#i got surprised by songs i knew and not from nightvale

[boyitspasturbedtime]

Why do ppl love the moon. The moon is always there. It always follows u. I had a flash back today. Back during my freshman year of high school. I was overwhelmed by life. I was overwhelmed by my classes. I was overwhelmed by the people in my classes. I thought my life was being ruined. I struggled. I dreaded going to school. I was only for the first week, but I remember the first week the most. I remember feeling trapped. I would cry. I cried and cried. I cried at night because it was the only break I had from the day. My life was so busy and I just broke down while watching How I Met Your Mother. I cracked. I knew I had to go to school the next day. And it made me cry. I couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle high school. And crying helped for the time being. I don't cry very often. I like crying, but I can never seem to do it. I don't have that power. I wish I could cry. I wish I was crying right now, but I never cry. I do, but I don't. I cry when I am hurt. Severely. I don't cry often, but every time I do, I remember. When I cry, I think about how constricting the world is. When I was a junior in high school, I didn't cry. I couldn't, and I don't know why. I didn't cry that entire year. I thought I could cry, so I got angry instead. I took my books, and I threw them against the wall. I was violent and I let me emotions out be screaming. Yelling. I couldn't cry, and I was mad about it. I wish I could cry. I want to cry because it feels good. It makes me feel better. I like when I can let my face be distorted. I think feeling off edge. Can you die from stress? I stress a lot. Probably too much. I don't relax. I relaxed for a while and it made me depressed. Then it made me more stressed. I did not like that cycle. It was sadness. The current cycle I'm on is happiness. My leg is aching. I tell myself it's growing pains, and maybe it is. Goddammit. I want to stop growing. I'm happy w/ this height. It's good for me. It's good for dancing. I did a move in dance class today and my professor made me do it again for everyone to watch. He's done that more than once. I did a spin. Sometimes he makes me practice while everyone is looking. I love doing it. I love when I am the focus. I love the pressure. I live for pressure. I want to blush. I don't blush anymore. I'm not scared when I'm on stage anymore. The last time I was nervous for a performance on stage was when I was ten years old. It was my first time on stage and all I can remember is being nervous behind the curtain. I saw the stage lights peeking under the curtain. They opened and I looked out into the audience. It was a full house. I was surprised. People actually came. People actually wanted to see me sing and dance. So, I did that for them. I was only scared for the first show. I am comfortable when people watch me. I am more comfortable when people watch me. It's like I'm isolated. It's the isolation I enjoy the most. I have the most power, and no one can stop me. All the eyes are on me. This is why I want to be on a stage for my life. This is why I want to make my voice heard. It's just so comfortable when someone is listening. I hope someone is listening. I hope someone will notice something about me that I didn't notice. I audition. I know my strengths. I'm interested in the director who sees my potential not my strengths. A director's job is to unleash that potential. I audition and I hope to show my potential. We both know my strengths, but can I grow? Can I find more strengths? I could have sticker with running. I was good at running. One of the best, but I don't want to run anymore. I'm not the best at dancing, so why do I want to dance? Why am I compelled to do the hardest things? Why do I want to go into the most competitive field? What draws me to that? Why why why why why. I like typing on my phone because I am much faster than my keyboard. Maybe I'm not. It just feels so much more comfortable. I want people to read what I write. I want people to form opinions. I want to make people love me. I want to make them hate me. I only have one shot, so why back down? Is this monologue over? I think so. I have to get up in five hours to finish a project, so yeah. I. Dreading doing to sleep because then I'll be there faster. But I have to sleep. Turning on nightvale. Hopefully, Cecil will soothe my brain. I'm an audio learner. I've been playing vocab quizzes, and I do better of I say the word out loud. Far better. I'm practicing my visuals though. I just like sound. Music. Singing. I love the song. I love sleeping too, so goodnight.