#i have a more gothic fit that I think would be better and would be funny

[karsmybeloved]

Dying to see this himbo in the cinema

[redflagshipwriter]

Nest Swap 10

masterpost

The guy did turn out to be Jason, but he wasn’t in a very good mood with Tim. He basically didn’t talk at all. That was fair. Tim had hit him. He hung back and tried to not be annoying as Jason contacted the police, found the hostage, and talked to her in a low voice. When they heard sirens Jason grabbed Tim and took him out the door and onto his motorcycle. They went like, really fast.

The motorcycle was cool, but where it stopped was even better. Tim lifted his arms up obligingly so that Jason could pick him up by his armpits and set him down. Tim took a single step away before Jason shot his hand out lightning-fast and grabbed at Tim’s hand. He took his helmet off with one hand and dropped it onto a handle.

“Let’s stay together, Baby Bird.” Jason sounded exhausted. Tim was a little distracted from that, even though he really should have been more considerate of the adults in the area.

This was even cooler than his hideout. It was kinda gothic and damp and smelled a little funny. An apartment building couldn’t really compete with that.

“Wow,” Tim enthused. He tried to walk away to explore but Jason tugged him back by his hand. “I love it here. Can I live here?” He pointed up at the craggy ceiling, which really just looked like a natural cave with stalactites and all. “Maybe with the bats.” His tone tilted up into an optimistic question. The bats were neat. Were they local brown bats? That was fine, but he thought black bats would really fit Batman’s aesthetic more.

Jason let out a big sigh. “It’s not up to me,” he dodged the question. “Wanna press a button on the Bat computer?”

“Absolutely yes I do.” Tim chirped. Jason started towing him along again, uncaring or maybe even not noticing that Tim was craning in every direction to see the amazing sights. “Why’s it called a Bat Computer? Is it shaped like a bat? Hey, is Big Bird real?” he asked. “I’ve been concerned about that. I want to believe that he’s not real. But if he is, is he a predator? You have to tell me.”

“Big Bird is real and he is an omnivore,” Jason muttered. “Come on, why are you so wiggly?”

“An omnivore?” Tim echoed. He held Jason’s hand a little tighter. “What- does he eat kids? Because I think it’s highly suspicious that he spends all his time with little kids. Also, the kids change every season, and no one ever explains where they went.”

Jason stopped walking and stared at him directly as Tim outlined his troubling theory.

Tim waited.

“Yes,” Jason said. “That’s it exactly. Big Bird eats little boys. So stay close to me, okay?”

Tim clung to Jason’s whole arm in response. “Okay,” he said, as casually as he could manage. Internally he was screaming. Why would Batman hang out with Big Bird?

He felt… a little betrayed about it, actually. Batman didn’t kill people. He punched a lot of people like Dr. Ivy and Dr. Crane, but that wasn’t like eating kids!

‘How can they cooperate with Big Bird when Jason is investigating the sausage guy for doing the same thing?’ Tim thought, indignant. It was hypocritical. It was intolerable. It was a total abdication of his moral responsibility.

He was going to confront Batman about it. 

He started internally preparing his arguments. He went quiet enough that Jason got suspicious about it. Tim was sorry that he couldn’t spend more time comforting Jason, but he was busy.

“Hey, you wanted to use the computer, right?” Jason shook him lightly.

Tim shrugged and hunched over a little. 

“...It’s not that serious, kiddo,” Jason said, sounding kinda unsure. He was an awkward guy.

“I’m fine,” Tim said shortly. He just wanted Jason to let him think in peace. 

The older boy sighed and started hitting buttons. He picked up something. “Hey, Bats,” he drawled.

The sound of a horn honking suddenly rang out. 

“Little Wing?” said one of the people who had tried to break into Tim’s hideout. He buried his face in Jason’s side. Jason absently put a hand on his ribs and sort of patted. “Why are you in- you’re hailing from the Batcave?”

‘That was one of Batman’s associates? Why was Batman allowing a break in of my house?’ Tim felt his heart rate start to go up. Was he in trouble? The lady had said he was in trouble, but- but Oracle made him feel safe. He pressed himself a little closer into Jason and clung to his weird jacket.

“Red Hood.” 

Batman’s voice didn’t make Tim feel as safe as it usually did. This future or universe was weird and he didn’t like it. 

“Report,” Batman said, when no one responded to what he said. 

Jason’s torso moved. Tim extracted his face just enough to see that Jason had flipped off the computer. “You are so bad at bird keeping,” Jason drawled. “All of you. Absolutely horrendous. There’s a situation, and there’s been a situation for days.” He sounded extremely cranky about it. He sounded like customs had taken his bags from him and cancelled his connecting flight and left him stranded in a Peruvian airport overnight with only his wits, a neck pillow, and a few thousand dollars.

“I suspected,” said a… A child’s voice. Tim felt his brow crinkle. He looked up. That was a young voice. Like, irresponsibly young. What was Batman doing? “As I told you, Red Robin has been eaten by the lion that escaped from the Denver zoo. If I had only been allowed to find and rehabilitate it, we could have avoided-”

“Right bird, wrong problem,” Jason cut him off. That was a shame. Tim wanted to know more about the lion situation. “Get your big ass back here and parent, motherfucker.”

Tim giggled.

“What-” - “”Did you just-” - “Is that a-”

Jason turned off the computer and then unplugged it. “Assholes,” he said to no one, very smugly. “That’ll put a bee in their…” His voice trailed off. He was looking down at Tim.

“Where will it put a bee?” Tim asked, eyes as large as he could make them. He was just messing with Jason now. He knew that expression. It was ‘bonnet’. Like, an old lady hat. What he didn’t know was why Jason wanted to censor that.

“...In Big Bird’s beak,” Jason said weakly.

Tim considered this outright weird deflection. “A suspicious amount of things seem to connect to Big Bird.” He said it cautiously, trying to feel out Jason’s position on this.

“Yeah, but don’t worry about it,” Jason said vaguely. Tim gave him a disgusted expression and Jason had the audacity to laugh.

Of course he was worried about it. 

Something beeped.

“Hey Barbie,” Jason said to absolutely no one. He moved his legs further apart and sort of…posed.

Tim looked around. He didn’t see anyone.

‘Barbie as in Barbara Gordon??’ He looked a little harder for the person Jason had greeted. That was Batgirl. Batgirl was a known quantity.

“I think I know,” said Oracle. “Because I am the all-knowing eye and all of that.”

Jason made a rude sound. “If you knew, you would have locked the baby in a genius-proof jail so that he didn’t go try and feed himself to the Sausage Man.”

“He- what?” Oracle’s voice went flat. “I knew that he was de-aged, he didn’t want Dick to bother him and baby him while he looks like this. He did not go try to do field work while he looks 6 years old.” Her tone was extremely unimpressed.

“No, no,” Jason said. He made a theatrical hand gesture. It occurred to Tim that he was enjoying himself. “That’s definitely not what he did. He took his legitimately 9 year old body with accompanying 9 year old brain off to investigate a cannibal.”

“Tim.” Oracle sounded like she was in pain. “Do you know who I am?”

“From context, I think that you’re Batgirl,” Tim admitted shyly. He wished that Jason hadn’t stepped away. He had felt weirdly secure with his hands in Jason’s pockets. He did the same thing to his Dad and it always made him feel-

‘Oh no, that doesn’t bode well for my marriage,’ Tim realized. ‘I- I can’t be comparing him to my Dad.’ He put his hands in his own pockets, like the mature little man he was.

There was a very long silence that Tim kind of noticed while he was busy fretting. He realized it was probably his fault and he should fix it.

“Big fan,” Tim added meekly. It was true.

Oracle said a bad word.

“Comm is on speaker,” Jason said cheerfully. “Little guy is hearing you loud and clear, with his 9 year old ears..”

She repeated the bad word, louder this time. “I already messaged Zatanna, but I’m going to go set off the fire alarm in her hotel right now so she sees it.”

“You do that,” Jason agreed. He had a nice smile, even though he was clearly enjoying other people feeling flustered. Tim suddenly remembered that he kind of genuinely wanted to date Jason and felt his face turn red.

After they finished talking to Batgirl Oracle, Jason and Tim spent some time looking at Batman’s crime scene photography. 

“What do you think happened here?” Jason said, shifting in the chair. 

“I think this is the aftermath of human trafficking,” Tim decided.

Jason clicked to the next photo. “What’s this?”

Tim squinted at it. In the distance, an engine came into earshot and approached rapidly. Tim hummed and kicked his heels. “I think that this is a much better photo,” he said. He distantly recognized that there were two separate engines. “That’s my first impression. Look at the composition.” Tim frowned. “Hey, stop laughing! The lighting is-”

A door opened and then slammed shut.

“Big Bird’s home,” Jason said gleefully. He stood up and grabbed Tim under the armpits. He turned Tim around and then hoisted him in the air. He dangled. It was an undignified experience that he didn’t have the ability to process it immediately.

For a single disorienting moment, Tim tracked the glint of light off the Batmobile and off a motorcycle. A guy was on the motorcycle. The door was opening on the passenger side of the Batmobile. That had to be Big Bird. Tim was dangling in the air helpless, presented for Big Bird’s approval.

‘He’s feeding me to Big Bird,’ Tim realized. 

He screamed. He kicked wildly midair and his heels connected with Jason’s chest.

“What the f-”

“He’s little!” said the man who tried to break into Tim’s hideout. He seemed delighted by this turn of events. What, was Tim smaller than the usual bird chow?

He screamed again, high and sharp. Tim contorted to kick Jason in the face. Jason let him go by accident and then Tim was falling to the ground shoulder-first, he wasn’t going to be able to run away-

The scary apartment intruder caught him. “Tim?” He was baffled. “What’s wrong-”

Tim screamed again and tried to squirm away. He couldn’t escape. 

“Fuck,” Jason said, voice muffled through his elbow. “Fuck!” There was blood coming from his nose.

“This is typical,” said the child from earlier. Tim tried to see the speaker.

A Robin was standing there, arms crossed and unimpressed. 

Oh.

That was who got out of the passenger door. Tim calmed down and squirmed so that he could see Robin better. “What were you saying about a lion?” he asked. “Do you have a good place to keep one? Where would you put it? Have you had a lion before?”

“I have had tigers,” said Robin. “So you agree that it would be better-”

“Robin, no,” interrupted Batman. He was- Okay, Tim already knew that he was big. But he was truly huge up close.

The bad guy relaxed his grip. “Are you gonna break my nose if I let you go?” he asked Tim. He kind of laughed as he said it. 

Tim paused. He felt a little bad. “As long as there’s not really Big Bird here,” he reluctantly promised.

“...What?” said the bad man.

Jason started laughing hysterically. “That’s why-” He made a horrible groan and kind of lilted forward. “Fuck…”

The bad man let Tim go. Tim scrambled away and gave him a cautious head nod. Maybe he wasn’t that bad, even though he was an intruder.

“Why did you try to break into my hideout?” he asked. He did his level best to look intimidating. They didn’t know he was that scared. He’d managed to hurt Jason, after all, and Jason was even bigger than this guy.

Robin let out an irritated fricative. “Everyone here is a fool.” His announcement was so confident that Tim looked to him for elaboration. “Todd was bullying you by referring to Richard as ‘Big Bird.’ It is an asinine nickname. As I have said before, it only introduces unnecessary confusion and distress.” He was… kind of unpleasantly smug, Tim decided. But he wasn’t wrong.

“You’re not wrong,” Tim said. It was good manners to repeat your nice thoughts out loud. “So…” his voice trailed off and got small as he realized just how silly he looked. He’d had a total false alarm. “There’s no… the yellow Big Bird that eats children isn’t here?” His voice got really small by the end.

There was a moment of perfect silence.

“You told him that I eat children?” Richard- oh!!! Robin!!! That was the real Robin!!!!- kind of shouted at Jason. He was really mad. Wow! Tim beamed at him, fear forgotten. Holy cow, Robin!! Well, big Robin- oh, the nickname made more sense now!

Jason flipped Richard off.  He sort of snarled. “Serves you right, you walking sphincter-”

“Boys, please.” Batman took off his cowl. It was Bruceman Waynebat alright, but–

“You’re really old,” Tim said, too surprised to keep that inside thought where it belonged.

Batman looked exhausted.

“That is correct,” Robin agreed. “Father, I will escort Timothy-”

“No!” said all three of the adults at the same time.

That… That made Tim feel a little suspicious of Robin. He edged away the slightest bit.

Robin crossed his arms again. “Egregious,” he muttered to himself, and then turned on his heel with a flutter of his cape. He left the room without further comment.

Tim felt a little bad. “Bye!” he called. Robin did not slow down or respond at all. Tim wilted a little bit. It kind of felt like nobody liked him here. 

“I’m sorry.” 

Everyone looked at him. “Why are you sorry?” asked Richard.

Oh. Tim shrunk back. He didn’t know what the right answer was. What did they want? “Because I hit Jason with Mrs. Henderson’s mace?” he guessed meekly.

“He sprayed you with mace?” Richard seemed delighted.

Tim shook his head wildly, sending hair flying. “No!” He was distressed. “That would be mean!”

“Stop helping,” Jason muttered, but it was too late to stop saying,

“She has a Gothic mace,” Tim reported. “It weighs about 2 kilograms and I think it was from Western Europe. I don’t know if she legally owns it. It may be a replica but now that I think about it, it could be real and that would be neat.”

Richard made a sound like air escaping a balloon.

“Shut up!” Jason said. Then he looked at Tim. “Mrs. Henderson- why did you know that?” His voice was higher. “Was that your first time at Orange’s house?”

“He was WHERE,” Richard said, at the same time that Batman demanded, “Report!”

Everyone ignored Batman.

“No.” Tim shrunk back a bit. “I went there yesterday, too. Mrs. Henderson gave me hot chocolate and told me about child labor.”

Jason put his face in his hands again. His nose blood was trailing down his neck now. 

“I didn’t go into Mr. Orange’s house yesterday,” Tim admitted in the interest of fairness. “His windows were all closed. But I did talk to him a little.”

Richard made another teapot sound and picked Tim up. 

The big computer turned itself on. A pretty woman was-

“Batgirl!” Tim said, and waved enthusiastically at her. 

She lifted a hand back and stared at him. She had dark undereye circles, but she was still really pretty. “Zatanna should be there in a couple of minutes, so no one shoot her.”

Jason flipped Batgirl off as well and sort of sulked.

“Tim, I’m sorry that I missed your condition,” Batgirl said. “I would have offered you more support.”

“It’s okay,” Tim reassured her. “I had a good time. Tam gave me lots of fun stuff to do. And Jason was really nice to me.”

Everyone looked at Jason.

“Oh?” Batgirl said.

“I was not,” Jason said, sounding harassed. 

“Of course he was,” Tim said, kind of confused by the way they were acting. “Doesn’t he have to be?” He waited a moment. “He’s my boyfriend, right?”

Jason choked. Richard let out a loud “HA!” Batman made a sound that Tim had never heard before from a human and didn’t know how to classify. Kind of a ‘yack!” with lots of phlegm involved.

Oh, no. Tim laid out his evidence hastily. “He called me Baby,” Tim listed. 

“Baby Bird,” Jason corrected desperately.

“That’s not any better,” Richard said. He had a horrible weird grin that stretched too wide across his face. “It's certainly a pet name.”

“Die-”

Tim continued over their commentary, counting on his fingers. “He brought me soup!” He stressed it. “With dumplings in it- real dumplings!” That was important evidence. No one had made him real dumplings before that!

“I said that meant nothing!” Jason snapped.

“And my email signature says Tim Drake-Wayne,” Tim continued. “Bruce and Richard are really really old, so I couldn’t have married either one of them,” he said, practically. It was unthinkable.

Batgirl made a snort-laugh. “Good theory,” she said, catlike grin firmly in place. Richard was silent at that part.

“I’m gathering from context that I was wrong,” Tim admitted. He crossed his arms. “But I had good reason for the theory.” He felt a bit sullen about it. He didn’t deserve to get laughed at. 

“Tim.” Batman knelt in front of him and used his soft ‘I love you voice.’

Oh.

“I adopted you,” he said. He made serious eye contact.

Tim stared back. “Did you marry my mom?” he asked, heartbroken. “Wait- my Dad? Did you marry my Dad?!” He hit Batman in the chest, suddenly hysterical. “I hate you! You broke up my parents’ marriage?! Why would you seduce them?” He felt betrayed.

Batman caught his hands and hefted him up. “No, no, sweetheart,” he soothed. Everyone else was very quiet.

That was worse than Batman breaking up his parents’ marriage.

It had been a long week. That was Tim’s justification for bursting into tears if anyone asked him. He had been desperately avoiding thinking about the years-old postcard on the fridge and the fact that Mom hadn't video called him even once in the week he had been stranded here.

Batman bounced him and made shushing noises, his big warm hand moving up and down Tim’s back. 

“I wanna go hoooome,” Tim howled. He pressed his full body into Batman and clung with all his might. “I wanna go home, I want my mom!” He wailed.

“Oh, buddy,” Bruce said sadly. His breath hitched. “I know. I know, sweetheart.”

“Is it a bad time?”

Tim lifted his face. Through blurry tears he saw a new lady was there. “Where are your pants?” he sniffled.

“Yeah, Zatanna,” Jason said sweetly. “Where are your pants?”

She gave him a withering look. “This is Red Robin as a chick, then?” She pursed her lips at him. “Cute kid. You wanna go home?” She made a gesture for Batman to put him down.

Bruce hesitated. Tim smacked at his chest. “Yes,” he said. Bruce sort of sighed and let Tim down to the ground again.

“Let me get a good look at you.” She knelt to his level and muttered something with an offhand sort of gesture that she didn’t seem to do on purpose. Tim kept his back straight. “Alright, this is a quick fix. Wanna say goodbye?”

“Goodbye, little Timmy,” Richard said quickly. He sort of sniffled. Batgirl quickly echoed him. Batman sort of squeezed his shoulder and forced out a gruff goodbye.

Tim looked at Jason. Everyone else did, too. 

“Aren’t you going to say anything to your boyfriend?” Richard stage-whispered. Zatanna made a weird face.

Jason looked like he’d tasted something terrible. Tim shrunk back. “It’s okay,” he said in a small voice. “He doesn’t have to-”

“There goes my reputation,” Jason muttered, and came over to give Tim a hug. “Goodbye, baby bird. You did a really good job and we are all proud of you. Go home and give your Mom a hug for me, okay?”

“Softie,” Richard hissed. Tim didn’t care.

“I love you too,” Tim said, because that was the kind of thing adults meant when they said they were proud of you. “Okay, Miss Katana. I’m ready to go.”

“Zatanna,” she said. “Sa uoy erew eforeb!”

He sort of blacked out for a second.

Then Tim was 19 years old, 5 foot 6 inches tall, and standing in the Batcave surrounded by people who would make fun of him mercilessly for thinking Jason was his husband if he did not immediately deflect and make him the target of mockery instead. He was very lucky that he’d been dressed in his own clothes when he’d transformed. At least he looked normal. 

Bruce opened his mouth to ask a question. 

Tim cut him off. “You’re a big softie,” he immediately accused Jason. “Those dumplings were homemade. You checked in on me so many times. Can’t believe you accuse Dick of mothering us.” He made a shitty grin.

Jason reared back, affronted. Dick made a vindicated sound, apparently recovered from the psychic damage of being put in the same category of ‘too old’ as Bruce. Tim mentally lowered the risk level of Dick starting a teasing campaign against him in retaliation.

“Haha, you love me,” Tim taunted Jason, dangerously close to be playing this kind of game and too reckless to care. He wasn’t going down for this mess. “L!” He put his thumb and forefinger up to make an L on his forehead. “Loser!”

“Listen, you little shit,” Jason started. He balled up a fist and took a step forward.

Bruce cut him off. “Jason, it’s not embarrassing to love your little brother. Thank you for being so mindful of his health and checking in on his welfare. I’m very proud of you.”

Jason made a sound like a cat throwing up.

“Yeah, I’m going to go,” Zatanna said flatly. She nodded to Tim. “If anything seems wrong, just text me. Oracle, don’t contact me.”

“Love you too,” Barbara said cheerfully. 

Zatanna gave her a withering look and portalled away.

Tim ducked away and ran upstairs before Jason could lunge at him. Behind him he heard a scuffle start up. “Little Wing, you need to get checked out,” Dick said sweetly. Glass broke. “Alfred! Jason needs caretaking!”

“No, I need to kick Tim’s ass!” Jason howled. Tim made it to the stairs and started taking them two at a time.

He passed Alfred going the other way. “Master Tim,” Alfred said, forcing him to stop fleeing. Jason wouldn’t get him with Alfred right there anyway. Alfred was home base for these games. “Are you staying for the night?”

Tim opened his mouth to say ‘No’ because really, he didn’t need to be here when he was an adult who had his own place. Then he thought about how he’d felt alone in his apartment for the last week, longing for human connections and so hungry for approval that he’d gratefully accepted whatever task a friendly stranger suggested to him. 

“Yeah, I’ll stay for the weekend,” Tim said, and ambushed Alfred with a hug. Alfred went stiff, but wrapped an arm around his back a moment later. “Love you.” He broke away and started running up the stairs again. He barely heard the answering sentiment.

It was good to be home.

…He kind of wanted soup.

[the-crooked-library]

Okay I wanted to tell you that I'm literally drinking your posts about Nosferatu, thank you so much for sharing all your thoughts! You're helping me better shaping my own opinions.

And I have another thing that can't leave my mind so I thought to share: Ellen is in perfect control of Orlok, and it's never the other way round.

She is the one that summons him first, and after their first encounters (I got the feeling that they met more than once before her father discovered her and the encounters got unpleasant, but I might be wrong), when she rejects him out of fear and disgust, *he leaves her be*. Okay, he visits her in her dreams, but dreams are manageable, right? In fact Ellen moves on, she tries to build a reasonable life, she falls in love, and Orlok just leaves her be. It's only when she marries that he acts: because the vows of marriage can break the oath they took years ago.

And even if moved by jealousy and rage, even if he is so powerful that he can control animals, weather and human minds, even if he can bring the plague to a whole city, even if he kills and tortures everyone, he can't touch her unless she gives her permission, her consent. He barely even look at her without her permission.

And in the end he knows the dawn is approaching, he knows he's gonna die, he is more than satisfied, more than fulfilled, but she says "more" and so he stays. And he dies. Because she wanted for him to die.

I don't think Ellen is fully aware of her power and control over him since the beginning, because to admit to herself this much is too much for her. A part of her still wants and impossible normal life. But surely she knows. She places her hair in the lock...

And in the end she fully embraces this power, to the extent of her own death too.

I think this is what hit me the most in this movie. How big a role the girl plays in the action of the vampire.

hi - and thank you so so much! I am delighted to hear that you've been enjoying my posts about this film, because, quite frankly, I haven't been able to shut up about it at any point since I saw it.

Regarding Ellen's control of Orlok: this might be just my opinion, but I think it is strongly reminiscent of the dynamic between Sarah and Jareth in Labyrinth (1986)! Sarah's situation is, naturally, less traumatic than Ellen's - but she is the heroine of a coming-of-age fantasy film, rather than a gothic horror, so that comes with the territory. The point is, their stories share the same essential plot beats and deal with a similar subject matter, and Sarah's story is punctuated by her interactions with the Goblin King. Like Orlok, he is ancient and in some ways immortal; he is obsessive, dangerous, and magical in a way that does not fit in with the Normal World - which provides a point of endless fascination for Sarah, who also feels like an outsider in it. As such, the Goblin King both excites and terrifies her, he adores her and menaces her at the same time - and, crucially, he has no power over her. Here's how the story develops:

the loneliness, the frustration with her life

the summons, however accidental

friends/family in danger

at the same time - thrill, excitement, seduction, obsession

fairy tale time limit - 13 hours or 3 nights

confrontation/declaration of love, offer of eternity

the evil is defeated because he isn't actually in control.

The Goblin King begs Sarah to just fear him, love him, and vows to be her slave if she does; Orlok does much the same, insisting time and time again that Ellen isn't meant for the human world - that he would give her the companionship she wanted for all eternity; and the same pattern repeats in a plethora of other media as well, vampire, fairytale, and various derivations thereof.

Just to throw a few examples into the mix - Ellen Hutter, Christine Daaé, Sarah Williams, Will Graham, and Louis de Pointe du Lac all follow that specific dance. Each one of their respective monsters seduces, threatens, adores, coerces, rages - and eventually submits. Orlok is reverent as he stays with Ellen past the sunrise; Erik releases Christine in the finale; the Goblin Kingdom crumbles, Hannibal kneels in the snow and falls from the cliff, and Lestat allows Louis to slit his throat. For the pursued, this is, first and foremost, a story of self-actualization; and a fantasy of being loved so deeply that it supersedes all other possible concerns. None of these characters have ever felt loved by another human being - and so it's not surprising that the thing that wants them so much isn't human. It's really more of a reasonable assumption than a leap.

I absolutely agree that Ellen's actions are often very subtly questionable, in a way that almost feels like reaching; and I think that this is likely the intention - though that could be debated until the cows come home, given a contrary enough group of people. Still, in the film itself, she is indeed torn between Morality and Desire. Lines are inevitably blurred. The locket miniature for Thomas, the perfumed lock of hair for Orlok; a sacrifice for the city, a night of passion for her.

One proper, sane; the other invariably personal, close to the skin - clinging, like the scent of lilacs; and it could be said that this dilemma is best encapsulated by her description of a dream she had in the very beginning of the movie. In it, she is wedded to Death. None of the witnesses survive it. She is horrified, she has never been happier in her life, and it's rooted in the very core of her anguish. Because what sort of thing is she, if the only person that loves her wholly is a monster?..

[strangelittlestories]

Everyone said that Xinyu the necromancer was a 'death' of fresh air.

Ever since she arrived at the Tower of Erudition, it had felt less stuffy.

A skeletal bard now played gothic renditions of the land’s most popular music in the common room.

She had summoned ghosts to haunt the library's index system, so that books were easier to find and late night research was more companionable.

And after one particularly memorable resurrection, an undead dragon could ferry wizards who struggled with stairs up and down the many knowledge-stuffed storeys.

Some of the professors still wished she would pay more attention to her studies, saying:

“Mages are only permitted so much time at the Tower in one lifetime. Stay too long and the archival sphinx will consume you. Don't you want to fit in as much learning at you can?

To which she would reply:

“Don’t worry, I'll be back in my next lifetime. They say 'you only live once', but I say that's quitter talk!"

Then she would wink her solar eclipse of a wink and go back to whichever project had her attention at the moment.

In her final year, she was named Head Girl. She was always available to help students with their concerns; she operated a strict ‘open grave’ policy.

One day, a student came to see her in the students’ common room (which she had renamed the ‘common tomb’).

"Pull up a chair, I just cast Blaze Dead." Said Xinyu.

"Do you mean Raise Dead?"

"I certainly do not!" she replied and took a drag on a long black cigarette. The smoke smelled faintly of sweet decay.

“I, uh, need help. I think.” the student said, a tremble of nerves in their voice.

“That's what I'm here for.”

“I found something in the archives. Well, *someone*, I suppose.”

This was odd. If a sphinx ate you, it wouldn't leave anything left to be found. All the data that was your body would just be added to the Knowledge Chorus at the heart of the Tower.

“And you want me to speak to them?”

“Maybe? I tried going to my academic supervisor. But, they, uh … I think they've been replaced?”

“So it's gonna be dangerous?” Xinyu’s smile had something of a skull's rictus grin about it.

“Probably.” The student got up. “I'm sorry. I shouldn't get you mixed up in this. You're busy and you're nice and I don't want you to disappear…”

"Oh no. You have presented a student welfare issue and I am honour-bound to intervene.”

“I did mention the danger, right?”

“Hey.” Xinyu took another look drag of her corpse joint. “It's better to have girled and bossed than never to have bossed at all."

“I'm not sure that makes sense.”

“No, but it sounded cool, right?”

[fagcifer]

a rare appearance on my blogs; women.

a good amount of eps prominent enough female characters are all in the lilac/ourple range. the colour purple sure can mean a lot of things but i have no idea what purple could mean for any of them, except for aria. the names aria KING and purple symbolised royalty or whatever.

the barely visible right arm and brown hair is cassiels. i cropped her out because im still trying to find a douyin art tutorial that fits her. i have posted the unfinished work before, but shell look better than last time. (hopeful)

this was supposed to be a warm up that took surprisingly long, because i took a nap half-way through.

discussing additional details on the girls; gave aria pearls because i think theyre classy. edit; though now looking back at it, maybe it shoulve been a dainty gold necklace. the pearls look too costumey to me now.

changed annabelle fashion genre(?) to himegyaru, or whatever the label is, i am still trying to learn the many sub culture. i think anna is supposed to be some sort of maybe gothic lolita type but uhhhh. i saw bows and lace and like, huh! the dress i have in my head is really cute. (more drawings of girls!)

and allen because B.G. ( ＾ω＾ )

have to express that i hate the wooden limbs sano had for his dolls. yeah its much more accessible than perhaps porcelain or resin but could he just,,, not use wood. insert a prosthetists or something.

id imagine the wood would eventually accumulate a certain, distinct smell after use, if the original wood didnt already have a distinct wood smell, then it certainly wood (badum-tss) after a while.

also also, annabelle used to look incredibly docile, almost meek, like a deer in headlight which i think was very cute. i dont know what changed, or maybe its just the fact that mc is also occupying the same space as her being the (future) resident doll that got her so snappy, and perhaps jealous and horrified of being replaced!

[princelylove]

Sometimes it just feels better to turn your brain off and let someone else do aaaallll of the thinking for you.

Dumbification comes in a few different forms. Dollification and bimbofication, mainly. What's the difference?

Wellll. Dollification could be a number of things. People like all different kinds of dolls. Porcelain ones that sit on the shelf and do nothing but collect dust all day, action figures that can be posed, sex dolls that you inflate like a balloon and have your way with, rag dolls that have been through the war, actual stuffed animals, the list goes on. A doll is anything their owner wants them to be that day. That's what playing pretend is all about!

I see quite a few of my yandere interpretations being into dollifcation for their darling. Unfortunately not many for themself, but it's alright.

I think it's obvious that Jotaro loves dolls. Porcelain dolls, those fabric dolls with frilly dresses... he thinks they're just oh-so-cute. It's a shame they break so easily. He usually would go for someone that's already a bit doll-like- maybe their skin resembles porcelain, or their fashion sense makes for an obvious comparison.

I've spoken a bit in the past about Jotaro's fascination with lolita fashion, but it really does make a little too much sense to me. It scratches an itch for him. You either get it or you don't. The 'sweeter' styles- classic lolita, sweet lolita, hime lolita, even gothic lolita, they're all appealing. It's not necessarily the colors, it's about the amount of frills and lace and layers. He probably has a thing for petticoats because of it.

Jotaro's ideal day with his favorite dolly is nothing special. He'd prefer his doll on a shelf, safe and sound from the elements. It's not that he's a collector, it's that his darling is his prized possession. Taking care of it makes sense. He just wishes you'd stop thinking so much.

Yukako thinks you're better when you're finally broken in. You're just so much cuter when you let her dress you up and take you out! It irks her that you're not talking, but she can get you a voice box! Communication cards? Something! Maybe you're just shy. Aha. Ahahahahahahahahahahha.

She thinks a darling with a modern, feminine fashion sense is the cutest. Girly, but fitting for her age. If that isn't what she initially wears, Yukako has no problem gifting her some pieces here and there until her closet is full of cute clothes! Or, just. You know. Kidnapping her and not giving her any say in the matter. Either works. Have fun taking lots of pictures with Yukako!

There's a lot of yandere interpretations of mine that enjoy 'total bombshells,' but what about an actual bimbo? For some yanderes, it's about taking an entirely normal person and making them a mindless slut, for others it's about trapping one out in the wild and taking it home. It's your own little barbie! Or a bratz doll, depending on their style, I guess. Who can really tell?

Pannacotta isn't the type to openly degrade someone, his insults take a second or two to really process. He loves the adorable look on your face while you're thinking about it. Really, he's fine with you dressing however you want to, he just wanted you to know that it's fine in the first place. You know, some people don't prefer their girlfriends to dress like that, but he doesn't mind at all.

He knows how to keep his darling in the mindset. I think I've spoken a bit about Pannacotta's inclination for mind games and conditioning, of course he's into the process of bimbofication. So rewarding to do it himself, even more rewarding to keep his darling in such a state. It's a slow process, but it's worth it. He's more patient than his interactions with Narancia would have you believe. You're not Narancia, are you? Gooood, no you're not. It's simple, really. Reward behaviors you want to repeat, punish behaviors you want to stop. The reward depends on the darling, but the punishment.... it's Pannacotta. You can guess.

His conditioning is very slow. It takes a while to break someone in, but it takes an even longer while to learn someone's exact niche. He starts off by 'helping' with simple things. Things you can absolutely do by yourself, but are currently having an issue with. He'll use a machine for you, like a coffee machine or a ticket machine. Can't think of a word? Tell him the definition, he'll help. Pannacotta's gentle and firm, and fine with taking the time to learn what makes his darling tick. He loves to study, anyway. He'll figure out what his darling appreciates, and harp on it. It's often infantilizing, but hey, Panna's just Like That. Oftentimes both Guido and Narancia will excuse his behavior for him, the guy's a bit of a control freak. Just let him have whatever he's worried about and the guy'll go away.

He likes to emphasize the syllables in 'big' words here and there for you. Slowly says them, even. It's im...pera...tive... that you don't forget to call him back later.

Jolyne has never felt comfortable embracing her girlier side, she appreciates people that are openly feminine and comfortable about it. She just has a sort of mental block when it comes to her own femininity- she used to love being called "Jojo," and God knows what other cutesy, girly names, but now cringes at the thought. To her, femininity is vulnerability, and she's just not ready to embrace her old self again. Pretending- no, really being- tough is her new way of life. A darling that's already feminine, and needs her.... it's hitting a niche she didn't think she'd like.

Honestly, the dumber they are, the better. The first time Jolyne ever heard her darling say "Huuuh?" it was love. She wouldn't consider herself to be above average when it comes to stuff like that, but she's smart enough, in her eyes. She loooves when her darling asks her questions- rely on her. Keep coming to her. No, she's got zero fuckin' idea how half of the shit you're asking about works, but she can read something and sum it up for you. Maybe read it to you, add in a few extra words she thinks you don't know... (Author's note: Jolyne actually does know some niche things, she pulls out a Mobius strip in canon. Her intelligence and creativity is negated by the fact that darling is probably asking if she knows if there's carbs in butter. No idea, sweetheart.... no idea. Let's go look.)

Jolyne isn't really one for mind games, so breaking in her darling isn't going to come naturally. She's more likely to fall for someone that's already like that, or shows signs of it. Jolyne's someone that struggles to use her words, but finds it easy to do things for someone she likes or bring them gifts. Girls like you like makeup, yeah? Here. She'll leave it where only you could find it- assuming you're both in jail, she'd put it in your bed, under the covers. Seriously prays you aren't all tuckered out after headcount and don't just drop your dead weight on this palette she had to fork over a benjamin for....

It's worth it when she gets to watch your lips as you talk. Perfect, glossy.... sooo much happier now that she's helping you express yourself... Huh? She heard you, yeah. Say it again though, but slower...

[sprintingowl]

Candela Obscura

I'm very late to the party, but I finally read Candela Obscura. It's a weird TTRPG---but in a lot of soft ways. It's a bad fit for 50% of DnD players, and a really good fit for 25% of DnD players. It's easy to use if you're good at ignoring the rules, and quite difficult if you need rules structure to feel comfortable.

Anyway, here's a quick review.

Candela Obscura is an Edwardian supernatural TTRPG built out of bits from several popular story-forward systems. The dice are d6s. You roll a couple and count the highest one. If you want, you can spend your meter to add more dice. And if you keep a specific fancy die (even if its roll was bad,) you get some of the meter back.

There is damage and combat and equipment and classes, but the system doesn't feel like it actually wants these things at all, and their role is overall kind of minimal. You don't hit level seven and unlock a new power that completely transforms play. You shuffle some points between your stats occasionally---either after a few sessions or when you die.

Dying doesn't kill you in Candela Obscura. You just take some lasting trauma and rejoin the group the next time they rest. This is going to feel like the destruction of reality itself to folks who are very deep into the DnD ruleset, but what this does is prioritize the story in Candela. You're not going to get your character killed off by a stray crit. You don't have to optimize to do board game combat in order to tell a complete story. You play your blorbo as long as you want to.

Simply put, I think this is a game for former theater kids (said as a former theater kid.) The game's mechanics are there if you want to invoke them, but if what you want to actually do is gloom around parlors, poke around dusty curio shops, write gothic poetry for your phantasmal beloved, and lounge louchely out of the back of a stagecoach on the way to the count's manor, this is a pretty good system for that.

When you rely on Candela's mechanics to give it substance, they don't do that at all. So Candela's substance has to come from atmosphere, acting, the fun of performing the game vs the fun of winning it.

In fact, I'd argue that if you downscaled the rules into something you could run as a larp, it'd be a better system (and a decent larp.)

Lore-wise, Candela isn't breaking any new ground, so I'm not going to go into super deep detail here. If you've got some Gail Carriger books on your shelf, you're already in the right ballpark. Magic is dangerous. You're part of a group that investigates it. Other secret societies want different things from magic, and sometimes a big monster comes galumphing through the veil between worlds and everyone has to deal with that.

Candela does take care to establish that its world is one in which prejudice does not exist, and I think this is a well-intentioned fumble. Giving groups tools to remove or downplay prejudice as an element from their game (Lines & Veils, X Card, etc,) that's good. Not everyone wants to confront the miseries of the world during their leisure activity. But saying "there's no prejudice in this empire." I dunno. Sorta misses some key things about empires.

Overall, though, the lore is easy to work with and there's quite a lot of it. You get a very good sense of what the setting is like, even just flipping through, and this is aided by the lovely art and layout. It's a nice looking book.

So, would I recommend Candela Obscura? Kinda™

If you've already played a bunch of indie games and you want something Edwardian supernatural, it's a solid pick. If you've only played DnD but you ignore the rules more than you use them, this is also good for that style of play! If you want a game specifically about combat, that you can strategize and win, this is absolutely not that and you'll have a bad time trying to make it do those things.

I do hope Candela Obscura grows more of an audience, as I'd love to see the kinds of indie games that its hyper-presence in the scene would inspire. It's also something I feel like I could run comfortably, and would be happy to play in---even if it's not a top five system for me.

If you've played it, or if I've gotten anything wrong in my review, please feel free to let me know. And if you haven't played it, but I've inspired you to, heck yeah. It's available at the link below.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for catfishing/lying to my friends?

Ok, I know some people will say this is fake or bait or whatever but 🤷‍♂️ This isn't pressing or anything, either, I just wanna see what people think because the situation was wild.

I'm not sure if this fits into what people consider catfishing but I don't think there's a better word for it. When I (ftm) was young (11 or so) I faked having a boyfriend to all my friends. He was a cool, older emo boy that I talked to on kik.

My friends eventually asked more questions (I'm pretty sure they thought he was fake lmao) I made a fake kik for him so they could talk to him. I would pretend to be him to talk to them.

From there things just spiraled. They asked to talk to him other ways? I made an email and got a texting app on my ipod. They wanted to see him? I got pictures that were just random emo boys off of google images.

I kept up this lie for all of middle school (11-13) for about 3-6 girls I was close friends with. I never came clean.

Now, I'm sure they had to know? I'd use pictures of different emo boys, it was rarely consistent. He had a super fake name (think like, gothic literary references). In hindsight? I was just enjoying pretending to be a boy and being treated like one. But still, probably weird. They talked to him pretty regularly as if he was human. I'm autistic though, and if they didn't believe in him and were all laughing behind my back I had no idea. I think they really did believe though, because, I'll be honest, a few of them were a little gullible (I'm not above this! I believed another friend when she said she was a mermaid princess.)

I'm only submitting this because I told the story to some friends recently and they all reacted with shock and horror. I think it's weird tween girl behavior tbh, no big deal. He was just another member of our friend group in a distant way. I was weirdly addicted to lying for attention or something. No harm no foul. I'd ask these girls/come clean, but we don't talk anymore and it's been like over a decade. If I was an asshole I'll just know not to tell it as a funny anecdote anymore.

(Also if any of the girls involved happen across this, hiiii, sorry. And double sorry if this is how you realize he was fake 😬)

tl;dr: When I was 11 I pretended to be my own emo boyfriend to like, be friends with my own friends x2 and to get more attention ig? I have no idea if this is a funny story I can tell my friends a decade later now, or if I should bury it in shame and never tell anyone.

What are these acronyms?

[helle-bored]

A non-exhaustive list of weilan fics I’ve loved, for a truly diverse variety of reasons, in no particular order!

State of Matter by naye (~13k, T)

I am a simple soul who loves a) Shen Wei whump and b) hurt/comfort and c) hypothermia/huddling for warmth tropes and d) survival stories where characters get out of pants-shittingly bad situations via putting one foot in front of the other for way longer than they want to be doing that. This is a great fic for all of those things.

–

All-Consuming by ratbones (~119k, E)

Zombie AU! Everything about this fic is exquisite – the pacing, dialogue, descriptions, characterization – everything. Having already loved both the novel and drama versions of Zhao Yunlan and Shen Wei before reading this, I think this fic is my favorite version of them. Also, I know a bunch of us like to good-naturedly poke fun at how baby!Shen Wei’s crush plays out in the drama, but this is a fic that absolutely sells the idea that Shen Wei would fall in love with Zhao Yunlan in basically one night. Fuck, I’d love him too! I kind of do! Feels like watching a very good zombie movie. Has A+ humor, interesting science, a wrenching penultimate chapter. Please read this and come yell at me about it! You can read it fandom-blind. 

–

The Unexpected Legacy by FayJay (~84k, E)

Regency AU! Gorgeously written. One of the most scorching, horniest weilan fics I’ve read in terms of pent-up yearning, and that is a full compliment. I’m also a big fan of the climactic confrontation, which shows how much Zhao Yunlan cares about Shen Wei in a pretty visceral and unpleasant, typical fairytale way, something I enjoy because I am a sadist for that kind of horrifying devotion. One of my favorite Ye Zuns – he’s such a fantastic, complex, loveable brat. No twincest in the main fic, but if that’s your flavor you can also check out the sequels.

–

Not All Those Who Wander by Xparrot (~23k, T) 

This one is a bit hard to describe. It’s like a… post-apocalyptic fairytale AU fix-it?, and the writing is beautiful. I love how it plays with the novel versions of Kunlun and a young Shen Wei. Kind of desolate and bittersweet, but hopeful too. 

–

Day After Day | 日复一日 by hideyseek (~24k, T)

What do you say about a fic where the middle-aged original characters are still in your mind months later? Great timeloop casefic with a slowly unwinding mystery.

– 

Ghost Story by clevermanka (~90k, E)

Haunted house AU! I’m kind of a baby about haunted house stuff, and some parts of it toe the line of being too creepy for me – the slowly building malevolence has great atmosphere and is genuinely unpleasant in parts. Also really enjoyed the bizarre, earnest, kinky ghost sex, which by all accounts really shouldn’t work as well as it does. (Enthusiasm goes a long way when one of you is a ghost.) Has a proper gothic story arc that’s fitting for the fic as a whole. Also features a fantastic Zhu Hong who is saddled with way more bullshit than she deserves. I think about this fic a lot; it has a really strong sense of presence.

–

Rapture by ratbones (~104k, M)

Cyberpunk AU! ratbones does it AGAIN with this fic. damn. This one feels a little less serious than All-Consuming and moves along at a faster pace that suits the glittering cyberpunk theme, but it still manages to cram in body horror and existential angst and just a lot of really lovely ways of looking at what it means to be human, without any of it ever dragging down the plot. I read it all on a 6-hour flight and may or may not have teared up over a robot – not that anything’s new about me crying about robots, but all the robots I’ve ever cried over have also been people, and so is Kunlun. Anyway. This is a fun romp that will probably NOT make anyone cry except for me, and it is another fic with an excellent Ye Zun. 

–

Better, Safe (~5k, E) and Whipped (~3k, E) by clevermanka

I’m listing these together because they go together in my head – clevermanka has a handful of lovely short fics that are either outright kink or kink-leaning, and these two are my faves. I love reading stuff that digs into the easy give and take between the boys as they’re passing the baton of who’s in control back and forth, and what control looks like for both of them, and what ceding it looks like, and how they enjoy each other’s differences, and how courteous and careful they are with each other without it being awkward, like it’s just a built-in part of sex for them. Joyful and hot.

–

Spiders Crawling by tinypinkmouse (~38k, E)

…Spider… AU... Look. Shen Wei is spiders. I have to include this because I have never ever in my life read anything else where the main love interest is spiders, and the mental image of Shen Wei getting so flustered about questions he doesn’t want to answer that he just spontaneously bursts into spiders feels perfectly in-character (and also weirdly adorable). I would not be able to stand this in real life, but Zhao Yunlan has a remarkable ability (canonical) to be cheerfully into some weird shit. Worth clicking on for the what-the-fuck factor, and then reading because you get unironically sucked into the concept of Shen Wei being spiders.

–

The Coherence of Light by Xparrot (~3k, E)

Sometimes (all the time) I just want to read porn that's hot and funny and in-character. I could happily read a hundred fics just like this.

–

Scorched Earth, Deep Ocean by margrave (~35k, E)

Omegaverse palace drama AU! Emperor Kunlun, secretly an omega, performs a series of political maneuvers to cement his position as an omega Emperor – as well as to recognize his new concubine Shen Wei, former general of the enemy kingdom of Dixing and war prize given away by the Dixing Emperor during peace negotiations, as a consort accepted by the court and father of any future legitimate heirs to the throne. I was pleasantly surprised at how much fun I had reading this one, considering the action primarily focuses around court politics. Bonus: Zhu Hong is GREAT. Absolutely love her. 

–

unmoored by nanimono_da (~43k, M)

Post-canon fix-it! If you want something that dives really really deeply into the bodily experience of living through heavy grief, I actually think this does an uncomfortably good job of showing what than can be like. Reading it feels like treading water in the ocean when it’s raining and you can’t see the shore. Cathartic; draining. HURT/comfort. Has a happy ending. The illustrations are so, so pretty.

–

Echo by Absolutelytrash (~26k, T)

Post-canon AU! Technically unfinished, but it leaves off at a pretty satisfying spot imo. Zhao Yunlan is taken hostage in exchange for the Hallows. I find the psychology around the perpetrator to be absurdly fascinating and very well done. I also enjoyed(?) watching Zhao Yunlan’s disintegration as he’s tortured under circumstances he does not believe he will survive, and the impact that this experience has on him later on.

[fandomtherapy44]

Sober Buddies Ch.1 Help lines and cults

Summary: Y/n is new at college and trying to find a footing in everything. When she meets a guy who introduces her to something that could really help find her path.

warnings : Swearing

WC/ 2.3k

AN/ Hey Ya'll welcome to my serious I'm so excited to make this series. So it will use some plot lines from season six but a lot will change including CJ but his key character notes will still be there. Without further ado enjoy Sober buddies.

I got the divider from

Firefly Graphics

College, was an escape from my life at home, something I had always wanted. And in Boston: my dream since I was a freshman in high school. At Worthington, I had worked so hard to get here, and I finally did. It's about two weeks away from the start of school and today I get to check out my dorm that I’m sharing with two other girls- which should be fun, hopefully. I walked into the room where three beds were barely fitting together. I put my things on the middle bed when the door bursts open. “Uh, who the hell are you?” I turn and a pretty blond girl is standing there. 

“Um, I'm Y/N, your roommate, nice to meet you.” I hold out my hand and she looks down at it like it was covered in shit. “Okay, I'm just going to assume that you're a germaphobe.” 

“Don't mind her, she's Audrey, and I'm Joey.” This girl, a brunette, actually shakes my hand. “Y/N, I'm so happy this worked out!” Audrey looks confused. “Well, she needed a place and thought, why not us?” Joey explained to Audrey, who looked like you had killed her dog in front of her.

“I promise I won't be annoying. I will even let you have the first shower of the morning Audrey.” I tried to appeal to her queen bee side.

“Fine you can stay, but don’t touch my clothes, okay?”

I raise my right hand in the air as if swearing an oath. “I promise and cross my heart and all that.” Hopefully these girls and I can become friends and Audrey won't kill me in my sleep for accidentally grabbing her dress.

It had been a couple of weeks- and it was now one week before school started. Audrey and I hadn't really been besties, but Joey and I had a pretty great rapport going on. I was looking at my classes and trying to get a handle on what I should be studying, when Audrey came bursting in. “Omg oh my gosh, do you know where Joey is?” 

I looked around. Clearly not, I thought. “I don't know Audrey, I think studying at the library, maybe.” Audrey sits down on her bed with a huff.

“Why is she studying? School doesn't even start for another week,” Audrey sighs. I knew that Joey’s English class was stressing her out. 

“Um, probably for her English class, I heard it's super hard.” 

“Right, little Miss Perfect does the super hard class and will probably get all A’s.” I could tell by the tone of her voice that this was mostly a projection of whatever had happened that she needed to talk to Joey about. 

“You know, Audrey, you could always talk to me. I can guarantee you that I've faced a similar problem.” She gives me a dirty side eye but gives in.

“I guess since you're the only one here.” 

“Great, I love being the last choice.” I set down my books and sit down on the ground criss-cross applesauce style. She rolls her eyes at me. 

“Shush my problems, remember.” 

“Yes, I do,” I reply.

“Well, I was at the bar with my boyfriend. His name is Pacey.” I nod my head trying to keep up. “And we were playing pool when this gothic hot chick came walking up- and this is the woman that he wants to live with!” Audrey threw her arms up in a dramatic flare.

“I'm confused, Audrey. Number one: what do you mean by living with her and two: why would that be a problem?” She looks shocked by my answer. 

“What do you mean, ‘what do I mean’? She's hot, he wants to move, and she has space in her apartment.”

“Okay, but I'm still confused as to why it would be bad to move to a better place.” At my response, I notice Audrey is becoming more impatient.

“Because Duh! Y/N, she's hot!”

It seems like this girl has a whole lot of issues- but I'm not one to talk on that. “Look, Audrey, do you trust Pacey?” She doesn't even hesitate. 

“Yes but-” 

“There's your answer.” 

“But-” 

“But, you trust your boyfriend, and that’s what matters, even if the girl is a supermodel. If he's as good as you make him sound, then he won't even look in her direction.” Audrey takes that in. 

“I guess you're right, you know, you're not half bad L/N.” She gives me a little respectful nod. 

“Same to you, Lindell.” 

School was happening tomorrow, and I had thankfully gotten all things done. Now, I had more time to get to know Jen and her grandma, who were really sweet so far. They are sitting at a table and I go to them. “Hey Jen, Evelyn.” I greeted as I sat. 

“Oh please sweetheart, call me Grams, everyone does.” She smiles at me warmly.

“Okay great! If it's okay with you, what are we talking about?” Jen has no problem catching me up.

“Well, Y/N, Grams here has only picked up a math book because of a certain someone who teaches it.” 

“Aww, I think that's cute.” Jen did not agree with me. 

“l think it's a slippery slope. l mean, one minute you're taking an interest, and the next...you're sublimating your own thoughts and desires, and for what? For a chance to participate in the great patriarchal heterosexist fraud…”

“...that is better known as monogamy?” I answer in her pause. She gives me a quick look.

“ls that how you wanna spend your golden years? Folding some man's laundry and pretending to share an interest? l mean, haven't we come further as a sex--?” She stops and looks behind me. And she stares for a second. 

“Hi. I'm sorry, are we bothering you?” Jen asked the stranger behind me. I got curious enough and turned to see one of the most handsome men I had ever seen. “Because if it's not too much trouble, you could get your own conversation.”

“No. Sorry.” He apologized but I had a feeling he wasn't done yet. “I've been sitting there trying to figure out where l met you before… and suddenly I realized I've never met you before.” I chuckle at that. 

“Great. Well, I'm really glad that we got that figured out,” Jen states, blandly.

“I've heard you on the radio.” I knew he wasn't done.

“Jen, you were on the radio? I never knew!” I exclaimed while hitting her arm in excitement. 

“Ow! And you didn't know because it's not important. And you.” She turned back to the guy. “Okay, you got me. I'm busted. l was on the radio. But I'm not anymore, so thank you very much for listening, and bye-bye.” She tried to end the conversation. 

“So, did you get fired, or what?” The man continued.

“What is this, an interview?” Jen looks annoyed.

“I'm just curious.” 

“Well, let's just say that l had some artistic differences with the new management.” Well, that sucks she had to give that up because of a dick in a suit, I thought. “Fine. Then we'll just say that,” Jen concludes.

“Fine.” The man replies. Then Grams comes in for the clutch. 

“Excuse me, young man. Would you care to join us?”

Grams had gone, I assume, to talk to the particular professor teaching math. While the guy had joined us. 

“I'm CJ.” 

“Y/N, and this radio host is Jen.” She rolls her eyes and I nudge her. 

“It's nice to meet you two.” 

“You too, CJ.” We had gotten on the subject of where we were living, and Jen mentioned that she is currently living with her grandma.

“No, l think it's nice.” 

“Yeah, that's what everybody says. ‘Oh, you live with your grandma. That's so sweet,’. How do they know l don't beat her and leave her tied to the radiator all winter?” 

“Ah, so that's the screaming I hear when I come over.” I added in. CJ laughed at my joke.

“ls this a cry for help?” CJ asked Jen. 

“Do l look like l need help?” 

“No. Actually, you look like someone who'd probably be good at giving it.” Jen hears that and immediately gets up and begins leaving, practically running for the hills.

“This has happened to me before. This religion thing is not really–” She is already halfway down the stairs. 

“Ha, just one Second CJ,” I say. He gives me a friendly smile. 

“Sure.” I went after her.

“Jen, wait- we should hear him out.” 

“Y/N, he was totally giving weird vibes. Are you coming?” I looked back and I felt something. 

“I think I'll stay.” 

“Well, call me if you need help out of the cult and remember nine for Joey’s surprise.” 

“Gotcha.” With that, she leaves. I turn back to CJ trying to think of some good reason.

“Hey, uh, so she had to leave for a class.” We sat back down. 

“No she didn't, class doesn't start till tomorrow.” I give a small smile. 

“You're right, sorry.” 

“It's okay I know everyone isn't for the whole ‘helping thing,’ but you're still here.” I looked around and he was right, I was, which was weird for me too. 

“I guess I am- uh, you said something about helping people?” I question. 

“Right- um… no matter how I say this I'm going to sound like a dork. Have you ever heard of The Stand?” He looks at me like he expects me to run away. 

“No, no, I never have. I just moved here from Cali so I don't know a lot of stuff here. What's The Stand?” CJ gets this look of confidence. 

“It’s a peer counseling program.” I think about it. 

“So I help people.” 

“Yes yes exactly! There's an information session tonight at seven.” He hands me a pamphlet on it. 

“I'll be there and maybe I can convince Jen that this is not a cult,” He says, with a small chuckle.

“That would be great! I can't wait to see you there.” He pats my shoulder in a friendly way and he leaves. I felt a sensation of butterflies rising up from my stomach, but I quickly grabbed a fly swatter and squished them. 

I had walked over to Jen’s house. “Hey, was escaping the cult hard?” I sat down on the couch laughing at her joke. 

“Very funny Jen, actually he was talking about the stand. Have you heard about that?” She gives me a comical look. 

“Yes, it's a call line where people call to complain about who's dating who and if the professor is going to give them an A or not.”

“I thought it was a little more serious than that,” I replied. “Well, whatever it is, I'm going to go to the information session tonight. You should come; if CJ was right about anything, it is that you would be good with helping people.” She sighs and glances down.

“Ok fine I'll go. We can pick up Joey’s gift after. And are you sure that you're not doing this just because CJ is ungodly hot?”

“No, I mean it helps, but he's not the reason I'm going to go.” I wish there was something like this when I was going through… no, I'm not going to think about that. I'm here to move on from that.

Jen and I went into the building and it was covered in inspiring posters and quotes. “On the nose much?” Jen commented, scanning the room. 

“I like it, let's get a good seat.” Which wouldn't be hard. There were tons of spots; I guess the word didn't get out. The speaker started and I was trying hard to listen, but Jen- not so much.

“So as l was saying, most of what we do around here. is simply information and referrals. And 99 times out of 100 just reminding someone to take a deep breath and to keep on breathing is enough. Tomorrow will be another day. For you too. Which brings me to our number one rule around here: Never be afraid to ask for a hug at the end of a tough day.” At that Jen left. I leave my bag.

“Jen, wait, wait!”

“I'm sorry Y/N, I can't do that. If you want to stay, great, but I can't. I'll see you later.” She turns to leave. 

“Jen!” I sadly go back to my space on the couch. I go to look at my notes when the space next to me gets seated. 

“You came.” I swung my head and CJ was right there. 

“Yeah, I did.”

“So, there's the coffee maker, and here's the mini fridge that definitely is working.” CJ tells me as he shakes his head, indicating sarcasm.

“Ha, and I definitely won't smell any weird smells from here.” 

“Yes definitely.” We both laughed and I looked at the window and it had gotten dark. 

“Wow, time really does fly.” 

“So, what made you want to stay?” He looks at me with those piercing green eyes.

“Because I know a place like this would have been amazing for me when I was younger, so If I can help someone avoid those feelings that I went through, then I'm for it a hundred percent.” CJ heard me and truly felt I meant it. 

“That's the same reason I did it.” 

“Really? That's so cool!” I exclaimed happily. “So, what do you do for fun? I haven't been here for long, so if you know of any places...” He thinks about it. 

“Yeah I mean the typical places like bars, clubs, parties.” 

“Would you want to go to one together?” I asked abruptly which I never did, especially with people I just met.

“I totally would, but it wouldn't be much fun.” 

“Why?” I asked. He hesitates for a second, pondering something.

“…I don't drink.” 

“Oh my gosh, that's amazing!” I heard what I just said and felt embarrassed. “I'm sorry, that sounded super weird, but I don't drink either.” 

“Wow, it's hard to find a college girl not drinking.” CJ searches my eyes.

“True, but it's what's best for me and I'm sure for you. What about this: we’ll be each other's sober buddies.” 

“Sober buddies?”

“Yeah, when we are at the same parties, we’ll make sure the other won't even look at drinks.” He thinks about it for a second and I look at the clock. “Shit I'm going to be late and then Audrey is going to kill me.” I grab my stuff and run to the door but before I leave I turn back. “CJ sober buddies?” He gives me a smirk and nods. 

“Sober buddies.” 

I will get chapter two out as soon as possible thank you for reading!

[honourablejester]

Continuing on with ‘published D&D deities that I enjoy’, this time with possibly a slightly more unexpected deity:

D&D Deity Spotlight: Eldath

Eldath is the goddess of waterfalls, springs, pools, stillness, peace, and quiet glades. She is thought to be present at many such places, particularly those that serve as druid groves. Eldath is a goddess of comfort, healing, and calm. Her blessed waters heal the sick, cure madness, and comfort the dying.

Most rural places have a pond or a glade that locals ascribe to Eldath. Tradition dictates that it be a place of quiet reflection where others are left to their thoughts. A body of water such as a pond or a spring typically serves as a repository of offerings. If the holy site is a glade, a stream one crosses along the way might serve as the repository, or a prominent bush or tree in the glade might be the place where people tie offerings. Typical offerings are broken weapons or items that are remembrances of arguments, which the faithful discard while making a wish for peace in the future. Many of those who favor Eldath are pacifists or people who are troubled by violence they have witnessed or experienced.

Eldath's priests don't organize into large sects. Indeed, many are itinerant, wandering between various holy sites and shrines, seeing that the locations are cared for and that they remain places of sweet serenity. The faithful of Eldath are usually close to nature, and allied to druids, who count Eldath among the First Circle. It is taboo to strike a priest of Eldath, and killing one is said to bring great misfortune. Despite the measure of protection that this belief affords them, most priests of Eldath avoid conflicts rather than attempting to quell them. Those who serve Eldath are happy to preside over peaceful negotiations and to certify treaties, but they can't force others to engage in harmony.

--- Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide (2015)

I don’t talk about Eldath as much, although I do have one character concept for a semi-feral peace cleric of hers with amnesia. She’s a bit of a tricky fit for an adventurer’s life, given that many of her followers are pacifists, which … is a lot of work to make work in a D&D game. She’s maybe a goddess that you might think would work better for NPCs than player characters. But. I adore her. And the reasons for this are somewhat linked to my love of gothic horror.

‘Eldath is a goddess of comfort, healing, and calm’. ‘Her blessed waters heal the sick, cure madness, and comfort the dying’. ‘Many of those who favor Eldath are […] people who are troubled by violence they have witnessed or experienced’.

Eldath is a goddess of recovery. She’s not just untouched peace and pacifism, she’s a goddess of those who need peace because they’ve known violence. And I love that it’s specifically noted that her waters cure madness. Eldath is the goddess of those whose bodies and minds have been splintered and damaged by what they’ve experienced, and who now need a place of sanctuary and comfort and peace to recover. And not … not hospitals. Not places where the goal is to get people back up and back out and doing things again. She’s a goddess of nature and glades and places of ‘quiet reflection’, where people can be left to their thoughts. It’s not about healing you to get you back in the fight. Eldath makes places where people can rest. Can be at peace.

Which is, in so many ways, contrary to so many of the mechanics and even narrative needs of D&D. The whole point of healing in D&D is to keep people up and in the fight. Adventure, not rest, is the whole raison d’être of the game. But when you think of how many player characters are deeply traumatised. When you think of how many backstories involve straight up horror.

I feel like it’s not much of a stretch to imagine Eldath as a goddess who’s been very important to a character. Maybe you’re fit and well now, maybe you’re able to be out and about, maybe you’ve recovered enough to fight for yourself and others. But you needed time first. You needed peace. And you believe that other people need peace too, and you want to be able to help them find it. You want to keep … to keep places alive, safe, where someone can go to piece themselves back together. For however long that process might take, even if it’s forever. Maybe you can’t be a full pacifist yourself anymore, maybe you do believe that some fights need to be fought, but you also believe that there needs to be somewhere people can go where violence will not touch them. Where they can be safe. Where there can be peace.

So you guard the waters. So you love and long for the waters. So you help find the broken people, and you help guide them to the waters. You hold fast to the memory of Eldath, the Quiet One, and even if you have sacrificed your place beneath her gentle aegis for the moment, you still do your best to ensure that there can always be, will always be, a place of peace for those who need it.

She’s … She’s a good goddess for a peace cleric or a redemption paladin, definitely. But also just for anyone who at some point in their lives needed somewhere to put their shattered pieces back together. A sanctuary, a quiet lake, a place to wash the blood from their hands and wait for the shaking to stop. A calm hand on their shoulder while they grieve for everything they have seen and done and become.

Eldath. Eldath is such a good goddess. I love her. She’s such a good thing to have out there in the world. The goddess of still places and calm waters. The place someone can go to lay down their weapons and curl over and cry, a balm of stillness to soften the raw edges of the wounds.

She’s not the most logical choice for an adventurer, perhaps. But she is a balm for a wounded soul, and a place of rest for even a bright one, and so I’m very glad that she’s out there.

[jackiestarsister]

Thoughts while rereading Jane Eyre

I first read Jane Eyre in its entirety when I was in high school, and it has remained one of my all-time favorite books! After reading the Manga Classics adaptation and seeing both the old and new editions of the stage musical, I finally reread it, or rather listened to the audiobook.

These were my thoughts on this reading (with spoilers):

~ Jane’s autobiography begins with the line, “There was no possibility of taking a walk that day.” I take this to mean that if she had taken a walk that day, none of the following events would have happened! John Reed would not have attacked her at that time and place, leading to her traumatic punishment, her meeting with Mr. Lloyd, and going to Lowood Institution.

~ Charlotte Bronte vividly shows the intensity of children’s emotions. I don’t think that was common in British literature at the time!

~ Jane enters and leaves the lives of the Reeds, the Thornfield residents, and the Rivers siblings in very Gothic fashions! I can imagine parts of the story being told from other characters’ perspectives to great dramatic effect.

~ Knowing the whole story, there are many seeds of foreshadowing to be found throughout the story! Great setup and payoff.

~ Jane says about Helen’s grave, “for fifteen years after her death it was only covered by a grassy mound; but now a grey marble tablet marks the spot.” Jane must have gone back to Lowood when she was about 25, and paid for a fitting monument for her first and life-changing friend!

~ Pilot seems almost like a Disney hero’s sidekick, urging the two love interests to meet each other!

~ Mr. Rochester seems to judge Jane’s character partly by observing how she treats Pilot and Adele, and the contrast against Blanche Ingram’s treatment of them!

~ If Eliza and Georgiana are supposed to represent the extremes of unfeelingness and too effusive feelings, are they basically Eleanor and Marianne Dashwood? I know Charlotte Bronte disliked Pride and Prejudice; maybe she was pushing back against Austen’s other characters too?

~ Rochester actually calls Jane the “adopted daughter” of Mrs. Fairfax and “little English mother” of Adele! I wish this familial dynamic had been brought out more.

~ The impulsive way Jane flees from Thornfield reminds me that she is still a teenager! She does not think of the fact that she has an uncle who wants to give her an inheritance, or of the solicitor’s advice to stay put until she hears news of him. She does not seek help from Mrs. Fairfax or the Leavens family to find a new situation. She might have spared herself a lot of suffering if she had formed a better plan for finding a new home and had her mail forwarded there!

~ St. John, Diana, and Mary Rivers are like a reversed reflection of John, Eliza, and Georgiana Reed—both sets of cousins, but completely opposite dynamics with Jane.

~ Jane’s relationship with St. John Rivers is waaaay more toxic than her relationship with Edward Rochester. Jane can stand her ground with Rochester, who would never force her to do anything she decidedly did not want; but she feels compelled to do whatever St. John tells her, and he urges her to do things against her own desires.

~ Rochester literally loses his eye and hand, just like Jesus says about temptation in Matthew 18:8-9!

~ Jane and Rochester’s relationship is bookended by scenes of her supporting him as he walks!

~ Were the parson and clerk who officiated Jane and Rochester’s marriage the same ones who were at the interrupted wedding?! Unless there was a change in position during the year of separation, they probably were the same ones!

~ My headcanon is that all the Thornfield servants placed bets on how long it would take Jane and Rochester to work things out. This is supported by the innkeeper’s account of how the servants observed Jane and Rochester, and John and Mary’s reactions after they finally get married!

[boykingscourt]

What are your thoughts on Wincest? Do you have any hcs?

oooh I'm excited for this! good opportunity for me to clarify some things if anyone is new around here or just curious

if you're here for the short version, I'm definitely a wincest respecter but not necessarily a wincest shipper

if you're here for the long and more nuanced version, please read on!

I have a lot friends both here and irl who are wincesties, but the most important thing for me is that they love and defend sam. I've read wincest fics and the presence of wincest is not a deal-breaker in fics, but I prefer reading gen sam and dean on the whole. it's fun to analyze something in the show with the wincest lens on, but I can just as easily take it off. ultimately wincest is not the only version of sam and dean that I find compelling, but I don't really care if people view some of my posts as wincest (wincesties, please do interact) because I only say what I think and feel regarding the brothers. idk does that technically make me a wincest shipper? maybe some people will think it does, but ultimately I feel like the nonshipper label fits better

now I'm gonna get on my soapbox about proshipping for a moment. back in the day, what we think of as "proshipping" was just called common courtesy. I'm not saying fandom was perfect when I was younger (and I was probably too young to be in fandom then if I'm being honest) but in my experience people were more respectful about ships they didn't like, understood the difference between fiction and reality, and for the most part didn't make assumptions about people irl for things they enjoyed in fiction

of course I'm not saying you have to ship incest or want to interact with people who do, but it's crucial to curate your own space. coming on here or twitter and harassing people for shipping wincest and/or crying in the main tags about how disgusting it is just makes me lose respect for you. block what you don't want to see and move on

I will also say that being so against others shipping incest and finding yourself in the supernatural fandom is kind of a problem you created. it's kind of, well, extremely silly. wincest is the oldest ship in this fandom, like literally as old as the pilot itself, and was instrumental in first getting the show off the ground (i.e. not cancelled). also given the very not normal relationship between sam and dean, the other gothic horror elements present in the show, and the way the writers and actors regard the ship, it really should be no surprise that it is so popular

okay so now that I've gotten all of that out of the way, I'm going to address the other part of this ask, which is wincest headcanons! I don't know if these are necessarily headcanons, but it is the way I prefer my wincest when I think about it or imagine how it fits in with canon:

I definitely don't imagine them as like boyfriends, just more of what they are in the show, brothers with a complicated, intense, and abusive relationship (it being complicated does not mean you cannot call abuse what it is). I think their relationship having a sexual component would not help anything and would probably just further highlight the power imbalance present

related to above, I think dean would use sex the way he uses love and affection in canon, expertly alternating between being generous with it and withdrawing it when he's angry as means to manipulate sam and have him constantly chasing after the affection. and trust. trust especially. sometimes dean isn't even aware he's doing it (or would at least tell himself that's not what he's doing to his darling little sammy), but it's extremely effective either way. seasons 4, 5, and 8 especially would be delicious in this regard

in s7 there was a point where sex was one of the only things that kept hallucifer at bay, so sam was always torn between shaking dean awake multiple times a night in their motel rooms or handling it on his own. ultimately because I think he didn't want to "burden" dean with his visions or have them both lacking sleep all the time, he would lie and pretend that one or two times a night made lucifer go away. it became harder to pretend as we approached 7x17, and after sam "let lucifer in" in 7x15, the sex trick stopped working too. also hallucifer eavesdropping or appearing over dean's shoulder as they're having sex is very appealing to me

dean is the dom. I really can't see that any other way

dean doesn't see what he does with sam as any reflection of his sexuality, aka "it's not gay and it's not incest it's just sammy." sam probably would see it as some kind of reflection of his sexuality but wouldn't see the point in voicing that

dean was experiencing attraction to sam for a while beforehand, but I don't think they began messing around until sam was a teenager. maybe it wasn't like full blown sex then, but it was definitely something. I think a bit of precedent just adds something fun to s1, especially with dean coming to get sam in the pilot and how they interact, all that time apart, and sam's grief and guilt/dean's guilt surrounding jessica

I hope you enjoyed and found something compelling in here! I am certainly no wincest connoisseur, but these are my opinions

[ciels-best-fit]

The people have asked so here are my thoughts of the tournament!! Please enjoy~ 💫

Why a fashion tournament?

Ok so confession time: i actually had the fashion tournament idea for... someone else (ˉ▽ˉ；)........(ㆆxㆆ) hehe

But I like Ciel just as much!! o(≧口≦)o And I always planned to do one for him eventually. In the end, I decided to do his first, because I thought it would be more fun for the fandom. And I didn't want to wait until the manga starts again and worry about new outfits. Turns out my foresight was spot on~ (´∀｀；)

Making the tournament

So as you all can guess, this is my first tournament I've put together! There were a few bumps along the way, but it was fun ride the whole time! I really struggled with the banners at the start. I'm haunted by that first one, it was sooo bad (>ლ). I'm glad I've gotten better at designing them now tho:

I really liked this one I did for the submission form.

But ig my promoting didn't reallly work? (-＿-)... I think at the most, only two people submitted to our form. But I'm really grateful towards them! If it weren't for those submissions I probably would have given up, so everyone say thank you!🎉🎉

Second confession! I know literally nothing about fashion ( ꩜///꩜;). So imagine how much of a struggle it was writing up all the propaganda. Technically, I could have left it alone... but because of the few submissions we received did get propaganda, I felt bad to erase them so I... wrote propaganda for the rest of the 132 outfits... yeah... 🙃

That's also the reason why I didn't hide the propaganda under a read-more link because I wanted yall to read it. I didn't waste nights hunched over my laptop to be ignored!! (also why this isn't under a read more hehe)

Finding all those images were quite hard as well! Most of these outfits I remembered, but locating them? And finding good resolutions? (´□`; 三 ;´□`). I also had to reformat them to fit side by side on the post, which took a lot of editing day-by-day (I sure was glad when we hit final bracket....)

But enough about me, lets talk about the tournament!!

Tournament polls

I had so much fun making them. The outfits were assorted randomly, but I did make some pairings for fun (lion vs cat, turkey vs rooster).

Looking at the final competiors of the brackets, it seems the fandom really likes Ciel's fanciful, gothic outfits, that reflect Kuro's dark regal nature. I hoped more of the fun outfits would win... I'm suprised though, I thought the manga outfits would be more popular, like Ciel's Circus Costume, just based of iconicness, but between the artbooks and the celebration illustrations there was strong competition all around.

However, it was nice to see the fandom vote for outfits Ciel shone in, rather than outfits he hated or felt uncomfortable wearing (ie. the emerald witch dress vs the pink dress). Like attitude is essential in fashion! Compared to outfits where Ciel feels... out of touch or just posing, ones where he shows off his spirit really speaks to us.

⚠️skip ahead if opinions scare you1!!⚠️

I HATED THIS OUTFIT. And its so ridiculous, I developed a special hatred for this outfit that has nothing to do with it's design. I was tasked to find an image of almost every outfit in this tournament and this is the ONLY ONE I could not a higher resolution of. It drives me nuts! I can't stand it winning with all those blurry details! It just reminds me of my failure!!

Now I can totally see why it's so popular. It shows how far Yana has come with her art. Sorry for being mean against everyone's second favorite outfit (~_~;) Technically, it did win best outfit based off the polls! (special illustrations non-withstanding) And I get why!

But... it's just not to my taste. The color scheme is dull, there isn't really a theme, it's just a bunch of emblems placed all over. The details are amazing, but again, it's sooo blurry idc. Great outfit, but it doesn't really scream Ciel's best fit to me, y'know. Like where's his personality? I just... 💤

Same note why I didn't care about the figurine illustration. BOH-ring, ayfkhdsfasdf it looks like every outfit he ever wore combined, in a bad way.

And Kuro's Back Baby isn't even an outfit? You barely see anything?? How did it get that far... (guess we're that happy about his comeback lol).

Ok ok that's enough hating, but I'm going to make a separate post of my favorite outfits so yall can roast me there haha~

Conclusion

I was a little worried about doing this tournament, I mean, I've seen some poll tournaments go bad like BAD bad. But the atmosphere was surpisingly nice? I really liked reading everyone's analysis and comments, and how much they loved each outfit. So grateful to do this with everyone, hope to see you next time as well! ( ´∀`)/~~

I have future plans for this blog, which I'll discuss in a separate post, so stay tuned!

[bigcats-birds-and-books]

Books of 2024: Wrap-Up.

Hello world!! I read sixty-three (63) books in 2024, and here they are! The pages-out books are stand-ins for library books and other borrowed books (which were ADHD for Smartass Women, When Among Crows, Ghost Station, and The Killing Floor). Mostly these are shelved in the order I read them, save for the stack at the end (Ordinary Monsters is Too Tall to fit on my current shelf arrangement, and the borrowed books are out of order).

I posted individual photos (and sometimes reviews!) of everything pictured here, which you can find tagged with their titles or authors, or you can see all of them if you peruse my "books of 2024" tag. Now, for the Highlight Reel, in order of when I read them:

FIVE FAVES

The City We Became by NK Jemisin ★★★★★ Always love Jemisin, but this duology had me laughing more than I remembered for her other books, which I definitely needed! Excellent cast (your honor I love Paolo so much and also literally all of the boroughs), I tore through this by staying up past my bedtime too many nights in a row.

The Butcher of the Forest by Premee Mohamed ★★★★★ Perfect tiny little gutpunch of a book MADE FOR ME, I loved it so damn much. Everyone please go read this immediately.

The Actor and the Target by Declan Donnellan ★★★★★ I was not expecting this to rewire my brain, but it DID, over and over and over again. Very dense chewy book, which I read hoping to get inside an actor character's head better, but honestly I think anyone who does any kind of art or creative endeavor should read this, because OOF was it insightful. (I have ordered his second book that came out this year, but it's hugely on backorder apparently.)(Go figure: The first one was SO GOOD.)

Leech by Hiron Ennes ★★★★★ This was a reread for me, and I'm so glad I revisited it--it holds up even better than the first time through, because so much of it falls into place once you know what's really going on. Masterclass in POV, very gothic, very fucked up, very Deep Winter book, I very much think anyone who was An Animorphs Kid would enjoy the hell out of this (but mind the content warnings, of which there are Many).

Self-Portrait with Nothing by Aimee Pokwatka ★★★★½ This one also hit my perfect trifecta of weird-and-funny-and-fucked-up exactly right, which I wasn't expecting? Pleasant surprise there at the end of the year. Come for the family heart crimes, stay for the unhinged overseas texts to your husband about an art heist, what a blast.

TWO TWOS

turns out i didn't actually read any 1-star books this year, so here's the bottom of the barrel, and yes i DID write lengthy salty reviews about both of these, if you're interested in the particulars of My Beef

Ordinary Monsters by JM Miro ★★ This was too damn long and ~Messy™~, and all of that just to end on a cliffhanger because it's a trilogy. Why did I bother with this 600+ page brick (oh, right: because it sounded promising)(it was Not, or at least not Enough).

Ghost Station by SA Barnes ★★ This was TOO DAMN FRUSTRATING (bad science, bad scientists, stupid characters, etc), and there was JUST ENOUGH neat promising worldbuilding in the background that Could Have Been Cool to make this otherwise mediocre experience enraging. Super bummed, because I wanted to read this author's other stuff, but now I don't trust her and therefore shan't.

Overall! Had a great reading year--those Two Twos were the only things I rated that low, and I enjoyed everything else! Looking forward to another fabulous year of books :)

[not-xpr-art]

Inside no 9 - Series 1 painting studies ~

So I wanted to post the pieces individually so you can see them a bit better and also go a little more into my choices & any other potentially interesting bits of info about my artworks!

For series 1 I wasn't 100% sure how I wanted each of them to look or how I wanted them to fit together, so I think some of these might feel a bit all over the place lol... But then again that is how the first series of the actual show feels like to me so maybe I can claim it's thematically relevant lol...

Also maybe I slightly regret picking two screen shots featuring reflections of Reece's face lol (also had to paint him 3 times for The Understudy piece and like... I love him ofc but it was a pain in the ass lol)

(also see if you can spot the hare! I was sorta tempted to add it to every painting but logistically didn't really think it would work (especially for the simpler shots) but it does feature here and there in a few of the paintings lol!)

Someone had suggested the final shot of the balloon floating away in Last Gasp which I was tempted to do (both because it would have been much simpler and would have been a nice break from the more chaotic other shots in this series) but I couldn't get the brilliant absurdity of them all sitting around seriously contemplating the balloon on a cushion lol

The Harrowing shot might be one of my favourite out of the whole series, both because it was really easy to do and because it just looks super pretty! Also totally fits with that episode's overall gothic vibe!

But yeh I hope this is somewhat interesting? Also a massive thank you to everyone who has been super lovely about this project! <3