#i had little to no knowledge on basic anatomy as a kid because my parents refused to let me learn | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

laceyeb · 2 years ago

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So today was “anatomy and physiology” and “pregnancy options” in 7th grade sex ed. It actually went better than you would have expected. Aside from the fact that I thought it would be a good idea to warn them ahead of time before they went to lunch that these would be our topics when they returned to class and I had several boys running down the hall to lunch screaming, “BOOBIES!” That was my bad.

The lessons that we’ve been doing are primarily cheesy animated videos (though very good quality, informative, inclusive, etc.) and then links to different reading materials that I either read to them, tell them to read then, or tell them to go back later and read if they feel it’s important to them.

Read on to see how the “pregnancy options” section went and get a 7th grader’s astoundingly informed and mature take on the abortion ban.

Under the “pregnancy options” section, they explained that if you find out you are pregnant, you have three options: parent, adoption, or abortion. (We’re getting to contraception and protection next week which seems a little out of order, but I didn’t design the lessons.) They thoroughly explained all three options in an informative and nonbiased way. We got through it with virtually no drama or outbursts aside from the kid in the back of the room who I heard whisper to a friend, “But you’re still killing someone!” (I confess I just let that go because this is the same kid who asked to step outside and looked physically ill when we were discussing sexual orientations and gender identity on Monday. I’ve met his parents. I wasn’t about to win any debates with him.)

Then we went to the gym for the rest of our PE period when we were done with our lessons. There’s this one girl in my class who’s kind of a nightmare. An awful attitude, always causing drama, rarely listens to a word I say, just overall kind of unpleasant. She has a friend in the other class who is very similar to her and who snuck over to our PE class today. I somehow didn’t register she wasn’t supposed to be there and I was sitting right next to them while they were talking. The girl from my class suddenly said to the other girl, “I’m not really sure why they’re telling us abortions are an option when they’re trying to make them illegal.” Her friend said something like, “Well the governor thinks they’re just so great and some people are just getting abortions for fun.” After I very quickly told her both of those things were very inaccurate, the girl from my class took over and went OFF on her. I’ve never heard a 7th grader speak so passionately about such a serious topic. She knew the facts, she explained them clearly and accurately, and she made sure her friend understood every word. She explained that it’s not about whether or not you think abortions are okay. It’s about a woman having the right to do whatever she wants with her own body. “If a woman gets ***** and gets pregnant, should she have to be pregnant and give birth to the baby? And what if she gets pregnant accidentally, but she can’t take care of the kid and is forced to have it? Then she treats the kid like shit because she didn’t even want it. The kid doesn’t deserve that and then both of them are miserable.” She was explaining to her friend that there are states where they want to send women to jail if they have a miscarriage. She said, “That’s what they want to do and it’s not even her fucking fault if she has a fucking miscarriage and it’s so fucking stupid.” And because I’m always on her about her language, she then very heatedly said, “And sorry for my language!” To which I replied, “Oh no. It’s fine. Keep going.” (It was a real bonding moment for us.) She concluded this all with, “Why the fuck do these old white men get to decide what women do with their bodies?!” I asked her how she was so knowledgable about all this and she told me that it’s very important to her that she understands her rights and that this is about basic human decency. I have such a newfound respect for this kid and suddenly she just might be one of my favorites. I told her I was really impressed by her and she said, “Why does a fucking 7th grader understand this better than a bunch of 70 year old white men?!”

I wish I had an answer for her.

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bookspined · 4 years ago

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❝ that’s all history is after all: scar tissue. ❞

{ cis-man, he/him } huh, who’s FROY GUTIERREZ? no, you’re mistaken, that’s actually SCORPIUS MALFOY. he is a TWENTY-TWO year old PUREBLOOD wizard who is A HEALING APPRENTICE. he is known for being CAPTIOUS, RETICENT, FACETIOUS, DISMISSIVE, and DRAMATIC but also RESOURCEFUL, CONSCIENTIOUS, FERVENT, INNOVATIVE, and OBSERVANT, so that must be why he always reminds me of the song IN DREAMS BY BEN HOWARD. i hear he is aligned with THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX, so be sure to keep an eye on him. { merry, 24, gmt, she/they }

CHARACTER PARALLELS: Amy Santiago (B99), Claire Temple (Daredevil), Chidi Anagonye (The Good Place), Giles (Buffy TVS), Michelle Jones (MCU), Simon Tam (Firefly), Elizabeth Swan (PoTC), Spock (Star Trek), Clarke Griffin (The 100), Harley Keener (MCU), Gregory House (House) suggested honorable mention Gizmo (Gremlins)

pinterest [blood, medical imagery tw]

wanted connection ideas

Full Name: Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy Gender/Pronouns: Cis man | he/him Age: Twenty-three Birthdate: January 20th Parents: Draco Lucius Malfoy & Astoria Céline Malfoy (née Greengrass) [Not biologically Astoria’s due to her health, if you ever point this out he’ll flay your eyeballs] Siblings: N/A. Birth place: St. Mungo’s Hospital, England Height: 5’11” Weight: 56 kg Sexual/Romantic Orientation: Demiromantic Bisexual Nationality: British Body Alterations/Marks: A ragged diamond shape scar at the base of his throat.

Blood Status: Pureblood Hogwarts House: Slytherin Wand Arm: Right Pet: His pet toad, Jarvis, recently passed away. Patronus: Arctic Fox Wand: 11 2/3 inches, Willow, Supple, Dragon Heartstring.

Willow is an uncommon wand wood with healing power, I have noted that the ideal owner for a willow wand often has some (usually unwarranted) insecurity, however well they may try and hide it. While many confident customers insist on trying a willow wand (attracted by their handsome appearance and well-founded reputation for enabling advanced, non-verbal magic) my willow wands have consistently selected those of greatest potential, rather than those who feel they have little to learn. It has always been a proverb in my family that he who has furthest to travel will go fastest with willow.

Personality Traits: Brilliance, innovative, empathetic, individuality, openness, social consciousness, inventive, logical, practical skills and self assertion; lack of attachment to people outside his circle and the “real world,” over-intellectualizing of the emotions, dismissive, anxious, crotchety tempered, facetious, rigid, prone to self-isolation, intellectual arrogance, and stubborn. Zodiac Sign: Aquarius/Capricorn Cusp Moral Alignment: Neutral Good Core values: Loyalty, Knowledge, Hope Four temperaments: Melancholic

HOGWARTS HOUSE ANALYSIS

Slytherin Primary and a Burned Ravenclaw Secondary.

Slytherin Primaries prioritize their own selves and loved ones first. Slytherins don’t feel guilty or selfish about this– they feel righteous and moral. The most important thing is to look after your own. Abandoning or hurting one of your own is the worst thing you can do.

A Burned Ravenclaw Secondary might want to be skilled, curious, and prepared, but they feel like they are (or like people think they are) limited, clumsy, or inconstant. Gathering knowledge, hobbies, skills, or tools is the right way to achieve their goals, but Burned Ravenclaws know that’s not going to work within their capabilities. So they take other paths and use other tools– maybe a Gryffindor’s bluntness, a Slytherin’s flexibility, or a Hufflepuff’s slow and steady dedication.

You may have a Hufflepuff Secondary Model.

Hufflepuff is the House of grit, reliability, and determination, and Hufflepuffs use those values to help live, act, and succeed. If you model Hufflepuff Secondary, you also value these things and like to live by them. You like to be hardworking, dedicated, and consistent– but you wouldn’t feel guilty for abandoning those values in the service of other, higher priorities. If there’s another, easier way to get what you want– you’d take it. You think hard work provides valuable rewards– and those rewards are why you work. The work doesn’t have persuasive value in itself.

Despite his very best resistance he’s always been pretty empathetic in nature, he tries to rule his emotions as well as he can but fails more often than not. He was always one of those toddlers that if another kid started crying he’d be right along with them, not because he wanted attention but because he just couldn’t not. A bit of a crybaby, has researched how to magically seal up his tear ducts. Obviously managed to keep the family’s flair for the dramatic there as well. After a few years he leant into the sarcastic vague-snobbishness to hide the core of overwhelming anxiety.

Just managed to scrape through his schooling with nearly all top grades, this isn’t really due to him being a model student. He has always accrued information with a voracious appetite. Any knowledge he could find, even if most people would consider it entirely useless. His mind clicks into that place? You can’t keep him away. However, when there is not an immediate stir of interest on his approach to a topic he has to fight with himself tooth and nail to carry on.

Predictably found exam season highly stressful, was never open about it but was quietly competitive and silently smug over his good grades. Could comprehend well above his reading level from an early age and would often look into experimental research and complicated magic but found himself lost in OWL level History of Magic when chapter upon chapter lay ahead of him about something that didn’t catch his interest. Some people he beat just to spite cause he hates them. It worked, whatever.

Tends toward introversion and finds himself tired sometimes quite easily by a large amount of social interaction. Witty and big-mouthed when he feels comfortable or is in the presence of those that embolden him and very likely to get flustered and snap at people when things are becoming a bit too much. Especially if he feels however unjustly that someone is blocking his escape. Has matured slightly in this since leaving school but it happens still, he’s just anxious. Quite fickle and can at the drop of a hat decide that he’s done with you for the day once his Give Me Attention Meter is maxed. Could be an absolute bloody brat when he felt like it but feels he has grown out of it, which he mostly has.

Always been very, very aware of many people’s distrust of him and his family, he used to sneer and play it up if anyone tried to bring up his dad and go on the offensive but was genuinely affected quite deeply by it all. In his early school years, despite his weakness to the cold, he constantly had his sleeves rolled up to the elbow so that his blank forearm was bared as a statement to just about everyone. I am not marked, I never will be. Now he’s older he has more of a handle on things and can be diplomatic in situations where people are clearly discomforted by his presence and his family history.

Even though the war culminated far earlier in this verse I imagine Scor would have had to have been relatively sheltered as a child if not for how emotionally sensitive and prone to periods of ill-health he was, it was definitely for his own safety. He is still the grandson of a known high-ranking Death Eater and that made him a media target and put one on his back for anyone else that might happen to be watching.

Never produced much of a talent for offensive magic and wouldn’t resort to those methods unless he had literally no other choice, not a front line fighter by any means. His talents with strategy, potion-making, healing and his perseverance with defensive magic are what define him to the Order. While everyone kind of knows who he hung out with at school and who his friends are he is deliberately very mischievous with releasing rumours and misleading people. He deliberately keeps his cards very close to his chest so most people don’t know that he is aligned with anyone, he usually uses glamours or a scarf to conceal his identity if he has to.

While he is knowledgeable about healing and anatomy, he is the WORST at taking care of himself. The literal embodiment of Healers make the worst patients, tends to forgo sleep and basic bodily needs if he’s locked into what he’s focusing on. Sometimes needs reminders to sleep and eat, like a child.

Healing is the most satisfying part of his life and he would never give it up, he likes to experiment as he has a fascination with magic and muggle science and where they might intersect. A fucking nerd honestly. While he thinks he’s being fairly subtle about it a large part of his academic life has been doused in research into blood maledictions, for obvious reasons. He does his best not to flutter too obviously around his Mum. She is capable and ten times stronger than he is.

Lives in a small studio flat in Diagon Alley that is mostly stacks of books and makeshift shelves.

the stillness of the world the moment you take the first step into fresh snow, cashmere and fine wool, the pearlescence of dreamless sleep draught, the scratch of a quill on parchment, faintly tremoring fingers, a shiver up your spine in a warm room, the exhilaration of a problem solved, a thunderous grey overcast sky, the bite of a stitching charm, sleeves rolled up to the elbows, petrichor, the burn in your eyes before a well of tears.

Always had somewhat fragile health tending toward sickly. Hands are never warm, his existence is an endless heat seeking mission.

Went to one Slug Club meeting and used his time to verbally berate and or challenge most of the contacts in attendance, he was not asked to return.

Potions Club, Charms Club, used to sometimes be willing to be dragged to Dueling Club but didn’t enjoy himself.

Plays quite a bit of chess.

Bruises like a fucking peach and scars so easily.

Views quidditch as a good fly spoiled.

Is a very skilled pianist almost entirely due to his Grandmother’s tutelage.

Surprisingly great with children/toddlers/babies, no one including himself expected this, he mostly feared them beforehand.

Bit of a mummy’s boy in that he practically GLOWS when people talk of Astoria’s achievements.

When he has time off from healing he will have chipped black nail varnish on.

Highly intelligent but rarely manages to match a pair of socks, chews his quills but no one else’s.

While very eloquent and well spoken, he is markedly less posh than when he first arrived at Hogwarts.

When he isn’t prone to bouts of insomnia he can take a nap pretty much anywhere. He was once found in a tree after several frantic hours search.

[ CREDIT : CHARACTER PSD template by @karmahelper (defunct url) I tried to find a current social this week by messaging around but couldn’t find anything unfortunately. Forgot to copy this over from the google doc! ]

#potterintro #finally #sorry if this is missing anything

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tsukihoshino · 5 years ago

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Super long Sasori post

I’m going to begin this by saying everyone is entitled to their view on Sasori and how to characterize him within the parameters set up by canon or whatever AU/Bent Timeline a person has inserted him into but I do believe there are certain things about him that remain the same no matter what situation you put him in-- otherwise he’s just no longer Sasori (IMO.) So much of his character is about hyper analyzing his words and actions, and what others have said about him through a microscope because the fact of the matter is for such an interesting character he really had such little time.

I was originally not going to bring shipping into this but as I was writing Sasosaku kinda slipped in there, mostly because it felt like it provided a good contrast to what we get of Sasori in canon and how it can translate into fanon.

(All of these opinions are based on the Manga and the Akatsuki formation because OP cannot be assed with novels and filler for the most part...Making an exception for Komushi.)

1. He’s highly manipulative. He’s a puppet master and he has a spy ring. He gathers information so he can use it against people, he manipulates the corpses of what used to be people--or things that LOOK, very often like people. That says a lot about who he is as a person.

And when you first see his real face, when he reveals himself to Chiyo this is the face you get;

I don’t get the impression that he’s actually happy to see her given the events that follow, its largely about trying to put his grandmother off center and BOTHER her. Sasori is perfectly capable of acting to get to a desired result--which makes a lot of sense to me because while Bunraku is largely about the Narrator's words there is also the performance element to it via the puppets.

2. He’s all about control. Control of himself, of others, of events. It's really an offshoot of manipulation but I don’t think Sasori blinks without putting thought into the action. ( I mean technically, lmao given his unique anatomy in canon that might be 100% accurate.)

3. He’s not only an artist. The guy is the very definition of being a mad scientist. He sits at a place where Art and Science meet and become something more. It's not one or the other when it comes to Sasori, there is something almost Frankenstein like in the way that he creates his human puppets, the 3rd and himself. Think about the knowledge that had to go into that from basic human anatomy to the chakra system as a whole. I mean we never get a play by play on HOW he did it but we know he’s the only one who ever did and then repeated a similar, much more complicated process on himself.

Then there is his poison, we know he’s primarily relied on the infamous one because it was sooo effective (until it wasn’t, thanks Sakura.) But we have to assume given how he is Sasori makes ART out of deadly concoctions and methods of murder.

To him synthesizing that poison was probably no different than an artist trying to get that perfect shade of red.

The weird thing about Sasori ( and I guess it's just ONE of the many weird things) Is that for an Artist he is very...clinical. When we think about people in the arts we often imagine passionate people like Deidara--bombastic and flamboyant free spirits.

4. Logical and likely to the extreme.

He’s not a sore loser. When he loses and it's fair he accepts it. He's not bitter about the end of his fight with Sakura and Chiyo, he’s not pissy with Konan--he respects it because to Sasori the weak die and the strong survive, losers don’t have a right to complain when they shoulda got gud to begin with.

I don’t doubt that in Sasori’s logical mind he came to the conclusion that his parents died because they were weak. Ergo unlike Chiyo he’s just completely unaffected by seeing Kakashi, the world just followed its natural order in the death of his parents.

He’s got a reptile brain and he just sort of views people as animals because it's probably simpler--except for himself. He thinks he’s above that, to himself he is a god.

The thing with Komushi...I perceive it as largely an accident but in Sasori’s “perfectly” logical mind he was just like well: it’s sort of Komushi’s own fault and never let a tragedy go to waste because again, hyper logical. Not only that but he was BEGGED to do something for Komushi and there really was nothing to be done for him at that point other than make something useful out of his death.

The problem with being TOO logical is that it is just as detrimental as being too emotional. If we all just went around doing what was logical we’d be no different than animals or machines. Logic dictates we do whatever it takes to survive and come out on top even at the expense of others but because we are balanced by emotion most people don’t live like that.

On the flipside because he’s logical he can be convinced by compelling arguments without ego getting in the way. In this same vein he finds it very difficult to feel sorry about things he’s done in the past but when able to recognize it was wrong he can accept it and simply resolve not to do it in the future--he doesn’t have the capacity to agonize over feelings of guilt.

5. He hates being lied to and he’s impatient. Sasori will lie to everyone around him and even to himself if he can manage it but if he finds out He’s the one being lied to? Intense hate. See points 1&2.

6. He’s blunt and often rude when acting as his natural self. I don’t find the need to explain this one much.

7. Sasori is largely self-focused. He thinks he has a perfect handle on himself and understands exactly why he is the way he is--but it couldn’t be further from the truth. He really doesn’t understand his own feelings much less those of others and what he does understand he often doesn’t care about. This can be changed if a person is able to get through to him.

This is the guy who thought that by removing his concious from a human body and sticking it into what's basically a decorative vase all his problems would MAGICALLY vanish. Because as smart as he is, he was also desperate to escape his own feelings not realizing that when you pour the water in one glass into another glass the contents remain the same.

No matter how hard he tries he cannot escape the problem plaguing him; himself.

8. Sasori does not value life, not his own and certainly not others. Unless you are like that ONE person who is able to get through to him. He has what I would call a “Very narrow heart.” which simply does not have a lot of space for people. To him it's probably Sasori and “That Person” VS the world.

9. He likes things that last, sculptures and paintings, classical music and literature, things that have been around for ages and withstood the trials of time.

10. He does not do well on his own. He thinks he does but he really doesn’t, when he is by himself he is destructive. When he feels alone he is at his most dangerous. Sasori is very much a person who NEEDS someone to essentially be his emotional center otherwise we get him turning himself into a puppet in what amounted to a one longass theatrical suicide.

11. Sasori was probably always a little...different even as a kid but environment and events certainly played a role. His parents died at an early age and he was essentially lied to and given false hope. (hence the impatience and hatred of lies.) Throw into that an intellect seldom seen in a time of war where child soldiers are the norm. He killed his first person at 8, he earned himself a title denoting that he was so good at killing he soaked the sands in blood. Imagine what that's like at 8, getting a pat on the head everytime you kill someone?

Of course you would become conditioned to believe that killing is right and good when you’re being congratulated and rewarded for being proficient at it.

Its assumption on my part but I do believe Sasori lays somewhere on the Antisocial Personality Disorder spectrum.

12. He’s vain AF. Look at him. He made sure to replicate himself in his prime to perfect detail in the places that were most visible, his face and his hands. He could have made himself look like anything but in the end he still chose that form.

13. When he wants something he makes a plan and gets it done. Doesn’t matter how long or what he has to do to get to point A to point B he’s going to do it.

14. He has three main expressions; blank, smug and insane.

15: His power levels are again, insane. He is a master of multiple trades. The guy ganked a Kage at 15 the strongest one Sand ever had by that point, ( Orochimaru was waay older and came out way more damaged as far as we know when he fought Sarutobi.) toppled a nation, made himself a new body with mysterious methods.

It's time for the Sasosaku bit:

Part of the reason why I think the two of them fit so well together is that they are opposites and yet complimentary. Sakura is an antidote and Sasori is the poison, but sometimes a medicine can become a poison and a poison can be used as medicine. Sakura is a close range combatant and Sasori is long but they have this odd intersection of skill sets and interest. They both deal in the human body and the manipulation of it, Sakura’s focus is to maintain it as it is and improve its condition if needed and Sasori’s is to both destroy and create it anew all at once.

If they weren’t trying to kill one another in canon they would have had tons to talk about.

Ultimately Sakura gets gut stabbed not because he was aiming for her but because she got LITERALLY in the way of a family feud. He was going for Chiyo and you can assume that's because he thought his grandma was the bigger threat or because he was still bitter about the past on some subconscious level and was gunning for her--i mean he goes in for Chiyo a second time after he disconnects from the arm Sakura was death gripping. But Sakura’s selfless action is something that viscerally shocks him:

And it only gets worse when Chiyo starts feeding her life force into Sakura--a second selfless act on the part of someone he hates and feels wronged by.

Sakura values life and Sasori doesn’t because he doesn’t understand it. He was raised his whole life to think that people like them--Shinobi had no value other than to kill or to be killed. He’s visibly shocked when she starts yelling after socking him in the face about Human lives and family bonds. Like no one had ever mentioned that to him before and forget about risking your life to save someone else's, that goes against his logical lizard brain.

At that point he’s already beaten, he’s already impressed with her. It’s right after her punching him that Sasori gives what amounts to an odd marriage proposal IMO. It was completely pointless of him to even bring it up but you can tell by the “Glint” in his eye that he meant it.

Sasori: Want to become like me? You’ll get what I mean. An undecaying body, Unfettered by a mortal lifespan, capable of being rebuilt over and over again. ( if you were immortal would you offer immortality to someone you had no interest in? Not me. I wouldn’t want to have them around for virtually “forever” in any shape or form. And Sasori is not talking about making Sakura into just some controllable puppet, he’s talking about being JUST like him, sentient thought and movement.)

Sasori: I can make as many people as I want out of puppets….-Looks dead at Sakura- If I want them...but my collection isn’t just about quantity. Quality is important too.

That whole conversation is like A CREEPY FLIRTATION from him because we know what he considers “True beauty” to be. Eternal.

And then it comes to a head where he gives her a “sentimental reward” in the information she wanted. Now I’m not saying Sakura was interested or anything but it seems like he was in some shape or form.

In my opinion when you put someone like Sakura--who is brilliant and logical but also heavily swayed by her emotions with someone like Sasori, brilliant, logical and emotionally repressed. A person who values life with someone who neither values their own life or others what you get is agitation.

Agitation is not a bad thing, it breaks stagnation--which is what, imo drives Sasori to his death. It is the lack of change, he’s made it so he cannot feel physically and he has tried his hardest and for the most part succeeded in numbing his inner feelings.

Part of me is convinced that what ultimately kills him is complacency. He gets so used to being at the top that when he is confronted with someone who neutralizes his life’s work and destroys his collection and keeps confronting and beating him with all the qualities he deems useless and pointless it just drives home the point that everything he has ever done or thought was in vain and on some level wrong. There is no point in winning against them because everything is already destroyed. There is no going back to what he was before, therefore death is preferable.

Through Sakura, in Au’s or alt timelines, or w/e she is able to reach him through their similarities but change him due to the fundamental differences in their nature.

As to what Sakura gets from Sasori; Someone who clearly respects her skills and understands her interests because his own align--and therefore would be supportive and present. The two of them actually have things in common and therefore shit to talk about.

In that same vein Sasori seems like the type of person who if he were to fall in love it is to the point of obsession, for someone who was repressed and held themselves apart from others I see him in a lot of ways as almost touch, and certainly affection starved. It becomes addictive to him. (Which is probably why when I write him he’s handsy.)

We know how Sakura likes to take care of people--we see it with Naruto, Sasuke and Sai. In some of these cases it is often to the detriment of her own well being and Sasori, the selfish person that he is, can reign that in and pull it back so that it isn’t so all consuming. (mostly because the only person she should be worried about is herself and him.)

In the end, If Sasori is the logic and Sakura is the emotion, what you end up with is something more balanced. In the same way that if you were to mix a Poison with an Antidote you would end up with a neutralization.

These are just my personal opinions and thoughts on the matter.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Also I headcanon that Sasori is basically Sakura-sexual so -cough- there. I guess that's a topic for another time...

Look at all these conceited Sasori faces:

#Sasori #Sasosaku #Its long

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sumeshi-t · 4 years ago

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✨ self-ship tag game ✨

PART 2 | IwaLee (here you go, discord)

sorry if it's corny/cheesy LMAO my brain empty i can't think of anything to make for iwa's birthday i'm such a dumbass. was also supposed to draw an nsfw-ish thing for this but ya girl is feelin’ out of it lately sjhfalhj

How we met:

okay let’s just say i’m smart enough to land myself a scholarship in socal since i’m taking physical therapy anyway

i feel like... we would meet in the library LMAO what asian nerds

maybe i’d end up bothering him with the way i’m murmuring anatomy stuff and talking to myself when studying

so he overhears me struggling to remember that one word and he’s gonna fucking answer for me like okay sorry bud i’m stupid

jk i won’t react like that i’d just be like, “yes!” and turn to look at whoever it was who answered and say thank you because i’m so immersed in my own bubble of “knowledge” and big brain

when i notice that he’s actually cute i’d be fucking red in the ears out of embarrassment when he tells me to tone my voice down lmao so i apologize for being a bother :(

actually says, “don’t mind” damnit his english do be cute. just two asian kids far from home with accents

it’s awkward, but i’d steal glances at what he’s studying. would probably get caught after a looong while, but it’s bc i’ll be blanking off, brain tired

“do you have anything you want to ask?” he’ll be dropping his pen over his notes leaning back and stretching, bending his neck, rolling his shoulders while waiting for my answer

“omg i’m so sorry, i didn’t mean to stare.” then i ask what his program is just bc he could be in one of my classes and i didnt know

anyway, turns out our schedules were pretty similar, we live in the same area/dorm, so like there’s always a chance for us to meet somehow

we wouldn’t give numbers to eo on that same day; like give it about two weeks of constantly bumping into eo before that happens

watch me share my highlighters with him, exchanging notes, passing some snacks beneath the table like its weed or sumn

from lib meetings to getting lunch together to being invited to watch his games (in freshman year i’d still go because i’d be less busier)

i would definitely use the honorifics on him, from “iwaizumi-san” gradually to “iwa-kun”; he won't admit that he likes it because it's a little piece of home

would convince to practice palpation with him because his body is a perfect example–

"wh-why don't you ask someone from your class?"

"i'm not that close with—are you blushing? omg you are!"

somehow i joke around, "i won't touch your dick," then i'd laugh at his reaction.

anyway, in return for using his body as a model, i have to sit through a godzilla marathon with him

the first time he sees me breakdown from the stress he's kinda flustered at first; but he's seen similar things with oikawa so he has a faint idea what to do. damn his hugs feel so warm, so safe

i'm quicker to open up to him, once i got comfortable; and reassurance that if he needed someone to talk to i'll also be there

basically a slow burn best friends to lovers kinda thing

ngl i'd be crushing on him by the time we're entering second year maybe? but because we're friends i always throw the thought away because i don't wanna ruin what we have

but da heart wants what it wants

it would take: the teasing of his buddies back at japan after seeing him post ig pics of us together (it was me who did it, i grabbed his phone); and, my own set of friends getting annoyed at me for always being in denial—all these just for us to finally come into terms with what we feel for eo

"i have something to tell you," we'll say to eo before we enter the lib ksksksk

"oh, you go first-" "no, you-"

it's awkward but i'll be the first to confess and he's 👁👁

"you... what?" "smh don't make me say it again, iwa. does this mean we're not friends anymore?"

"yeah"

"oh..."

"because i like you too. you... wanna go out with me?"

First date x type of dates:

study dates are automatically a thing for sure; we've upgraded from lib to cafe dates

since we're like, friends before this, potential stuff for first dates are already crossed out since we've kinda done them already???

so this issue was raised and his mind said, "then let's redo everything,"

the first thing we did outside campus was go on a foodtrip. because i was craving filo food, and he was craving jap food. and then i have this kinda habit that when i get to eat something delicious, i silently squeal or hum in my seat he finds that cute

the "first date" doesn't really have to be grand because we're like... close friends with feelings. so we don't have to try hard to please each other. everything just feels natural when we're together

anyway, we try out the food we didn't have before. he still prefers sinigang over adobo. he's still kinda amazed where i put all the food after eating a bowl of ramen that's good for two

he's gonna take a pic of me in that excited face i make when the food is placed before me and make it his wallpaper (homescreen) secretly

after that, we're just walking, me telling him about something i watched or nerd talk, then he slips his hand against mine, holding it and pulling me closer that it makes me shut up–so he laughs

"that's all it takes to get you quiet, babe?"

"w-what? also... did you just call me babe? because i didn't think i'd like it,"

"i know something you'll like," he stops walking, then, with his free hand he cups my face and pulls in for a kith kith 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

i am blushing when i tell him, "that your first kiss?"

"y-yeah, why?"

"same"

we were already walking and he swoops in for a quick peck again, "then that's the second,"

he says that with a little frown on his face, cheeks also flushed and ugh soft!lee—i lean my head against his arm because i'm too short to put it above his shoulder. but anyway i tell him, "didn't think you had it in you to be this soft for me,"

"sh-shut up"

it doesn't seem romantic because ✨it doesn't have to be when we're already happy✨

While we’re dating:

he saves all the selfies i send him; whether it's the meme-ish ones or just me feelin' good about myself he's got them saved

notebooks getting interchanged kskskss it's terrible because one minute i'm reading my notes about pharma, then i flip a page and i see stuff about sports science like–???

tho what makes it cute is that he has tiny scribbles on corners in hiragana or maybe kanji and some random zigzag lines over some words–a sign that he fell asleep with a pen in his hand

i have lots of caps (that are majority of my dad's but i like them all so i brought sum) and he just... gets one from behind my door (it's the same energy as the hoodies thing)

and i 🥺 bc he actually looks good in caps like??? sir that's illegal

ok but walks in the beach at sunset

also surfer!iwa???? mhhhh yes yes living the dream honestly

ofc volleyball is involved, he's kinda pleased i can play decently. it's either the gym or vb

he would force me to go to the gym smh "you're a PT aren't you? shouldn't you be moving around too?" i'm gonna grumble but the sight of his er, toned body before during and after exercising is the best reward

actually its a win-win, he likes how my butt is outlined by my jog pants and how for him, i still look good even if i'm sweaty all over

hehe we'd end up getting horny by the time we reach the dorms–you know the rest and afterwards:

"so, you'll go to the gym more often now?"

"if it ends up like this, i wouldn't mind,"

we teach eo our mother language! but only on our spare time. omg imagine him telling me "mahal na mahal kita"??? i'm??? or when he's chatting with oikawa (especially that one time he sent a selfie of him and ushijima) he uses tagalog swear words if he just wants to mess with his best friend

vidcalls with each other's fam—i mean, for my parents they know we've been always close, and like, it will be my grandma/dad who'd ask him, "when will you court my granddaughter/daughter?"

he got so nervous, he stuttered, "i'm... i'm courting her already,"

anyway they approve of him because he is smart^TM and a good man 🥺 because they know he has ambitions in life the same way that i do have my own goals i wanna achieve

meanwhile me, i'm gonna be so nervous trying to speak to his fam, but they're all so sweet so i tell him afterwards, "so that's where you get the softies,"

anyway since this is college we're talking about, every passing year, we both become busy, especially when internships come around

but when he can, he'll fetch me from the hospital with comfort food because he knows it's been a rough day and he wants to make sure i'm taking care of myself 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 lowkey i try to do the same for him because he deserves it; but he says it's okay and that i should be preserving my energy for my studies 😭

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razberryyum · 5 years ago

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The Untamed/陈情令 Rewatch, Episode 14, Part 2 of 2

(spoilers for everything MDZS/Untamed)

[covers MDZS chapters 55 and 56]

WangXian meter: 🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰+🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰+🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰+🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰+🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰+🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰+🐰🐰+🐰🐰+🐰🐰

Every glimpse we’re provided of the Jiang family life is really equal parts discomfort and electricity because of Madame Yu. Even though each scene usually involves both familial and marital strife, which is usually very uncomfortable for me to watch, I find myself completely incapable of turning away because of her, even as I’m wincing for Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian’s sake. Madame Yu is just so AWESOME. The way she sweeps into every scene she’s in, eyes flashing, taking charge and commanding the room is really breathtaking. As I’ve mentioned before, while I would never want her to be my mother nor do I support her method of mothering, I still completely respect and love her. Every line of dialogue from her is spoken with such conviction and impact and ferocity that I can’t help but grinning in admiration, even when her words are meant to hurt and belittle the boys I love.

I mean, that alone is pretty brutal to say in front of her son and ward. While I’m sure Jiang Cheng and Wei Ying spent most of their lives hearing divisive statements like that from her, it’s really a testament to their basic good natures that they still ended up being so close. I’m sure Jiang Fengmian being present to counter his wife’s harshness helped a lot, but if JC or Shijie were even the least bit petty, arrogant or unkind, they could’ve been easily swayed by Madame Yu’s influence and held her words against Wei Ying. The fact that they didn’t at all and still loved this orphaned boy like their own flesh and blood brother really makes me love the siblings that much more. I’ve always thought it’s quite sad that Madame Yu couldn’t find it in her heart to love Wei Ying as well, especially since he really is so lovable and adorable, but jealousy is an ugly and powerful monster that is hard to defeat, so it’s really a shame that she let it overcome her to the point that even her relationship with her husband and children was negatively affected. Not to mention, I can only imagine how unhappy Madame Yu herself felt, believing as she did that she will always be inferior to the memory of a woman who has already passed and also questioning her husband’s fidelity and loyalty even so many years later. It’s obvious that her quick temper and biting words are the manifestations of her unhappiness. For such a capable and strong woman who could have easily been a sect leader in her own right, I really wish she could have been had a more joyful life.

It should be noted that for her all her magnetic screen presence and impressive performance, actress Zhang Jing Tong, who portrays Madame Yu, is only 30 years old with just a few credits to her name. It’s amazing when I think about the fact that even though she’s only two years older than Xiao Zhan and Xuan Lu and seven years Wang Zhuo Cheng’s senior, she pulled off the Jiang matriarch role with total aplomb. Watching her I never for one second doubted she was their mother, head of the Yunmeng Jiang sect and household because of the authoritative air she possesses. Prior to looking up her professional history, I actually thought she was an industry veteran and I somehow just never saw any of her shows even though I’ve watched my fair share of Chinese dramas. The fact that she hasn’t been in that many shows just makes me appreciate her work in CQL even more. The degree of success in which she's brought Madame Yu to life is truly amazing: it’s as if the character literally just walked off of the pages of the book. I hope she gets a lot more high profile professional opportunities from now on as a result of her wonderful performance in The Untamed.

Yunmeng Bros Love

It’s so difficult not to cry or at least get teary-eyed watching this scene now; I sure as heck couldn’t get through it without a few tears this time. The love these brothers have for each other, what they sacrificed for each other, just makes my heart hurt so much. What’s most heart-aching is that this really is the last time they can still laugh and embrace like this without any reservations, without any sadness or true regrets, because their family, despite its imperfections, is still whole. So this moment, this promise, in addition to serving as a testament to their bond, also feels like a marker of the end of their childhood and their innocence since soon after this is when all their dark days start arriving.

Clive Barker Would be Proud

Going back to the Xuanwu of Slaughter’s cave, even though I still don’t understand enough about the anatomy of the creature to be able to figure out how it can have so much room in its own shell to allow for storage space since the last I checked, that’s not how a tortoise’ body fits inside their shell, and if it’s actually a snake then why couldn’t I just come out of its shell to go after the boys earlier, I still appreciated the set design within its disgusting abode. Team CQL really did execute the gore and squelch elements quite well. That interior was pretty effectively creepy and gross.

Prelude to the Yiling Patriarch

Not gonna lie, that smirk does funny things to my tummy. It’s so deliciously sexy and evil. Makes me wish they had gone full darkside with Wei Ying when he became the Yiling Patriarch, or at least retained most of the moral ambiguity he had in the novel. We get his Yiling Patriarch smile a few more times after this, thank goodness, but since this is the first glimpse we get of it, I will always have a soft spot for this moment.

I would love to see Xiao Zhan take on a truly villainous role one of these days since I think he would really excel at it and can totally succeed at making the audience both love, hate and fear him in such a role, but considering his elevation to leading man status now, I doubt that will ever happen anymore. Such a shame. He would’ve been scarily effective and alluring.

Jin Zixuan Appreciation Time

I’m going to take a moment here to show some appreciate to our dear bro-in-law. At the outset, I had thought he was a dick unworthy of our dear Shiji because of the way he treated her in the beginning and his rudeness towards Wei Ying. I have since warmed up to him considerably, and now I think some words of praise is due. For being the son of a perverted piece of shit and growing in the lap of luxury, Jin Zixuan honestly turned out to be much better than his genetics and upbringing should have produced. Actually, I should give Madame Jin some credit, since she seemed to have a somewhat good head on her shoulders considering her favoring of Shijie. Most likely the reason why JZX turned out to be a decent enough man was because his mom did most of the parenting work. Despite his initial treatment of Shijie, I was impressed by how protective he was towards Mian Mian when she was being targeted by Wen Chao. Being a product of a total lecher of a father, it’s actually amazing that he never predatorized Mian Mian himself. Hell, I wouldn’t even be surprised if he had to protect her from his own father (yeah I really don’t think highly of Jin Guangshan at all). But no, he’s absolutely upstanding and I did also appreciate the fact that he went back with Jiang Cheng to rescue Wei Ying and Lan Zhan when he could have easily just not do so having already escaped. He was risking the Wen’s wrath in doing that so I know it did take guts and a strong sense of chivalry. I guess that’s why Shijie fell in love with him early on: she obviously saw something in him right from the start that took me this long to see.

Other Odds and Ends

I remember being flabbergasted when I first saw this image on Wei Ying’s headboard because I simply could not believe what my eyes were seeing. Naturally I wanted to know everything about that illustration: did Wei Ying draw it himself? Who was he thinking of when he drew it? I know it can’t be Lan Zhan since the drawing obviously predates their relationship, so who could it be? Jiang Cheng? That thought actually did cross my mind very briefly way back but since I prefer their brotherhood above any shipping possibilities, I dismissed that thought almost as soon as it arose. I know now that drawing is probably nothing more than an Easter Egg by Team CQL, but I still appreciated it since I thought this was even more blatant than the gay porn they snuck in back at Cloud Recesses’ library pavilion scene. That drawing wasn’t as clearly shown as this one and seemed more ambiguous. Really, bravo to their boldness, and bless the censors for overlooking this little bit of fun as well.

This poor kid. I should’ve known his life would soon come to a premature end as soon as they focused on him and gave him a sweet learning moment.

Just FYI for anyone who cares: looks like this while thinking of Lan Zhan is the reason this scene gets two 🐰.

Questions I Still Have

- Why did Lan Zhan let Wei Ying keep that disgusting, bloody sword even though he had to have clearly seen the demonic black smoke coming from it and surrounding Wei Ying while they were fighting the Xuanwu of Slaughter. Even if Lan Zhan missed the smoke, why wouldn’t he have at least sensed the all the evil and resenting energy emanating from the sword? Considering its origins, you’d think its ominous aura would be so overwhelming that even someone with a low level of cultivation would sense it, much less someone as cultivated as Lan Zhan. Not to mention, just in terms of sanitary issues, why would someone like him, who prefers cleanliness and has some knowledge of infection prevention, even let Wei Ying continue to hold on to that filthy thing anyway? I know story-wise, the sword is important and needed for later on, but I’d honestly rather they kept with the novel in this instance and had it just fall back to the bottom of the water in the cave. It could still magically reappear at the Burial Mounds later on because it already recognized Wei Wuxian as its owner or something like that.

- Actually, what I also don’t understand is why Wen Ruohan never sensed this most powerful piece of the yin metal when it was so close to his stomping grounds? Why did that the first piece of metal he obtained call out to the pieces that were farther away instead of this one which was much closer? Unless, the reason is because the yin metal sword was activated because the other pieces finally reunited?

Huh.

I actually never considered that possibility until now, but if that’s the explanation, I can accept it. I guess this question might have been answered.

Overall Episode Rating: 9 Lil Apples out of 10

Disclaimer: The Untamed would not be possible without Mo Dao Zu Shi and Mo Xiang Tong Xiu-laoshi. I mean no disrespect whatsover when at times I may favor the shwo over the MDZS bible that is the novel. All hail MDZS and MXTX-laoshi, always and forever!

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itsdaggerandsheath · 4 years ago

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An Introduction to Sex

Everyone has an “introduction to sex”. The most of us are not born and raised in households where sex is openly talked or taught about, therefore we must be introduced to it in some way. Usually first by word of mouth from parents, friends on the playground, or maybe a school health class. Typically when it comes to parents and health classes though, you only learn about sex in terms of reproduction and looking at scary pictures of genitalia with STI’s meant to scare you into abstaining. Then, as you get a bit older, you may be introduced to sex as an “activity” through your friends, the Internet, porn, etc. And then, of course, you’re introduced to sex when you start having it, should you choose to. Everyone has different introductions to sex, but I feel the need to document mine because 1.) I feel that it will help explain why I’m so passionate about sex education if I document my experiences with sex from the very beginning and 2.) my “introductions” were hilarious, and since we’re in the middle of the COVID-19 pandemic, I wanted to write something with a bit of humor to hopefully make you laugh and provide you with a bit of a distraction from the end of the world. So. Let’s start from when I was about four years old, when I began to learn about sex for the sake of reproduction. I’m not a parent, but I imagine there are times when parents say something horrible to their young children thinking “they won’t remember this when they’re older,” which is what I’m sure my mother was thinking when she was teaching me about sex when I was little. Unfortunately (for me) she was wrong, and I remember every…weird little detail. I was a very curious child. I don’t remember why I was so curious with the idea of where babies came from; maybe I saw it as a joke on a TV show or movie or something. But for some reason, I was infatuated with the idea for as long as I can remember (perhaps this was an early sign that I was meant to pursue sex education all along). I was constantly asking my poor mother, “Mommy, where do babies come from?” And by constantly, I mean, probably every day. Even after she explained it to me, I would continue to ask for more details; I continued to ask her as the years went by because her explanation just didn’t make sense to me. Basically, what she told me (and remember, I was four) was that when a mommy and a daddy get married (marriage was always emphasized) and they want to have a baby, the daddy will give the mommy his “daddy juice” (yes, that is actually what she called it) and this “daddy juice” turns into a baby in the mommy’s belly. It’s going to be very hard to type this all out without cringing. Since I was four at the time, this answer made sense the first time I heard it. As time went on though, I found myself asking more questions. One time, I saw my cat outside “wrestling” with another cat, and a few weeks later, we had kittens; how had that happened? Why did the boys and men in my life face the toilet when they peed? Where did “daddy juice” come from and how did it get into a mommy’s belly to make a baby?! I demanded answers. (Now my only question is why the hell did my mom refer to semen as “daddy juice”?!) I can’t remember where my mom got “The Miracle of Life” videotape from. Did we just so happen to have it? Did she rent it from the library or Blockbuster because I’d just kept asking? I’m not sure. All I remember is her handing me a video tape (I’m not that old, I promise) and telling me that if I watched and paid attention, it would give me some answers. By the time she let me watch the tape, I was seven years old and had some mild knowledge on reproductive anatomy; that females had vaginas and periods, and that males had penises and did not have periods, though this was the extent of my knowledge (granted, that’s more than most seven year olds know). However, this was enough for me to understand most of what was going on as I watched the tape. Most. Now, there’s pros and cons to me having seen this video tape. A pro is that my mom didn’t try to spin some story about how the stork delivers babies; she allowed me to know the truth. A con though is that my mother wasn’t the one who told me the truth: a video tape was. I can’t remember if I asked my mom any more questions after watching the tape or if any sort of conversation was had with me, but I do remember that she told me not to tell any of my friends about what I’d learned - presumably because she didn’t want me to be “that kid” who goes around and tells all the other kids about sex before their parents told them. So, of course, I totally was that kid. I remember being in my back yard playing on the swing set a few days later with a friend of mine at the time, and when I told her that I knew the secret to where babies came from, her eyes widened through her purple glasses and her mouth with several missing teeth fell wide open. “You do?” She asked, lowering her voice, knowing that what we were discussing was top secret material. In my second grade vernacular, I explained to her that babies came from “a boy putting his private part in the girl’s private part.” “Which one?” My friend asked, referring to the fact that, from what we knew at the time, “girls have two holes” (we now know that females have three, but remember, we were seven at the time). “I think the first one,” I’d said, referring to the vagina, as I didn’t know what a urethra was at the time. This friend and I then made it our life’s mission to spread this new information to every one of our friends. Partly because it was rebellious and mischievous and fun, but also because I personally felt like it was something that my friends needed to know, because their parents were lying to them about where babies came from. I really was meant to go into sex education from the very beginning. My mom never found out I’d told all my friends about sex, which was a sweet victory to me at the time. (She also doesn’t know that I have a sex education blog that I share with all of you, which is also quite the victory). Then we get to how I learned about sex as an “activity” or something that people do “for fun”, which I’ll mostly discuss in Part 2, but I’ll give you a little taste of it here too. I’m gonna circle back to the idea of my mom saying things to me that she figured I probably wouldn’t remember as I got older that sure as shit, I did, and shutter at to this day. One such conversation went a little something like this when I was about eight: “But how does the penis get into the vagina? Do you have to lay down or sit up, or…?” My mom shrugged, “You can do it standing up…” She trailed before taking a sip of her coffee. That’s an image I’ll never get out of my head. My mom and dad got divorced when I was very young, to the point where I don’t even remember most of it. My mom didn’t date very much before she got married again to my stepdad over a decade after her first marriage had ended, but at the time of the conversation I’m about to document, she’d been in a relationship with a guy who for the sake of privacy, we’ll call Tod. To provide some context, my mom and Tod were pretty serious at the time, to the point where there was talk of moving in together and marriage. I was about nine at the time and suffered from really awful nightmares, so I was sleeping in my mom’s bed with her a lot and Tod never stayed the night (because my mom didn’t want her kids to see a man she wasn’t married to spending the night with her after she’d told us time and time again that married people don’t stay the night together, even though my dad and his girlfriend weren’t married at the time and they lived together, so I don’t understand why she shoved that down our throats so much when we already knew it wasn’t true). However, with the idea of my mom and Tod potentially getting married, my mom was trying to talk to me about sleeping in my own room again. “You’re not gonna be able to fit into the bed with me if Tod and I get married and he’s sleeping with me,” She’d explained. I’d shrugged, “I’ll just sleep on the floor.” “What if we wanna have sex and we can’t because you’re in the room?” “I thought you said Tod’s sperm didn’t work anymore.” By this time, I’d learned the word “sperm” and as my mom and Tod had gotten more serious, there came the question of whether or not they’d have any more kids – my mom had me and my sister, and Tod had two children of his own, but would they want any together? My mom explained to me that Tod’s “sperm didn’t work anymore”, which I now assume means he got a vasectomy, and my mom was adamant about not having any more children anyway (this was a couple years before my brother came along; his dad was not Tod, so that’s a story for another time). “Not sex to have a baby; sex for fun.” Confused, I asked, “People have sex for fun?” “Yeah, you didn’t know that?” I was nine. I realize I’m portraying my mother like she’s a horrible person, which she isn’t; I love my mother very much, these were just not some of her best moments… So then, of course, I told all of my friends that grownups sometimes have sex just for fun. I had no idea how it worked, just that it was a thing that happened. Then, I entered fifth grade, which was the grade that my school began giving us the talk in our health classes about sex. What this entailed was separating the boys and girls, the girls being taught this information by a female teacher and the boys being taught by a male teacher. Some of this information was actually quite useful; we learned about puberty, developing breasts, periods and period products (and how to use them), as well as what little anatomy we needed to know about when it came to sex for the purpose of reproduction. However, there was one fatal flaw. I was sitting next to a friend of mine – the same friend with the purple glasses who I’d first told about sex when we were seven. Now, we were ten, and learning about a lot of things that we already knew about, which gave us a bit of an advantage, as I’d caught the flaw in the school nurse’s explanation of where babies came from. She did tell us that sperm goes into the vagina, finds an egg in the ovaries, and that the sperm and ovary will eventually form into a baby. However, she didn’t explain where the sperm came from! The fact that sperm comes from a penis and that, in most instances, pregnancy occurs from a penis going into a vagina, was never mentioned. It was clear that she was intentionally not telling us this, which I immediately knew was wrong. I was a little asshole at the time, and was this close to raising my hand and asking the school nurse “How does sperm get into the vagina?” even though I already knew the answer, when another girl raised her hand and asked the question instead, and it was obvious that she really didn’t know. My school nurse, her face turning as red as her bright red hair, then very quickly and hurriedly explained to us that sperm comes from a penis and (since we were too young to understand IVF) that pregnancy occurs when a penis goes into a vagina, and sperm leaves the penis and goes into the uterus through the vagina. I was still an asshole though and dared to raise my hand and ask, “Is it true that people have sex for fun too?” I knew the answer to this question as well, and so did my friend sitting next to me; we just wanted to know what she’d say. “Uh…y-yes, s-some people do it for fun, yes. There’s even a little piece of plastic you can put on the penis to prevent sperm from getting into the vagina, so you won’t get pregnant.” This was news to me. That was all my school nurse said about condoms; she never even said the word “condom”. However, this didn’t faze me at the time. Instead, I simply looked at my friend next to me and we snickered together, like the little assholes we were. As puberty came along, my curiosity about sex only grew. And do you think I got a good education about it in school? Nope. Not a bit. So where did I get my information from? Friends? No, I was the friend that was relaying the information. Porn? Not necessarily… Fanfiction. Yes, as much as it pains me to say it, I got a good chunk of my sex education from Fanfiction. And a bit of Tumblr and YouTube as well, but we’ll discuss that a bit more in Part 2… In the meantime though, what was your introduction to sex like? Was it as ridiculous and cringey as mine? Did your parents tell you the truth about sex, or did they make up some absurd story? Please feel free to tell me your stories in the comments here or on my Instagram page @daggerandsheath I love you all and stay safe during this difficult time!

- Dagger and Sheath

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goremeat · 5 years ago

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Burning Embers: A short history of fire & obsessions.

Trigger warning for mentions of self harm and discussions of it.

My mother likes to tell a story about me, and fire. It isn’t something special, like if I survived a burning house or if I learned to swallow flaming swords at the age of thirteen. The story that she likes to tell is about her forgetting the eggs on the stove, and setting the kitchen on fire. I was barely a toddler when this happened. I sat on the edge of the step that lead to the kitchen, since my mother saw no need for a baby chair, and I watched the fire curiously as it began to spread.

I did not move. Fire did not set off a fight or flight instinct. I sat there and watched, not even calling out to my mother. She had only found out that the fire had started upon seeing flames in the corner of her eye. I was still sitting there, curious and silent. She wrapped me up in a blanket, and took me out of the house, to my grandmother’s house right next door. My grandmother was the one who called the firefighters.

To be honest, I don’t remember the incident quite well, all I really remember was the charred ceiling when we went back into the house three days later. My mother told me I was really lucky to have been spared by the flames. I only know the retelling that I’ve been told, since my memory of childhood is absolutely terrible. But, I do think that the fire was significant to me, because I think that was when my morbid curiosity was triggered. I always attribute my worst decisions, not to the lack of impulse control, but more so because I dared to ask the question, what if? Knowing the answer was always more valuable to me than my life. Curiosity killed the cat, they say.

From then onward, I was more reckless than the other kids, I wanted to know how things worked and if no one would tell me the answers, I would find them out myself. This lead to a string of notably bad events, including an attempt to swallow cleaning products, drowning myself in a bathtub and falling from the stairs multiple times--it didn’t help that the floor was marble. Some of these things I was able to pass off as my sister and I goofing around, others were passed off as me being a child who didn’t know any better.

But I did, I always did.

I don’t say that to be prideful, I was a curious child for a reason: I had an infinite thirst for knowledge. I had learned the rudimentary version of scientific methods when I was six years old, and began attempting crude scientific experiments with the help of a child-friendly textbook my grandfather bought me, and my mother. I loved learning the theories behind each experiment, and it certainly helped that my father would explain things in more detail when I asked. So, my morbid curiosity was satiated for a while, which was great for my parents, because it meant I was no longer putting myself in the direct line of danger and instead was reading.

Well, mostly.

The incident with the fire, I think awakened not only curiosity in me, but also kindled my love for flames. While I didn’t burn the first time I was within proximity of fire, I had multiple almost-arson attempts where I did get hurt. By the time I was eighteen I had burned my hair twice, my eyebrow once, and my arms a few times. It was never a house fire that injured me, it was almost always a deliberate act of self harm, out of curiosity. I had set my hair alight by trying to test out how flammable my hair was, the answer is very, and my eyebrow burned because my bang touched my eyebrow. I knew what would happen, but I still screamed when my hair started burning. My sister with her quick thinking poured her drink on me to put out the fire. Somehow, I was still unharmed with no actual burns or scarring. I was curious if I could burn, so the burns on my hands were made by holding lighters and matches too close to my skin. My parents just thought my injuries were due to childhood. I was always covered in scabs anyway, and blisters weren’t too different.

Later in my life, I found out that my mother was a pyromaniac. She set papers on fire with matches, and loved the smell of burning wood. I took after her more than intended.

I find comfort in the fire, and that is because I am always burning. I feel it underneath my skin. If I could tear my flesh apart, underneath it wouldn’t be muscle and bones ; it would be magma. My body always felt like it was containing something too big for it to hold. My bones would ache like they were being used as warming logs, and my chest felt constricted all the time. I was definitely raging, I just did not know how to identify it.

When I turned eighteen, I was told that burning in my chest was actually mania.

This unhealthy relationship with my body, the fact that I was hurting myself to learn more, was only exacerbated when I turned ten. See, at that point, I was tall enough to reach the books at the top of my mother’s bookshelf. My mother was a doctor, so all her books were mostly anatomy and pharmacology. I won’t lie and say I had any idea what any of it meant, but I was intrigued by pictures of muscles and bones. I wondered if I contained any of those inside of me. Obviously, just by the laws of basic biology, I did, but I wanted to make sure. Thankfully, vivisection, especially by ten year olds, was frowned upon. My mother instead bought me a book about the human body. It was slightly above my reading level, but I finished it overnight, and began quoting it to my mom the day after. My mother then bought me an anatomical model and a skeleton which I would break down and put back together often. They’re both in my childhood bedroom, I have fond memories of them.

I was once again, satiated, if only for a little while.

I still wanted to see how far I could push myself. I was only human, but surely the human could withstand more than papercuts? I had seen the people my mother worked on, how their eyes were perfectly protected despite having a head-on collision. I couldn’t test such extremes on myself, I wasn’t particularly set on dying, however I was curious about my threshold of pain, and I began obsessively picking at my scabs and cuts. I hated band aids, and I would never put them on because I wanted the freedom to pick at my scabs whenever. This lead to my school uniform being dotted in blood. Soon I realized I could also peel off my nails and the skin at the heel of my foot, no one was going to say anything, of course. All hell broke loose when I had unlocked that door.

When I was fifteen, I was told that was my obsessive compulsive disorder.

Once I learned that no one would see the injuries I had given myself by peeling the skin off my foot, I decided to push myself to the limit. I would set time every evening, and I would just use various tools to pull the skin off. It had gotten so bad once, that my entire heel was red and raw. My mother forced me to wrap my foot in gauze and use antibiotics till the skin of my heel grew back. I, of course, found it to be a drag and unfair. She was just scared I would get an infection.

What my mother and I had both failed to recognize, was the fact that this was an early sign of what would lead me to a darker path of self-harm.

I say that I don’t understand how people work, and I say it without humor. Everyone remembers the first time they had actually took a razor or knife or whatever to their skin, but I don’t. I just woke up one day, and realized, it was part of who I am now. It was a natural reaction to my life, an extension of curiosity from a girl who’d spent years studying the body. Initially, I wasn’t depressed, I didn’t even know what a cutter was. I only remember crude gestures my schoolmates would mimic to one of my closest friends, because she wore black and was generally a quiet girl. I believe they would mimic the dragging of a knife against their wrists to make fun of her. I didn’t really understand. She did.

I was socially inept, and people loved keeping me in the dark about most things. I always had to figure everything out myself. There was a struggle when I tried catching up with other girls, I was never enough of a girl, to know what other girls liked. We listened to the same music, we ate similar foods, but why were we so different? I couldn’t understand why people didn’t like me.

It had a lot to do with the fact that I was downright weird. Everyone likes to make fun of the nerd with her head in a book and I was that girl, but I was also gross. I still picked scabs, and plucked at my hair and chewed off the skin off my lips. I didn’t learn social cues easily either, so I was isolated. Social isolation was something of my best friend in a weird sort of ironic way. I think as a kid I understood that. There was a sort of shock factor that you were allowed to have if you were weird and gross. Sure, you rarely got invited to parties and ate lunch by yourself with your legs crossed on the sand, but you got all sorts of attention when you freaked people out.

In the fifth grade, I was playing with a pair of needles and an eraser. All of a sudden I felt a dull pain in my finger, only to see that the needle had pierced through my skin and muscle. I waited a few minutes, not in shock, but curious to see who would notice. Needless to say, people noticed, and my mother ended up picking me up from the school and taking me to the hospital. She bought me icecream on my way back to school. Pain was something to be rewarded.

In between the fifth and seventh grade, I spent a year having a love affair with an eating disorder and my parent’s pain medication. I wouldn’t consider them long lasting relationships, because each of them had lasted less than a few months. They would’ve continued I suppose, had I not learned about the art of cutting. I say art because it is. Art is fifty percent intimacy and fifty percent work. Cutting had both of those things in the perfect ratios. I did create art, it wasn’t the type you could hang on the wall, it was more the type that could only be shared with those who knew your soul well.

You have to be very intimate with yourself to hurt yourself in such a fashion. Six years later, I’m still doing it when I feel alone, or when I feel grateful. I joke that I am the stereotypical cutter, that I do it all for attention, but there is a sort of relationship that you develop with yourself when you spend most of your time alone which makes pain king. Most people had their cute pinky promises with their best friends, but all I really had was a sharpener that I could take a part. Cutting can be your #selfcare moment if you’ve twisted what you thought was caring.

It turned out that I was really good at disassembling and hiding blades. I had ten in my room at any given time, and a few in my backpack when I went to school. Things were beginning to smolder once I had learned that you could cut your flesh. And for a while, I wasn’t depressed while doing it, it was just another ritual that I needed to do so that I could sleep. While other girls were beginning to learn new face-care routines; I was busy pushing myself to bleed.

I told my friends, who probably weren’t surprised, then I became sad. I had been riding the attention so hard for six months, that it all finally crashed down on me the second that people took it away from me, because I was being so weird and gross. There weren’t other ways you could describe what I did, it was freakish. I was a freak.

I was forced into a suspension from the school at that point. At that point I had finally been taken to a doctor, and my freakish behavior could finally be classified into a category: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It ran in the family. I wasn’t told because my mother thought it wouldn’t affect me. I was such a lovely, harmless, and messy child. I had never shared the thoughts of harming others with my mother, I had never shared the thoughts of death with my mother, so she could have lived her entire life without knowing her lovely daughter had OCD.

My self harm, read cutting, was characterized as ritualistic, which, I suppose, is the reason why I can’t pinpoint when it began. Everything about the first few times were a blurry haze of figuring out weaponry and santaizing it. It left me angry, confused and humiliated when I had to stop doing it. My mother would strip me down daily and examine the skin on my body. My mother and my psychiatrist had different routes of treatment. Instead of therapy, my mother had decided to force me to quit with no help, and I was consumed with depression. That’s when my self-harm became a way of self-expression rather than a symptom of OCD. No one was listening to my words, and I had to make threats with my body.

When I wasn’t depressed, I had turned to anger to fuel me. The cycling between the anger and the depression and the relapsing of OCD, it made my teenage years harder than the should be. I was always stuck in between a rock and a hard place, and I fought tooth and nail to keep myself alive while I was being torn apart by maina and intrusive thoughts.

I wish I could say I learned how to control it or how to live with it, but I spent a day this May, after an easy day, learning I had gotten accepted into grad school, I laid bleeding in the bathtub because I couldn’t process how I felt. I couldn’t explain to people when I was younger that I was pushing my body, and I can’t explain it people today. I was overwhelmed with happiness when I had gotten accepted, and I wanted to release more of that pleasure with something that was so deeply rooted in my personality. I was on fire. I was burning. I was alive when I was bleeding.

My roommate wasn’t terribly happy when he found me.

There really isn’t anything new to say about self harm, because all of the good things that can be said about it are in textbooks and psych lectures, and I’m just a guy who bought a four dollar pack of blades and called it a day. We call cutters attention whores, and psychopaths, and for people with some sort of humor and self denial it’s okay.

But for some people, like me it goes deeper than just a symptom of a disorder, for me it was an entire disorder that was left in the dark for years because I had a history of curiosity and morbidity. I wouldn’t fault my family or missing my obsessive compulsive disorder, I would have too, if it hadn’t escalated to bleeding.

It’s hard to talk about it self harm, because it comes with the assumption that you’re an emo-girl with black hair to her waist. Most will even assume that you don’t function properly, but I lead a successful life for a Gen-Zer in their twenties. I just also have more scars than your average twenty something. It is something that is forever ingrained inside of you, a permanent flight or fight response.

The fire I saw when I was a child was not-traumatic. It wasn’t my mother’s fault my father never paid attention. The fire I saw when I was a child gave the embers in my chest light to learn more about the world and its metaphysical limits, and indirectly how to push my own. I just hope someday it’ll all turn to ash.

#txt #personal.#essay #self harm mention #ocd #actuallyOCD #ok 2 rb #personal essay #My writing.

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forgivemeimmafloof · 7 years ago

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Hi Mun and boys! Names Chris! So I’m 7 months preggers, stuck on bed rest and I stumble upon your absolutely amazing blog. I’m obsessed and pretty much creeped your whole page! Your art is absolutely amazing! Can I ask for something like how would the boys deal with a very pregnant momma stuck on bed rest? You can choice whoever! And take your time, I know how life can be 💕

Sorry for the very late reply my friend, I don’t even know if you're still pregnant, but I hope you’re feeling well and I hope your baby is too!

But let's begin with your ask (I decided to go with UT, US, UF and HT bros :D)

Sans: Sans has had absolutely no understanding of human anatomy. Sure he knows blood is normally a bad thing, sneezing is not a sign of dying so he shouldn’t worry, and that the reason we have to wash our clothes so much is that of dead skin (Which he finds really disturbing) But how monsters have kids is very very different than humans. Being the more curious of the skeletons and a protective one to be sure, Sansy will probably be lingering at your bedside. He’ll ask questions, and get so caught up in your answers that if you ask him to do some task he’s often ‘too lazy’ to do, he’ll do it without thinking. Of course, being that he’s caught on every single word you say; expect him to trip or tumble or spill water on himself due to his focus on your answers. And forgive him, but he doesn’t know how often humans ask mothers to touch their stomach, he’s definitely going to ask… More than once.

Papyrus: Who are you kidding? Telling Papyrus has spurred some level of motherly instinct in him that you had seen a few times but never to this degree. He’s in and out, checking your temperature (with a steak thermometer… He has no idea how to take care of humans), asking if you’re alright. He’s brought in puzzles and snacks, spoiling you with all of your favorites, pickles and ice cream and anything you might crave. He’s literally been running to the store and buying gallons of your favored snacks - taking pretty much all your fridge and cabinet space. You’ve been spoiled often, but it's very surprising to find him absolutely throwing his and your exercise regimes out the window in order to keep you and your baby happy and comfortable. Don’t be surprised to see him lugging in some of his old toys from when he was a kid, though he refuses to hand over all his action figures, he’ll sacrifice a few and some of his fluffy bunny books if it means he can give something to your kid.

Uf Sans/Chops: Chops isn’t one to hang around up close and personal, despite he’d probably be worried and protective like the other Sanses. He’ll probably be in and out, accompanying his brother when he visits, or simply walking past your open door to check on you with the hopes you don’t notice him. When the boys have work or sleep, he’s the one who’s probably posted outside your door like some personal guard. He won’t tell you that he’s there, or that if you need anything all you have to do is call… Instead its more likely that you’ll find yourself stepping out of your bedroom only to incur his wrath. “back in bed! you shouldn’t be running around dumbass!” he’s not one for kind words when it comes down to it. He’ll usher you back into your room, growling and scolding you to the point you might be too distracted to notice him tucking you into bed and refilling your water. When he leaves, which will be after he gruffly says “Don’t be stupid and just fucking call me if ya need somethin’” … It’ll be when you say that you had gotten up to go to the bathroom, and the red that washes over his face followed by the slurring curses of anger will probably make you laugh more than Sans’s stupid puns will.

UF Papyrus and HT papyrus/Vic and Sugar: The minute you say that there's a bun in the oven, the two creative skeletons are always thinking it. It's no secret one is a fashionista, and the others a seemster. The collaboration takes a couple of days, and during the time they aren’t designing and putting together their gift for you and the baby they are bringing food to your bedside. Vic brings every sort of dish you can imagine, all tasting like they are straight from Paris, the palace of food. On the other hand Sugar… Well, He tries his best. His sugar cookies turn out right, and a few of his other deserts end up being favorites of yours. Unfortunately, he really needs to work on not getting things mixed up in the kitchen, even if a few of the desserts he makes end up satisfying one of the odd pregnancy cravings. When the two end up finishing their projects, you wake one morning to find your bedroom filled with sweets and snacks made or bought by the two, along with baby clothes of every color and design. You can tell who worked on what designs, clearly shown by the patches on one onesie and the edgy holes in the other.

US! Papyrus/Mac: Mac is going to be like snasy in that he doesn’t leave your bedside. After all, your his friend and no way does he leave his friends by themselves where they could get bored or hurt by their lonesome. He’s probably the easiest to get along with. He’s not necessarily fawning or fussing over you, holding in his curiosity because you probably are getting questioned by your monster friends at all angles. Instead, he’s the one who is laying beside you on your bed, his arms behind his head and his legs outstretched. He’s willing to help out here and there, but only if you ask for it; Yeah, your pregnant but it must be tiring to be treated like glass all the time! But even if you aren’t asking for it, he’s still lingering around making sure you’re not falling or struggling. While the others panic, no doubt he’ll be cool and collected, telling everyone to chill out and help you relax during the stress. Out of pretty much everyone he’ll also be the most understanding of your mood swings when they come and go. Though he doesn’t have too much experience with pregnant women, he’s spent plenty of time around Vic… So he can handle the switch between happiness and anger.

US Sans/Jukes: Jukes is unusually quiet when he first gets told your pregnant, most of the skeletons seem to get a loose understanding of what it means to be pregnant, but with jukes? He’s swimming with open water on this one. So you settle down and explain it, and he’s still a little quiet. That is till he gets his hand on a computer and swiftly discovers WebMD. Then, well, you thought Papyrus was motherly - you really didn’t expect a full-blown overprotective worry filled mom from Jukes. He’s hovering, a total puppy guard. The only thing is… Rather than feeding you snacks that you would well want, he’s instead a health mom. Every meal he prepares is made with the knowledge it’ll help get your protein up, that it’ll ensure the safety and health of your baby. He removes all alcohol from the apartment, burns his brothers cigarettes a block away from your house in order to save you from the risk. He buys books and movies about pregnancy, unfortunately picking up some mislabeled parenting movies and incidentally watching a horror movie called “It's Alive”. The weeks following Jukes baby proofs your house… you decide not to question why he’s wearing Undyne’s armor and keeps assuring you that your set is being made as you speak.

Ht!sans/Jaws: The aloof and skeleton may seem like he wouldn’t, but upon you telling him you’re preggers the skeleton becomes your at-home-physician. With his knowledge of the human body, he pretty much takes up the job of actually helping you. Sure Jukes and Papyrus think their helping, but let's face it: One is going off of internet articles and a scary movie for parental guidance and the other is spoiling you to bits. Jaws steps in and actually helps out in the areas you so need it! Good rubs for your sore soles, heat pads and a good back massages… Can’t really help with hair maintenance because of those cursed fingers of his, but he’s more than willing to help out when it comes to anything else. Oh, but don’t think just because he’s being a total sweetheart with the taking care of you that he’s going to neglect that you still have to get exercise. Even if he doesn’t want to do it, he’ll walk alongside you to show that if his lazy pelvis can do it, then so can you. When it comes to the end of the day, he knows a little more about pregnancy than everyone else… But he’s just as curious as the other Sanses, and definitely wants to know what it feels like when a baby kicks… But unlike Sansy, he’ll never get up the nerve to ask.

(okay so I’m wicked tired, I got uh…. Caught up in some uh stuff, and basically, the art I had planned to be tied with this won’t be up till tomorrow. So, for now, have this, tomorrow, I’ll have the drawings all done :D)

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thecrimsonmonster-a · 7 years ago

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Did Kimbley kill his father? I mean, based on all your headcanons it sort of leans that way but as far as I know you've never stated one way or the other.

Heyooo, so I actually did state a rough, wishy-washy idea of what happened, albeit in an obscure ooc post, so it’s fair enough that it was overlooked. In addition, Kimbley’s own memory of the event is subconsciously clouded—which is something he can’t say for any of his other memories beyond the age of 8 or so.

But since then, I’ve really rounded out the events in my head, so it’s time to share The Tale of Kimbley’s Father’s Gory and Gruesome Death! Gather ‘round kids…

Around the age of 8, little Zolf really began to show an interest in alchemy, and all things scientific. His father thought, fair enough, since he was out of school and had an interest in learning, that was all that mattered. It kept him out of trouble and it allowed him to put his mind to use. He let Zolf use his deceased mother’s study, as it had long since been collecting dust and it broke his heart to allow it to become an abandoned space of such bittersweetness.

So Zolf began reading, and collecting more books, and really engaging in his studies.

It all seemed so benign at first—a young boy, simply sating his curiosity, drawing lovely arrays on parchment and marveling at the strange and wondrous science at his fingertips. It truly warmed a loving father’s heart.

But then things started becoming… strange. Every once in a while, his father would peek in, and soon he could see that Zolf had begun pinning insects to boards, studying their anatomy, eyes switching from book to subject, back to book. But he told himself not to worry—insects were just insects, and scientists were always using physical subjects to expand their knowledge…

It wasn’t… terrible.

…Right?

As Zolf grew older, he insisted that he needed even more space for his studies. His mother’s room had served its purpose well, now filled with books, walls decorated with framed pinned insects and intricate transmutation circles (an image of the room that filled his father with both pride and nostalgia), but he stated that the shed out back would be better suited to his needs. His father had since let it fall into disrepair, and Zolf reasoned it should be re-purposed.

His father yielded, wanting his son to be happy, and cleared out the old tools and debris that had collected dust over the years.

After receiving the keys to the lock, Zolf seemed quite satisfied.

Of course, this only drove him into further seclusion. It was not entirely suspicious that the door would be locked when he left, but his father noticed that he would also lock the door while he was in there—as though he had something to hide. And then sometimes, he would pass by on his way home from a long work day and notice… that smell.

When this became a regular occurrence, Zolf’s father finally questioned his wisdom about allowing his son to do as he pleased for so long. He had tried to reason with himself that, because basically the entire town of Youswell so strongly disliked his son, he wanted to be the one person that wasn’t constantly against him.

But at last, his concerns as a parent outweighed his desire to be fully supportive of his son’s endeavors.

After returning to the hardware store where he had purchased the padlock that opened the shed to retrieve a new copy of the key, he waited until he was certain Zolf was asleep to investigate. Then, after he discovered whatever his son had been up to, he could properly confront him about it.

He didn’t want to expect the worst—but even if he had, it surpassed what he could have ever imagined.

The shed was something from a horror novel. Animals half-skinned or partially dissected on the far table, smeared and dripping blood, while an array of pristine cutting implements were arranged neatly along the other (organized by size, serration, and sharpness—though there was no way he could possibly know this—as little Zolf has always been so meticulous about order). A third table was lined with various chemicals, and the walls were decorated with parchment depicting even more elaborate transmutation circles than the ones Zolf’s father had previously seen—albeit he could tell they were no longer drawn in regular ink.

It was all so utterly overwhelming. He had always wanted to think of his son as just a curious alchemist-to-be—odd and introverted, but nonetheless a genius in the making—yet the scene before him indicated that his only son was nothing more than a butcher.

All at once, the image of his sweet Zolf crumbled.

This revelation, however, was his downfall.

To this day, there is a part of Kimbley that thinks that, if his father had never discovered his dreadful secrets, he could still be alive today. That Kimbley, after heading outside to do a little midnight “studying,” would not have seen his father, rooted to the spot in horror, and realized that this tentative peace had, tragically, come to an end.

And it was—though he would not admit it now—the first time Kimbley had experienced something akin to the sense of panic, when his father heard him and turned around, and every trace of kindness he had ever seen so deeply etched into his features had disappeared entirely.

His memory has, in truth, glossed over the the events that transpired. It is one of the kills—perhaps the kill, really—that he does not recall with any trace of pleasure. The most vivid part of the whole affair was the sensation of his palms instinctively pressing together, and an unfocused wave of alchemical energy surging through his hands and into his father’s abdomen.

And the color of which he is most fond—that crimson hue—bright and bold and harshly eclipsing the entirety of his vision.

There was a strange sense of numbness that followed—he could tell he was not satisfied, but he was not necessarily upset, either. Nonetheless, his subsequent ministrations were calculated: dragging the body into the shack, a moment to gauge the amount of destructiveness appropriate to destroying the evidence, careful to take his tools and place them in proper-looking places in the kitchen and ensure the remains of his little test subjects would be unidentifiable.

Then a bit of alchemical flair to turn his precious study into a roaring funeral pyre.

For a moment he stood on the grassy knoll, and even the fire is something Kimbley has difficulty properly recalling now—along with his stumbling gait to a neighbor’s house, and the four shaking knocks at the door, which drew out an old woman, and she gasped in fright at the bloody, ashy sight before her.

With false but a completely convincing weakness, he declared:

‘There’s been an accident.’

#fabulouslyandavariciouslyvain #fabulously and avariciously vain #headcanons #death #blood #[[sorry this took like....... a while #but i had a fair share of details to work out #also how do write sometimes???#and credit goes to my bro for the whole 'size serration and sharpness' bit *gives him a smooch*#a l s o there will be a continuation of this concerning his court case and sentencing #fun fun!!]]

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kelasparmak · 7 years ago

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garashir for the ask meme? :)

full disclosure i don’t remember which ask meme this was because as has been established i’ve been a Mess, but i’ll assume it’s this one:

Fake dating/marrieds: it is COMPLETELY unnecessary. there is no need for them to pretend to be dating or married at all, but julian suggests it because that’s what happens in Spy Books, and garak goes along with it because a) he’s pining and/or b) this is bound to be hilarious. then they both realise they’ve signed up for more than they intended to, but of course they are fucking stubborn as hell so they just keep making it worse for themselves (and, though they’re probably completely oblivious to this, each other). if this were a fic i was writing, i would end it with them not getting together and just having the bluest balls in the world, because they’re fucking idiots. (but maybe i’d write an epilogue a few weeks later, where jadzia and kira are loudly rolling their eyes about how those dumb fucks who are now dating didn’t realise they were in love with each other despite unnecessarily making out in front of an ambassador to ‘prove’ they were married even though said ambassador had had no reason to doubt it and didn’t give a shit until they started with the pda on the bridge and sisko had to pull them apart because it was just making the situation less believable)

Bodyswap: julian is THRILLED - cardassian doctors are super secretive about medicine and anatomy so this is a great way for him to find out things like how a cardassian body reacts to penicillin! garak is initially worried about being super fragile and squishy in a human body but then realises that actually he is much safer in julian’s body than his body is under the care of Excitable Knowledge-Hungry Pupppy Dr Julian Bashir. the episode is basically everyone trying to stop julian from killing himself and garak by performing medical trials on himself.

Telepathy: again - it’s sad. it’s unavoidably sad. they probably just go get drunk and have sad sex. boohoo.

OH NO only one bed at the hotel: julian probably volunteers to sleep on the floor (and probably puts his foot in his mouth by implying that garak is old and will hurt his back if he doesn’t take the bed) but fortunately garak is used to him being a doofus and convinces him that it is in everyone’s best interest if they share the bed. the room has a thermostat which julian has considerately already turned up, but garak ignores this in order to make the body heat argument. they end up both being too warm and uncomfortable. they’re disasters.

Accidental time-travel: BISEXUAL DISASTER TEEN GARAK. always my fave. alternatively, i kinda like the idea of them meeting as kids - like, before jules’s engineering, before garak finds out tolan’s not his dad and he doesn’t get to be a gardener when he grows up. it’d be super poignant, esp if the time travel incident was fixed within the episode but they both remembered it afterwards and had a tiny little piece of ‘before the world happened to him’ of each other to hold onto.

Their first kiss: awkward, uncomfortably positioned, probably in a near-death scenario that they definitely could’ve avoided. julian says something dumb.

Meeting the parents: well, again, julian has met tain and that was…. something. probably better than most would manage with tain. i like to think that garak subtly made richard bashir’s life difficult, not so much because of the engineering (which i personally, as a Real Life Autistic, think is awful, but garak, as a Fictional Cardassian, might understand the motivation behind) but because of his attitude when he talks to julian. if this child is your legacy and you really just want the best for him and will break the law and do immoral things to give him the best opportunities in life that you can, at least do it in such a way that he appreciates it, you idiot. (or, going off garak’s own experiences: if you’re going to give your son horrible lifelong trauma for your own purposes, you have to at least go through with making sure those purposes work, or it’s just a waste!). garak’s perspective is fucked up but ultimately, even if it’s largely for different reasons, i can see him being just as disgusted w richard bashir as the fandom is.

Moving in together: again - a disaster. they’re both very particular about their living space, but julian at least has a very meticulously planned chaos sort of thing going on. ‘yes, i know all my clean shirts are under the left cushion on the sofa, that’s where they’re supposed to be, it keeps them pressed just right’. ‘yes, i know there’s been a half-eaten scone on my datapad for six hours - i’m saving it for later’. et cetera, et cetera.

A crossover of my choice: fuck. uhhh - all i can fucking think of (and i don’t know why) is jane austen novels. semi-canonically, garak adores them, and i think they fit really well. the only question is which of them fills the plucky and a tiny-bit-obnoxious heroine role, and which fills the awkward and extremely obnoxious hero role. i think maybe neither of them are either one. i think maybe they’re background/side-characters who have their own thematically fitting adventure and love story while the main drama is going on.

An au of my choice: i’m always a sucker for section 31 julian! whether the semi-reluctant, taking-it-down-from-within version that we get in the eu, or an initially-idealistic ‘i’m a spy! wow! so cool! … fuck, my actions have consequences!’ version, or a full on ‘ends justify the means’ version. this could be the only change from canon, or garak could still be with the order, or it could be a situation swap where julian’s an outcast spy and garak has a Big Secret about his childhood but actually never got involved with the order.

If you like, another trope/scenario of your choice: predictably, i’m gonna go with polyamorous domestic bliss on post-canon cardassia. just let my middle-aged disaster son be happy with his idealistic traumatised doctor husbands! …. no but for real, please let this happen, it’s all i want in life.

#ds9 #long post for ts #ask games for ts #bisexualgreyjoys #elim garak #julian bashir #garashir

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artbyanca · 5 years ago

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2010′s Art stuff

Since it’s going to be the 20′s in a bit it seems like the right time to look back at all the work done over this decade, appreciate the improvement, be embarrassed with the early stuff and so on. This should be particularly interesting for me because I started taking art seriously when this decade began(2009 to be more precise) and also stuff like high school and college happened.

2010-2012

Back in high school I was drawing really complex abstract stuff, watching anime and getting ready for my college entry exam. I always liked weird stuff and luckily for me so did my first high school art teacher, so with a little guidance I started to explore the abstract side of weird, which had the advantage of looking good without me knowing any basics of drawing.

So for the first years I was drawing super detailed stuff that took forever to complete, to compensate for my lack of knowledge of form, line, composition, perspective, anatomy and so on. These below are much more representative of my overall art from that time, cause I did draw a lot of fan art and such. Sorry for the bad quality, I used to photograph my work with a potato back then and I didn’t think these were worth scanning when I still had them.

I should also mention the architecture, cause it was the only drawing related thing my parents wouldn’t freak out about so I decided to pursue it. To get into architecture school you need to take a drawn entry exam so I spent my high school free time at a prepatory course. Sadly I can only show a few sketches from that course cause all of my old work from it is in my parent’s attic and I’m only going up there if my cat’s life depends on it.

I did learn some fundamentals at that course like shape, forms, perspective, a bit of composition and how to intersect a hexagonal pyramid with a dodecahedron; I just didn’t think of applying any of it in my personal art until

2013

I saw the first Hobbit movie at the beginning of the year and it reminded me how much I love Tolkien’s world so I reread all the books and also felt like illustrating them and I was super committed to doing everything, characters, backgrounds everything. And...well if you’ve been avoiding for the longest time to draw the things you’re bad at when you finally do everything, everything sucks. I was also really not helped by the fact that I didn’t know when to stop with the shading. But I’m glad for my commitment, cause things didn’t stay sucky forever.

I still do weird stuff in 2013 but I had enough confidence to move away from abstract drawings and towards surrealism which has always been my favorite thing in the world.

By the way, I did get into architecture school but I haven’t gotten any of my work back from the school so I can only show some sketches I did in 2014 for one of the courses.

This transitions us into

2014

The year when both my illustrations and surreal work were Tolkien themed. Still too heavy shading and not very happy anatomy, but things were looking up.

In 2014 I also experimented with some colored inks and started my Blue Book series, which is a series of surreal paintings that might make your eyes bleed from the extremely contrasting color scheme that is the same all throughout, but I was always a fan of high contrast so I enjoyed filling a sketchbook with them.

2015

Was my best year creatively, so much so that I can’t narrow down my favorites any more than this, sorry.

It was also the first year I did inktober completely. Drew a bunch of hands for that.

Also this happened at the end of 2015. It’s not representative of anything really, but it does mark the one time my sister got drunk so it needs to be remembered:

2016

This was my best year in terms of technical skill; stuff finally stopped looking so wonky all the time. I also started working freelance and since most of the jobs I got were for children’s books I started doing more kid friendly stuff to build a portfolio in that direction, cause who doesn’t love to get paid for doing what they love.

I continued working in my Blue Book and experimented a bit with an abstract style that we’re going to revisit soon.

I also did sort of a story for inktober, but I didn’t like it enough so it went nowhere after the challenge.

2017

Due to my professional work for children more color crept into my illustration work. I also did some of my best surreal work ever; I’m still so proud of that, whoa!

The Blue Book kept going

And I started the design100somethings challenge; I choose to do sphinxes for it, which to be honest facilitated more evolution in faces than overall design skills.

And I did inktober again, only half though, cause doing detailed old buildings was a bad idea for a daily challenge.

2018

A lot of stuff happened in 2018. I kept adding to my illustration portfolio.

I finished my Blue Book

Did the bulk of the sphinxes

Did MerMay and my favorite inktober series so far.

And started doing comics, which may not look as impressive as my other stuff but it’s a really important little step (especially if I manage to stick to a schedule next year).

2019

I can’t show the bulk of what I did this year because it’s either freelance work or comics that are not yet in a state fit to be seen. I did manage to finish the design100sphinxes.

Remember that abstract style I said we’re going to revisit? This is what it turned into and I did a lot of art just for fun in it this year. I find it kind of funny that I started the decade doing abstract art because I didn’t know how to do anything else and after getting a reasonable grasp on the fundamentals I got back to it. Someone will enjoy comparing the old stylized stuff because I couldn’t draw to the new art in an actual intentional style.

In terms of improvement, and that’s probably what people want to see, the most important step forward this year was dipping my toes into digital art. Just digital coloring so far, but everyone has to start somewhere.

And that’s my 10 year art journey. Thanks for reading, if you just looked at the art hope you enjoyed that, here’s to the 20′s holding more art and inspiration for everyone(and more comics for me specifically).

Happy New Year everybody!

#art retrospective #art summary #2010s art #long post

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filia-secunda · 5 years ago

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1, 3, 5, 7, 9

Thank you!

“What’s something you’ve given up that you don’t miss?”

Using Quora. The stereotype that it’s filled with Yahoo-Answers type questions and fake-intellectual answers is kind of true, plus there was a bunch of political strife. One good thing about it, though, was that there were a lot of people from India using it so I learned at least a superficial bit about life there. There was one really nice gentleman who looked exactly like an Indian version of my grandpa … okay, now that I’m talking about it I am starting to miss it!

“Who is the fictional character you relate to most?“

Dr. Stephen Maturin from Patrick O’Brian’s age-of-sail novels. He’s a landlubber on a Navy ship, so like me he has little of the skill and know-how that’s considered basic knowledge where he lives, and has to rely on others’ help more than desirable. He’s also Catholic, intensely introverted, likes birds and strange wildlife, is short and conventionally unattractive, obsesses over things to a sometimes-harmful extent, and spends a lot of time analyzing his and other people’s thought processes.

“If you were to make an oddly specialized restaurant, what would it be called and what food would you sell?“

It would be called “Things Sarah Likes” and I would sell food I like.

“If you were a famous song writer/singer, what obscure or random things would you reference in your songs?”

Well, I wind up referencing human anatomy and internal organs in my poems a lot. Also half-remembered natural history facts.

“What personality trait have you worked hard to develop or control? Has it worked?”

My shyness, anxiety, and lack of independence, and with the help of my very talented counselor, it’s kind of worked! Some things I’ve done in the past year that I couldn’t have done before: ordered for myself and my sister at a McDonald’s; made jokes with the kids in my Scout group; gotten my parents to help me get a replacement Social Security card, a checking account, and driving lessons (this is significant because my parents are extremely absent-minded and you have to be very repetitive and determined to get them to do anything); finally admitted to my parents that, though I know they had good intentions, I was never satisfied with the absent-minded way they home”schooled” me; and gone to the local community college to sign up for GED classes.

#feenyxblue #answers #don't know how to tag this kind of post

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skarmorydraws · 7 years ago

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Team FAWN: Fallow Coklat and Naja Hong

Over the past few months, I’ve been binge-watching and binge-rewatching the amazing web cartoon series known as RWBY, and I’d highly recommend checking it out - all the episodes are available on YouTube - for its wonderful worldbuilding and characterization. It seems that almost everyone in the FNDM has been making OC teams for the heck of it, so I figured I’d try the same, even though I plan to use mine for a pet project I’ve been planning for a little while and I'm trying to give thought to how it’s gonna go down (though IRL things aren’t making it easy...).

Team FAWN (I believe that falls under the color naming rule like the individual names do, since “fawn” is a color) is a combination of my own selfish desire to stick a self-insert into over half the fandoms I’m a part of and my desire to envision Remnant-verse AU versions of some of my OCs. Unlike Team RWBY but like the other team I’ll be featuring in the planned project, Team FAWN will have gender equality with two males and two females. I have one of the girls sketched but have yet to work on the other one, so I’ll post them both when I get her done. For now, I’ll just put the boys up because I had them floating in the drafts pile and couldn’t not reveal them publicly. Details under the cut!

Fallow is a combination of several things: as noted above he’s basically my shameless RWBY self-insert, though unlike far too many terrible wish fulfillment fanfic OCs to count, he isn’t in a romantic relationship with any of Team RWBY, nor does he even know they exist... okay, well, he does, but he’s never met any of them in person, so that kinda counts, too. He’s also based off two of my favorite fictional characters, Hiro Hamada from Big Hero 6 and Pit from Kid Icarus - I was debating whether to make RWBY characters based on either or both of them, because I have a Remnant-verse character based off Violet from The Incredibles as a planned PPC agent, but I later realized that since Hiro, Pit, and I have so much in common, Fallow fills that niche quite nicely already. Anyway, he’s a peregrine falcon Faunus and a dual shout-out to the Maltese Falcon (his wings are based off the Falco peregrinus brookei subspecies specifically) and Rama, the seventh avatar of the Hindu god Vishnu and the protagonist of the Ramayana epic (Hinduism is a frequently practiced religion in Indonesia, my parents’ ancestral country, and the theme of Team FAWN’s members is multicultural folk heroes). Fallow wields a Ballistic Arbalest/Shield Hybrid called Narayanastra, named after the personal scatter-shot weapon of Vishnu, which is basically a shield that can open up to form a crossbow/pickaxe hybrid. I don’t think I’d like getting up close and personal with people in a fight and I’m more of a defensive sort of person in character, and I like shooting stuff from afar, so a shield/bow hybrid is what I’d carry as a weapon.

I like to think that like Blake, Fallow hails from Menagerie, although he never associated with the White Fang and once things went south for them he simply went to Beacon a year early (like how I went to college early). He struggles a bit with making friends due to his odd mannerisms and habit of self-seclusion, but is fiercely protective of those he has and, as Team FAWN’s leader, has the smarts and empathy to coordinate team efforts - if only he had the willpower! His Semblance is gravity manipulation, partly because it was the closest thing I could think of to outright flying (I like feeling lightweight) and partly because I most often like to imagine having mobility beyond the boundaries of physics and common sense like wall jumping or ceiling clinging - it’s my second most favored power after flight. (His wings, feathers, and accompanying anatomy, by the way, are derived from this lovely tutorial.)

Naja is based on Ne Zha, the Third Lotus Prince from Chinese mythology and one of my favorite mythological figures (who is planned to show up in one of my own original writing projects, btw), and minor changes aside, his design is ripped off almost completely from Fire Lord Ne Zha, my absolute favorite skin for the lil’ guy’s SMITE incarnation. The fact that the voice actor for that skin, Howard Wang, also voiced Whitley Schnee was a happy coincidence that I didn’t find out about until after I’d already drawn him! Naja’s personality is lifted directly from the voicelines of that skin, which I interpreted as a showy daredevil, though I also gave him a flirtatious streak to further the contrast with Fallow (I’ve sucked at every attempt at dating because I’m too introverted; I like to imagine Naja sucks at dating because he’s too extroverted, though! XD). His weapons are, of course, the Flaming Spear, a sniper rifle with an extra-long barrel that doubles as the shaft for a guandao (a Chinese blade on a stick), and the Universe Ring, a bladed hoop that can be thrown like a killer frisbee and also folds up to form a rifle stand (the Wind-Fire Wheels are his rollerblade boots here, and the Armillary Sash is his belt). Unlike SMITE’s Ne Zha, I see him as the long-range support gunner and drive-by flanker (though his guandao is no joke at close range either), and to this end his Semblance is called “Deadshot” - combining telescoping vision and invoked contrived coincidences, he literally cannot miss a shot, like the superhero of the same name from Suicide Squad.

Naja is the street-smart, wisecracking, womanizing adrenaline junkie of Team FAWN, and originally came from a small town in Vacuo, where he got into a widely scandalized two-man war with the Big Bad of the planned writing project, who I won’t name for now because spoilers ;). Though the escalating conflict forced him to leave the town and ultimately Vacuo altogether, all hasn’t been lost for him, since the ensuing journey gave him a lot of knowledge about how to survive in such a hazardous world as Remnant, at least until Ozpin found him. By the time the controversy he’d stirred up in his youth caught up with him again, he was already a student at Beacon, and he managed to divert the scandal into outright notoriety and forged quite a following around his outrageous tall tales of his death-defying adventures - for as the adage goes, “there’s no such thing as bad publicity”. Despite his blowhard nature, though, his capability is nowhere near unfounded, and in fact he was the first member of Team FAWN to decide to stick around to protect the evacuating citizens during the fall of Beacon, motivating the rest of them to do the same. For both his fans and his team, it was the moment when he finally lived up to his stories, and he’s been learning since then to value those who admire him and respect their strengths in return.

Stay tuned for the girls of Team FAWN - after I get them done, that is... hopefully this weekend I should have the last member sketched...

RWBY (c) RoosterTeeth

Team FAWN (c) me

#Skarmory's art #rwby #ocs #ne zha

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zedncandler · 6 years ago

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This is Zedinal Beezl, he is married to Marcellus Beezl aka Candler, and they have two twin kids, and two grandchildren.

He is 5'9 and his "default age" (as in, the age I most often picture him as in my head) is 23. He's a bit chubby. He is pretty typical for his race, as far as body details go.

He is a professional baker! He owns a cafe called the Cakery, where he sells pastries and refreshments. Candler helps out with it at times.

He is male, but is race is unisex; they don't have distinct sexes and everyone has the same equipment (generally speaking - deviations of course exist).

They generally raise their kids genderless and let them decide on their genders, which on average happens between ages 4 and 8, but there's certainly people who change their mind later on. They all have an instinctual knowledge of the gender of their own kind, which some scientists think may be linked to a biological chemical scent they give off, but it's still kind of a mystery.

But yeah, he's a unisex dude, and he's pan-demisexual; he can only experience attraction if he gets very close with a person (and then he may not), but that person could be any gender. Currently, he's really only ever been attracted to Candler.

He is quite flexible and well balanced, and typically doesn't get winded easily. He has cow horns that have finished growing (and would bleed if they were broken). He is furred from the waist down, kind of like a satyr or mermaid would be.

More info on his race's anatomy. There is an NSFW version of this post I will link below.

NSFW details under the back story in case you don't wanna see that!

Back story:

TW Rape, slurs

Zed was given up for adoption as a baby by his parents because of traditionalist values they had about fertility, and it had been determined zed would never be able to have kids. They gave him to a demigod named Nanny who took care of kids without families, and he was her last child. He had a pretty happy childhood in which he knew Candler briefly (Candler would soon after be put up for adoption by his abusive family), and he was homeschooled but still had plenty of socialization. He had a girlfriend for a while as a teen but when she found out he was unisex she broke up with him over some cissexist crap, which made him realize he wasn’t really interested in relationships at the moment? Instead he focused on his studies, having decided he wanted to be a baker. He was a good student so he got into advanced placement stuff, and started college early.

That’s when his sister Zenidal found him, who seemed excited to reintroduce him to their family and invited him over to her apartment. But it turned out to be a trap, she had lured him to a hotel and sexually assaulted him repeatedly, implying she was going to kill him. She dehumanized him severely by stating his lack of fertility made him not a person anymore, and kept calling him slut/whore/bitch during the act. He managed to escape but in the process fell off a balcony so he was sent to the hospital by bystanders, but nobody saw her and he refused to turn her in. After that he became incredibly docile and passive and an easy target for cruel people, and didn’t get into relationships at all, period, not even friendships. This was compounded by the fact his sister kept coming back and tormenting and sexually abusing him further.

But he managed to become a successful baker and bought a building that was a cafe on the ground floor and a home on the second floor. Some time later he heard about a local craft shop that was under threat of closure, and he sent them some goodwill and money. Turns out it was a shop Candler had opened to sell candles and other wax items, and he came to see Zed and was incredibly excited to meet with him again. However he had a unhealthy obsession with Zed and was often a harassing nuisance more than anything, constantly hitting on him, having no idea about personal space, etc. But he managed to worm into Zed’s heart at least enough that, when it came time again that Candler had no money, Zed invited him to live with him so he wouldn’t have to be doing the dangerous things he was doing for money.

After some time of living together, Candler realized Zed had been sexually assaulted because Zed had a shut down from Candler's pestering, recognizing symptoms he had himself in Zed's behaviour, and made a promise to pull back the shenanigans while also swearing to find his assailant and killing them. Not long after, Zen tried to attack Zed again and Candler walked in on it, and managed to get Zed away from her and beat her up. From Zed’s point of view she never bothered him again after that and he assumed she had finally become a better person, but in reality Candler kidnapped her and left her for dead among his gang mates.

After that the two got closer, with Candler not only becoming less abusive but also just in general learning gradually about all the things that are Not Okay that he had internalized. He was quickly coming to realize that what he was doing wasn’t really love, but obsession. He became a much better person, which was when Zed finally started getting more feelings for him. But because of his own trauma and the years of repression, Zed was freaking out. He had never really had a sexual interest in his life and was confused and afraid of his feelings. A lot of confusion and awkward stuff happened but eventually Zed confessed his feelings and they got together. There was still more confusion and awkward stuff for a while, though, as they both worked towards a healthier idea about relationships and stuff. It is when Zed confesses that Candler reveals to him his real name is Marcellus.

Then Candler tried to escape the gang he was in, which then attacked Zed, which lead to Zed being told that Candler had killed people, including Zed’s sister, and supposedly had assaulted people, which made Zed question their entire relationship. But before he could really deal with that, Candler was hospitalized and put into a coma over the rescue attempt, and Zed discovered Candler had been planning to propose, which made things... a lot harder to deal with. But he still loves Candler, and when Candler comes to, Zed demands he talk about literally everything in his life. Which did mean confessions of violence, but as it turned out the sexual abuse was actually “by proxy” (as in, he was being forced with physical violence and death threats, and this all happened while he was a teen, so *he* didn’t actually do it). For a while it was very awkward between them, it was difficult to wrestle with, but in the end Zed forgave him, because most of it was retaliation and, again, Zed still loved him.

They got married soon after that, and soon after that they discovered Zed was pregnant, which turned out to be twins, and that was some incredible hardship for both of them but everything turned out. The reason Zed became pregnant was literally a miracle - the god of their world, Tito, has a mortal disguise of which Zed and Candler knew personally, and the demigod Nanny was created by Tito as a way to take care of himself, and so as Nanny’s last kid he decided to grant Zed a brief moment of fertility as a “wedding present”. Of course they don’t know he’s really a god and that he did that, they just know there was a miracle and they couldn't be happier. Their names are Vincent, who goes by Vinny, and is a boy, and Josephine, who goes by Jo and is nonbinary and goes by fae pronouns. Later, their son marries a trans girl named Paisley and they adopt a child of their own, a 5 year old boy named Jubilee. Jo helped them adopt, and then got sort of jealous and so adopted a teenage boy and is a single parent.

NSFW details:

Zed has a penis and a vagina. Because the penis and clitoris are homologous, Zed doesn't have a clitoris at all but instead his penis is where it would normally be in a human. However, it's retractable, so unless he's aroused you only see a small sheath. His vulva appears normal with fur becoming finer on the lips, but going upwards it ends "too soon" because there is no clitoris; the labia meet before the penis, rather than the penis being part of the vulva. He's got a little tuft of fur between the two.

Both his parts are more sensitive than a human's, theoretically because in the past their race tried to impregnate each other simultaneously, which meant that it had to be easy to stimulate them to orgasm. Since sensitivity is certainly a preferred trait, it's not been bred out.

His dick is 7.5 inches and maybe 3/4ths the thickness/girth of a human's? I'm bad with guessing sizes but yeah he's a pencil dick. He's pretty average for his race. They are slowly breeding towards shorter, thicker penises, but again the length was due to couples trying to impregnate each other at the same time. Since shorter, thicker penises are more pleasurable, their sizes are slowly being altered by selective breeding.

(Or in other words, basically people who have thicker, shorter dicks are more likely to get laid often, and thus more likely to have children or have more children than those who are longer and thinner. People who enjoy sex the most will have it the most, so people who are sensitive become the ones more likely to have kids. Etc. You know, evolution!)

Because it is an internal organ, moreso than humans' anyway, his dick is pinkish red. The skin on his vulvar lips is very pink, but not as red as his dick.

His race has a mating season that lasts 2-3 months. Everyone has their own time they go in (ie they don't all start at the same time, just around the same point in the year), and the average heat cycle is a month to a month-and-a-half. It's very intense and it's been known for them to not leave home for days because of it, just crazily fucking like rabbits after several cups of coffee. At other points of the year they still have a risk of pregnancy but it's about as likely as getting pregnant while taking birth control. The urgency of the heat cycle becomes far less intense after they have children, however.

Here's more explanation of his race's anatomy with the nsfw notes, also there's a crudely drawn dick there so there's your warning.

Sex wise, he's a switch too and it really just depends on his mood which way he wants things to go, but he's usually the one given all the control. His favourite things to do are orgasm denial, feeding, and having sex where there's a risk of being caught. While he started out being very shy and anxious, after a while he becomes far more casual and at times even quite mischievous.

#zedinal #zed n candler #art #refs #my art #gift art

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i-may-have-a-point · 8 years ago

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13x22 Review “Leave It Inside”

Or is this 13x17? Or 13x18? I don’t know…

So, this week is all about tumors. Actually, I feel like this season of Grey’s Anatomy has been tumor heavy. Maybe I am extra sensitive to the tumor/cancer stories because, as I mentioned in my 13x18 review, my dad has terminal cancer, but I don’t think so. In just the second half of the season, these are the cancer/tumor stories I found:

13x12 – We find out Diane Pierce has breast cancer.

13x13 – April successfully removes the tumor from the woman who calls her “Not Dr. Grey.”

13x16 – Jackson and April remove Caroline’s throat tumor.

13x17 – Owen and Amelia operate on the older woman with the brain tumor. She doesn’t make it, and her husband looks lost as he walks out of the hospital.

13x18 – Diane Pierce dies from her cancer.

13x19 – Maggie operates on the baby still in the womb with a heart tumor.

13x21 – Veronica gives birth and dies from her tumor/cancer.

And in this episode, we have the tumor on the wall, Holly’s tumor, and Liam’s tumor. Is Grey’s Anatomy usually this cancery/tumory?? Is this actually an unintentional metaphor for the slow death of the show? Maybe this is just another example of the writers not actually speaking to each other all season so they are basically all writing different versions of the same story?

Either way, 13x22 is all about tumors and how we deal with them. More specifically, one of the main stories in this episode is how Meredith deals with the metaphorical tumor of her relationship to Derek that she can’t get rid of.

The episode begins with Mer carrying the giant wall tumor that Derek drew down the hallway and gifting it to Amelia. I know I always hate on Mer’s clothes, but those candy striper pajamas are the worst. She doesn’t have to worry about Riggs not wanting to have sex with her because of the “shrine to Derek” on the wall. He’ll take one look at her pajamas and change his mind. Well, actually he probably won’t. Mer spent months telling him she doesn’t want to be with him, and that didn’t deter him, so the pajamas probably wouldn’t bother him at all. So at 3:30 in the morning, instead of sleeping, she is up trying to figure out how to move on completely from the tumor-like hold her relationship with Derek has on her. I see why she offered the tumor to Amelia, but I would have rather seen her give it to Zola.

Minnick, Webber, Bailey - It’s nice to see these three acknowledging that the residents have to pick a specialty at some point, but this scene also continued to point out some of the inconsistencies in the writing and stories. "Josephine Wilson, strong in Ortho…“ Yeah, she was…in season 9. And, I for one, really wanted to see Callie be her mentor. I guess we are supposed to believe that happened off screen. Has Jo even scrubbed in on an Ortho surgery since season 9? And saying Ben plays it safe is incredibly out of left field. I know every single one of us flashed back to him cutting April open in last year’s finale, and that was just one of the shocking things he pulled. But I wouldn’t say he has played it safe this season. He did his first solo surgery while Webber and Bailey yelled at each other next to him, and he saved the patient in 13x15 that Jackson, April, Webber, and Catherine couldn’t stop fighting over. If anything, Ben has proven to be incredibly calm, level-headed, and a fast thinker in a crisis. This was an unnecessary plot point to try to motivate Ben to be a better surgeon. The audience already thinks he is great, so I don’t know why the writers don’t.

Deluca/Stephanie/Jo - By now we all know this scene, where Deluca tells Stephanie that he likes Jo, was originally supposed to air in 13x17 or 13x18. And if they had kept it there, the scene where Deluca tells Stephanie he is in love with Jo would not have been so awkward because we already would have seen this. I guess they thought we wouldn’t notice? I don’t even know anymore. I know Shonda has been moving scenes around for years, but for some reason, it is painfully obvious when it happens this season. And why did they create this unnecessary crush? It didn’t add to any storylines or character development. It just made me feel sad for Deluca because he never had a chance to begin with.

Arizona/Eliza - I love Arizona. I want her to be happy. But I don’t see the chemistry here. And I am not a fan who thinks she has to be with Callie. Callie ran off to New York with Penny. Let Arizona find happiness, but don’t force it. And it is especially hard to root for her with Eliza when they have made Eliza so unlikable. The Eliza/Webber story is top five worst stories ever for me. The fandom will forever defend Richard Webber. He is our favorite uncle who always looks out for us and has the best advice. Putting Minnick opposite him was character assassination from the beginning. Not to mention, her arrival created drama between almost all the characters in some way. It was like watching all of them regress to high school cattiness in a season that is already difficult to watch. And clearly the show picked up on the audience’s hate for that storyline because they dropped it as quickly as they could once the Minnick hate began. But they still aren’t trying to improve her character. She isn’t fighting with Webber in this episode, but she is being incredibly condescending to Alex and Stephanie. Her arrogance is unearned. But Arizona doesn’t seem to mind. Her focus is on Eliza’s underwear, or taking off Eliza’s underwear. The Arizona we have loved for seasons would have defended her friends, especially Alex. Her lack of a reaction to Eliza bashing him made me like them even less. And their elevator scene just made me miss the good elevator scenes. Jackson and April making out in the elevator, Mark stepping forward to comfort a crying Lexie just as the doors open and she runs out, Derek standing so close to Meredith that she can feel his breath on her neck but they say nothing because he is with Addison, and one of my all-time favorites - the elevator doors open for Mark to get in and he sees Derek, Addison, Meredith, and Rose already in the elevator. That was such a great scene. The Ariliza elevator scene just made me sad.

Holly’s Heart Tumor - This patient, who just wants to have as much fun as she can before she dies, has a giant tumor on her heart. This tumor represents Meredith’s heart and how she will always love Derek. We all know that if Patrick Dempsey had not left, MerDer would have been endgame. They were it. They were meant to be. So, Meredith is walking around with this very real emotional pull to him, even though he is dead. It makes sense. I can’t imagine trying to move on from losing your spouse. But she wants to. She has this new, unexpected thing with Riggs and she likes it. It’s fun and exciting, much like Holly’s sexcapades. So, how does she move on with Riggs without disrespecting what she had with Derek? When they discuss Holly’s heart tumor, Holly says, “It’s a giant inoperable heart tumor. Just ignore that. It’s just something I have.” But our Grey-Sloan doctors are having none of that. They want it gone. Just like Mer wants to figure out how to get rid of these feelings for Derek that keep pulling at her heart. She tries everything she can. She pulls the tumor off the wall. She puts the post-it note in a drawer. But that pull is still there. That’s why she cancels on Riggs. Part of her heart will always belong to Derek and she can’t separate that. Just like the doctors couldn’t get Holly’s heart tumor out of her. It’s a part of who she is just like Meredith’s love for Derek. It will be with her until she dies, and she just has to learn to live with the knowledge that it is there, but it doesn’t have to control her. Meredith says in Holly’s surgery, “She’s adapted to this. She’s learned to live with it.” And she finally realizes that she can keep her love for Derek in her heart, but enjoy her life as well. She tells Holly’s one night stand, “…you’re not going to see her again. Hold the time you two spent together close to your heart, but don’t let it hold you back. No more sitting here and waiting. Grab your new life by the hand and go out there and live it.” And she does just that. She grabs Riggs by the hand, and they walk out the door.

Alex/Liam - It is so nice to see Alex back in his element. One of the best decisions the show ever made was to put angry Alex Karev in Pediatrics. He is so good with kids and this story highlights that. I was a little disappointed that the parents were using religion as their reason for not treating him because they have done that before, but anytime Alex gets to fight for sick kids, I am here for it. This was such a nice break from him listening to the sisters’ issues.

Stephanie - While I do think Stephanie let her anger get the best of her in this episode, the idea that she has not healed from her boyfriend’s death was also out of left field. I do appreciate them acknowledging Kyle existed, but this could have been a story they told all season instead of one they came up with when they found out Jerrika is leaving. Also, part of me thinks Minnick just doesn’t like that Stephanie stood up to her and she was outsmarted by her and Karev. Minnick doesn’t seem like she likes to lose.

April - This week was another example of how Sarah Drew has chemistry with literally everyone. All over Twitter people were saying how good April and Mer are together and that we should get more of that. They said the same thing about April and Stephanie, April and Deluca, and April and Cross. She has chemistry with Hunt, Riggs, and Arizona. People wanted her to mentor Jo when they worked together because of how great that relationship was. She makes Catherine Avery tolerable. It’s kind of insane how versatile she is. But that’s not what you guys want to talk about, is it? You want to discuss all those vague comments April made in this episode. So after several watches and lots of analyzing, here is what I think. The first comment that caught our attention was when Holly told them she wanted to have sex with as many men as possible before she dies. April responds, “Goals.” I don’t think this is April saying she is planning to do the same. Mer and Maggie respond with, “Nice” and “Impressive.” I think this is just Shonda throwing in the idea that it is perfectly acceptable for women to love sex and want to have a lot of it. And it is. There is no reason April can’t acknowledge that, too. Another thing I saw some comments on was Meredith telling April she should “hit that” in regards to Holly’s boyfriend. This one didn’t cause me to raise my eyebrows at all. April didn’t even consider it for a second. She brushed it off actually. Then in surgery, she mentions being jealous of Holly doing anyone she wants any time. Again, I don’t think the point of this is that April wants to sleep with a bunch of men. I think this is more her being impressed with Holly’s stamina with a giant heart tumor when she can barely muster the strength to put on her fuzzy socks. And finally the scene where April suggests going for a drink, and Maggie suggests looking for men, created the most rumblings in the fandom. April said, “I don’t want a boyfriend,” but what does that mean?! We got nothing else. Does she not want one at all? Does she not want one because she and Jackson are trying to figure out what they are? Do they already know? There were literally no other hints in that scene. I will say, though, it seems very unlike Grey’s Anatomy to make us wait for the finale for an answer to Japril’s situation and then let us down with it not being something worth waiting for. It feels like it will be something good, but it is so hard to tell this season.

Other highlights of the episode:

When Stephanie said, “She’s not my patient,” to Minnick, I was so proud.

Also, I love that Karev lied to save that little boy. I totally get believing in God and miracles, but I firmly believe there has to be a balance of faith and science.

Obvious fire reference/Stephanie in danger reference “You’re gonna burn in Hell.”

Again with me hating on Mer’s clothes, but socks and sandals?? Please stop.

Alex is looking for Jo’s husband, with no names or information to go on, but he will find him. Just don’t ask questions and it won’t seem so ridiculous.

So, we have two episodes left and the three biggest couples still have no resolution. I hope that Japril, Jolex, and Omelia all get amazing moments in the next two episodes because their fans deserve it after this season, but I don’t know. I’m not sure if I am reading the clues right or if I am letting my bias play into what I see at this point, so I’m not going to make any grand predictions. I am with the majority of you guys, rooting for all three of those couples to make it, and I hope they don’t let us down.

#grey's anatomy #japril #jolex #omelia #13x22

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