#i haven't been able to write much about the allegations because when i have tried i don't feel I've written what I've actually wanted to say

[hyacinthsdiamonds]

It's been pretty consistent for nearly 20 years but red bull bts lineup is definitely getting shaked up one way or another this season...

[darkpoisonouslove]

🦋what are you most insecure about when you post a fic?

🍭why did you start writing?

💎why is writing important to you?

🤍what's one fic of yours you think people didn't "get"?

🦋what are you most insecure about when you post a fic?

Whether or not the character motivations come through. I tend to write a lot of canon divergence/AU and sometimes the roles that I put the characters in are not immediately intuitive for them. Honestly, I am - at all times, not just when posting - one step away from literally screaming, crying, throwing up at the idea that the characters' actions and words might not be believable the way I've written them.

🍭why did you start writing?

Hell if I know. I just had an idea and I went for it. I wrote about 4 chapters before abandoning it. Much later (5+ years) I had another idea and I started writing down small snippets of thoughts coming to me. They weren't really stories yet but I was already planning these great epics. That went on for another year where I started at least three more novels that got abandoned either on the first or second chapter. And then I saw the Seventh Son. It gave me extreme rage for the movie and that's when the idea for my main book was born (not abandoned but I am very much cleaning up the plot and themes still, 8 years later). Completely out of spite. At that point I guess I knew writing was for me but I cannot remember why I decided to keep going... other than the overwhelming amount of ideas that just seemed like gold (they were not - at that point my approach to generating plot was just "throw a bunch of terrible situations at the page and see what sticks, except I didn't have the critical ability to actually discern what "stuck" aka was good and most of the alleged plot was just a poorly motivated soup of happenings). I think I also discovered fanfic and started my first one in the summer before the main book came to me (which happened at the end of January). I just had situations in mind that I wanted to subject my characters to.

💎why is writing important to you?

Lmao, the last couple of years writing has been a literal pain so it's not so much "I love it for reasons x, y and z" as much as it is "I literally, physically start to go stir crazy if I go without writing for a certain amount of time". It has certainly helped me deal with inner conflicts before but I don't think I've been able to successfully process an emotion since the pandemic started so I wouldn't say it's been an emotional outlet recently. Surely, I've dumped my emotions on the page - more often than not - but it either makes me more confused when I try to disentangle the characters' feelings as well as mine, or it adds more negative emotions like self-doubt and frustration. That sounds very bleak and I don't want it to but the truth is that it has been a struggle the past few years. I am constantly overthinking every little detail or getting mad at myself for tiring so easily and not having the mental capacity to write. This all sounds like a perfect set of reasons to quit but I haven't yet and I don't really intend to. Writing is important to me even if I can't tell why right now. It must be since I can't quit.

🤍what's one fic of yours you think people didn't "get"?

I'm not sure I can actually give an answer to this because I'd have to know what people think of my stories and most of them get one or two comments in total so it's hard to say if people get it or not. Honestly, I'm lucky because you really get them (hive mind ftw!). I am instantly thinking about how you literally highlighted all the parts in Want of a Mask that I tried to emphasize with my writing so that was the opposite of what you're asking me.

Honestly, the only thing that comes to mind is Sharing - a Fairy Tail fanfic that I wrote for a fandom week. It is much deeper and moving than the other two - very generic - works that I wrote for the same fandom week, yet those are more popular (that's the impression I got at the time when it was only posted on FFN; stats on AO3 kind of disagree with me atm).

Send me ((REAL)) fic writer asks