#i get kudos emails for it every so often so i was finally like hmmmm let's see what this is about

[neverqueen]

ouhfouhdhn i remembered i wrote this angsty post-milori clarion fic forever ago and it still holds up to me

[lululawrence]

Annual Writing Self-Evaluation 2018

Hiiiiiii! So I was tagged by @sadaveniren, @hereforlou, and @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed who are SO VERY LOVELY! Thank you, darlings! I was wanting to do this anyway, and now I have double the excuse to do it. The two versions they had were slightly different, so I merged them. Hope no one minds. haha

Okay, so that said, as I’m sure most of you know I write more than I probably should, and because of that, this post got long very very very quickly. Ahem. So you’ll find the questions below the cut, thank you for even thinking of reading this!!

ALL FICS MUST HAVE POSTED ON AO3 IN 2018

1. Number of stories (including drabbles) posted to AO3: 25. oh! only 25! that’s great hahaha

2. Word count posted for the year: 313910. that’s 2k MORE than last year and my whole goal for this year was to write more quality rather than quantity fic. hmmmm. lollll

3. List of works published this year (in order of posting):

I warned you. I’m sorry in advance. 

A Dream is a Soft Place to Land

We Made a Start

Tell Me That You've Got Me

I Don't Mean to Frustrate

How Much My Heart Depends

I Will Care For You

Hold Me Tight and Don't Let Go

Can We Talk for a Moment?

I Like Digging Holes

Back to How it Was

Not the Desperate Type

Just Enough (to Feel My Body Come Alive)

What Needs to be Done

I Knew From the First Time

Something Classic

The World Will Open Its Arms

How I Feel Inside

We've Come Too Far

I Just Wanna Give You Love

(That's Just) The Way I Am

This is a Rainbow War

Can I Have Your Attention, Please?

Great Minds (They Think Just the Same)

You're Here, Where You Should Be

Nowhere to Land (as of today! hurray!)

4. Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction, BBC Radio 1

5. Pairings:  Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Louis Tomlinson/Nick Grimshaw

6. Story with the most:

Kudos: I Just Wanna Give You Love (757...holy shit when did that happen?)

Bookmarks: I Just Wanna Give You Love (283)

Comments: I Just Wanna Give You Love (8783)

That was kinda boring. I was expecting more diversity, tbh hahaha I also had no idea that was like by far my most popular fic this year? Who knew.

9. Work I’m most proud of (and why):

Back to How it Was. It is my fic baby. Well, my second born fic baby. I spent two years brainstorming and starting the fic and restarting it and reworking it before I finally wrote it from scratch for NaNoWriMo last year and posted it with Big Bang this year. I didn’t think I could win NaNo or that I had the guts to do Big Bang even though I’d always wanted to do it, and I finally did it for this baby, because I knew it was worth it and it so was. It’s my longest fic, what I feel is my best written fic, and the fic I THOUGHT was going to be by far my most popular one, but obvs famous/non famous soulmates won hahaha It even was enough to give me the motivation to actually write a sequel (Nowhere to Land) and just. I love this fic so so so much. Defo what I’m most proud of this year.

10. Work I’m least proud of (and why):

You know, my biggest focus this year was not so much writing less, but writing with more purpose. Making my writing more quality (I wrote over 40 fics last year and it felt like TOO MUCH even if I learned a lot), and I think that even though I still posted a LOT of fics this year and my word count was actually more than last year, I think it was better quality. I think my writing overall was better and because of that, I’m proud of all of my fics. It’s the first year I’ve really been able to say that, but I don’t think I could choose a least proud fic. I love all of them too much.

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

Oh shit. Uhhhh...here! @sadaveniren reminded me I was damn proud of banter I wrote this year, and since I can’t share a Tomlinshaw snippet yet, enjoy this tidbit from I Like Digging Holes.

“Lads,” Liam called. “We’re back in five.”

Zayn turned back to the computer and finished what he was doing as Harry took his mic off mute.

“That was the new tune by our good friend, Niall Horan. Isn’t On the Loose a jam, Zayn?”

“It is. It is. But I think you’re just trying to distract me from what we were discussing during that song, Harry.”

Harry smirked and Zayn’s brows raised higher. His eyes were sparkling and Harry knew this next part was going to be fun. “Maybe I was, maybe I wasn’t. Would you like to share with the listeners what we were discussing?”

“Yes, well, our very own Harry Styles was sitting here, proper chair dancing and singing along to Niall’s latest single, all while peeling an orange.”

“It is a delicious orange, in case you were wondering,” Harry said, making sure everyone could tell by the way he was speaking that he had a segment in his mouth as he spoke.

“You’re disgusting,” Zayn said. He couldn’t keep the corner of his mouth from raising a little, though, so Harry knew he was mostly joking. “I swear I’m going to take your phone and start posting how you eat to your precious Insta story myself. Anyway, would you like to tell everyone where exactly you came upon this orange?”

“Of course, Zaynie. I came upon this lovely orange in the lift.”

Zayn was hardly containing his laughter now, but he did his best to remain serious. Harry knew the comments on their video this morning would be amusing to say the least. They always loved it when Harry and Zayn bickered a bit.

“Harryyyyy,” Zayn drew out, finally succumbing to his giggles. “Who finds an orange in the lift and thinks, ‘Wow, that looks delicious. I think I’ll take it?’”

“Well, obviously I do,” Harry said, also giggling. “It’s not like it was just rolling around! It was in a box!”

“A box almost makes it worse,” Zayn said, getting more and more animated as their conversation continued. “Someone may be looking for their missing orange now!”

“I don’t think so,” Harry said. “Besides. If they’re smart they’re listening to our show now and have found where their orange has gone.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

Harry hummed as he sent a cheeky wink Zayn’s way and continued eating his orange.

12. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

Oh gosh. There have been several that made me cry this year, they were so lovely. Some I save in my emails for when I have a bad day. I don’t know that I have any one single favorite, but I did have one the other day that told me they appreciated how I end my fics with them being resolved but still somewhat open ended therefore allowing the reader to choose the future of the characters. That meant a lot to me because there’s a lot of fics I write where the only comments are people begging for more (which is totally fine! I know I write short fics that often are just a snippet in time for those characters and leaves people wanting more hehe), but often the point of those fics is to leave so much in the air. I like the possibilities swirling and people wondering and coming up with their own ideas, and this particular commenter said they appreciated that. that meant the world to me! I was glad they liked that since it’s something I feel strong about but that often frustrates people hehe

13. A time when writing was really, really hard:

oh gosh okay listen. writing this year was my safe haven and most of the fics flowed from me in a most magical way. i think it was because i was writing fics i wanted to write? if that makes sense? but there were three fics that were REALLY hard for me. i learned a lot from all three, but the hardest i think was my mirrors fic, Just Enough (to Feel My Body Come Alive). I had an incredibly specific vision and feel for this fic and I felt like I fell so so so short from what I was trying to do. Every word was a struggle because I wanted to be sure it was right, and in the end I just didn’t have the time to really wrangle with the words how I wanted to. I got the fic done by the deadline and I was proud of what I wrote, but I just. I really truly wrestled with those words. I hope the emotion present in the fic, the settings created, and the growth of the characters as well as the narrative style I presented in the mixed POVs were effective for the readers! I put a lot of myself into that fic emotionally.

14. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

I think the Grimmy in Can I Have Your Attention, Please? surprised me. I wanted him to be very very true to the Grimmy we get on the radio and his personality shown there, and I think I got it, but it came much easier than I really thought it would. He was so endearing to me and silly and honestly a bit of a disaster and every time I finished writing him, I would go and yell in one of my chats because I just was amazed and how alive he came to be on the page. I hope others felt that way if they read it too. I really loved writing him because of how much he surprised me every time I got to write him.

15. How did you grow as a writer this year:

 Well. If you’d asked me this a week ago I would have told you in confidence. I became incredibly confident in my ability to write a fairly decent fic on pretty much anything. I feel like I can twist pretty much any prompt (within a few minor constraints) and do it well. But then this past week happened and I’m not sure confidence is where I grew. hahahaha I still am incredibly unsure of myself and scared when I post things. 

One way I do definitely think I grew though is I tried different writing styles and structures. Last year I explored with tropes a lot, and I still did that this year, but I found ways to kind of make them different from what I’d done before. I really liked that.

16. How do you hope to grow next year:

Well. Last year I wanted to write more in general. This year I wanted to write more quality fics. Next year I think I want to just focus more on writing when I’m inspired. I want to try to cut down on deadlines a bit and focus more on fics that I want to write when I want to write them. I got a taste for that a little bit this year and I have to say I’m kind of addicted and would like to see that trend continue. So maybe just...ease up on writing a little bit, allow myself to read more again, and write what inspires me.

17. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

Oh gosh uhmmmmm. Well honestly Grimmy influenced me a lot this year. Grimmy and Greg and Scott and Chris all from Radio 1 found their ways into a lot of my fics this year as characters themselves or finding bits of themselves represented in our boys within the fics. Listening to them all more this year helped me really up my banter game so I was able to write awesome bits like the snippet I shared above I think. But I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for the fic community here. I don’t even know that I can name everyone, but I was defo supported by some incredible people including @wait4ever, @londonfoginacup, @becomeawendybird, @briannamarguerite, @catfishau, @suddenclarityharry, and so so so many more. I’m so sorry I’m not naming all of you, because seriously without any of the people who have been so kind to me I just. Writing is hard and scary and the next question is gonna be where I show part of why it’s so hard and scary, but it’s because of the kindness I have found in this fandom that I feel like I can keep going.

18. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

*nervous laughter* yeah. I mean, there’s always parts of real life in fic, isn’t there? I find myself infusing bits of myself into my characters every time I write, but the fic that scared me the most and had me most worried it was total trash before posting it was actually Nowhere to Land. I couldn’t figure out why until today when I realized it was because so so so many of Harry’s worries and feelings about writing the article and his growth in the fic is very much everything I struggle with personally. I didn’t remember putting so much of myself into him, so I felt like posting him was like putting myself as a person out there for people to devour and either love or hate. Be kind or cruel about. And that’s fucking scary. So...yeah. Yeah real life always shows up, but Harry in that fic was kinda really me and that’s. A lot.

19. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Keep going. You can do so much more than you think you can. Build a support crew. It doesn’t matter if they’re other writers or cheerleaders or betas or whatever, but build a community specifically for your fic. They’ll help keep you going when you’re feeling stuck and unsure and they’ll save you. Find your people. And always use a beta, no matter how scary that seems. They’ll save you. haha

20. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

Oh gosh yes. I mean, I’m posting my first hybrid fic and a hannah montana au and a sweet home alabama au and my very first futuristic fantasy epic adventure type au and all sorts of really fun things next year so i’m super crazy excited for the fic projects i’ve got going on just in the first several months of 2019. It’s gonna be an amazing year!

21. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read.

i love so many of you and i have no idea who has done this SO i’m just gonna go and tag some people, including those mentioned above!, and hope for the best! @greenfeelings, @mediawhorefics, @2tiedships2, @suddenclarityharry, @suspendrs, @shyshyserious, @marastarfar, @indiaalphawhiskey and any writer reading this who wants to do it!!!