#i had to tell my manager i didn't have the bandwidth to look at something today

[navybrat817]

Me today, lovelies.

[thebibliosphere]

Hi there, ive come from your post about ADHD and emotional disregulation, firstly thank you so much for putting it into words, its such a complicated part of how i deal with emotions and i havent ever been able to articulate how to why.

Secondly, in that post you mentioned how you've used stress as a motivator and how eventually your stress regualtion broke, i was wondering if you'd be willing to talk about that? (If not, its not a problem)

I feel like the same thing has happened to me but until i read your post i had no idea that something had... snapped? I suppose? I struggle with motivation all the time and in the past id have a week or a few days left and id be able to suddently push myself very hard to complete whatever it is before the deadline, just barely making it in most cases. However now it seems that i can't find that motivation anymore, deadlines come and pass and i can't being myself to work on anything, and i just end up spiralling into shame and guilt. That motivation was the only thing that I was able to rely on sometimes for things like uni, and i conviced myself that it was just me growing lazy or trying to get out of responsibility as to why the "last minute panic-mode" doesnt work anymore.

Again, if you don't wanna tackle this can of worms or if it's something youd rather not post online i totally get it, its no biggie! thanks so much for making the original post as well, it means a lot

Hello friend, thanks for the message. I'm sorry you're also dealing with this.

The good news here is that I've already talked about this using the rubber band analogy my therapist gave me. (Stress is like a Rubber Band)

If you don't have the mental bandwidth to read all of it now, the tl;dr is "stress is like a rubber band; it can stretch to hold numerous things in place when you need to, but if you do it too often or keep adding more and more strain under the band, the elastic eventually becomes brittle and snaps, taking your mental and sometimes physical health with it too."

I've been in intensive therapy for this for roughly three years now, and trying to piece my brain back together after my last bout of stress-induced productivity gave me a total mental breakdown.

It's... odd not being able to use stress and having to actively avoid it to avoid a relapse. But it is doable. Medication would help, but alas, I've got weird health issues and am unmedicated at the minute.

(And just in case that sparks anyone to go, "Oh, you do all this unmedicated! Wow, that's so inspiring!" as sometimes parents do to me on here as they then tell me they don't want to medicate their kids, I've unfortunately also written a post about what that kind of success looks like from an unmedicated perspective and the kind of suicidal ideation I deal with on the regular because I cannot take meds. It is not pleasant reading, but it is necessary for some folks, specifically anti-med, "if you just tried harder" people.)

A book you may find helpful is Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, by Emily and Amelia Nagoski. It was very validating for me to read about other people going through the same things, and made me feel less of a "this is a personal failing on my part" and more of a "Oh okay yeah, no stress literally breaks people."

It helped soothe some of my own internalized "I just need to try harder" and helped cement me on the path I was already going down with my ADHD therapist toward changing how I view myself and how I manage my ADHD.

I hope that helps! If you've got more specific questions or I didn't touch on something in my old post, I can try to answer them :)

[bloodtiesstilllives]

Spending Time With Living History

An interesting thought struck me on a day where I planned to do nothing. This is a bit of genre pushing, but it was fun to think about so I going to do it.

I thought about Lex Luthor from Smallville (before his relationship with Clark imploded) and Henry Fitzroy meeting and hanging out for a hot minute.

Let me set the stage. Henry is in Metropolis and is obviously walking around at night. Lex catches sight of him as he is leaving Luthor Corp for the night.

It's a city and there are a whole lot of young attractive people, but this guy, this guy is different for some reason. First off he's alone this late at night. He is very well dressed. He does not appear to be high or drunk. He isn't in any sort of rush. All of these things put together paint a very intriguing picture.

Oh and there's one other thing that Lex is only subconsciously aware of, this stranger reminds him of his father. (Lex can be such a masochist in regards to his father.)

He casually rolls the window down and asks if Henry is lost. Henry actually is lost. He's new to the city and was looking for a good night spot. Lex knows a great place. Not some big old, loud night club. He just got off of work and does not have the bandwidth for all of that.

It's actually perfect for Henry's needs. After Lex finds them a place to sit, Henry orders a bloody mary and then "goes to the bathroom". It was real easy and real quick to get a quick feed in before sending his donor on their way, memory all fudged. He goes back to sit with his new friend, wondering for only a split second how the evening was going to go. He was more of a go with the flow guy nowadays.

The drinks haven't arrived yet, but that's ok because he hadn't been gone that long. Lex is sitting there not looking as tired as he should at this hour. They exchange names as their drinks arrive. Henry pretends to take a sip and puts his drink down.

He has no idea about who Lex is let alone the name Luthor. That surprises Lex, but it was a pleasant surprise. Lex had s bit of a laugh at hearing Henry's name. He does what he always does and starts to tell Henry about his namesake. Because how many modern people would think about someone from centuries ago if it isn't for some history test.

It amuses Henry to hear Lex go on about the Henry Fitzroy of the past. It's obvious that Lex loves history as he get more animated as the minutes pass. He even shared that he was named after Alexander the Great.

Henry says, "You have a noble bearing with the mind of a scholar." This stops Lex short. He has been complimented.

Lex raises his glass and says, "As do you."

Henry figures it's time to leave after a while. Lex noticed that he didn't drink too much, but didn't comment on it or worry. It was nice to be listened to. The only other person who takes the time to listen is Clark. It's just nice to be around someone his own age.

Henry did manage to finagle some lodgings for his short visit to the city. As Lex drops him off he asks if He was busy tomorrow. Henry keys him know his night was free. So they are going to hang out the next day. Lex was supposed to go back to Smallville but what's one more night in the city.

Lionel is curious about Lex not running back to small town life, but when he uses his usual interrogation tactics he doesn't glean anything interesting so he let's it go for now.

When Henry awakens he goes to get something to eat before Lex shows up.

They didn't set a time and did not share contact information. Lex came to the proper conclusion and just knocked on the door. Henry got back about a half hour before, so he opened the door and welcomes Lex in. Tells him to make himself comfortable and provide him a drink.

It's weird for Lex because he feels comfortable with a complete stranger. They have a few mo.wnts of silence before Henry talks.

"You love history and that touched something in me. I wanted to give you a gift. Ask me anything and I will answer to the best of my ability."

"What are you some sort of Genie?"

Henry laughed and shook his head. "No. I am a vampire and I'm nearly 500 years old."

"And there goes the other shoe." He finishes his drink and gets up to walk out. "I'm sure you spent all day looking up what I told you."

His had touches the knob and then Henry calmly says, "I can prove it."

Lex being ever curious but also ready to commit violence if this guy steps wrong turns and say smugly, "Prove it."

Lex sits back down and looks at Henry go from fanged and black eyes to normal in an instant.

"So you are actually...?"

"Yes."

He doesn't waste more time with the how's and why's. He asks and Henry answers what he could. Lex get answers to questions he didn't even know he had. They speak of power and rulership.

It's hours before Henry let's Lex know that he will have to go soon. Lex is reluctant but understands. He asks about tomorrow. Henry doesn't say, but he won't be in Metropolis tomorrow. Instead he asks Lex to come and see something before he leaves.

Henry mesmerizes him to forget where he got his knowledge and forget that they met. To go live his best life. Lex leaves and goes on with his life forgetting this stranger, and yet he never really does.

[theivorybilledwoodpecker]

Venting Post:

I am sick of my coworker.

They are not by any means new, although they don't know a lot of the things I know. This wouldn't bother me if they tried to learn, but everytime I tell them where to find something or how something is done, they don't take notes. Then the next time they ask the question and I reference the solution, it seems like the first time they're hearing it. I'm not their manager. We have the same title

They seem to think it's my job to train them in different software. But I simply don't have the bandwidth to train them to the level they need to be at. So I've made training documents, shared links to resources, and told them they should try some tutorials. I've also arranged some times where I can teach them skills, but not many because I simply have too heavy of a workload. Yet, they obviously don't go to any of the resources and don't save the guides I send them.

I should say that I don't think they have much bandwidth either, so I understand that they might not have the time to train. But I don't really have the bandwidth to write guides and set up training sessions, but I do it. And because they don't know the skills I do, I am forced to take on the most time-consuming work.

Today, it came to a head. Upon asking where to find certain documents, I told them where to find them, a source I'd shared multiple times. They said they didn't know where that was or if they had access. I shared the link again and mentioned how I'd shared it multiple times and could they please save it. I told them who to ask if the files weren't there.

They couldn't find the files, so they blew up and said they were quitting. We can't afford to have even 1 person quit, so I looked and reached out to the person who they should have asked but couldn't be bothered to, leading to us getting the materials.

I don't think it was just basically being given instructions and the hint that in the future they should do it themself. There are plenty of problems that probably contributed. But I'm tired of being the only person expected to hold onto this knowledge.