#i feel like the way i'm trying to describe the line chart in particular is super unhelpful

[roomwithanopenfire]

Stats Sunday

Happy March!! Thanks for the tag @nausikaaa! Unfortunately, my goal is to make this banner worse every month, so be prepared—we've only just begun.

Early post for me. I should be sleeping but I started making my graphs and then... well, here we are.

Here's my February Recap loll. Stats and graphs and musings incoming. (this post is so long but i promise there's a snippet in here)

Rest of post is under the cut. It is long. You've been warned.

I've posted two things last month! A valentine's day fic for Ebb/Fiona and Chapter 3 of the Way We Are. (Technically i posted 3 but this stranger things oneshot was posted on the 1st and written in January so it feels like January's accomplishment)

Total words written for February: 14405 (this beats Jan by 460 words!)

Days I met my writing goal (200 words): 20

Days I didn't write or edit anything: 4

Day I wrote the most: Feb 11th with 2249 (this beats last month's high score of 1717!)

Number of Fics worked on: 10 technically, but i have not been consistent with most of them. mainly worked on 3.

Daily Average: 514 words (but like last month i am highly inconsistent and my WC varies wildy depending on the day)

(I really like the little curve in the middle. also two the days that look like zero are actually 1 words, which is my placeholder if i spend all day editing)

And here's a pie chart to show my WC distribution across projects. Tbh a lot of these were fics that i've had in my fic ideas doc and all i did was make a google doc for them and word barf onto it my ideas, that's why there's so many small slices.

some slices are so small you don't even get to know my placeholder names. also i hope the title THTHIPWGI intrigues you, i'm always excited when i can title a fic right away and refer to it by a fun accyromn on my spreadsheet.

Other notable things from February:

I finished writing all of The Way We Are!! (kind of. i have one more scene to write. Monica's fault.)

I took over the @carry-on-sapphic-week event!! Check out the prompts if you haven't yet <3

I've received So Many beautiful valentines from the CO discord servers exchange. my mailbox and my heart has been full

The CO fandom was able to raise $500 for Fandom Trumps Hate!! (and I got to make a spreadsheet bc of this!!!) (also i won two auctions from this, one for each fandom i'm in)

My car battery died and I had to get a new one :/

I started a new journal!

I finally figured out how to spell February

my savage worlds campaign finally got our ship back and made it off this stupid planet that we've been on forever.

i've started watching Yellowjackets and I'm really enjoying it

I read so many CO AU fest fics and each one of them was so good. I think i've read all except one so far, and honestly this fest has been so fun i'm obsessed with you guys, you're are so talented.

SPEAKING of CO AU fest fics, @fiend-for-culture's fic, Everything In Between, is SO good, i've been thinking about it all week. you should read it (and leave a comment so i can read it bc i'm stalking the comments on this fic and there's not enough to sate me)

i have spring break in just one week!!

Okay, i promised you words, so here's a snip from my COBB.

“And I’m sorry,” Simon says. “For what?” “Driving you off yesterday.” “That wasn’t your fault. I was being terrible.” “Yeah,” Simon agrees. “But I shouldn’t have dismissed you like that.” I make a face. “I’m not having a heart-to-heart with you, Snow.” Simon groans. “Why do you have to do that?" "What" "Everytime I think we're making progress you say something nasty like that."

sorry this post is so long, thank you for reading if you made it this far

tags, hellos, and apologies:

@alexalexinii @aristocratic-otter @argumentativeantitheticalg @artsyunderstudy @arthurkko

@beastmonstertitan @blackberrysummerblog @best--dress @bookishbroadwayandblind @bookish-bogwitch

@the-beard-of-edward-teach @brilla-brilla-estrellita @cccloudsss @ciescen @confused-bi-queer

@cutestkilla @drowninginships @facewithoutheart @emeryhall @fiend-for-culture

@hushed-chorus @iamamythologicalcreature @ileadacharmedlife @theimpossibledemon @jyae23

@larkral @lovelettersto-mars @meanjeansjeans @m1ndwinder @monbons

@noblecorgi @orange-peony @prettygoododds @raenestee @rimeswithpurple

@run-for-chamo-miles @rbkzz @shrekgogurt @simonscones @skee3000

@supercutedinosaurs @sweetronancer @talentpiper11 @toc-the-scrambled @thewholelemon

@valeffelees @youarenevertooold @you-remind-me-of-the-babe

added some new ppl to this tag list, feel free to share a wip you're working on—art, fic, etc. it does not have to stats like mine is loll. i use wipsdays as my soapbox.

[keplercryptids]

A Quick Breakdown of a Few Non-D&D TTRPGs (and how they compare to D&D)

hi it's me, your local ttrpg player and forever-GM, encouraging y'all to play something other than d&d. i wanted to share about a few ttrpgs in particular and how they compare to the d&d experience. this might be useful to some who want to try a non-d&d system with a little more guidance than "all of these look cool." i'm focusing on the three systems i have the most experience with, and i'm not going to delve into the game mechanics, but rather focus on the game experience.

also, hey!! if you learned to play d&d, i promise you, you can learn another system. d&d is complicated and often expensive, but other ttrpgs aren't necessarily like that! most ttrpgs, in fact, are much simpler than d&d and easier to learn. so don't let the barriers you may have faced with d&d discourage you from trying a new system.

Savage Worlds

experience: player in a homebrewed setting for about a year.

overview: savage worlds is a setting-neutral system, so it really lends itself to homebrewed worlds. character creation is looser and more flexible in some ways than d&d. you piece together the character you want rather than using a set class/race. i would say the biggest difference between savage worlds and d&d is what the name itself implies. the world can be savage! the dice are swingy in this game. you might be great at a skill, but it doesn't guarantee success the way it pretty much does in d&d. wins and losses tend to be bigger and more dramatic.

what i love: your "class" feels more customized to what you want. savage worlds rules can be implemented in all kinds of settings and worlds which is cool. "balance" isn't really an issue the way it is in d&d (but be prepared for those swingy dice!). combat can be deadlier in some ways, but the system doesn't rely on combat the way d&d does.

Blades in the Dark

experience: GM of a campaign for several months.

overview: blades in the dark is about a group of scoundrels, being scoundrel-y. my favorite line from the player's handbook is that you should play your character like you're driving a stolen car, and i just love that metaphor so much. blades is a game where you play bad people doing bad things (crime). you roll a number of d6s and if you get a 1-3, you fail; a 4-5, you succeed with a complication; a 6 is a total success. what this means in-game is that almost every roll you make results in something bad happening. this leads to a chaotic game experience where the pressure is constantly building until something explodes.

what i love: as a GM, i never prepped for more than 15 minutes before a session. you don't need to prep at all as a GM (either way, be prepared to improv your ass off!). the mechanics are also a delight and i know i will use some of them in most of my games moving forward (clocks! clocks are genius). it also has more of a collaborative feel than d&d. you and your players are making it up as you go and it FEELS that way, which is so fun.

Pathfinder Second Edition

experience: GM of a published adventure for just a few weeks!

overview: this is probably the system most similar to d&d. a lot of the skills, dice mechanics, spells etc will be familiar to you. if you like d&d mechanically but want more crunch and more balance, pf2e is a great option. it's definitely more complicated than d&d, but i don't think it's too complicated, if that makes sense. combat is easier to balance from the GM side and feels more dynamic in many ways at level 1 than d&d at any level. also pf2e has a sense of humor??? it's hard to describe but so many of the feats, spells and monster abilities are FUN in a way that's lacking in d&d. i plan to run my next campaign in pf2e and am excited to delve into using it for a homebrew setting.

what i love: character customization is off the fucking charts. if you're a 5e player, you'll be astounded at just how many skills and abilities you get every level-up. also, it's a game that's balanced, which as a GM i've noticed right away. combat is fun to run (i have NEVER said that about 5e lmao) and feels like you're actually playing a game, rather than giving a presentation the way a lot of 5e combat feels as a dm. every monster stat block is interesting and unique. and there's a rule for everything, which i personally like.

anyway, i hope this was useful! get out there and try a new ttrpg system, okay??

[yetanotheremptypage]

⭐️

Let's talk titles! (This is super long, by the way, so I will not be offended if you skip--though there's a teaser of the next chapter of take my hand if you make it to the end. I have one more generic commentary ask in my inbox that I'll do tomorrow, but if you have more/specific questions ask away! I love talking about my writing)

I love titles. I also hate titles. They are either the easiest thing to come up with or the hardest and there is *litrally* (as Chris Traeger would say) no in-between.

I get titles from (usually) two main sources: lines in a story/specific chapter, or song lyrics. I love using song lyrics because a) they're pre-written pretty, sometimes insightful, sometimes funny phrases b) it feels like opening a window into me, the writer: it sets the tone, it shows you what I was thinking about, and it shows you my taste in music.

Occasionally I'll get a title from something outside of those two things--maybe a common phrase that describes the plot well but I don't use in the story proper. But those two rank supreme.

For "take my hand, wreck my plans (that's my man)," all the chapters are lyrics from Taylor Swift's evermore. I spent most of 2021 listening to this album on repeat; I think it's my favorite of her albums. It's not something I would immediately brand a Kanthony album, either, so why, you may be asking?

I thought about keeping "string of fate," which I named the neyl chapter (line from the text), as the fic's full title. This got me thinking about Swift's "invisible string" from folklore, but that didn't quite work for this story. I was going to just use Swift song titles in general, but decided to stick to evermore since it has (imo) some of the best lyrics of her career. I actually went through every track on evermore and pulled the lyrics that I thought would work best for titles and they're in a little chart at the bottom of my doc (which is actually still named String of Fate Full Fic lol). As I add lyrics to the outline, they disappear from the chart. I try not to repeat songs from chapter to chapter, but there will be repetition in the story as a whole.

I was drawn to this line in particular (from the opener "willow") because tmh is a story about Kate and Anthony facing something unexpected (pregnancy) and finding each other and building a life out of it. I'm trying to save willow lyrics for ~special~ chapters, and the last chapter will be named after a lyric from willow (feel free to take your guesses)

Now let's go chapter-by-chapter:

prologue: yours for the weekend -- "'tis the damn season" is a masterpiece, okay? Let's get that out of the way. Secondly, it's a one-night stand. So it's not even the full weekend, really.

i. on waves out being tossed -- Oh, "evermore." What a song. I wanted something that captured Kate's uncertainty, since I knew this would be her chapter, and there's not really a better song than this one.

ii. roots in my dreamland -- I think this was the chapter where I decided to use all evermore lyrics, since by this point I believe it was 2-1 (I don't remember the original title for chap 1). "ivy" has some of the best lyrics on evermore so it'll come up quite a few times, but Anthony's dreamland is having a family--and baby Edmund is the root that will bring him to Kate and make that a reality.

iii. dancing is a dangerous game -- "cowboy like me" is such a fascinating song, and I felt like this lyric really captured the inherent tension but partnership that Kate and Anthony find themselves forming. The "dancing" is, of course, hiding her pregnancy from the public, which doesn't quite work out.

iv. glass shattered on the white cloth -- Not only am I obsessed with "right where you left me," but there isn't really a better image for shit hitting the fan from this album

v. flickers of light -- This is the chapter that Kate starts to see another side to Anthony, so I liked the idea of this lyric from "happiness"

vi. blankets over my barbed wire -- I knew this would be where Kate has her first panic attack and this is one of the best "comfort" lyrics (even though it's from "tolerate it," one of the most brutal Track 5s)

vii. if i didn't know better -- Titling this chapter was *hard*, but I went with this from "marjorie" because it's Kate's first questioning, but she (thinks she) *does* know better

viii. dropped your hand while dancing -- While I was going to stick with "champagne problems," this was almost *hold* your hand while dancing. I changed it at the last second because yes, while this chapter is Anthony's realization and is about them coming together, it's the drop that says more about what's happening between them

ix. my waves meet your shore -- Originally, I wasn't sure *any* lyric from "long story short" was going to make it because they're less poetic and so personal to Taylor's journey. And this chapter was supposed to be "a feeling so peculiar" (from "evermore" again) but another "evermore" lyric is coming up soon (any guesses????), so I wanted to use a different song. By this point, I knew this chapter was going to heavily feature Mary and Edwina, and so I liked this idea of them being the "waves" and Anthony being the "shore" -> blending their family together

AND NEXT TIME, WE'LL SEE...

x. where the spirit meets the bones -- One of the earliest title picks! Kate (the spirit) goes to (meets) Aubrey Hall (the bones, of Anthony and the Bridgertons) for the first time. Thanks again, "ivy".

[neonun-au]

Umm so BTS is apparently coming out with a single called permission to dance and it's cowritten by ed-sheeran and it's described as dance pop umm...sounds vErY familiar

I''m genuinely concerned for BTS, because oh lord if we're getting a third English single Hybe is literally going to ruin their brand and their western image. They're just going to be known

I don't know your opinion on this but as an army it's always a wild ride seeing army's defend BTS for releasing two generic-pop English singles by talking about how other KPOP artists do the same but I genuinely can't understand how people don't see the clear difference between both of them and it's kinda frustrating.

Bp for example released half and English album and a lot of artists like TWICE release English versions of their songs but they don't have that 'humble' image going on for them. They don't have the 'we dont care about records and we will stick to our korean songs and make music we resonate with'. As money-hungry as YG is, they dont give Bp a thousand remixes just to chart on BB.

So when you see just two years ago Namjoon preaching about how they will never release Eng music and stay true to their identity, how they don't care about breaking records it makes me wonder how much of their personalities are faked or have changed just to support the 'humble and rising underdogs' image Hybe has for them.

I used to think since BTS were shareholders and good friends with their CEO and hence have more freedom and more say in their works but seeing how their VLIVE'S are still controlled by the staff and stuff, I'm not so sure. Especially after they released stuff like Black-swan and BE last year. It's clear Hybe is milking them for money judging by the amount of merch and the BE scam last year and it's scary how army's just sweep that under the rug or are viciously attacked when they say this. Would love to hear your perspective on this.

(oh god this is so long im so, so sorry)

HAHAHAHA that was very long, but I don't mind I love discussion on basically anything lol

BTS I have not been interested in really since Blood, Sweat & Tears. I sort of fell out of k-pop in general soon after than and most of the songs they released post 2016 just like...really are not my thing.

I think that no matter what, before and now, they were selling an image ultimately.

Before their turn to western music/media, they sold an image of being "self-produced" and "grassroots" and more relatable than other groups at the time. And I think that worked because it was a small company and regardless of how you feel about BTS as a whole, the boys are very dynamic and obviously have talent and stuff. They were always really entertaining in the early days and that worked to build and super loyal fanbase of people.

Now that they (their company and them) have seen an opportunity for them to expand into a new market and make tenfold what they were before in terms of money, their image has shifted to something more palatable to the broader American market. Unfortunately when you try and market yourself to everyone at the same time, you are ultimately not really appealing to anyone in particular. It's just bland radio pop. Which is fine, whatever, obviously that is making them money.

On that note as well, Big Hit/Hybe is a company at the end of the day. And what they care about is their bottom line. There is also probably some personal desire to do this on the part of the CEO himself, as sort of a...I don't know, notch on a proverbial belt in a way?

The boys themselves? Idk. It's impossible to tell what is authentic and what is not in k-pop, or literally any entertainment industry, because there is so much thought behind every tweet, every video, every comment. Everything is geared towards that bottom line. So it is both impossible to be completely authentic and impossible to tell on the behalf of the audience what is authenticity and what is pandering.

At the end of the day, though, I don't think it really matters. I think Armys on the whole should chill the fuck out and just enjoy it for what it is--pop music and entertainment. Treating it like a religion like this is damaging on many different levels.

EDIT: also yes i agree with your first point there hahaha army's will defend them over literally anything while ignoring their hypocritical criticism of other groups entirely

[livlepretre]

I'm so glad you decided to do this ask game. I love your writing style and have been curious about 4, 11, and 54 for a while. Thank you for being so interactive about your writing!

💙💙💙 honestly thank you for asking! I love interacting with all of you here on tumblr, and honestly, talking about writing gives me a lot of energy to see through really long projects (you all know which one). 

4. Do you have writing habits or rituals?

Yes! The most helpful habit I’ve developed is actually finding the right time of day (for me) to write-- I’m best in the mornings, so the first thing I do 2-4 mornings a week is caffeinate and open up my word doc with my wip. Often I’ll reread a few scenes from where I left off to get myself going, and then I write for an hour or two. My thoughts are so much clearer in the early mornings, before I head to work and exhaust my mental energies, that the work flows really freely-- I can often cover the same terrain by writing first thing that I might take all day to cover if I get started, say, on a Saturday in the early afternoon (sad but true). 

I also do like to amp myself up with songs, but I don’t listen to any music WHILE writing-- only beforehand. I find music during writing to be way too distracting. 

I only ever write sober, because I find even a glass of wine throws me way too far off my game (and I hate squinting at my screen). But the more caffeine the better. 

Also, detailed below: I OUTLINE LIKE A FIEND

11. Describe your writing process from scratch to finish.

hmmm okay

so, often an idea will hit me and I will immediately have maybe 3-10 pages that flow really fast... but then I’ll stutter out 

so after that comes the outline. 

and I mean: OUTLINE 

I put my outline at the bottom of my word document, below the scenes that I’ve already written-- for FE this started as a pretty basic series of like, maybe a dozen bullet points overall. As I kept brainstorming and writing and thinking about it, I started having more specific plot points. Every time an idea occurred to me, I added it to the outline. In the beginning this was a very flow of consciousness outline, not even bullet-pointed, just paragraphs and paragraphs detailing in often vague terms the broad strokes of what I wanted to happen and what the emotional beats would be. I think it really has helped me with FE that I had a lot of the BIG moments outlined before I started writing, including the ending, so I knew the narrative arcs and could foreshadow a lot of things, even if a lot of the chapters get written between updates and I have added in a lot of things that have just sort of naturally developed. The good news is that if you overall stick the outline, you can also add a lot of other things in. 

I review my outline A LOT. 

Before I write any particular chapter, I look through the outline, and figure out which pieces I want to include in the chapter. I then go through and MINIMUM outline by bullet point the scenes that will be in that chapter-- although, I like to have the next 5-10 chapters outlined that thoroughly so that I know exactly where I am heading. I cannot stress enough how hard it is for me to write without a blue print. 

Sometimes I write a scene that I end up not using. Rather than deleting it, I move it to the bottom of my word document-- often these scenes can be revised later to fit into the story. 

I also write at the bottom of my outline any scenes/dialogue that pops into my head that I know will happen later. This way, I have it on hand when I get to it. 

For the actual writing, once I start writing a chapter, I pretty much work on it every day until it’s done-- sometimes all I do is tinker with the outline, or write a few sentences, and sometimes I wrote 4,000 words-- it doesn’t matter how much or how little, because in writing, every word is a victory. 

I try to apply the same rule to my creative writing as to my essay writing--just get the idea/emotions/plot out, describe it as clearly as possible, and any finangling with words can be wrestled with on a later pass. 

I usually reread each chapter 5 or 6 times before posting-- often it’s the first thing I do when I open the doc up to write. This is often a good chance to add in connecting scenes, change sentences slightly, or revise paragraphs so that they fit into any emotional arcs/discoveries later in the chapter. I often change lines because earlier writing contradicts something I want to say later in the chapter, or use the chance of the reread to change words/restructure sentences. 

When I get lost, I make character motive charts. Like, I write down each character’s name, and I come up with a list of what each person’s motive is. I then try to come up with a definitive action each person can take to accomplish their goals. Hopefully at least some of these characters will be in conflict. 

Whenever I get to a major inflection point in the story, like, whenever I am about to drop a major plot reveal or change the course of events in some way, I do a major reread-- I reread my whole fic start to finish and use the notes app to copy and paste any paragraphs that are important (from my view as the writer) into a note so that I can keep track. This could include any paragraphs with foreshadowing, plot threads that have not been tied up, characterization notes I’ve forgotten about... anything at all that will help me wrap up anything I may have forgotten about. 

For that matter, the notes app on my phone is also where I punch in anything that occurs to me in the middle of the night or when I’m at work, running errands, etc. 

I basically repeat this process, until I find myself at the end. 

Long story short: It’s all about the outline!

54. Any writing advice you want to share? 

Find your best time to write and take advantage-- when do you feel most mentally alert? when do you feel most inspired? for me it’s early in the morning-- I could potentially write 7 days a week if I wrote at night, but I find I can get a ton more done in 2-4 days of 1 or 2 hours of focused writing than I could blearily staring at my screen. So, even if your BEST window is only available a couple of days a week, that is still a HUGELY productive window of time that will lead to good things!

Outline. As mentioned above. 

If you only write one sentence today, you’ve done the hardest thing: you’ve written. One sentence as often as possible will eventually make it easier to write two sentences as often as possible, and so on. 

Writing is a continuous act of self-improvement. I try not to worry about revising my work too much after I’ve hit publish, instead recognizing that there are fics easily accessible on the internet that I wrote when I was sixteen and yes they are highkey embarrassing but they’re also kind of a badge of honor because wow, I’ve gone from struggling to write a short 2,000 word story to working on an epic length novel. And what people say is true: it is an agonizing process to hit publish, full of self-doubt and hand-wringing (I cannot tell you how often FE has made me NERVOUS because of the content), but the beautiful thing about writing is that when you put it out into the world, you’re giving it over as a gift for everyone else. So, try to let yourself just write as much as possible. 

Be honest in your writing. Go ahead and squash that little voice in your head telling you to hold back on the emotions, to be more solemn, more restrained. So long as you write your heart, it will be true, and there will be people who will connect with the writing because of that. 

[lilangelsteak]

I had work yesterday, a mind-numbing day of quality control checks on 1,000 tubes of lipstick. I stood there, because they don't let me sit, and opened 1,000 unit cartons. I uncapped 1,000 black, shiny lids. I twisted up 1,000 bullets of the shade "petunia," which the website describes as a deep nude mauve. I held them up to the light in my gloved hands and inspected every single one. I put them back in their boxes and placed them in plastic bins labeled "good" and "bad." And I did all of this while thinking about your art.

I tried to write this last night, but I struggled. It was like I had too many ideas. They were all trying to get out at the same time; they got stuck by the shoulders in the doorway.

But it's a new day now, and I'm eager to tell you precisely (but not briefly) why this made me so happy.

The second chapter, which contains the scene that you depicted, starts out describing the liminality of Baz's life at that particular time. It's about the space between hunger and satiation. Between the holidays and the school term. Between a lifetime of enemies and the unthinkable "more" that was blooming between him and Simon. Baz was standing in the last quiet moment between decisions, between actions, between what he was familiar with and the inevitable newness on its way.

And this chapter was also a liminal space for me. When I started this fic, I planned to write five completely disconnected one-shots. As anyone who has read the comments on my fic knows, I struggle with a lot of insecurity regarding my writing. I thought I was too dumb to write and I thought if I ever did, I was at least smart enough to make sure that nobody saw it. But, somehow, I started writing. Writing with the intention of putting it out into the world, no less.

I wrote the first chapter, pressed "publish" and told my husband "If I get eight views, I'll be happy." Eight was all I hoped for, but in the week after the first chapter, I got over 20 times that. In addition, I received a handful of incredibly kind, supportive, and insightful comments. My confidence grew, infinitesimally, and I began writing a chapter that was connected to the first. That was braver and bolder than the one before.

I'm still insecure about the first two chapters of this fic. They were written over a day or two each. I had no experience with any form of creative writing. There's still so much I don't know about grammar and syntax, or punctuation and dialogue. The last three chapters (especially the last two) took more time to create because I tried, very hard, to overcome those gaps in my knowledge.

I sanded all the edges down until they were as smooth as I could possibly make them. I've reread my fic more often than I'll ever admit to, and I've made tiny changes every time. But the first two chapters? I cannot rid them of their rough edges. Splinters catch on my fingertips when I run my hand along the sides of them. The barbed little slivers stay embedded in my skin long after the newly perceived flaws are fixed.

Although, in a way, I kind of like it like that. When constructing a research paper, I always reminded myself that the problem is the best part. The flaw is the feature. If you just think about it hard enough, the problem contains the solution. Or it contains an answer to a better question than you started with. The progression of my writing and my confidence as a writer can be charted in this fic. It's palpable, at least to me. It grows alongside Baz, as he grows within himself. Baz in this story struggles to be seen, but learns how. Just as I did while writing it.

And that, finally, is where a lot of my feelings toward your art arise. The visibility. The being seen of-it-all. The line you quoted is from a point in the story where Baz wonders what he must look like. Baz sees himself through a humourous yet bitter filter. But what you created? It's a kind and beautiful glimpse of what actually is.

My story is brimming with descriptions of Simon's physicality. And you nailed them all. His body is full. It's a static image, but there is an immediacy to the language of his movement. His knees are tucked in tight and his hips are pressed needily into Baz.

Baz pays very little attention to his own physical presence in my story. But when I look at your work, I see him. I see this young man, blood-fed and lust-flushed, as he tenderly holds his love close. The look on his face is blissful and nurturing. There is almost a maternal edge to the way he cradles Simon's head against his neck. To the way his hand sits on Simon's lower back.

I kept replaying the word "maternal" over and over again in my mind. There's something heavy to the thought of mother-Baz. It's the abrupt scratch of a record in a newly quieted room.

I kinda got lost in thinking about it in association with this motherless boy. The boy who was born again. A queer vampire who is, at least in the heteronormative world he grew up in, the end of his lineage. In terms of punctuation, Baz is the period at the end of the Pitch family sentence. But here he is, cheeks flooded with the life in his belly and in his arms. He's nurturing something in himself and the newness emerging between him and Simon.

And that got me thinking about the hawthorn tree. You mentioned that it symbolizes love and protection, which is a beautiful way to mirror the journey that Simon and Baz are on. It also reminds me of birth and growth and life. You read my story, and within you, details continued to grow. The life of this whole tree, brimming with fat blossoms, sprung forth. The picture that I began to paint continued to grow within you. I don't know, you can write this (and everything I produce) off as terminally high thoughts, but it got me emotional about transformative fanwork. It reminded me why I wanted to be a part of it all in the first place.

When I wrote this chapter, I wanted it to take place outside the physical confines of the institutions that have isolated Baz all of his life. Outside the walls of the school, the Grimm-Pitch family legacy, the World of Mages altogether. So I set this scene not within those walls, but on the outside, pressed brazenly and sacrilegiously up against them. The fact that they were surrounded by nature was just a consequence of that decision. But through your art, I see now that Baz takes this step with Simon in the midst of life becoming all around him. His mother's garden is blooming near his blushed cheeks. The crisp morning air that filters through the gap in his shirt sleeves is filled with the scent of hawthorn blossoms.

The whole scene probably looks more like Snow is the vampire, and I'm the one in dire need of medical attention.

Five Distasteful Moments by @lilangelsteak

Me and @stillmadaboutpetra both reread 5 distasteful moments around the same time and were having kind of a simultaneous revelation about how like DEEPLY we connected to this fic. Like truly I think its informed a little bit of every fic I’ve written for this fandom and I wanted to make a visual of a scene I always think back on. Actually there are so many it was impossible to pick just one but, angelsteak, ur truly really an angel that u gave us all this perfect fic.

That tree to the side is a Hawthorn tree which symbolizes love and protection.