#i got nothing else but Y'ALL SHOULD CHECK OUT THE RP IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY \O/

[ahatintimepieces]

The Soul-Eater’s Sorrow

I was rereading @fedoraspooky‘s and @lovelycoris‘s weresnoodle rp to de-stress and then got story idea and I had to pen it to paper immediately so here we are! This takes place before Lukas has met Hattie and about a month after his first transformation, so he’s still getting the hang of his curse (4,767 words). Please enjoy!

Lukas stumbled towards the tree with unwieldy roots, exhausted after a particularly rough night and long morning of sequestering himself as deep into the woods as he dared. When he hurried to correct his footing, his bag jerked painfully against one of the gashes on his chest. He hissed, accidentally biting down onto his tongue with his fangs and once more the taste of iron pooled in his mouth. Trembling, he spat out the glob of blood and wiped at his lips with the back of his hand.

The guard’s anguished howl when Lukas’ jaws had clamped around his shoulder echoed in his mind. Lukas’ grip around his bag tightened.

No.

His chest, littered with wounds from the guard’s frantic silver blade during the fight from the night before, stung but not as much as the guilt when he recalled the man’s expression contorted by terror and how even the man’s mustache had trembled.

No, please. Stop thinking about it.

The guard’s partner had come running to his aid, yelling as she banged her sword against her shield to scare the serpentine shadow away. He recalled her words with crystal clarity despite not having been all there in his beast form.

“Get away you—!”

“Monster,” Lukas whispered out loud, his breath brushing against his fingertips.

The hushed forest didn’t respond to his despondent sigh. Instead, he dropped his bag off of his aching back and slid down against the tree. Leaning his head against one of the raised roots, he stared up at the sunlight trailing through the leaves.

He couldn’t stop playing the night over in his head. It had been a whole moon cycle since he first transformed and fled a frozen Subcon. But having sensed the new moon would have him at his worst again like that terrible night, he had done his best to remain far from the nearest town. He recalled how he had even caught a deer quite quickly after sunset and had a soul to soothe and ease his hunger.

But he still went towards the town.

Groaning, Lukas cupped his head in his hands. His long, disheveled hair fell around his features like a curtain and he curled his legs to his chest.

He remembered an orange glow from the lamps at the town’s gate. His beast form had been drawn to them. Did he think they were souls? No, he distinctly remembered the difference between a soul and a lamp. But both did feel warm…

Scratching a bit around the itching scabs, he tried to remain calm. He still had the later half of the afternoon, judging from the sun, and he had found a secluded spot far away from any people. This time he was sure of it.

The guard would be okay. While Lukas knew he left him with terrible wounds, the guard had access to help and medicine and would ultimately be alright. He was deep in the woods and there would be a sliver of moonlight. Not much, and he would still be dangerous, but he had to cling to anything that might help abate the curse a bit.

His arms trembled as he slowly unfurled. They, too, were covered in scratches from the guard’s sword but weren’t as bad as the ones on his chest. Coupled with the fatigue from not sleeping at all the past couple days, the painful transformations, and the lingering, gnawing anxiety of carrying a dormant beast inside of him that reared its ugly head every night, he was exhausted. Maybe that was good. Maybe, if he was lucky, he could sleep through the whole night. He had managed to ignore soul cravings closer to the full moon. Sure, he felt a little sick in the morning but…

A shudder ran down his spine as he thought about what it meant to eat souls. It felt worse than if he was just eating the meat of an animal. It was like he was devouring its feelings, its memories, and every part of it that knew love and sorrow.

And when he did, oh, the bliss. It didn’t taste like anything, but it felt like everything. The warmth from swallowing a soul felt like the hope that hitched in his chest when he looked at the moon as a human. The warmth he felt when Vanessa smiled at him and held him when her powers weren’t fluctuating. The warmth that kindled in his core when he remembered his mother’s gentle lullabies and how kindly she cupped his hand in hers when she led him through the castle. The warmth of his father’s laugh. The warmth of his brother’s doting whenever Lukas took a spill when they were children. Souls filled him with that kind of lightness, but each animal’s soul he had consumed burned with flickers of their own joys that flittered just outside of his understanding.

What kind of wretched creature needed to feed off others’ precious feelings to survive? The kind of wretched creature he had become. Apparently.  

Lukas shook his head, gaze tracing the lines in his palms. He still wasn’t sure how this all happened, but he could still try to fix it. While eating souls soothed his beast form, he would just have to try and do without. Clenching his fist, he solidified his determination. He wouldn’t eat a soul that night. He would hold himself back. He would be under control. He would prove he was more than just a…

Just a monster.

Lukas pulled himself forward, his back and chest protesting. Reddish-brown curls momentarily blinded him, and he tucked unruly locks back as he reached into his bag. If he was going to try to avoid hunting that night, he would need to fill up. He had found a handful of berries and acorns. A meal fit for a bird but not a human. Or soul-eating monster for the matter. But it would have to do!

Trying to taper his large appetite by eating slowly, he grunted as he pushed to a stand. He had passed a river as he fled civilization and thought now would be a good moment to refill his canteen and see if he could scavenge for more food.

At the river, he drank his fill and even found another berry bush. His stomach grumbled over the lack of protein, but he tried to savor the sweetness of the berries. While he snacked and gazed at the gurgling water surging over polished rocks, he tried to sort through his plans.

Because he had no lead on what kind of curse had been put on him and where it came from, as he traveled from town to town, he had been checking scarcely filled libraries and even chanced a few conversations with merchants or travelers, asking about their journeys and trying to get a sense of what manner of creatures and curses they might have encountered. Unfortunately, the longer Lukas lived with the curse, the more tattered and tired he appeared, making it harder to earn trust from anyone.

Still, he clapped some leaves and stems from his hands, he had to persevere. He had to break this curse and return to Vanessa. He hoped… he hoped she was okay. He hoped she was somehow not alone. Certainly, she was doing alright! He just had to remain positive.

Splashing some water on his face, he shook his head and tried to wake up. He had to wait out the rest of the day and would sleep through the night. He could not harm a single soul. He could control himself. Once he accomplished that, he could make his way to the next town and search its archives for anything that might help. He wished he could have safely entered the community his beast form had found, and maybe find out how the guard was faring, but since he had terrorized them and they might be especially wary of strangers with such a creature around, he figured it was best for him to move on.  

He returned to his bag and dropped down, pulling out a book to keep his mind alert and centered. But he paused. The patch of grass nestled between tree roots was currently bathed in golden sun. His eyelids grew heavy and his sore muscles relaxed in the toasty spotlight. Just for a moment, he chanced closing his eyes as he leaned back, hand on the book cover. He drifted into a much-needed nap.

Lukas snapped awake when the all too familiar feeling of swallowing something hot seared his insides.

“No, no, no!” he gasped, flying forward as he glanced down in the dark.

Shadowy patches of fur had already sprouted on his hands and his fingers were in the process of combining. He fumbled to untie his cloak, refusing to tear it to shreds as the seams of his shirt popped with his bones.

“Don’t eat,” he whispered frantically as he dropped onto changing knees. “Don’t eat. Don’t eat. Just sleep. Sleep—ah!” He cried out as his fangs thrust forward, pushing against and out of his upper lip. His claws clenched around soil and the sound of splitting fabric tore through his mental checklist he was desperate to commit to memory.

Sleep. Don’t eat. Just sleep.

His vision blurred and he felt his body lengthen and muscles stretch as a tail pushed out. His bones bent and realigned, lurching into a larger, ghastly shape. Lukas’ jaw cracked open and from it came an inhuman scream that howled through the trees. A flock of birds fled nearby treetops and Lukas panted, clenching claws into the ground while golden drool dripped from the edges of his mouth. A similar substance oozed from the re-opened cuts on his chest.

Night fully encased the forest and the beast’s golden eyes shone brighter than the barest shaving of moonlight and pinpricks of stars. Breathing heavily, the creature thrashed his tail with agitation as he glanced around, searching for a meal.

A white light, glowing like the gentle reflection of the moon on rippling water, hovered in the distance, beyond a grouping of trees. The creature’s eyes narrowed into slits. Flames licked the corners of his maw. Hunger gnawed at his insides and urged him to feast on the warm soul that would pacify his deep ache. He stilled, crouching into a position to get ready to lunge, but then fragments returned to his thoughts.

Don’t eat. The feelings behind the thought ached with a despair deeper than the pain gnawing his insides. The creature let out a confused growl, keeping his gaze locked onto the soul. He pawed at the ground, wanting to give chase but the feelings twisting his stomach were enough to give him pause. Pacing by the tree, the creature lifted a paw towards the soul, but the frantic thought shifted into a ghastly echo.

Monster!

The creature whined, shrinking back as he ached and hungered and hurt. His spiky mane flattened and the twisting feelings inside him urged him to turn around and try to sleep through the pain. He conceded. Curling up on a bed of grass and torn clothes, he laid down and gnawed on the tip of his tail. The chewing motion helped to dispel some of his anxious energy as he closed his eyes and tried to sleep.

Though ignoring his insatiable hunger long enough to fall asleep was tricky, once the creature drifted, he was exhausted enough to sleep through the rest of the night. His claws clenched and he occasionally growled, dreaming of chasing something he wouldn’t remember when he woke up.

Finally, dawn peeked through the treetops and the creature stiffened. With a high-pitched groan, the beast gripped the ground as his body reverted back into human. Painful pops resounded from his bones and his tail withdrew.

While shadowy fluff melted back into skin and Lukas’ auburn locks draped across his naked back, he tried to crack open his eyelids, but the soft sunlight stung his slowly adjusting eyes. He croaked, turning his face into the dirt and pressing his forehead against the ground to ease the pressure building in his throbbing temples.

Everything hurt. Not in the way it usually did after a night adjacent to the new moon but in a way that left him feeling like his limbs were securely trapped underneath an Alpine goat. He needed to get up, to try and put on some clothes. But when he so much as pushed his quivering hands beneath his chest and tried to push himself up, a wave of dizziness and nausea crashed into him and he dropped back down, groaning.

Why did he feel like this? He thought back to the night before. The soul he had seen and his hunger returned with clarity. But then, so too, did he recall his hesitation to pursue the animal. A swell of relief pushed through the torrent of unpleasant symptoms he was experiencing.

He did it! He had been able to control the beast a little!

The euphoria was short lived as pain pulsed through his head and he grunted, lifting his arms over himself as he tried to block out the sunlight and press back the ache. Maybe… maybe he would just rest a little longer…

Too many wasted hours later, Lukas had managed to dress himself in his spare clothes. He was able to fight past the headache to have the foresight to salvage the larger pieces of his ruined outfit from the night before. His legs felt like jelly beneath him and while moving too fast caused his stomach to flip, he heaved his bag over his shoulder and pushed on. Carding his fingers through his knotted hair, he blinked at the sunlight pooling in through the leaves and tried to focus on his objectives.

Find town. Find books. Break the curse.

Usually he would have ‘find breakfast’ somewhere in there, and while he certainly was aware of how empty his stomach was, his hunger was buried underneath how sick he felt.

Ambling aimlessly, he soon found the path and an apple orchard across from the forest. His stomach twisted, begging for food, as he stared at bright, red apples glinting in the sunlight. Salivating at the thought of sinking his teeth into a sweet, plump looking apple, he quickly swallowed.

No. No. The curse had made him many things, but he wouldn’t stoop to thievery. He still had a little bit of coin he could use in town. Turning onto the path, he felt something dribble down his chin. He brushed the back of his hand across his lip and found he had started to drool. Sighing, he glanced towards the apples, which taunted him as they perched just beyond a fence.

A small part of him still hesitated, wanting to at the very least find the owner of the grove and pay for a meal. His stomach growled (or, wait, was it his stomach that had growled?) and he took a step forward.

The hunger-induced stupor he had been in dissipated as soon as he chomped into an apple. He hadn’t realized he had hopped the fence or plucked an apple from the branch but now that the fresh juice revitalized his tastebuds, he dug in unabashedly.

It was only after he practically inhaled the fruit that he realized he was surrounded by other apples stripped to the core. His heart leapt to his throat as he examined the suddenly barer looking apple tree.

Did—Did he eat all of those without realizing?

Dropping the apple core dripping in his hand, he eyed the scene of his crime and lamented that even if he did find the owner and try to pay for the pilfered meal, he probably couldn’t afford it. What was worse was he was still hungry…

Grimacing as he reached for one more apple, he heard footsteps and quickly pressed his back flush with the tree bark.

“Muriel!” A feminine voice called from deeper in the grove. “Young lady, you better not be in the forest!”

Forest? Lukas’ gaze shifted as he scanned the uncultivated trees he had just come from.

The woman yelling for Muriel crossed towards the opposite side of the grove and Lukas exhaled. Carefully holding the apple between his teeth, he clumsily hopped back over the fence and dropped onto the path. He felt a bit more coherent now that he had eaten and while he could have kept going into town, the idea of a child wandering alone in the woods didn’t sit well with him. He promised himself it would just be a quick look around.

When he spotted a small footprint in a patch of soil, he decided he would be dedicating far more time to looking for the young girl. Finishing his apple, he discarded the core and followed the direction of the footprint.

In a turn of events, she found him when he reached the winding tree he had camped at the night before.

“Ha!” A small blur of red plunged out of the treetops and landed in front of him, waving a stick.

“Goodness!” Lukas jumped back. Still not feeling one hundred percent from skipping out on a soul, his dizziness combined with his trembling legs tripped him up enough that he fell back with an “oof.”

“Oh.” The girl wrinkled her nose. “Who are you?”

“Lukas,” he wheezed. Catching his breath and knowing he wasn’t ready to try and stand again, he opted to just straighten his sore back as he held the girl’s gaze. “Are you, by any chance, Muriel?”

Her eyes narrowed suspiciously.

“Maybe. Why?”

“I believe your mother is searching for you.” Sensing her distrust, he summoned a gentle smile to try and ease her concerns. He knew he probably looked terrible despite his efforts. “Would you like me to accompany you back to the orchard?”

“I don’t need help!” Muriel turned on her heels, crossing over to the tree and jumping up onto the roots.

“I’m sure you don’t.” Lukas pushed himself up, stretching out his back and exhaling as it popped, “But your mother was worried—”

“I don’t care!” she snapped. “I’m busy!”

Lukas tilted his head, watching as she started to climb the tree.

“Busy doing what? If you don’t mind me asking?”

“I’m going to avenge the person who got mauled here!” she declared, scowling as she glanced down.

“Mauled?” He paled, thinking back. He hadn’t—Surely, he would remember—He couldn’t have in his beast form; he had slept the whole night! “What makes you think—”

“I found shredded clothes with blood on them.” Muriel lifted one of the remains of his shirt, a casualty of his transformation.

He sighed, wholeheartedly relieved.

“Oh no.” His mind whirled to come up with an explanation. “My deepest apologies for frightening you, but I camped out here last night and I suppose I accidentally left behind some… old… cloth I used for bandages.” He tried to conceal his wince at how poor an excuse he offered. Though he was still struggling with a headache and fatigue.

“You used a shirt?” Muriel catapulted from the tree and landed solidly in front of him. He jumped, reaching out on instinct in case she needed help, but she righted herself, brushing twigs from her scarlet tunic before crossing her arms. She crinkled her nose. “Are you homeless? And not the traveling-merchant-homeless but the pathetic kind?”

“Pa-pathetic?” Lukas bristled before slouching under her stare. “Well,” he admitted, lifting a hand to rub the back of his neck, “there’s no shame in being a wandering vagabond, but I’ll be the first to concede there are others who undoubtedly function better than I.”

Muriel’s lips quirked into a mischievous smile.

“You looked like a wild animal eating our apples.”

Lukas stiffened, his cheeks burning brighter than his newly awakened fire magic.

“Apologies. I don’t—I don’t know what, erm, came over me,” he stammered, already embarrassed by his ravenous appetite even without anyone watching him.

“If you camped out here, didn’t you hear that howl?” Muriel’s brows narrowed.

He froze, thoughts careening as he remembered the pain.

“I—well—yes, I did, but—”

“You weren’t scared?” Muriel’s eyes widened.

“A little.” He slowly exhaled, trying to calm his nerves. Offering a nervous smile, he added, “but I survived.”

“Wow,” Muriel gave him an impressed look. “Then you can help me!” She motioned for him to follow.

“With what, exactly?” He remained in his spot. A quick glance towards the sky told him the afternoon sun was slowly creeping. He wondered if he could even make into town at this point.

“Hunting the serpent shadow!”

He paled.

“Muriel—”

“Call me Mu!”

“Mu, then,” he implored, “It’s much too dangerous to try to hunt the beast and your mother is worried.”

She paused, looking over her shoulder with a scowl.

“You don’t have the equipment,” he continued, fiddling with his bag strap. “And I certainly don’t have anything to subdue the creature…” He intended to keep listing reasons for why it was a bad idea to chase after the beast without giving away he was the beast, but his growling stomach interrupted him.

“You’re still hungry?” Mu blinked incredulously.

He winced, tightening his fingers around the strap.

“You are pretty scrawny,” Mu huffed, turning around and shifting her stick to her other hand. Before Lukas could protest, she took his hand and tugged him back towards the orchard. “I guess you can’t go monster hunting on an empty stomach, but I don’t know how your stomach can be empty after eating nearly a whole tree’s worth of apples.”

“Ah, I-I suppose you’re right,” Lukas said faintly, letting her guide him back.

He inwardly sighed as he realized he hadn’t gotten any closer to figuring out how to break his curse. It was due in no small part to how ill he felt going without a soul, losing a whole morning as consequence. And, if Mu had heard him last night, even from the orchard, he was still far too close to others. What precious hours of daylight he had left would need to be used for putting distance between him and everyone.

If he was still this famished, he couldn’t imagine what the night would be like.

Soon enough, he and Mu reached the orchard again and there they found her mother, getting ready to head into the forest.

“Muriel!” Her mother dropped her bag before running up to Mu and enveloping her in a hug.

Lukas smiled, releasing Mu’s hand and stepping back on the path.

“Mom, stop!” Mu grumbled, pushing her away before pointing at Lukas. “I got lost and he helped me find my way back. We should feed him.”

“Ah, it was nothing so serious.” Lukas flushed. He saw what Mu was doing, but he really hadn’t done anything to help her and he really needed to be going. The way that her mother was eying him with suspicion also made him a bit nervous.

It wasn’t like he had looked at himself in the mirror lately, but if his appearance was anywhere near as terrible as he felt, he imagined he looked frightfully haggard.

“I actually need to be heading on my way,” he offered, wringing his hands a bit as he backed up on the path.

“What?” Mu pouted. “But we need to hunt the serpent shadow tonight!”

“Muriel!” Her mother frowned, protectively pulling her back with an exasperated sigh. “A witch hunter has already made it to town. Let them take care of it.”

While Lukas’ eyes widened, processing what that all entailed and how he needed to get as far away as possible for everyone’s safety and his, Mu’s mother turned to him with a defeated look.

“But it is dangerous out there.” Her features creased like she was trying not to grimace at Lukas’ appearance. “It would be cruel to make you fend for yourself while there’s a terrible monster out there.”

“I really must get going,” Lukas said, summoning a charming smile. “I appreciate the concern, but I’ll be alright.”

“If you don’t believe a beast is out there, it tried to torment the townspeople, and nearly killed my brother.” Her features darkened.

“Wh-what?” Lukas paled, digging his nails into his hands.

“Uncle’s captain of the guard at the town over!” Mu cut in. Her voice grew bitter as she explained, “the serpent shadow attacked just the other night, but it couldn’t have gotten too far! That’s why I was looking for it! I won’t let it hurt anyone else.”

“I-I’m so sorry,” Lukas breathed out, shoulders slumping. Guilt weighed him down as he remembered quite clearly the guard’s agonized screams and the taste of blood. Lukas’ features crumbled as he held the woman’s gaze. “Truly, I’m so sorry. Is your brother—” Okay? Healing? Not completely traumatized at the very least?

“The doctor says he’ll heal. Luckily, the gash isn’t infected, but,” the woman scowled, “I hope the witch hunter skins that monster before anyone else gets hurt or worst.”

Lukas swallowed thickly, only able to nod.

“Would you like to spend the night?” The woman softened. “I’d hate for you to get caught by the monster or wind up in a battle between it and the witch hunter.”

“I’ll probably find shelter in the town,” Lukas lied. “But thank you for your generosity.”

Mu tugged on her mom’s sleeve and she bent down, listening as Mu whispered in her ear.

“I suppose that would be alright.” Her mom ruffled her hair and Mu beamed before dashing off into the orchard, towards a house that could be glimpsed between the trees. “So, where exactly are you from?”

While Lukas numbly recited his cover story about coming from a town near Subcon and inwardly grimaced when the woman recalled hearing something about a terrible tragedy befalling Subcon Village. He hurried to change the subject, inquiring about the orchard as he tried to appear at ease while the sun moved through the sky, his back ached from standing still with his bag, and guilt chewed his insides. Finally, Mu returned with a cloth bag filled with jars of pale amber-colored apple jam and fresh bread. The jars had mustaches painted onto them.

“Here you go!” Mu shoved the bag into him, and he fumbled to grasp it, eyes wide at the heft.

“I couldn’t possibly accept this.” He gave them both a wide-eyed look while biting the inside of his cheek. His fang pressed painfully into it.

“You brought my mischief-maker back. It’s the least I can do.” The woman shrugged before bending down and scooping up Mu. Mu squealed as her mom tickled her sides and that only encouraged her mom to blow an affectionate raspberry near her cheek. Giggling, Mu swatted her mom away, though she seemed comfortable in her mother’s embrace.

“Thank you,” Lukas whispered, knowing he didn’t deserve it, especially after what he had done… But the bread did smell tantalizing and the idea of eating jam with it was too rare a treat to pass up. He hugged the bag to his chest, still itching with scabs, and dipped his head. “I better be going, but I really do appreciate this, and I hope your brother recovers swiftly.”

Please let him recover swiftly.

“You better get into town.” She waved her hand dismissively. “Before the beast tries anything again.”

“You can come back tomorrow and help me with chores!” Mu called as Lukas started down the path, waving.

“If I’m able,” Lukas returned noncommittally. “Please take care.”

Please forgive me.

Mu and her mother waved as he left, heading down the path until he was out of sight and then immediately changing direction. After tucking the bread and jam into his own bag, he groaned lightly as he heaved the more cumbersome weight over his shoulders. The jam jars clinked lightly, and he ran a hand through his tangled hair.

He needed to run. If the witch hunter had plans to search the forest, it would not be safe in the slightest, and after how awful he felt from not hunting for a soul, he didn’t think he could keep his beast form from feeding that night and he did not want to chance being too close to others in that state.

He couldn’t hurt anyone again.

Lukas pushed on, weaving through the forest, crossing the river, and hiking ever deeper into isolation. He would ensure that he wouldn’t hurt anyone again.