#i have money but i'd rather save it for important life stuff

[helenofsimblr]

Cat: I do like bonus points! I hope it's painless for your sake, Franny. I need to make you aware of Kali's tactics so far. She's a maniac, supped up on some kind of mystery drug and she's irrational.

Elita: Francine checked her notepad which had some polaroids of the ruined house.

Francine: I've heard she's a bit spicy, and while I am sorry for my unfortunate colleagues, that is gold in terms of building our case. Your soon to be ex wife isn't the brightest lamp in the street is she?  And drugs? Let me write that down, do you have any idea what she's hooking up on? I mean, I am guessing it's got to be some serious steroids or something?

Cat: She's military trained, it was a drug tested by the military for super soldiers. I was told that it was discontinued and canceled, but she got a hold of it somehow. She came to me on a work trip to Sulani ripped like an ancient God... when I left her she was half that size.  tried to hide herself and made a fool of me in front of important people on the island. I came back here right before the station dropped and was unable to return home. She would have rather me risk my life getting home than to say goodbye to me on the phone... I wish I'd thought to record that, what she said was awful. Sorry, I'm rambling.

Francine: Don't apologise, we need these details. 

****

Francine: Well she's obviously changed - not for the better - and if this is some military thing... actually, Nickie Catzenburg was at a press conference ranting about super soldiers... I digress..., she is clearly causing you a lot of emotional and mental duress… you look very tired.

Cat: I am tired. Kali’s just been lurking and it's driven me a bit mad. I'm terrified she's going to hurt me and more terrified she's going to hurt you for me talking to you. You seem young, but come with high praise. I just want to be free of her and get myself a good long restraining order, grab my stuff and run. I just want to be free. Even the police have been avoiding me now as of late... though one fellow keeps in touch, Officer Jimmy. He's the only one who keeps checking in on me.

Francine: Ah, I have heard on the grape vine he is getting married to Lysa Robinson... he's a brave man...anyway... if you want a restraining order then we're going to go in for a "fault divorce." That is, we're going to say it's mostly if not ENTIRELY, Kali's fault that the marriage ended. We will be using a variety of methods to highlight that, so they will be given the chance to settle out of court based on what we will compile, or they go to court, and we air some seriously dirty laundry in public.

****

Cat: That Jimmy? Oh gods.. Lyra is a great friend of mine since childhood. I had no idea he was that Jimmy. I'm going to have Lyra tell him to stay away from me. Lysa has a daughter now. What else can I do to help you, Franny? If we can get this going. I will buy you a round of drinks in celebration.

Francine: So, for our restraint we want no contact via any currently existing or yet to exist forms of communication. We want your stuff. I will need some details of what that “stuff” is, but you can send that to my assistant.

Cat: I don't care about the house, I just want my clothes, some pictures and a few bits and pieces. I've already pulled my savings and put it in another bank account anyway. I did all that I could to manually separate me from her.

Francine: Ok that's great, now usually the house and the money is divided evenly however in this case we will be making an appeal that given the damage caused to the furnishings and other chattels that we want the full value of those savings as compensation for mental and emotional disruption. 

[friendlylocaloracle]

what do you mean by what you said in your last post about 'physics with feelings'? how can feelings have physics

oh gosh. okay. let's bake.

all things are defined by points of contact with other things. everything is everything else. you are your emotions. what you do is symbolic of who you are.

that's it, really. so let's go.

-all things are defined by points of contact with other things. "all things" refers to everything. literally everything. what makes a thing a thing? how it interacts with other things. "interaction" here is pretty broad. bump an object? sure, that's an interaction. looking at the words on my screen? also an interaction. i think the simplest way i can define an interaction is with quantum mechanics. no no wait come back i'm serious-- everybody is all freaked out about quantum shit. it's the pinnacle of science. there's a certain amount of collective awe at it that leads to the equivalent of mental gawking. it is sci-fi's gimmick of choice. i'm going to tell you, right now, that it's super simple. everything is everywhere until it is somewhere. that's it. i'd have a phd if academia wasn't a unique kind of hell. the relation here is that a particle, in transit, is effectively nowhere. a beam of light has to hit something. (like, say, your ocular nerve.) there's a notion running around that somehow looking at something changes it--like if you don't look then the thing is not changed. this makes it sound like you matter in the interaction. you don't. a particle just has to make contact for it to be in a place. (this isn't the only thing i feel that physics (or, rather, physicists) have, perhaps overcomplicated, but this is actually a post about feelings and i should probably get back to those. just take from this that nonphysical reality becomes real upon contact.)

-everything is everything else. this has a similar physicsy root as points of contact. break everything down until it's as deep as you can go, and it's all fundamentally the same stuff. when you combine the things, you get different stuff with new properties, but it still inherits the properties of the old stuff. the pure form of this is a fractal. self-similar at every level; eventually you go so deep you loop back around. what's important about fractals is that they form a complex image that follows a comparatively simple pattern. (the patterns can also be pretty. my picture is a fractal.) this system of simple patterns creating complex structure can also be loosely applied to physical reality. everything is made of the same stuff; the ways that they interact follow the same set of rules; you can translate the rules across things. this is how metaphors work. so let's take a break. what are you? not who are you, though i suppose that question is similar. i'm going to propose a simple answer. you come from the dirt; you go back to the dirt. humanity at large has put a ton of effort into distancing themselves from that idea. people think they are so fucking great. they are better than the dirt. they will leave their mark on the dirt, and that mark is very special. if you do the right things, you too can overcome the dirt. i think this is just a very special delusion. if there was ever something that society was successful at, it would be the production of superiority complexes. money does not save you from the dirt. fame does not save you from the dirt. collectively, life goes on. individually, the dirt wins. ...but that's not really what you are. you float on the dirt. you steer the dirt. you're tethered to the dirt, but you and the dirt aren't the same. we'll call you a soul: the who in the what. but then we're looping back to the original question. what are you? i propose that you're a bit of nonreality floating on that dirt. you and the dirt work together to cheat a little. you follow the weird quantum rules rather than the boring classical rules. the dirt keeps you from dying upon contact with anything, and you let the dirt cheat the rules. (i hear an object at rest is supposed to stay at rest, but i can just stand up and go somewhere else whenever i want. i'm going to get a pizza right now, in clear denial of the laws of physics.)

yum. -you are your emotions. now we get to talk about who you are. how are you feeling? what would you like to do? where do you want to be? these are all, at their core, emotional questions. emotions are an internal representation of your state of being. your feelings tell you about you. it comes hand in hand with existence. "i feel, therefore i am" is probably a better representation of the phrase since we now live in a world where rocks can think. emotions are the barrier through which you interact with reality and reality acts on you. suppression distorts this barrier. you lose connection to both yourself and the world, and, given enough time and pressure, it starts affecting you whether you like it or not.

-what you do is symbolic of who you are. this is the part where i might flop on my face. the thing is, usually when people are talking about emotions, they're talking about very surface level shit. "i'm happy!" "i'm MAD >:(" and then, because emotional suppression is society's most successful failure, you embrace the "good" feelings and ignore the "bad" ones. the result of this is a society filled with boring, shallow people. people who have not meaningfully emotionally developed since high school (perhaps before then, too), people who dove headfirst into what society was selling the moment they realized society was selling something, people who don't understand themselves and, thus, understand almost nothing. what i'm trying to say is that if your feelings pleasantly fit onto one of those happy/sad/mad lists, you probably kind of suck. there remain major social benefits to being emotionless and indistinct. suppress yourself as a person and immerse yourself into the wealth cults. be the blandest person you can be so you're marketable to all the other shallow people. the result of this is a society with no meaningful interactions. sit in your box content with your revenue stream while you wait to die.

[starsmuserainbow]

Sorry for going so very, very much off-anyrealtopic here. This is not IC, not about anyone here but myself, I just need to get something off my chest about, well, in a way personal stuff but also, societies or idk what exactly, and this is my place to get stuff out.

Idk what I should tag this as, so consider this the only "warning" I can give. Simple said, it's probably better if you don't click the readmore. I probably won't feel comfortable having shared all this by tomorrow or at least next week or something, anyway.

Why. Why why why do things always have to be about money? Always, everything.

I never mention this on here really, and I don't wanna go into details here either, but basically, I don't have my own income and live through support from my family. Not that my family is rich, very much the opposite, it's basically that everyone gives up some things just for me so that I can live like this. Which, I do feel horrible for, but I also do not want to give up the "state of life" I'm in/having currently. Don't ask me to explain (if you do ask, I might try to explain my thoughts a little, but I don't really wanna make this too prominent a topic on my blog because in the end that's not what anyone is here for), judge me if you must, but I just felt the need to add this for clarification or something. Idk. I wish I could properly talk about this to anyone but if I myself feel horrible about it - not sure if by my own conscience or what, or more because of knowing and having heard often enough what other people think of this type of living - and I know what the "common sense" about these things is, how am I supposed to even consider properly talking about this to anyone.

Why is it so difficult for states or whatever to just make it so everyone, absolutely everyone, gets just enough money to come by? For all these important things like food, healthcare and, idk, power and warmth or something, and like, just the bare minimum. Without any need for anyone to "do" something for it alike applying for jobs or doing side jobs or whatever. Just a general funding to keep people alive and okay. Like, if it's just for really the bare minimum with very little leeway for anything out of the ordinary (maybe if you save up for a while you can afford some new machine or device or whatever, the likes, but basically it takes a while to save anything much), I'm sure not many people would be happy or satisfied with it, and outside of that I think that most people actually want to and "have to" work out of what they themselves feel the need/urge to do "with their lives" or something anyway, so "everyone would do it then" is not an explanation. And like, those like me, that just want to live and experience some (small) things here and there that I can save up for if I do so really carefully, could live in peace with that and without having to be forced into things and suffering through like idk shtty work or not being able to pay for whatever necessary stuff, or something.

I just, I just. I just want to live in peace, be able to eat and survive and play some games and/or do my writing and iconing and watch shows or whatever. I don't need travels or big events or anything like that, I just want to live my life on my own - well, with my family, but, yknowwhatImean. I don't want much. I don't need much. I know I'm not social. I never was. I always was a loner, I never liked being among people (except for family, which is different). I have no (RL-)friends. I like my online-"friends" or contacts, I don't need more or anything else.

I wish there'd be an easy way to have like a little bit of (passive?) income through whatever online or the likes way so I could live this life I want, without having to live off of others. If it would be possible, I'd rather live "off the state" than off my family, but it's not as simple as it might sound.

If anyone actually reads this, I'm already expecting to get/hear, idk, insults or mean comments or something about being lazy and whatever, or who knows if I get especially unlucky many of you will decide that they don't want a person like this on their following/mutual-list and I end up having like no mutuals anymore by tomorrow or whatever, but, something brought all this back up inside of me today and I just have to scream it into the void somewhere.

[lachiennearoo]

AIGHT AIGHT HERE IT IS (I'll provide an HD pic later, this is all I have for now)

My Tav was raised among her kind (Tieflings). Most of her family was paladins, and she always grew up wanting to be one as well. Her biological parents died when she was very young, so it was the village as a whole that raised her. The kindness of those around her made her want to be just like them. She didn't have any real school teachings growing up, but she did still learn how to read and write and do magic, at the very least, since it was important for her to do so at least if she wanted to be a Paladin when she grew older. I assume something happened to the village she was in that solidified her need for justice and to protect the weak (maybe it was attacked or something like that and she was one of the few survivors). After that happened, she mostly just made money like she does in the game; scavenging corpses and selling whatever she could find for some gold. She did enjoy keeping a few things, usually stuff that had an emotional importance to the person who died like a love letter, a painting or a locket. She used to have a bag filled with those things, which she'd look at once in a while to remind herself of the diversity of the world and how fragile yet beautiful life is. She usually would try to remember the people's names who died, wanting them to be remembered by at least her, if no one else. One of her favorite childhood memories would probably be play-fighting with the other kids and adults in her village.

Once she turned 18, she was officially sworn into the Paladin class. She always wanted to be one, and so of course, the process was easy.

She'd had some crushes here and there, but she'd never properly dated anyone, let alone have sex. She was too busy with other things most of the time, and didn't think she would have time for a relationship, no matter how much she might've wanted one (and later on, she just didn't think it'd be safe to have a relationship). When she was taken by the Mind Flayers she was probably scavenging for loot. Her greatest skill is probably her persuasion. She's not cunning or anything, but she's good at knowing what people want and make them feel at ease around her (a leftover of her teachings from the village). Yeah, it's also true in-game lmao, I've avoided a lot of fights and conflict just by saying the right thing. Her biggest weakness is probably her want to always sacrifice herself to save others. She'd rather take all the blows if it means it'll spare others from doing so. And… Yeah lmao I keep using Forced Duel for Tav during fights cause I'd rather she get hit than others since she's more resilient. Tav doesn't really believe in anything other than what she was taught as a Paladin, but she doesn't mind that other people believe other things either. As long as the person is a good one and believes in good things, she won't really care what it is (for example, she doesn't like the whole Shar vs Seluna thing much because it breeds conflict, although she mostly just feels pity for Shadowheart, rather than anger, and of course she knows not to pry at it too much unless Shadowheart wants to) Tav likes the wilderness. She finds it all very beautiful, and of course, the best way to get free loot (with plants and mushrooms and the likes).

Tav doesn't really like the city. Too many people. Too much stress. Constantly feeling like something is gonna happen and she won't be able to stop it.

Tav hates the tadpole. She knows it can bring some benefits like mind reading and the likes, but overall she'd rather have it be gone. It feels wrong to have it in her. Her mind feels strangely empty and hollow whenever it squirms around. There's nothing good that comes out of a parasite in your eye, y'know, no matter how tempting it may be. Tav doesn't enjoy killing, but she does it if it's necessary and there's no other option. Very often, after the fact, she'll pray for them, or at the very least apologize for killing them. Every death on her conscience is like a weight, and sometimes she wonders if it'll come back to haunt her, like karma. Tav is pretty good at lying, but she'd rather not do it unless it's the only choice left between that and a fight. When talking to people, she'd prefer being honest about her feelings. Her greatest fear is probably to lose someone she loves, especially during battle (regardless of if they're friend, family, loved one…) I guess Tav just wants peace. She wishes people weren't so quick to fighting, and would actually listen and be willing to understand each other Her biggest regret is not having been strong enough to protect her village when it was attacked (Can't say anything about romance yet cause I haven't gone there yet), but uh Tav's best friends are definitely Shadowheart and Gale. She would probably relate to Fallen Angel from Three Days Grace, and It's On Again from Alicia Keys

She usually seems pushy, preachy and has a stick up her ass, because she wants everyone to calm tf down and be nice. Lots of people would probably say she "ruins all the fun". She doesn't really care what others think of her though. She sticks to her creed and her duties no matter what

Tav doesn't have anything with her right now, since she lost everything after the Mind Flayers, but she would like to have something. Tav HAAATES getting ordered around, ESPECIALLY if it's by strangers or people she hates. However, if the person is nice enough and/or she knows them, she might be willing to listen a lil bit more. Especially if it's about something important. Overall tho, she'd prefer to do her own thing and make her own decisions. She works well under pressure, especially during fights. It makes her more powerful… Although it might also make her decision making a bit more brash (and that's usually when other people's opinions come in handy) If I had to tell Tav anything, it'd probably be "Calm down. Take a deep breath. Take care of yourself and your own well being. You don't have to carry the whole world on your shoulder. Let your friends help you too, okay? If you collapse, and you're alone, there won't be anything there to help you get back up." (Can't comment on the last one cause I haven't finished the game yet)

30 Questions for your Tav

These questions can be used as an Ask Game or just answering them all for fun character development!

(Dark Urge edition here)

What was your Tav’s place of birth and raising like?

What relationship did your Tav have with their family/guardian(s) growing up? Has that changed with age?

Did your Tav receive any formal or informal education? If yes, how well did they learn? If no, why not?

What hobbies does your Tav have? How did they acquire these interests?

Did your Tav have any formal or informal employment? If yes, what was their job? If no, how did they make ends meet? How did they feel about it?

What is your Tav’s favourite childhood memory?

What circumstances led to your Tav becoming their Class/Subclass?

Did your Tav have any romantic and/or sexual relationships prior to their illithid adventure? If yes, who was it with and what was it like? If no, how did they feel about being single?

What was your Tav doing when they were taken by the mind flayers?

What would your Tav consider to be their greatest skill? Is this accurate?

What would your Tav consider to be their greatest flaw? Is this accurate?

What opinion does your Tav have about the Gods?

How does your Tav feel about the wilderness?

How does your Tav feel about the city?

What motivates your Tav to either embrace or resist the tadpole?

How does your Tav feel about killing?

How good of a liar is your Tav? How do they feel about lying?

What is your Tav’s greatest fear?

What is your Tav’s greatest desire?

What is your Tav’s greatest regret?

How does your Tav feel about love?

Has your Tav become particularly close to anyone romantically and/or platonically in their journey? If so, who, and what is the relationship like? If no, why not?

What are 2-3 songs that your Tav would relate to?

What first impression does your Tav give off to strangers?

How does your Tav feel about what others think of them?

Does your Tav have a treasured item with them? If yes, what is it and why is it special? If no, how do they feel about item sentimentality in general?

How does your Tav feel about giving and receiving orders?

How well does your Tav function under pressure?

What advice would you give to your Tav?

What are your Tav’s intentions/goals after the end of the game?

[jillslife]

Having a rest day was a good idea - Jill feels better already when she wakes up the next morning.

She decides to plant the mysterious berry she fished up a few days ago... and wonders what will grow. Is there such a thing as hornberries?

On her usual forage run the birdies gift her another fish to sell - every simoleon counts!

On her way into town she runs into Rahul.... running? Rahul: "Hey, nice to see you!" Jill: "Hey Rahul! What are you doing here?"

Rahul: "I have the weekend off so I slept in today and did my morning run a little late..." Jill: "Oh, you do this every day?" Rahul: "Yeah. It's important to stay fit! Eat healthy, do some workouts... it does wonders for the mind, too." Jill: "So are you feeling better than yesterday?"

Rahul: "Lots. This was actually what I was fighting about with my mother.... she wants me to go into politics at university but I'd rather do something with fitness or nutrition...." Jill: "So she wants you to follow in her footsteps, take on the role of Mayor?"

Rahul: "Probably, but it's my life. And with the money I make with the deliveries, I can even pay for it on my own. That's what I told her yesterday. There's still some time to think about what I want, but I'm pretty sure by now." Jill: "When are you starting Uni?" Rahul: "If I get accepted to Foxbury for the Health and Fitness Science classes, I will start some time next year... I still need to save up some money."

Jill: "Well, it's good to know that you feel better today... I'm really sorry by the way, I haven't been around much... trying to save up that money for the lot." Rahul: "I understand. It's just... nevermind. Hey, what are you doing tomorrow?" Jill: "Nothing much, probably the same as the last few days... fishing, foraging, selling stuff..."

Rahul: "It's Flower Fest tomorrow... how about you take the day off and come by, we could hang out."

Jill: "Oh, I almost forgot.... I love Flower Fest! I used to bake so many cookies with my mom when she was still at home..." Rahul: "We could do that if you want." Jill: "I would love that. I'll be around at noon, is that okay? Still need to take care of the plants..." Rahul: "Sounds perfect. See you tomorrow?" Jill: "Sure! Have a nice run"

Rahul [laughing]: "Thanks!"

[dear-mrs-otome]

Are there romantic moments in Silvio's route? Since he's such a tsundere mess I can't imagine him being sweet😂

He is absolutely a tsundere mess. Probably the worst one I've seen from Cybird...ever.

If you're looking for romantic moments, they're few and far between and probably not as mushy as you'd hope for. Maybe we'll be better rewarded with the romantic end! But they do exist, especially when you start to read between the Silvio lines. The most obvious one is probably the scene I talked about here where Silvio very sweetly fusses over Emma a bit. Earlier in the scene he also leaped out of his seat and freaked out a bit when he thought she'd cut herself.

The only real soft stuff usually happens when he thinks she's not able to see. There's a part where she gets herself drunk in his room and he very carefully lays her out on his sofa and is just kind of stroking her cheeks as she's sleeping and generally silently simping as he wonders what she's dreaming about so happily - only for that all to get ruined when she says Rio's name in her sleep. In the end CG he thought she was asleep in his arms as he lay there stroking her hair and admitting aloud how cute she is and how he's totally gone on her. (hint: she was not actually asleep and he wanted to die upon discovering this) Badly wanting to cuddle her but only knowing how to by bullying her into it.

But mostly his brand of affection is shown in smaller ways. Going from taking her out to an exceedingly fancy dinner that made her uncomfortable to taking her out to a local sort of dive bar and dressing down, somewhere a commoner would feel more at ease. Choosing the place because he heard they had good desserts and women like those right???

Buying her new clothes so she fits in a the auction house better. Blushing at how pretty she looks when she's smiling happily in the rose garden. Secretly adoring her food, even if he tsundere has to say it's okay - but refusing to let anyone take it and wanting to eat any dish she makes (and also jealously guarding the food or her feeding anyone else, Carlo you almost didn't get dinner).

Freaking out when he hears she's out with Keith and probably in danger, and rescuing her from that. Freaking out when he hears she's been taken and walking right out of the middle of everyone greeting his father's arrival in Rhodolite, spending his money and time and effort tracking her down and rescuing him herself. Freaking out when...well, pretty much any time she's even remotely in harm's way.

Offering her advice and help and insight in the ways that he can with his hands tied as they are (which is one of my favorite things of the route). He knows she Belle, she knows he knows she's Belle, but neither of them can admit it for their own reasons. Hers being obvious, and his being that he has to maintain plausible deniability basically so he can continue to not obey his father's commands. Rather, he'll come to her and say something like....the situation is X right now. If I were Belle, I'd consider something like Y or Z... And she'll say GOOD IDEA, er...if I were Belle or something that is.

Yeeting the both of them out of the castle with practically nothing but the clothes on their backs, knowing full well he's potentially giving up everything for her - his position as prince, probably even his life, all because he can't stomach her having to shoulder all this political disaster alone and can't forget how she'd seemed to have so much faith in him. Finally opening up for the first time to anyone and confiding in her how insecure he feels about himself AND ASKING HER HELP AND SUGGESTIONS ON HOW TO MAKE HIMSELF A BETTER PERSON. Admitting that saving a tiny country like Rhodolite technically makes no political or economical sense but he can't NOT do so...simply because he likes it and because she does. Because sometimes business can be personal. Because it's the right thing to do...and because the most important thing to him is her smile.

[zodiyack]

Rude! (3,000+ Follower Fic Special 1/3)

Pairing: Billy Hargrove x Female!Hopper!Reader

Warnings: Swearing, Billy stuff, lyrics, fluff

Song: Rude by Magic!

Words: 1,798

Summary: Billy's love for Hopper's daughter is too strong to be stopped by the tough Chief Jim Hopper. Despite being told "not in a thousand years", he plans to love her regardless.

Note: Thank you so so much! I love you all, and writing your ideas, as well as sharing mine with you, has been so fucking fun and amazing! I'm sorry for my lack of words, I wish being an author came in handy with writing this, however, all I can say is that I love you all from the bottom of my heart. I've seen people do shout-outs, and ask-related stuff with their follower things, and I may do that, I'm not sure. For now, I hope you enjoy this... Thank you all, again!

Also 1/3 means that there will be two other fics released for the 3,000+ follower present!

Taglist: @urie-bowie-mercury, @matth1w, @redspaceace-writes, @fandom-puff, @darling-i-read-it, @simonsbluee, @sebastianstanslefteyebrow, @dpaccione

Masterlist | Stranger Things Masterlist

"Saturday morning, jumped out of bed and put on my best suit. Got in my car and raced like a jet all the way to you. Knocked on your door with my heart in my hands, to ask you a question, 'cause I know that you're an old-fashioned man. Yeah."

Billy was freshly graduated, working as a lifeguard whilst his girlfriend worked her own job, both saving up for their chance to ditch Hawkins and move to California. Sweet Cali. Billy was excited to show the love of his life around the place he called home. Though, physically, he left the salty ocean and windy beach behind, the place never truly left him.

You could see it in his eyes. The waves crashing in his blue orbs. He swore the scent had just barely clung to his belongings; the smell of the tangy air that followed a majority of the state. Working at a pool was the closest he got to the memory of California. Chlorine was most certainly not the salted ocean waters, but with the circumstances, he decided it'd do.

The way his face lit up whenever he talked about his home...it made Y/n more and more excited to see it. His girlfriend had grown up in Hawkins, stayed there her whole life. Never once did the Hoppers leave Hawkins.

But the second that was introduced to Billy, he knew it had to change.

Although they were saving for a big move, Billy had...other things in mind with what to do with his first large pay-check (or series, rather. Working as a lifeguard didn't pay well with just one check). He began to work more shifts to make up for the money he'd spent, and one day after calling in for a day off, he decided to put his plan into action.

"Billy, stop messing with the tie."

"It's annoying." Hands slapped away his attempts of adjusting the black silk tie.

"Well it won't stop being annoying if you keep fucking it up."

For the first time in a long time, Neil Hargrove was calm. Not happy, not amused, not pissed off for some unjust reason- just calm. He wasn't wreaking havoc and he wasn't being an asshole to his son. Billy hadn't seen this side of his dad in quite some time, in fact, he thought something important was going on and he was about to fuck it all up. And then, Susan retreated to the living room with a camera and a freshly ironed suit.

"You're not putting me in that."

"And who asked for your opinion?" Neil deflected with a raised brow. One heavy sigh later and Billy was leaving the bathroom, dawning the whole black and white getup.

Susan clasped her hands over her mouth, a tear leaving her eye, "You look so handsome! Just like your dad!"

Billy rolled his eyes, "Great."

However, his careless attitude was swept under the rug when the blue Camaro pulled up to the police station, interrupting a clearly distressed Chief Hopper bickering with his daughter. Billy had to get himself together before stepping out of the car, jaw slack after seeing the beauty he got to call his date.

"Hello Mr-"

"Don't even try play nice with me, Hargrove. She's not going anywhere with you. End of story." Hopper kept his eyes trained on the blond, body tense like a snake preparing to strike it's prey.

Y/n grabbed Billy's arm, slowly directing him to the car, "And in the sequel, we find out I am going with Billy. End of that story."

"There is no 'sequel.' The writer got drunk and lazy." She paused, turning to face her father who stood tall, arms crossed and face unamused.

"So his daughter picked up where her father left off, and then the sequel was published and the two lived happily ever after, the end."

While her dad attempted to search for a line that would better hers and force her to stay, she pushed Billy toward the driver's side and slid into the car as fast as she could, rolling down the window as Billy started it up. "Bye! I'll be back before midnight!"

The two drove off toward the school, leaving behind a trail of dust and very, very, pissed off Hopper.

Prom was better than Billy thought it would be. He didn't want to go at first, but after Max found out and spoke to her mom about it (the little redhead a cupid-in-the-making), Neil pushed him to go (as he was "doing something else besides being a lazy-no-good rebel"). It was then that he called Y/n and asked if she'd be going.

The suit came in handy. Clashing with his rocker aesthetic, he put it back on once more. The once-annoying tie proved to be somewhat okay in the end.

Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life? Say yes, say yes, 'cause I need to know. You say I'll never get your blessing "till the day I die, tough luck my friend, but the answer is no!"

Why you gotta be so rude? Don't you know I'm human too? Why you gotta be so rude? I'm gonna marry her anyway. Marry that girl, marry her anyway! Marry that girl, yeah, no matter what you say! Marry that girl, and we'll be a family! Why you gotta be so rude?

With a deep breath, he ran-over the conversation in his head once more. Like a script for an actor, he had thought of every possible outcome and every possible line for him to face it with. He almost chickened out as his fist rose to the door, but it was too late, for his knuckles rapped against it before he realized he was even knocking.

El opened the door, eyes wide when she saw the familiar mullet and button-down. "Papa..." She muttered as she backed away and out of view.

Hopper traded places with her, his lazy expression sobering up instantaneously, replaced with a grumpy scowl. "Hargrove."

"Mr. Hopper, sir."

"What are you doing on my front porch?"

He swallowed roughly, palms sweaty against his sides. "I was wondering if I could talk to you."

"You seem to be doing just that right now, Hargrove." Hop crossed his arms and clenched his jaw.

Well, this was certainly not something Billy had thought of. He was on panic mode internally, attempting to find any response that could save his hide and accomplish what he set out to do. Unfortunately, the word-vomit button seemed to be misplaced under the button labeled "help".

"I'd like to marry your daughter, sir."

Hop's eyes grew just as big in size as El's had when she opened the door. He choked on his own surprise, coughing it off, then glaring at the boy in front of him. "Over my dead body, Hargrove. If that's all, I'd strongly advise you to get off of my fucking porch while you're still alive."

I hate to do this, you leave no choice; can't live without her. Love me or hate me, we will be boys- standing at that alter. And we will fly away, to another galaxy, you know. You know she's in love with me, she will go anywhere I go-

"Billy, he's just stubborn."

"No, no, I don't think he likes me."

Y/n sighed, rubbing her boyfriend's back. He hadn't told her of his proposal plans, only that Hop seemed to have it out for him. "It'll take time, but he'll warm up to you!"

"It's been how many years since he's met me?"

"To be fair, your reputation wasn't doing you any good until now..."

"It's not like that was fucking obvious." He slouched further down in the front seat of his Camaro. To Billy, all hope was lost. If he couldn't get Hopper to give him his blessing, he was sure he'd lose his goddamned mind.

Y/n frowned. Her frown flipped around as an idea popped into her head, her lips finding Billy's knuckles and quirking his attention. "Even if he never likes you, I'm not going anywhere."

Billy laughed softly, "he'll fucking kill me if you go against him."

"Eh, that's only if he can catch us."

"You're out of your fucking mind, Y/n Hopper."

"I know."

The rest of the night was spent in the Camaro, of course, doing one of Billy's favorite pastimes. By the time the sun rose, Billy was sneaking a kiss to a giggling Y/n before dropping from her window in the cabin and running to his car, parked far enough that Hop or El wouldn't notice. He blew her one more kiss, which she pretended to catch, then he broke into a sprint.

Maybe, he thought, just maybe; there was still a chance.

His knuckles hit the door again, shifting on his feet nervously. It swung open to reveal Hopper, an unimpressed look bringing no surprise Billy's way. It was quite expected, honestly.

"What." His tone made it clear he wasn't up for fucking around.

"Mr. Hopper, if you just give me one chance to prove to you that-"

"No, no, no, no, no. Let me make it very clear to you that I want you to have nothing to do with my daughter whatsoever. No marriage, no friendship, I don't even approve of you guys fucking or whatever-"

"We're in a serious relationship, sir. It's nothing like you think it is."

This made Hop laugh. He continued to do so, holding his stomach, until he realized Billy was unamused. "Oh, you're serious?... My answer is still no, Hargrove. My answer will always be no. Go find someone else's daughter's heart to break. You're not hurting mine."

"It's not like-"

Before he could even get the words out, he was met with a door in his face. Turned down, again.

Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life? Say yes, say yes, 'cause I need to know. You say I'll never get your blessing "till the day I die, tough luck my friend, 'cause the answer's still no!"

Why you gotta be so rude? Don't you know I'm human too? Why you gotta be so rude? I'm gonna marry her anyway. Marry that girl, marry her anyway! Marry that girl, yeah, no matter what you say! Marry that girl, and we'll be a family! Why you gotta be so rude, rude?

Again, again, and again, Billy incessantly pleaded with Hopper. Different tactics were all met with the same answer; rejection.

He held up a sign outside the cabin, only for Hopper to close the curtain and chuckle as he sipped his coffee.

He asked at the door again, only for Hop to threaten to give him a black eye (which was met with "aren't you the sheriff? Isn't that illegal?").

He raced past the police station, Max leaning out the window with another sign, only for Hop to threaten them with holding cells.

He even went as far as to ask Max and El to help, but Hopper had none of that, and sent Max home with a rant full of nos.

However, if Jim Hopper thought any of it would get it into Billy's head that getting his blessing was just not happening- he was as wrong as Nancy when she claimed not to have feelings for Jonathan.

Billy had another plan in mind, and this one was impossible to say no to.

Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life? Say yes, say yes, 'cause I need to know. You say I'll never get your blessing "till the day I die, tough luck my friend- but no still means no!"

"Hopper." Billy stood before his desk, interrupting his nice date with a delicious doughnut, and earning a very annoyed glare. "I got Miss Byer's blessing. Aren't you two a thing?"

"You son of a-"

"I got Eleven's too."

"Hargrove, I'm gonna-"

"Before you cuss me out, I think you should know that I've got a stable job, an interview with a mechanic so I have a job when the pool closes for the winter, and I've got a house on the market I'm looking at. I'm devoted to your daughter and she's devoted to me. You may not like me, but I think you're a great dad, better than the one I was unfortunately stuck with. You raised a strong and amazing woman. She's incredible and I admit, she deserves better than me-"

"You don't have to say that twice." Hopper huffed, crossing his arms.

"I know she deserves so much better than me, I'm surprised she's even with me too. But she loves me, and I think you can see that. I love her too. I would never, in a million years, break her heart."

Jim stayed silent for a few minutes. The silence brought uneasiness to Billy, but that was intentional on Hopper's behalf. He finally piped up with a cough, clearing his throat, before his piercing eyes met Billy's blue orbs.

"I'll hold you to that, Hargrove."

Why you gotta be so rude? Don't you know I'm human too? Why you gotta be so rude? I'm gonna marry her anyway. Marry that girl, marry her anyway! Marry that girl, yeah, no matter what you say! Marry that girl, and we'll be a family! Why you gotta be so rude? Why you gotta be so rude?

Bonus:

(after the wedding)

"What was that about a no?" Billy quipped with his infamous smirk.

"You're lucky I'm sheriff, Hargrove."

Why you gotta be so rude?

[blazehedgehog]

Not a question, but I did want to drop in and say that it is really good to see you hitting a bit of a rhythm with your latest content. I know it's probably especially tough with what's been going on in your personal life, but keep it up. You have the talent to create content that people really want to see. Even if it's only once per month or even less frequently, keep it consistent. Get in that groove. Myself and others are eagerly awaiting your future content. Thanks for the dedication.

No problem. I'd like to keep doing this as long as I can but there's obviously a lot of stress and worry.

(Inserting a note at the start: Sorry if this bums anyone out.)

Like to give some context here, I'm living in a room at my brother's place now. It's about the size of the room I was living in when my Mom was alive, but there are fewer luxuries. Like, obviously, when it was just me and my mom, I had a lot more storage space! But my brother has three kids and a wife, so I'm having to cull certain things and find space where I can. It's not as bad as I feared, but it's not great.

Mostly I keep to myself. I always swore that I'd make the perfect roommate some day because I don't like to make a fuss in other people's lives. I am absolutely, 100% fine keeping to myself and staying in my room. Even living with my Mom, she'd often joke that she "lived alone" because I was in my room busy with something.

That's generally the same here at my brother's, but I no longer have someone else buying groceries for the household. Generally speaking I am trying to minimize the impact I have on my brother's family, so when I can, I'm buying my own food. His wife cooks dinner for everyone, but I am paying for my own breakfast, lunches, and snacks. I have my whole own refrigerator, so it's actually kind of nice being able to buy frozen foods and stuff and not worry about taking away their fridge space.

But that also means I have now have zero disposable income! Every dollar matters. What little I had in savings are now being slowly bled out. If you've been noticing me pushing Patreon a little harder in these last two videos, now you know why! It is significantly more important that videos do well for me now. Which is a good motivator for me to not drag my feet on certain things.

I'm not broke yet. My savings are starting to reach what I would consider "the danger zone" and I've been tightening belts on basically everything, but also the Sonic Origins video did well enough that it'll extend my buffer of money. But the pressure is on to get moving.

This was all stuff me and my Mom talked about before we knew she was dying. After she had such bad back pain from her sciatica and then they broke her leg, there was this sense that she had been traumatized, and we're wondering if she'll ever walk again, ever drive again, etc. So we sat down one day and had a "things will never be the same and we're going to have to change" talk.

And during that I mentioned doubling down on Youtube and actually trying to make it work. So I collected all the disparate ideas I'd been sitting on for years because I was too busy with other projects or whatever and realized I had ideas for five or six different series and a couple dozen one-off videos. My mom supported this all the way. She said to me, "I've always told everyone you're going to be famous some day."

And through tears I told her "I want you to be there when I do it." Because even then, she'd already been in physical therapy for a couple weeks, and something didn't seem right.

And that interaction is the thing that echoes in my mind every time I feel like I'm running out of steam or I'm doubting myself. "You're going to be famous some day."

Sorry if this is making the readers emotional. I've had to do a lot of reckoning with myself these last few months, particularly these last six weeks, because there's literally no other way forward for me. Would I rather be struggling to relaunch my Youtube channel, or working a real, stable 9-to-5? While pandemic numbers are going back up again, but now you can't get people to wear masks anymore, and a full tank of gas is $190?

I'm good at this. I know I'm good at this. I've practically been a trailblazer in some of these arenas. I just have to, finally, at long last, dare to believe in myself. Which may be the most scary thing I've ever had to wrestle with in my entire life, because I have lived in the guilt of being this high school dropout that the rest of my family badmouthed to my mother. It's literally decades worth of baggage.

But I can't let that control me anymore. It's do or die time.

Let's hope it isn't the latter.

[hasquetzorkukudoneanythingwrong]

Interview

BB: welcome back everyone! So good to see you all here today! We're back for a 3rd time here on BB Channel! Like before we're joined by the lil cuties of Ed and Mari. But this time their parents have come to join!

Rex: hello...

Quetz: Hola!

BB: that wasn't a very strong greeting Rex!

Rex: I'm tired right now. Can't this wait?

BB: time waits for no one and neither does BB!

Mari: already this is super annoying! *sigh* so why'd you decide to bring them into this anyways?

BB: the people who follow this blog need to see how they're doing so long after Chaldea too! You two have had the spotlight for a while, so now you should share.

Ed: I mean... guess that's fair.

Mari: should anyone be dealing with this?

Rex: I'd rather not be here either.

BB: aaaww, don't be like that! This will be fun!

Quetz: that's a very hard sell BB.

BB: just humor me at least.

Rex: ...fine

Quetz: what are we even doing anyways?

BB: some of your interdimensional buds have sent in questions about how you guys are doing, and I'm here to get those answers for them!

Quetz: that actually sounds nice...

BB: what'd I tell ya!?

Rex: yeah yeah, pls get started.

BB: fine. First few are from my precious bombardier beetle! First one she asks: do you have any pets?

Mari: oof! Do we!

Rex: currently we have four dogs: 1 German Shepherd named King, a Pitbull named Sparks, a Dogo Argentino named Duke, and a Corgi named Marshmallow.

Quetz: but also we have a habit of adopting older dogs who aren't likely to get a home because of their age or rescues to give them a nice place to stay.

BB: aaawww, well ain't that wholesome?

Mari: we also have mom's bigass pterosaur!

BB: less wholesome. Next one from my dear yellowjacket: favorite foods?

Rex: PIZZA!

Mari: CAKE!

BB: whoa! Pump the brakes you two! No need to get too excited!

Quetz: ...honestly? I don't really have a favorite food. Just a bunch I like to eat and some I don't. If I had to choose, I'd say chocolate.

Ed: I'm a steak man myself.

BB: 2 sweets, and 2 savories. Next up! Who wakes up earliest?

Rex: Quetz

Ed and Mari: Mom

Quetz: ...I guess it's me... hehehe.

BB: honestly I'm not surprised. She's so damn athletic and even used to be a professional.

BB: next! Where do you all like to go for vacations and such?

Ed: mom and dad have a vacation home in Alaska.

BB: Alaska?! Why?

Mari: when warm weather is the norm for you it's nice to go to the cold to change things up.

Rex: yeah, it's actually very nice. Not too many people and beautiful nature sights.

BB: well to each their own. Another from my dear antlion: how long does it take to pick a movie or TV show to watch?

Quetz: hehehe, we're all so indecisive it takes ages to pick. It's not uncommon for us to give up after taking so long.

BB: you should work on that. This next one's interesting. My precious army ant also suggests a round of common household jobs and the like from each member.

Rex: hmmm

BB: she gave an example of like, who does the cooking?

Quetz: well it's both me and mi amor in that case. The kids aren't very creative.

Ed: hey! We're plenty creative!

Mari: no we're not, don't lie.

Rex: we only really ask that the kids clean their rooms and any messes they make. We handle most everything else.

BB: they should really show some independence tho. Can't coddle them forever.

BB: in the next one, Cadence asks about a house tour and if there's a jacuzzi.

Quetz: a house tour feels like it should be it's own thing.

Rex: yeah, but we do have a jacuzzi dude, so don't worry.

BB: next one's from Reen: she asks what would life be if you weren't in chaldea,

Rex: y'mean like now? I mean... it's a relatively normalish domestic life? With less work tho.

Quetz: si, I've made plenty from my lucha career before retirement we don't have to worry about money much. But mi amof still makes money just in case.

BB: well after that she asks: how was your life before and after meeting each other?

Rex: ...kinda sad. Aside from chaldea and saving the world, I was kinda just... stagnant. Go to work, go home and so on. Not much to my life before then.

Quetz: ...honestly, for me it was the same. After the age of Gods ended we didn't do much of anything. We mostly watched over humanity, I've been summoned in modern day before but that was rare and infrequent.

Rex: ...after I met Quetz tho... I dunno things felt... better? She kinda forced her way into my life after I summoned her and... I was more then ok to accept her... before long we had something beautiful...

Quetz: aww, mi amor! I'm so happy to hear that!

BB: ain't that sweet? Like me and my dear centipede. Final one from Reen: if you could build a dream home then where? (Can be in fantasy)

Rex: I mean... where we are now is good.

Mari: yeah, right at the border of a huge rainforest in the Yucatan sounds fine.

Ed: but what about the fantasy bit?

Quetz: hmmm... we don't really look at fantasy much. But maybe a castle of some kind?

Rex: or a Mayan temple? But with electricity and Wi-Fi.

BB: that's fair. Need those memes in your life. Now some from Kaz! First she asks: what kind of gifts do you give each other?

Rex: uuhh, well I like getting mi corazon custom things. Like some personal clothes, or even a portrait of the two of us.

Quetz: ehehehe, I like to spoil mi amor with extravagant things! Golden treasure and the like!

Mari: concerning...

BB: next, how would you spend the day if it's raining outside?

Rex: I actually enjoy rainy weather, so I like to chill near a window or even on the porch listening to the rain.

Mari: it's very soothing.

BB: how quaint. Last one from Kaz: whose good at cooking and baking?

Quetz: hehehe, that'd be me. Tho it might be considered cheating since I use my goddess power to help.

Mari: well no one else is the greatest normally so it's fine.

BB: a good 'ol better then nothing kinda attitude! Now we're back to Cadence but with more relaxed questions: what's the current house look like?

Rex: ....big.

Mari: like three stories tall with a DEEP basement.

Ed: like... 5 rooms too many.

Quetz: we also have an indoor pool.

Rex: the outside looks almost gothic, but partially taken over by nature.

BB: all this near a rainforest?

Quetz: si! Despite the size, all the nearby trees still tower over it.

BB: nature can get scary. I've seen worse and have been worse but still. Another one: how do family events function? Any specific holidays?

Quetz: ...most family events are just us... going somewhere nice to eat nice food...

Rex: do they mean bringing extended family? My family lives too far to visit often

Quetz: ...and I'd rather not speak of mine... things have gotten rocky as of late.

Mari: right, well for holidays we celebrate most standard one, like Easter and valentine's and such. For October we kinda try to combine Halloween and Day of the dead.

Ed: but Christmas is the most important for us! Mom and Dad always make the biggest celebrations for Christmas!

BB: gotta love the holidays! Especially when your mom is santa... still weird to say that. Next one! Any plans for the future?

Rex: eh... not really? I mean I want to prepare Maria to continue the family magecraft, since Ed has no interest.

Mari: someone has to continue on this lost practice.

BB: good to know it won't be lost to time like we thought. Next one! Daily life?

Rex: I wake up, eat, work on magecraft, spend family time, spend time with Quetz, go to bed.

Quetz: I wake up, workout, eat, workout, spend time with mi familia, lovely time with mi amor and then I sleep.

Ed: I wake up, take a walk, eat, practice soccer, spend family time, sleep.

Mari: sleep, sleep again, dragged to breakfast by mom, eat, eat again, mess with magecraft, eat, sit with everyone else, scroll thru my phone for hours, sleep.

Quetz: *sigh* mija, you need to change your priorities.

Mari: mmmmm... No.

BB: bad habits there Mari. Next they'd like to know if your in contact with anyone from chaldea? Other then me!

Rex: here's a real quick list: Marie, Mash, Kiara, Penth, Astraea, Martha, Ishtar, Gorgon, Jalter, The twins, your kids BB, etc etc.

Quetz: too many to list...

BB: nice you haven't lost contact! Next! About that Wedding?

Rex: well... it was eventful to say the least. Not long after completing the china LB. Most of the servants were invited, and most of Quetz's family showed up.

Quetz: si, Martha officiated it for us. Most of my family were so nice at the time... too bad that hasn't lasted.

Rex: let's not mention that...

BB: it was such a nice wedding! You two were so "nervous" you had trouble with your vows! How adorable!

Mari: why the quotes?

BB: no reason... now we're at the home stretch! Good 'ol Ash has some for stuff that technically hasn't happened yet, but you should still be able to answer! What responsibilities will Rex take on when he joins the pantheon?

Quetz: ...well he'll be largely a guardian of life on earth. Authority over things like the jungle itself, volcanos, and even snow... for some reason.

Rex: well it still snows in mexico... occasionally.

Quetz: and we'll be sharing authority over Venus! I wanted to share it with mi amor!

BB: cute! Hmmm, not sure if you cananswer this one just yet? Adjusting to God hood?

Rex: well I got to try it out a bit. Summoning lava and snow is... interesting. But also... my mind felt... odd... but also clearer? Not sure how to put it...

BB: I'm sure when you get there you'll get it... took me a bit after servant fest. And how did the other divinities react?

BB: actually I have some recordings of that to answer, so play the clip!

A screen appears showing recordings of some servants, one at a time.

Ishtar: eh! She's turning you into a god!? ...I guess you've earned it master...

Eresh: what!? Can you do that?! ...guess I won't see you in Kur... then again I don't think you have any link to Kur anyways.

Kama: do you really think your cut out for it? I mean... if it's just for you two to be together then I guess it's fine.

Astraea: godhood is a very big responsibility master. Are you certain you're up to it? Saving humanity is also a big task but at least that has an end point. This is... eternal.

Qin: oh! So you have decided to go for immortality after all?! Tho not the same as my methods, it is still good to see you two will be happy together!

Scathach: immortality? I've strived for death for so long... to see you go for immortality... Hopefully you'll find happiness, where I couldn't...

The screen turns off.

BB: very interesting! Most seem hesitant of it all... I for one think it's cute! Imagine in a thousand years you guys have a double date with me and my dear stag beetle!

Rex: ...a thousand years...

Quetz: still having trouble processing it all?

Rex: yeah... maybe when I get there... it'll be easier.

BB: now for today's final one! A scenario! One of you two goes berserk! What does the other do to calm them down?

Rex: well that has happened before... usually a nice hug is more then good enough.

Quetz: si! I've almost destroyed a few servants a few times until mi amor caught me in a hug! I can't bring myself to harm him... so I stop!

BB: sounds too easy... but I've seen that before so... I'll let it slide.

BB: well that's all the time we have for now! Hopefully you all are satisfied by the answers! We'll be doing this again, seeya!

Screen cuts out, the show's over.

Questions provided by: @hasbbdoneanythingwrong @havetheavengersdoneanythingwrong @has-gilgamesh-doneanythingwrong @renmeo @kazmetic @grievouslyxorvia

Other tags

@haspaulbunyandoneanythingwrong @hasishtardoneanythingwrong @hasereshdoneanythingwrong @hasabbydoneanythingwrong @haskamadoneanythingwrong

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

Top 10 best things about neoliberal capitalism?

I didn't really mean "neoliberal capitalism," here. It's not like any particular political or economic policy is in charge of this stuff and we just happen to be living under neoliberal capitalism at the moment. It's more that many of the specific things that people criticize about capitalism (in the US, anyway) are the result of certain neoliberal ideas about how governance should work – i.e. you can cut this massive, unwieldly government down to size by focusing it on a few main goals, picking the most important priorities, and figuring out how to "save money" by eliminating redundancies in the bureaucracy.

There's lots of criticisms of this set of ideas (to the point that I'd have trouble listing "specific things people criticize about capitalism" without running out of room), but most of it – some of which I've seen listed in this very tumblr – boils down to "actually it's really important to focus on helping people, in various ways, and it's a horrible thing that our government isn't doing this, and is instead doing the opposite."

(A lot of this stuff can be seen in the context of the Affordable Care act – the fact that the law includes a mandate that the government provide insurance to people who aren't buying their own insurance, rather than requiring that they get insurance from some other source by paying higher premiums, would have just seemed really, really crazy under a social democratic or even a regular liberal framing. What's so neoliberal about it?! But it actually makes sense in a neoliberal world of government as far-flung welfare project, where people get insurance not so much to keep their heads above water but to help them get their careers going, get promoted, and have a "nudge" toward a better life if they're not careful.)

Anyway – the stuff I see mentioned in this tumblr is this (among other things):

Cutting the safety net by having the government do less, and expecting people on their own to be more responsible (i.e. not taking on too much debt, taking out loans responsibly)

Having large employers provide healthcare – or, failing that, having them pay a larger share of health insurance costs (though I wonder now how well this works in practice since it seems like the whole industry is going to be super-concentrated, like with banking)

I am probably also taking "focus on helping people" as part of here (since that seems like basically what I'm talking about at the end of the first paragraph). All this stuff seems like it could be really important, since it often comes down to "what you do or don't have" rather than "what you believe" – i.e. something like "we're going to provide food stamps, and food stamps won't be enough, and we'll have to come up with even more money because the economy is terrible and making this as painful as possible is the point." None of that really makes sense in terms of political activism, but it makes sense in the framework I'm talking about if you think of policy as a "nudge" toward various goals, and a few important goals (such as "people don't starve to death") being worth spending a lot of money and effort on.

[ma-gic-gay]

The kiss had complicated things.

Asking for an anullment had complicated it even more.

This was just supposed to be a marriage of convenience, a marriage built upon keeping Wiley safe from everything that could hurt him. Especially Nelle. They got married to protect him, so Michael could have a better chance in court against her.

After they won sole custody, the psycho bitch had kidnapped him after slashing Brook Lynn's throat. Thankfully, Michael had found them and saved Wiley.

That damn kidnapping is the reason Willow's thinking like this. Well, maybe one good thing came out of that besides extra quality family moments: her kiss with Michael after he'd brought their son back home.

Their son. Willow was officially adopting Wiley. Diane had the paperwork ready to go, all they had to do was sign it tomorrow and then her and Michael would always be in each other's lives, whether they wanted to or not.

She really wanted to be in his life in a bigger way than just a co parent for Wiley. As much as she loved that little boy, and there was no way to put the love she has for him into words, she didn't want to be the parent who's house he goes to on the weekends or a visitor to him. Granted, Michael would never let that happen. He was too kind, too perfect when it came to that, amongst other things. Michael wanted to make sure that their family stays just that, a family. Dysfunctional to an extent, yes, but a family.

It's almost like everyone is yelling for them to get together. Even his grandmother and brother who had met Willow ten seconds before saying how obviously happy she made his little brother.

Maybe she's just overthinking this. After all, Michael might still be in love with Sasha. It's completely possible; they were together for a long time.

But...

What if she's not? What if this isn't all in her head, and she's not freaking out and internally losing it over nothing? What if this is real, a genuine connection, and they're just throwing it away?

Dante said something about this when they'd met, in between quick witted remarks about the dysfunction she had married into. He'd actually said a lot of important things, she thinks.

"I'd ask my little brother if you make him happy, but you obviously do. I can see it written all over his face," Dante had said as soon as they were introduced.

Michael had brought up getting an annulment as opposed to a divorce, which she explained had been in part because they didn't have any irreconcilable differences. "Well, I just got here, so what do I know, but you two seem pretty happy together. And compatible- genuinely, that's a rare thing! But you guys know what's best for you guys."

She couldn't believe it. Each day, their family moments, it felt more and more like normal. Her broken heart had mended, she knew it. When she had to speak to Chase the other day, she didn't feel like she was in love with him anymore. She could look him dead in the eyes and still not feel that spark.

It was a confusing situation in general, with Michael having asked for an annulment after saying how great she was and kept looking at her with that look, the half smile and loving eyes.

How she loved that look. It was becoming a favorite thing of hers, seeing him look at her like that. She didn't know what it was, but if anyone was going to, she figured it would be Dante.

Or she could ask Michael himself. After all, they always promised to tell the truth to each other no matter what happened. Honesty and trust were the foundation of their marriage. Despite the fact it would be ending a lot sooner than she would've liked, they were still married. Rules still applied.

And that's how she ended up waiting anxiously in the foyer for her husband to come home. "Hello, Willow. What are you doing?" Dante asks when he walks in the door. "I mean no offense by that, of course, it's just you look like you've got something on your mind. Or, rather, someone. You also look like Lulu back when we were just married and she was so excited to see me at home, so I'm going to guess you're looking for Michael and have something important to tell my little brother."

"I can't get anything past you," she chuckles softly. Dante genuinely cared about the people around him and who made his family happy, that she could see easily.

"So why are you waiting for my brother?"

Willow takes a deep breath, sitting on one of the stairs so she stops pacing. "Well, you look like there's something on your mind. Wanna talk about it?"

Dante let's out a quiet laugh. "You don't want to go first, fine, I will. I just saw Lulu at the Floating Rib. She was there for Maxie's engagement party, I guess. Something I was not invited to, since she didn't know I was back in town. Anyways, we were chatting and then Dustin walked in. He was talking about a PTA meeting. I knew they were serious, but I had no clue that they were serious enough he's on the PTA."

"Dustin's not on the PTA, he's a teacher. He had to make a presentation. I know because I'm a teacher too. I get kids who have been transfers from his school." Willow informs him, watching as relief goes over her brother-in-law's face.

"That's good, but still. He then offered to start getting to know me, practically insinuating that I'm just some dude he has to deal with in Lulu's life. It feels like a bad love triangle, the first of many you'll experience as Wiley's mother. I don't know, I don't like the guy," Dante sighs.

"I don't know if this will make you feel any better, but to be honest, his reviews are meh at best. The kids like him, for sure, but I don't know. Haven't made up my decision about him yet," she smiles.

Smiling back, Dante says, "Well, you've got to tell me now. What are you so desperate to tell Michael you're pacing like a newlywed who needs sex?"

She bursts out laughing. "You're blunt, Dante. Lulu isn't going to pick Dustin, you know that."

"It's Lulu Spencer. I'd like to think I know her, but I don't know. She's... Changed since I last saw her. In a good way, but still, change is change. Peter offered me a job where we might be working together, so there's that. Anyways, enough of me. You're not getting out of talking about Michael anymore."

Willow playfully glares at Dante. "Fine. I'm going to tell him that I don't want an annulment."

A huge smile breaks out onto Dante's face. "Thank God, I was half convinced you weren't going to tell him or he wasn't going to tell you."

"Wait, Michael doesn't want one either?" Willow asks, confused. He had been sending mixed signals for a while now, but so had she. Her feelings were... Complex, that'd be the ideal phrase to describe them. She didn't know if she loved him yet, nor did she want to rush into that or anything, but there was an attraction she couldn't shake to him.

"Wow, Willow. You're both the most oblivious people on the planet. You're perfect for each other," Dante laughs. "Of course he doesn't want an annulment! Have you seen the way he looks at you lately? That's not how you look at your friend, or convenient wife. That's how you look at someone you love! I've only seen the two of you together a couple of times, but my big bro instincts are telling me that he's doing his thing where he doesn't go for what he wants."

Willow laughs along with him. "That's so frustrating, right? He won't allow himself to have anything good without overthinking it."

As they're laughing, Michael walks in. "What's so funny?" He asks Willow and Dante, confused.

"It's not even really funny, it's just that- Michael, I'm going to let you two speak for a minute. I've got to get to... Somewhere that's not here," Dante excuses himself.

That was weird, Michael thinks as Willow stands. "Is it just me or is he asking weird?"

Willow smiles, "He's not, but we do have to talk."

Taking a deep breath, Michael nods his agreement. "Okay, you wanna go to the living room so we can sit for this conversation, because I've got something to tell you too."

"Me first," Willow says as she sits on the couch next to him. "Michael, I don't want an annulment."

Michael breathes a sigh of relief, "Can I ask why?"

"If you still want to get one, of course we'll get one. But I don't want to. I want to stay married to you and not just because of the house and not cooking or cleaning, which are huge pros. I want to stay married to you because you're kind and loving. You always treat me with respect I didn't know I deserved until we got married. Chase was- he was great, but you don't put work before me, or your family. Family is the most important thing to you, not work or money or any of that stuff. You love Wiley as much as I do, and you're the only person who understands what it's like to be dealing with this stuff as a parent, and as a person. He's not just something that comes with me for you, he's someone important and who you love. I don't feel like I'm a second choice, or that I'm too needy, or that I've got to reschedule my plans so you can do something. And with Chase, it didn't always feel like that. You found out about something I loved and instantly found a broker to get the best wine selections because you wanted me to be able to have that back. Look, what I'm trying to say is I like you, Michael."

There's a quiet in the room as Michael takes in everything Willow just said to him. "As in romantically?" He asks, still processing what he just heard from her.

"Yes, romantically. And I get it if you don't feel the same, it's just that I feel like you might because you're acting like you're into me sometimes and you did say that I was everything you could've hoped for so I guess I just wanted to say this. I Also, Dante was surprisingly helpful in getting me to be able to say this to you," Willow smiles anxiously at the man sat next to her on the couch.

His brain is going a million miles an hour, trying to properly process everything. Willow can't deal with the silence, however, and starts rambling: "If you're trying to think of an easy way to let me down, Michael, just do it flat out. No harm, no foul. It doesn't change what I feel, but it will make me feel less embarrassed about putting you in such an uncomfortable situation."

"You done?" Michael half smirks, and she nods before he kisses her, soft yet perfect. Willow can feel herself falling in love with this kiss, which is arguably better than the other two they've had, as fantastic as they've been.

When they pull away, Michael gives her the look again. It's more intense, but she's realized he's always got it when he's talking to her. "Willow, I like you a lot. I've liked you since we first met, and honestly, I don't know if I ever entirely stopped. The only reason I suggested the annulment is because I knew it would take some time, and because I wanted to know if you wanted to stay married. In my mind, I've always hoped it'd turn out with us together, no matter how real what we both had with Chase and Sasha was. It took me until you accepted my proposal- which, by the way, was absolutely terrible and I'm sorry for that- to realize that I really like you. So I'll call Diane and tell her to call off the annulment."

She smiles. "What does this mean for us, Michael? I can't live in this state of limbo forever."

"I don't know right now. Let's give it a time limit for the state of limbo: Wiley's 2nd birthday. It's a few months away, which is plenty of time to figure it out and still not feel like we're rushing through anything."

"Sounds... Perfect."

You should post this!!!

[warningimmental]

You made your choice. It's not to be a mother so....... Congratulations you're free!!!. Your Wish came true.

Yes this is public so people can see.#TRUTH

***See below as im not repeating again and again.***

My side of life.

P.s

Yeah I'll be fine. I always am in the end.

( Heres what needs to be said and has been said so not to repeat myself. From in PMs )

Sad thing is she knows ill forgive her just like I forgave dad and EVERYONE and EVERYTHING else. I care so no one else has to. I'm the one who picked up the pieces of everything but was tormented daily. She wonders why I was the way I was it was due to parenting and fobbing me off to anyone who would take me.

Anne and Bob should of kept me. They couldn't have kids they could of had me though. (neighbours I adopted as grandparents no blood but love ) My father was a shit most of my life my mother was everyones mother bar mine. They kept me quite with gadgets and as long as I went to school fed and watered job done.

Favourite quote was "it's your fault" and dads was "your making me ill"

Christ for someone who knows everyone elses business she never saw what was happening to her own daughter.

29 years im done. Sick of being a leighton.

I said Stockholm syndrome I loved my captives just happened to be the people I called mum and dad....

I still love them both but what I was "known as normal" was not remotely normal.

Eg. I was appendicitis and born 8 months in mum had no clue and I was "hiding" behind her ribs. It's medically impossible.

Not to mention lived in New York every other year from age of 6 months till I was 13. Dad would take me over and over and over mum came ONCE for my 13th.

I have no memories of New York. It's kind of a huge thing and place to have been wiped out of a memory.

Now im clear-minded im having pseudoseizures because my subconscious doesn't want me to remember what happened.

What mother would let a new born or toddler a child that can't speak fly to the other side of the world to only be with men. My dad and my fucked up uncle who sends stuff to "favourite" niece

I've tried so hard to get better and it's not even my family who acknowledged it.

There's so much you don't know.

She used to have me go in the house before her in case dad had killed himself so id find him first from the ages of 7 onwards. When dad past I went behind the curtain first. So I kept the is see him first. On 29th April 2018

I was always on eggshells she would say people die of lack of breath so EVERY NIGHT id check on mum and dad every hour. She would hold her breath to screw with me. Then say im not dead go to bed.

The house was toxic. For once in my life im actually sane.

She is not who you think she is.

If I've lost my mind it's because my environment sucked. I'm finally out. Sober can think clear and don't harm because I don't have to deal with the toxicity that I dealt with ALL my life.

If I told you everything you wouldn't believe me. Which is fine know one does because but it's true.

Always ask why or what causes someone to go off the rails and self destruct. I never felt safe, I was always told I was a mistake and everything was my fault. As long as I kept the family secrets mum was happy.

Dad was toxic. Mum the same. She wants drama so I finally said enough.

When I say mum knows everything I mean she saw it all and NEVER had it stop or put me safe. I can finally talk now dad is gone. I could write every TRUTH down and write a book. People would wonder how the hell did this girl cope and live to tell. I lived because I care about everything and everyone else. But im done now.

I doubt you'd believe me if im honest. My inbox is full of people defending her and my dad. If only they knew. its been a long time coming but im finally speaking out.

I know people don't understand but I don't want to burden with it. If You like my mum and dad id rather I let you keep the illusion. I know it's out there now that's enough.

If you want to see my life keep reading otherwise STOP HERE.

I'm fine and im safe finally. I just needed more as a child than fear of what should of been my safe place a home.

I don't want us to be strangers to the people who read this and thin sarahs lost it.

I don't want to cause a riff, I just couldn't not say it finally. Mum says always go to counselling but I couldn't. I couldn't tell anyone the truth about dad or mum. Or the truth on why I had to have a very intrusive operation due to assault by 3 at Halloween party. Mum now knows that. Dad was arrested for hitting the wrong lad. Dad and mum would have gone down for murder if I spoke out.

On the other hand there was also my home life in general. I was made to stay quiet about having a revolving door of strangers. Huge boozy parties after a night out. Mum and me being treat like muck on a shoe.

A abusive uncle who would have me and my cusion be "kissing cusions" .Every night when I was 15 to 26 I drank took sleeping pills and hid away in my room self destructive harm anything so not to deal.

I look like wolferrines attacked me because of the arguments or threats. Mum couldnt leave the house quick enough. I gave up on a career to care for my dad but I was always looked down on.

****** golden girl. left was I was guilt tripped saying "your still dads girl you won't leave me" while dad would cry. Every night.

Mum swears I was an appendicitis 8 months in term. I'd be handed to anyone and everyone. Every year or every other from birth id end up in america. Mum would say her holidays where when me and dad would leave. From 6 months old id always go back and forth to New York. I couldnt talk yet "apparently" begged to go with dad.

Mum would say after blazing rows im leaving.

Then just walk out the door. I was left with a highly angry father and confused were mum had gone and if she would come back for me. I'd stay up all night waiting. I'd hide crying and scream in a pillow so not to be to loud so dad didn't shout.

I was told my face doesn't fit. My nick name was ferret face or panda. I would hurt my self so not to hurt others. I wanted and trained to be a counsellor so one to understand what I did wrong and two and most importantly to be there for the people who needed support.

I went to rehab to be identified when found so my parents wouldn't have to. If it wasn't for craig I doubt if be here.

Craig saved my life. Mum has always put others before me or ignored it so it didn't exist.

Important in here (ears) none important (over your head)

I was terrified everyday of my life. I loved and do love my parents it's just I can't stay quite any longer.

Money or game consoles chocolate sweets where hush money. Dad would buy crates of spirits and beer and supple my / his pills so I was always foggy minded.

I'm finally sober clean and harm free my mind is the most composed it ever been.

No one knows what goes on behind closed doors.

Mum is a star and has a heart of gold to others but from age 7 onwards everyone else came first.

I pride my self on protecting, comforting trying to be there and support everyone, hell even risked my life enough times to save some. because I never had it. No one to fight for me protect me.

I wanted parents love encouragement happy I archived or even tried. But it never came.

Even my graduation was ruined.

I wasn't allowed to get a job they made me be sick and have PTSD mum still to this day loves to make me jump. I have terrifying nightmares.

I'd hear conversations no child should hear because they either didn't notice I was there or care. When ***** killed him self when *** did when dad tried and I was left with a random man being told "your dads took to many sweets"

The same man who later tried it on with me sending dirty pictures or dads other "mates" who would try there luck. I gained a shit ton of weight 21 stone so NO guy would come near me because the strangers who would come to the house used to try and feel me up or perv if door was unlocked as I was a kid.

She saw everything but wouldn't believe it. Or me. I phone our ***** one night years ago because she said I could and she yelled at me because she had work. I was silently screaming for help.

It was only at dads funeral she saw and realised and was so genuinely sorry for not believing me the night I phoned.

I wish every single thing I've said and keep telling was a lie but it's not it's 25/26 years of fear.

I'm 29 now. For the first time in my life im not on eggshells. I have a safe home. I can lock the door and not fear.

I wish these were lies I swear!!!!! I do but there not.

Yet NO ONE will even consider it's the TRUTH.

[phoenixvinyl]

I was tagged by @louisinmadrid to choose my favorite all time 9 albums and this was a nightmare and I almost cried (miss you G!!!!).

Anyway here's wonderwall:

-Divinely unispired to a hellish extent by Lewis Capaldi. The best album I've listen to in many years. The lyrics are absolutely perfect (lewis is my favorite lyricist ever alongside Louis and Alex Turner): raw, straight to the heart and with wonderful metaphors. His talent is overwhelming and inmensurable). The album is overall perfect. The lyrics + the melodies + lewis' unique tone: I've never fell in love with an album (and artist) this fast ever. His voice is out of this world and it touches my soul in a way no other artist ever did. Also the album is wonderfully produced, layer by layer, by a great team. Srsly listen to this, he's perfect. Did I mention I love lewis capaldi? I love lewis capaldi and he's a sweetheart and always treats me so so well and that's a plus for me, I can't listen to someone that's a shit and Lewis is an angel. (me @ me we get it you're in love stop talking about lewis capaldi).

-Golden Hour by Kacey Musgraves. Well there's a reason it won Best Album of the year. The album is overall great great great. Kacey's voice is beautiful, soothing, goes perfectly with her melodies and the lyrics are great. Also a wonderfully produced album, with the soul of country music that was missing in the mainstream media. Also special mention (bc I love when albums do this) the order of the song is perfect! It builds up the right way for it to flow beautifully.

-Flicker by Niall Horan. I don't know what I was expecting from niall's first solo album but I sure wasn't expecting one of the best albums of the last few years. Niall's voice is beautiful and getting a whole album of it? A blessing. I also love this album because niall is a WONDERFUL lyricist (srsly this song are,, perfectly written), he went exactly for the sound I love the most (thanks niall for the folk) and also this album has a perfect (srsly perfect) production. Layer after layer it was crafted so so perfectly, I applaud the team behind it. Also shout out to niall bc he's just ridiculously sweet and I miss him joking around with @louisandthedagger and me.

-Favourite worst nightmares by the Arctic Monkeys. All the monkeys albums are my favorite albums but I think this /is my favorite/ because it sums up the essence of the band perfectly (also because my favorite song is in there). But really, this counts as all AM albums except the last one. I could go on about production and lyrics (alex turner is my lyricist messiah) but I'd rather be sappy here and say this was the first band I was ever a fan of, the band that made me fall in love with music and they hold such a bright spot in my heart and soul. It's been it, 14 years now? I love you guys, forever. (since I'm sharing meeting stories, Alex and Matt are angels and they were the first people I met as a fan and I was ridiculously nervous and young and treated me so well and with so much love. I!!! Love!!! Them!!!).

-the black parade by my chemical romance. Anyone surprised I'm an emo kid?. Pretty much the same I said with AM. All Mcr albums are my favorites and they are very special to me. Mcr was my first fandom and I love them dearly. I chose this one because I think it has some of the songs that had the biggest emotional impact on me till this day (also, my favorite song is there). Love them lots lots lots.

Made in the AM by One Direction. My favorite 1D album that also has my favorite song! Also I think louis shines so so much here as the mastermind lyricist he is. I think this is the best album and it will always be ridiculously important to me not only because it's my favorite but bc it's meaning within the band. A band that gave me literally everything, the best friends, the best memories, the best adventures, a job fjdkdkd but srsly the most important will always be the amazing friends for life I made thanks to them and I'll always be so thankful for that. My band. I love you forever and always. I miss you every day, every single one. I love you. (also since I met harry and niall can I meet Liam and louis someday thanks @god).

-what's the story morning glory? By Oasis. Even though my favorite oasis songs are not in this album but in Be here now, I do think this is their best album, both lyrics and production wise. It's really solid and the built up is great (also some of their greatest hits are in this one). Thank you harry and louis for the Oasis reunion you'll achieve cheers I'll be very happy. aaaalso I know their media image is shit and has been their brand for years but I've worked with both of them as solo artists more than once and they are both very nice and very kind. Liam even more so than Noel. Liam was actually really funny and sweet with me, signed my stuff - even tho he didn't have to cause we were working- and even talked about one direction with me. I stan.

-the 1975 by the 1975. I love all their albums but this is my favorite one by far. The lyrics are the best here, raw, proper the 1975 essence (although with the years the production got better bc money!!!) and it was also the album that made me fall in love with this band and, just like in all my other fandoms, I've meet friends for life thru them and I'm very thankful. They are one of my favorite three bands and I love them so, so much. As for the meeting story this time, I gotta say that I always thought that matty would be a little (very) pretentious and not the coolest with fans and boiii he got me shocked there. He was so sweet to me, so kind, so patient, he was in a rush and told his security to stop and wait just to keep talking to me (because I was telling him about our fan club in Argentina) and he was so sweet and thankful. An absolute angel, all of them, I'll never forget meeting them bc it was beautiful (also I saw matty again this year at Leeds at he told me 'wow we look like shit in this picture' (we do fjfkdkos) I love him).

-multiply (✖) by Ed Sheeran. Again all Ed's albums are my favorites (my favorite song is actually in Plus) but I think this is - production wise- the most solid one and the one with the better build up. The mixing is wonderfully made, if flows perfectly and well I don't have to say ed is a genius writer but ed is a genius writer. Although as much as I love love love listening to him, he's one of my favorite people to see live because it actually blows my mind every fucking time that it's just him and a guitar giving a full on absolutely perfect show and performance. He's one of a kind and fun fact# the artist I've seen the most live on concert (although that will change now with lewis' new tour). Also shout out to Ed for the free beers he gave us in leeds and Ipswich this year. Love him.

Also what the fuck is this essay the music journalist pr jumped out. It is what it is I talk about music for a living folks fjdkwksl and music is my life and getting a little deep# here I'm just so thankful for music in general (songs, shows, fandoms): music saves lives every day and it's moving and beautiful.

SPECIAL MENTION TO MY FAVOURITE ALBUM EVER:

Before I start crying because I had to leave some albums out I'm gonna tag some people I love so they get a headache like me! But everybody is tagged just do it if you're bored.

@louisandthedagger @lt1grammy @louistomlinsonyear @emohl @rosesau @tomlinsun @curlyhairedprince @thegankles @sunflowrlouis @kissyhl @theystudyrainbows @buscandoelparaiso @tofiveohfive @givemewalls @chinny-chiin-chins @actionlou @suburbanlarrie @nexttxyou ❤️❤️❤️.

[jimimn]

Hi! This might be a weird ask, but I really need advice from someone who is also in the fandom :( Do you think buying the photobooks worth it? I really want to buy Tae's, after seeing Namjoon and Jungkook's concepts, but I also have so many cons for it... My country is in a really bad economic situation/condition and everything is getting more and more expensive, so saving as much as money as I can might be a smart idea instead of spending it. I also live in Europe, and shipping here is so expensive it's almost ridiculous (it's usually 2 or 3 times more than the item +/- tax) . I'm not struggling financially since I still live with my parents and I try to help them with money in any way I can, but I'm still not sure if I should spend this much on a book, which I'm not even sure if I'll open again after getting it. This might have sound bad, but I'm not trying to say anything like that. I actually do this with every book if mine: I read them once, get so obsessed with them, but when they are over, I almost never reread them, so I'm not sure buying his book just to look at it once, twice or maybe a couple of times is worth it. On the other hand, I'm young, I'm living through so many things now, a pandemic, an economic crisis, global warming etc and yet everyone keeps telling me to enjoy live, travel, do things while I can... And I would want to do this, but I still feel neutral? guilty? for spending this much money on something. The past couple of years really sucked the life out of me, as they did for so many people, and I'm trying to find little ways to enjoy life again, and maybe if I could get his book, I would feel a little happier. But I'm not sure what to do. I think about this all the time, and since he was born late in the year I know I have a couple of weeks still to decide, I just have no idea what to do. Oh, and also I have really bad anxiety and I know the tannies' stuff sells out ridiculously fast, I'm not sure if I want to deal with that stress of trying to buy one. And I don't even understand how a pre-order can sell out? Isn't the point of pre-order to see how big the demand is and produce that many items? There are a couple of things that would make me feel really guilty about buying one (if I can) but there are also things that would make me happy... I think I wouldn't feel too bad if I couldn't get one, since I know everything sells out even before they actually go on sale, maybe I would be a little sad but then I would move on? And I'm just really confused about this, and I'm sorry if this sounds like a ridiculous problem, I don't mean to make it into a big thing, because I know there are people who deal with much worse every day and I'm just stressing over buying a book..

Hi. First of all I'm sorry it took me so long to reply to this. Secondly, please don't feel guilty about anything. The cost of the books is ridiculously high and plus the shipping cost and the entire anxiety surrounding the pre order really doesn't feel worth it to me. For me, the dollar rate in my country is at an all time high right now and I really can't buy even one book. The only things I've desperately wanted to buy ever were either albums or the self designed merch that they had put out (and i still couldn't get it because they felt really overpriced to me idk 😭😭😭) I'd rather save that money for future concerts you know? :( Ofcourse having the photobook with me would make me happy but I think that being practical about it is also important :( i might be sounding like a real buzzkill rn but I have a lot of things that I want to do like travel and stuff so I want to save as much as possible for it. and it's not like we'll never get to see those pictures either right? there are so many kind armys who upload scans so we are able to see it anyway. This in no way means that I'm saying that people shouldn't spend their money on this stuff. If they can spend then why not? But I know that given my future plans and my situation, I'd rather not spend so much. Especially when the shipping price is so damn high 😭 So if you're not buying it, please don't feel guilty or anything. Weigh all your options and do whatever makes you feel comfortable both financially and anxiety-wise ❤️

[thisiskatsblog]

Hey Kat

Not really related to your question, but I thought it might interest you to know. Especially considering you've been questioning whether or not this corner of fandom is still for you.

I very much relate to what you're going through at the moment. I backed out of the fandom gradually over the course of about two years, starting in 2017. I was so sick of the push and pull, and the drama. None of it brought me any joy anymore.

In around 2019 i unfollowed essentially every 1D/harry/louis/larry blog i previously followed, except for two. As you may have gathered, you were one of those remaining blogs. The reasons you stayed on my follow list were this:

1 - Sentimentality. You probably don't remember, but we used to talk a little bit on here. You helped me accept the fact that I was bisexual when I was 23 and very confused. I am forever grateful for that. I was in denial for so long, the relief of finally accepting myself was immense. Thank you.

2 - It's been nice to have one last link to what's going on in Larry land. A part of me still wants good things for those kids, whatever their circumstances are now. Your blog was a good balance of keeping me connected to the big stuff when it happened, without getting caught up in every tiny piece of discourse.

It'll be a shame if you decide you're done with all of this. Partially because I'd miss your insight, partially because I think you are now genuinely my last connection to all of that stuff I used to care so much about. But I understand if you're feel worn out and over it. Been there. Best of luck with whatever you decide to do.

Izzy

Hi Izzy!!!!

Yours was another answer I wanted to publish because it reminded me of what have perhaps loved most about being here: conversations such as the ones you and I had. Conversations that helped us (me as well as you) figure out how to navigate our (bi)sexuality.

What I miss very much on this blog is the real dialogue. The moments where 5 unread messages meant one long 4 part anon telling you their life story and someone else had seen something funny that reminded them of something you had said - not 4 versions of the same troll and a request to reblog an ask for money.

I miss friendship, I miss community, I miss the rainbow direction team which went on hiatus. I really miss Angela.

Lately I’ve been wondering a lot whether it’s worth sticking around. In a sense, I do want to leave, as I’m really over the hot and cold, the ups and the downs, and the energy it takes to load up every time something shitty happens. The trolling anons making all of it ten times worse.

Like for you, this blog is my "last link" to what's going on with a few people I care(d) so much about, and while cutting it would probably save me quite some energy, I cannot seem to bring myself to do it. I just can’t figure out what it then is that I want to stay around for. I feel like I’ve (co-)written such a huge story arc, but there has been no “resolution”. And to be fair, I don’t know what that resolution would look like. I’m tried trying to construct it. 

As to your message: I'm happy that I've managed to largely keep the "discourse" out and stick to the big stuff, keeping it palatable even for those who’ve had enough. It’s a compliment. Paying attention to what's important rather than to everything, I'm sure there's room for improvement, but it's the only way for me to survive here, if I can at all survive.

This ask, the previous one I published and a few others mentioned "insight" - I often question if I'm the most insightful person here, I have so little time lately to develop my thoughts on these things very well, or at all. I will reblog things that strike me, jotting my honest opinions in the tags, without thinking through or developing anything, just as they feel true to me in the moment, and I hope I have enough logic and a sound political and values framework for them to make sense as a while. I feel no energy to be truly insightful with well developed arguments checking the consistency of my positions. But I try at least to share some of what I think…

Thanks Izzy - for all of that back in the day, for opening up to a stranger, for allowing me to be part of your journey.

Thanks for continuing to follow me. I hope we stay mutuals for a bit longer

Kat

[hitaka5ever]

Life Updates

I brought up a few months ago that I started working at Walmart full time. I work 1-10pm, Friday through Tuesday. Until this week and the next, I won't have to do anything on my days off that would keep me away from my computer, so I've been writing as I'm currently in the mood for it since I have free time (tomorrow I'll be spending some time cleaning the grime off our front bathroom walls while my mum is away on vacation for 2 weeks, as a surprise to her for when she returns)

I am in the process of seeing about buying myself a keyboard for my tablet that I bought off a friend recently, as well as an art drawing pen that I'm asking for for my birthday in July. I hope to be able to write during my lunch breaks for work once I have the keyboard, and attempt getting back into digital art once I have the pen. Unless something drastic happens, I'm keeping my full time status, despite wanting to be part time so I can have more free time. This is the first time in my young adult life that I've had a full time job and it has been pretty exhausting, but I'm trying to stick with it. I'm lucky to still live with my parents, as I only pay $500 a month for rent and food (and I tend to buy groceries for the fam, so that docks my rent by a lot sometimes) so having all that extra money for myself each month is well worth the amount of work I have each week

As for health updates, I'm still taking antidepressants for my depression. I've regretted for a while now that I didn't stick with them when I was first diagnosed with it in high school (I was 16 at the time, which I believe was triggered by the bullies I had in middle school and then the death of my first dog that I loved dearly at 16) because looking back, it was quite obvious that I still needed them, but I refused to believe I had depression at that time. This lapse in judgment for all these years has cost me my short term memory capabilities and contributed to my lack of proper social skills, like having a normal, good paying job. Without my antidepressants, working at Walmart would possibly literally kill me, so it's safe to say that they're necessary for the rest of my life, and I'm okay with that. Lots of people are genetically incapable of producing the proper hormones in their brains for regular brain function, and I wish we cared more about mental health issues than we currently do. It would save a lot of people heartache

Since I started working at Walmart, I spend most of my work days walking on concrete floors. As someone who only rode a bike for a shitty job for 13 years and sat for much of the remainder of my days, I have had severe pain in both feet caused by hours upon hours of walking. At first I thought I just had to break in my new shoes, but that wasn't the case. I won't have a diagnosis regarding my feet and any damage I caused to them from sitting so much until I see a podiatrist on May 5th, but I wanted to bring up that an appointment was happening soon. Once I have results and what I need to do to fix any problems I have, I'll update everyone again

BTW, this is the first time in months that I've been on here, so if I've missed anything vitally important, sorry about that. I'm afraid to even look at my messages, knowing I'll have so much to look at, and I'm incapable of dealing with that right now. I might take some time during my lunch hours to go through everything at some point. I'd rather have my keyboard beforehand though, and idk how long that'll be from now

Some people have probably been waiting to hear news about my TLK stuff, so right now, its on the back burner. I probably won't turn the story into a comic anymore (unless someone wanted to collab with me on it) but I still plan to finish the fic eventually. I know how I want the story to go, so its all a matter of getting coherent ideas down. I'll try to have a goal to get it finished by summer or after so I don't forget to actually work on it when I can. I want to see this story finished

I think that's all. I hope everyone is having a good 2022 so far. I know there's a lot of fucked up shit happening in some states and in the Ukraine right now, so if you're in the middle of those situations, please be safe. I am lucky to live in a state where LGBTQIA+ people and minorities have protections from health discrimination, and I wish you were all just as lucky. No one should have to live in fear for being anything not white cishet old men. Just know that I love you all *blows kisses*

Good night!