#i feel too old to fangirl but i don’t care lol | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

x1e3ju · 11 months ago

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sigh.

i realize i dont rant here enough like as much as i should. i should be drawing and not spending time being a fucking idiot ranting on TUMBLR at 2 am but shuake is just too serious for me

CUZ yall don’t understand my level of. crazy. my level of insane my level of obsession its been like 7 months of just straight up fixation and i always find the same things to feel the new feeling of love again for them. saw someone talking about their short film like a little summary on what its abt and the inspiration, a little love letter to their lover of sorts saying how the film is abt genuinely loving someone who is good to you for the first time, “This was the first time I would say "I love you" to someone, and it not come from a place of fear or a toxic one. This film is a celebration of vulnerability, and letting pure, secure love in without the constant impulse to self sabotage” I’ll quote and bc i cant think of love without immediately thinking of shuake (its a genuine problem lmao😭), i HAD to just think about them and yk what. idegaf their love is so beautiful to me. i think the idea of akechi having bpd and the same mental issues and disorders as me finding love in someone who is also very similar to him in some sense, like them both being autistic and such, just really speaks a lot to me.

im definitely not an opposites attract person, although they technically WOULD be opposites i think the whole troupe of “enemies” to lovers is the fact that they arent really enemies and actually have a lot more in common than first thought, at least when done well anyway so to me, they aren’t opposites when it comes to like. the things that matter like personality and the things that make people connect and become closer like the things u cant control ig lol but anywho, bc i hc (its basically canon) akechi having bpd i think thats why it means SO MUCH more to me and i love his character sm. he’s not my favorite, but bc that’s the first time i see a character like that be represented with something so similar to me and not be treated like a villain or just be really extreme like akechi is definitely. well. extreme but he’s not like, let’s say, like yuri level from ddlc like i wouldnt even consider that bpd she just straight up crazy😭 like idk, i just really relate to akechi so i really see him having bpd and bc ive always felt soo left out bc of my bpd even in spaces you would THINK would be safer, i always feel singled out somehow and although i still dont really know why, ig i see myself in akechi a lot and even akira too so the idea that parts of me could find that love and care like the fact that parts of me could find other parts of me, ig im not broken lmao like its all a little puzzle :)

okkk lore drop🔥🔥 got so hashtag emo there BUT that meant something i promise!!! that whole idea of feeling like ur missing something or theres just something wrong with u or ur unloveable or whatever, the idea that akechi felt that and FOUND it in akira makes my heart melt like a fucking fangirl i hate everything. i always think abt shuake and their love bc people always say how they are so toxic blah blah blah, and yk what, lemme not lie, that’s probably the truth! but i cant see them being soo toxic like that especially with how young they are like akechi was like. a few months of just turning 18, akira was 17 like they arent full grown adults even tho akechi was definitely aware enough to know what he was doing was wrong (even at 15 or however old he was when first helping shido i would say), you wouldnt understand the FULL severity of it like its a lot to explain but HOPEFULLY i make sense lol😭😭 and i think just being so young and growing through so much like im already. off. and i dont even live a life CLOSE to that EVER like of course he’s gonna be a little. off his rockets🤩 i mean what did yall expect😭 i keep using this phrase but yea!! so the idea of him meeting akira and finally being able to feel that youth and enjoy parts of life that typically teenagers get to live is si sweet to me.

mind u, im not saying that him living that “teenage life” is the way it HAS to be lived bc i think my life is better without those things as a teen myself and its most definitely not necessary but to me, akechi is just like. a very much stan twitter gay guy😭 he has his little bit of nerd (WHICH I LOVE^_^) but like anyone, of course he would want and need that friendship, that connection. do i believe he wouldn’t really care abt friends and shit? yea bc look, i dont really care for that myself but i wont lie to you and tell u i would love just ONE good connection in my life like yk, a friend i actually want but im not gonna be all friendless here so back to akechi!😊 he’s just very normal high schooler to me, ONE THING I LOVE ABT HIM AND SUMI ACTUALLY. i feel like with sumi, because ae doesn’t know like anything abt akechi’s past and what’s he’s done and stuff i feel like akechi just gets to live a “regular high schooler life” with sumi, yk? like everytime akechi and sumi would hang out (i like to believe they would hang out pre royal idgaf🥱) and akechi would complain or talk akira, sumi would just think “ah he’s on his crush thing again” like ae has NO CLUE he’s gonna shoot him in the head and yk what. that connection definitely means something bc that would be the first person akechi has ever met his age who ISNT involved in his “work life”?? like isn’t involved in his cases and shit like. a genuine healthy friendship🤯🤯🤯 and thats ANOTHWR reason i love sumigoro (make fun of me all u want but i seriously do not. gaf😜😝) bc i think akechi would really go and mess that up, he’d be like “wait. do i actually like sumi” all bc of the fact that they have a good connection and akechi isnt used to that

WHICH brings me to what i was GOING TO bring up (sorry for the crazy detour) but YEA, the whole idea of having a love and always feeling the need to self sabotage reminds me smm of shuake. akechi going and ruining their connection even though there was definitely ways he could’ve gone abt killing shido…. with the phantom thieves’ health possibly👀👀???? i feel like that was the prime explain of self sabotage, guilt and the fact that he wasnt even actually processing what he did and HAS done. like that one scene after 11/20 where he’s in the studio filming and their asking him abt the pts and he gets slient and thinks abt some shit like abt the pts and sorta feels guilty (idk if thats the undesirable child scene i think it is but im not sure lol) but yeah that, that is the PRIME explain of processing and guilt. after killing people and doing all that shit for so long i think that was the first time it actually hit him like “oh shit wait. i’ll never see these people again” like the idea that it hit so close to home, these were kids HIS age, even younger too and.. what EYE like to believe, people he thought probably deserved more life than even himself (like the after thought of it) bc u cannot convince me he really sent his ass over to shido’s palace just to tell joker some shit like girl. and getting himself killed too like naww that’s embarrassing as shit😭😭 like ik thats talked abt and thats what the whole scene is abt but like. EXACTLY he felt guilt for his actions and felt he needed to atone!! HE HADNT REALLT PROCESSED ANYTHING IF HE WAS FEELING THAT NOWW ofc he was going to get innocent people killed like. YEA😭😭 but he’s a fucking kid like what did u expect him to do, even if i had that power even with the current knowledge i have☝️🤓 i wouldnt even realize wtf im doing like yk ur doing something bad, but as a smart kid too.. its all abt competition lol, but in all seriousness tho and they show that in the game

ok sorry got off track again but yea, self sabotaging his love with akira all for the competition of it all, clearly i will never just flow into it naturally so ill state it plainly, self sabotaging his love and overall genuine connection with akira bc thats all he was ever thought to do, from his own mother and obviously, his own father. had to sabotage the love he had for his mother bc well. she ended up kwording herself😭😭 and had to sabotage the love for his father (which didnt exist to me idc) bc he had to kill him, i mean. he was awful😭😭 so having that constant battle between that, thats one thing i LOVE like ADORE ABOUT SHUAKE i love the idea that they could be vulnerable with each other i also love akira and his personality cuz he compliments akechi so well in SO MANY WAYS whoever wrote and made their characters and storylines personally ate with their yaoi deliverance😍😍 LMAO that was a joke but honestly. gave us such a good ship TY🙏 atlus at least for SOMETHING ur good at like like the thing i quoted said, THE WAY THAT IF ATLUS WOULDVE GAVE US AN I LOVE YOU BETWEEN THEM. aside from the fact i would’ve killed myself and died and then fell off a cliff and then kill myself again and killed myself a 3rd time just to make sure i also would’ve cried SO BAD, ik thats asking for WAYY TOO MUCHH but let a girl dream smh like IT WOULDVE MESNT SO MUCH AND HAD SM WEIGHT, it truly would’ve been akechi’s first ily that would’ve came from a genuine good place or would’ve been the first ily he ever heard that didnt try to manipulate or gain smth out of him!! which is. BEAUTIFUL ALL WAYS U LOOK AT IT like they definitely had their ups and downs (shuake i mesn) but the fact akira still wouldve loved him and seen him through everything is just so. something abt the unstable and the unstable but a little more stable dynamic😍😍 but seriously tho lol, i love their connection. again, it just speaks a lot to me SO PERSONALLY i hate everything

one thing i love abt royal is how we got to see akechi’s character a bit, i do like the royal writing a lot for this reason, some parts felt like aww yk lol and kinda reminiscent to the beginning of the game which felt a lot more genuine even tho royal’s writing felt more fanservicey, it had SOME sense of like, ok the characters arent written toooo bad here like the middle of persona so i appreciated it and u can tell atlus put a lot more work on the royal trio scenes (the fanservice was crazy in that part😭) so i also loved that too lol bc again, we got to see akechi’s character and the effect joker had on him and how like. less of an asshole he was like i wish we could’ve seen just a BIT more of him. again again i just LOVE dynamics like shuake and seeing characters grow and shit and shuake just does it so well UGH i hate them😭😭

#rants

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musiesmusic · 1 year ago

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Brahman and LilDarkie’s departure from the idea of “LilDarkie” with a close look at the idea of “are you ready?”

Mixing rap and rock is a very very fun idea for me and it hits the spot CORPSE does without the gamer LED setup and his little cat ears. This is more of sound analysis without that much parsing through lyrics. I think with his recent releases of songs like “banana pie” he's going for more heartfelt angst with the tonal tag of a three wolves howling at the moon, coming from a 2020 perspective, in the same way CORPSE does it, and CORPSE is the sex icon of our generation for it. And honestly CORPSE is both underrated and overrated with people missing the absolute gem of “fuK u lol” and how it really encapsulates the idea of his spotify picture, it really is a “fuK u lol.” Very y2k without the tiktok.

I love how this genre of edgy boy music can be summed up in animated music videos. Being able to be actually soulful with an understanding of what the aesthetic is and how that plays into music. What “LilDarkie” now “Brahman” has over CORPSE is having more grit and less anime (which is ironic since I tend to prefer grit but love the anime music videos after y2k and I’m an ironic baddie). But said grit can lead to the stranger sounds of his guitar soul music Brahman now makes. Looking at his instagram Brahman is genuinely doing a full 180 from his previous persona dropping most of his trademarks to focus on his Indian blood heritage. Also as a tidbit on his insta he's seen doing a lot of wellness therapy which I find pleasing, self care seems to be much needed and I’d like to think it plays into the irony of HOLOCAUST without mentioning Hitler a single time.

His “big announcement” of who he is now and how he still has the “idea of LilDarkie” is in “are you ready?” which is very funny considering how it starts w/ “hahaha” and how it goes right into a CORPSE guitar solo which honestly is one of the freshest takes in current music and will be remembered fondly being put right in the niche where older music is just passing from cringe and into retro, where y2k music (like rave girl just not as universal) is going to come back into mainstream through it being paved in by CORPSE (please make more music we need you). But considering its LilDarkie I don’t think he’d give a single shit since he’s the man who made HOLOCAUST. My giddy around this new song is how it feels like hes stomp kicking his old fans who crowded around his persona of “HOLOCAUST” and “GENOCIDE” even with them being amazing songs which can be fun to critique on a social standing, to be done at a later date. What I hope is bringing back the skype days of the y2k genre, less glitz and glam and more of skype and anime posting with the same full-heartendess of a furry. If you were online in the early days you know what I’m talking about, it's My Immortal done right.

It feels like his newer stuff on Brahman can be seen as more “hidey” with his song “reminding” being a soulful guitar solo which he known to make. I find that fascinating and what has changed in him. Listening to his newest if not last album under the persona of Lil Darkie is just a social critique of society in general with the line “did the FBI calcify your third eye?” being the perfect line for his album with the context of “hehe funny hat.” He now has my soul and being with HUMANS AND MONSTERS being his best song of all time please devour me along with the earth and your Little Darkie realness. Also Lil Darkie flexing his platinum plaque is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen and all I do is squeal like a tumlbrina fangirl begging more more HOLOCAUST with a PC culture layover.

But considering the social critique his latest came off as I can fully see how he started to transition to a more soulful sound as a palette cleanser since he too, is a human being. Also consider his last song on this banger of an album is “it never gets better”

Glad youre in therapy Brahman, may you spend your time wisely soulfully and really tune into the ice that the blue filter brings into y2k internet and genuine feelings on myspace. You have enough clout and soul to carry it

Love

Tumblrina fangirl who hopes you mention her to your therapist, I am a fangirl after all

#music #music review #lil darkie #brahman #y2k

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pulverulents · 2 years ago

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#34: thoughts from the closet (alternative title: keeping quiet feels like shame)

I realised the last journal entry was formal as heck because I was so scared while writing it lol but I guess given the subject matter it makes sense. But hopefully now that I feel comfortable enough to be candid this will be more fun.

I made the mistake of opening twitter in the middle of the work day, and my brain fully short circuited because of Julien Baker at the boygenius Pittsburgh show, on stage with an open vest, no shirt, and rainbow boob tape.

I’m still at work now, and I’m only writing this because my brain literally cannot function to do anything else. Literally no thoughts head empty, only “oh my god I’m so gay”. (That is, using ‘gay’ as an umbrella term to describe my attraction to women. Mostly because saying “I’m so gay” just feels a lot more fun and candid than saying “I’m so queer” or “I’m so bi”. But I’m bi, and I will not stand for bi erasure!!)

It’s been just over half a month after coming out to myself, and the past few weeks of feeling through it and practising saying it to myself have been... pretty crazy, to say the least. I’m getting better at not giving myself crazy anxiety every time I see a video on twitter or tiktok of MUNA and boygenius and especially Julien Baker, but they’ve been getting crazier and crazier on stage that it’s really not making things any easier for me. It also doesn’t help that every time Josette Maskin does that hip thing with her guitar, or every time Julien Baker does something particularly cute or hot or both, every lesbian and bisexual girlie online and in real life goes feral (you can tell from the screaming and shaking in the videos). I mean, I do too. I couldn’t tell you how flustered I was when I first saw the boygenius cowboy shoot, or a fan edit of Josette Maskin in the One That Got Away music video, or that tiktok of Julien Baker winking, I think I truly lost my mind. I’m pretty sure I’m bi and not a lesbian, but maybe I have a preference for women (which is WILD considering that I was obsessed with a boy for 7-8 ish years).

It feels weird not being able to scream about Julien Baker and boygenius and MUNA on my spam or on my twitter because I’m basically still closeted (ok but seriously though, how are all of them so damn attractive??? Literally all 6 of them!!!!). And holding myself back from fangirling to my close friends over queer artists feels weird because I’ve never held myself back from fangirling over Taylor Swift. I’m sure some of them would have the opinion that I’m probably not straight because I’ve told them before that I didn’t think I was 100% straight (which, in hindsight, I can’t believe I actually said that and still refused to identify as queer because it’s total bullshit like it’s fully not possible by definition to be not 100% straight and still not be queer lmao @ old me hun denial is a river in egypt), but I’ve never put a proper label on myself until now so I feel like they still assume that I’m basically straight.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been vacillating violently between “you’re not dating anyone right now, you haven’t dated anyone ever, this isn’t anything significant, nobody cares, nobody needs to know” and “no you gotta do this because if you don’t then you’re just feeding into the shame and the comphet”. Like, intrinsically I know that deciding to stay closeted doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s because I’m ashamed of my queerness; there are several members of the LGBTQIA+ community who never feel the need to officially come out or feel like it isn’t a big deal whether or not they come out and there’s nothing wrong with that, but for me personally? Maybe all the past years of internalised homophobia and comphet have made it so that keeping quiet feels like shame, even if it’s not.

It’s still scary to think about coming out to them, though. The comphet has been giving me major imposter syndrome about being bi, and I’m scared that they’ll feed into it. I don’t want to be accused of calling myself queer just to fit in with the fan community of all the queer artists I listen to. Because that’s pretty fucked up, and it’s already taking so much of my effort to fight that voice that’s been lurking in my head because I know that it’s not real and it’s just a demon spawn of my own self-loathing and imposter syndrome. I know that I’m not in any real danger of my close friends reacting badly or outing me to people who I don’t want to be out to, but deep down the fear is still there. I know it’s irrational, but I can’t seem to get rid of it. But at the same time, these are the people to whom I have shown the most of myself, they are the only ones who really know about my history, and have journeyed with me through my struggles and my joys. It doesn’t feel right to hide such an integral part of myself from them, when they have already seen some of the worst parts of me and have stuck around in spite of it.

Or I could be completely wrong and they already know that I’m bi. I mean, despite the fact that I’d been obsessed with a boy for the past 7-8 ish years, I’ve realised that I’m literally a walking bisexual stereotype. The cuffed jeans, tucked shirt, rolled sleeves, awkward peace signs and thumbs-ups, flannels, inability to sit in a chair properly. I kind of dress like a butch lesbian, and I kind of have been doing that since my teenage years.

I was never very feminine as a child. I don’t remember much from my early childhood, but I do remember hating the colour pink, and hating wearing dresses. Heck, there are photos of me at age 8 being allowed to choose my CNY outfit for the first time and choosing to wear a dress shirt and pants, with my hair in a french braid. I used to think that I just have a complicated relationship with my femininity because of internalised misogyny and the patriarchy, but maybe it’s also because I’m gay. I used to justify the way I dress with “oh I don’t really care about fashion, I just throw on the first shirt and pants I see as long as it’s comfortable and it doesn’t clash”, but that’s a lie. I do care about fashion and the way I dress, deeply so, and I’ve just been saying that to hide the fact that most straight girls typically don’t quite dress as butchy as I do. And putting more effort into the way I dress in a way that feels comfortable would entail looking undeniably butchy, which was terrifying to consider when I was closeted to myself. I thought about considering gender, but gender is really fucky and even though I do occasionally feel some dysphoria, I don’t really feel any need to identify as anything other than a woman.

I’m not really very butch either, though, nor do I feel much of a desire to go full butch. As much as I dress like a butch lesbian in my day-to-day life, I do still enjoy feeling pretty, and sometimes I’m really feeling myself and my femininity if I’m in the right dress and the right headspace. I like eye makeup and will more than willingly wear it for performances, but lipstick makes me too uncomfortable. Even the fits that I wore for this year’s and last year’s reso concert were pretty feminine because they were dresses / skirts, but the shoes and top that I put together to complete the fit made it a little bit more butchy. And this was before I really started learning all these terms; I was just trying to style myself in a way that I thought looked and felt good and right. If I had to place myself along the spectrum of high femme to stone butch, I’d probably place myself somewhere within the ballpark of butchy femme to futch to soft masc, depending on how I feel that day. I don’t know, that just feels right for now, as I continue to explore how I want to be perceived.

Anyway, back to Julien Baker. I won’t lie, it feels good to say I’m gay or I’m bi without giving myself a panic attack. It’s.... liberating. I can feel myself slowly inching towards being able to truly feel queer joy. It’s slow, but it’s progress.

-jo

#journal #entry 34

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laurie-stark · 4 years ago

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Unwanted-Peter Parker

Summary: Y/n Stark gets more than she bargains for when she joins her Pops, Captian America, for the civil war of the century.

Pairings: Tony Stark x Daughter!Reader, Natasha Romanoff x Daughter!Reader, Steve Rogers x Daughter!Reader, Peter Parker x Stark!Reader

Warnings: swearing, fighting

A/N: Just so you don't get too confused, Y/n is Tony Stark's biological child, however, she was raised by the Avengers and refers to Natasha and Steve as Mama and Pops. Also I wrote this a year ago LOL. Enjoy x

Part Two

New York, 2016

This was bad. Very, very bad. I had seen the secretary come in the compound over the screen of the security monitors. He marched into my home, unannounced and unwelcome, holding himself with purpose. I followed him over the screens, tracking his movements. I watched as he was led through the building, up the elevator and into...the conference room? Oh this was bad. Very, very bad.

I raced as fast as I could. By the time I got the to conference room, the whole group was already sitting in front of the secretary. I saw Wanda first. Her back was to me, but I could see her rigid frame and I knew something was happening. My father saw me approaching through the glass walls. He shot me a look that said "Don't do it. Don't come in here." I didn't obey.

The secretary stopped speaking abruptly when I walked through the doors. He gave me a quizzical look, did a once over and immediately looked at my father. Surely I don't look that much like Tony.

"Sorry I'm late, no one informed me about this team meeting," I gasped, short of breath from all the running. Of course, this was pushing it. As much as I wanted to be a part of the group, fighting was not my style, so I often got left out of important Avengers activities. I got to live with them, but that was it. Tony rose from his seat. He mumbled an apology to the secretary and gently ushered I out of the room. I would have fought back, but seeing the look on my father's face was enough to shut me up. And I never shut up. The secretary resumed his story. Something about golf and a heart attack.

My dad turned to face me. "Look kid, I get that you want to know what's going on, and you will, but today isn't the day."

"Okay," I said. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be, it's okay to be curious," he replied, walking back into the meeting. "Stay upstairs, okay hun?" I nodded and started the trek back up to my room. I shut the door and flopped onto my bed. Out of my long list of pet peeves, this was number one. Sure, I didn't want to fight, but come on family, I should at least get to be in on what's going on! Maybe I could help. I have powers for God sake. I am more than capable of helping the Avengers. But they always saw me as the little girl who needs protection.

"April, pull up security footage of the conference room please," I asked. April, the AI I built, that was modeled after Friday, projected the video surveillance from the ceiling. "Volume up." The group was in the same position as from when I left. The secretary was passing around the room. There was a thick white book being passed around the table.

"The Avengers were formed to make the world a safer place," Steve said quietly. "I feel we've done that."

The secretary looked down at him. "Tell me Cap, do you know where Thor and Banner are right now?" What? You were so confused. Why did the secretary care where my uncles were? No one answered the secretary's question, so he kept talking. I racked your brain to find the answers on my own. "...this is the middle ground." The secretary pointed at the book, now lying untouched on the table.

"And if we come to a decision you don't like?" Natasha asked.

"The you retire," the secretary responded. With that, he left the room and I scurried back downstairs.

Everyone was in the living room. I sat in the stairwell, again being uninvited to this group discussion. I listened to them fight. I figured out what was going on. The United Nations were being ungrateful little bitches and hated that they didn't have control over my family. So they gave an ultimatum: give in or give up. From the sounds of it, Uncle Rhodes, Vision and two of my four parents were in agreement with the accords. Steve and Sam were against it. Wanda hadn't said a word. Tension was growing high, I could feel it. I heard my father conclude that he won and a thud of the accords being tossed on the coffee table. Someone got up and left. Before I had the chance to act, the door to the stairwell was torn open. Steve pushed through and nearly stepped on me.

"Eavesdropping?" He smiled.

"You kicked me out, what else am I supposed to do?" I retorted. I noticed the tears welling in Steve's eyes. "Pops, what's wrong?"

Steve's glance fluttered to the ground. "Peggy. She, um..." was all he said. All he had to say. I was smart enough to read between the lines. I stepped forward and hugged Steve. He smiled, grateful that he had me. I knew how much Peggy meant to him. When I was little, he'd always tell me the story about how they met, how they never got that dance. And every time I would make him dance with me. He even took me to visit her once. I was ten and it was Christmas time. Steve told me that he wanted his favorite girl to meet his favorite niece. Now that was all but a memory. I held him tight before telling him to go. It was okay, I could handle the others. He left without a second glance.

Within days the team was scattered. Steve and Sam had gone to Peggy's funeral. Natasha was off to the signing of the Accords in Vienna. And then all hell broke loose when the bombs went off at the signing ceremony. As always, I were left home. I had no idea what was going on. At first this break in the team was about the Accords, but somehow Steve's old pal Bucky got involved. I didn't know what to think. The next thing I knew, everyone left for Berlin to rescue Steve and Sam from jail, leaving myself, Wanda and Vision at home.

When night fell, I was in my room, sulking as one would say. I was spending my evening flipping through Tumblr. There was a new superhero everyone was talking about. He called himself Spider-Man. New York based, focused on small neighborhood crimes. By YouTube footage alone, it was obvious he was a rookie. Soon enough, though, I accidentally conducted a full fledged search on this guy. He seemed shady. Sure, he's helping old ladies cross the street and all, but he just has a vibe. I couldn't put my finger on it. April broke me out of my research when she told me that there was a security breach in the compound. I pulled up the security camera footage and saw Clint Barton in my living room with Wanda levitating a knife at his nose.

I rushed downstairs. When I got to the living room Vision was holding Clint by the neck. I watched in silence as Wanda used her powers on Vision. She made it look easy. Slowly, Vision sunk to his knees. Wanda pushed further and the floor gave way. Vision was pushed through all seventy-four thousand levels of the compound. Wanda and Clint were about to turn to run out when you revealed yourself.

"Now was that really necessary?" I smirked. "We just had the floors waxed."

"Y/n," Clint warned.

"I'm not sitting on my ass," I said. Clint smirked and nodded. He knew he couldn't stop me anyways.

One car ride, plane flight and van trip later, I was in Germany. As it turns out, Steve wanted Clint and Wanda on his side, along with some ant dude named Scott. Scott was cool. Him and I sat together on the plane ride and watched Die Hard. He was asleep in the van when we pulled over in the airport parking lot. Clint told me to stay in the van. For once, I listened. I heard voices belonging to Steve and Sam. Clint slid open the van doors abruptly, shaking Scott awake. I chuckled to myself as he fangirled over my Pops. A voice over the intercom said something in a language I didn't know. A voice I didn't recognize said that the airport was being evacuated.

"Stark." Sam muttered.

Scott looked puzzled. Clearly he hadn't been filled in either. "Stark?" he asked.

I step out of the van. "Yes?" Steve and Sam look at me with wide eyes. Clint gave Steve a sheepish shrug. Behind their little blue car stood Bucky Barnes. I knew who he was. I learned about him in school. I knew he was some evil super soldier that attacked Natasha and Steve. He looked scary. He looked exactly like the type of guy to hurt my Mama and Pops. I held his glance until Steve spoke up.

"Y/n, what are you doing here?" Steve whisper-shouted. His voice always got quiet when he 'yelled' at me.

"I hitchhiked." I replied, knowing that at this point Steve didn't have the time to argue with me. He shook his head in defeat and took a deep breath.

"Suit up."

The airport was huge. Our group got suited up and started for the runway. I didn't know how Steve knew where to find my dad, but I followed him anyways. Before I could get any closer, Bucky held me back.

"It's, uh, not gonna be safe. You should stay here and keep low," he said. I frowned. I did not come all this way to not fight. But even still, I nodded. Bucky scared me. He and Sam took off in another direction to find the getaway jet. I laughed. This whole thing was ridiculous. My attention turned to the sound of my father and Rhodey flying down from the sky.

"Ross gave me 36 hours to bring you in," Tony started. "That was 24 hours ago. Can you help a brother out?"

"You're after the wrong guy," Steve replied nonchalantly.

"Your judgement is askew. Your old war buddy killed innocent people yesterday-"

"And there are five more super soldiers just like him. I can't let the doctor find 'em first Tony. I can't."

"Steve," Natasha approached him slowly. "You know what's about to happen. Do you really wanna punch your way out of this one?"

I took this as my cue. "No, but I will," I said, emerging from my hiding spot. I looked at the faces of your family. My gaze fell on Tony and my smile dropped. He looked angry.

"You brought my daughter into this?" Tony yelled, turning to Steve.

"Technically, I brought myself," I said. "You really think you were gonna leave me out of all the fun?"

Tony pinched his brow. "Y/n, this is serious."

"No it's not," I objected. "No, this got personal the second you thought you were gonna loose Pops to Bucky." No one moved after I said that.

"Alright, I've run out of patience," my father finally spoke. He cupped his hands around his mouth. "Underoos!"

Before I had a chance to process, a red and black blur whipped past my head. It landed on top of a nearby van. It was Spider-Man. As in the Spider-Man. He had taken Cap's shield from him. I said nothing. My father could have recruited me, but instead he chose this little neighborhood nobody. That hurt a little. The Spider-thing and my father bantered for a minute. So he's never even been in a real fight before, I thought.

"You've been busy," Steve smirked.

Tony turned back to Steve. "And you've been a complete idiot. Dragging in Clint and Y/n, rescuing Wanda from a place she doesn't even want to leave, a safe place. I'm trying to keep-" he paused, sighing. "I'm trying to keep to keep you from tearing the Avengers apart."

"You did that when you signed." Steve kept his cool. My father did not.

"Alright, we're done. You're gonna turn Barnes over, you're gonna come with us, now, because it's us! Or squad of J-SOC guys with no compunction of being polite. Come on."

Everyone stood still, waiting. Steve put his web-cuffed hands in the air. Clint shot them free from a mile away. I saw Scott -or a tiny version of him. Spider-Man noticed too, right before Scott grew and kicked him in the face. My dad flew off to retrieve Wanda and Rhodey was ready to take on Cap.

"Hey Mr. Stark, what should I do?" Spider-Man asked. He sounded young.

"What we discussed, keep your distance, web 'em up!" My father barked, as he flew towards Clint and Wanda.

"Okay, copy that," Spider-Man replied. He shot a web at me first. It caught my arm and I got whipped to the ground. I glared at him.

"Really?" I hissed.

"Just following Mr. Stark's orders," He said before swinging off after Bucky. I was left on the ground once everyone dispersed. I tried pulling my hand out of the sticky material that was shot at me, but it was stronger than glue. I was forced to watch the action unfold and wait until Natasha ran past me.

"Mama, a little help here?" I called out to her.

She stopped for a second. "Sorry honey, I really don't want you getting hurt." She ran off and I groaned. No one ever wants me to get hurt. I suppose I should be grateful, but in a moment like this, gratitude is hard to find. I started toying with the web. I wondered if I could break down the molecules. Surely there had to be some sort of H2O compound in it somewhere.

My power surged through me, the current flowing to the hand webbed to the ground. I managed to manipulate the water out, just as I predicted I would. The substance melted off my hands. Gross, I thought. I wiped the remaining web on my pants and got up. The water from the webbing fell to the ground with a splash.

I stood up and examined my surroundings. Natasha was on the ground fighting Scott, who shrunk down and flipped her over her own head. The Black Panther was on the other side of the roof, battling Steve. I didn't move. As much as I wanted to be included, I couldn't bring myself to fight. Not now at least.

The two teams assembled, divided by a line on the pavement. How cinematic. I was on Cap's side. I never meant to fight against my father. If anything, I thought it was funny. I looked out at the team in front of me. They were all lined up, Rhodey, the cat, Tony, Nat, the Spider-brat. Vision hovered above them. A bead of sweat trickled down the back of my neck. I were scared. I wasn't made to fight.

"What do we do Cap?" Sam asked.

"We fight." Steve moved first. We followed in suit. My dad's team mimicked my team's actions and walked closer. We broke into a jog and then a full out run. This was really about to happen. I hoped that my family would go easy on me. I knew what I was doing. I reassured myself of that. I have done a bunch of training, especially with Wanda. I could move the freaking elements with my mind and manipulate gravity! As if the Spider-Man could beat that. I am Y/n fricking Stark. I can do this.

I put a smile on your face, contrasting everyone else's bitter looks. "I call the spider!" I yelled, just as everyone began the battle. Spider-Man heard me and slowed down just a bit. I cocked an eyebrow. He resumed his pace and ran straight for me. I ran headfirst towards him. He threw out his arm to web me, but I was faster. With a swish of my hands, I changed his gravitational pull and made his feet flip out from under him. He landed on his back with a hard thud. As gently as I could, I morphed the pavement under him to trap his hands. "Careful there, Spider-boy. Don't wanna get stepped on." I walked away. I made it about ten steps before I heard the sound of concrete cracking. I turned around and saw that Spider-Man was breaking free of his restraints. I was shocked. He has super strength. Great. I should have moved out of his way because the second he got one hand free, I was webbed against a truck.

"For the record," he said, getting up in my face. "It's Spider-Man." He swung off into the airport through a glass window. I watched the glass rained onto the ground. Taking a deep breath, I quickly removed myself from the webs. I needed a plan. A strategy. I thought about at the opposing team. Everyone was scattered around the airport. I thought about who would be easiest to fight. But then I realized, the strategy wasn't about how they'd fight, but who. There was no way in hell that my parents or Uncle Rhodey would even think about fighting me. The Black Panther didn't know me, so he was a threat. The worst Vision could do was pick me up and fly away, so he was in thr safe zone. That left the spider. I smiled to myself. Rematch time.

By the time I found Spider-Man, he had already webbed Sam and Bucky to the floor. He was perched on top of a light post, saying something about impressing my father. Sam's mini falcon whizzed past me and grabbed Spider-Man by the web. He got pulled out a window, banging his side into the pane on the way out. I ran over to Sam and Bucky. Quickly, I destroyed the webbing and helped them up. They both gave me a quick "Thanks kid," before running back out. I followed them, staying loose on their trail.

Once I got outside my eyes scanned the area for the Spider. I saw Wanda piling cars on my father and Natasha fighting Clint. Then I spotted him, fighting Cap. He was underneath a jet bridge . Cap threw his shield at the support beams and the whole thing fell on top of Spider-Man. He caught it of course, but Cap ran away. I formed my plan.

"Hey!" I called out. I walked around the collapsing jet bridge. I stood in front of the struggling boy. Or man, I didn't know. "Remember me?"

"Heh, how could I forget such a pretty face," he grunted, starting to fold under the weight of the jet bridge. "You wanna give me a hand?" I glared at his face comment, but lifted the jet bridge anyway. He ran out and I let it fall. Both of us stopped for a minute, gasping for breath beside the rubble. He was close enough to hit. So I did. Without warning I threw a punch of air at him. It hit him right in the chest and he got blown back into the side of a van. "What the hell man?" He got up and shot a web at me. I dodged and threw another gust of wind. It shot him out of the air. He webbed at a pole and swung past my face. I redirected his gravitational pull, but not before he got a kick to my face. We both got thrown in different directions. I landed hard on the ground, pain shooting up my spine. I got up first, now angry. Forgetting about my powers, I lunged at him and threw a punch. I missed and he shot webs at my feet, holding me down. Immediately, I dissolved them and Spider-Man's eyes widened. Well, his mask's eye holes did anyway.

"How did you do that?" He yelled. "What kind of witchcraft-"

"Its not witchcraft," I spat. "It's called manipulation of the elements, look it up. I figured there had to be some water compound in this and I was right. All I had to do was remove it."

"That's so cool! And how did you do the foot thing earlier? Was that just the wind you do or do you have telekinesis too? Are you like the Scarlet Witch?" He rambled on. I took this to my advantage and caught him off guard. I used the van he'd hit earlier to become his gravitational pull and yanked. He went slamming into it and groaned. When he tried to get back up, I was already five steps ahead of him. Morphing the earth metals in the van, I contorted it into a shell that crushed Spider-Man until he was covered and stuck.

I heard Scott say that he was gonna tear himself in half over the earpiece. I got distracted from holding Spider-Man down and turned to see a giant Scott. Spider-Man broke free. He tore the shell off himself and threw it at me. I was wacked across the side and fell the the ground again.

"Holy shit!" he says, looking at Scott. His back was to me and I gave him one last wind push. He fell on his face and I laughed. "Oh come on, don't you have some dolls to play with or something?" I just scoffed and walked past him, stepping past his hand that was on the ground. He let out a yelp and you kept walking. Dolls, I thought. I'm thirteen I don't play with dolls. I watched as the rest of the battle went down. I wasn't quite sure what to do. I jumped when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

Natasha was standing just behind me. "Come with me." We started jogging off. It was natural for me to listen to her. I realized about five seconds in that technically she was my enemy right about now, but I shrugged it off. I ran through the fight, past the big Scott and towards a warehouse. I could see the outline of a jet get bigger as I approached it. Natasha stopped behind the entrance. She was waiting.

"So what do we do?" I asked.

"We wait to fight," She replied, not taking her eyes off the horizon. I came to realize this probably means I would be fighting her. Maybe she wanted to use me as a hostage or something. No, that's silly. Right?

Steve and Bucky got closer to the building I was in. They nearly made it until Vision laser beamed the shit out of a nearby communications tower. Wanda caught it before it fell, giving the two men time to race towards the jet. I stepped out to help Wanda. The both of us were able to hold the rubble long enough for Steve and Bucky to get through. I panted, proud of myself for getting this far.

A searing pain sliced through my brain. Both myself and Wanda fell to the ground, screaming. I could barely look up to see that Rhodey was sending some sort of wave through the air. The tower fell and Natasha was quick to haul me out of the way before I got crushed. I might be better than Spider-Man, but I definitely don't have his super strength.

Steve and Bucky still managed to get through the falling paces of metal and concrete. Natasha left my side and marched swiftly towards the two men. I couldn't hear them, but I could sense the tension from a mile away. Natasha lifted her arm, taser aimed and ready. Steve held his shield up in defense as Natasha shoots....the Black Panther? I guess she's on our side now? The jet started to take off and you watch an Natasha continues to battle the Panther. I fell to my side, wiped out.

My father flew into the warehouse just as the jet leaves. You thought maybe he was going to fight Natasha for betraying him. I was wrong. He was coming for me. He landed beside me and dropped to his knees. His helmet closed and I could see the worry plastered on his cut up face. He knelt beside me and gently held me up.

"Are you okay?" he asked. I nodded, not really able to make words. He looked over at Natasha, who was looking at us. She had an apologetic look, but I know she doesn't regret letting Cap go. My father let me go and charged off after the jet plane. I lied down, enjoying the feeling of cold concrete against your skin. I closed my eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I paced around the living room, driving Nat crazy. I knew that the second my father got home I would be in deep shit. So when Friday alerted me that Tony was home my heart rate went up 29373%. The battle, this fight, it ended worse then I could have imagined. Natasha told me that my father could have died. Rhodey was paralyzed from the waist down. I had no idea if I'd ever see my Pops again. This was bad. Very, very bad.

I slowly walked down the main hall towards the front doors. I was scared. My hands and the back of my neck were sweating. I knew exactly what was coming. Every time I had asked my dad if I could be an honorary Avenger, I got the same lecture. That it was too dangerous, I didn't have the proper training and it's too much for his little girl to handle. Even when I asked to just be a part of the business side of the team, Tony laughed and said no. I've broken a lot of my father's rules, but this was the line. And I had gone so far over.

As I approached the front door, I could hear my father speaking. I heard another voice too. My heart dropped. It was Spider-Man. Why was Spider-Man here? I ducked behind a wall and listened in to the conversation.

"...outstanding job kid. Your fighting technique was on par. And, listen, I know we're not allowed to have kids on this team, but if we need you again, we'll call." I heard my father say.

"Thanks Mr. Stark. This was so cool," Spider-Man replied. I wondered if he had his suit on or not. I wanted to know who this guy was. I revealed myself from behind the wall. The two looked at me. I looked at my father first and fought the urge to burst into tears. He looked awful. His face was all cut up and the black eye he got was still a little swollen. I glanced at the figure beside him and frowned. Spider-Man was a kid. He looked like he was my age. He had a mop of curly brown hair and doe eyes. He was almost equally as beat up as my dad and I gracefully took credit for that.

"Y/n, this is Peter. He's, uh, one of my interns. Kid, this is Y/n," Tony said. My annoyance turned to anger. Now my father was lying to me?

"How old are you?" I asked, eyes narrowing. I knew that I sounded rude, but this kid had kicked me in the face twice. I didn't think he deserved my manners.

"I'm fourteen," Peter gulped. A year older than me. And I kicked his ass, I thought. "You gave me quite a fight back in Berlin."

"Yeah and I beat your ass doing it."

"Speaking of which," Tony spoke up, "I have to talk to Y/n about that. Happy will take you home Peter." Peter nodded and said goodbye to my father. He said goodbye to me, to which I didn't reply. Peter frowned at that as he walked out the door.

My dad turned to me when the door shut. "What," he began, "were you thinking?"

"Well I-"

"No. This is where you listen. Do you know how dangerous that mission was. Do you know how many people got hurt? You saw what happened to Rhodey, that could have been you!"

"But it wasn't" I retorted.

Tony's frown deepened. "That is not the point. You put yourself in serious danger, and for what? So you could feel a little more included? You could have died. This was my one rule, my one ask of you, and your broke it."

"Oh, come on now, I'm a Stark, it's in our blood to not listen to our fathers." My father gave me the coldest look and I shut down. I took a deep breath. "Look, I didn't know that it was gonna be this bad. You know me, daddy, I'm not a fighter, I'm not some hero. You think I would have gone if I knew it would turn out like this? I thought this was just gonna be another one your you and Pops' stupid fights. And yes, I could have gotten hurt, but I think I handled myself pretty well. You saw what I did you that little protege of yours. I beat him to the curb."

"Y/n you were reckless. Peter was prepared for this, he was ready."

"And I still beat him."

"Y/n you're not listening to me. This is why I chose Peter over you. I would have taken you if I knew you wouldn't do something stupid. But you did anyway." And with that he walked away, leaving me, teary-eyed in the front hall.

Tony came by my room later that night to apologize. He said that he was sorry for being harsh, that he just cared about me and I scared him. I knew he meant it and I forgave him, because that's what we do. Besides, it wasn't Tony I was angry with. This is why I chose Peter over you. Tony's words echoed through my head. I knew that he loved me more, I'm his daughter, he had to. But I were jealous. Jealous that stupid Peter Parker got the praise for the work I've wanted to hear for ages. And mad at that stupid spider for being stupid.

This is when I decided that I hate Peter Parker.

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microsuedemouse · 2 years ago

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tagged by @womanaction!!! I love a tag!!!

1. three ships: oh my god. just three? okay well… in the last few days or so. I have thought about. Jyn Erso/Cassian Andor from Rogue One bc god do I love their Doomed Chemistry. Aki Hayakawa/Himeno from Chainsaw Man bc I was catching up on the anime last night and their history and connection is definitely not healthy but golly does it compel me. and uhhh. oh. Annie Edison/Abed Nadir bc I was feeling STUPID squishy a few days ago and wanted to revisit one of my favourite soft ships.

2. first ship ever: oh christ. I’ve been getting too invested in fictional couples since long before I ever knew about fandom. since before I can even remember. uh. if I reach back as far as I can in my brain, I think the earliest ship I can recall caring about is… hm. well. I remember being a small child and thinking that Ord and Cassie from Dragon Tales should fall in love? so.

that said I also grew up on Disney movies and got invested in the romances in those too. so who’s to say. what I know for sure is that I’ve been unbearably romantic literally from toddlerhood; my parents can confirm.

3. currently listening: been back on my non-stop Motion City Soundtrack bullshit for a few days. tho I’m also really enjoying the latest single from Blanks! it’s called Breathe In Breathe Out and it’s very. relevant. at the moment.

4. last movie: a couple nights ago I went to a local film festival screening bc my friend had an entry in the shorts section (she won best short film btw!!!) and the feature film they played that night was a local indie horror called SHIFTED, released last year. it fucked. I bought a copy of the movie and a poster, and two of the actors signed it for me! one of the other actors followed me on ig tonight also lol? (after I put a pic of the poster in my story and tagged the studio.) anyway I hope they score some kind of wide release bc I think more people should get to enjoy it

5. currently reading: HORRORSTÖR by Grady Hendrix. it’s been on my wishlist for years, and Hendrix just put out another new book I rly wanna read, so to prevent myself from spending the money on an expensive newly-released book, I bought a less-expensive several-years-old book. I make very good budget decisions. (I’m really enjoying it so far.)

6. currently watching: aheh. well. on my own I’m still working my way through Hawaii Five-0 (2010). with Mo I’m, uh, rewatching Angel, as well as following Chainsaw Man, To Your Eternity, SPY x FAMILY, and BNHA. our Ben 10 and Darker than Black watches have been on the backburner for a good while now but are technically still ongoing. we’re also following MP100 with Corwin. I… think that’s everything?

7. currently consuming: nothing right this moment but I think I’m gonna go downstairs and get my baguette out of the fridge. I want Bread

8. currently craving: human connection???? lmfao it sounds like I’m goofing but ngl I really need to spend more time with people. I love my family so much but I cannot carry on much longer with them being the Only People I spend leisure time with. oof. how are new friends made

okay I’m supposed to tag nine people I ~want to get to know better~ but I really don’t have that many folks TO tag. so uh. @izupie @silluuuu @karis-the-fangirl you can each pretend to be three people right? 8)

#tag #survey #ty for the tag!!! I do enjoy being tagged in things!!!

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sancoeur · 4 years ago

Photo

Hear me out, Diana is a world champion figure skater and Akko has a gay crush.

My @lwasanta gift for @kittykittycatcat01 !! Merry Christmas!

Bonus HCs because um ice gays My sister came up with all of these lmao

Diana's mom was an ice dancer

Akko couldn't skate for shit as a kid bc shitty balance but skated like. Every day and any moment possible in order to be somewhat good

Diana also had to practice A LOT. Ppl called her a prodigy but nope she's just persistent. Akko is just stubborn lol it's a little different

Chariot and Croix are skaters but Chariot always got gold during juniors and Croix got butthurt so she quit after Chariot went to seniors

Chariot retired bc she got old. Like yeah she set some records but she just decided to retire like a normal person?? Ends up as Akko's coach and listens to that girl fangirl every damn day except the girl soooo fucking dense lmao

Akko has high performance scores, Diana has high technical ones

Together they try and learn from each other! It doesn't go well but you know!!!!! Eventually!!!

Chariot/NowUrsula had high performance scores too, but also can jump without mcfreaking dying like Akko does

Akko has a gay celeb crush on Diana.

Diana lowkey has one on Akko too but it isn't really celeb crush bc Akko isn't really a celeb LMAOUHHHH

Akko is for Japan, Diana has UK, Lotte is Finland ig?? Wherever the heck they're all from

So. Diana wins all the euros, Akko gets a consistent bronze in the 4cc which is. The four continents. (Asia, Australia, North America/South America???? Africa too??? Basically just NOT Europe)

They met at Worlds (bc Akko never gets to gpf,,, like ever) or a gpf qualifier thing,,,, anyways

They Will Pretend like they don't admire e/o as skaters bc they fucking STUPID and some sort of misunderstanding happens,,,

Diana thinks Akko thinks that she's another arrogant stuck up skater + hates her

Akko thinks Diana thinks that she's just a nobody skater and doesn't know her at all (haha what a commemorative photo???? Haha)

Screw just having it be YOI, that's boring

Hannah and Barbara are pair skaters that are Diana's rinkmates

Suzy and Lotte exist! They're decent skaters but,,, don't get gold often.

Amanda is. Good. Probably. She's like,,, getting silver and fucking mad about it.

Did I mention Diana probs gets all golds??? Lmao. Akko WISHES. Says Diana is the next living legend like Chariot but haha no one knows where chariot fucked off too!! No one heard of Hair Dye or Baggy Clothing or Colored Contacts or even Moving Away. Lmao

Andrews dad hates ice skating. Except Andrew enjoys watching the sport. They're still business ppl

Andrew and Diana are neighbors

Let Andrew play piano. (Let him make the music for someone's FS. Yeah I just thought of this all randomly idk why)

Akko is stubborn as hell and gets to a competitive league through pure spite only. She studied in the US and met Lotte there at the rink. Suzy can skate but doesn't care for competitions as much as others.

Akko and Diana do ballet,,, Akko is impatient tho lmao,,

Diana is more graceful and flexible but she lacks emotion and heart into the sport (bc after her aunt realizes she got Famous the bitch sucked out all the joy of the sport, man)

Akko just loves skating. A bit competitive but realizes she won't really ever win??? Kinda defeatest outlook rip... But she tries!!!

So much emotion and performance and tears!!! (She's good at pop/cheerful/upbeat and also SAD SAD TEARSSSS shit. You know.) But cannot jump for shit. She sticks with doubles but like,,,, it's not enough really. (Women can't do quads yet. I think.)

Diana has high combos and sticks with classical music/elegant shit. She doesn't pick her music but she does choreograph it.

Akko meanwhile doesn't have good taste. Literally doesn't know how to choose songs really.

In a fic setting: Akko accidentally somehow makes it into the gpf on a fluke/by accident one year (like... She gets two bronzes or smt) and then diana/akko accidentally offend each other after the comp.

Wild misunderstandings. After that it's like. Pushing e/o to do better at worlds/ their respective comps of 4cc/euros.

They both get progressively better as they send e/o passive aggressive critiques and shit.

They happen to run into e/o at the rink/ballet studio at 4am at worlds and passive aggressively flirt before warming up and becoming friends

Akko actually lands a triple in her FS and Diana fucking gay heart dies

They end up chatting like. All off season/when you prep for the next season

Next season they happen to end up in the same qualifiers for the gpf and train at 4am together again.

Go on coffee "not dates" lmao.

Actually secretly dating but neither know it yet.

Pining? So much??? Pining???

At some point like. Maybe they both got Andrew to make them music for their FS. And their themes and shit match. Bc they are In Tune with e/o and EVERYONE thinks they coordinated but they're just gay and stupid.

So their themes are like. Love and life (except Diana has life and akko has love and it's the complete OPPOSITE of what they normally do and instead compliment e/o so much it's so gay)

Akko does a romantic gay love song that's like. Eros/violin shit with isn't what she normally does and chariot is just dying In The BG

Diana does more "pop"/ lively themes. It feels more alive ig??? It's more about the feelings,,,

Andrew, Frank, Lotte, + the others that are in the show are just. Trying so hard to wingman bc they're painful to watch. Like. So painful. So very painful.

Diana, jokingly: I only kiss gold Akko: I'll go buy some matching gold rings for good luck that we kiss before performances!! Diana, in gay crisis: sounds totally platonic!!! Haha yeah!!! Amanda, disgusted: that's gay you funky lesbians

#little witch academia #diana cavendish #akko kagari #diakko #dianakko #lwa #ngl my sister made a whole hc fic prompt thing for this when I was telling her so that's what is in the read more

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the-romantic-lady · 4 years ago

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Surprised to hear you like Henry VI and Margaret of Anjou, given that you're a fan of Richard, Duke of York. Isn't that a conflict of interest or something? Lol. What's your opinion on Elizabeth Woodville and the Woodville clan, Margaret Beaufort, Warwick and the Neville clan, and George, Duke of Clarence? (Basically what's your opinion on the rest of the players of the Wars of the Roses lol.)

Gosh, anon you are encouraging me!! I love that you care about my thoughts <3. Alright then, let's start.

I used to be very anti-Margaret of Anjou. Until I started to look at things from her perspective. York was dangerously popular with a lot of children and a formidable wife. Margaret must have felt insecure. Also, there is this theory that Margaret's mentor and confidant William de la Pole, Duke of Suffolk was murdered under the order of the Duke of York. That must have been a tipping point. But I still think that York was the better ruler and person. I will get a lot of hate for this, but women in general were not suitable rulers for the Middle Ages. They were often driven by more personal ideals (Empress Matilda vs. Stephen is a great example and Margaret was no different). Ofc there were men like that too but women seemed to always be like that. As a woman, I understand and the later periods were more suitable for female leadership. York was a much better ruler. He was driven by the stability of the realm rather than his personal issues (he put his own son-in-law in prison and Margaret wouldn't even budge on her failure advisors). And her entitlement was mind-boggling. I love how messed up she was. And Henry...I just feel sorry for him. The Middle Ages also were not a time for artistic and kind kings lol.

Elizabeth Woodville and the Woodville Clan:

As I have said, I pretty much like everyone before 1485 lol. But Elizabeth Woodville was annoying af. That made her interesting but I can't get over how incredibly greedy she was. She was the daughter of a minor gentry and widow of a Lancastrian knight. Edward makes her queen and she abuses that power so much. She has problems with everyone. Warwick, George, Richard, any noble who didn't kiss her arse and even Edward. Queens were meant to level the mind of King. Edward III's queen famously saved French clergy by going on her knees to beg the King for mercy. Ofc that was a bit dramatic but many Queens did this. It was called the Queen's mercy or something like that. But boy was she a hell of a woman. Despite being raised in a pretty privileged household, she was shrewd and survived to the end. She could have learned a thing or two from Cecily Neville about how to put that strong personality to better use but regardless. Also, I love how she was shunned fron Henry Tudor's court when Richard welcomed her to his with open arms. I mean...karma. But all in all, I like her. Its as they say "well behaved women seldom make history". She had flaws (so did the everyone else!) but her character is interesting and admirable. And despite that shaved forehead, she is a gorgeous woman. So I get where Edward was coming from XD The other social climbing members Woodville..not so much. The shameless way that they tried to push themselves in and take hold of power when they had literally fought on the losing Lancastrian side is embarrassing and oh so disgusting. Like Warwick secured the throne for Edward and they were given precedence over him. I just...yeah. John Woodville legit married a 65 year old duchess (he was 19) for money and power. They were a hungry bunch and courting them was Edward IV's biggest mistake and towards the end of his life, I think he saw that.

Margaret Beaufort

I will keep this short since I don't know much about her but I dislike her. I understand that she went through a lot. Her father apparently suicided when she was 1 and that is traumatic. And back then suicide was mocked and disgraced. She ofc blamed the Duke of York....cause at this point why not? She ofc went through a really young and traumatic birth at 13. Her husband was gross and that's that. And we know that Edward kept her son exiled so she couldn't see him. But despite all this, I just don't like her? I suppose its the super impressive Plantagenet women who just make me look at the sleezy and dull Margaret with disdain. And she gives me real phony vibes. Like at times, she just seemed to cosplay Cecily Neville lol. When you see women like Cecily Neville and Margaret of Anjou taking charge in the way they did, Margaret and her deceptive ways are just cringe worthy.

The Earl of Warwick

This man. Just this man. The way that England seemed to revolve around his whims is amazing. He was a real Duke of York stan and so I have to appreciate him. But he was so fearless. Henry VI, Edward IV, Margaret of Anjou, you name it. He stood against them. The Duke of York seemed to be someone he admired but other than that, he fought for himself. He helped Edward take the crown and worked hard to keep Edward's throne. He was embarrassed with the whole secret marriage saga but still stuck by. But Edward clearly forgot who he owed his success too. The man escaped an assassination by Henry VI's men and saved his father and uncle from it. He actually took charge in the first Battle of St. Albans in 1455 because his rivals the Percys were mocking him. I just love him. Ngl, sometimes when I read about him, I just blush. A man if there ever was one. There were so many attempts at disgracing him. He was the Captain of Calais and in that role fought Medieval pirates! And he was ruthless at it. People loved him and he carried that popularity well. I should stop fangirling over a dead guy. I think I made it pretty clear that I love him XD.

Neville clan

I like them too. Warwick's father was pretty much York's best friend and I love him for it. They were also social climbers like the Woodvilles but so much better at it. They didn't have the entitlement that the Woodvilles did and managed their powers well. Cecily Neville was ofc a Neville and she is one of my favorites. One of my favorite thing about them is how courageous they were. Like all of them. Unfortunately, Anne and Isabel are both obscure figures. I wish we knew more about them. They were pushed around like prizes. Good on Richard for giving Anne a position to make her own decision. I feel bad for those girls. Although the York brothers were known to be good looking so lucky them?

George, Duke of Clarence

Ah, George. I love this man. If there was one son of York who inherited his father's glamour and charm, it was George. And I love that he stood up to his brother and sister-in-law. He was sometimes too problematic but I still love that! Glamourous and problematic. How can one not love the man? Although his betrayal of Edward is kind of sad considering that Edward really tried to be like a dad to his brothers. George took Edward's love for granted for too long. His breakdown after his wife's death is really sad too. Interestingly, this seems to be a pattern with the Plantagenet men. They all have breakdowns and downfalls after the death of their wives. Their women are so much stronger emotionally.

I know this was long! I hope you enjoyed the post :D. I would love to know your thoughts too and if you agree or disagree. Seriously, thank you for letting me talk about this. Nothing makes me happier than to discuss these people!

#elizabeth woodville #edward iv #george duke of clarence #richard neville #earl of warwick

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gyllenhaalstories · 3 years ago

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any tips on how to be kind to myself????

hi hello! my sweet precious anon, you have come to the wrong person for this 🥲 i am the president of the self loathing club and i unfortunately don't know how to escape the trap i trapped myself into with this (okay to be fair, i didn't fully trapped myself in this infernal cycle of self hate, you know, some things definitely contributed to it lol, but... yeah). so, let's figure this out together, shall we? again, i'm putting this under a read more just to be safe!

i want to say i’m not into meditation, affirmations, that kind of things is not for me. i’m absolutely pessimistic and negative, and painfully self-aware, so standing in front of the mirror and like pretending to believe something positive i would say to myself does not work. if it does for you, then that’s good!!!! it’s just not for me. i’m gonna share tips that i do, they’re small, pretty irrelevant if i’m being completely honest, but small baby steps are good. and small baby steps is all i can manage.

i sound like a broken record with the number of times i have suggested this to people... BUT DO THINGS YOU LOVE. THINGS THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY, DO THEM, OVER AND OVER AGAIN WHO FUCKING CARES.

and if very few things make you happy lately, think back of what worked. maybe you need to discover them again. watch that movie you haven’t seen for years, that movie you know makes you cry but fills you with familiar feelings of melancholy and longing for something good (not to be a jake fangirl during this very serious topic, but i watch love & other drugs, it makes me cry without fail, but it’s one of those movies that i enjoy the pain that comes with them). that video you watched on youtube an absurd amount of time, whether it’s a compilation of animal content, an old youtuber you don’t follow anymore, or me with my same 3 sims videos by lilsimsie, watch them. songs, maybe they’re cringy at this point, but go break your eardrums with never gonna give you up for three hours! i did it a few nights ago, i still hate myself but i had a blast! get crafty even if it looks ugly, start a book even if you’ll read ten pages, wear a hoodie you like a lot even if it’s all worn out, go hug a plushie that used to be your best friend back in the day. do more of what YOU love.

retail therapy lol <3

all my money comes from student loans i will have to pay back to the government but i don’t care i can and i will spend 100$ on squishmallows and puzzles and crap from the dollar store and too many packs of cookies they go soft in the box before i even open it. waiting for that great big source of joy is disappointing and paralyzing. you’re just... you’re just stuck. you want something good to happen, you want to deserve it. you want to feel like you deserve it. that’s hard, still haven’t figured out how to realize i deserve good stuff, but i sure do deserve this questionable looking plushie! get you something that makes you happy right here and now. a slushie, chocolate, a shirt, whatever it is. if you can afford it or work your way around it to make a small dent in your budget, then get it. toys don’t have age limits. food don’t need to be earned. new or old hobbies don’t need big celebratory times to be celebrated. YOU deserve to be celebrated and YOU deserve to gift yourself things that make you happy.

you can try making a list of the things you do and you catch yourself feeling proud!

or you can tell someone, if you have someone to tell of course and it’s okay not to have a big entourage (we’d be on the same boat if that’s the case for you too!). if you’re like me and go to bed late and sleep until very late too but you woke up five minutes earlier than what you do usually and got a little closer to your goal? BIG VICTORY. did you do a phone call or survive an appointment you were stressing about? BIG VICTORY. did you make food on a day you did not feel like eating much or were too clumsy to stand in the kitchen and do all those dangerous tasks? BIG VICTORY. did you stand up and see something pretty outside? what a funny coincidence, also BIG VICTORY. again, i bring back the waiting for big things to happen. i’m very much like that, waiting for a wind of change to sweep me off my feet and it makes it impossible to see the smaller stuff. take photos, write it in the notes app, make an empty blog on tumblr where you dump all of this, a private instagram for just you, discord, whatever the cool kids use. if you don’t have people to celebrate those victories with, then be that person for yourself.

be. fucking. selfish.

i don’t know if you’re like me, anon, i create whole new levels of people pleasing, i try to bend myself in all the directions for everyone else, but when it comes to me? i don’t have any of that energy left. so, sometimes, allow yourself to be selfish. feel that guilt that comes with being programmed to believe you don’t deserve the same good things you give to others. stand up to yourself when someone cross your limits or hurt you. use your voice. set new boundaries. don’t answer your messages if you know it will drain you of precious energy you need to save for yourself. make time for yourself. feel your feelings. think your thoughts. sometimes letting the wave of negative feelings hit is easier than constantly fighting against it. so ride it, let it submerge you until you’re on the other side and you can catch a break. show the patience and care you have for everyone else, but show it to yourself. if your loved ones told you they didn’t feel good today, you’d be there for them, right? then be there for yourself when you realize you feel bad.

being there for yourself. protecting yourself. making yourself happy. celebrating yourself. even for just an hour or two, even for just a moment during the day, week, or month. if you can manage to show a similar level of care and patience and affection you others, that’s being kind to yourself. pay attention to you and your thoughts and your feelings and your interests the same way you do it for other people. a while back i saw this reel on instagram of this girl being like “you’ll always be your friend, you’ll always have to be there for yourself” and? unfortunately so that’s true, as much as i hate myself with a burning passion, i’m the only one who’s going to stick through thick and thin and sometimes it’s gonna be hard as fuck and i will sabotage everything i do, other times i will have the strength to be kind to myself. i’m not saying this is easy. if anything, i am the living proof this is one of the hardest things ever. but if i can do it, so can you. baby steps, remember? there can be giant dinosaur steps too! but all steps are good, even the ones backwards.

if you can have all the kindness in the world for others, you need to try and save a little of it for yourself. let’s try together, yeah? 💖💖💖💖

#anonymous

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buttmuncher91 · 4 years ago

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a lot of advanceshippers love to say such bs about Drew even to this day. Drew is not my favorite character & it’s fine to prefer advanceshipping over contestshipping and I kinda like advanceshipping , but some of the things they say are ridiculous! This is not bashing on all advanceshippers or advanceshipping in general, this is just some quotes (not exact) I’ve seen that I’ve had problems with.

”Drew is a jerk! Ash would treat her right!“

Both would treat her just fine! Drew watches out for her & tells her when Harley is tricking her, saved her friends & brother when she was busy, saves her friends, cheers her up when she’s down, & they both calmly talk to each other when alone.

Besides, there are some things to point Ash being a jerk to her too! Ash yelled at her because he was butthurt he had no boat to get his next gym badge & skips out on watching some of her contest when May even watches him battle regular trainers.

And it’s not like May is an innocent angel herself. She yelled at Ash & Drew for no reason, had her torchic attack Ash, & forced Ash to agree to let her travel with him by bringing up her bike.

I know May & Ash have developed a lot sense than, but so has Drew & y’all are just stuck viewing him how he reacted at the beginning.

”May hates Drew & loves ash!“

She doesnt hate Drew. At the very worst, she sees him as a friend & has seen him that way by “Who, What, When, Where, Wynut.” Like I said we seen them talk a lot when they run into each other & heck, she even ditched the group, including Ash as he was talking to her, to talk to Drew when she saw Drew. So tell me again how she loves Ash way more than Drew lol!

And in ”Spontaneous Combustion“ May blushes at Drew after he waved and walked off. May never blushed around Ash, even when some weird couple accused her of being Ash’s lover. And there was nothing in that scene that indicates her getting red met something else. She wasn’t sick, doesn’t look mad, didn’t do anything embarrassing, etc... so it looks as if she really likes Drew.

”Drew is a flirts with any girl & would cheat on May, but Ash would never cheat on her!”

You people have nothing to back this up. Drew had fangirls gushing all over him? May being Norman‘s daughter and probably because she’s referred to as hoenn princess, has a lot of fanboys! In fact, Ash is more likely to cheat on May then Drew dispite him being oblivious, as Drew showed 0 interest in his fangirls & ran from them. If he was such a flirt, he wouldn’t run from fan girls, but would try & you know, FLIRT with them. Drew also showed 0 interest for other girls, & only teases May. You advanceshipper fanbrats (not saying all advanceshippers are fanbrats just the advanceshippers who think this) only pretend he is to make up reasons for May to reject Drew.

”He only likes May for her rack, & wouldn’t care for her if it was flat!“

Talk about reaching. Drew only stares at her FACE! He never stared at them, & the anime gave her chest 0 focus. He isn’t just some creeper. Despite not being interested in her, he treated Breanna nicely & she was flat. He may just have puppy love/a crush on her, but saying he’s just trying to win her because of her rack is complete bs!

”Think about it, Drew & May would make ugly babies!”

Based on what? Cuz Drew has green hair? As someone whose least favorite color is green (okay, okay dark/forest green is pretty), I think this is a stupid claim. Even with a weird hair color, there’s a chance the child could be cute, & really beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Hair color is NOT even close to a huge factor to what separates not ugly to ugly. And they don’t have to make babies if they do get together. They can just choose to adopt to help out those who need a home or just happily be with each other with no children at all.

”Drew is in less episodes with May than Ash, so advanceshipping is better & will be canon!”

🤦‍♀️Misty has the most screen time with ash. By this cruddy ”logic,” Misty & ash (so far) are canon. Yes, misty has much more screen time with ash than May. Misty had all of Kanto, Orange Islands, AND Jhoto with ash... as well as a cameo with ash in Hoenn, and TWO separate cameos in Alola. And at this point, May could have spent more time with Drew. It’s been 4 regions that Ash hasn’t even thought of 1 of her Pokémon after all this time. I’m no pokeshipper, but let’s be real here.

And most of the time Ash & May are on screen, it’s them focusing on their goals/Pokémon. They cheer & encourage each other too, but it’s mostly friendship stuff. Could something happen later on between them to spark love? Sure. But nothing in the anime ever pointed to that. And you can literally say that with Ash and... ANYONE! Like Ash could grow up, met back up with Roxie & they could fall for each other.

When Drew appears on screen, you mostly see hard evidence for contestshipping, weather on Drew’s side, May’s side, or both. Yes, there’s evidence on BOTH sides that they like each other. At best, advanceshipping looks one-sided on May’s side. And even then, it mostly looked that way in the beginning of AG. There’s way more evidence that May likes Drew & vice vesa than with ash & May, even with “less contestshipping hints!“ A lot of hints for shippings are overblown. Not just advanceshipping hints, but poke/pearl/negai(actually never mind, negai is under looked & over hated)/amour/etc... are over blown & it’s just ash being his usual nice/childish self. With Drew, it’s obvious he likes her as how he constantly stares at her, teases her, gives her red roses (& says they’re for beutifly), etc... While I think I covered how May likes Drew enough already. And yes, this could just be a kiddy crush for the both of them, but in the end there’s still harder evidence that Drew & May like each other.

Plus there are a lot of canon fictIonal couples who had less screen time with each other than other characters. Naruhina, ichihime, Hinny, gochi, etc...

“Drew never saves May’s life, unlike Ash!”

So? May never even tried to saved Ash, like she did with Drew!

Ash has also saved: Angie (who has a more confirmed crush on ash), Dawn, Pikachu (3x I can think of), Chinchar, Lillie (or at least attempts to help a lot of times), Celiebi, Erika’s Gloom, Serena, Misty’s sisters Pokémon, a ton of CotDs & their Pokémon...

And what of those who saved Ash? Misty, Sabrina’s... family photographer, Gary, Iris, Clemont’s father, Zeroara dude, a ton of officer jennys, Pikachu, a lapras, Paul, Drew (ya keep on hating him if it werent for him Ash Brock and Max would probably be dead in that crate Jessie, James & Meowth trapped them in so not even advanceshipping could happen).

“Rivals can’t be dating!”

Where did you get this bs? Even in the pokeani IN THE AG SERIES this has been proven false. Watch Pasificlog Jam again. Who put you in charge of how couples should work anyways? If a writer wants to have rivals hookup in their story, than they have that freedom to have the rivals hookup regardless how upset you get over it.

“Ash & May kissed in a banned episode, so advanceshipping is canon not contestshipping!”

Come on guys, they’re 10. The anime creators aren’t gonna have two 10 yr olds kiss on the lips. Its really creepy some person came up with this. No, it’s not creepy cuz I don’t like advaceshipping (I actually like some aspects of it). Again, it’s creepy because they’re 10. If they were like 13+ yrs old, it‘d be okay, but NOT 10. Plus, even Japan is very sensitive when having kissing on the lips happen with kid shows. Even with adults, they censor it/show something else as the kiss happens & just imply it happened. Expecally how they view kissing on the lips in the first place, they ain’t having 2 ten year olds kiss.

And there would be NOTHING to imply that they where going to kiss. Around this time this episode that they kissed claimed to happen (episode 357), Ash & co. where heading to fortree. Nothing ever was implied from the both of them even want to kiss each other. They just where supportive friends of each other with no hinting there where secret feelings or developing feelings from ether of them. Theres also nothing beyond that episode that implied the kiss happened. Because if it did actually happen, I’m sure something like that would impact the next few episodes, but nope no mention of any kiss nor do ash & May act any differently around each other in 358 and beyond. So even if it did happen, it was going to more than likely sink the ship, like it was some akaward thing they did because they were “under the mistletoe“ & afterwards just agreed to be friends & forget about it. The pokemon anime was always about friendship, adventure, and Pokemon themselves, never romance.

Also episode 357 is “Take This House and Shuppet!” not “A Kiss Under the Mistletoe!“ The Japanese episode is the same as the English barring names & episode number.

Were do you get such a sorce for this info? “my friend’s japanese friend who talked to the director of the AG anime & saw it!” or some other ridiculous unreliable garbage like that? Give me actual sources with interviews from the writers talking about this supposed banned episode. Bet you can’t, unless it’s fake & unreliable. If it existed, it would have floated up by someone from Japan. After All, even if for 20 mins that episode should’ve existed if it was just banned. Like “Electric Soldier Porygon” was banned completely & only aired one time in Japan. However, there are places that you can watch the episode despite it being completely banned due to putting a lot of children in the hospital from seizures. That was older than the supposed advanceshipping kiss episode as ’Electric Soldier Porygon’ is a Original Series episode in Kanto the 38th episode. No one can find this supposed advanceshipping episode nor is it even listed in the banned episode list. It should be harder to find this older banned episode than it should be to find this supposed banned kiss episode.

“Why should May choose Drew over Ash? Ash is like a literal god!”

What? Yes, he’s befriended every legendary & come back though poketears, save the world so many times, has arua abilities (he rarely uses), & whatever else, but it’s not like he seems that BA or whatever. Ash not aging seems over focused on, when in reality NO ONE is aging. It took him 7 regions to win 1 league (a questionable one at that), can’t remember Pokémon he seen before & sometimes forgets what he learned, & needs saved by others sometimes. Some god, can’t even rescue himself. Besides, who knows what Drew has done on his adventures. Drew has also saved Ash, Brock, & Max from trouble, isn’t Drew awesome saving someone ”like a god!”? Drew also has beat him in a battle as well, is that y’all’s problem?

And where is Ash’s voice in all this? It’s like this in all this anti-Drew bs. “Drew is just this terrible creature who possesses all 7 deadly sins & is the creation of Giratina & thus May hates & so does everyone else! However... blessed by Arceus himself, we all just know not dense Ash Ketchem is waiting to sweep May off her feet & save her from the demonic spawn that is Drew who is lusting after her bewbs😡” (<-original ideas, do not steal jkjk). Like there’s NOTHING to indicate ash wants her. And do you think this of May as well? Like do y‘all think May is just this perfect, sweetest, most divine woman in the pokeani that only Ash “blessed by Arceus“ is the only guy that should be blessed by such an angel? 🤣

Look, I like Ash & I like May. But even with my favorite characters I wouldn’t go as far as to think so highly of them that it makes Helga’s obsession with Arnold look like nothing. And just because Ash is more amazing with more feets & whatever, doesn’t mean May has to love ash or that Ash has to choose may because Drew doesn’t measure up to him.🤷‍♀️ Just think about it, should Timmy’s mom go with Dinkleburg? After all, he is smarter than Timmy’s dad, has more money & is more successful than he is. And Wandesemo is more popular, not stupid, & mostly competent unlike Casmo. Should Wanda dump Casmo for him? Of course i understand wanting the best person to end with you’re favorite character. But that’s not how love works & in the long run isn’t fair to both Ash & May (& Drew, but I know you haters don’t care about that).

#pokeani #Advanceshippers #contestshipping #Drew #Shuu #May #Haruka #Pokémon #Ash #Satoshi

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atopearth · 4 years ago

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Brothers Conflict (Passion Pink) Part 1 - Asahina Masaomi Route

I am happy to announce that I will try my best to play Brothers Conflict in Japanese! Yes, it was Christmas so I splurged and bought Diabolik Lovers, Brothers Conflict and Norn9 hahahah. Hopefully I can do this! Apparently Brothers Conflict is an easy read because it's slice of life and uses normal everyday words so let's go! Ema and her squirrel Juli huh? That's kinda cute lmao. Anyway, I know the basic premise but it's kinda crazy to have like 11 new brothers, like wow. And her squirrel talks?! I guess it's nice to have a such a reliable squirrel "parent" for Ema since it seems so capable haha. I don't blame Ema for being so nervous though haha. Oh wow, Miwa (the lady Ema's father is remarrying) is rich and nice! Hahahaha, Ema thinks Masaomi is Wataru's dad, is he that old looking?🤣 Anyway, I know it's a game so Ema has to be surprised to know all these hot guys etc are her new brothers but if this was real life and I was nervous about meeting all these brothers by myself, I would definitely hope to have seen or have a photo of them with me lmao. Anyway, lmao at Wataru giving Ema candy for accidentally hurting her when he couldn't stop his bike in time lolll, who is the little kid here?!🤣 Awww, I don't like fan clubs but I do like Iori! He seems cool and kinda knows how to handle his fangirls. Ukyo mightttt be my type, we'll see🤣 Anyway, Ema is such a considerate daughter for not wanting to intrude on her father's newlywed life and deciding to live in the Sunrise Residence with all the other brothers, I would be so scared to live with a bunch of new random siblings lol.

Is a sunflower badge a symbol to show you're a lawyer or something? That's pretty cool! Anyway, Masaomi is the eldest son?! I totally assumed Ukyo would have been the oldest haha! Guess looks are deceiving. Hahaha, Ukyo calling him "nii-san" (older brother) is a shockk🤣 I admit that Kaname's purple kimono looks pretty cool, but dang, kissing the back of Ema's hand and then saying can he kiss other places too?! That's a great way to introduce yourself... I'm so glad Ukyo hit him for doing that lol. Lmaooo I thought Kaname was going to be a fashion designer of some sort but he's actually a Buddhist priest?! Wow lol. Oooh I like Tsubaki and Azusa's looks! They're cute, are they twins? Okay yep, they are. I love them already🤣 Omggg and they're both voice actors? They're getting cooler by the second🤣 I love how friendly Tsubaki is lol. I love how just as Ukyo hits Kaname for getting out of hand, Azusa does the same for Tsubaki lol. Lmao at Ema thinking to herself whether Tsubaki is "okay" in the sense of whether there's anything wrong with him because of how he talks hahahaa. Awww Subaru seems cute, he's shy with girls even though he's a university student! OMG Tsubaki is older than Subaru? I can't tell these age differences lol!! I like Iori a lot though hahaha. Lmao I thought Iori recognised Ema's school uniform because he knew girls from there but it was actually because Yuusuke (another brother) goes there hahaha, sorry my bad Iori. Tsubaki is so slack to hide from Yuusuke that they were going to have a new sister lolll. But his reaction was funny so I can understand. I find it hilarious how Yuusuke can't handle Ema being sad over him not approving of this loll, so he had to just agree to make her happy haha. HAHAHA, when Kaname asked Ema to call him "onii-chan" LOL, like geez dude!! And then even Tsubaki joined in🤣 I like Azusa, so I'm glad there was an option to call him onii-chan loll. I think it was pretty funny how they got her to keep calling them onii-chan lmao, it was nice how she played along with them and got to enjoy having so many siblings considering that it must have been pretty lonely with just her dad and he's probably busy working a lot of the time.

Awww that's so sweet, Ema woke up early hoping to make breakfast for the brothers! She's such an awesome sister. I have to agree with Ema, Kaname exercising early in the morning is a surprise haha. I honestly thought Ukyo would be the one there...and he is! Ukyo is the one who cooks breakfast and all the meals I guess! Lmao at the cute rabbit apron he wears🤣 Ukyo best boyyy! Omg Rui is pretty, I love his hair. But I find it so funny how he's like touching her hair and Ema is like so calmly just introducing herself to him lmao. Oooh, so we have another idol brother, lmao at Ema thinking the family were fans instead of him being a brother, like what are the chances that they would all be fans of him🤣🤣 Aww Mahoko looks like a cute best friend for Ema. Sasakura (the soccer ace guy) seems pretty friendly to offer to help Ema move. I have to agree with Ema though, Masaomi in work mode is nice to watch, I always think it's so sweet to see guys so kind and patient with kids (even though I don't like kids🥲). It was so sweet how Ema so honestly told him she would have liked a doctor like him when she was a kid, Masaomi blushing at her praise was actually pretty cute lol. Awww, his pocket is full of chocolates and other stuff as rewards for the kids! It's nice that he has a whole variety of stuff like stickers and mini cars since he doesn't want to give them too many sweets. It must be so heavy though lmao.

Fuuto sleeping CG is pretty cute~ LOL did he just say Ema is cute but it seemed like she's dumb?! Well, there goes your idol dreams, Ema lol. Lmao when he said she didn't deny it and said she's an idiot, like woww, way to go Fuuto, you're definitely an ass. He's probably traumatised or annoyed with his fangirls or something. I can so relate to Ema's rage, I would want to strangle Fuuto loll. Okay, I did something wrong and didn't realise I needed to go to the aquarium with Masaomi! Lmao at Ema saying all the fish are cute lol. Blushing Masaomi is so adorable though. It was so cute how he got embarrassed for not realising that he was really close to her, and it was so cute how Ema tried to explain that she didn't hate it and that it just made her heart beat really fast😂 Aww Ema and Masaomi both like small animals. Damn, these guys are rich, do they have a villa on an island?!! I think it's really nice how they all take the time out to go on holiday with the whole family there every summer vacation though. Considering how many of them there are and how busy they are, it's good to see that they try to make the effort to bond with each other. They've even got a private beach on a part of the island, danggg. Anyway, I love how welcoming the brothers are. I agree with Iori, Ema is really admirable to even do supplementary classes to help with going to her dream university, she's working hard!

You know, considering that these guys are her "brothers", I find it funny that they're quite unreserved towards the idea of doing date-like stuff with her loll! Like with the amusement park, Masaomi held her hand to keep it warm after she got a bit freaked out with the haunted house attraction lol! I guess considering the game, I should just throw that all out of the window and just enjoy it for what it is haha. I mean, I gotta admit, it's pretty cute. I guess it's not that cute after I looked at their character profiles and realised that Masaomi is actually 31 and Ema is like 16-17? Oh well, I guess I'll ignore that too😂 Aww, Masaomi seems like such a parent, he's sad that his brothers are older now and they don't rely on him as much for stuff anymore. I guess that would be something good but also sad to see. It's interesting how the dialogue changes when you get more hearts. It's like initially, Masaomi used to be like, nah I'm not free into yeah I'm free, and now he's just like let's go lol. I think the nicest change is that he used to leave to go somewhere else after their outing, but now he goes home with her. I think something that's nice to see is Masaomi "spoiling" her, like he doesn't do anything over the top, just simple stuff like buying her a strap, holding her bags etc, but I feel like because she's always lived only with her father, and now that he has a new partner, she's even more reserved towards not wanting to trouble others, so I think Masaomi treating her sweetly is nice. I find it so sweet how he understands her so well that he knows that she would feel bad about it, so he asks her to buy snacks for everyone in exchange. I love how Ema made a whole bunch of sandwiches on their zoo date, I love little picnics~ And it's so cute how she offered to make him lunch next time since he's always so busy with work that most of the time he just buys rice balls and sandwiches from the convenience store.

I'm so excited for their trip!! Lmao, I really want to see Ema's swimsuit now, considering how Subaru was so surprised by it, he told her to wear his jacket🤣 Aww playing with fireworks at the beach with Masaomi was nicee~ I think Masaomi really gives off that great big brother vibe that will ensure she'll never feel lonely, it's really heartwarming to see. Omggg there's the option to stay overnight in Masaomi's room now!! Not that anything happened (for now) since he just helped her study and she fell asleep there~ but it was really cute to know that Masaomi keeps all the letters he gets from his current and old patients, it's sweet that his room is "messy" because of it haha. Gotta love how Masaomi took his other futon to clean so now they have to share a futon lol, like how far away is Ema's room lolll! But anyway, it's fine I guess because it's cute~ It seems like from way back when he was a kid, Masaomi was already mature and stepped up to be the big brother that would help out his parents because they're so busy. I still wonder how he survives as a doctor if he nearly faints after seeing a little bit of blood lol, but yeah it's crazy how much of Masaomi's life revolves around his family. Even him choosing to be a doctor was because he wanted something stable, good income and have useful knowledge for taking care of his family if anything were to happen so that his parents wouldn't need to worry. He's such a good child. I found it so wonderful how Ema praised Masaomi for his work saying she could really see how much his patients really trust him and see how earnest he is with his work. Can't blame him for feeling so embarrassed hahahha. Okay, I'm dying at how sweet Masaomi's lines become. Now when you ask him on a date, he's like are you sure you want to spend your precious break day with me?! Hahaha, of course we do! And now when you ring his doorbell hoping to stay over, he looks forward to Ema being the one to ring it, I love it so much🥺 I find it so cute how he's more conscious of her staying over so late now hahaha. Omggg, he just asked if it was okay to share the same futon and Ema was like sure, awww that's so cuteee, they're practically together now lol. Omggg he confessed that he liked her when he thought she fell asleep! He even kissed her on the forehead! Awww!! I wonder how Ema will react now~

Kaname really loves to flirt with Ema allll the time doesn't he lol. Subaru blushing at Ema having baked his birthday cake for him is so cuteeee. Anyway omg, does everyone actually already like her?? Even Iori said he was happy that it was because Ukyo was busy so she ended up having to bake the cake and not because she wanted to since the beginning😮 Anyway, it was so cute how Masaomi said he wanted to be the first to congratulate her when she turns 20 (since they just came back from Subaru's 20th birthday), and okay, it seems like Ema lives kinda far from the guys?? Lol, I thought it was a shared house kinda thing. Anyway, their accidental kiss seeming led up to Masaomi giving her another kiss?! I feel like my heart was beating fast like Ema's lmao. LMAO when Masaomi offered a kid to ride on his shoulders to see the dolphin show properly (he even called himself an big brother/onii-san) and the kid still calls him an uncle/oji-san hahahaha. HAHAHA, I love how Ema readied herself to have Masaomi check her with a stethoscope (she was sick) since it feels embarrassing and she raised her clothes so high, he saw her bra or something lmao. LOL, Usa-tan sounds like an amazing doll that can shoot out stationery, record, be a calculator etc, like dang lolll. Omggg that Ema had to wear bunny cosplay for the school festival cafe, lmao when Yusuke saw it and was embarrassed lol. Ohhh, there's another older brother called Natsume who moved out of the mansion! I've lost track of how many there are honestly but Natsume is pretty good-looking. I'm so glad Azusa made Natsume apologise to Ema properly for being so rude to her when he didn't know who she was and reacted badly to her calling his name so familiarly. WHAT, TRIPLETS? Them being triplets is definitely a shock to me like whaaaat omg. Once again, impressed that Miwa had so many children and looks so good. I seeee, so Tsubaki and Azusa are identical but Natsume is fraternal oooo. Anyway, I was so shocked that I forgot to say I didn't even think about a wedding ceremony so I'm glad there is one for her father and Miwa hahaha. LOL when Miwa gave Ema the bouquet and told her if she likes any of her sons, she would help them hold the ceremony, like dang, she's already decided that she wants her new "daughter" to be like a true daughter loll. Gotta love it when your parents are supportive of you marrying your step brothers lolll. Anyway, seriously though, I guess that makes it easier for them later on with no parental drama haha.

It's so cute how Masaomi gives candy to Ema as a reward all the time hahaha. Well, Ema not being the real daughter of Rintaro was unexpected... I felt sorry for her when she found out and felt that she would be all alone if her dad told her the truth properly. I feel like Ema's always tried her best to be strong on her own because her dad was always busy, but he was family and she knew he would always be there because they're tied by such bonds so it was okay even if she was sad that she couldn't see him much, so I feel like her breaking down is understandable. I thought it was really sweet how Masaomi told her that he would always be by her side so she would never be alone, and that if she's still sad after talking to her dad, she can always go to him for help. It's sad that her parents died so early in her life, but I'm glad Rintaro decided to take care of her instead of leaving her all alone in some institution. It was also nice that Ema got to hear what she needed to hear, which was that even if they're not connected by blood, Ema is still his daughter, and I think it really helped her insecurities to hear her dad properly tell her that.

Lmaooo when Ema thought Hikaru was Kaname's girlfriend😂 On the other hand, I'm not sure what to think about Tsubaki and Kaname being "moe" to little sisters lolll, but I guess at least they're quite frank and obvious about Ema totally being their type lolll. Anyway, I guess now we've seen all the brothers! I knewww Miwa was going to ask Masaomi to go to an omiai but danggg. Especially since he's the oldest brother so I guess it was to be expected in his route. Awww I love how Masaomi so honestly told the girl he had someone he liked. I legit can't wait until they both tell each other their feelings, I'm so excited!! Lmaooo, Masaomi in a Santa Claus costume looks so funny hahaha. Awww he bought Ema a Christmas present!! It's nice that Masaomi gave Ema her very own Usa-tan! Anyway, omggg Azusa and Tsubaki are sooo close, it's actually kinda cute how much they love each other haha. I loved how Ema properly thanked all the guys during the Christmas party for looking for her when she ran away after realising her dad wasn't blood related to her, and I loved how they told her it was natural since she's family. When he hugged her thanking her for always encouraging him and supporting him, it was so cuteee, I love how much Ema loves seeing the serious Masaomi that dedicates himself to saving people however he can.

Masaomi is usually so tired from work, but I love how he's always like Ema is always welcome to visit his room! I think it was especially cute when Ema was about to go back knowing that he didn't get much sleep and she woke him up, but he knew that she wouldn't randomly just come to annoy him for nothing, so thankfully he got her to not feel like she was bothering him and gave him the chocolate~ Masaomi blushing is always the cutest~ Lmaooo Ema is like a pro gamer😂 I found it so funny how Subaru and Ema just told Yusuke to pick up items because he's weak😂 Awww Masaomi was sad that Ema didn't react to the pink heart necklace he gave her through Usa-tan! To be fair he did do it in a really roundabout way so I guess it's understandable that she didn't notice it, but luckily she did lol, so now she doesn't need to misunderstand that he thinks of her as just a kid. Ohhh, I thought Masaomi was just jealous that Ema was having fun with Subaru and them, but it was actually because he thought that Ema would probably have more fun and be more happy with a guy around her age and that's why he was sad🥺 I'm so happy that they both told each other their worries and how much they enjoyed their time together. Ema definitely was more brave to say she wanted to always stay beside him though haha. Lmao at Masaomi having eaten so many sweets at that shop he bought the white day presents for Ema loll. Anyway, I didn't realise Fuuto was actually like 2 years younger than Ema, considering how arrogant he seemed, I thought he was around the same age lol. Anyway, I obviously rose the wrong stuff and didn't get the best ending LOL. I was so sad when Masaomi was like, you'll always be my sister or something and it ended, and I was like excuse meeee!? Anyway, I redid the whole thing LOL. I knew that Masaomi had to get over the blood thing if something happened to Wataru so I'm glad Ema was there to kinda wake him up to do that haha. I missed out Ema in a kimono CG!! She was so beautiful!! And omggg, their wedding and expecting a baby endings were nice~ Definitely worth me going through all that again just to see it lol.

Overall, if you can ignore the fact that Masaomi is like 30 and Ema is 17, then this route was quite nice. Well, to be fair, the whole premise is a grey area so I guess the age gap shouldn't be a problem for most who decide to try this game haha. Anyway, I really liked Masaomi. He's like the oldest brother that's super caring about his family, but also a bit childish, maybe because he's kinda like Wataru's father lol. I thought Masaomi was the one who took care of most of the brothers but Masaomi got too busy with his job so that kinda fell on Ukyo instead, which I'm looking forward to in the future! But yeah, I really loved how kind, gentle and sweet Masaomi was all the time, and I really liked how much he had that nice older brother vibe that I super dig lol. You can say, he really soothed my heart LOL, like every time I spend some time going through the route, he always makes my heart warm and makes me smile because of how kind he is, and I just really loved that. I always love how he always takes interest in his patients' interests and does his best to understand them so he can better interact with these kids and make them have an easier time in the hospital. Anyway, I'm super proud of myself that I was able to finish this route in Japanese!! I probably didn't understand 100% of it, but I think I got most of it and I'm so happy about that! I probably spent wayyy too much time on the dictionary searching for kanji but I can definitely see the progress and I'm looking forward to finishing all the routes! It's still kinda crazy to me though, like I still remember once upon a time, I really wanted to play this game and honestly hoped for a localisation one day, but now I've given up and decided to just practise my Japanese with it instead lol. It's interesting how things have come to be, but I'm excited for the rest~

#brothers conflict

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jippy-kandi · 4 years ago

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Digimon Adventure: 2020 – Episode 15: Zudomon’s Iron Hammer Of Lightning (Review)

Thoughts on the fifteenth episode of the Digimon Adventure reboot series.

I loved this episode. I’m predictable. So what? Warning: Major Sorato fangirling ahead. :P

The animation in this episode was truly horrendous. Yamato didn’t even look pretty in some shots! *cough*

I love that Jou, Sora and Yamato had designated roles for their strategy and worked together really well. Especially Sora and Yamato, who came up with the strategy and made Jou feel useless. Jou totally looked at them like #couplegoals ;) (I’m joking. :P)

Frigimon injuring Sora was really great. I’ve always wanted to see the kids actually get injured/sick by a digimon – and the others having to protect/take care of them . . . it usually only happens in fanfics! It was amazing to see, and I loved how Yamato took Sora to safety and protected her, while Jou was the decoy. Do you guys realise that this reboot is making little baby Sorato shippers for a new generation? And, when they hit their teens/adults, they’ll write fanfics about this exact situation? They'll also eventually watch the original show and its movies, and completely accept and embrace “old” Sorato as the standard because in “their” reboot version, Sorato was obvious. I LOVE IT. PRAISE TOEI 2020.

Mimi riding a kiwimon because she thought they were cute was COMEDY GOLD. Reboot Mimi really might be best Mimi.

Jou being a distraction for Sora and Yamato to get away safely was a good plan and actually made sense. It was the best of all the “excuses” the reboot gave for the other Ultimate digimon to not be needed. Learn from this, previous episode 14.

Yamato’s look back at Sora as they were riding Garurumon? A really nice detail to show his concern and cement Sorato as the OTP. ;) No, seriously, it was great for Yamato’s characterisation, and it definitely helped their friendship. It also reminds me of nuanced, subtle OG Sorato. <3

Gomamon/Ikkakumon is such a good cheerleader of Jou. I really like their partnership, even if Jou is a bit too pathetic.

I liked the Mammathmon freezing the river to make an ice bridge, and then crossing it with all the Frigimon. It was a nice throwback to Frigimon doing the same for Taichi in the OG. That episode has a special place in my heart, because Yamato nearly freezes and Gabumon had to take care of him (and here, Sora is injured instead and needs to be thawed out). I like how they rework things.

Ikkakumon: “Let’s protect everyone by ourselves, Jou.” Jou: “I’ll . . . protect . . . [Sora-kun]” Yamato: “This is Yamato. Is something wrong? I’ll head over if things seem bad.” Jou: “No. Don’t worry. There’s no problem. Right now, Sora-kun can’t be left alone. Please stay with her!” Pretty amazing moment for Jou, it made my heart swell. I also like that Yamato offered to help as well. And Jou clearly ships Sorato. XD;

Ikkakumon’s super evolution to Zudomon was the most interestingly animated, outside of MetalGreymon and WereGarurumon. But why is Zudomon so buff in this reboot, and with such an innocent face? He looks like a guinea pig who lifts 24/7. But him being Thor-like with the hammer was pretty cool. I also never noticed the dolphin on his shoulder before, lol.

Jou definitely “redeemed” himself for me this episode. And . . . I think his super evolution worked the most to me out of all the kids. (Mimi comes close, but I still have an issue with Palmon being useless for half her episode.) I think this is because Jou was depicted as being so utterly pathetic so far, that when he stepped up to protect his friends (who actually needed be to protected – the stakes were high with Sora’s injury), it actually seemed to matter instead of just being another fast-forward to Ultimate. I didn’t expect Jou’s super evolution to be the most organic, but I liked that it was.

Having said that . . . I think I changed my mind shortly after thinking I preferred reboot Jou (for being hilarious). I prefer OG Jou because he was grounded in reality. Reboot Jou is a bit too hysterical and ridiculous. I would almost ship reboot Jou and Sora in that moment he musters up the courage to super evolve Ikkakumon, if not for the fact that Sora would never respect/admire him enough to be attracted to him. Reboot Jou is not boyfriend material. :P

The #TrainTrackChallenge back in power-less Tokyo was a nice touch to add some “2020” into the show! I lol’ed.

Gomamon: “I’m glad you’re better now!” Sora: “Yeah! Thank you! It’s all thanks to you and Gomamon.” Sora . . . what are Yamato and Garurumon, pieces of meat!? :P But that’s OK, because . . .

Gomamon: “Now then, will the leader give the word of command?” Jou: “All right, everyone . . .” Yamato: “Let’s go!“ Sora: “Yeah!” Yamato is the leader of Sora’s heart. ;)

OMG GOMAMON’S GIGGLE IS SO PRECIOUS, BOTTLE IT UP AND SELL IT. <3

This episode ended with a very nice cliffhanger, with Taichi’s group walking through a cave and ending up in Tokyo.

Overall, I thought this episode was well constructed for a kids’ show. Oh, and Yamato’s group >>> Taichi’s group. ;) They just work so well together!

Fifteen episodes in (really only four: 8, 11, 13, 15), and I’m 100% sure the reboot team know exactly what they’re doing with Sorato. It doesn’t matter that Sorato won’t “hook up” at the end of the series (they’re 11, guys) – the foundation for their possible future relationship is definitely being laid. Toei are making sure that if the kids today go back and watch the old series and see the 02 epilogue, that it’ll make more sense to them than most of the OG crowd. And as a Sorato fan? I really can’t ask for more.

#digimon #digimon adventure #digimon adventure:#digimon adventure 2020 #sorato #yamato ishida #sora takenouchi #jou kido #review #screenshots #spoilers #my sorato heart #<3

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cowboyshit · 4 years ago

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twenty questions

tagged by: @dustofinsanity (thank you so much my dear!!!!!!)

what do you prefer to be called name-wise? honestly I’ll probably answer to most things as long as they aren’t mean. but ash, ashley, doe, those seem to be the solid three I’m known by around here when is your birthday? november 30th! where do you live? in a tiny, backwoods cow-town smack dab in the middle of california three things you are doing right now? filling this questionnaire out, eating dinner I just finished cooking, and petting sadie with my foot since she’s curled up at my feet after she finished her dinner four fandoms that have peaked your interest. I guess I can go with four I’ve been heavily involved with, even though there’s plenty more than that since I’m a little fangirl at heart, but wrestling (obviously), black sails, the night shift, and pirates of the caribbean how has the pandemic been treating you? uh, I mean, it hasn’t been great and I’ve had to deal with some pretty bad shit as all of us have, and probably some of my worst mental health battles I’ve had to face in about a year or so, but honestly? I just kind of count my blessings these days. lucky to still be employed, even if my pay got a little cut it was nothing that keeps me from paying my bills. all I had to do was take away a few luxury things to make ends meet, and that’s a lot, LOT less than other people have had to do. so yeah, it’s been pretty shitty, this year has been bad news after bad news both personally and globally, but whatever. it could be worse. a song you can’t stop listening to right now? it is no-joke like a four-way tie. a bunch of good songs were in my discover weekly and I’ve been playing four of them on non-stop repeat one after the other. oh! and one my best friend showed to me. this baby don’t cry by k. flay, rock bottom by grandson, ok ok by hoko, and insurgents by the poolside by denny recommend a movie. i’ve jumped into holiday mood early af because tbh I need the holiday cheer, so keeping in that theme, I suggest the holiday with jude law because DUH how old are you? thirty! school, university, occupation, other? had some college, been working in my current career for the past ten years. hoping to pursue a promotion finally since my supervisors have been telling me for the past eight years that I need to promote do you prefer heat or cold? cold pleeeaaaase! I’m a radiator and put off heat like nobody’s business. I’m always warm. name one fact others may not know about you. this is hard because I just constantly blab everything about me, and I have two people who literally know EVERYTHING about me lmfao uhhh I guess... something people may not know... uhhh... on my dad’s side of the family one half was ashkenazi jewish who had to flee germany to avoid the holocaust, where they went to live in italy, while the other half were nazi’s committing some pretty bad stuff that my family won’t talk about, even to this day. funny how two descendants eventually met in america and fell in love, huh? and when they DID fall in love one of them was half italian and in the mafia! so I always joke that my bubbly cheerful self is a descendent of some pretty evil shit, and it feels like a nice little stab at those shitty ancestors of mine. are you shy? uhhh yeah and no??? like. I think I’m shy, since all interaction terrifies me and exhausts me, but everyone tells me I’m a social butterfly? and I’ve noticed in places I’m comfortable and confident, I do tend to be less shy and more involved and interactive? but I think I can be shy. a lot of waiting for other people to initiate because I’m too afraid to, struggling to talk or carry a conversation at times... I don’t know I think I’m overcomplicating this answer LOL preferred pronouns? she/her! biggest pet peeves? gatekeeping, to be perfectly honest. I stopped following wrestling back in 2014 because when I first tried to get into the fandom, someone was trying to gatekeep a wrestler I also liked and had started making content for and they made me feel like shit for liking them, and I absolutely hated it. that’s why it took me an entire two years of quietly lurking in the wrestling fandom before I finally got brave enough to come out of the woodwork, and I’m grateful I’ve been so well received this time around. but now I’m hyper-sensitive to gatekeeping and I fucking hate it. no joke. and since it’s a pet peeve and I’m irked just remembering all that bs I went through, ima say I’m only a part of fandom to share my love of whatever that thing is with other people who love it too. I can’t stand anyone who thinks they have some sort of “claim” over a celebrity or a show or anything. get a different identity that isn’t wrapped up in that thing and stop seeing it as a threat when other people like it. be happy someone else is as passionate about that thing as you are and make a friend. damn. what is your favorite “dere” type? I’m pretty sure this is something with anime or that originated from anime, right? unfortunately I don’t know what they are so I can’t say LOL I don’t even know if I’m right about it coming from anime tbh rate your life from 1-10, 1 being crappy and 10 being the best it could be. 4, 5, but I’m putting in the foundation now and working to make it a 6, 7, or possibly 8 by a year or two from now. what’s your main blog? funnily enough? this one. my OTHER blog that was my main blog since I joined tumblr in 2009 got shoved to the side for this one last year LOL I assumed I’d log onto this blog once in awhile, but now it took over my whole damn life so here I am I guess list your side blogs and what they’re used for. I’m going to be fair and ONLY list my active ones because I have a few side blogs from when I role-played on tumblr that I haven’t touched in over a year. @doedreamss is my non-wrestling blog that WAS my main blog before this one, @cowboysht is my archive where I am ONLY putting my original gifsets/analysis/fanfiction so that one day I can offer people a blog of just my original work and no other posts (the queue is very slowly catching up I think I’ve queued posts up until june this year), @illfatedandstarcrossed is just a non-frequently used outlet for me to mope and dump emotions when I get sad about my relationship things (like a diary! but... public? and not my original thoughts? LOL), and then I have one more blog but it’s locked and private and it’s LITERALLY my diary where I can just vent when I got shit I wanna get off my chest but don’t necessarily want people to see it. Is there something people need to know about you before becoming friends? I probably won’t talk to you daily, tbh. I may not even talk to you weekly. socializing takes a lot out of me, on top of an already energy draining day-to-day in my personal life. I have a handful of people I connect with who I talk with frequently, but unfortunately as much as I’d love for it to be endless, I have to keep that list short for my own sanity. my infrequent conversations mean absolutely nothing about my lack of interest in you or how much I care about you. my granny once said I would be the perfect friend for someone you only want to talk to twice a month and she thought she was insulting me, but deadass I just said “YEAH! EXACTLY!!”

tagging: I really like this one so I WANT to tag people, but I feel braindead and also just want to post it cause I feel like I am definitely gonna forget to tag someone tbh aaaaahh okay okay I’m just gonna throw some names out there but please don’t feel pressured to do this (it is TWENTY questions) @kennyhoemega, @champbucks, @superkickparty, @adampage, @hintsofsunshine, @audreyhrnes, @sheslikealostflower, @lancearchers, @champnick, @janelanutella, @edgecution, @superrezzy00, @wardl0w, @writinglionqueen, @orangechuckiet, @hungmanhorsecarriage, @icouldbesus, @thatnerdwriter, @rampagewriting, @snarkandsarcasmftw, @tetsuyainthesky AND I DUNNO JUST ANYONE WHO WANTS TO OK I LOVE YOU ALL BYE

#ashleys playin #not wrestling related #long post for ts #long post

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heyyyharry · 5 years ago

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Chapter 14: To The Boy Next Door

(from the My Girl Trilogy: Stay Mine)

…in which they play a game.

Word count: 4.7k

AU: actor!Harry, older!Harry, younger!Y/N, (4-year age gap).

Wattpad link (Thea as Y/N)

ANNOUNCEMENT: The last chapter was supposed to be released on July 1, BUT I have two final exams on that same week, so I’ll have no choice but to move the schedule forward.

Last My Girl update: July 8, 2020. (July 3: Tumblr preview and full chapter on Patreon).

One year later

“Come in.”

When Asher entered the room, Gemma almost didn’t recognize him. He’d got a beard now, and he wasn’t wearing a suit. If she hadn’t known the charming Asher in the past, she would be so shocked to find out he was the CEO’s son. Too bad she didn’t care enough to wonder what had happened to him after his business had gone bankrupt because his father had refused to finance it. Now he was just a regular accountant.

His eyes went wide when he saw her sitting with his dad in the CEO office.

Hello, Asher, she thought, yet gave him nothing but a polite nod as if they were meeting for the first time.

“Asher, I suppose you remember Gemma?” asked his father with a sigh.

“Yes,” Asher mumbled, his gaze falling to the floor.

Of course he remembered her. Abusers always remembered their victims.

His dad looked from him back to Gemma. Hands folded on the desk, he said, “Gemma is our new COO. I hope you will have no trouble working for her.”

Asher’s head jerked up as if he’d just heard a gunshot. And Gemma, of course, was the one holding the gun.

She relished his astonishment and cracked a smile as she rose from her seat and walked toward him. She extended her hand, but he didn’t take it.

“Working for her?” he asked his dad, who replied with a stern expression.

“Yes. She’s your new boss.”

Gemma broke into a smirk, still holding out her hand in the space between them. Asher’s eyes had grown so big they nearly took over his entire face. “You,” he hissed at her, “I can't believe you weaselled your way into this company.”

“Oh, no.” Gemma frowned pretentiously and dropped her hand down to her side. “I’ve been a shareholder for almost a year. I’ve done more for this company in that short amount of time than you have your whole life.”

He thinned his lips and glared at her, unable to muster a single word.

She hated him but respected his father. And what was better as revenge than making sure she took everything he wanted? First, his father’s affection. Soon, his father’s company.

“I don’t want to make this unpleasant for you, Asher,” her voice dropped so low as she leaned in so only the two of them could hear. “Or maybe I do. So you better be a nice employee, because I wouldn't be sorry to kick you out of here.”

His face dimmed as she stepped away. If there was a camera, she’d take a picture and put it in a frame. Though she doubted this would be the last time she got to see that defeated look on his face.

"See you around, Ash," she said, placing a hand on her hip as she breezed right past him out of the room.

Two interns, a blonde and a dark-skinned girl, rose from their cubicles and rushed up to her as she was heading for the lift.

“Excuse me,” the blonde said timidly. “Are you...our new COO?”

“Y-Yes, yes, I am.” Gemma worked up a smile and the girls giggled to each other like teenagers.

“Congratulations and welcome!” said the dark-skinned one, who said her name was Marie and her friend was Claria. Gemma assumed they were going to fangirl about her brother, but then Marie said, “We love your sister-in-law’s book. We’re such big big fans.”

It took Gemma a second. “Y/N? She and Harry aren’t–”

“Future sister-in-law,” Claria corrected her friend, looking nervously from Marie back to Gemma. “We’ve...heard some rumours. Can you confirm or deny it?”

“I cannot. But I’ll let her know about you girls.”

The girls grinned like the Cheshire Cat, and Gemma could tell they were trying their best not to freak out. She waved them goodbye and hastened into the lift before the door closed.

Her phone buzzed with a new text.

Isey: Lunch? :)

Lunch :) she replied, biting back a grin.

Another notification popped up. A reply from Harry's girl. Gemma rolled her eyes as she remembered lending Harry her phone a couple of weeks ago. He'd changed most names in her contacts and she'd only managed to change back a few of them.

Harry's girl: Thanks for the birthday wish, Gem! (heart emoji)

You're welcome! Is Harry coming home today?

Harry's girl: I hope not. But idk.

We never know. How can you STAND him? Ugh.

Harry's girl: I can't lol.

Harry's girl: Anyway, what was his reaction?

Gemma knew right away whom Y/N was talking about.

Priceless, she responded.

Harry's girl: QUEEN. Make his life a living hell.

Oh I will. Certainly.

The door slid open with a ding, and Gemma tucked the phone into her bag. Her assistant was waiting outside to direct her to her new office. With a smile on her face, she stepped out of the lift and shook the assistant's hand.

She was so ready for this new beginning.

“Good aaaaaafternoon, girlfriend! Are you feeling twenty-two?”

Y/N laughed hoarsely as she blinked a few times to let her vision get used to the light from the windows opposite the bed. “You’re embarrassing,” she said, yawning.

On the phone, Harry gasped. “Did you just wake up?!”

“I stayed up all night talking to you and had a zoom meeting with Laura this morning. Besides, it’s Sunday.”

“It’s your birthday.”

“Duh.” She grinned at the ceiling and exhaled. “I’m twenty-two now. I’m like...old.”

“Ouch. Well, aren’t you supposed to get ready for the book signing?”

“Book signing is tomorrow. Bad boyfriend.”

The sound of his laugh made her heart leap. She missed him so much. He’d been in New York for two weeks and wouldn’t be back until next Thursday, which meant she’d have to spend this birthday without him. She wasn’t sure if she should let him know she wished he were here. She really did. But she also didn’t want him to drop everything and fly back to her for only one night. He’d done that before and it'd been romantic, still, she never wanted him to do it again.

“To prove that I’m not a bad boyfriend,” he said, snapping her back to the moment. “I have a surprise for you.”

She sat up straight and whipped her head to the door. “Goddamn it, Harry,” she huffed, “if you tell me you’re standing right outside–”

“No!” He burst out laughing. “No, no, no, I’m still in New York.”

She sighed in relief, but couldn’t help feeling a bit disappointed.

“My surprise is in the pocket of my favourite suit,” he said.

She had no idea what he might have up his sleeves (quite literally). Still, she rolled out of bed, shoved her feet into her slippers, and padded out of the room.

Two years ago on this same day, he’d brought her to the roof of an abandoned building, where they’d watched the night city and eaten his homemade cupcakes. On her twenty-first birthday, they hadn’t been talking. And so this year, she’d suspected that he must have planned something extravagant to surprise her, even though he wasn’t home to celebrate with her. The surprise had come a bit earlier than expected.

She switched on the light in the walk-in closet, which was as large as her old flat. His favourite suit was the one he’d worn on Grammy’s night. Sparkling dark velvet to match the aesthetic of her silvery mermaid gown, which, unfortunately, she hadn’t got a chance to show off to the world.

She stuck her hand into the breast pocket of the jacket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. “Found it."

“Go on. Read it,” he encouraged.

“If it says ‘Happy Birthday, smiley face’, I’ll strangle you when you come back.”

A laugh burst right through him. “Your choking kink is getting out of hand, babe.”

“Shut up.” She huffed, unfolding the note. “Should have said I loved you,” she read aloud. “What does that mean?”

“You can ask for my help only once. Call me when you’ve found the fifth clue.”

“Wait!”

But he’d already hung up.

She almost called him back but then decided not to. She didn't want to waste her only chance to ask for help.

Classic treasure hunt, she thought, rereading the sentence.

The prize would be her birthday present for sure. Maybe he’d hidden it in the wood somewhere. A normal boyfriend would just have the birthday present delivered, or leave it on the table or in the garage, not challenge his girlfriend’s two only active brain cells with a children’s game. But Y/N wasn’t a normal girlfriend. And as much as she hated working for something other than her writing, a part of her was excited.

“Should have said I loved you,” she thought out loud, then snapped her fingers and rushed across the hallway to his library.

Two years ago, she’d told him she’d loved him for the first time and received silence in return. In this very room, he’d watched her leave.

She stood in front of the giant bookcase, which he’d had installed a month after she’d officially moved in. Most of these books were from her collection. On a shelf in the middle stood three framed photos of them. Them in Paris. Them with their families on a vacation last summer. Them at her graduation.

She flipped each frame over to check the back, but none had what she was looking for. She tapped her foot impatiently on the carpet while assessing the rest of the bookcase. It didn’t take her too long to notice that one book was upside down.

P.S. I Love You by Cecelia Ahern.

Of course. Of-fucking-course.

She rolled her eyes, feeling a smile stretching her lips as she took the book from the shelf and opened it to the first page. There was a post-it note that said:

Congrats, babe. You’ve found it. Next clue: Where the magic happens ;)

‘Where the magic happens.’ If it wasn’t sexual, the winky face had made sure that it was.

Could it be their bed? Nope. She'd slept there last night.

Could it be the first place they’d had sex?

Could the next clue be inside that car?

She jolted with a start and dashed out of the library, and as soon as she reached the stairs, she suddenly halted.

No. She didn’t remember which car they’d had sex in for the first time, and he’d got a whole collection of cars. It’d take forever to search every single one. That wasn’t the right answer.

Sighing, she stood on the first stair and contemplated the clue again.

They used to play Treasure Hunt when they were younger. There were usually at least five or six clues, and the first three should be easy.

Could it be her flat? Most of their ‘secret relationship’ had happened in her flat. It used to be their secret kingdom. Impenetrable. Disconnected to the outside world. They’d also had their second real kiss outside her door, and she still had until the end of this month before she must return the keys to the landlord.

She wasn’t sure, and she wasn’t going to drive all the way there just to find out she was wrong.

And so she decided to call him.

“Let me guess,” he said as soon as the beeping stopped. “You’re either super impatient or your fairy godmother appeared and helped you find all five clues.”

She rolled her eyes. “Third clue. Is it your car or my flat?”

“My car?” He sounded confused, which gave her the impression that she might have got it wrong.

Her cheeks burnt as she said, “We had sex for the first time in your car.”

“No, not my car, but damn, I should have thought of that.”

“So it’s my flat?”

“Are you sure you want to ask me now?”

“Yes.”

“Yes,” he smugly confirmed. “It’s your flat. Now you’re on your own until the final clue.”

“Fuck,” she grunted and pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Don’t worry,” he said. “I thought you’d have trouble with this one, too. I mean, we fuck everywhere these days.”

“If my birthday present isn’t worth all this, we won’t be fucking ever again.”

He gasped at the threat, and she could picture him wearing that stupid crooked smile as he told her, “Good luck, kid. I believe in you.”

She found the next clue on Thumper’s lap.

When she’d moved most of her furniture to Harry’s house, she’d forgotten to take the purple stuffed bunny with her. She held it under her arm and scrutinized the pink post-it note, which said:

I cannot believe you left Thumper behind. Third clue: Drunk little deer.

“Drunk little deer? What does that even mean?” Then she looked at Thumper. “Should I kick him in the balls when I see him?”

She made the rabbit nod and burst out laughing at how crazy she sounded. If anyone walked in and saw her talking to a stuffed animal, they would assume she was either crazy or drunk.

Drunk.

She was the drunk little deer. Drunk Bambi.

The answer was the place he'd seen her drunk for the first time.

Andrew recognized Y/N right from the moment she stepped into the pub. He leaned over the counter and shouted for everyone to hear, “Little girl! Good to see you again!”

“Andrew," she smiled and shouldered her way towards the bar.

He eyed her up and down as she slid onto one of the stools. “You look different. I hope you’re not here to drink again. I might have to kick you out.”

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. “You look different, too. I like your new hair.”

Andrew rubbed his shiny bald head, scowling at her as she raised a smile and rested her chin on her knuckles. Andrew might look intimidating, especially now without his hair, but he was one of the softest people she’d ever met. He’d been so kind to her during her tough times and even let her haunt his pub day and night until Harry had come for the rescue.

“You’re kind of famous now, aren’t you?” Andrew said. “I’ve read your book. It didn’t suck.”

“You have?”

He lifted one giant shoulder of his, pursing his lips. “My wife made me. She's a big fan. Your boyfriend came two weeks ago and he even signed the book for her. He said he was the one in the story.”

“My boyfriend was here?”

Andrew gave a nod.

The voices in Y/N's head started cheering like she’d just won a wrestling match. It would have been so embarrassing if she'd asked Andrew first and then found out she'd got it wrong.

“Well, did he leave...something for me? A message perhaps?”

Andrew growled as he turned away, and without a word, disappeared through a stained curtain behind him. He came back five minutes later and handed her a green post-it note with an unreadable grimace on his face.

She snatched it immediately. A laugh crackled out of her as if he’d just given her gold.

Hi babe, you’re almost there! My biggest fans (not you) have the final clue. Get back to work.

“He gave this to me when he signed the book,” Andrew said.

Y/N mumbled the words over as she tried to figure them out. Her first guess for ‘biggest fans (not you)’was Gemma and Isaac. But then she got rid of the idea because they had to be at the same place at the same time in order for this to work, and Gem and Isaac were both at work.

Which two people were together right now and were also Harry’s biggest fans?

‘Get back to work.’

Yes. That’s it!

Y/N thrust the post-it note into her bag and rose from the stool. “I’m sorry. This must be weird to you.”

“It’s quite romantic, actually," Andrew said.

“Really?”

“And weird. You two are both weird. What a perfect couple.”

“Gee, thanks.”

As she spun on her heels, Andrew called after her, “Hey, little girl. I’m sorry I said you weren’t a real writer.”

“You said that?”

“You were drunk,” he chuckled. “Anyway, bring your weird boyfriend back sometimes.”

“I will. If there’s free beer.”

“Get out of here.” He shot his finger toward the door, but it was the first time she’d seen Andrew smile with his whole face.

Eddie’s bookshop was busy on most Sundays. Well, it had been busy almost every day since Y/N had credited him in her latest best-selling debut novel.

She entered the shop and was immediately recognized by a group of schoolgirls, who asked her to sign their new copies of her book and questioned her about the story. She recycled the same amiable answers that didn’t give away any more than what they might already know. Since she’d already got used to the attention, the fans didn’t intimidate her anymore.

She took a selfie with the girls and bid them goodbye. Then one of the new employees told her that Eddie and Alice were sorting books at the back. She wandered along aisles until she found them. Eddie was scolding Alice for putting hardcovers in between paperbacks. Nothing got on Eddie’s nerves as much as putting hardcovers in between paperbacks.

“The hardcovers take more shelf-space so you cannot put them there! God, Alice, were you drunk when you were sorting these books?”

“I wish I were drunk now,” Alice said, and her eyes lit up as she saw Y/N. She nearly tackled Y/N to the floor with a violent hug, and Y/N returned with half as much enthusiasm.

“You’re like a Golden Retriever,” Y/N said, pulling back and cupping her friend’s face.

“Happy birthday! I was gonna send you–”

Eddie didn’t wait for Alice to finish as he pushed her aside to step forward, his face brightened like the sun. “You’re here for the clue, aren’t you?”

“Yes, I–”

“We can’t just hand it to you.” That sun-like face suddenly turned serious. “You need a password. What is Harry’s favourite book?”

Y/N arched an eyebrow at Eddie as if expecting him to say ‘gotcha!’ But he only mirrored her expression as he crossed his arms over his chest, waiting for an answer.

“Seriously?” Y/N scoffed, looking at her two friends. “He’s that narcissistic?”

Alice smirked as she raised a shoulder. “Either you answer or search this entire bookshop yourself.”

“I fucking hate him and I fucking hate both of you.” Y/N rolled her eyes upward and exhaled sharply. “Norwegian Wood.”

“Huh?”

“That’s his favourite book,” she told Alice and remembered Alice didn’t read fiction unless it was compulsory. “Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami.”

Eddie looked confused. “He loves Haruki Murakami? His books are misogynistic.”

“Harry’s got a bad taste in authors. But judging from your reactions, I suppose that is not the correct answer, and I should probably break up with my boyfriend because I don’t know what his favourite book is.”

“You do, Y/N.” Alice beamed as she leaned a shoulder against the bookcase. “You’re thinking too big. It’s pretty simple.”

“Shit. Is it my book?” Y/N asked, then pinched the bridge of her nose as Eddie began to smile. “Goddamn it, he’s like my dad times ten.”

“What did your dad do?” Eddie asked.

“He bought a bunch of copies of my book and sent them to our relatives for Christmas. It was pretty embarrassing.”

“Aww.”

“ALICE!”

“Jesus Christ!” Alice covered her ears as she shot Eddie a glare. “I’m standing right next to you.”

“Go get the clue!” Eddie flicked his fingers at her. “Go! Hurry!”

Alice rolled her eyes and flipped him off as she backed out of the aisle. Eddie ignored her and turned back to Y/N, grinning from ear to ear like he was the birthday girl. “Are you excited?”

“Not as much as you are. That’s for sure,” Y/N said and made sure he knew she was joking by giving him a toothy grin.

“I’m not gonna tell you what the surprise is, you know.”

“I’m not asking.”

Eddie’s laugh was high as he placed a hand on her shoulder. “What I can tell you is that you’re gonna love it. Too bad I cannot be there to see your reaction.”

“Trust me,” she said. “You don’t wanna see me scold Harry through the phone.”

Alice returned with a copy of My Girl and handed it to Y/N with a smile that possibly meant, ‘You’re gonna love this’.

Suspicious and somewhat elated, Y/N opened the book to the dedication page.

To Mum, Dad, and the boy next door.

Those were her words. Below was his handwriting: Hi my love :)

Curious, she turned to the first chapter. This wasn’t just another copy of her book, of which she’d got all the different covers at home. With this one, Harry had done the same thing he’d done to her journal. His handwriting was scattered across the pages. He’d underlined all the quotes he’d enjoyed and left comments about them on the side.

Y/N heard Eddie say something about how he would never write in books and Alice immediately shush him for being rude. Y/N never wrote in books, either, but she loved reading Harry’s handwritten notes. It felt like he was reading the story with her. The butterflies in her stomach went wild just from imagining him taking his time writing on each page and grinning at his own jokes. If this was the birthday surprise, she could not ask for anything more.

However, she knew he had to be more extra than this.

And there it was. Proof that this was not the surprise. On the very last page, he wrote:

Meet me where the sky meets the earth.

“Where the sky meets the earth?” she thought out loud and glanced up at Eddie, who responded with a shrug. Alice did, too. Y/N didn’t think they were lying. Harry must have told them what the surprise was, but not the answers to these cryptic messages.

Eddie patted her on the back as he wished her good luck and shooed Alice back to the front to assist the customers. Y/N was left behind to work it out on her own. She leaned against the bookcase, pondering over the words.

Hadn’t Harry said she was allowed to call him when she reached the fifth clue?

She tucked the book under her arm and pulled out the phone from the pocket of her jeans.

“Hi, babe!”

“I’ve got the fifth clue,” she blurted. “What do I do now?”

“I don’t know. Solve it?”

“Yes, smartarse. The answer is, I don’t know.”

“You’re not even thinking.”

“You said you’d help me!”

“I said I’d help you once,” he countered. “And I did. I told you to call me just so I know when you’ve reached the final clue.”

“So you’re not gonna help me with this one?”

He was quiet for a moment. “Well, I can give you a hint. What do all the places you’ve visited today have in common?”

She chewed on her lip, an arm folded over her chest. “They’re memories,” she whispered.

“That’s right,” he whispered back, like they didn’t want anyone to overhear their conversation. “This last place is a memory as well. Where the sky meets the earth. Think, kid.”

She pouted. “Can I please get another hint?”

“You don’t get to talk in a cute voice and manipulate me, Bambi,” he sighed. “Fine. Our first date.”

“Holmes Chapel?!”

He said nothing and hung up.

It took Y/N a few seconds, but she believed she’d got the answer.

She took the lift and climbed four sets of stairs to the roof.

Adrenaline buzzed right through her, causing her hands to shake and her heart to pound against her ribcage. The metal was cold against her fingertips as she pawed the heavy door open slowly. It was unlocked.

The cold wind gushed in, blowing her hair out of her face as she stepped into the night. The city of London gleamed before her eyes. Where the sky meets the earth. This was where they could see stars high above and down below.

And there he was. Waiting for her with that smug crooked grin on his stupid face.

“Hi,” he said.

Oh, how she’d missed his stupid beautiful face.

She tucked her hands into the pockets of her jacket and ambled forward, still thinking him being here was too good to be true.

He lifted both hands like a surrendered criminal, both eyebrows raised as he said, “Before you get angry, I can explain.”

“Please do,” she demanded but found herself smiling.

With the wind in his hair, dimples on his cheeks and city light in his eyes, he looked absolutely breathtaking. She couldn’t hate him even if she tried.

Harry exhaled unsteadily through his mouth before mumbling, “Here I go,” and then he was on his knee in front of her.

She didn’t react when he took her cold hand and pressed it against his warm chest. She could feel his heart beating almost in sync with her own.

“Are you surprised?” he asked, chuckling nervously.

She exhaled a quiet laugh and said, “Yes, but also no.”

He cocked an eyebrow. “Because I warned you this would happen?”

“Because you warned me this would happen.” Her mouth curved at the corner as she recalled the Oscar night in his LA house, both of them drunk, him on his knee like this, a promise, and how in love she’d felt, almost as much as she did in this very moment.

“Is this too early or too late?” he ventured.

“This is perfect.”

She pressed her lips into a smile, and his green eyes flickered in the semi-darkness. “Well then.” He straightened his back. “Y/N ‘Bambi’ Y/L/N.”

“Yes.” Her voice was so brittle she feared he wouldn’t hear it, her stomach twisted into triple knots, her chest fluttering and her fingers trembling.

He held her gaze as the corner of his mouth arched. “Will you…”

“I swear to God if you’re jok–”

“Marry me,” he blurted, panting as though saying those words had drained all the energy out of him. “Marry me. I want to annoy you for the rest of my life. I want every fight, every laugh, every up and down, every kiss, every touch, everything about you. I will love you until all my teeth fall out, until you finally learn to cook–”

“I’ll never learn to cook.”

“I know,” he chuckled. “Most importantly, I’ll even let you love young Leo a bit more than me, but only sometimes.”

She covered her mouth. What meant to be a laugh came out as a sob.

“I would have written a speech, but I figured you’d roast me for my bad writing, so I’d rather improvise and blame this awful proposal on it being improvised.”

“God, you’re fucking annoying,” she laughed tearily into her hand and he was laughing, too.

Quickly, he got to his feet and tugged her into him. She circled her arms around his waist, her face buried into his chest as she inhaled the scent she’d missed achingly in the last two weeks.

“My girl is such a crybaby,” he said, kissing the top of her head, her temple, her ear, her cheek, her forehead. He kissed and held her until she’d calmed down.

“Yes,” she told him at last, lifting her eyes up to his.

“Yes, you’re a crybaby?”

“Yes, you’re a dumbarse and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life roasting you and yes, I’ll sometimes love young Leo more than you but only sometimes, because you’re the greatest love of my life and I cannot imagine a life without you–”

He stopped her with his lips, his hands tenderly cupping her face as his thumbs moved slowly over her chin, cheeks and jawlines. She’d imagined that their first kiss after two weeks apart would be sexually aggressive and against-the-wall hot, but this kiss was slow and sensual and passionate and full of wanting. It felt like his promise for their future together. One that would last.

#harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles series #my girl series

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nyomjoon · 4 years ago

Text

why Kou is the best character in Ao Haru Ride

Why Kou is the best character in Ao Haru Ride & the most deserving of a fangirl club

to preface, the main girl (futaba) and main guy (kou) had crushes on each other in middle school, which would’ve progressed when kou invited her out to see her at a place near a clock. however, kou did not show up because one of their classmates questioned futaba on whether she fancied kou, and she was extremely introverted and replied that she hated boys - which she did. but, she had felt differently for kou since he was more gentle and less brutish than the other guys who were really the epitome of pubescent boys. so i see the appeal to kou. upon hearing this, kou decided not to show up in fear that she would not reciprocate his feelings. alas, she was left waiting in the cold for most of the night, and would not hear from him till highschool because he moved away due to his parents’ divorce. he also changes his last name from tanaka to mabuchi (this is significant).

edit: it has been brought to my attention that kou hadn’t shown up bc it was his parents divorce that day. i might’ve missed this detail but i assume when he tells futaba it’s not at the beginning so rlly mayb it’s another element to the ~character development~

When reminiscing, i only remember Kou to be the nonchalant, token tsundere, yeah he doesn’t care about you or your feelings. and upon surface level i found it to be so annoying, because he was the guy who left futaba out of his own fear. she was owed an explanation because despite it being middleschool, i too, would’ve been traumatised if the boy i liked had stood me up and not to mention leave school without a word to any of this classmates. i can side with futaba because i am also an introvert and it plucks a lot of courage to be able to ask someone out in the first place. however, that being said - being an asshole straight off the bat can only mean that there’s room or character development which to my little 12 year old self - failed to realise.

when kou moved middle schools, he struggled to find his group of friends, which in hindsight would probably be difficult for anyone who was going through what he had - his parents splitting. however, he meets ms. narumi, who initially we are grateful that she was able to help kou break out of his shell and develop friendships at school albeit he wasn’t besties with anyone. despite this, i will never forgive what she does later. as i’ve mentioned earlier, when kou enters highschool he becomes an asshole. this is because he experiences his mother dying and as anyone would be, he became bitter. he was more closed off than before and upon this revelation, we begin to sympathise for kou. because losing a loved one is as depressing as it comes and we begin to understand that with his parents divorce there was no one else there for his mother except for him. his older brother, given the split, had stayed with his father and so to satisfy his mother kou spent all his middle school years studying, with a realisation too late that he had made no better memories with his late mother.

consequent to his loss, we accept that his “asshole” personality is justified and he had become a man full of regret. during highschool, he moved back in with his father however, avoided spending time with his family at all costs. he’s revealed to be hanging around a group of friends to merely ‘waste time’ and really, he doesn’t enjoy anything in life. yet, ms. futaba, is persistent in nature and still has feelings for him so attempts to develop a friendship because of their previous relationship. much to his dismay, he still harbours remnants of his crush for her, however, he cannot and refuses to acknowledge it - he does this by not saying it aloud but he’s written her name in a notebook and despite the knowledge of its existence he does not tear or throw it away.

III

as futaba and kou’s relationship develop even further - she convinces him to stop seeing the friends and instead he has better friends at school who are all in this event committee or something like that. however, as the story progresses, narumi comes back and asks kou to help her because shes moved to the same town and has also experienced the death of a parent - which also happened after her parents divorced. knowing what that feels like, he felt obligated to help her out. i’m not sure if he intended to be an anchor for her, but this situation turned out to be very manipulative - because narumi was purposefully trying to hold down kou and drag him away from his character development, because as you would assume, futaba & co. are the steps towards moving on from his bitterness, regret and anger, and narumi tries her best to pull him away from it which inherently just inhibited his growth.

kou isn’t aware of this manipulation, because despite being an asshole prior he sympathises with narumi - which, really shows how kind hearted he is. he goes even further with his generosity by rejecting futaba, because even if they had dated, he still could not leave narumi because he felt as it was his duty to help her overcome her own adversities, which would’ve made futaba uncomfortable. it was/is in fact not his duty to help her overcome her trauma because as we all know it’s part of her own journey, and by helping her, he is still being tied to the past and he himself cannot overcome his trauma.

because he had rejected futaba, she decides to move on and although it does not happen immediately, she starts dating this other guy who in my opinion (which is completely objective btw) is so pushy and forward and he’s just a rat. because she starts to date this dude, kou realises that he still likes her, and depsite seeing them together he is unable to move on, or get rid of his feelings for her. now normally, this would be a bit problematic, however, because i hated kikuchi (futaba’s new bf) i don’t care. so, what i enjoyed about this particular bit of his transformation is that he was able to preserve the good things of his childhood which was fundamentally, memories of futaba and the times he spent with her. so when kou has his final talk with narumi - he lets himself out of that toxic environment, which is probably step five of his character development. and he goes back to the town he lived in when his mum died. he takes futaba with him to override the horrible memories that he had made - ones that reminded him of his parents divorce and his mum’s death. his logic behind this method was because when he was in the infirmary he was able to overcome his hate of the disinfectant smell because he was with futaba.

he also reconciled with his mother’s passing by visiting her grave and letting her know that he is finally able to move on.

another bit i wanted to mention, because it was so chivalrous of kou - basically, futaba got mugged and her bag had a strap that meant a lot to her. and so she tried chasing him, however, she got lost because she kicked the guy in the face and tried to run away. eventually, kou found her and she was really shocked and she actually had a fever so he had to carry her all the way to her hotel room. and then she mentioned that she lost her bag and really needed it. so, he left the hotel room and retrieved it and during his absence was when all the friends gathered in her room. when he comes back, he’s found the bag and throws it at her boyfriend which is funny because it shows how useless the boyfriend is lol.

after this, he does not give up trying to chase after futaba, because she’s been such a pivotal element to his life - which we can all see. his hard work does not go in vain, they do end up together which is very pleasing. but the final bit to his reform is his last name change. as you can imagine, the initial change from tanaka to mabuchi was probably something that was traumatic but then when he changes it back to tanaka he’s able to move on from his bitterness from his mother’s death. not to mention, he was very adamant on futaba to stop calling him tanaka but its pretty significant that he was able to overcome his personal struggles.

im too hungry so i can’t think anymore, if any of u read the manga add to the list!!1!!!111!!!!!

#ao haru ride #character study #kou mabuchi #anime #futaba yoshioka #shoujo manga #romance #pls be light on the criticism i’m v sensitive

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