#i finally have some people in my adult life that im close to other than my girlfriend like. let me enjoy it

[vangelini]

Boyfriend For The Night (Part 2) | Spencer Reid x Reader

Part 1, Finale!

Summary: After a few too many drinks, Spencer takes you back to your place, and you say something you might regret when you sober up…

Tags: fluff, more pining idiots, BAU!Reader, Fem!Reader.

Warnings: Alcohol consumption

Words: 2.3k (whoopsie)

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“Reid is my boyfriend, for the night,” you smiled, taking a sip of your drink. It was, supposedly, just for the night, but Spencer liked the sound of that.

And, admittedly, so did you.

“Just for the night?” Morgan laughed, his bright, white smile teasing you two.

“Well, we’ll see how he does and go from there,” you joked. Reid couldn’t help but laugh a little at your comment.

“Well, I intend to impress,” he rubbed his thumb along the back of your hand, laughing under his breath while looking down at you. Penelope hit Morgan on the shoulder, drawing his attention toward Reid’s little look of love. He just laughed, turning back to his conversation with Hotch.

“Those two are so screwed.”

The night went on as one usually does. Some of the team split off into different games, dancing, or their own little conversations. You and Spencer were of the latter group.

“I can’t explain WHY The Princess Bride is my favorite movie, it just is!” You feigned defensiveness, leaning into the seat behind you, laughing. “Why don’t your profile it out of me,” you smiled at Spencer. He laughed, taking a drink of his club soda.

“Fine,” he set his drink down, turning to you. “I think…” he leaned down, leveling his eyes with yours, glancing between both of your irises. “I think it’s probably because, ever since you were a child, you’ve been escaping with fantasy,” he sat up. “It would be safest to assume you identify with Buttercup, that you long for someone close to you to come sweep you off your feet and solve all your problems,” he narrowed his eyes. You looked gently up at him. “But,” he sighed, leaning back. “Knowing you, I’d say you like Westley,” he smiled. “You grew up less wealthy and have worked your whole life to protect the people you love. It’s a movie that makes you believe there’s hope in the world,” he took a long sip of his drink.

Your jaw hung open in shock. “When did you learn so much about The Princess Bride,” you smiled, leaning your head on your hand.

“Garcia made me watch it,” he shrugged, laughing.

“Okay, fine…” You took a sip of your drink, head spinning a little. “So what’s your favorite movie, then, hm?”

He didn’t hesitate before responding, like he had clearly been wanting to talk about it. “L’age D’or,” he spoke with his hands. “It’s a-a seminal surrealist film that was actually co-written by Salvador Dali,” he smiled wide. “It used Dali’s classic absurd style and shocking imagery to critique the bourgeoisie and the Catholic Church. It, uh, was so controversial, actually, that it led to riots and bans,” he continued on about vignettes and taboos, but you just stared at him with a smile, eyes glazed over with pure adoration. Some time after he went on about Luis Buñuel’s other works, you realized you were absolutely whipped for this nerd.

You must have been off in la-la-land, because Reid got a little closer to you to get your attention. “Are you okay?” You snapped up.

“What, yeah, I’m good,” you smiled, smoothing down your slacks. “I’m gonna get another drink,” you smiled nervously, standing up a little too quickly. You stumbled a little, causing Reid to reach out and steady you with his hands. Morgan noticed.

“Hey, Pretty Girl, how many of those have you had?” He gestured to your glass.

“Probably too many,” you smiled half heartedly, realizing you were likely a little more than tipsy. You also started to notice how tightly Spencer’s hands steadied you. “It’s getting late, anyways, I’ll go call a cab,” you started to reach for your phone, but Spencer stepped in.

“Hey, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Pretty Boy is right,” Morgan added. “Someone should take you home.”

“Guys, Im an adult, I don’t need a babysitter,” you laughed, speech slightly slurred. Yeah, you were definitely drunk.

“It’s fine, I can take her home,” Spencer gave a tight-lipped smile to Morgan. He turned to you, ignoring Morgan’s small, concerned smirk. “It’s not safe to go home alone while inebriated,” he took his hands off of you, and you noticed how he flexed them a little. Interesting. You would have to analyze that in the morning, maybe when you weren’t so intoxicated. He pulled his crossbody bag over himself and grabbed your hand, leading you from the booth. “I’m still your boyfriend, for the night,” he smiled.

You couldn’t help but giggle at him.

“Okay, okay, whatever, pretty boy,” your hand tightened around his. The nickname felt different, coming from your lips, he thought. Somehow, it seemed like less of a nickname and more of an observation. He shook it off. “I don’t live far from here, we can walk,” you spoke as you both stepped out of the bar, the biting cold air hitting your skin. You wrapped your arms around Spencer’s, his biceps wrapped up nicely by his cotton sweater. You smiled, and, you couldn’t see it, but so did he.

“Sounds good,” he barely squeaked out, just content to be settling into your touch.

The walk was peaceful, passing by a river or a park, street lights illuminating the sidewalk. They cast a warm glow on the night, shining in Spencer’s eyes, glimmering as he glanced down at you stumbling by his side. The breeze was slightly shielded by Spencer’s towering figure. He relished the feeling of your grip, a sense of security he didn’t know he craved. And, for a moment, it really did feel like you two were a couple.

He helped you up the steps to you apartment. “Such a gentleman,” you joked. He laughed lowly.

“I’m trying to make sure you don’t eat concrete, but if you’d rather I didn’t-”

“I’m kidding, i’m kidding~” you slurred out, pulling out your keys. It danced around the lock a few times, since your vision was blurred, but with some help from your temporary boyfriend, the door pushed open and you were met with the warmth of your apartment. You couldn’t help but sigh, throwing yourself down on the couch. Spencer locked the door behind the two of you, watching you kick off your shoes.

“You should take your contacts out before you fall asleep,” he put his bag down. “Sleeping with them in can increase your risk of infection up to eight times,” he more than scurried over to your kitchen, filling you up a glass of water.

“Speeence, that’s so much work,” you threw a throw blanket around your arms.

“I know, sweetheart, but I don’t want you coming in to work tomorrow with dry eyes and corneal damage,” he set the glass down on the coffee table, kneeling in front of you. You were so tired, you didn’t notice the nickname. He didn’t seem to, either. “Come on, you need to take them out,” he reached for your arm, taking a hold of your wrist. His voice was gentle, laced with a genuine concern, and his touch was reverent. As you looked down to where his sturdy hands held you, you realized, for a moment, how deeply you cared for him.

He knew alcohol made your inhibitions nonexistent, but he didn’t expect you to start crying. “Hey, hey, hey, what’s wrong,” he grabbed the side of your face, wiping a tear off your cheek. His hands were just so soft, it made you tear up more.

“I-I don’t know,” you sobbed out. You really didn’t know.

“Hey, it’s okay, drink this,” he handed you the glass of water. As you took a sip, he moved his hands to your knees, soothing small circles into them. “Why are you sad?”

You sniffled, looking down at his face. His brows knitted together, eyes beaming up into your own. You could have SWORN you saw his heart beating against his sweater. “Because I love you being my boyfriend, and I’m tired of pretending I don’t,” you were a little embarrassed, but you were drunk, so it barely mattered.

Spencer’s heart rate spiked, and a rosy tint started rising in his face. “You don’t mean that,” he soothed, voice just above a whisper.

“I do,” you looked straight into his eyes. They were glazed over in something you couldn’t describe and probably never would.

“According to research, a-about 63% of people have admitted to saying something they regret while intoxicated,” he reasoned out, holding onto your hand.

“Another study found that 54% of those confessions are things they genuinely feel, Spence,” he realized you clearly weren’t out-of-it enough to not hit him with his own statistics. He couldn’t speak, and he really couldn’t think either. His adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed hard, eyes dancing around your face. His heart jumped up and down as an innocent desire swept through his veins.

Did you really mean that? Was he not the only one who stole small glances in the bullpen? Was he not alone in his heartbreak when watching someone else flirt with you? Surely, this was a symptom of the alcohol. Maybe-

“It’s so hot in here,” you broke the silence, breaking away from him. He swallowed hard, eyes moving hesitantly away from your face.

“I’ll uh, I’ll change your thermostat,” he stood up, moving towards the hall.

“Thank you, Spence,” you lied down, sniffling once more.

He gave up on having you take out your contacts or change your clothes. He just spread another blanket over you, shutting off the lights. He even took the liberty of setting your alarm. Before he left, he heard you mumble a small, “Good night, Spence.”

He smiled, sighing.

“Good night.”

—

“Hey, Pretty Girl, didn’t have too much fun last night, did you?” Morgan laughed. He couldn’t see you rolling your eyes under the sunglasses that shielded you from another migraine.

“Ha-ha,” you set your stuff down. “That’s me laughing at your funny joke.”

“Honestly, I’m shocked you didn’t show up with Boy Genius, this morning,” he crossed his arms. “Leaving together from the bar, going back to your place-“

“Derek, nothing happened,” you huffed. At least, you THOUGHT nothing happened. The events of the last twelve hours were an honest blur.

“Okay, okay, I yield,” he threw up his hands, going back to his own work. You turned to see Spencer walking in at about the same time.

He had replayed your words in his mind about a thousand times, maybe more. Did you really mean it when you said you loved having him as your boyfriend? Maybe you said that to every guy who took you home drunk. He thought going through all the possibilities would make it easier to face you, in the morning. He proved himself wrong.

You pulled off your glasses, standing up. As he sat down at his desk, you leaned over it.

“I wanted to say thank you for last night,” you spoke softly, not out of secret, but out of vulnerability.

“It’s no trouble,” he smiled. “I just wanted to make sure you got home safe,” he looked up at you, moving some files around his desk.

“I really, really appreciate it,” you spoke apologetically. “I wasn’t too much… trouble, was I?” You smiled nervously. “When i’m inebriated, my inhibitions tend to…” you trailed off, trying to find the words.

“Disappear?” He smiled, laughing a little.

“Yeah…”

“You weren’t any trouble,” he reassured you, voice steady. “Actually, it was,” he smiled. “It was nice.”

“Nice?” you laughed, feeling your headache melt away at his soft voice.

“Being able to take care of you,” he defended playfully. “I don’t usually get to do that; it’s usually the other way around,” he tucked a strand of his hair behind his ear, looking up at your soft smile. “There was something I wanted to talk about, though…” Your heart skipped a beat.

“Crap, did I do something weird last night? I’m so sorry, if I did, I never-“

“No, no, nothing like that,” he laughed nervously. “You uhm…” he grabbed the back of his neck. He wanted to know if you really felt the same way he did. He wanted to know if you would hold his hand like that while sober. He wanted you. “Would you like to, maybe, get together sometime again?” He squeaked out, smiling shyly. “Maybe, this time, without the alcohol?” You smiled at his offer.

“I absolutely would, Spence,” you giggled out, tapping a nail habitually on the screen dividing your desks. He sighed a sigh of relief.

“Cool,” he pursed his lips together in a smile.

“Cool,” you mirrored him subconsciously.

Maybe it wasn’t just for the night.

(‼️💕THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO REQUESTED PART TWO. REQUESTS ALWAYS OPEN💕‼️)

[wannabe-skinni-qween]

tw vent

genuinely so fucking sick and tired of everything. hate myself more than anything, but so does literally everyone so what does it matter. no matter how much i struggle someone in the world has it worse. i have a perfect life, perfect family, perfect house, perfect everything. im the only problem with all of this. other ppl do so much for me and love me and take care of me but it js makes me angry. ik im an awful person for saying this and ppl r gna hate me but i js need to talk, i wish i had it worse. i tell people this shit and i always get "no u dont u dk what its like its horrible you dont want this" but i do.

i wish i'd have been SA'd, i wish i'd have been abused, i wish i did drugs, i wish my parents hated me. idk why but i just crave sickness so much. i want to be sick beyond help to the point where it consumes my life and i finally have enough motivation to kms. the only reason i cvt is because i want to get addicted to it.

its been like this for years. the only thing i want in life is attention, idc how i get it or who i get it from. i live on it. yk those coaches on here? i dont block them a lot of the time. i give them exactly what they want because they tell me i have a pretty face. ik theyre lying but its all i need to hear. i send nood pics to old men all the time. men who know im a minor and love it. they dont love me as a person tho and its fine.

i worry that people wont care abt me when im an adult. like i wont be a child anymore, i wont be taken care of. ill get a lame job and meet a lame man and have a shitty wedding and shit out ugly babies that look exactly like me, and grow up to hate themselves exactly as i do now.

i plan on dying before i turn 18. but time is moving too fast and im getting too close to my deadline, so im trying to make everything worth it before i go. its hard to do that tho, i dont have any friends irl, i dont go to school. i go to a school made for retarded kids a few hours a week. i dont do anything while im there. js stare at the words because i genuinely cnt read it properly. like ik what the words say (though it can take a minute) but i dont understand anything. all i do is sit in my room and wait until someone talks to me.

and there's no way for me to ever feel better because i dnt want to. im a terrible person because of that and i dont like it, but it wont ever change

ik probably nobody even read this (i yap sm 😭) but i js needed to get some stuff off my chest

[chocochozi]

Regret.

Pairing : Tomioka Giyuu x Reader

Warning : Angst, angst, and a little bit more of angst, character death, arrange marriage themes, altering of the original story line.

☆•☆•☆•☆•☆•☆•☆•☆•☆•☆•☆•☆•☆•☆

The dim moonlight shines through your open window as you toss and turn in your futon, 'I can't sleep..' you groan in frustration, you have an important meeting to attend to later early in the morning. unexpectedly, you heard a 'thud' outside your window, but for some reason it sounded.. close.

You brushed it off and got back to trying to sleep, then, your ears perked up to the sound of an unfamiliar voice. You open your eyes, only to be met by a tall frame that climbed through your window.

"Ah, finally, an adult..im so fucking hungry.." you quickly stood up from your position earlier, a soft gasp escaping your lips as you face the large frame of a demon. you screamed. At the speed of light, you turned around and ran for your life, warning your servants to get out and that there was a demon in the mansion.

"Protect the lad-" before the maid even finished her sentence, she was shut down swiftly by the demon, cutting her in half by her waist.

"AIKA!" you cried, her life less body now laid on the wooden floor, her own blood pooling under her.

The demon put his now, bloodied claw infront of his face, his long tongue coming out inside his mouth to lick the blood that splattered on his claw. You ran and ran and ran, as he continued to chase you, until finally, a man with long raven hair stepped infront of you, killing the demon in an instant. "Are you okay?" the man turned to you, checking if you have any injury.

"After all of that? Of course not." You sniffled,

'Right, good point.' He thought, "Is this your blood?" he pointed at your Yukata,

"Not mine, my servant's.." a sob escaped your lips at the mention of your servant who you share a bond with.

"Are they okay?" he looked around searching for, what you assume, more demons.

"No..Aika, she's.." you couldn't even finish the sentence, a flashback of Aika making eye contact with you as she got cut in half replayed in your mind, tears started to stream down on your cheeks more.

Suddenly, you felt a hand raise your head by the chin, you looked up at the man, making eye contact with his ocean blue orbs. he then put his other hands up to your face and wiped the tears that has been spilling.

"Shh, i know how you feel. Lets get to your house first, let me check for more demons," his voice was gentle, and his words brings you comfort by the thought of finally being safe. You then nodded at him as a response. "Do you have any other people in your mansion other than Aika?"

"Yes, there's a few more. but before i fled the mansion, i warned them of the demon so that they can also leave. i hope they're safe.." you whispered the last few words to your self but the man heard it.

After he checked, and reassured that everything was okay, you gave him a basket full of fruits as a thank you. He refused at first, saying that its his 'job' to save people from demons but you insisted. He then, reluctantly took the basket. You also asked for his name, he simply replied,

"Giyuu Tomioka."

Ever since then, when ever you see the raven haired hashira, you always made a point to stop what you're doing and greet him or even stick around him if you or he wasn't too busy. Sure, most of your conversations are just you talking but you're okay with that, he eventually warmed up to you after a few weeks of you sticking around him without getting tired. That's when the two of you became close friends, he loves you, yes. But just, platonically. You, on the other hand, has a stronger feeling for him, you yearn for him.

Tomioka wasn't busy this afternoon, so the two of you decided to spend time with each other in your garden. There was a comfortable silence between the two of you. "Hey?," You turned to him, both of you were sitting on the grass, surrounded by beautiful flowers. He simply replied with a humm and continue to inspect the flower crown you hand made for him that was in his hands, He was really amazed by how the stems intertwined with each other.

Your heart was tight in your chest as you contemplated whether now was the time to bare your soul to the man beside you. The uncertainty weighed heavily on you, making it difficult to breathe as you struggled to find the right words to express your emotions. A nervous pause, your lips was quivering as though they were trying to fight back a flood of words "I-..i love you, but not in a platonic way, Tomioka." The words slipped out with a half-whisper, barely audible.

Tomioka's eyes could only go wide as those sentence leaves your lips.

"I..can't."

That single word hit you like a ton of bricks, you felt your heart shatter inside your chest.

"I appreciate your honesty and willingness to share your feelings with me, but I'm afraid I can't give you the answer you're looking for. As much as I care for you, I see you more as a close friend or family member than a romantic interest. I understand if this hurts, but I hope we can still be friends and move forward from this." You bit your lip and just nodded, just what can you even do? You can't force him to like you. "Now, if you may excuse me, my lady. I'll go now." He stood up, bowed, and brushed the dusts and grass that stuck to his haori and pants off, leaving you all alone in your garden.

"My lady, huh?" You scoff to yourself. You hated it when he treats or speaks like that to you, and he knows it. When it comes to him, your facade of being an 'important figure' in your village, crumbles. You were able to be 'normal' with him, making you forget about your elegant manners, choice of words and etiquette the moment the two of you were left alone. You didn't see him for a few days, and those days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months, and you still haven't heard nor seen the raven haired man.

You prayed that nothing bad had happened to him.

One inevitable evening, your mansion was graced by the presence of your mother and father. Your father was seated on a Zabuton, and your mother also sat beside him, for some reason, your mother wasn't like her usual self, her expression was of, pity or sad. But why? You asked yourself. "Another royalty, asked for you hand in marriage."

You weren't surprise. This particular situation has happened a lot of time that you wouldn't even be able to count with your fingers and toes how many times this had happened. But of course, you were able to fend them off because of your high status. Plus, your heart also beats for another. "Well? just do the same thing, father. This occasion had happened many times, and those many times, i told you to say to them the same thing."

"My dear, this one is different..much more different than the last royalties and high class people asking for your hand in marriage." Your fathers eye avoided yours. His words intrigued you. 'Different?', you raised a brow.

"What exactly is so.. 'different' from this person that someone such high class like you, father. Couldn't even save me from an arrange marriage?"

"He's a person with much greater power than us, dear. In the letters he sent, he threatened to end our entire life and massacre the entire village if we, or you refused the marriage proposal." your mother chimed in. Her voice was much quieter than the usual gentle, soft, and timid voice your mother has.

You froze.

You couldn't believe it, "What?.." you breathe out.

"That's absurd! are you really threatening me with my peoples life's, the both of you, and mine?!" You lashed out, you can't believe your parents would arrange such a messed up story just to make you marry someone. After all, no person in this word could do that..right?

"Unfortunately, we are telling the truth." Your father could only lay his head low, his eyes looking at the table infront of the three of you.

"Here, this is the letter." Your mother leaned and slides the enveloped on your side of the table. You observed the crest, it looks like a half moon but downwards with a circle at the top of the half moon where the ends doesn't meet each other.

"The family crest of the Ito's.." you whispered to yourself. you didn't bother to read the letter, you knew of this family and were well aware how powerful they are. You let out a sharp breath. 'Think, think, what can i do to get out of this situation?' Even if you want to run away, your parent's and your innocent peoples life's are in the line, so that option is off the chart. You slowly stood up, "When is he free to meet? Tell him i'd like to get to know him and discuss the marriage in person." You mumbled,

You inhaled deeply, 'Its for the better.' You tried to convince yourself, 'maybe.. just maybe, this person will love me the way i loved you..'

After your parents had wrote back to Hanzo who you believed was the person who wanted to marry you, he sent a letter back agreeing and was quick to say that he will meet you as soon as possible.

As you read the letter from Hanzo, a wave of sadness washed over you. You had loved Giyuu for so long, but you never thought you would be forced to marry someone else. The thought of your life with Giyuu, the happiness you shared with him, all seemed so distant now.

Hanzo did so as he promised, You tried to make the best of the situation, going on dates with the new suitor and finding common ground with him. he was nice, has a handsome face, you found out that he was just three years older that you, you were okay with that. He took you out on a nice date and was very conciderate of what you like, and dislike. 'How can someone like you threaten the live's of a thousand people?' You thought, However, your heart remained with Giyuu, and you could not shake the feeling that you had made a mistake.

And so, the news came out that you were getting married to another royalty. And this news of course, reached the ears of a certain dark haired hashira. He was surprised to hear about this, but was happy for you for finding someone to spend your eternity with.

On the day of your wedding, you walked down the aisle, trying to suppress the feelings of sadness and regret that were swirling inside you. As you stood before the altar, you couldn't help but think of Giyuu, imagining him as the man you were to be wed with.

After the wedding, you moved into a new home with your new husband, trying to make the most of your new life together. Although, the emptiness you felt inside continued to haunt you,

As time passed from that fateful day in the garden, the months transformed into years. He constantly sent you letter after letter and making efforts to visit you at your mansion. Yet, none of his attempts were met with a response from you, and he eventually decided to honor your silence and let you heal at your own pace.

You knew of his letters and visits in your mansion, but continuesly ignored it until he stopped. The time passed by quickly for you, and your affection for Giyuu began to fade. You focused on your life and your husband.

One day, all of the hashira was summoned for a mission a highly dangerous mission involving a powerful demon; Muzan Kibutsuji. Giyuu tried to focus on the task at hand, but he felt a sense of dread settling in his chest. If something happened to him, he wouldn't have another chance to tell you how he really felt. He knew that he had to say something, no matter how difficult it would be. He wrote a letter to you, pouring out his feelings and expressing his deep regret for leaving you and for being a coward,

To My Dearest [Name],

It has been many years since I last spoke with you, and I fear that my silence has only caused you more pain and suffering. I want you to know that my silence was never due to a lack of love or affection for you, but rather it was my own cowardice and fears that held me back.

I was afraid that if I confessed my feelings for you, I would put you in danger. I was afraid that my love for you would cause you pain, or worse, harm. And so, I stayed silent, I pushed my feelings down, and I never told you the truth.

But as time went on, it became clear that my fear and hesitation were only preventing us from being happy. I know now that love is worth the risk, and that the love we shared was worth fighting for.

I will always regret my cowardice, my inability to confess my feelings for you, and my lack of courage to face the challenges of love. But I will never regret the love I felt for you.

Please know that you are always in my heart, and that even though we may never be together in this life, I hope that we will find each other again in the next.

Yours Truly,

Tomioka.

The day of the mission arrived, and Giyuu and his fellow hashira set out to face the powerful demon. The battle was fierce, and Giyuu fought with all his strength. But in the midst of the chaos, he was struck down by Muzan's powerful attack. As he lay on the ground, weakened and bleeding, he thought about you, and the letter he had written. He hoped that it would find its way to you, and that you would know the truth about how he felt.

He lingered on the brink of death, his heart weighed down by his regrets and unfinished business. Finally, he took a deep breath and let out a final sigh as the light fades.

Sadly, his letter never reached you.

♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡

[bungiri]

FINALLY got around to doing a slight redesign for wren and figuring out how i wanna draw her SO HERE SHE IS !!!

posted some close ups way under the cut bc i didn't realize how small my handwriting is IM SORRY

if u don't know her yet here's my stardew valley expanded based farmer oc her name is wren <3 she's a half witch who isn't very good at magic, but is more capable than people tend to think.

EDIT: ok i still get likes on this as of the day i’m editing this post so i thought i’d mention that this is outdated asfk. if ur at all interested in seeing wren’s new intro page u can find it here although it’s not as detailed as this one is

the only person who consistently believes in her and has never doubted her is her father, alejandro, who is an experienced adventurer based in pelican town. he is well known in various guilds (specifically the castle village guild) for not only his physical strength and mastery of the sword, but his optimism and abilities as a natural born leader. since he's a member of the guild in pelican town, he'd often bring wren to town since she was a little girl all the way to the present day.

on the other side, wren's mother, dolores, is much more critical of her and has had high expectations of her since childhood. she expects wren to practice her magic by the book and strive for perfection. protective and often overbearing, dolores wants wren to remain in their small town without consideration for her daughter's desires. the two of them bond over their love of fashion and dolores often spends a lot of time making clothing and accessories for wren to wear by hand.

as much as i want to make this an infodump about her Lore, i don't wanna give away too much bc i wanna do vague art about it first !!! she has 2 very good reasons for running away to the farm and is quickly overwhelmed as she tries to adjust to her new life and make money. she isn't gonna quit though because she doesn't wanna have to do the Walk Of Shame back home and admit to anyone that she couldn't do it. thankfully some of the townspeople (marnie, marlon, pierre, gus, linus) are familiar with her and help her out in her first few weeks.

i don't have a clue what isaac's backstory will be like but the idea that he and wren are childhood enemies is drilled into my brain LMAO. they haven't set aside that childhood beef because when they reunite as adults they're still snarky and hostile towards each other. isaac thinks she's a spoiled nepo baby who has only gotten accepted into the pelican town guild + is being considered for castle village entry because her dad is so cherished in the scene and he thinks they can't outright say no to her. he also believes that she's not cut out for Adventurer Life™️ and that she should just stick to farming and failing at magic or whatever it is she does. wren can also be very reckless (she gets it from alejandro) which isaac believes can possibly put not only herself but other people in danger (Valid Point). wren is stubborn though and is sick of people doubting her. isaac has never been particularly nice to her in the first place so why should she listen to him fr !!! however things happen and they eventually smooch so ?!?!?? enemies to lovers.

idk what Else to add pls do ask questions if u want,, i'll definitely be doing more art of her soon

CLOSE UPS !!! not very detailed thoughts just some notes hopefully u can read it

[shiftingconfessions]

This is in regards to the anonymous person who posted this:

https://www.tumblr.com/shiftingconfessions/749008567732944896/though-i-do-like-how-open-everything-is-on-here-i?source=share

I completely understand why you don't want to be with or interact with those people. Fetishizing shifters are weird asf. They throw shade into the shifting community and make us look bad.

And by fetishizing shifters, I mean those who sexualize or objectify teens and shift because of it.

That means that the only thing that attracts them to those characters is just because they're kids or teens (in this reality as adults, BTW), and from the moment they aren't that anymore, they're not attracted to them.

Not when they age themselves down but when they shift as adults to be with young people.

This is different than: 

-adult shifters aging themselves down to experience healthy teenage years 

-experience teenage romance (like a healthy one) because of trauma due to either a lack of that experience or a very negative one.

-or just they never experienced that and want to know what it feels like.

Or they simply want to be teens without any weird, perverse afterthought.

Oh, and btw, this doesn't mean that an adult doing this is attracted to minors in this reality (not necessarily some people are like this, but I'm not talking about them).

You can be a gay dude in this reality and shift to experiencing a heterosexual relationship. Those people shift to experience something they do not in this reality, which is being a teen attracted to other teens.

Those shifters are not like "oohhhh minors"; they want to heal from their trauma, experience a childhood fantasy of theirs, or just shift to a reality they made when they were like 15 or 16 years old. They are like 20 now and haven't shifted yet, but they still try. These people i have nothing against i'm one of those people btw.

(I'm shifting to finally know what it feels like to be a happy teen, have a close group of friends, have a boyfriend going to school, be lighthearted and happy, not with a big ass pit in my stomach. Idgaf sue me, saying that life was stolen from me and I'm going to get it back.)

Another anonymous post that sort of explains what I think about it: 

https://www.tumblr.com/shiftingconfessions/746848732012822528/sometimes-i-hate-the-shifting-community-why-are?source=share

You are right. You do not have to deal with them if you are not fine with it due to trauma. Your feelings are valid, so do not let people tell you otherwise. You want to block them? Fine, do it.

And also, I get why you are uncomfortable with race changers, as a POC, I understand. The opinion I have about it's the same as this one: 

https://www.tumblr.com/shiftingconfessions/747492438249209856/im-going-to-give-my-opinion-on-race-changing-when?source=share

So, to conclude Is that so bad? that you don't want to interact with those people? No, you don't have to feel bad about it. You don't want to interact with those people. You have the right to not interact with them. 

Don't lie to them. Listen to yourself and what makes you comfortable.

.

[diorkyeom]

‘✷’ : you be my venus, and i'll be your sun | TEASER

[ masterlist ]

joshua x dokyeom, slice of life, non-idols, fluff, pining, literature teacher!dokyeom, music teacher!joshua

teaser word count: 684 (full fic ~15-20k)

warnings: mlm fic, curse words, adults drinking alcohol, probably loads of existential crises on seokmin's part

notes: im so!! excited for this pls it's my first chaptered fic under diorkyeom and my first fic in General in, well, almost a year. so, haha, i hope you enjoy <3

summary: "lately, seokmin had come to a realisation. joshua hong, seokmin thought, was a little bit of an enigma." - in which seokmin has known joshua for years, but he's always been a bit of a mystery to him. and as the days go by, he finds himself falling further and further for the enigmatic man, wanting to find out who the real Joshua Hong is behind his polite smiles and warm eyes and sweet words.

wanna be tagged?

Sometimes, it was easy to forget that Joshua hadn’t been with them for the entire time. Some years ago, fresh out of university, Jeonghan had announced that he’d be buying a house with his best friend, and that was the first time any of them had heard anything about Joshua Hong. 

They’d all met him for the first time at the housewarming party Jeonghan had had, and he’d pinched Mingyu’s cheeks and asked Jihoon if he was the youngest out of the group and that had been that. Instantly, Joshua had joined their group of friends, and had become their thirteenth and final member.

Now, Seokmin might not have known Joshua the longest, but he had known him for long enough. Long enough to probably know at least a few embarrassing or personal stories about him. But, no matter what Joshua said, he had to say that he didn’t think he knew all that much about him.

But he should at least know some things about Joshua. Right?

Seokmin looked over at Joshua, who was sipping water from a plastic Winnie the Pooh cup, eyes sparkling as he watched Junhui waving his hands while telling the others a story. He squinted his eyes, trying to properly scrutinise his hyung, trying to think about what he knew about him.

But Seokmin. Seokmin was definitely more than a little drunk, and he had Hansol’s seagull-squawk laugh in his ears, and Jeonghan’s house was always so warm and comforting and it made his already creaky brain practically come to a full stop.

So as Seokmin looked at Joshua’s side profile, all he could think about was the delicate slope of Joshua’s nose, the way his cheeks were flushed due to the warmth of thirteen people squished in one room, the way his eyes crinkled so prettily, the way his laugh sounded like music, the way—

“I think I’m going to go to my room,” Joshua said, and suddenly he was all up in Seokmin’s personal space, lips close to his ear so he could hear him properly. He smelled soft, Seokmin thought faintly. Whatever that meant. “It’s too noisy.”

“R—ight,” Seokmin said, and suddenly he felt like he could feel his pulse pounding in his wrists. His brain was basically nonexistent now, and his tongue felt sticky, bitter alcohol all around his mouth. “Um, rest well, hyung.”

Joshua smiled at him, and it was his soft-cotton smile that made Seokmin’s dizzy head feel a little more grounded. He stood up from the floor, making his way across the crowded living room and attempting to leave. Seokmin found himself watching him, watching as Joshua was accosted by a mildly tipsy Seungcheol, watching as Joshua smiled teasingly and warmly in a honey-golden kind of way which seemed to satisfy Seungcheol enough to let him go.

Hm. 

Seokmin wouldn’t deny that he was just a little bit mesmerised, not just because Joshua’s smile was so pretty, but because he’d smiled… differently. Like he knew exactly how to deal with both Seokmin and Seungcheol, navigating those situations effortlessly.

But what was Joshua like? What was he truly like? Seokmin wasn’t sure he had a clue. Perhaps Joshua smiled softly to him and warmly to Seungcheol and gazed at Jeonghan fondly, but what was Joshua’s real self? How was he when he wasn’t laughing at Soonyoung’s stories or crying over Seungkwan’s skits or making awkwardly endearing mistakes that feel almost like he’d thought them through before he’d enacted them?

Seokmin didn’t know. He’d never thought about it before, but now he had, and he realised that he really didn’t know.

Joshua didn’t look back as he walked out of the living room and up the stairs, but Seokmin watched him all the same, mind buzzing with alcohol and fuzzy cotton and smiling warmth.

For the rest of the night, Joshua was all that Seokmin could think about.

[1moreoffkeyanthem]

ryry will you tell us about the ojv sp parents! or their relationships with the sp boys? like stan ft shelley ( love stan and shell) sharon and rancid ( ik u touched on that one but im nosy ) or like kyle ft. the broflovskis? those dynamics? or how the broflovskis feel abt stan and stan’s parents abt kyle, vice versa? ill also accept star seven fam situations anythin u want go crazy go stupid

( also i love u mwahmwahmwahmwahmwaaaah )

Oh I ABSOLUTELY WILL!!! And I will get WAY too into it!!! Gonna be sticking with the Marshes and Broflovskis this ask, but I’ll get to the rest of the ojv star seven sometime! (This bouta be convoluted tbh)

So starting with my darling Stanathan, Sharon and Randy Jackass Marsh divorced for good when our boy was 12. At this point the only thing Shelley and Stan agreed on was that their parents should NOT be together and when shit was finalized they were both like FUCK YEAH MOM TAKE US OFF THIS FARM!!! And Sharon moved them back into their old house. Randy’s pretty much all over the place and not NEARLY the dad he thinks he is, but the kids still have to spend weekends at the farm a few times a month.

And like a lot of little kids, especially little boys, Stan REALLY looked up to his dad when he was younger. Like that’s his dad, the “cool” parent. But about the time Stan turned 10 and his mental health went through a really bad spot, he started to see the world a LOT less idealistically and ESPECIALLY started seeing the nuance of the people in his life. A lot of people are selfish. And his father is a prime example of that.

That’s not to say OrangeJuiceVerse Randy is truly insidious. He’s not. He just genuinely doesn’t think about anything that doesn’t directly affect him, or acknowledge that his actions can hurt other people. He’s selfish. And a lot of the reason Shelley and Stan had a rocky relationship when they’re young is because she’s four years older than her brother, and she sees their dad for all his bullshit long before Stan does, and a 14 year old Shelley is honestly jealous of that innocence. That, and the general teenage angst, but once they’re on the same page, it’s very “Annoyed Siblings vs Parents Who Need To Get Their Shit Together”. Like Sharon and Randy will be fighting again and they just share that Sibling Look lmao.

That brings me to my queen Sharon. That woman’s highest priority is her kids, always, which is a lot of the reason she gets so exasperated with Randy. Like during Stan’s stint as the poster child football star of South Park, well after the divorce, she is calling him up like “REALLY RANDY?!? You’ll use our boy to promote your weed business but can’t be bothered to come to a single game?!?” She and Sheila have also been essentially second mothers to their sons sbfs forever, and the families have been fused for style’s entire lives.

Also, Stan is a total mamas boy. Both his own and Kyle’s. He has been known to call his mother ‘dude’ because he calls everyone that and he’s very “yes ma’am” with Sheila most of the time but they’re so close that once he called HER dude and she wasn’t even phased she just likes that Stan likes her enough to feel comfortable like that lmfao. He and Sheila tag team being overly concerned about Kyle and they totally gang up on him when he’s not taking care of himself.

With Stan and Gerald, it’s a really casual thing. Like they’re mostly chill towards each other. Unless Gerald is around Randy, in which case Gerald’s dumbass tendencies come out full force, because Gerald’s kind of an idiot but he’s pretty harmless other than some minor cyber bullying and Randy Shenanigans.

So Ike. Ike and Stan have SO much fun together, especially as they get older, like they’re playing video games together, especially the puzzle games that frustrate Kyle, and when Ike’s in high school he goes to Stan for advice on things he’s too embarrassed to ask his brother about (Stan is not the person to ask for advice) and it’s so funny bc like they’re adults and Kyle will wake up at 3am for water and Stan’s in the office on the GTA RP with Ike and they’re trying to get kicked out of servers by pissing off the mods

Kyle time bois!!! As much as he tries to deny it, he is a LOT like his mother. He can be stubborn and reactive, sometimes preachy, but they’re like that because they just care so damn much about everything and everyone. If there’s an injustice to be found, they’re fighting it. And they’re both incredibly nurturing and passionate about loved ones. But because they’re so much alike, they tend to argue. At the end of the day, though, Kyle loves his mom and she loves him.

His relationship with his father was a little strained in high school. Gerald’s well meaning encouragement to push Kyle to succeed came off as IMPOSSIBLE expectations and the pressure Ky felt was on him was enormous, because Gerald really sucks at communication in a sensitive way. He actually felt a lot of guilt, for a long time, about unintentionally stressing his son out to the point that it got to. Kyle didn’t blame him really, mostly himself for getting so carried away, but he did have to learn to take everything Gerald says with a grain of salt.

Kyle and Ike ayyyyyy! Dude even if Kyle kind of terrorized Ike when he was like 8 because he thought that’s what big brothers were supposed to do, he grows into the best big brother and it’s HILARIOUS when Ike’s in middle school and Kyle’s trying WAY too hard to be cool and friends with him and Ike CONSISTENTLY reads him for absolute filth, makes fun of him for everything he can, and rips on him. He has totally told him that he likes Stan better and Kyle was like “yeah, well so do I!” “no shit, homo!” It’s all in good fun, they really love each other a lot, and if anyone fucks with Ike? They are getting the Kyle Rage Volcano.

Shelleys always been kinda indifferent towards all Stan’s friends unless they’re bothering her, but when Kyle and Stan got together, she gave him the ‘take care of my baby brother’ speech. Over the years they come to know each other pretty well, are even friends, maybe not as close as Stan and Ike, but still.

Kyle and Sharon are lowkey BESTIES dude Kyle is Team Sharon from day one. He adores his mother in law, sits with her at football games, loves gushing over Stan with her, just really enjoys her company. As a kid it’s because her more quiet nature is a break from his own mom, but as he gets older, he is the CAPTAIN of Sharon Defense Squad, because

Kyle does not like Randy. And OrangeJuiceVerse Kyle is someone who truly wants to see the good in everyone, give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Not Randy. Like he was 7 years old witnessing Randy Bullshit and he was like “dude your dads a jackass” and Stan was all “he’s okay” but over the years that exasperation with his best friend’s dad turned into an actual grudge, because how could this deranged man not see the emotional toll he was taking on his own son? Why didn’t he care about Stan? Didn’t he give a shit that he was hurting Kyle’s favorite person in the entire world? And Kyle does NOT try to hide the fact that he hates Randy, out here glaring at him, telling him off when he does something stupid (and it’s scary tbh, like OJV Kyle isn’t very intimidating until he’s mad, then he’s snapping like an angry fox) like bruh Kyle was SCREAMING at Randy kicking him out of the wedding for bringing alcohol to his SOBER SON like an uncaring dick, meanwhile Stan was more upset that his dad bothered a beehive lmfao. Kyle ‘Speak No Evil Take No Shit’ Broflovski, everyone. Randy’s a little scared of him.

That’s what I got, my dearest, THANK YOU FOR ASKING I LOVE THINKING ABT OJV!!!

[bastardrobocop]

not being funny, not being melodramatic i hope, but i feel like the last year has broken me in a lot of ways. 2023 i mean. i watched a long term relationship disintegrate in my hands until the ultimate betrayal of my trust and safety. i was so stressed and so fucked up all the time.

and now like, i can feel im withdrawing from my friends, im engaging in unhealthy behaviors i will not specify here, despite it all im more lonely than ive ever been, my hobbies are starting to feel like dust in my mouth, and while i'm not actively suicidal, the thought isnt far from my mind in that nasty intrusive thought sort of way.

there are nice things. i have the place to myself. the bed to myself. its quiet. but i feel like ive exhausted the amount of patience people have with me talking about what ive gone through. and as is the nature of things i dont feel as though ive built character or come through hardened. i feel mad. hurt. i want to hurt xer back somehow. take something back because something was taken from me. i feel like i have no recourse. god knows if xe'll hurt someone like xe hurt me again. but thats not even my primary motivation. i just hate feeling like theres nothing. no justice. no satisfaction. nothing that makes being raped a more tolerable experience, which is a silly thing to say. but you understand, right? like, sure i could post somewhere highly visible "In December of 2023 well known SCP Wiki author UraniumEmpire sexually assaulted me" but like what would that accomplish? it sure would put me under a microscope. its a surreal sentence too. hard to explain why. maybe its ultraminor celebrity combined with knowledge that inevitably it can just be denied and nobody will listen.

you know before now i never really noticed how much people fetishize sexual assault? "CNC" and the like. i dont care for it. i dont think they know. its frustrating as an adult online trying to navigate adult spaces. i know its an odd topic, but im fully stream of consciousness right now. i'll see something and it hits me in the gut and so i block the user or close the thing or leave the discord call. yet another addition to the list of things that make my tastes so exacting.

i feel like i should come to some overall point but the only thing coming to mind right now is just 'i hate this'. and i do. i hate this so much. i'm crying a lot more. at stupid things. weird things. memories. dreams. this post. the funny thing is that despite it all, despite the content, despite everything, i hope people read it. i like feeling like i exist. i like feeling real to other people. reminding folks that im not just a joke machine. i have an internal world. i have had a life that's lead me here and despite advantages it has not been good.

did i ever talk about how my high school graduation went? odd digression, bear with me. i feel like its emblematic of how things typically go for me. it's the day i graduate high school. i come downstairs to find my mother on skype with my kansas family. my grandfather is dying. they put him on skype. i watch him die over skype. after sitting alone for some time, i tell my parents i do not want to go through with high school graduation. i am forced to regardless. it is the most miserable day of my life. nobody listens to what i need in the moment. i go through with it, and then we are all shepherded to some kind of entertainment center. for reasons i cannot fathom, we are not allowed to leave for a couple hours. enforced fun time. they bring a stage hypnotist. i sit in silence and watch his antics. i get up and ask one of the people supervising us if i can leave now. they finally say yes. my mother takes me home. she asks if i have a nice time. i say of course i didnt. we drive home in silence.

i have have very rarely felt understood. very rarely felt like i was built to exist in the world. i feel as though i have an expiration date beyond the obvious one. i have grown older and watched people i know operate normally in the world and wondered how they do it. it never clicked for me. autism, transness, otherings. experts looked at me, told me i needed accommodations. never really got them, or they didnt help.

this is getting too long. i asked myself partway through if this was a suicide note but concluded that it wasn't. this is primarily because im scared if i die, they'll separate my cats. adopt them to different homes. they're best friends, they should not be kept apart. i love my cats, even when they're breaking shit and tearing open trash bags.

final paragraph. this whole post thing is probably going to sound embarrassing to me when i have hindsight on it. oh well. i am going to hit the post button now.

[skunkes]

wrt last reblog I also saw something recently that resonated with me, adjacent to it.

OP of the video im talking about explained that making friends is hard as an adult, but what if you finally make a friend and after a few hangouts you realize you dont actually like them? She goes on to say that she doesn't want to be friends with people she only Kind Of likes, because she had to do that all through her teenage years (likely at school).

But meeting people you instantly click with and have foundations for a real friendship is rare, so what are you supposed to do? Friend-break-up with someone? That's just rude. But having to maintain friendship with someone you only sort of like is also exhausting...

I made a new, quickly very close friend recently and was talking about dis to them, I talked about how I struggle making friends but after seeing some people's online circles I'm okay with that. Because I don't know how people juggle having so many acquaintances/Not Actual Friends. I could never do that. I want my time to go to myself and others I love and not having to either find excuses for plans I don't actually want to partake in or feel like I have to hang out with acquaintances for "maintenance" or to "reset the required hangout timer."

Hoping that doesnt sound Evil...having to do that with acquaintances is just one of those Life things, its normal but I'd prefer not have to do it more than I have to...ykwim

And how do you tell someone "um well its not that i dont like you but I cant imagine our friendship ever deepening to a point where im super comfortable with you and actively want to spend lots of time with you sooo bye!"

Not every friendship needs to be like that btw, acquaintances are important but one would rather just have more time to spend with the people they DO connect with better.

Also acquaintance doesn't automatically mean bad! I have acquaintances that I enjoy talking to and hanging out with even though we wont ever be Besties, I guess this post was more focused on acquaintances where the feeling is more like. They like you way way way more than you like them...

Idk. Last post reminded me of that. Its hard to make friends and I also dont seek it out because Id rather not have to also forever juggle a sea of pushy acquaintances while searching for the deep connections (which I'm so lucky to have found more often, by chance. Guess I just have to keep waiting around to get lucky.)

Meeting people you can actually connect with DOES take so much energy and time. And its hard to just stop contacting the people you dont click with along the way sometimes. So much energy to maintain the same level of effort and emotional investment across multiple different relationships when I'd rather just be deepening bonds with the people I do have/finding more of those Exact Same Bonds. Idk!

Weird type of lonely. I dont want to be friends with people I only sort of like...

[booasaur]

As someone at 27 y/o bi leaning towards women.. who’s born in a country that doesn’t support lgbt rights and also in the closet because of homophobic dad/relatives, im honestly so upset by this. The only way I can live my truth is to live vicariously through the wlw media that I consume and it fuckin hurts. It’s heartbreaking that even just being who I am is impossible and the only way I can is being ripped away from me. I don’t know how much more I can take, especially during pride month

Oof, I get you, anon. When it's your only outlet to something that for others can manifest in so many life-changing ways, crushes, first kisses, dating, sex, marriage, children, it can be so stifling when even the one avenue you have is closed off. And however far away it's happening, it's a reminder of the same homophobia and restrictions you see right around you, so it feels even more hopeless, knowing that in places that are supposedly better off, there are still these major battles to be fought.

I don't know your exact situation, but here are some of the things that helped me come to terms with these same frustrations:

First, focus on individual people more than trends. That's tough to do, for sure, especially when, again, you see so much homophobia directly around you so it seems ubiquitous, but if you're particularly taking WN's case to heart, remember that as much as Netflix tried to shut it down, the cast and crew fought for it! For all these cancellations, there are people who made the original media in the first place and tried to keep it going. It's not hopeless, there's so much support and so many allies.

This next part might be hard to accept, and you know, maybe it's not what'll work for you, but for me, I really did have to learn to not get really deep into any one show or ship. When things are good, they're so good, it all sucks you in, you check the updates all the time, and maybe most importantly, there's this whole community you become a part of. But when you lose it, not if, because in f/f you will, even if things end well, there aren't enough people to keep it going, the more you've made it a part of your life, the more you feel that loss.

All fans should exercise moderation and keep things in perspective, but I'm speaking more to people like us, who don't have anything in real life to balance out what we experience through media.

I answered this ask a little late because I did get sucked up into other shows airing right now that have f/f and that doesn't negate the core issue, this will be the final season for most of them, if not all, but there's still something to get into, even just in f/f media. Perhaps you may prefer lesfic, or the f/f Youtube/Tiktok scene, or webseries.

It's also worth getting into non-media hobbies. Or, you know, at least consuming non-f/f media. I remember being angry at seeing the m/f couples in pretty much everything else while we couldn't have anything, so I just didn't watch anything at all and instead just did those elaborate adult paint by numbers and listened to comedy podcasts. And once I did feel more in the mood to watch stuff again, it was goofy sitcoms and old school murder mysteries, where it wasn't really like, oh, I wish this had more of us. :P

Lastly, it really does sting at you if you feel isolated and alone even from your own family, so try to see if there are other ways you can connect with them. Otherwise it just adds to your negative feelings to resent and fear them.

None of this may work for you, there are so many other possibilities, moving away, coming out, getting involved with LGBT organizations near you or just meeting other queer people, but I'm sure you've already considered those options and they're not currently doing enough for you. But I would at least give some of this a shot, try some distance at first, and hopefully it'll start to feel better. It really doesn't help that we're globally going through a pretty rough time, but just focus on feeling better yourself.

[diarygirls]

do u have any suggestions on how to . meet people? ive never been approached by anyone/never even gone on a date but im 22 and so lonely and scared of dating apps:(( any suggestions on how i can Put Myself Out There

<3 sending love & a sympathetic ear because i was in a similar situation myself in my early 20s and it felt so lonely even though from talking to others i know it’s actually not so unusual. sometimes i feel like the prevalence of dating apps has made dating this activity that’s entirely separate from the rest of your life / your social circle and it’s actually reduced the amount of casual dating we do in early adulthood. hmm anyway some suggestions:

for making friends in general: in my experience the easiest way to make friends is to pick an interest or activity + regularly show up where people do it. work or university are two obvious examples but there’s also rec sports leagues, online meetup groups for hobbies, trivia or open mic nights at local bars, bouldering/climbing gym or another specialized sports studio, martial arts studio, group art class, knitting circles, book clubs, volunteering … all good ways to expand your social circle + also valuable in themselves! it can feel intimidating to do things solo but people are pretty receptive to chatting especially if they’re also by themselves or maybe just 2 or 3 people. additionally bumble has a BFF mode that’s specifically for platonic connections & i have a very wonderful friend who i met from there so it might be worth a try.

and all of these ^^ situations (except bumble BFF) are good ways to meet people to date too! the only thing is for some reason in my experience, you rarely meet people to date when that’s your only goal from the interaction. like, i’ve been in social situations (outside of like bars/clubs where it’s the norm) where you can just tell that someone is only looking at new people as potential romantic interests or hookups and it just puts more pressure on every interaction. so like get out and do things and meet people, allow yourself to be open to them, if they’re cute + available feel free to flirt but don’t discount the interaction if it doesn’t turn romantic yknow?

oh also tell your friends you want to start dating! you might not want to date your close friends but they probably know someone who knows someone who you’d like to date. i’ve even been on a blind date that a friend set up for me and while it didn’t go anywhere it was still nice + less nerve-wracking than app dates because we at least had a common interest and a single shared connection. tbh in my experience NO ONE will support your dating adventures as much as your friends who have been happily partnered and in love for years, because they want everyone else to be in love, and they need the gossip.

finally ik you said you’re scared of dating apps but they’re not all bad! i think dating apps can be a good option for adults not in a university setting esp if you just want to meet a lot of people with low stakes. i think a lot of people (myself included) considering meeting someone on an app as less “real” than a cute meeting irl but the reality is a lot of single people you meet irl will also be on apps. i had a thing w this guy from an app and we ran into each a year later at a party and realized we had mutual friends and it was this nice realization like oh we would’ve met anyway. and i know a lot of people who are in relationships that started on apps! do what you’re comfy with of course but they’re always an option.

and of course goes without saying that there is so much love and romance to be had in life without a partner, that you can find so much joy and care and growth through friends family passions etc, that timelines are not real and that all experiences will come in time but you’ve probably heard that a lot, i know i did and do. but saying it again in case u need to hear it 🤍

hope some of these ideas resonate w u - ik it’s been a couple months since you asked so maybe it’ll just help someone else in a similar situation. good luck! <3

finally i know you said scared of dating apps but they’re actually not all bad and i think for adults who aren’t in university it’s a great way to just kind of dip your foot in the dating pool. plus i think a lot of us (me included) tend to romanticize irl meetings when the reality is a lot of people you’d meet in a cute way irl will also be on dating apps, i had a thing w someone from an app and a year later we ran into each other at a party and realized we had mutual friends and it was a nice reminder like ok well we would’ve met anyway, just on a later timeline. i know lots of people who are in relationships that started on them too. dating apps are also real life!!!

maybe some these ideas will resonate with you, ik it’s been a couple months since you sent it so maybe it’ll just help someone else in a similar situation. good luck out there 💗

[bunny-heels]

giant vent post.

i think ive reached an actual breaking point. i havent had a breakdown this bad in such a long time and it stills feels horrible now as it did back then. i cant really think properly, not straight at least anyway. im going to ramble on and probably have a really hard time connecting everything together. but whatever.

at some point in my teens i developed a hyper self awareness. i would have that part of my brain that always thought rationally, like it was made up of a court of people or was some sort of other entity entirely. its always aware of what i was doing, if im doing something stupid, out of anger, irrational, selfish. its the "adult" part. it knows better than me, it knows right from wrong. and its not even like a "voice in the back of my head" or anything. its a very vocal and very upfront part of my brain thats there all the time. and it still is as im writing this. its never left.

my self awareness is really, really strong. it is pretty much my personal therapist. i think ive been through so much mental trauma in my life that my brain has just developed this as a safety net or firewall or whatever. and i mean it works a lot. only time it doesnt is when im really really depressed. like close to actually self harming or making a plan to kill myself levels.

i remember when i tried self-harming once, using really shitty dull scissors. that self-aware part of my brain was there the whole time, kept telling me this was a bad idea, there was no point in doing it and it would only hurt me and my loved ones if i succeeded in actually causing damage. i heard it the entire time. but i still went through with it and tried so hard to get through my own skin. i couldnt and i finally gave into the self aware and realized i shouldve listened to it sooner cause yeah, its not worth it to hurt myself just to regret it later.

my self awareness knew better like it always does. and like i said, its basically my therapist now. i barely even vent anymore because of it. i used to vent and rant a lot. i did it weekly pretty much because i had my little spaces where i thought i could let my emotions out and then i'd be able to go along with my day. then i had a friend of mine be passive aggressive towards me once because i guess they finally got sick of seeing of my rants on their timeline. and even my own mom told me i shouldnt be talking and showing my sensitive side so much online. then my stupid autism mistook someones joke for being real and i got so embarrassed i tried my best to seem like i was talking about someone else. and then i made friends with people where all they would do is rant and vent and rant and vent and rant and vent. and i got so, so tired of it to the point where i wanted to try everything i can to not be like them.

after that i barely ever ranted or vented again and only did it on very very very few occasions and only in places my friends could see. but every time i felt my emotions grow, my self aware side will just come in and be rational.

"dont think much about what these people online are doing, you know theyre just hateful and spiteful. theres no point in wasting your thoughts and emotions on them. do something you like instead."

"yeah the world is horrible right now. there are children dying and families being torn apart and innocent people being put through torture. and you feel guilty that you cant help them or that you dont deserve to be sad because youre not the one going through it. but its okay to be sad about people you dont know or how bad the world gets, and you dont need to justify your sadness. you know its different for everyone."

"you're reasonably upset about this thing, youre getting angry and there being no progress made is just making your mood worse. but font blow up. you know better than to yell at the people who dont and you dont want it to seem like youre annoyed with them or that you dont care. anger doesnt solve anything. you need patience and to be understanding. you shouldnt act extreme unless the situation really calls for it. then its justified."

if i have an urge to vent, i'll vent to my self awareness. if i get angry, my self awareness will calm me down. if i'm confused, my self awareness will look at everything it can. if i'm doing something i shouldn't, my self awareness lets me know. if i get bad impulses, my self awareness keeps me under control. my self awareness knows best. its the better half of me. its the part of me that i wish i could fully be 24/7. but i just cant.

and to be honest, my self awareness is also my enemy.

"i know you feel like venting but, look at all the problems these other people have. you dont need to talk about your problems with anyone. just use your brain and you'll be fine."

"theres already someone in this group that brings the mood down all the time. they talk negative about themselves and their life. you already feel bad for not being able to do anything. why add on to the list of people who cry and complain? you cant take care of your own issues just fine."

"is this the best time to be going to this person to vent and rant? i mean you have no idea what theyre doing right now. they could be busy, they could be in a good mood and you dont wanna bring them down. what if they dont even want to hear about your problems right now? its best if you just figure it out yourself for now. youre smart, you dont need other people when you already know what to do."

i remember in late elementary and during my whole middle school years, my mental health was the lowest its ever been. during middle school, almost every day was the same. i'd have an okay or mediocre time at school, i'd come home, feel relief for a bit and maybe hang out with friends, then all the sudden this wave of sadness flowed through me. it would hit hard and all at one. i would always have to get away from my computer, climb into bed, and cry. sometimes it was over something that happened at school, sometimes over something online, sometimes something at home, and sometimes for no reason. but it would always happen. no matter what.

i isolated myself when i cried. i hated people seeing or hearing me cry or tear up. i would get made fun of for crying in elementary school, whether if it was from bullying or having issues with class or the teacher. i was and am still really really sensitive. and i was always treated terribly every time i showed it. so when i got emotional or upset, i hid myself away. no one gets bothered by me and i get bothered by no one. eventually after learning some things about psychology and getting a bit of therapy, my brain trained on that and i learned to deal with my emotions all by myself. i didnt need to talk to anyone anymore, no more making someone feel bad or having my problems be ignored or getting made fun of for my emotions. from now on all my problems stayed my problems.

but i dont know how long i can keep going like this. i can rationalize a situation, i can regulate my emotions, i can do things at my own pace and never have to worry about burdening someone or myself ever again. im doing it all myself. im doing it alone.

i dont want to do it alone anymore.

i want to talk to people about my problems again. i want to rant and vent and ramble and scream about things that piss me off and make me upset. i wanna yell while i rant to my friends about something that made me angry. i wanna vent about having a shitty day. i wanna be able to message a friend and tell them i feel like shit. i wanna be able to call a friend while crying and saying that i wish things were better. i wanna be able to talk about how much the world sucks. i wanna have moments where i talk shit about myself, talk about how im a miserable piece of shit and that i dont deserve to be loved and cared for. i dont deserve friends or family, i dont deserve nice things, i dont deserve to have fun, or have medicine, or have people listen to me, or care about me. i wanna scream that i dont matter and that no one cares about me.

and all i want after that is just someone to hug me.

i dont want to hear rational explanations about the world, or about how life and feelings work, or how the human brain works, or how fair and unfair things can be. i dont want cold hard truth. i dont want blunt. my brain already does it for me. i know im being irrational, i know im just upset, i know im just depressed, i knows things are unpredictable and that life isnt a straight path and that not everything is simple and things cant be fixed that easily and that theres always gonna be hard moments and i just have to accept it. i know. i know i know i know.

just please. i just want a moment to he comforted.

i want someone to listen. i want someone to sit there in silence as they hear my begs and pleads. i want them to not say anything as i scream about how terrible everything is. i want them quiet as i complain that life is awful and things should be easier. i dont want them to interrupt while i talk shitty about myself and call myself a horrible person. i dont want them to talk. i want them to listen. i want them to hear me when i cry and listen when i go on and on and on.

and when im finally finished speaking, and im gasping for air as my throat is all raspy from how much and how high ive spoken, and my face is red and i have a massive headache and my eyes and cheeks are soaked in tears and my whole body hurts, i just want them to get up, be right in front or next to me, and hug me.

i want them to wrap their arms around me and squeeze me tight against them. for them to put their hand on the back of my head and on my mid back and stroke both of them. for them to put my face in the croak of their neck. and to just hear them breath and whisper

"its okay. everything will be okay."

and i'll cry again. i'll cry so hard my whole face will hurt. my eyes will be bloodshot, my face is hot and bright red, my nose is snotty and runny, my whole body is tired, i look like a disheveled mess. and i'll cry into their neck. i'll let it all out.

and i want them to be okay with that. i want them to let me let go. i want them to let me have my moment of breaking down. and when im tired from it all, i want them to soothe me and tell me that everything will be okay. that im not a bad person, that im not ugly, that its okay that im sensitive, that im not a burden, that i deserve to be loved and cared for, that its okay for me to cry, its okay for me to have these moments of weakness, that im not alone, that its okay for me to let it out.

that i dont have to care of myself anymore and theyll be there for me no matter what.

i'll have them and they'll have me.

but even now when im getting close to finishing this, feeling like i finally have let myself have a moment of vulnerability.

that voice comes back, it creeps in at the last few words.

"you do have people that care about you. of course theyre there for you. you know you have people that care. dont pretend they dont exist."

they do exist.

i know they exist.

but

what if theyre busy.

[cowboyjen68]

Hi Jen, I'm writing this as a young (18) yr old lesbian who just wants some place to relate. I've been having this problem in my circle of friends and beyond, where I'm realizing that my years as a teenager are beginning to come to a close and all of my friends have experiences I'll never have and sometimes it feels like it's held over me or like they look at me differently. Some of my friends are queer, some not, but all of them like men and a lot of them got typical highschool and teenage experiences in these relationships with men like going to school events and dates or even just bringing these boys home to their parents, and sometimes they say things about my inexperience/ my lesbianism that hurt but the more they bring it up the more I feel inadequate. I'm from a really small and conservative town and grew up in a very unsafe household, i never even had the chance to do the things they could and I've always felt excited to finally leave and put myself out there and be openly queer but now because I never had the chance to gain much experience like my friends did I feel too scared and undeserving to put myself out there with women, even though i know the unsafe situation i was in was out of my control im really afraid of being judged the same way some of my friends do to me. I'm not really sure if any of this makes sense or where exactly I'm going with this but long story short I just want to know if socializing and dating as a lesbian gets easier://

This lack of dating experience is pretty common for lesbians and gay men. It is also not as unusual for straight kids as the world would like you to believe. 

It is much less rare than others want you to think for young adults (college age etc) to be unpracticed in dating. The common expectation is high school is a time we are supposed to date people and then by the time we are  adults we have some idea of what we like and dislike and how to navigate the social norms of dating. College or after graduation is then encouraged to be a time to meet those out of our immediate friend and high school circle and date with less constraints from our parents or family. Once we are in the mid to late 20’s we are supposed to get more serious about dating for the long term and settling down. 

The fact is many gays and lesbians don’t date in high school for any number of reasons, the most common being it is just not safe or acceptable either to their family or to their community. Dating someone of the same  sex can still be a dangerous endeavor depending on the region, parents and community. Just like other kids, gay and lesbian teens might not be ready to date until more mature, some into their 20’s and in truth there is no timeline to date. Not everyone is ready to explore intimacy, romance or that sort of interaction at the same time. There should be no shame in waiting until it is something that is of interest to you. Sadly there is pressure from the media, peers, even parents and family to enter into the rituals of dating. The expectation is almost always that it will be with the opposite sex and that is why a lot of young bi people decide to not explore one whole side of their sexuality for many years.  

It seems like every other movie that is targeting teens and young adults has the sole focus of the protagonist either having sex or at least finding true love. A movie rarely has a happy ending unless there is a successful union of two people. This was no different from when I was growing up. We are all saturated with the idea that our life goal is to meet someone and settle down and until then we just practice our dating skills. LIfe is way more complex and interesting than to have a one track mind and that the only way to be doing it right is to date and then settle down. 

Once you get out on your own you will find that lots of young adults just did not date or date successfully in high school or  college. It could be they faced limits from their family or there was just no dating pool in their hometown.  It might be that religion or some kind of moral dilemma kept them from trying. It could also be that they just weren’t ready and didn’t want to. I would hazard the guess that many of your friends were not as successful or happy at dating as they reported to be. The expectations, and positive feedback from adults and kids for dating can be overwhelming and prompt people to crow much louder about their dating than their actions deserve. 

It is a pretty common topic among even my older lesbian friends, but definitely from those in their 20’s that they felt like young teens all over again when they finally dipped their toes into the dating pool, some well into adulthood. We talk about dating boys to cover our sexuality or just to fit in and not be bothered. It was a constant game of dating but trying to avoid intimate contact with every excuse from “I have a cold sore starting” to “my mom said I can’t go out tonight” (when mom said no such thing).  IT was lying to boys who were sweet and understood our reluctance, although not sure why and it was giving in to unwanted advances just to maintain our secret. 

In my opinion it is far better to just wait until you are safe and ready to date whomever it is you want to date. Dating should be fun and a learning time. It should be the practice of social skills and honing your intuition about people. You deserve to be excited and have that fuzzy feeling as you get ready to go on a date with a woman you met online or at a party. 

More good news is that even if you date a woman who has had more experience, rarely is there a person who has it all figured out. You will find most people on their first or 10th date with a new woman are starting from square one, figuring out the other woman and how to impress her or make sure she has fun. 

You will have a larger and more varied dating group once you are independent. FInd lesbians friends, older and younger. Older women are often more than happy to help you avoid the pitfalls they had when dating for the first time. They will share stories of humor and wisdom and hopefully that networking can help you broaden your lesbian friend circles. 

Join the local Pride as a volunteer, seek out the LGBT+ club at your college. Approach the local public library to see if they have a lesbian ready club established or see if they will help you establish one. Subscribe to Lesbian Connection. It is an open forum that is solely made up of letters written from lesbians on all sides of many issues. They list women's and lesbian events , book and lesbian owned businesses, all which can be very helpful in meeting other women. 

I have every confidence you will be okay. And not the only one feeling the way you do.

[rv2xlga]

sigh.

i realize i dont rant here enough like as much as i should. i should be drawing and not spending time being a fucking idiot ranting on TUMBLR at 2 am but shuake is just too serious for me

CUZ yall don’t understand my level of. crazy. my level of insane my level of obsession its been like 7 months of just straight up fixation and i always find the same things to feel the new feeling of love again for them. saw someone talking about their short film like a little summary on what its abt and the inspiration, a little love letter to their lover of sorts saying how the film is abt genuinely loving someone who is good to you for the first time, “This was the first time I would say "I love you" to someone, and it not come from a place of fear or a toxic one. This film is a celebration of vulnerability, and letting pure, secure love in without the constant impulse to self sabotage” I’ll quote and bc i cant think of love without immediately thinking of shuake (its a genuine problem lmao😭), i HAD to just think about them and yk what. idegaf their love is so beautiful to me. i think the idea of akechi having bpd and the same mental issues and disorders as me finding love in someone who is also very similar to him in some sense, like them both being autistic and such, just really speaks a lot to me.

im definitely not an opposites attract person, although they technically WOULD be opposites i think the whole troupe of “enemies” to lovers is the fact that they arent really enemies and actually have a lot more in common than first thought, at least when done well anyway so to me, they aren’t opposites when it comes to like. the things that matter like personality and the things that make people connect and become closer like the things u cant control ig lol but anywho, bc i hc (its basically canon) akechi having bpd i think thats why it means SO MUCH more to me and i love his character sm. he’s not my favorite, but bc that’s the first time i see a character like that be represented with something so similar to me and not be treated like a villain or just be really extreme like akechi is definitely. well. extreme but he’s not like, let’s say, like yuri level from ddlc like i wouldnt even consider that bpd she just straight up crazy😭 like idk, i just really relate to akechi so i really see him having bpd and bc ive always felt soo left out bc of my bpd even in spaces you would THINK would be safer, i always feel singled out somehow and although i still dont really know why, ig i see myself in akechi a lot and even akira too so the idea that parts of me could find that love and care like the fact that parts of me could find other parts of me, ig im not broken lmao like its all a little puzzle :)

okkk lore drop🔥🔥 got so hashtag emo there BUT that meant something i promise!!! that whole idea of feeling like ur missing something or theres just something wrong with u or ur unloveable or whatever, the idea that akechi felt that and FOUND it in akira makes my heart melt like a fucking fangirl i hate everything. i always think abt shuake and their love bc people always say how they are so toxic blah blah blah, and yk what, lemme not lie, that’s probably the truth! but i cant see them being soo toxic like that especially with how young they are like akechi was like. a few months of just turning 18, akira was 17 like they arent full grown adults even tho akechi was definitely aware enough to know what he was doing was wrong (even at 15 or however old he was when first helping shido i would say), you wouldnt understand the FULL severity of it like its a lot to explain but HOPEFULLY i make sense lol😭😭 and i think just being so young and growing through so much like im already. off. and i dont even live a life CLOSE to that EVER like of course he’s gonna be a little. off his rockets🤩 i mean what did yall expect😭 i keep using this phrase but yea!! so the idea of him meeting akira and finally being able to feel that youth and enjoy parts of life that typically teenagers get to live is si sweet to me.

mind u, im not saying that him living that “teenage life” is the way it HAS to be lived bc i think my life is better without those things as a teen myself and its most definitely not necessary but to me, akechi is just like. a very much stan twitter gay guy😭 he has his little bit of nerd (WHICH I LOVE^_^) but like anyone, of course he would want and need that friendship, that connection. do i believe he wouldn’t really care abt friends and shit? yea bc look, i dont really care for that myself but i wont lie to you and tell u i would love just ONE good connection in my life like yk, a friend i actually want but im not gonna be all friendless here so back to akechi!😊 he’s just very normal high schooler to me, ONE THING I LOVE ABT HIM AND SUMI ACTUALLY. i feel like with sumi, because ae doesn’t know like anything abt akechi’s past and what’s he’s done and stuff i feel like akechi just gets to live a “regular high schooler life” with sumi, yk? like everytime akechi and sumi would hang out (i like to believe they would hang out pre royal idgaf🥱) and akechi would complain or talk akira, sumi would just think “ah he’s on his crush thing again” like ae has NO CLUE he’s gonna shoot him in the head and yk what. that connection definitely means something bc that would be the first person akechi has ever met his age who ISNT involved in his “work life”?? like isn’t involved in his cases and shit like. a genuine healthy friendship🤯🤯🤯 and thats ANOTHWR reason i love sumigoro (make fun of me all u want but i seriously do not. gaf😜😝) bc i think akechi would really go and mess that up, he’d be like “wait. do i actually like sumi” all bc of the fact that they have a good connection and akechi isnt used to that

WHICH brings me to what i was GOING TO bring up (sorry for the crazy detour) but YEA, the whole idea of having a love and always feeling the need to self sabotage reminds me smm of shuake. akechi going and ruining their connection even though there was definitely ways he could’ve gone abt killing shido…. with the phantom thieves’ health possibly👀👀???? i feel like that was the prime explain of self sabotage, guilt and the fact that he wasnt even actually processing what he did and HAS done. like that one scene after 11/20 where he’s in the studio filming and their asking him abt the pts and he gets slient and thinks abt some shit like abt the pts and sorta feels guilty (idk if thats the undesirable child scene i think it is but im not sure lol) but yeah that, that is the PRIME explain of processing and guilt. after killing people and doing all that shit for so long i think that was the first time it actually hit him like “oh shit wait. i’ll never see these people again” like the idea that it hit so close to home, these were kids HIS age, even younger too and.. what EYE like to believe, people he thought probably deserved more life than even himself (like the after thought of it) bc u cannot convince me he really sent his ass over to shido’s palace just to tell joker some shit like girl. and getting himself killed too like naww that’s embarrassing as shit😭😭 like ik thats talked abt and thats what the whole scene is abt but like. EXACTLY he felt guilt for his actions and felt he needed to atone!! HE HADNT REALLT PROCESSED ANYTHING IF HE WAS FEELING THAT NOWW ofc he was going to get innocent people killed like. YEA😭😭 but he’s a fucking kid like what did u expect him to do, even if i had that power even with the current knowledge i have☝️🤓 i wouldnt even realize wtf im doing like yk ur doing something bad, but as a smart kid too.. its all abt competition lol, but in all seriousness tho and they show that in the game

ok sorry got off track again but yea, self sabotaging his love with akira all for the competition of it all, clearly i will never just flow into it naturally so ill state it plainly, self sabotaging his love and overall genuine connection with akira bc thats all he was ever thought to do, from his own mother and obviously, his own father. had to sabotage the love he had for his mother bc well. she ended up kwording herself😭😭 and had to sabotage the love for his father (which didnt exist to me idc) bc he had to kill him, i mean. he was awful😭😭 so having that constant battle between that, thats one thing i LOVE like ADORE ABOUT SHUAKE i love the idea that they could be vulnerable with each other i also love akira and his personality cuz he compliments akechi so well in SO MANY WAYS whoever wrote and made their characters and storylines personally ate with their yaoi deliverance😍😍 LMAO that was a joke but honestly. gave us such a good ship TY🙏 atlus at least for SOMETHING ur good at like like the thing i quoted said, THE WAY THAT IF ATLUS WOULDVE GAVE US AN I LOVE YOU BETWEEN THEM. aside from the fact i would’ve killed myself and died and then fell off a cliff and then kill myself again and killed myself a 3rd time just to make sure i also would’ve cried SO BAD, ik thats asking for WAYY TOO MUCHH but let a girl dream smh like IT WOULDVE MESNT SO MUCH AND HAD SM WEIGHT, it truly would’ve been akechi’s first ily that would’ve came from a genuine good place or would’ve been the first ily he ever heard that didnt try to manipulate or gain smth out of him!! which is. BEAUTIFUL ALL WAYS U LOOK AT IT like they definitely had their ups and downs (shuake i mesn) but the fact akira still wouldve loved him and seen him through everything is just so. something abt the unstable and the unstable but a little more stable dynamic😍😍 but seriously tho lol, i love their connection. again, it just speaks a lot to me SO PERSONALLY i hate everything

one thing i love abt royal is how we got to see akechi’s character a bit, i do like the royal writing a lot for this reason, some parts felt like aww yk lol and kinda reminiscent to the beginning of the game which felt a lot more genuine even tho royal’s writing felt more fanservicey, it had SOME sense of like, ok the characters arent written toooo bad here like the middle of persona so i appreciated it and u can tell atlus put a lot more work on the royal trio scenes (the fanservice was crazy in that part😭) so i also loved that too lol bc again, we got to see akechi’s character and the effect joker had on him and how like. less of an asshole he was like i wish we could’ve seen just a BIT more of him. again again i just LOVE dynamics like shuake and seeing characters grow and shit and shuake just does it so well UGH i hate them😭😭

[goat-shoe]

ok, i Rant time

ive been reading this fic Knowing itd be a mess and im just... ive had it with this characterization! aimless rant below ^^;;;

tw for bullying, harassment, abuse, homophobia

so a lot of highschool AUs are just..... Bad? like LOL sorry :x but. youre taking away everything interesting about the miraculous holders, And youre trying to make Fully Grown Adults into children. ??????

n e ways, i found this highschool dropout au,,, im Sure you can guess how i feel abt dugout and tiderdrop together, but personal biases aside (its Icky to me and someday ill figure out why)..... lets read this fic.

(to prove i am Not taking things out of context, heres the whole fic)

FIRST of all, youre ognna notice that the prose is Boring, written in long and uninspired runon sentences. i dont wanna just bash on an inexperienced writer, but if youre gonna be this lazy about it.. who is it for :x

second, headcanoning mariquitas name as the Only spanish name you can think of that starts with "mari"? is just uninspired. mariquita wouldnt Choose a hero name so obviously close to her Real Name.. again im not an unmasker, but this headcanon is ridiculous....

finally, and most importantly.... "he sighs wearily". umm, No actually. he Doesnt. you dont even get an insight into dugouts thoughts other than "im nervous about school >m<"

Needless to say, this and his whiny, whimpering demeanor is incredibly infantilizing,. Furthermore in this context, all it does is plays into the ""yaoi"" trope of a big buff bad big boy x boy who says uwaaah! (i hope it goes without saying, this is Not a condemnation of boys who say uwahh, yall are doing gods work and ily)

cramming tigerdrop and dugout into this trope comes off as (and actually is) incredibly homophobic and harmful. need i remind you, these are real people. i wouldnt be surprised if this author was a fujoshi or something too :x

anyways.

im a dugout fan Because hes reserved, but in this fic, thats being watered down to him just being sad and whiny.

its just so insulting to be written shrugging every 3 sentences. dugout im so sorry theyre doing this to you ;;;

guhh. ill give them points for this cute relationship with mariquita...

but again, the prose is just.. clumsy. and again, all dugout does is whine about change. its not even a realistic portrayal of adjustment disorder :x

speaking of disorders Lol,

we Know how i feel abt tigerdrop, but i tend to actually like fanfic portrayals of him.

but this one is just... Confusing...

(also we have mandatory "describe their entire outfit in vapid detail" LOL i should have made this a bingo)

i havent really been talking about the plot, but heres what it took the author two chapters to get through:

dugout it new in town, hes nervous about the changes. (we dont even know why he misses home??? just, make it up i guess, god forbid a fanfiction Make That part up!!!!!!)

tigerdrop has lived in new york all his life, and he appears to be pretty bored with life (ex: pushes pipsqueak over just because he thought itd be funny, no doubt an allusion to the canal street incident last july)

his characterization is actually really confusing and i think its supposed to be like, Alluring??? but its just disconcerting :x

thats It. Two established characters and empty conversations with others (the mariquita mischaracterization especially drives me up the wall ever since i confirmed my kin with her)

they meet in math class when dugout unknowingly sits in tigerdrops seat..... girl, Literally no one in high school acts like this.

at this point, this fic is no better than glee and the millions of other incorrect and careless portrayals of highschoolers. tigerdrop has some weird banter with the faceless teacher (yet Another reason i hate most highschool fics)

:/ i Kinda saw it coming, but....

tigerdrop apologizing and not meaning it? In character. But, hes just acting like a greaser, and its Weird

dugout wouldnt care! he would not look like "a deer in the Headphones."

i Realize the author doesnt have a beta reader but :x that doesnt excuse pawning off lazy work btw, in case anyone was wondering....

last but probably Most important: this is setting up such a toxic dynamic. tigerdrop is actively pushing the message that dugout is taking up too much space and he doesnt belong. its alienating and shitty. and this is a fic Shipping Them :x

but i Clicked on a dropout fic, so.... should i be surprised :/

like i said. dugout is Already afraid of him.. his body is reacting just to the sound of his voice, not unlike trauma in PTSD victims!

like. guh. this is literally so toxic. also..

take a shot every time you see the word "smirks"

lips ghosting his nose And ear? Lol.....

likely The Worst way to incorporate their miraculous personas :x reading this literally made me nauseous.

anyways.... thats all of the fic thats been posted so far. so to summarize: this is just Icky. its even worse, setting this kind of relationship in their high school years :x imagine if someone treated you this way! youre Not gonna grow up and marry them.

i Cant even.

~ ty for reading <3 ~

[chicago-poet]

idk i went back and forth on whether to post this bc i dont make a lot of posts and idk why i expect people to care but also i do want to tell someone and have other people know so.

super long confusing musings on my sexuality and stuff under the cut. its long so u dont have to read it but id like it if u could like the post if u wanted please n thank u 💖💖

like ok so for a long time now ive id'ed as an ace lesbian and felt at home with that and now bc of circumstances and reasons ive started thinking again.

but a part of me has always felt so disconnected from other lesbians like they all understood something i didnt and i loved the solidarity and community of being a lesbian but i didnt really understand such a big part of it. wrt being in love and sex and all. like i think i confused wanting that closeness and intimacy as being the same thing as feeling it.

and like i guess the turning point of that is that like i do want companionship and someone in my life but the way i want it is never the way other people do even through casual dating etc like sex and romance...the way i want those things are so specific to me and its feels like a venn diagram thats a circle and no one else is ever going to share that with me. maybe someday but its such a slim window to fit into that i cant expect it of other people right now.

but ive been reading abour qprs bc thats another thing ive been super critical on in the past (and i still kinda cringe hearing it) and i mean on one hand qweerplatonic feels like one of those tumblrisms thats code for "my discord relationship" and i feel like when you have a community based on a lack of something people fill the vacuum with like. fandoms and strawman comics. like im adult that pays taxes i dont have squishes on anyone.

but like that aside. i do get it. i like my independence and not having to compromise on things and it would be nice to have a life partner who is similar in those things but still wants the emotional intimacy and exclusivity and commitment of a partner. and qpr is like the best way to explain what i need to other people ig

and in that way i finally understood that like. being acearo is a very specific way to want a connection with someone and u do need words for that so u can find other people like u bc most people dont feel like that and its not wrong to want words to explain what u want to other people and if qpr is the best way to phrase it then i guess im stuck with it.

and then its like so do i feel attraction??? have i ever? but im still gay?? how can i be gay and also acearo? but it makes sense to me bc like i want a partner someday and it is more than a friendship. like in the past ive had very intense girl friendships that blurred the line where we would cuddle and hold hands and talk abot getting married and everyone negged us about dating/thought we were dating and ive always been the one to shy away from it when it came down to finally confront it.

but then when it comes time to say if were gfs i just....dodge the question forever. and i feel guilty about stringing ppl along like that bc i know they want something more than that and im ignoring it. like ive always been happiest in that gray undefined zone thats more than friendship but not quite dating.

like ive always been free with affection and then uncomfortable when someone (understantably) wants it to mean something more. ive always been the one whos not as into the other person while theyre enamoured with me. like my ex just used to gaze at me and say they love me and id be like .....thanks....you too! bc i did love them and i thought we wanted the same things. but it was complicated.

ALL THIS is to say that if i do enter in some kind of life partnership somehow it would still be with a woman or non binary person most likely bc i feel most comfortable with them and still dont like men in that way. so im still gay?

but u know. i identified as bi before as a lesbian before and then an ace lesbian so right now im in a phase of my life where aromantic asexual lesbian is the best way to describe me and im okay with that. it doesnt have to make sense to anyone else but me. it can be contradictory and confusing and "incorrect" but like if thats what i feel descibes me best then thats how im gonna be. its lonely but its also freeing because at least now i realize that i know what i want and i can have what i want if i meet the right person someday.

flowers for u if u read this far down💐💐💐💐💐💐 thank u to anyone who read any of that.