#i haven't drawn him regularly in years so I have to like figure out how to draw him again sdfsg

[visarcana]

In celebration of the miserable realization that I haven't updated in more than a year

I was thinking of how this happened and if I REALLY have done so little on the fic. A lot is going on but that shouldn't be my excuse; I had difficult years before. So what was I doing for the past year?

I published the Folken oneshot here and here (phew, there's at least something).

I do have SOME version of ch 17 ready that I have continually worked on, it's just that it doesn't feel up to my standards. What is worse, I cannot figure out what comes after. I have the CONCEPT and major scenes but the plotholes could sink the whole thing if I'm not careful. I hoped to have this figured out before publishing the next chapter, I usually had, in similar situations before. I wonder if I should just risk it and just go ahead.

I have some scenes that do not exactly fit into the fic at this point BUT I WANT to have them. What do? Force them in there somehow (I did that in the past already)? Create a separate "fic" for them? I feel like such an inexperienced writer when things like this and the previous one slow me down while others can produce chapter after chapter much more regularly.

I did A LOT of translation last year, and it was the hard kind, the novel translation. You kinda have to employ your skills there as a writer, too, besides dedicating buttload of time and patience. Maybe I tired myself out and hit the limits of my creative energy? It certainly feels like it at times. This is something that took me by surprise, in the past, the translation fueled rather than impeded my writing.

I did have some very engaging fic talks with a few of the readers and friends, I'm really thankful for that. They were obviously about the stuff I had already posted but I guess it doesn't hurt to think on the past things again, quite often, an inspiration hits from that. Not to mention motivation, it's incredibly motivational to have someone care about your story, I don't think I even need to say that. I even was lucky to lay my eyes on some fanart for the fic and although I can't say I contributed there such a treat ALWAYS deserves gratitude and mention <3

The questions also helped me understand where my writing is unclear or where it may get confusing. Besides the answers, I had to even look up some photo references and even did some pencil sketches. Although they are not great, it's the only thing that I've drawn in long months.

So, in case someone else wondered about the same things, and since I have some of these answers typed out already (with some of them quite elaborate as usual), I will post the "questions" below.

If there is any interest in any of the answers, I will publish them here. I wouldn't want to spam you otherwise, I mean, I get that it's the new chapter people would want to read, if anything. I can't make any other promises but I'll keep working on that as well. Anyway, an update of this blog was long overdue, so I did at least that.

-- CHAPTER 16

What are “sliders”, “lum”, “Telandir” etc.? Basically, worldbuilding Q/A.

What does Van mean exactly when he says “There are four of you, and you will come down with me peacefully. Or there will be less… if you think you can outrun me.”

Is it “Cyro” or “Cyrien”? How old is he? How does he feel when Hitomi intercepts on him on the way to the command tent and what does his apologetic shrug at the end mean?

What is Hitomi wearing and why does no one pay much attention to her until she speaks up at the war council? Why do the soldiers call her “Private Sweetling”?

How does Van feel about the whole situation with the captives? Are Hitomi’s concerns substantial?

What really happened and what are the physical actions (and reactions) of the characters during the argument taking place in Van’s tent?

What is the meaning of Van and Folken’s conversation about Hitomi, when Folken says his brother “disappoints” him?

What is the meaning of Folken’s “what if I told you I’m done being useful”? What does Van’s reaction to that mean?

Why does Allen see younger himself in Van and what are his regrets?

What does Hitomi mean when she says “everything is shattered”? -- PREVIOUS CHAPTERS

Why does Hitomi so easily accept that Gaea was real after all, when she had been thinking it was a dream for several years?

Why is Hitomi so formal with Millerna at the start? Why is she starting from zero with some of the relationships like Millerna and Van?

Why do people call Hitomi “seeress” in VA?

Are Hitomi’s abilities gone? Why can Van dowse and can anyone do it?

Why does Dornkirk want to separate Van and Hitomi? What is the connection between Lenz’s tasks and the ch15 forest scenes?

Why was there not a scene revealing the reactions of the characters back on Earth to Hitomi’s disappearance?

[jghermit]

Dear JSE Community,

I'm not the best with introductions, but here I go anyway. Most of you don't know me or probably even recognize me, but from when I joined the community back in 2017 up until the end of 2018, I drew JSE fanart. Not regularly, but I drew it, which for me was my way of interacting with the community (to which my first impression was "Wow, everyone's so nice towards one another. That's amazing!").

I've never been good at starting conversations (or I guess I've always been too afraid to start them) and I've never like jumping into the middle of conversations since I always feel like I'm butting in by doing that, so I never really interacted with anyone on an individual level for the most part. But people seemed to like my fanart well enough and I felt that was good enough, at least at the time.

Of course like a lot of folks, I was going through some stuff in my personal life during that first year, and it had started to negatively affect my mental health. So of course, I jumped on the PMA band wagon back at the start of 2018 cause I thought "Wow, that's a really good mindset to get into! I want to make 2018 my year, too!"

Spoilers, it wasn't.

I had my butt handed to me for most of the year, making it one of the lowest points in my life since high school. Between experiencing a lot of both good and bad firsts, moving away from home for the first time, and just already having so much low self esteem made me feel even more useless than I already felt. Even before PMA was a thing, whenever I was stuck at a low point in my life, I'd always told myself that everything will work out in the end eventually, even if I didn't always believe it, and time made it harder and harder to believe.

And seeing everyone else in the community talk about how great they felt because of PMA and how much of it they seemed to have, I felt guilty cause I couldn't feel that same burst of positivity everyone else seem to have. It felt like I wasn't trying hard enough and that I was lying in a way. And as a result, I felt distant from the community, more so than I already did, feeling more and more like an outsider who didn't belong.

Then @therealjacksepticeye did something I'll never forget. Most of you will remember a video of him talking about his own mental health for the first time and how even with PMA, he still had some bad days. But having bad days was okay, they wouldn't last forever, and the good days would come eventually.

That's when it clicked for me. My problem wasn't that PMA had no affect on me, I just hadn't understood the true meaning behind it until then. A bad day is just that, a bad day, and having one doesn't invalidate the good days that came before it. It also doesn't mean any progress you've made on your mental health is erased upon having; it's more like a bump in the road that may slow you down but something that will pass eventually. I still wish it hadn't taken me so long to figure it out (heck, I may still figuring it out), but better late than never as they say.

As of now, I'm not fully where I want to be mentally, but I feel like I'm on the right track at least. I still worry about stuff, and I still have my bad days here and there, but I know things will work themselves out eventually and that better days will come with it just as long as I continue to do my best every day.

On another note, it's good to know that two years into this, the community is still as accepting and kind as ever. Hope that never changes no matter how big it gets. I haven't drawn JSE fanart this year up to this point not because I don't want to, but just more of having little inspiration to do so. Hopefully that'll change after today, but we'll see.

Here's to the road ahead!

Beat regards, Jenny

PS: The wooden plaque I used is owl shaped cause that's what I got for Easter, and owls are awesome. Plus, it's nice having a physical reminder I can see every day outside of social media.

[that-trunks-girl]

Happy self insert positivity day!!

I saw this beautiful post going around to celebrate January 15th as self insert positivity day and I wanted to chime in! (Thanks @robotarmjokes for setting this up 🤗)

I haven't been in the self ship community long. Not even an entire year actually. But, I've been self-inserting and self-shipping for over 18 years.

I didn't have many friends growing up. I went through a lot of bullying and abuse both at school and in my own home. I wasn't very good at anything either. Yeah, I had good grades and I was a model student, but it wasn't special. I've been watching anime for as long as I can remember. You can clearly see that Dragonball is my favorite. Well, it wasn't always the case! I actually disliked it very much. But, my brother and cousins would watch it, so I followed the crowd despite being annoyed by it. Fast forward 2 years. I was 12 years old. I was even more socially awkward, even more bullied, my anxiety and depression started to take control of my thoughts. One day, I was searching for something to watch in the evening. DBZ was on. I kept looking. After a few moments without success, I sighed heavily and turned it back to the show I disliked just 2 years prior. But, something was different. There was a character, someone I wasn't familiar with. I was glued to my TV, glued to know more about this mysterious character. What was it about him? What was going on in my head at that time? When the episode ended, he was gone. But, my curiosity was still there. I had to watch more. I had to see him again. Would I ever see him again?

Episodes went by. But no luck. However, my opinion had completely changed about this show and I was growing to enjoy it. After many episodes, many days of hoping and waiting, he was back. My heart raced, I hadn't felt that happy in such a long time. I still didn't understand what my heart was trying to tell me. Why I was so drawn to this character. Honestly, I don't think I've ever fully figured that out!

Soon after, I began to write stories. I imagined a moment where I would fall through the television and end up in this make believe world I grew to love. Where I had friends who cared about me, where I had him. I taught myself to draw because I wanted to draw these characters and draw myself together with them. I finally found something I was good at.

In the beginning, we weren't meant to be together. I was meant to be there for just a short while and then return to my own universe. But, as the years went on, my attraction grew stronger. 2 years after the first time I saw his face, I started to draw a comic based on the first stories I had written. Except, we would be together. But, I didn't want it to be one of those "fall in love at first sight" types of stories. I wanted it to be believable. I wanted our relationship to grow through hardships and challenges. Through all of that, I was really starting to notice I had a deeper connection to this character than I had realized.

Through all of my bullying, through my heartbreaks, through more challenges than I can remember, he's always been there. It wasn't until maybe 10 years ago that it really hit me. I love him. There was no question about it. I love him with everything that I am. I went through greater challenges with it. DeviantART was not very friendly to self shippers. I met some of my best friends through the fandom(especially @nessie-noodlez whom was the first I found in the DB fandom that shared the same feelings as me but towards a different character) and it was my first taste of knowing there are others like me. But, there was still so much hate. I stopped being open about self shipping because I couldn't take the comments. Until last year. I became close with a wonderful person, @emperatrizdereiji , and it was because of her that I said "fuck it" to all of the backlash. I rejoined Tumblr and I found this amazing community full of so many self shippers!! It was such an eye-opener. To know how big this community truly is, to see how welcoming and supportive you all are!! I love so much that I've been able to be myself here without feeling ashamed of it. I love hearing about all of your self inserts and self ships. And I look forward to hearing more!

I am currently 30 years old. I've self shipped more than half my life. I'm also a married woman with a 4 year old son, an amazing job, and a home of my own. I continue to self ship and self insert because it makes me happy. Because at the end of the day, it's something I can always look forward to. I always have someone by my side, cheering me on. And I'm here, cheering all of you on as well 🤗

I've made some wonderful friends in this community. Even if we don't speak regularly, I do look forward to seeing your new posts ❤️❤️❤️