my capabilities. A single decision will drain my life force like a fucking vampire, it's insane. And I have discovered new levels of getting stuck on the couch scrolling apps I don't actually want to look at but physically cannot close, it's really wild how much worse that could get than the bad it was already in my normal unmedicated life.

So. I guess I've proven that I don't respond to stimulant medication. So there's not really any point keeping up with these $300 3-minute psych appointments. Most of the people I know who've managed to get diagnoses and treatment have admitted that it was hard to get the meds right, but most of them have managed to find something that does fucking anything.

All I get is dehydrated. That's it really, I know I've taken the meds becuse no matter how much water I drink in a day it's not enough. I've been really faithful on the Vyvanse and it's a moderately high dose.

Maybe it isn't ADHD? Maybe I'm just really uniquely bad at experiencing emotions and executively functioning. I don't know what else to try, and don't really have anyone else to ask.

I guess I give up. At least I don't have to wonder anymore whether so many of my life's problems could be solved with medical treatment. Hurrah, the answer's no!

Great.

(edited to add: i guess i don't need to bother making another appointment so I can pay a further $300 to this shrink to tell him that I'm discontinuing treatment because I don't think he can actually help me. I guess I can just do that in a message, though the app doesn't work so the only option I'll have is to text this to his assistant. Cool.)

[schizosupport]

hi glitch! no pressure about answering, but I don't have any other schizospec people I can talk to, and I need some support

recently I got diagnosed with Other Specified Schizophrenia Spectrum Disorder/Psychotic Disorder, and I'm starting weekly therapy to get a specific diagnosis and treatment, and I have an evaluation with a psychiatrist to look at meds next week.

the thing is, I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around this. I've gone through my whole life up to this point trusting my sense of reality, and only had a brief period of time when I self diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder (never confirmed).

AND I've started to look into medication, and the one i'll probably be prescribed is Ablify, which seems to have a ton of scary side effects. I'm still in school, and while I'm almost certain I can get accommodations, I can't be sure, and adolescents can be cruel.

truth be told, I'm just scared. I see posts about the opportunities taken away from schizospec people, and I haven't been living under a rock, I know all the stigma that surrounds what I know now to be my community.

like I said, no pressure to answer, I just want some advice and support from a more experienced member of the community.

Hello there!

It's been a while since you sent this message. I hope you are feeling at least a bit more settled in the situation?

It's always wild to get a diagnosis that you didn't necessarily expect. For me, my initial "psychosis not otherwise specified" diagnosis also completely blindsided me, and so did the later schizophrenia diagnosis.

It's true that there's a lot of stigma and bullshit surrounding the schizo spec disorders, but I also want to highlight that schizo spec people are awesome, and we're strong and we got each other's backs. In my experience the psychotics and schizos are the underdogs of not only the psychiatric community but also the mental health community. But that also means that you get a unique opportunity to learn who's a true ally, and to practice your own understanding and acceptance of other marginalized experiences on the edges of life. In my experience our community is one of the most compassionate and accepting communities around, probably bc we know intimately what it's like to have weird experiences and be judged for it. Try to navigate towards a place in your head where you align yourself with other marginalized people and don't get caught up in bitterness about a uniquely fucked situation, but instead take it as a sign to be kind above all else and to think about who else in society might be in a similar position, to find your allies and take comfort in unity.

In terms of the stigma, I think something to keep in mind as a newly diagnosed person, is that to the extent that it's possible, you are the owner of the information about your mental health. And you don't owe anyone disclosure. I'm not saying to necessarily always try to be vague, there ARE safe places and safe people and there ARE situations where you might genuinely broaden someone's horizons by introducing them to the notion that "we are here. We're one of you". But there are also plenty of situations where you don't wanna share that information. You can let them assume, you can omit, you can even lie.

People frequently assume that I'm autistic, and I don't correct them. Maybe I'll respond with "something like that" if they ask. Especially in professional settings. Unless you want someone to know, it's none of their business what exactly is your deal.

In terms of medication, the important thing to keep in mind is that it helps some people, but it is also not (shouldn't be) mandatory to take meds because you're schizo spec. You can give it a try, but if it isn't doing anything helpful for you, you are not obligated to take it. The psych might act like you have to and like it would be completely irresponsible not to. Try to take it with a grain of salt. Think about your life so far, the symptoms that have led to this diagnosis. Can you live with that? Do the meds help with that? Are there side effects and are thet worth it?

I take a low dose of antipsychotics myself and I've tried without and with higher doses too. For me at this point in life, a low dose of antipsychotics are helpful to me.

I'm happy to hear that you've been offered therapy!! I hope that it's any good, and that it's been helpful. I definitely think that therapy (with a good therapist) can be instrumental in dealing with psychotic symptoms.

In the end I just wanna say.. it's gonna be ok. I know it's a big scary new thing, but it is also actually "just" a word that's descriptive of symptoms that you already had. This doesn't mean that you are bound to get worse. Try not to panic about looking for new symptoms or symptoms you might've missed. This can make you worse, as you start questioning all of your experiences and whether they are psychotic. It can be little things like questioning every little sensory input. Try to remember that hallucinations aren't inherently harmful and sometimes you don't have to know if it's real or not bc it literally doesn't matter.

It can often be tumultuous when you've just gotten this diagnosis, before you get used to the thought and reestablish your sense of identity and reality with this in mind. But there is a point of peace coming up. It does normally get easier, as you settle into this new understanding. And you can help yourself along by reminding yourself that the only thing that changed is that you were given a word to describe your existing experience.

I hope any of this is helpful. Best of luck, anon,, and welcome to (knowingly being a member of) the community!

[enbymaths]

Life update/vent/stress in academia

I'd like to preface this with the following two points:

1. this is going to be some kind of explanation for my hiatus and it's going to be pretty heavy so please watch out for TW drvg use/anxi3ty/depr3ssion

2. if anyone who knows me IRL sees this, I implore you not to approach about any of this stuff, I don't want to make all of this some soppy story about poor little me

Since the beginning of 2024. I've been sick on and off every couple of weeks, my nose'd be runny for like a week or so and then I'd be fine for a couple of days and that cycle would repeat itself every couple of weeks until I got really bad stomachaches that lasted for 8 weeks until I got some antibiotics.

Those 8 weeks were a complete hell for me. One does sacrifice a lot of their life in order to succeed in academia, but health? That's scary.

So I decided to try and not to stress myself out about my upcoming exams, keep in mind the fact that I'm in my last year of undergrad. After those 8 weeks have passed along with additional 2 weeks full of doctor exams, I went back to studying for the upcoming exam season which was now in a couple of weeks.

My college isn't the most organized one, and that exam season was stretched out over the course of two months and now I had only 4 weeks to prepare myself for the upcoming exam season and I was stressing out really badly. My health has been on a decline for about two years, and all the doctors have been saying that it is due to stress, not trying to do anything about it actually and they'd prescribe me some b3nzodiazepines and beta blockers.

The thing that they didn't take into account is the fact that I was prescribed b3nzos for my insomnia along with melatonin for the past 4 years. I'd take them pretty much every night because I just wasn't able to sleep.

And my exam season came along, and I failed pretty much all of my exams, miserably. I was hoping that I'd be able to finish my degree in time despite my declining health, and no, I wasn't able to pull off such thing. Life happens.

After that and a cardiac episode that I had on my birthday, I was sent to a psychiatrist for evaluation because of my blood pressure going sky high and random muscle twitching. I thought I did pretty fine, but the psychiatrist told me that I should 'worry less', 'go out more' etc. and sent me on my way home merrily with a prescription for 5 drugs, two of which were add1ctive.

Now that one month has passed, I can say that I haven't taken any of those meds, primarily because I believed that I can beat this on my own terms and I was scared of taking more add1ctive meds-at the end of the day, I was taking b3nzos for the

last four years

for my insomnia.

And I was kinda successful, up until today. Last couple of days I tried to go to sleep without taking my nightly b3nzo and I was able to pull it off!

For 3 days.

And I'd sleep!

Poorly.

And finally, I had a mental breakdown where I realized that I was really depressed, I had all kinds of thoughts flying through ny head and I couldn't calm myself down. And what did I do? Well yes, I popped a x4nny. And I became a completely different person. No more dark thoughts, no more sewer slide ideations, life had meaning again and then it hit me-unbeknownst to me, I have developed a b3nzo add1ction.

Then I tried to google a couple of articles about long-term b3nzo abvse and I came across this one article on

where they talked about people feeling a sudden decline in their health after years of taking b3nzos and it hit me.

I wasn't depressed.

I went through withdrawal symptoms. I am addicted.

So the next step? I'm going to talk about my b3nzos problem with my psychiatrist this monday and take the right course of action, maybe ask for a second opinion, to ask them to reconsider my diagnosis and delegate me to another clinic if necessary. My problem may be very much real, and I have caused it.

All of the symptoms and diagnoses that were listed on the site above as misdiagnoses for long-term b3nzo abvse were all once considered as diagnoses for me in this past year. Immensely weakened immune system can be explained by prolonged b3nzo abvse. And the scariest thing about all of this?

I wasn't aware that I couldn't make it without my body aching for meds.

All of this stress, all the worries about my grades, academia and my future and I wasn't even aware that I was add1cted to my meds. Just because I didn't take care of my well-being and didn't notice that I wasn't able to stop taking my meds.

The point is that health comes first and academia will always be second. Do not sacrifice yourself for academia, and if you're going through similar things right now, I hope that you know that we're making it out of this b

[posttexasstressdisorder]

Tapering down...

It's no secret on here that I'm a depressed old fuck who's barely surviving. I've been taking two antidepressants for the last few years, Sertraline (Zoloft) and Mirtazipine (Remeron).

I love the Mirtazipine because it helps me fall asleep at night and STAY asleep. Insomnia was one of my main symptoms...for years on end I never strung together more than an hour and a half of sleep at a time. If I take the Mirts right as I'm hittin' the bed, I fall asleep within 20 mins. Those I have no problem with.

Talked to the doc about 6 months ago about tapering down off the max Zoloft dose (150mg/day) and finally getting off them totally. Why? They never really seemed to DO anything. There may have been a slight sense of relief after awhile, but I never really FELT any kind of effect, and no real benefit, other than the possible "I'm taking meds now so I must be getting better" thing you have to tell yourself before they "kick in".

So, I tapered down to just 100mg for a couple months and then took the 50mg's until they were gone. Been completely off them for a few weeks now. Haven't really felt much different, nothing really negative, other than possibly feeling "hopeless" once in a while, which, frankly, anybody in my position WOULD feel.

My reason for writing this out? I never really considered that they might be masking some of my emotional range. After the big news of the day yesterday, after a few hours of sensing the giddiness in the ether, I just started crying. I know that's a perfectly fine reaction to have when something that's been horrible gets RESOLVED, at least on a certain level. It's a release of tension.

But there was more to it. Posted some videos, and listening to all the music, it just made me weep all that much more. And this was genuine grief...grief at the loss of what all those songs represented to me, to my own Personal Mythological Framework, as it were.

And yet, deep down I knew that it wasn't just the loss of The '60s Protest movement, or specifically 1967, The Summer of Love and what IT represents to me.

I think enough of the sertraline has flushed from my system now that my emotional body is releasing pent-up grief. I've written about my two Gemini loves, born a day apart, died nine years apart. That birthday anniversary has always been difficult to get through, but last night's flow of tears finally wound its way to that core pain.

I'm one of those people who has to know WHY.

Once the WHY is satisfied, the letting go can happen.

My last therapist was essentially a Buddhist witch, and I always struggled with what she said about the death(s), but it hit home on a deeper level last night. Her words? Essentially that we have to eventually get enough distance from it and see the "Rightness" of it.

That's a seemingly callous idea, but it's really not.

If someone dies, think of their lives and the trajectory they were on, and the trajectory the world has taken since their death. Eventually there will be a sense of "yes, that somehow HAD to happen for THIS to happen"...a sense of "rightness" in that definition is strange to feel, once you get to it. You may never GET to it...it may always be "THE GREAT WRONG" in your life.

Gemini 1 (my sweetie, my soulmate) died July 15, 2012; Gemini 2 (my bro the soldier) died four days after the January 6th attack, on January 10, 2021. I'm still surrounded by the detritus of both their lives, in my sweetie's case, I have every piece of art she made between Junior College and the day she died. In the case of my Bro, it's all the computer parts and tools and family camping stuff that hasn't seen the light of day in over 20 years.

I know that I've hung onto much of it out of desperation, out of duty and loyalty to their memory, their lives...but it is currently holding me back, and I can feel that. I have to find the stomach to go down to the garage and just start taking pictures of all the tech and camping stuff and being realistically ruthless about what I actually CAN and CAN'T use and hit CL and eBay with whatever might bring a buck.

Up until last night, the idea of that was just too overwhelming. I think last night's emotional release had an effect. Not sure just how any of it is going to happen, but I have to face all that crap down there and get rid of 90%, leaving only Char's artwork and a few tools i can use, and then finding a cheaper storage solution for what's left.

Especially since the evil landlords jacked the rent on the garage up another fucking $25 as of this coming month.

And back to that "Rightness" thing. I finally thought about that in terms of what has happened in the world since they both respectively left. I am certain my sweetie would not believe the shit that has gone on in the last 12 years. I'm pretty sure my bro's poor broken body would not have made it through the ensuing years, especially after that last bizarre injury.

It's a strange thing to see that from the distance of time. And last night's catharsis was certainly tied to it, but I'm sensing there was a component tied to the tapering off the sertraline. No more emotional masking, possibly there will be more peace of mind going forward, I can never be sure, as I pick up just about everything energetically. (Why I have to go "SHIELDS UP, SCOTTY!" while I'm out and about, and self-isolate so much of the time.)

We do have so much to grieve. It never really ends. You have to feel it ALL. You have to release it. You have to see the "rightness" of it when you look at the world in its entirety. The sertraline's masking of the intense sadness finally being gone facilitated the bulk of it, I'm pretty sure.

[blueberryratz]

not asking for money; please send me resources

so i will potentially be moving soon - my family has taken financial hit after hit and its not looking good for us to be able to afford rent. my mother wants to house with my grandparents and i am completely uninterested in joining due to how far it is, the lack of space/privacy, and the fact that my old abuser lives there currently. since im 18 now this means i will have to find alternate housing by myself and i have very little idea what to do. please send me advice, suggestions, or any resource you may know on the following topics:

transport - probably my biggest issue. even if i can quickly get my license i dont have a car nor insurance. walking/biking to where i need to go is not ideal because my legs get fatigued and weak easily and if i need to bike to work and then do an 8 hour shift i think i would die. also there is literally no public transport where i live because texas hates me

housing - right now my best bet is most likely moving in with my step dad and paying him rent, but honestly if im gonna move out anyway i might as well see if there's any options i have for living outside my parents' house. some options ive thought about are the transitional housing for homeless young adults near-ish to me as well as finding a room to rent in the area im already residing

money/jobs - i currently have a job that pays $13.20 an hour but i just started this week and i haven't seen a paycheck yet. im currently flat broke. if i need to move out i may drop out of college and see about working full time for the first time and/or taking a second job

mental health - i currently get meds for free through a public program i utilized but im not getting the therapy i need especially for this stressful time. i have autism, ptsd, and osdd and need a therapist that specializes in those issues

physical health - as stated before my legs are not very strong and its impacted my work life multiple times previously to the point of losing my job. i have no idea whats going on with my legs and finding out what the issue is would be great so i can find solutions, but i don't have insurance and i dont know the first thing about getting ahold of it

i will update as i recall anythings else id like help with 👍 for a frame of reference i live in north texas. thank you for reading/reblogging/sharing suggestions :)

[its-actually-minicika]

I know you finished your finals recently do you have any advice for someone who is starting uni? I’m really overwhelmed with having to move out of home and starting university with no friends

HI HELLO GUESS WHO'S BACK 🫶🏻

I'm honestly so sorry for taking so long to get to your ask. Life was hectic these past few weeks, but I'm here to answer your question!!!

I also moved away from home when uni started - albeit I still see my parents pretty often. My best piece of advice is to honestly raw dog it without any expectations: on neither yourself, or the types of people you'll meet in university.

I DON'T MEAN TO SOUND LIKE A DEBBY DOWNER BUT PLS KEEP READING

To me, university was (and still is) like a bigger scale highschool simulation. People don't really mature past where you left them in their final year of highschool, but there's a sense of acceptance coming from both your fellow students and teachers (in everyone doing their own thing without much judgement, I mean).

I can't speak for everyone when I say this, but it's much less daunting than what one might expect. The scenarios you make up right now are waaay more dramatic than what the final result will be like, trust me!

I encourage you to really make time in your schedule to socialize. Create something akin to a "friend group", and, if you're single and looking for someone to start a relationship with, just know that the most "husband material" guys are taken by the end of their 1st/2d year of uni LMAO

STAY FAR FAR AWAY FROM FRAT PARTIES. They're insanely overrated and you'll never find your life partner there.

When it comes to studying, never believe what the others will tell you. I heard all too often the phrases "I didn’t start studying yet!", "X/Y/Z is too difficult! I'll just skip the chapter and hope for the best", "I think today's lecture was too difficult. I'll totally drop out of this class."

None of your course mates will reveal how much effort they put into each class. All of them will tell you they haven't started studying, or that they'll start studying 2 weeks before your final exams etc.

DON'T BELIEVE THEM. They're all studying and putting in effort. Competition in university is cut-throat.

Or, at least, that's how it is in med school.

The academic workload that you'll have to go through is INSANE compared to highschool. But make a list going into each week, detailing the things you want to achieve/cross off it, and you'll be fine.

Individual work is key in university. No professors will baby any of you, and some might even drop materials for your finals a day before your exams take place.

Attitude wise, they're far less strict than their highschool counterparts.

Plan in advance, stay calm and, if you get overwhelmed, it's okay to take a break.

That's pretty much everything that I can think of from the top of my head. If I remember anything else, I'll write it down in the comments!!

Good luck starting university! You're going to nail living alone and making new friends. Remember that everyone is just as confused and eager to prove themselves as you ❤️ Don't put too much pressure on yourself and have fun!