#i got a chocolate advent calendar that has 8 chocolates for Hanukkah but it's just stupid
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Hanukkah feels so fucked this year :((
#it's my dads side of the family that's Jewish so we always celebrated but super half assed once we moved away from his parents#but I still fucking love Hanukkah but without my dad it just feels so fake and forced and I'm so far from my grandmother and she said she#still made her and my grandfather latkes#and I wanted to cry about it#i miss latkes i haven't had them in years and we didn't break out the menorah this year or anything#i got a chocolate advent calendar that has 8 chocolates for Hanukkah but it's just stupid#nothing feels the same as when I was a kid and I just want to be small again#my grandmother got me my pink dsi for Hanukkah as a child and it's one of the most memorable nights of my childhood#i miss being tiny and sitting on her floor in the living room after eating and watching everyone smile and laugh around the table#and today is my grandfathers birthday which sucks too not being there in person#he turned 89 today. fucking crazy.
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