#i feel like alot of people overlook the depth of swansea's character alot

[verdantwyrm]

Swansea's monologue with Jimmy is so much deeper than people are willing to understand or accept, it is simply because even after accomplishing what he has, all of his achievements, all of the things that make him a "good man" it didn't bring him happiness, or any peace, and it probably never removed that image of his bloated corpse either.

It's why he laments on the fact that the happiest moments of his life was when he was at his lowest because no matter what he did, it never equated to the simplicity of your only problem in the whole world being an empty bottle. He had no responsibilities, and he was telling Jimmy directly to his face that responsibilities do not make you happy. He truly wanted to believe that he was never just one setback away from his worst self, but despite all of this, he found out that even having things like discipline, drive, routine, the endless desperation to get something done, anything done.

That all of the accomplishments he chased, his whole life, never felt as good as when he was at his lowest. He was ready to accept this, he probably had a long time ago, that his wife, his kids, his home, his future, and probably his career too, it didn't bring any peace or comfort. It didn't feel like it was enough, that when he finally got to that finish line, the feeling of completing something, achieving that goal, was not enough.

And so now that they were at their end, all about to die. He is asking Jimmy directly if it feels good. If all of this was worth it that feeling of accomplishment meant anything at all.

You can achieve everything you want in life, you can find all the pieces, and do all the right things, but it won't make you happy because those are not what makes someone happy. Someone like Swansea, someone like Jimmy.

Swansea was accepting this, he had long accepted it, and he was ready to face the "music" of reality, he has nothing else to hide, all had been laid bare and plain. He can see himself for who he is, and what he is. And all Jimmy does is consistently push away that idea of relief or satisfaction behind it, that he's nowhere near the end, that he can still fix it. So far in denial that it is the end. His cowardice, selfishness and victimisation of his own actions has deluded his sense of the end.

Swansea laments that if there was one thing he could have accomplished, possibly the only thing that could have brought him any peace, was to try and save Daisuke, but he couldn't even do that. There was nothing left for him. He failed and had accepted his failure.

Swansea confessed his sins, confessed his deeds. And all Jimmy does is lay in that denial, furthering the suffering of those around him and himself, so desperate to cling to the idea that he can and will fix it because it's all he has left and he can't even see his own faults because of that.