#i guess the difference is thst now i understand what's happening so part of my brain is sitting back like: this is stupid while the other

[sailorspazz]

After the last update with Aki being like "bruh, what's wrong with you", I hoped that it'd be the push Suzuki needed to finally break free from his shackles of angst and go to his fucking man already. And wow, he's actually doing it!! When he said, "I'm such an idiot", I couldn't help but yell YEAH WE KNOW lol.

Side note, his hair is very bouncy and cute as he rushes around the city in this chapter.

Another side note, this one about language use, it's interesting to see the development here from earlier chapters. Before, Suzuki was mainly using English while speaking to Norman, then started mixing in Japanese, and then in this chapter addressed him solely in Japanese (with the exception of one line in Spanish, which is also not Norman's native language but presumably one he knows a little bit). Granted, he didn't have a lot of dialogue, and wasn't saying anything particularly complicated, so he assumed Norman could understand well enough. And maybe it's been a while since Norman had a significant number of lines, but I noticed particularly in this chapter that his English (as portrayed in Japanese) includes regular use of somewhat archaic terms and grammar. Now knowing his secret background, I'd guess it's done to give him a bit of royal flair. Just one of those interesting things that stuck out to me, and makes me appreciate the detail that goes in to this series.

So the main content here is the conversation with Norman. It's fascinating to see the dichotomy between Norman's inner and outer dialogue here, my man is having two entirely different conversations lol. It hadn't seemed up to this point that he really cared about Suzuki; even his inner thoughts in 39 when he saw Sugiki and felt sorry not sorry about fooling around with his fave, he was still thinking "we're just using each other". Whether that's what he really felt or just what he was telling himself so it wouldn't hurt when it ended isn't clear. From the very first time they slept together, he thought about how kind and compassionate Suzuki was and that it might be hard to let him go. So maybe he enjoyed the companionship and closeness they shared and didn't want to give thst up, rather than truly falling for him in a romantic way...

But then Norman went and gave him a watch of incredibly high monetary and sentimental value, and now I don't know what to think. From the start of this fuck buddies arrangement, I wasn't sure if they were joking about Norman paying Suzuki to sleep with him, and I guess the answer is nope, they meant it. Suzuki is now officially a (very highly paid) sex worker lol. I looked into the watch brand Norman mentioned, on the low end you're looking at products in the $20,000 range, going up into hundreds of thousands and even millions of dollars! Given that Norman's was an inherited royal heirloom, it has to be on the higher end of that scale. So he has to care about Suzuki quite a bit to give him something so valuable, even though he was trying so desperately to appear like he didn't care. I don't know if Suzuki realized anything, but he is a good-hearted man (despite being told he's awful lol), and his expression looked gentle, maybe a bit pained. He's definitely not in love with Norman, but is concerned for him and didn't want him to be hurt by this. Norman may have successfully held in his feelings until Suzuki left, but if Suzuki looks up the value of that watch he might suspect something. I also wonder if he's going to start wearing it (doesn't really seem his style to wear something so valuable, unless for a special occasion), or give it to someone. Norman would be seething if he gave to Sugiki I'm sure, it seems bad etiquette to regift something from a client(?!) to your boyfriend lmao. He did suggest someone "trustworthy", which Suzuki has called Saichi before...though that would probably be an overly extravagant gift for him as well. Depending on if anything happens with it, this parting gift could possibly result in some kind of drama.

I felt bad for Norman when he broke down. He's my problematic son, a bitter bitch who's wormed his way into my heart. Don't worry, babygirl, Max is there to comfort you! I had to laugh a bit when he showed up, since I thought he might be the one to console Norman, but I didn't think it'd be so immediate, like literally as he's still crying from getting dumped lol. And he's brought a bottle of sake, I guess he knows the way to man's heart is through his alcoholism. As always, I have questions about his motivation, like is it really as simple as just wanting a drinking buddy, or did he think about Sugiki's accusation that he *gasp* likes Norman and decide to give it a shot? And will that bottle of sake lead to Norman making some questionable decisions, possibly opening his heart and legs to Max? I'm invested in these two becoming a couple, so I'd like to see this scene continue.

But most exciting of all is our main couple of stupid Shinyas finally seeming to be on the right path. Suzuki is running, Sugiki is sensing him, they just have to reunite in the next chapter! And what will happen once they do? A serious conversation about what they need to figure out to be a couple? A passionate haze of making out? Pent up emotional release through dance? They desperately need all of these, I genuinely don't know what I want to see most. But I very much want them to fuck sooner rather than later. I am salivating at the thought of the next chapter, and am more hyped than ever to see where this leads!

10 Dance - chapter 41, part 2 summary

Suzuki comes to a decision upon hearing Aki's love advice. After stopping to have an important conversation with Norman, Suzuki heads down a new path.

Full summary and highlight images under the cut.

Chapter 41, part 2: Time to Say Goodbye, and

Published online on March 8th, 2024, available to purchase on Comic Days, or rent for 10 days on Yanmaga.

Suzuki places a call to Saichi as he runs down the sidewalk, telling him that their photoshoot is finished and asking if he can come pick up Aki. Suzuki says that he has something he needs to take care of alone, and thinks about what a complete idiot he’s been as he recalls Aki urging him to be happy with the one he loves.

Suzuki arrives out of breath at Norman’s place, who greets him with the comment that he didn’t think Suzuki would be coming to see him anymore. He asks if he wants to come in and have some tea, but Suzuki chooses to stay in the entryway. He states that this is the last time he’s coming here, and Norman asks if that’s because he’s in love with Sugiki. Internally, Norman wishes that Suzuki would choose him and be his Lovely, but aloud he says that Sugiki is now as vulnerable as a kitten due to his situation with Suzuki, and in his opinion Suzuki should take advantage of that and beat him while he’s down. However, Norman found out on the day of the Japan International what sort of relationship the two Shinyas shared. Suzuki says that makes no difference, and he's still going to win. Norman declares that their “lover’s contract” is hereby terminated and takes off his watch, saying that Suzuki can have it as payment for the use of his body. Norman thinks that he wishes he never met this man, and is peeved that he has to hand him over to Sugiki of all people. He internally recalls when Sugiki took the championship title away from him, and remembers the feelings he had while watching him dance that day, thinking that Sugiki was masculine and powerful yet still elegant, and his dynamic lead showed how competitive dance would evolve from there on; he was the man-made epitome of the ideal man. Aloud to Suzuki, he explains that this is a Patek brand watch, and he inherited it from a princess. It would probably fetch a very high price if he sold it, but this isn’t the kind of thing that should be sold off. It has some wear since Norman has used it for a long time, so he suggests that Suzuki could change out the band to a new one. If he doesn't want to keep it for himself, he should give it to someone trustworthy. Suzuki says that he can’t take such a valuable watch, but Norman insists that he have it, so Suzuki accepts and says he’ll take good care of it.

Suzuki says “Thanks for everything” in Spanish and reaches forward for a hug, but Norman puts his hands up to stop him, saying he never wants to touch him in that way again. He says Suzuki truly is an awful man except when he's dancing. Dance is nothing without connection, and all sorts of feelings can arise when paired up with a partner. As the lead, they need to carefully envelop their partner like a treasure, and it's their duty to make them contentedly enjoy the dance; Norman came all the way to Japan to drill this idea into him. If a man who ruins people like Suzuki does can manage to incorporate Norman's technique, he may truly become unbeatable. He says starting today he will no longer be Suzuki's teacher and will instead become his master. With that, Norman tells him to get going; he's sure Suzuki has somewhere else he needs to be, so he shouldn't keep dawdling here. Suzuki thanks him and heads out the door. Once he's gone, Norman breaks down in tears.

Suzuki rushes through the train station, thinking that he needs to see Sugiki right away. Meanwhile, at his studio, Sugiki raises his hand up and seems to sense something through the intangible thread that connects the two of them.

Max, holding a bottle of sake, suddenly peeks in from the porch at Norman's place, asking why he's crying (addressing him as Edward). Norman yells that he can't just show up uninvited and to get out of his house. Max explains that he just wanted to share his sake with someone, but Norman tells him again to leave.

Previous chapter: #41 part 1

Next chapter: There is currently no information on the next release date.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[smashfold-blog]

Hmmm since this morning ive got all pre-emptively anxious about even mentioning Hannibal - so I wanted to talk about some of the things it does really well:

1. Trauma. Trauma changing you into something you don't like. Fear of trauma turning you into the person who hurt you. Fear of discovering you are the true monster. Becoming afraid of yourself and not knowing who you or anyone else is. Liking animals more than people.

2. Fear of institutionalisation. All doctors on the show are evil, incompetent, shady, unethical, or use their power over their patients for personal gain. All hospitals are also prisons, or places where injured people are before they go to prison. Mentally ill people never recover - their doctors don't know or don't care or are actively trying to make it worse, and don't listen to their patients.

3. Being visibly neurodivergent. Your bosses and friends treating you like a child, talking about you and your wellbeing behind your back, touching you without permission, deciding what is best for you.

4. What happens when a visibly neurodivergent, socially awkward former boat mechanic whose hobbies are "dog fostering and fishing" makes abuse accusations against his wealthy doctor who is a suave European, knows a lot about Renaissance art and opera, and hosts expensive dinner parties for his society friends - and then his doctor makes them back. How neurodivergence makes it easy for people to imagine all sorts of stuff about you; how wealth and social competence shields people from everything.

5. The experience of slowly understanding that you're not mad, you were abused; and not only that, you are part of a pattern of abuse. No one believing you. The experience of still loving the person who hurt you, and trying to bridge the gulf between what you like about them and the fact they are dangerous. Not being able to trust anyone.

All these plotlines are the major defining themes of the show. You see them recurring episode by episode, or repeated with several different characters. What I love about the show, besides the absurd grand guignol and the silly dialogue and the ridiculous gay subtext, is how well it speaks to those experiences - for me, at least. I watched Hannibal at a very dark time in my life, and now going back to it, it still feels relatable. When I was in and out of hospital, it was the only thing that really seemed to understand the experiences I was having - however well meaning loved ones were, understand how blurry and diffuse the world felt.

Watching it with trauma baby friends recently, we found that most episodes would end and someone would need to process or unpack, or would start hallucinating - and I don't mean thst in a bad way, more that it really Brings Stuff Up about those experiences because it shows them so well. (For me, at least - I can't speak for everyone)

I also really admire:

6) showrunner Bryan Fuller's active ethical choice not to use sexual violence against women as a shock tactic. There's a good article online you can Google for where he talks about it and about Game of Thrones. I think it's a really bold, courageous choice, as the serial killer genre usually does this in spades. Hannibal does, of course, frequently depict abusive, manipulative and invasive behavior - so it's not guaranteed safe for the sensitive, but it is free from using rape as just a way to ramp up the nastiness.

Anyway, those are my thoughts. This recent rewatch has really cemented for me how disability/trauma/abuse is pretty much the core of the narrative, and I guess I want to recommend it to people (who are ok with violence, horror and challenging material) interested in those topics to watch it through that lens. It also has great direction, and I-cant-believe-what-im-seeing gay subtext, but there's so much more going on too.

[loi-et-love]

I told Net Friend about BB’s call.

NF:  I want to know how you feel

NF:  Does he mean he told Shikh everything before but hasn't talked about you yet?

NF:  Cheated???

NF:  I admit my head is strained by his logic.  Of not leaving Dan because he would be doing that to you

I:  you know how they say that if i can leave A for you, i can leave u for soembody else

NF: yep

I:  That's his logic.

NF:  I understand it, but it feels weird

I:  He just feels that he doesnt want to do that. Be that person

NF:  You were pretty cold with him there.He pours out all this stuff, stuff you with he'd been talking about.  And you're "why bother with that now"

NF:  You could ask him why he did that.Cheated, I mean.  I mean you could ask him next time you talk Or text or whatever Seems like an important thing to know more about

NF:  What are you first thoughts and feelings about all this?

NF:  You don't have to have decided anything. No self-respecting person would stay with BB! That's what you said.

NF:  He's thinking you should get your LLM in the US?

NF:  He just finally was able to declare his love And you immediately go to "friends"? You may be right to do that But, poor guy

NF:  You're both talking about stuff that's impossible to know

NF:  He sounds like he thinks he is taking you up your offer.

I: what offer?

NF:  To be a couple. IMPLIED offer

I:  Yeah because i said "i love u too"?? God! i shouldn’t have said it, u mean?

NF:  Not saying that no. I think you are making it clear that you're not going to just run into his arms.That you're not ready to just be a couple. 

I:  Then what am I ready for?THat's true though. I am not going to just run into his arms. Not after all that shit he pulled.

NF:  Saying you love him isn't a promise to be his boyfriend. But it certainly encourages him to want to.

I:  He also said that I need to decide if I would waid for him. Because long distance isn't on the table and we are 1000 miles away from each other. And it would take time to be in the same place so would I wait?This is what he said in the middle of the phonen at the end he was like "why dont u come here" etc.. as if he wants this to happen NOW!!!

NF:  Yeah, he's feeling it now

NF:  You excited? Nervous? Happy? Angry? Numb?

I:  we havent talked about my issues and the baggage i bring to the table

NF:  You mean you and BB haven't?

I:  yeahWhen he said why am i so perfect. i did mention that i have issues too. lets not forget themthe fact that i have NEVER been in a relationship. IDK how to be in one.intimacy issuespsychological block about my vaginacommitment issuesim scared of ppl who love me bcz i dont want to disappoint thembcz thats what i do. i disappoint ppl who love me.i feel i can never reciprocate their loveidk how to yeah! call me stupid for wanting something with BB. i shouldve been happy when he friendzoned bcz thats the bestest decision he ever took!

NF:  You don't need to go there.  The "stupid for wanting something" part.  Just acknowledge that you are scared. Which I think you did. 

I:  I am scared. And he scared me even more with "what do you think will your mom be cool with me?" Huh?!!I wanted to say "noooooo she doesn't like you. She's fine till we r friends and all but you know.. she thinks you r not worth it. You deserve me"And I used the 'marriage' word for him to realize that dude u r freaking me out, maybe u should freak out a little too.. but he laughed! He laughed it off

NF:  Yeah, he was coming on REALLY strong.He thought you were waiting for that.

I:  Well.. I was mad with the friendzoned thing but why would I want to be with someone who rejected me?I Thought I already said that in the reply to his ocean sized love textAnd I meant it. I didn't say a thing in that text that I didn't mean or just to hurt him

NF:  He wasn't free to reciprocate before and now he is.That's a huge difference regarding everything, to him.

I:  Well I don't completely not want it. But now I'm in two minds. A part of me wants to be just friends because of the way we are n the other part of me wants more because of these feelings.Maybe I am going to get this. Because we cannot be together together til v r in the same place right?!!

NF:  I'm not sure what difference it makes since he's not here.Unless you are going to "wait for him" 

I:  Exactly Idk I can't process that right now. I don't want to process itI mean isn't it thst even he has to wait for me?It works both ways doesn't it?

NF:  Unless he feels like cheating

I:  HeheheheehheheheheheehNot funny. Don't freak me out more

NF:  Well you are 8000 miles away or whatever it isAnd someone else is going to be right there hugging himIt might be better to not wait for each other so he doesn't have to cheatJust an idea, not a recommendation

I:  See the whole point is. I never wanted any of this right? So I'll be in the stage for lifeWaiting or not, idk I don't decide that. It'll mostly happen on its own without me knowing about it

NF:  So you're suggesting that you just see what happens with BB if you two ever happen to be in the same country?

I:  Maybe. But i didn't exactly mean that.We'll see what happens if we r in the same country. If i want to be with him or not, I'll know then. I'll know then if i waited for him or not.Feelings may go away or they may stay or they may stay n still i wouldnt want to be with him. Who knows!

NF:  Maybe you'll meet a cute lawyer.

I:  heh And cheat on BB?

I:  he kept repeating a few things over n over i love you smell of your hair, skin soft my face im fucked up in my headidk. the smell of my hair?im smelling my hair right now

NF:  Your shampoo?

I;  god knows! n my soft skin? its pretty dry. i dotn use moisturizer. im lazy

NF:  You might be being too practical here

I:  he said this one thing too. i dont remember the context of it but i just remember two sentences "u r always with me n i am always with u"something... i interpreted it as the presence of me he feels..i think v r obssesed with each other n not in love

NF: heh

I:  he also said that he has been in love with me for a long time before i realized it for himhe said it came to him two years ago, but he's sure he loves me ever scne he met me or somethingwhen i said "u loved me when u were 14" n he said yeseven that freaked me out a littlea little. not as much as my mom being cool with him thing did

NF:  You are going to take weeks to process this

I:  i am still laughing reading all that i am telling uits funny to mei dont think i came out too strong did i?i dont think i can be this vulnerable.

NF:  As I said, you were a bit harsh on himI said cold

I:  he would use "feeling" word before, n now it has turned into "fell for you" or "in love with you" or "loving you"i am cold. and harsh n cruel when u hurt me.i dont control that parti cannot be sweet n kind. i cannot b a doormat.  u cannot hurt me n get away with it. u have to feel to wrath

NF:  It's probably his sense of honor that he couldn't say those things before when he was with Dan

I:  sense of honor. yeah.. sounds funny to me.. but makes senselast tiem we spoke. before i asked for a break, he wanted to call me 'honey' again

NF: wanted to?

I:  wanted to. he asked me when was the last time i called you honey?n i said doesnt matter. n he said it matters.. something something..so i said you can't. you wont'.n he asked i can't?i repeated u cant u wontok yeah.. i agree, im cold n harsh!when i become that, u r supposed to leave me alone. il be fine n normal after a while. thats the trick!

NF:  ha ha ha ha"Fine n normal" ha ha ha

I:  its truewhats so funny?

NF:  You get scared or hurt and get cold and push people away and then you are "fine n normal"That's funny

I:  i had to ask you.did u expect any of this?Any or all of the things BB said?

NF: no

I: good. so i m not the only one.

NF: *hug*

NF:  You don't have to process it nowDon't worry about thatHe's not going to show up at your door

I:  i hope he doesn'tdammit now i can imagine him at my door step with that grin on his face

NF:  Well, he might come home for a holiday I supposeOr when the term is over?Does he have a break before interning?

I:  he said he's not going to n thats y he came for two weeks durign christmas n new year holidaysi guess he doesntidk. i dont want him to come.im scared what will happen if he comes back, even if he's coming JUST to visit