#i had to google it i didnt remember the exact term

[belovedcherie]

sorry i cant shut up abt splatoon but to that charger who squid flopped after killing me when i did the same to them minutes prior........ i will not lose next time

[botanyshitposts]

Yo the return of the Fern Sex Triangle made me remember something you posted a while back about some kind of sundew species complex that's fucking itself into extinction... any updates on that research or a species name we can google? This shit is fucking fascinating, you're doing Plant God's work my dude

oh fuck the drosera tracyi/filiformis complex thing!!! yeah!!!

okay so i first heard about this one was at the 2018 carnivorous plant convention (which i liveblogged on here). the presentation was being given by a former evolutionary biologist, John Brittnacher, who for the past eight years had been growing a few species of drosera in his garage and crossbreeding them. 

for those not familiar with drosera, they go by the common name ‘sundews’ and are these plants with sticky carnivorous tentacles that roll up on top of insects and digest them: 

they’re cool in terms of carnivory, but the concern in question here is about the genetics and variability of a few of these guys living on the coast of the atlantic ocean, specifically Drosera filiformis and Drosera tracyi. 

now, here’s the thing about these niche plant species: collectors really want to know not only the species that they have, but the exact variety or subspecies of what they have. there’s apparently been a lot of drama about D. filliformis and D. tracyi in the past; there’s a lot of variability and inconsistencies of what exactly these species and their subspecies look like, and exactly what they are. herbarium specimens that say that they’re these species and subspecies turn out to look a lot different then what’s being sold, and what has been being sold for the past 40 years. some species sold as certain subspecies look a lot like certain plants collected in the wild, for instance, and vice versa.

there’s also the problem of where the plants come from; many plants being sold were bred in cultivation from legally obtained seed sourced from a variety of places, including north carolina, new jersey, and florida, and plants collected from different places claimed to be the same thing were starting to look like they wern’t the same thing at all, even though by popular convention they should be the same species. all this isn’t so much malpractice or mislabelling in this case as it is an indication that... maybe there’s more here than just two separate species and a bunch of subspecies for each. 

It’s been long known that D. filiformis and D. tracyi breed and hybridize in the wild, and that all these plants are part of a big breeding complex not unlike the fern orgy one-- there are a few big breeding complexes in the carnivorous plant world, the Sarracenia alata x rubra complex being another well known one-- the question was what exactly all the details were. Brittnacher set about trying to breed ‘pure’ versions of all the different varieties and species involved, to try to elucidate what exactly all these forms and cultivars were.

he explained his findings in detail in this photoessay published a few months after the conference, but although he talks a lot in it about the differences in these plants and his data from the ones he grew in his garage and in the wild, he doesn’t go into much detail about what he speculates might be going on here. he did, however, share with us at the conference what he was finding. 

Brittnacher believes that there are three true species in this complex: D. filliformis, D. tracyi, and a plant formally known as D. filliformis var floridana. he believes, based on what he’s seen in the field (that he mentions in the paper linked) and what he’s seen from breeding experiments in his garage (which he shared with us at the conference but didn’t add in the paper) that D. filliformis var floridana is fucking itself to death. 

the reasoning he presents in the paper for why floridana could be fucking itself to death is precisely the reason why it’s a new thing to maybe categorize it as a species: when it occurs in areas overlapping with D. tracyi, it produces a TON of hybrids at such a high rate that it threatens the actual floridana population. it just isn’t fucking enough with it’s own species, which is already shrinking in number. if i remember correctly, he suspects this has been exacerbated farther by the increased range of tracyi into floridana’s ice-age evolutionary habitat. it just. can’t stop fucking. it can’t stop. 

but, there was another set of data that Brittnacher had: when he had been conducting hybrid crosses in his garage, the seeds from certain floridana crosses were turning up empty. although the seed coats were fully developed, the embryos in the seeds had aborted.

i’m gonna be honest with you guys: i don’t remember the details of this part. i remember being totally blown away by the exact reasoning he gave using his experience as an evolutionary biologist to prove that floridana was suffering from a very recent type of genome collapse, which was expressing itself in aborting embryos in a certain way under certain conditions, and i was honestly really hoping that he would talk about it again in this essay that he wrote up, but he didn’t. at the end, he talks about how trying to force these plants into a bunch of formal designations was hindering scientific research into the complex, which is true, and he also alluded that he believed for multiple reasons that floridana was fucking itself to death, but he just....didnt talk about that part in the paper? i hope that he’s saving it to publish on a large scale, because that shit’s super interesting. 

[xollos]

hi everybody (botat voice) my whine was$2 off today so i had some and now... i am Motivatted to talk about Lalli or lall-y if u like wall-e lmao

the FIRST thing u need to nkow is that he is EXTREMELY SMALL and must be protected at ALL COSSTS. i dont care who ayou are. rprotect HIM.

me about to unload some wisdom on u all about loving lalli

YALL REACting to this like whoa bitch damn who is this lol

REMEMBER WHen he smiled??? it gives the viewer 10000000 blessings yall are WELCOME posting on my dash about the insects ud like to fuck and i give u lalli blessings that will make u fortunate in ur bug fcuking endeavros

hes gay happy bpride month

eats food... like a good boi... nourish.... fuck ur grandma for making mistakes.... eat ur Bread Circle

this was in the background of stranger hthings 2s21 iand i think it looks like lalli

another smile. for u bug fuckers.

ghthis is extremely cute. theyre both gay and in olove.

lalli seeing the term ‘anti” for hte first time

my poor boy didnt have any friends iuntil he swas 19 yesars old... can u imagine... lalli i want tuo bue ur best firend uhit me up u can reach me at paypal.me/xollos

LOOK AT HIM STICKING OUT HIS TONGUE. HES NEAVER SEEN A PRETZEL BEFORE. CULTURE

GBLESSED IMAGE. FOR U BUG FUCKRES.

this weird casey anthony art expresses the exact emotion i feel for lali

he sleeps and he is so soft and vulnerable he needs to be protected against predatory republicans

heres a good white chili crescieps

fat horse.

i gliterally matede thises to show how much li love lalli and emil. thank u for ur time. but were not finished yet because if u dont love lalli then fuck u.

sorry oi photosohopped him to shoot maes hughes when hughes died i jumped on my bed and was very angrey idr why i made llali into his wife (borat voice) my hwiaaafe

tthis is a picture of my hometown but the google car drove thru at night.

THIS PIC IS SO UCUUUUUUTE IM DEAD

he is HUANTted he has  atragic backstory and everyone needs to respect him. i respect him fvery much and i would vote for him.

hes a very good listender and emil ais  AATRUGLE

GOD. hes a dorable

ANOTHER SMILE. DONT FUCK BUGS.

lalli is my son. dont boo him.

IS THERE ANYTHING MORE ICONIC THAN LOOKING OUT A WINDIOW WITH UR BOYFRIEND AND YALLS CAT/?? IS THERE???NO THERE FUCKING ISNT. FUCK OFF.

me when someone says they dont like alli JK EVERYONE LOVES LALLI but for ereal if someone told me they didnt like lalli all 9 of thises things would happen to me

WHEN HIS KNOSE IS DRAWN LIKE THAT. RELBOG IF U AGREE.

THIS IS SO CUTE

BRING IT BACK . ASSHOLE

this scares me t o be honest

remember this time lalli looked like moomminmanmma?

@harbingers-cat told me lalli and ommominmamma are mutal kin

THIS PICUTRE IS SO CUTE!!!

I LOVE WHEN LALLI’S FACE IS DRAWN LIKE THIS

bebe baby babie boy. i love him so much and i willprotect him forever. this is My bBoy.

BOY GO BPOOF!! BOY GOO POOF!!

HES SO GOOD AT DRAWING. IM GOONNA CRY.

I LOVE HIM!! I HLOVE HIM!! I LOVE HIM!! lisent ot me. listen. i am not lalli kin. i am not lalli kin. but form the beginngin i felt a kinship to lalli. we are the same. i am not lalli kin. he is very good andsecretly nice and he loves emil and is gay . what more could u want? he is very nice and precious.

i know what hemeans when ehe says here paper. i know. butter good. butter bogood. 

 heres a picture of soene trying their best. fuck anyone who doesnt understand. i love lali and would die for him . thatknsk harb for the pictures. the end

[aconfessionsofanonlinedater]

I French Kissed a French Man....

French contacted me about two weeks after my internet dating profile was up. His profile got me, he had lived in New York, Dubai, and numerous other countries. His profile said that he had travelled to over 80 countries and had plans to travel to more. He was 33 years old, cute, had a postgraduate degree and was a buisness owner. He pictures were amazing too, He had a picture of himself in scuba diving gear  under the ocean with a shark swimming over him, a picture of him BASE jumping off a cliffe, amoung numerous others. AND he had built his empire and was looking for that special someone to setlle down.... "must have a sense of adventure" I replied to his request with an internet dating kiss x  

We messaged for a while - he said how nervous he was to send the first email as he was new to the site himself. I was amazed as I am a scuba diver and solo skydiver - licensed in both. He told me all about BASE jumping and how nothing compared. The emails and conversations flowed- to and from. For the first time in ages I felt CRUSHED... He then asked me for my number.

Instanly the text messaging started, even in text form French was amazing- he was always out at dinners, he had BBQ's on Sunday with Friends and red wine- just like I did. We connected in so many ways. We planned a date a week away- for the next week he text and couldnt wait to meet me. We arranged dinner at my favourite Tepanyaki Resturant.

French arrived at the restaurant before I did- he text asking if I wanted red or white. And ALAS he looked just like his pictures and the accent was very endearing to say the least. He ordered the most expensive set meal on the menu- in all my years of going to this restaurant I had never tried it. Before the food arrived he looked at my face sqinted and wiped something off my face- oh my god- how embarassing. He asked about my daughter, her name, where she was- amazing- being a single mum can be a bit hit a miss in the dating world at times.

We both discussed our nerves and he managed to put me at ease. He reached out and touched me and I leaned into him. From that moment on the wine and the conversation flowed. When the bill arrived he payed for the meal instantly- I didnt even get a chance to offer. We were having such a good date we decided to continue with cocktails at a nearby cute cuban cafe.

I told French about my dream of getting my motor bike licence- the first thing he did when he arrived in Australia was book in to get his Australia motorbike license. He even had my dream bike - a Ducati

He shared his childhood- he grew up very poor in Madagaska and said he didnt have electricity until he was 12, he shared a story about his first plane trip back to France to see his Grandparents which was so overwhelming for him, he had to fly back. And look at him now- just wow.

At the end of the date he walked me to the train station and we kissed- it was a movie kiss. They way he touch me - to die for. Very proud of myself I gently pushed him away turned and walked- dont look back Sarah, dont look back. And I didnt....

Instantly I got a text message from French!!

Another joyous week with French, he continued to text and call as I slide down walls fantasising about my new perfect date and got swept off my feet most days. I thanked my lucky stars and knew my fortune was changing. Date two was arranged the following weekend. I don’t usually go back to men’s houses so soon. However, French wanted to cook for me and was preparing a five course meal that no mere mortal could say no too.

  On the day of date two, French text that he had spent the whole morning in the kitchen and would be there all day. I prepared for my date with anticipation and the great night ahead. Later that night, I arrived at his unit in a up market area in the main part of Sydney to a unit overlooking the harbour, he met me with a kiss and took me into his place.  He gave me a tour of his well designed, clean and immaculate unit, discussing the changes he had personally made to the apartment since he bought it many years ago. He only quickly skimmed past his home office as he said he was currently up grading. He collected antiques and took pride in the stories he told of his collectables. His favourite of his collection,  a bike from the 1800’s that was mounted onto his wall.

  We drank expensive champagne and he showered me with compliments. He said he couldn’t wait to serve his selection of sashimi  - wait a minute, why would someone be in the kitchen all day to make a selection of raw fish!! As quickly as the words of doubt entered my mind, I justified that there were other courses and to stop doubting, I deserved this. French then grabbed my hand and said to come to the roof top and look at the stars. When we got to the roof top, there were two lay down lounge chairs and some throw rugs to keep us warm. We lay gripping each others hands under the moonlight, staring at the stars and talking about our future.

  After a while we kissed, embraced and decided it was time for dinner.

  There was no entrée as discussed and he served a platter of delicious sashimi, the few glasses I had drank had made me a bit tipsy and I made the decision to stop drinking so I was safe to drive home later. French told stories of the excitement of base jumping and I spoke about my skydiving adventures. After dinner he turned on soft romantic music and brought out macarons -we halved every flavour rated them. That’s when things got heated, we kissed, moved in closer, pushed our clothed bodies together slowly, then more intensely. He ran his hands over my body, as I drew slow deep breaths, I wanted him. This man made me melt. Suddenly French stopped, removed his hand from me and stepped away from me. I was slightly stunned, grabbed his hands back, threw my body into his and started to kiss him… I wanted him.

  Despite how much I wanted him, I managed to stop, draw in some slow deep breaths and make the decision to leave. I gathered my things and we continued to kiss, throw each other up against the hall way walls edging slowly towards the door, kissing and touching each others bodies.  When I finally made it to the door, French stopped all physical contact, had a disappointed look on his face and shut the door on me immediately.

  That is when the fairy tale stopped.

  When I got home, I was confused. I picked up my phone and decided to get some answers. I remembered the macaron paper bag in the bin, and double checked his text message that said he was in the kitchen all day. I went through our interactions and decided to start googling. The first thing I googled was his address, and the property instantly came up in my search. My jaw dropped, he had not lived there for seven years, the property was up for rent six months ago …. And was rented fully furnished, including the “collectables” that he claimed were part of his antique collection. I went through the pictures of the exact same unit, I had just been in and recalled the stories of design, collection and renovations.

  I decided I needed to know more. I went onto his facebook page and took the base jumping picture from Switzerland that had also appeared on his dating profile and placed it into reverse google, and low and behold the picture was of some famous and well documented base jumpers and was not my former French. Unable to sleep, I googled, stalked and uncovered each lie that I had been fed. I found his father via his friends list, he was not dead and all. It slowly become apparent that he had lied about everything. I even found a wife or former wife back in France. The final google search took some digging as his name search didn’t produce much straight away, however after going further back from the original, my so called business owner came up as working at a well known hotel near where his rental unit was. In disbelief I searched further links with new words and details to avoid the coincidence  of someone with the same name and me making a mistake. Then I stumbled upon the hotels newsletter with a picture of my former French, he was not a business owner at all, he was in low level management in the hotel- basically a glorified concierge. I stared blankly at the online pages in disbelief.  That’s when my eyes were drawn to the link of chefs specials for the hotel, and todays was none other than sashimi platters!!!! That night I went to sleep with a heavy chest in a shocked state.

 At work the following day, I was talking to a male co-worker about my dating disaster and he made a comment about the players handbook, I had never heard of this before. So once again I started researching. I was truly amazed by how much ‘player’ information there is and more specifically the players hand book. Basically the players handbook is a guide for men to get laid, in layman terms it tells men to lie and lie and lie. It gives examples of some great lies to tell and how to pull them off. It also has some “proven techniques” with catchy names. One of the first player tricks is to disarm the bait on first meet such as pretending they have food on their face to embarrass them and put them on the back foot, while being sweet enough to remove the foreign matter that doesn’t exist while setting up physical contact,  just like Former French did to me that first night at the tepenyaki restaurant. Other suggestions included touching the targets arms  and if she leans forward this is a sign she is hooked, however if she moves back or flinches then the handbook advises to leave instantly as the target is a waste of time and players don’t waste time- I had moved closer. The book talks about creating a fake soul mate connection and how this is done, and includes a section on internet dating. It turns out his profile (the base jumping and trimmings) were aimed to target mine and the fake connections that followed, so I would literally fall into bed with him under the guise of fate and destiny.

One of the most famous advances according to the player guide is what is called the Freeze move, this move seals the deal for players. The book advised when things are getting hot and heavy to suddenly and quickly stop all contact so the woman naturally reacts by chasing the mans affection (throwing her body at his, putting his hands back on her body etc etc) this then ends the women’s internal struggle of yes or no- just like the night in Former Frenches apartment -if it was even his rental. I had been played. I decided to call the lying prick and confront him on his lies and actions, I picked up the phone and dialled his number. He denied and denied and lied and lied and then turned everything back on me, just as the infamous text describes. There was no happy ending or prince, in fact I had kissed a toad.

[rhinointherain]

26-8-2020

the high hasn’t really hit me yet (its been a few minutes so yeah kind of weird, longer than usual probably, but also not that weird for me bc both i and a***** have noticed that it takes a lot longer for weed to affect me than it does for the average person, i think it is starting to kick in anyway), but i wanted to say first of all that earlier today even though i hadnt smoked at all i noticed myself having some thoughts on the similar type of abstract ideas that i get while high and thinking I should journal them, i didnt because i’m starting to come down firmer on the decision that i will only make any of these types of entries after having smoked at least once that ���day” (as in since waking up in the morning, not like a 24 hour period), considering i did smoke twice yesterday and not being a very little physically active person it might have to do with thc still being in my body, but it also might be that doing these journal entries has made me more eager and better equipped to engage with those abstract ideas which i think is cool (although it is important to ask the question of whether it actually has made any tangible difference in how and why i interact with those ideas or whether i just want there to be one), but it also might be that i was reading that terence mckenna book

((actually it was all three of these reasons and also the infinite reaches of every other infinite reason that put me in this specific “multiverse”/version of existence, those three were just the main ones i at first subconsciously perceived to be important enough to type and then after typing them consciously evaluated to be important enough that i would not delete them and instead elaborate on them further. but i feel like I’ve discussed this enough by now that this is readily apparent)

what were those abstract thoughts i wanted to write down is another question because when i decided not to write them down i thought ok well then ill be sure to remember what they were and pick up my phone and write all this immediately after i smoke but the problem is that it takes a little while to type it all up and i forgot them before i had finished writing all that introduction

i should explain better the path that my thoughts have been taking from my mind to their final written form so far in these journal entries but first i want to talk about something else

which is that

(include something explaining why you feel the need to inject these sad excuses of teenage tumblr poetry in between the actual interesting shit you usually like to focus on in these entries)

okay do i still want to write about what i was about to say? also maybe it would be more productive to wait until sober to explain the processes in which these entries are formatted

yeah i do bc one of the reasons i do these lame ones is that they can act for me as a healthy emotional release okay so anyway i wanna be, and this is coming straight from the pathos slash animalistic sensory-propelled part of my brain not anywhere near the rational thought-propelled one, i right now wanna be like a a girl in a movie or story about some like lame emo dude who smokes cigarettes and the movie is just a bunch of slow panning over like a rainy city and theres shoegaze in the background (im thinking about like lost in translation or something BUT EXCEPT the dude isnt bill murray the dudes like a young guy who only someone like me would find attractive (but there are a lot of people like me) who like reads proust or some shit i dont know) and MANIC PIXIE DREAM GIRL fuck that’s what i’m trying to say i didn’t actually need to type all this shit i just forgot that that term existed for a sec well anyway yeah thats what i want to be, seeing as this concept and the importance of attaining it as a woman has been drilled into my head by media which my brain had been heavily impressed with during its most impressionable ages (that being my adolescence), where and how did that impression happen ie was it absorbed into the deep subconscious reaches and now resides with the animal/sensory part of my brain who has classed the desire to fulfill this idealized image as a sensory/survival need, or does it come in from the opposite side and instead its like a desire that comes from higher conscious and or subconscious cognitive understanding formed from the human brains complex analysis of every input it gets through the web of social norms and evaluations and memories and everything that makes up what the brain understands everything to be. how are the two even different. they arent because nothing is different everything is just one infinity inside of itself and i write this same thought down a lot because of its essentiality but i havent been conveying it in a well thought out enough way for sober me to fully grasp its importance. eventually i should dedicate more effort to this particular idea but thats a big undertaking and i have been too lazy to attempt it so far

fuck like i just want the guy to be like standing by himself at the weird french new wave club or something thinking about how disconnected he is from society or whatever the fuck and then he sees me whos like 100 lbs and i have an unconventional haircut and either im like dancing uninhibitedly (representing the innocent and childlike perspective our jaded protagonist needs to offset his disillusionment with society) or im also standing all alone smoking a cig and maybe even reading like [first 20th century philosopher that comes up under suggested results when you type proust’s name into google] ha ha ha im so funny do you see what im doing here im deconstructing the stereotypical indie movie that people on the internet make fun of because genuinely liking it had become too mainstream im sure no one has ever thought of this before as a comedic bit anyway i had this whole other thing about it too like she goes in his car with him and they smoke and exchange like 4 sentences but u can still tell shes the perfect for him bc shes sexy and has pink hair or something i dont know anyway i was just thinking about how i wanna be that.

like wouldnt it be nice to not actually have any thoughts in your head your whole job is to be pretty but not know that youre pretty because apparently you dont fit the societal convention of beauty except you pretty much do in every way except that you like have green eyes instead of blue and you dont wear high heels or something and thats all you have to do you only exist to fulfill some dudes fantasy and if you fulfill that fantasy you’ve reached the ultimate purpose in life and don’t have to worry about accomplishing anything else or pleasing anyone else, maybe thats why some people become super religious because isn’t it pretty much the same exact concept like your ultimate goal is to become jesus’s manic pixie dream girl, or buddha’s maybe i don’t know i am embarrassingly uninformed about eastern religions

i’m already not really very high anymore that’s disappointing bc i finally actually took a bong rip by myself in what felt like the correct way to do it eg it didnt make me cough but i guess it wasn’t the correct way after all i guess me not coughing just meant i didnt get enough in my lungs godsh damn it

[thesecretisbutter]

I had a dream where I was discussing sexual identity with Samus Aran (which is weird for me because, not only have I never played a Metroid game, I have a weak connection with her character in general). But this is Samus Aran, buff space warrior goddess, so you better believe that when she said she identified as "enkie(?), like 'ink' but '3 I'"--her exact words after kissing a girl on the cheek--(and I know for a fact this is just gibberish my sleeping brain made) I googled that as soon as I woke up. It was, of course, gibberish, like I said. But it was weird, because very few things come across that clearly while I'm sleeping, especially written and verbal association (which, after looking up, is a common thing). But not only did I clearly hear and understand dream Samus, but I was able to associate the words with the spelling I should use to look them up later (because I seldom understand anything in that subject matter apart from terms that straight people use, I'm in the habit of looking these things up).

That's weird though, right?

Then I remembered something that happened to me around middle school, or just after. I was reading with most of my free time, and for long hours at a time. (Granted, at the time I was mostly reading the Twilight series and similar things to see if I could fit in with people who liked those books). There were several days where, because I was homeschooled at the time and literally no one that wasn't being paid to tell me what to do in person could make me do anything I didnt want to, I would just sit in bed and read all day. I wouldn't even eat, except maybe I'd crawl out of bed at 3 AM to grab a meal replacement bar and go to the bathroom. Literal all I did was read novels. It was extremely unhealthy, but in that period of time I experienced extremely lucid dreams. One of the prominent dreams I had was sitting at my old desktop computer (it was an ancient e-machine that ran on windows millennium) and writing, and eventually everything but the words would fade away and I would just be reading. There would be pages of words, constant paragraphs without breaks, and at the time I understood all of it. I couldn't tell you now what it was I was reading/writing, but I distinctly remember waking up in tears at least once after one of these dreams. After a while those dreams stopped, at right about the time I slowed my reading down.

I write all the time now, but it's not great. My dreams are much better. I had thought the whole thing was, like several articles state, an indication that I have a strong poetic mind. But I think I just have a strong affinity for dreams in general. Mostly, I think this because, at arount that same time, I clearly remember thinking that I'd lived out weeks of time in singular dreams and suffered from regular night terrors (which I had as a child as well, but they went away when I was about 5).

Clearly, I'm a weirdo. But I thought I'd at least share and keep a record so I dont forget.