#i feel like my heart's gonna explode 🙃����

[littledemo0n]

So excited for the movie and definetely not at all dreading whats to come :))))

[barbie-roberts-is-a-goddess]

so fucking anxious 😀😀

[daezedglownut]

Vent post, fyi if you want to keep scrolling lol

Waiting for the diazepam to kick in and alleviate some of this chronic pain. Not just my dicky neck, but also my lower back too. God forbid I have a lie-in for once in my life. Apparently my body can only ever be in constant pain, or (in very rare instances) “too relaxed” - which leads to me rolling over in bed and inevitably slipping something and spending the next week in varying degrees of agony.

Last physio was useless. Was referred by the hospital on the understanding that the physio people would be able to refer me for scans and possible injections because of the nerve pains and weakness in my hands.

Only to be told by the physio “no, we don’t do that”, which suddenly changed to “well, we COULD technically, but if that car crash you were in years ago broke anything, that would’ve healed by now, so a scan is just a waste of time/money. Anyway, let’s give you all these exercises you’ve already done ad nauseam that haven’t improved your quality of life whatsoever :)”

Not to mention I have to ration pain pills and muscle relaxants because if I went to the doctor every time I had indescribably pain that almost makes me call in sick at work, I’m made to feel like a junkie chasing their next fix.

All I saw during this last group physio appointment was middle aged people considerably overweight, taking shit like tramadol and gabapentin or pregabalin, and jfc it was like I could see my inevitable future bc my only coping mechanism rn is comfort eating that’s evolved over the years into what I’m pretty sure is binge eating disorder, and I miss the days when I was almost thin, and could walk over 10,000 steps every day, and my lower back only felt a little tight sometimes - not this living hell I’m in right now. And if I see one more fuck say “well you can be obese and healthy actually uwu” I’m gonna McFucking Lose It because I’m one BMI point into obese territory rn and I have never felt so fucking bad in my life.

If I’m addicted to anything, it’s high sugar, refined carbs, and that shit is poison plain and simple. There was a time where I had the willpower to consume the tiniest amount of that shit, and felt infinitely better. I didn’t have brain fog. I wasn’t angry all the time. My general mood wasn’t as reactionary to stress. Even my autism wasn’t as easily triggered by sounds or stresses. I felt fucking fantastic.

And I can’t even begin to drag myself back into that way of living. I’ve been sad and fat and overeating and in pain for too long. It’s easier than ever to make excuses and not go for a long walk - because as amazing as I feel right after, the next day I’ll be paying for it as my entire body protests trying to get out of bed.

The last thing my hyper mobile joints need is for me to be sedentary. I literally need to build muscle around them for the pain to lessen or go away completely. But I’m at fucking rock bottom, and all the doctors seem to want to prescribe me like candy is fucking antidepressants - which I won’t fucking take ever again because every single one does not agree with my autism - and don’t start me on how the only ones left that I haven’t tried are all anti-cholineric. Like I need the fucking added worry that being on that shit long-term could amp up my risk of getting dementia later on in life. No fucking thank you.

The only good habit I’ve been able to maintain recently is taking my various multivitamins every day without fail. But I still feel drained and depleted and haven’t the energy to do anything - and so I’ve also become addicted to high caffeine energy drinks. The best thing I can say is that they’re sugar free, but that’s little comfort given that my cause of death will probably be my heart exploding someday 🙃

[4vienne]

i’m trying a new med and the side effects hit me all at onice suddenly and my resting heart rate is inexplicably 128 🙃

[hyunjinspark]

Hi hi my heart ❣️❣️

How have you been lately?!

I haven’t sent any thoughts about chapter 8, 9 or 10 so Im here to fill you in on my thoughts of your wonderful world I love escaping into❣️

it’s gonna be a long one🤠 1/4 of this ask for cut out cause it was too long 🙃 (I actually apologize in advance for the length of this, my brain just wants to run free, so I will send three asks, one for each chapter😅)

Okay let’s gaur !!

Now chapter 8 aahhh… I relate to Y/n so much in admiring the scenery when travelling, getting to see and appreciate landscapes and places, little buildings or even just the sky as it shifts with the passing time, it’s one of my top favourite parts of travel! And hello the fact that she wasn’t paying attention to anything outside the train, cause Hyunjin was next to her, talking, breathing, existing? I mean that’s the best view one could hope to experience🥹 Soak in that gorgeous boy Y/n 🫡 I also love the fact that she zoned out of their convo just admiring him ❣️

By the way bless your soul for bringing back Hyun’s belly button piercing cause it’s rots my brain, always 🧎🏻‍♀️

Okay so at the cabin when Hyunjin had hair stuck to his lip, and Y/n went to fix it but then Hana stepped in 😐 What. the. sweet. hell. And that whole scene Hana causes regarding Y/n’s reason for getting close to Hyunjin….. It is quite interesting to read her character as a best friend, with her behaving in such a way. I mean, yeah Hana and Hyunjin went on some dates but wow, it’s very telling of the kind of person she is when she keeps treating Y/n so backhanded-ly, Like Hana come on 😩 What is the point of her saying that Y/n only befriended Hyun because of her ? Saying Y/n basically hated Hyunjin.. Was Hana trying to make Hyunjin not like Y/n? Just because Y/n was getting along with and getting more attention from Hyunjin perhaps? I’m getting carried away but that’s some hardcore friendship red flags Hana has flying, and I feel for Y/n so much in that sense, perhaps that’s why I like to dissect Hana since I’ve had that type of friend, undermining me, saying backhanded comments and playing them off as jokes or denying the hurt they inadvertently intended, disregarding my values, disrespecting me on different levels in front of others, and it hurts to see Y/n brush it off 😔

But onto a different topic! When everyone got to the cabin and Felix had that little convo with Y/n in front of Hyunjin, was a telling moment for me, that the love Felix has for Y/n is so conveniently covered by their friendship, Y/n thinks nothing more of his comments (that to us readers is a more or less obvious admission of his true feelings) and at that moment on the porch, I think Hyunjin confirmed for himself that Felix loves Y/n much more than just a best friend, Hyun’s demeanour immediately changed from that moment on when he’s around Felix and Y/n and it’s so nice of him but also frustrating that he’s considerate of Felix’s hidden feelings, not want to “interupt” or “get in the way” 😭 And when Hyun brings that up to Y/n in the kitchen, she doesn’t know what he means.. only for Felix to come in and say “in the way of me and you of course” like I love you Lix but boy shut uppppppp you’re in the way of Y/n and Hyunjin 🤨

When Hyunjin & Y/n first see each other at the party I just about exploded……. the eye-fucking….MY GOD BLESS YOU FOR PUTTING THAT IN THE STORY 👏🏼 It made me squirm in my seat 👀 And pls that need Y/n has to go to Hyun and talk to him, check up with him, just be in his presence, to kiss him silly, rip his clothes off 🥹 It makes me so happy yet so sad she keeps reinforcing that “friend” excuse 😩

Little side note but I realized that Y/n was thinking of how it’s been difficult to read/figure out Hana since Hyun got back into town, and how Hana’s actions have been confusing but on that same note Felix said basically the same thing to Y/n in a later chapter… Which kind of lead me to the thought that perhaps Y/n, Felix and Hana were not as understanding and involved with each other’s true feelings and thoughts, because Y/n has now found someone (Hyun) who actually understands her on a level no one else has thus far, someone who treats her properly, considerately, without judgement or presumptions of her feelings and thoughts and I believe that is why Y/n’s friends actions/comments are confusing her so much, because they aren’t entirely genuine or sincere like Hyunjins’ are (except Lix in most cases since he truly knows Y/n well and he cares about her immensely. Not saying Hana doesn’t care for Y/n)

My heart positively crashed and caught fire when Hyun didn’t kiss Y/n in spin the bottle 😭😭😭😭 The pain, oh my gosh😭😭😭 I was just as excited as Y/n (possibly more) for the kids to happen and then BOOM 😭😭😭 He drank instead 😭😭😭😭 And the kiss with Lix was so unexpected my jaw slapped the floor Istg 😳

That cliffhanger you left us on for chapter 8 was so good but it made my heart hurt 😭😭 I totally get why Hyun left now but at the time I was thinking “god damn we didn’t get to see Hyun get jealous 🫠”

Okay, I’ll send you another ask soon for chapter 9!

Lots of love to you hun I can’t wait to talk to you soon ❣️❣️

hello my love !! i just found this in my inbox and ahh your asks really make my day, i cant believe i hadn’t answered this already. but chapter 8 !! yes yes yes. its my favorite part of travelling too but ofc hyun was there and yn cannot physically focus on anything else when he is 🫡

the convo with felix just before they enter the cabin, you’re sooo right. his love is very conveniently covered by their friendship which is why its been almost impossible for yn to realize his feelings, and that is also when it was confirmed for hyunjin too ! im so happy you picked up on all of those bits.

sorry to break your heart with that non-kiss but it just had to happen 😔 you’ll get jealous hyun in the story dont worry 😉

[becomingbts]

So like first of all, thank you so much for the surprise update!

Next, I’d like to just share some thoughts…

If I were Y/N & I find out what Raya has been hiding, the betrayal I’d feel is probably going to be so bad that all the sickness Raya feels will ramo up because their medical bond will probably break or at the very least, be on the verge of breaking especially since somehow Y/N has a bond with Jungkook.

I also won’t be surprised if Y/N somehow forms a tentative bond with Yoongi because of her bleeding heart.

Next, as for Jin & Hoseok being exposed… I get that they just wanted to protect the bonds they have with each other but I just still cannot accept that reasoning for them to turn away Y/N when she came into their lives the way she did.

I also just can’t wait when or if Jimin ever gets around to telling them how Y/N was when he found her. Or if Raya somehow or Y/N shares how she came from a severely abusive relationship & thought she’d be saved by her soulmates only to hurt her more than her previous abuser. Like oh wow. I just wanna read the pain & huilt they’d feel.

I also can’t wait for Y/N to explode on Raya… i regret rooting for her. Not because of her association with Yongsun (ft. their evil parents) & I’m also not exactly forgetting the good she did but her intention / motive was also to erase guilt. And it just makes me feel like her motive in saving Y/N was fo also get revenge on Yonsgun? And I get that she probably still loves Yongsun a teeny bit but 🙃

Next, Namjoon. Haven’t they all learned that hiding things from each other….shouldn’t be a thing when it’s probably communication issues that got them in the Yongsun mess in the first place?

Taehyung was also super wrong to call out Jungkook. They’re not being understanding enough. Or forgiving enough to Jungkook… Jungkook had & has all the right to call everyone out because the others aren’t dealing with Y/N. And it isn’t like they act like they’d care enough to deal with Y/N either.

All I can say is I won’t be surprised if Y/N just completely does a 180 & actually lets herself go & just give up because everything she’s believed to be true is a constructed reality. Like just how much does Y/N have to through just to get the tiniest slice of happiness from life? Y/N deserves better & if I were in her position, I’d literally probably give up on my own life becausw what kind of life is she even living at this point? 🙃🥲

I'm happy to update too !! Honestly I'm so excited about this story that I'm always annoyed when I struggle to write the next parts jsjsks

Ah their medical bond was only temporary ! Now they are more or less naturally bonded because they spend a lot of time together etc, it's more like a platonic bond but not a medical one anymore! But yes, it's definitely going to be highly strained...

Ah Yoongi and her are really going to be precious beans ... I really can't wait for them to interact.

We'll see very soon about their points of view as well (I have so much to write omg lol) hurt and pain is gonna be served. Trust me! Ksksk

Raya and her are gonna have to bond again in a way, away from the guilt and pain they both live with.

As for Namjoon,,,,,, well, they have been trying to be more open to each other but as we can see, it's still hard for them to open up to one another. Taehyung is annoyed at the world to be honest, the Yongsun's history made him bitter and dubious, but yeah, Jungkook can't just get everything perfect when he has kinda been thrown in this new world (it can't be easy even if he's not forgiven yikeS)

I would have totally given up by now too, I think the only thing keeping her going is mostly music and her fans because, somehow, she knows she's loved, even if it's not the kind of live she's craving.

Thank you so much for a well detailed review, love !!! Made me super happy to reply to it 💜 take well care !!

[jokerownsmysoul]

Okay first of all ENDGIRL STOP ENDINH ME LIKE THAT! BUT AT THE SAME TIME END ME MORE! I WANT TO BE TAGGED IN THE NEXT PART! 😩 Ngl I had an hard time to read it without thinking about our conversation... Omg the fic hadn’t started yet and you had already ended me 😂 girl. this was so hot and erotic and soo oniric, it was like a dream, I don't know omg but you created such a otherworldly atmosphere, I love it. 😭

At that moment you were glad that you had seen a family with children in the entrance area when checking in. Otherwise, you would have thought that this hotel only belongs to another more particular scene. - I'M DEAD. BYE. 😂

You didn't think much at first, so you lit your ready-rolled cigarette and pulled out your mobile phone, checked it for messages and let friends know that you had arrived safely. - okay but this is the moment where you saw the pic I send you and I couldn't help myself from laughing at the thought 😂

He stopped right in front of you and leaned forward. You felt your body automatically try to catch up the distance by leaning back, but your mind decided not to move and embraced the welcomed closeness. His arm stretched out beside your hip to stub out the cigarette in the ashtray. - THIS MADE ME I N S A N E how dare you 😭 "embraced the welcomed closeness" 🙃🙃🙃

Your heart started racing and you felt warm. He sure knew how to build up tension. - this mf definitely knows how to do it. This made my knees as jelly 😩

His eyes were already undressing you when he casually answered, "after you." - THIS IS?? SO FUCKING SENSUAL AND HOT? 😭😭😭 STOP STOP STOP I COULD FEEL THE TENSION AROUND Me AND HIS RASPY VOICE OMG

“No one had ever managed to make me behave like this before.” You admitted in a soft voice, biting your lip as your flat palms slowly moved down from his collar on his upper body. - okay let's talk about how big will be my grave after reading this line???? Please?

“I'm dying to find out how you feel.” Did he murmur in your ear before he entered you. - MY HEART WAS EXPLODING IN THIS PART OMG his dialogues are always so perfect and, he's such a teaser 😭😭

Now that he had one hand free, he led it to your mouth. Joker let you suck his thumb, and you did him nothing more than this favor at that moment. - howwwww dare you. I'm a sucker for this sucky-thumb thing, I'm a sucker for his hands in general ngl but?? I need a month's notice before reading this next time. I'm weak. 😭😭😭

“How many nights are you staying here?” He asked you in anticipation. You answered curtly, "two more."He grinned slightly impishly and leaned against your ear."Good. Room number 522. I'll remember that one." - THIS B R O K E MEEEEEE OMG i can already see his silhouette approaching her again. Ugh girl this was so beautiful and I love so bad the way you describe the room, it was so vivid and as soon as Joker entered the room I was about to faint because he matches so bad his color omg. Also??. EVERY TIME YOU MENTIONED THE CHAIE, I SWEAR I WAS ABOUT TO GIVE OUT. You know why 😂 of course the smut was incredible and I already knew I was gonna love it. beautiful. Stunning. I can't wait to read the next part so you can end me again and again 😩💙

Red Lights, Red Leather Part 1 | Joker x You

Inspired by my first business trip since March. The universe meant it more than well-intentioned by letting me stay at this hotel.

Summary: Due to a business trip, you’re staying at a hotel in Gotham and meet the infamous Joker on your first of three exciting nights there. It’s basically hotel sex okay. SMUT.

Sorry for the long introduction, but this really happened and I did not want to keep it from you. It fitted so well with my imagination that I would have loved to turn around and Joker would have been there. Also here, have an actual picture to imagine things better, hehe.

Words: 3,414

The door fell into the lock behind you. Your travel bag hit the shelf next to the wardrobe.

You were grateful for the fact that your colleagues didn’t want to explore the city on a big scale that evening.

Usually you inspected every hotel room before you made yourself comfortable, but on this day the journey was too exhausting. Strenuous small talk accompanied you for more than six hours by car ride with two of your colleagues. With a big sigh, you dropped onto the double bed of your hotel room.

To your amazement the mattress bounced remarkably strong. By now you had moved into countless different hotel rooms and spent the night in their beds. Many of them were either just too hard, or already so worn out that it was difficult to get out of the ditch. But this one was different. The feathering awakened your curiosity to explore the room more in detail.

You noticed that the furniture was a mix of brighter wood and red leather. A typical hotel room carpet with a strange pattern underlined the atmosphere in red as well. The headboard of the bed was a huge circle, also covered with red leather. An armchair with a high backrest was located between the bed and the two big windows with curtains that were white, but red on the outside.

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