#i had such a shitty therapy session today and still feel really shit even tho it's hours later but all i did since therapy was make this

[polaroidcats]

I'm still such a beginner at sewing but I just made my first pillowcase (on my grandma's old, almost 60 year old sewing machine!) and I'm so proud of myself!! It looked really nice and then I messed up the buttons, had to cut out the fabric where I had tried to do the buttons and inserted another piece fabric to fill the gaps where the failed buttons were but still!!! I made an actual usable pillowcase!!! leaning against the pillow as i am typing this, 10/10 experience, pillow is fully covered by fabric!!

[restforthe-burdenedsoul]

July 21

I am feeling overall very proud of myself but this is still a rant. I went to Hobby Lobby today on a whim because I needed something for my invites. I didn’t think about it long, I just went.

Less than a year ago, maybe even only 6 months ago, I would have never. I was having panic attacks at the thought of leaving my house. It’s been a mixture of therapy, medication, and prayer that I believe has gotten me to where I am now.

Oh, I also had a big meeting with juvenile justice today and other than normal jitters of being the sole rep of my agency, it was totally fine. I even networked after and got myself on the list for the community mental health meetings.

I was with my last therapist for a good 2 years and still owe her 2k. That was a long story, but to sum it up, she kept telling me my insurance was covering 100% then in December said just kidding and that they only covered 100% for like two months. She kept wanting to talk payment plan at our next session and kept refusing to do a meeting outside that. 1. I’m not paying you to create a payment plan 2. Were you just assuming Every time I asked about payment?

Anywho, for almost two years she kept telling me my anxiety was covid related and kept shutting me down about my anxiety. She was a trauma counselor and she was shitty. Yes, covid played a huge role in my anxiety and it made for a great excuse for me to never leave my house. However, for her to have said “its covid, everyone is afraid right now” was so invalidating (I think she was aiming to validate tho) and wrong. 2 years with her and the only thing I really accomplished was overcoming my fear of sex (which was a huge thing don’t get me wrong). Two sessions with a lifecoach who specialized In narcissistic abuse helped me shift my entire perspective of my ex marriage and I finally feel free of that since getting prayer at church. Three months with my new therapist and I am actually seeing a hugeee difference in my anxiety.

And it isn’t all the meds cause I’m quite shit at remembering medication on a regular basis 😅😅

Anyway, proud of myself!