#i feel so cheated like. i could've been on track for all this shit two or three years ago if ppl had not been so utterly useless for me!!!

[piplupod]

this counselor i am currently seeing is by no means GoodTM but she HAS done more for me in the past 8 months i've been seeing her than all of the other counselors combined that i've been seeing since grade 10. so. i can't say i'm not grateful LMAO

[cobrabobra]

"Asshole"

Carl Grimes x male!reader

pre Negan Alexandria, reader is Ron's older brother, kinda Carl's pov?, mention of porn, carl discovering his sexuality and being really confused about it, arguing, mention of guns

This is my first fanfic in years, english is not my first language so there might be some(a lot of) mistakes

part two

Carl was annoyed, like really pissed off and the thing is nothing really happend to get him so agitated, everything was fine, well as fine as it can be with the dead walking around. Everything was fine except his stupid little teenage heart. When finally things were going okay, when he finally had a roof over his head, food in his stomach and water in his sink, when he finally had a chance to take a break from living in constant fear, everything went to shit because of a one person.

He met (Y/N) when he was chilling in Ron's house, playing some video games, he was spending time with his friends ( if he could call them that) and finally feel like a normal teenage boy.

"You're cheating! " said Mikey, clearly not believing that young Grimes could've beaten him six times in a row.

Carl only chuckled at his words finding it funny that the boy could be such a sore loser.

"He probably doesn't even know how to cheat" Enid didn't even look up from her comic book as she spoke. Brown haired boy felt a sudden warm feeling in his chest, maybe him and Enid had a shot at being friends?

Enid was always distant, always annoyed at him for some unknown reason, when all he tried to do is make some friends, he didn't think he was too pushy or obnoxious, but maybe he was wrong. Anyway, he hoped that this was a sign that they were on the right track.

"Come on, it's my turn" Ron tried to break the silence after his girlfriends words. He himself was somehow surprised that Enid had protected Carl, after all he thought that they both disliked the new boy.

Unfortunately Anderson didn't have the time to sit on the floor and start the game before someone called to him.

"Ron? You here?" the voice came from downstairs and Carl was almost certain that he haven't met it's owner yet.

Approaching footsteps could've been heard and soon a new face appeared by the door.

Grimes discretely studied the newcomer's face, before him stood a boy, a little older than him with beautiful eyes and even prettier smile. To be honest, the man was gorgeous and Carl only wished he met him sooner, whoever he was.

"You're back from the run?" Ron stood up, he was clearly pleased to see this mysterious boy.

"Mhm" he nodded and took something out of his bag. "And I got you a little something" he said with a playful smirk on his face.

The little something happened to be a porn magazine and Anderson blushed furiously at the sight of it.

Mikey barely held back a laugh and he looked like he was suffocating while Enid completely ignored this whole situation. Carl himself found it amusing and couldn't help a little smile on his face.

Ron quickly took the magazine and threw it under his bed and because he did it without any thought, almost automatically, that made Carl think that this perhaps wasn't the first time something like that happened.

"I don't think we've met before, pretty boy" the stranger turned to the long haired male with a slight smile. His words made Carl blush a little and Ron more red than before, but this time with anger and not embarrassment.

"Don't call him tha-"

"I'm Carl. Carl Grimes" he cut the boy off as he introduced himself. Beautiful eyes of the man before him studied his face and Carl found himself feeling all tingly and warm in his chest once again.

"Nice hat, cowboy" he laughed, surely he wasn't trying to be mean, only to lighten up the mood a bit, but Grimes boy couldn't help to feel a little hurt and trying to hide himself by lowering his head, not wanting to look him in the face. "Name's (Y/N), Ron's older brother" he added, hoping his little comment will soon be forgotten.

(Y/N), such a pretty name, Carl thought, suits him quite nicely.

After that day the teen couldn't stop thinking about (Y/N), his hair looked so soft, his eyes friendly, his smile charming and his lips so-

Carl pushed his face into his pillow, feeling embarrassed to think such things about the boy. It was embarrassing, yes. But it was also new and exciting, definitely confusing, but mostly exciting. He never thought he would ever try to imagine how it feels to hug another boy, how to kiss another boy, how to be with another boy.

It's been a couple of weeks since they've met and all the brown haired boy could think was (Y/N), they've spent some time together and Carl even dared to call them friends. The other boy wasn't as interested in comic books as Carl was, but he seemed interested in hearing what Carl had to say about them. They often found themselves in the young Grimes' room, sitting on his bed, Carl talking about the newest comic he read while (Y/N) listened with a smile on his face.

Sometimes they would go on walks outside the walls, they kept close, their shoulders brushing against each other, thrill of being alone in the woods where danger was just around the corner, Carl couldn't help but love those.

So where all this anger came from? From frustration, not knowing who he was, who did he like and really not having an option to answer these questions. In the old world he might've just searched something on the internet, maybe done some quizzes, perhaps watched some porn, but this wasn't an option these days. All he knew was that he liked, really liked, (Y/N) , so was he gay? No, he couldn't be, not when he thought about kissing Enid as well, he thought that she was very pretty and her lips looked so soft. So, did he like both guys and girls? Was that even possible? Did he only like girls and (Y/N) was only an exception or was it the other way around and he only like boys, Enid being the exception? Hell, did he like anyone at all or was it just his hormones, some weird need to create a safe space for himself, his very own family? He was so confused and in a need for a serious talk but he didn't want to bother anyone, his dad and Michonne had a lot of work, Daryl would probably by more embarrassed about a conversation like that than Carl himself, with Ron, Enid and Mikey there was always a possibility that they could tell (Y/N) about his feelings.

He sighed and laid on his back, eyes pointed at the ceiling where (Y/N) put little glow in the dark star stickers he found in an abandoned house, Carl had to hold him up so he could reach the ceiling and gosh, his heart still raced at the memory of how close they were in that moment.

"Hey, cowboy. Whatcha doin'?" a familiar voice spoke and Carl almost died from hitting his head on the nightstand because of how fast he reached for the walkie. They'd found them on a run one time, probably should've given them to Rick, but how could anyone throw away an opportunity to talk to their crush in the middle of the night?

"Hey, what's up?" he responded trying to sound cool and casual, unfortunately his voice cracked a little which made him blush with embarrassment. He hated when it happened, he couldn't do anything about it and everyone made fun of it.

"Whoa, easy buddy. Just wanted to ask if you wanted to go on a walk?" (Y/N)'s soft chuckle made Grimes ever more red. Gosh, his laugh was perfect, always made him smile too.

"Oh, crap, sorry, I already have plans with Enid" he suddenly remembered, since he followed her to the forest a couple of times they started to talk more and their friendship blossomed. They liked spending time with each other, mostly reading comics and just enjoying each other's company.

"You didn't tell me you had a date?" the boy on the other side of the walkie tried to sound offended.

"It's not a date, we just hang out sometimes, it's not a big deal" he quickly explained, although the thought of (Y/N) being jealous was very appealing he didn't want to risk pushing the boy away. If he had the tinest chance then he won't let it go to waste.

"Sure" there was a loud sigh, a disappointed one, though it might've been just his imagination. "I get it, no need to be shy 'bout having a girlfriend. Anyways, I'd better leave you alone, get ready for your totally casual hanging out with Enid alone in the woods totally not kissing. Have a nice one" (Y/N) left him with those words leaving Carl irritated again. He always does this, he always suggests that him and Enid are boyfriend and girlfriend, he's totally oblivious about Grimes' feelings. Enid was cool, pretty, good listener and if (Y/N) wasn't here Carl probably would've want to have that kind of relationship with her but for now his mind was focused on the boy who just hang up on him.

He hated it when (Y/N) always said crap like that and not even considered that Carl might've some sort of feelings for him. Or maybe he did realise that and he said stuff like that to show that he simply wasn't interested? Fuck, love is so complicated.

Few days later, they were exploring an abandoned building, Rick and Glenn cleared one room at a time while they stuffed their backpacks with whatever that might've been useful. They haven't really talked since that day, (Y/N) said he was busy doing something with Ron, which was obviously bullshit, although Ron was his brother, he annoyed (Y/N) more than he did anyone else. Carl spent those days thinking about what could he possibly have done wrong, maybe the other boy really was jealous? Maybe he was jealous of Carl spending so much time with Enid because he had the hots for her? Maybe he was just overthinking?

"Oh, look what I've found!" the object of his thoughts stood in front of him holding a dusty bottle of wine. "Should we take it?" he said with a mischievous grin. "Maybe you drink it with Enid, that'd be romantic, hm?"

"Are you seriously talking about it again? Me and Enid are not together" irritation in his voice must've thrown (Y/N) off a bit, because he just stood there looking confused.

"Come on, Carl, everyone can see it, you like her" he sighed, his voice tired of the same conversation over and over again, can't Carl just admit it?

"I don't like Enid, hell, I don't know if I even like girls, (Y/N)!" he snapped and quickly started regretting his words, he didn't mean to say that.

"What? Why didn't you tell me?" he looked hurt, well of course he was, his best friend didn't tell him about his feelings, about what he's been going through.

"Forget it" he murmured under his breath and shoved the bottle in his backpack. "Let's just go"

He didn't expect for the other boy to grab his hand, though deep down he loved the sensatiom of being touched by him, he was too pissed off.

"What do you want from me?!" he yelled, clearly forgetting about the dead lurking behind every corner, just waiting for a chance to attack.

"I want you to talk to me, Carl" the older boy's voice was sad, almost as sad as when he told his friend about his abusive dad.

"There's nothing to talk about" starting to feel a bit guilty for hurting his friend, he tried to end the topic and move on.

"There is! For example, if you don't know if you like girls does it mean you like boys? Or do you think you don't like anyone in general?" the Alexandrian's expression turned from disappointed and hurt to irritated at the brown haired boy's behavior.

"I don't know!" all of the emotions he felt for the past couple of weeks started to come to the surface, he was frustrated that once again for not being able to answer these questions.

"How do you not know?!" they were both angry at each other at this point, Carl for (Y/N) pushing him, asking about stuff he had no idea about and (Y/N) at Carl for not wanting to talk to him.

"How am I supposed to know?! I don't know how to find out!"

And then something unexpected happened, one second Carl was clenching his fists ready to smash something with his head and the other he felt his whole body shiver and tense up at the feeling of a soft pair of lips against his own. He was too shocked to kiss (Y/N) back, too confused, too tingly and weak inside to do anything. All of the sudden he felt all the love his felt for this boy erupting inside of him as he grabbed him by the neck and pulled him closer. It was messy, weird and very awkward, but it was charming in some kind of way. Almost perfect, almost. It would've been if not for the walker who just emerged from around the corner, attracted by their fight, hungry and ready to attack.

Shots were fired from (Y/N)'s gun as he stood there focused on the monster, his lips all red and swollen from the kiss.

"You okay?" he asked carefully as if Carl was a wild animal easy to scare.

"Yeah" he only managed to say, still to stunned to speak.

"Good" he put his gun back into the holster and looked at the Grimes boy once again. "Next time you need help figuring something out just tell me, asshole"

[kozachenko]

Ok managed to catch up on Cheating Detective Satori... surprisingly quickly! Was it as bad as I thought?

....I mean, not really but it's still not... the best. Full review under the keep reading tag. Huge spoilers for the manga, of course.

Ok so, for the first bit before Mizuchi's reveal was... honestly kinda bad, like, Satori could've just... solved the case at the mansion quicker if she just read Sakuya's mind and went "ah yes she had no motive but did it anyway she was possessed" because like, if Mizuchi had been pulling shit like that before in former Hell, shouldn't she have said something? That's kind of a problem in this manga, the characters who should be telling us something are just so "vaguey no explainey". And also, why the fuck wasn't she at the scene more often? Like, why wasn't she the one who interviewed Sakuya? Why Orin? Why does Satori barely show up in a manga called Cheating Detective Satori? I mean, I don't mind it as a narrative choice but with the title it just feels like false advertising at this point.

Overall, the first portion of the manga with the endless "but who's being possessed next?" is honesly kinda frustrating. Also, Reimu, you are literally a shrine maiden and you have experience with ghosts and the like, what's stopping you from using some kind of spiritual techniques to try and track Mizuchi down? Like, why?

And now for the somewhat controversial reveal of Mizuchi...and honestly? I'm fine with it not being Mima. Like, it would have contradicted with her character from the PC-98 games anyways, and also because MORE MIZUCHI PLEASE HOLY FUCKING SHIT HAVE I BEEN CONVERTED TO THE MIZUCHI ENJOYERS CLUB OH MY FUCKING GOD-

Yeah so Mizuchi is my diamond in the rough that is Cheating Detective Satori. I like her character a lot and the parts where she's in it are some of my favourite parts in the manga. However, I think her sudden escalations in power are... well a bit much to say the least? Like, in the Eientei arc they mention how "we don't really know how the jailbreak king posses people" and my first reaction was, "REIMU YOU HAVE SEEN NOT ONE, NOT TWO, BUT 4 PEOPLE GET PASS OUT AFTER DRINKING SOMETHING, MAYBE YOU COULD INFER THAT THIS JAILBREAK KING CAN ONLY GET TO YOU IF YOU DRINK SOMETHING AND SO YOU MAKE SURE NO ONE DRINKS ANYTHING EVEN IF YOU DON'T KNOW THE EXACT CAUSE OF IT-" which, I guess it was never really properly established but fine, it leads to a cool moment where Mokou gets possesed and all but still. Mizuchi doesn't really have any weaknesses and kinda gets more and more powerful as the manga goes on.

However, if ZUN plays his cards right this could turn into a good thing JUST HEAR ME OUT, PLEASE-

Ok so, before I read the manga I saw the idea that Okina had something to do with Mizuchi getting loose and I fucking love that idea. Mizuchi's rampage in Gensokyo being enabled by Okina (albeit unknowingly) could also help explain the sudden power ups she gets.

[EDIT]: Ok as I was still organizing my thoughts on the manga after this, I realized that the limitation of Mizuchi only being able to posses people who have a grudge on the Hakurei shrine is pretty smart and could be used for some good character conflicts. But I think this is something that's kind of underutilized in the actual manga, despite the fact that it maybe limits who Mizuchi can posses in Gensokyo.

Anyways, the manga is kind of just wallowing with the story, like, why did the protagonists just let Mizuchi get away into former Hell when they could've just... exterminated her then and there. Like, if you still wanted Mizuchi to get away somehow, you could just extend the fight to where Mizuchi swaps from body to body as she makes everyone fight each other for her, so that by the end, everyone is too exhausted to go after her. Other than that, I actually liked the Myouren Temple arc a lot. Like, it isn't perfect per say but I liked it the most. I also liked how in the most recent chapter, we (kind of) learn what Mizuchi's deal is, mainly that something about Gensokyo's creation royally screwed her over. I also think that the twist with her being a member of a family that served the Hakurei shrine was really cool too. I have always liked the idea of there being something darker going on behind Gensokyo's creation. I honest to god don't know how the fuck ZUN is gonna end the manga though. Like, I just wanna know how the hell things are gonna go now, especially with the sealing off of former Hell. Which, side note, but I love how pissed off Yuugi is in the most recent chapter, like, this is the second time now that someone who was meant to take care of the place just ended up ditching it. Of course she's gonna be mad. I'm not against the idea of Former Hell needing to be sealed up, it's just how it gets there that's kind of messy. Like, it's such a drastic decision that just feels to rash for Satori to make, especially considering the fact that Mizuchi was RIGHT FUCKING THERE I'M STILL PISSED OFF THAT THEY JUST LET HER GET AWAY LIKE THAT LIKE WHY?! I feel like that's where a lot of problems with this manga lie, a lot of really interesting plot points and events that are very messily connected.

[EDIT]: Ok so about that last point I missed something with the latest chapter and yeah, Satori planning on getting Reimu to confront Mizuchi personally is a good way narratively to recover from what would normally be something out of character for Satori (This whole post was made in a bit of a hurry after I finished the most recent chapter so the information still needs to set in my brain a little).

Now for my thoughts on the artstyle. I'll be honest, the early artstyle for the manga was really pretty, but didn't really work for a manga style story. It's really nice looking for illustrations, but other than that it's just kinda eh. The page layouts were kind of boring and I think that's what made the earlier chapters feel boring. It also somehow fucked up the way each character talked if that makes any sense??? Like, since there wasn't really much expression in the character's faces, they all kind of started to blend together, even with the dialogue they all felt like they thought and reacted in the exact same way. Not to mention Sakuya's STUPID RINKY DINK LITTLE MAID CROWN WHY IS IT VERTICAL- sorry had to go off on that tangent there, that's always bothered me.

However, the manga's new style is so much better oh my god. Like, everyone translated pretty well into the style, even if it is a teensy bit inconsistent. The page layouts were also really creative and made things a lot easier to read. It only got better as the manga went on too. Can I talk about how beautiful Yuugi looks? Ok so Yuugi looks fucking gorgeous in this manga, like, the artist clearly liked her the most because she just looks *muah* chef's kiss. Also, the fights in this manga are so well done, like, this is EXACTLY what I was missing in Lotus Eaters. Like, all the hits feel weighty and impactful, and not to mention how expressive the characters are. The newer style isn't afraid to give us some really fucking unhinged expressions and I LOVE THAT. It helped make the manga more tolerable.

I said in my review of Lotus Eaters that I would compare the two mangas in terms of writing styles so I'm gonna do that. Lotus Eaters represents a lot of ZUN's strengths in writing, i.e. shorter more character driven stories that wrap themselves up nicely in the end. I think this is probably because ZUN is more experienced with this style of writing, since from what I've gathered, a lot of the other mangas and literary works follow this similar principal. I feel like ZUN doesn't have trouble with writing good characters, but instead struggles with finding ways to make them act consistently throughout a longer narrative. Like, I feel like that's the best way to put it. I feel like a good way to rectify this issue for ZUN is if he tried writing more longer printed works (mainly just to get experience with the format) take what he learned from CDS and apply that.

IDK if I gave Lotus Eaters a rating but I'll do so for CDS. I'd say it's a 4.5/10 if we're being generous. It frustrated me to no end because of how many missed opportunities it had, and it had so much potential to be amazing, even though it has some good qualities that made the experience a bit less painful than what I was expecting. I mean, it's still ongoing so it could get better, but now I'm just more curious to see how it sticks the landing. My math question comparison that I made in my Lotus Eaters review still holds up tho lol.

I remember a post on here saying that JoJo Part 4 is basically just CDS but good. And honestly, now that I've actually read the manga I see what that person meant now lol.

[lovelytarou]

tidal waves

pairing: atsumu miya x reader

genre: angst, suggestive

tags: high school sweethearts(?), breakup, strangers to lovers, mentions of cheating

a/n: i was about to put in some warnings for toxic relationship, but i couldn't do that to tsumu i don't hc him as someone who would do such a thing to his lover. also this is not proofread!!

atsumu is like a wild current, when you get taken by his strong waves, there is nothing else to do than just go with his flow.

this is osamu’s life ever since they were kids. it was nothing forced, he loved hanging out with his twin. although sometimes, atsumu could be a handful.

even while playing, atsumu is like a roaring tide – ready to take on whatever stands in his way and granted, he always gets what he wants.

his overzealous life is what keeps him going every day, playing with his 100%, not half-assing anything, and living life to its fullest.

atsumu realized he was in love when he had heard your laughter in the hallways.

everything stops then. he could've sworn none of the people that littered the hallways moved, and he felt his heart stop.

there you were – laughing with your friends, a bright beautiful smile on your face and letting out melodious sounds without seeming to notice the effect it had on him.

he could only stare at you for how long before he felt osamu whack him upside the head.

“hey, idiot. you havin’ a stroke or somethin’?” osamu narrowed his eyes on his brother, looking for anything off but he guessed atsumu has always been weird.

“let's go inside, class is about to start–”

“samu, who’s that angel?” atsumu cut him off, gaze still on your retreating figure. his voice sounded distant as him you're taking him with you as you walked away with your friends.

“huh? who? that girl? dunno her,” osamu shrugged before dragging his twin inside the classroom.

all day, you’ve been stuck in atsumu’s mind, not caring at all about the lectures. he had a goofy smile on his face as he stared out the window.

who are you? what is your name? do you know him? what class are you in? are you older than him? what are you doing now? why are you so beautiful?

there are so many questions that atsumu miya would like to know. and the first thing in his list is to ask you on a date.

he sure hopes you’re not dating anybody.

the second time atsumu saw you was when you were sitting inside the gymnasium with a friend, holding what looks to be a bento box. were you giving it to someone? his heart fluttered inside his chest, imagining the receiver to be him.

god, he wished it was him.

his gaze tore off you when a ball hit his head. his glare was immediately wiped off his face when he saw who threw the ball at him.

“atsumu, pay attention.” kita scolded, the cold expression on his face causing a shiver to run up and down his spine. he could really be scary without even trying.

“sorry, captain!” he saluted before jogging off to his position.

osamu had noticed that atsumu felt a little off that day. not in a sense that his performance was bad, per se. more so, he was pushing himself to his limits. other than that, he kept glancing to the stands and doing spontaneous moves with his irritating smirk on his face.

he has always been observant, and he had seen this expression on his twin’s face before.

atsumu likes someone. but he doesn’t know who.

osamu kept a close eye on his twin as they continued practicing. the team they are up against are coming in a moment now and they don’t need to waste any time.

when break came, atsumu kept whining about how his body hurt as he downed his bottle of water. osamu can only roll his eyes as his twin obviously was showing off when he lifted up his shirt and wiped it on his sweating face. a few fangirls of theirs squealed from the stands, and although atsumu would sometimes bask in their praise and screams, this time, he had a pout on his lips as he stared at that same spot once again.

“who the hell are you lookin’ at?” he can't help but interrogate his twin, he's highly suspicious and he wanted atsumu to just spit it out instead of acting this way. or else, his performance will surely affect the game.

“hm? oh, them.” atsumu pointed at you, who’s on the edge of your seat as you looked at their opponent who is now entering the gym.

oh. that girl he heard laughing in the hallway.

his gaze then shifted to what you’re looking at and realized it was the captain of their opposing team you were ogling.

oh.

osamu shook his head, “leave it, ‘samu. yer hopeless.” patting his twin on the back, they jogged back over to greet the other team before the game started.

atsumu played normally throughout the game, albeit a little harshly against your boyfriend. he gave them little to no opening, and they even scored a point lower than theirs. nevertheless, he gripped the captains hand after the game a little too tight with a fake smile on his face.

he followed you as you pranced towards your boyfriend and gave him the bento box. he felt his stomach turn when he leaned down to kiss you. finally, he decided he can no longer watch and turned his back to you.

what a lucky bastard.

atsumu didn’t sleep a wink that night. his thoughts kept drifting back to you, thinking about how he has no hope like what his twin said. he thought about what could’ve been if he was in that guy’s place. he’ll always flaunt the bento you bring him in front of the team, he’ll even take you to their practices and walk you home afterwards. maybe have a date, or just hangout in yours or his house.

he’ll treat you better than that guy.

the next day, atsumu decided he can’t have you and what he feels is only a crush. a crush so intense, he had his heart broken by someone who he doesn’t even know.

the third time he saw you was when you were crying alone in one of the stairs. he was supposed to go back to the classroom that time but he stopped in his tracks when he saw you, head dropped down as your sobs and sniffles echoed. he gulped, feet frozen from where he stood, not knowing whether to reach out for you or if you will even like to be approached right now.

clearing his throat, he took a few steps towards you as he sat a few inches away from you. you gasped when you lifted your head up as you saw him, quickly wiping away your tears as you looked away from atsumu.

“hey, so, uh...you okay?” he was hesitant. he felt like he was approaching a wild animal instead of offering comfort for someone who was crying their eyes out.

“no...” your small voice answered, sniffles followed after that and before he knew it, you were crying again.

his eyes widened in panic as he wracks his mind on what to do.

“hey, shh! uh, calm down. um – shit –i'm sorry, i didn’t mean to make you cry harder, oh fuck–” he decided to put his arms around you and bring your head to his chest. he rocked the two of you from side to side as he shushes you, his hand coming up to stroke your hair.

“there, there.” he patted your head when he felt you calm down. he winced at the wet patch on his uniform but he didn’t comment about it. “a beautiful person like you shouldn’t be crying, anyway.”

he heard you let out a breathy chuckle as you pull yourself away from him. a tinge in his heart made him wish that you hadn’t pulled away from him too soon. all his feelings from long ago suddenly rushed back, looking at your tear streaked face and reddened nose. even after crying you looked radiant.

“sorry about that, i don’t usually go around crying on strangers.” you forced a smile, hiccuping slightly as you forced yourself to calm down some.

“but thank you. i, uh, i needed that.” this time, it was a genuine smile.

“no worries! i just happen to pass by and you know, yer lucky it was me, because if it was somebody else they might take advantage of you or somethin’,” he rubbed the back of his nape, a blushing blooming across his face as he averted his gaze from you.

it was totally not because he realized it was his crush from before and he wanted to comfort you. nope!

“sorry about your uniform, um...” your eyes switched to his face then to his tear stained uniform.

“atsumu. atsumu miya. but you can call me ‘tsumu,” he offered his hand, blush still on his face. you told him your name as you shook his hand.

“i can wash it for you if you want?” even if your offer might sound like he might have a chance to see you again, he decided he doesn’t want to burden you with it and shook his head no.

“nah, i’ll be fine. don’tcha worry yer pretty little head over it.” he went and ruffled your hair, making you smile as you rolled your eyes and swatted his hand away.

“you know, there’s something that can help you feel better.” he added, a thoughtful look on his face. for a moment, you admired how expressive he is with his emotions. you can’t deny that he looks cute.

atsumu dragged you away from the stairs and out of the campus. your eyes widened in shock upon realization that you two are going outside despite the class not being over yet. what is with this guy? what if he’s a delinquent all along!

“um, atsumu, we shouldn’t be leaving the school right now...” your worried tone made him turn his head to you and flashed you a grin. you swore your heart skipped a beat when he smiled at you like that.

“don’t worry, i’m sure you can ace yer classes, anyway. and yer goin’ to like this, i promise!” you can’t help his energetic self rubbing off on you and let him lead the way to wherever it is he’s going to take you.

he might look all suave and composed, but inside he’s panicking just by the feel of your soft palm against his.

you’re holding hands, for heaven’s sake! he just comforted you because you were crying and now he’s holding your hands! he might pass out at this point, but he’s not done with his mission just yet. he wouldn’t let this day end without you being at least a little bit happy.

you both stopped in front an ice cream stand that many students also frequented. atsumu dug in his pockets for money, his tongue poking out. he paid the vendor and soon, he’s holding two ice cream cones with his favorite flavor.

“try this! it’s the best!” he handed you the other ice cream cone, immediately scarfing his own as he watched your face expectantly.

you took a small lick on the cold dessert and you were suddenly taken to heaven. whatever this is he gave you, it was good.

you moaned when the flavors bursted in your tongue, “you’re right! this is the best!”

atsumu laughed at your face, ice cream making a mess on your lips, near your cheek and even your nose! it was cute for him, and he felt himself fall in love all over again.

when you noticed him staring at you with an amused smile on his face, you tilted your head in confusion, hand going up to swipe at your cheek. but it only made the mess even worse by the action.

“what’s wrong, ‘tsumu? is there something on my face?”

atsumu shook his head as he bit his lip, holding back his laughter.

“nope, yer all good! nothing wrong with yer face at all!” turns out you didn’t trust him so you went to the car parked on one of the stores nearby. you gasped upon looking at your reflection. you were a mess!

nothing wrong with my face, my ass.

“tsumu! you’re so mean!” you whined, immediately wiping your face with a tissue that came with the ice cream.

the man in question only laughed at your reaction. you can only glare at him playfully as he seemed to almost run out of breath from laughing at you.

meanwhile, atsumu can’t help but think that this is probably one of the first time in a while where he laughs happily. and it’s over something stupid as seeing your face with ice cream.

“s-sorry! can’t help it, you looked ridiculous!” he managed out in between laughs.

once he calmed down, he apologized sincerely to you dragged you once again to who knows where.

the two of you skipped class that day.

since then, you and atsumu kept hanging out. usually with his twin, osamu, and sometimes tagging you along to their volleyball practices and even introducing you to the whole team. everybody seems to know you already from how much atsumu has told them about you. he can’t help it, you’re just so amazing that you take his breath away.

it didn’t take them too long to notice how much you two grew closer and closer.

atsumu has never been the one to be nervous before, during, and after their games. he likes to call himself level-headed when it comes to tense situations, not immediately letting his nerves take control of his body and consume him.

he lived for the thrills of life.

so, why, when he looks at you as you smile at him while pointing to a cotton candy stand did he feel his heart race a mile a minute? he was just going to ask you out.

and if you said no, then he’ll understand. it wouldn’t be the first time he’ll experience heartbreak.

“look, ‘tsumu! they have a lot of cotton candy there! let’s go, maybe we can buy some before they ran out.” you tugged at his hand and pulled him towards the stand. he lets himself get dragged by you. he paid the vendor absentmindedly.

throughout the day, atsumu keep glancing at anything except for you. he even forgot to eat his own cotton candy and instead let you eat it.

when you asked him to go to the rides in the fair, he agreed, which is why you both find yourself in the front seats of the roller coaster.

okay, since when the hell did the two of you get there?

he looked over at you who’s smiling from ear to ear, screaming in excitement as you put your arms in the air. you looked so beautiful, still so amazing in his eyes. he doesn’t deserve you but he doesn’t want to let you go ever again.

the ride is pulling back, back, back until it snapped. there was a deafening silence before the ride fell slowly then faster and faster until it threw you into a high spiral.

you were screaming, the people behind you were screaming, but atsumu can only shut his eyes because he was feeling dizzy.

“y/n! will you go out with me?!” he shouted into the air. there was absolutely no way that you can hear him over the screams and the air attacking your ears.

“what?!” you screamed back.

“will you go ou–”

“no, i heard you! i was just asking if you were serious!”

“yes i am! i'm in love with you!”

your heart flew along with the rollercoaster and you think it was the most memorable moment than all the rides in the amusement park.

“yes!” you laughed, feeling giddy all over. it might be because of atsumu or it could be because of the rollercoaster.

“what?!”

“i’m in love with you too!”

you both went home hand in hand, smiling at each other like two lovestruck idiots.

dating miya atsumu was like being caught in a wild current. and just like everything else when they're taken by his strong waves, you went along and swam perfectly with his flow.

you were there for him when he has a match. wearing his jacket as you cheered for him louder than the school’s band. he appreciates it, really. he finds it endearing how you showed all of your support for him and in turn, he scored every point for you and only you.

he’s the sweetest boyfriend. promising you’ll never regret a moment if you agreed to go out with him. a date turned into two, and before you knew it, you’re both falling deeper and deeper in love with each other.

he has your restaurant orders memorized, almost like muscle memory at this point from how often you two always spent time with the other. you even know where he last put something of his when you both decided to move in together.

college came and the two of you can’t help the stresses it came with it. yet, the flame of your love couldn’t burn any brighter. despite the hectic schedules, you both find a way to spend even at least a day with the other. squeezing in dates in the weekends, study dates on wednesdays, even hanging out sometimes in the cafeteria.

then there was that party after they won against another univerity’s team. it was loud, the place packed with people, swimming with drinks and drunk in the thrill of the party.

he has an arm wrapped on your waist protectively as you both wafted through the house. he had a few drinks in him, and when you told him to calm down a bit he only dismissed you saying he can handle himself.

“i’m gonna go and get us drinks, babe. wait here.” he slurred, kissing your temple as he got up from his spot next to you on the couch, waddling through the people to get to where the drinks are.

you stayed put on the couch, eyes straying to the couple making out on the couch across from yours. almost all the people around you are either touching each other or having a lip locking session by themselves.

it made you squirm in your seat as you thought about atsumu’s lips on yours, hands wandering all over your body like what these people are doing right now.

it must be the atmosphere or the alcohol you had downed a while ago, but it suddenly felt too hot. you took off your top layer of your clothes and fanned yourself with your hands.

atsumu still wasn’t back so you decided to get up and check on him, avoiding the grinding bodies of people.

your heart sank, a boiling rage bubbling inside you as you saw him in a corner with a girl who was also very much drunk and all over your boyfriend. she was getting handsy with him and you hated it. you should be the one touching him like that, not some girl in this party that he wouldn’t even remember the day after.

huffing, you walked towards him and grabbed his hand.

“baby, there you are! what took you so long?” your hands flipped his body towards yours so the girl would be stuck with the sight of atsumu’s back.

your boyfriend’s eyes are a little unfocused as he glanced down at you. it widened when he saw who it was, a smile stretching his face upon seeing who it is.

“hey there, yourself.” his eyes drank you in, taking every bit of skin exposed, until they landed on your lips. “god, yer smokin’ hot.”

he captured your lips with his, you let yourself appreciate the moment, hands playing with his hair as you purposely make loud moans while opening your eyes slightly to see the girl he was with a while ago with an enraged look.

i win.

you would've scoffed at her when atsumu’s hands drifted down to your hips, grinding his own to yours as he started nipping your jaw and neck.

“let’s go somewhere private, baby, please.” he suckled on the spot near your collarbone before travelling back up to your neck, lips nibbling on your earlobe, “wanna touch you, wanna feel you, please, baby, please.”

the neediness laced in his tone almost made your knees give out underneath you. a hot liquid feeling inside of you swirling in your stomach as you felt arousal cloud your whole being.

biting your lip, you nodded at him, pecking his lips one last time before dragging him to a more private place.

you stopped in front of a room, knocking first to see if there’s anyone inside. when no one answered, you both proceeded to go in, locking the door behind you. atsumu was quick to pin you against the door, attacking your lips with rough kisses as he grinded his pelvis against yours.

“fuck, baby,” he moaned between kisses, “i want you, ‘m gonna make you feel so fucking good,” it wasn’t a promise, more so it was a statement. you know, he’s going to make you feel so good by the end of the night, and you don’t doubt that one bit.

“ah! i know, baby. nnngh– fuck,” you whimpered when his hand travelled down to touch you beneath your bottoms, “l-let’s move this to the bed,” you panted, out of breath just from him kissing you alone.

it took him a while to get his hands off you and process the words you said to him. he lifted you up with ease and threw you onto the bed, removing both of your clothes with lightning speed. he couldn’t wait anymore, he just wanted to be inside you, entangled with you.

before he can position himself inside you, however, you pushed him down with all your might and straddled his hips.

you showed him just who he belongs to that night.

you thought it was silly, the next day you asked him about the girl last night. it sparked something in him, causing him to snap at you.

“what do you want me to say, y/n? that i’m cheatin’ on you? for fuck’s sake, i don’t even know the girl! so will you stop bitchin’ about it?!” he was seething, not even sparing you a glance as he spat those words at you.

your chest felt tight as you stared at him with disbelief.

many fights followed after that.

atsumu realized he fell out of love for you when he doesn’t look forward to coming home. he looks like a robot, emotionless as he only grunted to acknowledge your presence, if he even acknowledged it at all.

you would eat together, but no word will be spoken unless it would start another fight.

it was getting tiring, to say the least. every other day, all the two of you have been doing was make up, fight again, then make up. you would storm off, he would follow after you, you will both apologize, you will fight again in the morning, the house will be filled with angered screams.

you both lied in bed, backs facing each other, feeling the cold wrapping the two of you like a blanket.

he never invites you to his games anymore. never puts any effort on dates, or even study dates the two of you were used to doing. you rarely even see his face unless it was to come home and get his stuff and then he was gone. sometimes days, weeks, it even came to a point where he disappeared for a month.

the both of you don’t even know, how or why you started fighting like this. how you both drifted apart when it’s been going great to the two of you.

as per usual, it was osamu who noticed the whole ordeal. he never saw you with his twin anymore, never brings you up to any conversation. the light in his eyes seemed to dull, and he looked like he wasn’t getting any sleep.

“how’s y/n, by the way? you seemed to stay here more than yer guys’ own place,” he wss just making small talk, moving around his own kitchen as he prepared dinner for himself and his twin who’s sitting on his couch in the livingroom, busy playing games.

“fine. just busy with her studies ‘s all,” atsumu nonchalantly replied, paying half a mind to what his brother was saying.

“you guys doing alright?” osamu almost broke the bowl he was holding when atsumu let out a curse.

“i just said we’re fine, samu! god, this is why i don’t want to stay here in the first place.” atsumu stormed off, throwing the controller on the couch before slamming the door shut.

osamu doesn’t understand why his brother got mad at that. but judging by his reaction, things with the two of you weren’t fine at all.

it was cold when atsumu went outside, his own breaths coming out in smoke as he leveled his breathing. if somebody mentioned you one more time, he’s sure he was going to lose his shit.

he brought out his phone, dialling a familiar number and bringing the device to his ear, waiting for it to ring.

“are you home right now?”

moans and sounds of slapping of skin reverberated in the room. both of their sweaty bodies moving against each other desperately. it felt good, too good. but it wasn’t you, atsumu know that. but for a while, it made him forget about you.

with her, he can control her however he wanted. pleased him however he wanted. without complaints, without second thoughts, she simply just allows him to use her body whichever way he wanted.

“a-ah! atsumu, i– fuck! i lo-love you–”

atsumu gripped the girl’s neck, cutting off her air slightly but not completely, enough to make her lightheaded.

“shut up, cumsluts don’t talk unless i order them to,” he punished them with bruising thursts of his hips, chasing after his own release.

the girl screamed louder and louder. it felt too good, he hits all the right spots leaving her to roll her eyes to the back of her head, seeing stars behind her eyelids.

atsumu stayed the night in the girl’s house, limbs entangled as they fucked again and again and again until all thoughts of you disappeared from his head.

two weeks later, he texted you saying he wants to break up. you felt suffocated. lungs fighting over the sobs wracking your body as you hugged yourself tight. after being disconnected with him for so long, worrying yourself over where he could’ve gone or how he was. he’s only going to give you a text saying he wanted to break up without even sparing you an explanation? it’s like you didn’t even spend years together.

your brain remembered his words from when you first started dating. he said you will never regret a moment when you agreed to go on a date with him.

yet as you found yourself lost in his wild tidal waves, the water choking you and not allowing you air to breathe, you were only left drowning in the sea.

turns out you couldn’t swim along with his flow anymore.

[psicomma-s-very-secret-lab]

#Introducing ToSha

I've come to realize I've never said anything about Keisha and Tony. This ship was only born last summer but me and my friend have caught back a serious case of ToSha fever a few days ago so I'm taking this opportunity to introduce them properly.

*Keisha and Tony are part of a story yet unnamed that takes place a few days/weeks after the events of Blindsight. Tony actually has an active role in Blindsight since he's the handyman of the Nocenti family who wants Shaun, Chester and Ani dead. By that I mean he's taking care of all the dirty work. I don't wanna spoil Blindsight but Tony ends up more or less changing sides and betraying his family by making a bargain with Shaun to save Ani (they've got a hilarious bromance going on but that's another story)

*Tony is a smart guy. And also kind. His dad, Gene Nocenti, is a mafioso, his mom is a nurse and he's very close to her. He has a conflicted relationship with his brothers because he wasn't born from the same mother. Astero, the first born blatantly dislikes Tony and used to bully him when they were kids. Marco, the second born, is used to walk into Astero's footsteps, so he's mimicking his brother's animosity towards Tony without really knowing why. Silver, the youngest of the bunch (Tony's little brother) was the only one Tony could really get along with on his father's side. Tony was Silver's role model and they spent a lot of time together despite their differences.

*And then there's Keisha Romero. The prettiest girl on the block. The prettiest girl in all the fucking Bronx, some would say. Tony and Keisha have known each other since forever, they've been living in the same street since they were kids (Keisha with her parents, her grandma, her two sisters and her baby brother, and Tony alone with his mom) so they didn't see each other as a potential romantic interest at first, not at all. He was just a stupid guy heckling with the other boys on the block, she was just a bratty little miss know-it-all who thought she knew better because she was reading her dad's newspaper.

*Around 11-12 they started to see each other under a different light. Keisha was becoming prettier everyday, the boys were slowly beginning to notice it. Tony on the other hand stayed a scrawny stray cat for a long time, but never really felt self conscious about it. It's only around 15 he had the most epic glo-up, nobody understood what happened.

*Keisha always liked Tony. That's why she was always acting superior with him ; she was clumsy but all she wanted was for him to notice her. She liked him even before he got the glo-up and her friends would start giggling whenever he would pass by in the hallway. It's also probably the reason why she would dismiss all the boys who would be bold enough to ask her out. At 15, Keisha had the reputation of a virgin warrior princess in high school. She was seen as unreachable. One day Tony's friends dared him to ask her out, he didn't want to do it, but the boys pushed him and turned that into a bet "if she says yes you win 50 bucks! But I guess we'll never know cause ya ain't even got the balls to ask her. "- Tony didn't like that. He liked Keisha and wanted to ask her out but that thing felt really wrong, she didn't deserve to be played. In the end Tony took the bet reluctantly ; cause he was 15 and you know how easily a young boy breaks under peer pressure.

*To everyone's surprise, Keisha said yes when Tony asked her out. Especially him. "Are you for real?" "Yeah but I gotta be home by 9 and you'll have to pick me up and walk me to my house after that." He was the only guy she wanted to go out with, but he had no idea. Tony won the goddamn 50 bucks, but he didn't give a shit. He had a date with Keisha, the prettiest girl on the block. But to him she was still bratty ShaSha ; he gave her that nickname when they were kids and she never liked it, so he never gave it up.

*They started dating and it was wonderful for like one month. He was her first date, her first slow dance, her first kiss (excuse me yes, this is a teen movie sorry I should've put a trigger warning) but rumours run fast and ShaSha quickly learnt about the bet. She was furious. She went to talk to him that afternoon where he was chilling with his friends in the yard and slapped him before he could even say a word. Then she dumped him in front of everyone, and left, still furious. Tony's friends were laughing at him but he didn't really care. He knew he wouldn't be hanging out with those fuckers anyway from now on. Keisha cried herself to sleep that night. Tony was also her first heartbreak.

*Keisha got over that heartbreak eventually. The next year, Tony found new friends, and his new friends were friends with Keisha's friends so they ended up forming a clique, eating together at lunch, etc. At first Tony and Keisha were avoiding each other, but everything went fine when she found herself another boyfriend and finally accepted Tony's excuses. They were hanging out again. They were closer than ever. Tony didn't mind that Keisha was dating another guy, he was happy for her. But on the other hand, Keisha wasn't as happy as she claimed when Tony started to date Maria, a friend they had in common. She was jealous af. And she started idealising Maria and having self esteem issues. She broke up with her then bf shortly after that. The days passed and Tony and Maria were still together. Tony was treating her right, and Keisha was happy Maria found him cause she deserved it (the girl had a very difficult family situation, and a very tough life in general) but she couldn't help feeling jealous and she felt awful for that. He was really in love with her, and she hated it.

*When they were in senior year, Tony and Keisha's lives took separate paths. They both got accepted at Columbia university, and they were excited to go and to be able to see each other there, but things went down by the end of the school year : Maria got addicted to heroin, and Tony's mom was attacked by enemies of the Nocentis (cause Tony's mom is a nurse, that's how she met his gangster of a father. She still heals his men from time to time) and after all that Tony didn't feel like going to Columbia anymore. He couldn't leave his mom, he couldn't leave his girl.

*Keisha went to college and did very good. She liked the life on campus, and she liked to study. The life in Manhattan was nothing like in the Bronx, and she enjoyed that change. She felt like she could've gotten used to that. Everything was good as gold for her but nasty things were happening at the same time in the North of the city, in the streets where she had been growing up. Keisha's dad got sick, he was no longer able to walk, her kid brother, Joaquin, was becoming a troubled teenager, got arrested for theft and assault multiple times before the age of 14 and was sent to juvenile hall at 15. Maria had died from an overdose, and Tony was nowhere to be found. She didn't try to keep in touch with him ; when was silently blaming him because he chose to stay in the Bronx instead of going to uni with her. She understood her choice and didn't expect less of him, but she was mad, mad that he didn't give up everything to go with her.

*Keisha heard back from Tony at 23, when she was about to get her master's degree. She had a boyfriend, a PhD student from the same department as her, and everything was fine, until Tony reappeared. She agreed to meet with old friends from high school downtown, and Tony offered to pick her up so they'd go together. He knocked at her door, she opened, and all her feelings were brought back to life the second she saw him. It was a weird love at first sight ; falling instantly for someone you've always known. He was the same but he was different, it showed that he had grown out brutally from boyhood to become the man he was now. Also he was wearing a sleeveless hoodie, was visibly just going out from the gym cause his strong arms were glistening with sweat. She couldn't help but to stare like an idiot. He stared back at her "Campus life did you good ShaSha, you're beaming". It took like... One minute before things got completely out of hand and they ended up fucking each other's brain's out in Keisha's dorm room. They didn't know where that came from ; they hadn't seen each other in years, they had no idea what they were doing. They just knew they needed it, and that it felt good.

*Keisha had never been an 'easy girl'. The idea of sex always more or less repulsed her, and even though she had been dating a few guys since she was 15, she didn't lose her virginity before that day, with Tony. Once again he was her first, and it felt amazing cause that was exactly what she wanted. She knew she was cheating on her bf but she didn't care, cause Tony drove her completely crazy. What she didn't anticipate was the consequences of that raunchy afternoon spent on campus with her long time friend. Three weeks later she realised she was pregnant.

*Coming from a very Catholic family, and being the good and committed daughter that she is, Keisha renounced to abortion. She graduated with her bump starting to show. Her bf, thinking the kid was his, agreed to settle down with Keisha and help her raising the baby. They moved to South Carolina where he found a job as a teacher, Keisha gave birth to a beautiful boy that she named Noah, and they lived together for two years. They eventually broke up when Keisha confessed to her partner that he wasn't the baby's dad.

*Keisha went back to the Bronx only to find out the place she used to know had turned into a warzone. The Nocentis who had been protecting the neighborhood for decades were severely weakened now that the drug market had been stolen from them by an international cartel. Joaquin, Keisha's brother was out of juvenile hall and visibly not decided to go on the right track; he was now in bed with the local mafia.

*Tony was also irremediably on the wrong side of the fence at the moment. Keisha didn't want to know what he was doing exactly for his father and brothers, but the way people talked about him -the way they looked away when they mentioned his name- she knew it was probably bad. Very bad. When Tony saw Keisha coming back with her kid in her arms, he knew she would definitely always be out of his reach. He knew he was involved in very nasty shit, he didn't like or dislike his situation ; it was the way it was. He just knew it wasn't for her, he was ready to give up on her. He didn't understand why she came back. He had no idea he was the main reason.

*Shortly before the events of Blindsight ; Joaquin is killed by the Nocentis out of retaliation. Silver Nocenti is severely wounded after an altercation with an individual named Shaun Myers who happens to be closely related to the mortal enemy of the Nocenti family. Silver succumbed to his wounds a few days after that, in his hospital bed.

*When the 'Blindsight-extended-story-that-doesnt-have-a-name-yet' begins, Tony and Keisha are both mourning the loss of a younger brother, Keisha is doing money laundering for the Nocentis to pay back her brother's debts on top of breaking her back at the local diner to get money to feed her kid, while being blackmailed by Marco, Tony's older brother who's got his eyes on her. Tony is busy with the criminal stuff and the grief and the vendetta, and he doesn't know he's the father of Keisha's son. Ofc these idiots are still in love.

It's a mess but I think you got the pitch now *sweats nervously*

A cookie to anyone who managed to get to the bottom of this monster post without dying asphyxiated by all the fluff during the teen movie part at the beginning! 🍪