#i have yet to find even a scrap of evidence that 'hellish' was ever written by her and i bought multiple books to research this

[shannonsutorius]

*shouting from the rooftops* LOLA RIDGE NEVER WROTE A POEM CALLED HELLISH

[silverfall-patriarch]

A Commander’s Vigil

What remains of my General burns bright in the courtyard of Castle Kiden yet the world is darker for the betrayal and injustice seen this day. I knew all along the pain of this loss would be excruciating and that this watch kept until her body burned to ash would be a hellish landscape to endure. I’m watching the muscles and lean lines of her body melt and crackle when not but yesterday my hands were on them as she whispered my name. The dark strands of her hair have already disappeared, but I can still feel the way they slipped through my fingers while she slept. This torture is unrelenting, but I do not look away.

I will watch as every scrap of her body burns to ash. I will stand for these endless, soul wrenching hours as the shell of one more is taken from me. I will endure this sorrow and crushing weight against my chest, because no matter if it was ever said or not, I loved her. That is enough for me to stand with the strength of the Praetorium at my back and see this through to the very last cinder dims to nothing.

Thankfully, Addie knows this as I see her cross the courtyard in her black and gold armor and take up a position at my side. It’s a breach of protocol given her rank, but not one person would say a word about it. Nor when she moved to wrap her arms around my waist and spoke in whispered words only we could hear.

“Tell me something good, Papa…” Those words bring back so many memories as she relies on an old game we used to play when her training would become especially grueling. Among all her frustrations and anxiety, I’d request the same of her, and refocus her mind to the positive, and now she used those tactics against me.

“I’m not so sure the-“ My words are cut off as she lifts a hand and covers my mouth in order to stop the negative train of my thoughts. I don’t even try to argue, as I know she’s a hundred times more stubborn than her old man. “Something good…the…world will no longer suffer the incompetence of the hangman?” My offering is grim to say the least, but it quirks her lips in a small amused look.

“I’ll make sure to send your regards to Lycan…” Addie whispers to me, as I pull my eyes from the pyre to look down at her. I hate that she has to be so strong for me, but I can’t help but be proud of her. Her attention snaps across the courtyard where Lord Kiden is only now beginning to mourn his fallen sister. The worry is so evident in her face, forcing the gold threads of her eyes to flash in color.

“He needs you.” “You need me, Papa…” It’s not something I can deny as I pull her closer and lay my cheek against the top of her head. “Tell -me- something good, Pixie..” I whisper, knowing we both need a distraction from our pain. “Raelin’s got it in his head that Light’s Hope isn’t good enough for the General, says he’s moving the celebration to Icecrown…the Baron’s already got jousting on the mind, and –“ “…why is that a good thing?” “Means you won’t be alone… in Eversong… like you always are after something like this…”

My daughter knows I want to bury myself in the swing of a hammer and the production of something tangible. I, however, know the look on her face that clearly states she wouldn’t be taking no for an answer. It goes unspoken, but Addie won’t be joining me, or us…and that gives her far too much worry. We both know she will not be there, and making sure I am looked after will bring her peace. How could I deny her that small thing, when I know it pains her heart to see me in such a state of despair? I can’t.

Bowing my head in resignation, I can see the tension leave Addie’s shoulders as she breathes out, casting her eyes back to the grief stricken Priest across the courtyard. It’d hard to see her hurt like this, as it is in a father’s nature to seek protection for his children, but even I can see it is built in the foundation of love she has for him. Lord Kiden and I may not see eye to eye on a great many things, but I can’t deny him and his Guardian will take care of my Addie…or that they feel the same way for her. Which, for now… is the only peace I can find.  

“Papa…” Her small hand reaches to brush away the tears that had started down my cheeks yet again. “…you were made better for having loved her, and she you….but we cannot dwell in the shadows that are left behind by her loss. She…would not have wished it… not when her sacrifice was so valiantly made.”

“Where did you learn such wisdom?” “…it is what you told me when I stood vigil over Vinnie’s pyre.”

The parallels and pain of this are written all over her face as I brush a bit of her dark hair from her face and nod in understanding of my own words that she offers back to me. “Still holds true…” I manage to croak out, looking back to the fire that still lights the courtyard.

“It does…and it’s the reason you’re going to Icecrown. Not because your heart is breaking, or because you need to find solace in the bottom of a bottle and your hammer on the anvil… but because you, as a knight, as the Commander of the Praetorium, and as someone who loved her dearly… you owe it to her to celebrate the honor and courage she had in life to make real the oath we all take.”

I have to crouch down to gather her up in my arms, pressing a kiss to the top of her head as she tucks herself in against me. “…and if I happen to unseat the Baron while doing it?”

Tipping her chin upward, the relief she feels at the quip I’ve made is obvious as our lips quirk in the same manner with amusement.  “All the better…”

I follow her gaze once again to Lord Kiden as he clings in his despair to his daughter, as I do mine. The first piece of common ground I can find in the man is our mutual love for the children we have been blessed with, and it reaffirms my decision to have sent Adilynia to him in the first place. I am reminded of my General’s request that I send someone to safeguard the last piece of her heart, and realize I have done just that.

My ultimate sacrifice was never to go down in a blaze of glory or give my life for the knights at my back, though I gladly would do so. It was in sending Adilynia to Nishan.  

“Pixie, I need your help wi-“ “Anything, Papa…” she interrupts, looking up to me with a concerned expression. “I need you to help me keep my promise to Lochlyn.” “I’ll stand right by you during the vig-“

“No…that’s not what I mean…” I begin, offering a faint smile as confusion wrinkles the bridge of her nose. “I need you to go be what she can’t anymore…to protect that last piece of her heart for me, no matter what. Not because your Commander is asking, or even your father…do it because I loved her…and because you love him.” Her somber expression becomes one of understanding as she unwinds her arms from my neck, idly flattening the hem of my tabard in reflex of so many years as a squire. “No matter what…” she echoed in her reverent tone that came with every promise and oath she made. “Love you, Papa…” “And I you…” I press one more kiss to her temple as I release her from my arms and back to Lord Kiden’s care, knowing full well my sacrifice had not been made in vain.

(( @adilynia @teren-k @lochlyn-kiden @ly-canthos @daughterofkiden for mentions!))