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my-balls79 · 1 year

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my mother was ranting at me again, the following is paraphrased: “the fact that you never do anything, can’t manage to do your school work and you can hardly take care of yourself tells me that you are a LAZY person” yes, mother, i am lazy, how could you tell? you do not even know the full extent of it, would you believe that i’m also too lazy to derive pleasure out of anything? would you believe the amount of times i’ve nearly killed myself because i am too damn lazy to be alive? i’m well aware of my laziness. fucking cunt.

#complaning #sorry to that one guy who follows me i think you should block the 'complaining' tag if you'd like.#i have made a decent post every once in awhile if you'd like to keep sticking around in hopes i make another one #i don't know why i'm still alive.#i know it likely isn't going to work out.#and even if it does for what?#i would have to had gotten through highschool by being dragged through it by infinitely patient friends while having done barely anything #i can think of ideas and thats about it. i can hardly compose anything for any assignment #and not even for things i enjoy. not even for things i would've wanted to do #i don't understand why i'm like this. i've been trying to get better i really have.#it's been going on for ages now. i don't know when it will end and even if it does like i've said #i'm a mediocre person anyway.#i would've wanted to have some sort of silly hobby. a surrealist painter or a pretentious humourist or marxist political theorist #or experimental percussionist. i don't know. something that i would enjoy and be passionate about #and then have some sort of #i don't know. plumber or truck driver. some butch lesbian type job #oh and at the most hopeful going to college and getting a degree in sociology or something. but i now realise that is far from possible #but really i don't think i'm capable of any of that. i'm hardly capable of answering simple assignments without someone else there to #carry me through them.

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