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whimsically-ominously-auspice · 7 years ago

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Robert Hight

The first weekend that he broke Matt's record I was just waiting for Matt to break it. Matt's been making me crazy cause he just hangs out at the tree like he's texting at the stop light or something... that's all I gotta say about that. 339 is a huge jump... So to get that -- it's difficult for Matt. I know Matt's issues while driving but he's in. And habit hard to break. To be honest he's gotta work a long time practicing to get out of the way he drives. I'm not gonna sit here and write it out it's obvious. Let's move forward... So... Friday night Robert nearly got his ass beat. There was a huge to do because Robert was taunting me. I haven't said a word to anyone about Robert. The only only thing that I've said is that I think that Matt can beat the record that Robert set. That is all that I said and I wrote that in Sugar's Twitter So Friday night he started taunting me and Matt told him to stop. The FBI told him to stop. It went on for over an hour so Matt went over to their teepee and got John Force to understand what Robert was doing. So John Force finally was able to stop it. Because Robert does not respect anyone. He's a disrespectful little bastard. So after John and Matt got him by the neck he started to be nice to me. I still just ignored him. So then last night he started his shit again. I had already said what I thought about his breaking the 3.8 barrier. I said that Dejoria was the first one to break 4.o so as far as I see it, he's it any better than Dejoria We all know what I say about Dejoria. And I have not always said anything nice about her. In fact I've described her character in-depth and I don't believe any if it was positive until the last six months. And I've been on about her for YEARS. So just because he broke a barrier it doesn't mean that he's some God or some Braniac or someone to look up to. So I say that yet I admire Matt very much so for breaking barriers and being the first and making history. I'm saying that it's my choice to. I can make my own choices about who I want to admire and when. I choose not to admire Robert Hight. I fully believe he masterminded and swindled and talked his way into the Force Home. I don't believe he truly loves his wife. I dont. I think he just basically fucked his way into the top of the Funny Car NHRA. Who would not want to be in with John Force? He was champion for a decade back to back back to back back to back. I think Robert Hight's eyes lit up with greed and he did whatever he could to get in with John Force. Anything he could. And I think he does anything to stay with him. I don't think that John Force is a Mr Magoo. All blind and dumb and stupid. I think that John Force uses his heart and thinks with it more often than his brain. He lives in a highly competitive world where everything is cut throat and there's so so so much greed. I think he needs to love. He needs to trust. He needs to have a world that is kind. I think he should had shielded his heart and Family more. And his business as well. Especially since that's what Robert Hight wants most. And he has it. He's president. Matt has been in love with me his whole life. I was the first person to show him love. True patience, worry, kindness. The first person that could give that without being demanding or mean or evil. I'm not Robert Hight. I will never be Robert Hight. So what he holds a record. But when that littl pansy ass crybaby bitch dies. He ain't getting into Heaven. He will be lucky to retain memories of the good feelings that he got when he broke records. So let Robert Hight hold a record for a minute. It's the lamest and most pathetic thing that he is. That's all he is. A title. A title doesn't make a man. Matt Hagan at two years old told me he was a man. I was literally scared to death of him absolutely terrified. He knew what he wanted and what he wanted was me. I was scared to death and to this day 32 --- THIRTY-TWO years later, my hands still shake and my heart goes out of control beating from that memory that he told me that he loved me. I was so scared of love. Love wasn't real. Love made people do things. I didn't understand love. I was powered by love. I was absolutely powered by love and I cared to the deepest of my being. I was taught how to love. I was taught how to care. So he told me, he knew I loved and he loved me back and he wanted to keep my love forever. The deepest and most terrifying feeling, you can never ever feel, never imagine how scary it is, until you've felt it is the wonder if you can life until the end of time. If you can every single time perfectly execute caring, kindness, love, generosity. I guess you could say that Matt was ultimately terrible to me. Absolutely horrible to have that desire. That desire to be treated right and to have love forever. From me. I held him when he cried because someone else hurt him so bad that he has the deepest scars anyone has ever seen. I didn't believe that I could hurt him that same way. But despite his trust in me, he was afraid I would. And that made me want to melt into a puddle and die. Someone did it once. Why wouldn't it happen again? So obviously. Someone breaking his world record is nothing. Not a dam thing when he's thrown his heart in the middle of the floor and dared me to squish it. Told me it would break. But that he would still love me. He will break Robert Hight's record. Probably. Most definitely if he stays a Nitro Funny Car driver. I have absolutely no doubt that he will. What if he doesn't? You know what? He's talking about saving the lives of cows, deer and other animals. He's talking about carrying me because it's too painful for to walk. Talks about carrying me to the toilet. I'm 36 years old and he's like I want you to live past 80. And so that's a very long time for him to use me as a gym. It's obvious, the way that Matt Hagan has been driving this 2017 year that he really just does not give a shit about Robert stupid fucking Hight. He's got enough Wallys to make me a dildo a year for 20 years. So really. Who the fuck cares when you know he's gonna be using his dick? Point is that Robert doesn't care about anyone. Robert doesn't care about love. He doesn't have any of the values that John Force believed he had. John Force had to TEACH HIM LOVE. I actually like Robert Hight. On TV. He's got a great fun personality. But because he's been so busy hiding his personal (evil) agenda, he can't see real things. He can't see how people really are. Because he's been so busy hiding himself. Being fake. Trying to reach the top to be the bacon when he is just slop the pig eats. So maybe. Maybe just like Dejoria when she broke the 4.0 maybe he finally broke his own shell that made him a piece of shit ass hole. Luckily for him, John Force has an awkward and shy but huge and loving heart and spirit. Because if John wasn't so amazing then Robert Hight wouldn't be able to learn and to change and to become the type of person that deserves to hold a record. I hadn't said anything about Robert breaking the record. Because silence is golden. Everyone loves a nice quiet Sunday dinner when no one has to say a goddam word but be able to live in peace and Harmony. So I said nothing. I told Matt I hoped he would break it back because I believe he deserves to have it and no one else. That's exactly what I said. I'm sure Robert over heard as I can't stop him from spying. but I didn't say it for Robert. I said it for myself. I said it for Matt. But maybe Matt didn't even want to hear it... He wanted to hear me say those words but maybe that's all he wanted. He didn't want to break it. He just wanted to hear me say I think he deserves something absolutely amazing that everyone knows about. Maybe. So I didn't say anything about Robert that was negative. Things I think and feel. Things I think that will start a war and bull shit and make Robert mad. Because when Robert gets mad, he's disgusting. Absolutely furious and if you ask me is just a waste of carbon dioxide, oxygen and water. He deserves nothing but maggots out his eyes. His temper. It's disgusting And it's mostly disgusting Because he lies. And he thinks he can beat me. He thinks he can break me. He started a war with me. But I'm not playing. Because it's not a cold war. Everyone can see from his attitude how absolutely disgusting he is. They can tell from his temper he's a piece of shit. Don Schumacher is a different story. That's straight up cold war Russian spy. Like how Robert used to be before he became a spoiled brat. Like Denise. All I'm good I'm a good person then when you close the office door. It gets dirty. Disgusting and terrifying. So. I didn't say anything. I asked him to leave me alone very nicely and calmly on Friday. I told the FBI that he needed to leave me alone and so several stood between me and him. Robert wanted to pick and fight so they did the whole thing. I don't like that shit. It's stupid. I'm not going to talk to an arrogant jerk. I'll win but goddam I'll get so exhausted I will cry. (Not with Don tho) I'm sick. I very very very sick. My kidneys are on their way out and I didn't even know. I just found out... I knew they were hurting but I thought it was something else entirely. So idk if we can reverse it or what. It explains why my metformin isn't being digested and shit out whole and why my insulin has spiked so much that if it doesn't go down they will put me on insulin shots. And then I can still have a seizure because the seziure medicine I'm on for my fibromyalgia doesn't cover the type of seizures that I have. Found that out about 12 hours ago. So really. I don't give a shit about stupid ass Robert Hight. So Saturday night he's prancing around like a peacock with a dildo shoved up his ass and his Gramma chained to it and shoving it in and out for him. And I just told him "you look fucking stupid and get your stupid fucking ass away from me because you're just looking stupidier by the second" So the FBI herded him away. I should not had had to say anything. Friday night it was an outright war with alot of people just getting between me and him. Until he came back and was actually a normal human being. Whether or not it was fake I don't even care. I'm just tired of people bothering me. Then I said "big deal. Dejoria broke 4.0 some one has to break the record. Someone has to. Anyone. Just so happened to be Robert. Big deal" I really don't care about racing. I could care more but I'm not there. I'm here. At my house. Where my kid bitches we don't have water. Where Alex's dog was brutally murdered in cold blood for no reason. Where my refrigerator my stupid ex-husband insisted on getting and I didn't want but got it because it made him smile doesn't work anymore. Where I can't get my kid's iron up high enough because she won't get off her period. So it's really difficult for me to care about some record. Maybe if I helped break it I would care. But I didn't. So I don't. Maybe I helped Robert want to be a real person because I wasn't afraid to tell him that I see through his lying and selfish ass. I don't know. I don't care. I have real shit to care about. Really shit that's a whole lot more important to me than some stupid ass NHRA extra cariccular activity that someone decided to make a career out of. I didn't decide that. Matt decided he wanted to race. He always loved cars. He was so excited when j got my driver's license. He loved every second of me driving. And racing trains by crossing in front of them. Waiting till they got as close as possible before I crossed the tracks. So that's Matt. That's what Matt decided to do with his life He also decided to care about farms and shit. Call me what you want but I care more about what a cow eats before I care about how fast a car can go. I think I could beat Robert Hight's record myself. I think Matt is an absolutely amazing driver. He is. It's not just me. He proves it. But I also see what he does wrong when h drives. I can be as good as him. I know can be better than him. I don't care about Robert. I admire Matt. I want to be better than him. I want to be better than John Force when he was running back to back champions. Matt gets all bugged cause John wears a white hat. Always. I'm all.leave him alone. He deserves that hat. If I was him, I'd want w fucking crown but I would settle for a white hat everyday. People tell that I'm the best they got. I tell them God help this planet because there's Gotta be someone better than me. I pray all the time that there's people better than me And that they stay that way and not because I get worse but because they keep getting better. So I don't feel bad for wanting to beat people I admire. So here's to you Robert Hight, I don't give a shit you won and you better leave me the hell alone or you're gonna get your ass beat in every single possible way in your life. If it make you feel better then congratulations, too. Because I'm not bothered by you. Just like someone beat Dejoria's 4.0 break. Someone will break the 3.7 and the 3.6 and I think it can get down to two point two. Then someone may eventually been beat that.

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deafeningcreationperson-blog · 6 years ago

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"pennsylvania insurance fraud hotline

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http://www.arnoldclark.com/detail.html?ac_reg=cc_z7zzceuy0c1uz99c&$ac_branch=&$ac_min=&$ac_variant=&$ac_trans=&$ac_type=&$ac_model=Z4&$ac_body=Convertible&$ac_doors=&$ac_max=&$ac_year=&$ac_cc=&$ac_fuel=&$ac_color=&$ac_miles=&$get_results=View%201%20Cars&$ac_make=BMW&$ac_sr=0&$ac_pp=10 I'm 18, and am considering buying this car. I'm not naive, I am aware the insurance will be very high as I'm a teenager and it's a sports car, but is there anyone here who works in the car insurance industry who can give me an estimate on how much insurance would cost me a year?""

""I am starting a Cleaning service, I need to be insured can some one help me find good affordable business ins?

I need to find a insurance company that will have some affordable business insurance it will only be my self and 1 other person please help!!!

Would you not get insurance for flea market?

Yesterday I asked about getting insurance and got great answers, but the county told me that I only needed the liability insurance with their name on it. My insurance company said in order to get that, I needed to also have each vendor show proof of insurance. The county said I didn't need that and someone else we know said we didn't need to have that either. I've got a call into my insurance company to ask them if that's something they will make me have in order to get the liability, but do you think we can just add them as an additionally insurance off our house liability insurance for this? I'm guessing that will cover me if someone gets hurt on the property, but I'd be taking a risk if someone gets hurt from a product being sold. Do I have this right? Do you think my insurance company will allow this?""

How can I get a car insurance quote if I'm under 18?

I don't have my license yet but a large part of what decides what car I can get depends on what the car insurance would cost. Since I am under 18 not of the car insurance websites will give me a quote and if i lie about my age it will change the cost. Any ideas?

17 UK Good insurance car... Please Help...?

Hello, I am 17 and live in the UK. I am learning to drive and hope to pass my test soon. I am looking to get a car when I pass my test. I do like larger cars like SUV's and pickups and compact crossovers but that is not to say that I do not like smaller cars. The problem is the fact that insurance cost a hell of a lot, ridiculous costs. There are many cars that I like but I would like a car that does not look to bad and that has good insurance for teens. I understand that SUV's/trucks will have higher MPG and higher insurance. So far my lowest and best insurance price is for a corsa from youngmarmalade (4.5k insurance but only pay 1.5k as I get cash back on car to put to insurance). Please can you help me with advise on cars pref suv/trucks that would be good for me and good on insurance. Thanks""

What is an insurance premium?

Is the insurance premium what you pay monthly for your insurance?

Medicare or other affordable health insurance?

I live in NYC, just moved here and need to find relatively affordable health insurance. Up till now was covered by plans through employers. Is Medicare decent coverage? Is it very different from others?""

Where can I get a good deal on my car insurance?

I passed my driving test about 4 days ago now and sooo badly want to get a car. I am looking at a ford fiesta 1.25 zetec which I have seen but have done some insurance quotes and its sooo expensive. Where and how can I find cheap car insurance. I am doing my pass plus next week and I am now 18. I have a mum and dad i could put on the insurance but they do not have any no claims as they drive a company car. So is there anyway I can get a good deal and where? HELP!!!!

How much to insure for drivers insurance?

Im 16, so I know it will be expensive. I will be getting a 4 Cyl car, either a Honda Prelude, Civic, Accord, Nissan 240sx, something along those lines. I took a drug and alcohol class which takes off 15% and then I got a B average which takes off another 10% can someone please tell me how much it would be a month? Thank you""

What are some cheap to insure (0-1500and cheap to buy (between 0-1000) that don't look like crap ?

i want a car for my 17th birth day to gop to college and work in but all the cars ive looked at are stupid prices to insure, any ideas ?""

How much car insurance could I expect to pay?

I'm 35, clean licence since I was 18 but never owned my own car. I'm thinking of getting a BMW 3 series, 2 or 3 doors, no more than 2 l, live in a safe area of Sheffield. Could anyone give me a ball park figure?""

Insurance Cost for Hyundai Elantra in Canada?

I'm 23 years old living in ontario canada, and I'm planning on buying a used 2004 hyundai elantra. I've taken driving school and now have g2 driving license. I'm looking for other people who have also bought the same car and around the same age as me, and I just wanna ask how much do you pay for your car insurance and what's the best (cheaper) company i should go for? Thanks =]""

Where to get online insurance quotes for health?

Where to get online insurance quotes for health? I should compare plans from major insurance company.

Why are my insurance quotes so high?

I live in New Jersey, Plan on buying a 2012 mazdaspeed3. I am 18, which of course will make my policy higher. Currently, my car insurance runs around 300/mo on my parents policy. I cannot join their policy with the new car as it will be registered to me. The following are the rates ive been quoted Progressive - 6 month policy, $5,000 + $1,200 due at start-up Cure - 6 month policy, 6,200 + 1100 due at start-up Liberty Mutural - 6 month - 5200 + 1500 start plymouth rock - 6 month - 2,2009 + 679 start Why are these all so expensive? and why do they only offer me 6 month policies? thanks in advance!""

How much (estimate) would car insurance on a Dodge Challenger se r/t & srt8 be for a 18 year old boy?

I want to know the estimate on a dodge challenger srt8 se r/t and see what the differences are in price. Guessing the srt8 is gonna be alot!!! please just estimate. THANK YOU!

Married Young and Health Insurance?

I am 19 and my fiance is 22. I have a few questions about health insurance. I am currently covered by my mom's health insurance provider and my fiance does not have health insurance currently. When we get married, what will be the best deal to get health insurance for both of us. Would I be able to stay on my moms until I am 26. I was just reading a few things. I will put the link here. Thanks! http://www.dol.gov/ebsa/faqs/faq-dependentcoverage.html""

""On Average, how many dollars per month would a 2 pt ticket add to my monthly insurance?""

If you have gotten one please tell me, I just want to see around how much they add :D""

Penalty for driving without car insurance?

What would happen if i were to get caught driving without insurance in california? I'm 17 years old. and a month. Just got my license a few days ago. My car is registered. And i of course have a clean driving record and half never been pulled over. The tags don't expire until august 2009

pennsylvania insurance fraud hotline

What car insurance do you have and do you like it?

I'm about to get my license and my parents asked me which insurance I want. I want to know your personal experience with your insurance company and would you recommend them? Judging by what my parents have explained to me so far I plan on getting full coverage not the bare minimum just because its cheaper (which is stupid in my opinion). Right now I'm driving our 2007 Mitsubishi eclipse but my parents plan on giving me the Saturn since the eclipse is more my moms car than mine. Do you know approximently what it will cost to insure the saturn. Also what do you think makes your insurance better than others?

Car insurance for men and women?

I passed my test Feb 2011 I've never had a car due to high insurance, so I did i check and went through a quote and mine came out at 3500 for a one liter x reg then I went back thrpugh and.just changed mr to miss and it went down almost 2000 then changed the date to a women just passing her test and it came out at 2600 why's it so high for men, and wasn't it ment to be changing to male and female having the same insurance?""

Whats the best way to check multiple car insurance quotes at once?

last time i got car insurance, i went to a broker type place, there, the guy used a website to find me the cheapest car insurance, do any of you know which website this is?""

What are three good life insurances in california?

i need specific details about these companies

Which is the type of insurance to avoid?

Which is the type of insurance to avoid? A- mortgage insurance B- identity theft insurance C- disability insurance Why?

How often do u have to pay for car insurance?

Acura TSX 2011

Can you have two insurance policies on one car?

My Dad has a classis car, I would like to use this car for a weekend, but as i am only 19 I cannot have classic car insurance so I cant go on as a named driver. Is there anyway I can insure this car for a weekend?""

Renewal of car insurance after accident?

I was in a car accident in Oct 2006, I was injured in the accident and still under medical treatment but insurance is now refusing to pay any medical bills and my 6 month renewal is up and I am wondering if I need to renew this because of being in a accident or not. If anyone has been through anything similar like this could you please advise. I was not at fault in this accident and I am waiting to hear from a lawyer. Any Advice? Serious answers only PLEASE!!""

""On average, how much does it cost professional liability insurance for a CPA?""

I want to start my own CPA practice. I am 50 yrs old. I want to know what costs are involved in the process. I am not aiming to nothing complicated. Just an accounting practice. How much does it cost, on average, the professional liability insurance for a new CPA?. I will be just myself. Thank you.""

""Affordable, student health insurances!?""

can anyone suggest me any affordable health insurances for me? im 20, don't smoke or drink, have no chronic condition or what so ever, if this helps. Just to ballpark the price range; because i really need new glasses and a dental checkup, thanks so much!""

Car insurance help please?

Can you give me a estimate on how much my car insurance would be if I get on by myself. I heard it'll be high. I'm 18, and have a Bonneville...thanks""

Insurance on SUVs?

How much is insurance on SUVs usually... like a Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo or a Chevrolet.. anyone know?

""On March 1, a business paid $3,600 for a twelve month liability insurance?""

On March 1, a business paid $3,600 for a twelve month liability insurance policy. On April 1 the same business entered into a two-year rental contract for equipment at a total cost of $18,000. Determine the following amounts: (2 pts. each answer) (a) insurance expense for the month of March (b) prepaid insurance as of March 31 (c) equipment rent expense for the month of April (d) prepaid equipment rental as of April 30""

Where can I find salvage motorcycles directly from the insurance company?

I'm interested in purchasing cheap parts bikes directly from the insurance companies after a wreck. I am mostly interested in Harleys and I don't have any interest in these gimmicky websites where you pay a fee and there are not a lot of bikes. I've looked at ebay but these are usually bikes being sold from the person who bought it from the insurance company (ie premium). There are some public auto auctions, but these are usually only limited to dealers. But maybe that is my only choice?""

Would my parents car insurance go up if i crash?

if i crash and im on learners permit, would it go up? because i called my insurance agent and he said i dont need to be listen as a driver ill be insured. i live in california btw if that matters.""

Right now Im on my parent's car insurance policy b/c im 17 but im looking to move out soon?

Can someone please tell me how much your car insurance goes up once you are on you own plan. im paying 360 every three months now.

How much would car/motorbike insurance cost me?

My parents decided to move out somewhere where I have no tube connection and need to take stupid bus or train everywhere and it would take me ages to see my boyfriend which would live then like just 25 minutes away from me but 1h 10minutes by public transport. So here is my question, I'm only 18 and I want to know how much would car insurance cost me, if it's a lot then I was thinking about getting scooter or motorbike but I'm sure those need insurance too so how much would that be too ??""

What and who has the Cheapest car insurance for a 2005 Mustang?

i am getting a 2005 Ford mustang, and i wan to know who has the cheapest insurance for a mustang. thx""

Fun *cheap* summer vehicle in Ontario?

What's up guys; 19 year old college student here with the summer off. I already have a job, car, and apartment, and I'm looking for a cheap summer vehicle that would be fun to drive around. I've considered a small sportsbike, but due to my young age the insurance is an absolute killer. So, I was looking at scooters. No insurance, cheap to buy (about $600), and pretty fun to drive around. They won't keep up with traffic, sure, but it'd still be an interesting ride. (Too dorky?) Any other recommendations for a cheap, fun summer vehicle?""

About how much does insurance cost for BudgetTruck Rental?

Can someone give me a ballpark on how much insurance would cost for Plan 2 Supplemental Liability Insurance (SLI) on budgettruck.com I need a 16' moving truck in a Columbus, Ohio suburb up to Toledo area""

How much is car insurance for a 25 year old female?

How to transfer car loan to my name?

My boyfriend has gotten a dui recently and his insurance went up like crazy tripling how much he use to pay. To avoid paying for the high insurance rate for the next 4 or so years, he suggested that he transfer his Wachovia car loan to me. How do I go about to doing that? Do I contact Wachovia first? Do I then have to get a car loan from the bank for the remaining amount of his car? By the way, my credit score is excellent. Thanks your answers.""

""50% fault accident, but my insurance did not need to pay. Will my rate be affected?""

I was recently involved into an accident in a mall parking lot. My car was damaged and the other driver's car was not. I filed a claim with their insurance and received 50% of my claim as they determined comparable negligence, 50% fault . The other driver did not file a claim, and my insurance company did not pay any money to anyone. Will my rate be affected by this accident?""

Car insurance help!!?

So about a month and a half ago, someone kicked my car at night and left a big dent. I was stupid and called insurance and they gave me two options: fix the car or take a cash settlement. However, no matter what I do, my monthly insurance rate is going to go up even though it was not my fault. I think this is ridiculous and not worth it and I just want to cancel the claim. But I have been told that once a claim is put in, there's nothing you can do and once you hit three claims, your overall premium goes way up. What do I do? Should I just stop contacting the insurance company and after a while they have to close the claim? I wanted to sell the car this week but I guess that adds too many complications...""

Can I get a job at a car insurance place at 16?

I want to work so then my car insurance would be cheaper

pennsylvania insurance fraud hotline

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/tuscaloosa-alabama-cheap-car-insurance-quotes-zip-35487-paula-petty/"

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alivurun · 7 years ago

Text

Life with Stage II Kidney Cancer Sub-Type Chromophobe

I had been having bouts of extreme pain in my right side on and off for over a year. Sometimes the pain would be so bad that I would literally fall to the floor. Other times, when in class, I would have to slide way down in the seat and stretch my legs out straight, praying it would just subside enough for me to get down the notes I needed. I was 47, had already been diagnosed as having fibromyalgia, and kept thinking it was one of the 50 different ways that condition tries to interfere with living. As a disabled vet, I only had to cross campus to see my primary healthcare provider at the local VA hospital. Again and again I went over to the Women's Clinic, reporting the pain that would come and go. Eventually, I was seen in the GYN Clinic and a uterine fibroid was diagnosed. During Thanksgiving break, I went in for what was to be ambulatory surgery, in and out the same day, and spent a week recovering from having my abdomen cut open to find the bleeder that almost took my life. At least the fibroid was gone, and with it one ovary that had been so laden with cysts they hung off it like Christmas tree ornaments. Slowly, I recovered. I'd had lots of cysts removed over the years (inside and on the surface of my body), and even had to have a radical subcutaneous mastectomy because of a severe fibrocystic condition in my breasts years earlier. I just figured this was another such case. Unfortunately, the pain in my side continued coming back. I kept going over to the VA hospital, and had more than one doctor tell me that while they could understand my concern, my mother having died of ovarian cancer, they couldn't find anything wrong. Eventually meeting my goal of graduating with my B.A. before the end of the century (it only took me 30 years to get the thing!), I started looking for work, and tried not to dwell on this stupid pain. It didn't last long, it didn't bother me often, it just really bothered me a lot when it hit. "I could live with it," seemed to be what the doctors thought, and I guess I finally got worn down to thinking the same way. Five months passed. At last I got a job on campus in my major, and excitedly looked forward to starting this new phase of my life. The week before I was to start working, my best friend flew out from California to Florida, and took me on a 4-day jaunt down to the Keys. We had such a relaxing time. On our way back to Tampa, stopped at a gas station in Naples, I went in to use the Ladies, and my urine was the color of red wine. I'd had a few bladder infections, and this wasn't like they had been. I started the pills prescribed for a bladder infection, but wasn't feeling so good. I had none of the symptoms I'd come to associate with that condition: no pressure to urinate, no burning when urinating, no feeling of fullness in my abdomen. Instead, I felt more and more rundown, which didn't jive with the excitement I felt at work. Again, I thought maybe this was the fibromyalgia acting on the increased stress of having a job. I was learning that fibromyalgia flare-ups often are indicators of there being something wrong nearby. But I had been anemic before, and when the clinic called to say my urine test had come back negative for an infection, something pushed me to say I thought I was anemic, and needed more tests. Thank God for listening to that voice. The next day I went in for tests that took up most of the day: lab work, a CT scan, an abdominal X-ray. The X-ray was last, and I noticed several people gathered around the film that was shortly taken down as I was told to report back to the clinic. My primary healthcare provider had been taking care of me for 3 1/2 years by then, and had seen me through many things, including a ruptured Achilles tendon. The staff in the clinic had my unflagging loyalty. Other doctors in other clinics had sometimes given me attitude when they couldn't find any medical cause of my complaints, but the women in the clinic had always listened and tried to get me taken care of. I don't think I could have gotten through the university without their care and support, so when Jane reached out to hold my hand before speaking, I knew the news wasn't good. I had already lost all my family, had been unable to have children because of being raped and injured as a child, and now I was in jeopardy of losing myself. I just knew it. I tried to backpedal from imminent disaster by saying, "Okay, so this has just been much ado about nothing, right?" All the time knowing that my life was about to change. "I am so sorry, Dawn," Jane said. "You have gone through so much already, and you really don't need this. You were right, you are anemic. The reason you are is because of a tumor on your right kidney, and the doctors I've talked to have said that about 90% of these tumors are cancerous. You are going to have to have your kidney removed." I sat there, feeling the skin on my body contract and start crawling, as though it wanted nothing more than to escape what was to come. I already called myself Frankenstein's Bride, and now I was going to have even more reason to wonder why any guy would ever want to hold me close, if I even lived long enough to find someone to care for. Jane showed me the picture from the X-ray where it looked as though my kidney was a baseball glove holding a ball. The tumor was the size of a large navel orange, and I couldn't wait to get it out of me. The next week I met with the surgeon. He had taught at the University of Pittsburgh Medical School for 7 years, and reassured me he would be able to take this away. Good, I thought, cause I sure don't want it in me any longer than it has to be. Unfortunately, the surgery schedule was packed, and it would be a 6-week wait. My roommate was a leukemia survivor and a close friend, and it surprised me that oftentimes she seemed even more frightened of this disease than I was. I didn't realize then how this had her revisiting her own trial. Before hearing that I may have kidney cancer, I didn't even know there was such a thing. I needed to know more, and with six weeks to wait had plenty of time to find out all I could. I didn't do as much work as I could have those weeks of waiting, but I did find Steve Dunn's CancerGuide, and that led me to the KIDNEY-ONC list, and there I found facts and hope. Any question my fear bubbled up in my brain, someone would have an answer for. I began to think that things would just possibly work out okay. This disease was a beast, but eventually, I would learn how to dance with it. Plenty of caregivers and others with RCC told me so. When I woke up from the nephrectomy, I honestly thought someone had tried to cut me in two, and hadn't quite finished the job. I lay still for two days before I could get out of bed. In time, I got my surgical report and found out that I had lost not one, but two ribs. The bulge in my side would not go away with time and healing. I now had a curve in on one side, and a curve out on the other. My feminine vanity winced every time I looked in the mirror, but I was alive. I still had a pain in my side from the strong suturing needed to close the vena cava and aorta that had led into and out of my kidney. In time that pain faded. My surgeon told me at 6-months I could consider myself cured, and having stayed with the list, I knew enough by then to know that was simply not true. I could never consider myself cured, even if the RCC never metastasized. For the rest of my life, I would need to have tests, checking. I wrote a five-paragraph concise letter to the man, telling what I had learned, what I needed, and disputing his claim of a cure. I began the 6-month cycle of tests which would continue for the next two years, and I have never had to meet with that particular doctor again. One day a year and a half after my neph, I got a call at work from my VA caseworker over at the Federal building in St. Petersburg. An intern had been going through records, making sure everything was as it should be with them, and had noticed a discrepancy. Although I'd been rated at 60% disabled from the time of my discharge from the Navy eight years earlier, I had been paying a portion of my monthly disability back every month to what had been called severance pay when discharged, but was in fact an advance on future disability pay. Only those above 50% don't pay it back. In two days, $19,000 was being deposited into my checking account. I could get a car, I could pay off bills, I could go to Disney World! At Christmas time, my roommate and I were finally feeling we could celebrate the holidays. She'd never been to Disney World, and we spent 3-nights at one of the Disney resorts, and had a wonderful time. This was only a few months after the tragedy of 9/11, and it seemed as though we had all of the parks to ourselves. What a treat! I sent a postcard of Mickey with the American flag to the White House, telling the president we had heard his message of how important it was for us citizens to go about our lives. He was right about that. Two and a half months later, as I was spending a few weeks with my best friend, Valerie, in California with and her two kids, my godchildren, I got a call. My roommate had gotten off the bus on her way home from work, and had been struck and killed crossing the road. Again, my life was changing. How glad I was in the days and weeks to come that we had spent that time together in Orlando. I went home, and began the process of living completely alone. I did pretty well during the time it took to close up the life of my friend. I packed up and sent off the things she'd wanted her daughter and grandkids to have. I contacted the Junior League of Women, Goodwill, and friends to give her things to those who could make use of them. I wrote her eulogy and held a memorial service. And then, I fell apart. For the next year, I went to work and then got back into bed, not getting out until it was time to go back to work. I cried all the time. I couldn't stand going anywhere we'd been together, although I would try, but end up leaving in tears. Finally, I began taking RCIA (the Rite of Catholic Initiation for Adults) classes at the local Catholic Church. I started to live again, make new friends, and emerge from the shroud of grief that had been suffocating me. I joined the choir and became a cantor. I got a new job with an increase in pay. I rejoined the race. I reached three years with No Evidence of Disease (NED), and finally was able to ask to see the results of the tests and break away from figuring if it was bad news they'd let me know. I learned I had numerous cysts in my liver, but was told when I asked, that is not uncommon. I've kept reading, and recently found out that for the sub-type of RCC I have, chromophobe, the liver is more likely to be the site it metastasizes to than with clear cell. I have my annual physical in a week, and will be bringing this information to my new primary healthcare giver. I will once again stand firm and ask that additional tests are added to those done once a year, checking to see that my liver is functioning well and true. Like most of us diagnosed with this disease, I've asked "why me?" Maybe it was some genetic precursor; maybe it was being 50-80 pounds overweight for a few years; maybe it was all of the petrochemicals I handled as a jet mechanic in the Navy, all of which had warnings printed on the top of the containers that exposure to the skin could cause organ damage. Who knows? As of yet, no one. Eventually, I quit worrying about why, and began to focus on fighting back. Whatever I have to do to keep the beast in check, I will do. It can't be trusted, and I know that. This life belongs to me, and no one or nothing is going to take it away from me without a fight. I still haven't found anyone to hold me close, but that doesn't mean I don't have people to care for or who care for me. Life is good. I have made friends I've never met on the KIDNEY-ONC list, but one day I'll get to a convention with KCA and will meet them, face to face, heart to heart, and give away hugs that will mean more to me than I have words to express.

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