#i genuinely do not give a fuck if someone's cishet and at pride because that means they're caring 10000% more than others

[early-sxnsets]

the thing that severely fucks me up about the "no cishets at pride" argument is it's in COMPLETE dismissal of how major pride events have run for decades now.

as far back as i can remember, our local pride org had had cishet ally parents running the youth sections at pride events. you can EASILY find countless images of other cishet ally parents at pride parades marching either with their family or in MEMORY of their family. pride events with "free parent hugs" stops. it's just like how so many of those who contributed to the AIDS quilt were cishet family members honoring those who they lost.

cishet allys are, historically, part of our community as we know it today,

like. this is beyond "maybe touch grass". this is "learn your history" level kind of conversation, imo

There are two basic arguments for shutting the fuck up about cishets at Pride.

First: What if a trans kid asks their parents to show their support by attending Pride with them? What if a lesbian can only attend pride if she gets a ride from someone and the only person willing and able to drive her is her straight brother? What if a bi disabled person can't attend a large outdoor event without hands-on assistance from their straight partner? What if someone just wants to bring their fucking friends? What if, contrary to popular tumblr discourse, most queers don't inhabit perfectly pure social bubbles populated only by other queers?

Second and perhaps more important: If you think you can tell that someone is CIS, let alone HET, by LOOKING at them, you are a cop and an idiot.

[ms-demeanor]

i really liked OJST in the mid-2010s but i didn’t stop reading cause of the cuck comic - wasn’t there also a comic erika moen wrote about (functionally) harassing lesbians with her now-husband?

In the mid 2010s closet-keys criticized one of Erika Moen's early diary comics and described Erika Moen as "Reassuring a cishet partner that it’s totally okay to use hate speech towards wlw at Pride" and condoning the harassment and fetishization of lesbians because of a 2007 comic that she had made as part of a webcomic she had written about gender and her interactions with her queerness.

The hate speech in question is the partner asking "are you sure you want to hold my hand with all these dykes around?" while they are pretty clearly at a Dyke Day event during pride, and the reassurance that 'it's totally okay to use hate speech toward wlw' is Erika responding "sweetie, I'm proud to be with you."

The comic is still up with a disclaimer that it was written at a different time, and I know that's probably not going to fly with a lot of people but if you were a bi woman in the early to mid 2000s it was pretty common to use statements like "lol yeah i'm into women my boyfriend is fine with it as long as I take pictures" to diffuse the biphobia from straight people AND to say shit like "I'm not a party bi, I actually love pussy, thanks" to diffuse the biphobia from queer people. (if you were a bi guy in the early to mid 2000s i'm sorry and I'm sorry now because we got LUG but that mostly went away and you *still* have to deal with the "gay in waiting" bullshit).

That comic ends with Erika and her partner looking at a woman and saying "I'd totally do her" while the woman thinks "pigs" and if you think that means that they literally sat on the street and vocally commented about lesbians passing by them or that they condone harassing lesbians (in, I cannot stress this enough, a diary comic written by someone in their early twenties who is realizing they are occasionally interested in some men some of the time after identifying as a lesbian their whole life), then I'm gonna go ahead and recommend signing up for some variety or other of literary analysis class. Do we think that Erika is seriously implying that she is going to make her boyfriend gay if she fucks him in this comic from a year later?

If this comic bothers you and you see it as a straight-passing couple giving the go-ahead to harass lesbians, you do you, I'm not saying you have to read the comic or enjoy Erika Moen.

I am saying it's a bit of a stretch, though, and certainly the least charitable explanation possible, and that we should probably give people some space to say awkward things about their sexuality and to make missteps when discussing it in their early twenties and not call them lesbophobic fifteen years after the fact for a college comic.

Moen also gets called transphobic because she has described trans men as adorable/cute in a way that could be read as patronizing in one comic and because she made a comic about wearing a packer for fun and for sexual gratification with her cis male partner as a cis woman.

Appropriately, all of these things feel very "late twenty teens tumblr callout post."

If it bugs you, you don't have to read the comics but I've talked about Moen before and I've gotten the anons in my inbox calling me lesbophobic for recommending her comic when in 2007 she made a comic about catcalling lesbians and condoning street harassment.

Which is frustrating because Erika Moen writes a comic about sex toys that has incredible body and gender diversity and is interested in making sure that people of all sexualities are having safe, enjoyable sex and talking openly about it. This is Rebecca Sugar condones war crimes level discourse over a creator who makes a genuinely good comic and gets dismissed as cringe by people who hate open discussions of sex and gets dismissed as a bigot (in ways that I think are incredibly unfair given the vast majority of her work) among people who *claim* to love open discussions of sex but who *actually* love witch hunts.

[75screamingtoads]

I keep seeing a lot about bi girls with their straight boyfriends at pride recently, no clue why, but I have thoughts on it to scream into the void

You can't tell if someone's queer by looking at them. Genuinely. No matter how good your gaydar or whatever is. You can be really good at picking up if someone's queer, but you can't know if someone's queer just by looking at them.

I've met a decently large amount of completely cisgender heterosexual men that I would have fully believed were gay if they hadn't said something about being into women. They dressed, acted, talked, enjoyed things that I expect pretty much only from queer people, and they were very much not queer.

I've met a lot of people I would've assumed were homophobic too, who turned out to be some of the coolest queer people I've met

There is too much that go into "how to tell if someone is gay" that have nothing to do with sexuality or gender identity at all

How they dress can sometimes align with gender, but presentation doesn't actually prove anything

What style they wear, what interests they have, what music they listen to, even what they know about the queer community/history/terms/etc doesn't actually have anything to do with their gender or sexuality

My boyfriend rn? My queer platonic partners have teased him so much about "looking like he's just missing a maga hat" (it's all lighthearted, this is not an issue and is accepted within these relationships) And my boyfriend is very very gay and extremely knowledgeable on trans things as well

The "bi girl and her boyfriend" could both be trans, could both be bi, one could be trans, the boyfriend might be the bi one and she might be the straight one

Also even if the boyfriend is completely cishet

Him being in a queer space with his girlfriend likely means he's also supportive and an ally, or at least working to get there for her

And honestly as long as they're polite, I don't give a fuck if there's a cishet person in a queer space. Maybe they're questioning, maybe they thought they were queer for a while and still enjoy being close to the community, maybe they're genuinely just cishet and an ally. It's not my business, they're not being mean

It sucks so much to be excluded from places that are supposed to welcome you, because they think you're too much like someone else to fit their idea of what you're supposed to be

[thnksfrthchaos]

i want to add to this as a person whose beliefs regarding our community would probably be considered really controversial by tumblr standards;

i wouldn't say i agree with any of the people mentioned in that post but on the other hand it has made me consider the impact i have on queer people around me that maybe arent as comfortable with their sexuality yet.

i fear some of my stances in the past may have been too harsh but on the other hand i cant help but retrospectively still agree with them. then i considered what feedback ive gotten from these types of people.

its no secret that i truly hate the overly politically correct types and find this kind of 'activism' alà policing peoples language or saying 'respect trans men who are also women (???) and use meow/meowself pronouns' utterly damaging and ridiculous.

the thing is - why on earth would i give a fuck? the most the existence of this hypothetical person affects me is when they go overboard and become the loud minority of our community, because yeah, ive fought hard to be respected by the cishet people in my life, and in that moment yes i will speak out about what i think of these types of people and how they negatively affect our community. because i truly have no desire to get lumped together with those types, i do enjoyed getting taken seriously as a human being thank you very much. but the thing is, that is what they are, a loud minority.

other than that, 99% of the people that ive met that were. Like That. were first of all usually children, who then figured themselves out and look back on their ghost/ghostself minisexual or whatever phases in embarassment, or adults who simply have different beliefs about identity and gender than i do, in which case ive found they are capable of having a pleasant and productive conversation despite our vast disagreements.

the point of this post is; as queer people, and ESPECIALLY if cis, we tend to hate members of our community whose experiences differ vastly mostly because we dont understand them and/or fear their pride and presence in our community undermines OUR experience, which has been, in most cases anyway, a difficult mess, and when youve fought so hard to make a place for yourself in a straight world, its gonna be vastly uncomfortable to see some fucking 13 year old that thinks that actually you as a gay man or whatever are problematic and what do you mean using a million different nouns as pronouns is impractical?

but i cant stress this enough - genuinely who gives a fuck? its not gonna kill me to use the correct pronouns for someone even if i think their experience and/or identity is bs. its not gonna kill me to read a tumblr post about some new sexuality that only that tumblr person uses and just scroll. i understand its so difficult to listen to experiences of queerness so vastly alien from what you and your social circles experience has been, but i cant stress enough how little it affects me.

be respectful even when you find the other side strange, be open to PRODUCTIVE conversations, to hearing opposing views and actually listening, to being disagreed with. because you expect the same of cishet people, hell, of everyone around you.

realize that somebody else finding happiness via a completely different experience of queerness has literally 0 impact on your life and offer those people their own communities and space. nobody is forcing you to befriend them or spend time with them, and when youre forced to interact with them just respect their identity and that they will likely never understand your experience with queerness, and vice versa, and thats ok.

man, just dont be an asshole ig lol.

rant

(i havent overshared on here in a while and i think its about time i do that)

tw/ homophobia and transphobia

being queer in a rural area / area where theres not a lot out other gay people is really weird and really isolating.

yeah its the homophobes and terfs and people telling me about *how the gays are going to hell* and talking about us like we're subhuman without realizing im gay.

but its also the other gay people i've met.

theres this guy that ive been friends with for going on 11 years now (on and off) and he came out to me a year ago just by going "hey did you ever think that i might be gay" and i answered and that was that

months later i came out to him by telling him nonchalantly about my first girlfriend when i was like 13. he tells me about this girlfriend he had a few years prior. he then proceeds to go on this rant about how he's still "completely gay" thought since "she wasn't a real girl". and he goes on about how he thinks that if you date a trans person it automatically makes you pansexual since they "have the parts of a boy/girl even if they aren't one" (talking about how straight men cant date trans girls and still be straight and vise versa and how lesbians "cant" date trans girls and still call them lesbians)

last time i talked to him he was going on about "how women are nowadays" and calling them sluts and being really degrading.

There was a gay bi gender kid who rode my bus who constantly talked about the same stuff.

The first person I've ever came out to irl is one of my best friends recently told me she just "doesnt understand aromanticism" and doesnt think it's a real thing.

I came out to her as asexual about two years ago now and explained to her that i find a lot of aspects of my sexuality confusing but i still really wanted a label and she's the one who suggested i use the label 'queer'

but when i messaged her and told her that i also think im on the aromantic spectrum a few days ago she asked me to explain why and i sent her a whole essay explaining my experiences with romantic attraction for her to tell me she doesnt understand it and doesnt think that that makes me gay.

(like she's fine with asexuality but draws the line at aromanticism)

I also have this cousin whose a lesbian and only shows up like once every five years because of our family. but when she was home for christmas she and her sister went on a tirade about how being gay is fine but trans people are 'imposing on the community'.

i wasnt planning on coming out to her (i dont think ill ever come out to anyone in my family) but i was still sort of excited to see her because i havent talked to her since i came to terms with my sexuality and it just felt nice not being the only gay person in my family (even if i am closeted)

and its really isolating because this is my community. these are the people i have access to that have the most simular experiences and not one is fully accepting of other peoples identities.

every single gay friend i have that isnt aropohobic or transphobic or a misogynist (how tf are you going to be gay and sexist??? make it make sense) is online and my actual community is completely parasocial. i dont think thats healthy.

[letterfromajax]

HOW is he racist?! PLEASE go into detail, because CLEARLY I don't understand.

If you are being genuine, and NOT JUST HATING BECAUSE YOUR PRIDE WAS HURT, then you will explain what was racist so that other people don't make the same mistake in ignorance on the subject.

And don't just say "it's obvious." Clearly it is not, or I would not be asking. And it's not like I can just Google search this. Either someone explains, or the ignorance continues. So, if you ARE being genuine, you'll end my ignorance--and any excuse I have for my behavior.

I do not like hurting people, intentionally or otherwise. And know Jay. doesn't, either. If we doing something that is actually, factually racist--we want to know, and we want to know WHY. So we don't do it again. Just saying "this was racist" ISN'T ENOUGH in this case.

Okay.

Tumblr tags are for organization on /your/ own blog. When you publish content with tags, you use them to help reach out to people who may want to see your post/have interest in the content of it. The more tags you use, the more people you will reach. This is why you have spam issues when bots, influencers, and advertisers tag their posts with things that aren’t even slightly related to the content of the post.

Jaywrites101 tagged his book advertisement AND his retaliation with variations of BLM and even used the tag “black community,” he is white. These are paid advertisements as well and you cannot control whether or not you see them. Even if it was not his intention it comes off as a white person trying to use a human rights movement and a minority community as a metaphorical springboard to bolster sales, that is the impression it gives.

Even if he supports BLM and the black community it’s still an issue for him to tag those posts with those tags bc he’s trying to sell something… Those posts do not belong in either of those tags, dedication or not. I can see where he was coming from, but the overall implications are still there which is the issue. He should have stated the purpose and dedication in the actual post itself instead of trying to use those tags.

I can’t think of a scenario that’s better than this one bc I am incredibly out of it today

But let’s say I go check out the trans community tag bc I as a trans person want to see trans creators and posts made for and by trans people. It’s not appropriate for a cis person to go “hey, check out my book it has a trans lead and I dedicate it to the trans people who have lost their lives.”

It’s good intentioned, but inappropriate. Why is that inappropriate?

Well, the writer is Cis for one. It is crass of them to tag their advertisement with the “trans community” tag because that tag isn’t really made to be used like that. They’re not really contributing anything to the community. As someone who is Cis they won’t ever really be able to fully put themselves into the shoes of a trans person because they’re not trans. And it’s inappropriate to try and sell a creative work where you, as a Cis person, have depicted trans people and are now trying to sell that back to trans people. Arguably, it would have been better to tag the post with “trans lead” or “trans character” or something like that.

There is SOME nuance to these cases at times, like maybe and you’re using your privilege as a cis person to get trans voices and or their work out there. That’s fine. You’re allowing trans people to show off their work or just exist publicly as trans people. You’ve opened the stage and stepped back to allow this to happen and allow their voices to be heard.

It’s one thing if you’re a Cis person trying to sell like resources to help trans people and you tag your post as “trans community” because those are the people you are trying to reach and you’re trying to help them. Fuck, I’d even argue that it’s okay to tag it w/ “trans community” if you’re going to donate proceeds to help trans people out.

Like, we have hundreds of stories where cishet white people have depicted minorities as their main characters. But if your objective is to help these minorities be heard and seen, you need to use their voice and their words, not your own. Especially if you’re trying to tell a story.

Anywyas I see where he was coming from and I’m sure he did not mean it maliciously, but nonetheless his actions do come across as racist. You don’t need to like hate him or anything because he lacked foresight and self awareness, mistakes happen, but it’s still a pretty bad mistake to make...

[autumnstwilight]

And relevant to that last reply, I certainly feel A Way about how the present online culture encourages-- or even mandates-- the disclosure of personal details, with the promise of better treatment. Or the implication that sharing this information is What Good People Do.

You don’t have to go far on Twitter to find people asserting that everyone should have pronouns in their bio, and that if you’re cis, it’s the bare minimum you can do as an ally, don’t even think of claiming to support trans people if you don’t have them. IRL, I use the pronouns associated with my assigned sex, and disclosing them means disclosing my assigned sex, which I don’t necessarily want to tell to every random stranger I talk to about video games. So I say “any pronouns” which is what I’m honestly comfortable with, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there are trans and non-binary people who feel like I’m a cis person trying to conceal my status and privilege and/or get extra queer cred.

Because that’s the other thing-- identities have become a form of credibility. And, while the base idea that you should listen to people within a group about issues that affect that group is a very good one, it seems to have resulted in a culture where identities are listed to give additional credibility to anything anyone says. So you get posts like “Help an [LGBTQ identity] afford rent!” even though people should not have to out themselves to deserve help with rent (and indeed, cishet people also deserve shelter), and of course, people claiming identities they don’t actually have to gain internet clout. Not just that, people in a grey area (say, questioning their sexuality, or unsure if they count as disabled) are pushed to either claim an identity they aren’t yet sure of, or be excluded from the discussion.

But apart from the moral pressure, there’s also a creeping normalization of sharing personal details-- here’s an app that will add a pride flag colored border to your Twitter profile pic, here’s a meme that requires your birthdate, post your selfie next to your art, etc. Of course some people genuinely enjoy participating in this sort of thing, and none of them are bad in and of themselves.

But not everyone on the internet takes these things in good faith. You may put a pride flag around your profile pic only to see your wider social circle sharing an “informative post” about how that identity is problematic, and wonder how many hostile people you’ve just outed yourself to. You might, as someone I know did recently, post about your depression and anxiety while a fandom argument is going on, and be accused of using “white woman’s tears” to sway people to your side (even if you weren’t talking about the argument). And while “Fuck you, I will be myself louder,” is a valid response to things like these, it can be genuinely distressing and uncomfortable if you shared that information to a community that seemed to promise sympathy and support in exchange for disclosure, but instead turned it into some weird form of social judo.

Personally, these days, I prefer “Fuck you, it’s none of your business”. Being yourself does not obligate an explanation, in fact, it requires you to be true to your own comfort level before anyone else’s.

[catboyfeli]

even though i don’t identify as a cis girl anymore, i’m still so fucking passionate about atypical cishets? because god, back when i ided as a cis girl, i constantly felt like shit for my attraction to men being abnormal and more similar to gay men’s experiences.

people think being cishet is fitting into cisheteronormativity but? it’s not??? cishets who crossdress, present gnc or androgynous, behave gnc or androgynous, feel a disconnect from their gender due to not fitting into gender roles, relate more to the opposite sex, face misdirected homo/transphobia, take on the opposite gender role in society/relationships, etc. exist.

because like? gender isn’t just “oh i identify as my agab, being a male, so i fit into the male gender role” nor is it “oh i’m a masculine woman but i still fit perfectly into the female gender role despite how different my experiences are from most women”

i’m just so passionate about this and i wish it was a more well known issue. it makes me hate the hate towards straight and cis people in lgbtq spaces even more than i already did. i think maybe that’s also part of why so many young people id as nonbinary now, because being cishet is “wrong” and “easy” even though being queer at all would make you lgbtq, even if you’re not trans or sga/ssa.

i just wanna give gnc cishets all the love in the world because they fuckin deserve it and shouldn’t feel pressures to id as something they’re not to get ACTUAL support. gnc people experience things so differently from gender conforming people, and there’s no support for cishet ones and that saddens the hell out of me

just? imagine being a very feminine cishet man who gets bullied for ‘being gay’ and struggles to find a woman who’s open to dating him when he takes on the feminine role in a relationship? and presents and behaves femininely? maybe gets mistaken as a girl depending on how he presents? doesn’t relate to the typical ‘male’ experience? relates more to womanhood despite identifying as a man? imagine getting no support for this? imagine being treated the same as your oppressors even though they oppress you as well, just in different ways? imagine being shunned out of queer spaces despite being queer just b/c you’re not lgbt, even though lgbt and lgbtq aren’t the same thing?

i use men as an example since gnc women are a LITTLE more accepted than gnc men, but only a little bit.

...maybe i’m too empathetic. idk. maybe i’ll make a blog for it. idk. i just know how i felt when i identified as a cis girl, and how i still feel now due to my lingering connection with being female, and it’s so isolating and makes you fucking hate yourself. i mean, i was/am bi, but my attraction to men was just so atypical, meanwhile my attraction to women wasn’t, and it felt like i could never talk about it or else i was ‘actually straight uwu’ and no one would understand anyway. no one understands nOW what it’s like to be attracted exclusively to feminine, gnc, queer, etc. men and how different it is from being attracted to the average man, how different it is as a female to be attracted exclusively to those types of men (types who are usually gay and therefore not into you), esp when hetero attraction is shit on by the lgbtq community lol, even if that attraction doesn’t conform to the standard (which would be queer by definition, but y’know)

i just hate tumblr and lgbtq culture’s way of acting like hetero attraction and experiences are all the same and all fit into the cisheteronormative mold, cause lemme tell you, i would’ve fucking killed to have gotten some hetero content i could ACTUALLY relate to and enjoy, esp without people saying it’s “””lesser””” than gay content lol. oh and let’s not forget how i could never talk about this without people saying “shut up straightie you have tons of content” like :))) genuinely fuck you.

even now, i can’t help but wonder if i’m really nonbinary or just subconsciously started identifying as such to feel more valid in my experiences. is my dysphoria gender related or do i just feel a disconnect from my gender due to the things i listed above???

a m/f relationship doesn’t inherently conform to cisheteronormativity!! a m/f relationship can be queer and you genuinely cannot change my mind on that!! i want content of a very feminine gnc man dating a very mascuilne gnc girl!! like a ‘twink’ dating a ‘butch’ for example!! that’s all i want god dammit!!!!!! maybe they even get mistaken as a gay couple sometimes who knows!!! and if you don’t like me using the word queer then pretend i used atypical instead!! the point is that atypical cishets deserve!! pride and support!!! and REPRESENTATION!!

i dunno. if anyone actually read all this and wants to help out with a blog for some gnc support/positivity then let me know. it’d be geared towards cisgender people who experience atypical heterosexual attraction, but be for anyone gnc in the end. i’m just... very passionate about this. it’s one of the things i’m most passionate about due to my own experiences, and i don’t really feel comfortable in the lgbtq community due to all of this shit. i don’t like my experiences, feelings, and struggles being erased. i don’t like m/f relationships being seen as inherently cisheteronormative. i don’t like cishets being shit on. i don’t like there being no representation for queer/atypical m/f couples. i don’t like there being no support for these people when!! they deserve it!! and belong at pride just as much as anyone else!!!!

when i say straight people deserve pride, i’m not referring to your typical straight person. i’m referring to the different ones, the ones that don’t conform to binary gender norms, the ones that face misdirected homo/transphobia, the ones that are queer, the ones that give a big “fuck you” to cisheteronormativity. and no, this does not mean that i think a guy liking pink would be queer; that’s not what i’m saying at all. liking things that are girly is different from being gnc. liking baking and clothes designing is very different from being a man who navigates society and relationships differently due to not conforming to the ‘male’ gender role.

not conforming to gender roles and being nonbinary are different but similar and valid things. i just... yeah. i could go on for hours, but i won’t. i just hope maybe someone out there understands what i’m trying to say. i want to make a difference and end the idea that cishets all conform to cisheteronormativity and don’t belong at pride. because yeah, ofc your typical cishet doesn’t need pride, but atypical ones? they’re more than deserving of it. they deserve to be proud in a society that shits on them for not adhering to their strict standards of how a person is ‘supposed’ to be. maybe i can turn ‘atypical cishet’ into a term, idk. i just want atypical cishets and those who experience atypical hetero attraction to have a community. maybe i could make a blog like that, too?

god i spent over an hour typing this up you can tell i’m passionate about it esp considering no one’s gonna read it (and if they do, will just get mad probably lol)

[eevachu]

Do. Them. All.

oh! um- well… I GUESS HERE WE GO. LONG POST IS LONG:

1. what is your sexuality? 

2. what gender do you identify as? 

Cis lady

3. how long have you been aware of your sexuality/gender? 

It has been a long journey, that started with me thinking I was bisexual (but picky!) in highschool to me thinking I was pansexual (but homoromantic!) in college to me watching the “Battle of Times Square” scene in Ghostbusters last year and realizing I will never actually be attracted to a man when I have seen the one true light of lesbianism.

Gender-wise, I did some soul-searching in college when a lot of my friends finally felt safe enough to transition, and other than an unhealthy obsession with beard-growing, I’m good out here as a chick. 👌✨

4. do you have any preferences? 

Girls who look like they could kill me with their bare hands, if they wanted to, but really just want to gently comb their fingers through my hair.

5. share a positive memory about coming out! 

I don’t really have any. I don’t really “come out” to straight people anymore because the one time I did, the friend I told immediately asked if I was attracted to/going to hit on her.

6. how do you feel about pride month? 

We should all be given the whole month off paid and trans/genderqueer/NB people should get an additional $1000 cash. 

(I like it.)

7. do you participate in pride related events? any other events? 

I get a cold or something happens every June where I don’t feel up to going to Pride, but like HOPEFULLY THIS YEAR? (Baby’s first Pride at 25 is gonna be WEIRD. Someone hold my hand.)💦

8. how do you feel about lgbtq roles in media? 

I WANT MORE. I WANT THEM ALL. EVERYONE IS GAY.

9. do you feel pride in who you are? 

Yeah, I really like who I am and I’m proud of what I had to go through to get here. I like that things feel right in my life, for once.

10. who has been your supportive idols in your self discovery? 

Looking back, Karolina Dean and Xavin from Runaways were some of the first gays to really have an impact on my life. When Xavin starts IDing as female it like… struck a chord with me about their relationship. I was just like, “yeah that feels right.”

Hannah Hart was a BIG DEAL for me and meeting her was so nice. It’s so great to see an openly lesbian woman being real and kind and succeeding. Watching her evolve and grow over time has been amazing. Also, that bod now, like omg Harto-san, you have become your true self and that self is making me BLUSH.

Rebecca Sugar is weirdly important to me, being in the animation industry, myself. Like… it’s so good, seeing her make a show about girls loving other girls after BEING PERSONALLY TOLD that gay content was inappropriate for children while I was in school. Noelle Stevenson and the crew on Lumberjanes are similar, because you get told you can’t make queer content for kids by the old guard. That it won’t sell, that it CAN’T sell in certain markets and that kids won’t get it. All I can think of is that HAD I known at 7 that girls can like girls maybe I would’ve asked Emma out after class and my life would be different. I don’t want that to keep happening to little girls and I’m so glad that people like Rebecca and Noelle exist.

@yamino​ and @summerlightning​ are like… life goals and wife goals. I’ve been following them for years and sometimes I just think how I’d want like EXACTLY their lives. Make gay webcomics with my pretty wife. That’s all I want to do. (Hey, read their comic @sisterclaire​, it’s gay af, you’ll love it.)

Hayley Kiyoko is a biracial sapphic queen and I love her and she is so nice and genuine and she gives GREAT HUGS. She sings songs about girls who like girls and they’re GOOD SONGS. Not just like campy gender-ambiguous low-budget stuff. She makes… god, her music videos. And I have met this small human and been to her concerts and the feeling of love and safety around that night was LIFE ALTERING.

(Also, can we talk about how that’s the flag I gave her hanging up on stage behind her and how much I love her and still cry about that? See question #26 for that story.)

Kate McKinnon, see #3 for the latest in Eevachu self-discoveries. She’s just… SHE’S REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME. She’s famous and she’s weird and she’s out there playing big roles as an openly lesbian woman. She got me through 2016, which was honestly, THE FUCKING WORST. And she helped me accept that I can be a lesbian and still succeed.

BASICALLY, I WANNA SEE ALL THE SAPPHIC WOMEN SUCCEED, SO THAT I THINK I CAN SUCCEED AND FEEL SAFE DOING SO. REPRESENTATION MATTERS.

12. what sort of advice to have you lgbtq teens? 

Your parents are just people and one day, you’ll be better than them. You are strong, and you will find the people you are meant to be your people. You’re going to evolve and change throughout your whole life. Don’t be all tumblr witchhunt-y; people make mistakes and grow. Adults barely have any idea what they’re doing, we’ve just done it more.

13. have you come out to friends and family? 

Like occasionally? I only formally “come out�� to other gays, so that we may huddle together like penguins in a storm of heternormativity.

14. how do you feel about the term “coming out” ? 

I don’t like that it’s made to seem like such a huge deal and that it’s a one time thing. Like… it’s such a pain and you have to do it over and over again and then all the straight people in the room get WEIRD ABOUT IT and you’re now the outsider and the feeling fucking SUCKS. I just don’t like that it’s a thing. The actual term is fine for what it is, since I don’t have a solutions otherwise.

15. do you believe there is a “closet” to come out of? 

Yeah, and it sucks that people feel unsafe enough that they have to be in one.

16. any tips on coming out? 

I am literally the worst person to ask about this because I just like… don’t. lol I let people figure it out. Non-queers love testing out their “gaydar.”

17. what’s your biggest pet peeve when it comes to lgbtq characterization in media? 

Lesbians for the male gaze. HEY BUDDY, LITERALLY THE OPPOSITE POINT OF LESBIANISM. NO BOYS ALLOWED.

18. what’s your favorite parts of lgbtq characterization in media? 

When queer people get to play queer characters and make their own queer stories and I get to sit there and cry because it’s so GENUINE AND GOOD.

19. what did your teachers say about the lgbtqa community in school? 

Well, my animation teachers would low key be like that won’t sell (see that thing I said about Rebecca Sugar in #10). But I had a gay/straight alliance in highschool, so it was fine.

20. do you practice safe sex with the same gender? 

At this point, I would probably practice any sex with the same gender. (But yes, please.)

21. what’s an absolute turn off for you in the opposite/same gender? 

I don’t really like traditional butch/femme role types and I’m not into really masculine ladies. I like girls who are flexible with their gender expression like I am.

22. what’s an absolute turn on for you in the opposite/same gender? 

I am a sucker for a strong independent femme in heels that would love to smash the patriarchy and then smash me.

23. how do you feel about lgbtq clubs/apps/websites? 

I wish there were good ones and that I had time to find them or had a senior-qualified gay to tell me where they are in Toronto. WHERE ARE THEY???

25. how does you country view the lgbtq community? 

Pictured: Justin Trudeau, the Prime Minister at a pride parade.

On the surface, it’s pretty good. We also have to be careful because there are just some dirtbag conservatives waiting for us to get complacent and take away our rights. Currently, there’s a huge fucking thing about a trans right bill, so I’ve gotten to see which of my family member’s are absolute scum.

They’re here, they hate queers, but they’re usually drunk uncles.

26. favorite lgbtq actor/actress?

Hi, yes, hello, haaaaave you met Flat Kate? (see question #10)

Also, Hayley Kiyoko, because like…

…BIG GAY FLAG STORY TIME. So I went to her concert in Toronto this spring and I had everyone outside the venue that I could leave messages on it for her. All of the messages were so funny and heartfelt and there were so many baby gays at the concert and my old gay heart grew 3 sizes that day because they were there with friends and their parents and I was just SO HAPPY AND PROUD.

Then I meet Hayley because bitch splurged on VIP tickets. She gives the best hugs, and she took the time with fans and she was so genuinely happy to be there. We had a great talk and I was just thanking her for being her and doing what she do. And if you know me, you know how important it is that there’s biracial representation and she like got that. And then I give her the flag, which I had drawn on because I’M THAT KID and she’s saying how she’s gonna treasure it and read all of them and I’m like dying and trying not to openly WEEP.

Then I get into the concert which is ALL SAPPHICS, so I’m like the most comfortable that I have ever been in my entire life. Then the sound guys are setting up and they PULL OUT MY FLAG. Now, everyone knew me from when I had gotten people to write messages on the BIG GAY FLAG (”COME SIGN MY BIG GAY FLAG” is what I had been screaming), so when this flag comes out all the girls around me are like, “Girl, that’s your big gay flag.” And then I ASCENDED TO THE ASTRAL PLANE AND IT WAS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE. 

27. any tips for heterosexual and/or cisgender people on how to handle lgbtq events/news? 

Don’t fucking make it about you. You aren’t the centre of the goddamn universe. No, you aren’t hearing about “gay news” too much for how many of us there are.

29. how do you feel about receiving questions about your sexuality/gender?

I’m cagey about it. It always feels so uncomfortable when it’s non-queer people asking. Queer people asking is fine and we can have a good dialogue usually, but cishet people treat me like I’m a novelty and it’s gross sometimes.

Like… dyke is tired, I don’t have time to give you the Introduction to LGBTQ+ class.