#i have No excuse to not finish this one bc i'm not at school anymore

[lazylittledragon]

'i'll just do a couple of doodles of mombin™/platonic stobin parents' nevermind, borderline graphic novel

[maggiedelusional]

Superstar (Part 1)

Pairing: Rooster x f!reader, (blink and you'll miss it, unrequited) Hangman x f!reader

Warnings: ANGST, good ending promise

Rating: PG-13

Word Count: 19.7k (holy sh*t)

Summary:  “I’m no one special, just another wide eyed girl, who's desperately in love with you.”

OR 

Rooster is sure he's in love with this girl. Only problem is, he's never seen or face or know her name

No use of y/n

Based of off Superstar (Taylor's version) by Taylor Swift

Author's Note: It's me, Hi. This one shot is so freaking late y'all. In all honesty I started writing this August around the time I finished writing Naked, but life and school happened and now here we are. It felt amazing getting to stretch my writing skills again for anything other than research papers, and I'm on winter break so it seems as good a time as any. I'm not going to give anymore excuses, but I promise this is worth a read. This is the longest single piece of work I have ever written. It ended at 65 pages and almost 20k words in my drafts. Its so long that Tumblr won't let post the entire one shot in one post so im splitting it in two, but dw send part will be posted immediately after this is posted. I also didn't have anyone edit this, so I apologize for any grammatical errors (most likely tense consistency bcs i suck at those) I hope you all enjoy reading it as I did writing it and I hope it tide y'all over until I can write the next chapter of Let Me Go. Here is Superstar.

Bradley Bradshaw’s voice was an enigma to you. How could anyone's voice be so hoarse and yet so strong?

As an air traffic controller for the Navy, you’ve heard every type of voice imaginable. The gruff demanding ones from the Air Boss, the shrill screams of pilots having to eject due to a bird strike, the quiet dulcet tones of a shy WSO, and everything in between. 

The first time you heard his voice through the comms, you weren’t exactly starstruck per se, just a bit thrown off.

“This is Dagger 2, asking for clearance for take off.” 

It’s not like you didn’t know who the pilots flying this mission were. Everyone in the goddamn Navy knew who they were, they were the best of the best. 

You even saw their pictures. And thought some of them were cute (especially the one rocking the Miami Vice Stache). But hearing their voices was different from reading their files.

Though most of the details of the mission were classified, you had a basic idea and knew that there was a good chance that someone wasn’t coming home. 

“This is Dagger 2, asking for clearance for take off”

The voice repeated. You snapped out of your thoughts, the voice was smooth as honey and it had just a hint of fear but yet so heavily determined. Your heart really went out to the poor pilot. 

“Dagger 2, you’re clear for take off.” You said, trying to convey as much sympathy as you could in those words. 

The actual mission itself didn’t last longer than 3 minutes. Working for the navy, you should’ve been used to the high stakes situations that often go hand in hand with these kinds of assignments. But you couldn’t help but sit on the edge of your seat during the duration of the mission.

There were a few initial hiccups, you felt like you were watching a movie as you listened to the daggers communicate with one another. Their nervousness (and to be honest your own) upon seeing the SAMs and your both concern and irritation at Lieutenant Bradshaw’s cautiousness. 

Yes, his by the book and precise flying is part of the reason why he was considered one of the best, but if he didn’t throw that shit out of the window and speed up he will end up getting himself killed. And even though you didn’t necessarily know him, this possibility filled your body with so much dread.

You felt relieved (well only slightly, they hadn’t made it out of the woods just yet) when Rooster finally got out of his own head and sped up. The two miracles were successfully pulled off and the 4 jets had made it past Coffin Corner. Now it was a dogfight all the way home.

You commended just how level headed and pragmatic the pilots were as they evaded the SAMs and attacks that were thrusted upon them. You knew if you were in the same situation you would’ve panicked and blown up by now. Your admiration was interrupted by the mayday call of Captain Mitchell.

A heavy tension set in the control room, everyone was shocked at what just transpired. It was interrupted by the voices of the other daggers. Notably Lieutenant Bradshaw and Lieutenant Trace. 

Phoenix had announced that she and Lieutenant Floyd were heading back to home base, along with Payback and Fanboy. However, you were yet to hear confirmation from Rooster, with the last thing he said went along the lines of going after Maverick. 

You held your breath as you heard Admiral Simpson demanded his return. The control room was met with silence, and you knew exactly what he was going to do. 

It was less than 5 minutes when it was confirmed that Lieutenant Bradshaw’s plane had been shot down after attacking an enemy plane. His beacon went dark. 

Lieutenant Seresin requested clearance for take off but was rebuffed by the Air Boss. You had to take everything in you to not shed a tear.

A thick silence fell over the entire ship. The mission was technically a success but you wouldn’t be able to tell based on the solemn look on everyone’s faces. 

Even after the remaining daggers returned on the ship, no one wanted to leave the control room. The entire ship was at a standstill. 

That was until a beacon marked “Rooster” started beeping on the screen. 

No it couldn’t be.

“Sir, Rooster has gone supersonic.” You told Admiral Simpson with a gulp, trying to contain your hope. 

“An F-14 tomcat has been spotted sir.” Another ATC announced. 

“Maverick.” You heard someone say, not sure who but you did not care at that point. What’s important is that they were alive!

But it was not time to celebrate just yet. Two bogies were spotted alongside the F-14 Tomcat. And everyone knew this meant a dogfight was about to commence. 

The situation looked more and more grim. An ancient F-14 against Fifth Gens? It was unlikely for the two pilots to make it out unscathed yet alone alive.

But by some grace of God (or possibly Maverick’s unbeatable skill, probably both) they managed to take down two bogies. 

Rooster managed to turn on the plane’s radio to contact the ship. You felt relief which was instantly thwarted by the news that there was still one Fifth Gen, directly in front of the plane. 

You knew they needed help. You looked at Admiral Simpson desperately, hoping that he would allow the Reserve Dagger to go assist. But Cyclone seemed frozen and you knew you had to take matters into your own hands.

“Dagger Reserve, are you ready for liftoff?” You spoke into the mic, the other people in the control room looked at you in shock.

“Finally!” The elated voice of Hangman came through the comms.

Admiral Simpson shot you a hard glare, if only looks could kill, you’d probably be as screwed as Maverick and Rooster. But you knew you had to do something. 

“Yes this is Dagger Reserve asking clearance for takeoff.” 

“Dagger Reserve, you are clear for takeoff. Bring our boys home.” You said with a small smile, if you get fired and discharged, possibly thrown into the ocean it’ll be worth it knowing what you did to save the aviators.

Hangman shot down the Fifth Gen with ease, earning him his second confirmed air combat kill. You knew that the other pilots would never hear the end of it. But all you cared about is he saved HIM.

Rooster’s laugh and banter with Hangman might’ve been the most wonderful sound you’ve ever heard. 

Seeing him on the tarmac reunited with the rest of his team had to be one of the highlights of your career with the Navy, if this was the last moment you had in the branch then you were perfectly content. 

“What you did was reckless insubordination! If there was another fifth Gen out there, we would’ve lost 3 of our best pilots and 2 planes worth millions of dollars!” Admiral Simpson had chastised you. 

“I have half a mind to dishonorably discharge you!” You 're ready to accept your punishment with grace. You were however surprised at his next words 

“But your actions saved 2 of our men.” He added with a gulp.

“You are clear from punishment, but DO NOT make this a habit!”

“Yes sir.” You told him with a steady voice.

“Thank you sir.”

“You are dismissed, go join the rest of the fleet.” He told you.

You ran down to celebrate the returning pilots, but so was everyone else. You could only see a glimpse of Captain Mitchell and Lieutenant Bradshaw past the dozens of bodies approaching to greet them. 

But even from where you were standing you could see the beaming smile and bright eyes of the mustached pilot. And from that exact moment you knew you were a goner. 

———————————————————————-

Next time you heard his voice was a few weeks post mission. Apparently he accepted a post to teach at Top Gun. 

You were decently shocked to learn that the team assembled for the mission decided to stay in Miramar. Especially since they basically got their pick of post anywhere in the world. 

But you figured Lieutenant Bradshaw, or rather Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw (remembering his promotion), decided to stay because of his recent reconciliation with Captain Mitchell. 

“This is Rooster asking for clearance for takeoff.” He said through the comms.

“You’re still here?” Shit. You did not mean to say that out loud. 

You heard back a chuckle from the pilot.

“Yes, I decided to stick around Fightertown for a little while.”

“Sorry sir.” You replied grateful that he couldn’t see the blush that was forming on your cheeks. 

“You are clear for takeoff.”

“Thanks sweetheart. Roger that.” You felt your cheeks grow hotter as he took off into the air. 

“ATC you still there?” He asked you once he was at cruising altitude. 

“Yes Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw, I am still here.” Hoping that he forgot your earlier words and needed something official. 

“Any reason why you were shocked at my staying?” He asked you.

You gulped at his question. Was this allowed? You’ve never had a pilot ask you a question before that didn’t pertain to instructions, both on the ground and in the air. 

After a breath you answered his question.

“I heard about your promotion, and the offer to be posted anywhere in the world. Just surprised you chose to stay here.”

“Sometimes a family is worth more than any accolade or prestigious post.” He told you. You could tell he really cared about Maverick, but was not sure about the history of that. 

Would asking him be crossing a line?

“Why do you stay in fightertown?” He asks you.

“Not for anything as noble as your reason Lieutenant Commander, just an assigned post.” 

“Well I hope you’re liking Miramar. Actually grew up here.” You were surprised that he was still speaking to you, considering he was in the sky for a reason, and normally pilots didn’t maintain this much conversation with Air Traffic Control.

“I really like it so far, having some trouble with making friends though.” You don’t know why you admitted this to him, especially through comms that other people are definitely listening in to. And especially to a Naval hero who definitely would have no interest in the life of a lowly ATC. 

“Well, consider me your first friend sweetheart.” He responded and he actually sounded genuine. You couldn’t help but smile at the aviator's words.

You were about to respond when you were interrupted by Hangman through the comms. 

“Usually I would encourage this, but you can flirt later, Rooster, we gotta shoot down Mav.”

Your little bubble had been burst as you remembered why you had to clear him for takeoff earlier.

“That’s my cue, talk to you later, friend.”

“Have a good exercise Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw.” You respond with a smile you know he’d never see. 

Your shift ended before they finished their exercise, so you didn’t get to give Rooster clearance to land (or maybe you just hoped to speak to him again). But from what you heard, it was the closest the team got to finally shooting down the infamous Captain. 

You knew that one day they could surpass the pilot, but you were glad that they were able to learn and grow (and stay) a little longer at Top Gun.

In an effort to make more friends you agreed to go out with some of your fellow ATCs that night. Which is how you ended up in a bar on the beach called ‘the Hard Deck’.

Your co-workers were nice enough, and you were honestly glad that you weren’t spending another night with a plate of pad Thai watching yet another crappy Netflix rom-com. 

Imagine your surprise when Rooster and his crew of pilots walked into the very same bar. They went straight to the pool tables and were currently arguing over who got to play first. 

“God definitely has favorites, because they are so fine.” Your co-worker Laura sighs. 

“I wanna climb Seresin like a tree.” She adds.

“I’m more of a Coyote and Payback kind of gal.” Your other co-worker Sara remarked. 

“But I wouldn’t kick Fanboy or Bob out of bed, they look like they know some tricks.” 

She said as she took another drink of her martini. You agreed with their judgements but couldn’t help but only have eyes for one of the pilots.

“Good choice.” Your other co-worker Lia tells you after following your gaze. 

“Bradshaw definitely takes the cake.” 

You blush upon being caught staring at Rooster. 

All your co-workers nodded in agreement with Lia. 

“He’s not as pretty as Hangman but he’s somehow more fuckable.” Laura comments. 

You couldn’t help but feel possessive as the other women also stared at Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw with hungry eyes. 

But it’s not like you had any right to that feeling, he wasn’t yours, he didn’t even know who you were. 

The conversation moved on to other topics, it could’ve been anything from the weather or the latest Naval gossip but you were only half paying attention. You were honestly just glad that they were done ogling a certain pilot. 

You really liked the Hard Deck. It was now clear that it was a Navy spot and it was really cool to see the usually serious people from work loosened up in civilian clothes. 

The night was bustling and while you were glad for some company, you couldn’t help but feel a little awkward. All these women knew each other and had all these little jokes with one another, and you were an outsider that had a bit of a neurotic streak.

You were wondering if this was a pity invite, and you were slowly leaning to a yes but you were already here, might as well make the best of it.

You prepared yourself to jump back into the conversation, when the music from the jukebox had abruptly stopped. And while the men booed, you saw that the women all stopped and stared at the piano. Or rather the person at the piano. 

Lo and behold, Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw was seated at the decades old instrument, his fingers expertly playing an old Elton John hit. Of course he would have an affinity for the 80s, as shown by his mustache.

If you thought his speaking voice was beautiful, his singing voice was downright heavenly. He had this low tenor that was so strong and made “I’m still standing” sound sensual. How is that even possible?

Obviously you weren’t the only person that thought so, you saw women dancing in front of him, singing along and obviously trying to get his attention. 

For the other women (and some men) that weren’t, were singing along and staring, were all bewitched at the pilot’s skill. And really, who could blame them?

He had this air of confidence that even the cockiest of pilots could never compete with, he was a superstar. In the air and the ground. 

When he (sadly) finished his song, the entire bar cheered and chanted his name. He did a silly dance and seemed to have no care in the world.

You couldn’t help but fall for him a little more. 

——-——————————————————————

“This is Rooster, in the air calling for Air Traffic Control.”

You just started your shift less than 2 minutes ago and did not know that Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw was already in the air.

“This is Air Traffic Control, what do you need, Lieutenant Commander?” You ansered, trying to keep your voice calm, hoping your little crush on the aviator wouldn’t show in your voice. 

“It’s you!” Rooster exclaimed.

“I’m not sure what you mean sir?”

“You’re the ATC from the other day? The one that agreed to be my friend.”

A blush crept onto your face, you were surprised he remembered your interaction. 

“Um yes sir.” 

“You got off the comm lines so quickly the other day. I didn’t get to invite you to hang out with me and meet some other new friends at the Hard Deck.” 

Your heart grew warm. He was serious? He wasn’t just trying to be polite?

“I was at the Hard Deck sir. Saw you there with your squadron.”

“Oh shit, really? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Seemed rude to just insert myself, sir.”

“Plus you seemed preoccupied with your adoring fans.” You said with a giggle. 

“It was an amazing performance.”

“Oh yeah? Are you a fan?” You heard him ask, already seeing his smirk in your mind. 

“Oh yeah definitely! Consider me the president of the fan club sir.” You quipped. 

“So what does the role of “president” entail?” 

“You know, make t-shirts, teach the Rooster 101 class, and of course host the weekly meeting where we talk about how hot and talented Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw is.”

“So you think I’m hot?”

Your face grew warm in response, and cursed yourself for accidentally flirting nonsensically. And prayed to whatever higher power that no one was currently listening to the comm line. 

“Oh um-.” You began to respond.

“No! Sir-…um I just…”

“You know it’s frowned upon to lie to your superiors.” He said in a serious tone.

“Oh no I’m so sorry sir, I didn’t mean to-“

“ATC….”He interrupts, with an inflection at the end of the last letter 

“Yes I think you’re hot Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw” You confessed with a gulp.

He let out a hearty chuckle.

You were completely mortified and you don’t think your face has ever been this hot before. If you thought you didn’t have a chance before, more so now. You were debating whether you should disconnect now and go back to your job (I mean this is technically your job, but not the flirting part). 

You were broken out of your inner debate by Rooster

“Thanks sweetheart.”

“You know you don’t have to keep calling me Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw right?”

“You can call me Rooster.”

You were thankful for the subject change. 

“Okay Lieutenant Comma-“

“Sorry, okay….Rooster.”

“Now that’s better.” He said with a slight laugh, you could already see his dazzling smile now.

“How about you ATC? What should I call you?”

“Oh you can call me-“ you began to say.

“This is Lieutenant Finch asking for clearance for takeoff.” You were cut off by the comm.

You sighed, back to real life. 

“I’m sorry Rooster, I got to go back to duty.”

You cut off the comm lines before he could respond.

————————————————————————

Next time you saw him, he was walking down a hallway with Lieutenant Commander Trace by his side. He was talking so animatedly, his hands waving around as he delivered his point.

It sounded like he was gushing about a tail spin maneuver that Maverick pulled off, and god he’s so beautiful. When he speaks it’s like you couldn’t help but listen. Hell! you bet a reading of the F-18 NATOPS would sound like absolute sin coming from his mouth. 

You were so caught up in his voice that you didn’t notice how close you were to passing him.

You felt your breath get caught in your throat as your shoulders brushed against his as you walked in the opposite direction. Even through your thick khakis, you can feel how muscular his shoulders were. Damn this man works out.

“Oops sorry ma’am” he stopped and turned to you. His eyes were concerned that he hurt you from a measly bump. This man could not be real.

“I didn't mean to bump you. And as put together as I seem to be, I am actually a huge klutz and a hazard to pretty girls.” He said with a chuckle and a wink.

You tried to respond to him, but only a squeak managed to leave your mouth. Starstruck that he’s speaking to you for the first time, not through a comm line. 

Wait and he called you pretty! You were now fighting a blush creeping on your cheeks. But to the two aviators it looked like you were not amused 

“Stop bothering her Rooster, she obviously has places to be.” Phoenix chastises him.

“I apologize for my bothersome friend.” She turned to say to you. And all your pathetic shy ass can do is nod.

“See you around! And sorry again!” Rooster says once more as Lieutenant Trace pulls him away and down the hallway. 

———————————-—————————————

Okay, you were not doing this on purpose, well sorta. Sometimes in the midst of your constant daydreaming, your subconscious kinda just takes the reins and dictates your actions. 

Which is how you found yourself coincidentally choosing a work schedule that lined up the most perfectly with Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw’s flying times.

You hoped for another conversation with Rooster, hoping to redeem yourself from your words (or rather lack thereof) during the hallway debacle.

 But the Lieutenant Commander seemed very focused on the exercise that they’ve been working on for the past week and has not been speaking to you as much as of late.

You were of course sad, and you felt a pit in your stomach grow larger and larger each passing day that your conversations started and ended with “you’re cleared for takeoff”.

You almost wish that your stupid infatuation would go away so that you didn’t feel yourself crushed at the end of every single work day. 

But you would catch a glimpse of his smile on the tarmac and your heart would fill with so much longing once again. 

It had been almost a week since your last true interaction with the aviator, you were beyond pathetic at this point. 

At last, he finally called in after he was in the sky. 

“Is the president of my fan club there?” He called into the comms. 

Was he talking about you? I mean who else would he be talking about considering the topic of your conversation last time. 

Unless he talks to all the ATCs like this, flirting with them until they become flustered and red as a tomato. He’s probably done this with Sara, or Laura or even both! The thought filled your stomach with dread. Should you stay silent and pretend you didn’t hear him? Or maybe he actually needs something, it would be unprofessional of you to not help your superior or maybe-

“I know you’re there, I can hear you thinking”  

Rooster has a habit of breaking you out of your anxiety induced thoughts.

“Are you calling for me Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw?”

You heard him clear his throat, expectant.

“Oh I’m sorry, Rooster.” You corrected yourself.

“That’s better” He said with a chuckle. 

“Sorry I’ve been radio silent the past week sweetheart, have had a lot on my mind.” 

“You don’t have to apologize to me! You’re one of the greatest pilots in the world, no need to worry about me.” You assured him, and maybe you were a bit self-deprecating but it was true. 

“No need for all of that ATC, I’m just a guy in a plane. And were friends, remember?  It’s not fair of me to leave you in the dark.” 

Damn. AND he's humble? How can this man be anymore perfect?

“ Thank you Rooster.” You replied with a small smile.

“Sorry again for going ghost, this is a bit of a hard week for me” He continued.

In any normal circumstance, asking for elaboration would seem like prying, but your conversations with the Lieutenant commander have been less than normal as of late. You still had no clue where you got the courage to ask.

“Oh, why is that?”

“Wanna know all my secrets already sweetheart?” 

He somehow managed to avoid the question AND make you flustered. He’s good.

“How about I let you know my stories over dinner?”

You just felt your heart jump out of your chest and into another dimension. There’s no way THE Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw was asking you out. 

This had to be some kind of game, one that he’s no doubt played a million times before. Rooster had no shortage of women who wanted him and the fact that he’s asking you out of all people was unbelievable. There was no way. 

“Um like a date?” You ask him nervously.

He chuckles at your response, amused at your edginess. But to you it sounded like the thunderclap before the lightning strike of rejection. 

You just wished he’d get on with it. Hoping he lets you down easy so you can move on from this crush and actually do your job.

“What else would I mean?” He finally responded.

Your entire body felt like a cracked glow stick. You felt bright and overheated, but also cold as ice as you’ve somehow lost feeling in your extremities.

So he was asking you out! You were determined to apologize for every time you’ve said God’s name in vain because if Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw was asking you on a date, then there is no doubt that the higher power was real. 

But the reality of the situation had set in. If he was this quick to ask you out despite not knowing your name, or what you look like. What’s stopping him from changing his mind and moving on to the next ATC or bartender or crossing guard who gave him admiring attention just as quickly?

You came to a swift realization.

It was against your nature and your better judgment, as your heart was beating out the seams to say yes to Rooster’s invitation. But you had to be smart about this.

You had to play the game.

“I’m gonna have to say no sir.”  

You can feel the regret setting in already.

“Wow, I think that’s the first no I’ve gotten in…. That might be the first no I’ve ever gotten.”

Great, now you’ve bruised his ego, you had no idea if this tactic was working for or against you.

“Well, I think dinner might be a little further down the line, that’s if you think you can handle it?” You somehow gathered enough courage to (fake) confidently challenge Rooster.

“Oh is that so?” You can hear the intrigue in his voice through the line. 

“How about a phone number?” He offers amused

“Hmm… maybe THAT  I can agree with.” You responded matching his playful tone.

“In one condition.” 

“Oh yeah? And what is that sweetheart?” 

“Shoot down Maverick in the drill today.”

“Is that it? I can do that, easy.” There was the cockiness the top gun pilots were famous for.

“That’s funny, considering you haven’t been able to do it in the past 3 weeks.” You jested.

“Ouch, first you reject my invitation, and now you insult my skill? Way to kick a man while he’s already down sweetheart.” He grimaced playfully.

“Gotta give you some kind of challenge sir.” You couldn't hold back the giggle forming in your throat. 

“Okay deal, anything to hear that laugh again, outside of these comm lines.” He chuckled.

Oh shit. You completely forgot that you are flirting with Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw though a military operated and very public comm line.

“I was wondering when the two of were going to remember the rest of us can hear EVERYTHING.” You heard the voice of Lieutenant Commander Seresin chortle.

You felt your ears burn red in embarrassment. 

“Getting rejected over comms Bradley? And here I thought you had game.” Captain Mitchell added. Both of them were laughing at their fellow aviator. 

“See what I mean sweetheart? I promise I’m a much better conversationalist when these assholes aren’t around.” Bradley insulted the other two pilots. 

“Don’t listen to him ATC, I’ve known him since he was still in diapers , and I promise you, this is as good as he’s gonna get.” Captain Mitchell remarked to you. 

“Don’t think I’m gonna go easy on him for you either.” He added jokingly. 

“Trust me Captain Mitchell, I’m counting on it.” You replied with equal fervor. Maverick responded with a playful tone.

“Sounds good ma’am, hope I don’t disappoint .”

“I’m going to get into position, You two can join me once Bradley is done with his disastrous flirting.” He added before going radio silent, lifting his jet to prepare for the dogfight. 

“Hypothetically, if I shoot down Mav, do I get your number?” Hangman teased. 

“Walk the walk first, and maybe I’ll consider it.” You quipped, but you knew that the only aviator you’d want to give your number to was Rooster. 

“Good enough for me.” Hangman replied. 

“Watch me beat you Rooster, in the drill and with the girl.” Hangman chuckled playfully before going radio silent, presumably getting into position.

“Double timing me with Hangman sweetheart? Now thats a killing blow.” Rooster smiled, slightly annoyed at your flirtatious exchange with Seresin but happy that it was just the two of you once again. 

“You know how bumptious Lieutenant Commander Seresin can be. I just said it to get rid of him.” You explained. 

“Now for you, I am completely serious. Shoot down Mav and you got yourself a phone number.”

“Yours right?” He asked.

You let out a hearty laugh, one that had caused the other ATC’s currently in the control tower to look at you with concerned expressions. 

“Yes. Mine.”

“You never know, you could very well give me Admiral Bates’ number. I just wanted to make sure.” He replied.

“Plus its always a bonus to hear you laugh.”

This man never seemed to run out of lines. You had to hold yourself back from melting into a puddle in your seat.

“Well lets see what you got then Lieutenant Commander.” Was the last thing you said as he finally went back up to position. 

As much as you wanted to stay tuned into the dogfight like you were a suburban dad cheering on their favorite football team, you did actually have a job to do. 

You were in the middle of analyzing flight patterns and putting together a presentation for your co-workers when you heard the sudden call on your headset.

“Hello, this is air traffic control.”

You were greeted with a loud thunderous cheer. 

“I did it ATC! I shot down Mav.” Rooster howled.

“Is this true Lieutenant Commander Seresin?” You asked Hangman.

“As much as I tried to sabotage him, yes Rooster did somehow managed to shoot down the old-timer.” Hangman confirmed with a groan.

Shit. Now you have to actually give your number to Rooster.

“Soooo ATC, I’m waiting for the magic numbers.” You could already see the victory smirk on his face. 

“Ughhh fine a deal is a deal. But I am not going to give out my private phone number on a monitored line. I’m just gonna have to get it to you another way.”

“Okay fair enough. How are you gonna do that?” Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw queried. 

“Don’t worry about it, just know you’ll get it.”

“Or you know you can just give it to me face to fa-.”

“Goodbye Rooster.” You interrupted and dropped the line before he could continue. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You honestly did not know how you were going to get your number to Rooster. You wouldn’t dare to see him face to face. He’ll take one look at you and know that you were nothing special and he’d lose interest. The only reason he was this enthralled was because you were a mystery to him. 

You could always go back on your deal and tell him you were kidding about the number, but you knew that was an asshole move and you were not the type to break agreements. You had to figure out how to get that number to him without him seeing you. 

At least then you can speak to him and possibly flirt with him for a little longer before he inevitably loses interest..

You were sat in the comm tower, your head resting on the back of your hand, watching Rooster joke around with Mav and Hangman down in the tarmac beside their F-18s. Even from all the way up here you can see how bright his smile was. He was so beautiful. 

You were snapped out of your admiration by the three aviators walking off the tarmac, probably to rest and sit with the other pilots in the hangar. You saw your window of opportunity, in the form of (no pun intended) Rooster’s open canopy on his jet. 

If you could sneak down there and place a piece of paper with your number on his dash then you would have fulfilled your side of the deal. 

If anyone were to ask, you were not a stalker, you were just very observant, especially if you’ve been watching these pilots for the better part of the last few weeks and knew that they were going to spend at least the next 15 minutes in the hangar until they returned to the tarmac. You had to make your move NOW.

You scribbled your number onto a piece of discarded paper.

“I’m taking a 10!” You announced to the control room before running out clutching the note to your chest. 

You quickly ran down from the tower and quickly onto the tarmac, making sure to duck and turn your head away as you passed the hangar (just in case). 

You couldn’t remember the last time you ran this fast, probably not since basic training. You quickly manuevered around all the F-18s until you reached the one marked with the label LCDR Bradley Bradshaw “Rooster”. You’ve never seen his jet this up close, you wanted desperately to run your hand through the marking of his name, to touch something that he has. 

No. You have to remember you’re here on a time-constrained mission, and you had to get out of here not only  before the pilots come out, but also before anyone in the comm tower can spot you down here. 

You quickly flung yourself up the ladder up to cockpit of the jet and trying to place the piece of paper as rapidly and as gently as you could on the dash. When you finally let go of the paper and saw that it was securely in place, you hopped off the tiny ass ladder and started to speed walk back to the direction of the comm tower. 

Your heart was beating a million times per minute and you did it without anyone seeing you. You could see the door to the tower in the distance, and were beelining towards it. That’s until you heard a clear 

“HEY!” Coming from behind you. 

You turned around and were greeted by the suspect face of Lieutenant Commander Seresin. He was standing probably a good 25 feet away and slowly walking towards you.

“Who are you? What are doing down here?” 

You had to think of an excuse fast, with as little words spoken as possible. You couldn’t risk him recognizing your voice and telling Rooster. Then all of this would be over too soon. 

“Just routine inspection!” You tell him, making your voice higher and hopefully indiscernible from your normal speaking voice. 

“Goodbye!” You waved at him before sprinting away and around the tower so he couldn’t see that you were going into the comm room. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As much as you'd like to think that you successfully made it down and back from the tarmac completely undetected, you knew that running into Hangman could’ve ended disastrously. You needed to learn to be more careful especially now that your number could possibly already be in Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw’s possession. Which means you have to commit to this game. 

You put your number in his plane almost 11 hours ago and even though the work day has long ended, and you knew that the pilots leave together at around 5pm and would inevitably end up at the Hard Deck for a few hours. 

However it is now nearing 11pm and you still had no notification from anyone other than your mom. No texts, no calls, just email alerts and a few instagram DMs from some old high school friends. 

You sighed as you stared at the clock. Maybe he didn’t see the paper? Or he’s still at the Hard Deck?

You knew neither was unlikely because the dagger squad flew out and ran a few more drills later in the day so was in his jet and all the Navy men (or rather the disciplined ones) promptly left the bar at 10pm to prepare for their early work days. 

He could’ve and should’ve contacted you by now.

But what did you really expect? That he was going to drop everything and call a random ATC that he had a few indecorous conversations with. 

You definitely let this fake confidence build up too much in your head. You had to remember your place. Because who are you other than just a girl, when he was one of the superstar’s of the Navy? The frontliner and the apple of all the admirals’ eyes. 

You see the clock flashing 11:15pm and you had a shift early in the morning. There was no use continuing to feel sorry for yourself. Some sleep would do you some good, and hopefully avoid the waterworks that would inevitably come.

You were well on your way to slipping into a deep slumber when you heard the loud text tone originating from your phone. 

Unknown Number: Sorry I didn’t get to talk to you today sweetheart. I hope I get the chance soon. Sweet dreams :) 

——————-————————————————————————

There must have been some sickness barreling through the base because the normally filled comm room was empty except for you manning the main desk. 

Being solo wasn’t too bad, as there weren’t too many pilots scheduled to fly today.

Of course one of them being Rooster. 

“Miramar Tower, F/A-18E Super Hornet , 10 southwest at 2,500, inbound for landing “ 

Speak of the devil, and he shall come

“F/A-18E Super Hornet , Miramar Tower, report entering left downwind Runway 24R.” You responded, keeping yourself professional despite feeling the butterflies in your stomach beating your ass upon hearing his voice.

“Report entering left downwind, F/A-18E Super Hornet . . . . “ He responded before adding

“F/A-18E Super Hornet entering left downwind Runway 24R.”

He was all business today, with absolutely no hint of the usual playfulness in his voice. 

“Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw, you are cleared to land Runway 24R.”

He let out a slight growl, one you would miss if you weren’t listening so intently.

He hesitated for a moment before finally responding. 

“Cleared to land Runway 24R, F/A-18E Super Hornet “ 

You saw his jet successfully land and reached for the button to disconnect when you heard Rooster’s voice flood your headphones once again.

“Do you remember what I said about calling me ‘Lieutenant Commander’ sweetheart?” He asks steely.

Fuck, he sounds so sexy when he’s stern. No man’s voice has ever had this effect on you. 

“Yes sir, Rooster.” You said with a longing breath.

You curse yourself for being incapable of being subtle.

“Normally I would say no ‘sir’ just ‘Rooster’, but I’ll allow it. Only because it sounds so good coming from your mouth.”

Holy shit. And you thought you weren’t subtle, you were usually clueless when it came to men flirting but even you could read that loud and clear. 

“You sure you want to be hitting on me over comms SIR?” you said purring 

“Would you rather me come up there sweetheart? So I can do it face-to-face” He said with the same gruffness. You can see him glancing up to the tower as he lifted his canopy and exited his plane.

“I dare you Lieutenant Commander.” You replied matching his salacious tone. 

“Gonna have to teach you a lesson don’t I?.” The connection cuts off as he removes his helmet and rushes up to the tower. 

You couldn’t hear anything over the sound of your pounding heartbeat, there is no way you just invited Rooster up to the comm room. 

It couldn’t have been more than 2 minutes when you heard the door burst open and saw Rooster enter, his skin still glistening from sweating under the California sun. 

He looked like a Greek god, and you had to stop your jaw from physically dropping at the sight of him. 

“Finally done hiding from me sweetheart?” He greeted you teasingly. 

You slowly approached one another. You opened your mouth to respond with a flirty response but the words seemed to be stuck in your throat. 

You didn’t even notice how close you were to him. You could feel the heat radiating off his body. You were staring straight ahead and avoiding his gaze. Choosing to maintain eye contact with the lowered zipper of his flight suit. Giving you a glimpse of the hard planes of his chest underneath. 

Your breath hitched as you felt him grab you by the waist and pull you bodies together. His hands felt so hot on your body and you still couldn’t bring yourself to look up into his gaze.

That is until he placed a hand on your chin and gently pulled it up to look into your eyes. 

“Don’t tell me you’re all shy now sweetheart?” He said with a smirk and he tugged your bodies closer. 

“Where’s all that talk from earlier?” He whispered as he kissed the skin beneath your ear, before moving his lips to your jaw and leaving soft caressing kisses trailing down your jaw, down to where your neck meets your collarbone

Okay, you have definitely lost the ability to breathe, let alone to speak several moments ago. If he wasn’t currently holding you so tightly your legs would’ve given out from under you.

All you could feel was him and all your mind can think of is Rooster. Rooster. Rooster. 

He finally brought his head back up and stared at your lips. He licked his before he finally closed the distance between you and-

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

You woke up in your bed in a cold sweat. 

Holy shit, it was just a dream. It felt so real. 

You could’ve sworn you could still feel his hand gripping on your waist and his hot breath on your ear. 

You glanced at your alarm clock to see that you overslept by 30 minutes! 

You quickly got up and got ready, you swear to God you had never gotten ready faster in your life. But you still managed to be 15 minutes late. 

Your supervisor was not happy. But you were normally punctual so they allowed you this one oversight. As long as you swore to never repeat it again. 

You finally caught your breath and settled in your station. You were relieved that you didn’t miss too much. 

But since you were late Rooster was assigned to a different ATC on his flight plan for the day. 

This did make you sad but in a way maybe it was necessary for today. 

First because you could not possibly hold a conversation with him after the erotic dream that you still hadn't physically recovered from, and second because you were actually becoming pathetic.

You had set 4 simple rules for yourself when you joined the Navy

Stay Focused

Always be punctual

Sleep early to be well rested, and most importantly

Do not get involved with Navy men. 

You somehow managed to break all rules in the last few weeks. 

You had a wet dream that caused you to break your perfect punctuality streak. A dream that was about a certain pilot that caused you to stay up late and has spent the better part of a month distracting you.

For the lack of better phrasing, you really needed to get your shit together.

But when you stepped into the mess hall after a fairly productive half of a day, and saw his face, you remembered just why you were so enamored. 

A smile from him was worth breaking the rules you set for yourself. 

——————————————————————————————-

You were probably home for less than 10 minutes when you heard the text notification coming from the living room.

You wiped your hands on a dish rag and walked out of the kitchen to grab your phone, which you almost dropped upon seeing who the text came from. 

The text last night was completely unexpected and was definitely part of the reason why Rooster somehow made it into your dream. And even though you were half asleep at the time, you managed to save his number under “Rooster ✈️🐔”. 

Which is how you knew you were staring at a text from said aviator. 

Rooster ✈️🐔: Missed you today :(

You have been carefully analyzing the text for the last 30 seconds you laid eyes on it. He missed you??? What does that mean? He had your number for the better part of two days and he only managed to contact you when you were almost asleep, and after a day of ignoring him. 

Asking him what he meant would be too obvious and would make you come out as naïve. So you did what any rational woman with a crush would do. Deflect.

You: Do you have a problem with emojis or something?

Rooster ✈️🐔: Huh? What do you mean? 

You: I can’t remember the last time I saw someone use emoticons unironically. 

Rooster ✈️🐔: Are you making fun of me? I personally think emoticons are neat

Rooster ✈️🐔: And I don’t know how to download emojis :/

You felt like a schoolgirl as you felt your face break into a grin at his antics. 

You were formulating a reply when you were interrupted by the screen indicating an incoming call from Rooster ✈️🐔.

You stared at your phone in panic and let it continue to ring. Holy shit he was calling you. At least in text you can formulate a plan and have a carefully crafted response. You did not have that luxury with a voice call. 

But what are you going to do? Ignore it? 

You had to make a decision fast. Okay yes, it will be a little more nerve wracking to speak on a voice call but that's better than nothing right? And you spoke to him all the time over comms, even though technically it is different because those conversations can be hidden under the guise of carrying out your job and you did not have that safety net in this situation.

After a few seconds you thought “Fuck it” and pressed the green button. 

“Hi” You answered with a breath. 

“Oh thank god, you actually answered” He responded, teasing relief in his voice.

“What? You thought I wouldn’t?” You asked him as if it was the most outlandish thing in the world (even you were seriously debating it less than a minute ago). 

“Well lets look at the track record, you rejected my dinner invite, doubted my skill as a world class pilot, left me on read last night, and just made fun of my emoticons.”

“The signs were all pointing there.” 

You bursted out in laughter at his rantings.

“Wow! And now you’re laughing at my misery, a man just can’t win with you can they sweetheart?” He feigned hurt. 

“I’m sorry Lieutenant Commander, I didn’t realize it was so easy to hurt your feelings.” You teased him. 

“AND were back to Lieutenant Commander? You do not pull your punches, do you?”

“I’d like to think we’re past all those formalities, outside of work please call me Rooster, or rather yet, call me Bradley.” He asserted. 

“Sometimes I forget your full god given name is Bradley Bradshaw. Brad Brad. I’m making that your name on my phone” You continued to tease with a giggle.

“Did your parents know what they were subjecting you to?” 

“Ha Ha very funny, unfortunately they were the main ones who made the Brad Brad joke.” He admitted dejected. 

This caused you to laugh again.

“Hey this is not fair! I don’t even know your name to make fun of.” You could practically hear the pout in his voice.

“You know I’m gonna find out your name eventually sweetheart, so why don’t you just give it up now?”

“But where’s the fun in that?”

You wanted to finally tell him your name, you did. But that just opens a can of worms that would lead to reality, which you were not yet ready to face.

“I can’t call you ATC forever sweetheart..”

“Well.. what do you want to call me?” 

“Preferably your name?” He suggested.

“You only get one chance to choose so try again.” You warned. 

“And make it good”

“Okay fine I’ll bite.” He finally gave in.

“Lets see, what to call you….”

“Well you laugh a lot, and most of the time at me, so I think I want to use something related to that.”

“It’s not my fault you’re so easy to make fun of.” You quipped.

“Fair enough. Just know I only let you because I actually like the sound of your laugh.”

You felt the blush creep onto your cheeks again.

“Clock is ticking, and you’re wasting your time flirting. What is it gonna be?” You goaded him.

“Okay Okay, but don’t think I won’t continue later.”

“I have no doubt about it” 

“So something pertaining laughing…hmmm. Giggles?” 

“If you call me Giggles, I’m hanging up and blocking you.” You threaten him. 

He responded with his own laugh, and god if you didn’t love his as much as he claimed to like yours.

“Chuckles?”

“I prefered Giggles.” You grimaced

“Merry?” 

“Too Christmas-y”

“Chirpy?”

“That sounds like a name for a bird or something you’d call your grandma. How are you so bad at this?”

“I’m trying!”

“Try to pick something better than all of those please, and do it in the next 30 seconds or I revoke your naming permissions.”

“Fine…Okay! I got it!”

“Cloud!” 

“Cloud?” You asked

“Yes! Like flying on Cloud 9!”

His selection brought a smile to your face. You pretended to think on it.

“It’s acceptable.”

“Yes!” 

“See? I’m not completely useless, and it fits because I’m flying on Cloud 9 whenever I know you’re my ATC.”

His admission caused your breath to catch in your throat. He really did know how to make a girl feel special, even though you knew you had no actual chance with him in the real world.

“I bet you say that to all the ATCs.”

“Well they are responsible for making sure that I don’t crash into other planes on the runway. Gotta keep them happy somehow”

You laugh at his joke, but holding some sadness because even though he was joking, in a way it felt like it held some truth. 

“But seriously, you have no idea how much joy you brought me yesterday. Both with our conversation and seeing that you actually gave me your number. Which is why I was really sad that you weren’t my ATC today.” 

He sounded sincere, but you tried to keep yourself from taking his lines to heart. 

You smiled. 

“Speaking of your number, how the hell did you get that piece of paper into my dash?”

“There was no one else I saw near my jet except my squad and they were with me the entire time. When did you manage to do it?”

“A girl doesn’t reveal her secrets Rooster.” You jested

“Speaking of secrets, pray tell why it took you over twelve hours to use it?” You asked him, you had to know.

“Yeah, sorry about that late text sweetheart… I stayed out at the Hard Deck with Mav a little later than usual. It was my dad’s death anniversary and I honestly spent most of the day sulking and dreading leaving my apartment.”

“Oh.. I’m so sorry, I didn’t know.” You responded sympathetically, now feeling guilty at asking such an intrusive question. 

“No worries sweetheart, the minute I heard your voice on comms, it brightened my day, even more so when you gave me your number.”

“So thank you for the boost and the motivation to finally kick Mav’s ass in the sky.”

Your heart felt warm hearing that you had that effect on him, you woul’ve believed his words if you didn’t know better.

“You’re welcome Bradley.” You finally called him by his real first name, admittedly it felt right coming from your mouth.

You both sat in comfortable silence when you were interrupted by the smoke alarm in your kitchen. It hit you that your dinner was left on the stove forgetten during your conversation with Bradley.

“Oh shit, I’m pretty sure I just burnt my dinner. I gotta go before I set my entire apartment on fire.”

Bradley chuckled at your unintentional lapse of memory.

“Okay sweetheart I’ll talk to you soon.”

You ended the call. 

You managed to clear out the smoke out of your apartment, but unfortunately did not save your chicken. 

You had to settle for a frozen hot pocket that had been in your freezer for God know how long, but hey it did the job and beggars can’t be choosers. 

You felt the tiredness from the busy workday hit you and you decided it was a good idea to turn in early. You showered and finished your nighttime routine and settled into your bed with your phone on your nightstand.

Your phone flashed once again to signal a text. Apparently, Rooster had the same idea about an early night. 

Brad Brad ✈️🐔: Goodnight Cloud <3 I’ll talk to you tomorrow

You: Goodnight Bradley :)

——————————————————————————————-

You were honestly pleasantly surprised at how consistently you and Bradley communicated. 

It followed the same schedule. During the days, you were usually his ATC so he would of course flirt with you over comms, and you’d try to maintain come decorum of professionalism, but would eventually flirt black. Persistence is key and Bradley is nothing if not persistent. 

When he wasn’t in the air during work hours he would sneakily text you his little random thoughts he had during the day. 

Brad Brad ✈️🐔: Have you ever noticed how small Hangman’s mouth is?

You: What?

Brad Brad ✈️🐔: No seriously look at it. His mouth is always scrunched up even when he smiles.

You: Why are you staring at Hangman’s mouth?

Brad Brad ✈️🐔: We’ve been stuck in this meeting and he keeps chewing that stupid toothpick, its distracting.

You: Didn’t realize you had a thing for Seresin, Brad Brad? 🤔

Brad Brad ✈️🐔: ???????

You: You just said his mouth is distracting

You: Its okay Rooster, just say you wanna kiss him, the tension between you is so thick you can cut it with a knife.

Brad Brad ✈️🐔: I don’t want to kiss Hangman >:( 

Brad Brad ✈️🐔: You wanna know who I do wanna kiss though? 

You: Let me guess…..

You: Bob! 

You: Or better yet, Cyclone 🤪

Brad Brad ✈️🐔: No :(((

Brad Brad ✈️🐔: I wanna kiss you

You: Let’s Play 8 Ball!

Brad Brad ✈️🐔: Ha ha you’re hilarious

Brad Brad ✈️🐔: If I beat you then can I get a kiss?

Read 2:13pm

Brad Brad ✈️🐔: Ouch :(

On weekday nights where he didn’t go to the Hard Deck, you would have your nightly phone call at 7:30pm sharp where you would both stay on the phone while you both cooked dinner. You would catch up on the little things during the day that you didn’t text about and just mostly got to know one another.

You can admit that yes, what initially drew you to Rooster was his beautiful smile and his skill as a pilot. But the more you spoke to him the more you saw not just Lieutenant Commander “Rooster” Bradshaw. But you also saw Bradley.

You quickly saw that he was kind, humble, and so caring of others. 

“Hey Cloud,  I’m sorry for calling you so late.” You noticed his tone was more solemn than usual and checked the time, it was nearing 8pm.

“It’s fine Bradley, you’re not that late.”

“What’s wrong?” You asked him.

“Payback and Fanboy flew into a jetwash today….”

“They had to eject.” He answered dejectedly

“I heard about that. Are they okay?”

 Laura told you about the incident a little earlier, she was the ATC for the flight. The ear-splitting static that hit her headset after the aircraft collided with the ground was enough to shake even the most experienced ATC. So you couldn’t imagine being the pilot and the WSO in that situation. 

“They’re at the hospital overnight for observation. I stuck around to make sure they were okay.” 

It was very strange for you to hear Rooster so despondent. You knew he cared about his friends, and he would do anything for them, but it felt like there was more to the situation. 

“You’re very thoughtful for that Bradley.. I’m sure they appreciated it”

“It was my fault, Cloud.” he confessed. 

You were taken aback at his admittance, but you would’ve heard if there was someone that was directly responsible for the accident, it involved aircraft worth millions of dollars after all. 

“They flew into my jetwash.” 

“Bradley, that wasn’t your fault, you couldn’t have controlled their flight path.” You tried to reassure him.

“But I shouldn’t have been so reckless!” He exclaimed. 

“If I wasn’t so busy trying to outdo Coyote, I wouldn’t have almost hit a bird strike and had to slow down, and they wouldn't have gotten caught in the wash.”

You didn’t want to tell him he was being irrational for blaming himself for a situation that was clearly out of his hands, you knew there was something more there. 

“But they’re fine right? Everyone is okay. No one was seriously hurt.” You explained to him.

“Yeah no one got hurt….THIS time.” 

His statement piqued your interest, you were getting somewhere.

“What do you mean?” 

He sighed, finally letting go of the pretenses. 

“That’s how my dad died.” He confessed.

In a way you knew about LTJG Nick Bradshaw and his untimely death during his Top Gun training, but none of the sordid details. It felt disrespectful to dig into Rooster’s family without him knowing. 

“Oh..” You couldn’t think of what to say. 

“He and Mav flew into a jetwash and when they ejected…my dad hit his head on the canopy. Dead on impact.”

You kicked yourself for thinking he was being irrational. Now all his self blame and his aversion to throwing caution to the wind while flying finally made sense. It also made his relationship with Maverick a lot clearer to you. 

On one hand, you were thrilled that he was confiding in you. But on the other hand you were also heartbroken for Bradley, he lost his dad so young and as much as you wanted to hug him, and let him cry on your shoulder, you couldn’t. 

“Were you close?” You settled on asking him. 

“We were, he’s the reason why I worked so hard to be where I am now.” He reminisced. 

“I’m sure he is very proud of you Bradley. You are not only an incredible pilot, you are also an selfless, caring, and incredible man.” You reminded him. 

“He would give all the credit to my mom.” He lightly chuckled. 

“She raised me alone after my dad died.”

“She never remarried?” You asked

“No, she said that dad was her soulmate. She would never find another man like him.”

You can tell how much love Bradley had for his parents, and the love they shared for one another. 

“It sounds like they were really in love.” You smiled 

“They were. My dad would always serenade my mom. He loved the 50s and the 60s so everytime he saw a piano he would wail out ‘Great Balls of Fire’ while my mom would act embarrassed, but she would eventually sit on his lap and sing along.” 

“That’s beautiful Brad, they really were soulmates.”

“I hope I can find a love like theirs someday.” You sighed dreamily. 

“Who knows? Maybe you already have.” He responds softly.

A comfortable silence settled between you for a few moments. 

“Hey Cloud”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for listening.”

“Anytime Bradley.”

You noticed that it was now getting late and exhaustion was starting to take over your body.

Bradley seemed to notice this as well.

“Do you think I can sing to you Cloud? Like my dad used to with my mom?” 

“I would love that Brad.” 

You slowly fell asleep to the sound of his voice singing ‘Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You’.

And like that, there was no denying, that you’re falling even deeper.

——————————————————————————————-

You don’t know how much longer you can keep this up. It has been months since you and Rooster started talking regularly and you couldn’t help falling in love with him a little more everyday. 

The problem is, you knew that his patience was wearing thin, as he was asking you more and more frequently when he can see you face to face or even know your real name.

You knew you owe him all of that, but how could you tell him? When you know in your heart that once he sees you and knows you. He would know you weren’t worth his time. 

That realization kills you because he means everything to you. You’ve shared your hobbies, your stories, your dreams with him. 

How can you go on living without him in your life once you know the feeling of him being there. 

He has planted himself a permanent spot in your heart, and once he’s gone, there will be a gaping hole left in his wake. 

He was being as kind and as patient with you as he could, but you couldn’t blame his growing anxiety about your identity. 

It also didn’t help that you were constantly under the scrutinous eyes of Lieutenant Commander Seresin. After he caught you on the Tarmac, he seemed very suspicious of you. Like he knew you were up to something but just couldn’t put his finger on it. 

Luckily you’ve been able to fly under the radar around him. Yes he could be a little ignorant and too much of a flirt for his own good but he was smart as a whip and you knew that if anyone could figure out what you were doing it would be him. 

You were currently sat with ATCs in the mess hall, on the other side of the room from where the dagger squad has decided to congregate. You were trying to subtly sneak glances at Bradley. 

He looked particularly handsome today, his sandy hair was slicked back and his tanned skin glowing. He even had his signature Ray Ban Caravans on. You normally hate when people wear sunglasses indoors but he made it work without looking like an asshole. And it looks damn good on him. 

You sighed and as you moved your focus away to not arouse suspicion you noticed Hangman look at you with narrowed eyes. You pretended not to notice. 

Your attention was diverted by the vibration of you phone signaling a notification. 

Brad Brad ✈️🐔: Is potato salad supposed to be green?

You smiled when you saw it was a text from Bradley

You: Depends, do you normally eat 2 week old potato salad?

Brad Brad ✈️🐔: Mav said it was okay :(

You: Mav also thinks anything not cooked in a microwave is gourmet.

Brad Brad ✈️🐔: Okay fair, its going into the trash. 

Brad Brad ✈️🐔: You know what is gourmet though? ;)

You: Mav

Brad Brad ✈️🐔: Not funny :(

You tried to hold in your laughter to no avail and it was loud enough for the other ATC s to look at you in confusion. 

“Sorry, just saw a funny meme.” You explained, the ATCs accepted this explanation and went back to their previous activities. 

You looked up again to catch another glimpse at Rooster when you saw Hangman staring at your phone in your hand with wide eyes. Then looked down at Rooster also smiling down at his own phone, and then back at you. 

You could see the wheels in his head turning, and then he made a face that made it clear that he connected the dots. 

Oh shit. You had to get out of here.

You quickly packed up your food and sat up, not bothering to say goodbye to your fellow ATCs. 

You ran out the mess hall and down the hallway but before you could turn the corner a hand pulls you back. 

You are now face to face with Lieutenant Commander Seresin. He looked at you for a few seconds 

“You’re Air Traffic Control right?” he asked you with a raised eyebrow. 

“Yes sir I am.” You said trying to disguise your voice the same as you did on the tarmac. 

“Don’t play games with me honey, I know that’s not your real voice.” You gulped 

He still had a grip on your arm so you couldn’t run even if you wanted to. Curse these Navy men and their workout routines. 

“Tell me your name, and that’s an order.” 

You were sweating under his gaze, you’ve never felt more panicked in your life.

You tell him your name in your real voice. 

He finally released his grip on you and also seemed to drop his serious demeanor. 

“I knew there was something about you! You’re the ATC that old chicken has been flirting with over comms aren’t you??”

You nod looking down at your feet. Damn it, there goes your whole relationship (if you can even call it that) with Rooster, because Hangman is definitely going to rat you out. 

“You see, Rooster was telling the squad that he was in love. And so of course we ask him who she is.” 

“But how surprising was it when he said that not only has he never seen her face to face, he doesn’t even know her name.” 

He was now pacing up and down the hallway. 

“Then I remembered that day where he bet you your number if he shot down Mav, he magically got a piece of paper with a number on his dash seemingly coming from nowhere.” 

“But it wasn’t a magic trick at all, was it?” He asked you rhetorically.

“No sir.”

“Exactly! Because I caught you sneaking off the Tarmac moments before Rooster jumped into his plane and happily announcing that he got your phone number.” 

“I saw your face, so you are both the ATC over comms and the girl he talks to,  the one he says he’s in love with.”

You looked up shocked at his statement.

“He’s in love with me?” 

You looked up from the ground with hopeful eyes. 

“Yes he is.” Hangman tells you matter of factly. 

“You’ve presumably been talking to Rooster for months, but you've yet to meet him in person, let alone even tell him your name.”

“What game are you playing here?” He asks you

“It’s not a game, I do care about Bradley.” You sighed. 

“So then what is it?” 

“Sir, can we not please talk about it here?” 

You anxiously look around and see that people were now in the hallway exiting from the mess hall. And god forbid that Bradley was one of them. 

“Fine.” 

“Meet me at the Hard Deck after work.” 

——————————————————————————————-

 You were seated at the bar in the Hard Deck, your left leg bouncing anxiously.

You checked your watch, 5:47pm. Hangman said to meet him here right after work and you basically sped off the base to get to the bar on time.

You’ve been nursing the same beer for the past almost 30 minutes. You couldn’t focus on anything but the sound of your heart beating in your chest.

What was taking him so long? Did he forget? Did he already tell Bradley?

A million more questions swirled in your head. But you knew that if Hangman didn’t show up you were basically screwed.

Your self pity was interrupted by the booming sound of naval aviators strolling through the entrance, with one of them being Bradley and of course Hangman.

You were simultaneously trying to avoid Rooster’s gaze, while trying to catch Hangman’s attention.

When you finally caught his eye, you gave him a panicked questioning look. He gave you a subtle nod while continuing his conversation with the rest of the squadron. 

The crew made their way to their usual spot in the back with the pool tables. Hangman excused himself from the group nodding towards you.

You kept your eyes on him as he made his way to you. 

“Jimmy, can I get a beer?” Hangman asks the bartender.

“Lieutenant Commander.” You greeted him as he sat on the stool directly beside you.

He returned the greeting by saying your name.

“So let’s just get this out of the way. Did you tell Bradley?” You asked him, feeling a large brick settle in your stomach. 

“You can relax.. I didn’t tell Bradshaw.” He replies

You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding. Relief flooding your body.

“But don’t think that you’re off the hook, you have some explaining to do.” Hangman added.

“What do you want to know sir?” You swallowed nervously.

“First of all, who are you exactly?” 

“I’m no one, I’m just an ATC.” You told him, looking down at your hands.

“Well you’re clearly not ‘no one’ if you’ve caught Rooster’s attention.” He rebutted.

“You’re little avoidance tricks might work on Rooster, but they won’t work on me.”

“And I know all your excuses for not meeting him are complete bs.”

“So why are you hiding from him?”

Now that’s the million dollar question isn’t it? It has been months since you started talking to Bradley, you spoke to him every single day, and fell asleep to the sound of his voice every night. Why were you hiding from him?

“I-.....I don’t know.” You confessed to Hangman. 

“Then whats stopping me from getting up and telling Rooster who you are?” Hangman asked you with a raised eyebrow. 

You stared at him, the words lost in your throat. 

“Nothing then I guess..”  He got up and started his way to the back.

You pulled his arm back similar to how he did to you earlier that day. He looked at you and your hand on his arm. 

“Please don’t…I beg you.” 

He sat back down on his stool giving you a questioning look but gave you the time to get your thoughts together. 

“I never intended for it to go on this long or this far..” You explained. 

“Bradley is so important to me. I knew he was special the first time I ever heard his voice.”

“It was during the uranium plant detachment from a few months ago. I risked my whole damn career to save him.” 

“I released the dagger reserve without Admiral Simpson’s approval.” You continued.

“That was you? You gave me clearance that day?” His eyes finally lost the skepticism and was replaced with admiration. 

“I did, everyone in that control room was completely frozen. I couldn’t just let them die.” 

“But that doesn’t explain this whole situation you have going on with him.” He questioned

“That was the last I expected to ever see of him, but you all decided to stay here in Miramar and I made the mistake of speaking to him a little too long over comms.”

“That’s to be expected honey, Rooster is a big ol flirt.” Hangman chuckled.

“Well not as a big of a flirt as me though.” He winked at you. 

He was trying to ease your worries and you appreciated that from him. Especially since he thought the worst of you less than 10 minutes ago. 

“And of course you and Mav have heard how he got my number over comms and thats currently where we are now.” You finished.

“Okay so thats the backstory, and you clearly care about him and he cares about you.”

“So it still doesn't answer why you haven’t told him who you are.”

“Think about it this way Lieutenant Commander…”

“You, Phoenix, Payback, Coyote, and Rooster. You are some of the most important and most revered people in the Navy short of the Admirals.” 

“You are the first in command, you are the best of the best in the entire world.” 

“What do I? A low level ATC, have to offer Bradley?.”

“I am just me, and he is who he is. I could never be a person whos good enough for him.” 

“But didn’t I just tell you? Bradshaw is in love with you.” Hangman argued. 

You smiled sadly, turning your head to glance at Bradley at the pool tables. His head thrown back in laughter at something Fanboy said. 

“Maybe..he is.” You turned back to Hangman.

“But one look at me and he’ll change his mind.” 

“I don’t understand. Do you think you’re-” Hangman’s response was interrupted by Rooster popping up behind you both. 

“Hangman, I thought you were getting a beer?” 

You suddenly felt lightheaded, the sight of Rooster standing so close to you making your heart beat a million times per minute. 

“Whos your friend?” Rooster asked Hangman while looking at you with a smile. 

You wouldn’t dare open your mouth and speak, risking Bradley recognizing your voice. You stared at Hangman with pleading eyes, hoping he didn’t give you away to Rooster.

Hangman looked at Rooster and back at you, pausing for a moment.

Hangman finally speaks telling Rooster your name. Fuck. You were naïve to think he’d keep your secret.

“We actually just met, she’s getting over a case of laryngitis so her voice is a little hoarse.” Hangman explained. 

You smiled at him, silently thanking him for not revealing your charade. 

“Hi, nice to meet you.” You let out in a hoarse voice, turning to look at Bradley.

He reached out and shook your hand and you can feel your stomach doing backflips for finally getting to touch the man that you’ve spent several months falling in love with. 

“Well I’m sorry to hear that ma’am, I hope you feel better.” Bradley offered politely.

“I’ll leave you and Hangman to your conversation.” He excused himself and returned to the pool table, you stared at him longingly as he walked away. 

Hangman looked at you in amusement. 

“You got it bad, don’t you honey?” Hangman asked with a slight chuckle. 

“That obvious?” You asked him

“Couldn’t be any less subtle if you tried.” 

“Which makes it so funny that Bradshaw had no clue its you.” He chortled. 

“Me personally, if I were him, I would know it was you the minute I saw you.” He added with a smirk,

Leave it to Hangman to be an insatiable flirt.

“Thank you for helping me out.” 

As big of an asshole Hangman can be, he really did have a good heart. 

“Your secret is safe with me honey.” 

——————————————————————————————-

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[dogfags]

I might be getting my hysterectomy sooner that I thought, since originally my plan was to just wait until after school. But now I'm like... it might be more stressful for me to try and recover from surgery after I've graduated while also looking for a salon job. It might be easier if I take another leave of absence for like 2 or 3 weeks + time off work so I can recover. I'm almost certain it'll be a laparoscopic hysterectomy but they're doing an ultrasound later this month to make sure my endometriosis isn't so bad that I'll have to do the other one. I emailed the surgery team to see if they can do it before February. Plus that way I won't be in a huge rush to finish school on time so that I don't have to postpone my surgery due to still being in school... it took me 9 months to finish ~6 months of school bc of how much time I take off. Bc I'm so FUCKING EXHAUSTED and stressed constantly. Pushing my graduation date back isn't the end of the world bc I figured it would happen anyway just from taking days off, it'll just be sad that my whole class will be graduated except me. Wah. Idk. I feel like shit today. I hate my job so much and need a break. But I can't have one. I feel like I'm mentally at my limit. But I have to just keep going. I get one day off per week now which is better than before. But I'm still so fucking stressed out. And now I have credit card debt from my car repairs and other necessities I can't afford. Plus getting myself treats bc if I don't I'll kill myself. I just hate my fucking life. I can't fucking do this anymore. Honestly I might just be getting the surgery sooner as an excuse to take time off fucking work. I'm exhausted. I can't do this anymore. I have a really important appointment at school tomorrow that will be really cool/fun but I can't be excited about it bc I just want to die.

[feyravenchatter]

So, I accidentally may have (very, very) roughly plotted another fic. It was not my fault, I swear. I fully blame Jason Mraz for this one, as it was I'm Yours that set it off to begin with.

This really is super rough, don't say I didn't warn you

·::·★·::·

Coffee shop/bar (yes it’s both) - lgbt flavored w/open mic

Bartender/barista/writer Keith (also wears glasses occasionally, which Lance thinks are f’ing adorable)

Musician Lance

Writer Keith

Comes in bc his family doesn't like the idea of him being a professional musician or bi, and it’s a space he knows they won’t know about

Mutual pining for a bit bc they're dumbasses

Lance is def wearing a denim jacket w/a bi pin

Shiro def gives Keith shit about Lance

Has to come to the conclusion himself (w/help from Veronica, who doesn’t speak to them much anymore outside her siblings after she came out in college) that his parents are toxic

Couple of hookups & makeout sessions leave Keith thoroughly confused

He eventually ends their unspoken arrangement bc of all the mixed signals

Lance talks things out w/Veronica (^^^^^), who convinces him to go low-contact with their parents at least for a little while and go after Keith

Which he does, catching him as the bar's closing for the night and Confessing in the parking lot

Mami overheard part of the convo btwn her children & confronts Lance when he gets home

Tells him that she's thought about it and that she just wants him to be safe and happy and that if it's ...not with a woman... then she's ok with that

She also understands if he still doesn't want much to do with his father since he's a bit more old school catholic

Lance says he'll think about it, but that he probably won't talk to his father much if he can avoid it

She asks him if he's seeing anyone and he tells her about Keith

She's still a little unsure, but he's happy, so she lets it go

Lance still goes to open mic nights & they take their newly solidified relationship slowly

Until they're confronted by lances father one night when Keith drops him off

Lance pulls back, afraid that Keith won't want to be with him bc of that

Keith's the one to reach out first reassuring Lance that he's not breaking up with him bc of his parents

Mami finds out about the confrontation and a fight starts

This is at the same time as Luis shows up with Lisa and the kids

He sends them off and goes inside with Lance, backs up his mother and baby brother and tells his father to pull his head out of his ass and grow up

Mami tells him not to speak to his father that way, but Luis says that he's earned this and that she knows he's right

He gets Lance out of the house with the excuse of getting Lisa & the kids

In the car, he tells Lance to come stay with them for a while to get away from their father and the tension he knows will be between their parents

It takes a little but Lance finally gives in

About 3 weeks later, during which time Luis has gotten to know Keith a bit (he's also been formally introduced to the rest of his siblings who have decided they're adopting him) Lance is back for another event at the coffeeshop during the day

He's been a bit hesitant (slowing their relationship down even more after the blowup with his parents but decides that he doesn't want to wait anymore and tells Keith in the way he knows best - through music - and forgoes playing one of his own songs in favor of Jason Mraz

Keith gets it immediately and by the end of the song, so does everyone else

Klance are so focused on each other neither of them noticed Lance's father standing by the door, or when he stepped out just before the song finished

Shiro kicks Keith out from behind the bar, sending him out to the café floor.  He ends up just standing in the middle, between tables watching.  Or he would be if Lance could keep his eyes off him

Lance doesn’t even bother putting his guitar down, just swings it around to his back to rush the few yards between himself and Keith, where he says that he can’t keep waiting and fuck whatever his father has to say about it.  The next person in line for the event takes over the stage area, a bohemian punk (90s-style sundress w/combat boots, leather jacket) lesbian with a ukulele, and quietly hands Lance’s guitar case to Shiro over the bar before starting her own performance

Keith makes the suggestion that they get out of there, and Shiro calls out that he has the case and reminds Keith that all his shit is still in the break room.  Finally on their way out, Lance asks if Keith drove in, and he says that Shiro did, which Lance then says means that he gets to keep Keith for as long as he wants for the rest of the day

Lance’s father had been waiting outside, hoping he wouldn’t be staying at the coffee shop for too long.  Keith takes Lance’s hand, grounding him, but he still asks why his father’s there.  He says that he and mami had several very long conversations, and he eventually realized that he couldn’t hold with that part of his faith anymore.  Mami made him realize that he was getting to the point of losing one of his children permanently, and that if it went on long enough, he was going to alienate all of his children.  Family is more important than his faith, and while he’s not giving it up, he’s not giving up his children either, and apologizes for how he’s been, and hopes that Lance can forgive him for it eventually.  Lance says that he has to think about it, but that he and Keith have plans and he needs some time

When asked after getting to Lance’s car, he says that his plan for the rest of the day was that he didn’t have a plan and just wanted time with Keith, doing anything and everything.  Keith says that maybe they should just leave the car there in the shop’s parking lot.  He knows that Lance doesn’t know the area as well as he does, and takes his bf on something of a walking tour of the city’s queer quarter.  They end up at the end of the day in the park right between the shop and the ocean.  The only other thing that’s still bothering Lance is his parents lack of support for him wanting to chase his dream of being a professional musician.  Keith says that while having his parents support would be great to have, he does have the support of his siblings, friends, and especially his boyfriend.  Lance knows he’s right, and decides fuck it, he’ll never know if he doesn’t try it, and just hopes that his parents will come around eventually.

A few days later, and Lance is at Keith’s city apartment, his exposed brick bohemian writer’s loft a good backdrop for his first video, which then gets posted to various social media.

A few years later, and Keith is there in the front row for Lance’s first major tour, starting in their hometown.  He’s already published his first novel and already working on another.  Lance may not be selling out in every stop on the tour, but it’s far better than projected, and he’s not forgetting his coffee shop roots, playing a second, shorter show in a queer-friendly spot in every city the next day.  Keith is going on tour with him, writing while on the road.

But the last night spent in their apartment (Lance moved in with Keith 6 months after the apology from his father – they’ve made up, with both him and Veronica, and his are parents fully on-board with his music career) is the important one.  They’re leaving after the set at their shop the next day, and this will be the last night in their own bed for a while.  Lance is wiped out from the show, but Keith won’t let him go to sleep just yet.  Both in their pajamas, the only light the moonlight and the strings of warm fairy lights, Keith pulls small a leather box from the back of his nightstand and proposes to his emotional boyfriend.  Lance tackles Keith to the bed, and Keith laughs, asking if he can take that as a yes?  Of course it is, you bastard.

[edna-skiffens]

The Best Medicine

Summary: You are in the hospital, but you can never sleep in hospitals. Good thing you have a very attractive night shift nurse who is willing to help out.

Word Count: 4.5K

Warnings: hospitals, light med talk, bad medical writing, fluff

A/N: Please ignore the plot holes or the fact that this isn’t the most realistic and also I know this isn’t how discharge works at the hospital.. It’s called fiction for a reason, darling. Also, I left the reason the reader is in the hospital open ended bc some of us may have medical conditions/reasons that we can attach to this, but if not I tried to keep it vague enough on purpose so that you can imagine whatever. Also if you like Nurse!Tom and have requests for him lmk bc i’m happy to write for him.

Toss and turn. Toss and turn. The routine was getting old. This was your third night in the hospital and sleep just wasn’t coming to you.

Maybe it was the medicine they had you on. Maybe it was the constant symphony of sounds and people passing in the hallway. Maybe it was because you weren’t at home in your own bed.

Maybe it was just because you were in the hospital.

You couldn’t be sure. What you were sure of is that you weren’t falling asleep anytime soon.

Feeling another presence in the room, you looked from the ceiling to the doorway where you saw Tom, one of the night shift nurses, standing cautiously.

“I didn’t wake you did I?” He asked as he eased his way inside.

“Nope.”

“So no sleep again, huh?”

“Nope.”

“Sorry darling. Let’s go ahead and get these vitals over with.” He took your blood pressure, oxygen levels, temperature and wrote it down in your chart. Putting the clipboard back on its hook at the end of the bed, he looked up at your tired face. “Okay. So now about that sleep. What do you think will help?”

“Not being in the hospital.”

He chuckled lightly while walking back towards your bedside.

“I know. You hate it here. You’ve made that very clear and I try not to take too much offense to it.” You let out a slight laugh and held back the fact that he was the best part of this whole experience. He almost made it worth it. “I’m sorry we can’t give you any sleeping medication. Do you think it’ll help if I talk to you?”

“You mean tell me bedtime stories?” You couldn’t help but tease him at the adorable suggestion, though it sent a swarm of butterflies off in your stomach.

“I was thinking more like bore you ‘till you fell asleep. But whatever works.”

“You’re the nurse. If you think it’ll help.” You both sat there smirking at each other for a moment. Something unspoken floating in the air between you two.

“Well, I need to finish my round of vitals first. I’ll come check on you when I’m done and if you’re still up we’ll see about those stories.”

“I’ll be here.”

About fifteen or twenty minutes later you heard a light tap on your door followed by “Still awake?”

“Always.”

“You up for a chat?” Tom asked as he made his way to the stool then rolled slightly closer to your bed.

“Got nothing better to do.” You teased again.

“Okay. Well you should probably lay down.”

“Oh. It’s going to be that kind of story, huh?” His laugh was so beautiful and you were happy you were the cause of it.

“No.” He corrected in between laughs “The goal is to get you to sleep. So sitting up won’t help.”

“Right. Right.”

“Well.. anything in particular you’d like to talk about?”

“Why did you choose to become a nurse?”

“Ahhh. Good question. So I actually went to an art school.” You couldn’t help the brief expression of surprise that crossed your face. “I know. Shocking. I did training specifically in dance and gymnastics and I loved it.”

“Wait, so what happened?” You asked, turning on your side to face him more comfortably.

“Well one day we were rehearsing for a show and I fell. Ruined my knee. Had to do physical therapy for months. I tried to get back into it, but it just wasn’t the same. However, through that process I learned a lot about medicine and the health side of things. It really turned me on to it. And when my Plan A got a bit messed up I thought ‘hey, this could work’. So far it’s treated me pretty well.”

You smiled at Tom, admiring his passion for his career and the determination he had to keep pushing after his accident. You enjoyed hearing him talk about it too. If you didn’t know any better you would say it was helping you relax.

“My story that boring?”

“Obviously.”

“Your sarcasm has no end.”

“Oh… goodness.. you thought that was sarcasm?”

Tom only laughed and shook his head the way he often did with you.

You may just have been his patient and he may have just been your nurse, but you both bonded. He kept you company and gave you comfort. In return, you kept him entertained during the quiet night shifts.

“I’m not going to sleep. I'm just resting my eyes. But still listening.” You told him as you nestled further into the hospital bed, trying to find a position that would make it comfortable.

“Okay, darling.” He grinned at you.

“Tell me more. What kind of-” You had to stop to yawn, “What kind of art stuff did you do?”

“Oh. Well, I was in a few musicals. I really enjoyed dancing. I did ballet ever since I was young and I love the control I have over my body. The tricks I can do with gymnastics or the turns and leaps. I mean I can’t do them to that level anymore, but I try to stay active.” He glanced up and noticed you hadn’t moved, “Are you still with me?”

“Mhm.” You barely respond.

“Okay. Well it was a performing arts school so we really were trained in many areas. We had classes in acting, singing, dancing, all of it. It was a lot of fun and I met my best friends there.”

Tom began telling stories about his time at school. Before he knew it, he lost himself and track of time. He looked back at you, quiet and still.

“Y/N?” You were finally asleep. “Goodnight, darling.” He whispered as he gently made his exit.

Because Tom worked the night shift, you never saw him when you woke in the morning. Instead, Tanya, a sweet nurse that felt like a big sister, or Linda, Nurse Ratched in the flesh, came in for morning vitals and meds.

You counted down the days until your release. Life in the hospital was pretty uneventful with the limit on visitors and limited activity. There’s only so many sitcoms one can take in a given timespan. The only thing that you really looked forward to each night was when Tom clocked in.

“Hi Y/N.”

“Hi Tom.” You would smile at each other.

“How are we feeling today?”

“Better. Ready to get out of here.”

“Well, I’m glad to hear you are feeling better and still ready to jailbreak.” He smiled while writing something down on your chart. “They should be bringing up your dinner tray soon and then I’ll bring by your evening meds after that.”

“Okay.”

“If you need me you know what to do.” He called to you before walking out the door.

You were disappointed when Shelley brought your evening meds by later. She was a nice enough nurse. She just wasn’t Tom.

You’d grown accustomed to mainly having him as your nurse during the evening shift. At first you weren’t sure if it was coincidence or on purpose, but after a few nights of staying up and talking, you grew closer to him. You saw less of the other nursing staff and more of Tom.

You tried not to build anything up in your head. You were sure everything he was doing was in his job description and a part of being a good nurse.

He would sneak you extra pudding cups from the cafeteria and bring you an extra heated blanket because you could never stay warm. If you needed a new IV, he held your hand to ease the anxiety. He kept you company and made you feel less alone in such a sterile and intimidating place. And when he noticed you had trouble sleeping he chose to sit with you to help you fall asleep. You couldn’t help the butterflies that built in your stomach.

It became a sort of routine. He checked on you during evening vitals, even if someone else was doing them, and you were always still awake. He would then come and sit with you and chat for a bit, telling you different stories until you eventually fell asleep.

Some nights when you were extra restless he would help you walk the halls.

“The doctors have to see you’re stable enough before you can be discharged. Plus, maybe it’ll tire you out.” He suggested.

He would help get your IV pole ready so you could walk with it. He helped you into your slippers and eased you out of bed after passing you your robe.

Walking the hall slowly, Tom knew he had to remain professional, yet he found a few excuses to graze his hand across your back to ‘steady you’ when you turned corners or he thought you were looking tired.

“It might take me a while to get back to my usual jogs in the park, huh?” You laughed in spite of yourself.

“You’ll get there. Baby steps.” He encouraged, as you turned around the Nurse’s Station. You missed the faces the other night shift nurses were giving you both, but Tom was sure to subtly flick them off. “So, do you like running?” He asked as you headed back towards your room.

Throughout your late nights together, he told you of his three younger brothers and his dog named Tessa. You spoke about what you would do when you were out of hospital. He talked about his friends and flatmates and the adventures they had. He told you many stories, but each morning when you woke up he was clocked out and the day shift nurses were there.

Tonight was your last night. You’re set to be discharged tomorrow and while you are ecstatic to go home, you’re going to miss one thing about this place.

“I bet you’re too excited to sleep tonight. I don’t know if my stories will even help.” Tom said as he sat down next to you.

You smiled up to him sweetly.

“What are you looking forward to the most once you get out of here?”

“Sleeping in my own bed.”

“Well that’s no surprise.” Tom laughed, a contagious sound making you giggle as well. “Isn’t there anything you’ll miss about this place?”

“Yeah.” He smiled “There’s one thing.”

“What’s that?” He asks.

“The pudding cups.”

“Ahh the pudding cups of course.” You giggled while fiddling with the IV line.

“They just don’t taste the same in the outside world.”

His smile grew wider as you giggled.

“No, but really. As much as I give this place grief and say I’m ready to get out of here - which I am,” You gave him a pointed look to which he held his hands up in mock surrender, fully believing you, “it hasn’t been too terribly awful I guess.”

“Oh, well, I’m glad we could make your stay not too terribly awful.. I guess.” He teased. “Do you have anything exciting to look forward to once you’re a free woman?”

“Nothing huge planned, really. The doctors did say to take it easy.”

“That’d be wise.”

“Yeah. I’ll just lay low for a while. My sister said she may try to come visit me though so that would be nice.”

“Oh that would be nice. She’s your older sister right?”

“Right. She moved away last year to be closer to her boyfriend.”

“Ah. Do you like him?”

“Sorry?”

“This boyfriend. Do you like him?”

“He’s alright, I suppose. He makes her happy.” Tom nodded along.

“And do you have a boyfriend that makes you happy?”

“N-No. No I don’t. Not at the moment.” You began fiddling with the IV cord again.

“No boyfriend or not a boyfriend that makes you happy?” He asked.

“Neither.”

“Well that’s a shame.” If the heart monitor was connected you would’ve been screwed. “I just mean someone needs to look after you once you get home. I hope this sister comes through for a visit. You’ve got to take it easy.”

“Oh I’ll be fine.”

“I’m sure you will be.” He smiled.

“How has your shift been tonight? Busy?” You asked, fighting back a yawn.

“A bit busier than usual. There was a slight emergency earlier which is why Shelley handed out meds tonight. Sorry I didn’t come around.”

“It’s alright. I know you have other patients.”

“Yeah, but none like you.” You were sure he said that to all of his patients. After all, you’ve heard similar lines ever since you went to the pediatrician as a child. But it still gave you butterflies.

“Are you getting sleepy?”

“A little. But it’s okay.” He gave you a pointed look but continued to talk anyway. “It’s the last night. One final request for storytime. Make it a good one.”

You thought for a moment before asking your question.

“Do you ever wish that life turned out differently? That you never had your accident and you could’ve followed your dreams to be a dancer?” You asked while turning on your side and getting more comfortable.

“Sometimes. At least, I used to. But I think I’ve accepted it now. And I really can’t see myself doing anything but this.” You nodded taking in his answer “I look at it this way. If it wasn’t for my injury then I never would’ve changed my career path and found my love for medicine. I never would have made so many of the friends I’ve made or the memories I’ve made. I never would have met you.” He finishes with a sweet smile.

“That’s a very positive way of looking at it.” You told him. “Be honest, are you a therapist during the day?” He laughed out loud.

“No. I’m not. I guess I’m a big believer in ‘everything happens for a reason’.” You nodded while covering a yawn.

“So I’ve been curious to ask you,” He began, “Do you usually have this much trouble sleeping? Because you can get help for that you know?” You smiled at him.

“What? I thought a night nurse talking to you was the cure?” Tom smirked and shook his head. “I’m kidding. No, I normally don’t. It’s just the stiff sheets and hospital sounds I think.”

“Darn hospital.” He rolled his eyes and joked. “So this time tomorrow you’ll be sound asleep in your own bed then?”

You knew it was meant to be a happy statement, but you were a little sad at the thought of not having any more late night chats with Tom.

“Yes. Thank God.” You forced a smile.

You felt another yawn coming and tried to hold it back. It was already past the usual time that you fell asleep.

Tom could tell you were exhausted so he launched into a story from nursing school, hoping to lull you to sleep.

You yawned your way through listening, trying to soak up every last moment with Tom. In the morning he wouldn’t be here. You’d leave and likely never see him again.

When he finished, your eyes were half open and he wondered how you were still awake. Or maybe why.

“Why are you fighting it? The point is to sleep. Give in.” He told you gently after another yawn.

You looked up at him, half asleep and rubbing your eyes, not finding the confidence to tell him the true reason you were trying to stay awake.

“I’m happy right now.”

He smiled down at you.

“I am too. But you need your sleep, darling.” You weren’t sure what to say and you didn’t have much energy left in you anyway. “How about this. I’ve probably been in here too long as it is. Let me go check in at the Nurse’s Station and then I’ll come back and check on you soon and see if you’re still awake okay?”

The thought that he was leaving gave you a sad feeling in your stomach. You tried to remind yourself that he was just your nurse. Nothing more.

“Okay.” You smiled at him, sleepily, while settling further into the bed.

He stood up and instead of walking towards the door he walked closer to you. He grabbed the thin, white hospital blanket and pulled it closer around your shoulders.

“Goodnight, Y/N.” He whispered before he walked to the door.

“Tom?” You called out just before he opened it. He turned around with an expectant look, “Thanks for everything.”

Even though the room was dim you could see his smile.

“You’re welcome, Y/N. Get some sleep.”

You don’t remember much after that. You don’t know if Tom came back to check on you. You just remember falling asleep with a smile on your face.

When you woke up the following morning it felt like any other morning in the hospital.

The hallways were much louder. Beeps, chatter, and phones were constant. The lights were brighter.

But you were quickly reminded that it wasn’t any other morning. You were going home today.

The door creaked open and Tanya, one of your regular daytime nurses, poked her head in.

“Oh good you’re up.” She made her way inside and over to the gloves. “How’d you sleep?”

“Pretty good. Thanks.” She gave you a smile, something hidden behind it.

“I’m sure.” She said quietly to herself. You gave her a questioning look. “Oh I just mean I’m sure you’re excited to get out of here.”

You nodded as she took your vitals one last time.

“Everything looks good. What do you say about getting this IV out?”

“I say that sounds amazing.”

She took it out and bandaged up your arm while informing you of how the morning would go.

“Dr. McCoy is making rounds now then he’ll be by soon to go over your discharge. You can get dressed whenever you’re ready. If you need help, buzz me. You’ll still have a breakfast tray come, but you don’t have to eat it.” She gave you a wink while taking off her gloves.

“Thanks Tanya.”

“Of course, sweetie. And in case I don’t see you before you go, you’ve been a wonderful patient. Take care of yourself.” You smiled at her as she left you to change into some leggings and a sweatshirt.

You were packing your remaining things into your bag when your doctor walked in.

“Y/N! How are we doing today?”

“We’re doing great because we’re going home.” You smiled while taking a seat to rest for a few minutes.

“I know you’re excited.” He laughed before explaining the conditions of your discharge. You had medicines to take, a follow up appointment, and strict instructions to rest for the next few weeks. After signing some forms he left you with a stack of papers. “Is someone coming to pick you up?”

“Yeah my neighbor should be here within an hour.”

“Sounds good. Don’t hesitate to call us or come back in if you have any trouble or questions.”

“Will do. Thanks.”

A few minutes after he left a nurse brought in your breakfast tray. There wasn’t much of a point for it but since your discharge wasn’t technically until 10:30 am you were still a patient during breakfast.

You took the pudding cup that you requested with every meal off the tray before sliding it away. Smiling to yourself, you tucked it away in your bag. All you had left to do was wait for 10:30.

Tanya came in to check on you again and told you to buzz the Nurse’s Station when you knew your ride was here. At 10:27 you had a text from your neighbor that they were out front in the pickup zone. So you hit the call button.

“Yes?” Linda, the scariest dayshift nurse, answered.

“Um hi. Tanya told me to buzz in when my ride was here so I could go down.”

“Okay we’ll be right in.”

Not even a minute later you heard your door open. Expecting to see Tanya or maybe even Linda you looked up.

An audible gasp left your lips when Tom stood in your doorway with a wheelchair.

“I hear someone needs a ride?” He smiled as he made his way closer to the bed.

“Tom. What are you still doing here?”

“I pulled a double.” You wanted to ask why, but decided against it. You were still in a little bit of shock from seeing him again. “If you’d rather I can go get Linda to walk you down?” He pointed back towards your door.

“No! No.. I’m just surprised s’all.”

“Well come on. I thought you’d be running out of this place once the clock hit 10:30.” Glancing up you saw it was now 10:34. Your neighbor is probably tired of waiting already.

You grabbed your discharge papers and reached for your bag when you heard, “I got it.” Smiling at him, you sat down in the wheelchair. Tom placed the bag around his shoulder and kicked the brakes off the chair. “Ready?” You nodded up at him.

He rolled you out of the room that felt so small for a final time. You passed the Nurse’s Station and waved bye to the staff. He turned by the elevators and when you looked up at him in question, he read your mind. Looked down at you he said, “We’re taking the staff elevators.”

When you made it there he hit the button, turning you around and backing you in once the doors opened. He hit the button for the Lobby and leaned up against the wall of the elevator, briefly glancing at you, as you rode down together.

“Well you made it. You’re a free woman.” He smiled shyly.

“Yippee.” He met your eyes for a moment before looking back to the floor. The dynamics felt different. It wasn’t like your late night talks together.

“Listen, Y/N.” Tom began as he stood up from the wall and faced you. He was about to continue when the elevator ding cut him off, signaling you had reached your destination.

Maybe that was what was different. You had reached your destination.

You had a fun time talking with Tom and entertaining each other when you were both up late at night. He was fun to get to know and you enjoyed having someone care for you. He was easy to banter with and certainly easy on the eyes. But your time at the hospital was up. You knew it would be eventually. You wanted it to be.

Tom was a nurse. He was just doing his job. He was helping take care of you. He was being nice. He was trying to make your stay more comfortable. There was nothing to read into.

Your time being his patient was up and your time with him was up.

You tried to remain realistic, but the sadness still crept up as he rolled you closer to the door.

Once outside, you saw your neighbor exit the car and wave you over. Tom steered in the direction and slowed before rolling to a stop and hitting the brake locks on the wheels.

“Hi, I’m Taylor.”

“Tom.” They shook hands as Tom passed off your bag for Taylor to put in the backseat.

“I’m sorry for the circumstances, but it really has been a pleasure having you as a patient and getting to know you, Y/N.” Tom admitted as he walked around to face you. He grabbed the papers from your lap. “Take care of yourself, okay?” You had shared many smiles with Tom, but this one felt sadder.

“I will. Thank you for everything, Tom. I mean it.” You reached up and squeezed his hand. He gave you a light squeeze back while smiling down at you. Taylor returned from the backseat of the car and Tom turned to them.

“These are her important papers about follow up appointments, medications, what to do at home, all of that so please make sure she doesn’t lose any of them.” He emphasized the point.

“Got it. Thanks.” Taylor held onto the stack while Tom turned back to you.

“If I can’t handle a few papers on my own, then maybe I shouldn’t be going home yet, Tom.” You laughed.

“I know, I just wanted to make sure they made it home with you.” He walked closer. “You ready to get in?”

“Yeah.” You nodded. He helped you up, supporting you just as a precaution. Once seated, you took a moment to catch your breath as you pulled the seatbelt down. He met your hand, taking it from you to buckle you in.

“You good?”

You nodded with a smile, “Just a little tired. No biggie.”

He looked you over before returning your smile, though his didn’t quite reach his eyes, “If you need us, call us. Otherwise go home and rest.”

This was it. This was goodbye.

“Thanks, Tom.”

“Goodbye, Y/N.”

He shut the door. He walked back to the wheelchair, released the brake locks and headed inside. He looked back only when your car was driving away.

“Here’s those papers that are so important.” Taylor handed you the stack after they got in.

“Thanks.”

“So how are you feeling?”

“Better. Thanks.” You felt them looking at you as they joined traffic.

“You sure? You sound like you feel awful.”

You try to remind yourself to forget the sweet and attractive nurse and start moving forward.

“Yeah. Yeah I’m okay.” You decide to distract yourself by reading through your discharge paperwork, when something caught your eye. On top was a sticky note with the hospital’s letterhead. You were sure it wasn’t there before. Looking closer it read,

Y/N,

In case you need someone to talk to when you can’t sleep.

555-5555

P. S. I have a connection to some pretty good pudding cups too.

Tom

The smile that grew on your face was undeniable. All the feelings you suppressed came flooding in. He wasn’t just being nice. He actually liked you.

One thing you knew for sure was that even though you would be in your own bed tonight, you still would be up, talking to a very special nurse.

Lmk if you want to be on my tag list

[spiritingawaytoanime]

< mutuals >

aka, my favorite people on this godforsaken hellsite

in no particular order, just how i saw you guys on my followers page anyway this is my excuse to geek out about yall cause <3

@tama-jam been putting up with my bs for 9 years now love her. talented artist and writer and musician and I could literally talk about you for hours but I'm not gonna so I don't write a 12 paragraph essay

@topazastral we really don't talk much? ur super super cool tho I'm just bad at talking to people lol

@radioactive-gold been dealing w my shit for 2+ years and love em for it. keep talking about ur gay exy boys forever please

@decora-peaches one of my first kick ass followers on my writing blog and I still appreciate you to this day <33333

@asleep-on-the-moon !!! you!!!! ur so funny and for what. we need to talk more

@maizumis WE HAVENT TALKED IN FOREVER ARE YOU ACTIVE ARE YOU ALIVE I MISS YOU /nm

@domestic-void literally an angel I still reread that lev fic bc that's how I met you you're so sweet <3

@atomicfanboy platonic bf #1 I love you

@shirari we r stressed about school and vibing. i need to figure out how tf to write for shirabu so I can write fic specifically catered towards you. also you're such a talented artist??

@mysterystarz wife #2 (only #2 bc inez was first I'm sorry). can and will fight akaashi for your heart

@shoyotime wife #1 and I remember following u and talking to you when I was a measely little blogger at 100 followers or less and u had just hit 400 and now ur like super famous I'm so proud of you babe

@ellesmain TUMBLR BIG SISTER NUMBER ONE BEST SISTER RIGHT HERE also one of my top fav writers on here your stuff is so good teach me your secrets. also ur so pretty ugh

@t0mmyfly WE USED TO TALK A LOT AND NOW WE DONT MUCH ANYMORE HI ARE YOU STILL ALIVE I MISS U

@oni-girx SEE ABOVE ^ WE USED TO TALK IN THAT GROUP CHAT HIKARI MADE BUT WE ALL LOST TOUCH R U GOOD HOW IS UR LIFE

@agonyaster my favorite fuckin little sibling ever I'm so platonically in love w you. thank u for the albedo luck you can have all of my itto luck.

@possiblypoe gay ass /j. anyway thanks for letting me geek out about my characters and thanks for being gay for them and plz keep talking about tokyo rev and jjk forever

@haikyuuublog we do not talk v much however!!! ur very cool and funny <3 /p

@0ltremareart CAN U CALL MY STARSTRUCK OMFG gonna expose myself here but I didn't realize we were mutuals and the first time I talked to you I was so nervous and then. and then I realized like 4 minutes after I sent an ask that we were mutuals . hihc apparently you think I'm cool enough to follow so I shouldn't have been embarrassed. so then I just screamed into a pillow for 2 hours bc I was embarrassed <//3 anyway matchablossom rights

@k-kazvha WE WILL GET ALBEDO ITS GONNA HAPPEN WE WILL GET THE BOY also when I finish this dumb world quest I cant do we should play genshin together

@i-li we have not talked in a while but you are very chill!! i haven't seen you online a lot I dunno if that's me or my dash being dumb and not letting me see ur posts

@criso ANGEL ARTIST OMFG we met and had nothing in common and now I gay panic to you 24/7 and geek out about sk8 and yuri on ice and its wonderful <3

@atsuvu you give such strong friend vibes like. just that really cool chill friend that everyone loves I hope u know that

@kitacharm we need to talk more I feel like I only talk to you through nova but that's alright. one day when I start being able to talk to people I will yell about random things in ur inbox

@animated-moon tendou supremacy. also ur like super sweet and give me big sibling vibes. but like the slight crackhead energy older sibling vibes

@kodzukoi another one that gives me older sibling vibes I feel like people are just gonna start adopting me at this point

@merucry tumblr dad officially ily and I still look at that fairy thing u drew me in that one day

@rudolphsboyfriend LITERALLY TALENTED. INCREDIBLE. LOML /p HOW DO YOU DO WHAT YOU DO god the gender envy I get from you /hj

@kade-is-gay PRONOUN BUDS <3 what can I say about u ur so awesome

@chuupetarou platonic fiance and fellow cherry simp I cannot wait to get to know u better. lets be gay and piss off the conservatives together <3

@rqkuya YOUUUUUUUi cant wait till the day I pass you in ar rankings which is never gonna happen but that's okay ur awesome ily. rosaven supremacy

@coastalmangoes I don't think we've ever interacted personally but ur really funny and rb good stuff

@official-lucifers-child starstruck part 2 you're SO COOL I didn't think you were still following me tbh anyway hi!! you also give strong older sibling energy although I don't. i don't think you're that much older than me but that's alright lol /pos

who knew I had this many mutuals wow

[straighttxhell]

So I saw you were feeling kinda uninspired for your AU so I have a few more ideas so hopefully these help with finding more inspiration.

- So you mentioned that Duncan was bullied in middle school before I could kinda still see it happening in high school especially when it comes to him and Courtney. Like maybe some pricks tease him for having a potential crush on Courtney. They see that he likes her and remind him that she only knows him because of his analysis paper and that she probably would never be interested in him. And I can see Duncan actually believing this which makes him feel slightly insecure about the thought of Courtney liking him back.

- And you also said that it’s possible that Duncan hated or didn’t like Courtney because of her popularity and now that he’s gotten to know her he’s open his eyes and becomes more aware to the pressures to be perfect. He sees how many rumors people spread about her, how hated she can be by other students and how many asshole jocks want to get in her pants. So he feels guilty about judging Courtney.

Now for some smaller ideas

- They also work on the analysis project at the park.

- Maybe Duncan gets a hard on by something Courtney does.

- They have more deeper conversations when they work on the project like Duncan’s home life or Courtney’s parents.

Well that’s all, I know this is long so take as much time as you need when answering this I hope this helps gives you some more inspiration.

AAAAAAA HUN THANK YOU SO MUCH LET ME GIVE YOU ALL MY THOUGHTS ABOUT THESE BC THEY ACTUALLY HELPED ME A LOT THANK YOU

I can see that happening the day before the last one, like someone picks on him and tells him that as soon as they're done with that project she's gonna stop talking to him and that he was an idiot if he thought he had a chance with her. So the next day, they're at her house, and he's... actually working, so she's very thrown off and has no idea why and he's been weird the entire time there and can't even look her in the face, every time she points it out he just says he's okay and doesn't know what she's talking about but she gets tired and snaps and he's very embarassed but eventually says "I've been weird because it's the last day and I know you're not gonna talk to me when we're done" And she's just like lmao what where tf did you get that from and he's like "Dont play dumb, x told me" And Courtney just has the biggest poker face and just goes "Duncan, if I didn't want to hang out with you I would have finished this thing last week" then just softens her voice and gets ll honest like "Listen, I like you for who you are, I like hanging out with you, you're great, and why tf are you listening to X, they're an idiot". And he's all embarassed and "I know but they really got into my head with all they said and I guess I deep down believe it too, you're great and I'm sorry". And she just gives him a smile and is like "It's all okay, but, let's just finish this because we actually have to get it done for tomorrow".

And they keep working, actually working, not just stalling to not get it done, they work in silence and by this point is just editing and making sure everything is in place, but it's not awkward, they feel okay just working in peace with each other not needing to say a word, and in an hour they're done, the paper is perfect, nothing left to change or add, and they should feel great, but they don't.

They know they don't have an excuse anymore and it's either time to let each other drift away or confess. They could stay friends, yes, but they won't really have a reason for him to go to her house everyday or hang out all the afternoon. They just keep talking, about random things, they're at her desk, side by side, their knees are very close making them blush each time they touch, then he makes her laugh and he's like oh no she's cute.

And he's thinking and trying to encourage himself to make a move, also Bridgette and Geoff might have told him that Courtney might like him back so he should just go for it. When she's looking away and chuckling, he's like MAKE A MOVE, so he just swallows and tucks her hair behind her ear, and she's taken by surprise and looks at him, and he just takes a deep breath and gives her a kiss, it's very soft and quick, but enough to put all his feelings out there. And he's all embarassed and says "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have done that... I'm gonna go". And he's reaching for his things but Courtney suddenly turns his face around, and he meets her eyes, and her smile calms him and when he's about to speak again she kisses him. It's not something desperate or passionate, in fact, it never escaletes, it's just soft and calm and a little long lol. Her arms wrap around his neck and his around her waist. They separate for air and because they eventually had to and they just smile. Courtney asks him if he wants to go to the park and he says yes so they go, and spend all afternoon being silly and kissing, just teenagers in love in their honeymoon phase 🥺

Id write whatevers next but this already took me long enough lol

Also, thanks again for the ask 💖🥺 I love that one about Duncan getting a hard on by accident haha maybe I'll post about it later

[trivialoveclub]

2020 Year in Review!

hey! i was tagged by the absolute angel that is ⚘ @unefleurofferte ⚘(tysm my love! 💞) for this 2020 tag! first off (even tho it's the middle of january already 🤡) i wanted to wish everyone a happy new year! not to get sappy 💀 but even tho i don't rlly talk/interact that much, it brings me a lot of happiness seeing u guys on my dash 🥺💗 i genuinely am supporting and rooting for you all and i wish u guys all the love and kindness in this new year bc you deserve it babes 💖

Rules: answer the questions about 2020 and tag some people to pass it on!

5 Fav Films You Watched in 2020

🎬 Soul (2020) "Your spark isn't your purpose. That last box fills in when you're ready to come live."

🎬 Onward (2020) "I never had a dad, but I always had you."

🎬 Klaus (2019) "A true selfless act always sparks another."

🎬 Diecisiete (2019) "You think I'd be doing all of this if I had no heart?

Maybe you're trying to get it back."

🎬 East Side Sushi (2014) "You know behind every great restaurant here, there are great latinos, in the back, in the kitchen, hidden. Prepping the food and making you all look good. Well, I don't want to be in the back anymore."

5 Fav TV Shows You Watched In 2020

📺 Like in The Movies (2020) "Do you ever feel like you're not the protagonist of your own story?"

📺 Given (2019) "Do you have anyone you like, Haruki-san? If that person suddenly disappeared from this world, what would you say?"

📺 Banana Fish (2018) "My soul is always with you."

📺 Masterchef Junior (2013-) Not a quote but Gordon Ramsay always says the dishes has "finesse" and now i can't stop saying it in everything 😭

📺 Next in Fashion (2020)

5 Fav Songs You Listened To In 2020

🎶 UGH! : BTS 🎶 "You're allowed to be angry, but bothering someone else's life, I don't like"

🎶 Fuyu No Hanashi : Given 🎶 "Just like the snow that hasn't completely melted in the shade I continue on with these feelings inside of me."

🎶 So Beautiful : DPR Ian 🎶 "My love is turning kinda gray / My heart is looking the other way."

🎶 PSYCHE : Joohoney 🎶 "All of the world pay attention"

🎶 Stay Tonight : Chungha 🎶 "Tell me what you wanna do, run away or stay tonight"

Top 5 Albums of 2020

💿 Map of The Soul 7 : BTS

UGH! ⏯ Black Swan ⏯ Inner Child

💿 Fatal Love : Monsta X

Sorry I'm Not Sorry ⏯ Nobody Else ⏯ Guess Who

💿 Ungodly Hour : Chloe x Halle

ROYL ⏯ Forgive Me ⏯ Lonely

💿 Mixtape [ PSYCHE ] : Joohoney

PSYCHE ⏯ Intro (Ambition) ⏯ DIA

💿 Chromatica : Lady Gaga

Replay ⏯ Sour Candy ⏯ Alice

Top 5 Books You Read in 2020

🤡 🤡 🤡

...i haven't read for fun in years 😔 i used to read a book every single day :(( but! i already have a list of ones i want to read so this year for sure im gonna be that girl again 🤧💅🏼

💌 How did you spend your birthday this year? 💌

uh hahaha 🤡 suddenly i can't read 🤡

well...i had to take my drivers test but i had no idea how to park so i mean obvs i was gonna fail 💀 so i got super anxious and then had a breakdown in the back seat when it was getting closer to my turn 😭 my parents had to reschedule it and take me home. i felt like such a disappointment. so it started off absolutely horrible, fortunately the rest of the day was a lot better but oof 🤪

💌 What was your most memorable day? 💌

i honestly cannot remember anything 😭 it's like one big blur but ummm...probably finishing high school! i felt like i could finally breathe 🥲

💌 What was your most memorable meal you had this year? 💌

hmm...ooo probably when my abuelita made us a bunch of paches de papa 🥺 i ate them for a whole week and i loved it entirely...my heart is pache shaped 🤧💘

💌 Did you find any new hobbies or interests in quarantine? 💌

hmm i don't think i got any new ones but i did get to be reminded again on how much i genuinely enjoy making food and like decorating/personalizing things! ☺💖

💌 What was the last big event/thing you remember doing before covid? 💌

uhhh i honestly can't think of anything? i literally don't go out 🤡 like im in chilling in this quarantine lifestyle bc nothing has changed for me 🤪

💌 5 good/positive things that happened to you in 2020? 💌

🌱 i finally escaped high school! 🎓🎉

🌱 i decided to take a gap year and the burnt out student inside me feels like she can finally exhale

🌱 i can't remember if it was in early 2020 or late 2019 but anyways I GOT MY DRIVERS LICENSE 😝😝 i honestly...do not know how i got it...i took 15+ minutes to park (as u can see your girl didn't learn her lesson) but bless that man for passing me i hope u have a beautiful life sir 😭💖 however i have not stepped in the driver's seat since then 💋 i refuse 💋

🌱 i honestly would say watching Soul 🥲💗 i've always been obsessed w my meaning and purpose in life and that movie rlly just hit home for me...i think about it everyday and im literally starting to tear up right now so let me just stop 🤪

🌱 hmm honestly just being home 💗 i now have an excuse to stay in all time and that brings me so much peace in my heart 🤧

💌 Biggest messages or lessons learnt from this year? 💌

that there's a lot to live for. and i rlly want to enjoy it? and like w the gap year i still feel guilty and still feel like im wasting time and not being productive (love being a capricorn 🤪) but im trying to not think like that...and the fact that Soul came out and it's whole message is literally like life is beautiful and it's meant to be lived 🥺 it rlly like...set that for me u know...there's so many little things that truly make me excited about life and i want to enjoy it and after those 4 years in high school of constant work and stress and losing my entire mind maybe i actually deserve it 🥲 so um yeah..sjdkajd

💌 And what are you most looking forward to in 2021? 💌

a lot ☺ everything honestly...wow omg that's so weird asjakjd ahhh 😭😭💘 [insert that paul rudd who would have thought not me meme] but i wanna do sm much!! bake and cook and learn to knit! and personalize my clothes and READ! and watch movies and shows! and i'll also be going back to school so i rlllllllllyyyyyyyy want to learn how to manage my time bc my procrastination truly fucked me in the ass in hs 🤡 but yeah im excited ahh! ☺

And We're Done!

oof my memory is so awful i feel like i can't remember anything that happened in 2020 🤡 this ended up being a bit long 💀 so if u made it to the end...thank u for reading...ily 😚💌 besitos for you! 💞

tagging these cuties 💘: @moonlattae @fluorescente @glossierjoon @ardores @star99 @jooniephoria @ahearthrob @catboyjm @yoongidisease @violetmoonlits @koyan @stardustyoongi @7blueside @m1amor @sobsyub @m8nstruck @souheii @1okyos @virgomoon @alevchaan @jihyoist

[zeleniafic]

6-13 salty asks for HP.

6 - Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?

Not that I can think of tbfh! I am a stubborn bitch lmfao

7 - Is there anything you used to like but can't stand now?

Dumbledore. DUMBLEDORE. I could write an entire essay on his manipulating ass oh my god. Also kinda Seamus Finnigan's whole pyrotechnic shtick, that always made me laugh a lot as a kid who was also prone to such ridiculous accidents, but someone pointed out how shit it was for The Hag That Must Not Be Named to make literally the only prominent Irish character known almost exclusively for causing explosions, within the context of British-Irish political tension at the time HP was written and I'm not in the know enough to convey all of it properly but anyway it just makes me sad now :)))))

8 - Have you received anon hate? What about?

Oh countless things but my FAVORITE was posting Regulus/f!oc content and then stumbling across several responses calling it and similar works homophobic bc apparently it's popular on ao3 that he's gay?? or at least it is within a specific circle??? Idk. Being a teenager on the internet is wild and I have chosen to simply forget that I ever saw that bc I know for a fact that I was also that dumb and self-righteous along the hellish journey of growing up

9 - Most disliked character(s)? Why?

Snape. Being abused does not excuse never dealing with your trauma and perpetuating the cycle with the children in YOUR care, not to mention overtly threatening their pets, and that's not even getting into the way he was okay with letting the woman he was infatuated with's husband and literal baby die as long as she was spared for him to swoop in on :))))) similar to Dumbledore I think he's interesting as a CHARACTER but if I met him in real life I would swing on sight

10 - Most disliked arc? Why?

I... honestly can't think of one??? I truly enjoyed every arc, as far as I can remember. Although if I had to nail one down I'd prob say the whole time period where Ron leaves in DH, but it's not so much that I dislike the way it was written, it's just that I personally hold grudges like my life depends on it and child me was not ready to forgive him when Harry was LMFAO I was mad salty as a kid

11 - Is there an unpopular character you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

Once upon a time I would have said Regulus but there's been a renaissance of love for him so I kinda feel like "unpopular" doesn't apply anymore. Although that's in the writing/editing sphere, so maybe still in the greater fandom as a whole?? Idk I don't interact with HP in the wild anymore so I can't say tbfh. Fleur and Ginny both, once upon a time, bc I remember when fandom fuckin hated both of them but thankfully that seems to have gone away!

12 - Is there an unpopular arc that you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

The only thing that comes to mind is the way 7th year went, I guess? I think I remember being really disappointed at first as a kid, but then I got swept on that journey and idk. I like the way DH makes the war feel REAL by literally putting everything about Harry's life on hold, right down to not getting to finish school properly.

13 - Unpopular opinion about XXX character?

Oh I've got two fun ones. A) Hermione actually is fucking obnoxious sometimes, and that's okay. Acknowledging it doesn't reduce her character or something. B) Fred and George are actually fucking MEAN sometimes, similar to how the Marauders took things too far at times. I love all of them (**except Wormtail, he can eat shit and die xx) but sometimes people kind of... woobify?? their shitty behavior and I don't like that. You can love them all without excusing or ignoring that they made dumb shitty decisions as teenagers. We literally all do, the difference is that they grew up and matured, unlike certain Potions professo—

[phantom-thieves-official]

What did you think of P5R's ending? (I'm sorry if you already said this)

I've talked about it briefly while discussing my thoughts on the game overall, but I've had some time to think on it now & here's my current opinion:

The ending was... fine. I don't dislike the decision to have all the characters go their own way, and although for most of them that seems like the logical step in their character development, my emotional side wants them to all stay together.

Speaking of, some of the futures the characters said they were pursuing were better than others. Haru, who's confidant focuses heavily on struggling to run Okumura foods & pursue her ideas for the company, is going to college for business. Great, love it. Futaba, who's character growth pretty much all centers on putting herself out there & living a normal life without anxiety getting in the way, is going to high school. Perfect, also nicely opposes the scene in her confidant where you show her around Shujin and she ends up feeling anxious & sad. Ann is going to go all in on whatever she thinks will help with her modeling, choosing to study abroad in pursuit of that goal. Good! Her arc, while it's not the main focus, does have smaller elements centered on her learning to tackle things head-on and take them more seriously, her modeling being one of them (in fact, part of her confidant explicitly states she previously only thought of modeling as a hobby and she now wants to work at it seriously.)

Ryuji's goal to start doing track again seems very opposed to his confidant arc, but I can't quite say it's entirely bad. His confidant never implies he doesn't want to run anymore, just that he doesn't want to go back to the track team. I suppose joining a track team at a different school isn’t in direct opposition with his lack of desire to join Shujin's team again. It still doesn't sit quite right with me, but it's not as bad as I initially thought. Plus, it's good to see Ryuji actively pursuing something rather than settling for the troublemaker role he's been boxed into. He strikes me as the least ambitious character, partially bc of the box he's been put in, so I'm happy to see him taking the initiative. And this might be a small thing but he also mentions he's going to run again because he likes it & wants to, but multiple times beforehand we've seen at least part of his reasoning before was in the hopes of getting a scholarship to help his mom (not to imply he didn't love track before, just that it's good to see him pursue something solely bc he wants to, yknow?)

The worst of the bunch are Yusuke & Makoto, who are given no stated goals of any real substance. Yusuke is simply hoping to finish his painting, and Makoto is.... moving out to live on her own. Neither of these seem particularly impactful nor relevant to the characters' growth (Makoto's especially seems lackluster considering a good portion of her growth is about her finding her own path & pursuing the goals and future she wants/believes in. But when it comes time for the game to show her doing this, she makes no decisions at all.)

I feel that, on the whole, the narrative would have been better served if Akechi had legitimately survived Shido’s palace. Maruki brought him back to life, and it’s safe to assume he willingly turned himself in (as in, that was not Maruki twisting reality, that was his decision made entirely on his own). But Lindsey, I hear you cry, Akechi’s character growth centered around him finally making his own decisions, no longer being manipulated and controlled, and that’s exemplified when he chooses to reject Maruki despite knowing he will return to a reality in which he’s dead! And sure. I’ll give you that. But the same ideas could have been presented in any number of ways. If I am to believe Akechi’s character truly does center on the idea that he is finally a) able to and b) allowing himself to make his own choices; to decide the truth of things for himself; then why did it have to be shown in a way that still ends with his death? I have a few big problems with Akechi’s fate. One: dying is the easy way out. Instead of being forced to face the consequences of his crimes (something he was willing to do, as he did turn himself in) he dies. He escapes the consequences related to the things he’s done, which feels especially bad when I consider that he was willing to face the consequences. He was at the start of a properly-handled redemption! And instead of seeing that through, they killed him off still. Two: Through Akechi’s confidant, both in vanilla p5 and p5r, it’s obvious one of the things he’s least capable of facing & expressing his honest feelings about are the Phantom Thieves, Joker in particular. The scene where he dies he gets called out for it, as he’s acting like he hates Joker and doesn’t care; acting like he truly wants Joker dead; but in truth he does care. He does want friends and teammates and he does like Joker. He doesn’t want to kill Joker. But he’s so under Shido’s thumb and so deep in his own head that he can’t be honest - and when he finally comes to his senses, he’s killed. Now please consider. If his growth is even in part supposed to be about him deciding the truth for himself, then doesn’t it stand to reason that he should be given the chance to make his own choices about his friendship with Joker, clear of Shido’s influence?  He should be allowed to rectify things. He should be given the opportunity to rebuild the relationship, after facing the consequences he deserves, of course. His feelings towards Joker were clearly such a huge point of contention in his confidant, it is baffling to me that he isn’t given any sort of closure on that at all. His working with the group in Maruki’s palace doesn’t come close to the sort of arc he should have gotten, as it’s an almost begrudging alliance formed out of necessity and not in any way is it Akechi forming his own honest opinion about Joker.

Maruki could have died when his Palace collapsed and I wouldn’t have cared. He’s got a sob story but that doesn’t excuse his full-blown god complex and the incredible depravity of just deciding what’s best for people and forcing that upon them. I wish he actually faced any repercussions, truth be told, but he doesn’t. He just shows up happy as can be at the end. He got off wayy too easy.

[chaossmagic]

(another one bc i'm a thirsty bitch) AU prompt where Aaron kisses his best friend (they are teenagers) after school in the cricket pavilion. He regrets it because he thinks he's fucked up... But Robert proves him wrong. (then it starts raining)

He didn’t know why he’d done it. 

One minute, they were laughing and joking on the wooden steps outside the cabin at the cricket pavilion, taking in turns to swig a can of lukewarm beer that had been rolling around in Aaron’s school bag all day, and the next Aaron had leaned in to Robert’s solid warmth and was kissing him, soft lips under his slightly chapped own, his vision filled with floppy blond hair and pale sea-green eyes and freckles for miles across lightly tanned skin and then...

They were kissing.

Aaron and Robert. His best friend ever since he could remember, ever since tall, skinny, bookish Robert had defended an eleven-year-old Aaron from the sneers of Ross Barton at lunchtime, putting himself between the snotty Year Eight lad and him when he’d shoved his fist under Aaron’s ribs and made him cry. He’d been new to the school, having just moved back with his mum, but somehow he’d singled out Aaron and they’d been stuck together ever since.

And then he’d kissed him, he’d kissed his best mate because he’d wanted to and because he wanted to know what it felt like, what it felt like to kiss a boy because he didn’t want to kiss any of the girls in their year but Robert...

Robert was nothing like a girl, nothing like anything he was supposed to like at fifteen years old and just discovering everything to do with sex and dating. It was scary and confusing and made Aaron’s stomach do this funny swoop every time the older boy looked at him and smiled, or laughed at one of his jokes, or moaned on his shoulder about how sometimes he wished his dad and brother didn’t exist because he couldn’t stand them. 

So. They’d been a bit tipsy on cheap warm beer, pulling off their school ties and jumpers and throwing them in a messy pile on the grass while the sun shone on Robert’s blond head and turned the mop of hair into a halo, catching Aaron’s breath in his chest in a funny sort of way that made his palms tingle.

It wasn’t like that when he tried to look at the lasses in their year group, or the year above. Course, girls were pretty - Robert’s sister, Vic, was pretty, with her big eyes and long dark hair - and some of them even thought he was alright for a boy, but he didn’t want to kiss them or hold their hand. 

And then he’d kissed him, eyes fluttering closed, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and holding on as if for dear life, the way a drowning man might hold on to a piece of rope thrown out to him in the middle of the ocean.

It was the biggest mistake he’d ever made, because when he’d realized what was happening, Robert had scrambled away from him as if he’d been burned, eyes huge with panic in an unusually pale face and the kind of look there that Aaron knew only meant one thing.

Horror.

He was horrified, horrified that a boy, his best friend, had kissed him and would probably never want to see him again, meaning that Aaron had lost his only real friend in the whole world and everyone one would know that...they’d know that...

He was a freak. 

A - fag.

The names he would be called imprinted themselves on the backs of his eyes, flashes of being shoved around in the corridors filling his thoughts, jeers and dirty looks from the boys at school who would no longer want him to play footie with them at lunchtime, even though he was the fastest and best player in their year. 

Sinking to the ground, he hugged his knees up to his chest and buried his head between his legs. The sky had darkened and it looked like rain; but he didn’t want go to home yet, in case he bumped into Robert, in case he had to see him and face up to what he’d done.

He’d lost everything. He knew he had. Tomorrow, Robert wouldn’t want to speak to him ever again, it would be all over the school, and Aaron would go from being reasonably tolerated to a social pariah.

Dirty. Queer. Sick.

There’s something wrong with you, lad….

Aaron started; heard his father’s voice clear as day inside his own head, as if he were leering right into his face and sneering the words in his ears. He saw the red veins on his cheeks and the hatred in his eyes. 

He felt vice-like hands gripping him too tightly, the weight of a body pressing him down even as he tried to thrash against it, and the emptiness that came afterwards, the numbness that was void of feeling, not even the physical pain. But there was always physical pain, afterwards, it would creep up on him in the late hours and leave him paralyzed in his bed, hunkering down under the covers and vowing to do better tomorrow.

A wave of nausea rose over him; he lurched forwards, retching into the grass, his throat burning from the effort of getting rid of what little there was in his stomach. Mostly beer, and the taste was bitter in his mouth. His head was starting to pound, and he didn’t know if the wetness he felt on his face was from the rain that had finally started or his own tears.

He’d messed everything up.

He should never have kissed Robert.

He should never have thought about kissing Robert, or about Robert, or about any boys at all…

Because it was wrong. It wasn’t allowed. His mum would be so disappointed, Paddy too, his Gran, his uncle...he had let them all down with this. With who he was. 

It would be better if he just didn’t go home for a bit. He was fine here, away from everyone. Nobody would come looking for him and a bit of peace and quiet might help him to sort his head out, make up some excuse for Robert when he saw him, and forget that it had ever happened.

---

It was raining, hard, large shining drops pummelling the decking outside the cricket pavillion and Aaron sat huddled under the awning, knees under his chin and his coat buttoned up to the throat for warmth; his eyes were red, sore, and he’d bitten his lip so much from worrying that it was starting to bleed. He was shivering, from the rain and the cold; his trainers were wet, and so were his socks, his school tie sodden where he’d forgotten it lying near one of the bushes.

Miserable. That’s how he felt. The weather reflected his mood, and he curled up further, the instinct to get somewhere warm and dry abandoning him. What would be the point? He may as well become the village vagrant, because that’s what he was going to be once everyone found out.

He didn’t hear footsteps on the stairs leading up to the awning over the rain and the sound of his own heart pounding in his ears, and he didn’t see the oh-so-achingly familiar shadow of a tall, lanky someone standing over him with an umbrella in his hand until he heard his own name being repeated with the strains of worry and a little bit of fear trembling under it.

“Aaron,” Robert gasped, “I’ve been looking for you for ages. You didn’t come back and I - I got scared. I thought somethin’ had happened to ya.”

“Why do you care?” Aaron snapped. “After what I did you should be ignorin’ me, not running around chasin’ after me like you-”

Like it meant nothing.

“You’re my best friend,” Robert said, his brows knitting together with sincerity. “You just disappeared, I didn’t know where you were, and after you did - what you did…”

“Don’t say it!” Aaron jumped to his feet, anger flushing his face instead of the cold. “Don’t you dare say it, Robert, I mean it. I can’t handle it. Not if you’re gonna judge me or - or say you wish you were never mates with me.”

Robert’s eyes went huge, round with concern. His face was pale under rain-soaked hair that stuck to his forehead. Aaron always joked that he looked like he was thirteen with his hair like that, all flat and feathery and stuck to his head, instead of almost sixteen. Baby face Sugden, he’d call him, and Robert would jump on him and tickle him mercilessly until they were both out of breath and panting, and Aaron was forced to concede that he did, in fact, not look thirteen after all. 

“Why would I think that?” Robert asked. “You’re my best mate. I’m closer to you than I am to my own family. I don’t care what you are, whatever you are, I don’t give a stuff-”

“Well, maybe you should,” Aaron replied bitterly. “Because everyone is gonna hate ya if you stick around with me, because I’m-”

“Gay,” Robert finished for him, his voice softer than he’d ever heard it, and Aaron felt like a stone had plunged right to the bottom of his stomach.

He shook his head. “No. No, I don’t wanna hear that word. You shut your mouth right now.”

“It’s okay, you know, it doesn’t matter to me,” Robert said, taking a step forward - and Aaron saw red, shoving him hard in his chest, wanting him to get away.

“WELL IT SHOULD!” he bellowed. “I’m a freak, Robert, I’m sick and I’m wrong and you don’t want to be around me, got that? We can’t be mates anymore, we can’t -”

“It doesn’t matter to me because if you’re a freak then I am too!” Robert yelled across his words, shaking the pounding rain from his eyes. “I’m - we’re the same, Aaron. I’m sorry I haven’t told you before but I was trying to figure stuff out first. I’m like you. Not gay, but -” he looked around, half-dazed, chin wobbling. He looked years younger, and scared.  “I’m bi. Bisexual. I like boys and I like girls. So yeah, you’re not the only freak in this stupid village, alright?”

Aaron’s jaw dropped; his throat worked noiselessly, no sound coming out, his tongue glued to his mouth. A stunned, hoarse whisper eventually left him. “You’re - you’re what?”

“I should’ve told ya,” Robert said. “I should have but - I got scared, too.” He shrugged his shoulders dejectedly. “I thought you were the same way I was and I wanted - I wanted to say something, I swear, but I was afraid of getting it wrong and messin’ up our friendship.”

“But you ran away,” Aaron stuttered, sniffing. “I kissed ya and you ran away.”

“Only because I freaked out because I didn’t realize you felt the same way about me as I did about you,” Robert said - and Aaron’s heart lurched three beats in the space of one. 

Was Robert saying what he thought he was saying? 

“You don’t mean that,” Aaron shook his head. “Ya just feel sorry for me. You don’t -”

“Like you?” Robert asked, and then laughed, a disbelieving kind of laugh that made Aaron’s insides do a strange flip-flop as his meaning settled in. “God, Aaron, I’ve liked you for as long as I can remember. Year nine Chemistry lesson, I accidentally set Donna’s skirt on fire and you covered for me. You took a week’s worth of detention for me because you knew I’d get into more trouble for it and that my dad would lose it and end up belting me.”

“Yeah, well, I know your dad gives ya a hard time, I didn’t wanna make it worse for ya,” Aaron mumbled, toeing the wet grass with his trainers and caking them in mud. “But c’mon, Robert. You only think you like me because you’re my best mate. You’ll meet another lad and you’ll know - you’ll know,” he finished lamely. 

“I don’t want any other lads, or girls for that matter,” Robert replied. “You are my best friend, Aaron. You know more about me than anyone, more than I’ve ever told anyone, and you don’t hate me or think I’m just looking for attention. You listen to me. You believe me when dad starts in on me and you were the one who pushed me to tell my mum what he was really like. I don’t want to go with anyone else because there is no-one else.”

“I don’t know if I can believe ya,” Aaron said quietly. “My head, it’s messed up - I can’t promise I can give you what you want that’s more than just a best mate.”

“I don’t care,” he said. “I don’t care, as long as we get a chance to try. Can we try? Please?”

Aaron’s heart thudded. He took in the sight of Robert, soaked through in the middle of the cricket field, face beseeching and earnest and more sincere in his expression than Aaron thought he had ever seen him. 

“Okay,” he nodded, eventually. “Yeah, yeah okay.” 

Nervously, he held out his hand for Robert to hold. He took it gratefully, his grip strong but comforting. Then he looked down at his sodden clothes and mud-caked shoes, at their dripping hair. “We should probably go and get some dry clothes, though. Mum’s going to kill me for having to wash my uniform again.”

“Wouldn’t mind if ya wanted to kiss me to warm me up,” Aaron said quietly, flushing pink and biting down on a shy smile that spread warmth through the end of Robert’s fingers right down to his toes.

[svucarisiaddict]

Hiii! I may or may not have been rereading a ton of your fics bc aaaaa, they're so good!! I love the characterization, my dude! I feel like I'm reading a script for svu when I read your fanfics!! Could I request a fic where Nick's s/o comes out to him about growing up in an extremely abusive household? Thanks either way, doll! 😊💞

//This was a hard on to write. Mentions of rape.//

“Sorry, Nick. I can’t get together this evening. I have pl-uh I have to work,” you stammered into the phone.

“Which is it? Plans or work?” Nick asked. You could hear the annoyance in his voice.

“I’m sorry, Nick. It just came up-”

“Just stop. Stop saying sorry when you don’t mean it, and stop making up reasons to cancel our dates. I don’t have time for games, Y/N!”

“I’m not playing games, Nick! Please believe me,” you pleaded.

“This is the same shit that Maria pulled. Always coming up with some lame excuse about where she had been, or who she had been with. I’m not about to let another bi-”

“You better not finish that word, Nicholas,” you warned. “Let’s get a couple things straight. I’m not Maria. And if you can’t believe me or trust me then maybe you shouldn’t call me anymore.”

Nick was silent for a few moments. “Fine. Remember it goes both ways.” Then he hung up.

You stared at the phone in disbelief. Nick had just broken up with you. Good thing you were going to therapy. That’s why you didn’t tell him where you were going. You just weren’t ready to tell about the darkest time of your life.

After your therapy appointment, you stopped by the grocery for a few items, picked up a pizza then headed home. When you pushed open the door of your apartment you knew right away something wasn’t right. Lights were on in the bedroom and you could hear movement. You dropped your bags on the floor and the pizza on the entry stand.

Rummaging around in your purse you pulled out the pepper spray and your phone. Dialing 9-1-1 you then crept down the hall to your bedroom. You could see a shadow from under the door.

The light went out and the door opened. You had your pepper spray at the ready. Once the person stepped out of the room you sprayed at their face.

“Ahhhhh!!!” a male’s voice screamed. “What the Hell, Y/N?!”

Your phone clattered to the floor. “Oh my God!

Nick was flushing his eyes when there was a knock at the door. “NYPD! There was hang up from this address.”

You jogged to the door. When you opened it two uniformed officers were on the other side. “Sorry. Accident.”

One of the officers looked you over. “Mind if we come in just to be sure.”

“Uh, sure.” You opened the door allowing them entrance.

“You here alone?” the other asked.

“No. My boyfriend, well my ex-boyfriend now I guess is in the bathroom.”

“Can we talk to him?”

“He, uh, there was an accident-”

“Who is it, Y/N?” Nick called from the bathroom.

“Can you come out, please? There are two officers here,” you answered.

Nick emerged from the bathroom. He had shed his shirt due to the pepper spray and getting soaked from rinsing his eyes. “Detective Amaro,” he said and held out his hand.

All three men shook hands. The taller officer introduced himself and his partner. “There was a 9-1-1 hangup from this location. We’re just checking to be sure everything is okay.”

Nick chuckled a bit. “Yeah. I was trying to surprise my girlfriend and I must have done a good job.”

“I had dialed 9-1-1 before I realized it was him. I sprayed him, he yelled, I realized it was him and must have dropped my phone,” you explained. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay ma’am. It happens. We just wanted to check on everyone’s well being.” He turned toward Nick. “Do you need a bus?”

“No. I’m good. I have it flushed. Just gonna have red eyes for a bit,” he replied.

“Okay. The two of you have a good night.” They nodded their heads and left.

You leaned against the door and stared at Nick. “What were you doing here?”

“I stopped by to talk. When you still weren’t home I went to the bedroom to get your phone charger. That’s when we surprised one another,” he explained.

Narrowing your eyes. “So talk.”

“Think we can sit down?”

“I suppose,” you huffed, brushing past him you walked to the couch and plopped down. “Sit.”

Nick sat on the other end of the couch from you. “I was wrong about a lot of things today. I trust you, Y/N. It’s just…I feel like there’s something you’re keeping from me.” He scooted closer to you. “There are times that it seems like you’re somewhere else.”

You rubbed your hands up and down your face then push yourself up from the couch. He was right. Nick always seemed to be able to pick up on your moods. Sighing you wrapped your arms around yourself and walked to the window. The rain that threatened earlier had begun to fall.

“When I was seven and my sister was three my Dad died. He was a firefighter. I think I’ve told you that.”

“Yeah. I remember,” he said softly.

“My Mom tried to keep it together. Before my Dad died she was a vibrant, beautiful woman. When she lost my Dad it was like her spark died with him. It was little things at first like not baking cookies with us or playing with us. That turned into big things. Forgetting to pick us up from school, not making dinner, or washing laundry. She cried all the time. One time Beth asked about Dad and Mom slapped her across the face.”

A raindrop ran down the window pane and you traced it with your finger. “One day I came home from school and the house was more quiet than usual. I called for my Mom over and over but there wasn’t an answer. I went up to her bedroom and found her asleep on her bed. But uh, she wasn’t asleep. She was dead.”

Behind you, Nick rose from the couch and came to stand behind you. He placed his hands at your hips. “I’m so sorry, Y/N.” Nick drifted his hands up your arms to rest on your upper arms. “That had to be…”

“Traumatic. And unfortunately, it wasn’t the worst of things.” Tears stung your eyes when you remembered your Mom. For years you felt resentment toward her. It was just in the last few years that you had forgiven her for taking her own life.

Nick directed you back to the couch where he pulled you into his lap. “If you don’t want to tell me I understand.” His arms wrapped around your body and he pressed a kiss to your hair.

“No. I want to. My psychiatrist told me it would be healthy to talk about it to people I trust.” You looked up at Nick from where your head was resting on his chest. “That’s where I was this evening.” Nick started to say something but you stopped him. “I just wanted you to know.”

Nick nodded in acknowledgment. His embrace tightened around you. Absentmindedly he traced circles on your shoulder. You knew he was waiting for you to continue but didn’t push you. Taking a couple minutes to collect your thoughts you continued.

“After my sister and I were placed in various foster homes as there were no living relatives. For the most part, we were placed in good homes. When my sister was nine one of the foster families that we had been with for awhile petitioned to adopt her. I was thirteen at the time becoming a handful. Sneaking out to meet older boys, drinking, shoplifting, so not much of a surprise they asked for me to be placed in another home. I bounced around for a couple years.”

You paused steeling yourself for the next part of the story. “I need something to drink.” It was stalling you knew that but you just needed a little more time. Unwrapping yourself from Nick’s arms you rose to walk to the kitchen. Opening the refrigerator you grabbed a bottle of water and cracked it open. Nick stood in the doorway leaning against it.

“When I was almost sixteen I was placed with Thomas and Maureen who seemed okay at first. She worked a lot. He was lazy ass drunk but let me do what I wanted. At first, it was little things; telling me I looked pretty, hugging me a little too close. One night Maureen was working an overnight shift. Thomas had some friends over. They were drinking, doing drugs. I locked my bedroom door. At 11 o’clock I was supposed to meet my boyfriend, we were going to run away. His life was crap too.”

You hopped up to sit on the counter. Nick padded over to you. He placed his hands on your thighs not saying anything. Just squeezed your legs gently. The look on his face was encouraging, he was open. It made you feel like you could go on, not like he felt sorry for you.

“One of Thomas’ friends caught me outside when he went to his car. He stopped me. Questioning me. Told me if I didn’t blow him he’d tell Thomas. I yelled but he covered my mouth. He pushed me into the backseat of his car. He pulled my jeans down, climbed on top of me and…” Taking a deep breath you continued your story. “Thomas came out just as his friend was finishing. He pulled his friend off him. At first, I was relieved then he said, “I’ve been wanting a piece of that ass.” He told his friend to go get the others so they could ‘get some’. When they were all done I left and never went back.”

Nick pulled you to his chest and whispered something in Spanish. He cupped your face in his hands. “I know that was hard for you to share with me.”

Your hands grasped Nick’s forearms. “That’s the thing. It wasn’t. You make me feel comfortable, loved, trusted. And believe me, that’s no easy feat.”

“You do the same for me. I haven’t had that with another person for a very long time.” Nick gently kissed your lips. “I love you, Y/N. Thank you for trusting and loving me. I know it can’t be easy sometimes.”

“Nicholas. You are easy to love.”

He gave the signature Nicolas Amaro smile. “This has been a heavy evening. What do you say we take a bath, eat some cold pizza…”

You giggled. “Watch some mind-numbing comedy then go to bed?”

“Yeah.” He helped you down from the counter. “And tomorrow we’ll go get you more pepper spray.”

[9mt7vcoec0snpczpztn9m5foxwjtis2p]

excuse this rant im just kinda mad (also I agree with op they're right)

"well I was good at school but I support you <3" ok thanks that doesn't really help now anymore, that first part is irrelevant

bad grades in high school caused so much shame among my peers, personally, and in my home life. do you know the look you get from teachers and from other kids, straight up just gossip about you? I didn't have a lot going for me, my grades weren't helping a lot either.

I was so stressed from not knowing why I was doing so shit in school, hiding from teachers/administration hunting me down, test after test and grade after grade, judgemental looks from whoever, trying to hide how I was doing etc to the point I got physically sick often and it snowballed because I tried to stay home more bc I was throwing up or otherwise sick.

from the school it was all "you need to raise your grades" and then they left me with absolutely no resources to help. I went to tutoring, didn't help a tiny bit. I really, really tried, but doing my "absolute best" really wasn't a lot.

And hey! It didn't get better in college. I left my first college before they could kick me out. I started cheating to get through it. My second college suspended me for bad academics on my second semester (on a technicality, because what kind of school suspends you after one single semester especially during covid). Only after taking a break and doing community college classes did my grades improve, and it still fucking sucks because yeah, I'm still a B/C student at my very very best, and I've only kept that streak going for a single semester. I don't really have high hopes for being able to finish college, even though at this point that's the only standard I'm being held to anymore (shout-out to community colleges. The most bearable place I've ever been when it came to academics. Thx for not letting me fail)

that's fine. It's okay!

maybe education only works for certain people, or maybe I just need to get to a different time in my life. I know personally the main issue is untreated mental shit, where I never had anxiety as a coping mechanism that worked because instead of doing anything, I just shut down. in addition I'm just not any iteration of "smart", I'm not motivated enough to do this shit, I bet even if treated things might go the same way anyway. It's not for lack of trying, I just don't have a lot of effort to give.

it's a pretty different experience i think when u just start out in school with good grades and get worse for a few years until college brings u back, vs just?? having bad grades, doing bad, nearly dropping out all the time?

i never see positivity for us so: if you had bad grades, dropped out, or cheated your way through school i love you so much and you deserve the world <3

[its-love-u-asshole]

Hello Adriana! I binge read all of Let My love and I just want to say that it is absolutely lovely!!! It hurt me in the best of ways and I just... I just want to lock Kuroo and Tsukki in a closet somewhere! Would you share some kurotsuki/terutsuki headcanons (or any of the couples)? Only if you're willing to of course, as the fic is still ongoing. I'm really excited for the next chapter and I'll be patiently waiting.

Ahh first off, thank you so much! This anon made my day and gave me the strength to finish up some of my assignments so bless you lol. I’m super excited whenever people ask about lml, it’s my favorite fic to write and I have so many headcanons about it skdjfn I’m really just flattered that you enjoyed it enough it send this ask

Minor spoilers under the cut:

Terutsukki

-Tsukki is Terushima’s first long-term relationship in years, before him he’s mostly had flings or one night stands. He’s not ashamed of that of course, but part of him does worry that Tsukki would think less of him if he found out, since some people aren’t as open minded

-Terushima really respects Tsukki though for how smart and non-judgmental he’s been so far, and enjoys spending time with him

-Romantic intentions or not, Terushima really feels that Tsukki listens to him when he needs it most, and had Tsukki been in a relationship when they’d first met, they still would’ve gone on to be really good friends

-before Tsukki met Kuroo, he was content with dating Terushima, but he never really has the urge to be overly affectionate or physical with him; it’s not in a disgusted way, it’s just that the usual passion isn’t there, though they’ve had sex a few times

-Their relationship is actually fairly nice for both of them though, they’re super different people and often clash, but they admire each other’s qualities, especially if they themselves lack some of those traits that the other has

-Terushima likes having a partner he can pamper and show off, while Tsukki values someone who he can work with to achieve their goals and someone he can cherish in private

-one of their first dates involved them going to a nice restaurant, but they can’t manage to get a reservation and the manager is snooty as hell, so instead they pretend to get engaged in the restaurant’s lobby and totally get free food out of it. It’s a fun time.

-Terushima doesn’t have a lot of experience with love or what it’s like to fall in love, but he does know that he’s grateful that Tsukki is in his life

Kurotsuki

-when they first meet in the library, Tsukki also feels the weird pull (not just Kuroo), and he can’t help but think of Kuroo all the way up until he falls asleep

-Tsukki looks up to Kuroo and is super thankful for him, despite how much he roasts him lol. For Tsukki, finding someone who doesn’t exhaust him is rare and something he appreciates

-Kuroo and Tsukki are relatively private individuals but around each other they over share way too much lmao they can’t fucking help it, by the end of week one, Tsukki knows Kuroo’s thoughts on movies, books, politics, you name it

-of course, the subject of family hardly comes up, but wow, wouldn’t that have saved them some awkwardness huh?

-Tsukki always finds excuses to restock books in rows near Kuroo, just so they can talk. He’d never admit this.

-They both love horror movies and one day when it’s super slow, they stream some shitty ones on Kuroo’s laptop

-Kuroo’s jokes and puns are fucking terrible but Tsukki remembers every single one

-Kuroo is super observant of Tsukki’s behaviors and after talking to him for a while, becomes familiar with the things which make Tsukki happy or uncomfortable

-Tsukki also sees through Kuroo quite easily, and doesn’t get why he feels the need to act so confident even when he’s clearly having a bad day

-the thirst is real but Tsukki is so astonished by it initially that he just pushes it away and acts like he imagines it

-they never want to cross the line of actually going out together outside of the library/coffee shops, but they always speak in hypotheticals. “if we ever went to an amusement park, we’d have to go on this…” “if we ever go to the movies, we need to see this director” “I’d kick your ass at mini golf, just pick a date and we’ll go”

-they know deep down it’s probably not good for them to do it but their imagination is kinda all they have so whatever

-Kuroo hides notes for Tsukki in his favorite books, because he knows when Tsukki is bored the blond rereads the same novels over and over

-Tsukki recommends books to Kuroo and in return he reads all of Kuroo’s science articles and asks questions about what he doesn’t understand

Other

-I’m sorry but I just have to say that Semishira is the cutest married couple ever okay, they’re fucking saltmates and they’re probably worse than kyouhaba when it comes to group gossip

-Semi is a famous volleyball player and Shirabu retired after an injury, but he enjoys working from home and travelling around the world with Semi

-Semi is super whipped and everyone makes fun of him, but honestly Shirabu would die for him so it’s even

-Semi always scolds Shirabu for roasting people but when they’re all alone they hella high five each other bc damn that shit was savage, and Semi is proud

-Though Semi knew Shirabu since he was in diapers, they didn’t develop feelings for each other until high school, and it was super embarrassing for both of them

-Everyone still gives them shit for it

-The group knows Yachi from college but she may as well have been there from the beginning, she’s their anxious angel. In Uni, they’d always order food for her or call the office whenever she felt too nervous, but make no mistake, if it gets to a breaking point, she will put her foot down, and they’re all weak as fuck to her

-Yachi’s “I’m disappointed in you” face is a force to be reckoned with

-She can even reign in Oikawa when he’s having a dramatic episode ok? She’s fucking hardcore, she totally is the first person he called when he was first getting to know Iwaizumi

-Yachi loves all her dumb boys, it’s law

-Kuroo and Terushima are the ones who conspired back in high school to push Kyoutani and Yahaba together after years of pining

-Kyoutani’s parents were never home when he was little so the group always had sleepovers, and Kyoutani and Yahaba always seemed to mysteriously disappear…

-Kuroo is the nerd of the group and the group never understood why everyone thought he was a suave bad boy in high school, since Kuroo spent half his time buried in books

Honestly there’s so much more…I haven’t scratched the surface of iwaoi and their relationship with Suga, but anymore and I feel like I’d be going overboard LOL but I hope you enjoyed these! I’m also tagging @rhealmobsidi bc maybe she’d be interested? 

Thanks again! Asks like this are tons of fun ^^ 

[train-inthedistance]

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