#i genuinely don't know what'll get me first is it gonna be the depression destroying my mental health and i just don't wake up one day
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#ugh. another little vent i had to get it out somewhere sorry#fucjing#....i have no idea if I'm gonna make it#what if i just don't#whether i kill myself or not i can feel my body breaking down worse every time my arthritis meds are delayed for one reason or another#and my adhd memory bullshit is so fucking scary and depressing and impossible to deal with#And the meds for that are ALSO constantly delayed#complications every goddamn month on both#i genuinely don't know what'll get me first is it gonna be the depression destroying my mental health and i just don't wake up one day#or will it be this constant cycle of fucked up that my body is and getting worse every single day#what do i do? nobody is around who can help as much as i need#my husband is the only one#and he's got pain and mental health issues too#he can't help as much as i need#what the fuck happens if i just keel over whether i want to or not#......fffuck#I#..........gods i wanna curl up under the bed and just cry
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