#i guess i dont need to say i'm scared of the week ahead

[ssmokyquartz]

okay so I was doing a weekly spread and the craziest thing happened. here's some of the cards and the positions:

something to remember: the fool

a lesson to learn: death

a gift: the tower (???)

in a way, all of these cards represent closure and change and breaking cycles and being able to welcome the new. while I was journaling about these cards, a freaking butterfly came in and flew around me and my room??? (if you don't know butterflies represent metamorphosis and change)

[indigo474]

Oct 15th- sunday funday

I've been nothing but tired and hungry all weekend. I've been sleeping really good and eating healthy food. lots of protein and veggies. i was tempted to order out tonight but decided against it. My body- oh my body.. I woke up with my back hurting.. and me being sore. i'm guessing from packing and picking up boxes and moving things here and there. i was thinking this must be how people feel when they complain about being/getting old. i did go for a run- it wasn't the best- my body just feels worn out. I got a lot done today... mostly everything is packed- i have a lot of clothes and a lot of shoes. too much- i think i will be unpacking forever.... I had to repack all of the old photo albums. i was able to skim through them without crying. i did get emotional when i found a picture of my Mom and Grandmom- ohh how i miss her. she was smiling big in the picture. thats the thing about pictures- they show the good times- the birthday parties and the holidays. everyone's happy and smiling.. how many nights did i sit in the front room scared to even move.. i would sit on the couch frozen waiting for him to go to bed so i could go in the kitchen and clean up from dinner. how great of a mom could i have been? I was there but not really there.. ahh and the more i'm able heal the more i realize how sick i was.. i just didnt know it.. and this is where self forgiveness come in.. the absolute hardest thing i have done and have to do is forgive myself-it's not something that is done once and move on.. oh no- it's just like everything else on this journey- the healing happens a little at a time.. it's a spiral.. things that would have floored me in the past.. no longer do. bit by bit- day by day.. i'm no longer clawing my way out of a black hole.. pain comes- pain goes.... sit with it, feel it, let it change you and let it go. weird i saw something today that i saw in a dream.. a procession of sorts.. i still don't know what i saw- in my dream i asked- what are they doing- who did i ask? I dont know, but i got an answer.. today i asked myself- i wonder what they are doing- very strange to me.. seeing something in my dreams and seeing it in real life. it's not the first time its happened. hopefully it wont be the last. its always odd- holy shit i dreamed this.. i fucking saw this in my dreams-it's normal in a sense because i'm seeing it for the 2nd time- and its happening.. but is it really normal? Someone said to me in casual conversation, yeah its like when birds fly into your car.. i didnt say anything at the time but i was like wow that happens to you to?? a few weeks later i asked her if she remembered saying that to me and she said yes it happens to me all the time.. i told her it happens to me too. I asked her if it was normal and she said she didn't know, i asked her if she thinks it happens to other people and she said she didnt know.. i told her i thought it only happened to me until she said it happens to her. she said weird stuff happens to her all the time.. me too, me too.

I cant believe this is really happening... i need to find someone that knows how do stuff. I need a new garbage disposal.. and a battery back up for the sump pump.. maybe i can do it by watching a few youtube videos. maddy is worried about money.. i am not. not yet anyway.. i dont want to worry... i want to enjoy this time in my life.. i want to enjoy my life period.. no worries.. just love .. its all going to workout.. all of it.. good things good things.. i have to believe in something.. i have to believe that what's ahead of me is much much better than that is behind me.. i haven't lived my best days yet. busy busy week..

[el-dibidibidorado1]

Baby's lollipops

Chapter 1

Steve Rogers x plus size reader

Warnings: smutty

AN: Sorry for the delay my phone screen broke and i have to use my old phone for a while. Hope you enjoy.

Hey you. What are you doing here?" I asked stocking the last of the double sided lollipops. Very popular here.

"I just came to see how my friend and her new boyfriend are getting along." I laughed at Ophelia and tossed her a box of edible underwear for her to stock. She sometimes comes and helps me to get a little more cash in her pocket.

It had been a couple of months since Steve and I had our ice cream date and I've never been so happy. The only thing that has been giving me problems is the tension between us when we have our heavy makeout sessions. Soon as Steve slips his hand down my back I panic and push him off.

"So what's the problem? Scared that he splits you in half." I gasped and threw her a toy making her squirm away.

"No! That's not the problem!" She wiggled her eyebrows.

"So you like them-"

"Ophelia I swear to god that I'm going to kick you ass" she laughed, I've only done it once and I was drunk as hell. I also remembered everything that happened, he was nice and all, but let's say that he didn't last long. How disappointing that night was.

"So what's the dealio?" She began playing with one of the toys like if it was a lightsaber.

"Stop it. And soon as his hand touches my lower back I freak out." I take the toy away and continued stocking but this time more annoyed.

"Y/n he likes you! Like a lot. Plus poor man, you are giving him blue balls." I guess he does like me a lot. No guy has brought me flowers for a whole week or waited until I got out of work so he could take me to dinner or home.

"Y/n. You got a costumer." The bell kept on ringing making me rush to the counter and attending the couple.

"Enjoy" i said and noticed the familiar head of hair facing away from me. He was looking at some Male underwear that had an elephant face on them.

"Need any help, sir?" He jumped and smiled making my heart skip.

"No, no thank you ma'am." I walked over to his open arms and he engulfed me in warmness.

With tip toes I managed to get a kiss earning another smile from him.

"Whatcha looking at?"

"I was just wondering how men get into these." his confused face looked so adorable and it made me chuckle at his confusion.

"Um, you put the underwear on but the man thingy goes into the trunk of the elephant"

His surprised face made me laugh.

"What's so funny?" Ophelia came out to investigate my laughter.

"Nothin just looking" steve said letting me go. We went back to stocking and attending a couple of customers until it was lunch time.

"Where should we go?" Ophelia asked placing the last box of flavored warming lube on the shelf. The store looked nice and stocked ready for the next employee to fuck up as she just brings in friends to stir a mess up.

"Subway?" I shook my head as we had that the other day.

"How bout that place where Tony likes to go?"

"Shawarma?" Steve said putting on his coat and helping me with mine.

"Yeah, we haven't been there for a while."

"Okay let's go!"

We arrived at the restaurant and enjoyed our food but it only lasted for a while until I had to get back to work.

"Are you going back to the shop?" Ophelia nodded but Steve was interrupted by his phone.

"Not me. I have to head back, Captain America duties." He leaned in and kissed me goodbye and ran off.

"Don't forget dinner at my place!" I yelled.

"How could I forget?!"

"Ooooh you guys gonna get it on?"

"Alright, you better run before I officially kick that fat ass!" I ran after her like when we where little. But now that she had brought that up, she is right, he's waited for a while now. Maybe now it's a good time, with a little liquor or wine maybe it would make it easier. I really want him but I'm just self conscious about, me.

"Earth to y/n" Ophelia waves her hand in front of my face. Panicked I look at the clock and noticed that I had another hour before I have to close.

"What's a matter?" I touch my face and sigh deeply. Obviously nervous about what is going to happen!

"Just tired" that's not a lie I've been working full shifts, the boss is in vacation so she trusts me more than the others.

Thank God that I have a day off tomorrow!

"How about, you.." she points at me "go ahead and I'll close. Its only another hour, I know how to use the cash regester and I'll just give you your key tomorrow, how does that sound?" Without hesitation I hug her and get ready to leave.

"You sure?" I have to make sure. She second guess herself often.

"Three...two.." she began counting making me rush out of the shop.

Going to the nearest store I buy a couple of wine coolers and a pizza on the way home.

I took a bath and got clean for him. Today is the day! Today is the day........and he's late. Its 8:37 and our dinner was at 7:00.

I grabbed my phone and texted him

You forgot

I reheated the cold pizza and drank two of the wine coolers. This is the second time he's late and I understand that he is an avenger but a text would be nice. Ah maybe I'm just being dramatic about it.

I went to sleep leaving my window cracked as he liked seeking in.

"I'm late" looking up at her apartment I noticed the lights out. She's probably asleep now, dammit as soon as I saw the text I bolted out of there. Homework with Tony and Bruce always makes me forget the things that I have to do.

"Fuck" I mumbled. I was about to walk back to the tower when I saw her window cracked. I jumped onto the tree and climbed up.

"Oh my.." looking into the window I found her sleeping in those lace underwear that she sells at the shop and a t-shirt that I use.

I open the window and slowly slide in.

"Doll?" I kinda hope that she's awake.

A breeze made me smell the perfume that I love.

"Doll?" I slipped out of my suit, still in my boxers and got in bed.

"Doll, I'm sorry I'm late" I whispered taking in her scent and figure.

She hummed and turned around wrapping herself against me.

"You forgot" she mumbled half asleep.

"You look gorgeous" she opened her eyes and smiled.

"You too" she brought her lips to mine making me fall into a frenzy mood. I wanted her. I wanted her badly.

I pulled her over my lap still having my lips on hers.

The feeling of the lace of her underwear and her smooth warm skin made my blood rush into my legs.

"Tell me to stop" I groaned digging my fingers into her thighs.

"No, not tonight. I need you" she panted against my neck.

"You sure?" I made her look at me. Her pupils where dilated, heartbeat loud and the smell of her perfume getting mixed with her natural sent.

"Y-yes"

I layed her on her back while I got in between her thick legs. Gently running my index finger across the lace making her shiver.

"Let's take this off" her arms rose as I bunch up the shirt and threw it next to my uniform. Her arms covered herself.

"Come here" I mumbled bringing her closer. I spread her arms and tangled my fingers with hers leaning in to kiss the top of her breast. She looked beautiful. I kept on kissing and showing her my love.

Testing my limits i slowly slid my hand into her panties. Her eyes closed and she swallows thickly. She was wet and warm making me grow harder by the second.

------

I felt him aganst my thigh, he's bigger than i thought.

"Can i?" He asked tugging my panties. Oh god the lust in his eyes made nod. I felt myself clenching at nothing and it made me want him more.

As he pulled them off i clashed my lips with his and i pulled his boxers down with my legs. I felt him begining to rub himself against my core.

"I need you...i need you now" my panting speed up.

"But, i don't want to hurt you" he pulled away making me whine.

"You won't." With the strengh i never knew i had i pushed him off and sat on his thighs, grabbing him and began stroking him. A sweet low moan rolled off his lips.

Embarrassing, but some of the videos that i had to put on taught me something. I continued using that hand twisting technique making him moan.

"Stop-oh god stop" his knuckles cracked when he gripped the covers.

"Im going to cum if you dont stop" he choked and a smile appeared on my face and i stopped my movements. He took deep breaths while he rubbed my thighs, trying to get me to get closer to his cock. I gladly obliged.

A soft moan sliped out of me when his hottness touched my core again. I slowly moved my hips when he sat up straight. He wraps his arms around me making me speed up. The quiet wet sound made blush fill my cheeks.

"Cum, cum so i can be inside you" his talk made my pleasure skyrocket and i felt the tight coil snap.

"Oh god!" I brought him closer using all my grip to ease my pleasure. Once more i found myself on my back with Steve hovering over me.

"Ready" he said. The lust in his eyes grew ans i realized that what he asked wasn't a question.

He touches my core ans began spreading my wetness around his cock. Looking down i felt his tip moving againt my entrance. I felt his eyes on me and i looked up, after a few seconds i felt pressure and a bit of sting hit me. Once he was all in i found myself enjoying the strech and pressure he gave.

"Move" i whimper. He pulled out and shoved himself in making me cry in pleasure. His speed was speeding up each stroke. His grunts and growls made me want him more. I just kept on ttying to keep my moans and whimpers down just to hear his.

"You feel so good and tight around me" he threw his head back and i kept on raking my nails on his back.

"Don't stop" i cried. His movements speed up more it felt unhuman. A new feeling bubled up in my stomach.

"Steve im going to cum" i told him and he replied that he was close too.

"Just. A. Few. More" he groaned throwing his head back as i felt pleasure take over and i clenched him. Second later i felt his cock twitch and warmth filled me up.

"Better than i thought" he kissed my lips and slowly pulled out looking at his mess with a smirk.

"I'll be back" he went to my bathroom and brought a wet cloth and helped me clean up. He layed next to me bringing me close.

"I'm a bit hungry" he said making me chuckle.

"Lucky for you..." i rolled over to tje desk next fo me and opened one of the boxes from work. "I got to bring home a box of these." I pulled out one of the double sided lolipops.

Taking off the wrapper i gave him the apple flavored side while i got the strawberry side and i layed comfortably next to him again.

"This aren't that bad." I nod and we began talking about anything again. I was too comfortable in his arms to notice his knee rubbing against my core again.

"Wanna go again" he bit his side of the candy and taking mine out placing it on the night stand.

"Hell yeah" he kissed my lips getting on top of me again.

This is going to be a long night. I don't mind it.

[blake-bellamyblake]

The bet.

I was new in town and oh boy don't I just know it. The amount of stares I received for being the new girl at school was getting ridiculous. There was the usual crowds the jocks, the popular girls, band geeks, and.. well.. there was me.

I was never good in social situations so fitting it was never my strong point. Nor was I ever desperate enough to make myself fit into these stereotypes. I live with my older sister as my parents died when we was little! She had no choice but to look after me. Her names emma and we are the complete opposite of each other! She's into all the new fashions and trends, plans her outfits religiously the night before, where as i really just shove on any old thing in my wardrobe at last minute. emma recently got a job working as a receptionsist at the yellow tower? Or was it the white tower! I really should start to listen. So here we are, where my story begins at hemlock grove!

**It was the usual day at school boring lessons and sitting by myself at lunch time. This repeated for the next 3 weeks. Untill I met letha. She was blonde, skinny and my god was she beautiful. We became really close and exchanged numbers. We would text each other all day and night. We really hit it off. I always thought to my self why did she befriend me?

letha introduced me to them. Roman godfrey and Peter Rumancek. Meeting them was the biggest mistake of my life. Let me rewind the story a bit.

It all started off great, 3 new friends we did everything together. I met them as letha was having a small quiet gathering at her house. Her mum and dad went out for the weekend so we had the place to ourselfs. I arrived first at letha' s house she gave me my go to drink vodka n coke, Helps with the nerves. She told me she had two other friends coming over. Never in my mind would I thought it would be boys. I mean I wasn't a virgin or anything i had my fair share of trouble when it came to boys. And trouble was soon to find me again.

********************************************

Flash back

Letha: "Y/N this is roman, my cousin.

Holy shit

he was breath taking. Tall, dark and handsome. Definatly handsome you thought to yourself.

"hi roman nice to meet you my name's Y/N" you replied back hoping he didn't notice you staring wide eyed at him.

Peter came walking through the door way moments after. Phew. This was awkward.

We all exchanged pleasantries and chatted away like we'd known each other for years.

The drinks was flowing and the drinking games began. truth or dare like we were 15 year olds again. I should of noticed or realised something was up at this point but couple of drinks is enough to wipe out my "somethings not right here" part of my brain. I should of seen the smirk from Peter. Moments later roman and Peter left the room leaving me with letha.

*************

Peter: so I've got an idea...more of a bet really

Roman: go on?

Peter: I bet you can't, get Y/N to fall in love with you

Roman: and why would I want to do that? She's not exactly my type.

Peter: scared she's gonna resit you?

Roman: not a chance! I'm in! How long do I have?

Peter: 4 months.

The boys returned back to the living room and the game of truth or dare continued. You kept noticing roman staring at you from the corner of your eye. What's his problem you thought

Peter: Roman! Its your turn..truth or dare

Roman chuckles realising what Peter is trying to do. Dare he replied.

Peter: umm I dare you.. to umm.. kiss...... Y/N.

You nearly chocked on your drink upon hearing your name. WHAT. Oh god.

You couldn't make eye contact just sat there silent I mean you wasn't going to dismiss the idea but infront of everyone glaring. Awks

Your palms became clammy as you saw the tall silhouette walking towards. Oh god. Oh god.

Roman knelt down infront of you asking for your permission to go ahead.

You just nodded your head as he slowly made his way towards your lips. He surprised you. He held your face gently as he kissed you. He moved away to take a breath before coming back for more. Looking at him you didn't think it would feel like this, you imagined in that split second it would be rushed and rough.

Peter and letha started giggling and cheering behind you which made you come back to reality.

Letha: okay guys let's get on with the game I don't want to see you two necking on all night. She laughed

You felt you cheeks flush. Holy shit that was amazing.

Roman sat beside you instead of returning back to his seat. Your hand was touching the floor as you knelt on your knee' s watching letha and Peter get dared numerous of funny stuff.

You could of sworn he kept gliding over your hand on purpose. Was he trying to get a reaction out of you? Or was this just the alcohol. Probably the alcohol you thought.

Next day:

You Had just gotten off the bus when you saw Letha run up to you and gave you the biggest hug and whispered something in your ear, you wasn't able to catch what she said so you made a mental note to ask her later. Before she dragged you off to first period.

You was sat next to a lovely guy called james and you helped him with the science questions as he repeatedly told you he didn't understand no matter how hard you explained it to him. You spent the majoirty of the lesson laughing together untill you both had tears in your eyes. The Bell was just about to go so you packed all your belongings up And that's when you saw him. glaring at you from the doorway. Eyes fixated on you which made you nervous seriously what is his problem and that stare!

Roman: Who was that

um james, he's really nice you replied

Roman: ok well fuck him, I'm taking you out tonight be ready for 8, wear something hot babe He winked as he said 'babe'

Y/N: What? Wait roman

Too late he had disappeared into the crowds. What does this mean you thought and babe seriously you rolled your eyes and rushed off to go find letha to tell her what just happened.

Y/N: you never guess what ... you began to say

Before letha interrupted you "he likes you Y/n" she spat out all giddy

What? Is all you managed to string out.

Roman! He likes you. he wouldn't stop talking about you after you left and kept asking me places where he should take you.

You didn't know what to say you just sat there trying to take it all in. He likes me? You kept repeating in your head HE LIKES ME you tried to play it cool and act like you wasn't interested. Lies all lies. You was beyond bursting with excitement.

School ended and you and letha rushed back to your house and raided your sisters wardrobe in preparation for your date.

8pm soon arrived and there he was standing infront of his red car wearing black skinny jeans and A white shirt. Fuck! Your knees nearly bookeld at the sight of him.

"wow you look beautiful Y/N" Roman stated as he held the car door open for you. Wow what a gentleman. He took us to a restaurant which he had booked out for just us, a nice romantic candlit dinner it was perfect. I mean I knew he had money but I didn't think he was this rich.

The rest of the night was perfect you didn't want it to end. He dropped you off and walked you to your front door.

Night baby he winked before planting a kiss on you.

*******

Since that night you and roman had become inseparable. You began dating not long after your first date it was just coming up to 4 months. Things were perfect and you was the happiest you've ever been. Roman was the perfect boyfriend and was forever complimenting you and showing you affection. You had no reason to doubt him right?

Soon came around our 4 month anniversary and roman had planned a weekend away. Nothing warmed your heart more when roman took hold of your hand and gently looked at you, it was almost like he was nervous. You laughed at the thought of roman being nervous he always acted so in control.

Y/N I wanted to bring you here to make it a night to remember, to show how much you mean to me! I never thought I would ever... Umm. ..I never thought I could.

What's wrong roman. you cut him off? Why was he stuttering over his words.

Roman: I'm in love with you Y/N

Those words made your heart flutter, you thought you was going to be sick from bursting with happiness

Y/N: I love you too roman godfrey

With hearing you say it back to him he threw his arms around your face kissing you over and over, slowly at first then getting more passionate.

************************

On the return home you rang letha and told her everything that had happened and how roman had confessed his love for you. She was so happy for us! Spent the night chatting untill you both fell asleep.

After school you went round to Romans house as you did everyday. It got to the point you didn't knock anymore you just let your self in, you spent a short while talking to shelly and Olivia before heading off to find roman.

You walked down the many corridors of the godfrey mansion before over hearing talking it was roman and Peter.

they hadn't noticed you hovering around so you decided to hide and see what kind of stuff boys spoke about. Lame I know

You wish you didn't.

Peter: I can't believe you actually won man

Peter: What did she say when you told her you loved her? Peter began laughing. Oh come on roman don't go all quiet on me now.

Roman: Peter stop I need..

Peter cut off roman before he could finish.

You best not be going soft on me now you agreed to this bet.

What. The. Fuck. You felt as if your heart was gonna split in two right then.

" what bet" you came from hiding behind the door. " WHAT BET" you didn't realise you had began shouting.

Peter with a smug look on his face declared" I put on a bet with roman to see if he could get you to fall in love with him"

Roman looked paler than ever, just stood there staring at you.

The tears began falling from your eyes as you rushed out the door.

"Y/N WAIT" roman screamed chasing after you " BABY WAIT"

you stopped and turned around " dont ever call me that again roman" you exclaimed!

Y/N please let me explain, roman said in a low voice

"Explain what? That you did all this for a stupid bet! I love you roman" the last few words were more of a muble as your voice became shaking as the tears kept pouring.

" I did at first ...do it as a bet, but I soon fell in love with you Y/N that part was all true, I know you don't believe me right now but your the only person who's ever made me feel like this. I forgot about the bet with Peter untill just then when I told him about our weekend away and that I told you I loved you" Roman pleaded his voice now becoming as weak and pathetic as yours.

You noticed tears slowly falling his cheek.

" I can't forgive you Roman, it's over.. we're over"

And with that you ran down the corridor and out of the mansion running as fast as your legs could take you. Running anywhere as long as your now weakened body would take you.

Roman watched you leave as he fell to the floor his heart was truly breaking! He really did love you. He knows he should of told you about the bet, but how could he?

*******

This was the day roman godfrey broke my heart in two.