#i get insane amounts of gender envy from men but also sometimes i really enjoy the fact that i look like a renaissance woman
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#so apparently one of my (distant enough that i haven’t met him) cousins is a trans man and the reason i found this out#is that my grandparents were talking about how he got married in a suit and how ‘the pictures look ridiculous’ and they were misgendering#him the whole time. and i was trying to stick up for him like.. this is clearly important to him? he’s just being himself#and they were like ‘yeah but [he] looks stupid’ as if that fucking negates their transphobia somehow#as if a cis man has never looked fucking stupid in a suit. like. stop with this#and this was so depressing to hear because i was like wow… i can never come out to them huh. like i don’t think i can even tell them i’m bi#and i don’t think i AM trans but like… genderfluid maybe??#i get insane amounts of gender envy from men but also sometimes i really enjoy the fact that i look like a renaissance woman#and my heart just ACHES when i see someone looking effortlessly androgynous because my body refuses to do that#i’m built like if jessica rabbit got really into cake during quarantine. and i really wish i wasn’t#but there is no way i can change it lol. not unless everyone gets really cool about a bunch of stuff really quickly#sometimes i do wonder what it would take for me to pass honestly. i mean i’m already 6’1 which helps. square jawline#i’d have to have top surgery though. there’s no bindee in the world that’s flattening me without also suffocating me#i feel like if i went on T i’d get facial hair like immediately considering the genetics of men in my family. i just hope i’d keep my dad’s#hairline. he never went bald and neither has my brother but my granddad and uncle are both bald as eggs#i wish i could shapeshift.#personal
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