#i had the shittiest day on day four so i wrote like five versions of this prompt and they're just as messy as my head was oh dear

[locatislunaticolupin]

Day Four: Don't Look Now

Written for day four of @remadoramicrofics. 528 words. Also available on Ao3.

“Don’t look now,” Edda said, “but your parents are snogging”.

Teddy, being five, said “No, they aren’t”, because there’s nothing worse than your old, gross parents being loving in public, and proceeded to make sure to loudly express his distaste when he swung around and saw them, in fact, snogging. That, at least, made them laugh, which meant they were no longer snogging.

“Why do you two gotta be gross?!” he loudly proclaimed again when Dora caught him from behind, swinging him and kissing him in that noisy, obnoxious way she saved only for embarrassing him in front of his friends.

“Edda doesn’t think it’s gross, do you, Edda?”

Edda, being seven, said, “It’s very gross, Miss Lupin”.

Dora brought a hand to her chest and gasped loudly enough that a few adults in Edda’s mom’s garden party turned their heads.

“How very dare you. Are you telling me you wouldn’t kiss your husband and son if they were as handsome and sweet as mine?” she declared very dramatically. Edda stifled her giggles when Teddy, still in his mama’s arms, groaned as loud as he could, as if he could hide Dora’s voice behind his. He almost got her to drop him when he went dead weight.

“No, I don’t think I would, miss Lupin. I don’t find them particularly handsome nor particularly sweet, after all”.

Dora gasped again from where she was now almost bent in half holding Teddy’s weight, but then seemed to think it over, finger tapping her cheek.

“I am too good for these goofs, aren’t I?”

A second later, her husband tickled her neck and Dora shrieked. Teddy shrieked when his mom almost dropped him (which she didn’t, she hugged him tighter while twisting away and he screamed again because too tight, mama). Edda, who’d seen Remus coming and who’d also seen the finger he’d raised to his lips, guffawed.

After the party, after leftovers were shoved into their hands and promises of seeing each other soon, isn’t that football game soon?, were made, the Lupins walked home. And they would have spent that time together anyway, but there was something special about the long dirt road, the pink and yellow and orange and purple sky, the chirp of the crickets, the starlings’ and chaffinches’ last flights home, the smell of a summer day gone by. They were quiet, this time, letting time well-spent settle in their bones.

Dora and Remus leaned on each other, swaying, hands weaved together and steps out of sync. Teddy was their little satellite, running ahead or behind his parents and exploring the flowers and bees on the ditches’ banks, the funny rocks on the road. He scared flocks of birds, mooed back at the cows, and swung a long branch around. Sometimes, he looked back at his parents, looked at their hands (knew there was something there warm and safe, something calloused and gentle and strong) and he ran to them, and they caught him (because they always, always did), and they walked home together, their three long shadows stretching to the horizon, melting into one, until Teddy ran off again, being five and happy and careless.

[jlf23tumble]

1D Day: Hour Four

Over the past few years, I’ve seen people try to insinuate that Zayn wasn’t into 1D Day, that he was moody or distant or some other adjective that implies he was on his way out the door, and to those people I ask, did you actually watch any of this, especially hour four? I mean, seriously, watch Zayn over the course of the whole day, but hour four is a revelation if you’ve ever had that notion. He’s witty, charming, happy, smiley, completely on board with every stupid game, and so professional with the fans and the rest of the team that he makes Liam look like an asshole (and Liam is so very far from being an asshole, like, ever). 

In fact, both Zayn and Liam are naturals as hosts; they’re a dream broadcasting team, and for all the (justified, mind you) attitude Louis and (especially) Harry throw down as the day progresses, it’s the complete polar opposite with Ziam. I could watch hours and hours of these two because they manage to convey that fake on-air TV personality chirpiness with a sincerity that’s endlessly compelling. They’re also off-the-charts HOT on this here day (Louis, too, but Jesus CHRIST have mercy on us in hour four). Let’s break it down under the cut.

Hour four kicks off with Zayn and Liam skateboarding onto the set, and Liam is honestly me with his plaintive “I’m really rubbish at skateboarding” as he basically stands on a board that somebody literally pushed in a straight line into the shot.

Zayn’s all excited that this is his first hour (like, he’s literally pumped up for it, and some could argue that he’s as coked up as Harry appears to be, but he’s not as aggressive, he just seems legit happy to be there). Liam’s an old pro by now, and the general mood is positive and calm, in spite of the mega fuckups in hour three and the immediate in-ear issues they’re both already experiencing. Help, they're so hot:

The first segment is about invention ideas from fans, and joining them in the Google+ Hangout (lmaoooo) is Peter Jones (Liam: “a very rich man”) from Dragon’s Den, aka the UK’s Shark Tank, and for all of his cash and presumably all of the D’s, this feels VERY low rent. Way to sell this Google ad, team…maybe that’s why Google+ is a total failure, hmmmm, makes you think. Anyway, the first invention is a 1D Kube, and noah fence to this fan, I’ve made better merch, c’mon, people think outside the box:

Because Peter’s gross, he suggests using nude body parts of the boys instead of their faces, and me as Liam, completely creeped out by that suggestion. The next idea is a 1D pillow, where you go to sleep, and the pillow pipes two 1D songs directly into your brain before powering itself off, but Liam wisely says this might be more distracting than soothing. Peter’s right there with the idea that it should instead offer up soothing pillowtalk (Zayn, take notes!), which instantly worries both me and Liam because it’s weirdly sexi instead of sexy sexi.

The final invention is fart pants, which boils down to deodorized boxers for people like Niall who practically shit themselves when they fart in closed tour buses (paraphrasing). Naturally, Peter likes this idea a LOT, and asks Liam a low-key invasive question about someone stealing his underwear, which leads to a riveting tale of the missing pants and a nervous Liam asking Peter exactly how he knew about this incident. Peter laughs it off as something he found online to embarrass Liam with, but try harder, asshole…they answer worse questions than this before breakfast.

Next, we get Julian “I can’t bother to find out how to spell his last name,” one of the D’s cowriters, in a cringe VT about picking up girls with 1D lyrics. It’s so fucking gross that only Ben Winston could have come up with it, and it goes on FOREVER, even though nothing about it is interesting or cute or witty or anything other than tedious yikes for the women involved. Even Julian knows it’s creepy, and he seems like a guy who’s pretty comfortable with creepy.

We get back in the studio to some actually attractive people who have chemistry together, and, no, it’s not Julian and John “I can’t bother to find out how to spell his last name either” (they make sure to sit far enough apart to maintain their extreme masculinity):

Liam has some good interview questions for these two, such as, “What’s your favorite song that you wrote on for this album,” and John thinks he’s clever by saying it’s both “Little Black Dress” and “Little White Lies,” but the real gem here is the audio of Liam creating “Better Than Words” out of thin air. Look at this fondness while we all listen to Liam’s genius (it’s kind of embarrassing, this whole bit):

We move to fan selfies, and Liam does a terrible Irish accent to request potato selfies for Niall. Moving on to the call box of doom, the two Larries currently rocking out in there seem to dig “Strong” the best (as you do), and Zayn, valiantly battling someone in his ears, politely whispers, “You can crack on listening,” before shutting the door softly.

The VT of randomness from New Zealand prompts Liam to ask, “Zayn, what did you get up to in New Zealand?” (the answer is getting a snake tattoo that’s one of Liam’s favorites on him, in case you’re wondering). But before we can ponder any of that too closely, it’s time for opera singer Rebecca to return for the excruciating opera version of tweets.

Scott’s on the scene to point out the obvious, i.e., Ziam makes it all look so easy, but this next segment is not for the faint of heart. The boys have to blindfold each other (!!) and then feel up crew members to see if they can identify them. Whyyyyy is this so tender:

Someone else blindfolds Liam after he does Zayn (Liam, after it’s done: “Nobody touch me”), and there’s a brief moment where they can feel each other, and Zayn says, “That’s you, Liam,” and fuckkkk me up, wowwww, it’s a lot to take in:

 Anyway, they go on to feel up a lot of doughy white guys to see if they can blindly identify them, and AGAIN, it’s gross because Scott keeps encouraging them to feel this person up below the waist, too (note, they don’t know if it’s a guy or a girl). Fortunately, it’s a parade of doughy white guys until they get to Lou Teasdale, and Zayn identifies her immediately because she’s so fidgety.

We head over to another Google Hangout, and god, words cannot express how good Ziam is at this because even though the same shit happens here as it does in the last hour, these two handle it all like pros. I live for Zayn’s, “Have you been watching the whole show? Are we doing a good job?” with an intense amount of sincerity, and thank god these girls give him the thumbs up because they truly are.

My fave part of this segment is the girls who ask them what their first CD and concerts were. Liam says Linkin Park for CD and Gareth Gates for concert, which earns him boos from the homophobes in the studio, but warm hugs from me. Zayn, who answers this fan question to Liam instead of the girls who asked it, says he can’t remember his first CD, but his first gig was JLS with the boys, and wow, the first date realness here:

Zayn’s genuinely sweet throughout all of these fan segments, asking questions and being invested in the answers, dawwww. The last question is about where they get the inspiration for their dance moves, and Liam says he blags its, but Zayn is here to kill us all by saying, “My inspiration for dancing comes from you, Liam (Louis in the background: “hahahahaha”) because you’re such a good dancer,” and god, I’m not ready for this right now, tbh.

There’s a BSE VT from the fans before a bingo spin to figure out who to follow (again, just follow them all, what does it even��matter at this point, ratcha fratcha). But the most annoying part of this bit is that even *I* can hear the in-air buzz of chatter from Ben’s team, so I cannot even imagine how annoying it is in actual ears, holy fuck.

Next up is a live link to Finland, to say hello to the fans who created a massive fanbook that Zayn carefully flips through and sincerely thanks everyone for creating. The VT he introduces next is Louis playing footie, and YES, look at this angel who’s only 22:

Naturally, there are LOADS of technical problems and fuckups, but it’s so refreshing to hear that “hahahahaha” in a massive, empty arena, and to see him practicing a sport he clearly loves.

We’re back with the poor bastards running the Guinness Book of World Records, this time with Liam’s ass smashing balloons (Zayn: “If he wins, do we get our names put down as well?”). The first time is a bust (ha) that ends up hurting Liam’s balls (how, I don’t know):

Everyone agrees they can do better, but Zayn’s not having any further fuckups as he literally coaches Sandy in the background about how best to hold the balloons so that Liam’s ass can smash them in the most efficient manner:

Sadly, it’s not enough to smash the record, much to everyone’s chagrin, but there’s no time to fret or redo, we're off to Stan teaching Zayn’s school to sing (ooops, the VT is incorrect, it’s Scott teaching the X Factor staff to sing “What Makes Your Beautiful,” and they’re the shittiest singers ever, so go off on judging people, I guess).

As per usual, the highlights are fucking horrific. Can’t wait for hour five!

[clearascountryair]

Hello! I've been scrolling through some of your ao3 stuff and I was wondering if you have any headcannons for Jemma's childhood/home life? Your love for her makes me so happy :))

THIS MESSAGE MAKES ME SO HAPPY

I don’t even know where to start.  I asked @agentcalliope and she just responded with “dude you have headcanons about your headcanons.”  I guess I’ll just go chronologically.  There’s always more 😂.  I am one day going to just write a series of oneshots about Jemma’s childhood, but I’m really particular about writing in chronological order, which makes it a slow task when I really want to be writing the later stuff.  But I feel like you should know that I have Jemma’s whole family and their SOs mapped out on a spreadsheet. 

 So, @buskidsburgade, you might come to regret asking me this.

Anyway, most of this weird mixture of headcanons/abridged bullet fic is under the cut because it got long.  FYI it’s not all happy, but I did leave out the more sever specifics for the sake of this post.  If anyone wants them (or any elaborations I HAVE THEM ALL) just ask and I’ll give it with any appropriate warnings

Her father, Chris, is an English professor.  He took off a good ten or so years to take care of the kids, but when Jemma was about five, he went back to working.

He specializes in youth literature in the 19th century, particularly girls’ literature and how it both creates and undermines gender roles.  He was a little bit attached to the name Alice for a daughter because of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, but when they got a dog shortly after their third son was born, they ended up naming the dog Alice.  The whole family jokes that Alice and Jemma are tied for favorite daughter/sister.

Her mother, Ana, is a pediatric oncologist.  She’s a Dutch Jew.  Her mother is a Holocaust survivor--Jemma gets her incredible will to survive anything from her.

Jemma has four older brothers: Kit (1976), Peter (1977), Matt (1983), and Liam*(1987)

*Jemma will not acknowledge that Liam is older than her, but he is by exactly 6 minutes and 23 seconds

I originally had a fifth brother but *someone* suggested that that might be too many.  I can’t remember his name at this point.

According to the spreadsheet, his name was Ben.  He’s between Peter and Matt.

There was also a sixth but he didn’t have a name and that same wise someone suggested that if there are brothers without names or even just only names and no personalities, they’re probably unnecessary.  But that’s the reason for the age gap between Peter and Matt.  There were two more squeezed in there.  I just love Jemma being from a really big family okay.

Kit, Matt, and Liam are not short for anything.  They are not Christopher, Matthew, and William.  Just Kit, Matt, and Liam.

Sometimes Liam shows up in ‘verses where I’m not getting into the whole big family dynamic, like the Secret Santa piece I wrote for @the-nerdy-stjarna.  I don’t think he’s her twin in this piece, but his personality is always the same.

Kit’s a neurosurgeon, Peter’s a biochemist, Matt’s an astrophysicist, and Liam’s a philosophy professor

Liam tried very hard to rebel against the science-yness of his family.  It was never his thing and he always joked it would lead to him being the family disappointment.  He was wrong, though, because his family’s awesome and love him anyway.

While Kit and Peter mostly went on the same school track their whole lives, the three younger kids moved around schools a lot (well, Matt a little–he’s a bit older than the twins).  When Jemma was little-ish, they refused to move her up any higher at the school she was at because, despite her books smarts, they thought she needed to develop social skills before advancing her as much as her parents wanted her to be advanced.  So they did a lot of moving around school to school if they felt like whatever school they were at was preventing their children from reaching their full potential.

They’re raised pretty secular, but definitely Jewish.  They speak a mixture of English, Dutch, Yiddish, and Hebrew at home.

Peter is horrible and I hate him.  Here’s a very abridged version of why with some of the worst bits taken out for now but he’s a piece of shit constantly battling Grant Ward for Shittiest Person Ever on Fitz’s Shit List (likewise, Ward battles Alistair Fitz on Jemma’s Shit List). This is where all that cut stuff would be.  I just want it somewhere else where I can cut it off with appropriate warnings.  This stuff references sexism and emotional abuse.  It’s all italicized if you want to skip to the end.

Peter very much liked being the smartest of his siblings and he got 10 pre-Jemma years, plus two pre-communicating-Jemma years of being that sibling.  He skipped two years in school, thus being the first of his siblings to go to college.

He’s determined to be a biochemist from a fairly young age, at least as far back as Jemma can remember and he’s so smart and charismatic and all Jemma wants to be when she’s little is just like Peter.

Peter disagrees.  He doesn’t take well to his much little sister getting so much attention for being so smart (and in his field!) and it manifests horribly.

He was always going to be an asshole probably because he’s selfish and narcissistic, but his unwarranted resentment of his sister caused his assholeness to manifest in a lot of sexism.  A lot.

The first major incident is when Jemma is about five.  I actually wrote it as the first chapter of what was gonna be a longer piece, but I’m gonna make it a one-shot in the series.  I just keep forgetting about it.  Whoops.  Anyway Jemma likes to help all of her brothers on their school work.  Kit indulges her and Matt and Liam actually find it useful.  Peter gets pissed and alternates between telling Jemma she’s stupid and that no one cares what she has to say anyway because scientists don’t care about girls.  He tells her no one will take Jemma Simmons seriously.  So she starts going by her initials (It’s JJ in my story, but I guess canons has now made it JA which doesn’t roll off the tongue as easily.  So they’ll just call her J).  It’s not until after she’s started at the Academy that she starts getting comfortable using Jemma in any situation.  It takes getting Peter out of her life for her to do that.  That will come later.

So it starts out as him constantly reminding Jemma that there’s a lot of sexism in STEM fields but evolves into him becoming that sexism.

He’s the source of most of her self-doubt.  And it’s really intense when she’s young.  He’s incredibly manipulative and cruel, but he’s also the person Jemma wanted to be when she was little and before he got that way.  So it’s hard for her to reconcile the two and she ends up being pretty susceptible to him.

When she gets her first fancy internship/job/ta gig/I’m not sure yet, he frequently questions how she got the position, often telling her it’s just because she’s pretty and the men who hire her are interested in her for not her brains. And she knows she’s smarts and she knows she deserves her positions, but Peter’s been putting this idea in her head since pretty much puberty, so by the time she gets to the Academy, it’s pretty much a constant nag in the back of her brain of “What if I’m not enough?  What if I’m a fraud?”

It’s obviously a problem for the whole family.  Peter’s pretty smart about keeping these conversations between just him and Jemma, or saying stuff ‘as a joke.’ So there’s a long time of “Peter’s an asshole, take him with a grain of salt, he doesn’t mean anything by it” before they really recognize it as abuse.

The summer before she starts at the Academy, she’s biking at night with Liam and Liam’s girlfriend and they don’t have reflectors or anything and Peter’s back in town and hits Jemma at an intersection.  He takes her to the hospital and she’s mostly fine, just a broken leg, but Liam’s convinced it wasn’t an accident.

Anyway by the time she’s at the Academy and meeting Fitz, Peter’s spent a good five years building up all the self-hatred and loathing and doubt in sixteen-going-on-seventeen Jemma Simmons.  It’s easy for her to assume Fitz hates her because everyone probably hates her.  When she and Fitz are presenting one of their first projects together to a lower level SHIELD higher up, he asks, “And when will Dr. Simmons be joining us?”  Weaver and Fitz throw a fit (Weaver maybe even gets him fired), but Jemma’s just kind of both unphased and traumatized by it at the same time.  That’s the first time she completely opens up about her personal life to Fitz and why she never uses her first name and what it was like growing up with four brothers, one of whom is awful.

That’s also when Fitz opens up about his father.  Jemma’s said maybe just a couple sentences about Peter and it’s causing all these realizations and maybe it’s the first time that he brains is using abusive to think about their relationship and Fitz says “he sounds like my dad.”  And speaking of it and giving it a name is so helpful to them both.  That validation of their emotions and of their brilliance.  It doesn’t end the self-doubt, of course, but it’s a nice moment of clarity.

She starts going by Jemma after that.

(I feel like I should mention that, as shitty as Peter is, Kit, Matt, and Liam are amazing.  They love and support their sister unconditionally and are a bit quicker than their parents to really see what Peter is doing to Jemma and do everything they can to act like a buffer at family gatherings)

It all culminates on Christmas Eve during Jemma’s winter break from the Academy.  That’s when Chris and Ana decide enough is enough and make the impossible decision that it is dangerous and unhealthy to allow Peter anywhere near their other children.

That’s also the same time that they meet Fitz and his mum.

Ana and Bea are a lot like their children in that it’s a crime against humanity that they spent so much of their lives not knowing each other.  Every couple weeks, Ana drives the four and a half hours to Glasgow for a girls’ weekend.  Chris jokes that he’s the real third wheel.

Kit, Matt, and Liam are quick to accept Fitz as family.  If he’s important to Jemma, he’s someone special.

They do all their holidays together now, even when they go to Amsterdam to be with Ana’s mother.  As far as they’re concerned, Bea and Fitz are family.