#i feel like i'm either uncapable of accomplishing what i want or i don't care enough to make the effort i need to get the results i want
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what on earth am i supposed to do
#honestly my enthusiasm for mcl comes from the stress that doesn't allow me to go a day without wanting to cry or#just crying. and i try to laugh and have fun and momentarily i do but sadness always lingers#it feels like it's my default emotion or something#and it wasn't like that before you know#but now it is and it has become so overwhelming#i feel like i'm either uncapable of accomplishing what i want or i don't care enough to make the effort i need to get the results i want#this is one of the first times i purposefully skipped class and staying at home didn't confort me as much as i thought it would#turns out that the desesperation i feel for safety and confort isn't rooted in feeling overwhelmed by having to socialize#it's all in my head. even on the safest place on earth for me i still feel bad.#and writing this is making me feel worse.
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