#i have a lot of thoughts on kavi but ultimately they're just a dirtbag pretending they're not NSFHSBD

[socialjetlags]

╰ ☆ ◞ avan jogia / nonbinary / he/they ——— no way, is that KAVI DESAI? you know, they’re 32 years old and they’ve been in los angeles for 12 YEARS. they’re chillin’ as a MUSICIAN & MANAGER at ALT CULT RECORDS. oh and they’re notoriously known for being PRETENTIOUS but there are some people who have seen them be ENTHUSIASTIC. i heard they’re a part of a BAND called STATIC MIDNIGHT, yeah, they’re a DRUMMER. to be honest they sound a lot like BASEMENT & CITIZEN. they’re actually A RISING STAR.

I. BASICS.

FULL NAME: kavi desai.

NICKNAME(S): avi (a shortened version of their name, also happening to hold the meaning of "sheep"), shepherd (see: explanation for avi. sheep doesn't seem to flow too well as a nickname, & here comes a moniker he'll never shake), pepsi.

AGE: 32.

DATE OF BIRTH: february 9, 1992.

PLACE OF BIRTH: maywood, california, usa.

GENDER: nonbinary.

PRONOUNS: he/they.

ORIENTATION: bisexual.

LANGUAGE(S) SPOKEN: english, gujurati.

NEIGHBOURHOOD: west paradise.

LIVING ARRANGEMENTS: lives in a one-bedroom unit at the aster apartments.

II. FAMILY TIES.

MOTHER: mindy desai, distantly supportive relationship. there's nothing stronger than a mother's love, they say, but kavi could name a few things. mindy is a good mom, mostly, and she makes sure to check in every now and then. sometimes she'll even refer to recent news of static midnight, if there is anything to speak of. if kavi could complain of one thing, it would be that she always has to slide "your father loves you, you know" into conversation.

FATHER: jevan desai, hostile relationship. to put it simply, jevan disagrees with the life that kavi is living, and kavi often fans the flames—if he's going to piss his dad off regardless, he might as well do a good job at it.

SIBLINGS: palomi desai, younger sister. palomi thought the world of kavi when they were kids, and well... she still kind of does. she is their motivation to do good & be good. if they have one only fan, it's palomi.

PETS: a tuxedo cat (unoriginally) named socks. if you ask kavi, she's "a sweet little thing." everyone who's met her so far would have to disagree.

III. OCCUPATIONAL INFO.

OCCUPATION: musician, manager of alt cult records.

NAME OF THEIR ACT: static midnight.

DO THEY PLAY INSTRUMENTS? IF SO WHAT?: drums.

HOW LONG HAVE THEY BEEN A PART OF THE ACT?: 4 years.

ARTIST INFLUENCES: karnivool, soul blind, superheaven; he takes a lot of musical inspiration from heavy shoegaze artists.

CURRENT MONTHLY SPOTIFY/APPLE MUSIC LISTENS ON AVERAGE: 14k.

IV. APPEARANCE.

FACE CLAIM: avan jogia.

HAIR COLOR: naturally dark brown, but currently bleached to a near-platinum tone. looks a bit like half-assed frosted tips with the dark roots starting to come back in.

EYE COLOR: dark brown.

HEIGHT: 177cm, 5ft10.

BUILD: slim, defined muscles.

TATTOOS: a decent amount on his torso, arms & legs. details tbd.

PIERCINGS: double lobe piercings, left nostril stud.

CLOTHING STYLE: experimental. mixes all kinds of fabrics & patterns, mostly dresses in a muted color palette. wears a lot of loose, flowing pants paired with tighter tops.

DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS: thick eyebrows, long eyelashes.

V. PERSONALITY.

MBTI: esfp-t, the entertainer.

ELEMENT: water.

WESTERN ZODIAC: aquarius.

CHINESE ZODIAC: monkey.

POSITIVE TRAITS: enthusiastic, adventurous, accepting, humorous, forward, decisive, open.

NEGATIVE TRAITS: pretentious, argumentative, (too) open and also somehow not open enough, self-sabotaging, unreliable.

HOBBIES: doom-scrolling, generating ai pictures of himself in different styles, denying any and all wrongdoing that they’ve ever done, irritating their cat and then giving her treats to reel her back in, working out, bitching about working out, fishing for people to tell him that his workouts are paying off, trying new diners, hanging out at bars, window-shopping, rearranging their living room and then ultimately ending up on the same layout, arguing with his neighbors over the noisiness of him moving his furniture every other day, spreading misinformation, pondering the possibility that it’s time for him to grow up and then deciding that he’s still got time.

VI. WANTED CONNECTIONS.

LONG-TERM EX: “the one”, almost. kavi was a flight risk from the get, but this person gave him an honest chance—and fell so in love that they stayed long after it had become obvious that he wasn’t willing to give them what they needed. up and down relationship, passionate one day & dull the next; a routine that established itself and persisted for two or three years. they were living with kavi up until the breakup, which was around christmas 2023. they still have an immense amount of love for each other, but understand that they lack romantic capability. staying friends through it all, for better or for worse. the vibes: the 1 by taylor swift, i know the end by phoebe bridgers, cellophane by fka twigs, two slow dancers by mitski, renegade by big red machine & taylor swift, new perspective by noah kahan, etc etc…

THE BEST FRIEND: they’ve been through hell & back together, even if most of this so-called “hell” was self-created. there’s not much kavi wouldn’t do for them, so long as they keep cat-sitting when he’s out of town.

CUSTOMERS: people who shop at alt cult records somewhat regularly and are often subject to kavi’s pretentiousness, as music is where it tends to come out. the person who thinks he’s so cool, the person who’s sick of him acting like they give a shit about anything he’s got to say, the person who thinks he’s a sleazebag but he’s Hawt so they’ll pretend to be interested in what he’s saying all day every day, etc etc!

QUESTIONNAIRE. 

start at the beginning, who are you and why are you important?

“i’m kavi desai,” he says, as if it that’s all he has to say; there’s something suffocatingly smug in it, telling of who he is. a conglomeration of false confidence and one-liners. “i was just an indian kid with a dream, and now i’m managing a record store and playing in a band that people actually give a shit about; no matter what angle you look at it from, i’ve got something to be proud of, right? and, believe me, it gets better from here.”

how long have you been making music?

“as long as i can remember, really. i asked for a guitar for christmas one year. i can’t remember how old i was, maybe nine or ten, and santa provided. i learned fast and i wrote a lot of songs as a teenager, most which were complete dog shit. i ended up picking up drums ‘cause a good friend of mine was selling their set, and i guess there was somethin’ in me that knew where i needed to be. hey, here i am.”

how would you describe the kind of music you make?

“honest rock music. in a band, you have to work together to make something worth listening to—but if you understand who i am and what i do, you’ll understand there’s a lot of self-revelation in it. i like to try new things, and i like to believe that it all comes from my heart.”

who are some of your biggest musical influences?

“when i was growing up, the main one was the smashing pumpkins. i could probably play every song from pisces iscariot on a guitar to this day—but hey, don’t hold me to that, alright?… nowadays, i really like superheaven. their drummer’s style really stands out to me. they don’t make music anymore, but their discography never gets old.”

what is the first record you ever bought?

“the all-american rejects’ move along. not a single skip on it.”

what has working in the music industry meant to you thus far in your career?

“excitement. if i’m honest, not much else to speak of yet, but i think we’re getting close to something.”

what are some stand out moments from your career so far?

“it’s always nice to be told that i inspired someone to start drumming… or to see a pretty girl lose her shit from catching a setlist. hey, let me tell ya, moments like that will make you feel like a real rockstar!”

what are you still hoping to achieve in your career?

“well,” they start, grinning ear-to-ear—their bashfulness now evens out the vanity from earlier. “i want a sure sign that i’ve made it. this might look different for other musicians, but for me… it’d be nice to hold an arena tour, right?”

what’s next for you?

“keep your eyes on me and you’ll find out soon enough.”