#i have something more to say on the subject but i shan't. i fear it will be too much.

[instantartific]

on that neon j 1010 family dynamic thing post tags- I THINK I WOULD GO CRAZY IF THEY WEREN'T ALSO SOLDIERS? I don't read a ton of fic but it's important to me that like. They're family in the way that being immediately willing to die for someone makes you family. 1010 are his """"sons"""" by technicality at best, because he LITERALLY made them to some degree- He has a ""father"" style role because if they need to be taught how to navigate the world in any kind of newfound awareness (if you do this) that's his job, or because he is directly responsible for their behavior by the public-

I dunno all of these things just live in my brain all the time rent free so like. The idea of boiling them down to any kind of nuclear or normal family doesn't even register- He calls them "Troops," and I can even see him in a more casual setting saying "Boys" (it is a boyband), but that dynamic of being soldiers in the same war (literal or metaphorical) and of being a team, or perhaps a powerful unit that functions at maximum capacity at all times because they need to HAVE that kind of potency in their dynamics to perform at 110%- that's so important to me

Listen to me I am going to grab and shake you around a bit (/positive) for a minute here hang on.

Bear with me as I dig up all the things I've said about this so far and this could be significantly more but I am dragging at least this up.

If they became sentient enough to question whether the things they sing about in their songs is something they've ever actually experienced, it makes sense that they'd look back at each other and question if what they have is that kind of "love." And of course, it isn't—they don't share the things they lie about in lyrics to make the fans swoon. And even if they tried, in application, it would feel... different from what they lie about even if the actions are the same. There's something missing in that that they aren't fully grasping and they assume it must be love. They don't love the Captain and they don't love each other because they don't want to seduce the Captain (it'd be violating so many things to even attempt that with someone that isn't their rank in the first place, if we bring the military aspect into this) and it feels... not the same to seduce each other. It doesn't work cleanly. They know there's something missing that they aren't grasping. Maybe they even look for this concept within each other and find there's something but it isn't quite that because all they know is pretend. ... If you asked them, they're certainly not siblings because they can't be, but they're also not lovers because they have something missing.

...

They're not siblings. But they have the concept of a brotherhood with each other and it's complicated but it's human. They became the people that they are now in relation to one another, in each other's gravity, they've been all intertwined since they began to conceive the concept of being unique.

The relationship they all have with their Captain is mutually straightforward—he commands, they obey, and he allows them room to relax and he actually tries to speak and bond with them—but with each other? Not so much.

So, sure. Let's call them... bandmates. Sailors. Soldiers. That's what their occupations are and their relationship to each other on paper, technically.

They may still have enough of the military aspect drilled into them that 'brothers in arms' feels comfortable despite the fact that they aren't at war anymore. They might shorten that to 'brothers,' in the sense they were if they were more of unit than a boyband.

At least that's a lot less difficult for them to say.

#sometimes i like it better if 1010 never call neon 'dad' because he's... he never can be their father. by definition. #he takes care of them but that's out of necessity. they work for him in a different way now but not much has changed. #they feel different for him now than they do the concept of just that man at war. #but even that is complicated.

#they can't call him j. #or neon. that's worse. #but captain is starting to feel too formal.

#where do you go from there?

#the relationship they all have with each other is so much more complicated than that. #they can't be siblings because they've never known what siblings are #and they can't be lovers because they've never known what love is outside of what they write for the fans and they don't do that.

#so. where do they go from here? #what else is there? #calling them family just feels like it isn't enough but I don't have a term for that and neither do they.

—

Continued under cut for space:

About the reason why they still call each other brothers, even if they don't remember anything of their former lives.

Because back then, even if it was programmed into them, they were brothers. They died for each other, they killed for each other, they lived for each other. They would spill blood for blood, trade life for life, if they could.

Now... they're. Different. They don't remember anything from back then, Neon made sure of that, but they still hold each other to that same regard, and it means something now that they're able to feel that bond they all have.

They're brothers now, not because they woke up together, but because they would still die for each other, still live for each other. They just don't cause harm, not anymore.

But they're able to say it to each other and mean it now.

#they arent /family/ they're BROTHERS.

#there's such a big difference in that and it drives me insane

#especially with the dynamics i write between each individual member with one another

#them actually having very close bonds with each other is so important okay

#dont let me get into zim and rin okay they are fucking tragic and i will not stop talking about it

—

Thinking about them naturally being able to form a different-but-similar bond with Neon, that he's their Captain but he also seems to fulfil other roles for them, too, so other titles also apply.

But them having complex relationships with one another is a concept that I love.

They're sailors. They protect each other. They kill for each other. They die for each other. They live for each other, even if they don't have to anymore and even if they're dispensable.

They have a hierarchy. They're all individuals outside of one another. They're all exactly the same. The only thing "unique" is a few colors and hairstyles, and that can change.

But they're also a... a boyband. Like, a BTS-esque boyband. A boyband that sings and dances and cannot stop talking about how sexy they and each other are, apparently.

—

Bonus funny thing that would also no longer be funny if you just assume they are only exactly like family and nothing else:

If they ever do QnA's, the number of questions they'd be asked that are outright laughable. Let alone some of the more questionable letters they might get. Imagine fandom antics but they can just send mail to the idols. Imagine if they're asked questions that make them have to troubleshoot through everything they are and are not allowed to say with each other and with Neon for good measure.

[tarnishedxknight]

Gabranth shook his head, perhaps looking more afraid for just a brief moment than she'd ever seen him. "I am not willing to risk her. Not again. It is an unacceptable level of risk for me." It was not worth pushing for more when he could lose all of her, and it certainly was not worth losing her again after... well, after he'd lost her once already. By his own hand.

As Gylfie reminded him that he was allowed to spend time alone with Drace, he chuckled a bit. "That is easier said than done. She is a busy woman, even in this time. Busier than we, what with our inability to hold down a job." Drace had been cleared for field work but Gabranth had not, and neither had Gylfie. He found that incredibly insulting, not only to himself but... he was actually angry for Gylfie. How dare these people presume to know how or how well they work. It was enraging to say the least. But Drace had of course been cleared and was carrying on as an Avenger. Of course she was. She was always so solid and stable. "It may also be... less awkward with you there to break the tension between us."

What tension was he speaking of? There usually was none, but after Gabranth had been forced to kill her, he found it difficult to look her in the eye. The shame, the guilt... it was almost too much for him to bear. She hadn't blamed him at all, of course. All Drace needed to hear was the name Vayne Solidor and she understood immediately why he'd been left with no choice to do what he did. And yet, Gabranth still felt like she should hate him or fear him or... something. And that was making it difficult to talk to her now.

He felt for Gylfie, he really did. Gabranth knew her well enough by now to hear the pain in her voice, to see it in her eyes, even as she tried to hide it or hold back the full extent of it. He neither commented nor made light of it, but only expressed his sympathy. A little. Too much would be patronizing for a fine soldier such as herself. It was touching that she would share such a thing with him to help him avoid a similar fate. Truly, Gabranth felt honored. He nodded to her when she asked that he keep what she said in mind, but that she would not push him any further. He appreciated that more than he could express.

When she said it was only a sore subject and that she would join them shortly, Gabranth nodded again. "Understood," he said, not trying to keep her there any longer. He of all people knew that feeling of needing to get the hell out of somewhere fast, and he'd never want to catch Gylfie in that moment and hold her beyond her tolerance for it. He respected her in a way he wanted everyone else to do for him. He wasn't blind, he knew she wasn't alright, but he also knew there were plenty of times she'd known that he wasn't alright... and she'd let him slide on it. Now he would return the favor for her.

Gabranth watched Gylfie leave, slowly drawing in a very deep breath, holding it for a second, and then releasing it slowly. Why should he be so nervous to go have lunch with the love of his life? He put away the equipment he'd been using and made his way to the kitchen, hoping that he wouldn't have to deal with that idiot Stark or any of the others interfering in their conversation. As luck would have it, it was a bit later than usual for the others to have their lunch, and so it was only Drace there at present. "Ah, there you are," Drace said with a smile, in the middle of making herself a salad. "Ynarra isn't eating?" she asked. "She will momentarily," Gabranth replied. "She had something she needed to attend to first." "I see," Drace said, wondering if that was the truth or if Gylfie was trying to leave them alone. "There is chicken in this... cold box of theirs," she said, referring to the refrigerator. "I find it goes well in salad and does not wreak havoc upon my insides," she said with a chuckle.

"Mm. Do not eat anything called a burger," he warned her.

"I shan't. I saw one the other day. It reeked of disgusting tallow. Not what elite soldiers ought to be eating if they wish to maintain their physiques," she said a bit haughtily.

"Not at all," he agreed, delving into the refrigerator and joining her in making a salad with cold grilled chicken.

They worked in silence for a while, cutting vegetables and fruits for the salad, slicing the chicken, and making tea to go with it. When they finally settled down to eat, they each sat on either side of one corner of the communal table. After a bit of awkward silence, with Gabranth picking at his salad with his fork but not really eating it, he slowly reached out to lay his free hand over Drace's, his eyes still looking down at his salad.

Drace stopped in mid-chew, surprised by the gesture. She waited for him to say something, or to tell her the reason for this sudden bout of affection, but when nothing came, she slowly moved to put down her own fork. Leaving her hand under his, she brought her other to lay over his hand, rubbing it gently with her thumb.

Gabranth wanted to say something. He knew he should. He just... didn't know how. And oh, the fear. What if he ruined everything? What if he lost her again? He barely made it through losing her the first time with his sanity intact. Gabranth knew he wouldn't survive losing her a second time. With an almost timid innocence, he moved his other hand to lay over hers, their hands now completely sandwiched and wrapped up in each other. His head remained bowed, thought he inched himself closer to her where he sat.

Drace didn't know what to make of this. Was something wrong? Was he simply having a bad day? Was he still adjusting to the idea of having her back again after Vayne so cruelly ordered him to execute her? She supposed it could be any or all of those things, and it seemed to her that he was not going to offer an explanation at present. That was alright. She'd never pushed him beyond was he was willing to give. However, she did want him to know that she was in no way cross with him. That they were okay.

Inching closer herself, she looked around to make sure they were alone, and then left a lingering kiss on his forehead, finally bringing her own forehead down to touch his.

A sharp intake of air could be heard entering Gabranth's nose and his bottom lip trembled. How quickly and easily she could reduce him to near-tears with just the simplest of gestures. No, he would not cry now. Not out in the open like this. But for that brief moment he came damn close.

Drace sat like that with him for a while, enjoying it, enjoying this time with him, but then she began to fear for his privacy. Being caught in a moment of vulnerability by those he did not trust was something she well knew was damaging and infuriating to him. So, after a while, she slowly sat back and smiled. "Come now..." she whispered. "Let us eat. We need to keep our strength up to deal with those irritating Dalmascans." A joke, to lighten the mood, and also to give him permission to come out of his vulnerable state without having to owe her an explanation as to why it occurred in the first place.

Gabranth smiles and even chuckled slightly, nodding in agreement. She understood him so well. How could he ruin the intricacy of what they already had by professing his love for her like a smitten schoolboy? This was going to be more difficult than he anticipated...

Noah did have questions, but he respected Gylfie enough not to pry no matter how strong his curiosity was. He could, of course, discern some amount of context from the little she had said in reference to his own words, but he didn't try to figure out any more than that. At least, not right now.

"I am no stranger to risk. I do not fear it," Gabranth said, though next he sighed. "Except in rare cases where said risk is of a personal nature." Never would he have spoken of this to anyone back in Ivalice, but if he had at all, it would have been to Gylfie. And now, here in this time, there was no need for secrecy and the careful handling of information because the Empire, the war, their world... was gone.

"Happy," he repeated with some bitterness, but directed at himself, not at Gylfie. "I disagree," was all he said, for he could not support it with examples or any other information. It was just emotion, just something he felt and sensed, that her mood was always brought down in his presence. She seemed quieter, smiled less... Was he imagining it? No, he couldn't be. "You are right, Ynarra. I cannot see it. The brightness you speak of. Perhaps my own darkness obscures my sight, but that is the point. If she is made of such light, how can she be drawn to the darkness within me?"

As Gylfie said Gabranth was Drace's favorite of the two of them, he actually cracked a smile. "Well, of that I am certain, yes," he said rather playfully, casting her a side glance to see her reaction, his smile lingering. "But even so, favoritism does not equate to... whatever you think she feels for me." Favoritism does not equal love.

Drace came over to speak with them and... gods, her smile. The way it lit up her face. If there was one good thing about the lack of daily helms in this time, it was this, being able to see Drace smile more often than he ever could before. He'd forgotten to school his expression in front of Gylfie, and once Drace had left, he realized he was in for a terrible teasing. "Nonsense. She would love to have you join us for lunch." That was the truth, actually, he thought. "No, we... we do not need time alone." Gods, if he could only have time alone with her.

They hadn't... been together privately since Ivalice. Since... he'd been forced to kill her. She'd taken the news well, he thought, better than he would have himself, and yet... she seemed more concerned with his well-being than with her own at hearing such a terrible thing. He was certain she had to be angry, or feel betrayed, or something, but... she'd given him no indication of such. Or she'd hidden it expertly well. It nagged at him, though, the idea that she might distance herself from him now, knowing what he was capable of doing to her.

His thoughts were interrupted as Gylfie began to speak, though, and once he realized just what it was she was trying to tell him, he fell silent, not wanting to interrupt. Gabranth absolutely realized the gravity of her sharing this obviously personal pain with him, and he would never seek to betray the trust she was placing in him now by treating it as anything less than desperately private information.

So Gylfie had once been in love with a woman. It surprised him a bit, perhaps, only because he hadn't expected it. Other than that, it made no difference to him, nor did it make him think any less or different of her. Her business was her own, and there was no more private business than whom one chose to love. He would leave her to it, just as she left him to- Well, alright, she was nosing a bit into his and Drace's business, but Gabranth knew she was doing so to help them, and because she cared.

And that was what tempered him a bit and made him even more willing to listen to her. Despite that he had a number of years on her, far more experience, and had considered himself to rarely ever need the help of others, Gabranth realized now that Gylfie was not only meddling playfully in the affairs of her two beloved mentors for the sake of playing matchmaker. She was trying to save him from making the same heartbreaking mistakes she had. It was as clear as day to him right then, and he understood why he needed to force himself to speak with Drace.

"I am not sorry for the wisdom that experience afforded you, for it will serve you well in the future," Gabranth said a long moment after Gylfie had finished. His mood now seemed somber and sedate, of the kind one had when a profound realization had crept into one's reality. "But I am sorry for the pain. You... are right. I should not assume what Drace feels or does not feel, and neither should I shy away from speaking with her on the subject." Another quiet moment, and then, "I thank you... for sharing something that intimately painful with me. I am honored that you would do so, and grateful that you think enough of me and of Drace that you would share it to save us a similar pain."

He'd meant every word of that, and as Gylfie tried to gracefully excuse herself to no doubt collect herself and regain her composure, Gabranth simply couldn't let her go that easily. "Gylfie..." he said very softly, lowering his voice so only she would hear. "Are you alright?" He was neither coddling her nor patronizing her. He genuinely wanted to make sure she was okay before she left. "You will join us when you are ready... yes?" he then said, wanting her to know that she was welcome. With that, he let her go.