#i hate to say it but it’s also partly women’s fault for allowing this to happen🤷🏽‍♀️

[thefemaleterrorist]

Men took over a women in tech career conference by identifying as non binary.

If you can’t even define what a woman is i assume it would be hard to host a only woman conference

[alparlaboratories]

Gonna ramble about Inyssa for a little bit.

Is it conceited to make a post about your own character's themes and stuff? Maybe. Whatever.

@inpurpleandred has been rereading and commenting on CoT and some of the stuff they said gave me ThoughtsTM about Niss, so here they are under the cut. It's long, and y'know... warning for all the stuff Niss goes through.

So you know that tumblr post that goes something like 'I'm probably X (trans, queer, bi, etc.) but I got much more pressing shit going on to deal with that at the moment'? That's how I viewed Niss'... everything while writing CoT. Partly because yeah, Niss really has so much shit going on that more urgently requires her attention during much of her story, 90% of it being Shadi's fault of course.

And she does deal with a good amount of it during the fic itself, mostly regarding her own self-worth, her feelings about her family and her own warped view of strength and heroism. And it's only near the end and the epilogue that she can even begin to consider anything else about her life.

And I think in that time, in those years between CoT and my future story, Niss does think about it, and tries things out, experiments and tries to find a place for herself in herself. And she realizes that she both has severe self-image issues and also some gender stuff going on maybe, but they're not actually related.

During much of the fic, Niss sees her body as separate from herself, as early on as the first chapter. It's a form of detachment that allows her to be angry at herself in self-harming ways that -in her head at least- don't clash with her vow to never hurt herself again like she did in the past.

And she is very, very angry at her body. It's a bitterness that keeps boiling under the surface of her skin whenever she's unable to do something she feels like she should. She sees her body as just a thing covering the real Inyssa, and feels like a chick who never got to break out of its shell. And though she tries not to admit it, one of her biggest fantasies is to literally rip herself apart like a molting snake and for the 'real' Inyssa to come out of the dregs, pristine and perfect.

And in a way, it's true, but it's not her fault. It's both Shadi and Johanna's (And Sarah's too, but for different reasons). Who is the most to blame is debatable, but regardless, it's because of them that Inyssa feels this way.

Because yeah, as one of my readers once said, the Dawn family is full of women who are made of stick and stones, but Inyssa takes that to an extreme. There's a chapter where Barry mentions that Niss was once noticeably taller than him, and she was! And she would've continued that trend, eventually growing as tall as Shadi if not taller, if she'd had a normal childhood.

But she didn't. Johanna neglected both of her daughters, and partly because of that -and her own bad tendencies- Shadi ended up doing much worse, especially psychologically, to Inyssa. And then she left. So Inyssa was left severely depressed and gaunt for arguably the most important years in terms of physical growth and development. Johanna says so herself; she practically starved herself, eating only as much to keep herself alive and not doing anything else. And she kept getting worse, and worse, until eventually she attempted suicide. Which, of course, only made the situation worse.

And by the time she was forced to start taking care of herself, it was too late. Her body was frail, and the malnutrition she'd suffered caused invisible scars that stunted her growth for the following years, making Inyssa feel like there was a disconnect between how strong her willpower was compared to her actual body. And so she went on hating said body, cursing it for all her problems because she didn't know who was really to blame.

It's also an endless spiral, because she could've gotten better if she'd taken better care of her body, but why would she, from her own perspective? So she treated her body worse, and it inevitably got worse, so she got even angrier, etc. It's only when she goes on her trainer journey alongside Barry, someone who cares to help her, that she starts getting better. And of course, following the end of the fic and the Epilogue, she's actively trying to eat and sleep more, to treat her body more kindly, like it always tried to do with her.

And it's only then that she has enough time and peace of mind to think about herself, her gender and all that. Now, Niss has always been bi. One of the few good things about Johanna as a mom is that she was unapologetically bi herself, and supported her daughters in learning their own sexual identities, Niss coming out as bi eventually, and Shadi as a lesbian.

After that, I think Niss would happily try new things, whenever she got the time. And though she would keep doing so even years and years after the fact (well into this new Hoenn fic and beyond) from an author perspective I think she'd eventually see herself as a baby butch, a pretty boygirl who loves wearing suits and ties and looking like she's straight out of a visual novel full of bishonen men.

And I love that for her, honestly.

[anarmorofwords]

Hi! You're probably not going to like this ask, but before getting into it I'd just like to say that this isn't meant as Kamala hate or anything, and I don't really want to offend.

Having said that, wouldn't it make sense that we get to see how Kamala treated Anna after she came out? It's in all likelihood one of the things that's weighing on Anna the most.

Obviously Kamala had her valid reasons: her parents aren't as liberal as the Lightwoods, she believes (knows?) their love is conditional as she's adopted, she's not white and not being heterosexual could further any treatment she's suffered from being different... Her reasons have already been listed multiple times by multiple people. Kamala has the right to stay in the closet and fear coming out. And while that shouldn't be villianised, we can't forget that closeted people can harm those around them.

If Kamala had kept treating Anna like a good friend, rumour would've sparked, and even if it was denied, she'd have been harmed by merely associating with Anna. Especially with the life Anna began leading; she could have been labelled as one of Anna's 'conquests' by the Clave. That, as we've established, is detrimental for her safety.

But at the same time, it would create a breach between Anna and Kamala. And Anna had the right to be hurt by it and weary of it when Kamala said she wanted a relationship.

If we look at it from that perspective, Anna's actions (though inexcusable in how they treated Kamala --who was also at fault for not accepting a negative for four months) make sense. Kamala wasn't only a fling of a week*, but also the girl she lost her virginity with, who asked her to be her secret (until she married Charles, after which Anna's affections would be discarded), who hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna suffered from homophobic commentary, and who now wants a relationship hidden from most of the people that know her.

Kamala shouldn't be forced to come out; but the harm that can do to the women she may engage with is reflective of what happens nowadays. I can mostly think of examples with gay men, so my apologies in advance. But how many women have seen their marriages ruined by their husband having affairs with men?

Creating characters that reflect a toxic part of the 'hidden' LGBT community shouldn't be seen as hating or villinifying. Thomas isn't out and he isn't labelled a villain by the narrative --because his actions don't harm anyone. The hate Alastair gets in-universe is because of his past as a bully, not because he's gay. Matthew's not fully out and he isn't villianised --like Thomas, because the decisions he makes to keep his sexuality hidden don't impact anyone negatively.

I'll even go as far as saying that not even the narrative villianises characters like Kamala and Charles. If it were, they'd be seen more like Grace in Chain of Gold. We'd see how Kamala's actions are affecting Anna's in more ways than anger (that in itself put the fandom against Anna), and the characters would note so. We wouldn't see scenes were Cordelia empathised with Charles, nor Matthew said he loved him.

Be it as it may, Kamala and Charles represent ugly parts of being closeted that can naturally occur when someone is in their position. LGBT people are human. Humans, when put into very difficult situations (and Charles risks his career; Kamala her safety), can make decisions that harm those around them. Consequently, the people they're harming have a right to feel, well, harmed in whatever range of ways --this goes mostly for Alastair, and very partly for Anna, whose treatment of Kamala was horrible.

Readers need to understand what is pushing these 'villianised' characters to harm (again, mostly for Alastair) the more prominent characters and go beyond how they are instantly depicted. Because these are complex characters based on complex real people influenced by very ugly realities we will move on from someday, but sadly not yet.

By the way, Charles and Kamala's situations aren't that similar beyond the closeted thing, but I crammed them together because of a post I saw you reblog.

Please understand I'm not justifying Charles's actions; that I understand the pain he's put Alastair through, and know that he shouldn't ever be near Alastair. Nor am I trying to justify Anna's actions nor hate on Kamala.

I'll just finish my pointless rant by adding that I do think cc has sensitivity readers. I think she asked a gay man to go through tec (I don't know if he still revised her other books, though), and know she asked POC's input when writing someone for their culture. I don't know much beyond that, but I doubt who revises her stuff is up to her. Wouldn't that be something the publisher is responsible for (honest question)?

*I've also noticed people using the argument that they didn't know each other long enough for Anna to harbour such ugly emotions towards Kamala, but Kamala also remembered Anna pretty deeply and is 'in love' with her. I just wanted to say that considering cc writes (fantastical) romance where someone can ask a woman they met two months ago marriage, stressing over time spaces doesn't make much sense. Just my take.

hi!!

alright, where do I start? probably would be best with stating that while I can analyse Kamala's situation with what I know/see/read about racism and discrimination and reasonably apply things I've read/heard from PoC to the discussion, as well as try to be as sensitive about it as possible, I'm still a white woman, so not a person that's best qualified to talk about this.

that being said - if someone wants to add something to this conversation, you're obviously more than welcome to, and if there's something in my answer that you don't agree with or find in some way insensitive or offensive - please don't hesitate to call me out on that.

back to your points though: (this turned into a whole ass essay, so under the cut)

I don't think Anna shouldn't be able to reminiscent on Kamala's behaviour/reaction to her coming out, or be hurt by it. what bothers me is the way CC talks about it - I can't remember the exact phrasing, but the post where she mentioned this suggested something along the lines of "you'll see how Kamala sided with the Clave and didn't defend Anna after her coming out", therefore putting the blame on Kamala and completely disregarding the fact that Kamala wasn't in position to do much at all. It suggest that their situation was "poor Anna being mistreated by Kamala". therefore I'm afraid Kamanna's main problem/conflict will remain to be portrayed as "Anna having to allow themselves to love again and forgive Kamala", while Anna's shortcomings - and Kamala's vulnerable position - are never discussed. I think it would be possible to acknowledge both Kamala's difficult situation and the possible hurt her behaviour caused Anna without being insensitive towards Kamala's character, but it would take a really skilled - and caring - author to do both of the perspectives justice. CC would have to find a balance between being aware of the racism/prejudice Kamala faced/ writing her with lots of awareness and empathy, and still allowing her to make mistakes and acknowledging them. As it is however, I'm under impression that she's just treating it as a plot device, a relationship drama.

I'd say no one expects characters of color to be written as flawless or never making mistakes, it's mostly the way these mistakes are written and what things these characters are judged/shamed/

And that's - at least in my understanding and opinion - where the problem is. it's that the narrative never even addresses Anna's faults, and portrays Kamala as the one that caused all - or most of - the pain, without ever even acknowledging her problems and background.

White characters in TLH make mistakes and fuck up - because they're human and they're absolutely allowed to - but the thing is, non-white characters aren't afforded that privilege. Anna's behaviour is never questioned - none of it, shaming Kamala for not being able to come out, dismissing her desire to be a mother, or any of the questionable things she did in ChoI. Same with Matthew, James, Thomas. Alastair and Kamala however? they're constantly viewed through their past mistakes, and forced to apologize for them over and over, forced to almost beg for forgiveness. Moreover, those past mistakes are used as a justification of all and any shitty behaviour the other characters exhibit towards them now, which is simply unfair and cruel. They're held to a much higher standard.

So I'd like to say that yes, Kamala was in the wrong to keep nagging Anna after numerous rejections, and she was in the wrong to not inform Anna about Charles prior to them having sex - but that doesn't give Anna a free pass to constantly mistreat Kamala. And let's be real, Anna isn't stupid - while at 17 she could be naive and uninformed, I can't imagine how after years of hanging out with the Downworlders and numerous affairs and being out and judged by the Clave she's still so ignorant about Kamala's situation. I definitely think she's allowed to be hurt, but to still not understand why Kamala did what she did? Anna isn't blaming her for not telling her about Charles earlier - which would be fair - but instead for refusing to engage in an outright romance with her. She's being ignorant - and consciously so, I think.

Overall, I think you're definitely right about how coming out - or staying closeted - can be messy and hurt people in the process, especially in unaccepting environments/time periods, and I've seen enough discourse online to know there will never be a verdict/stance on this that will satisfy everyone. I, for one, would really like to refrain from putting all the blame on a single person - but, at least the way I see it, CC is pointing fingers. maybe not directly, but she is. Kamala, Alastair and Charles have no friends or support systems, and the only people in the narrative that defend them are themselves (ok, Cordelia does defend Alastair from Charles, but not from shitty takes about him and his "sins"). Also, sorry, but I don't like how you say "hid her sexuality for two years and sat back while Anna experienced homophobic comments" - it sounds very much judgemental. Kamala had every right to do that? The fact that she slept with Anna doesn't means she owed her something, and certainly not coming out and most probably destroying her life, or even defending her at the - again - expense of her own reputation, or more possibly safety.

As for Charles - it's a different issue here, at least imo - I fear that it'll be implied that his refusing to come out will is his main "sin", and therefore not something he can be judged for, which ironically, will be villainizing, but mostly will mean his actual sins are dismissed. This is where the scene with Cordelia feeling a pang of sympathy for him comes into play, and it worries me. I've never hated Charles for not wanting to come out, but rather for, let's see - grooming Alastair, disregarding Alastair's needs and feelings, disrespecting his mother, being a sexist prick, being low-key far-right coded "make Shadowhunters great again" etc.

As for sensitivity readers - I'm no expert, so I don't think my input is worth much. From what I've gathered from multiple threads/discussions on twitter, tho it is probably consulted/approved by the publisher, many authors push for that - and authors less famous and "powerful" than her. I'm not a hater, but seeing fandoms' opinions on much of her rep, I think she could do better. Because if she does have sensitivity readers, then they don't seem to be doing a great job - maybe they're friends who don't wanna hurt her feelings? Or maybe she thinks a gay guy's feedback will be enough for any queer content - which, judging by the opinions I've seen from the fans, doesn't seem to be true.

Again, these are mostly my thoughts and I'm more than open to reading other opinions, because *sigh* I really don't know how to handle this.

Bottom line - I really really don't want to be hating on the characters in general, playing God in regards to judging the struggles of minorities, or even criticising the characters too harshly for being human, flawed etc. What my main issue is is how CC handles those complex and heavy topics.

I hope I make sense and this answer satisfies you somehow - I also hope someone better equipped to answer might wanna join this conversation.

* I desperately need a reread of TLH before I engage in any more conversations like this, but I didn't wanna leave you hanging. So yeah, I might be remembering things wrong. Again, let me know, I'm very much open to being corrected as well as to further discussion.

* I use she/her pronouns for Anna because that's what she uses in canon

[drivingsideways]

Hey talk to me about your top three favourite kdrama women. What makes them special? What's a fic you would like to write about any one of them?

Mystery anon! :D What a lovely ask. 

I’m going to cheat a bit and divide my answer into characters I loved a lot, but do not want to write fic about, because I think the canon gives me what I need; and characters that I loved a lot but NEED TO BE RESCUED ZOMG.  (My fic writing impulses are 50% spite and 50% fix-it )

Caveat being that I’ve still watched only maybe a dozen kdramas, so I’m pretty limited in my knowledge!

Characters that I love a lot, but have very zero fic impulses toward:

Han Yeo-jin from Stranger/Secret Forest: What a delight! What an iconique character! Is there anyone like her? NO. LSY-nim gives us a delightfully complex character, and Bae Doona knocks it out of the park in every single scene, so I’m just happy to be along for the ride. I think what makes Yeo-jin special for me is the intrinsic place of empathy that she operates from.  I think “righteous” is a word that often comes with negative connotations (self-righteous, for eg), but I do think she’s one of the most righteous-in-the-good-way characters I’ve watched in kdrama or any drama. I’m tired of stories that portray goodness as “boring” , as unworthy of narrative breadth or depth, and I love that Han Yeo-jin comes to us like a breath of fresh air in our particular dystopian narratives hellscape. She’s good, but never naive. She’s righteous but never cruel in her moral certainties.  I think that LSY nim, in the second season especially, gave Yeo-jin the kind of arc that character deserved when she’s forced to really dig deep into herself to figure out how she’s going to live in the world in the face of a deeply cutting, deeply personal disillusionment, and I’m really hoping for an S3 to see how that plays out further. 

Goo Hae-ryung from Rookie Historian: Ok, I will admit this may be rose tinted glasses view due to this show being my gateway drug into kdrama, but c’mon! She’s a reader! and a Thinker! And loves her wine! She’s plucky! She’s cute! She’s got a wry sense of humour! She’s got principles! She’s got a solid common sense to her that somehow doesn’t get in the way of her dreaming BIG! Oh dear, doesn’t she sound like the Mary-est of Mary Sues? Good for her.gif,  I say! Anyways, Shin Se-kyung is unutterably charming in this (AS IN EVERY SHOW OMG GIRL) and I just have a huge fondness for free-spirited heroines who get to tramp through the narrative changing the world as they do! 

Lee Ji-an from My Ahjussi: I’ve never had my heart broken more OR restored by any single character. IU is *phenomenal * in this, I think she really stepped up to what the script demanded from her. Ji-an’s weariness, her fear and vulnerability, her prickliness, her anger and her bitterness, and how, despite everything, she fights : GOD. Just. Again, what I love about the writing in this show is that it’s deeply empathetic without being cloyingly sentimental. I think a less, hmm, imaginative writer/PD might have focused on the Lee Ji-an the victim, and while the show definitely tells you in no uncertain terms that she is one,  of both circumstances and a cruel society, I think it refuses to take away her agency over her own life.(Lee Ji-an when we meet her is too busy hanging onto life by tooth and claw to indulge in self-pity, but we also see the toll it takes on her not to be able to say “this is too heavy a burden for me to carry myself and it isn’t my fault”; the show I think approaches Dong-hoon from the opposite side- his emotional isolation is partly a result of his own choices, but he doesn’t see it yet, and so his journey is also about letting people in and sharing the burden, but also recovering his own agency over his life. It’s an interestingly gender-bent arc, which is one of the things I love about this show. )

Ok, can I please add one more?

Hwang Han-joo from Melo is my Nature: She just felt SO real to me. She’s someone who doesn’t have the spectacular brilliance of either Jin-joo or Eun-jung, and struggles with accepting her limitations but not allowing herself to be defeated by them? I love her struggles as a mother, as a working woman in a sexist industry, a woman who’s perhaps having to rethink and reimagine what she wants from romance. I love that she’s a little silly, a lot kind, and an optimist, and just. I just think she’s the bravest of the three, tbh, and I LOVE HER AND I WOULD WATCH A SPIN OFF ABOUT JUST HER (i shouldn’t have faves among the three i know, BUT I DO, IT’S HER, IT’S HER.)

Ok! On to the next section! And I’m going to cheat again because I can’t stop at three. SORRY. NOT SORRY. 

Characters I love and SHOULD write fic for if I weren’t such a tired and lazy bunny:  

Song Sa-hui from Rookie Historian: Oh, girl, girl, GIRL. I love how she fights to snatch her freedom from the jaws of the patriarchy. I love that she unapologetically centers herself while doing that, because she knows that nobody else will.  I love that she’s prickly and calculating. I love that she’s smart and knowledgeable. I am SO HAPPY that she got to carve out a little bit of freedom for herself, even if it also is exile to some degree. She *should * be Emperor Jin’s Prime Minister and steering the ship of state, while also carrying on a tumultous affair with Queen Min Woo-hee, while ALSO commiserating with Emperor Jin about his boyfriend Historian Min Woo-won’s regrettable tendency towards Principles (TM) and masochism-but-not-in-the-fun-way. (This takes up much of his time which is why Song Sa-hui is running the country, of course. It works out well for all concerned, well, except her dad, of course.)

Song Ga-gyeong from Search:WWW: What’s NOT to love about our brilliant, beautiful, emotionally tortured gay icon? Nothing, absolutely nothing. I loved how the show allowed her to be flawed and make bad decisions, and then allowed her to make better decisions and regain control of her life. What I do need to do, of course, is see the CANON LOVE STORY between her and Cha Hyeon through to the end. It must, of course, include at least one baseball game, a lot of tequila and messy beach kisses. 

Oh Ji-hwa from Beyond Evil: Oh boy, this year’s runaway hit cleared the extremely low bar for standard crime/ thriller shows by leaving more than one of its female characters breathing and with all limbs intact, and got called feminist for it BUT it didn’t do justice to any of them in any meaningful way and that never hurt more than in the way they sidelined Kim Shin-rok’s talent by not giving Oh Ji-hwa anything much to do. She’s a tough as nails cop, a loving sister, a devoted but unsentimental friend-and by rights SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE HEROINE OF THIS SHOW. My secret fic fantasy is to rewrite the show entirely by making her , and the two other female characters in non-antagonist roles- Yoo Jae-yi and Im Sun-nyeo- as the central characters, as they investigate a serial killer who targets women.  It’s the only acceptable version of this done-to-death (ha!) genre, I have no idea what the Baeksang jury and tumblr fandom is smoking when they hype the show so much, I want none of it. 

Jung Sun-ah from The Devil Judge: I love her rage, her spite, her passionate defense of women, her style, her sexiness, her rage, her rage, her brilliance, her tenaciousness, her smartness, her clothes, her refusal to hate herself for everything she is and chooses to be, her ambition, her comfort wielding power, her EVERYTHING. Dead, her? NOT IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT. Here’s what *really * happened at the end of canon- she gets out of the building by planting that lady-like but still deadly gun against Kang Yo-han’s temple and making him lead her through his own “secret escape route” or whatever the fuck it was the show wanted us to believe. From there on out, it’s all sunshine and beaches, and scheming and waiting for the right moment to strike again-though of course, this time around, she also has to reckon with vigilant, tenacious cop Soo-hyun -another character who REALLY didn’t die for manpain reasons and had the good sense to leave her gay best friend to follow his psychopath boyfriend to Switzerland or wherever it is that star crossed lovers in kdrama land meet up on the regs these days- anyways, Soo-hyun and her are in this catch-me-if-you-can epic transnational honest and cute cop-and-beautiful sexy villain chase and yes, they WILL kiss (and more) AND IT WILL BE GLORIOUS. 

*whew *

Thanks for coming to my TEDTalk.

[megabees]

no need for proclamation | a beauyasha fic

a what-if look at what would have happened if Beau and Yasha began dating during the harp scene in episode 98

alternate title: 5 times the Mighty Nein didn't know Beau and Yasha were dating, and one time it was literally spelled out for them

find it on ao3 or read below

They have a conversation, out there on the beach. 

Yasha with her harp, and Beau, muscles unfurled, feeling at peace for the first time in a while. 

The ocean brings clarity for them. They who were not raised by the sea find their anxieties pulled out and caught in a riptide, their bodies returned to them smoothed and polished like a piece of glass swept out into the waves. In the dry plains of Kamordah, Beau had never seen the ocean. Its vast blue stares back at her, forcing her to appreciate how big it is, how she is miniscule in comparison. Beau: big and brash, loud and bold, a born leader, finds herself taking peace in the vastness. In the grand scheme of things, the ocean remains the same. She means nothing to the waves. There is peace in this. If nothing matters, she can do what she wants. 

 Similarly, Yasha grows up in the Moorlands, surrounded by hills and grasses, but the rocks don’t best the constance of the waves, crashing and settling on the shore. For her, someone who struggles so much with desire, with understanding that her mind is her own, the waves show an unstoppable force. A small child can try to stop the waves from their end, but they always come to the shore anyway. Her path may deviate, like the waves occasionally fade, but she comes back to the same place. Her harp, calming. The waves, swelling and settling. Her mind is her own, she takes fate by the hand. 

In front of the ocean, two women come to similar conclusions, and they have a conversation. 

They leave the beach holding hands, a new relationship formed. 

-------------------------------------------------

The Nein catch on far slower than they realistically should. Yasha and Beau aren’t hiding it, per say. They’re just not making a grand announcement. 

That’s how the Nein does things. You keep a secret until someone weasels it out of you, and then it’s known. There’s no need for a proclamation.

Or so Beau and Yasha thought. After the past three weeks, full of longing glances and not hiding the way they act around each other, they’re beginning to doubt the obviousness of their actions. 

------------------------------------------------

They tried to hint to Jester, that day on the boat making statues for the Traveler, through subtle flirting and glances, but she never noticed.

“You have really good legs, Yasha”, Jester remarked. 

Beau catches Yasha’s eye as she says it, gives her a little up and down look. Calculating, as if she wants to know each and every inch of Yasha’s legs. 

Heat flashes up Yasha’s face. 

“Yeah, the slit was very, uh, high. Helped with moving around.” 

Another knowing glance from Beau to Yasha. When Beau thinks of that night, she thinks of two things. Firstly, the Ruby’s singing and the hypnotic way the fish moved around her. Secondly, she thinks of the way Yasha looked in that dress, shades of grey, black and white illuminating her eyes and her lips. 

As the conversation gets more intense, Beau can’t help her hand from drifting behind Yasha, using it partly to steady herself on the slow rocking of the boat and partly to just get closer. 

Yasha makes a similar move, placing her hand on Beau’s lower thigh, as she once again apologizes for running Beau through with Skingorger. 

“It just adds to my aesthetic. Makes me look more interesting.” Beau is so focused on the hand, slowly and comfortingly rubbing her thigh that she almost misses Yasha’s flustered compliment towards. 

“You’re already very interesting….You’re both very interesting.” 

It’s Beau’s turn to flush. Don’t think she hasn’t noticed Yasha’s propensity to hide a compliment to her within a compliment to everyone. It’s cute. 

It’s fun to be in those stages of a relationship, learning those new things about each other. 

Jester’s probably too busy thinking of Travelercon, they can keep it lowkey for a little longer. 

----------------------------------------

It turns out though, that neither of them is *great* at keeping things low key. 

If you ask Beau, it’s Yasha’s fault. Yasha’s too beautiful and talented, and she keeps showing it off. That harp haunts a few of Beau’s dreams. 

(Harps require some deft finger skills, if you catch the drift.) 

Yasha gets up to perform for the village of Vo, and she’s surrounded by all these people. Beau watches the way her hands shake, how she searches the crowd for a familiar face, and yells out “Freebird!” so that Yasha can find her. 

For Yasha, Beau’s a grounding face in the crowd of people. Someone who doesn’t care how she does, who just is there to support her. All of the Nein is, but this song is for Beau. 

Caleb lights Yasha up with silent bolts of lightning, mesmerizing the entire village of Vo, illuminating Yasha with her own personal spotlight.

It’s funny, you know. Prior to meeting Yasha, Beau had always hated storms. In the winery, grapes that got too much rain produced thin and watery wine, and when there was a thunderstorm, the workers couldn’t harvest the grapes. It meant her dad was always angry when there was a storm. Loss of profit, and all that. 

Once she met Yasha though, a storm signified Yasha for her. Thunder became part of the comforting rumble of sleeping with the Nein, and lightning illuminated how different her life looked from five years ago. 

Even when Yasha was gone, Beau hoped every night to hear a storm. Maybe it meant Yasha was returning to them. 

So it’s not her fault she’s put in a stupor by Yasha’s performance. That’s her girl. 

It unlocks a deluge of feelings in her chest. Beau’s shell-shocked, as the Nein discusses the performance absent of Yasha. 

She can’t help but allow herself to chime in. 

“That was amazing.” 

She makes sure to tell Yasha how amazing it is later that night, in hushed tones wrapped up together. 

----------------------------------------------

After that, they begin to find their stride in how they act around their friends. 

In battle, Yasha has a free pass to be as protective as she wants. Beau’s more fragile than she, and is somehow easily swallowed? Yasha’s confused on how the beasts they keep fighting manage to find Beau in their mouths more than anyone else. 

Either way, Beau usually ends up taking more damage than anyone else notices. 

Nothing against Jester or Cad as healers, but they tend to focus on the group’s overall health levels, and Beau likes to play off her injuries. 

Vulnerability isn’t easy for Beau, so Yasha keeps a watchful eye. 

She’s already lost one partner, she doesn’t need to lose another. 

They’re traipsing through the forest, and Yasha looks away for one moment, and suddenly Beau is on the ground unconscious. 

Nosy Expositor can’t keep her hands to herself, Yasha supposes.

She gets Beau back up, taking lightning damage and healing her.

For Yasha, her healing hands are a way of showing Beau her affection. They symbolize forgiveness, and they symbolize hope. It’s just a way of showing how she cares. Yasha’s not great with words, she speaks through her actions, and she hopes Beau understands. 

That being said, as if she’s gonna let her girlfriend get healed by just Fjord. 

“It’s not a competition, okay!” 

“It’s a competition.” 

Fjord’s got nothing on her. She’s there for Beau. 

This is re-enforced, of course, when Beau asks Yasha to carry her following the fight. There was a time, when Yasha was just regaining her mind, where Beau asked Caleb to carry her following the fight with Obann instead of Yasha, and while Yasha would never admit it to Beau, it hurt a little. 

Carrying Beau is Yasha’s thing. They’ve had this joke running through the time they’ve spent together, and Yasha isn’t a fan of other people trying to butt in on that. 

Perhaps she’s a bit protective, a bit jealous of Beau. How is she to not be, though, when she was gone for so long and Beau got so much closer with everyone else. For Yasha, post-Obann was a new fear. The Nein had pursued her for so long, but they also made new friends, and what if the Nein had liked them more than they liked Yasha? It’s hard to feel like part of a group when you’re never there. Plus, she was helping someone raise a terrible god, and killing Beau’s co-workers, and while none of it was in her control, she did it. 

The fact that the Nein forgave her? That Beau forgave her and still wants to be with her? 

Yasha’s still not sure how she got so lucky. 

This thought is reinforced with Beau in her arms as they walk through the forest to face a false god. Yasha loves to be able to help. Jester and Cad might be the healers, but Yasha loves the feeling of Beau’s small, lithe body in her arms. 

She just wants to hold Beau forever, shelter her from any oncoming attacks. 

It’s with this thought that she misses Beau giving Jester a thumbs up as they venture further into the forest. 

Who needs subtlety? 

----------------------------------------------

When Yasha catches Beau in the air with her new wings, part of her is sure it’s gonna tip off the rest of the group. 

It’s so romantic. It was probably a beautiful visual. 

Unfortunately, it seems like the rest of the Nein is either being incredibly dense or incredibly respectful, and Yasha’s too held up in her brand new wings to decide which they are. 

She flies up and over the mountain with Beau swooning in her arms, and it’s perfect. The sun casts a beautiful golden haze over the island, and Beau’s skin shines in the sunlight. 

Yasha might have the wings, but Beau is her angel. 

Then the wings disappear and they plummet into a shallow pond. 

Yasha’s not thrilled the wings last for such little time, but at least she gets to see Beau soaking wet from the pond, giggly and delighted at the flight. 

In that moment, Yasha is overwhelmed with love. It’s too early to say, but she’s been in love before. She knows what that rush feels like, that off balance feeling of “oh shit I’m in deep”. 

A small secret, then. Something to unpack on her own time. There’s no need to speed it up, to burden Beau with this until she’s ready. 

This love, it can be just hers to have for a bit. She’s allowed to want that. 

Beau brings her back to herself, pulling her out of the pond and her own thoughts in one fell swoop. 

Holding hands and giggling, they make their way to the edge of the cliffside, overlooking the mountain awash in sunlight. Looking out, Yasha is overcome and she leans over to give Beau a quick peck on the lips. 

“I’m happy to have you here with me.” 

“Oh? That true, sap?” 

Yasha laughs, nodding her head and breaking eye contact, and leads Beau to the edge to point the way down back to their friends. 

“We should probably head back, they’re gonna think we’re dead.”

They take a little extra time on the way down though since the Nein hasn’t noticed their other hints. It’s put to good use. 

----------------------------------------------------------------

The day they visit Molly’s grave is when they give up any attempt to be subtle at all. Throughout Rumblecusp and the days after, their relationship has switched from being a complete secret to being something that they could easily explain if asked, but no one has outright asked them if they’re dating, so it just hasn’t happened. 

Either the Mighty Nein is very dense or very respectful. Yasha’s sensing it might be half and half, because Caduceus had a very meaningful conversation with her about wanting things and patience, but Jester and Veth keep giving Beau looks when they think she should make a move. 

Yasha and Beau talk about it at night. It’s funny to them that everyone keeps dancing around the topic. Neither of them is sure about where they got the idea that they can’t just ask, but it’s fun to just have this to themselves. 

Until they go to visit Molly’s...no..Lucien’s? grave. 

Yasha has a lot of feelings around Molly and his grave, and she’s not exactly thrilled by Caleb’s suggestion that they dig him up to get some answers to questions they don’t even know yet. Feels almost rude, to take a friend out of the ground to inquire about his personal life. 

She mentions it to Beau, in a hushed whisper, and Beau attempts to stop Caleb’s focused energy by hinting heavily at it, but his focus is so intense that he brushes her, and Jester, who picks up on both Beau and Yasha’s discomfort, off. 

He gets like that sometimes. 

They teleport there, and Yasha is struck by how normal it looks. His coat is still there, though it’s blown off the stake they put in to mark his grave, and for a moment, she lets herself hope that he’s still there. 

Beau’s hand finds its way into hers as they watch Veth and Cad dig up the grave, a thread of reality keeping Yasha tethered there, eyes locked onto the now empty grave. 

She removes her hand from Beau’s, and instead moves it to the small of Beau’s back, pulling Beau closer to her for comfort. Beau’s body is tiny, but it’s something to grasp as they both figure out what this means for their future. 

At  one of the lowest moments since she regained her mind, Beau is there with her. 

She squeezes Beau’s hand once. Beau squeezes back. They’re ready to tell everyone now. 

---------------------------------- 

They tell everyone in Caleb’s fancy tower, after Yasha decides to throw caution to the wind and make a joke about Beau’s fancy sex mirror above her bed. 

Jester and Veth are overjoyed, Fjord and Caleb both want to make sure they’re taking care of each other and won’t mess up the group, and Caduceus just nods happily, though they’re sure he knew all along. 

As they sit around the fire, Yasha and Beau link pinkies and bask in the laughter and joy of their family. 

Things will be okay. 

[miraculouscontent]

Askplosion #12 4/4:

(I would like to state for future reference that, while I do not mind long/multi-part asks, if you’d like to engage in actual discussion with me over a non-Miraculous topic, my DMs - Tumblr Messenger - should be open; I lost pieces of three multi-part asks this time just due to Tumblr not sending the remaining part(s) so yeah, I just wanted to make that clear)

(like, this askplosion ended up being super long because of this section and that’s not really what I want to have going on since I’m supposed to be a primarily Miraculous blog; I don’t want to have to stop answering non-Miraculous related asks but I might have to if this keeps up:)

.:New non-Miraculous Asks:.

Anonymous said:

What are your experiences with some really rude anons?

It’s partly my fault when it happens. Like I’ve said before, I’m an aspie, and part of what that means is I struggle to understand situations emotionally. I can come off as insensitive or read the mood wrong which often leads to people misunderstanding my intentions or where I’m coming from.

More often than not, what I’m saying will make 100% sense to me but not the person/people reading it. I also stick a lot more firmly to my opinions than I should because people tell me I fold too easily, and I come off as more egotistical than I actually am to cover up my low self-esteem lol.

So yeah, can’t think of any experience in particular but sometimes it might be my fault? At least I suspect that it is?

Anonymous said:

“Killed by kindness” makes me think of an assassin who kills people by giving hugs and compliments to people and the occasion gift that isn’t tampered until thre target does like Conrad Birdie making women swoon into fainting by singing.

omg

yes

Anonymous said:

You're watching Yashahime right now? rip

MARINETTE TAKE 2 MOROHA DESERVES BETTER

SETSUNA HAS SO LITTLE REASON TO HANG OUT WITH THE OTHER TWO GIRLS

IF I SEE ANOTHER DEUS EX TOWA I’M GONNA KICK SOMETHING

(so yes, I’m watching Yashahime)

Anonymous said:

Since someone recommended Remarried Empress, I would like to recommend my own webcomic: Princess Love-Pon! It's about a young girl named Lia Sagamore who becomes the titular magical girl and purifies people's hearts when they're tainted by the Dark Queen! It's really cool due to its diversity, the main character is black and her best friend is Afro-Latina, the villain and her prince son are also black, and there's a Japanese girl, a black guy, and an Indian girl. Plus, loads of pink and frills!

Thank you very much, though I actually don’t take recommendations, even from close friends. The Remarried Empress anon wasn’t a recommendation; they were more pointing something out to me and then I went to confirm.

Anonymous said:

Unrelated to MLB: Which Pokémon are your favourites?

I used a “Favorite Pokemon Picker” because I prefer going by generations to pick favorites and that was the easiest way of going about it. I struggle picking super favorites so here’s what I got form each generation! (my only rule was “one Pokemon per evolution line” with an exception of the Eevee line since they’re different types, and also Alolan/Galarian forms)

(note: the blue-patterned Vivillon is my favorite and I honestly don’t like Charizard normally but the Y version actually slims him down and gives him the wings I feel he should have; it’s an improvement of the design so it gets my seal of approval, I don’t like the X version at all)

(lol I was looking through this after I was done and find it really funny how it’s like, 50% cute things and then the other 50% is just EDGY, there’s very little in-between with me I guess)

Anonymous said:

Bridgerton the Series: Yay or nay? Sorry if you haven’t seen it or it’s not your thing. I was just curious.

Never seen it, though when I brought up to someone, they didn’t recommend it to me at all ahaha.

Anonymous said:

I previously kept having this argument about The Bechdel Test with someone. She keeps insisting that the test is invalid because there's nothing wrong with talking about men and that it was created for lesbians only, and not for feminists, with the implication that being a lesbian somehow means that you dislike men or want them gone. And she also thinks the test is about NEVER talking about men, rather than merely occasionally talking about other things. I keep telling her otherwise, but...

jdfhkgdfhjgdfg “lesbians only”

now all I can imagine is “lesbians only” sections at restaurants and such

Anonymous said:

Have you ever played Akinator, with or without the Miraculous Ladybug characters? Because I played it with Ochaco from MHA and Marinette and he guessed them within a second(can your character control gravity? Is your character a protagonist?). I even played it with myself as the "character" and he guessed "your shadow" lol. How about you?

I’ve played Akinator before but I don’t specifically remember what I was searching for lol.

Anonymous said:

The cast for the newest Power Rangers series got revealed, and I hate that as soon as I saw the Pink Ranger's bio mentioned she was an internet journalist, I thought of Alya. I really hope she doesn't have the same problems as Alya in the series proper.

fhgdfkgd journalists have been ruined for us forever

Anonymous said:

Have you noticed that in many shows, especially shonen shows, people tend to hate the most "feminine" female character? Like, in Naruto it was Sakura, in Death Note it was Misa, in My Hero Academia it was Ochaco(although a lot of people like her so I'm not so sure about that last one?). The most hated character in one too many a shonen is almost always the "girliest" of the characters. They're always claimed to be useless or reliant on a man. And this is within the fandom who should know better!

It probably didn’t help with Sakura that she was decked out in pink hair; that’s an instant girl label for you (or lesbian label, depends on the person :P).

I don’t think I’ve been in enough fandoms to have such an experience but I definitely see where you’re coming from.

Anonymous said:

Rewatching Chat Blanc and Here To Help from Star vs. and hearing Adrien/Marco tell Marinette/Star that they always liked the girls from the beginning makes me so pissed. It's not that I don't ship Starco(I do! But I also like MarcoxJanna), although I don't ship the love square, but I'm so annoyed with writers finding the need to make the audience "know" that the main ship's characters "always" liked each other, as if that makes their love for each other more true, even if it's obvious they had other crushes? Like, what happened to Kagami Tsurugi? Jackie-Lynn Thomas?

News flash: Teenagers are allowed to have crushes on multiple other people before they find "the One". It doesn't mean their love for that "One" is any less valid. And if you still want to pull the "they always liked each other since they first met", at least make it actually TRUE!!! Don't have them have crushes on other people before moving on to the "official" crush and be all like "Oh, by the way, I liked you from the start," when it's dead obvious they didn't. You're doing a disservice to the romantic "false" leads.

I'm willing to forgive Star's crush on Oskar and Tom since she's not the one claiming she always liked Marco(even though she fell in love with him LONG before he fell in love with her, which is a nice turn of events), although her "love" for Oskar was merely an infatuation at most and I personally don't see why it was needed. Why don't they just say that their old crush didn't do it for them???

UGH, I remember watching that show and being so annoyed because I really liked Marco and Jackie and wanted them to be a thing but I knew that they’d pull Starco in the end because of course they would.

It also totally makes it seem as if love is the most powerful relationship there is (aros would like a word), which is so bizarre when there are so many “power of friendship” tropes. Like, a male and female lead have to get together because their relationship is the strongest.

The love square would hold so much more meaning to me without this love drama nonsense. It’s tiring.

Anonymous said:

Have you seen Yuki Yuna Is a Hero? If so, then what are your thoughts on it? I was thinking of watching it but it seems to be another "taking away the empowerment of the magical girl genre by making the girls suffer instead" type story. I read about it on TV Tropes and apparently it's a deconstruction that takes after Madoka Magica which already puts a bad taste in my mouth, but then I got to the examples and they're basically about how girls who get magical powers lose their body parts one by one and that the reason only girls can be heroes is because "young girls have always been sacrifices".

Not to mention it was written by a man and aimed towards a seinen(adult men ages 17-35) demographic, making it torture porn for adult men. Also, both the laconic page for Yuki Yuna and Madoka Magica say "Being a magical girl sucks."(though for Yuki Yuna it adds "Unless you have the power of friendship.") and to be honest that kills any desire in me to watch the show. Should I give it a chance?

Oof.

Yeah, after bringing it up to a friend of mine, it was instantly recommended of me not to watch it, so I’d say, “no.”

Anonymous said:

Let's make one thing perfectly clear. I, love, love, LOVE Sailor Moon. And I love the transformations, too. But if there's one thing I don't love, it's that their outfits all look pretty much the same but with different colors/different lengths of gloves and shoes and stuff like that, and that they all have the exact same body type save for the one fat girl who's made to look bad. I don't like Madoka Magica, but at least they all had unique/different costumes(but they still have similar bodies).

We’re not allowed diversity here. Take your different body types to a show that cares; we’re all about femininity here and how girls can be beautiful and powerful no matter wha--oh wait...

Yeah, I don’t care for the design in Sailor Moon, but that’s because skirts don’t interest me design-wise unless it’s really unique/interesting.

(note that there’s a lot of talk about tomboys, sexism, and TV tropes and such below, and then Madoka Magica after that; that’s basically the rest of this askplosion:)

Anonymous said:

I just saw the thumbnail for a video called "Why You Should Watch Princess Tutu(Yes, I Know The Name Is Stupid)". Umm, why is it stupid exactly? Because it's "girly"? What is with people thinking that in order for a girly show to be good they have to first separate the show from its girliness in order to enjoy it? It's like how men will say a show is good despite it being girly, or that since it's good it's no longer girly. Nobody does this for boy shows, because boy things are "never" stupid.

Princess = girly thing

Tutu = girly thing

girly things = bad

That’s the formula~ They should’ve called it something edgier and manly so that more people would be interested.

Anonymous said:

I'm wary of any woman or girl who says, "I'm a girl, but I'd rather read books about guys" or "I'm a female writer but I mostly write stories about male characters". I feel like those women are the "not like other girls/one of the guys" type who suffer from internalized misogyny and don't like female characters. I also feel like they're the type to not care about female representation, because in their minds, girls shouldn't care about female role models. We can enjoy males just as much! I do!

To be fair, they might also just be writing about shirtless men doing “handsome” things. ;P

But nah, I see your point. Me personally, I try to find a balance of writing both, but I do think there can be bias.

Anonymous said:

Do you think it's okay to like a ship but acknowledge that it wouldn't be safe or healthy or condonable in real life? Because I was just thinking of how a lot of people like some really "toxic" ships like Veronica/JD in Heathers, Yuno/Yukki in Future Diary, Madoka/Homura in Madoka Magica(although some people don't like it because of its toxicity/like it but don't realize it's toxic), almost any villain/hero ship, the list goes on. But they're aware of the fact that it's not a good standard for healthy relationships in real life.

An alternative I've seen is people having a crush on "dangerous" characters like JD and Yuno, or Karma from Assassination Classroom(there's not a single video on YouTube with him in it that DOESN'T have comments full of people saying they want Karma to father their children), but still being aware of the fact that the character is a) not real and b) wouldn't be a good partner if they were real(and that's assuming they even want to be with you. But sometimes there's a good reason for falling in love with a "toxic/dangerous" character.

Take Monika from Doki Doki Literature Club! She's obsessed with the player(not the player CHARACTER, the flesh and blood player themselves) to the point of killing off all the other girls and "trapping" you in a room with her where she talks endlessly about lots of things. But she's actually a lonely girl who's driven insane by the fact that nothing around her is real. She latches on to you because you're the only other person who's real and sapient and has got a mind of their own. You're literally her outlet to the outside world.

She's personally my favorite character in the game due to her actually being a more fleshed out, sympathetic(and not in the idealized "moemoe" way), and realistic take on the Yandere archetype(which, like many moe archetypes, is kinda misogynistic in nature in that it reinforces submissiveness; it's basically animes version of "woman scorned".). So it makes sense that people would sympathize with her and want her to become real, because all she's ever wanted was to be real and to talk to real people. Especially since she really did care about her friends and even returned them back to life because she saved their backup files, taking herself out of the picture.

I read a few "Monika becomes real and lives with you" fanfictions where she's really sweet and not at all crazy and cares for you a lot, and it's never felt the same as all those other "Yandere/psycho lives with you and is your girl/boyfriend" type stories precisely because those stories tend to just glorify possessive partners that kill your loved ones, drive your family members to commit suicide, and tear up your stuffed animals and dollies for the sake of it, rather than go into why they're so crazy for you, and often reinforce Stockholm Syndrome.

Plus, those "things" she talks about in the empty room? They're actually quite smart and make you think about the world for a bit. Not many "crazy" type characters actually get that. They're all about how "I'll slice your boyfriend open with an axe if you don't date me wa ha ha", and even if they're not, it's all the fandom will focus on, to the point of ignoring any and all other aspects to their character. Because that "crazy in love" aspect is the most appealing part of them. Maybe it's due to forbidden fruit/bad boy(or girl) appeal? Who knows? But I'm starting to wonder if it's still as bad if people recognize the problematic aspects of "crazy in love" characters or "dysfunctional" relationships.

Because if they recognize it's not real and don't really want it for themselves, then it's probably not much of a problem. But if they just go on wanting it to be real and never take a step back and go "wait a minute, this isn't real love; they're only together because he latches onto the first girl to show him any kindness and affection and she's a doormat who doesn't want something bad to happen if she leaves him", then that's bad.

Obviously it's not as bad as being in love with literal stalkers, killers, and rapists in real life(which is an actual thing, believe it or not, it's called hybristophilia), because fictional characters will never be real. Karma Akabane will never be real. Yuno Gasai will never be real. JD will never be real. But loving fictional characters who do those things and not realizing the problem with it may cause people to seek out real criminals, so it's best to separate fiction from reality.

I can’t help judging a little internally, but yeah, I think people can ship whatever as long as it has that “not in real life” scenario going for it. It’s ultimately fiction, so just because I don’t like it and/or think that it’s bad doesn’t mean other people can’t ship it.

Anonymous said:

I'm getting tired of all the racists on TV Tropes getting upset whenever a trope has a Japanese name. Whether it's Tsundere, Yandere, Meganekko, Genki Girl, Bokukko, or any Japanese anime name, people will complain that the trope exists beyond anime so it shouldn't have a "cute anime name", and that it should instead just be given a broader(read: English) name with the same meaning. Or that the site is too obsessed with anime. I'm just sick of people saying that anime names are bad.

The other thing is that we don’t actually have English words for certain things? I mean, the whole reason we say, “tsundere,” is because it says everything in one word. It’s easy.

(Also, people are aware the the English language isn’t some unique thing that takes no inspiration from other languages, right? It’s a mix of things, so accept that other languages exist because we literally wouldn’t have English without them.)

Anonymous said:

Have you seen the TV Tropes reviews for "My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic"? Holy crap, they are all a perfect example of the "Real Women Don't Wear Dresses" phenomenon that I have mentioned earlier and is so fucking present on this site. While some reviews praise the show for showing that "it's okay to be strong AND girly"(such as Hadles' review, which was really splendid), and that girl shows are no less good, others either insult the show by calling it "girly, saccharine, and stupid" as if "girly" is synonymous with anything bad about a show, or feel the need to distance it from its girliness in order to praise it as if a show can't be good if it's also girly.

Some people were saying things like "the show might seem girly at first, but it's actually a good, brilliant show with intricate plot twists, well-developed characters, and even some scary moments" and "the characters aren't just shallow girly-girls, they have depth!" So what, girliness is mutually exclusive to anything of value? One person even said that the Girl-Show Ghetto was the reason they couldn't get into the show or respect it. Just...wow.

And one review even said "Rarity's pretty tough for a girly girl!" Excuse me? Tough FOR a girly girl? So being a girly girl somehow automatically disqualifies you from being tough? Like "yeah, she's tough despite being a girly girl! Because girly girls aren't supposed to be tough."

It reminds me of the phrase "you're pretty for a black girl", which, while it's never been said to ME, I have heard other people complain about. It's sick and it hurts, just like this. And the few people who didn't say things like that still said that they couldn't get into the show at first because it looked "girly and vapid", before changing their minds and thinking that the show either proved their biases about girly shows wrong, no longer think it's girly since girly shows "can't" be good, or like it "despite" it's girliness.

And there were 70 reviews in all. 70 reviews full of this misogynistic "girly is bad" shit. So in conclusion nearly all the reviews on TV Tropes for My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic were along the lines of one of three things. 1) "This show is girly so I looked past it because girly shows are dumb." 2) "This show is good despite being girly/the characters are good despite being girly." and 3) "This show is not girly to me at all because it is well-written and captivating and girly shows aren't capable of such things."

Granted, some people there were able and willing to call out those who judged the show badly for being girly(or gave it the "not like other girls" treatment, but in show form), as well as people warning other potential viewers to get rid of any potential bias they may have against it due to it being girly. But there were still more people insulting its girliness as a reason they think it sucks or denying its girliness to justify their liking of it than the other way around.

I would've accepted it in the form of "If you think this show is bad because of its inherent girliness, then you are wrong!" or "This show is proof that a show being girly or aimed at girls doesn't and shouldn't take away from its value, as people seem to believe." or "A girl can be girly and be a strong female character.", but no, instead I got shit like this. It's especially insulting when TV Tropes is a site that devotes itself in part to critiquing sexist tropes found in media, only to turn right around and reinforce them.

I don’t read TV Tropes that frequently, so I fortunately missed out on all of these complete idiots who associate girly products with being bad.

(that “pretty for a black girl” comment makes me hate all aspects of “expectations of beauty” and it’s like--plz let these die)

I could maybe see an argument for criticizing a girls show for being “saccharine” if it were like, “girls’ shows written by men who clearly don’t know how to write girls are usually bad,” because then it’s not a criticism of girls’ shows exactly but rather who keeps being put in charge of writing them.

Anonymous said:

I get so annoyed when people get upset when confronted with the matter of female representation with "what's so wrong with one show having a male protagonist or mostly men and one/a few women? Why do we have to include women in everything?" These people clearly do not understand that one show doing it is one thing, but when multiple shows do it, it's an obvious problem. It's even worse when they turn around and diss shows with largely female casts for "not having enough men".

And as for people getting upset that "every show has to include women/come with a checkbox nowadays", as if it's bad to include women in your story...look around. Women make up 50% of the population. They're literally everywhere. What reason do you have to not include a substantial amount of women?

These people act like male is the default and women are a last resort. They see no problem with men dominating a cast because it's justified(despite that not reflecting real life), and yet having female characters, or, hell, a female-dominated cast(I know they also don't reflect real life, but there are still female-dominated spaces; most colleges are 2/3 female) is "unrealistic" trying to fulfill a quota, or a straw feminist agenda, as if characters can't be female for their own sake. You shouldn't have to be forced include women because their presence should be a given.

How many stories nowadays take place in the war front in Viking times or whatever? A lot of men just don't want to include female characters or see them represented(well) in media because those who are overrepresented tend to want to stay that way. They likely also have insecurities about their masculinity and are worried about female characters flooding their shows with estrogen and ruining the shows they love, because they can't relate to female characters or enjoy shows about them without negating their girliness(ie. This show seems girly, but it's actually good), since they're ashamed to associate themselves with anything feminine due to looking down on women or seeing them as bad.

Plus they want to be the center of everything so the second a show is about mostly women they get upset and claim it's "sexist against men" because it's not about them. Hence why bronies(bless their souls) are made fun of for the grave sin of enjoying a female-centric show with a female protagonist and largely female characters. Granted, there are some freaky fans, but there's still some sexism at play here.

This reminds me of a post I saw about a boy who actually looked up to female characters because you can pick a role model who doesn’t fit your gender. Crazy concept, I know. ;P

And yeah, that’s how it goes with equality. People who are best/most represented don’t want equality because they think it means less for them and they don’t want that, like a child who doesn’t want to share their cookies with everyone else.

Anonymous said:

I love TV Tropes, but if there's one problem I have with it, it's how often it associates femininity with weakness. The "Masculine Girl, Feminine Boy" trope is a good example of this, but the worst offender in my opinion is the Girly Girl With a Tomboy Streak, as most of the examples there are simply of girls who are strong-willed or fierce or can fight. Because you know, those traits are male. It's bad because there are ALREADY tropes for girly girls who can fight, Girly Bruiser and Lady of War (which TV Tropes even goes out of its way to SAY shouldn't be counted as a "Tomboy Streak" and yet does stuff like this), but it's also bad because ANY girly girl with these qualities, no matter how feminine they are otherwise, will be seen by TV Tropes as having to be at least somewhat tomboyish(read: masculine) in order to have those traits. Because regular girly girls are just weak and fragile and only want to be housewives.

It's even worse when you realize that much of these characters are created with the exact purpose of subverting the stereotype that girliness equals weak, and instead present a new and more empowering form of femininity: that femininity is strong and DOES NOT equal being a passive sex tool for men's pleasure. They're MEANT to show that being a tomboy is not the only way to be strong, and TV Tropes acknowledges that! But then they also go and claim these characters have "Tomboy Streaks" thus undermining the positive message by insinuating that you have to be tomboyish to be strong and that even girly girls have to have some level of masculinity to be deemed respectable and equal human beings, plus manipulating many impressionable folks into thinking strength and bravery is automatically tomboyish.

Worse yet, they often put a character here because "she's a big eater" or "she burps/farts a lot". Gee, I didn't know women had bodily functions? I didn't know women had digestive systems? So basically any time a girl shows that she is a human being and not a pretty, passive doll to be idealized, she is acting like a man. Because only men are fully-fledged human beings. Even outside of that, look at basically any masculinity-femininity contrast trope(Tomboy and Girly Girl, Sensitive Guy and Manly Man, Masculine Girl Feminine Boy, etc.). The "masculine" character will often be described as dominant, assertive, or outspoken, and the "feminine" character will often be called weak-willed, passive, emotional, and timid. It's fucking sickening.

The Tomboy With A Girly Streak trope is similar to its inverse in that a tomboyish girl will often be placed under this trope with their proclaimed "girly" streak being that she's tender or cries a lot or is soft spoken/a doormat. Because being girly is about not taking up too much space, not having any ambition or aspiration, and overall being a weak and shallow waste of space. For a site that claims to dismantle such sexist misconceptions, it sure does reinforce them just as much.

I almost want to stop using TV Tropes based on that and many other reasons, but it's a genuinely informative site that at least tries to avoid these stereotypes(plus it's edited by more than one person), it just doesn't do enough. For example, they made an awkward claim once that women can't fight while on their periods, and even have an Improbably Female Cast trope, as if it's abnormal that a cast could consist of mostly women and demands an explanation. To them, femininity=inferior.

And then in comes the “anti-girl tomboy” characters who basically do everything “girls don’t do;” glares at things like make-up and such, rolls eyes at the subject of “girl talk” or “romance,” drinks anything carbonated and spreads their legs wide open, etcetera.

Guys really don’t get the same version, at least not that I’m aware of? Like, at best, they don’t participate in “guy things” but that’s about it.

Having characters acknowledge it just makes everything more blatant, like if a woman comes by and the guys have to assure “DON’T WORRY, SHE’S LIKE ONE OF THE GUYS.”

It’s like a woman can only hang out and engage in “guy talk/time” (the concept of which I hate but that’s besides the point) if they can crush a beer can against their forehead.

Anonymous said:

OMG TV Tropes called Cirno the Ice Fairy from Touhou a "tomboy"? Why? Because she's boisterous and outspoken and not a "shy girly-girl" like Daiyousei! TV Tropes clearly believes that any girl or woman who is more than just a pretty face(which ALL women are, by the way), who takes up space, who has a dynamic personality and isn't just a weeping wallflower(which I'm not saying Daiyousei is) is a tomboy. Because she's acting like a man that way. Ugh, so over TV Tropes and their sexism.

And all the girls in Touhou(including Cirno) wear big frilly dresses anyway so it doesn't really make sense to see ANY of them as tomboys. But no, apparently any girl who is rowdy or tough or is active and not passive is a tomboy. You gotta be a tomboy to have attitude. You can tell they think so because they often say things like "strong, but still feminine" as if those things are opposites. They even described femininity as "weak and susceptible, vain and superficial". Like, ugh, kill me now.

I legitimately want to see a bullet point list here of what qualifies as a “tomboy.” Like, what, anyone who does one thing that isn’t “girly”?

Can we just throw out all of these terms; not even replace them, just throw them out?

(the below ask is incomplete - the first part is missing - but the asker clarified after I asked them, so clarification is below:)

Anonymous said:

Tropes is because I'm working on a story and I hope when it becomes famous that TV Tropes will write about it, but as it stands, I'm beginning to wonder that TV Tropes undermines most stories or plots to do with women one way or another. I mean, they constantly create tropes with the intent of calling out inherent biases, yet reinforce those biases themselves.

For example, they have a trope called Men Are Generic, Women Are Special, which points out the bias of male being the default, and yet on almost every other page on the wiki describing a trope, the default character will be a "he"(especially if it's a character trope), and whenever they mention "The Hero" or "The Big Bad" it's always a he unless it needs to be female(like if the heroine is in a romance story, or if the villain is a seductress). Female characters at best, can hope to be "The Heart" or "The Chick" of the group(which is often used in a demeaning way).

They even have a trope called "Improbably Female Cast" in which they point out all the instances of a story's setting having an "over-abundance" of women or girls with no men in sight, and claim that such stories have majority female characters when it is "unusual" "unlikely" or "lacks justification". Someone even suggested that the trope should be called "Where Are All The Men?" as if there's something inherently weird or wrong when a story is dominated by female characters, and like the story is in dire need of men, as if only men can be protagonists.

Even if the story has a justifiable reason for having mostly women, the fact that the writer made that choice at all is somehow deserving of mention. The mere fact that there's no "Improbably Male Cast" trope shows where the site's biases lay. They don't see anything wrong with a show being dominated by men with little to no female representation(ex. Death Note), and yet a show dominated by women(ex. MLPFIM) is somehow an anomaly and demands an explanation(even if the story does provide a reason for it, TV Tropes will still list it and presume it "improbable", as if to say "I mean, yeah, but there's no reason why you couldn't just make them mEn instead", as if writers who have mostly female characters are going out of their way to steer away from the "default" males.

In fact, they even admit that "Men Are Generic, Women Are Special" is their reason for having such a trope, but not the inverse. They even say that it's not the trope if the show revolves around a group of girlfriends with no indication of the gender ratio in the wider setting. So any time the females outnumber the males a story it's instantly labeled "improbable" because there's NO WAY any setting AT ALL could have more females than males. That's improbable! You see, this is why when women are 1/3 of the people in a given space men perceive it as "majority female" because they're uncomfortable with women having more of a presence than men.

We'll never have true equality if shows with majority female casts continue to be scrutinized under a microscope and assumed to be of inferior, lesser quality, just because there's no male characters around and it's women who are driving the plot. My problem isn't that they have a trope for majority female casts, it COULD be a testament to gender equality(ie., "there used to not be a lot of shows revolving around women, but now they're becoming increasingly common and well-known), but it's that they single out such stories as "unlikely" and thus discredit them.

And worse yet, they refuse to change the name, because they don't see a problem with it. So now every single show that doesn't have an equal number of males and females or more males than females is going to be called "improbable" by TV Tropes, because there's something(bad) to be said about shows that choose to make most of their characters women. Death Note and Naruto can slide by the radar of having loads of men, but Madoka Magica and Touhou are "improbable"? Because they have loads of women?

the clarification:

Anonymous said:

I started out complaining about how TV Tropes says that boys will watch Star Vs. The Forces of Evil only because of Marco(who's great, but it comes off like boys can only relate to boy characters) and that the show only looks girly but has a deep complex plot with scary moments(as if a show can't be dark and complex and still be girly; girly=shallow, watered down fluff), hence my complaint about TV Tropes undermining girly shows or anything "girly".

Yup, exactly like I said.

Good stuff in “girly” things is the exception. Good stuff in “manly” things is expected.

Which is funny when you consider stuff like “edgy” reboots of things. Like, Disney remakes their original movies and that usually means making them worse (like in Beauty and the Beast - god I hate that remake - where the objects are going to become complete objects when the last petal falls even though the enchantress is explicitly a good person and it comes off as super cruel and unnecessary), but that seems to just be its own breed of bad I guess.

Then there are terms like “chick flicks” and “soap operas” which are usually women-oriented and tend to be considered dumb/over-dramatic.

You know, not like MEN shows with their sexualization of women, guns and MEN things.

Anonymous said:

Remember what I said about TV Tropes being sexist? Well, they also have a trope called "Girly Run". Like, that's literally the name. Girly. Run. Thankfully the first example(which is under advertising due to the forms of media being in alphabetical order) is an aversion from the blessed Like A Girl campaign, but...just reading the page lets the casual-yet-bold-faced sexism speak for itself.

why can’t things just be like the Sims where characters can wear whatever the hell they want and have any personality without any judgment or criticism from other Sims?

(more Madoka Magica talk - and ONLY Madoka Magica talk - below because I’ve unleashed a monster apparently:)

Anonymous said:

I know you don't like Frozen but I saw a theory somewhere that Elsa's powers came from making a contract with Kyubey and her wish was to impress her sister and anyway I can't stop rolling my eyes. This isn't(just) because of my distaste for Madoka Magica compared to my love for Frozen, but if Elsa's a Puella Magi then why didn't she become a witch long ago? How did she make it to adulthood? How did she become emotionally stable? And why do her powers have to come from a negative source?

I think it might just be people looking for excuses to do their crossover fanfiction which--yeah, I’m not crazy about that.

Anonymous said:

Did you know that Cristina Vee voiced Homura Akemi in the English Dub? It's very noticeable, especially during the Cake Song, where I could've sworn she sounds exactly like Marinette. By the way, I'm still not sure what the hell was going on in that song. Could you please explain it to me(if you know)?

Nooooo don’t make me think of Homura when I think of Marinette!! fjkdgjnfdg

lol but seriously, I think the Cake Song is just meant to be one of those “weird but meant to be dEeP” things that shows do sometimes to be cool (not a criticism technically; depends on how it’s used).

I think the cake is the labyrinth and Homura saying that she’s the pumpkin makes her the odd one out since pumpkins are associated with scares and halloween, so it’s “foreshadowing” her being the witch. The things that they say they are... they’re like--ingredients for a meal, but not a cake, so the the cake is the labyrinth and they’re the things that would go inside it.

Homura and Madoka are the only ones who really get descriptions to go with them. Homura says that she’s “full of seeds” (despair?) and Madoka implies that it’ll bring sweet dreams once she’s sliced (which is either referring to the godly freedom given to magical girls before they turn into witches, or foreshadowing Madoka being “split” after Homura stops Madoka from purifying her, leading to Homura’s “sweet dream” of what it’s like when everything is “normal” after her reality twisting).

Anonymous said:

May I ask what you don't like about Kyoko's character? Is it because she was the stereotypical "jerk with a heart of gold"? Or because the writer made her flip from hating Sayaka and wanting her dead to suddenly dying for Sayaka even though she barely knows her compared to Madoka(because the writer doesn't understand how girls' relationships work)? For me it was a mixture of both(though I still don't mind KyoSaya!), but I still liked her enough, she just felt a tad stereotypical. Your thoughts?

It’s both. I just don’t like characters like her at all and the runtime of Madoka Magica can’t maintain all of these characters, “developing” them, and then killing them off. I don’t even have any time to get attached to them because they’re dead within a matter of a few episodes.

And it’s always like, “okay here’s this character’s backstory to make you feel emotionally attached--HA NOW THEY’RE DEAD. SEE??? WE TOTALLY GOT YOU.”

Like, no, you didn’t. I didn’t even have time to care about THEM, much less their actual death.

Anonymous said:

What about the girls in Madoka Magica? Do you think they're strong female characters? Now, obviously the show is not feminist, since it misses the whole point of Magical Girl, which is to empower girls and show them that girls can be powerful and feminine and can find strength in solidarity with each other by instead making them suffer and fight each other and have their power come from their emotions, which are exploited and turned against them because women can't be powerful, but still...

It’s the same way I feel about Marinette; there are some who I want to say are strong characters, but the writing is ready to just kill them off at any time and bully them for essentially having emotions.

Basically, imagine a male writer hands you a character sheet and is like, “AW YEAH CHECK OUT THIS sTrOng FEMALE CHARACTER I WROTE.”

Like, even if they were right, their ego and obnoxiousness about the whole thing, along with what they actually do to said character, makes you not want to give them any credit for it.

Anonymous said:

How do you think Puella Magi Madoka Magica would be different if they had magical boys as well(which can mean either gender-bending canon magical girls or introducing original magical boys)? Do you think the show would be better? Worse? Or would it be just about the same?

Personally I feel like having magical boys would be good and bad; good because there would be no more of the “teenage girls are hysterical” crap and it wouldn’t just be girls suffering because they can’t handle power, and bad because it would still be problematic(for stereotyping all teens as over emotional and deserving to be taken advantage of by the Incubators, and it would still be about kids suffering in a genre meant to empower girls, having some of them be boys wouldn’t help that much).

I also feel like Gen Urobuchi would still make the girls suffer more and have them be more emotionally and mentally unstable. Holy crap it feels like he read up on Aristotle’s views on women while making this show.

It would at least be more balanced I guess? Like, teenage years are a fragile time, so it would make sense for both girls and boys to be taken advantage of. I still wouldn’t like it but it would be nice to point out, “there are emotional boys as well as emotional girls.”

Anonymous said:

Literally all the problems with Treatment of Marinette, Chat's Entitlement(TM), and the sheer sexism in general(ex. all the teenage girls and even women villains being catty and bitchy, while the male villains are cool, suave, and calculating; female villains being irredeemable scum while male villains are "not as bad as they seem", etc.) could all be solved if the show just got some more female writers! You know a show isn't feminist like people claim if none of the writers are women.

That's what I love about Friendship is Magic; the show is written and directed by a woman and actually has a variety of both male and female writers! Plus, Lauren Faust explicitly identifies as a feminist and claims her works are meant to empower women and show them that there's no wrong way to be a girl. And the show reflects that! There's no "token girl" who checks all the boxes; the females have realistic flaws, diverse personalities, and let's not forget ARE THE HEROES!!! Not to mention that the cast is actually PREDOMINANTLY FEMALE. Do people have any idea how refreshing that is?!

And that's why whenever people claim that shows like Madoka Magica are feminist when it's written by men for men while also dismissing actually feminist shows written by women for women as "sexist" or "demeaning", I cringe inside. It's not just what the show looks like, it's what the people behind it say.

And Gen Urobuchi is not a feminist. At all. Just listen to the things he says about the girls, that they're terrorists who are full of hubris and destined to be alone, and that actual magical girl shows weren't his inspiration beyond the show's cosmetics, he just based it off of porn games. He only watched those shows after making Madoka Magica and admitted they were weird to him. Well, maybe they wouldn't be weird if you actually used them as inspiration! Why are you even making magical girl? So basically he admitted that all the suffering the girls go through is because it's his fetish.

I knew I wasn't imagining things when I saw all those weird shots and angles(ex. zooming in on Sayaka's thighs and breasts when she collapses to the floor, Madoka gripping the bed sheets between her legs when agitated, zooming in on Kyoko's ass when she takes her phone out of her shorts' back pocket, it's all for cheap titillation). And yet people keep saying the show is devoid of male gaze and sexism and why? Because apparently men know how to represent women better than women themselves.

you said “Madoka gripping the bed sheets between her thighs” and it gave me an immediate flashback, I hate it

I find that it’s a similar thing with gay anime/manga; I’m more likely to trust a F/F story if it’s written by a woman since they’re less likely to sexualize everything.

Anonymous said:

Homura in Puella Magi Madoka Magica: But Madoka, what's going to happen to you? You'll end up all alone here forever! You'll never be able to see your friends and family! Homura in Rebellion: Haha, screw Madoka's friends and family! Only I am worthy of Madoka's love! That girl belongs to me! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!(I'm sorry for the over exaggeration, but this is how it felt for me.)

Apparently, it was better for Madoka to just have all of her memories and powers yoinked away.

Sayaka is Madoka’s right hand girl so idk why Homura has this idea that she needs to sAvE Madoka. The fact that this whole thing comes out of a misunderstanding (because Madoka doesn’t have her memories) is so irritating.

Anonymous said:

I actually love Madoka Magica, but I completely agree with you on the hysterical women thing. Why couldn’t they just have... both magical girls and magical boys? Like, just mention that magical boys are a thing? They don’t even have to change anything but that, they don’t even really have to show it, just be like “yeah there’s magical boys too but that’s not really what this story is about, it’s about our characters we have here”. I don’t know, feels like that would have at least helped stuff.

Yeah, they don’t have to bother having the magical boys around. Just to know they exist would be enough. I mean, the fact that the focus is on them would still be bothersome (they’d probably do a thing where each girl represents a different emotion that is easily manipulated/easy to control), but it’d be something.

Anonymous said:

One thing that weirds me out when people are talking about Madoka Magica is when people refer to the characters as "little girls". Like, excuse me? They are not "little girls". They are teenagers! All of them are at least 14 years old! I hate when people call them "little", it's just so condescending and infantilizing, especially when the show does enough of that to them already. After all, no one makes that mistake with the heroines of Lucky Star and Hidamari Sketch(who are also drawn by Aoki)!

I feel like it’s the equivalent of when people call women “girls,” y’know? Sort of a “treating females as younger than they really are,” which is probably what gives guys the feeling that they have control.

For a gender that claims to be so dominant, certain ones sure have to delude themselves a lot to make themselves feel better.

Anonymous said:

I was thinking about what you said about Puella Magi Madoka Magica passing the Bechdel Test, and if it counts if there's barely any men to talk about. And while I do agree that it counts, I also feel that it doesn't really matter much in shows such as Madoka. This isn't even about feminism, this is about the fact that if a show has next to no men in it at all then it's pretty much a given that they won't talk about them since it would be impractical to talk about something that doesn't exist.

So because of that, I think there should either be an alternative test which only applies to shows that have a significant or equal number of male characters and yet the ladies still pass the test(making it feel more "real" since the option to talk about men is there), or the test should be rewritten entirely so that it only applies to shows in which the cast is either equally gender-split, or has a majority male cast/significant amount of males even if the females still outnumber them.

Reminds me of how, on TV Tropes, someone suggested that there should be a "Weak" and "Strong" Bechdel Test, where "Weak" refers to the women talking about something other than men because it is literally what's relevant at the moment(such as two female police officers discussing how to catch a female killer), thus applying the Bechdel Test there seems semi-void, while "Strong" is when they could talk about men but choose not to(ie. two female students talking about their grades during lunch).

And just to clarify about the "Strong" one, when I say they could talk about men but choose not to, this isn't to imply that female characters should talk about men, or that something's wrong with them for not talking about men, just that there's nothing stopping them from doing so, but they choose to talk about something unrelated to men. I think this strategy is much better than the test we have because it makes conversations between female characters seem more real since they're discussing things other than men of their own volition, rather than the non-male-centered talk being because they have to talk about it in-universe. I say that because The Bechdel Test serves to show that women's lives don't and shouldn't revolve around men, and they can talk about other things if they want to, but if the conversation is because they have to(like the example I gave), that gives sexists the opportunity to go "Yeah, well, they're only talking about it because it's their job!"

But if the female characters talk about things other than men of their own free will(as in, when the option is still there), then it shows that women really do have their own free will to talk about their own things and that there is NO REASON to not pass the Bechdel Test in today's day and age(I keep hearing people claim the test is stupid and doesn't matter, but then it should be easy to pass). "Oh, but if they had the choice, they would talk about men." No, because men don't sit around and talk about the women in their lives all day so why should women talk about the men in their lives all day? And to the people saying these types of tests are getting in the way of their "creativity", well, now that we know that you think female representation is stupid and something you have to be forced to do, we don't have to listen to a word you say. ;)

I like the idea of adjusting the Bechdel Test for other circumstances and expanding it as such!

You could also extend it to things like sexualization, because--I mean, having two female characters who talk to each other probably doesn’t mean much if they’re half-dressed or the writer wanted to make them bisexual for “The Fanservice.”

Anonymous said:

To be honest deconstructions of Magical Girl confuse me. There are some good ones out there(such as Princess Tutu and Revolutionary Girl Utena, so I know they're not all just torture porn, my only gripe with Utena is the implication that girls who take on the feminine "Princess" role are weak), but at its heart Magical Girl has always dealt with death, gore and pain just as much as female empowerment.

It makes me feel like the people who write these stories haven't seen magical girl and think it's all just sunshine and rainbows and that just because it's "girly" it's vapid and has no substance, and since the only way to have substance apparently is to be "dark", they go "screw it with all this princessy magical shit! Let's make our show dark instead!" When in reality if they had just sat down and watched a magical girl anime, they would understand that this is not the case.

Not to mention that many of them tend to have fanservice and the idea that magical girls have to suffer, so instead of empowering young girls, they end up misrepresenting the genre and turning it into fetish fuel torture porn for adult men(Madoka Magica and Yuki Yuna are very good examples of this; the writer of Madoka says that the girls are terrorists and full of hubris and that he was inspired by porn games). It's not that you can't deconstruct the genre at all, but it's almost never done tastefully and the magical girl themes are just a cover used to explain the suffering the girls go through. :(

Another thing about magical girl deconstructions is that they often reinforce patriarchal themes, like that girls shouldn't want things for themselves and that genuinely doing something for someone while also having ulterior motives that help yourself are a BAD BAD BAD thing, no matter how ultimately harmless they are, even if they help everybody involved. They also tend to reinforce Tall Poppy Syndrome and portray the powers as harmful or a bad thing, implying that girls shouldn't have power.

Honestly, I think there can totally be even more substance in magical girl anime that doesn’t have to resort to “make it eDgY” (which I feel like is a slippery slope that can easily come off as lazy); for example, I’d really enjoy seeing something deeper to magical girl powers than something like, “oh, this magical girl happens to have the power that fits their personality,” such as a magical girl who has a power she feels she doesn’t fit but it’s a matter of perspective/seeing herself differently, or a magical girl who does have the powers that “fit” her personality - like a “fiery” girl with fire powers - and the weaknesses in her powers correlate to the weaknesses in her personality, so she has to either iron out those issues or find workarounds, as true “perfection” isn’t possible nor practical, which is something all the girls have to accept despite whatever pressure they’re under.

.I dunno, I like lore and powers revolving around metaphors. It’s fun.

Anonymous said:

About what you said in regards to "no pueri magi because it doesn't hit the shock value threshold enough", I remember this interesting comment I saw on an article called "The Problem With The Dark Magical Girl Genre"(which I would totally recommend checking out, by the way!) which said that shojo magical girl and seinen magical girl both embrace a different philosophy regarding strong female fighters. In shojo, they tend to embrace femininity as a strength and show girls that they have the power to do whatever they want and undergo dangerous professions. But in seinen, which conveniently enough is more likely to "deconstruct" the genre(ugh), rather than admiring the girls and supporting them in their endeavors, the girls are meant to be pitied(often to the point of infantilization) when bad things happen to them, with the fact that they are girls serving to make everything worse. It operates under the idea that girls are fragile, in need of protection, and shouldn't be fighting at all.

That's why deconstructions like Madoka Magica and Yuki Yuna don't sit right with me, and also why I don't consider them feminist series. People can say whatever they want about Sailor Moon and Pretty Cure, but ultimately they also had dark and dangerous themes(to the point where some kids had nightmares), but ultimately allowed the girls to rise above the hell they went through and find the strength in them to save the day. We feel bad for them when they die, not because they're moe girls, but because we were actually given the time to form a connection with them and want to see them succeed, rather than just be expected to pity them because they're cute manipulated girls. That way, when they ultimately save the day, it's all the more satisfying. Princess Tutu was a deconstruction that actually went about it in the right way, because the girls eventually found the courage to defeat their enemies in a way that made sense. Why the hell is it a "good" thing to subvert that?

No clue, but I basically agree with everything there. I mean, Madoka Magica’s entire stick is basically that all the girls are like “uwu” in terms of the style (with Madoka being the “cutest” of them all) and then being put in this dark and edgy plot+setting; it’s for both the shock value and the “contrast” of having “moe” characters be thrust into these situations to essentially die.

And the conclusion doesn’t end up being satisfying (at least to me) because the villain doesn’t have emotions so he’s just like “owo” (seriously, I wouldn’t hate on Rebellion so much if Kyubey had been given emotions rather than going crazy; Homura can basically do whatever she wants and it was SUCH A MISSED OPPORTUNITY) so it ends up being more about the journey getting there like wow look at all the sUbvErSiOnS and dEaTh we had along the way!

Because at the end of the day, it’s still like, “the girls give into their ‘hysterical emotions’ in the end basically no matter what,” even if they get saved by Madoka in the end.

Anonymous said:

Do you remember, in Madoka Magica, when Kyubey said that humans would still be living in caves if not for the Incubators? First of all, keep in mind what Incubators do. Their entire purpose on this earth is to feed off the emotions of young teenage girls as they spiral into despair as a result of their delusions of power. Like wow, let that sink in. Apparently humanity's advancement relies on the exploitation of women. We are literally the punching bags of the universe. Isn't it lovely?

No! You see--we’re so important to the world! If we weren’t emotionally exploited, the world wouldn’t be the way it is now! :D

(kill me)

Anonymous said:

I once saw a tag on tumblr that read "The only good magical girl anime is Madoka Magica because it's gay, and even it has problems." Like, ugh. Really? Has this person not watched ANY other magical girl anime? Such ignorance. So many things wrong with that statement that I can't--and WON'T--even begin to unravel here.

MADOKA MAGICA IS NOT GAY AND I’M SO TIRED OF PEOPLE CLAIMING IT IS

s T O P

I DON’T EVEN CONSIDER YURI ON ICE TO BE GAY. MADOKA MAGICA? NAH MAN.

Anonymous said:

Do the girls in Madoka Magica even have transformation phrases? You know, like how Marinette says "Tikki, spots on!" or how Sailor Moon says "Moon Prism Power! Make-up!" or how Iris in LoliRock says "Iris! Princess of Ephedia!" etc. But in Madoka Magica, there doesn't seem to be any of that. At least in Yuki Yuna they pressed a button on their phones. But how do the Puellae Magi even transform? Just goes to show you how Gen Urobuchi knows next to nothing about the genre he claims to deconstruct.

Transformation phrases are magical and cool and you can’t take that away from me.

Anonymous said:

I had a shower thought about Madoka randomly in bed last night: If a Magical Girl's Soul Gem loses control over its user when 100 metres or further away from it, that meant that when Homura got Sayaka's Soul Gem back for her, Sayaka should've regained consciousness once Homura was less than 100 metres away, even if she didn't have her Soul Gem yet. I also love to ponder why on Earth Homura would even bother retrieving Sayaka's Soul Gem if she only cares about Madoka and Madoka's well-being.

I think it’s just a complicated process of Homura trying to make sure Madoka doesn’t fall into despair herself (in a non-witch way) and is convinced to make a wish.

Anonymous said:

The more I think about it, the more I realize that Sayaka really got the worst deal out of the whole thing. While her story may seem more "mundane" compared to the others(she just wanted the token Ill Boy osananajimi to like her back), she's the only one who somehow isn't brought back when Madoka recreates the universe, loses her Soul Gem on more than one account(and on the second, she starts decomposing and her crush sees her and calls her a monster because he thinks she's pretending to be the REAL Sayaka), is supposedly the weakest Magical Girl, getting swiftly taken out by both Kyoko AND Homura(the latter of which doesn't even make sense, if her body can heal why was she taken out so quickly?), takes a long while to show up in Magia Record, and Gen somehow finds it suiting to single her out as the one who is "destined to die" every time she makes a contract. Apparently the series director wanted Sayaka to live/be brought back, but Gen refused because it just had to be edgy.

Of course, MEN are allowed to have wish fulfillment power fantasies and dream like the sky's no limit and aspire to be all they want to be, but the second WOMEN try to be the strong ones, the powerful ones, or dream of something for themselves and others, they have to learn a lesson about how unrealistic their fantasies are and how they'll never live out their dreams. Hence why Sayaka puts the blame all on herself, saying that she's not a hero and was stupid and selfish the whole time.

"token Ill Boy osananajimi“ dfhbgjhfdgdfg

It was a real shame because I liked Sayaka somewhat (not saying much but still) and she was such a predictable one to go. Like, “oh wow, an angst-y anime all about shock value? so basically the best friend is dead then with no chance of survival.”

I think I do remember being told/reading somewhere (so don’t quote me) that Sayaka is the one that’s hardest to keep alive in the games, so you have to work hard for it. It just sucks.

Anonymous said:

Yet another thing that bothers me about Puella Magi is how the show frames the young ladies as if everything is their fault even though they have no idea what they're getting into because the person who makes the deal doesn't even bother explaining shit to them and all the show's attempts at deconstructing is just taking lighthearted elements meant to empower girls and show them that they can be brave and strong as well as feminine and make them dark and morbid.

Like, I get the whole "having young girls fight is a little unrealistic" aspect, but most magical girl shows actually do touch on that! Only difference is that over time, they become stronger and better at fighting(which is only to be expected, whether you're a teenage girl or not) and become more competent along the way because the whole genre is about FEMALE EMPOWERMENT.

Not to mention how the show seems to forget that the Incubators are villains and even seems to put them in the right and the girls in the wrong, what with the claim that they rationalize with the girls they make contracts with like sentient human beings(yeah, because emotionally manipulating young girls and literally taking their souls out of their bodies and making them liches without their consent is definitely treating them like sentient human beings), and that they always follow up on their end of the deal whereas it's the girls' faults their wishes go sour because they never wish for what they truly want(I'm sorry, but I simply DO NOT buy that. Homura and Mami outright wished for what they wanted. Their wishes went sour because the plot "decided" that they should have wished in a different way; plus, you're telling me that if Sayaka had outright said she wished "for Kyousuke to love her back" that the show wouldn't just "make" him mind-controlled or have Sayaka "outgrow" her feelings by the time he falls in love with her, all the while making it out to be "her" fault he's so heartbroken because she was some kind of tease or whatever, further demonizing girls' sexualities?).

Plus they explicitly claim that every woman in history was a magical girl and that without them, humanity would still be in caves(as in, humanity wouldn't be able to progress without the oppression and exploitation of women, and women can't gain power without going insane because female power is some unhealthy, inhuman, infernal thing.). Even if we take this all as a reflection of patriarchal society(which I highly doubt it was, if anything, it reinforces it), all it does is imply that the oppression of women is the natural order of things, required even.

As for the girls themselves, they routinely beat themselves up and the show makes no effort to tell them they're wrong(up until the massive cop-out of an ending), like how Sayaka's last words before becoming a witch are literally her "admitting" that she was "stupid, so stupid" for wanting a boy to love her and be healed of his infirmity. It just seems like we're supposed to think "you know, maybe the Incubators aren't that bad!" while ignoring that the girls are being treated like the disposable trash bags of the universe. This show already does the magical girl genre dirty but treating it like everything the Incubators did was necessary and like it's all the girls' faults these things happened to them in the first place is the icing on the stale, sour cake. Nothing like a giant heap of sexism to help get you through your day. :/

I’ve noticed this a lot in Miraculous, but Madoka Magica somehow does it worse; this “one (supposed) mistake leads to all of these consequences you never saw coming.”

Like Ladybug calling Lila out. We know that Lila’s pettiness in “Chameleon” shows that it wouldn’t matter whether Ladybug yelled at her or not; the simple fact that Marinette opposes a liar led to Marinette getting expelled, even if only for a while. Then there’s “Miracle Queen” and all that garbage that came with it.

These two shows put their teenage girls through hell for having emotions and there’s no way to undo it.

Anonymous said:

Honestly, the Madoka Magica fandom is basically the magical girl equivalent of "not like other girls" type women. I can't say I'd be surprised if they didn't watch a single magical girl show other than Madoka because they're all "stupid and girly but this one is edgy and dark" just because those shows are written by women to inspire other girls and show femininity as a strength while Madoka Magica is written by men for men who want to see young girls suffer without any actual feminism.

Like, let's go through their arguments one-by-one to prove that they don't hold up. They love to say that Madoka Magica is better than other Magical Girl shows because "it's dark and edgy and shows the downsides to being a Magical Girl unlike other shows where it's all sunshine and lollipops". First of all, other Magical girl shows also got very dark. Princess Tutu and Utena are also "darker" takes on the genre, but even more lighthearted shows like Sailor Moon and Precure had scary moments.

The only difference is, with them, they still managed to critique problematic aspects of the genre and actually provided ways to improve it, while STILL managing to keep their target audience(FEMALES) in mind, without condescending to them and infantilizing them. And they still showed the girls being empowered and overcoming the darkness.

In Madoka, there's none of that, there's no actual critique of the genre because Gen didn't have the respect for it to do his research, it's aimed at men so it doesn't keep female viewers in mind by definition(which is also another reason why it can't be a deconstruction; deconstructions should be done FOR its target audience), and the girls are constantly put down and treated like Moe crybabies by the narrative even when they're not(cause, you know, teenage girls are "emotional"!). And it doesn't offer ways the genre could improve, it just takes a female-empowering genre and twists it to be this system of oppression that the genre is meant to avoid.

Magical Girls tend to have a very strong focus on girls empowering girls and all that awesome stuff, and yet when Madoka and Mami form a special bond and Madoka encourages Mami by telling her she's not alone? It makes her big-headed and overconfident and she gets devoured by Charlotte. See what happens when girls rely on each other? Madoka is Sayaka's best friend, but gets pushed aside in favor of Kyoko, who later dies for Sayaka because girls who want to help each other had better be prepared to suffer and die for their beliefs. Sayaka loses everything, which happens to include her best friend, over a guy. And the whole witch process means that any female solidarity that could be found in the show is thrown out the window since the core concept of the show is girls being forced to brutalize and kill and exploit each other.

People act like Madoka is Yuri when it's not, Gen was asked if Homura really was in love with Madoka and if Kyoko really was in love with Sayaka, and what did he do? He beat around the bush. Naoko Takeuchi and Kunihiko Ikuhara(the latter of whom also worked on Sailor Moon R; woah, what a surprise) both admitted that there was gay love in their stories, yet people act like Madoka is super progressive regarding homosexuality when it's just implied and those shows were MUCH more open! Doesn't stop people from claiming the show is "honorary yuri" and saying that the meaning of "yuri" should be broadened to include any close bonds between two female characters, whether or not it's actually romantic, AND favoring the show(and HomuMado) above actual yuri shows that are made to appeal to women. If all this were actually valid, Sailor Moon would be yuri as hell.

I hate seeing people fap over this show and act like it's so revolutionary for recycling things that the genre was ALREADY DOING, because I know full well that the ONLY reason it gets this wide acclaim is because Magical Girl shows have traditionally been written for women and this show is aimed at men. That's literally it. Because nothing a woman writes is good enough, especially when it dares to go against patriarchal constructs of femininity as weak and docile by portraying it as cool and awesome. It doesn't matter how cool and dark and diverse and inclusive and complex Sailor Moon and Precure and Princess Tutu and Utena are, they're written by/for women with the intention of empowering them so they're automatically invalid, cheap, happy-go-lucky crap where nothing bad ever happens and anything those shows try to do ought to be discredited because they don't appeal to men like they should so what's the point?

But the second a MAN comes in and intrudes on a female-dominated space by doing all of those things but with a very shallow understanding of how they ought to be executed, people are all over it because a MAN did it and now it's interesting and respectable! I have seen so many people say that they don't like Magical Girl because it's girly and shallow and stupid, but then they praise Madoka for things that the girly and "shallow" shows have already done! Men are always taking away things meant for women and distorting it to fit their patriarchal views and yet when they do it it's somehow better and anyone who complains is simply a whiny straw feminist!

The fandom does it all the time, someone complains about the show and why they don't like it and find it sexist, and the response is always "you're just not smart enough to understand it; you have no idea what you just watched". Because obviously since it's made by a man it's sooo much smarter then the traditional sappy stuff made by women. That's why it's so annoying when others praise it at the expense of other works in the genre: they know their reasons for liking it are, more often than not, rooted in sexism against female-aimed and female-empowering works, so the only way they can praise it is at the expense of said works, hence them being just like girls who claim they're "not like other girls" when there's nothing wrong with girls being feminine and in fact many of those girls may like the same things you do!

So while I'm not saying there's anything inherently WRONG with liking Madoka, I DO have a problem with people who act like it's better or more serious than other shows in the genre and simply discard them on the grounds that they're "for girls", since they obviously didn't watch them.

me when I initially watched Madoka Magica: I don’t get why this exists.

me when I learned it was written by a man: ohhh, now I get it.

I also take issue with people comparing things that are made for different demographics. Like look, I don’t care if you enjoy your angst display over here, but also maybe don’t compare it to the stuff not even made for you unless you’re willing to get into a fight over it?

It comes off wrong, like they have to trash on stuff because it wasn’t made for them, y’know?

Anonymous said:

Honestly, I am so sick of people saying that Magical Girl shows are sexist or anti-feminist, when all they do is portray girls being awesome and powerful while also being feminine at the same time, because "Well in Japan it's actually gender conformity because it's telling girls they can only be strong if they're feminine! You're just projecting your Western values onto an Eastern work!".

First of all these shows are made by women for women and often have explicit feminine messages that you literally cannot miss unless you are simply blind or trying not to see them. And they also tend to have a very strong focus on women supporting or empowering other women. Just think of Sailor Moon, which constantly gets this "criticism", and yet there's an episode where the girls explicitly protest against a villain who claims women are all shallow and useless and can't do anything without men's help. Would Naoko Takeuchi put that in the show if she weren't a feminist?

And then there's the fact that she has said that one message she wanted the female leads to convey was to value their relationships between other girls because girls are strong and don't need to waste time depending on men. There's also the fact that most Magical Girl shows tend to treat the powers as something special and awesome that's unique to women and girls, paired with the coming-of-age themes present in the show, and you get a magical equivalent of female puberty, with magic mixed in.

But no, all of that gets thrown out the window because they dare to be "feminine" while doing all of that stuff and the Japanese are forcing their girls to be girly through Magical Girl propaganda. And I just HATE when people act like anything feminine must be societally forced onto girls, rather than girls just happening to like them. In addition, stating that they are simply reinforcing gender roles by being feminine is such bullshit because the whole purpose isn't about conforming to patriarchal femininity, it's about reclaiming femininity.

Too often, femininity is associated with being weak, powerless, helpless, submissive, docile, vapid, catty, bitchy, petty, vain, stupid, the list goes on. Magical Girl saves femininity from a bad reputation. It shows femininity in a new light, as something strong and powerful and, hell, even admirable! It's about telling girls "Hey, you can be strong and powerful and smart, but you don't have to be a tomboy or act like a man to do so". Girls are always told they have to act masculine to be taken seriously because the only way to be respected is to be like a man, which is an indirect way of saying that only men deserve respect.

Magical Girl does away with all that in favor of showing the feminine as something innately powerful, and yet naysayers MISS the point and say that it's just stereotyping girls instead. To see people claim that Magical Girl forces girls to fit a feminine ideal to be respected is just disappointing. It's supposed to be a female power fantasy for young girls that shows them as the ones being powerful and empowering each other.

Take how in Sailor Moon the heroine often says something along the lines of "I won't let you take advantage of girls", which Wedding Peach went on to imitate. The purpose of the genre is for girls. To empower girls. So why on earth would they show them fitting into a "male" mould of power? Do these people think that any time women are shown acting distinct from men that they are doing something wrong?

And the hypocritical part is that nobody pisses on male-oriented anime for reinforcing a harmful narrative to boys that they have to be masculine to be valued and respected. Of course they don't! Because being "masculine" is never seen as a bad thing to be. It's assumed that masculinity is always strong and good and awesome and there's nothing wrong with boys being forced to be masculine because you're supposed to want to be masculine. You're not supposed to want to be feminine.

So of course people will shit all over Magical Girl for embracing, empowering, and reclaiming femininity, because it's not supposed to be that way! You're not supposed to be feminine and also be strong. You're supposed to deny your identity as a woman and assimilate into the boys' club because only boy things are worthwhile! And they cover it up by saying that Magical Girl forces girls to be feminine, when in actuality the WORLD forces girls to be MASCULINE. Magical Girl doesn't force girls to be feminine, It ALLOWS them to. Do you see the difference there?

Another thing I'd like to bring to the table is that the claim is racist and here's why: The claim that "Magical Girl shows are seen as feminist in the US for portraying femininity as a source of strength but not in Japan because it's telling girls they have to be feminine"...what does that mean? Japanese people can't be feminist? All Japanese people are sexists and think girls have to fit in a certain role? Do Japanese feminists HAVE to be anti-femininity? Are there literally no Japanese people who think you can be feminine AND strong(who also obviously identify as feminists?) Because it seems hella sexist to insinuate that Magical Girl shows are sexist because they're made in Japan and they don't believe you can be feminine AND strong there.

While there is some credibility to it since Japan IS, by and large, much more strict with gender roles, hasn't it ever occurred to these people that these types of shows exist to counter that belief? Not only that, but it implies that people aren't allowed to have opinions on works that aren't made in their culture, and that anyone who sees those shows as feminist are just projecting their Western beliefs onto an Eastern work. And even worse, when people say that, they don't have the same opinion of Western Magical Girl works.

Just look at LoliRock, Miraculous Ladybug, Winx, W.I.T.C.H., Star vs the Forces of Evil, and countless other European/Western Magical Girl works. Where are the people saying "They get their power from femininity and that is sexist!"? Nowhere! They're silent! Even though those are very much like Magical Girl works from Japan(although I don't think the genre originated from there), while still being original.

It's because people think that any media exported from Japan is automatically sexist and demeaning and so anything they create, no matter how empowering their intentions, gets twisted into something that's somehow toxic or unsafe for girls to watch. But when Europeans do the exact same thing nobody complains. Because Japan is not allowed to do anything empowering whatsoever; something's always wrong with it, apparently.

So that's why I have a problem with people who say those things; it's so problematic because they think they're being all open-minded and aware/respectful of other people's cultures, but all they're doing is reinforcing negative stereotypes further. It's kinda like what I said earlier(in another ask) about how people love to praise Madoka Magica for being a unique, dark, and interesting take on the genre when all it did was rehash elements of the genre that already existed, strip away the female empowerment, and gear it towards grown men, which is why people like it more. How about instead of speaking for Japanese people you let them speak for themselves?!

I would also like to add that there’s even a limit to women acting masculine because that’s still “not enough” for those kinda of men who would promote those beliefs. Women need to act more masculine to “be taken seriously” but then you have men who’ll tell them to “dress less” or whatever.

I think what it comes down to is that they want women to not be “emotionally taxing” with all those dAmN eMoTioNs of theirs (unless it’s for the sake of their angsty magical girl anime where the girls suffer for having emotions), but they also need to look pretty and be sexualized.

We can’t win.

[airis-paris14]

Dress Up 5

Summary: She’s not his fiancee, but no one else needs to know.

Warnings: None

A/N: Hey guys, so... ummm. It’s about to get real ugly in these next few chapters. There’s some cuteness to break it up, but, yeah don’t say I didn’t warn you. Love you guys... don’t hate me.

1 || 2 || 3 || 4 || 5 || 6 || 7 ||

“My lady,” Sirobie moans as Eshe shakes her awake. “Her Majesty Queen Mother requests your presence in the great hall urgently.” The student sighs and sits up noticing that Kasigo is emerging from her closet with an outfit. “Time is of the essence, your ladyship.” Sirobie hops out of bed, her mind replaying the last twenty-four hours. She grabs the hangers from Kasigo and rushes into the bathroom. What could she have done wrong? T’Challa hadn’t said anything, she’d assumed the day had gone well. He’d even joined in playing with the children. 

The children. 

 Kamyra abhorred children. She groaned and tied her coils into a puff. Five minutes later she emerged from the bathroom awake, frustrated, and nervous. Both of the maids curtsied and led her to the great hall. It’d been a little over a month, yet the palace layout still confused her at times. “Where are Lesedi and Leena?” Sirobie cracked the silence that had enveloped the trio.  “Lesedi had a passing in the family and Leena took the day off,” Kasigo answered. “Oh. Please send Lesedi my condolences and let her know that she is in my prayers.” 

The group stopped in front of the great hall doors. “As you wish, your ladyship,” Kasigo responded. The women pushed open the great doors, curtsied, and hurried out shutting the doors softly behind them. Sirobie glided, executing the now perfected walk, over to the couches where Shuri and the queen mother sat. “Good morning,” she greeted settling into the couch across from Ramonda. “I only wish it was, Shuri murmured. Sirobie frowned and Ramonda pinched her daughter. “Did I do something wrong?” Sirobie looked in between the women. She thought that at least they had truly enjoyed her company. “ You have done nothing wrong my dear, but I am afraid this problem is out of any of our controls.” 

“Yeah the media and people who make a living ruining other people’s lives are at fault for this one,” Shuri sighed. T’Challa hurriedly entered the room. “What has happened? They said you needed me urgently.” 

“Yet you still took your sweet time joining us brother,” Shuri sassed. T’Challa glared before settling next to Sirobie.Shuri raised an eyebrow at the two as her mother spoke. “This is the headline not only here, but across the world,” the queen slid a newspaper on the coffee table. “King T’Challa and his fiancée bond over children in hospital,” T’Challa read allowed. A large photo of him and Sirobie, who was holding the infant, while speaking to the three-year-old, was plastered under the headline. They were both gazing lovingly at the children and each other. They looked like a family, Sirobie shook the thought away as T’Challa’s voice yanked her back to reality. “I do not understand. Is this not what we want?” 

“Read under the headline genius.” Sirobie takes the paper from T’Challa as he fuses with his sister. “Just months ago Lady Kamyra, soon to be Queen of Wakanda, declined to hold any children and all but publicly declared her disdain for children. Could her change in heart be fueled by the expectancy of her own bundle of joy? Rumors of pregnancy started flying after her fall at a state ball, hosted in her honor, that was attributed to dizziness and fatigue. Coupled with multiple inside sources reporting her to have a more cheerful, honest, and open disposition around the palace and in person, many begin to wonder if we should be expecting a new royal family member,” Sirobie trailed off looking up at the bickering siblings who’d gone quiet.

 “It goes on from there to explain her background and your engagement. Their point is valid. If I did not know you were not Kamyra, I would suspect a pregnancy as well. We must do damage control. If a pregnancy is suspected the elders will begin to push for an immediate marriage, so that the child is born within the boundaries of wedlock,” The queen sighed, “we must buy ourselves time to locate the real Kamyra before our hand is forced.”

“What should we do?” T’Challa sighed and reached for Sirobie’s hand. She allowed him to take it, surprising herself and Shuri, who’s eyebrow lifted once more. Sirobie turned back to the queen, “do everything you can out in public. Drink wine, coffee, eat fish. Anything a pregnant woman shouldn’t do, you two should be seen doing. Within reason of course.” 

“So when we go out to dinner tonight, I will order fish and red wine,” Sirobie somewhat asked, partly telling T’Challa. He nodded in consent. “Sounds like a good idea for starters,” Ramonda co-signed. Shuri looked at all three of them in bewilderment, “You two are going out...tonight….together… uncoerced, and unforced….” she looked between Sirobie and her brother, “just for funsies?” 

“That is what people do when they enjoy each other’s company little sister,” T’Challa smirked. The king kissed his mother’s forehead before exiting the room. “Yesterday, you two weren’t even speaking for fun as far as I knew, now you’re going on a date with him?” 

“It’s not a date. We’re just getting to know each other as friends. He’s already engaged, remember,” Sirobie smiled. “ I’ll see you both at breakfast? I’m going to lay down until a more decent hour when breakfast is served.” The queen’s mother smiled and nodded giving Sirobie permission to leave. Shuri turned to her mother, “I am not losing my mind, am I? You see it as well?” 

“I’ve seen it since he met her. The boy was infatuated. Is infatuated. He is just too afraid to end his engagement with the eldest of the Habredies. For what reason? Only Bast knows.” The queen sighed and headed back to her own chambers. Leaving a bewildered princess in her wake. 

“Where are we going?”Sirobie asked as she walked down the hall with T’Challa. The sun beamed through the large glass windows lining the front of the palace. “I thought I could show you the city.” T’Challa pushed open the front doors of the palace and held it as Sirobire glided through.

“You do know I’ve been here for four months before we met right,” Sirobie smiled as they descended the palace front steps. “Oh,” T’Challa frowned. “You really were not listening when your mother introduced us were you?,” Sirobie teased. 

“What are you studying?” T’Challa finally looked up at her. “Film with a minor in Studio Art. Painting specifically. I’ve been to a couple of museums and worked with some local artists and craftsmen. Especially the weavers. I enjoy their work the most,” Sirobie explained, her grin splitting her face from ear to ear. 

“I am glad you have enjoyed what Wakanda has to offer,” the king nodded turning back to face the road as they continued their walk into town. Silence sank in as Sirboie took in the sights of the city center. She’d only been here a couple of times with the Zulas when they insisted on taking her out for dinner. T’Challa watched her smile grow silently admiring the way her eyes drank in the city like it was her first time visiting. “Sirobie,” T’Challa broke their silence, both of them hopping out of the way to avoid the monorail train as it let its passengers off. The king found an empty breezeway and pulled Sirobie up the stairway to an open terrace overlooking the square. “I owe you an apology.”

Sirobie froze as the king turned to her, reaching for her hands. “I was not the nicest person to you when we first met. I know I explained why but I never apologized for, or acknowledged, the hurt it caused you. You probably felt alone and anxious about everything. The exact moment when I should have reached out to support you I chose not to. I treated you like a nuisance instead. I sincerely apologize for that.”

“T’Challa you do not have to apologize. I am not your fiancée-”

“What if I want you to be...”

Sirobie felt her mouth fall open. Suddenly the market felt miles away and so did the terrace under her feet. The sun was too hot, too bright, and it was suffocating. She glanced up at the king to find that he looked equally as surprised and mortified by his own admission. Sirobie knew that he’d never intended to let that slip. “What I mean is,” he fumbled through the beginnings of an explanation. “I know that you are not my fiancée and I wish we had met under different circumstances. Regardless of that, you were here doing not only myself and my family a favor, but the country of Wakanda one as well. You uprooted your life for your last two months to dive into this situation you knew nothing about. The least I could have done was support you and try to get to know you as a person,” the king rambled. 

“I think that you attempting to get to know me now is a start, and I appreciate your apology. I really do. I would like to get to know you as well, but for the first month I was here we were not on the best of terms. That is not something that just goes away. I also apologize for being a little hot and cold with you as well, especially after the hospital. I think we should focus on just getting through today together, disproving the baby rumors, and enjoy each other’s company,” Sirobie offered a small smile and gently removed her hands from his hold. T’Challa face fell slightly and for a second Sirobie felt bad. Sure, she knew how he claimed to feel, but part of her just couldn’t trust him fully. This wasn’t middle school, grown men don’t pick on and ignore the girls they like for their attention. She hoped to see more of the T’Challa she saw yesterday in the future but only time will tell. She wasn’t going to rush into something only for him to close himself back off. 

She couldn’t say that she wasn't attracted to the king, especially after seeing him with the children yesterday, and in his admiration of her work. It helped that he was unbelievably handsome too. But he wasn’t hers to have. In a month’s time, she'll be back on campus for graduation and he’d be back with his fiancée planning a wedding. Unfortunately, they just weren’t meant to be in this lifetime, but maybe they could become friends at the end of it all. 

“Sirobie? Are you alright?” T’Challa’s frown pulled her out of her own musings. “Huh?” Sirobie took a step back, their closeness quickly becoming disorienting. “I asked if you were ready to eat lunch,” T’Challa frowned. “Um sure. I’m sorry for zoning out,” Sirobie allowed the king to guide her back down the stairs. “Do you do that often?” The couple emerged back into the street.

“Sometimes when I have a lot on my mind.  Luckily it’s not that big of a deal in my line of work,” the student jokes. The king cracked a smile. They walked up to a small glass front cafe and were escorted to a table in the center of the large window. “Are you sure this place is good? There is no one else here,” Sirobie commented and the king chuckled. “I called ahead so that we could have the privacy to speak freely and not worry about pretending to be engaged. So you could speak as yourself and not Kamyra.” 

A man emerged from the back and placed identical fish meals in front of the couple. “Thank you,” Sirobie and T’Challa smiled as he placed a bottle of wine on the table before exiting. “The owner is a friend from grade school. None of the staff will repeat anything they happen to hear,” T’Challa explained as they began to eat. Sirobie raised an eyebrow “And the window is for paparazzi?” 

“Yes, unfortunately. T’Challa sighed. “They are not like American paparazzi. They will not ambush us and will mostly take photos from a distance so as not to disturb us. It does help them if we don’t know they are there. You cannot act for a camera you that you do not  know exists.” 

Sirobie nodded enjoying her meal. “So tell me something about you. Anything. Where’d you go to college? Highschool? First love? Weird habits? Hobbies? Favorite joke?” Sirobie grinned and T’Challa laughed. “Come on. I’m an open book. You can ask me something first if you would like,” Sirobie goaded while taking another bite of her fish. 

“Well, you have met my family, what is your family like?” T’Challa questioned taking another bite of his fish.

Sirobie pauses and clears her throat, “Well. We aren’t very well to do. My parents do the best they can. They always took us to museums and spent time with us when they didn’t have to work. We’re all very close and I miss them terribly,” Sirobie admitted. “Have you not spoken to them since you’ve been here?”

“I write them letters weekly. I’ve had Kasigo take them to the post office on her way home once a week for me since I’ve been in the palace. We can’t afford international calling and I don’t understand the post system well enough here for them to be able to write me back. I’m sure there are dozens of letters waiting for me back at the campus post office when I get back.” Sirobie jokes half-heartedly. T’Challa frowned. “I am sorry. I did not know.”

“It is alright. You couldn’t have known. I can’t wait until I can see them again and tell them about Wakanda. My father would love the integration of nature and architecture. He wanted to be an architect before he had to drop out of college to support my mom when she became pregnant with me.”

“How many siblings do you have? Just two: a younger brother and little sister. Ahj and Soliel. Ahj is 17, he’s about to graduate high school in May. Soleil is just five. She’s my little mini-me,” Sirobie chuckled.

“What does your brother want to study? Film I believe. I missed decision day and since I haven’t talked to them, I’m not sure what school he’s gonna be attending,” Sirobie’s face fell, her heart aching at the milestones she’d missed. She’ll just barely make it home in time to call Soleil for her birthday. Her parents didn’t think they’d be able to swing plane tickets to graduation. T’Challa noticed her change in demeanor and made a mental note to arrange for her to be able to call her family. “Enough about me though. Tell me something.”

“What would you like to know?” The king placed his fork down and sat back from the table. “You have a choice. Either tell me about the first woman you loved or, how you ended up in this situation with Kamyra?”

T’Challa frowned and Sirobie broke into laughter. “Your question was easy. Why would you give me a hard one like this?”

“Hey! You let me choose. Bad decision on your part,” Sirobie shrugged and took another bite of her fish to finish it off. “Why do you want to know anyway?” 

“I mean, we are pretending to be engaged, I might as well learn who at least one of the other women is,” Sirobie took a sip of her wine. When T’challa didn’t respond she raised an eyebrow, “Unless they are one and the same?”

The king laughed placing his own wine glass back on the table, “No they are each their own equally sad story. I will tell you the condensed version of both,” The king sighed, “My first love was my best friend in grade school. Nakia. We dated for a while, then she decided to become a war dog. She loved the adventure and felt tied down at home. She took more and more missions until we barely saw each other any more. She knew the life that came with staying with me and she did not want to be tied down, and I would not ask her to stay here and be unhappy with me. Then my father passed and I had to ask for Kamyra’s hand in marriage. We met a few times as children and she was a sweet person. She was spoiled though. Kamyra is not a fan of this arrangement either, but I will not sacrifice Shuri like that, and she and her father know her marrying me is more favorable than our younger siblings marrying. So she seems to have decided that she will take out her disdain, for her predetermined fate, on me and Wakanda.”

“Hence the running away?” Sirobie hummed. T’Challa nodded and reached for his glass.

 “Thank you for sharing with me.”

“Thank you for listening,” T’Challa sipped his wine, “I feel it is only fair I ask the same question of you.” 

Sirobie sighed, “There is not much to say.”

“What do you mean?”

“I have never been in love. I don’t think I’ve ever been in a relationship long enough to be in love with anyone. My longest relationship was two months in high school long distance. I hadn’t even kiss a guy until college,” Sirobie admitted. 

“I don’t think that’s a bad thing. You waited until the time was right for you.” The king took a bite of his own meal. “That’s easy for you to say,” Sirobie snorted, “I’m sure you were Mr. Popular Ladies man in high school.”

T’Challa shrugged, “Sure, but it wasn’t because of who I was as a person. It was because of my position, which is why the only person I was ever involved with was Nakia.” 

Sirobie nodded, “That makes sense,” The two ate in silence for a few minutes, “Do you miss her?”

“Nakia?”

“Unless you miss Kamayra?”

The couple both started laughing. “I do miss Nakia from time to time, but she is much happier out there than she could have ever been with me. When you love something, you let it go.” Sirobie offered the king a small smile and nod as he explained. “That is really sweet,” She smiled, daring to reach over and squeeze his hand. The king squeezed her hand back and they both left them settled on the table. The worry that she was trusting T’Challa too easily nagged in the back of Sirobie’s mind, but there was nothing she could do at this point. Their time together was short and she wanted to leave without regrets.

“I like this side of you,” the college student sat back in her chair and looked over at the king. He looked up from where he had been signing the receipt. “I hope I can see it more often.”

“I would like that too Sirobie,” T’Challa placed the check back in its cover. He stood from his seat and extended a hand. “And, I think that can be arranged if you are up for another adventure with me right now?” 

“There’s no time like the present,” Sirobie grinned and they headed back into the streets. A few blocks later, she found herself in a market in the center of town. “Have you been here before?” The king called into her ear.

“No, I’ve been saving up to get some presents for my family before I leave.” She replied. “There is no time like the present,” He chuckled. They wove their way through stands Sirobie picking up a few trinkets along the way. Eventually they stop at a jewelry store and from across the store, the king notices Sirobie admiring an emerald cut diamond and vibranium ring. “You like that one?” The king pointed. Sirobie looks up startled. “Umm, yeah. It’s beautiful.” 

“You should get it then,” He gestured for the clerk to grab the ring from the case. The man looked up from his phone and his eyes widened once he realized who he was in the store with. He bowed and stumbled over himself to grab the ring and hand it to the monarch. “T’Challa I couldn’t aff-” Sirobie started. “May my fiancee and I have a moment in private,” T’Challa cut her off and the student widened her eyes. “Of course,” The man saluted his leader and went to the back of the store. “T’Challa I’m so sorry, I wasn’t thinking about being out in public.”

The king reached for her hand and chuckled, “It is alright, I should have thought about that earlier. I want to get to know the real you. That includes everything you have to say to me.” Sirobie nodded as he pulled their fake engagement ring from her finger. The filmmaker's breath hitched as his long fingers caressed her hand. “What are you doing?” She breathed. “You said you liked it, did you not?”

“I do like it.”

“Then you’re going to try it on-”

“But T’Challa what do I need an engagement ring for,” Sirobie interrupted. The king raised his eyes from her hands as a smirk blossomed on his lips, “We are engaged are we not?”

His brown eyes bore into hers as the cool metal slipped over her skin. Sirobie’s heart leapt into her throat and she felt as though she would faint. As much as she didn’t want it to, this felt right. She’d always imagined this moment, albeit a very different scenario. The man she loved would be down on one knee, grinning up at her, she’d be dying of anticipation. Her nerves would be fried, her mouth hanging open in surprise, but the one thing she was sure of was her answer. It was always yes in her dream. 

She didn’t love T’Challa, at least as far as she knew, and this could never be. He would never be down on one knee in front of her. He was to be married and she’d be halfway across the world when it happened. Though, perhaps inexplicably, this felt so right and she never wanted the moment to end. She was brought back to her senses by his warm voice and fingers. It’s a little big, but that is easily fixed,” the king grinned and pressed a kiss to the large diamond. Sirobie chuckled lightly, drawing back her hand to admire the ring, “You are an absolutely insatiable flirt.”

“Sometimes and only for pretty girls,” the king bantered back. Sirobie reached to take it off. “Allow me,” the king insisted, “I’ll have them resize it so that you can wear it.”

“You’re seriously going to buy it?”

“Yes,” T’Challa frowned.

 “I already have an engagement ring though.”

“That is one of my mother’s old rings. You deserve to have one that you actually like. Especially since you can’t have a man that deserves to place this ring on your finger,” The king trailed off. “I’ll go get this sized-”

“HELP! Please!” T'Challa and Sirobie turned towards the voice yelling from outside. “Stay here,” the king ordered running out of the door. Sirobie caught the ring box and followed him to the window. Seconds before she could make it to him the store window shattered and gunshots rang in her ears. 

“T’Challa!” She stumbled her way through the front door of the shop where she saw him face down on the ground. A scream clawed its way out of her throat. “Somebody do something please!” She turned the king up to face her and pulled him into her lap. She searched frantically for a bullet hole but couldn’t find one. There was a notable lack of blood as well, and the king had changed clothes. He was covered in a suit of some kind. “T’Challa? Are you there? Can you hear me?”

“Lady Kamyra! What happened?” Okoye asked as she ran up to the couple. “I don’t know,” Sirobie frowned at the un-responsive king, tears running off her face. “I don’t know. We were in the shop just looking around and someone started screaming for help. He ran outside and I heard a gun go off. And then the glass shattered and when I made it out here he was on the ground. But I can’t find a bullet hole and he’s not waking up.” Sirobie sniffled and panicked through the explanation. “Breathe,” Okoye pulled the student away from the king’s body. Ayo and other Doras surrounded him. “General,” it’s inside his suit,” Ayo called. “Demethi. Damn it,” Okoye groaned, “Call the princess. And get him back to the palace now. The herb can only do so much. Go!” Okoye ordered and helped Sirobie to her feet. 

“We will be back later to help with the damage,” she informed the shop owners who were looking on. The crowd nodded solemnly as she helped Sirobie walk back to a jet. Sirobie was silent as she stared out of the window. “I shouldn’t have agreed to go shopping with him.”

“This was not your fault,” Okoye rebutted, “there was no way you could have prevented this. I should have been there with you all but he insisted on going alone. We could easily blame ourselves, but that would do neither of us any good.” 

“He was right. Trying to get to know each other is just a bad idea. We went on one date and now he has been shot in the chest.”

“This was not your fault. We will get to the bottom of this. But you need to be strong for T’Challa and for this country. People just witnessed their king shot, for what we hope is not, dead. I know that you are not Kamyra. But T’Challa, and this country, need their Queen and she is you.”

@sarahboseman @waitingonafriend @thiccdaddy-mbaku @sarcastic-sunshines @ororowrites @derangedcupcake @mzbritt @leahnicole1219 @dramaqueeenamby @marvelheaux @skysynclair19 @halfrican-heat @kaciidubs @queertrex @kumkaniudaku @purple-apricots @autumn242 @thedelightfulone @90sinspiredgirl @royallyprincesslilly @wikiwakanda @chaneajoyyy @sisterwifeudaku @sarahboseman @tchoking @almostpurelysmut

[akechicrimes]

there’s this thing called the “perfect victim myth” that a friend of mine introduced me to, which is the myth, even the requirement, that a person’s pain and trauma is only valid if they were on their best behavior, did nothing wrong, and can in no way be faulted for contributing to their own terrible situation. trauma is only trauma if you sat there as an unsuspecting, poor faultless blameless disempowered victim, and terrible things were inflicted upon you without any of your input whatsoever. it’s only if you did absolutely zero things wrong that you’re allowed to be considered a victim.

therefore, akechi did things wrong, and therefore cannot be a victim of anything on his own end. right?

i cannot stress enough that this is simply not how abuse, abusive behaviors, or trauma works in real life, and that believing such a thing does a disservice to not only all people who’s been victims of abuse, but also anyone who believes such a myth.

look--insofar as persona 5 is a game in which the main characters are all victims of someone else doing something bad to them, i think yusuke is probably the best example of an unfortunate real-life victim situation, so let’s talk about yusuke for five seconds: he actively prevents the PT from trying to save him, defends his abuser at the expense of himself, and even after he’s joined the PT, he sometimes oscillates wildly between “i hate madarame and refuse to even speak of him” and “i miss him terribly and still speak fondly about him and my time living with him.” he never really seems to unlearn a lot of behaviors he picked up from living with madarame--things like not caring for himself at the expense of art, not listening to his own hunger cues, and arguably has a whacked-out relationship with money due to madarame’s own whacked-out relationship with money. personally, i think he also has difficulty with respecting other people’s personal boundaries because madarame never respected his, hence him inviting himself to live with ann, or inviting himself to live with akira.

now consider a situation where yusuke drives the PT off, continues to live with madarame, drives himself into the dirt to supply madarame with his art, and eventually fulfills nakanohara’s prediction of killing himself in despair. is that yusuke’s fault? arguably, it is, isn’t it? someone extended a hand to him, and yusuke refused. even consider a situation in which yusuke successfully calls the cops on the PT, like he very genuinely attempted to in canon, and akira goes to jail because of violating his probation. what then? now it’s not just yusuke is at fault for his own suicide, but he’s also done a terrible harm to akira that will follow him for the rest of his life. what then? are we supposed to have sympathy for him now?

that’s not such an unusual situation. that happens. that’s why nakanohara warned the PT about it. it has happened before and will happen again, and not just in the gameworld of persona 5.

if you come away from that story believing that that’s yusuke’s fault, i’d say that you’re not wrong, but you’re not right, either. it is probably partly yusuke’s fault. is he still a victim? did terrible things still happen to him? that is also true. 

does it really matter if it was partly his fault?

also now consider the woman that shido was harassing. what about her? do we sympathize with her? she helped get akira convicted to save her own skin. is she a victim or an abuser? should i sympathize with her or not? arguably she should have stood up for herself in the first place, right? maybe she shouldn’t have left herself alone with shido, either. when akira came to save her, maybe she should have run. when the police came, she should have testified that akira did nothing wrong. she probably would have had her life ruined by shido for the rest of her life, in that he’d probably go out of his way to destroy her career forever after, and she knew that, but hey, she should have stuck up for akira, right?

then there’s makoto--makoto who did some pretty colossally stupid things re: the yakuza incident, makoto who still had the nerve to love her sister despite her sister’s vaguely-immortal legal practices, makoto who didn’t immediately refuse kobayakawa when he arm-twisted her into doing his dirty work. what if makoto had decided that the letter of recommendation was more important? do you know how badly makoto shot herself in the foot by pissing kobayakawa off? that letter of recommendation might have been the difference between her going to the best college in the country to graduate as a doctor in law, and going to a run-of-the-mill college for a simple undergrad degree. her pissing kobayakawa off probably didn’t make her sister’s life any easier, for that matter; half the reason why sae acts as ruthless as she does is because there’s so much workplace misogyny against women in the justice system, and sae’s little sister being a shit to her principal probably didn’t help at all. so who’s to blame for all this? are we allowed to sympathize with makoto? how about sae? how about kobayakawa--makoto refused to help kobayakawa, and that directly contributes to kobayakawa getting fucked over by shido because kobayakawa wasn’t able to give shido what he wants. am i allowed to feel bad for him?

a lot of the cast of persona 5 doesn’t do anything even morally grey in this respect. the game goes out of its way to inform us that akira did Zero things wrong in trying to defend that woman from shido. ann is nothing but a perfect victim on her end, and is the model of a victim who resisted; she tried to run away, tried to tell kamoshida to stop, even had a good long sympathetic cry in an animated cutscene. haru is the exact same way. (ryuji gets put through the meatgrinder by his old track team for his actions, but if anything, ryuji has the opposite problem--he did everything right, and was punished for it. he’s the situation in which the woman stands up to shido and gets brutally destroyed for it.)

the point that i’m trying to make is that issues of victimhood and abuse get really messy. shido has a lot of dialogue that implies that he groomed akechi to do what he wanted, and there’s dialogue that tells us that akechi willingly volunteered himself for the role. both of those things can be true. we can acknowledge that akechi probably didn’t have much other options in his life besides his half-cocked plan to get revenge on shido. we can acknowledge that in all likelihood, i don’t think akechi ever really thought he’d live for very long; either he dies in poverty or he goes out with a bang against shido. we can acknowledge that simultaneously he probably did have other options that he should have chosen, like working a shitty low-wage job for the rest of his life because of his parentage.

so was akechi forced into this situation or not? if we can answer that question, things will be simpler, won’t it? we can say definitively: akechi had a choice, and therefore it’s his fault. akechi didn’t have a choice, and therefore it’s not his fault. 

so which is it? was he forced or not?

the truth about abuse is that the victim always has agency. always. ALWAYS. and because the victim has agency, it is often very difficult to say that the victim was “forced.”

the victim is always making choices for themselves. the victim always feels a modicum of control. the victim is always telling themselves that they could walk if they really wanted to; they’re staying because they’re going to make the situation better; they’re going to work hard and achieve their goals, even. this is the case of people looking at a battered woman and saying, good god, why doesn’t she just leave him? isn’t this a simple issue? is she being literally forced to stay with him? if she’s choosing to stay with him, is she really still a victim or a battered woman?

the truth about abuse is that it relies on pressure, and on limiting options. very rarely does abuse ever force anyone. in yusuke’s situation, there is enormous pressure for him to stay with madarame, both because of emotional ties, yusuke not having legal rights as a minor, yusuke not having the financial means to support himself, and simply the career prestige of having been madarame’s student--but is yusuke being forced to stay with madarame? arguably no. for the woman who accused akira, there’s pressure to do as shido says. but she has the option to refuse shido only in technicality, in the same way that someone being mugged technically has the option not to hand their wallet over, and consequently get shanked or shot.

as for akechi, there’s a lot of pressure to comply with shido, even when akechi feels like he’s doing it willingly, and even when akechi IS doing it willingly. there’s a lot of pressure to do terrible things such as murder, that akechi could technically say no to. akechi retains agency throughout his entire story, even when his agency is highly pressured to operate in ways that serve only shido’s benefit.

this is because akechi is a far more realistic victim than most victims of abuse in most media. he retains agency. and sometimes having agency means that you are highly pressured to do bad things.

this is the other thing about the “perfect victim myth”--a lot of it relies on arguing, “well, the victim is a victim because they had no other options.” that is to say, someone can only be a victim if it’s clearly demonstrable that they had no agency whatsoever in the situation. and this is simply not true. not of real life victims, and it shouldn’t be so for fictional victims.

and, not to mention, sometimes having agency means that you just straight-up do bad things because you’re coping badly. i mentioned earlier that i don’t think akechi intended to live very long, and that comes primarily from his willingness to sacrifice himself the instant he decides not to go through with his plan to kill shido. for a lot of kids in shitty situations growing up, it’s very difficult to see yourself growing up and having a fulfilling, happy future as an adult. if you’re not intending to live very long, why wouldn’t you consider all bets off? it’s not like you’re getting through this alive.

the other unfortunate fact of victims retaining agency is that they don’t always use it well, especially when they’ve been thru some shit, and this is almost always used against the victim to say, “well, you should have done this instead.” the entire thing smacks of ways to gatekeep “victimhood”--this magical status that lifts someone above criticism, above having flaws, and above the unfortunate status of being a human being. it’s a way of saying that certain characters are not allowed a right to their own pain because they didn’t fulfill certain criteria. it’s also a way of dehumanization, and avoiding the fact that real life is complex, and that doing good, doing bad, and even just doing living with other people is messy and often painful even at its best.

when someone acts out and makes bad decisions because they’ve been through a terrible situation or are in a bad headspace, obviously this does not excuse their actions, but it is possible to not excuse their actions and understand that people do not always cope well. coping is not always a cute waifish girl in an indie road trip movie. coping is not always a cute waifish girl crying in a bathtub. sometimes coping is being in such a headspace that you’re A-Okay with being murdered by your cognitive double because you don’t have anything else to live for. sometimes coping is latching on to the idea that if you just get revenge on the person who did this to you, maybe then you’ll be okay.

in the myths, the perfect victim is never responsible. the perfect victim is never an active player in their own lives. the perfect victim always copes well, according to the script, and never inconveniences anyone else. the perfect victim is always a heartwarming and uplifting story for other folks to feel good about. the perfect victim is, in a lot of ways, neatly packaged, bundled up, sanitized, and further dehumanized by removing their flaws.

i strongly do not recommend subscribing to the perfect victim myth. it benefits almost nobody, except for abusers who get to claim they didn’t abuse anyone because their victim didn’t fit the perfect victim model.

ultimately, my point is that i understand if akechi is not your cup of tea. lots of characters are not my cup of tea. i will never be a die-hard fan of, say, hifumi togo. i like her well enough, but she’s not for me.  you can dislike akechi!! nobody said you have to like him!!!

but i strongly dislike when people bring morality, victimhood, and rhetoric of abuse into justifying why they don’t like akechi.  but when you start talking about the reasons why akechi is the absolute worst and nobody should be allowed to like him because of reasons you’ve pulled out of the perfect victim fallacy, you’re doing a disservice to literally everyone everywhere who’s ever been in an abusive situation. no, not even that--you’re doing a disservice to everyone everywhere who’s ever suffered pain because of what someone else did to them. you become part of the rhetoric that invalidates people’s suffering and keeps us thinking of victimhood/abuse/trauma as a black and white issue.

and ultimately you’re doing a disservice to yourself, because one day, someone will hurt you, and you’ll believe that you don’t deserve to feel bad about it because you weren’t the perfect victim. 

do yourself a favor and quit it.

[marshmallowprotection]

Mania, or Annaliese as she prefers to be called (or just Anna, just anything BUT the literal synonym of insanity, (Kaya your naming conventions are strange indeed) (cough* she was named Mania before the Thedian language even existed (btw Thedian is basically just English cus I'm too lazy to make a language and just no) soo oof Kaya didn't know the world mania would end up as a synonym of insanity) *cough), in ECF, is the goddess of hate, but that is a purely figurative title that she was given by some humans she's long forgotten that is too far spread and widely known for her to make people stop calling her such. 

She 5'0 tall and has short black hair and brown eyes as seen in the picrew above.

I'll be calling her Anna for the rest of this post by the way, since even if she's a fictional character I want to abide by her wishes.

A fun fact, I was contemplating giving Anna dissociative identity disorder originally as another one of the goddesses, Harmonia, has Bipolar Disorder (which is easier to write because it does not entail multiple personalities) and I wanted to try giving another goddess a mental illness besides depression (which most of them have), but realized I honestly didn't know enough about it nor understand it that well, and nor could I fit it into her character so scrapped it. And so I didn't want to give her it because I just didn't know how to write it or really describe it. It just didn't make sense for her either.

Also, if you couldn't tell most of my characters have something that's semi-dark about them, that's because I find most characters with darker pasts that influenced them greatly make more interesting characters for some reason, at least in my experience. Not every character has to be dark in some way for them to be good characters (I point to Jaehee who is the least dark of all the Mysme characters I think or maybe I'm wrong because I kind of forget about her a lot...sorry Baehee!) but...meh.

Anyway, Anna has a serious hatred for her body due to it being...well, more childlike in nature. Flat chest, short, not very curvy body in general...just a lot of insecurities and body hatred in general. Anna is also very childlike in personality (despite being billions of years old) but tries to force herself to act more like the adult she's meant to be. She's the shortest of all of her fellow goddess "sisters" despite Xomura being her "younger sister" and she despises that. She lashes out at everyone a lot but tries to be calm and collected most of the time but sometimes she just can't keep her anger from getting out of control. In a sense, she feels like an adult in a child's body whilst suffering from frequent regression to a childlike mindset. 

Anna in a modern AU is basically the same except she is instead overall a NEET who relies on Kaya's huge fortune to like, you know, live. She has no idea what to do with her life in that AU and both her original version and modern au she honestly feels suicidal when she's at her worst. 

Anna tries to act like she is super formal, calm, and collected, but she's not. She has a habit of rambling, she gets mad at people for very little things, she honestly just is something of a child in a lot of ways.

Which is partly Kaya's fault.

You see, Anna was always babied by all of her "sisters", even Xomura, who is YOUNGER than her and technically should be babied more since she is THE YOUNGEST. But due to all of her sisters growing far quicker and taller than her and overall she just always looked like a child, in general, she was babied a lot more and spoiled even. 

She despises Kaya for the fact she never really taught her how to be an adult.

And Kaya honestly never wanted her to grow up.

Anna just never matured.

Anna actually has a love for writing, as it lets her just let out all her thoughts without having to say anything allowed in her childish voice (which she also hates but talking is kind of unavoidable) and she also likes to write stories where she can pretend she has a far more adult-like body. Uh...her perception of an "adult woman body" is kind of uh...skewed.

She dreams of having the definition of a "perfect" body. Like, looking like those women with big boobs and lots of curves that you see in magazines or something.

It's a very fantastical and unattainable dream.

Anna also has a very strange love for macarons. Especially strawberry ones. She just really likes them honestly. 

I'm not sure who Anna would get along with of the Mysme cast to be honest. Zen, maybe??? Yoosung??????? Hmmmmmmm- I really just don't know. 

I think Yoosung might be best. Zen might a little on the nose when it comes to self image issues and while he empathizes with MCs with the same struggle; It is harder for him to help if that MC fixates so much that it's hard for even him to help them. I said Yoosung simply because that idea of him cheering on an MC who has their own passion makes me smile. I think she needs someone who is her own age and treats her with respect instead of treating her like a baby. Our boy Yoosung knows what that feels like, that's for sure.

[the-reynolds-pamphlets]

Purple Dress

Pairing: Thomas Jefferson x Alexander's Sister reader

Requested: no

Trigger warning: There is an intense make-out session and if you are triggered by being short cause you are Alex's sis and I think you would be about as tall as Madison irl, which is 5 feet 3 inches.

"Y/N, he is the most infuriating man I've ever met." Alexander yells as he enters through my front door. I am a little startled but, it is expected of my brother.

"What did Jefferson do this time?" I ask, knowing full well that his newest and seemingly most hated rival is Thomas Jefferson. He won't shut up about the man. Everytime Eliza is away or out on the town he shows up at my house and complains about his newest issue. He tells me everything and I appreciate it but ever since he got his job as secretary treasury, all he can talk about is Jefferson. All I know about the guy, besides what Alex has rather rudely said about him, is that he wrote the awe-inspiring Declaration of Independence.

"You want to know what he did? Well tomorrow me and him are to debate over my plan to assume state debt and establish a national bank. He doesn't even have a plan against it he just hates mine. The nerve!" He continues to rant and pace the room. I listen and sometimes nod or tell him my opinion.

"Can I go with you to the next meeting?" I ask, "I know that most men think women are far beneath politics but I quite enjoy them. You talk about it so often. Do you think Washington would allow it?" I am almost giddy at the thought of finally being able to experience a cabinet meeting. Alex stops pacing and thinks about it.

"That would be FANTASTIC! Jefferson thinks women aren't able to follow politics or even want to. You would absolutely blow him away. I would love to see the stupid look on his face when he sees you." He seems super happy but, I would rather not play as a pawn. I would get to go though, so I quickly agree. "Great! I’m going to ask Washington right away." He runs out the door with a giant smile on his face. I laugh at his excitement. I love when he is happy, he is always so tired or angry it feels nice to see him genuinely excited, even if I am a pawn to make Jefferson angry. I grab my coin purse and head out the door. I am not wealthy in any aspect but, I think it would be nice to spend a little money on a new dress. I mean, I want to look good in front of the president, I want him to take me seriously and respect me. I head to a tailor. On the way, I don't pay much attention, this causes me to run into a man. We both fall to the ground. I drop my purse and the few coins I had fly out.

"Oh, my apologies Ma'am!" The man says in a thick southern accent. He quickly gets up and rushes over to help me up. He looks down at the ground and sees some of my coins on the ground. He picks some up handing them to me. "I am so very sorry ma'am" I look up to his eyes and I am instantly entranced by the deep brown. I am frozen to the spot. I look up at his hair and it's so fluffy I just want to run my hands through it. I look at the ground quickly, blushing furiously at my thoughts.

"No sir, I am very sorry." I notice the cane he is holding but doesn't really seem to need. He is wearing a purple suit that someone shouldn't be able to pull off but he makes it work somehow. "I was just on my way to the tailor but it looks like I won't be able to now."

"Oh? Why is that?" The sound of his voice is so charmingly alluring.

"Well, my money is now decorating the street."

"Oh dear! You know what? I'll pay for a new dress. It is partly my fault after all." He lets out the strangest laugh and I can't help but blush. I nod, I want to disagree but I am unable to say anything. We walk to the tailor and I pick out a dress that is my favourite color. He grabs a different dress. The one he picked is the exact same shade of purple as his outfit. "I think this would look better." He winks "We can match!" He laughs and I can't help but to laugh with him. "You know what, I will just buy you both!" My eyes go wide and I open my mouth to object but he interrupts. "No, no. I won't take no as an answer. I have more than enough money. Trust me." He grabs the other dress from me and pays for them. I gently smile. This man is too good to be true. I can't wait to tell Eliza about this! I wish I could tell Alexander about the encounter but he is too overprotective. We walk out of the store and walk down the sidewalk a little.

"Here, I'll take those home." I say as I reach out. He pulls them away from me.

"Nonsense, I'll walk you home. I am not busy. Ma'am I could spend the whole day with you." When he says this my face burns. I know he sees it when he lets out a low chuckle. I turn away and he laughs again. We walk for awhile and we get to my house.

"This one's mine." I say, stopping in front of my door. He hands me the dresses.

"I don't think I ever caught your name ma'am."

"Ah, well that's because I never threw it." I say giggling to myself. He laughs. "Hopefully we don't run into each other like today."

"You got two free dresses and I got to meet a beautiful women. It wasn't that bad." He smiles widely and winks, leaving me flustered again. I let out a laugh making him laugh. He grabs my hand and kisses it. "Until we meet again." We part ways and I walk into my home blushing. I go to my room and try on the dress I picked. I love it. I try on the one the southern man gave me. I should've asked for his name. I adore the dress. Maybe it is because it's the better looking one but I think it is because it is the one he picked out and I seem to have fallen in love with him. I can't get him out of my mind. I decide I will wear this to the meeting. I hear my front door slam so I just leave the dress on so I can show Alexander. I race down the stairs. He is in the kitchen pacing. I cough. He looks up at me and disgust is written on his face. I frown.

"Do you not like my new dress. I bought it today. I want to dress nice in front of the President."

"It's not the dress, it looks wonderful on you, it the color. Jefferson wears it almost everyday. It does look beautiful on you though, it truly does, you should wear it." He gives me a hug. When we pull away, he starts rambling. "You won't believe Jefferson, he was supposed to talk to Washington about the meeting and he was late. It meant I got to talk to Washington but he was extremely late. He said he got caught up in the street by and I quote 'The most wonderful women he has ever met' can you believe him. It is probably some whore that he couldn't keep his eyes off of." I only pay half of my attention to my brother and only hear something about Thomas Jefferson being late. I just can't stop thinking of the man I met. Alexander seems to notice that I stopped paying attention. "Y/N? Y/N? Are you listening anymore?"

"Oh, I am so sorry, my mind drifted elsewhere. I am a little tired." I lie, "If you wouldn't mind I am going to go get some rest. I will see you tomorrow. Don't forget to pick me up before you go to your meeting!" We laugh.

"I won't forget. I hope you feel better in the morning. I love you."

"I love you too, goodbye." We hug and he leaves. I walk to my room and take the dress off. I change into my nightgown and lay in bed. I drift off to sleep.

I awake to Alexander knocking on my bedroom door. I get dressed into the purple dress that mystery man gave me.

"You look wonderful! I can't wait to start the meeting. Just wait till we see the look on Jefferson's face when he sees a women that knows politics!" He is giddy as we enter the carriage. We arrive to the building and he guides me inside. We enter a large room and Alex takes a seat at a desk and I sit next to him. Across from us are two other men. I look at the men and am very taken aback at the one staring me down. He looks shocked to see me here. I think I share the same look as I stare at the fantastic gentleman that bought me the dress I am currently wearing. "See Jefferson is shocked by your presence." Alex whispers. I don't tell Alex this but I don't think he is shocked because I'm a women but that he knows me. Wait...did he say JEFFERSON?! As in THE Thomas Jefferson that my brother HATES! Now I really can't tell my brother how I feel about this man. I don't pay much attention to the debate. I know Alex is losing though. He is also crossing the line.

"Excuse me! Madison, Jefferson take a walk. Hamilton take a walk. We're gonna reconvene after a brief recess. Hamilton." Washington says sternly.

"Sir?"

"A word." Alexander gets up but before he can get through the door Jefferson and Madison stop him. They talk for a few seconds and Hamilton follows Washington. I stand and walk over to Madison and Jefferson. Thomas notices and smiles widely. James notices the look and turns to look at me. He looks from me to Thomas in confusion. As I get closer, i can hear them whisper.

"James, this is the women I told you about. She is even wearing the dress I bought her."

"I could've guessed you bought it. It matches your suit. Did you tell her who you were?"

"No. I also don't know her name. I bet it's beautiful."

"Stop day dreaming Thomas." I walk closer and they stop.

"Hello sir." I state. I am extremely nervous now that I know this is my brothers enemy. Alex wouldn't even let me look at them let alone talk to them. Thomas takes my hand and kisses it.

"Hello Ma'am! You look lovely!" He winks. My face is now crimson. "I should properly introduce myself. I am Thomas Jefferson and this is my good friend James Madison."

"Well, I've heard so much about you two."

"Hopefully good things." James says.

"Well, not really. You see, I am Y/N Hamilton. Alexander happens to be my brother, and I'm sure you know this but, he doesn't like you." Thomas frowns and panic is in his eyes.

"Well, um, well I c-can assure you we aren't that bad." Thomas stutters. James's eyes go wide for a second and then he smirks. I grab Thomas's hand with both of mine and now he is the flustered one. James's smirk grows wider.

"I can assure you that I don't believe everything my brother tells me. You have no need to worry Thomas, I still think highly of you." I giggle and relief rushes over his face. James chuckles a little. I keep holding Thomas's hand.

"Well. Me and James were going to go to a café to discuss our next meeting. I was wondering if you would like to join us. You seem interested in politics. How does it sound? We are going tomorrow." I am stunned by this question. Alex had me believe that Thomas was some ass that hated women and didn't deserve the job he had. So far he is perfect, except for that part about my brother hating him.

"I would love to, as long as James is okay with that." I turn to Mr. Madison. I am still holding Thomas's hand. James nods. "It is settled than. I shall attend. My brother always talked so awfully about you, but you seem wonderful. He would never discuss big political details in front of me. You mustn't tell him anything about our encounters. I look forward to seeing you again!" I am still holding his hand. He lifts the hand I am holding and he kisses mine. I blush. I keep holding the hand.

"I am also excited for the next time I get to see you." Thomas tells me, his smile is huge.

"Y/N?!" I hear my brother shout. Oh no. He rushes over to us. He is staring at mine and Jefferson's hands. I am still holding Thomas's hand. Alex grabs both my arms and pulls. I don't let go of Thomas. He glares daggers at Jefferson. Thomas slowly pulls his hand out of my grasp. I sigh. Alexander why do you have to ruin this. "Why are you and my sister anywhere NEAR each other. Y/N, why would you want to touch this disgrace of a human." Thomas rolls his eyes at my brothers comment. "These two need to stay far away from you!"

"Alexander! You are being overdramatic. I was just introducing myself to them."

"Last time I checked, you didn't need to hold hands with someone when you introduced yourself to someone."

"Alex! Last time I checked, I was a grown women who could make decisions for myself. I know that you want the best for me but these men aren't as horrible as you've told me."

"They lie!" I roll my eyes at Alex. He grabs my arm and starts dragging me away. Thomas waves and winks at me. I wave back and turn red again.

Thomas Jefferson's P.O.V.

I watched as Y/N was dragged away. When she was out of eyesight, James elbowed me in the stomach.

"What was that for?" He laughed

"You really like the girl don't you?"

"Of course I do. I mean have you seen her. She looks absolutely ravishing in purple don'tcha think? She also has the personality to top it off." James laughed at me again. "What?"

"Thomas. You are in love." I froze for a second. I nervously laugh.

"Ha. THE Thomas Jefferson, in love? James you must be going crazy. I don't know where you would get that idea." He just rolls his eyes.

"You know exactly what I mean. I must have seen you with hundreds of women and not one has made you speechless. When she mentioned how she has been told terrible things about you, you were genuinely worried she wouldn't like you, and when she grabbed you hand, you turned red, I saw it." I sigh.

"James....You are absolutely right. I am enamoured by her. I want to see her every second of the day. I've known her for what, a day? I already wish I was courting her, hell I wish she was Mrs. Jefferson. James, she has taken control of my life in less than a day." I put my face in my hands. I feel a hand on my shoulder. I look up and see Washington. "Mr.President!"

"What is this I hear about a Mrs.Jefferson? I didn't know you were married." Washington says, slightly confused.

"Oh, no sir. I really wish I was but I am sadly not. It's just..." I sigh, "That women that was here."

"Miss Hamilton? Alexander's sister?"

"Yes sir, she was the wonderful women I spoke of yesterday. Although yesterday I didn't know she was a Hamilton. It doesn't change the fact that she entrances me but, it complicates things. Earlier I kissed her hand and Hamilton saw. He was angry and dragged her away. I just can't stop thinking about her. It's like she has full control of my mind. Hamilton is in my way." I realize that I am pouring out my feelings to my boss and stop talking.

"Son, I would normally be against lying and going behind people's backs but, I can tell you really care about Miss Hamilton and if I know Alexander then I know he would never let you see her. Sneak around with her, go to her house or she could come to yours, don't let Hamilton find out until you are far enough into your relationship to propose." I stare blankly at him. I look at James and than Washington.

"Gentlemen, I have some important matters to tend to at Miss Hamilton's place." I walk past them and straight out the door. I start walking towards the direction of Y/N's house.

Your P.O.V.

Alex drags me until we get to the carriage. We get in and ride in silence for the whole ride. It stops at my house and I get out. He doesn't follow. The carriage drives away and takes Alex with it. I go inside and change into a less formal gown. After awhile I hear a knock at my door. I open it and am pleasantly surprised when I am greeted by Thomas. He walks into my house and pulls me onto my couch.

"Thomas?"

"My dear Y/N, what I'm about to do may be going too fast for you or you might not want the same things as I do so if you disagree with me you have every right to push me away." I look at him quizically.

"Thomas what are you talk-" He interrupts my sentence with a kiss. I instantly melt into him. I grab his hair and pull him closer. He wraps his hands around my waist and pulls me onto his lap. We stay like this for a long time before we finally have to breathe. "T-thomas I...I...I don't know what to say. I wasn't expecting you. Although I did love the surprise." He gives me another kiss but this one was quicker.

"I talked to the President and he said, if you agreed to it of course, we should go behind Hamilton, um I mean, Alexander's back and court. If I read this situation correctly, I assume you would like me to court you?" I giggle.

"Of course. I would love that!" I pull him into another kiss. We are enjoying each other for a little when I hear my front door open. I pull away from him and he tries to pull me back into a kiss but I push on his chest.

"Is something wrong?" Thomas asked, worry in his voice. As if on cue, Alex shouts.

"Y/N? Are you in your room?"

"Thomas! You must hide!" I whisper urgently as I jump out of his lap. I pull him off the couch and push him into my bedroom with me. I shove him into my closet. As soon as I close the closet door, Alex opens my bedroom door.

"Oh, there you are. Look Y/N, I came to apologize. I know you are an adult and you don't always need me to protect you. I just don't think Jefferson is the type of man you should associate with." A noise sounding a bit like a laugh quietly comes from my closet. Alex doesn't seem to have noticed it. "I really want what's best for you, and I think that is best. I am sorry but I really think it is."

"I accept your apology Alexander. I agree that Jefferson would make a horrible suitor." The noise comes from my closet again. Alex still doesn't seem to notice.

"You know, this must've really been bothering me. I had thought I heard Jefferson from the other room when I first came in. Thank you for agreeing. I appreciate that you will stay away. No matter how much he tries to charm you, ignore him." I nervously laugh. I walk him to my front door and we say our goodbyes. I walk back to my bedroom go in. I lock the door in case my brother comes back. I go over to the closet and open it.

"Okay, Alex is gon-" He interrupts me with a kiss again. I am pushed against the wall. I wrap my arms around his neck and run my hands through his hair. He picks me up and I wrap my legs around his waist. He keeps me pressed against the wall. We are like this for a long while. When we finally stop I unwrap my legs from him and he gently sets me down.

"Well that was very enjoyable." Thomas states. I smack him on the arm. "What? Why did you do that?"

"That is for laughing in the closet. Alex could've heard you. Who knows what he would do if he found his rival in his sister's closet. I think Alexander might actually kill you!" He chuckles at this. "I'm serious, he could."

"I should probably be off. I left work without asking. They might need me." We both laugh. He gives me one more quick kiss and unlocks my bedroom door. He leaves and I flop onto my bed. I stare up at the ceiling and just think about Thomas.

I must’ve fallen asleep sometime while I was daydreaming about Thomas because I wake up and realize I just slept in my gown. I quickly shower and change into a brand new one. I look over at the grandfather clock in my room and realize it’s afternoon. I scold myself for sleeping so late. I hear a knock on the door and go downstairs to see who it could be. I am greeted by Thomas and James. I had forgotten that I was to join them today.

“Good afternoon Miss Hamilton!” James greets me. I smile.

“Hello James! I wouldn’t mind if you called me Y/N!” He chuckles and nods.

“As you wish.” I beam at his words and turn to Thomas. He grabs my left hand and kisses it.

“Hello Beautiful!” Thomas greets me. I blush and look at the ground with a smile on my face. He puts a finger to my chin and pushes my head up gently. “Now don’t go doin’ that! Then I can’t see your wonderful smile or gorgeous eyes!” I can only imagine the shade of red I am at his words. Nobody’s ever spoke to me like this.

“If you two will be acting like this the whole time then I’m leaving.” James says as he turns on his heel and starts walking away. Thomas grabs him by the arm and gently pulls him back.

“Now, now. We won’t be like this for the entire time.” Thomas turns his attention back to me, “Right my love?” I giggle as James rolls his eyes and sighs. I nod to confirm and Thomas chuckles too.

We walk to the café which isn’t to far away.

[praphit]

CRASH - I promise no race talk

First, let me say that this particular post will be a safe space. No race talk here. Today, we're going to talk a lil "Crash".

This movie came out in 2005; I hadn’t watched it since then. I remembered really liking it. I remembered Ludacris and Larenz Tate stealing the movie as a comedy duo. 

I remembered these two ladies:

(Jennifer Esposito - not the best picture of her, and perhaps that’s partly my fault. She is pissed in this scene... probably because the person whom she is talking to is not me :)

and Bahar Soomekh

(Wait, that’s “Saw 3... hmm... she was in “Saw 3″ btw.)

Let me try again - 

(Nope. Dammit. Still “Saw”)

You get the idea. These two ladies! Yes!

I remembered watching this movie with my then girlfriend, and thinking to myself "As soon as this movie is over, I'm breaking up with her and seeking these two out, to propose to the both of them - this is my destiny."

I remembered something about Saint Christopher, who is apparently the patron saint of travelers. 

He was kinda like an Uber driver (I guess... and by the looks of this depiction, a grumpy Uber driver). He will get you safely to where you'd like to be, as long as you listen to his smooth jazz, questionable philosophies on life, and of course allow him to flirt a lil with you.

Oh, and I remembered Luda getting his ass beat by the dude from "Empire"

- no, not that dude.

This dude - (Terrence Howard).

I believe that anyone who tries to explain what this movie is about will end up sounding like they've had one too many to drink:

"It's about a bunch of people of different races/ethnicities who... have racist stuff happen to them. And they don't know each other, but they're kinda connected... and there's a crash... although it doesn't have much to do with the story... but it kinda does... maybe? Ludacris is in it. He gets his ass beat by that guy from "Empire", but not that guy...  the other guy. Racism sucks, bro."

Trying to explain it is similar to how we'll (years from now) try to explain 2020... or Trump being president.

Let's me try to break it down:

Don Cheadle is Detective Graham Waters (what a name). 

He deals with a lot of race stuff on the job and in cases. Race stuff that I'm sparing you from today (you're welcome:) Annnnd he's banging one of the women whom I thought would be my future wife. 

The first time that we meet HER (another detective), we learn that she's pretty racist.

Side note: Can one be both pretty AND racist? Does the racism overwhelm the pretty face? or vice versa? Would some of us see Trump as being racist, if he looked like Chris Hemsworth?

(and always gave press conferences shirtless)

Sorry, I promised no race talk.

What if Trump looked like this? 

Are presidents allowed to get sex changes?

So, Terrence Howard and Thandie Newton have a racist and perverted encounter with the cops. 

The more I think about it, the more I blame most of the horrible events that take place in this movie on these two cops (and their superiors). Had they worked by better standards, a lot of the bad things that end up happening in this movie wouldn't have happened. Terrence and Thandie have some race stuff going on within their relationship as well (which I won't be talking about :) Brown people also have race fights; whitey doesn't always have to be involved.

I talked about Luda and Tate already. They're kinda like hipsters in a sense (in spirit). They have a racial commentary/banter throughout the whole movie. They're right about the things that they say (which I'm still not talking about). The prob is that they're also criminals.

Sandra Bullock (who's prob the most racist character in the movie) and Brendan Fraser are also doing their thing in this movie.

They're your stereotypical wealthy white couple. Fraser's character is in politics. There's some juicy race stuff there as well. We'll just ignore all of that.

Tony Danza is surprisingly in this just to be racist. Now, TD is before my time, but I remember him being loveable - no?? That's what makes it weird. Kinda like if Stephen Colbert swung through a movie briefly just to drop an N-bomb or something.

Michael Pena is here, because... he's on the short list of Latinos that Hollywood knows. 

I think this movie was his big shot (which he killed). Look him, he’s acting his ass off. His mouth opened so wide... that’s acting! He's also the only character in this movie who's NOT an asshole. He's actually a good guy. Even in the midst of people being very openly racist towards him, he remains calm and collected. He has a daughter who is scared, and so he gives her an invisible cloak that has a supernatural, imaginary ability to make her invulnerable. She then puts it on and immediately runs into traffic... and you know... BOOM!

I'm joking. But, that could have happened. Parents, don't lie to your children.

There's a scene where she does face some danger as a result of this lie. Spoiler alert, she makes it. Maybe it was the power of Saint Chris. Though she appears to be the only one that he saves in this flick. Seems like every time the good ol saint Christopher appears, someone pulls out a gun. Patron Saint of Gun Violence.

Fun fact: Michael Pena is also a scientologist. See, they're not all like T.Cruise - don't be so prejudice:)

Watch, there's going to be a story about some awful scientology weirdness on Pena’s part, the second I post this.

That's uh... not a great summary of the plot. It's an awful summary, actually. If you look up the summary on wikipedia, it pretty much does the same thing I did - just talk through the people involved in this picture.

This movie is like a game of 52 pickup - only the game is played with a deck of race cards.

If you're a person who doesn't think much about race issues, but is open to hearing about them, then this movie will possibly be enlightening for you.

If you're the type of person who has been actively avoiding race talk (and who typically avoids deep talks like that) Then, this def isn't the movie for you.

If you are racist, and somehow keep reading my posts... Imma pray for you, cuz this movie beating you over the head with race is only going to fuel you're... "special, hateful beliefs".

As for me... this time around I was indifferent towards this movie. I can see why I adored this movie back in the day. I enjoy deep talks about this kind of stuff, and we (me and my circle of peeps) prob weren't talking much about these kind of topics, openly, in the early/mid 2000's. But, as a movie... meh.

There is a touching moment when there is a literal crash

wait... 

My finding pics game has been way off today.

CRASH!

There's real humanity. Two characters come face to face with mortality, and all of the bullshit is pushed aside in efforts to secure rescue. But, then, after that moment, we go right back to the bullshit. Nothing really changes. The movie notices that they missed a few race cards, and continue on with their game.

I remember tearing up the first time that I watched this movie. I don't know whether my girlfriend and I were fighting that may have caused those tears. Or maybe her breath was stanky with onions (while trying to make-out with me in the theatre) that brought me to fight some tears. Or maybe 15 years later, I've become a heartless SOB, but outside of that crash scene, the only time I was moved was when Sandra Bullock fell down some stairs.

- moved to laughter.

It still makes me laugh. That's my fav part of the movie for sure. I wish that they had ended the movie there.

She's spread out at the bottom of the steps. And then a silent roll of the credits. It would have made just as much sense as the actual ending. She DOES  however end up being ok, and less racist, as a result... somehow.

So, if any of you know someone who's super racist ("coughtrump") and notice that they're near some steps... do your part. We'll end racism one flight of stairs at a time.

In the end, this movie is about diverse groups of one dimensional assholes, who complain about everything (even the rich, white people... cuz we all know how hard their lives are), and through sappy music and a lack of learning from some contrived moments, make little progress towards peace.

Totally unrealistic. In real life, we get shit done!

Grade: A/D/A

A for the race talk (which hopefully I was successful in not talking about:)

D for... just about everything else...

...  and another A for Sandra Bullock’s tumble down the stairs.

[sobdasha]

some (very long) Hiro metas and a Kisa-n-Tohru tangent

seeing the "Hiro is a brat!" "Hiro just has trauma!" debate has made me ponder…

Like, not to compare trauma and argue who had what worse and invalidate suffering, but my immediate reaction was kind of, "Wait, what? I mean, okay, I guess Hiro did just have some trauma re: Kisa, but like, overall…???"

So it's time for some scrutiny!

I’mma talk myself through this in a post.

Here we have Hiro. He's a Souma, which is pretty damn traumatic in its own right, and possessed by a Zodiac spirit, which is even worse. He's part of an elite inner circle, privileged with status and wealth; but on the flip side, there's still people in the family who look down on the Zodiac, and Hiro's looking at a future of isolation (afraid of looking like a monster, afraid to betray the family secret, not properly free to pick his own job, may or may not be able to live outside the estate, love life is gonna be a disaster when puberty hits). And Akito, whom the possessed part of him loves deeply and desperately, tends to weaponize his own love and withhold it when someone displeases him, or turn hurtful when someone needs punishment.

Okay, so that's bad. But Hiro shares that with all of the Zodiac members, that's just the baseline trauma, and there's some compounding issues at play that Hiro lacks:

- Hiro, as the Sheep, isn't especially hated. Kyou, for instance, has a bad attitude that's partly due to the entire clan ragging on him for being a horrible abomination of a monster, comparing him unfavorably to Idealized Yuki, and telling him he's gonna be locked up in a one-room house on the estate to suffer out his life--and that's not even counting how being the Cat affected how his immediate family treated him. Haru, as the Ox, got ~harmlessly teased~ about being a big dumb slow stupid ox by the family so much that he started flipping over to a Black personality to violently vent his feelings.

- Hiro's family life is, as far as I can tell, actually ideal. His parents didn't reject him (Momiji, Kyou re: his sperm donor, Rin), split up over him (I suspect this is what happened for Kagura, because her parents argued a lot when she was young, and I wonder about the fact that Ritsu's dad isn't at the onsen? And there's no mention of Kisa's dad? But then again, we're told repeatedly that Yuki and Ayame have a father and he lives in the same house as their mother and I've never seen proof of this man's existence), be coolly indifferent to him (Ayame after Yuki was born and he got off the hook but honestly I think that was a blessing to him, Yuki, Hatori), or get extremely overprotective (Kyou re: his mom, I'd argue this is partly why Ritsu's mom is so stressed out, and also I'd argue this may be why Kisa's mom hits her limit). In fact, Hiro's the only one who we can definitely say has two parents, who live together, and have a good relationship, and actively enjoy nurturing their child. Also Satsuki's completely adorkable. (This puts strain on Hiro in other ways, lol, but at least he shares that feeling with his dad.)

- Hiro, as the Sheep, probably doesn't particularly stand out. I'm guessing his hair color isn't particularly notable? So he probably hasn't been singled out for teasing from people who don't even know about the curse, like Kyou and Haru and Kisa. (No one's not-thirsty enough to have teased Ayame or Yuki for their looks, I'm pretty sure, and Momiji can pull the biracial card, even if that wouldn't stop people, and went to international school, where people probably found other ways to pick on you.)

So where, for Hiro, does his particular extremely combative, condescending, scathing, sarcastic attitude come from?

That's not to say none of those things above could be factors. It's extremely possible that the family found dumb things to say to him because, y'know, clearly it's impossible to hurt a kid's feelings if you're arrogant enough about it. And like Kyouko says, you can't really judge someone's family situation based on their behavior, and vice versa. I'd expect Hiro to be super well-adjusted, coming from a loving nuclear family, but kids are people and they will turn out how they turn out both because of and in spite of how they're raised. And maybe Hiro's experienced some bullying about whatever, and his instant sharp-tongued retorts became the default in response to that. Hiro didn't tell us any of this, but who knows!

Or maybe Hiro's difficult phase is just a phase. Maybe that's how all his classmates talk to each other?? I can easily see that being a thing, especially with boys, both friendly with friends or aggressive with people you want to treat badly, and maybe Hiro's so much in the habit of it that he doesn't think first (and doesn't care enough about Tohru and her feelings to exercise a little self-control). Like this post that points out how it's a Definite Thing that part of Hiro's lording-little-brat arrogance is because he's in his final year of elementary school and he's everyone's senpai and that sort of thing is indulged because adults know he'll get cruelly humbled next year when he's a baby kouhai.

But I think maybe, what's most relevant with Hiro, is that because of his lack of obvious outside factors to fight against for personal growth, his growing pains as a character are internal. He's fighting against himself. AKA, it's only logical that he's a tiny little shit and his character arc is about growing into someone who isn't a jerkface. Which can be just as difficult and traumatic as standing up to your parents, or Akito, or society, or your classmates. Hiro has to assert himself against himself, and himself won't punch him in the face or lock him in his room but it's so easy to just put the blame elsewhere and let himself get away with it and give him a pass and stop trying to improve.

Now I wanna analyze the timeline!

Aside from a few select Zodiac members, Akito hasn't really done anything super terrible that we've heard about until Hiro's in 3rd grade. That's when Hatori and Kana ask to get married, and Hatori gets injured. Akito has been a jerk before, and Akito is very clearly in favor of a hierarchy that puts God at the top getting all the love. But Shigure and Ayame have talked about their sexcapades with no issue, and Kagura's always going on about her undying love for and future marriage with Kyou, and this is the first incident that says those things aren't allowed.

Sometime not terribly long after that, Shigure gets kicked out of the Main House. This ramps up Akito's hatred of women, though Hiro wouldn't know the betrayal behind it and might not have a clue about Akito's vendetta.

Right about the time Hiro starts 6th grade, he feels compelled to tell Akito that he has feelings for Kisa. (I'm pulling this from the Collector's Edition timeline. In the actual story I keep seeing the English being like "I always thought Hiro hated me / I thought Hiro hated me for a long time" with Kisa then immediately turning around and saying "We were bffs all through my elementary school years / Hiro always played with me until this year", so I heavily suspect the translators keep getting a modifier in the wrong place or something because wtf.) Akito kicks Kisa's ass and Kisa takes two weeks to heal. (This isn't Akito's fault. It's also not Kisa's fault, obviously, because Hiro didn't even tell her yet that he liked her. So that means it's all Hiro's fault.) Hiro's horrified, because he could have had an idea this would be bad but he probably didn't expect it to all be taken out on Kisa. After all, Hatori got hurt, not Kana, and Rin hasn't been pushed out a window yet.

Hiro abruptly cuts off his interaction with Kisa, to protect her from getting punished by Akito again. Kisa goes back to 7th grade, where she's just transitioned from Top Of The Heap Senpai and Just A Child So We Can Let Things Slide to Lowly Kouhai Who Needs To Learn Proper Social Behaviors, and she's being bullied, and her bff won't talk to her, and her Talking Things Out skills are having zero effect, so she just stops talking, and now her mom is upset, and then she starts skipping school, and now her mom is really upset. And Hiro was probably unaware of a lot of this, until it got really bad several months in, since he stopped seeing his bff.

And Hiro's agonizing and worrying about it, when suddenly Tohru swoops in and magically saves the day, bringing hope where there was none and erasing suffering, right when Hiro was probably nerving himself up to try to help somehow without bringing Akito's wrath back down on Kisa.

Oh I wanna have a tangent about Kisa!

Timeline again, but from Kisa's point of view:

Kisa and Hiro are only a year apart, so they've always been super close. Hiro is her bff.

Now Kisa is starting 7th grade.

Kisa does something Bad. It's not clear what, but it's Bad Enough to make Akito hate her and also seriously beat her up, so that's Pretty Bad.

Actually it's Really Very Bad, because after that Hiro hates her too.

Anyway Kisa's starting 7th grade! Yay! New school, new girls, new pressures. In my personal experience, middle school is when girls are at their nastiest (after they hit high school, they start to chill out. Obviously you still get jerks, because people, but there was a little more "live and let live" attitude), so I always assume this is part of the problem. Kisa's classmates start to bully her. Kisa tries out her conflict resolution skills, like the adult she's expected to be becoming, and it only causes the situation to escalate. Her self-esteem has already had the crap kicked out of it, and hasn't healed in 2+ weeks. Her bff hates her and won't talk to her.

And then Kisa just gives up without telling anyone why.

Tohru's got a very valid point, that it's hard to talk about the things that actually bother you. It's hard to ask for help. I can complain all day long about little things, but I can't put big issues into words without spontaneously bawling? Which is really fricken embarrassing???

But I think the reason Tohru strikes such a chord with Kisa, and is able to instantly win her over, is because she talks with such quiet feeling about being scared her mom wouldn't love her anymore. Because that feeling was very, very real for Tohru--grounded in the fact that Kyouko actually did abandon her once.

And Kisa recognized that, and realized that Tohru--unlike everyone else--actually got it, because that's exactly what Kisa's feeling. Because Kisa's gotten along with her mother very well all her life, if what we see of her with Hiro is any indication. Except that suddenly Akito hates her. Suddenly Hiro hates her. It's a very real fear, once Kisa's mom starts getting stressed about the not-talking, that Kisa's mom is going to stop loving her just like everyone else is suddenly doing. Because that's literally what's happening to Kisa.

Tohru's not just a warm, loving, accepting, motherly presence. Tohru's someone who can very viscerally relate to Kisa's terror. Of course Kisa clings to her.

Back to Hiro though!

I think we could also stand to apply to Hiro the tried-and-true, "The things you hate most in other people are the things you hate most about yourself," because it is both true in general and a definite thing Fruits Basket does (for a quick example, see Yuki saying he hates dependent people [while Kyou's like "that's you tho"] and Rin hating Yuki [because he's dependent on Haru the way she is guiltly dependent on Haru]).

I went to rewatch the episode to look at all the specific things Hiro says about Tohru and other people, only to realize the obvious flaw that like everything he says is an insult and there's too much there for me to unpack here, so I chose just a few statements that were really specifically phrased (I can't stand people who X).

I can't stand people who let themselves be pushed around so easily

Hiro also talks a couple times about Tohru having no sense of identity or agency, or not having thoughts of her own. So this reveals Hiro's inner struggle with his own complacency. He's got that bond with Akito, he's got a life that's at least partly set in stone already for him, and he's not doing anything to fight it. He didn't hide his feelings for Kisa from Akito, and then when Kisa got hurt Hiro never told her why ("It's my fault because I told Akito I like you and that made him mad, it's nothing you did") and never called Akito out on it (he can't blame Akito but when he talks about it you can tell he also knows he should blame Akito because Hiro can figure out that that was wrong. Maybe because, unlike so many others of the Zodiac, he was raised in a sensible and loving family and he knows that Akito's behavior isn't normal, isn't right, isn't acceptable).

This is probably why, even while using "I'm just a kid" to get away with his behavior, he's so frustrated with not being an adult. Because, to him, an adult wouldn't just let these things happen. He's wrong, on one hand, but on the other hand the maturity that will come with his personal growth will let him be the kind of adult he envisions.

I can't stand inconsiderate people

Hiro knows he's a jerk. He knows his snappy retorts piss people off--he enjoys that. He's super jealous about Tohru and doesn't care about her feelings, and him taking his anger out on Tohru has been hurting Kisa's feelings and that hasn't caused Hiro to check himself yet either.

He knows this, he hates this, he's not ready to deal with it yet and exercise self-control, so he's the niceness police about other people being rude.

(I think it's interesting that, when Hiro starts maturing, even though he still has that tendency to rudeness, there's also a hint that it will one day turn into a frankness that isn't just "a blunt insult is the same as honesty right?" That time when Hiro realizes that Kyou and Tohru have Feelings and he's like "Um, wait, is that okay? Are we just not going to talk about the fact that Kyou is going to be locked up alone in a room for the rest of his life???" He asks the tough questions lol. I won't give him credit for bringing up Tohru's dad issues because he was just doing that to be a dick, there was zero maturity there. In another world, though, he would've been the only other person besides Kyou [who already knew the details] to think to question Tohru about it.)

People who whine about their situation while accepting no responsibility are so irritating

Again...Hiro hates the whole situation that happened with Kisa, and hates his part in it, and didn't do anything to fix it before Tohru came along. And even then, he still hasn't fessed up to Kisa about the real circumstances. He knows he owes Kisa that, and he hasn't taken responsibility yet.

This ties into the complacency issue, but with the added fact that Hiro's said it's shitty and unfair but still is going along with it without trying to stop it. So he's an extra jerk, but he still hasn't stepped up yet.

I think maybe this is why Tohru's speech touches him, even after he just called her out on magical Mary Sue emotional healing powers. He's been nothing but his worst self around Tohru--bad enough that it's not only just Tohru but Kisa he's been upsetting as well--he's been bratty and insulting and pushed Tohru around and stolen her property and treated her like shit and--

And instead of rolling her eyes, or getting fed up and firing back, or any other response that show her low expectations for Hiro…

Tohru just stands there and says it's brave, to admit you have flaws, and that she has faith that he can and will make good on his responsibilities. Even though nothing at all that Hiro's done--and he's very well aware of this--gives any indication that he would even try. Let alone succeed.

The way that Hiro, when people call him a brat, tends to then embrace it and get even brattier--this makes me think he's the kind of kid who lives down to people's expectations, rather than trying to prove them wrong. So when Tohru without hesitation sets the bar high like that, and it pisses Hiro off--

He's gonna show you, stupid woman. You think he's a prince? You're gonna be floored at the kind of prince he'll be.

(Eventually. Much later.)

[gvsolinea]

—  RED PAINTED LIPS & A GLASS OF SCOTCH

A self-para between Ruby Mackell and Micah Coldburn.

mentioned: Quinn, Bentley, Jocelyn.

                            Green  hues  were  scanning  over  the  letters  on  her  screen,  words  causing  the  corners  of  red-painted  lips  to  curve  upwards  as  a  soft  laugh  managed  to  slip  out.  The  previous  text  that  her  fingers  had  sent  was  meant  more  as  a  joke,  asking  for  proof  of  life  for  their  children.  As  always,  the  male  took  the  joke,  making  sure  to  send  back  a  picture  of  the  two  boys  and  their  daughter.  His  follow  up  text  message  that  sounded  like  a  beg  for  her  to  come  home  was  what  caused  the  sound  to  escape  from  the  back  of  her  throat,  the  female  sending  back  nothing  more  than  a  heart  and  a  reminder  that  she  loved  him.  After  everything  they  had  been  through,  she  made  sure  no  matter  what  the  conversation  was,  it  always  ended  with  those  three  words.

❝I  assume  this  means  he  hasn't  managed  to  drown  or  lose  one  of  them.❞  The  other  male's  voice  came  from  his  spot  on  the  floor,  his  back  leaning  against  the  front  of  the  living  room  chair  as  half  of  his  focus  remained  on  the  young  boy  playing  with  his  blocks.  Maybe  he  wasn't  at  the  point  where  he  was  spelling  out  words  or  telling  everyone  in  the  room  about  their  little  adventures,  but  even  the  usually  serious  male  found  the  boy  to  be  entertaining.

Yet  even  with  the  slight  distraction  that  was  the  boy  and  the  male's  comment,  the  woman  still  found  the  curve  against  her  lips  remaining  as  she  turned  her  phone  onto  silent  and  set  it  down  on  the  coffee  table.  It  was  such  a  clean  surface,  the  only  other  items  resting  against  it  consisting  of  a  glass  of  red  wine,  a  small  box  she  could  only  assume  contained  keys,  and  a  framed  photograph  of  the  brunette  and  the  son  the  couple  shared.  How  the  other  woman  managed  to  live  with  the  male  each  day  without  losing  her  mind,  she  wasn't  sure  she  would  ever  know.  But  on  that  same  thought,  she  was  sure  the  same  could  be  said  about  her  marriage  or  even  Jayden's.  Then  again,  even  the  raven-haired  woman  was  sure  the  youngest  Coldburn  brother  was  most  likely  easier  to  deal  with  than  the  other  two  men.  ❝He's  not  as  terrible  with  them  as  he  and  everyone  think  he  is.❞  Affectionate  words  towards  her  husband  were  given  as  she  leaned  forward  to  take  her  wine  glass  into  a  single  hand.  ❝I'm  sure  she  would  say  the  same  about  you.❞

Her  comment  came  as  he  watched  her  tilt  her  glass  towards  the  picture  on  the  coffee  table.  It  was  likely  they  were  words  he  would  never  believe  and  it  was  even  more  likely  that  both  women  knew  it  more  than  he  did.  ❝If  you're  going  to  attempt  to  convince  me  he  isn't  a  moron,  I  wouldn't  bother  wasting  your  breath.❞  It  wasn't  the  most  pleasing  comment  for  him  to  offer  back,  even  with  his  entirely  calm  tone,  a  thought  he  had  after  all  he  got  back  from  her  was  that  familiar  smirk.  If  he  had  taken  the  time  to  think  it  through,  he  would  have  realized  they  had  been  in  this  position  before.  The  woman  across  from  him  dressed  in  yet  another  outfit  that  suited  her  more  than  most  would  expect,  a  glass  of  wine  in  her  hand  and  a  smirk  against  her  lips,  his  head  filled  with  millions  of  thoughts,  half  of  his  focus  on  something  else,  banter  offering  back  and  forth.  How  it  had  led  to  a  night  they  never  spoke  of  again,  he  had  no  idea  but  neither  of  them  bothered  to  think  about  it  after  that.  Little  did  they  know  she  had  been  attempting  to  find  a  distraction  after  coming  face-to-face  with  her  father  and  he  had  been  trying  to  calm  himself  down  after  an  unexpected  fight  with  his  brother.

❝I've  concluded  that  neither  of  you  are  ever  going  to  get  along  and  one  day,  Quinn  and  I  are  going  to  be  dressed  like  wives  that  have  murdered  their  husbands  while  attending  a  shared  funeral  between  you  two.❞  There  was  no  doubt  in  her  mind  that  it  was  a  ridiculous  thing  to  say,  but  she  had  gotten  a  scoff  as  a  response  from  the  male,  something  she  had  been  looking  to  receive.  Bentley  was  known  for  being  ridiculous,  filled  with  far  too  many  jokes  when  the  moment  should  have  been  serious,  and  he  wasn't  always  the  best  during  certain  situations.  But  he  always  made  her  laugh  when  days  felt  dark,  he  was  always  there  when  she  needed  him  and  no  one  else,  and  it  was  always  amusing  how  much  others  managed  to  underestimate  him.  It  was  safe  to  say  that  she  didn't  have  the  perfect  husband  but  she  also  wouldn't  have  wanted  to  share  her  life  with  anyone  else,  even  if  that  included  all  of  his  faults  and  the  hills  they  had  to  climb  to  get  to  this  point.  ❝Speaking  of,  how  is  she  doing?❞

Even  he  knew  the  two  women  didn't  speak  as  much  as  they  used  to.  Part  of  him  wondered  if  it  was  due  to  the  incident  when  the  three  were  out  together,  knowing  well  no  one  but  her  knew  just  how  much  of  her  trauma  the  incident  had  brought  up.  Being  shot  was  never  good  but  having  to  face  it  in  a  different  situation,  trauma  returning  when  you  assumed  you  were  well  again,  it  was  only  reasonable  to  want  to  distance  yourself  from  something  that  could  bring  horrible  memories  back.  ❝Considering  I'm  sure  she's  the  only  one  that  managed  to  handle  Marcus  taking  off  well,  she's  better  than  expected.❞  Then  again,  considering  the  timing  of  it  happening,  he  wasn't  surprised  her  focus  had  been  split  between  the  young  boy  and  making  sure  the  older  Coldburn's  mind  didn't  completely  fall  apart  with  worry.  It  was  reasonable  if  there  just  wasn't  enough  room  in  her  focus  to  outwardly  worry  as  much  as  others  had  been.  But,  truth  be  told,  now  that  his  brother  was  home,  other  thoughts  had  managed  to  drift  back  into  his  mind.

It  was  something  that  the  woman  had  expected,  the  pair  always  having  known  each  other  far  more  than  anyone  could  have  expected.  Ruby  had  always  been  known  as  someone  that  knew  every  detail  about  you  even  before  you  did,  somehow  always  managing  to  gain  details  without  any  effort.  It's  what  had  her  shifting  in  her  spot  on  the  couch,  leg  crossing  over  the  other  as  green  hues  remained  locked  on  the  male.  ❝And  you?  As  ridiculous  as  it  may  sound,  how  you're  doing  matters  too.  And  I'm  not  going  to  sit  through  you  giving  me  some  bullshit  response  of  your  fine  or  you  shrugging  like  you  usually  do,  I'm  not  that  moronic  and  you  know  I  don't  let  things  go  easily.❞  If  there  was  one  thing  that  was  always  expected  when  it  came  to  their  relationship,  it  was  honesty  and  knowing  that  they  wouldn't  deal  with  the  same  responses  they  gave  to  other  people  in  the  world.  The  pair  knew  each  other  far  better  than  that.

Eyes  would  have  rolled  if  he  had  been  the  type  to  offer  such  a  visual  response.  He  had  always  had  conflicting  feelings  when  it  came  to  their  relationship.  Partly  glad  there  was  someone  else  other  than  his  brother  that  could  partly  understand  the  thoughts  in  his  head,  but  he  hated  how  easily  she  could  twist  a  simple  conversation  into  making  sure  he  wasn't  going  to  crumble.  ❝I've  suddenly  decided  you're  not  allowed  to  push  for  some  kind  of  honest  response  until  you  own  up  to  your  issues.  Not  exactly  fair  to  come  knocking  on  my  lack  of  communication  when  you've  got  your  issues.❞  Words  managed  to  end  with  a  hand  raising,  finger  gently  tapping  on  his  head  in  response  before  turning  his  focus  back  to  the  young  boy  that  was  now  busy  playing  with  a  stuffed  animal.

It  was  their  challenge  towards  each  other.  One  person  has  to  give  something  up  if  they  expect  the  other  too.  That  realization  that  they  had  fallen  into  yet  another  conversation  surrounding  that  challenge  was  what  had  her  shifting  to  sit  up  a  fraction  more.  ❝I've  been  seeing  a  therapist  since  the  whole  club  incident  and  Bentley  doesn't  know  yet.❞  A  huff  of  a  laugh  managed  to  slip  from  her,  practically  mirroring  the  male's  usual  sound  as  she  slid  to  lean  forward,  setting  her  elbows  down  to  rest  on  her  knees.  ❝Post-traumatic  stress  disorder.  According  to  him,  I  have  apparently  been  forcefully  avoiding  coping  with  everything  over  the  years  and  we've  concluded  that  what  happened  while  I  was  pregnant  may  have  triggered  it  more  than  expected.❞  Nightmares  had  plagued  her  from  years  regarding  her  childhood  and  after  the  shooting  those  years  ago,  nightmares  managed  to  morphe  enough  to  involve  all  of  it  together.  Having  nightmares  of  men  only  for  it  to  shift  to  being  shot  all  over  again,  it  was  far  worse  than  nightmares  consisting  of  memories.  The  thought  had  another  huff  of  a  laugh  escaping  her  as  she  twisted  her  glass  slowly,  watching  as  the  red  liquid  danced  in  the  glass.  ❝I  don't  need  to  worry  him  more  than  he  already  does.  Besides,  I  don't  feel  like  starting  a  whole  thing  all  over  again,  I  don't  think  I  can  refrain  from  murdering  that  woman  again.❞  It  was  an  overdramatic  thought  that  had  her  eyes  rolling,  memories  of  their  break  up  while  she  was  pregnant  that  had  continued  after  the  boys  were  born,  they  were  memories  that  managed  to  slip  out  in  the  most  unexpected  moments.  After  all,  she  very  rarely  let  things  go  when  it  involved  her  feeling  hurt  and  betrayed,  it  was  likely  those  memories  were  always  going  to  haunt  her.  ❝It's  your  turn,  what's  going  on  in  that  giant  head  of  yours?  Is  Jocelyn  finally  setting  in?❞

The  questions  felt  like  they  were  meant  to  poke  some  kind  of  sleeping  bear.  He  hadn't  spoken  about  her  after  that  phone  call,  still  having  no  idea  how  to  fully  process  the  fact  that  she  was  completely  gone  off  the  planet.  It  wasn't  like  the  pair  had  spoken  in  the  years  since  she  took  off  but  after  Xavier  and  the  conversations  they  had  held,  it  was  hard  to  register  the  fact  that  the  young  boy  would  never  know  her.  It's  those  thoughts  that  had  his  focus  turning  to  the  boy  all  over  again,  watching  now  that  he  had  moved  into  shoving  his  stuffed  animals  into  a  pair  of  Quinn's  shoes  and  using  them  as  race  cars.  ❝I  think  she's  worried.❞  A  different  kind  of  worried  but  he  knew  that  wasn't  a  detail  he  needed  to  give  out,  the  woman  understood  the  difference.  ❝I  don't  know  if  she's  worried  about  not  being  enough  for  him  or  if  it's  that  she  doesn't  think  he'll  love  her  as  much  or  if  it's  something  entirely  different,  but  it's  something.❞  That's  when  his  familiar  shrug  was  offered  as  his  attention  turned  to  his  glass  sat  beside  him,  scotch  sitting  at  the  bottom,  the  male  making  sure  it  was  far  away  enough  that  it  didn't  catch  the  boy's  attention.

❝I  can  understand  that,  having  worries  surrounding  it.  She  might  be  raising  him  and  might  be  the  only  mother  he  knows  but,  that  doesn't  mean  she  won't  have  worries  around  it.  There's  probably  always  going  to  be  some  amount  of  questioning  in  the  back  of  her  head  because  they're  not  blood,  there  isn't  that  immediate  familial  connection,  and  when  you're  older,  you  have  this  sense  and  feeling  that  something  is  different  and  I  wouldn't  be  surprised  if  he  feels  that  once  he's  old  enough  to  understand  it.❞  It  was  her  turn  to  offer  a  slight  shrug  to  her  shoulders  as  she  shifted  in  her  spot  once  again,  body  leaning  forward  so  she  could  pull  off  her  heels.  ❝Quinn  is  a  brilliant,  compassionate,  talented,  and  strong  woman.  But  even  I  know  she's  a  wonderful  mother,  I  don't  need  to  be  around  every  single  day  to  know  that  she  is,  she  just  gives  that  energy  off.  It's  like  Jayden,  you  might  not  see  her  acting  like  a  complete  puddle  of  love,  but  you  can  feel  how  much  she  loves  all  of  her  children  and  just  how  much  she  would  do  for  them.  It's  this  radiating  feeling  you  give  off  and  she  does,  besides,  I  know  her  enough  to  have  no  doubts  around  that.❞  Her  head  tilted  at  that  moment  as  a  small  laugh  managed  to  fall  from  her.  ❝She  might  not  have  given  birth  to  that  boy  but  I  can  honestly  say,  I'm  pretty  sure  she's  taken  to  motherhood  far  better  than  Jayden  and  I  ever  did  and  that's  saying  quite  a  lot  when  it  comes  to  that  woman.  I  have  no  doubt  that  he'll  love  her  just  as  much,  if  not  more,  than  he  would  have  loved  Jocelyn,  simply  due  to  how  Quinn  is.  But  it's  not  reasonable  to  say  she  shouldn't  have  worries,  everyone  has  worries  around  things  and  given  everything  that's  happened,  I  would  take  it  as  a  win  that  she's  worried  about  that  and  not  about  being  shot  walking  out  the  front  door.❞

She  was  right  in  more  ways  than  he  could  explain  and  he  knew  that,  never  doubted  it  when  it  came  to  how  the  woman's  mind  worked.  Truth  be  told,  he  wasn't  worried  about  it  in  the  slightest.  Maybe  he  wasn't  the  most  emotional  and  he  didn't  always  know  how  to  show  that  he  cared,  but  even  he  could  see  how  much  the  small  boy  loved  his  mother.  He  was  just  waiting  for  the  day  he  was  old  enough  for  the  pair  to  openly  act  ridiculously.  Sure  they  would  team  up  and  fall  into  every  holiday,  already  prepared  for  the  day  he  stepped  out  of  the  bedroom  and  the  entire  house  looked  like  Christmas  had  exploded  inside  of  it.  As  disgusting  as  that  thought  would  have  been  years  ago,  now  he  found  himself  watching  the  young  boy  as  a  slight  curve  twitched  against  his  lips,  only  to  quickly  disappear.

❝You  love  her  and  him,  it's  why  it's  bothering  you,  I  understand  that.  It's  a  good  thing  you're  bothered  by  her  being  worried  or  upset  over  something,  which  means  the  mysterious  Micah  Coldburn  has  a  heart.  I'll  be  sure  to  inform  the  media,  I'm  sure  everyone  would  love  to  hear  of  this  miracle.❞  Every  bit  of  it  was  teasing  and  joking,  something  they  both  knew  and  understood.  It  was  her  only  way  of  being  able  to  get  a  few  meaningful  words  out,  by  surrounding  them  with  nonsense  so  he  wouldn't  shove  them  away  as  soon  as  possible.  Yet  even  if  she  knew  the  nonsense  was  for  a  real  reason,  she  couldn't  help  how  she  continued  as  she  set  her  glass  down  on  the  table.  ❝Gosh,  it's  almost  like  you  care  about  who  you're  married  to.  Gasp,  an  actual  marriage,  not  a  complete  sham-deal.❞  She  couldn't  help  how  it  continued,  knowing  well  she  could  easily  surprisingly  relax  around  the  male.  ❝The  fact  that  'you  love  your  wife'  sounds  unusual  and  weird,  is  quite  ridiculous,  don't  you  think?❞

It  was  at  that  point  when  a  signature  glare  managed  to  cross  his  features  as  he  watched  the  woman  fall  from  completely  serious  and  land  in  a  pit  of  being  absurd.  The  sight  took  a  moment  to  finally  fade  and  it  only  came  when  he  felt  the  slight  tug  of  a  tiny  hand  on  his  shirt.  At  this  point,  it  had  become  automatic  for  his  arms  to  drop,  allowing  and  helping  the  boy  to  crawl  onto  his  lap.  Immediately,  he  curled  up  and  the  male  had  no  doubt  he  would  most  likely  fall  asleep  right  in  that  spot  and  the  pair  would  be  stuck  there  until  he  woke  up,  because  even  the  oldest  Coldburn  wasn't  heartless  enough  to  try  and  move.  ❝Don't  you  have  two  demons  to  return  to?❞

They  both  knew  he  was  reflecting,  pushing  away  because  of  how  right  she  was,  which  is  what  had  her  leaning  back  into  her  spot  all  over  again.  There  was  no  doubt  in  her  mind  the  feelings  he  had  for  the  woman  and  considering  how  well  she  knew  him,  it  gave  her  one  conclusion.  Quinn  was  more  powerful  than  any  woman  on  Earth.  ❝Have  you  bothered  attempting  to  contact  your  mother?  I  didn't  realize  I  gave  you  her  number  and  address  for  no  reason.❞  It  wasn't  abnormal  for  their  conversation  to  twist  back  into  something  more  serious,  one  of  the  main  reasons  the  pair  had  met  up  at  his  home.

❝I  didn't  see  the  point  in  it.  Marcus  seems  fine  now  and  I  doubt  she'll  end  up  contacting  him  again.  If  she  does  and  he  ends  up  going  on  another  spree,  she  can  go  find  him.❞  Months  were  spent  filled  with  worries  and  murder,  he  wasn't  ready  to  go  through  all  of  that  again  so  soon.  ❝I'll  talk  to  Marcus  about  it  sometime  this  week,  see  what  he  wants  to  do  about  it,  if  he  wants  to  do  anything  at  all.❞

It  sounded  reasonable  to  her,  which  is  what  had  her  shoulders  lifting  in  yet  another  shrug.  She  could  understand  it  considering  how  difficult  it  was  to  find  the  male  and  even  now,  she  was  unsure  just  where  the  other  male's  mental  state  was  at.  At  this  point,  she  was  sure  no  one  was  ready  or  prepared  to  ask  him  how  he  was  doing.  It  took  a  lot  to  get  him  to  go  on  some  spree  without  any  thinking,  she  didn't  want  to  know  how  close  he  was  to  breaking  all  over  again.  ❝You're  a  good  brother,  Micah.  Even  if  you're  also  the  biggest  pain  in  the  ass  on  the  entire  planet.❞  If  there  was  one  thing  most  people  knew  about  him,  it  was  that  he  could  be  completely  heartless,  but  he  was  always  completely  loyal  to  his  brother  and  those  he  considered  to  be  family.  At  this  point,  she  had  no  doubt  he'd  go  to  hell  and  back  for  his  brother,  Xavier,  and  Quinn.  She  even  had  half  a  mind  to  throw  Jayden  into  the  mix,  even  if  she  knew  their  relationship  could  be  quite  rocky  sometimes.

[emospritelet]

Honourable Members

This is partly the fault of @thestraggletag for this post and the subsequent dream I had.  It’s also the fault of Bobby for posting pics of his new project.  I know I said I wouldn’t post it until it was done but I am weak.  Should be a three-parter.  Part two is almost done.  See AO3 re the fictional political parties and Government departments.  Sorry about the title: I am a child :)

AO3 link

If there was one thing Robert Sutherland hated more than any other, it was giving interviews to right-wing lifestyle journalists.  He’d had to suffer through many an indignity in his working life, but relatively little of that life had been under public scrutiny.  He had had what was diplomatically described as an inauspicious start in life, but had developed an interest in politics after becoming a union representative at the factory where he had started work at sixteen.  Coming to Westminster as a backbench MP had opened his eyes to the reality of trying to represent the people he served in a place rife with deep divisions and party infighting.

One of the hardest lessons he had learned was that honesty and integrity did not automatically lead to political success.  A less surprising, if more irritating realisation, was that once you made it to the House of Commons, and especially to the front benches, it was open season on your private life as far as certain sections of the press were concerned.  He thought that it was probably fortunate that he had gotten divorced five years earlier, before becoming leader of his party, but it didn’t stop the speculation about potential love interests. Since leading his party through a successful election campaign, ousting the British Unionists from power in a crushing victory and entering 10 Downing Street, the interest from the press had only grown, and with it the amount of salacious gossip that he tried hard to ignore.

He supposed it was hardly surprising; he had been single since the divorce and happily so, but a vacuum always tempted people to fill it with their own rumours.  His Principal Private Secretary, Carrie de Ville, had assured him that giving interviews to publications such as Green Space would improve his polling amongst right-wing middle class women, but he was beginning to wonder if the current discomfort he felt was worth it.

The current subject of his disdain, Ms Tamara Finlay-Warburton, was perched on a chair in the White State Drawing Room, a porcelain cup of tea steaming in its saucer on the table beside her.  The red-haired woman had been servile to the point of revulsion, but there was a predatory gleam in her blue eyes that told him she was in no way to be trusted.  10 Downing Street’s resident cat, Arthur, had taken one look at her and scurried off, and he considered that a black mark against her character before she had even opened her mouth.

“So,” purred Ms Finlay-Warburton, tapping her pencil on her notebook.  “Still unmarried, after all these years. It must get lonely, having no one to share your success with.”

“Can’t say I’ve thought about it,” he said.  “A little too busy with matters of state.”

“So there’s no special someone?” she pressed.  “No dirty little secrets? We’re all aware of how indispensable your secretary is.”

“Yes, Carrie is my right hand woman,” he said honestly.

“So there’s no sexual tension there?”

He blinked at that.

“Uh - no,” he said.  “Our relationship is very professional.”

“But so many relationships start in the workplace, don’t they?”

“That may be true,” he said, feeling his irritation grow.  “But she’s already married.”

“Well, it’s not as though that’s a barrier to anyone these days,” she said airily. “You can imagine the opportunities for gossip, I’m sure.”

“Did you do any research before this interview?” he asked waspishly.  “She’s married to a woman!”

“Oh.”

She looked momentarily stumped, and shuddered delicately, as though Carrie’s private life was somehow distasteful.  It made him dislike her all the more.

“Well, I did a piece on her last year,” she said.  “I must have forgotten that, but then I was concentrating on her time at university.  Quite the wild thing in her youth.”

“I couldn’t care less what she got up to,” he said, reaching for his tea, and counting down the seconds until the allotted fifteen minutes was up.  “She’s extremely competent.”

“So, no sparks flying from that direction,” she said vaguely, scribbling in her notebook.  “Of course, the other rumour is that you’re having an affair with the intern.  Comments?”

Sutherland almost spat out his tea.

“Alice?”

She sat forward, pale eyes gleaming.

“Why so surprised?” she purred.  “Pretty young girl, blonde curls, all that energy and innocence of youth.  A little odd, by all accounts, so she probably needs taking under your wing and protecting.  Plus, I hear she’s always pulling your tie straight and dusting your shoulders.  Rather familiar for a mere minion, wouldn’t you say?”

“I can assure you she’d think the idea of the two of us sleeping together both hilarious and revolting,” he said tersely.  “And don’t ever call her a minion in my presence again.”

“Ooh, looks like I touched a nerve,” she said, with a smirk.  “No need to hide your office romance from me, Prime Minister.”

“I’m not,” he snapped.

“And why should my readers believe that?”

“Because I’m a massive lesbian!” announced Alice cheerfully, breezing into the room with a leather folder in her hands and her blonde hair bouncing around her shoulders.  “Going from what you write in that magazine of yours, I’m probably at least partly responsible for the decline of society, but I have to say I’m having a lot of fun with it.”

Ms Finlay-Warburton looked as though she’d bitten something sour, and sat back as Alice leaned over to place the folder in Sutherland’s hand.  Alice grinned and leaned closer, making her shrink almost into the cushions of the chair.

“Oh, don’t worry,” said Alice pleasantly.  “You’re so not my type.  I did put my nasty gay hands all over the biscuits though, so I hope you didn’t eat any.”

Sutherland bit the inside of his cheeks to hide a smile, and she winked at him.

“Carrie said to tell you that the car will be here in a moment, sir,” she said.

“Thank you, Alice.”  He stood, tugging his cuffs straight.  “Ms Finlay-Warburton, you must excuse me. Prime Minister’s Questions, you know.  Ms de Ville will show you out.”

He strode out of the room, wanting to sigh with relief, and made it to the waiting car without incident.  It idled outside Number 10, the engine purring as they waited for Carrie to emerge with his briefcase.  She appeared in less than a minute, sharply-tailored charcoal grey trouser suit and white silk shirt beneath a gleaming bob of blonde hair.  She slid onto the back seat beside him, setting the briefcase between them, and the door thumped shut before the car pulled away. Sutherland slipped the leather folder into the case, and Carrie looked at him with some amusement.

“I hear the interview went well,” she said wryly.  “She seemed not to want to shake my hand, so I can only assume she’s remembered I’m a raging homosexual.”

“I don’t understand why you delight in inviting bigots to interview me.”

“Oh, it’s fun,” she said airily.  “They’re always the easiest to offend.  Besides, it’s a section of society in which you need to improve your polling.  You’re falling down with the ‘traditional family values’ mob.”

“I don’t need the support of intolerant arseholes,” he said sourly.

“Now now,” she chided.  “That’s not the attitude to take.  Their votes are as good as anyone’s.  And not all of them are like Ms Fanny-Wobblebum, I assure you.”

“Bloody gossip-monger!” he grumbled, running a hand through short, greying hair.  “She could have asked about the new policy on free childcare or the money for women’s support services, but instead it’s a bunch of bloody shite about work-based romance!  Are they expecting me to be shagging half my staff?”

“Probably.”

“Well, they’re in for a disappointment.”

“Oh, they’ll just make something up, you know how it goes.”

“They’re welcome to.”  He sat back with a sigh.  “Any idea what’s coming up in PMQs?”

“Other than the usual?” she asked.  “Nothing I’ve heard. We’re as prepared as we can be.”

“Good.”

x

The Commons was in excellent voice, the benches filled with MPs, almost all of whom were awake and contributing to the noise.  Sutherland tuned it out, tapping his fingers on the papers in front of him, the crisp white cuffs of his shirt just visible above the sleeves of his black suit.  He knew the contents of his papers by heart, but having them there was useful nonetheless, allowing him to collect his thoughts when necessary. Prime Minister’s Questions was in full swing, and having delivered a ringing endorsement of the government’s economic record in response to a question from his own side, he was waiting for the resulting shouts of derision and braying cheers to die down before the first of the questions from the Opposition back benches.

“Miss Belle French!” bellowed the Speaker.

Sutherland’s brow crinkled for a moment. French, French.  Ah, of course.  New Liberals.  Just won the by-election in Avonleigh.  Carrie says she’s one to watch.

“Thank you, Mr Speaker.”

He glanced around, trying to see where the voice was coming from. There. God, she’s tiny!  A young woman was standing in the top right of the rows of benches.  Small and pale, with deep red lips and chestnut hair tied neatly back, she was dressed in a very respectable dark blue dress and jacket.  She was perhaps five feet four, although his guess could be off by an inch or two, depending on how high her heels were. She was also incredibly pretty, but he did his best to ignore that fact.

“Mr Speaker,” she began, “last week in my constituency of Avonleigh, I received some truly shocking news regarding Government contractor Wolsingham plc and its negligent attitude to its waste treatment facility.  It appears that waste material from the production plant bordering my constituency has been leaking out and is in danger of polluting the water supplies used by local farmers.”

A familiar noise rose in the House, a booming chorus of denials from the Government benches, and roars of support from the Opposition.  Sutherland wanted to sigh. Questions about Wolsingham plc were inevitable, he supposed; nothing stayed secret for long in politics, but he had hoped to avoid the issue for a little longer.

“Rumours have also spread,” she went on, “that the company itself is failing and that its assets are being sold off piecemeal while it destroys the land around it!”

The noise had increased to a roar, the odd bleating noise from some of the older politicians, order papers being waved.

“Having - having made some enquiries—” Miss French was having to shout to be heard over the din.  “—I was shocked to discover that not only was Wolsingham plc fully aware of the pollution, but had done - had - had done—”

The clamour from the House had reached a level loud enough to drown her out, and she bit her lip, clearly frustrated.

“Order!” shouted the Speaker, calming the noise somewhat.  “The Honourable lady must be allowed to put her question!  Which I have every hope she will do very shortly, rather than treat us to a lengthy speech!  Miss French!”

“Thank you, Mr Speaker.”

She was still looking frustrated, and Sutherland sensed that she would abandon the speech, ask her question and be done.  Good.

“My constituents are concerned that special interest groups may be influencing Government policy regarding Wolsingham plc,” she said. “Particularly in respect of their continued breach of environmental legislation, and the company’s future financial viability. What assurances can the Prime Minister give me to take back to my constituents that their concerns are being addressed?”

Sutherland nodded as he stood up at the despatch box, catching her eye. She was staring at him with a strange mixture of caution and hope.

“Let me be amongst the first to welcome the Honourable lady to the House,” he said.  “I trust that she will serve her constituents well, and the country as a whole. This Government is - aware - of the reports of which she speaks, and I can assure her that they are being looked into.  A statement will be made in due course.”

He sat down to indicate that he was finished, shuffling the papers in his hands. Miss French was bouncing on her toes, mouth opening and closing and looking outraged, but the Speaker called another name, and she was forced to sit down, her face like thunder.  Sutherland tried to put her out of his mind as he listened to a question from his own side. A pity she had chosen to raise the bloody subject today, but there it was. No doubt the press would now start digging around, and the whole shit show would be wide open for all to see before they could get everything sewn up.  New MPs.  Always so bloody idealistic.

Once PMQs was over, he gathered his papers, slipping them into his briefcase before stepping away from the despatch box.  There was to be a debate on renewable energy, but he left the Environment Secretary to make the Government’s arguments. Carrie was waiting for him in the lobby, foot tapping impatiently on the stone tiles.  She flicked her hair out of her eyes and arched a brow at him as he left the chamber.

“Well, that was reasonably successful,” she said, taking the briefcase from him and shoving it at one of her assistants as they began walking.  “I thought we might go through the preparations for the President’s visit after your four o’clock.”

“Yes, fine,” he said.  “I believe her wife is coming too?”

“So my counterpart across the pond tells me.”

“Good.  We’ll host them at Chequers, but I’ll leave any decisions on menus and entertainment in your hands.”

“Understood, sir.”

“Prime Minister!”

He wanted to sigh as a clear voice cut across the lobby.  Miss French.  Of course.  He kept walking, shoes ringing on the gleaming tiles.

“Prime Minister, if I might have a word?”

She trotted up beside him, but he didn’t slow his stride.  Carrie looked at her somewhat askance, but said nothing.

“What is it, Miss French?” he asked dismissively.

“My question about Wolsingham plc,” she said, her voice impatient.  “You completely shut me down!”

“No, I gave you an answer,” he said.  “Just not the one you wanted.”

“I told my constituents I would raise the matter with you personally!”

“And so you have,” he said, and turned away from her to Carrie, who was watching him with an amused glint in her eyes.  “Carrie, can we fit Mr Llewellyn in before six, do you think?”

“I could find ten minutes in your diary, sir, no more.  And even that would be a squeeze.”

“Do that, then,” he said.  “If you can get one of your staff to prepare a one-page briefing paper beforehand? I’d rather not go in cold.”

“Consider it done.”

“Thank you.”

They walked on, and Miss French trotted to keep up.

“Prime Minister, might I schedule some time with you to discuss my concerns?” she asked, and he glanced across at her.

“Put your question in writing to Ms de Ville, Miss French, if you’re unhappy with the answer I gave,” he said impatiently.

“It wasn’t an answer!” she retorted.  “It - it was a fudge! You didn’t tell me anything!”

“As I said, put any further requests to my secretary in writing,” he said.

“A letter?” she scoffed.  “Should I sign it with a quill pen?  This isn’t the nineteenth century!”

“There are still protocols to follow, as you’re well aware,” he said.  “I’ve already said we will be making a statement in due course, and I have nothing further to add at this time.”

He walked on, the entrance looming in front of him, spring sunshine spreading across the tiles.  He could hear the rapid click of Miss French’s shoes as she sought to keep up with his stride, and rolled his eyes as they stepped out into the warm spring sunlight.  The press pack waited some way beyond, cameras clicking and flashing, reporters waiting with mikes outstretched, and Miss French was still at his heels like an insistent terrier.

“Prime Minister, I really don’t think you understand how worrying this is for my constituents,” she said, a little breathlessly.  “If we could just sit down to discuss the matter, I’m sure we could—”

Sutherland stopped abruptly, spinning on his toes to face her as he finally lost patience.

“Miss French, are you deaf or merely stupid?” he snapped.  “For the last time, I have nothing to say to you regarding Wolsingham plc and this will remain the case until the Government delivers its official statement on the matter!”

She stared at him, strands of chestnut hair buffeted by the wind.  Her eyes were wide and very blue, her cheeks smooth and pale. She had full lips, painted with a deep red lipstick that outlined them perfectly.  They were slightly parted in shock at his outburst, but there was also fire in her eyes, something he recognised well from his own youth, when he had been filled with ideals, with the desire to do good.  It made him feel old and irrelevant. An ancient political dragon, facing a young would-be slayer, Chosen One of the people. Oddly, it also made him want to stand his ground, to roar and belch out flames one last time to protect what he hoarded.  Instead, he tried for a more measured, dismissive approach. The young firebrand was gone, after all, mellowed by the years into the elder statesman.

“Put your concerns in writing,” he said, more calmly.  “Ms de Ville will bring them to my attention as she sees fit.”

Miss French worked her jaw a little.

“I thought at least you might hear me out,” she said.  “I’m aware you were born and raised in a deprived community, you must know how dependent my people are on the land around them, and—”

“I got where I am by knowing how to pick my battles,” he interrupted. “Something you appear to have no concept of, but which you’ll learn in time, I have no doubt.  If you want to be anything other than a voice in the wilderness, you need to learn how to bend in the wind, follow protocol, and understand that sometimes progress happens in ways you may not always like.”

“I came here to serve my constituents!” she protested, raising her hands and letting them fall.  “To give a voice to those who can’t speak out for themselves, to - to help people!  Not to become part of the problem!”

“Enjoy your time on the back benches, then,” he said, his tone dismissive. “Spend time in your constituency, and leave the politics to those of us who are in touch with reality.  While you’re listening to tales of woe and patting shoulders and kissing babies, you’ll become increasingly irrelevant.”

She opened her mouth angrily, but he cut her off.

“You’re not part of some Borough Council anymore,” he said scathingly.  “Time to grow up. See the big picture.”

“Don’t patronise me!”

“Don’t act like a child, then.”

She took a step towards him, eyes flashing with the light of challenge.  It was giving him a tiny thrill, a tight ball of fire in his chest that was sending a pulsing trail of heat down to his groin.  No one had dared to get in his face to this extent for years, instead shouting their insults from across the benches or making sly comments about his alleged incompetence to the press.  To have someone go toe-to-toe with him outside the Houses of Parliament was almost exhilarating.

“So, one little push back from a woman, and the misogyny surfaces,” she said, in a flat tone.  “Why am I not surprised?”

“My assessment of your behaviour is based on your inexperience and current attitude, not your gender.”

“And you want to teach me a lesson, is that it, sir?”

Oh, his mind did not need to go there!  He yanked it back before his imagination could cause too much mischief.

“I have every confidence that your peers will do that, Miss French,” he said coldly.  “Do us all an enormous favour and try not to get above yourself in the meantime.”

“If you think you can pat me on the head and shut me up, you’re mistaken!”

He smiled at that, knowing how it would irritate her, and was proven right as her glare intensified.

“Well, I must say this passion is admirable,” he drawled.  “But ultimately pointless.  Political naivety may play well in whatever backwater constituency you managed to claw your way into, but in Westminster it’ll get you eaten alive.”

“I have no intention of - of letting you eat me!” she snapped.

A faint blush had risen on her cheeks, and he felt an odd lurch in his belly as his active mind helpfully provided an alternative meaning for that phrase.  She was glaring at him, eyes shooting blue sparks, chin raised as though she would bite him.

“Then take my advice,” he said.  “Pick your battles. Fall in line. And wait your bloody turn.”

“So, they got to you, too?” she said bitterly.  “I might have known. I knew there had to be some reason everyone’s lips are sealed.  Wolsingham has his dirty little fingers in every political pie going, it seems to me.”

As fascinating as she was, Sutherland had had enough.  He raised an admonitory finger, leaning in as his eyes bored into hers and she met him stare for stare.

“You’re new here, Miss French,” he growled, his accent thickening.  “So I’m gonna let that one slide. You ever question my integrity again, and you and I are gonna have a problem, understood?”

She swallowed, sudden fear in her eyes.  It was gone almost as quickly as it had come, her jaw tightening as she faced him down.  Really, she was magnificent. There were flashes in the air around them, the click of cameras, and he wanted to groan as he remembered they were in the sights of the entirety of the Westminster press.  At least they were out of reach of any microphones, he supposed. He leaned back, swallowing his anger, and nodded curtly.

“Good day, Miss French.”

He turned on his heel, Carrie side-eyeing him before following him to the car. Reporters clamoured, questions being fired at him, but he ignored them all, slipping onto the back seat and staring straight ahead as Carrie got in on the other side.  The door closed with a heavy thump, and the sounds of the waiting press were cut off immediately. Thank God for armour plating.

“Well,” said Carrie, as the car pulled slowly away.  “That was - bracing.”

She sounded highly amused, and he decided to change the subject before she could start teasing him.

“Who’s next?” he asked.

“Lunch first,” she said promptly.  “Then I thought we might go through the Select Committee papers before tomorrow.  And you have a four-thirty with the Chancellor.”

“Fine.”

Sutherland sat back as the car headed for Downing Street, trying to ignore his thumping heart.  Miss French was a mouthy nuisance, to be sure, and he wanted to put her from his mind, but the encounter had made him feel more alive than he had in years.

x

The heavy tick of the clock on the wall showed that it was after ten, and Sutherland pinched the bridge of his nose to clear his eyes.  A large tabby cat with white socks was settled comfortably on a pile of discarded papers to his left, purring contentedly. Arthur’s job was supposedly to catch mice, but he seemed to spend most of his time sleeping as far as Sutherland could tell.  He didn’t mind that too much; he liked cats, and it was nice to have a little company in the evenings when he finally stopped working. He scratched Arthur’s ears, receiving a nuzzle in response, and set the final document aside just as Carrie entered.  She had a glass of whisky in one hand, a pile of newspapers in the crook of her arm and a wide grin on her face.

“Well, at least you made the front page.”

She dropped the first editions of the next day’s papers on his desk, startling the cat into a standing position. He lashed his striped tail before settling down again, tucking his feet under as the top newspaper—a copy of The Sun—slithered off the pile into Sutherland’s hands.  A picture took up almost the entire page, a close-up of he and Miss French practically nose to nose, glaring at one another with every ounce of the mutual disdain they could muster.  The headline above, in thick red letters, shouted GET A ROOM!

Sutherland groaned under his breath as Carrie chortled, and despite himself he read the opening paragraphs of the drivel masquerading as an article. Sparks flew this afternoon outside the Houses of Parliament as Avonleigh’s stunning New Liberal MP Belle French went toe-to-toe with the PM!  Petite brunette Belle (29) let Sutherland have it with both barrels! You could cut the sexual tension with a knife, and your Sun reporter wonders how they might break their deadlock outside of a bedroom!  Policy difference or lovers’ tiff? See more on page 2! Pages 4 and 5: Belle French - bombshell or bitch?

He tossed the paper aside in disgust, and Carrie caught it, grinning at him.

“Now now,” she chided.  “Don’t blame the press for the stories they cover.”

“It’s The Sun,” he growled.  “One flash of a pretty woman’s legs and they collectively lose their tiny minds.”

“So, you think she’s pretty?”

“Please tell me she didn’t give an interview,” he sighed, ignoring her question.

“Not that I can see,” she said.  “But the two of you made the front of every tabloid there is.  Even pushed the latest horror story about a new Ice Age off page 1 of The Express.”

“Wonders will never cease,” he remarked.

“I expect she might use the sudden interest to publicise her concerns over Wolsingham, though.”

“Well, that can’t be helped,” he sighed.  “It’s all gonna come out soon, anyway. However things go.  Did we hear anything from DII?”

“Talks still ongoing with potential administrators.”

He grunted.  Lengthy talks about financial viability never boded well, in his experience.

“You know,” she said thoughtfully, looking the paper over.  “They’re not wrong. You could cut the sexual tension with a knife.”

“Fuck’s sake, Carrie…”

“I’m teasing.”  She rolled up the paper and swatted him with it.  “I’m sure your intentions are completely honourable.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course, hers might not be…”

“Can we leave Miss French out of this?” he snapped.  “Is there any actual news I need to hear?”

“Apparently William Hill’s have slashed the odds on you getting married during this Parliament to seven to one.”

“Carrie!”

“Alright, fine!” she sighed.  “The Guardian didn’t mention the spat; however, they have picked up on the precarious position of Wolsingham plc and are starting to put feelers out.  You have a nine o’clock tomorrow with the Minister. There’s a briefing in the folder at the bottom of that pile.”

“Thank you.”

“The Telegraph, Independent and Financial Times are focusing on the prospective deal with the US, unsurprisingly,” she said.  “I thought we might release the President’s proposed itinerary tomorrow.”

“Yes, fine,” he said absently.  “Are we expecting any protests?”

Carrie snorted, setting down the glass of whisky.

“Since that bigoted, racist disaster was ousted and thrown in jail, public perception of the White House has improved greatly.”

“Not wholly surprising,” he remarked, and she nodded.

“A few small groups have requested permission to march,” she said.  “Mainly pacifists, anti-capitalists and anti-pharma, nothing to cause any real disruption.”

“Fine,” he said, pushing the pile of newspapers away and sitting back in his chair.  “Go on, get home. I’m sure Ursula would like to see some of you this week.”

“I’m sure she’d like to see all of me,” she said, with a wink.  “Are you sure? I can stay if you need my input on anything.”

“Go home,” he said firmly.  “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yes, sir,” she said.  “Don’t stay up all night.  And try not to let the gutter press give you nightmares, hmm?”

“Would you bugger off before I change my mind?”

She swept out, chuckling, and he sighed, reaching for the glass of whisky she had brought him and sitting back in his chair.  It wouldn’t hurt to take a break. There were some papers he wanted to look through, but nothing that needed his immediate attention.  He sipped at the whisky, enjoying the smooth burn on his tongue, the warmth of good alcohol and the taste of honey, peat and smoke.

The image of Belle French kept swimming to the front of his mind, blue eyes sparking with anger and passion, and he scowled to himself, shoving the memory away.  So what if she had intrigued him? She had all but accused him of impropriety in respect of a Government contractor. The fact that her claim was bollocks was beside the point; she had no business throwing around accusations with the press pack just out of reach.  He recalled that Carrie had caught some of her campaign on a visit to Avonleigh, and had been impressed with the dedication and passion she had seen, but if Miss French was to succeed, she would need to learn to bend a little. She wouldn’t last long in Westminster if she couldn’t rein in her clearly impulsive nature.  Her fellow MPs would soon steer her right.

He shook his head, wondering why he was wasting time thinking about her future.  It wasn’t as though they would be working together, and she was on the Opposition benches, if not in the official party of Opposition, so hardly likely to be looking to him as a potential mentor.  Even if she was, the woman was clearly wet behind the ears and he didn’t have the patience to deal with that level of inexperience. Besides, it was unlikely they would cross paths unless he wished it; as a new back-bencher she had been lucky to get to ask a question at PMQs.  There would be no reason for him to have to endure her impertinence again.

He drank the last of the whisky, putting down the glass with a clunk and making the rare decision to go to bed at a reasonable hour.  Arthur seemed to sense that he was making a move, and stood up, stretching paws in front of him and curling his tail over. Sutherland petted him, pushing back his chair and heading for the door, the cat sauntering in his wake as he prayed for a decent night’s sleep, free of dreams of fiery young blue-eyed goddesses with perfect lips.

[crashdevlin]

To Hell and Back 2- Assignment

To Hell and Back Masterlist

Author’s Note: Originally posted to ao3 (This is an edited and improved version). This is an AU of my story ‘Marion’ and is just as epic as that series. 

Summary: Marion goes on a mission for her boss.

Pairing(s): Crowley x Marion-ish

Word Count: 3148

Chapter Warnings: smoking, Dean’s isn’t the best brother, angst, mentions of child abuse, demon deals

Marion put the key in the door and shuffled into the motel room, dropping the bag at the end of the bed and heading for the bathroom as she always did when she first entered a motel room. She'd insisted on being given her own room when she was 17. It was partly for safety, since the monsters always seemed to find John and the boys' room, and partly for feminine privacy, and partly for him.

"What do you want, Crowley?" She asked, walking out of the bathroom and dropping to the bed.

"Whatever happened to your manners? I know I taught you better than that." A deep, gravelly accent came from the chair next to the television.

"Yeah, but then my daddy came in and fucked it all up." She pulled the knot out of her bootlaces and toed her boots off. "The question hasn't changed, Crowley."

"You know, it's days like this I regret pulling you outta the way of that Chevy." He said, standing and adjusting his suit jacket.

"Yeah." Marion threw her boots at the corner of the room and turned her eyes on the demon. "But then you remember that you came here for a reason and you give me my damn assignment."

Crowley handed her a small piece of paper. "Name's Devon McIntyre. He sold it fer money, so you can do this one without the guilt."

"Fine." She snatched the paper and pocketed it. "You can go, now."

"You know, there was a time when you enjoyed my company. What happened?"

She looked away from him. "I figured out who you really are and what you do to the people I mark."

"They do it to themselves. They know what they're signing up for." He tried to catch her eyes, but she just let her dyed brunette hair hang in a protective curtain in front of her face, so he just rolled his eyes. "I have never lied to anyone about what Hell has in store for them. And I told you what I was back when you were too young and dumb to hate me for it."

She tucked her hair behind her ear and glared at him. "I'm a hunter, you ass! A demon killed my mother!"

"And a demon saved you!" Crowley shouted. "So many times that I would be bisected if the boys downstairs knew about it." He stepped forward. "I pulled you out of the path of that truck when you were four. I ripped the head off that vampire when you were twelve. I'm the one who risked my entire reputation to claim a damn hunter's daughter so that no other demons would lay a bloody pinkie on you, and I tried to convince you to back off when you insisted on helping me when you were sixteen."

He gave a huffing breath. "You wanna back out now? Sorry, it doesn't work that way, Lilith has you on contract sealed with a sodding kiss and as long as she's around, you work for us! Not my fault, you moody little-" Crowley took a deep breath and sighed, letting his anger go. "Just go mark the wealthy little arsehole so my dogs can find him."

Marion nodded, looking away again. "We're on a hunt. It may be a few days." She pulled the paper out of her pocket and set it on the side table.

If she'd been looking at him she would've seen him open his mouth like he'd wanted to say something else, but he just nodded and disappeared.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Marion was halfway through her fourth cigarette in a chain when her phone went off. She grabbed it off the side table and flipped it open. "It's a ghost." Dean gave no greeting. "A woman named Constance Welch threw herself off the bridge where we stopped earlier. We're gonna head down there, later, see if we can draw her out."

"Okay. Lemme know how it goes. How you lookin' for salt rounds?"

"We're good." There was a moment of silence. "You want in on this?" His tone told her he wanted her to say 'no'.

"No. You get to gank ghosts with me all the time. Spend some time with Sammy. Who knows when you'll have an opportunity for Sam bonding again?"

"Yeah. Sounds good. We'll call."

"Right." Marion said, disbelieving as she flipped her phone closed. She ran her hand down her face and sighed, pulling her bag off the ground and dropping it to the bed. She pulled out her slinky red dress and her strappy black heels from the very bottom of her duffel and slipped them onto her body. After pulling her hair into a messy up-do and pasting her face with bright red lipstick and brown eye shadow, she walked out of her motel room and headed to a luxury car with a demon in the driver's seat. The door opened without being touched and she slipped into the back next to Crowley, whose eyes slid down her profile without hesitation. "If you mention how well I fill out this dress, I will stab you in the eye with my branding iron." She didn't look his way as she spoke, but noticed his acceptance of her terms.

He nodded and signaled for the driver to head toward their destination. The Lincoln was silent through the entire ride, Marion biting the inside of her lip and thinking back to simpler times as they drove. When they pulled up in front of the mansion, she easily slipped out and up to the door and rang the bell. She smiled for the camera near the buzzer. "Who are you?" A voice came through the speaker.

"I'm a gift... from Mr. Crowley." She responded, sweetly, but inside she was grimacing at the sentence.

The door opened, just slightly, to reveal an attractive, well-dressed brunette man, eyeing her warily. "Crowley?"

"Mr. Crowley would like me to remind you that he kept his end of the deal. He made you wealthy and thus appealing to women. May I?" She pushed past him into the mansion, across the lines of the Devil's Trap painted on the floor by the door. "Mr. Crowley would also like me to tell you that he's aware that you are planning to run from him, that you think you can use the resources he awarded you to hide from him. He wants me to tell you that he didn't get to be King of the Crossroads by letting greedy little pissants squirm out of their contracts, and you won't be the first, or last, to try." She said, before grabbing his shirt and jabbing her branding iron into his left bicep. She let him go and stepped back to allow him to examine the burn mark.

"What the fuck was that?!"

“A homing beacon for Crowley’s hounds. No matter where you run, they’ll find you. Thanks for playing.” She said, starting to go. Devon grabbed her hand and tried to pull her back. She twisted, ax-kicked him in the head and grabbed his throat. “You have a week, you miserable prick. You have a week to do something worthwhile. Do not make me cut out all that potential by killing you early.” She threatened, tossing him to the ground and walking out of the Devil’s Trap on the way out.

“You aren’t a demon?”

“No. But I’m sure he’ll turn me into one, eventually.” She said, before shutting the door on him.

“You know that’s not going to happen.” Crowley said, opening the car door for her.

“What?”

“That’s not your deal. You didn’t sign away your soul, you signed away your work. Just like a real job, it only seems like it’s crushing your soul.” Crowley said, as the car pulled away from the mansion.

“I’m helping demons, Crowley. Helping you damn souls to unbelievable torment. That doesn’t sound like something that’s gonna get me into Heaven.”

“Well, there’s always the Void.”

“Yeah. Being a ghost. That sounds peachy.” She said, sarcastically.

“Look, you knew. You asked for this. I begged you not to kiss me, but you thought you knew what you were doing.”

“I was sixteen!” She exclaimed. “I just wanted my father to stop hitting me.”

“And it worked, right? He hasn’t hit you in a decade.” Crowley reasoned, trying to block out the thought that he’d have already taken her to Hell, if she’d signed a normal contract.

“It doesn’t change it, Crowley. It doesn’t change the fact that I traded my well-being for… this. I thought I knew what I was doing and I thought I was grown enough to make that decision, but I wasn’t.”

There was silence in the car for half an hour as she looked out the window. “Well, if you do end up in Hell, Marion, I’ll make sure they go easy on you. That’s the best I got. See you next time.” Crowley said as they pulled into the motel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Crowley stared out the window of his mansion, lost in thought. He knew what was being planned for the Winchesters, what Lilith and Azazel were going to do to bring Lucifer home. He felt almost bad for Marion. He'd known her since she was a wee thing and if there were a Winchester who deserved to be kept out of all the bullshit Hell had planned, it was Marion.

Sometimes he really did think he should have let her die when she was four. That way she never would have had to deal with Mary Winchester's death or the way John dealt with the pain of her demise. She never would have had to deal with demons and monsters, she never would have had to deal with Crowley, himself. Life would've been much sweeter for his Marion if she'd just died at four years old.

Crowley grimaced at the term. His Marion. It seemed like it might be an endearment, but it was the truth. She signed herself over to him, kissed her life away. He could keep her like a slave, but he chose not to. Ungrateful cunt.

He turned to demon lounging on his couch, wearing a short, well-dressed blonde lawyer as a vessel. "You. Go change your meat suit. I've got some tensions I need to relieve."

"Anything in particular, sir?"

Crowley sighed. "Tall, tan, bottle brunette, green eyes, and leather. Go more Roadhouse and less Mistress with it."

She smiled. "Yes sir." It took her half an hour to reappear, in a vessel that almost matched his request. "I could only find a blue-eyed one."

"It'll have to do." Crowley growled, twisting a hand into her hair and crashing his mouth into hers.

Two hours later, he looked down at the surrogate he'd taken his frustrations out on. Covered in bruises, bleeding cuts and cum, he could almost imagine this biker chick in her forties was Marion. The illusion was broken as soon as he thought about it, though, so he rolled away from her and snapped to replace his clothing. "Get your old meat suit back. She's good fer business. But... keep track of this one."

"Yes, sir."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Marion was pulling her boots on the next morning when a knock came to her motel room door. She opened it and smiled tightly at Dean. "Dad had a room here, too. Figured out we're dealing with a Woman in White. He hasn't been here in a few days. You hungry?"

"Yeah, actually." She grabbed her black fleece jacket and walking out the door with him. She noticed the police presence right before Dean did. He looked over, saw the police car parked by the clerk's office who was talking to the deputies. When the clerk pointed at Dean and Marion, Dean pulled out his cell, calling Sam as the deputies started to approach them.

"Dude, five-oh. Take off." There was a second of silence. "Uh, they kinda spotted us. Go find Dad." Dean flipped the phone closed and turned to the deputies with a grin. "Problem, officers?"

"Did we do something?" Marion asked, innocently.

"Where's your partner?" The deputy asked, ignoring Marion.

"Partner? What, what partner?” Dean asked. Marion put on her best clueless face.

Deputy Jaffe, according to his name tag, glanced over his shoulder and jerked his thumb towards the motel room. Deputy Hein headed over there. Dean fidgeted. “So, fake US Marshal. Fake credit cards. You got anything that’s real?” Jaffe asked.

“My boobs.” Dean replied, with a smirk.

Marion rolled her eyes and put her hands behind her head as the cop slammed Dean into the hood. “The best thing you can do, stud, is keep your mouth closed. You obviously need a refresher on your ‘right to remain silent’.”

“Like I’m gonna take legal advice from a prostitute.” Dean snapped, thankfully catching on to her train of thought.

The cop turned her around and examined her. He seemed a bit skeptical about her status as a working girl. The jeans, boots and fleece jacket weren’t exactly street-walker clothes. “You don’t know each other?”

“Look, ask the clerk. Paid in cash. I was just looking for a place to bed down. I work from home… even when I don’t have a home, if you get my drift. I’m not saying I’m a sex worker, but… I’ve never met this guy before this morning. He was gonna buy me breakfast and we were gonna head back to my room.”

The deputy looked between the two of them, then pulled her handcuffs off. “It’s your lucky day. This guy is a much bigger fish than you. But if I find you soliciting in my town again, I’ll personally escort you downtown.”

“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.” She said. She leaned over next to Dean, who was bent over the back of the cop car. “Better luck next time, handsome.” She whispered before walking off toward her room. Sam was sitting on her bed.

“How’d you manage?” He asked.

“I convinced them I was a whore. They let me go because they didn’t have any proof that I know Dean. This is one time I’m glad I stayed in the car.” She said, grabbing her bag off the floor and rifling through it. “So, where to?”

“Uh, Joseph Welch. He’s the husband of the woman in white. That’s where Dad would’ve gone.”

“Okay.” She sighed. “I don’t even know what I’m looking for in here.” She threw her hands up and headed toward the window. She watched as the police car pulled away with Dean in the back. She pulled Dean’s keys out of her jacket pocket and nodded toward Sam.

“When did he hand over his keys?” Sam asked.

“I picked them off him when I said goodbye.” She said, heading out the door and into the parking lot.

Marion tossed the keys at Sam. “If I move the seat forward, Dean will kill me.” She said, getting in on the passenger side.

“You… you got really good at this stuff.” Sam said, sliding in behind the steering wheel.

“I was never bad at it, Sammy. I just didn’t have a lot of opportunity to show my skill, when you were around.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sam pulled into the driveway of a house with an overgrown yard. Marion got out and walked up to the door in front of Sam. She knocked with a closed fist. An older man opened and looked out at them. “Hi. Are you Joseph Welch?” Sam spoke up.

“Yeah.” Joseph responded, walking out of his doorway and shutting the door behind him.

“Hi. We just need to ask you a few questions.” Marion said, with a smile.

“Have you seen this man?” Sam asked, handing Joseph a picture of John and the 2 boys. Marion, of course, was not in the picture.

“Yeah. He was a little older, but that’s him.” Joseph said, handing the photo back to Sam. “He came by three or four days ago. Said he was a reporter.”

“That’s right. We’re all working on a story together.” Sam replied, as they walked into the junk that was Joseph Welch’s front yard.

“Well, I don’t know what the hell kinda story you’re working on. The questions he asked me?”

“About your wife Constance?” Marion asked.

“He asked me where she was buried.”

"And where is that again?" Sam leaned over the shorter man as he spoke.

“What, I gotta go through this twice?”

“It’s fact-checking. If you don’t mind.” Marion said.

“In a plot. Behind my old place over on Breckenridge.” Joseph answered.

“And, why did you move?” Sam asked.

“I’m not gonna live in the house where my children died.” Joseph responded.

Sam and Marion stopped walking. Joseph followed suit. “Mr. Welch, did you ever marry again?” Sam asked.

“No way. Constance, she was the love of my life. Prettiest woman I ever known.”

“So, you had a happy marriage?”

Joseph hesitated before responding. Bingo. “Definitely.”

“Well, that should do it. Thanks for your time.” Sam said with a smile. Marion stood her ground while Joseph and Sam started walking in their separate directions. Sam waited a moment, then look back at Joseph. “Mr. Welch, did you ever hear of a woman in white?”

Joseph turned back around. “A what?”

“A woman in white. Or sometimes ’Weeping Woman’?” Marion said. The man just stared.

“It’s a ghost story. Well, it’s more of a phenomenon, really.” Sam started to walk back to the man. “Um, they’re spirits. They’ve been sighted for hundreds of years, dozens of places. In Hawaii, Mexico, lately in Arizona, Indiana. All these are different women.” Sam stopped in front of Joseph Welch. “You understand. But all share the same story.”

“I don’t care much for nonsense.” Joseph said, starting to head toward his house again.

“See, when they were alive, their husbands were unfaithful to them. And these women, basically suffering from temporary insanity, murdered their children.” Sam seemed to hit the right button because Joseph turned around. “Then, once they realized what they had done, they took their own lives. So, now their spirits are cursed, walking back roads, waterways. And if they find an unfaithful man, they kill him. And that man is never seen again.”

“You think...you think that has something to do with...Constance? You smartass!”

“You tell us.”

“I mean, maybe... maybe I made some mistakes. But no matter what I did, Constance, she never would have killed her own children. Now, you get the hell out of here! And you don't come back!” Joseph’s face shook in anger and grief, then he turned away. Marion and Sam walked back to the Impala.

“Guess you got pretty good at this stuff, too.” Marion said.

“Thanks. Now, let’s spring the idiot and we can burn Constance’s bones and get back to Paolo Alto.” Sam said, pulling out his cell phone.

Supernatural Tag- @letsby

[singledarkshade]

Waverider Detective Agency

Part Four

Rip let out a long sigh of relief as he leaned back against the cool bathroom wall, his stomach finally empty. Drinking helped him forget for a little while, it made the long nights alone easier but the morning after was always hellish and it never seemed to get any better.

He hated everyone right now, up to and including himself. All he wanted was to go back to the home he’d made with Miranda and Jonas.

It hadn’t been a big house, but it was theirs and it had been his sanctuary after a long day with the two people he lived for. Until the night it had become the scene of his biggest nightmare.

By the time he’d been released from the hospital, his mother had the house cleaned out, sold and had moved him into an apartment in the centre of the city.

Rip loved his mother, she had become his family when he thought he’d never get one. Mary partly knew what he was going through, her husband and daughter had been killed in a car crash a few years before she’d taken him in. She knew how painful seeing reminders of those that had been taken from you could be but Rip knew the death of the people he loved had been his fault.

He knew that she’d given him the Agency to give him something to focus on but also it was a way to hide him in case Druce decided to come after him again. Rip didn’t expect him to because, there was nothing more the man could do to him but also Druce was so well known he’d want to get somewhere he could hide.

The alarm on his phone began to buzz and Rip sighed, this meant he had to get ready to go to his new job. His mother wanted him to feel better but right now getting up each morning was all he was able to do.

He needed a shower and coffee…a lot of coffee.

 Gideon twisted her hair up out of her face before she grabbed her jacket and bag heading out the door.

“Good morning,” a familiar voice made her jump when she reached the stairs, surprised to see Rip walking down from the floor above her.

“Good morning, Rip,” she greeted him softly, “How are you?”

She saw something flicker in his eyes but it was gone too quickly as the genial expression he had reappeared.

“Still getting my bearings,” he shrugged, “You?”

Gideon smiled, “Needing coffee. I’m hoping John will be open and selling it this morning but you never know.” His confused expression made her laugh and she started walking down the stairs, Rip at her side, “John is a little eccentric and what his café sells changes on an almost daily basis but for some reason he’s running a really successful business.”

To her amazement Rip gave a very slight smile and Gideon was surprised how handsome it made him. Just for that brief second, she got to see the man before he’d lost his family and Gideon wished she had known him then.

“Well, Kendra called me last night and we have a client first thing this morning,” Gideon told him, “Hopefully it will be something other than a cheating spouse.”

Rip nodded, “That would be nice.”

He opened the front door, holding it open making Gideon smile and they talked generally about the agency as they walked. Gideon told him about her first few months in charge and some of the cases she’d worked on. Finally reaching John’s which was, to her relief, selling coffee.

“Morning, love,” John greeted her the moment she walked in, “And I’m going to assume this is the new partner.”

“Rip Hunter meet John Constantine,” Gideon introduced them, “Don’t pay attention to him, Rip. John is very protective of me and Kendra since we’re his best customers.”

John nodded, “That and they found out one of my ex-employees was stealing from me. They’re my girls, more precious to me than my own sisters…”

“You don’t have any sisters,” Gideon interrupted him

 “So I like to make sure no one does anything that could hurt them,” John continued ignoring her.

Rip glanced over at Gideon, “I would never allow that either,” he gave another very slight smile adding, “My mother would kill me and she is much more terrifying than you.”

John laughed, “You’re damn right about that. What can I get you this morning?”

“My usual coffee order,” Gideon smiled.

“And I’ll just take a black coffee,” Rip added.

John nodded, “Coming right up.”

  Rip watched Gideon’s look of bliss as she took a long drink and frowned slightly, “That is a lot of sugar and caffeine.”

She gave a shrug, “It keeps me going.”

“I’m sure,” he noted, reaching the office he opened the door for her again.

They found Kendra already in, at her desk on the computer working, “Morning,” she greeted them, “Your appointment is in twenty minutes.”

“Thank you,” Rip gave Kendra quick nod heading into his office and closing the door. He sat and drank his coffee, relieved that his headache had disappeared.

He was beginning to truly like the two women he was now working with despite not wanting to. Getting attached to anyone was not something he could ever do again. It didn’t matter how sweet Kendra was or Gideon’s brilliance, optimistic nature and energy, something he was beginning to suspect had a lot to do with the amount of caffeine and sugar she ingested on what appeared to be a daily basis.

Rip knew he had to keep himself apart from them as much as possible. It was only a year and then he could go back to work properly.

Twenty minutes passed quickly and the sound of the door opening alerted him to the fact their client had arrived. Taking a deep breath, focussing himself Rip stepped out of his office finding Kendra talking to a woman who appeared to be in her late thirties, possibly early forties.

“Mrs Hillier,” Kendra said softly, “This is Rip Hunter and Gideon Ryder.”

Rip took the woman’s hand and shook it politely but allowed Gideon to take the lead as they guided the woman into her office.

“What can we do for you, Mrs Hillier?” Gideon asked.

                                  *********************************************

  “Where are we going?” Rip asked as he followed Gideon through the streets of Central City.

“Since we’ve been hired to find a missing person, I’m making sure that the person is truly missing,” Gideon told him before explaining, “I made the mistake in my early career of almost letting a man know where his abused ex-wife was hiding from him. Because I bought his sob-story.”

Rip nodded, “Okay. So where are we going?”

“I have made a few friends in the past year,” she smiled turning the corner and motioning to the police precinct before them.

Rip stalled, he took a quick breath to steel himself before continuing to walk with her. This wasn’t his own precinct, it was likely no one would know who he was. Walking in he felt a pang at the fact he’d been forced to leave effectively his second home, even though all the good memories of it had been tainted by the man who Rip had trusted so much.

“Miss Ryder,” a male voice brought Rip back to the present finding an older man walking towards them with an amused smile on his face, “I thought we agreed you’d warn us before you came visiting so we had time to protect ourselves after last time.”

Gideon frowned folding her arms across her chest, “That was not even remotely my fault, Detective West.”

“Tell that to Eddie,” West teased before motioning over to the other side of the room, “He’s back by the way. Leg is all healed.”

Gideon smiled, “That’s good. I will make sure to say hello before we leave.”

“We?”

“Detective Joe West this is my new partner, Rip Hunter,” Gideon introduced them.

Rip offered his hand, West gave him a quick puzzled look before shaking it.

“Nice to meet you, Detective,” Rip said.

“You too,” West replied, “So are you here to keep her out of trouble or help her get into more?”

Gideon let out an indignant snort making Rip smile slightly.

“Just following on at the moment,” he replied, “Learning the ropes.”

“Which is why we’re here,” Gideon said, “I’ve…We’ve been hired to find a young woman and I want to make sure she’s missing first.”

West smiled again and motioned her to follow him, “Has she told you the story of Halloween?”

“Detective,” Gideon said sweetly but steel in her voice, “Please do not try to scare off my new business partner.”

“I’m sure you’ll be able to do that yourself,” West patted her shoulder as he took his seat and accessed his computer, “Name?”

“Maria Hillier,” Rip stated.

West quickly typed and brought up a file, “Maria Hillier, seventeen. Last seen six weeks ago after a night out with her boyfriend in Keystone. Mother filed a missing person’s report but there have been no sightings of her since.”

“Mrs Hillier claims her daughter called two nights ago and all she said was Central City,” Gideon explained, “And Paradise before hanging up.”

“Yeah, the police tried to trace the call but got nothing,” West mused, “It looks genuine.”

Smiling Gideon gave the detective a small brown paper bag, “From John’s.”

“That’s my girl,” West winked at her, “Make sure you say hi to Eddie.”

  Rip followed Gideon through the bullpen to where a blond man sat going through several files. He stood back out of the way as Gideon headed over to speak with the man. When his mother had spoken of Gideon over the past year it was always with fondness, talking about her as someone who had a light in them. Someone who seemed to make friends with basically everyone she met. Watching her interact with the cops it was clear to see what Mary had been talking about. She was one of the most personable people he had ever met and he found he was looking forward to seeing her working properly on a case.

“Rip Hunter,” Gideon spoke up motioning him over, “This is Detective Eddie Thawne. He saved my life a few months ago.”

“That might be a bit overdramatic,” Eddie chuckled, “But I did get stabbed in the leg for her.”

Rip nodded, “It’s good to meet you.”

“We have to go,” Gideon said, “Eddie, we will catch up soon?”

Eddie gave her a hug and kiss on the cheek, “Definitely.”

Gideon gave the other man a smile before she started out with Rip following on behind her.

“So, Eddie seems like a nice guy,” Rip noted as they left the building.

Gideon nodded, “Oh, he is. One of the best. I introduced him to his girlfriend.”

“Was that something to do with a case?” Rip asked amused.

Rolling her eyes at him, Gideon replied, “Actually she’s a regular at John’s. Now we have work to do for your first proper case.”

Following on Rip sighed at thought of his first proper case reminding himself it was only one year.

  “Okay, I have a Paradise Hairdressers, Paradise Island Arcade,” Kendra noted continuing, “Paradise Gardens Tea Rooms then finally the Paradise Hotel and Spa.”

Rip frowned, at least it wasn’t too long a list, “Then we need to check all of them.”

“I can take the Hairdressers and Arcade,” Kendra told them, “They’re on my way home. The Tea Gardens are closed and have been for the past three months for refurbishment so that is a possibility.”

“What about the hotel and spa?” Gideon asked.

Kendra shrugged, “It’s only been opened a few months, but it has fantastic reviews. I hope it isn’t a front for anything because some of these treatments look fantastic.”

Gideon chuckled, “I will check out the spa then.

“Alone?” Rip demanded concerned.

She shrugged, “It’s nothing I’ve not done before. Besides I will be there for a treatment if I can find a booking soon.”

“You’ve got a facial in an hour,” Kendra spoke up from the computer with a smile.

“I don’t like it,” Rip told, “If this is the front for something then you snooping around could get you hurt.”

Giving him a slightly smug smile, she patted his arm, “You forget how long I have been doing this, Rip. I know what I’m getting myself into.”

“But…” he trailed off for a second trying to find an argument before noting, “What about teaching me the ropes.”

Gideon rolled her eyes at him, “You were a cop. Did you not do any undercover work?”

“Not really,” Rip shrugged, “I’m yours to teach.”

She stared at him for several moments before giving in, “Fine but you do exactly what I tell you.”

Rip nodded, “Of course.”

Grabbing her bag and jacket she motioned him to follow her, “Come on. We have work to do.”

Part Five