#i have begun sending j memes and he likes them but this would be too much i fear.

[can-of-pringles]

Lucky (the Arith and Iriel gift fic) as memes/my reactions

Hope you enjoy @practically-an-x-man

Practically-an-xman while writing the fic:

He loved making them blush like that, it was one of his favorite pastimes. Human women were so easy to fluster. Human men, too, though that took a bit more nuance to get right.

“I’m Arith, love.” he replied, watching as the blush deepened on the barista’s face.

Oh, sure, it didn’t mean anything. It never did. He’d reserved his heart for someone else, centuries before any other heart in this coffee shop had even begun to beat. But she was a lot harder to fluster like this. So he still played his games once in a while. It made life more fun.

Arith when all of his apples taste too sour:

Along with Greenwich, Stratford, Wembley, and inexplicably, about half of Cleveland, Ohio. He’d always hated Cleveland.

Arith trying to explain to Iriel why being lucky is bad

“No, of course not, I prefer to just wallow in my misery. Yes, I tried miracling it away!” Arith responded sharply, then winced when he caught Iriel’s expression, “Sorry, came out too harsh. Just annoyed. Yeah, I tried, but the damn thing’s immune to miracles.”

“But don’t scare away my neighbors. They’re nice people.”

“Scare them?” Arith asked, “What do you mean, scare them? Am I scary?”

“You’re not scary, you just…” Iriel trailed off, chewing her lip, “I feel like you give people the wrong vibe. Like when you do that smile.”

“What’s wrong with my smile?” he asked, wondering if he should be offended.

“Nothing’s wrong with your smile! You have a very nice smile!” Iriel blurted, lifting her hands in surrender, “It’s just… a little… creepy. At times. Not all the time.”

“You don’t like it?” he asked, tilting his head at her.

“I didn’t say that!” Iriel replied, even faster than before, “I think you have a very charming smile, it’s just that the humans… find it a little off, and I tried to tell them that you’re really a very nice guy-”

“Nice?” Arith protested, “I’m a demon, I’m not nice.” He elected to ignore the fact that she’d called him charming. It would only send him down a rabbithole that he wasn’t quite prepared for. Let alone while standing in her apartment.

“And I’m sorry, Bambi, but however good you think the world is, it’s not that good. Not even close.”

THE PET NAME?

Arith found himself watching her more than he was the screen. It seemed like the only thing more effective in brightening his mood than the movie itself. Especially now that the sun was setting, and the light streaming in through the windows seemed to cast her in gold.

Iriel glanced over at him with a soft smile. She looked as though she wanted to say something, but in the end she remained silent. In the setting sunlight, her golden eyes looked almost like miniature halos. Truly angelic. Arith had the brief yet bitter thought that he’d never be enough to deserve her, that she’d never see him in the same light as he saw her. But he looked at the softness in her expression there, truly allowed himself to take it in, and he realized that might not be true. He’d have to wait and see. After all, he’d waited this long.

He could fluster half the women on Earth with little more than a word, and yet when it came to her, she was the one to lock him up.

Iriel and Arith /j

[robgrayofficial]

GOOOD AFTERNOON DEPLORABLES!This is u/Ivaginaryfriend here to help kick off this beautiful Saturday, recap style! Before we get started on that, I'd like to remind everyone to hop into our r/The_Donald's Best Of 2018 Awards Thread and vote of your favorite nominations in each category! You only have until midnightFriday December 14th to vote!!As always, if you happened to miss any past recaps you can check those out here!Now, onto the recap!Sunday, December 2nd:🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:This week, Jews around the world will celebrate the miracles of Hanukkah. @FLOTUS Melania and I send our very best wishes for a blessed and Happy Hanukkah! http://bit.ly/2EoCFom …China has agreed to reduce and remove tariffs on cars coming into China from the U.S. Currently the tariff is 40%.SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:🤣🤣Ticket Scalpers are losing their shirts on Bill & Hillary Houston speech tomorrow! Tickets as low as $6 🤣🤣OUT. OF. CONTROL!The 'ballot-harvesting' that enabled Democrats to STEAL California ElectionsComey backs off, agrees to testify in private.DON JR BRINGS THE HEAT ON INSTAGRAM. WE LOVE OUR RUDOLPH DON’T WE FOLKS?🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:MRW I visit r/allAnCapistan wins again LOLHey England! We can’t hear you over all this Freedom! U-S-A! U-S-A!Complains about IslamophobiaMonday, December 3rd:TODAY'S ACTION:Vice President Pence Delivers Remarks at the Lying in State of the Honorable George H.W. BushPresident Trump Participates in the G20 Summit in ArgentinaFirst Lady Melania Trump at the G20 Summit in Argentina🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:My meeting in Argentina with President Xi of China was an extraordinary one. Relations with China have taken a BIG leap forward! Very good things will happen. We are dealing from great strength, but China likewise has much to gain if and when a deal is completed. Level the field!Farmers will be a a very BIG and FAST beneficiary of our deal with China. They intend to start purchasing agricultural product immediately. We make the finest and cleanest product in the World, and that is what China wants. Farmers, I LOVE YOU!President Xi and I have a very strong and personal relationship. He and I are the only two people that can bring about massive and very positive change, on trade and far beyond, between our two great Nations. A solution for North Korea is a great thing for China and ALL!I am certain that, at some time in the future, President Xi and I, together with President Putin of Russia, will start talking about a meaningful halt to what has become a major and uncontrollable Arms Race. The U.S. spent 716 Billion Dollars this year. Crazy!We would save Billions of Dollars if the Democrats would give us the votes to build the Wall. Either way, people will NOT be allowed into our Country illegally! We will close the entire Southern Border if necessary. Also, STOP THE DRUGS!“Michael Cohen asks judge for no Prison Time.” You mean he can do all of the TERRIBLE, unrelated to Trump, things having to do with fraud, big loans, Taxis, etc., and not serve a long prison term? He makes up stories to get a GREAT & ALREADY reduced deal for himself, and get..... ... ....his wife and father-in-law (who has the money?) off Scott Free. He lied for this outcome and should, in my opinion, serve a full and complete sentence.“I will never testify against Trump.” This statement was recently made by Roger Stone, essentially stating that he will not be forced by a rogue and out of control prosecutor to make up lies and stories about “President Trump.” Nice to know that some people still have “guts!”Bob Mueller (who is a much different man than people think) and his out of control band of Angry Democrats, don’t want the truth, they only want lies. The truth is very bad for their mission!Looking forward to being with the Bush Family to pay my respects to President George H.W. Bush.Congratulations to newly inaugurated Mexican President @lopezobrador_. He had a tremendous political victory with the great support of the Mexican People. We will work well together for many years to come!#Remembering41SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:Census confirms: 63 percent of ‘non-citizens’ on welfare, 4.6 million householdsWINNING: SCOTUS rejects environmental challenge to POTUS border wallMAJOR REDPILL: Reporter Blows the Lid on Modern JournalismCorsi files criminal complaint against Mueller, alleges bid to seek false testimonyNO!! You don't say!! That's UNPOSSIBLE!!!! Mueller Withheld "Details That Would Exonerate The President" Of Having Kremlin Backchannel🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:MERRY CHRISTMASSaw this on FB.. it’s because he was REPUBLICAN 🇺🇸IT'S HAPPENING!, again...When you try to save France, but people call you a right wing dictator and the “moderate” guy ends up causing protests and riots resembling that of the early 1800’sMacron : "Please shake" after French Police and Firefighters turned backs and removed helmets to show solidarity with Yellow Vests. Trump Curse is real.By bitches!!Tuesday, December 4th:TODAY'S ACTION:President Donald J. Trump Announces Intent to Nominate Personnel to Key Administration PostsPresident Trump and the First Lady Pay Their Respects to President George H.W. Bush🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:Looking forward to being with the wonderful Bush family at Blair House today. The former First Lady will be coming over to the White House this morning to be given a tour of the Christmas decorations by Melania. The elegance & precision of the last two days have been remarkable!The negotiations with China have already started. Unless extended, they will end 90 days from the date of our wonderful and very warm dinner with President Xi in Argentina. Bob Lighthizer will be working closely with Steve Mnuchin, Larry Kudlow, Wilbur Ross and Peter Navarro..... ... ......on seeing whether or not a REAL deal with China is actually possible. If it is, we will get it done. China is supposed to start buying Agricultural product and more immediately. President Xi and I want this deal to happen, and it probably will. But if not remember,...... ... ....I am a Tariff Man. When people or countries come in to raid the great wealth of our Nation, I want them to pay for the privilege of doing so. It will always be the best way to max out our economic power. We are right now taking in $billions in Tariffs. MAKE AMERICA RICH AGAIN ... .....But if a fair deal is able to be made with China, one that does all of the many things we know must be finally done, I will happily sign. Let the negotiations begin. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!Could somebody please explain to the Democrats (we need their votes) that our Country losses 250 Billion Dollars a year on illegal immigration, not including the terrible drug flow. Top Border Security, including a Wall, is $25 Billion. Pays for itself in two months. Get it done!(Retweeting Charlie Kirk) There are riots in socialist France because of radical leftist fuel taxes. Media barely mentioning this. America is booming, Europe is burning . They want to cover up the middle class rebellion against cultural Marxism. “We want Trump” being chanted through the streets of ParisI am glad that my friend @EmmanuelMacron and the protestors in Paris have agreed with the conclusion I reached two years ago. The Paris Agreement is fatally flawed because it raises the price of energy for responsible countries while whitewashing some of the worst polluters.... ... ....in the world. I want clean air and clean water and have been making great strides in improving America’s environment. But American taxpayers – and American workers – shouldn’t pay to clean up others countries’ pollution.We are either going to have a REAL DEAL with China, or no deal at all - at which point we will be charging major Tariffs against Chinese product being shipped into the United States. Ultimately, I believe, we will be making a deal - either now or into the future.... ... .....China does not want Tariffs!SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:WIN for Young Republicans! UC Berkeley must pay $70k, and change policies to guarantee free speech for conservative speakers. The campaign of the American Left to silence conservatives on campus sustained a massive defeat yesterdayReport: Wall Street execs too afraid to hire women in wake of #MeToo — “It’s creating a sense of walking on eggshells,” one adviser told the publication. Interviews with more than 30 senior executives suggest that the #MeToo movement has led to “gender segregation” in the workplace.Keep at the meme war boys. Globalism is implodingI am proud of my 40 year friendship with the President and prouder still of the amazing job he is doing making America great again !RUINED HIS LIFE FOR WHAT? ASSHOLE🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:Desperate prick!We have the best shitposting Senators don't we folksHad to give a rebuttal. Was then downvoted into oblivion then the mods removed my comment. Guess humor is a one way street? This was posted on every political sub.New favorite gifWednesday, December 5th:TODAY'S ACTION:🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:“China officially echoed President Donald Trump’s optimism over bilateral trade talks. Chinese officials have begun preparing to restart imports of U.S. Soybeans & Liquified Natural Gas, the first sign confirming the claims of President Donald Trump and the White House that...... ... .....China had agreed to start “immediately” buying U.S. products.” @businessVery strong signals being sent by China once they returned home from their long trip, including stops, from Argentina. Not to sound naive or anything, but I believe President Xi meant every word of what he said at our long and hopefully historic meeting. ALL subjects discussed!One of the very exciting things to come out of my meeting with President Xi of China is his promise to me to criminalize the sale of deadly Fentanyl coming into the United States. It will now be considered a “controlled substance.” This could be a game changer on what is....... ... .....considered to be the worst and most dangerous, addictive and deadly substance of them all. Last year over 77,000 people died from Fentanyl. If China cracks down on this “horror drug,” using the Death Penalty for distributors and pushers, the results will be incredible!Looking forward to being with the Bush family. This is not a funeral, this is a day of celebration for a great man who has led a long and distinguished life. He will be missed!Hopefully OPEC will be keeping oil flows as is, not restricted. The World does not want to see, or need, higher oil prices!Doug Wead, a truly great presidential historian, had a wonderful take on a very beautiful moment in history, the funeral service today of President Bush. Doug was able to brilliantly cover some very important and interesting periods of time! @LouDobbsWorking hard, thank you!SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:Here's what's actually happening in France (from an American in Paris)[GHWB's FUNERAL] Obama and Hillary are PISSED at GEOTUS. They Know Justice is coming!This is General Michael Flynn, an American hero. He has officially been vindicated. The Democrats, MSM, and Robert Mueller destroyed his life for nothing. They are all criminals for what they're doing to innocent patriotic Americans like Michael Flynn.This picture is iconicDonald Trump Jr. Responding To Sen. Gillibrand’s Sexist Tweet: “When is it appropriate to let my boys know that there’s no future for them?”🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:Pills...are...kicking...in...HAHHHAAAHAAAAAAA!!!!! We have the best GIFs, don't we folks?!Me, a gay man: You know Muslim countries kill gay people right? Them, a leftist retard: Good. You deserve it.OK, this is just too much fun . . . .Thursday, December 6th:TODAY'S ACTION:Presidential Proclamation on National Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day, 2018President Trump Delivers Remarks at an Afternoon Hanukkah ReceptionPresident Trump Delivers Remarks at an Evening Hanukkah Reception🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:My thoughts and prayers are with the @USMC crew members who were involved in a mid-air collision off the coast of Japan. Thank you to @USForcesJapan for their immediate response and rescue efforts. Whatever you need, we are here for you. @IIIMEFDoes the Fake News Media ever mention the fact that Republicans, with the very important help of my campaign Rallies, WON THE UNITED STATES SENATE, 53 to 47? All I hear is that the Open Border Dems won the House. Senate alone approves judges & others. Big Republican Win!Statement from China: “The teams of both sides are now having smooth communications and good cooperation with each other. We are full of confidence that an agreement can be reached within the next 90 days.” I agree!Jerome Corsi: ”This is not justice, this is not America. This is a political prosecution. The Special Prosecutor (Counsel), to get this plea deal, demanded I lie and violate the law. They’re the criminals.” He is not alone. 17 Angry Dems. People forced to lie. Sad! @Trish_ReganTrish_Regan: “Did the FBI follow protocol to obtain the FISA warrant? I don’t think so. The Dossier was opposition research funded by opponents. Don’t use Government resources to take down political foes. Weaponizing Government for gain.” Is this really America? Witch Hunt!FAKE NEWS - THE ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE!Arizona, together with our Military and Border Patrol, is bracing for a massive surge at a NON-WALLED area. WE WILL NOT LET THEM THROUGH. Big danger. Nancy and Chuck must approve Boarder Security and the Wall!SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:NBC headline vs content of articleAnnouncing The First EVER r/The_Donald's Best Of 2018 Awards!France Deploys 89,000 Cops Amid Fears Of Yellow Vest Rebellion On SaturdayNYTIMES BENDS THE KNEE | “What if President Trump’s gut turns out to have been right and the Federal Reserve’s interest rate increases are holding back the United States economy?”FITTON:MASSIVE Breaking: Fed court excoriates State and DOJ on Clinton email, orders discovery plan in 10 days as to whether Hillary Clinton email system an intentional attempt to evade FOIA. "One of the gravest modern offenses to gov't transparency..."🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:In Trump We TrustPic Of POTUS Kissing Bob Dole On The Forehead- You Won’t See This On MSMWhen your sexuality goes full circleVery True.One more sane countryFriday, December 7th:TODAY'S ACTION:The First Family hosts a 2018 Hanukkah ReceptionPresident Trump Delivers Remarks at the 2018 Project Safe Neighborhoods National ConferencePresidential Determination on the Suspension of Limitations under the Jerusalem Embassy ActPresidential Proclamation on Human Rights Day, Bill of Rights Day, and Human Rights Week, 2018🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:Robert Mueller and Leakin’ Lyin’ James Comey are Best Friends, just one of many Mueller Conflicts of Interest. And bye the way, wasn’t the woman in charge of prosecuting Jerome Corsi (who I do not know) in charge of “legal” at the corrupt Clinton Foundation? A total Witch Hunt... ... ....Will Robert Mueller’s big time conflicts of interest be listed at the top of his Republicans only Report. Will Andrew Weissman’s horrible and vicious prosecutorial past be listed in the Report. He wrongly destroyed people’s lives, took down great companies, only to be........ ... .....overturned, 9-0, in the United States Supreme Court. Doing same thing to people now. Will all of the substantial & many contributions made by the 17 Angry Democrats to the Campaign of Crooked Hillary be listed in top of Report. Will the people that worked for the Clinton.... ... ....Foundation be listed at the top of the Report? Will the scathing document written about Lyin’ James Comey, by the man in charge of the case, Rod Rosenstein (who also signed the FISA Warrant), be a big part of the Report? Isn’t Rod therefore totally conflicted? Will all of.... ... ...the lying and leaking by the people doing the Report, & also Bruce Ohr (and his lovely wife Molly), Comey, Brennan, Clapper, & all of the many fired people of the FBI, be listed in the Report? Will the corruption within the DNC & Clinton Campaign be exposed?..And so much more!China talks are going very well!It has been incorrectly reported that Rudy Giuliani and others will not be doing a counter to the Mueller Report. That is Fake News. Already 87 pages done, but obviously cannot complete until we see the final Witch Hunt Report.Today, we honor those who perished 77 years ago at Pearl Harbor, and we salute every veteran who served in World War II over the 4 years that followed that horrific attack. God Bless America! http://bit.ly/2E9sYco will be doing a major Counter Report to the Mueller Report. This should never again be allowed to happen to a future President of the United States!I am pleased to announce that Heather Nauert, Spokeswoman for the United States Department of State, will be nominated to serve as United Nations Ambassador. I want to congratulate Heather, and thank Ambassador Nikki Haley for her great service to our Country!I am pleased to announce that I will be nominating The Honorable William P. Barr for the position of Attorney General of the United States. As the former AG for George H.W. Bush.... ... ....and one of the most highly respected lawyers and legal minds in the Country, he will be a great addition to our team. I look forward to having him join our very successful Administration!(Retweeting The White House) President Trump Delivers Remarks at the 2018 Project Safe Neighborhoods National ConferenceMike Pompeo is doing a great job, I am very proud of him. His predecessor, Rex Tillerson, didn’t have the mental capacity needed. He was dumb as a rock and I couldn’t get rid of him fast enough. He was lazy as hell. Now it is a whole new ballgame, great spirit at State!Hopefully Mitch McConnell will ask for a VOTE on Criminal Justice Reform. It is extremely popular and has strong bipartisan support. It will also help a lot of people, save taxpayer dollars, and keep our communities safe. Go for it Mitch!It is being reported that Leakin' James Comey was told by Department of Justice attorneys not to answer the most important questions. Total bias and corruption at the highest levels of previous Administration. Force him to answer the questions under oath!Totally clears the President. Thank you!(Retweeting The White House) This afternoon, President Trump delivered remarks at the 2018 Project Safe Neighborhoods National Conference where he reinforced his commitment to making our communities safer for all Americans.SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:Clinton Foundation whistleblowers have been working with FBI and IRS since last year | It turns out that whistleblowers inside and outside the Clinton Foundation have amassed "6,000 pages of evidence attached to a whistleblower submission filed secretly more than a year ago with the IRS77 years ago today at 7:55am nearly 2,400 American Souls were lost. Today we remember them. December 7th National Remembrance Day.France Deploys 89,000 Cops Amid Fears Of Yellow Vest Rebellion On SaturdayCreepy Porn Lawyer to Pay Child Support WITH: 2017 Ferrari 488 GT Spider that he was leasing; five luxury wristwatches, a few of them worth at least $50,000; a sculpture by Frank Gehry; a number of expensive pieces of art, and his law firm’s stake in a 2016 Honda private jet.White House reactions to today’s court filingsAn elected member of Congress just threatened a citizen with Congressional subpoena over a meme!Calls For Ethics Investigation Into Ocasio-Cortez After She Threatens Donald Trump Jr.🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:Liberalism is a mental disease"there is absolutely nothing that's more racist than that..."💀💀💀French Macron 18% approval rating. Globalism is DEAD, DEAD, DEAD.Baby it's cold outside..Saturday, December 8th:🔥🔥TRUMP TWEETS🔥🔥:The Paris Agreement isn’t working out so well for Paris. Protests and riots all over France. People do not want to pay large sums of money, much to third world countries (that are questionably run), in order to maybe protect the environment. Chanting “We Want Trump!” Love France.The idea of a European Military didn’t work out too well in W.W. I or 2. But the U.S. was there for you, and always will be. All we ask is that you pay your fair share of NATO. Germany is paying 1% while the U.S. pays 4.3% of a much larger GDP - to protect Europe. Fairness!AFTER TWO YEARS AND MILLIONS OF PAGES OF DOCUMENTS (and a cost of over $30,000,000), NO COLLUSION!I am pleased to announce my nomination of four-star General Mark Milley, Chief of Staff of the United States Army – as the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, replacing General Joe Dunford, who will be retiring.... ... ....I am thankful to both of these incredible men for their service to our Country! Date of transition to be determined.“This is collusion illusion, there is no smoking gun here. At this late date, after all that we have gone through, after millions have been spent, we have no Russian Collusion. There is nothing impeachable here.” @GeraldoRivera Time for the Witch Hunt to END!Very sad day & night in Paris. Maybe it’s time to end the ridiculous and extremely expensive Paris Agreement and return money back to the people in the form of lower taxes? The U.S. was way ahead of the curve on that and the only major country where emissions went down last year!SIGNIFICANT TWEETS AND NEWS:Trump Admin Officially Rolls Back Michelle Obama's National Lunch GuidelinesThis is one of the biggest squares in Rome right now! While in France people are protesting against Macron, Italy is celebrating the return of a popular government officially proving that European Union has failed!Meanwhile in France''We want our country back, we are tired of globalism!''🐸 TOP SPICE OF THE DAY 🐸:Communist Leaders throughout the years.Christianity: Bad Islam: GoodA little something for the shills in here to downvoteSOOOOO MUCH WINNING, STILL NOT TIRED OF IT!Without further ado, some tunes to get you jamming through all this winning:CenterfoldMy SongKodachromeEverything I AmLove StinksHey MamaMAGA ON PATRIOTS! #robgray

[ramblingsbyrhi]

some spoilt brat type wall of words

What I’m about to write isn’t going to be pleasant or enjoyable or uplifting in any way, shape or form, so consider yourself fairly warned before you complain about my whinging as the ability to stop reading is entirely yours.

This stems from the troubles I’m having with my iphone.. hear me out, a web has begun. I’ve had iphones since I was 17, I’ve been through a few of them. I’ve never had major problems though until recently when my camera started malfunctioning for absolutely no apparent reason. At first it was only through apps and then the actual camera itself started shaking and wobbling, so any time I wish to take a photo I have to use the front camera. Which I understand is absolutely the biggest first world problem, but still, I paid over a thousand dollars for a product that I expect to work for a very long time, not for a couple of years then “HEY! We’re releasing unnecessary new products.. oh, whats that? Your phone broke? Well, my! How convenient!”.

Then the classic YOU ARE LOW ON STORAGE annoying as all fuck message started appearing contiiiinually no matter how many things I went through and got rid of (funny how it used to hold over 1000 photos and now it struggles at 5.. just saying is all). I thought, okay, I’ll try the update, that might fix a few bugs, right? Wrong. Try as I might, the iOS update WOULD. NOT. INSTALL. for various reasons, including but not limited to: lack of storage, no internet connection (the wifi was full, hmm), ERROR *insert some number that I googled how to fix, to no avail*, and pretty much no reason at all, just “failed.” Thanks Apple, I really appreciate those hours of my life you wasted. No, really, I probably wouldn’t have done anything productive with them anyway and the anger inspires me.

Everyone’s saying things to me like “Ohhh my god rhi, why don’t you just get the new phone when it comes out?!”. Yeah, that’s all well and good for the average Joe Blow who doesn’t mind the monthly hundred dollar bill. And you know what? That was me not all that long ago. In fact, earlier this year I did try to update my phone and plan however had a MAAASSSSSIVEEE battle with optus who a. sent me the wrong phone b. could not help me in getting the right phone c. agreed to cancel it and nevermind the upgrade because I was over it by then and they said they’d send me a satchel to return the phone in d. never sent me the satchel e. instead sent me a fifteen hundred dollar bill f. finally understood why I didn’t deserve the bill and sent me a satchel g. sent me more ridiculous bills h. sent some debt collecting company after me i. FINALLY helped me get to the bottom of why the fuck I was being sent the bill j. FIIINNALLY agreed to me paying thirty dollars and the account’d be settled k. didn’t bother clearing things up with the debt collectors who wouldn’t leave me alone no matter how many times I explained to them that I literally owed no money as it was Optus’ wrongdoing (I was given various instructions as to clearing my dads [oh yeah, to make matters worse optus refused to put the phone into my name but were more than happy to have me open up a new plan under it] name by several employees of this company, none of which worked).  BIG BREATH. So in the end I was glad because instead of paying almost a hundred per month to have a flash new phone, I kept my (what WAS) in-perfect-condition existing phone, and saved money by only paying for the calls and data etc. per month.  So now my response to the upgrading suggestion is why? Why should I have to pay more money because of something I already paid a lot of money for that isn’t working, when it should be in order? Why would I pay thousands of dollars for something, only to have to pay thousands more to replace it when it should last, being worth a thousand dollars and all? What the fuck? CONSUMERISM IS INCREDIBLE!

So you can imagine my feelings towards Apple and Optus right now. Which got me thinking about how reliant we are on these absolute piece of shit companies who cannot get it together despite how large they are and how many people have come to depend on them. DEPEND. It’s true, it really can’t be denied. We have come to RELY on always having phones and internet with us, one hundred percent of the time. I toyed with the idea of not having a mobile, because fuck it and fuck them taking all my money for me to still lose. Plus, 10 years ago I got by fine without having one so why can’t I now? And that’s the thing. I’m honestly starting to feel like as a society who have been spoilt with technology, we have become so dependent on it and every single thing we could need being accessible, that it would be weird and at least difficult to live without. Imagine my boss when I tell her I don’t have a mobile anymore, and she’d have to call me in on my home phone (which yes, we do have, but I know many people now do not. WHAT?? HOW?! because on the internet they are RELIANT!). I can’t imagine she’d be very pleased if I were out doing groceries or at the gym or, I don’t know, just enjoying my day off, and she needed me to come in ASAP but I was not at home to answer her phone call. But that’s how things worked not all that long ago, people lived that way and dealt with it. And imagine if I had no/no access to social media. How would I make friends or remain in contact with people, or start “talking” to a guy? That’s how it goes now, isn’t it? You meet or hear of someone you take an interest in, and straight to facebook or Instagram you go, and the rest is history. We joke about it, but it’s true! Is there another way people get to know each other now? Do people even text anymore now that everyone’s all over messenger?? TEN YEARS AGO PEOPLE!!! Life honestly changed in the blink of a fucking eye. A generation ago people kept in contact without all this shit, and they managed to marry and have babies and maintain lifelong friendships! CRAZY. I honestly feel like if the internet and social media were stripped away we’d be beside ourselves (especially those who go t rid of their home phones ;) ).

It’s all too easy and far too accessible. You really can find out too much about someone so quickly now, I imagine privacy and its definition will soon work itself into language of history alongside all that Shakespeare mumble that I regretfully do not understand. And I thoroughly believe that not only is our reliance on the ease and accessibility overall negative, but as is the impact it has upon everyone’s mentality and relationships. Or, what relationships have become with the bittersweet evolution of the www. Which would be what? What are they? What do young, and even older people want these days in regards to a relationship? Let me rattle off a few ideas, great suggestion you! The term “facebook official” is no longer a joke, it’s become a serious indicator about everyone’s status, which, is now apparently the business of everyone they know and a few randoms they’ve accepted in their friend requests along the way. Once two people’s relationship is officially recognised on the FB, I think they’re supposed to chuck up a few pics (ones with kisses on cheeks and selfies in adventurous looking locations, so people know they’re blossoming) and tag each other in emotional statuses, and memes of course. That way everyone can monitor that they’re still happily in love and evolving as a couple. Instagram pics a must as well, and a little mention of each other or at least the inclusion of each other’s initials in the little bio are also a standard requirement I believe. And that way, once the pics stop being uploaded or are deleted, along with the initials and the “SHARE WITH: PUBLIC” relationship status, everyone can know that things didn’t quite work out and they’ve dived back in with the other fish and considered a potential catch until they decide to have a bite of the next one, and the process repeats.

And repeats. And repeats. Or, doesn’t repeat. Because all of that really IS a huge commitment. Like, not only is keeping up appearances online an awful big exercise, but so is the stuff from the olden days that unfortunately we’re still supposed to do a little bit of, like spend genuine time with your SO, surprise them with gifts and flowers, introduce them to your family, begin your futures together, not jack off over other people’s instagrams, commit. Oh, my apologies, how silly of me to suggest that nan and pop jacked off over other people’s instagrams! Hahaha. No, back then these factors never came into play, because they didn’t exist. And by no means am I saying that pop never had a look up another girls ankle length skirt as she paraded up the staircase with a boy from out of town at the local dance, hell, he probably did that several times. PER DANCE. Or flirted with the bar lady at the pub after work, before he came home to nan’s incredible cooking and kept home. But he didn’t get the barmaid’s name, he didn’t look her up on facebook later and sneakily chat with her on MESSENGER while nan did the washing up god bless her. He went home and they became your grandparents because they committed to each other, despite nan checking out the milkman’s bum as he trekked back up the driveway of a morning, or pop watching the perky young woman next door whose bedroom window was positioned in his viewing favour.

They didn’t have the ease of access that we have not only taken for granted, but have let shape us in shitty ways. I truly feel like, and disagree if you want but I know it exists, we’ve become so used to accessing unlimited amounts of people, that we’re always wanting more. If Beyonce is going to get cheated on, who won’t? Is cheating nowadays even the same as it was twenty years ago? Ten years? Is flirting and or exchanging nudes over snapchat cheating? Because nothing physical happened, right? People these days ask for “nudes” (and I can say this with experience) before hardly getting the name of the nude-ee, and I can only imagine the number of requests sent to various people, and the variety they’ve seen, or unfortunately kept. With accessibility comes a massive lack of respect, and it has to go without saying that the concept of respect, and where it is given and deserved, has changed dramatically since pop first kissed nan’s hand at the dance. A “nude” back then would’ve had to have been strategically photographed, developed, enveloped, stamped, sent, waited for, received, and then cherished and kept under the bed, whereas now one could’ve requested and received ten different ones in the time it took me to write this fucking sentence, and even sent two on to his or her equally tasteless mates.

Not to mention the fact that he or she asked ten different people for them would go unquestioned. What is this “talking” that people do anyway? Any time someone has suggested that they and I did “talk” or are “talking” I shudder so hard Christchurch would prepare to rebuild. I think commitment is completely different to what it once was, what with tinder and the like and phones with locks on them and snapchats that disappear, no one has to be loyal to any one person if they don’t want to, and why would they? Why commit to one cake when you could taste a few on the regular, then replace them with the right swipe of your index finger when you feel like it? “Talking” doesn’t refer to anything serious, I don’t think. It’s like when you could probably get it on with someone but you aren’t letting people know about it because you’re “talking” (fucking, I presume) to a couple of other people as well, but you aren’t doing anything wrong or disrespecting anyone really because you aren’t dating you’re only TALKINNNGGG. Have I got it? Can someone confirm, or correct me? I’m so dying to know. And there are that many gorgeous humans in the world, no one can blame you for wanting to window shop and even go try on some things whilst doing so. There’s always going to be a prettier dress, or a comfier hoodie, or a new colour of vans. You can’t just buy the first or fifteenth you see, just in case. Missing out would be THE WORST. And you don’t owe it to any of them to discuss the predecessors or… (what’s the word for predecessors but happening at the same time? anyone? no word? funny that) if you are only talking and you’ve made it clear that that’s all you want. No commitments or relationships here, no sir-eee! And then suddenly your 30th birthday is coming up and you kind of feel like maybe you should have built a life with someone by now but you were too busy gaining notches in your belt and you still aren’t sure which dress you want the most so maybe you’ll give it until 35 before you make a massive decision and settle down and stop unknowingly spreading chlamydia. Maybe. There are far too many babes on Instagram to get through but hopefully another five years will get you close.

I do apologise for the tangent and apparent change in tone, but like I said earlier a web really formed in my mind at the shit performance of my phone. I suppose what I’m kind of but super not really getting at (or trying to, at least), is as great as technology is, I do think it’s really fucked up (a better term cannot be accessed at this time, not unlike the iOS update, strange). The idea of growing up around the time that my dad did, or even before, constantly lingers in the back of my mind. And yes, believe me I realise how pathetic that is coming from me as a type this contradictory slab of words; please understand that I’m grateful for the ease in which I can type up my thoughts as they occur, then share them and quite possibly connect with someone anywhere in the world who can relate at the mere click of a button and copy of a link (poor old pop might think I’m talking about imitating a chain). But I do sometimes feel like a lot of us have missed out on developing respect for each other and relationships of our own in ways that we’ll never even come close to within our society. We don’t put up THAT much of a fight at the fact that companies suck us in and take us for all we’ve got because they KNOW we can’t live without them and the latest and slimmest ever phone in existence. And I can only imagine living like this will only intensify and worsen as we advance in technology and the speed in which we can slide into people’s “dm”s. Maybe it’s me, maybe it’s all in my head, but I decided a long time ago to stop holding my breath if even Beyonce had to.