#i had a whole chat with cousin about old friend and queer stuff

[gayfrenchfry]

damn I just realized now that I've kinda started coming out to my friends being gay is just the new personality trait I fully embody to stop then from knowing anything about me. Like in middle school I was like the kinda mean one who like pushes her friends as a joke and I really hated it and wanted to not do that anymore but I was stuck because that was how everyone knew me and I was so scared of letting them know actual me and it makes me kinda thankful for social distancing and not seeing them in almost a year and most of them I haven't even talked to past a happy birthday text in the group chat especially since I went to a trade highschool instead of the regular hs in my town so since it's been so long I finally have a chance to reinvent myself as who I want to be but like thinking back to about a month ago when I was with two of my friends, one I'm pretty close with, one not so much, and id already come out to the first one but I wasn't sure about coming out to the other, but then the whole afternoon there were great moments that totally set up a good gay joke so Id mumble it when my back was turned but I eventually stopped mumbling and just said them out loud and those two straight friends probably didn't get most of them but it was fine the other one figured it out so I didn't have to awkwardly come out and then the rest of the time I was just being the gay friend but it felt wrong -especially when we started talking more about lgbt stuff and I thought I wanted to talk about it since I havent been able to but it was just the same conversation as Id had with her before, about her gay cousins and what not super homophobic but not exactly cool thing her mom said when there was a gay couple on tv, and the other one had to mention that she would date a girl, but girls are just too dramatic (literally everyone is chill but this one fucking girl is a drama fucking queen and I guess she thinks every other girl is too when the only people I have seen that come anywhere close to matching her level of drama is my old robotics team that had only boys on it)(also you don't have to give me a reason why you're not gay I don't give a fuck you can just be straight its fine)-since I was still kinda hiding just behind something new and at my new school it's great, when I get to actually go into school I'm in a new class each week bc we get to try out all the different shops and I can pretty much just sit next to the other obviously queer kids in class and we share a couple jokes, trade instagrams, and we're just instant friends and it's half of the reason I wanted to go to another school bc I wanted to meet other queer people and have more friends who get me a bit more. And everything is fun and cool there but with my friends I feel like I either gotta straighten up bc none of them (except my closeted gf) get any gay jokes or I gotta be outrageously gay and flamboyant or shit and both just feel wrong.

Anyways thats my rant, back to bottling everything up until the next time I just empty it out into the void called tumblr

[hartlessfiction]

can you rec me some good stuff??

Oh boy! I’m not sure what you’re looking for when you say ‘good stuff’ but I’ll do my best!

Supernatural- Destiel

Anna’s Dad by @mscaptainwinchester​

Raiting: E - Word Count: 35,000When Charlie talked him into joining the prom committee, Dean was not happy about it. He’s not even interested in going to prom, let alone planning it. But a meeting at committee chairman Anna Novak’s house changes all that. When Dean meets her smoking hot dad, a punk gothic god covered in the most alluring tattoos, it alters his entire perspective. Now he’s hanging out with Anna all the time and finding every excuse to flirt with her gorgeous dad.Castiel Novak swore off romantic relationships when his mate died a decade ago. Now he writes novels, throws lavish Halloween parties, and drinks with his fuck-buddy, Meg. When he meets Anna’s stunning friend, Dean, all his determination to keep emotions out of the equation goes flying out the window. Now it’s all he can do to keep his hands to himself in the face of relentless temptation.Will Dean ever get to see how far down Mr. Novak’s tattoos go? Will Castiel get over his hang-ups and let Dean in? Or will they both go their separate ways without ever knowing if their explosive chemistry could be more than just a tryst behind the pool shed? Featuring sexist classmates, a champion robot named Leia, growly alphas, and a prom theme from Hell (er… Hogwarts).

One Thousand and Ninety-four Days Verse by @envydeanwrites​

Rating: E - Word Count 3,313 - Series w/ 3 fic’s still growingIn which Dean and Cas are in prison. Castiel Novak, murderer, cell mate and servicer. He doesn’t do it because he has to, he does it because he loves it. Nobody makes Castiel Novak do anything. Not in this joint.

Queer Eye for the “Straight” Guy by JessJesstheBest

Rating: G - Word Count: 6,945“Hi, and welcome to Queer Eye for the Straight Guy: celebrity edition. Where instead of the Fab Five, who are all experts in their fields, you have me, Dean Winchester, a bisexual hockey player who is slightly above average at these things.”

“Today’s victim is Castiel Novak: world renowned etymologist specializing in honey bees. His latest research publication is receiving all kinds of awards so he’s going to have a little celebration tonight. That’s where I’m here to help.”

Good Hands by aileenrose

Rating M - Word Count: 13,238Cas is the owner of a failing—and falling apart—B&B.

Dean might be able to help with that. Dean’s good with his hands.

Unexpected by @bloodandcream​

Rating E - Word Count: 3192Grunting, Castiel squirmed, pulling at the handcuffs until they hurt. Flinched as Dean stroked a hand gently down his thigh, took him into that lying mouth, soft heat and wonderful pressure as he sucked down, down.

Somehow, this was the most unexpected turn of the night yet.

In It For The Long Haul by @ltleflrt​

Rating: E - Word Count: 25,495Long haul trucking can be a lonely business. Sure, Dean can chat up other drivers on the CB, and when Sam’s not in class or drowning in homework he’ll let Dean talk his ear off on the phone. But it’s still hours and hours of staring at the road and scanning the radio dial for local stations because he’s too lazy to upgrade the truck to satellite radio. And then a flirty waiter in a 24 hour truck stop restaurant sits down with him to chat while he eats his dinner, and suddenly his life no longer feels quite so empty.

Photography doesn’t pay much, and insomnia is a bastard. Which is why Castiel accepts his cousin’s offer of employment at the truck stop restaurant. The graveyard shift is perfect for his fucked up sleep schedule, and Gabriel doesn’t mind if he sneaks a free meal now and then. Besides, all the most interesting people come into the restaurant in the middle of the night. Including the gorgeous man with the sad green eyes that makes Castiel want to pull out all the stops to make him smile.

The Dic Pic Verse by @dangerousnotbroken​

Rating: E - Word Count: 67,550 -Multi Fic Verse CompleteIn which Dean Winchester gets an unsolicited dick pic from an unknown sender which is both totally not disappointing in that it’s a really nice dick pic, and incredibly disappointing in that it’s clearly a downloaded picture of his favorite porn star.

There’s absolutely no way it’s actually this porn star sending it to him, right?

Right?

A Flash of Black and Gold by @osirisapollo​

Rating: G - Word Count: 2,094Gabriel is acting very strange when Castiel gets to the Great Hall for breakfast. It’s easy enough to ignore, until Dean Winchester starts acting strange as well.

Wisteria by @unforth-ninawaters​

Rating E - Word Count 3,379Tumblr ficlet written in response to the prompt: So what about witch or mage dean who accidentally enchants his plants in a spell gone twisted. So what about witch or mage dean who accidentally enchants his plants in a spell gone twisted. The kinkier the better.

The Guy by @mscaptainwinchester​

Rating: E - Word Count 2,803Castiel’s boss is convinced that he would be perfect for her son, and is determined to get him to come to the Christmas party so they can meet. Castiel is still hung-up on his first and only one-night-stand. Or more specifically his dick.

The Unspoken Rule by @spnhell​

Rating E - Word Count 14,205Dean’s just a boy the first time he travels, wrenched through time and space only to be found by a strange man, one that never seems to age no matter how many years pass. He grows up with Cas, with their snatched moments in the spiral of time, and what starts as friendship eventually starts to grow into something more.

Revealed by Valinde (Valyria)

Rating: E - Word Count 10,822When a ritual backfires and Dean ends up with wings, they reveal things that he’d much rather keep hidden. Prompt fill.

And Cause After putting this whole list together I’d like to think you’d want to read my fic’s too… so:

Magical Misconceptions by @hartlessfiction

Rating: G - Word Count: 7,991This came about from the following prompt on Discord, which was then playfully dubbed the ‘NotAWitch!Cas’ Verse: “Me, in my cottage, in front of the wood stove, sipping tea. Looking outside, my bees are pollinating my expansive garden. My goats and chickens and cows are happy and safe. I feel content with my choices and my future. I unconditionally and recklessly love myself. The local children believe I am a witch"  The prompt is in first person POV but the fic is not written in the first person, it’s from Cas’s pov. I hope you enjoy this warm and fuzzy holiday season themed fic with so much beautiful art by FoxyMoley.

That’s Why I’m Your Sweetheart by @hartlessfiction

Rating: T - Word Count: 2,839Dean didn’t think his life could get any better. He had the mate of his dreams, a really nice apartment in the heart of the city, and a comfortable position at one of the leading architectural firms. At least that’s what he thought when he stepped off the elevator after a long, late shift at the office. The smell of cookies baking is supposed to make a man feel happy and hungry, but to Dean’s sensitive nose it sparks a warning bell. There’s no other explanation for it, Cas is stress baking.

The Battle by @hartlessfiction

Rating G - Word Count: 770The silence should have been Gabriel’s first sign that something was off. When you have two six-year-old boys in the house, it should never, ever, not even for one moment, be quiet.

Teen Wolf -Sterek 

(only cause i’ve been really into this recently)

Parallels by inatshej

Rating: E - Word Count: 21,299Stiles slowly pulls in a mouthful of curly fries, dumbly focused on the task.’'It’s weirdly homoerotic how you do this,” muses Derek, eyeing him.Stiles chokes and Derek’s lips curl up into an almost smile. It’s so easy to get the reaction he wants from Stiles.“Yeah, it’s disgusting, Stilinski,” says Jackson, looking at the boy with distaste.Derek turns to him, letting his eyebrows rise. “And who asked you, Whittemore?”Jackson glances at him, surprised. “I’ve just agreed with y-”“No one cares,” Derek interrupts him. “Fuck off.”

Love Runs Wild by DevilDoll

Rating: E - Word Count: 9,494“You’ve got a hickey on the back of your neck!” A Neckz 'n Throats story.Or the one where Stiles shows up fro work as a model for Neckz ‘n Throats with a hickey on his neck and Derek doesn’t take it well.

Free Consultation by DevilDoll

Rating E - Word Count: 12,691Stiles Stilinski, professional knotting surrogate. Derek Hale, lonely Alpha.

Hunger by DiscontentedWinter

Rating: M - Word Count: 55,382Beacon Hills.Two lost souls.A homeless boy, a lone wolf, and people who will stop at nothing to destroy them both.

Do Not Go Gentle by MojoFlower

Rating: E - Word Count: 195,867Derek Hale, Beacon Hills Alpha and Dom, wakes up in a dark cell already housing another captive – a mute, traumatized sub with a cruel collar around his neck. His only goal is to get them both free of their brutal circumstances; but even as he tries to get his young companion home, a bond between them grows. Nothing comes easily: danger and harrowing echoes of their ordeal shadow every step they take.

Red Witch by rootbeer

Rating T - Word Count: 34,271The red hair of a banshee. The red eyes of an alpha. The red hoodie of a mage. The red of fire burning.Derek Hale has been a prisoner to the hunters since they burned his family alive. But now someone has come to save him: skinny, defenseless Stiles–147 lbs of skin and fragile bones. Turns out, sarcasm isn’t his only weapon.

The One with the Mail-Order Brides and A/B/O Dynamics by Stoney

Rating: E - Word Count: 16,149Wolves aren’t meant to be alone. Laura tells Derek this repeatedly. Which… is why Derek knows he’s losing his mind, as Laura has been dead for more than six years. Wolves aren’t meant to be alone.And so he sends away for a companion. JUST for a companion, not for a mate. The universe, however, has a different plan in store for him.

Ok Nonny, I hope that tides you over for a while…. 

slinks off back into the bowels of the internet.

[moxyphinx]

2017 MDK&KK Gigs

As a disclaimer of sorts, there are bits missing or cut out, and quotes are approximate because 

my memory’s not what it used to be post transplant

I don’t feel comfortable posting some things “publicly” 

I’m not sure how much we can say about new songs, so the ones that haven’t been released or played somewhere else publicly are just titled “New Song” until Sept 25th

Also, I’m not tagging this - mainly posting as tradition and for posterity. 

Back in 2015, MDK&KK came to Seattle for a series of house gigs, and they invited Jackie (@catgranting) and me to one. You can read about the magic here. 

Since then, we’ve become friends with the amazing woman who hosts, and she and KK have kept us posted about their return to the PNW. Initially, we assumed we would just go to one of the house gigs. However, MDK&KK have both been incredibly supportive and understanding of my medical situation, and they offered to do a small Sunday afternoon gig for us and friends. We didn’t know it when we arrived, but they actually played it as a benefit gig for my treatment plan which is C R A Z Y generous, and I don’t think I’ll ever be over it.

SUNDAY AFTERNOON

We arrived and set out food and drinks for the guests. KK came out once we had pretty much set everything up, gave me a huge hug, and we chatted. He mentioned that this gig would be entirely acoustic since it went so well last time, and that Maria was more nervous than usual.

Everyone mingled for awhile. It was fun to have friends and coworkers to share this with. Our dear friend, Aisling (@disturbedporcelain) came down from Vancouver and brought her sweet cousins. We hadn’t seen her in forever, so it was lovely to catch up and special to have her there. Eventually, MDK came downstairs looking fecking beautiful in a Frida Cahlo dress. Our host’s daughter did her hair:

We made eye contact across the patio and both went in for a hug. She asked after my health, and then leaned in and asked if I had seen the episode of OB yet. I blurted out that I had cried, and that she was incredible. She talked about how she felt super overwhelmed by the response on Twitter. Jackie and Aisling came over, and we gabbed about music, nerves, life, etc.  

Around 5pm, everyone headed in to find seats. We ended up in the front row. #classic

Sing Hola Luna

After the song, Maria looked up and smiled, “Hiiii! Two songs down. We’re alright now.” It was roasting last year, but this year was quite toasty as well, and someone passed up a fan for her. “What’s that? Oh god! It goes with my outfit. I’m just going to stand and pose.” She explained the PA situation and the terror. “I guess you’re going to hear the songs the way we write them. So it’s special.” 

Sing from the Sea A Couple More Years (Cover) (Bob Dylan plays it in Hearts of Fire)

We’ve never heard them sing this before. It’s a very sweet duet, and I feel like the way they sang it was a distillation of them performing together. KK started the song first plying the guitar, then singing. MDK looked toward him, smiled, and joined in on the second line harmonizing. Throughout the song they seamlessly traded off. They are so in sync, and listen to each other intently, yet effortlessly. It’s memorizing to watch, particularly at this gig because so much of it was unplanned. 

Pride (new)

MDK: “What about ‘Pride?’”  Audience: “What about it?” MDK: “Get on to it.” 

Maria told a story about looking for books about drag for an upcoming project. They stopped in a shop called Deseret Book, and the guy at the front asked if he could help her find anything. She asked if they had any books about queer theory or drag. He quickly said no which she thought was odd, so she asked if they had any books about drag and fashion, and he was like, “No, we definitely don’t." (Meanwhile, Diane, Aisling’s cousin, is dying of laughter). He told her that they’re actually a small Mormon book store. She quickly explained that she wasn’t trying to be provocative and wasn’t from here, and he laughed, and gave them an address for another bookstore.

Last Call (new) 

MDK: “This is a song about getting stuck in a bar… It could happen.”

Bethlehem (Sing-along) 

I was shite at this to start with. Maria was like, “All you really need to know how to do it count.”  Sounds easy enough, right? Well, we also had to repeat a line and then count, which okay, still sounds easy, lol. I eventually got it. Maria also said that every time they do it it’s completely different. “What yous did that was different, was you held out the note, like 'ooooooonee,’ ‘twooooooo.’ It was very cool."

Stuck

At this point KK asked for The List™ to be passed around. Before the gig, they wrote a normal setlist, but KK also wrote a list of a bunch of random songs they don’t usually play at gigs any more. “And if we don’t know it, it’s not like they’re going to kick us out.” As The List landed in my hands, KK said, “Oh, I already know what you’re going to pick.” “Yes, you do. Stuck.” Cue laughter. I already talked about this in the 2015 post, but to reiterate, it’s my “if forced to choose” fav, and partially responsible for how we got to know them. It’s still wild to think about the fact that it might be her most well-known song due to OB. It was a staple on my hospital playlist. God, I don’t even know how to talk about this song anymore. I’m just very thankful for it, and to have been surrounded by its vibration. 

Mother

Aisling’s pick. (God, Mütter is SO good). MDK: “You didn’t put that on the list did you?” As Maria hit the chorus, she choked up. “I actually can’t sing that.” She talked about how the relationship between you and your mother, whether good or bad, is always remarkable. And she loves her mam, tried to write a song, and it turned into "the heaviest fucking song."

Have You Seen Him Twelve White Horses  Sequin (new) Colour Code (These Streets are Always Blue) (new) 

KK: "Let’s do it on the piano… for the craic.”  MDK: “This is a show that nobody will ever see again.” 

MDK: “Round Two”  *rings her bells*

Going Home Sinners Like You and Me 

KK: “I wrote this song when I was four. Lyrically, it sounds like I was four.”  MDK: “I think if I would’ve said that to the guy in the Deseret Book Shop, sinners like you and me, I think he would’ve got it. We’d’ve bonded.”

Little Bee (new) 

While KK tuned his guitar, MDK talked about us: “Jackie and Shawna have been friends of ours awhile now. We got to know them when they came to see us in Toronto, and they brought my favorite things: crisps and socks. We’ve spent lots of different mad nights with them. They had a car crash - Aisling, you were there too. And the album’s not going to be out until September, but they got a special sneak preview just for being old fans.” Jackie: “’Old.’” MDK: “And by old, I clearly just mean, you know, a long time.” Jackie: “It’s fun to hear them acoustic. ...Because they’re very not.” MDK: “They are very not.” 

KK: “Is there more?” MDK: "There’s loads more. We only played half the song.” KK: *looks at me* ”Most songs go on too long anyway, don’t they?” Me: “No.” KK: “It’s just me then.” MDK: “It’s just you."

Winners (new) Last Day (new)

MDK: “This one’s a little bit sad, but not really. (...) All we have are the days. You just have to say, all I have is today. Can I just be the best I can be today?”  We first heard this at Hugh’s Room 2015, and have been obsessed with it ever since. Aisling cried. Jackie reached out and held her hand. MDK: “We always make people cry. It would be a bad gig if no one cried.”

Fuckability  Snow White 

Definitely a song I wasn’t expecting to hear live. The vibe was more ‘La Sirena’ than ‘Charm.’ Maria talked about how she wrote a series of songs inspired by fairytales because she wanted princesses having their own agency. 

KK made a joke about a place that sold “grass” and alcohol called “High Spirits.”

Helena  O Mother (Sing-along) Sparky Personality 

Alyssa: “I was thinking Fuckability and I just read Spanky - Sparky” MDK: “Spanky - that’s all whole other can of songs.” Jackie: “Just tweak it a little bit - A spanky personality.” 

After the first verse, Maria hesitated.  KK: "The chorus.”  MDK: “What is the chorus? What are the words? … Damn ... *looks to me and Jackie* Do yous know?” Me and Jackie: “Uh… Keep the wolves and your daughters at your door.” MDK: “Thank god for fans.”

Battlefield (Pat Beneath Cover) Shipbuilding (Elvis Castello Cover)

MDK: “What do you want to do, Boogaloo.” KK: ”Where’s The List?” MDK: “Fuck The List” KK: “I love The List.” MDK: “See you’ve got a fuck The List, and a love The List, and somehow we make it work.”

Keep it to Yourself (Amy Rigby cover) 

KK: "We don’t know it, but it’s funny. We haven’t done this since like 1943.”  I didn’t even know this song was in their repertoire! It reminded me of ‘Babes’ since it’s more of story song, but with a mischievous tango edge. Maria was hilarious, playing coy and all.

You say you'd like to kill the man who broke my heart. You don't think he should be allowed to live. You say you want to shoot the dude who screwed me up. Me, I'm trying so hard to forgive. But here's his address. Here's his picture. Here's the make and model of his car. He works until 4:30. Then he hangs out at the topless bar With a girl on each arm. If he should come to harm, Just keep it to yourself.

Unbelievable 

We hung out for quite awhile afterwards, as we had promised to help clean up (shout out to my mam for doing most of it because I was too overwhelmed to do much of anything). The post-gig glow, though! Aisling and I spent some time sitting in the yard just basking in it. 

Jackie, Kieran and I debated about which of their songs is the saddest. KK said ‘Unbelievable,’ which, to me, ultimately has a comforting message like a lot of their ‘sad’ songs (’Stuck,’ ‘Last Day,’ ‘Sing from the Sea’). I think we settled on ‘Helena.’ 

Near the end of the night, we ended up in a conversation with Aisling, MDK, and KK. We talked about a bunch of stuff: queer theory, drag, gentrification, OB, traveling, their music (obvs). At some point, Jackie and I sang the bridge of ‘My Addiction’ to them. Maria said she loves that song and hummed it. We’ve put in the request for next time. (How fecking epic would it be live?!)

 As we said goodbye, MDK pulled us in for hugs and called us mighty women. "Well, that means a lot coming from another mighty woman.” 

Also, this is too pure:

SATURDAY EVENING

I hadn’t realized it was an option, but there was extra availability at their last gig, so we ended up going to this one as well. I am incredibly grateful to have had a second opportunity to see them under less stressful circumstances all ��round (though it’s still kind of terrifying to be in the presence of people you deeply respect and admire). There's not as much about this night because I forgot to do a brain dump after. Plus this is WAY too long already. 

We had a terrible heat wave in Seattle which is totally unprepared as a city to deal with it, so the gig was moved from a home to an air-conditioned conference room in a bank. When we arrived, we got hugs from Kieran, and hung out with Aisling and her cousins. 

Right before the gig began, Maria came over to talk to our group for a hot second. She talked about Astoria, glass artists Joey Kirkpatrick and Flora C. Mace, and how the water was “perishing” in Crescent Lake.

MDK: “We’ve played in a lot of weird places, but this is our first time in a bank."

Sing Hola Luna Sing from the Sea

This audience was on the louder side, which reminded Maria of a gig in Europe in an apartment building that had a super strict noise curfew. Instead of clapping, everyone did jazz hands. She told us we should do it for the next song “just for the craic.” When we did, she doubled over laughing. 

The Mountaineers Courtship Sequin (new) Colour Code (new) Bethleham (Sing-along) Am I Choosing Right 

There was something extra magical about this song. I don’t remember what exactly, but I do remember thinking, “Wow” when it was over. It was like the first time hearing the the higher riff on “Am I choosing right” on ‘Maria Live’ - just chills. 

Pride (new) Babes

Storms are on the Ocean O Molly Dear 

MDK is such a fucking powerhouse. You can physically feel might of her voice - it pierces you. ‘O Molly Dear’ is a beast live, and she was just so in it - dancing and belting. 

12 White Horses Yes We Will Last Day (new) Lucinda  O Mother The Silence The Most Beautiful People are Broken

This song hit me in a way I totally wasn’t expecting. The added bridge - “You’re beautiful just as you are / don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t go as far as you want to” - I just - I cried. It was so powerful to be surrounded by the loving and uplifting energy that saturated the space. Their music is curative. 

Siúil a Rún (Irish)

“I’m just going to down a few lines of an Irish song for [names all the Irish people in the audience].” 

Stars Above

After this song, the woman sitting next to me leaned over and said, “Well, she made the three of us cry *pointing to herself, Aisling, and me* I was looking over and counting.” To be honest, has anyone heard this song live and not cried?

We all went outside to get some fresh air. Maria came over and said, “We have to get a picture!” My brother volunteered his phone, so here’s our only group photo of the night:

I asked MDK about her ring:

She wore it last weekend too. Diane and I kept wondering if it was supposed to be “No” or “On.” She said the people at the shop in Toronto called it the “No” ring, but she wears it so it says “On.” She was also wearing her awesome double gender ring. 

We shot the shit, and then said our goodbyes. Hugs all ‘round. 

It’s difficult process through this, and I’ve only just begun. It’s been a huge year for my family, and I’m grateful to have been healthy enough to experience these historic nights in my life. Beyond words.  

tl:dr: MDK& KK are truly angelic - some the kindest, most generous, beautiful, talented people I’ve ever met, and I’ll cry forever about it.