#i have the attention i've been chasing since 2008 and it's So Good and also be very careful what you wish for

[electricbluebutterflies]

Oh I just love when creative burnout hits...

(Tag rant below / why am I like this...)

[uglycourage]

I am officially on Hiatus from MIFIRA.

But, this is not new information. It just puts a name to the past few months of absence as well as where I'm at currently regarding the story

The lack of a laptop has been a bigger setback than I could have ever anticipated. Remember me saying a few months back that I looked forward to seeing how my writing differs when I'm hand-writing everything? I was so optimistic, so naive ... The reality is my thoughts rush almost constantly, always have. A keyboard can keep up with that, my hand and pen can not. Especially when I'm so deep into a story that already has an established flow to it

Beyond the above, what it also boils down to is -- its been impossible to come up with anything. I reread the story, I look at and add to my notes/outline. All of this, numerous times. Over and over again. The flow and motivation simply doesn't come, and I know better than to try and force it

Rest assured, the headspace for this story is not gone, it just doesnt want to come out.

I find that these sorts of things have a way of cycling back around. Maybe the less I try to chase after it, the better chances are of it returning?

In the meantime, I've lost myself to a brand new hyperfixation... a German mountain of a man I didn't know anything about prior to a month ago. Hoooooooly balls have I lost myself! I didn't think I could daydream about someone else as frequently, intensely or romantically as I do Mr. Ledger, but this is not the case, as I've so thoroughly learned

Maybe this is a good thing as it'll give Mr. Ledger a rest from my imagination so he can return as the Joker with a vengeance when I least expect it

I do believe in hyperfixation burn out... thinking or relying on someone or something so strongly and intensely that you not only lose interest in them/it quicker, but it ends abruptly and without warning. Mr. Ledger has been a daydream companion since he passed in 2008, popping in and out of my imagination and thoughts at his leisure

He's been working overtime the last 3 years. He needs a break.

I have no doubt he'll return

Does this all make sense? Or am I weirding you out?

((On an irrelevant side note, I finally figured out why I am the way I am. The mental health journey I embarked on this year isn't going the way I expected at all, but I'd never have learned the things I have about myself if the road wasn't so non-linear. If you're on a similar journey too, don't give up. Sometimes a breakthrough arrives just when you need it most)).

Back to this post-- I am writing bits and pieces of a story for my current hyperfixation, and there is a good chance I'll be posting that story when the time is right (if I can ever get over the cringe I personally feel writing RPF)

I'm mentioning all this for the sole purpose of reassuring you I've NOT abandoned MIFIRA, I've not banished it to the pits of hell, I've not assumed my uglycourage 2.0 form that has a persistent case of amnesia... ...err... um... err... what was I saying... beep boop, sneep snoop... doo doo doo... where am I , what year is it, WHO A R E Y. O. U. P E O P LE

Recap. My pulse still beats. I am officially on Hiatus from MIFIRA. New German guy hyperfixation make my brain and loins go brrrrrr! I'll probably pursue the story I have in mind. Doesn't mean I've abandoned MIFIRA. It's just that the focus/attention/motivation/flow is not there

I would rather write something than nothing at all, because at least then I'm working out that muscle. So, when Ch. 45 finally is ready to write, it will hopefully be a more seamless transition into it

I am sorry the news isn't better. I'm sorry my focus has a willpower of its own. But your girl hasn't forgotten you, your support, or this story

I'm Rick Astley, bitches.